01-17-25 - FULL SHOW - FRIDAY - Holmbergs Morning Sickness 98 KUPD

Summary

Holmberg's Morning Sickness - Arizona Episode Summary: January 17, 2025

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1. Local Comedy Scene and Personal Anecdotes Timestamp: 00:00 - 03:38

The episode kicks off with John Holmberg and Brady Bogan discussing upcoming comedy events in the Arizona Valley. They highlight performances at venues like Tempe Improv, Desert Ridge Improv, and Stand Up Live, emphasizing the lineup featuring comedians such as Paul Versey, Beth Stelling, Sarah Weinschenk, Joe DeRosa, and Lil Rel.

John shares a personal story about finding unexpected money in his pockets after doing laundry—a recurring theme that resonates with listeners. He humorously recounts how his wife found significant amounts in her pockets two years after treatment at the Core Institute, underscoring the institute's impact on alleviating physical pain and enhancing quality of life.

Notable Quote:

• John Holmberg at 03:15: "Nothing better than a day starting off with laundry money."

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2. Political Commentary: Commutation of Sentences Timestamp: 03:38 - 16:37

The hosts delve into a critical discussion about President Biden's decision to commute sentences for 2,500 individuals convicted of drug offenses. They express frustration over the timing of such actions, noting that commutations often occur on the president’s last day in office rather than as consistent policy measures.

Brady and John speculate about the motivations behind these mass commutations, suggesting they may be politically motivated or influenced by personal connections rather than based on individual merits. They contrast Biden's approach with what they anticipate from former President Trump, questioning the effectiveness and sincerity of the administration's actions.

Notable Quotes:

• John Holmberg at 06:08: "They're just showing up and saying, here's some more guys I don't think should be in jail."
• Brady Bogan at 15:06: "They have to do it last couple days just because I think if one of those 2,500 people decides to just go right back, nobody's going to pay attention."

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3. Critique of Presidential Actions During Disasters Timestamp: 16:37 - 36:43

The conversation shifts to President Biden's handling of natural disasters and his interactions with victims. The hosts mock the superficial nature of presidential visits, arguing that such gestures are mere public relations stunts rather than genuine attempts to assist those affected. They criticize Biden for not providing substantial aid promptly, suggesting that direct financial support from insurance companies would be more effective.

John and Brady satirize the idea of presidential engagement, illustrating their disdain with exaggerated scenarios where Biden’s visits are portrayed as insincere and disruptive rather than helpful.

Notable Quotes:

• John Holmberg at 10:05: "The media's following you around the Secret Service. You got 20 dudes walking around with you. It's all for show."
• Brady Bogan at 15:55: "They have to do it last couple days just because I think if one of those 2,500 people decides to just go right back, nobody's going to pay attention."

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4. Discussion on Legalization of Drugs Timestamp: 36:43 - 53:45

The hosts engage in a heated debate about the legalization of drugs, specifically heroin and cannabis. They argue that legalization would not prevent addiction, positing that individuals predisposed to substance abuse would continue their habits regardless of legality. John sarcastically suggests that instead of criminalizing drug users, society should legalize all drugs to eliminate the legal consequences for personal addiction choices.

They further critique the lack of support systems for addicts, emphasizing that legal measures alone cannot address the root causes of addiction. The conversation highlights a skepticism towards current drug policies and advocates for a more personal responsibility approach.

Notable Quotes:

• John Holmberg at 36:43: "Pass laws and throw you in jail, that's never stopped anybody from heroin."
• Brady Bogan at 35:48: "They got Tupac on holograms now."

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5. Language and Grammar Segment Timestamp: 53:45 - 95:00

Transitioning from politics, John and Brady engage in a playful yet educational segment focusing on grammar, specifically dangling modifiers. They dissect sentences to demonstrate common grammatical errors, providing a humorous take on language misuse.

This segment serves to entertain while subtly educating listeners on proper sentence construction, reinforcing the show's blend of humor and informative content.

Notable Quotes:

• John Holmberg at 107:56: "The subject of the sentence is humans. When you go to there it references back to the subject."
• Brady Bogan at 110:12: "That's your science news."

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6. Caller Interactions and Storytelling Timestamp: 95:00 - 147:42

The segment features humorous and exaggerated fictional stories submitted by listeners, including tales of infidelity, paternity doubts, and awkward social interactions. These anecdotes are met with witty banter and comedic improvisation by John and Brady, who playfully critique the narratives and characters involved.

Their interactions highlight the show's dynamic and engaging nature, as they weave humor into everyday dilemmas and absurd scenarios, keeping the audience entertained with their sharp dialogue.

Notable Quotes:

• John Holmberg at 162:57: "You're the ambassador to Hollywood. Let me just crank over here for a second."
• Brady Bogan at 147:42: "I can only do one."

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7. Science News and Pop Culture References Timestamp: 147:42 - 175:00

Brady introduces a brief segment on science news, discussing Jeff Bezos' Blue Origin rocket launch and China's ambitions to plant a flag on the moon. The hosts humorously critique the feasibility and implications of these endeavors, blending factual news with satirical commentary.

Additionally, they reference pop culture icons and events, including mentions of celebrities like Conan O'Brien and bands like Devo, to infuse the conversation with relatable and contemporary topics.

Notable Quotes:

• Brady Bogan at 152:23: "They are sending Sylvester Stallone overseas. I don't know what we're gonna take them off."

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8. Comedy Club Promotions and Final Banter Timestamp: 175:00 - End

The episode concludes with promotion of upcoming comedy shows at local venues like Desert Ridge Improv, featuring performances by comedians such as David Keckner and Craig Ferguson. John and Brady express enthusiasm for these events, encouraging listeners to attend and enjoy the local comedy scene.

In their final exchanges, the hosts continue their signature blend of humor and camaraderie, wrapping up the show with light-hearted jokes and friendly teasing.

Notable Quotes:

• John Holmberg at 175:35: "It's gonna ruin that now. But we were right on time. Now a normal, decent show would start closing up right now."
• Brady Bogan at 175:36: "You have to clear it out. That's the last thing you're doing there."

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Conclusion

This episode of "Holmberg's Morning Sickness" masterfully combines humor, political satire, personal stories, and educational segments to engage and entertain its audience. Through lively discussions and witty banter, John Holmberg and Brady Bogan provide listeners with a blend of insightful commentary and lighthearted amusement, making it a standout installment in Arizona's #1 Morning Radio Show lineup.

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Overall Notable Themes:

• Political Satire: Critique of presidential policies and actions, especially regarding criminal justice and disaster response.
• Personal Stories: Relatable anecdotes that add a personal touch to the show’s content.
• Humor and Education: Balancing comedic elements with informative segments on language and grammar.
• Community Engagement: Promotion of local events and inclusion of listener-submitted stories foster a sense of community among listeners.

Key Takeaways:

• Listeners gain insight into the hosts' perspectives on current political issues through a humorous lens.
• The show maintains an engaging atmosphere through interactive segments and relatable storytelling.
• Holmberg's Morning Sickness effectively blends entertainment with commentary, appealing to a broad audience base.

Transcript

[John Holmberg]

All right, HMS Podcast, time again to let you know where to go for.

[Brady Bogan]

Some great comedy in the Valley this week.

[John Holmberg]

Get out to the Tempe Improv on.

[Brady Bogan]

The east side to see Paul Versey.

[John Holmberg]

On Thursday and Beth Stelling Friday, Saturday and Sunday. The Desert Ridge Improv up North features.

[Brady Bogan]

Sarah Weinschenk this Thursday and Joe DeRosa on Friday and Saturday. And downtown at Stand Up Live, check.

[John Holmberg]

Out the very funny Lil Rel performing Friday, Saturday and Sunday for the complete lineups.

[Brady Bogan]

And for tickets, go to standuplive.com desertridgeimprov.com.

[John Holmberg]

And tempeimprov.com it's John Holberg here. For the amazing people at the Core Institute, life can throw you a curveball now and again. One day you're trucking along, feeling great. Next day your dog smashes into your head and knocks you cold. Or like a KUPD listener told me this week, his dog did a sprint across the backyard directly into the side of his wife's leg and blew her knee up. She needed that need to get fixed and fixed right. Two years later, she's running like she used to again. And it's all thanks to the Core Institute. I went through it too, and you can get rid of your pain and start saying yes, I can to all the things you want to do. And and all you have to do is trust the experts at the Core Institute. Head there right now. The Core Institute.com college hoops are here.

[Brady Bogan]

And there's no better place to catch.

[John Holmberg]

The action than Hooters.

[Brady Bogan]

Fuel up with the baller bundle.

[John Holmberg]

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[Brady Bogan]

Swap the fountain drink for a Beat the Buzzer special featuring your choice of Beatbox or Buzz balls for a low price.

[John Holmberg]

This offer is for game days only.

[Brady Bogan]

So grab your crew, enjoy the action, and feast on the flavors you Hooters.

[John Holmberg]

The original wing joint since 1983. Hey, it's Larry McFeely here with Wayne.

[Brady Bogan]

From Amco and Wayne. Now that it's getting warmer, I turned.

[John Holmberg]

On the AC in my car and the air's blowing. Kind of cool, but it really smells like a basement.

[Brady Bogan]

What can I do about that, Larry?

[John Holmberg]

Your car's AC system should be checked and serviced every year. Plus, replacing the cabin air filter helps the air blow strong and takes away any nasty smell. Nice.

[Brady Bogan]

Is that a big deal to get done?

[John Holmberg]

Not at all. It takes about an hour and in most cases we can do it while you wait. That's awesome. I'll say. We're amco.

[Brady Bogan]

Google amco for your nearest location.

[John Holmberg]

That's amco. Double A, mco Trans missions and a whole lot more. Good morning, everybody. Hello there. Welcome to Friday. It is 5:45. This is the morning sickness. My name's John. There's Brady. There's Brett. There's big dick Toledo. And off and running on a beautiful morning as it is. It rained a little at my house yesterday, which is strange. Just kind of like got three drops. I was the 1%, but there it was. It was kind of neat. Yeah, I was the whole show. Just this whole day just got better. Walking in the from the studio back in there to grab a coke out of the fridge and reaching my pocket, laundry money. Nothing better than a day starting off with laundry money. I can find laundry money anytime. But that was awesome. $24. Nice. That I didn't expect to have in my pocket. I have in my pocket. What a fine. I love laundry money. You brought it up about winter coats. Yeah. Oh, reach in there. 20, 30 bucks. All right. I used to intentionally put a few hundred dollars in one winter jacket. I don't wear winter jackets anymore. We don't have winter. So I put it in a big coat. And you know what, that might have been a bigger reason. Like it was two, maybe three years later, I finally broke out the big coat. I reached into the pocket that was inside of it. Suits. I do that with suits. I keep a few bucks in a suit. Here's the other thing about a suit. If the dry clean, you gotta dry clean. A lot of times, let's be honest, for people like me, I wear a suit. Maybe I have a few, but I'll wear one and then just hang it back up, just brush it off. And yeah, we didn't do anything too sweaty or dry.

[Brady Bogan]

You gotta go to at least 10 to 15 outings.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, I think, I think, yeah. Most suits are good for at least 11 shots. I mean, what am I running in the spartan race in that thing? It's pretty. It's pretty clean the shirt underneath.

[Brady Bogan]

Unless you're getting your dance on at.

[John Holmberg]

A wedding, you know, I'm not gonna happen. And I'm to weddings, so most of the time it's a funeral. At the worst case scenario, I'll have something spill on it. Then I got to get a dry clean. But I'll put money in the inside pockets of a suit. And then, you know, God, what, two years later, I might need that suit again. Go back in, find some dough. I Was telling the boys I found a thousand bucks in my back pocket once. That's the best laundry money find of all time. I think I'm about 40 in my leather jacket. 40. All right, nice. That's 40 is a good find. Just accidentally, a thousand bucks. I folded up. I was in Vegas. I had $1,000. I put it my back pocket, changed those pants, put it in the suitcase. When I got back, I do laundry like a man. Pulled it all out of the suitcase, stuffed it in the hole. Cold. Nothing bad happens in cold water. Don't care. Everything seems clean. My whites aren't as white as they could be, but I don't care. Shoved it in there, popped it, boom, Put those pants back on. A couple of weeks later, like I'm sitting on something. Reached back there, folded water, hundreds El grande. Thousand dollars. Like, that's the best laundry find of all time. Nothing better start your Friday off. Come on. Pocket $24. 20 and four ones. That is a good find. Thank you, laundry gods. I appreciate it. Marvelous. Great start to the day. And you know who's got. Who's had a better start to the day? To me, these guys that Rudy Giuliani. Well, no, not necessarily, but yesterday I noticed that, like, when a, this has been a. When you get older, you start seeing this stuff. Presidents start doing stuff their last couple of days that are. Why don't you just do that before 2500 people with drug sentences got commuted yesterday by Biden, just like. And he's like, oh, they're just unnecessarily long sentences. And it's like he's got a day left. Like it's the weekend and then he quits. Why not just do that? Like, why don't they ever do that on the first day they're in office? Is it because if they do it and they're one of those guys, they let loose, goes crazy, it's on them.

[Brady Bogan]

And then they say it's going to continue with President Trump. He'll.

[John Holmberg]

What is the commuting, the non. Huh. January 6th, people, I think.

[Brady Bogan]

Oh, he's going people. But also the people that Biden's releasing on drug offenses.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Which is going to get him again. Calling him back. Yeah. No, not so fast, brother. No. I hope you enjoy Judge a day. No take backs. Yeah. I just know, I know that they do it, but I mean, it's always the last day. They're like. And I looked and I'm like, 2,500 drug sentences committed. Is Hunter in that? Is that why he did this Hunter Biden must have had a pop that 2500 dudes. And then I'm like, well, what is an excessively long drug sentence? And what if you're the 2500 first dude who had, like, one year longer or less than the last guy?

[Brady Bogan]

You fall under that category.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. There's got to be a line set, and you're on the bubble. And that sucks because there's more than 2,500 dudes in jail for something dumb.

[Brady Bogan]

That's why I think they're saying that Trump might agree with that. At this person, that he's. The people that he's pardoning. There's other people that are in there maybe.

[John Holmberg]

Okay, then just do it. Do it the whole time you're president. Every couple days, just go, here's some more guys I don't think should be in jail. And then what's the point of the court system? You sit back and a guy just goes, nah, you guys were all wrong. There's no reason for any jurisdictions to.

[Brady Bogan]

Well, you hear the court systems are all stacked.

[John Holmberg]

Sure, they're stacked. But what's the point if the president then call the president, go, we got too much on our plate. You run through these and get rid of the ones. You think you're gonna waste our time if the courts are stacked and then one dude can wave a magic wand and make it so. We had 25 cases we didn't need a few years ago. Oh, this is stupid. Another thing that needs to end. This is for sure. President doesn't have to go visit terrible tragedies and talk to the families. He can go to it and, like, tour the deal, but he doesn't owe anybody a phone call. You know, all these things that are like, oh, President Biden never even maybe in war, that's about it. But natural disasters and stuff. A, not the president's fault. B, the last thing you want is cameras and some politician going really feel bad for a really bad time. Yeah, it's tough. Thanks. I had to stop everything I'm doing to say to make sure you get credit for something. President visiting your house doesn't mean a thing. What's his old ass gonna do exactly? All he's doing is making sure that nobody gives him.

[Brady Bogan]

They got kicked in the lottery, the disaster lottery.

[John Holmberg]

Right. And if they're gonna come over your.

[Brady Bogan]

House because it's for.

[John Holmberg]

That's my point, too. When you got this many people affected, you visit all of them or you visit none.

[Brady Bogan]

Yep.

[John Holmberg]

You go to class. Yeah, right. Either have somebody's you bring enough forever or you throw the goddamn gum away. Because I just. I watched him. Like, he hasn't even gone and visited. Like, who's he? Who do you visit? What's he gonna do, Triple trip over Mel Gibson's burned up Oscar? What are you doing over there? Shake Gibson's hand? You're doing a terrible job. You know Mel Gibson. I love him. Braveheart, I'm sorry about your house. There's nothing I can do. I'm gonna leave, and Monday, I'm done.

[Brady Bogan]

President's walking into the fire.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Yeah. He's going towards the light every. No, I just. I think that was all presidents. That's not political. It's just like, all right. And then. But it's the media's fault to go. They cross their arms and tap their toes like, are you gonna go talk to the people now? Cuz if you don't, we'll make it seem like you don't care. He has to fly over there and stand in it and go, yep, saw it. TV can show him that if we can have Zoom meetings. The hypocrisy of it all is all these people that act like they'd be mad about it don't want to go to work either. Everybody's fighting to stay home and Zoom all their meetings, but they want the President to fly and shake hands with 35,000 people. I just think it's a waste of time and money.

[Brady Bogan]

I remember we were laughing. This was years ago, but it was. It was the first time you seen it. I forget where. It was a disaster relief thing, but Trump got in there and just started throwing.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. He starts heaving stuff, which I don't think he knows what he's like. I'm not going to waste everybody's time. I remember when Kanye got mad at George Bush because he didn't visit New Orleans fast enough. And he went on TV and said, george Bush hates black people because he won't go visit them. He flew over it a couple times. I think you get the gist of a hurricane's damage from the air. Probably better, actually. Yeah. It was like, sometimes you feel like.

[Brady Bogan]

I'm gonna be in the way.

[John Holmberg]

Of course you are. You're a huge distraction. The media's following you around the Secret Service. You got 20 dudes walking around with you. It's all for show. None of it's actually authentic. He doesn't want to visit you. He has to play pretend like it matters.

[Brady Bogan]

That that whole, sorry your house got leveled. We had a quick picture.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Why the president visited with victims, and then what? Well, they were still victims. And he went back to this private plane and got his Jacuzzi at the White House and watched the rest on Fox. You know, the only time it would be impressive to me is if he went through and goes, not as bad as I thought. No money, like that's the only reason to tour it. You're gonna give money either way.

[Brady Bogan]

Have the checks. Just start writing $770 checks.

[John Holmberg]

All people want is the money, and nobody's in there just standing on the rubble of their house going, wow, I get to meet the president. This is worth it. He'd be like Steve Martin and Jerk. $1.97. Iron Balls McKinsey. How'd you go down there? Shake hands with those idiots. It just doesn't make sense. Yeah, you want to impress me? Go when there's no tragedy and start shaking hands with the people in the inner cities. When you're not running for any election year. Yeah, you're not running for anything. Show up and just wander the streets of South Central. You start hanging out with the homeless without cameras, without, you know, announcing. Have your secret service go, hey, take me over there for a little bit. I want to go talk to those guys. Now I'm impressed now. Now it's something to care about. Impressed me stop by, you know, south side of Chicago on a Saturday night, you know, about 11:00 at a wedding. Yeah, yeah. One of them South Chicago weddings that Bill Murray. Visitations just pop in. Yeah. Always a shooting at one of those South Chicago weddings because somebody's mad that that lady didn't. And then there's somebody banging somebody they shouldn't be. South Chicago's got some drama and guns. Yeah. Do me that favor. Walk up and down, you know, a street with some, you know, walk up and down a street that has at least three liquor stores and a dude selling bean pies. Now you're impressing me. It's like, what happened? Was there a hurricane? No, they live every day. I want to go home. I want to go home.

[Brady Bogan]

President set up a tent.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. That homeless for a day. Impress me. Go to somewhere where Furious Styles is giving a speech to Trey and Rick. Then I'll be impressed, you know? You know he's gonna do is you fools right here. Never trust a white man. Never join the white man's army. Yeah, and that's the other mafia mother. It was bringing the drugs in. It's not us. Not us fools right here. It's white man. I don't have any planes here you do. Shut up, man. Your dad, Biden was giving some speech, speaking some truth. Furious Biden goes in there and starts talking to him. I would watch that. I like that character. I would like. Well, he used to plagiarize speeches for movies. That would be awesome if he went into South Central. Hey, give me the mother country. And if I friend Chris in a chair there. Anyway, it says, why can't they make fake videos of presidents visiting like the one that they did of those guys on the moon? Well, David, you've made two comments there I may not be sure I agree with.

[Brady Bogan]

However down.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Why can't you just fake it and appease the media? You know, I don't understand that. I don't think anybody cares who's been through that. Whether or not the president standing there talking to victims. I think him showing up and saying, wow, this is bad. There's going to be some cash came.

[Brady Bogan]

Down a week later.

[John Holmberg]

You're going to throw money at that no matter what. Right? That's all people want. They want to know that you paid attention. Yeah. And they'll give them like five days. You didn't show up the first day. It's like it was a mess. Did you see it? He'll just be nothing but trouble. We've seen it here. When those jackass. When Kamala showed up and landed that dumbass plane and I had to sit because I tried to take a shortcut by the airport, not realizing her plane was there and she was in it. That was 45 minutes of me missing some of that fall league baseball. I went early too. I'm like, we're have a couple drinks. It was going to be great. I ended up barely making it for the second inning because jackass had to sit there and figure out what word salad she was going to use. Today I'm going to sit on the tarmac and work on my speeches. For when you are giving speeches, you are responsible. Find all of the amazing faces, coats, his just words that are things I see. Microphone, television, opportunity. And I'm sitting there at the airport and they pulled us all over. What's going on? She was on the other side of the airport. Anyway, I don't want them coming our town. We have zoom. Now walk them around on a stick like a GoPro with Joe Biden stick Squinty face on a. On an iPad and show him. It was terrible. Yeah, we can imagine a fire burned down 40,000 houses. Yeah. I didn't know it was gonna look like this. Of course you did.

[Brady Bogan]

You know, what about if they make a little bit better entrance, like Air Force ones, drops that red powder stuff and then comes in and lands.

[John Holmberg]

Put some of that air power. Yeah. Dip down a bucket into a pool and help out.

[Brady Bogan]

They got, you know, they got Tupac on holograms now.

[John Holmberg]

Just throw the President out there in a hologram. You and I both saw it. Michael Jackson's one at Cirque du Sole. Oh yeah. Amazing. Michael shows up at the end. Yeah. In the hologram. And it's amazing. Like you buy it like that's him, man. It's not that impersonator a second ago. That's the real deal. Got that green wall that they put behind it. The mask that. They're unbelievable. I don't want to see that anymore. But I'm sitting there like President Biden did he. That's what he's supposed to do. Had he not done it like. No, we don't care. It's silly and it's all going. But I don't understand the commuting of sentences. I know you can do it all the whole time, but why 2500 in the last couple of days? You've had your eye on it. Evidently. Just knock those out every Friday. Just go, okay, who's in jail that shouldn't be? And then get rid of a few. Just do it every Friday of your presidency. They only do it on elections. And then right before they're gonna leave and it's gotta be. Cause a buddy of theirs is in there and they're trying to ice that deal over. And then they, then they just surround it with like 2000 goons. Make it look like it was a. I'd be pissed off. I was in jail for weed. And you're a non violent offender. But you know, I'm in there for a year because I, I sold some weed to like an 8 year old or something like, you jackass. You can't. 2500 people just got a freebie for no reason.

