01-19-26 - BR - MIX - Farting IRS Agent - KKK Upset In Memphis - Pastor Cures Vagina Warts w/Shoe - Fortune Teller Turns Tricks - 2013/2017-BO

Summary

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Holmberg's Morning Sickness - Arizona

Episode Date: January 19, 2026

Main Theme:
A fast-paced, irreverent journey through oddball news stories, workplace drama, religious absurdities, and scam-busting—Holmberg and crew use their trademark shock-jock humor to dissect weird headlines and poke at the world’s stupidity.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Farting IRS Agent Causes Workplace Controversy

• [02:22] The show opens with a bizarre story of a Baltimore Social Security Administration employee reprimanded for creating a "hostile work environment"…with his noxious gas.
  • Brady (C): “The guy was producing gas so bad it was hostile to his co-workers.”
  • After the Christmas story made waves, management decided flatulence alone wasn’t grounds for a formal complaint and rescinded the reprimand.
  • John (D): “The only guy that can tolerate him—he’s standing next to Pepe Le Pew.”

2. Jesus "Sightings" at Church—And the Power of Suggestion

• [04:19] The team riffs on another classic: religious apparitions.
  • A Jesus-face is spotted on a church door in South Carolina, sparking debate and visitors.
  • Brady (C): “His face appears on a door at the Care Baptist Church.”
  • John (D): “Maybe we’ll paint him in the door. It’ll get people to come back. You can come look at Jesus. He’s stuck in the door.”
  • The guys joke about the psychology of wanting to see divine images: “You got to squint a little bit… I see like Freddy Krueger.” [05:51]

3. Memphis Renames Confederate Parks, Angers the KKK

• [06:43] News surfaces about Memphis renaming parks previously honoring Confederate figures—prompting a threatening letter from the KKK’s “Exalted Cyclops.”
  • Brady (C): “That prompted a letter from the exalted Cyclops, saying you change these parks, there’s gonna be trouble.”
  • John (D): “You got too many Black councilmen when everything’s named after Jackie Robinson and Jesse Owens. Bad people should not have things named after them.” [10:31]
  • The team satirizes the impotence and cowardice of modern-day Klansmen.
  • Bret (G): “Isn’t the Klan, like, way outnumbered?” [07:47]

4. Bizarre Faith Healing: The Shoe That Cured Genital Warts

• [10:51] The highlight of the episode: a pastor allegedly healing a woman’s vaginal warts with his loafer, to much disbelief and cackling.
  • Brady (C): Reports the actual news: “Pastor Zendaya Andres Brothership… she claims that the shoe cleared up her genital warts.”
  • The group enacts mock interviews and cures, riffing endlessly:
    • John (D): “He can heal it with his… And these are nice loafers from the 50s. Very saddleback wingtip. Place it by your vagina, right in front of everybody. Healed. This woman’s vaginal pimples.” [12:12]
    • Holmberg-as-pastor (H): “Put the shoe in your poof… No longer have vaginal pimples, disgusting trollop. Whore.” [13:38]
  • They push the absurdity to its limits, joking about eBay, “poof magic,” and miracle denim.
  • John (D): “Maybe wingtips have always had this juice and we didn’t know. He’s the first one to figure it out.” [18:00]

5. The Fortune Teller-Pimp (Japan): When Scams Get Outrageous

• [18:52] An almost-unbelievable story: a Japanese fortune teller who tricked a client into prostitution to pay “debts.”
  • Brady (C): “This fortune tattoo teller told one of her clients she owed some money… turns her out.”
  • The justice system awarded the victim $785,000—but the hosts agree the prospect of collecting is laughable.
    • John (D): “She can put that big fat check you can’t cash up on her wall.” [20:07]
  • Restitution debates ensue, referencing O.J. Simpson and the concept that “restitution follows you everywhere.”
    • F (Eric?): “Restitution is a mother.” [21:55]
  • The show targets the inherent stupidity in believing fortune tellers’ powers.
    • John (D): “You deserve to become a hooker accidentally because your mush mind can be molded like play-doh.” [29:14]