[Brady Bogan]

Stocked up too much. I had a pound.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. 25 pounds. I was Nate Newton and I had a seven year old in the car. It's like, I wasn't violent. I was a great deal. Yeah, I'm getting out because I'm stupid. But they have to do it last couple days just because I think if One of those 2,500 people decides to just go right back, nobody's going to pay attention. Ever stop visiting us. We don't care. You're an unwelcomed house guest at this point. You just muck up the freeways, you make a mess, we end up cleaning up afterwards. If there's a tragedy. If again, if my. My rule is if Camelback Mountain gets up and starts stomping and then goes and lays back down, I don't want to see the president a couple of days. I just want somebody who's. I want the insurance company to give me a check like asap as soon as. And a proper check to. Not one of those. Let me get out of this. Talking to Tripp yesterday about that and says insurance and all that. Oh, they want to get this over with already. So he's got insurance in the, in his LA stuff. It's already. They're like, all right, give us a list. We'll give you a check by like Monday. Like, wow, it's harder to get your windshield replaced. Yeah, you guys are just trying to churn out money. So you got to be watching that because they'll. My insurance. When I got hit by that kid, that 16 year old kid hit my car and I wasn't paying attention to my emails and I didn't even know I was in it for a settlement. I didn't fill out any papers and I get a letter that says, all right, this is our final offer. You know, if you want to go to court, fine. It was kind of a tersely written like an fu. All right, Mr. Negotiator. And I'm like, huh? And they'd evidently sent me like seven or eight different offers and me ignoring them, sent them through the moon. So I get this last one says, all right, that's enough, here's your final offer. Final offer. One of the first Howie Mandela dealer. No deal with the progressive. And I didn't even know it. And I looked top dollar. So I went back and I just searched that insurance company. I don't remember. It was like independent something. And I searched and there were like eight emails from the last year. And the first one was like, for 2,000 bucks, I would have ignored that for sure. And the next few were more and more and more. And the next thing you know, we're starting to push around 20 grand. I haven't said a word. I'm not in pain, I'm fine. I'm like, all right, all right, tough guy, you want to play hardball, huh? Like, huh me? All right, fine. Solid tactics, Mr. Holmberg. Yeah, what did I do here?

[Brady Bogan]

There's eight of you around my coffee table.

[John Holmberg]

So my dad said, I told him, just offered me a bunch of money for that Truck. Are you hurt? I'm like, I don't know. I. Oddly enough, one of my shoulders went real bad after that wreck. End up getting that replaced. Whatever. Not related. I would have felt bad scamming the system probably accelerated. I got hit pretty good. But he said, should have just held out. Like, you know what? You're probably right. Because I got real excited at the number and I emailed back. I'm like, this is good. Finally we broke him. Like, I didn't even know we were negotiating. I had no idea. Insurance companies are weirdos. They just want it off their books. Yeah, they want it off their books. And they. Yeah, but they threatened to. They were like, all right, well, fine, we'll take it. We'll take it to court. You son of a bitch. I didn't know we were playing the game, to be honest with you. I guess I just had a bat in my hand and didn't know there was a game going on. So. I don't know. That's all people want. They just want their stuff back. They don't want them.

[Brady Bogan]

There's all, you know, the questions were asked, like, okay, so they cover your house. What happens in that one to three year period where you're not living?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. In your house. Yeah.

[Brady Bogan]

How does that work?

[John Holmberg]

God knows. This is a mess. So the last thing you want is the crypt keeper knocking on where your door used to be. I just came by, see how you're doing. Oh, great. That's where my bedroom was. This is where my kitchen was. I live in a Motel 6 now. I. That sounds terrible, but I have to visit her. People yell at me, so goodbye. Grab a goddamn broom. Yeah. Start sweeping up on me. No, I just come by, TV camera films me making. Making sad face at you, and then I leave. Thanks. We're gonna give them money, give them all the support they need. And then, like, I did his job. I just think that's a.

[Brady Bogan]

That's why they dropped off the trailers here.

[John Holmberg]

In some of those, they were gonna do that anyway.

[Brady Bogan]

He just has to drop one off.

[John Holmberg]

All you have to do is say, how much do you need? And I don't trust that anybody can walk around an entire burned down neighborhood who's not in the business of assessing value and go, 40 billion. Like he doesn't know the numbers. Like, yeah, it's a lot of. You could have shown me this on tv. This is sad. I don't want to meet these people. The last thing I like. I don't even like going to funerals. You go to A funeral, and you see the sad family, you're supposed to go over and go, I'm so sorry. I don't want to approach them. They're going through something.

[Brady Bogan]

I don't know what to say.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, I just, Eh. Sorry about all that.

[Brady Bogan]

Thanks for having me.

[John Holmberg]

Seems brutal. The spread's pretty solid, though. Yeah.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah. That's always good to compliment that.

[John Holmberg]

Where are the pinwheels? I have to ask. That's what he would have wanted. I'm gonna eat two for him. The pinwheels are over there. Subway. All right, well, I guess you guys haven't gotten to the will yet. Now we're gonna go to Bu. Rider. This place sucks.

[Brady Bogan]

I'm so sorry for loss. Here's a bogo coupon.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, he would like that. You're gonna Charlie him. Give him a coupon. Buy one, get one free. And, you know, if you ever find another date, because you're solo now. Sorry for your loss, but. And if you want that bogo to go to a guy who really appreciate it, you're looking at him. Yeah, I don't like doing. I don't like talking to people in grief. No. I'll go up and say, hey, I hope everything's all right. I don't know what to say. I always think I'm gonna make them feel worse. They say the wrong thing. The thing I'm always good at is saying, I have no idea what to say. That falls out of my mouth. I said it to Trip when he's going through his time like I have. I don't have words for this. I just want to make sure you're doing okay. Otherwise, I can't. And then I usually say something like, this just sucks. You're going through a nightmare. Then I remind them of their misery. And I stand in there and I stare at them until it's awkward. Nobody ever says goodbye. And you just leave. Some stranger rolling in. Biden coming by. I remember that Wolf Blitzer standing on top of that lady's house. That was my favorite moment on CNN ever. Standing next to some lady on a rubble. Do you mind if we talked to you for a second? It's like, sure. What happened here? Oh, remember the tornado you guys wouldn't shut up about? That's what happened here. The whole reason you're here. You dumb. Oh, right. He goes to this lady and he says, you're still alive, though, and your kids and everything. Yeah. And she's literally standing on sticks that used to be her house. She goes, yep. And he goes, I guess you can thank God for that. She goes, I'm an atheist. Yeah, okay, well, we'll go back to the street. He did not like that. He wanted some. He wanted her to get all emotional and godly with him. Get off my house, jackass.

[Brady Bogan]

He probably blames it on his producer. Get me someone that'll talk.

[John Holmberg]

If I did, if I did believe in God, I'd be pretty pissed off that I'm standing on a pile of toothpicks that used to be my living room. Asshole CNN reporter. Test Wolflitzer. We'll be right back. There's no reason to visit that stuff.

[Brady Bogan]

Or they find in the rubble the family airline. Hey, could you guys do that again?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, put that down. It want to see you crying. You found your daughter's bones. See, here she is, her shoe in her foot. The lamb beam's too heavy. I can't get her out from under. She roll them. Understand you found your daughter. Let's take a look at that. Maybe I whip up a few tears out of my Deliverance face. Yeah, I think when Trump was at that one thing started moving stuff. Here's a dead one. Let me get this. It's under these things. I found a dead body. I did my part. I'm a good man. Ever get used to that smell? You never ever get used to that smell. That's my nom. Which I would have dodged anyway. Just weird. I'm just watching all this. I'm like, well, whenever president leaves, I always find it fascinating that they scorch earth before and then have the nerve to go on and talk about how much they love the United States and they care about the judicial process, and then they just scorch everything. It's like, throw all the rules away because they've got that power. I mean, if I'm one of the 2,500 that got set free, I'm thrilled. But you're the president. If you disagree with long sentences for nonviolent drug offenses, just get rid of the law. Make it so it doesn't happen anymore. Don't. Just free 2500 randoms. And then, you know, you probably got another 2500 sitting there going, whoa, hold on, sir. I couldn't get to all of you. I started off with first 2500. It was a lottery. And does he go through this thing case by case? How does he pick out the 2500? No friends. It's friends. I know. That's.

[Brady Bogan]

That's 5000. Let's do half.

[John Holmberg]

Well, he's not even doing that. Probably half of his staff's like, got a cousin. I just like, all right, give me a list of people you want taken out of jail. I'll do it. You got till noon tomorrow. And then, you know, that's how many get in the box. And then he just shakes it and he draws names.

[Brady Bogan]

And the last thing, don't touch Tik Tok.

[John Holmberg]

That's the other thing. Tik Tok's going away this weekend. And then there's worse Chinese things taking its place, and everybody's already jumping to it, but it won't.

[Brady Bogan]

It sounds like it's not going to happen.

[John Holmberg]

Red.

[Brady Bogan]

No, no. The TikTok show.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, if it doesn't. Red Note's already like, hey, we're Red Note. You ready? And rednote is more Chinese. And actually, rednote is a reference. It's worse. Rednote will ban you if you say anything bad about China. They'll delete it on the fly. So they're watching everything. It's 10 times more Chinese than TikTok has been. And people are like, oh, thank God, I've got my TikTok. I'll go to RedNote. And you're doing this. It's another Chinese company that's just data mining. The first. This one lady was on news yesterday, and I don't know if it was real or not. She might be just talking to, you know, make us feel bad about China. But she said, I went on Red Note to get off my TikTok. As I saw, the end was near for TikTok, so I switched, and the second I posted something, I had, like, 18 calls. They'd already sold my phone number and information to, like, 30 different things. My phone was ringing off the hook. I'm getting texts from all over the place. You had to. Red Note is actually a reference to. Was it Mao's Red Book, which is a communist thing. Like, it's. I don't even know what it means, but red. Red Notes. A note in his red book for communist ideas. I don't know how true it is, but it just seems like if we're dumping one, we got to dump them both. But the new.

[Brady Bogan]

All the names.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. The new Chinese company pops up and it's gonna fic fak. Oh, easier. Is that the one? I think that's something like. That's the one you need to go to. That's. I'll find it here. Hang on. I think that's the replacement for TikTok that I really think is proper. Meathead sent it to me from Prestige Billiards. He. Kevin. Where? Yeah, Kevin.

[Brady Bogan]

He's jumping on it early.

[John Holmberg]

Which is just TikTok the way you've actually always wanted it. Now imagine all those girls doing those dances and lip syncs, only then afterwards they start boning something and they do it naked and they're dirty. Hang on, I gotta put that in my phone. Yeah, put it in thick fap. I don't care if that's China. I don't care if that's Al Qaeda. It was worth it. I spent about five minutes on. And Kevin sent me his link. So I don't know if he's got, you know, I don't know if he's got a history. He could see what I was searching out, but I found some weird stuff on there and I enjoyed about my. My 20, 25 minutes. I got lost on fic. Fap. Worth it. Never wanted to go on TikTok because I always feel whatever I'm looking at, A, I know she's not going to get naked, and B, she's somewhere between 16 and 30. And I'm feeling a little weird. Sometimes I don't like looking at the, you know, the dancing girls and thinking, wow, she's hot. And then, like, I did that Natalie Grace girl searching out Natalia Grace. I found Natalie Grace. I'm like, geez, she's beautiful. And she's modeling. Thong, bikini, you know, beach wear. Like, wow, what a body. And then the one of her pictures is her celebrating her 16th birthday last year. Like, well, I gotta go. That was 20 minutes I'm gonna go to jail for. Who'd we find last week? That video we were watching, new releases. Oh, yeah, yeah, that. I'm not gonna try to pronounce the name, but. Oh, the Polish chick. Yes. Yeah, that's it. And she's dancing around in schoolgirl class, and you're like, not sure. Should I? And then what'd we do? We sell. She's like, 27. Oh, thank God. This boner is justified. Justified Boner is a good band name, by the way. Justified Boner. Legal Boner. Justified Boner. Anyway, I hope your house doesn't fall down. And if it does, evidently the plus on that is you get to meet the current president. I just thought I'd come by and take a look at your house. What, do you have a problem with a wolf or big bad wolf? You should have built this thing on a brick. Yeah, now, in hindsight, you're right. We should have built it out of bricks. You prick. Get off my sticks. If I was a president Go to the hay house. I saw a hay house, got blown down. Now this stickhouse going on. There's a brick house all standing up here. I'd be sitting a vice president out there.

[Brady Bogan]

This is my last couple days. I'm enjoying the time in the White House.

[John Holmberg]

Kamala, get your ass. Your loser ass out there. He spent four months on the beach while he was good president. The last couple days, he's doing stuff. No, no, no, no. Yeah, send the broad out for a few items.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah, we're gonna piss people off and.

[John Holmberg]

Go out there and start mumbling. People rather hear me talk than you. You're crazy. You talking about the economy it's gonna have. We have a real building opportunity. All these flattened housing. Oh, she's losing it. That's great. I didn't have to do that. Yeah, I have my feet on the Resolute desk. Not doing nothing, watching everybody clean out my office. What are you gonna do? Fire you. You're already gone. You're 90. Also, you got, like, eight months.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah, I mean, the last couple of.

[John Holmberg]

Weeks, he's got a kegger he can do this weekend. You know, he's out on Monday. What's the difference? I'm going higher this weekend. I'm gonna do so much cocaine, make your head spin. And we're gonna fly over to California on cocaine and walk around that hellscape. Let's take a look, try to find dragons.

[Brady Bogan]

Anyway, I just want attending on Monday. I think everyone else can't make it.

[John Holmberg]

And we all tip our caps like it mattered to us because we. We make them. Check those boxes. You got to go visit the horrible thing. You got to shake hands with a few crying people. No, you don't. That's dumb. The taking too long to go visit victims. Nobody cares. Now I want somebody to show up that goes, I'm gonna get you checked by Tuesday. I want one of Brett's people to. I want a G of or whatever his name is to show up. And understanding a problem with a house. We can get that thing built in no time. You just touch, you know, sidle up to us. You got it.

[Brady Bogan]

Whoever's getting me a house, thank you, Mr. Bananas.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, yeah. I want the Bananas to come by. Oh, my God. I can't believe this is going on right now. What do you need from me? It's like while we were in here with Adam Ray the Rock text him and said, hey, brother, I hope everything's okay. If anything is bad, you let me know and I'll get you anything. I'm like the Rock. Just talk. Your house. Yeah, we just. Yeah, your house is gone. You had super bowl tickets. Your collection of Tiffany, you know, jewelry's gone. Your Rolex collection's out. Everything. And you need help from the Rock. He'll write you a check. He basically told Adam, Ray, you got a house to stay in if you want and anything you need and, like, give me a million dollars in one of your houses. Works for me. I can't do that for you. It's terrible. Meanwhile, Adam raced in an Airbnb here. Yeah, the rocks pad. What are you doing? Airbnb up the road? The Rock just said you need a place to stay. We're leaving the Airbnb? Yeah. Yeah. Everything burned. My ten million dollar home in ashes. All my personal belongings I've gathered over the years. Family heirlooms, photos, irreplaceable. Biden hands me a check for 770. We're even. You're just pissing people off. Hey, stop cleaning up for a second. Joe Biden's shuffling through the ashes. Says, where was Trump when Porkopolis closed? God damn it. That was tragic to Brady. Shouldn't have gone through that disaster alone. It's true. Wouldn't that be awesome? As you shut the lights and you're locking the door for the last time, putting that bike chain over the doors. Pretty tough day. He's just right behind you. Oh, my God. Brady. A lot of people say your pork wasn't very good. I say different. I loved it. I loved it a lot. But you have to close. And I'm here to just say, what a tragedy. What a tragedy. Takes you for a McRib. Yeah. Now here's Joe Bananas. He can make this all go away. Like a hurricane blew right over just you. Anyway, not like it. I just, I. I always like to watch the ends. This is like my. I don't know how many presidents in my life have come and gone at this point, but the last few days of all of them are like, whoa, you just did something you could have done, like, the whole time. Like those 2,500 guys getting out. I'm sure they're happy, but they've been in there his whole sentence. He could have done this at any time. But at the end, he's like, oh, by the way, I thought your sentences were unfair. So you guys can go.

[Brady Bogan]

What if they're told that when they're going in? Good chance, maybe in three years.

[John Holmberg]

Well, we make it. We make it seem like it's just random. Joe's.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

It's friends of friends. It's. It's deals and like, you know, people who spilled the beans. Rats. A lot of rats got out. You know, government moles and things like that. They.

[Brady Bogan]

Each one of them has three or four cases every day. It's a.

[John Holmberg]

And they just made the one about drugs. We'll get them out. They. It's due to reframed who, you know, came around. None of it's legitimate. Like Raul from Maryvale who got seven years for having two pounds of pot in his car and it was his fifth time doing it. He's non violent, but they're. He's not getting out. I know they all do their releases and everything else, but this one seemed, and maybe it's just me, but this one seems like it's a lot more than normal. I don't know if that's true, but they all do it. Clinton did like a jillion. Really.

[Brady Bogan]

Okay. It was a different deal, but I, I remember, I think it was last week. They were talking about some of the guys at Gitmo or whatever. They've been there for 33 years.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. All right.

[Brady Bogan]

We got nothing.

[John Holmberg]

Well, they just done. Yeah, yeah. It's also stupid. So just get rid of the law. If it's, if it's that big a deal, if it's that legitimate, like, ah, we can't, we can't. No longer than like six months in jail for a non violent drug possession offense. I'm fine with that. Now they let these losers back on the streets and kill themselves with all that fentanyl everybody keeps talking about. They're eventually going to do themselves in. President Holmberg's had that rule for a long time. Legalize all that crap. And nothing about the law keeping me off of heroin. Nothing about the law. If I'm not sitting here right now saying, boy, if it wasn't illegal, I'd be doing heroin all the time. But you know the law, heroin, people are going to do heroin. It's just going to be that way. If you've got a propensity to go grab heroin, you're gonna go grab heroin. Passing laws and throwing you in jail, that's never stopped anybody from heroin. So let them all have it.

[Brady Bogan]

I just wonder like, you know, if it's not heroin, you know, the big, the bigger thing is the fentanyl deal and.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Which is, I've said that for years, the oxy plague. That's their fault. Look, then don't do heroin. We have the stupid hiker law. If you put yourself in harm's way. And somebody's got to come help you. You're paying for it, right? Same thing with heroin. You decide to start firing that stuff into your veins, I'm not going to put you in jail. It's on you. No, we're not going to administer any help for you. You've been doing heroin? Yep. I hope you've got an arcan, because I'm leaving. And that would stop people from doing it if they're like, oh, there's no help for heroin. Like, the bills are ridiculous, and we don't have any money anyway. Well, then stop doing heroin. No law passed makes heroin real. Like, geez, okay, we'll do it. It's. It's not. It's not.

[Brady Bogan]

If it's legalized, right? If it's that Safeway homeless population go up all of a sudden. Hugely.

[John Holmberg]

Look, mayonnaise is legal, and I don't want that in my system either. That stuff's garbage, so I don't do it. Same with heroin. If I was walking through the fries near the aisle of heroin, it'd be like, I don't get any. I don't want any of this. I don't want any of that. So I just skip right through. If other people want to do it, fine. I think it should also be legal to knock someone out on heroin. Like, that would be fun. Like, a non heroin person could just knock out a heroin person. Like, when I'm riding my bike and sometimes I'm on the west side and they're in those tunnels under the roads, I should be allowed to just, like, run them over. And you put yourself there. I shouldn't have to worry about it. My day should not be impeded by anybody who's decided to do heroin. Just stop it. You're addicted. Yeah, but if you never started, you wouldn't be. So stop. It has nothing to do with the law. So legalize all of it, and the people who want to do it will eventually weed themselves out. That's terrible. Right? And my son's on heroin. Bad job. You did a bad job. We're blaming me? Yeah. Your son's on heroin. You said it yourself. That's your fault. You did that. Oh, it was his friends, right? That's your job. Also make sure his friends don't suck. My dad wouldn't let me hang out with a kid named Jim Rich because he was, you know, trouble. And you're gonna end up in jail if you hang out with that guy. I'm like, okay, so I got nervous And I'd get in trouble every time I was hanging out with bad people. So it's. My dad did a good job of keeping me out of that. My mom told me I'd have a heart attack because I had a heart condition. If I ever did cocaine or anything that accelerated my heart. She lied to me and made me feel like my heart was susceptible to problems with drugs. Scared me to death. Good, good mom. And right there, a proper lie that.

[Brady Bogan]

You had an episode or two.

[John Holmberg]

Well, that was. Yeah. Caffeine. Well, that was leg. Legitimately, me just doing too much caffeine. But again, that was my own doing. But she told me when I was a kid, like, yeah, you have a little heart palpitation. Your heart's. All it was, was I had an arrhythmia, and they just put me on some medicine for 30 days. My heart went back. But she used that, like, oh, you have a weak heart. My. I do. Yes, very. And if you ever try cocaine or you know, any of those drugs, you'll die. It'll kill you that day. Like, oof. That's no good. Right? So I've always had this in the back of my head. I go to the doctor, and they're like, your heart's healthy. Your amazing heart. Like, you have a heart of a teenager. I'm like, yeah, well, that's good, because it recovered from my horrible, horrible childhood heart disease. I talked to my mom about it. She goes, I ain't ever had a heart problem. I just didn't want you to do coke. That's good momming right there. My son died of. He had tons of heroin in his system. Sorry you were a bad mom. Oh, why do you do that? Well, I'm not the one with the dead heroin kid. That's you. Not my fault. Oh, you're a horrible person. And you're a horrible mom. Yeah, we're even. See ya. Yeah, make it all legal so we don't have to deal with this stuff, I think. And Kirby's just all of a sudden gonna walk down the circle K and go, I think I'm gonna try heroin today. It's legal. Or have you done a good enough job to make her think? Like, that's probably a problem.

[Brady Bogan]

She did it once.

[John Holmberg]

She's tried the h. All kids do it now. It's Gilbert. Nothing else to do. Let's get a wake up song this beautiful Friday where we got laundry money in our pocket. Great way to kick it off. You call us 585-9800 and tell us immediately what song you want to wake up with and we'll try to play it for you. It's 98 Kup. Wake up. It's out of control now. 98 K U PD hi, I'm Diane Fisher from Fisher Tools. From our humble beginnings in 1964 at the Phoenix park and swap to our 4 acre campus located just south of Tempe Marketplace off the 202, Emma Clintock Fisher Tools has been building the valley for over 60 years. Come check us out and browse our huge selection of tools and anything you need to do the job right. We carry Milwaukee, DeWalt, Makita, Proto and so much more. We're also [e-mail] KUPD listeners will receive 10% off their order when you mention this ad. Fisher Tools if we don't have it, we can't sell it. This is Michael with Restore My Civil Rights. I made a lot of poor decisions in my past that had lifelong consequences. After I was released from prison for the last time in 2014, I discovered the process to have my convictions dismissed and all of my rights restored, including my Second Amendment rights. Since achieving this for myself in 2018, our attorney has assisted over 3,000 others in doing the same. If you are still living under the consequences of past mistakes and would like to restore your rights as I have, visit restoremycivilrights.com and book a free consultation today. Hey everybody, it's John Holmberg from the Morning Sickness talking to Shane Orlando from Orlando Auto Body. Now, Shane, I take great pride in saying I stand with someone when I tell a listener to go to their shop. I know why. You tell me what's different for a KUPD listener to go to Orlando Auto Body than anywhere else. Well, first of all, we've been in Valley here for over 34 years. We do a quality job. We work for you, not the insurance companies.

[Brady Bogan]

So we can work together to make.