6. Cold Reads and Psychic Scams: John Edwards & Fortune Telling

• [24:39] Holmberg passionately criticizes psychic scams:
  • John (D): “I want to start a fortune telling business… All I’m going to do is tell you everyone in your family [had] a stupid, horrible death.”
  • The crew replays the classic “John Edwards” cold reading technique.
    • John (D): “He goes to the audience: I’m thinking of an M. Somebody with M. You’re serious?” [26:18]
• [27:08] Brady shares a story about a real-life fortune telling “coming true” (the initials E.H.), but John points out it’s power of suggestion and cherry-picking of details.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• John (D): “The only guy that can tolerate him—he’s standing next to Pepe Le Pew.” [03:34]
• Brady (C): “His face appears on a door at the Care Baptist Church.” [04:24]
• John (D): “You got too many Black councilmen when everything’s named after Jackie Robinson and Jesse Owens.” [10:31]
• Holmberg-as-pastor (H): “Put the shoe in your poof… No longer have vaginal pimples, disgusting trollop. Whore.” [13:38]
• John (D): “Maybe wingtips have always had this juice and we didn’t know. He’s the first one to figure it out.” [18:00]
• Brady (C): “This fortune tattoo teller told one of her clients she owed some money… turns her out.” [18:52]
• John (D): “She can put that big fat check you can’t cash up on her wall.” [20:07]
• F (Eric?): “Restitution is a mother.” [21:55]
• John (D): “You deserve to become a hooker accidentally because your mush mind can be molded like play-doh.” [29:14]

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• [02:22] — Farting IRS agent workplace drama
• [04:19] — Jesus sighting on a church door (and skepticism)
• [06:43] — KKK threatens Memphis over renaming parks
• [10:51] — Pastor "cures" vaginal warts with his shoe
• [18:52] — Japanese fortune teller coerces client into prostitution
• [24:39] — Psychic scams, cold reading, & John Edwards
• [27:08] — Power of suggestion in fortune telling

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Tone & Takeaways

The tone is irreverent, relentlessly sarcastic, and loaded with dark humor as Holmberg and the Morning Sickness crew skewer credulous thinking, petty scandals, and the absurdities of the news cycle. Their message: If you fall for nonsense—be it office politics, miracle cures, or psychic readings—you deserve all the shoe-cured warts and restitution you get.

Best for: Fans of shock comedy, skeptics, and anyone who loves their morning news weird, brash, and unapologetically NSFW.

Transcript

[A]

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[B]

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[A]

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[B]

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[C]

Really?

[B]

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[A]

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[C]

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[D]

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[E]

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[D]

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[E]

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[D]

The rest of home Bird's morning sickness. This is the Big Red Radio. It's time for Brady to give you all the news that only Brady knows. We call this the Brady Report and it's brought to you by our friends at All Pro Shade. If you want to get on over there and shade up a portion of your backyard, front yard, side yard, whatever. You got windows, you want to put blinds up, you want to put blockers out, you want to make them look good. And you've got sun just infiltrating a part of your house you don't want there anymore. Darn it all. Like Toledo's dad. Get rid of that sun and just get it done properly so it looks like it's supposed to be part of the house. It adds property value and makes everything better. The motorized shades that they put out there disappear in this windy weather like this. Probably up to like 20, 25 miles an hour right now and suck itself back in so you don't have a big mess or something broken in your backyard. They are sensitive to the wind and to the weather, which is great. And when they want to make that back patio of yours a living space, darn it all, they're ready. They're ready for you. It's a beautiful thing. And like I said to you last week, the number one thing people look for when they're looking for a house now is outdoor living space in Phoenix. That is a huge selling point. Make it so you've got that and do it right. AllProchade.com that's where you go. Brady reported.

[C]

Good Monday morning to you Phoenix.

[D]

Hello world. Hi.

[C]

Last month, 38 year old an employee at the Social Security Administration office in Baltimore, Maryland got an official reprimand added to his file for creating an intolerable and hostile work environment. Horrible, noxious gas.