[John Holmberg]

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[Brady Bogan]

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[John Holmberg]

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[John Holmberg]

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[John Holmberg]

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[Brady Bogan]

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[John Holmberg]

Just annoy. There you go. Hey, Milestone or Thank you very much once again, the ladies and gentlemen from the great milestone. I wear with our theme song this year. Jane complaining about that at all. Guy emails in and he said, I was on heroin for two years. John. He goes, you know what? Two things you said were true. My parents were horrible, and the law was never gonna be a thing that stopped me. But you got out of it. Good for you. Or maybe you didn't. Maybe you're just on a bender right now and you're waking up to do some more H started fired at me. You imag. What? Even your dad torp if you got caught with heroin on you and the parent had to go to jail the same amount of time you did. Oh, the beating that Dan would have given me. It's like we've got what in your pocket and I gotta miss work now. For how long? Oh, boy. And that should go until we can rent a car. So up until 25. If you got a kid under the age of 25, starts dabbling in the 80s and gets popped, pop goes to jail with you. Kurt Vesti would have murdered me. Well, he probably would have said, do.

[Brady Bogan]

You have a great album written?

[John Holmberg]

No. All right. Now you're dead. You know that's right. The heroin should lead to some great music. If it didn't, I'm gonna kill you, Art. Yeah, all of it. Just whatever. If you were just a deadbeat, H. Yeah. And dad's got to sit in a jail cell and you get to share the cell with him.

[Brady Bogan]

I need an album or I need a painting.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, you better get on it, Jackson Pollock, because crazy. And then this email showed up. I like this one. Says, good day, Captain Holmberg. Interesting story. Made a joke about putting something in my wife's behind. And she said, holmberg's in. Those dudes always talking about rosebud and sticking it in somebody's butt. I'm not into that at all. If you want to do that, go find someone else. And I jokingly said, like a second wife. An ass wife. And she goes, yeah, but she better be effing clean. I don't want anything. Don't bring it home. I grew up Mormon. This isn't too far fetched for me. I think I should probably do it. Thoughts? Love, Joseph Smith iv. Well, she's the one who suggested it. It's worth exploring verbally at least. Say, remember that thing the other day you said about ass wife? I can do that and make it seem like it's for her so I can get this ass wife and take all that pressure off of you. If I've got a ass receptacle that you're allowing me without any pressure of, you know, like, I'm gonna lose my house and whatever else. If you, if you want to, if you want me to pursue the ass wife, I will do it for you. And that way you don't have to worry about not giving it to me back there.

[Brady Bogan]

I can only imagine what's going through his mind like, so do I have to revisit this again or did I just get the green light, right?

[John Holmberg]

No, no, no. Always revisit. You know, it's like when you have a plan. So, all right, let's just one.

[Brady Bogan]

Remember when you said, right.

[John Holmberg]

It's, it's, it's like scripting the first 15 plays of a football game last week. You don't just do it. You practice it a little bit. Yeah. You talk about it in meetings and then before the game you're like, all right, let's make sure we get our first 15 in order. Always discuss an ass wife that your wife brought up before. You just go out and do it. You don't want to come back and go, oh, what is that thing they say, Ask for forgiveness later? You know, you don't want to do that with an ass wife. You want to make sure that you've got some sort of like at least an emoji, thumbs up that you can hold up and go. But you said like, you have to have that. But she's the one who brought up ass wife. But she's expecting you to show up with some manatee or something. Not like Megan, thee stallion's ass you can't have, right? One thing about that. When you're hunting for an ass wife that you've got permission to hunt for. Yeah. Like when you've been told you can go buy a new sports car car, you can't come home with something that's going to break the family, right? A new sports car, you'd be better off just going out and getting yourself like a, a six, seven year old car. Maybe an older Camaro or Mustang or something. Don't come home with the Ferrari. Don't come home with a Ferrari. Don't come home with that mid engine Corvette that You're like, what the. I said you get a sports car, didn't say you can get one. That now we can't afford our house. Make sure ass wife doesn't wreck the entire family. This is pretty interesting. Also a test. But if asked why and you're Mormon, she knew that. So that's in your blood to go out and find another wife. I think you got something here. Let us know how that goes. The subject line of the email says, wife says I can have an ass wife. What do you think? Yeah. If you're putting the pressure on your wife to do stuff she doesn't want to do, and then she suggests, well, you need to go find someone else. You have to clarify by saying, does that mean I have to lose you? No, go ahead. Go get that somewhere else. All right. Careful with that. It is, but it's like having a diabetic wife who won't allow sugar in the house. Sometimes you need a Hershey bar and you gotta check in. Just go, hey, I'm keep Hershey bars in the house. Can you keep your. Can you keep your sugar paws off of that for a little while? Or is that too dangerous? I wonder if he's got a fastback. Maybe that's she is.

[Brady Bogan]

Maybe.

[John Holmberg]

I don't know. Then why is he pushing so hard for that? What do you marry a fastback for? I don't know. He's an ass man. I would never do that. If you're an ass man, why you got a fastback at home? Get yourself a bubble. Yesterday we heard from Vince. Vince was a guy whose wife of 15 days. They found out they were pregnant. And he emailed and said that on Tuesday night. I guess it was Tuesday night. She said, I need some space. I'm going to disappear. Please don't contact me me. I'm going to talk to you this weekend. And hopefully it doesn't lead to us separating. And it put him in, you know, this gray fog of life. 14 days after he's married, he just found out he's going to be a dad. He's all excited about everything. He said things are going great. He started a new job, if I remember right, just on last Monday. And the whole email was basically like life was cruising along. And 15 days into my marriage and pregnancy, she throws a curveball and says, I don't want to throw, and left him in the lurch. So we suggested, no, that's selfish. You call her and say, hey, you don't leave me in limbo like this. What do we got going on he emailed back because we asked him to. Credit to Vince says a follow up. I took your advice and I told her I thought what was going on was unfair. She agreed and we did have a talk. She said she was embarrassed and she wants to run away. She doesn't feel good enough. She told me she has had sex with her ex boyfriend when he was in town in November. We were pretty much right. She's not sure who the baby is. The dead. I said he lives in Montreal and was here for the holidays. He. She can't be 100% sure that the baby's mine, but she does not want to lose me because he's very dark skinned Middle Eastern and I'm very white. Brett was right again. Although not Keyshawn. She's very worried that months from now we're going to find out it's not my kid. But I told her that I also sewed some wild oats, which I didn't tell you guys before the wedding because I was overwhelmed also with an ex girlfriend. So I won't judge her for doing that, although it's hard. But I will say this. You're gonna like this next sentence. I'm not raising Omar's baby. Hello, my friend. Here's the update you asked for. I'll keep in touch. Thanks for all your advice, Vince. So we found out Vince's problem was pretty much what we all suspected. She was hosing some dude right before the wedding. And unprotected Montreal. Omar dropped a bomb in her and she's not sure that that baby's yours. So it's Vince's or Kevin from Discover Card. Yep.

[Brady Bogan]

Okay, but the transgressions.

[John Holmberg]

Canadian Discover Card. Yeah.

[Brady Bogan]

One has definitely more of a potential result. I mean, they both strayed from each other.

[John Holmberg]

He could have dropped something. They straight? Yeah. Yeah, they strayed from each other.

[Brady Bogan]

Straight from each other.

[John Holmberg]

I was like, what? That's like a bird. Isn't it strange they both had a little dalliance prior to the like, overwhelmed by all the forever talk. Yeah, they both slipped into like, I just got to get one more out of my system. It's not the correct thing to do. Certainly not the right thing to do. They both did it. Got to give Vince a little credit to go. You know what? What? I'm mad at you, but I also did that. So let's just. Your vote and my vote canceled each other out. Let's ignore that now. Let's. Let's move on to the big stuff.

[Brady Bogan]

Or find out who's right.

[John Holmberg]

Is it.

[Brady Bogan]

Who's the dad?

[John Holmberg]

Is it Kevin from Discover Card Montreal, or is it Vince? Well, that's the problem. What's he going to do? Steve Nash. And wait till it comes out? Yes. You have to, Steve. Nashville. If you still love her and you want to be with her, you got to Steve Nash. This thing, it is going to be a rough nine months. This is not the way to start off your marriage, to sit there every single day and go tick tock. I mean, this. This just. This is just constant. Because in nine months, it's over. If it's Omar's right, He's not raising Omar's baby. When they do those monitors, those pap smears or whatever the hell.

[Brady Bogan]

They got those in color yet.

[John Holmberg]

I mean, can you not. A pap smear. Whatever it is, I don't know what the hell that thing is. An ultrasound? Yeah, that too. Doesn't matter. You mean when they're digging around in there, are they gonna find menthols? Well, no. Will they find an ass?

[Brady Bogan]

Can't you get her up in the stirrups and let's do this right. Let's do it early.

[John Holmberg]

The ultrasound goes over his head. Look at him. He's healthy. 10 toes, 10 fingers. There's a basket with a snake in it. Put a camera in there. If Aladdin's there, bounce. He's playing some sort of strange horn. He's making the snake dance. Congratulations, Vince. This baby's very talented.

[Brady Bogan]

Oh, it's a Florida league.

[John Holmberg]

Me.

[Brady Bogan]

Montreal.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, he's got Montreal stuff. He's got Middle Eastern stuff.

[Brady Bogan]

He's got a Koran exposed.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, it's got a hockey puck in there with him and stuff. If the ultrasound shows a Koran, a hockey puck, and like a tribute to Barack the horse. Yeah. Then you Nash out. Then you got a Nash early. But I don't think the ultrasound does color photography color yet. What is this? We got 100 inch, 4K TVs?

[Brady Bogan]

We can't get that on the little.

[John Holmberg]

You've seen 27 inch monitor. Babies come out bluish gray. No matter what they are, they're kind of gross.

[Brady Bogan]

He's got to wait.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brady Bogan]

Here's the other thing for both of them to think about. If things start going, you know, questioning again further down the line, what's the reaction going to be? Do you. Do. I mean, is this the one and done? They're not going to.

[John Holmberg]

What do you mean? Like, if the baby comes out from.

[Brady Bogan]

Each other again when things get rough.

[John Holmberg]

That'S what they've forgiven each other for. So. Yeah, you're right. You know, now that's now on the menu. But you're also like, look, we both said gah. But that was just before the wedding. We overdo it. Ryan, I didn't know this. Ryan says, tell Vince you can do a prenatal. Prenatal paternity test. There you go. I didn't know that was real. I didn't know that at all. This one says they're both POS's perfect for each other. Jesus Christ, Cody. Look, you can't. Kurt Besley emailing him. You can't have people from trailers all behave the way you want them to. Sometimes it just happens. Pos Amniocentesis can do genetics. I didn't know any of that. Or Joe.

[Brady Bogan]

Pap smear.

[John Holmberg]

Joe makes a good point too. And I. Look, I don't care where you stand on this topic. This is not. This is a solution. Get the abortion problem solved and you don't have to wait nine months to find out whether or not your life is a shame. Start over there.

[Brady Bogan]

Is that.

[John Holmberg]

Get her a Sprite and a Graham cracker. Sit in the lobby and just go. That was rough. We're a couple of idiots. Hey, how about we straighten our lives out before we start this again? Vince and his beautiful wife with Montreal Kevin. Bonjour. How are you? Montreal Kevin, how are you? Ah, hey, what is going on? A? Would you like to go watch the hockey performance this evening? Kevin's in town. Ah, that Montreal Middle Easterner. Yeah, I'd like to take your wife to the Mullet center to watch the Arizona State University Sun Devils ice hockey squad, eh?

[Brady Bogan]

But then 11 or 12 years later, there your son is in the finals of the B, the national B.

[John Holmberg]

He's in the B and he's good at hockey.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, why don't you just come down over there, Vince, tug your horn, eh? Why'd you get all fired up there? Come on, boys. Let's get this right, boys, eh? He's the Shoresy of Indian Montreal. I don't know where he's from. The Middle East. And that's not really in the Middle east, but we're, you know, assuming it's over there. He's over there. Yeah. You know, I don't necessarily care for that particular advice, but the abortion does solve the waiting game. You can scramble up this mixed baby and not like mixed baby like that. You know what I mean? I was just gonna say this. This, you know, could be you. Could be him, baby. It sounds horrible, but it Definitely does eliminate the issue. Or you keep it, fingers cross it, and Steve Nash that. And in the delivery room you got papers waiting for going, came out Muslim and you're out. But then you've got nine months of all the work you've got to do for the next nine, my boy. I tell you what, that's a tough event. You, you guys probably should have talked before you got married about all. How many people do that though? I mean, how many people have that? You know, that's the whole purpose of a bachelor party back in the day. It's not the same now, but that used to be your last night of freedom and you were supposed to take advantage of it, you know? And then that whole women's lib thing started and they did bachelorette parties and guys were like, all right, all right, all right, we won't do it if you don't do it. There's loads of that going on. People get real nervous about stuff and do something they shouldn't. Yeah. Sean says, I know this is going to sound racist and I don't mean it to be, but go ahead and abort this one and just make sure the next one's white. It is actually the goal they're trying to aim at there. So Sean is. It does sound racist, but his point is valid. You don't, you only want it if it's white. Not because you wouldn't want. Want a child of color, but you don't particularly want one in this circumstance. Man, oh man, this is brutal. This is our listeners.

[Brady Bogan]

And if you don't. And he leaves her and Omar's nowhere to be sound, we're dealing with another Tristan in. In 10 years.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, race Matt makes a good point, says this should be cut and dry. No need to wait nine months. Your beautiful wife got sea pied by her old boyfriend on Thanksgiving. That's what it is. That's true. She wasn't very careful. Wow. Man, oh man. She's just nervous cause she got the pie from Omar. Ever heard of plan B, Vince? If your pull out game is strong, might as well walk away now. Good point. She let Kevin. What? Here we go. Ay, here it comes, eh. Oh, my buddy. Oh, buddy, that was good, eh. Don't you agree, eh? Put the biscuit in the basket. Right in the five hole, eh.

[Brady Bogan]

He's like putting two and two together. I knew it. You came home that night.

[John Holmberg]

I smelled Drakkar and poutine. Well, he shoots his scores, eh? Look at me go. Middle Easterner from Montreal. That dude stands out Out. Oh, boy. In the name of Allah. Here you go, baby. I put life in you.

[Brady Bogan]

It was hockey night.

[John Holmberg]

Hockey night in Canada. And the goalie had been pulled. Have a Molson, my friend. The biscuit is in the basket, my friend. Oh, baby, I am so tired. Get up and get me a Canadian, please. Maybe some ganja to take the edge off. Did that Sopranos extra just think of pap smear? It's gonna get a thing done. Does he also think Pap smear is the Nirvana backup guitar player? I picture olive oil coming out with baby Burt instead of placenta. That's probably what happened. Dumb enough to have unprotected sex with her ex and not be on birth control. You married an idiot. That's from Luke and he runs his own company. Company? Luke's not dumb. Vince's wife needs to quit letting men Little Debbie her and start taking in the back door. That's. That's from Tamara. That's a woman saying that. So Tamara's got a thing. You don't let the side piece do your front hole. That's what Tamara said. Happy Friday, ladies.

[Brady Bogan]

Listen to me.

[John Holmberg]

Look, take some advice from Tamara. I got class ass. If you gotta do it with somebody that's not your husband, you're gonna get cream pied. Do it in the filth box, not the front one. What's wrong with you? That's what Matt said. Can't get pregnant. That's right. Oh, no. He scored from behind the net. A goop. Hey, that's good stuff, eh? Real good, buddy. Anyway, I don't know, man. There's. There's a lot of emails in here. Here, take it to the other side. Eighteen years later, he's got. He's an NHL prospect with a great spelling. Paternity test. Find out the first paternity was inaccurate and it really is his son.

[Brady Bogan]

Did she reach out to Omar? He's probably having a tough time processing this.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, I've got to process this. This is not part of my life. This is disorganization to me. Sounds like Omar's trying to try. Trying to get an anchor baby. Vince needs to dump that whore. Look, baby, I can be an American citizen. If I put a baby inside you, your husband won't even know.

[Brady Bogan]

Even his buddies are saying, you dummy, you put in the boot.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, a couple people are saying that. I'm just glad Gary's not alive to hear this. Gary will live, for Gary is our Harambe. Yeah, Gary's wife can be that other guy's ass. Wife is Another one I got. That's true. Gary's wife is not doing anything. She can be an ass wife sometimes. Oh, you people in your stuff. And I'll say it forever and ever. Thanks for sharing. If it wasn't for you, this show would be, would still be good. And then I saw another thing. Speaking of this kind of stuff, this is a business that's taking off for men over 50. Most of the time a man over 50 is, you know, either been divorced or gonna get divorced or you get into that age and they're like, I am not dating. I have a friend who refuses to date. Like he hates the idea of dating. It comes with, you know, expectations and what are we doing? And like, you know, my one friend who loves records on record store day, took a girl to lunch and then she wanted to hang out and he goes, oh, this is my thing. I do this alone every year. She calls crying, why don't you want to spend things, spend time with me doing the things you love? Like, did you just hear yourself? Things I love. I don't want to drag you along and make sure because you're not going to enjoy it. You're going to ask questions, you're going to be bored. The last thing you want is somebody complaining. Dating, I do that alone. That's my thing. And so he's like, I'm not dating you. Oh my God, I thought we had some. So it got crazy. He's like, I just don't. So here's the new thing and it's actually like legal and all that stuff. This girl has started a company and she's a professional girlfriend. It's not a sex worker. She's a professional girlfriend. Purposefully tries to be at the right place at the right time to find a rich guy that takes her shopping. So what she does is not through the website. You don't hire her. She looks for you. It's like winning the lottery. She's pretty and she's young and she looks for you and says, are you single guy? What's going on with you? And he's like, yeah, cool. And her goal is a no strings attached type deal. But she kind of tries to feel like she'd go to Fashion Square and see a dude walking by himself and then just say, this is great. And then like, turn on the charm. She's Ruby Jade. She's 24. Life a luxury century. It's been working out for her great. So she's talked to a few friends, she gets five star meals. She'll, you know, Mention she'll casually tries, you know, it's almost like brainwashing. She's like, oh, I just had friends tell me that they were at Toca Madera. I can't. I've never been there. It's just amazing. Oh, you've never been to Toka Madera? That's beautiful. I know, and I really want to go, but I nobody to take me. I'll take you. That sounds great. And he's not looking for a girlfriend either, but, you know, you try to find these moments. So she's wandering around doing what women do anyway, only she's guaranteeing in the middle of it. I'm not getting attached. Not a thing. This is a fantastic little plan on this girl's part. She putting out eventually. Okay. And you don't have to pay her. Well, you're still paying. She just doesn't want to work. She wants you to take care of business for her, so you take care of it. Yeah, but she's like, you're not going to have to worry about it. I'm not going to hold you to the whole whole me and only me thing. If you, you know, if you find somebody else along the way, I'll gladly walk off. Which makes her a sociopath because, you know, she can't have emotions, but you know, she gets what she needs out of it. She leaves. That's pretty nice. That's the same thing as marriage. They get what they need, they leave and they take a bunch of stuff with them, whether they earned it or not. Men and women, I call them horses when they leave, the second they leave with half of your stuff. That whore.

[Brady Bogan]

Does she resell it? Where's the income part come in?

[John Holmberg]

What do you mean? What? She just stays? He takes care of her. I'll find a guy that takes care of her. Yeah, so it is the old, you know, call girl type thing. Except for sometimes she says I don't sleep with them. She's like, sometimes I'm just their arm candy for their events. They don't want anything to do with me. I show up whenever and then some I'll tell them like, well, you haven't taken me shopping for a little while. And then she goes on a shopping spree. He covers the bill. So he's a closet twinkthorn. You'd have to be. Yeah, a little bit, pretty much. Well, going back to Vince there, it says John telling to write run if. If it smells like poutine and curry down there. It's not your baby not making food in there. A little prenatal infant cooking up some poutine. Yeah, I thought that was a fascinating thing because she started this whole business of, you know, finding the right guy. I have a tactic to find rich men in their 50s to spoil me, and it's working. She said, I'm going. I don't go on first dates unless shopping first has happens and then they can take me out. And I let them know up front, like, look, this is not going to be a thing. I have no interest in this being a thing. But I like hanging out with you, so let's not go crazy. You're an old man. I'm a young girl. I have needs. You have needs. We can satisfy each other. You're not going to have to pay me, but, you know, treat me to a lifestyle that I don't normally have, and I'll gladly hang around until you don't want me anymore.

[Brady Bogan]

Don't be busy the next next couple of weeks.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, this guy Jackson, and there's the thing. And women are like, that's gross. Go to the Phoenix Open and tell me what's grosser. A girl that's trying to do this and land, like, hook one. Like, it's the same thing when you're out seeking wealth first. And like, I just want somebody to, like, I don't want to have to struggle. I don't want, you know, blue collar Joe to take me over to the Texas Grill. Will. And, you know, I didn't actually get to meet that. That one guy's wife. She's there still. It's Gary's wife, right? No, it's not Gary. It's the other one, forgot his name. Als. Matt. Yeah, but she said, I just love shopping. First date on this one guy, he only spent 400, but he picked out the perfect thing for me. It was great. We went to dinner, we hung out. I told him, I don't kiss on first dates and you're not gonna have sex with me.

[Brady Bogan]

What?

[John Holmberg]

I said, I'd just like a nice meal before you take me shopping next time. And he goes, that's fine. She said they went to a Thai restaurant for dinner before they went shopping, showed off what she got. She reveals a lacy green lingerie at bras and things that she got, claiming that her date wanted to buy her a color that was new to her. Then they went to the hair care store. She got her hair, went crazy. She's a content creator in Australia, so a lot of the stuff she's doing, and he's a twink. He might Be a little. He is. No question. Yeah. If you're not throwing it in at this point.

[Brady Bogan]

Right.

[John Holmberg]

All that money and he's enjoying shopping. Yeah. Come on. God, he's.

[Brady Bogan]

He's ruined.

[John Holmberg]

Well, basically not much of a difference. Three dates. Yeah. Is her rule. That's it. I didn't know that. I just read that part. You're allowed to go out with her three times and then it's over.

[Brady Bogan]

And he ain't getting nothing on the front.

[John Holmberg]

The first day you're not scoring. Now that's done.

[Brady Bogan]

Goodbye.

[John Holmberg]

And I bet you can get her on call after three and just go, hey, I got this event I gotta go to and I'd like to bring you along kind of Pretty Woman style where she's a little bit of a hook. I mean, it's prostitution, but it's. She's basically doing what everybody else is doing is a twink.

[Brady Bogan]

It's trade.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, yeah, he's working on trade. He's bartering. Brady's dream world. She's basically just a vagina mercantile. He just goes up to the general store and talks to old Mr. Olson about some. I got some beans and turnips. Trade them for her. You get her for three days and then, you know, probably the more you spend on date wise, then it extends to like, okay, I owe you five nights out. I mean, good for her. I would do it.

[Brady Bogan]

If I was a chick.

[John Holmberg]

I'd do nothing but go to the gym and yep, find old lonely dudes, like upfront arrangements of like, hey, this was a fun first date. You've earned four more dates. Oh, okay. And then third date, you can buy me lingerie and I'll model that. Fourth date. Well, there's no fourth. Well, if there's only fourth date, I'll lick my belly button and tell your friends you did it. I mean, do you at least get a handy or mouth hugs or anything.

[Brady Bogan]

For, you know, date one or two?

[John Holmberg]

Probably negotiable, but now we're talking about prostitution, which she's trying to avoid. But I, I would guess that now that she's put it up on her website, she's like, oh, I don't have sex with me, you do. But I admire the upfront. You know, hey, I. I cruise. It's the same thing guys do. We cruise for chicks and we try to pick out the ones that look vulnerable. She's doing the exact same thing. She's cruising for dudes. She realizes, hey, I've hit this demographic of dudes who are probably recently divorced and that's why they're alone looking the part. She waits for them to get out of their Mercedes. They're putting on a little bit of a show, which is why.

[Brady Bogan]

And listen, the. The pre sale on that look, the first date, she throws it out there.

[John Holmberg]

It's.

[Brady Bogan]

It's the hook. He just spent $400, which was very nice. Saying, oh, you could. We could go out for $400. But to a guy that has money, he's like, watch her. When I drop 4,000 on the exact.

[John Holmberg]

You just anti. You just told. You just teased him with like, you can win me over. Not like this, though. Yeah, this was nice. You can win me over on the next day. And it's no different than what dudes do when they drive up and rented Lamborghinis to Maple and Ash, and they've got $5,000 to their name, not counting debt, which is 40,000 the other way. And they put the suit on because that's what Instagram told them to wear. And they look the part of a. They're $30,000 millionaires. And they go in there and they try to get some chick. It's the same exact thing that cars and money are our fake boobs. We drive around putting on a show just as much as they do, and we're doing the exact same thing. So I admire it when she says, hey, I'm looking to get laid and I'm looking to get some gifts now. But the thing is, the guy with the rented Lamborghini will put out on the first date. This broad won't. So. Excellent point. So if you're going to be like a dude, you got to act like a dude, right? Exactly. Yeah. You got to have. You got to go for volume. Yeah. All right. I'm with Brad on that.

[Brady Bogan]

I think she's making it sound that way just to make his guy sometimes likes the challenge.

[John Holmberg]

But I think, guys, I think all of us in this room right now, like, yeah, this. She's playing us for fools. Well, that and the fact that we all feel like that's a lose. What a hooker. We do the same thing. She's just found a vulnerable group she's preying on because she knows she's young. These dudes are miserable. Like, they just went through something. She finds a guy who's like, recently, you know, relationship just ended. He's like, I'm done with that. Like, my buddies, like, I'm never going to deal with one again. If I could get one that just wanted to go to dinner, hang out and bang and Then go home and we don't have to talk for days on end. I don't ever have to hear, what are we doing? What's this all about? Dream that she's doing the same thing we do and we're all looking at her like, what a slut.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah. Is it a deal breaker if you do you have to go shopping with her? Can you just give her a gift card? Let's get to the dinner.

[John Holmberg]

It's a good point. It's the last thing I want to do is start hoofing it. There's the Internet now. Can we just do this online? Yeah. How about I give you my Amazon password and you go nuts? Free shipping. I don't. Yeah. Either way, though, kind of an interesting way to look at things and. But the problem's going to be some of these dudes aren't going to be able to take it and they're going to fall in love and they're going to start, you know, stalking her. Stalking? She's going to disappear. Yeah. She's going to get trafficked, I'm telling you. Yeah, but she's announcing. Yeah. Keep your eyes on me. If I disappear, I've been trafficked. But I admire the upfront nature of it. I. The last thing I. Most of the time, it's women that get mad at women that do this. Oh, God. Is that what men want? No strings attached? You buy me a couple things, we have sex all the time and I don't have to emotionally bond with you. Is that what we want? Of course not. No. Please, honey. That's our horrible life. I don't even see an upside down that. She's gross. I agree. Like, yeah, let's go to dinner. You're gonna pay. Are you crazy? So we're not that far apart here, really, with what you're doing. And you just pretend love's involved. Meanwhile, Christmas came around and I just got the bill for my own presents, and I'm starting to look at them like, when am I gonna see your check? Is that coming up around. It's our money. Oh, right. Okay, I'll. I'll scratch that. You spent a lot on me this year.

[Brady Bogan]

Thanks.

[John Holmberg]

Same with a girl who spent it on a dude. If you're writing the bills and take him to dinner and he doesn't put out, I'm sure if they get mad. I wonder if they do. Does a woman get. I don't even know. Does a woman take you to dinner and if she pays for it and you don't put out, does she get upset that.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah, I was gonna say, how long your relationship last with her? With DOA Cat. And she says, I just want you to be my guy, but there's no sex with do. We're gonna go or. Or Dua Lipa. Dua lipa. Yeah. Dua Lipa comes around and says, you're my man. Yeah, but there's no sex.

[John Holmberg]

Can I beat up? Can I. Can I, like, lay next to you and do it? That's close enough for me.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah, I'm okay with that.

[John Holmberg]

Done.

[Brady Bogan]

You're in.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, yeah. I'm buying her a ring.

[Brady Bogan]

Hey, look at. Look at.

[John Holmberg]

Hey. Yes, Brady. Yes. To be in the same room with her. And I can. I'm allowed to be hard. That's plenty for me because I'm touching. Look, for sex. I'm gonna embarrass myself with her. It's gonna be clumsy, messy. It's better off. I just stand in the car.

[Brady Bogan]

All of a sudden, she says, you know what? We're gonna change some stuff up.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brady Bogan]

I don't want to be in the room with you anymore.

[John Holmberg]

How close is she? Can I smell Miller? Put on a bunch of perfumes every week, a pair of panties every week. Yes. I'm Boo Radley in the corner. If she made me stand behind the door, like, just face the wall like the Blair Witch and do that. Okay. Are you still here? Yes. Every once in a while, you just go, you think you can do it with me? I know a galaxy, and I can take it for a ride. I'm done. Thank you. Think I could do it? Yep. Hey, look. Look how many years Stedman's been doing it. I mean, hey. And he's got a. Oprah throws him. Oh, look, it's the parachuters are coming. No, that's Oprah throwing her underwear at her. I thought we were getting attacked by this. He's got the best, though.

[Brady Bogan]

She just takes it on Gail, and.

[John Holmberg]

He doesn't have to worry about it. Thought an airborne ranger was landing in my room. You just tossed a pair of Oprah panties at me. Yeah, definitely. I could do that. So it's not all about sex, ladies, but, yeah. I mean, I'd be damned to. I'm not taking you out to dinner all the time. If there's no end game, we're just done doing stuff. That's all. I'm not going out of my way if you're not going out of yours. I tried to woo you. You said no. The wooing ends eventually. Why are you gonna do it so she better start. You're right. She better put out. But with Dua Lipa, it's different. She's just around the house, and she's like, you're like. I liked when you said that. That's how bad it is. Like, when you said it, I picture you said, what if Dua Lipa said, oh, you're my man, that turned me on. Even in your voice, looking directly at you, that was still like, this is hot. Keep talking. Dua Lipa saying, you're my man, even if she sounds like you got me in. But I don't like penetrative sacks, so you got to stand in the corner like a nut bag and do it yourself. Okay. I'm gonna be in the other room snacking and munching. All right. Can I hear you? Yep. That's all I need. Like, every once in a while, I hear a little feed on the floor.

[Brady Bogan]

Just get me in the building.

[John Holmberg]

Just get me. Get me in the door. I'll do the rest. That's all I need. Give me the opportunity to be in that room. I'm in that room, and I'll be levitating. Works for me. Yeah, but this girlfriend thing, as I read the comments on that story, she's nothing but a common prostitute. And all I thought was, well, how's it different than what dudes do when we put on a show and we try to pull a weak one out of the herd, what pissed people off was, she's targeting a certain demographic. So do we. You know, in fairness to women, that's. We target a certain demographic. What's the difference? She's just. Out loud about. About it. Yeah. We're not looking for the wildebeest at the bar. Right. I mean, we're talking about. Yeah. You know, the gazelle that looks like she's got a little limp. She looks really hot. I'm hungry. I want to eat her. I'm gonna. Something. I don't need an F350 to take her home with. Exactly. Yeah. So we buy the nice car, we dress up. We're doing. We're not doing that for ourselves. Otherwise, we do it all day at home. So we're doing the exact same thing. It's. No, you know, it's different when it's a girl. No, it's not. It's different because she said so. I've been to the Phoenix open. I've been to Toca Madera. I know what's going on in that room. There's a gaggle of six girls out together that Started getting ready for dinner at 2 in the afternoon on a weekday. They're not doing that just to look good for each other. They're trying to catch the eye of, like, Wayne Gretzky's son. That would be awesome for them. They're not. They're. They look around, they see me and like, no, no, there's one targeting ari Lion Dyke Jr. Exactly. They have that Terminator eye. And we're acting like, you know, it has something to do with their emotional needs. They're worse than we are. We're all the same. I got friends who have cars they cannot afford. And the only reason they do it is so people look at him and go, he must have something. Because that's the attraction. It's all we do. This guy says, back in high school, I pounded a hog from Central a couple of times for Rockford Fosgate amp and a pair of Punch Classic 12. It was brutal. But at 17, I'd have banged a saguaro to get that stuff. I'm in. A chick from Central High School bought you a Rockford Foster. Oh, from Central. She stole Central hat. So she stole a Foster.

[Brady Bogan]

Sources.

[John Holmberg]

Punch Punch Classic 12s were. That was the stuff. Oh, yeah, get the Fosgate and the 12s. Yeah, that's pretty good. I don't know if I'd have gone hogging for it. I'd have probably worked a little harder at Tony Romas and saved my dollars.

[Brady Bogan]

But he probably got a $1 install on that too.

[John Holmberg]

Well, yeah, that was back in the day. I don't know if he knew about it cuz evidently didn't have a radio. He had to have his speakers first. But sounds good to me. 21st century SL. You are going old school. There's still one of those. That's over. Is it really? Those are all closed. The 21st century sound over by In Tempe off of. I don't know if that's University or Broadway or never. I always confuse the two. I drive by it all the time when I go to Lost our Home. It says sounds good to me on the building. And I. I can't help it. Growing up here. I drive by that and I go. Sound good to me. I don't even say it. I sing it. 21st century. You can't help it if you lived here. That was on all the time, that one Trail Jensen. Oh, Buzz Jensen. Sounded. Sounded by Audio Express Home, home, home of the $1 install. When you're driving around in this city like, these are great. There were. They're everywhere and slanging sounds still out there. That place is huge. But yeah, I drove by the Sounds good to me and I looked and I'm just like, what? What? There's just a Middle Eastern guy out there smoking cigarettes. Probably just got done banging Vince's wife. Smoking cigarettes. And I can only imagine that inside there, all the equipment is just loaded with. It's some sort of a trafficking. So there's no way people are still going to that strip mall on University for, you know, sparkomatics. Oh, maybe get myself a punch 150 and some 12s and be all dialed in if I. I have to think that if I was at Tony Roma's and one of the Hogwarts just said, hey, big fella. Like, oh, geez, what's. What's up? I'll get you a Frost gate and two 12s if you give me your goods. This is before Viagra was a thing.

[Brady Bogan]

4 inch lift.

[John Holmberg]

Give it a try. Oh, if she wanted to throw four. I didn't have a Rubicon back then, but my CJ7, yeah, she wanted to throw a lift kit on my CJ7 and put some new tires on that. I had a nice setup there, but I didn't have it lifted. Ooh, that'd have gone hogging. What if LA Guy showed up? That poor girl. Yeah, I know. She can't afford anything I need. I'm no different.

[Brady Bogan]

I didn't no trade.

[John Holmberg]

I don't want anything to do with that girl who called me LA Guy. Her parents, they were dead broke. I think they lived in that van. She tried to pick me up. She was too poor. And I didn't want people to even see that. Driving up there decorating my Jeep while I'm gonna go home. What are you doing? Your parents are here. It's my mom and dad. How you doing there, LA Guy? These. These shoes are LA gear shoes. This is available to everyone. Calling me La Guy is like, you think. Think that. What are these, Gucci's to you? Her brother Jethro's out there playing the washboard and the jug. I only seen LA Guy on people's like, call my loan. He's a billionaire. Yeah, my. My brother's jug band wrote a song for you. La Guy, get your poor ass out of the parking lot. People are gonna see me. She was. I say it every time. Absolutely adorable. Cutest the button. I wanted nothing to do with her because she was so poor.

[Brady Bogan]

What's in that plastic jug?

[John Holmberg]

Lightning want to sip him a special brew? Son, don't call me son. I'm not marrying your poor daughter. Why, just ste it myself. She's got a dowry. No, no, no, no, no. We spent all our weekly earnings on balloons for your beautiful Jeep carriage. Take you and your fat hillbilly family and get out of here.

[Brady Bogan]

Is that a quilted blanket?

[John Holmberg]

LA Guy. That was the weirdest thing, right? I don't think she even knew my name. She just wrote letters dear LA Guy because she thought my shoes were so unique that they came from Rodeo Drive. I had LA Gear shoes. I became LA Guy. And her vision had to be impaired because I was size 13 shoes. I was about 5, 9, 111 pounds. I had a head the size of a foot. I look like Stewie if you drew them wrong. She liked me, but yeah, I can't have that. So, yeah, for. But not her, because she couldn't have gotten anything. But if there was a fat girl that had a big night at Tony Roma's and she wanted to give me goods and got me a Fosgate and 2:12. I got a sub on that. The problem would have been Chunks would have wanted to go over to the Audio Express to pay for it. She wouldn't. Just handed me the cash. So now I've got. He's with me.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Now I've got the great white whale standing next to me over there. 21st century sound throwing out the dough while they install that skinny kid over there and his big fat mother. I don't know what's going on. She keeps touching his leg. He's crying. He's been crying. I can tell. They're like.

[Brady Bogan]

That's the fourth guy this week she brought in.

[John Holmberg]

Hey, what's up, Brunhilde? Him. Yeah. That been it too. There's a sign on. It's a picture on the thing of the screen that's been busted through and it says signs. She's easy. And her pretty poor person now. Yeah. So bad it's on Broadway and Beck. Somebody just sent it to me. Sounds good to me. Okay. It's almost worth going in. It's like going to a museum. They still got a pull out alpine that I can put in my car. They still have some stuff they haven't sold for a while. A CD player that, yeah, pulls out the pull out anyway. So, yeah, it's no different when a girl says, I just want some guy to pay me. That's fine. Anywho, what do you got on the big board of musical treats there? Brad, wake up. So I'm brought to you by Action Ride Shop. If you're thinking of heading up north and checking out the snow while Action Ride Shop is your place to be. Because they got everything you're going to need. Skis, snowboards, all the winter gear here. And if you don't want to do that, you just want to stay more local. Well, at the trails full line of Pivot, Santa Cruz, Rocky Mountain, they got, they got rent. You can rent a bike before you, you know, make the big commitment there. The best wrenches in town. So if you already have one, you need to get it worked on. Action Ride Shop's a place to be.

[Brady Bogan]

Right there in Gilbert Road and Southern.

[John Holmberg]

Soon to be location number two over at the Hawse trailhead on Power and McDowell. Sean Phil's former employee just emailed and said I banged the lights out of a girl and my mom's new Honda Accord way back in the day Brand knew was a horrible idea. It was like putting milk out on the, on the, on the porch for the cat. She thought I was Lotus. I'm 17's my mom's car and it's a Honda Accord. If you impressed a chick with a Honda Accord. Did he meet LA guy too? La. Oh for a Honda Accord, yeah. That would have been like Bentley. I wish I would have ever learned that girl's name. Cuz I, I guarantee you, following her today, she probably modeled in Europe and whatever. She probably turned into like some superstar.

[Brady Bogan]

It's Dua Lipa.

[John Holmberg]

You said she was good looking too, right? She had to age properly. Earth years. She was pretty. I just, I didn't see pretty. I saw poor. That was so sad. This guy said I had the same type of story you did with the LA guy. When I went on a date with a girl in high school, was bragging about the jeans she was wearing because they were like a hundred dollars. My dad found him in the parking lot. He was clean. Cleaning. That was when I knew. A hundred dollar pair of found pants in a parking lot your janitor dad picked up. Honey, these are for you. Try not to get them robbed. Go find yourself a man. They were my size and everything. It was like we were Rockefellers for a minute. Rockefellers. Hey, is this bread at the table?

[Brady Bogan]

Free.

[John Holmberg]

Free bread. We should probably go back to the van and have sex and then never see each other again. That's what I was hoping for.

[Brady Bogan]

Maybe that happens today at Action Ride. Some guy gets a Pivot bike.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brady Bogan]

Walks in with a girl.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Yeah. Okay, half off. If you have sex with a girl over 400 pounds in the lobby at Action Ride Show. And then she pays for the bike. I don't know. Those E bikes are pretty. If you bring in a hog and Josh actually witnesses you hogging right in front of him. And then she gets up and goes, I'm buying this gentleman a bicycle. And gets you a pivot bike. Minimum value, $8,000. Got to get a trail 429 or something. Great. And then she pays for it. You get that bike for half off. That's today's Action Rod shop deal of the century. God, I hope those doors swing open double. Well, he does have those double doors, which is that monster in there. Lay down, honey. We're getting a 30 $500, $8,000 bike. What you want me to do? I don't know. Bend over that mongoose for a second? I don't want you stuffing it. You better be rock solid. That's impossible. You've never ever known what that looks like. And get your checkbook out, Josh. Just ringing up now. Ring it up now. I'm almost done. I can't look. Once I get the stroke and I'm gonna throw up. So if I stop, I'm never gonna get this thing ready again. So. Right. Just pin it out. Let's go.

[Brady Bogan]

Here's my credit card, Josh.

[John Holmberg]

Half off. There you go, hogging and get yourself a present. Action Ride shop gives you 50 off today. But you got to prove it. There's a room for that somewhere. Action. Yeah, they'll find you. Right? I think they got the little like dressing room for. Yeah, I have to change my clothes. We changed our clothes. Yeah, take. Well, I don't know if she'd fit in that. That wasn't a very big room. Yeah, he's got the storage pod where he keeps all the spot. There it is. Then you don't have to. Then you don't have to have the smell in the store too. Yeah, take your sugar manatee into that thing and then work on. Get your bike. Get stuff on the list. Bad religion, Hate breed, White zombie, Suicidal. Institutionalized for Vince and his situation. Poor Vince. Slayer, Bull beat, Skillet Rat, Social D. Bad luck for Vince. Tool, Prison sex. Because that's what Vince's wife should have.

[Brady Bogan]

Had with Kevin from Discover Card.

[John Holmberg]

Sound Garden Birth ritual for Vince in the and Terror Hard lessons for Vince. Look at this, Brett. A list that you and I would, I know, gladly drive around playing outside of Even Rats. Not bad. Yeah, you got your suicidal up there. I got Birth Ritual from Soundgarden, Volbeat. Great Tool Song this is a. This is. We could sell that record for road trips. Y terror. I'll let you pick this week. I've got three.

[Brady Bogan]

Man. That's tough.

[John Holmberg]

I'd kill Skillet. Yeah, I would too. All right. Although I don't mind that particular compared to the rest of that list. I don't want to go from Volbeat into Skillet.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

And then Rat. That's going to wreck everything, man. There's some good ones on there. We should. You know what we should do is Rat. You want to do Rat? I'll do a little. Lay it down there for Vince's. Vince's wife with. Because that's what she did. That's what. Kevin from Discover Card. Evan from Montreal. Discover Card. Poutine and curry. Oh, my God. Wow. Oh, I'm sorry. I don't speak French. Is that what you. What is that? Oh, Toledo put round and round in. Which kind of describes the girl that gets you the half off it.

[Brady Bogan]

Now we're back.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Round and round. We're works. I believe your wife has something for me. What are you talking about? A baby in her belly. Oh, my. My friend. Eh. Oh, you. My friend.

[Brady Bogan]

Let's get out.

[John Holmberg]

David Vasquez wants to know if Josh is gonna supply the flower at Action Ride Shop. Yeah. I wonder how he would say that. Hey, I gotta talk to. That would be the same thing. Thank you for calling Discovered Card. That's weird. My name is Kevin. Can I have. Yeah, my name's Vince. I live in Phoenix. I think you knocked my girlfriend up. Whoa, whoa, whoa, buddy. Whoa, whoa. What's this all about? It's him. I think they should start over. It's 15 days into the marriage and you've already got. At least you're kicking it off with like the hardest thing you'll ever have to solve in your entire life. If you find something that tops this later on.

[Brady Bogan]

Let's forget the bumps. Let's go for the mountain.

[John Holmberg]

Let's climb a mountain to start. Hopefully they don't have the bumps now. After both of them are on the ground. Damn it makes a strong point. Yeah. What more. What's worse news than the first 15 days? This. Anyway. It's rat. Go find yourself a big one. That'll pay for your bike. That's what I think. It's round and round. It's 98 KUPD. It's out of control now. 98 K U PD morning sickness. Tell you what. Not only did it wear on me, it's a fantastic song. Song of 2024. If you ask me in the rock world and I've gotten where I really like her voice with that band and it's made me curious. And again, I've always said that I'm like everybody always yelled at Alice in Chains and bands that replaced their singer with another singer. It's not their fault the dude died. Why can't they keep going? And initially I was wrong because I always said why they should just change the name to the Shinoda Machine or something like that. Don't keep Lincoln. Why not let Lincoln park live? That song's great and they sound good doing it. I'm. I'm all about it. So Lincoln stinking lives and that's all right. Makes me curious for the show to be honest with you. And I'm not a girl singer fan. Like for the most part with rock music, I always think it ends up sounding the same. It ends up going Evanescence on you within three songs you got some weird angelic ballad being puked at you and I'm not interested. Maybe they won't curious 7:58 that means it's time for Brady to give you all the news that only Brady knows. We call this the Brady Report. Then we say Brady Report it.

[Brady Bogan]

Good Friday morning to you, Phoenix.

[John Holmberg]

Hello world.

[Brady Bogan]

We've made it.

[John Holmberg]

Hi.

[Brady Bogan]

Happy customer service day.

[John Holmberg]

Does that mean they give it or that they just admit it exists?

[Brady Bogan]

I think it's more like an appreciation.

[John Holmberg]

For a good customer.

[Brady Bogan]

Be nice to the customer service people. Here's a way to be more tolerant.

[John Holmberg]

Or more I'm saying customer service people or the people providing customer service. Which day is it? Is it my job job as the customer or is it their job as the people who provide customer service? You don't know.

[Brady Bogan]

I think it's just be nice to the customer service person today.

[John Holmberg]

So the guy behind the desk that does take backs at fries or Safeway or whatever. Yeah not the biggest thing they not customer service itself.

[Brady Bogan]

No nice to Kevin Day.

[John Holmberg]

Kevin. He already serviced. Yeah he's different.

[Brady Bogan]

Also instructing. Here's how to get your next issue solved more efficiently. Like don't resist the urge to DM to what? Oh if it gets lost in the shuffle calling or sending an email has a better chance of being seen and responded to.

[John Holmberg]

Wait you can DM with I guess service now dropped into your DMs with so customer service is about. You're about to at least do it kindly today.

[Brady Bogan]

They also say come prepare like have your order number and have that information.

[John Holmberg]

So this is about returns and problems. This isn't about the people who give you customer service that make you go review and go. The customer service was fantastic.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Which is the initial transaction.

[Brady Bogan]

Try your best to stay calm.

[John Holmberg]

So basically, it's just be nice. Don't be a dick to people who are in the. In the industry.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Well, that's everything. That's like restaurants. That's. I consider customer service the entire thing. And then the customer service representative is. When we've got real problems, you very rarely go to the customer service rep desk and say everything was great.