[D]

I used to fart on people farting.

[C]

All over the place. The guy was producing gas so bad it was hostile to his co workers. After the story came out around Christmas, some of the senior managers at the SSA heard about it. They felt no matter how bad the gas was, it wasn't enough to cause or to say this guy was creating a hostile work environment. So the official reprimand has been rescinded.

[D]

There's been whispers around the office. Some people have a problem with me. Well, if you have one, say it to my face. I didn't think so. Keep your distance.

[C]

People picture the guy. Of course they've pixelated his face, they blurred his face. But the picture is pretty funny because he's at an amusement park and he's taking a picture with Pepe Le Pew.

[D]

The only guy that can tolerate him. Roger, Step into my office. No sir. You're fired. Insubordinate piece of crap. I need people to help me with this project. No one will come in here. Davis, no. Get in here.

[C]

My God, my eyes are watering.

[D]

How did he ascend through that? These people are all a bunch of lazy do nothings. All of ya.

[C]

Reprimand him.

[D]

Running out for lunch. Look at you running to the door. You're all lazy. Greatest place in the world. I provide here. He's the fat guy. Can't control his pooper. He's standing next to Pepe Le Pew.

[C]

We've had our first Jesus sighting. Jesus appearing on an object.

[D]

What is it?

[C]

His face appears on a door at the Care Baptist Church in Duncan, South Carolina.

[D]

Of course I look for him in like things that you're like, what does that look like? And then I'm like, maybe it's Jesus. Like a tree. I saw in show low. I'm like, I think there's a face in this tree. And I try to make it Jesus and I can't.

[F]

Well, I think the closest we came is the Virgin Mary at Garcia.

[D]

Yeah. Yeah, that's true.

[C]

One of the church members says one day I was sitting in the pew by the door and appeared the image of Jesus. And I was really amazed, astonished.

[D]

What's up, man?

[C]

See my thing? The door and the image have been at the church since it was built in the 1970s. It's a small church. Hundred members. That's small. Does it appear or does it.

[F]

Has it always been there and all.

[D]

Of a sudden pointed it out?

[C]

Some say the images supposed to be there. God wanted it out there for some reason. Maybe he wanted people to see he'll still perform miracles.

[F]

I think it's his little joke, seeing how long he can be there until people notice.

[C]

That's Steve Wyatt, member of the CARE Baptist Church. Members welcome visitors to stop by and check out the image for themselves.

[F]

Collection plate first.

[D]

Yeah, that's the. I think somebody stained the thing because Sandy Hook probably had a few people go, screw this. I don't believe in him anymore. And so now he's like, oh, let's paint him into the door.

[C]

Ronnie and I are heading there for spring break this year.

[D]

You should. It's a party town.

[C]

I kind of. You kind of. There's a face in there, but I see. I can see the. You got a squint a little bit and it kind of looks. I see like Freddy Krueger.

[D]

I see like a demon head above the Jesus face. You see that?

[C]

Yeah. Now. Now when you hold it back.

[D]

Yeah, but up here there's another, like, to the side demon face. Oh, it's just. It's just bad faux finish is all it is. Yeah, I bet you. I bet you after Sandy Hook, the pastor went out there and there were like 14 people in what used to be a hundred person church. Well, where is everybody? Oh, everybody quit. Nobody has any faith left at all. There's no possible way any God could let that happen, huh? Maybe we'll paint him in the door. Yeah, paint him in the door. It'll get people to come back. You can come look at Jesus. He's here. He's stuck in the door. He'd have stopped that whole Sandy Hook thing.

[C]

The Memphis city council is catching some heat. A little fearful because the state legislators voted last Tuesday to approve changing the name of Forest park to Health Science Park. Confederate park became Memphis park and Jefferson Davis Park.

[D]

Oh.

[C]

Named after the president of the Confederacy, was renamed Mississippi River Park. That prompted a letter from the exalted Cyclops.

[D]

Right.