[Brady Bogan]

Couple of basis fun facts. There was a 19th century Greek Orthodox monk named Mahalo Tolotos who died without ever seeing a woman. His mother died shortly after his birth. He lived all 82 years of his life in the Mount Athos monastery where women were forbidden. He never left at all. Was in the monastery the whole time.

[John Holmberg]

No kidding. Never once saw. What's the record? How many years?

[Brady Bogan]

82.

[John Holmberg]

He lived to be 82. Larry can't break the record, but he can try.

[Brady Bogan]

The shortest war in history was the UK versus Zanzibar. On August 27, 1896, Zanzibar surrendered after 38 minutes.

[John Holmberg]

I can pretty much guess the winner of that one. Zanzibar is a country. I thought it was a city.

[Brady Bogan]

Well, they're saying the shortest war in history, so whatever.

[John Holmberg]

But Zanzibar, if it's a country. Country. I don't even know if it is or not. To the is it was Zanzibar. I thought Zanzibar was a place. I didn't think it was a country. You don't know either.

[Brady Bogan]

I don't know.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. So if you've got the entire United Kingdom mad at like Scottsdale, I can tell you who's gonna win that real fast. But I don't know what we're gonna take them off. Is Zanzibar a country? And how did the rest of the country's like, hey, hey, Zanzibar, knock it off. You're in us. You're going to get us all into this pickle. Zanzibar is your drunk Irish friend. I can take him. Hey, asshole. There's a community here. All you other cities with me. Are you a bunch of pussies? Like we're a country. It's against this Zanzibar. Knock it off. In my country, no one knows. It's impossible to find out.

[Brady Bogan]

The last one. Steve Guttenberg beat out huge competition to be the star of police cash academy. Other actors who auditioned for the role, Bruce Willis, Michael Keaton, Tom Hanks, Judge Reinhold.

[John Holmberg]

Wow. Does that mean in an alternate universe, Gutenberg was Forrest Gump and Tom Hanks got the job.

[Brady Bogan]

Marvel get on that.

[John Holmberg]

That's pretty good. In that. That horrible universe of if roles switched and Hank's got the gig on Police Academy and it wrecked everything and Gutenberg didn't and then goes on to do, you know all those. I mean he's, he's in everything. Amazing. He's Philadelphia. He's. He just takes Tom's career. Wow.

[Brady Bogan]

Between the others, could you see Michael Keaton playing that role? Yes.

[John Holmberg]

Michael Keaton in Police Academy. Oh yeah.

[Brady Bogan]

Everybody could have done there.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brady Bogan]

Bruce.

[John Holmberg]

That wasn't one. That was going to be too much to bear. Fair. That's was Billy Blaze, Kowski and the one Night Shift with Henry. That was great. I love that movie. Michael Keaton was a. He was great. He would have been awesome in Police. Chuck, I'm coming. It was. What was his name in Police Academy? What was Gutenberg's name? Oh, I can't remember. It's a. My thing is tip of my tongue. But either way.

[Brady Bogan]

High tower.

[John Holmberg]

No, no, no. High Tower. That was the other guy. That was from the Cowboys. Bubba Smith.

[Brady Bogan]

You got Tackleberry was the shooting guy.

[John Holmberg]

Pretty good. Well done. Brady. I can't remember his name. That's on the tip of my. Mahoney.

[Brady Bogan]

Mahoney.

[John Holmberg]

How do we not remember that? Because we've changed Mahoney's name here.

[Brady Bogan]

1% of Americans say they usually fall asleep in under a minute.

[John Holmberg]

Geez, that's narcolepsy.

[Brady Bogan]

Six percent said it takes over an hour. And phones might be the blame for some of that. One in seven people say avoiding screens at least an hour before bed helps them fall asleep quicker.

[John Holmberg]

Huh. Vince needs to make sure that whatever spawns growing inside his horror wife never sees that woman either. You can't let his first sighting of woman do that. Slut. Man. Hoover that thing out. The baby's fault. But it can't be more than a month and a half. So you're gonna do it. Get on it too. Sweet.

[Brady Bogan]

These parents posted their 13 year old son's bucket list and it's going viral online. The kids parents posted it anonymously and now. So the kid on the kids bucket list list. At 13 years old he's already thinking.

[John Holmberg]

About things he's going to have to do before he dies.

[Brady Bogan]

Get a full taxidermy alligator number two. Go to New Zealand.

[John Holmberg]

He said taxidermy. Sure.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Thirteen. You know taxidermy. Do you think? Yeah. Or you're Vince Young number three.

[Brady Bogan]

Become a published Author number four, Discover a new species. Number five, Eat an octopus. Us number six, Befriend a Bintong. I don't b. It's a bear cat itself.

[John Holmberg]

You had to look that up?

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah, it looks like a cross between a. A bear kind of a body with a cat's head, but it's really related to a mongoose.

[John Holmberg]

And is it real?

[Brady Bogan]

And.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, it's a bear with a cat's head.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah, the body kind of looks like. That's why they call it a bear cat.

[John Holmberg]

They call it a bento, but it's. You called it a bearcat because you're from. They get Cincinnati on the mind.

[Brady Bogan]

Where do they live in South East Asia?

[John Holmberg]

Huh? South Central.

[Brady Bogan]

Get a cool jeep.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brady Bogan]

Have a YouTube channel. Prove the existence of goblins.

[John Holmberg]

All right, this kid. None of this has ever crossed my mind in the least. This kid is high as a kite. Other than the cool jeep thing that was. That's the only. That's easy though.

[Brady Bogan]

Legally change my name.

[John Holmberg]

How is that a cat's head? He's got big ears. You got one ugly ass cat. If that's what your cat looks like, eat your face off. I don't know what that thing is.

[Brady Bogan]

It's related to a mongoose and a. A meat.

[John Holmberg]

Okay. The research. Yeah. The only thing he's done is find out what that is. What if I It up feed it pumpkins at the zoo with Christy. Does it eat pumpkins? Does it eat pumpkins? Oh, it would.

[Brady Bogan]

Oh, yeah. It'll get out on pumpkin.

[John Holmberg]

It's native to his land.

[Brady Bogan]

He wants to legally change his land.

[John Holmberg]

Really interesting stories. Like. What was that, Brady? I don't know. What's a Benturon? Well, it's a hybrid of a meerkat.

[Brady Bogan]

And a. I knew you'd ask him.

[John Holmberg]

The least interesting research ever.

[Brady Bogan]

You use that phrase after every story.

[John Holmberg]

I knew you'd ask that. Take that. Exactly. Because you knew I'd ask about the other stuff too. I don't care about that. The Binturong. I'm 52. I'm today years old. Finding out whether binturong was even a word. And it will never affect me again. No, I will never go. I was bit forgotten as soon as we walked Binturong trying to feed it pumpkins with braids ones.

[Brady Bogan]

I got one coming in a couple weeks.

[John Holmberg]

Been to wrong?

[Brady Bogan]

Sure. According to baby names websites. Aggressive baby names are trending big time. Names like Wesson, Caliber Shooter, Trigger. Wesson like Blade Cannon, Remington, Colt, Ruger.

[John Holmberg]

All right.

[Brady Bogan]

Winchester, Larson.

[John Holmberg]

Hey, what's up? I just heard something. I thought that was funny. I'm just going through. I was ghosting around haunting Brady's house back home. I went through your family stuff and I found Brady's 13 year old bucket list. Six original. Six crispy, six original recipe. His bucket was full of chicken. Bucket list meant something else to burn. He got some tots. He got some mashed potatoes with honey sauce. Anyway, if you get a 13 year old with a bucket list, you got a creepy little kid on your hands. That kid's thinking about dying too.

[Brady Bogan]

Too much.

[John Holmberg]

Get some. Get some news. What's a bed to Wrong. How do they taste?

[Brady Bogan]

Delicious.

[John Holmberg]

I bet you they're pretty good. Meaty little cat bear. I want some of that. It's a combination of everything in the gay community. They hate you combine bears with.

[Brady Bogan]

Toledo. To answer your question, the not the oil. The Smith and Wesson. They use the Wesson.

[John Holmberg]

Okay, gotcha.

[Brady Bogan]

Boone, Stetson. And from the reboot, Maverick has increased. And Dutton.

[John Holmberg]

These are the top names of people in Gilbert with their white kids. Yeah. Not a single.

[Brady Bogan]

I'm not sure about our center of that.

[John Holmberg]

All white. No DeAndre in there. No. Nothing with a D or an apostrophe. No Duden. That was just annoying. White people naming their kids new things because they watched Yellowstone too much. We should name our children after these characters. This Sheridan fella has some ideas.

[Brady Bogan]

I hate Gilbert.

[John Holmberg]

Everyone hates Gilbert. It's an awful place.

[Brady Bogan]

And now it's time for some science news.

[John Holmberg]

Okay.

[Brady Bogan]

My friends, Professor Brady Bogan here with your science news and billionaire news.

[John Holmberg]

Jeff Bezos, Science news? You just. How do you switch to that in billionaire news? You can't say in science news news and then start with in billionaire.

[Brady Bogan]

Well, it's part of science. Jeff Bezos. Then it's his company, Blue Origin.

[John Holmberg]

You're a ridiculous little man.

[Brady Bogan]

It is Friday. Blue Origin launched their new Glenn rocket for the first time yesterday. They're trying to reland their boosters and use them again so they can take on SpaceX. They got their payload into orange orbit, but lost the booster. They still said they were thrilled with the result.

[John Holmberg]

Right.

[Brady Bogan]

Whereas Elon Musk's SpaceX. The boosters were caught by the chopsticks. Yeah, but they lost the space. The starship.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Blew up Neat too. Rained down cool colors. Looks like a meteor ship.

[Brady Bogan]

I have a buddy there in Padre Island. He sent me a couple of videos of both the takeoff and them.

[John Holmberg]

And very reminiscent of what you would do. You got to get out here, bro. Like it's happening every day. Day. You missed it.

[Brady Bogan]

China wants to plant a flag on the moon next year and figure out how to make it flutter even with no wind.

[John Holmberg]

Over my dead body. China. China will not own the moon that is ours. We took it.

[Brady Bogan]

They engineered a special flag that flutters when it interacts with the electromagnetic fields.

[John Holmberg]

It's going to give the moon Covid. We already know what they're doing. They're fluttering. They're bad. It's like when you fart and you're wave it. They're taking their covet germs. They're putting them on our moon.

[Brady Bogan]

We have currently six flags on the moon.

[John Holmberg]

That's right, Six flags. We're building an amusement park on the moon. Trump land. They're gonna call it Great America. Great America Great. Even greater. We make Great America great again.

[Brady Bogan]

The World Monuments Fund just listed the moon as a threatened cultural site.

[John Holmberg]

That's right. The Chinese are coming. That's why it's been China free for so long. So many, so many years of a China free moon and they're about to ruin that and about to wreck it.

[Brady Bogan]

As we send more landers up in space, tourism takes off. They want to start talking about how to preserve things like Neil Armstrong's boot print.

[John Holmberg]

You got to keep that boot print there. That's ours. China will go up there and kick it around. The last thing we need to do is when Mexico starts saying they're going to go up there. They'll start sweeping. We'll lose the boots. Sprint. Can we build a bubble like wall?

[Brady Bogan]

Kind of.

[John Holmberg]

We gotta build a wall around the moon. Keep the Chinese out. China, you stay put. One thing those people do is overpopulate. Get over that moon. Start seeing Chinese people all over the place. Next thing you know, moon will be. The man in the moon will have different eyes. That's what we'll say. Can't say that right now. Moon has round eye. It's American. You get those Chinese people up there, they'll start kicking that dirt around. Next thing you know, man in the moon's gonna look like the sun's in his eyes. It's going to be Chinaman black colored. And his hair will have a big. Every eclipse it'll look like an eclipse. He's got that Chinaman black hair. Nobody. Not a natural color for us.

[Brady Bogan]

A study found humans feeding peanuts to squirrels. Makes their jaws weaker. Their heads flatter. Makes the squirrels.

[John Holmberg]

I was going to say be more.

[Brady Bogan]

Specific and heads flatter.

[John Holmberg]

The grammatical error in that was that humans would Shrink their heads if they fed the square.

[Brady Bogan]

Really?

[John Holmberg]

Say it again.

[Brady Bogan]

A study found humans feeding peanuts to squirrels makes their jaws weaker.

[John Holmberg]

Yep.

[Brady Bogan]

And their heads flat.

[John Holmberg]

The subject of the sentence is humans. When you go to there it references back to the subject. Oh God. Please English teachers, please email.

[Brady Bogan]

You are. I just want confirmation.

[John Holmberg]

Science says that when humans feed squirrels their head heads get squished.

[Brady Bogan]

When they feed penis to squirrels.

[John Holmberg]

Their heads? Whose heads?

[Brady Bogan]

They should say the squirrels heads.

[John Holmberg]

Yes.

[Brady Bogan]

All right.

[John Holmberg]

Don't get mad at me because English is a thing. Boy, what a dick.

[Brady Bogan]

Oh, what English dick.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, him. That's what I'm saying. No, because you did you. I was not. I was trying to make you not look like it. I was keeping you friend. It's impossible. My job's impossible. I was trying to keep keep you from looking like a dip. But it's impossible. My job.

[Brady Bogan]

Why try then?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, it's impossible because I don't want to be associated with with that type of dip. Science says when humans feed squirrels nuts, their heads shrink. Well, no it doesn't.

[Brady Bogan]

We should rename the show the jaws are weaker.

[John Holmberg]

No, the squirrel's jaws. Squirrels are affected when.

[Brady Bogan]

You tell me the humans are feeding squirrels. Yeah, and it weakens whose jaw jaws. The way he's eating the peanuts.

[John Holmberg]

Okay, here comes your dip squirrel. You delivered the news that humans heads and jaws get weaker when they feed squirrels. That's what you said.

[Brady Bogan]

No, I did not.

[John Holmberg]

Yes, you did. But you want everybody else to do the math at home because you're.

[Brady Bogan]

When I'm feeding a squirrel.

[John Holmberg]

No, no, that's not what you said. You said whose jaw science is gonna get weaker? I don't know. According to you. The human. The way you said that sentence. The human's jaw and its head are affected when you feed it a squirrel. A peanut.

[Brady Bogan]

All right, well, I'm glad we cleared it up.

[John Holmberg]

We did what? Because you mucked it up. I had to clear it up cuz you sounded like an idiot.

[Brady Bogan]

But you know why the peanuts make their jaws weaker.

[John Holmberg]

Who? The human.

[Brady Bogan]

Softer nut. The squirrels. See, that's also information that could have.

[John Holmberg]

Been done in the next. I was trying to get there. You couldn't get there cuz you mucked up the information so badly. Whose answer there? Look, if I was in school and the teacher said when humans feed squirrels peanuts, their heads and jaws get weaker, I'd be like. All right, take that note. I didn't know that. Don't feed squirrels nuts. You're going to fail that test. Yeah, cuz the way that is said the human is the there to human. You can be mad, but both are correct.

[Brady Bogan]

Don't feed the squirrels.

[John Holmberg]

Why?

[Brady Bogan]

Humans don't feed squirrels because your head will keep their heads square and their jaws weaker. The squirrels.

[John Holmberg]

Okay, you got to be clear with that. The way you said that both times made it made it seem like the humans were weakened by the penis. Nut feeding.

[Brady Bogan]

That's your science news.

[John Holmberg]

Now I understand what you're saying. It's less likely to be true. Yeah. But when you sound like you've got an IQ of 11, I'm gonna help out with that. Ouch. I don't want you to be the dumb one because you do it all the time to the news.

[Brady Bogan]

Do you hear what that guy said?

[John Holmberg]

It's been 20 years and you won't let George Lopez off the New England thing. New England patriots. And so when you sound like a dipstick people in the car going moron. I don't want him to think that of you.

[Brady Bogan]

Travis just said I'm going to. I'm going to go forward this to the person who did the article.

[John Holmberg]

You can if you'd like. Travis just said, thanks Brady, I lost 69 IQ points listening to this slop fest.

[Brady Bogan]

And another one says, I regret to.

[John Holmberg]

Say that I was questioning whether it was cumin nuts or. Cuz when you say it you're like what? It's a bad science thing. Science said your sentence sucked. Brady, I don't know if you'll know.

[Brady Bogan]

Well it didn't throw me off the first time I read it.

[John Holmberg]

Right. And that's why I have to help talking about squirrels.

[Brady Bogan]

No, I'm talking about this morning.

[John Holmberg]

You assumed. I know. And you assumed that I assumed they.

[Brady Bogan]

Were talking about the squirrels.

[John Holmberg]

But when you read it out loud, what you said was the humans heads and jaws are affected when they feed squirrels nuts.

[Brady Bogan]

You had a choice between the way.

[John Holmberg]

Sentences work are very clear. What you said was technically the humans were affected when they fed squirrels peanut. Which makes you seem kind of silly. The guy says, brady, I don't know if you know this, but you are the human embodiment of the dangling modifier. There it is. You do this all the time. Yes, the dangling modifier brings you back to the subject with the wrong thing and it makes you say that the thing you were first talking about is what you're actually being is being affected. But what you mean is I gotta.

[Brady Bogan]

Catch that next time.

[John Holmberg]

Another one. Suspended modifier. Don't leave it hanging. Yep. I don't remember that. I don't Remember? That's what it was called. But that's what it is when you bring two things to the party. But you made one clearly the subject. You can't bring it back to that.

[Brady Bogan]

Scientists better get it straight.

[John Holmberg]

Next. Well, it's. Whoever wrote that. If you're reading it word for word, it's not your fault. But you have to catch that. It sounds crazy. That's not being an English dick. That's just speaking English. That's your science dick and billionaire. Don't get mad at me.

[Brady Bogan]

Too late.

[John Holmberg]

Well, mop it up then.

[Brady Bogan]

We got Princess. The New York Subway.

[John Holmberg]

What's that? I bet Vince's wife's baby daddy can speak better English than Brady with the dangling modifier. David Vasquez. Yeah, of course it is. Get Brady a Snickers, he turns into an R word when he's hungry.

[Brady Bogan]

The MTA, the controls of New York subway lose 500 million a year on people jumping over the turnstiles. So they now are implementing. Putting spikes on the handle.

[John Holmberg]

Just low ceilings. I've been able. You've been able to solve this for a minute.

[Brady Bogan]

You can't jump over.

[John Holmberg]

You bang your head. If you try to bounce over, just. You gotta duck in.

[Brady Bogan]

So they. They didn't lower the ceilings. They put spikes on the handrails. They'll figure around that it's on basically one set. They're testing them out to see how much it will cut down in that area and if it works, more spikes.

[John Holmberg]

I'm all for more spikes. More spikes for people who do dumb stuff.

[Brady Bogan]

Progresso is selling cough drops that taste like chicken noodle soup. They immediately sold out online when they announced it. Now they're selling two more batches next Thursday and the Thursday after that. And finally, congratulations to a couple of Swedish table tennis enthusiasts. Emil Olson and Frederick Nielsen, known as the Spin duo, set a new record for the longest table tennis rally. You ready for this?

[John Holmberg]

Sure.

[Brady Bogan]

13 hours, 37 minutes and 6 seconds for one point.

[John Holmberg]

A lot.

[Brady Bogan]

Yep.

[John Holmberg]

And they're just. They're not doing like real. They're not trying get a life.

[Brady Bogan]

Crazy stuff. It's just hitting it back and forth.

[John Holmberg]

That's pretty good.

[Brady Bogan]

Get a life.

[John Holmberg]

But get a life. And if that impresses you, you also need to get a life. Hang yourself. If that impresses you, go feed some squirrels. Flathead.

[Brady Bogan]

Weak jawed. Flathead.

[John Holmberg]

Weak jawed. Flathead head. You know what else will weaken your jaw? These nuts.

[Brady Bogan]

Brett's got the videos.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, you don't have any today.

[Brady Bogan]

He said he's Gonna be loaded.

[John Holmberg]

I'm not real loaded, but I should have some decent ones. Here we go. Brett's Friday. Hang on a second. We won't even be able to call the moon moon face anymore because the Chinese will be mad at us. Can't even use that phrase. Keep them off my moon. Moon. All right, here we go.

[Brady Bogan]

I didn't know we had six flags up there.

[John Holmberg]

I didn't either. We're going to put one every time. What? We're dropping something into a weird little. Is that a poop box? That's a Middle Eastern poop box. It's a hole in the ground. They've got, like, a ladle. For some reason, their poop looks like the inside of a pumpkin. Yes. Essentially, that's just a Porta John. In the Middle east, it's. Oh, he's got a bowl. I don't like this at all. Oh, he's coming out of the rice. No, this is a bad Middle Eastern Tony Romas. He just went in the bathroom with a meal and he's coming out with a bowl of. Oh, is it feces? Is this dude about to eat that? Doug. Fred. I don't like that. There's so much bar left on this. It's like a four minute video. Oh, he put a spoon in it.

[Brady Bogan]

It's got a ladle.

[John Holmberg]

There's rice and whatever. He. Oh, no, no, no, no, no. There's a guy.

[Brady Bogan]

Guy that's pretty rich.

[John Holmberg]

That's peanut butter. Looks like refried beans and.

[Brady Bogan]

Oh, no, I think it's rice.

[John Holmberg]

No, don't. Oh, there's a guy with his back turned. He's walking up to him with the spoon.

[Brady Bogan]

Has no idea.

[John Holmberg]

That's a wife. It's his wife. And it smells. I think she does know. All their food smells like that, to be fair. Yeah. I don't know what the problem is. Yeah. This is just like walking into an Indian restaurant. So it doesn't really matter. You're going to smell the same things. Halftime. I think you're eating out of a Porta John. Oh, God. Yeah, she. She knows. Knows that this is.

[Brady Bogan]

Oh, she's already puking.

[John Holmberg]

This is sewer ladle. Is she being punished?

[Brady Bogan]

If you want to stay here.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. If you want to live in this house, you have to eat my cooking. Oh, she just threw up. Put that in the mix. Throw that in the bowl. She's Chinese or something. Okay, this is taking forever. And it's just the suspense is killing me. Does she eventually choke this down? She's got brand new pumas.

[Brady Bogan]

Those are nice.

[John Holmberg]

She just made them. Brett says she just made him. I don't even care about the poop anymore. Her handmade pumas. She just made them. And you know what? She made them wrong. And that's why she's got to eat this. Oh, she's pretty, too. Like, this is. She's choking that down. Come on. Oh, big vomit. After, of course, because it's not natural.

[Brady Bogan]

This video's half over right now.

[John Holmberg]

Up here's. Oh, he's feeding another. Another one who made bad pumas. He takes a quick bite. That's punishment for making those Marshalls irregulars.

[Brady Bogan]

Look how square his head is from eating that stuff.

[John Holmberg]

It's the nuts. Yeah, he's feeding those squirrels. He's got a flathead. You make another irregular. Now I have to make a tag of, say, irregular, Marshall. All right, he's happy about this. There's too many people eating. Yeah, they're eating sewer poop.

[Brady Bogan]

I'm not buying it.

[John Holmberg]

Go ahead and don't buy it.

[Brady Bogan]

You're not buying it.

[John Holmberg]

And that's why those people can't go to our moon now. Oh, you know, some of the. Some of the ladies out there, they're always like, no, size doesn't matter. I think in this case, it does. Oh, no. Okay, so we got one girl performing an oral favor on another and their butts in the air. And across the way, some dude sitting on the couch masturbating with something he's injected into his genital that makes it look human zucchini. Like a. Like double Pringles can. And now he's trying to do things to her. Well, you can't go in that one. You gotta at least go in the Baby Maker. You can't start there. Oh, this looks like a. This looks like a human centipede with. My goodness. That is. Looks like. That's. Looks like he's carrying a rose. Yeah, it looks like a pink air duct. Like a. Like, AC work. And he is trying real hard to get that in there. It's about the size of. Oh, my God. Oh, he's putting it in the baby makers. Uncle my dick. I'm not comfortable with that. All right, turn that off. That's.

[Brady Bogan]

It's not working.

[John Holmberg]

Does he get it in there? He doesn't seem affected at all. The other one seems to still be enjoying it.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah, that does seem all right.

[John Holmberg]

I don't know what that was. What is he injecting in there? Silica? He made it? I think so. Yeah. It was pretty well rounded out. It Wasn't lumpy or anything. Fat. Now, you remember last year when the. The thing of the year was snorting stuff up? Bailey thinks we might have found the next one. The trend for 20. 25. Possibly. Yes. All right. Okay. All right. This guy's got his. Oh, wow. All right. I've never seen that before. Where. All right. I don't even know how to describe that. Your scrotum. Your scrotum goes in someone's behind. Yes. And then she kind of ping pongs them out and makes a weird noise. All right, so here we go. Here's the. All right. Here's the full. Here's the diy. All right. He takes those d. This makes her head flatter because she's getting fed nuts. Oh, it's in German or Russian or something. And he manages to get both of them in her. Painful for him. And then. But now he's going to town, and then what?

[Brady Bogan]

Watch.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, wow. He's working them. Okay. All right. And then she's got to work the other thing. Some work. He says, push, and they came out. That's how they come out. And then here was the. And again. Like a Pringles can. It's the same noise when you stick it into the bottom too far, and you got to. And then here's the. Here's the other one. Whoa. Okay. Oh, here's a guy with explosive water in it. Buttons hitting the lady. They gave him a enema of some sort of just water and then floor John. Yeah. It's like being at the old Boston Garden, man. He's just peeing on her from the behind. Oh. Who raised these people? What in the world? Oh, boy. Oh, boy. Oh.

[Brady Bogan]

All right, I'll do it, but don't show my face.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, yeah. I'm no Facebook boy. Is that it? That's it. Thanks for that. Well, we'll show. We'll show Champ these videos. Yeah. Champ will come in here from anchorman. David Keckner's coming in. Todd Packer from the office would like those videos. I'm not. So Champ might like those, too.

[Brady Bogan]

You think?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, I don't think David will. David Keckner joins us in just a little bit. There goes your Brady report, everybody. Don't feed the squirrels. It's 98. It's out of control now. 98. KUPD. You guys already. You already missed a hell of an interview with David Keckner. It's been awesome.

[Brady Bogan]

Thanks for coming.

[John Holmberg]

7 or 8 minutes of sitting in here with Keckner has been pretty awesome. Hopefully you can deliver now that we're actually doing this. Yeah. Tighten up. Get good now. Come on. David Keckner is at Desert Ridge Improv tonight and tomorrow and Sunday and of course, 3:00 on Saturday. You bring in the Todd Packer show. Yes. Which I love. Are you doing that as.

[Brady Bogan]

As, of course, as Todd Packer. It's trivia. As the day trivia office traits. I will say this. I call it the best trivia show in the country. So it's me, my, I hate to say partner, because it sounds like work.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brady Bogan]

You're gay, which I have no problem.

[John Holmberg]

With, but we're just not on stage.

[Brady Bogan]

I don't. I don't want to disappoint anybody.

[John Holmberg]

They're not going to be the Todd Packer show.

[Brady Bogan]

Rob and I have toured together probably eight years, but when you find a good opening guy.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brady Bogan]

He and I do an hour and a half, and it's really good.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brady Bogan]

A lot of people.

[John Holmberg]

Of trivia.

[Brady Bogan]

Well, no, just at our regular show.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, okay. I was gonna say, but he came.

[Brady Bogan]

Up with the idea a couple years ago, like, why don't we start doing a trivia show on the weekends?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brady Bogan]

And to me, I'm like, well, if I'm gonna be out of town anyway, might as well monetize it.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brady Bogan]

So we do three rounds of trivia. I come out as Todd Packer. That's a big fun thing for the audience.

[John Holmberg]

Right, Right.

[Brady Bogan]

So you do some pachorisms, and then because it's the office, it's church for these people.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, yeah.

[Brady Bogan]

It's a whole different. Like, they're excited to go.

[John Holmberg]

A little scary, almost Star Trek for the wrong reason.

[Brady Bogan]

Nice.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brady Bogan]

That's a great way of putting it, but in the best way.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, you love them. You can't wait to see them on Saturday. But there is security nearby me immediately being codependent.

[Brady Bogan]

Don't scare anyone away.

[John Holmberg]

Don't you talk about I love you.

[Brady Bogan]

I'm glad that you're overly enthusiastic about it.

[John Holmberg]

It's a good phrase.

[Brady Bogan]

Yes, but they. Everybody love. Everybody thinks they're going to win. I've seen it so many times. You're not going to win it. How about that? Is that going to get you out?

[John Holmberg]

Really?

[Brady Bogan]

You're not going to win.

[John Holmberg]

There is no winner in the office.

[Brady Bogan]

No one's ever aced it. Now it's not. Here's the thing.

[John Holmberg]

Is it a written test? Everybody's taking the same test.

[Brady Bogan]

Study. Will I lose my license? Here's the thing. You want it to be Hard, but not too hard. That's what she said. But not. Not. So you want, you know, to be challenging. Yeah, it is.

[John Holmberg]

You don't want to be a walk in the park.

[Brady Bogan]

No, exactly.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brady Bogan]

The other thing is. So it's also me. It's David Koechner and, you know, Tad. Todd Packer.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brady Bogan]

So they're going to lean a little bit Packerish and maybe lean on some stuff that might be threads from my career that go through. Yes.

[John Holmberg]

So Anchorman may make an appearance for.

[Brady Bogan]

A reason that does have an intersection.

[John Holmberg]

With the Office, which would be Will Ferrell.

[Brady Bogan]

Well, it could be a lot of different reasons why. Why that question was asked. It does have an intersection with the Office. Might not be a pure office trivia question.

[John Holmberg]

Okay.

[Brady Bogan]

Which some people will type in their thing. That's not office trivia. Yeah. So you guys can go stick. But.

[John Holmberg]

Okay, now I'm even more curious. 3 o'clock on Saturday, three rounds.

[Brady Bogan]

It's a lot of audience interaction.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brady Bogan]

At the end of the three rounds, we announced the top two teams and they go backstage and they rehearse for a scene they're going to do with Todd Packer on stage and myself and Rob. I'm just. I'm Todd Packer Corona.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brady Bogan]

And then they come up and that's going to determine the winner. The final winner. The audience decides performance. Yes. Two performances of 2, 200 scenes from the Office. And then what do they win? Probably a. A sticker, whatever's available.

[John Holmberg]

All awesome. Till that last part. You can't win.

[Brady Bogan]

No, you can't.

[John Holmberg]

And even if you could, it's just.

[Brady Bogan]

I say that because I'm trying to challenge our audience. Like, it's worth coming down.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brady Bogan]

But anyway, I tell stories of my. It's kind of like a stand. Stand up office trivia hybrid because I tell stories of my time at the office and of my time in show business. So it's amazing. It's a nice entertainment.

[John Holmberg]

And how about that for you, your time in show business. I don't know if you're familiar with the network TBD, but TBD is this new network. It's on YouTube TV. I'm flipping through and it's showing old Saturday night lives, stuff like that, and old shows, and I've seen you on some things and I'm like, I didn't know you did that. And so a little upset. David Kachner's been around a little longer. And then you start doing in your own brain the math on how long you've been at this and how much you actually have to talk about for yourself.

[Brady Bogan]

You know, we're in the same business. We're immediate. You woke up today to do your job. That's new to you. Yes, same for me. We don't think about all the time we've had already at this desk.

[John Holmberg]

Exactly.

[Brady Bogan]

So it's us, it's new. I'm still trying to make something great.

[John Holmberg]

And why are we doing that?

[Brady Bogan]

I don't know.

[John Holmberg]

And what is our end goal? I ask myself that all the time. Time.

[Brady Bogan]

That's true.

[John Holmberg]

What is my end goal? Why is this fleeting, meaningless day.

[Brady Bogan]

Right.

[John Holmberg]

Going to disappear tomorrow? So I can just do it again?

[Brady Bogan]

That's all I want. One more day.

[John Holmberg]

I know. Isn't that weird though?

[Brady Bogan]

No, it's not. It's. Right. It's. It's authentic and it's true and it's honest. Plus, also, I think you and I probably share the same thing. What we really wanted originally was the respect of our peers.

[John Holmberg]

Maybe I guess that's gotta be in the mix. To me it was. It's respect of our peers. But I think it's more just like, God, I don't even know. Like I've. I've asked myself that a billion times. Why did I start this? And I think it was for my own edification. Yeah. I don't think it was for the other people.

[Brady Bogan]

Respect. I can do this. Yeah, I'm funny. So that works on that level. I've got that respect. But then you wanted to not just be a hack, right? Which respect to your peers, like, oh, he's good. He's not just somebody.

[John Holmberg]

That is very important when somebody I do respect, like, it has to be high respect.

[Brady Bogan]

Yes.

[John Holmberg]

I guess I take respect from my peers as like my group of friends. My.

[Brady Bogan]

Not these guys in the showroom.

[John Holmberg]

No, no, no. These two can disappear. No.

[Brady Bogan]

And that's what we. Right.

[John Holmberg]

The men are talking. No, but you're right, it's like. Because I remember Neil Brennan, the co creator of the Chappelle Show. We were talking and I did a podcast with him and he turned to me, he goes, hey, you're really actually very funny. And I turned into the weirdest person in the world and immediately ruined that.

[Brady Bogan]

Did you do blocks with him or which one did you do?

[John Holmberg]

No, I did. I was doing a podcast with Frank Caliendo a long time ago. And then. And this was when it first started and Frank wasn't there that day. And so it was me and another guy and Neil and we just talked about stuff back and Forth. And he actually said that. And I said, oh, my God. Right. That means so much to me that you said. I'm like, they're ruining it. You're just. They thank you and walk away.

[Brady Bogan]

I know.

[John Holmberg]

It's too hard at the moment.

[Brady Bogan]

I know. But you can't. Why? You know what? It was authentic at that moment, so you should do it.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, I guess.

[Brady Bogan]

I mean, is the best.

[John Holmberg]

He's awesome.

[Brady Bogan]

I mean, just. If you want to. If you don't know who Neil Brennan is, go to the David Chappelle, Dave Chappelle Mark Twain Award.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Oh, my God.

[Brady Bogan]

When Neil Brennan introduces him, that'll introduce you to Neil Brennan. And he's so good. He's almost untouchable and.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. And hiding in his untouchable.

[Brady Bogan]

Oh, my God, he's so good.

[John Holmberg]

It's like he's ahead of all of us.

[Brady Bogan]

It's. Yes. 100. It's a master class.

[John Holmberg]

Good.

[Brady Bogan]

And you'll appreciate if you're a fan of comedy and you'll never back down from Neil Brandon again. He's the best.

[John Holmberg]

No, but who's told you you're funny? That made you go boom. Because you've been. You've heard it a billion times. You're one of those people that walks in a room and I just know you're funny. Well, it was the hat.

[Brady Bogan]

It was great school. It really was.

[John Holmberg]

Was it?

[Brady Bogan]

It really was.

[John Holmberg]

Okay, so you knew immediately.

[Brady Bogan]

My drive. I guess I'm one of. I'm one of six kids.

[John Holmberg]

Okay.

[Brady Bogan]

I'm the third of six kids, an Irish Catholic family, so I think that's what it was.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brady Bogan]

Hey, look at me.

[John Holmberg]

And you knew.

[Brady Bogan]

Yes.

[John Holmberg]

Have you had anybody tell you I wanted.

[Brady Bogan]

I wanted the attention of my classmates in the way that I wanted it. I'm looking back.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brady Bogan]

Looking back, I wanted the attention of my classmates in the way that I wanted it. And you could also kind of control it. Yeah, I'm guessing. I didn't. You didn't intellectual. Intellectualize it back then, but going back now, it's complete codependent and it's a.

[John Holmberg]

Weird social anxiety, really, because you got to control a space before it controls you.

[Brady Bogan]

Right?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brady Bogan]

I didn't recognize that.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brady Bogan]

Well, how much is this?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. I'm going to get you. Okay. Before you know it, you're going to cry. We're going to have you in tears.

[Brady Bogan]

Close off.

[John Holmberg]

That's what led to the. Right. David, have you ever had somebody that you. You didn't think was funny tell you you were funny and it made you question. Sure, you're really funny. Like, oh no, not you.

[Brady Bogan]

That's even better. When a person that you don't think is funny goes. You're really funny.

[John Holmberg]

Goes.

[Brady Bogan]

Wait a minute. That sounds. It sounds like you had doubt.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brady Bogan]

You're not allowed to have doubt.

[John Holmberg]

Don't you dare.

[Brady Bogan]

I already laughed. You.

[John Holmberg]

David Kegner's at Desert Ridge Improv tonight, tomorrow and Sunday. And you've got. I mean, what is the. Where did. What was the first thing you. You did now that I'm thinking about you?

[Brady Bogan]

Show business.

[John Holmberg]

Well, no. Worst thing on earth grabbed it. Yeah. You reached back for a life.

[Brady Bogan]

That's called the hidden joke, folks. And these guys all got it. They're in comedy. Anyone out there going, grabbed what? Yeah, no, you know, you don't know the hidden joke.

[John Holmberg]

You're hanging on the bungee fell out. Man. You got to imagine to a baby that's like puds like falling out of a window trying to get back in there. The only thing I ever knew but like the first thing you did in show business that you're.

[Brady Bogan]

But you're not talking about high school.

[John Holmberg]

You're not talking about something that I could find now. Oh, oh, oh.

[Brady Bogan]

Piece of media.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Something that you did that was like. Oh, that was my very first thing. That kind of.

[Brady Bogan]

Well, there's some things I did in Chicago that wound up being on an IMDb page that I couldn't probably reference.

[John Holmberg]

Okay.

[Brady Bogan]

There'd be some local actors who got some guy who wanted to be a series of.

[John Holmberg]

That kind of stuff.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah, that kind of stuff. Okay. The first thing I may have gotten paid for was a carpet commercial back in Chicago. And I don't think I speak, but it's one of those one, 800 that's still rolling. The guy's passed away now and I was just a cartoon. But it was one of those local carpet ads that you hoped you never are going to be in. That pays $344 to the one time buyout before you're in SAG. But that's probably the first.

[John Holmberg]

And it's still running. Is that what your company is still running? You said it's still running.

[Brady Bogan]

I'm like, what they'd have to buy next. Another round.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, absolutely. You gotta twice on that and you're just. It's a. How are you in it? It's a cartoon. You didn't speak.

[Brady Bogan]

I think I lay down on my couch and I have a very self satisfied look as I remember looking as you got new flooring yes, yes. I remember looking back at it. That was too much.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, you overdid it. Post coital flooring. You overacted your. Your part in these flooring in a bad flooring commercial. And that was the first one you got to my memory. Yeah.

[Brady Bogan]

It is Empire.

[John Holmberg]

Is it Empire.

[Brady Bogan]

It is.

[John Holmberg]

It is.

[Brady Bogan]

It is.

[John Holmberg]

You were the Empire.

[Brady Bogan]

You might remember that.

[John Holmberg]

You were the sleepy post masturbation guy in the background.

[Brady Bogan]

Now that's a great piece of. That's a great piece of direction.

[John Holmberg]

Act like you just got done. Yes.

[Brady Bogan]

Because that is something very sense memory. You do it.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brady Bogan]

And it adds a lot more and adds a mystery to it. As opposed to just act like you're really happy.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Be happy and lay down.

[Brady Bogan]

Now I'm gonna. Now you're just gonna make that face.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brady Bogan]

As opposed to that very specific, specific thing. The audience goes, what just happened?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, but if I give you that direction, would I have to have the direct? All right, cut. Guy in the back, stop wiping your stomach off. What are you doing? Well, you said.

[Brady Bogan]

And looking down at it. Looking down at it.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, yeah.

[Brady Bogan]

Dude. After the wipe down.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, yeah. After you've cleaned up.

[Brady Bogan]

And you couldn't say that direction out loud today on set.

[John Holmberg]

You could. Oh, because it's. Because whoever Lake Lively will sue, you.

[Brady Bogan]

Had to whisper it to the person in their ear. Which is going to take us to our David lynch talk later.

[John Holmberg]

Because David, we can do it right now. David lynch passed away. Yes. Director of Twin Peaks.

[Brady Bogan]

Right.

[John Holmberg]

And like you said, Eraserhead. I didn't even realize till you said it. He did the Elephant Man. I don't think I knew that. Which is.

[Brady Bogan]

But I didn't know the background of Elephant Man. Brooks was a producer and he knew he couldn't. He said he knew he couldn't direct it because then people expect a Mel Brooks film.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brady Bogan]

And he knew this is something completely different. He'd seen Eraserhead and thought this is the guy to do it.

[John Holmberg]

It's amazing.

[Brady Bogan]

Yes.

[John Holmberg]

And do you think Mel Brooks owned the rights to that because he was going to make it a comedy?

[Brady Bogan]

I don't think so. I don't think so. Because he would have.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, because he absolutely would have. But then kind of realized now this thing's maybe a little meatier than that.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah, it's easy to. To maybe dismiss the genius of Mel Brooks. Oh, because you can dismiss it because of what? You know. Look, this guy has been in comedy.

[John Holmberg]

For.

[Brady Bogan]

A long time. 70 years. What is it?

[John Holmberg]

At least he's 97. Something 96 difference.

[Brady Bogan]

And so we tend to maybe either just, like, that's an old piece of nostalgia or whatever. But, yeah, you know, this guy, without him, you don't have so many things in.

[John Holmberg]

In. Comedy changes the game, right? Yeah.

[Brady Bogan]

So. But no, I think he had enough respect and genius to understand, like, no, I'm not doing this. I do like this piece of material.

[John Holmberg]

And David lynch directed that, which I did not even think about. I probably did know that and just dismissed it and didn't think about it because it's such a great movie.

[Brady Bogan]

You don't think about it till someone dies.

[John Holmberg]

Until they die. Oh, my God. He was the ultimate guy. But you worked with him on Twin Peaks.

[Brady Bogan]

Very fortunate.

[John Holmberg]

Electric Boogaloo.

[Brady Bogan]

Yes. On Showtime.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brady Bogan]

Which is the remake of the TV show.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brady Bogan]

And I don't know how much time we have on track.

[John Holmberg]

You're fine.

[Brady Bogan]

Truncated. So I get an audition and not to be. I'm very happy to have an audition. Although every actor would tell you that I'd rather not audition.

[John Holmberg]

Just give me that.

[Brady Bogan]

It was for an unknown project. And the way that your agent tells you is like, you want to do this? That's all they'll tell you.

[John Holmberg]

The agent knows? Yes. But they're not allowed to tell you because you'll blab like.

[Brady Bogan]

Well, because they have to sign an ND as well.

[John Holmberg]

Okay.

[Brady Bogan]

So you want to do this. You're going to go in and you're going to a caster director. There are no sides, no lock signs. Just go in, you go. And it's an interview. And that never happens. Usually if you go in for an audition, you have pages, or what we call sides.

[John Holmberg]

Right.

[Brady Bogan]

And you memorize those and you know something about the story. You don't know anything. So I go into audition. It's only an interview. And again, straight to the camera.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Weird.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah. And so they're just asking you stories, I think, just to see if you're an oddball or a weirdo or can you be.

[John Holmberg]

Do you look the part?

[Brady Bogan]

Yes. Do you look the part? Can you be. Is this our guy?

[John Holmberg]

And what years were this?

[Brady Bogan]

This six, seven years ago?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, it wasn't that long ago. Yeah.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah. Okay.

[John Holmberg]

All right.

[Brady Bogan]

And so it was something Rosa, I think, was the name of the project.

[John Holmberg]

Okay.

[Brady Bogan]

And then later you're told, okay, you got cast in Twin Peaks. And you're like, oh, my goodness.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brady Bogan]

Okay. Then I get told I'm one of the Fusco brothers, and you get your lines the night before. There's three pages.

[John Holmberg]

Okay.

[Brady Bogan]

On these three pages, there are two. There's Fusco 1 and Fusco 2. And you don't know which one you are. So you have to learn all the lines. They're not long, they're not difficult, but it's like Fusco 1, Fusco too. Great. We show up that day. There's three Fusco brothers. Me, Larry Clark, and Eric Edelstein. Now we have hours to go before our scene shoots because that's just how they do it in show business. You show up. As it turns out, we'd never met with three character actors who love acting, and we happen to all have Irish heritage. And so we're just sitting there chewing the fat for hours and loving it. Right. Not even knowing. Who's Fusco 1, Fusco 2. And where is Fusco? Why are there three of us? Who's getting fired first? So then we go before. Right before lunch. They're breaking for lunch. They call us to set. And David lets where we're supposed to meet and goes, okay, great, great, great, Fuscos. Great, great. All right, Fusco 1, 2, and 3. And he points to Eric Elston. He goes, give me that little. That pipsqueak laugh you give. Give me that little laugh. He goes, ha, ha. He goes, that's it, that's it. Great, great. Okay, you two will be one and two, and I'll feed you lines to Eric. And so we go back to the trailer.

[John Holmberg]

So Fusco 3 was his idea. Yes. Not written.

[Brady Bogan]

I just want that guy. I like that guy. Because he probably watches everything.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brady Bogan]

He sees that guy. Whatever that guy is, I want him.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brady Bogan]

Because he just has an idea. I want him in my scene. I'll just put him in there when I get ready.

[John Holmberg]

Wow.

[Brady Bogan]

So Larry and I. I'm a couple months older than Larry. I said I'll just be Fusco1 just because of age. Because. Because it didn't make any difference.

[John Holmberg]

Right.

[Brady Bogan]

The same amount of signs, same amount of interesting lines, same amount of whatever. Interest.

[John Holmberg]

Right.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Anyway.

[Brady Bogan]

And we're brothers, which makes us even happier.

[John Holmberg]

Right, Right.

[Brady Bogan]

Just because whatever reason, we're. Okay, great. Three brothers who are detectives.

[John Holmberg]

Okay.

[Brady Bogan]

So anyway, so we do the thing. You go there now you're on set. Now we're probably four feet from each other, maybe five feet. Okay. David lynch has a gosh darn.

[John Holmberg]

A megaphone.

[Brady Bogan]

Megaphone. I just had to mind the worst.

[John Holmberg]

Thing in the world is that was either a blowjob or a sub sandwich that looked nothing like.

[Brady Bogan]

Or a crack bite. I'm not megaphone.

[John Holmberg]

Lighting your megaphone.

[Brady Bogan]

Electronic megaphone. And he, he says, action. From about five feet from me. But he whispers it to the megaphone. Action. It's the best. It's the best. The better part is he's got a cigarette. Cigarette on. On set. Which is not allowed, right. And he's got a little ashtray and like a 5 inch fire extinguisher. And you realize, oh, this must have been a negotiation with the insurance company. And with sag, he's got an ashtray, he's got a mega. He's got a fire extinguisher he carries with him everywhere he goes. And this is all you ask for in life as an actor. Let me be part of whatever this.

[John Holmberg]

Is, this fever dream. Yes. Going on. And he would whisper ideas in your ear.

[Brady Bogan]

Yes. For Larry Clark, for instance, he said to him, act as if you just heard this answer from the wind. Okay? And action.

[John Holmberg]

What?

[Brady Bogan]

Right. I didn't get one of those.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, that's too hard.

[Brady Bogan]

Here's the best one. How much time do you have? But there's a guy. So we're all hanging up before this, you know, our scenes. And like the second or third day, I can't remember, there's a kid that was very nervous and I think it was the first thing he'd ever done. Plus now there's a bunch of people who, on set who've been working for 50 or 60 years. There's a guy whose name I don't remember who had acted with Marilyn Monroe in some movie from the 50s. And you know, of course lynch is going to put him in the show. It's Tarantino time. And so Edelstein knows everybody. As he's sitting there just trying to get stories out of this guy, I'm like, I don't know the old guy, but I'll give him an hj And I wish I did. Courtesy. Courtesy. Courtesy. He knew Monroe.

[John Holmberg]

Show respect.

[Brady Bogan]

Show Ms. Courtesy.

[John Holmberg]

You got to tug that horn. He knew Marilyn Monroe. Forgot. She might have met Joe DiMaggio, too.

[Brady Bogan]

Come on. Anyway, there's this kid and he just has to deliver us a mug in a plastic sack because it's evidence. But he can't get his line out. I can't remember his line, but it's something simple like, here's the thing that you asked for. And so he comes up and tries to say it three times, times. He just can't get it out, right? So David comes up to him and he goes, hey, kid, come here. Now look at me. Now this time you say it do this. And he actually. If you ever seen an actor do jazz hands on stage, folks, goes pop.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brady Bogan]

So, like, you kind of crouch and put your hand. Snap your hands out.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brady Bogan]

To do the line. So the guy does it, and the line comes out effortlessly.

[John Holmberg]

Perfect.

[Brady Bogan]

And he's filming it.

[John Holmberg]

And he knew.

[Brady Bogan]

And he knew, like, I'll give this. I'll take this kid out of his head.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brady Bogan]

Give him something to do. Boom. And I don't know if it.

[John Holmberg]

Now give him a tap ending. Yes.

[Brady Bogan]

But I'm like, this is the stuff you want to do. Show business. It was the greatest.

[John Holmberg]

That's incredible.

[Brady Bogan]

Yes.

[John Holmberg]

Man, oh, man. And you didn't know that you were getting that job? Did you know that they were even working on Twin Peaks again?

[Brady Bogan]

I didn't. I.

[John Holmberg]

When they said Twin Peaks was a thing, you knew.

[Brady Bogan]

Yes.

[John Holmberg]

Like, oh, my God, they're rebooting.

[Brady Bogan]

Yes. Yeah. I think I, you know, innocently knew that somehow I knew that they were redoing.

[John Holmberg]

But never imagine that was you.

[Brady Bogan]

Right.

[John Holmberg]

And did he ever tell you why he liked you? Like, what he had seen you in that made David Keckner something.

[Brady Bogan]

And there's enough people, like, he's busy.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brady Bogan]

You know, of course. You want to go, what about me?

[John Holmberg]

Right? What about.

[Brady Bogan]

What is it about me? Want me? And back to the kid nailing it on the Jesse. He must have felt like, oh, the only time I nailed it was doing this jazz thing. I'm so not getting this part. Well, no, he already got the part. The day of film. Keep messing up, and you're like, oh.

[John Holmberg]

Man, I'm just amazing.

[Brady Bogan]

But, you know, the thing is that Dave gave him a gift, and I can't remember if he let him do it one more time without doing it.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. But he got it.

[Brady Bogan]

I think it's more interesting that you probably use that oddball take.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. And you've had directors do the opposite where they give you nothing.

[Brady Bogan]

Well, yeah. Which is okay.

[John Holmberg]

It's all right because you can just do it yourself.

[Brady Bogan]

You know, to be honest, you don't want too much.

[John Holmberg]

Of course not.

[Brady Bogan]

Because if you're.

[John Holmberg]

Do it. Yeah.

[Brady Bogan]

If you're any good, you have an idea. If they want to change your idea. Idea.

[John Holmberg]

Right.

[Brady Bogan]

Then you immediately go, you're wrong.

[John Holmberg]

Right.

[Brady Bogan]

Or I'm wrong. If I'm wrong, then I might go in a panic. You know, I didn't understand what you're talking about.

[John Holmberg]

Right.

[Brady Bogan]

But usually I do comedies, so.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brady Bogan]

You know.

[John Holmberg]

You got a timing for that?

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Did you have to audition for Anchorman.

[Brady Bogan]

Yes.

[John Holmberg]

You did?

[Brady Bogan]

Yes.

[John Holmberg]

So did you not know Will and. Oh, no, no, I knew. I knew.

[Brady Bogan]

I knew. I knew Adam from 1990 in. In Second City.

[John Holmberg]

Okay.

[Brady Bogan]

So. And I also knew Steve Carell and I knew Will from my year on snl. Yeah, that's right.

[John Holmberg]

That was. That overlapped. He was still there or he was just there at the same time. Right.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Kind of just started with.

[Brady Bogan]

Did you know anyone else going for the part later?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brady Bogan]

Years later.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. A couple years later was Tom Selleck. Tom Selleck, Yeah.

[Brady Bogan]

It was going to be Keckner. Selleck.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Once again, Koechner stole those jobs.

[Brady Bogan]

He'll never get her his first mortgage.

[John Holmberg]

So you auditioned for that and it was. Was it the same way you sat in a room and interviewed or did they know?

[Brady Bogan]

No, no. That one is a traditional, Traditional audition. And I do remember.

[John Holmberg]

Did you script and get it?

[Brady Bogan]

Oh, my gosh.

[John Holmberg]

Like, did you understand it? Because I don't know if that works the way you guys acted. The words on paper can't work as well as what was being seen. Right, right.

[Brady Bogan]

Yes. Now, I had known Adam and I knew his sense of humor, which probably helped me. Yeah, they. They. Neither of them had the status to give anybody a job.

[John Holmberg]

Right.

[Brady Bogan]

But I had, because I knew Adam and Will and I knew their sense of humor. I knew what this was. I never read anything funnier in my life. Life. And I actually auditioned, I think, for. I think I auditioned for. For Champ and Brian Fantana. So I brought in two different. Because I knew this is two different wigs. Swear to God. Two different wigs.

[John Holmberg]

Yep. You brought your own wig?

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah, yeah. I used to have a lot of wigs.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brady Bogan]

You guys know why?

[John Holmberg]

Well, you had mentioned why.

[Brady Bogan]

My side job. My side hustle. One's really important.

[John Holmberg]

You can see him later at the Flying J. He's out there on his way back that way.

[Brady Bogan]

When I was. When I went in the 90s, when I was at I Get to Town. Yeah, it's the 90s to LA. I do all kinds of character bits on stage, so I'd have all kinds of different characters I'd be doing, so I would have a bunch of wigs for different characters. So I also had some. Some sideburns because I knew it was the seventies.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brady Bogan]

And I. I think I auditioned for Champ with a wig and for Frantana with a different wig.

[John Holmberg]

Right.

[Brady Bogan]

So you're having to do two characters, which is kind of a little bit difficult.

[John Holmberg]

Sure.

[Brady Bogan]

But it's. Anyway, for whatever reason, I did well with Champ. And the way it came down to was me and four guys and I don't know all of them. I know a couple of the guys that were. And I won't say who were up for it. And they just had VHS tapes. This is before. Yeah. So they're showing the final four persons for each role. And so they put in each tape, didn't say a word because Adam and Will are smart. Don't say who your choice was.

[John Holmberg]

Right.

[Brady Bogan]

So they put my choice tape in. And the producer goes, why not that guy? And they're like, yeah, okay. Because I know that they know that had they said, this is our choice, your human, you know, where your brain works, would not choose that guy.

[John Holmberg]

No.

[Brady Bogan]

Right.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. You would immediately make the other guy out.

[Brady Bogan]

Yep. So they. They left it clean and I got the job. So I wanted you.

[John Holmberg]

You think, like, right away, Adam and.

[Brady Bogan]

Oh, they wanted me from the beginning.

[John Holmberg]

You have got to. We can't say yes.

[Brady Bogan]

Yes. They can't say.

[John Holmberg]

We needed permission now.

[Brady Bogan]

They called me right away and said, we can't tell you this officially, but you got the job.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, that's.

[Brady Bogan]

So you're gonna hear from. Yeah. Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

So that was the most fun ever filming had to be, because that's just like half the movie on screen is made up.

[Brady Bogan]

Yes. There's nothing. There's nothing like it.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brady Bogan]

And, you know, we may have talked about this before. It was not a success out the gate. It came out in August.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brady Bogan]

Of 84. No, no, no.

[John Holmberg]

It was 2,050 years. 84. 94. And then finally it took in 2004. It did not take right away.

[Brady Bogan]

No. So it was. Was it 94?

[John Holmberg]

No, it was 4.

[Brady Bogan]

4. Thank you.

[John Holmberg]

I'll get you.

[Brady Bogan]

Wow.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brady Bogan]

Wow, wow, wow.

[John Holmberg]

It's 2025, David. Thank you. Everything's good now.

[Brady Bogan]

Wow.

[John Holmberg]

They're still not going to release.

[Brady Bogan]

Am I taking a nap?

[John Holmberg]

Am I really.

[Brady Bogan]

Wake up.

[John Holmberg]

Put your wig on. I think you're vulnerable right now.

[Brady Bogan]

Now we can get Cook.

[John Holmberg]

I could talk to you all day about stuff. Dave Kner's at Desert Ridge Improv tonight. Tomorrow and Sunday, you got the Todd Packer Office Trivia at 3:00 Saturday. And. And you can check that out just by heading in. Right. If you want to come in. They'll set it up and all that, and you get tickets at the door or whatever. That's pretty awesome. So Saturday out there at Desert Ridge.

[Brady Bogan]

Although early Friday shows sold out. Some of the other shows are here. Honestly. I know people say that all the time. But honestly, these are selling out, so.

[John Holmberg]

You have to close it out. Let me handle that. We don't need you saying it now. It's like, oh, he thinks he's going to sell out, huh? We'll see about that.

[Brady Bogan]

You buy. You'd buy 10 tickets and just throw them out.

[John Holmberg]

See all those empty seats and think of my ugly ass. He did this to me. Dave, change the world. Give us some information that'll like to 20, 25, make somebody's world better.

[Brady Bogan]

Who, me right now?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Like you're. You're in charge of the earth. You've been inaugurated. You're in. What is the first thing you change?

[Brady Bogan]

Make everybody say, I'm enough first thing in the morning.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, that you're enough. Yeah. David K. No, no.

[Brady Bogan]

Everybody's enough.

[John Holmberg]

Me.

[Brady Bogan]

Me especially.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brady Bogan]

Hey, you're funny. Hey, by the way, you're funny.

[John Holmberg]

That's beautiful.

[Brady Bogan]

So you're talking about something I do.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Something that you would be like, you know what? This will make the world a better place. And I can change. Like, I would do this first.

[Brady Bogan]

I can only do one.

[John Holmberg]

You do what?

[Brady Bogan]

I mean, free health care all.

[John Holmberg]

All across the board. Yeah.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

And nothing's free, though.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah. Well, no, I don't care who's paying. All right. Available, free health care.

[John Holmberg]

Okay.

[Brady Bogan]

Everybody gets health care.

[John Holmberg]

Doctors get. It's all in.

[Brady Bogan]

Everybody's taken care of.

[John Holmberg]

I like that. I like to see. There you go.

[Brady Bogan]

Can I do one more?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brady Bogan]

And all billionaires and the billionaires.

[John Holmberg]

Now, if you were a billionaire, would you say that?

[Brady Bogan]

Of course.

[John Holmberg]

Would you really?

[Brady Bogan]

What? What?

[John Holmberg]

What?

[Brady Bogan]

What took you to get there, man?

[John Holmberg]

I would.

[Brady Bogan]

You've lost your soul.

[John Holmberg]

I would love it. Well, maybe that's.

[Brady Bogan]

Would you?

[John Holmberg]

Oh, I'd like it.

[Brady Bogan]

You'd be the most unhappy guy.

[John Holmberg]

Maybe give it a shot. I don't know. I'm willing to give it a shot. As often as I look at my Fidelity account, I think about a billion dollars trust.

[Brady Bogan]

Who do you trust?

[John Holmberg]

Myself. I know, but.

[Brady Bogan]

But after a while, like, you know.

[John Holmberg]

I would build a robot.

[Brady Bogan]

Okay.

[John Holmberg]

That would build my friends.

[Brady Bogan]

You are Elon Musk.

[John Holmberg]

That would make it so I'd have billionaire friends that always said, you know, you're really funny.

[Brady Bogan]

So what other answers have you gotten for this?

[John Holmberg]

Oh, I always say, like, you know, you know, words of wisdom or change. Change the way. Like, if you had words of wisdom, there's been a few gems. Most of the time, it's a goof.

[Brady Bogan]

Okay.

[John Holmberg]

Like I think Big J said last week, munjior work the weight drug. Is that it or. I don't even know which one it is. Yeah, but it's. It's like oic. Okay. Yeah. That was it. So just something that pops in. Okay, so, yeah, yours is meaningful.

[Brady Bogan]

I'm sorry.

[John Holmberg]

No, yours has. Some people have depth. Some people act like jackasses. You've managed to do both in the same 35 minutes. Thanks for coming in, man. It's a pleasure, everybody.

[Brady Bogan]

It's the best. All right. God bless you.

[John Holmberg]

It's out of control now. 98 Keckner's awesome. Yeah, that's just a. That's just a fun bug. That dude, like, I told him when he was leaving, I'm like, you just make my job easy. You show up here 8:30 on a Friday, and I. I, you know, pull the string and cut you loose for half an hour. That makes my life easy. He's great. Open book, tells story. Every time he's here, I like him a little more.

[Brady Bogan]

Dave and I told him, you and I have a lot in common.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brady Bogan]

Make John's life easy.

[John Holmberg]

That's right. Yeah, that's right. And you've similar sounds. Everybody emails and goes, is that Brady? After like, 10 packs of smokes. Do you guys have a very similar tone? But, yeah, it's. He's great. He talks about other people being up for champ. I can't imagine anybody else doing that. Yeah, I mean, who. Who else? Right? Could have been that. Yeah, he was so good. So anyway, if you want to go see him, Desert Ridge improv.com is where you get. You'll have a good time out there for sure. In fact, I believe. I mean, we're loaded up this weekend for comedians. Keckner's here, and then Craig Ferguson's here. Sunday night. I think it's just Sunday. No, I think he's here the whole weekend. I think. Man, that guy. Forget it. You got some good stuff going on. Our comedy clubs are. We got some. We got some special stuff going on. This is a good city for funny, so take advantage of it when you can. And it makes. I'm half interested in going out there and testing my office knowledge, but I know if I went with the people who actually know it, oh, you're gonna get the nerds out there. Then I'd be like, oh, I'm just a child when it comes to this. It's time now for the entertainment drill. It's brought to you by our [e-mail], the home of tactical black self defense systems. Get on out there, start getting yourself in great shape. And while you do it, learn on how you can become a better version of you. Like telling Adam Ray the other day, you get in on that deal and you start learning knife defense, machetes. We do gun. The gun defense stuff is unbelievable. And then you start learning, like, different little things that bad guys learn. Bad guys teach each other stuff based on what we know and what they've told each other. It's weird. It's almost like they train to be bad guys. Bond isn't wrong. There's a whole like, like group of people trying to be ultimate bad guys. And for some reason they're out there with us. And there's no reason to think that they won't someday bother you. Don't make yourself a victim. Do not audition for that role. You don't want it, and they see you trying. So what you got to do is keep your eyes open, head on a swivel, and they teach all that stuff. And in case things go sideways, they teach you how to defend yourself the best possible ways in about a billion scenarios that they've created. They got that airplane, they got a bedroom situation up there. Everything just head on, on up there. And the deal is amazing. 199 bucks right now. Personal training for two months. $199 total for the entire time. You take any class you want, you run through there and just become a better you in two solid months. You are not putting that down. You're going to keep going. Trust me that. React defense.com the home of Tactical Black Brady Entertainment.

[Brady Bogan]

A new shot was fired yesterday in the battle between Justin Baldini and Blake Lively over. It ends with us, the movie that.

[John Holmberg]

They worked on together that only moms saw.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah, she's suing or he is suing both Ryan Reynolds and Blake lively for 400 million, allegedly orchestrating a smear campaign against him and trying to take control of the movie, which Justin directed not.

[John Holmberg]

To distract Brady, but Thriller just walked in the room. I don't know if anybody told you Thriller, but I don't know if Lee Harvey Oswald had a garage sale, but you're scaring me a little with the outfit. I don't know what's going on. He's got Lee Harvey's hair. He's got a little gump going on. Holy. But when I saw him and he started eating that banana and he looked to the side, I'm like, oh, Christ, he's gonna kill a Kennedy. He's got Lee Harvey's full Gear.

[Brady Bogan]

You put a long gun next to you.

[John Holmberg]

Madman. I want to party with you. Ken, did you know that when you got up that you looked a little bit like an assassin? All right. Oh, I'm worried now. Is everything okay? I'm gonna go take a lap. You got a date with a girl this weekend. Would you like one? I'll pay for it. Anything to make you happy right now. Thriller. I don't like when people, you know, come in dressed into their best Lee Harvey outfit.

[Brady Bogan]

Brett, did you see who Trump nominated for the special Ambassadors to Hollywood?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. The man, the Myth, the legend, Mr. Balboa himself. The greatest heavyweight champion of all time. Damn right. Rocky Balboa right in front of Marciano. What is his job?

[Brady Bogan]

Special ambassador to Hollywood.

[John Holmberg]

I want to tell everybody I'm the ambassador to Hollywood. I know I can get here someday. Donald Trump said I could do it anyway.

[Brady Bogan]

We own Hollywood so they have a purpose. And the purpose is to bring businesses that have been lost to foreign countries.

[John Holmberg]

Filmmakers, back to the U.S. chinese. These Chinese people taking all the movies. I'm gonna go over them away. Look, China, I already took care of Drago. I can take care of Xi Jinping. I have to interrupt real quick. I have to tell everybody here. I'm sorry. I'm sorry, Rock, but I don't trust that you can get back this next one. I'm an old man, and if I can slap you in the eyes, Xi Jinping's gonna get you. I'm gonna have to let you go. I'm not gonna. Hey.

[Brady Bogan]

Oh.

[John Holmberg]

You know, you can't do this to me right now. I'm sorry. We can't have it. We have to let you go. We're gonna. The younger version. I only had the job for a day. What I do is they right. I don't know what's wrong with this guy. I don't know what I was thinking. There is no ambassador Hollywood. That's stupid. I would have to let you go, Rocky. We can't. We can't let it happen. You're the ambassador to the La Brea Tar Pits. We'll leave it at that. Just close to Hollywood. So basically, the Expendables are the. That's exactly it. Win, Rocky. Melania. Rocky win. She said I got a win. Donald. Time to try, Rock. Nobody tell me I can't do nothing now.

[Brady Bogan]

Get the chicken.

[John Holmberg]

There's no stopping him. Off to China. Beat them down. Take the movies away. The next Transformers will be filmed in Canada. Our 51st date. It's going to happen. I love it here. Sorry. I'm excited about this because I find it to be absurd. We have an ambassador of Hollywood. Three of them. I know, but come on, who he's sending them to foreign country saying, I know, but it.

[Brady Bogan]

Didn't we over here in the U.S.

[John Holmberg]

Didn'T we all kind of lose our minds when Dennis. Dennis Rodman was talking to Kim Jong Un? Like, what have we come to now? We're sending Sylvester Stallone overseas. I don't know. I know. You think he can. He can. Training on my whole life. Yeah, there we go. I know. I just need a few minutes alone in my Lamborghini to think about how many shelter so many of those countries have seen.

[Brady Bogan]

Tulsa King.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, Rocky here. Negotiator Justin does a wanna arm a push up all day. Make him a go home.

[Brady Bogan]

Conan O'Brien will receive the Mark Twain Prize for American humor and march well deserved. Pretty cool. Yeah. Mark Mothersburg, or Mother's Ball from Evo, makes a million dollars a year from the theme song that he wrote for ridiculousness on MTV, man.

[John Holmberg]

Because they show it 27 hours a day.

[Brady Bogan]

He reacts. It's a reworked version of Uncontrollable Urge.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brady Bogan]

And they show it. It's the most played song.

[John Holmberg]

He makes a million dollars a year and forget you forget that he's done. He's like Danny Elfman Jr. He did the soundtrack to the Lego Movie and a couple other. And they're awesome. Like the stuff he did for those were incredible. Mark Mothersbaugh has, you know, aside from all that Devo crap that Brady seems to like and only Brady, that dude has a rich history, a tapestry of music.

[Brady Bogan]

He's put out the Lineup for the January 30th Fire Aid Concert includes Billie Eilish, Green Day, Gwen Stefani, Jelly Roll, Katy Perry, Lady Gaga, Pink Sting, Stevie Nicks and for some reason, Earth, Wind and Fire.

[John Holmberg]

Interesting. Well, I mean, you said it'd be great. And then Earth, Wind and Fire gets there. Stevie Nicks is kind of out of the. Well, I think Steven Stills is on there too. Oh yeah. That's just.

[Brady Bogan]

But I. I think there people are like, why would you put the Earth, Wind and fire.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, that's true. Didn't even think of the other element in that. And also Stevie Nicks.

[Brady Bogan]

But of all maybe they can play.

[John Holmberg]

The Ohio players can show up and play fire. Seen Stevie Nicks lately? She looks a little like Carla Tortelli from Cheers now. Like there's. I don't know what happened, but her hair got a little too Tight.

[Brady Bogan]

And I saw Earth, Wind and Fire a couple of months ago with Chicago.

[John Holmberg]

That's right.

[Brady Bogan]

Great show.

[John Holmberg]

Are they all still there or is it just Earth? I mean, fire still around or what?

[Brady Bogan]

The bass player. There's only two and I know they're kids.

[John Holmberg]

You're right. I think wind and fire both are kind of.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah. Maurice White, he was the main guy. He died a long time ago.

[John Holmberg]

We need to come up with. It's like Chicago. I think the horn guys are the only guys left. Nothing in there. Earth, wind, two horns. Yeah. I wonder if Wonder Frank Stallone gets a gig with them too. I mean, he's in everything else with rock. Don't do it, Brad. Oh, you know what? I'll make sure he's in it. I'm the ambassador of Hollywood. I get everything.

[Brady Bogan]

Rush guitarist Alex Lifeson is interested in a reunion, even though he jams with Getty Lee every week.

[John Holmberg]

There is no reunion.

[Brady Bogan]

He says he'd rather their legacy with Neil Pert be remembered and then become a top Rush tribute band.

[John Holmberg]

You can't.

[Brady Bogan]

It's not the same.

[John Holmberg]

Neil was rushed. He wrote the songs, he put things together. He did a lot of those guys were brilliant. But can't do that. All right. It's 9:30 for crime out Loud. We're late. You gotta really zip through this one. Thriller, we're late today. And I got. I got a lot going on still. So, Thriller, it's on you. Your hosting skills are. Don't have. Put the gun down. Don't have around there. Lee Harvey. Let's get. Just like. Yeah, just like they told you in Dallas. We need you in, we need you out.

[Brady Bogan]

We want to party with you, cowboy.

[John Holmberg]

You are a madman. Who dressed you today? You're making me nervous.

[Brady Bogan]

Sit down, Cruiser.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, I don't like this at all. And then you combed your hair, Harvey style. Everything's new. Thriller.

[Brady Bogan]

What, did you intentionally change your boy band audition?

[John Holmberg]

I just wanted a different hairstyle and I thought, okay, this could either look okay or terrible. Yeah, it looks fine. Yeah, but it looks like you're the king of the incel convention that's coming in. No, come on. I'm just saying it's this. I at least buttoned all my buttons. It's the shirt. And you just look too buttoned up. Yeah, yeah. There's too much going on here. I'll show some skin then.

[Brady Bogan]

If that helps.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, that's what I need. I need you to loosen up a little.

[Brady Bogan]

I know that. I heard that the old west gun shows happening this weekend in the fairgrounds is that crossroads in the west.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. I don't want them there either, near a gun. Are you sure? Yeah. I don't even like that you're on the second floor, let alone there's four to go. All right. Anyway. Thriller, Harvey Oswald here to do the squares. We need you guys to come up with a call. 5859800 will speed through them today. The Guadalupe Square is coming up next. It's out of control now. 98. Morning sickness. 98. All right. Somehow or another we did this. I don't know how we got it done. We're right on time. Now what?

[Brady Bogan]

I don't know about that.

[John Holmberg]

No, it is. Is it? We're going to ruin that now. But we were right on time. Now a normal, decent show would start closing up right now. We've got a whole new thing to start. And that's okay, too. We've got Lincoln park tickets for today's Guadalupe Squares, which is impressive. And we've posted a picture of Thriller dressed as. I haven't posted. I'll post it and post it. Yeah, put it up there. Because we haven't dressed as what we think is from Sears Lee Harvey Collection. Because this is definitely presidential assassin gear on inauguration weekend. It was an interesting choice to dress up like a guy. Well, I can't wear it on Monday or. You're coming. Oh, no, you can't do that, people. Yeah, yeah. Inauguration and the anniversary of. You're working on Monday. No, actually. Yeah, don't just wear it around the house, either. I don't like this outfit, is what I'm saying. All right.

[Brady Bogan]

All right.

[John Holmberg]

It won't happen again. No, you can wear whatever you want. And I don't want to be the. You know, I don't want to be the. The yes. No man for your outfits. I just want to be honest with you and say when you're dressed like a killer. Yeah, I appreciate that, actually. Yeah. Because people look at you. What's with the. Like, you're so buttoned up that this can't be. He's so pure and innocent. He's Kaiser Sose. I'm telling you, this guy walks away from the murders just fine. These guys walk away. Sosa. It's time now for Kaiser himself to do what he does best. And that is host these Guadalupe squares. Thriller, take it away.

[Brady Bogan]

Thank you, Chancellor.

[John Holmberg]

Let's start top left, square with Biden. Yeah, that's it. Good night. Get on the job. I did see your final speech. What you think it Wasn't bad. Was bad. Fear the future. I was telling you, fear the future. Why? You had a terrible future ahead of you. I fear the future because it means I'm going to die soon. Not much time left. Off to the beach. That's where I'm at.

[Brady Bogan]

You're going to die while you're in that space.

[John Holmberg]

I'm going to lay down like a whale. Let's go to the end of my life. And I lay in the sand. Be awesome, will you? Blow up and the gases will explode. People clean me up. I also have a plan. Nobody cares. Wow. We've dismissed you. I tell you to get out of here, but I've told you already and you won't leave. It's like feeding a cat. This won't get off my porch, so I'll spend a nice time serving you, but I'm out. Tell Momola to get off my porch. She's not staying. Maybe I can hang around the next group of people and I could be. I could give them an opportunity to give me a better economy.

[Brady Bogan]

Since I'm out of work, probably never gonna work again.

[John Holmberg]

I hope you remember all that stuff you did at McDonald's. It's gonna come in handy.

[Brady Bogan]

No joke. Good one.

[John Holmberg]

No joke. It's been a pleasure being in your upper left square. Oh, I think we'll miss you, Momm.

[Brady Bogan]

He'll be back as a Memorial square.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, true. Oh, yeah. In a couple weeks I'll probably in memorial. Right. All right now, top, middle square, we have Stallone and joining us. Yeah. You know, there's no way to introduce me. I'm a legend. I'm a Hollywood ambassador. Why don't you try that again? You don't need to hear that. For the millionth time. Okay. All right, go. The pride of Philadelphia. Right? A man who was not born there. Hey, yo, this guy's doing it right. But it is. Is just alone joining us, right? Oh, that was better. I didn't mind that one as much. You know, I got a little work to do, but we'll get it together. The more I'm ambassador, the more you're going to. Yeah, I'll draw first blood. I'm draw first blood. I got a lot on my plate. I got to fix China. I got to fix all this stuff. I'm doing all right. I'm Hollywood. And who are the other guys? Bruce Willis?

[Brady Bogan]

John Vo.

[John Holmberg]

John Vo Schwarzenegger.

[Brady Bogan]

No, it's just Vo.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, Mel Gibson. Oh, yeah, that's. Yeah, we'll send Mel Gibson over to Israel. Scare the hell out. Get all that. What do you want fixed there? Thriller? Oh, wait, never mind. I can't do that. I'm not a doctor. You are not a doctor, I'll give you that. Hey, yo. Hey, yo. We're here to make Hollywood great again. I wish everybody out there what to say. Brady. Body bags.

[Brady Bogan]

They need body bags.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, I thought you wanted to like build body bags in the shape of Brady.

[Brady Bogan]

Sent Johnny Rambo in there.

[John Holmberg]

See, cuz, you remind me of like the thing I got in my basement. My heavy bag. I just look like Brady. It's a big box. Just punch at it all day long and it never gets hanging. That's right. You like my, my, my big old side of beak. Br. Your training diet would be Brady's usual breakfast. Hey, yo, I got to get my brother Frank involved in this thing. He needs a job. You know what I'm saying? Get Frank over there. Frankie. Hey, you got to open the door. Hey. Oh, you know I'm not letting you in the same room. Well, if you want to tag along over to China, we'll try to sell some of your songs. Happy Friday, Rob. I really appreciate that, man. He's not angry with my brother Frank. He love him so much, you know? Anyway. All right. It's always nice when they involve the runt. Okay, top right square, we go over to soon President Trump. Soon President.

[Brady Bogan]

Really?

[John Holmberg]

Let's be honest. I'm President of the United States. Let me just crank over here for a second. Excuse me. Overland, my square here. You're still here? Oh, yeah. I got it for a couple more days. All right, we'll let you stay for a couple. Why does it smell like piss? Oh. What have you been doing in here the whole time? We were just out of the White House. It smelled like insured drinks. Spilled all over the carpet and pee everywhere. You're gonna want a floor cleaner to clean. We gotta get that. We gotta get some floor. We got a good floor cleaner.

[Brady Bogan]

Thriller.

[John Holmberg]

We'd have somebody over there. By the way, I don't like the way you look today. I'm glad I'm not president yet. Hey, you already survived it twice. Cause the way he's dressed, he's eyeballing only presidents, right? He's been on a roof somewhere. Oh, I think he's been on a rooftop a few times. If I'm on a roof. Get me. I think. I think there's a pretty good chance that's probably true. The wind is blowing a little heavy if thrillers on the roof because we know he didn't climb up there himself. All right, now we go to our. Oh, by the way, there's jello and shaved carrots all over the residential hall. I'm tired of looking at it. I want to make sure you clean that up. You don't get your deposit back. That's. Yeah, you know what I mean. You man, I'll just leave you anything I want to. Is there a big 72 hour throwdown at Mar a Lago? Don't tell him. Don't tell him. I took a huge. Underneath the bed. I think you'll find it gonna linger in there. Trust me, that's not the worst thing that's gonna be in that bed or what? That's terrible. Oh, there's gonna be golden showers and poo. I'm gonna wreck this place. Gonna Amber heard it. I'm gonna totally be grumpy after grumpy in there.

[Brady Bogan]

Is Melania coming this time?

[John Holmberg]

By the way, I'm looking at Thriller right now and I'm pretty sure he could draw me. Except for if he drew my face, it would have crosshairs on it. Not a big fan. Not a big fan of the new presidential assassin line from Hagar. I'm just going off of what sells and man, the orders are coming in. They're coming in. All right. I don't like this. You look like Ed Gein. All right, now into our left middle square. Baseball announcer, Memorial Square because we're losing a lot of talent. Holy cow. Harry Terry here to say goodbye to our good friend Bob Youth or hello.

[Brady Bogan]

Hello.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, to Bob Euchre. You know, you make a great point, Brady. Depending on where Vin Scully, by the way, from the Los Angeles Dodgers. And also broadcasting live from Chavez Ravine in hell, the Dodgers. I never said a thing about Chavez Ravine. But we killed a lot of Mexicans to build that baseball stadium. And I just kept going to work every day like it never happened. Boy, oh boy, Tom Brennaman here. And I'm not even dead yet. Unless you count my career. Other than that, everything's going great. Over. Well, sort of. Not the way I want to be. Brady calling Pioneer League footballers, I'm not sure calling the CW Sports. Wyoming State versus Wyoming. You is something I really strove for in my early 60s. But he's working his way back out. Got to hang out with Snoop Dogg. Broadcasting's awesome, but I saw that Bob Ucher died yesterday and I said, oh, but for those luck, why couldn't that be me? Right now we have our middle square wordsmith brain here Teach us a lesson. I am an English major. I'm so sorry. I am. No, you're not. Me fail English? Impossible. It's an old line from the Simpsons.

[Brady Bogan]

But anyway, I should have called you the dangling modifier.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, now I'm going to show you a second sentence. It says, let's eat Grandma. Where does the comma go? There's no comma in that. Let's eat grandma. What the hell? It depends on what you're up to. I'm a wordsmith. I can tell. That's exactly right. And you, sir, get to read all them words that are coming our way now. Sure enough, that's the way it works. Lee Harvey. Let's keep the president ball rolling here with Obama joining us. President, middle white square. How you doing up there, Donald? Hello, Barack. How are you, buddy? It's good to see you again. We didn't see each. We saw each other at the Carter funeral and had a blast together making fun of Kamala from behind. Did you notice how we sat behind her? Of course, you know. Did you see how her hair looked like she just laid down in bed for like a half an hour? But we know she wasn't with Whitey over there. Doug Em off wasn't on. Oh, there's no way his hair is perfect now. Once you've been with Common or whoever she with. Was it Monte Jordan or I don't know, one of them? All those guys look alike to me. Just saying. I don't know the Montels from Montels. Anyway, yeah, Don and I were having a good time with actually comb the back of her hair because she's a. Well, I'm not gonna go that far. Well, you two will have plenty of time to catch up. This is how we do. This is. Shall we do it? Can I request Belle Bib Devoe? Oh, sure. That would be poison. Rub it down, slip it or whatever. Oh, no, I don't know that one.

[Brady Bogan]

The J.

[John Holmberg]

The MM one. I didn't have to be interested in urban things until about seven years ago. That's right.

[Brady Bogan]

Have to, right?

[John Holmberg]

I tried, I avoided it. Or I just charged extra rent. All right, now, bottom left square. Britney secret square. Give us a hint.

[Brady Bogan]

Oh, how's your sky? Screw one. I'm dead. But I used to run Chicago in the 20 and 30s. My friends called me Scarface. The 20 and 30s, sir.

[John Holmberg]

Sorry, I just had to word Smith that for a second.

[Brady Bogan]

This guy.

[John Holmberg]

Get a load of him.

[Brady Bogan]

See what he did.

[John Holmberg]

I get it.

[Brady Bogan]

You made the lift.

[John Holmberg]

That was a good one. All right. Now we go to our bottom middle square fitting for Monday. MLK joins us. I have a dream. One day. Day, big black guys and little white women will be on the Internet doing horrible things to each other. I have a dream. I have great news for you. He does my dreams come true. Here, look at this phone. Oh, my goodness. I've never felt sorry for a white woman like that until today. I'm going to march across the bridge in her honor. In her memory. We have to stop this. My God, that is a great website. What is that? That's called Black Dog. And yeah, you're in your favorites, Barack. Well, it's in my favorites. It's number one. You can't even go to my Internet without seeing that. Your first search, Big Mike. Well, I have a specific need. Look, there's Big Mike right there. Oh, my God, that is her. She's right on top of that white girl. I think that's that Kellyanne lady I've got in my department. It's amazing. What's going on? I had a dream and my dream came true. My next dream as a one day two women of color will poop in a cup and maybe eat it out of that cup and throw up on each other and have sex. Love is love. How dare you. Love is love. Hopefully that comes true. All right, now, our bottom right square, our Lord and savior, Trip Reeb. How you doing? Yeah, better than last week. Still sleeping in a cot. Cuz I. I want to. Yeah, it's made of gold. Golden. Insurance checks coming soon anyway. Yeah, too soon. Thriller. Whoa. Who dressed him?

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah, maybe don't make the list, Trip.

[John Holmberg]

Hey, how was your trip up there to Pennsylvania this summer? Did you have a good time? Oh, yeah. You do look like my guy, don't you? A little bit like him, too. Not a fan of it. Not a good outfit. Fun with the show. Okay, let's go on over to our first guest. Our callers, not our guest. We're done with those. Okay. Okay, fair enough. Oh, Tanner. Tanner dropped Christina's on. This might help in time. Christina, are you there? Go for it. I am here.

[Brady Bogan]

Hey, guys.

[John Holmberg]

Wonderful. Brett just tried to answer the phone and accidentally hung up on Tanner. Oh, no, no, no. I'm gonna blame you. Chris Kabanski. I'm not answering that. You want me to get him on? There's Tanner. He came back. That's how that works. Phone is weird. Tanner, are you there? Yes, it got disconnected. That's Brett's fault.

[Brady Bogan]

All right. No, it's not.

[John Holmberg]

Christina, you go first. Pick A square around there. All right, let's go Trump. Trump. Okay, we're all going trump. I think we're going to go trump. I think that's great. What does that mean to you, Christina? Is that a euphemism at home? Honey, I'll let you go trump on me tonight. I think that's pretty great. My guy. I don't know. Make it sound like a gag, I think. All right. Gorilla going. Here we go. The Dickin medal honors. Yeah. Oh. The dick and medal honors animals who served Britain during World War II. True or false? Well, the Dickin Metal. I named something a dick and metal. Probably the greatest name for a medal ever. Next, of course, what's going to come this week. The Trump medal. I'm going to give those out. That's pretty amazing. The Dickin medal honors animals. I'll have to say that's probably true. I don't even know what it is, but it seems about right. Okay. Dick and metal. Got it. Now, Christian, I think they them away at P. Diddy parties, actually. You get a good dicken and then you get a medal for it. I think that's right.

[Brady Bogan]

I think it was at the ugly.

[John Holmberg]

Sweater party last year. That could be too. Yeah. Yeah. Katie, KB does a dick and metal every day. It. It passes every single day. Who's got the dick and metal? I'll take it. It's a daily pass around. I love it over there. Okay, Christina. They also hand over a lot of drinks over there. The Dickens cider taste run by the dickens. Charles. Very good. Christina, do you agree or disagree with true?

[Brady Bogan]

I agree.

[John Holmberg]

Correct. X gets a square the dick and wins. Nice job. When in doubt, dicking out. What? Wow. It's a half joke where it's not that funny but you're laughing. It's not funny at all. It's just why you said it is funny. There's no humor in it at all. But it's just the fact that Lee Harvey just puked that out at us is a little. All right, go ahead. I'll go over to Tanner. Go ahead and make yourself show. I will pick Biden. Biden. Okay, There we go. Balance. Balance might be my last question for you. So I want you to focus on this. That's right. It's so hard to say goodbye yesterday. Let's save that for Monday. Let's. I might just. I might. I might just release that on Monday. That's a good idea. So goodbye on Monday. How's 12 o'clock out of here? It's no joke. I'M going. I'm out. All right. Anywhere, Delaware, Scranton, pa. Okay, let me ask you a question. No joke. What I've never seen Smells like roots and stews.

[Brady Bogan]

Suggestions? She doesn't have one.

[John Holmberg]

She got a house? Not for long. Okay, not for long. All right. Go ahead, Biden. In 1870, when you were 10 years old, $20 could pay an entire month's rent for an apartment on the Lower east side of New York.

[Brady Bogan]

True or false?

[John Holmberg]

It's exactly how much Mama paid the entire time in the White House. 20 bucks. That's what she's been worth, too. $20. 1870, get your entire apartment complex. That's true. A lot of money back then. Okay, you're saying true now. Do you agree or disagree with true? I will agree. That is correct. Circle gets a square. All right, clear it out. That's the last thing you're doing there. Off you go, geezer. Let's go, Methuselah. That's my box. And no, I'm not talking about the square. I'm talking about Jill. Leave her behind, too. That's my box, you guys. No, thank you. I'd rather blow Big Mike, you know. Come on. She's not even going to be at the inauguration. We both know why. Back over to Christina. She doesn't like it when it's cold. It makes her dick little. I'm in charge.

[Brady Bogan]

Shrinkage.

[John Holmberg]

She's got shrinkage. Big Mike has shrinkage. And ice cold. It's gonna be very cold. Very cold. Can't have Big Mike in a skirt with a little nub down there. Oh, no. Can't have that. Come on, man. That's my wife. We're friends now. That's what you think. I'm a judge. All right, Christina, make your next selection. I'm gonna go Brady's Secret Square. Secret square. Okay, I think she knows it. Let's see. Who do you think it is? I think it's Al Capone.

[Brady Bogan]

You got me. Oh, that's pretty good.

[John Holmberg]

A good job. Okay. Guilty. Is that right?

[Brady Bogan]

Let's hop on over now.

[John Holmberg]

Now, for the block, Tanner can go for wordsmith. Brady. I will go with Brady. That's right. That's probably your best decision. All right. What? That's right. I'm an English major. I speak the words well enough to be good. He sounds like me.

[Brady Bogan]

That's right.

[John Holmberg]

Kamala is also a wordsmither. Isn't that right? Yeah. Okay, it's time for you to orotate. Oh, what? On air right now. Do it on the air. Okay. All right. What I got for you, a sacred lobster hangs in massive in the Massachusetts state house. From the ceiling. True or false? Sacred lobster. Tell you what. It wouldn't last long if it was in my house. Hanging from the ceiling over a big bowl of butter. But it's sacred. You. Oh, I need a sacred. Look, it's not even cooked. I've been eating Jesus flakes since I was five years old. Nothing sacred. Give me a bite. I'll say. Yeah. Every Sunday, we cannibalize Christ. I don't know if you knew that. We do his body. By the way, because I'm Brady, I just want to let you know the only thing I know about a lobster is at my house. I have a lobster on my piano. Oh, that's right. Thank you for that because I've got crabs on my organ. Oh, that's what you get when you're good with the words. Show over. Yet. Wordsmithery. In the 1800s, I was a wordsmith. I used to put them on horses. Is that how that worked? Yes, that's right. Sure. I shooed horses with words show over. Do you say true or false? I'll say it's true. You're gonna say it's true. Okay. Big lobster hanging from the ceiling. Tanner, for the block, do you agree or disagree with. Probably smells like Kamala's house, that lobster. Smell it from the ceiling. I'm going to disagree. Correct. You got the block. We're going a long way. Trip.

[Brady Bogan]

Trip.

[John Holmberg]

Read for the win or whatever you want. Anything for the win. Go ahead, Christina. Make your choice. Trip, Read. Yeah. The ladies once again request. I've had a rough go the last couple weeks. Christina. I could use a nice place to lay my head. Yeah. They turned us into Frankenstein over the fire. Bad. Christina, good. Yeah. I'll make this quick. All right. Yeah, do that. The phrase how come is short for how did it come about out. And was a softer way of asking why. Should have probably asked me that question. I know the ethymology of all the words. I don't know what he's talking about, but that's not unusual. I'll say. How come? Ooh, that's when you have sex with an Indian. How come? There has to be a comma in it. I know a comma in the Indian. You know what I mean? How come? I'll tell you how. Two hands and a face. I'll say. That's true. Probably from a much longer sentence. Got it. You're saying true. Come now. Do you agree or disagree? For the win. I Agree. Correct. Yes. He's the champion. Are you from the reservation? Christina. How come? Anyway, I'm back to my sad. My sad office. We'll reconnect next week. I mean, you'll be doing better. We'll get better next week. Yachts and tacos. Yeah. Out on the water. Which I'm a big fan of now. Love that water. All right, let's get out of here. Nice job. Thriller sped us through. You didn't. Wasn't too late. Kind of. Sorta. And Christina wins Lincoln Park. I'll hook em both up. We get for both. I hook em both up. Beautiful work, Brett. That's how it worked. Brett, you beautiful. So we just did that for no reason at all. It's just gonna give him two tickets away and got pretty much Thriller. Anything happening to you this weekend we need to talk about? Pretty usual. Just hanging out with family. And we have playoff football, so we'll see what happens. When's the last time you sold your insides? It's been a little bit. What? Are you ready? I might need it in about a month or so. We'll see. You're a month away from giving away. I got a race. So we'll see if that's enough to do.

[Brady Bogan]

You did?

[John Holmberg]

I did.

[Brady Bogan]

Yes.

[John Holmberg]

Was it because we've been bitching about that? Maybe. I don't know. I don't know. You think Tripp felt bad for spending all that money at stake 44 with a client and the week you had to sell plasma. Remember that reminder on that? Like a bottle of wine last week ever a 2500 bottle of wine we were guzzling on while he was sitting there dizzy eating orange flakes. He got cookies and oranges to try to stay alive. So I'm happy where I'm. Currently we're drinking Opus one with Jeff Jr. Laughing and having the time. You know, I. I think I could get another one of these bottles. Hold still, Mr. Thriller. We just need a little bit more bone marrow. I've heard that. Let's if we squeeze him, maybe some will come out. So you got a raise? Cuz we made fun of you. You think? Who gave it to you? Well, all I heard was confirmation from Susie. But Trip may have said give the kid a raise. I want to hear maybe. Maybe. Yeah, Susie, you're welcome. Susie said yes. And Chris said, you got it. And I'm like okay. I don't care how. I'm just thankful. Did you ask? I did. Oh, okay. So you went there first. And hey, I'm tired of giving away my insides. Let me save some of me. Yeah. Before I have to sell a kidney, can I get a couple bucks? I need to be fully human body. Thriller got some money to where he doesn't have to suck his marrow out every month to make rent. All right, Thriller. That makes me happy. All right, let's get the hell out of here. I'm smiling ear to ear. We're off Monday for sure. Are you guys sure? Yeah. Company holiday even I am, yeah. Yeah. It'd just be you and Sarah here on Monday. Yeah, Paul's here for sure.

[Brady Bogan]

That hit a lot?

[John Holmberg]

Oh, no. Yeah, he's definitely taking Monday off. Why? We're all done. You guys have yourselves a great weekend. Enjoy all three if you get them, just two if you don't. But don't blame us. And we'll see you Tuesday right here in the morning. Sickness, so it's out of control now.