[C]

Saying you change these parks, there's gonna be trouble.

[D]

It's on.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

The clan is 90 by the legislators. And they broke down the. There's seven African American council members and two. Two white council members who felt a.

[D]

Lot of pressure that day. If it came up 7 to 2, the vote was 7 to 2. They'd be like, why don't you crackers change your mind real quick? So this is not nothing. We don't make this obvious. Aren't.

[A]

Yeah.

[G]

Isn't the clan, like, way outnumbered?

[D]

Yeah, but they're still so weird and freaky that I think they worry people because they're. But there's a lot of them.

[C]

I'm not sure if the. They're not that gone up or down. It. It fluctuates.

[D]

But they fight people who aren't fighting. It's not like they're going up against an army. They attack, like, businesses and homes and people. They don't need to have tons of them.

[C]

Yeah.

[D]

They're outnumbered, but they hide the.

[C]

One of the TV stations interviewed the exalted Cyclops who refused to reveal his true identity. They just called him Edward. He was calling all fellow Klansmen to join him in the largest rally Memphis, Tennessee has ever seen.

[G]

Especially in Memphis, Tennessee.

[D]

Yeah.

[G]

The clan is going to be outnumbered. You. You get. Try to get your rally together.

[D]

It's outnumbered. But again, like, these guys don't ever say who they are, so you never know who it is. That's a clan member. So they could be doing a bunch of COVID stuff and then laughing at the meeting in the hood. So they're very, you know, hillbilly trickery. They're friendly when they're not in the hood because they want to get beat up. They're cowards. Cowards hiding behind a hat. But that city council meeting. Boy, talk about outnumbered. Everything in Memphis is going to be changed. All right. We're going to change the name of. Who's Greg Davis? That's. My grandfather is a great man in the 1800s that started this street here and wonderful human being. That's Jesse Owens Boulevard. Now vote seven to two. We win again. We're going to call this Jesse Owens Street. That'll be our fifth street called Jesse Owens. Can we mix it up a little bit? That was named after my grandma, Mildred Davis. She was a wonderful woman. Brought pies to everyone. I named her street after because she Was a real catalyst in Memphis. It's Jesse owens street vote 72.

[G]

Did you guys see Django Unchained yet?

[C]

No, not yet.

[G]

I got to the greatest part about it. Is the clan arguing over whether there's they should wear the hoods or not wear the hoods. Jonah Hill is one of the Klansmen.

[D]

It's a yes or no. I gotta see that movie.

[C]

One of the parks getting changed. The Forest Park. Jesse Owens park is named after Nathan Bedford Forest, Confederate leader who traded slaves before the war, went on to become the first grand wizard of the kkk, and under his command was accused of slaughtering federal black troops at the battle of Fort Pillow.

[D]

Yep.

[C]

Welcome to Forest park, everybody.

[D]

Shouldn't. Shouldn't name anything after that guy. I'm all for that. Being Jesse Owens park does everything is. You know, you've got too many black councilmen when everything's named after Jackie Robinson and Jesse Owens.

[F]

Rosa Parks Park.

[D]

Yeah, the same thing they're doing with Ray Lewis. They're putting up a statue of him.

[C]

Well, we can.

[D]

Bad people should not have things named after them.

[C]

Pastor Zendaya Andres Brothership is known for passing his footwear to a woman in his congregation at Victorious Faith Ministries. And she claims that the shoe cleared up her genital warts.

[D]

Well, this is the guy.

[C]

Vaginal pimples.

[D]

Is that a website? I'm going to it, but is it a website? Vaginalpimples.com. that's a hashtag. It's gonna definitely be a hashtag. Hey, by the way, that's a great way to get your ex girlfriend back on Instagram, Facebook and Twitter. Hey, if you don't like Heidi over here, Hashtag vaginal pimples. That's all I got to tell you.

[C]

Okay, so claims he.

[D]

Wait a minute.

[C]

Aids with the power of prayer, then removes his shoe and hands the woman who places it between her thighs.

[D]

And this is obviously subtitled. Hold on, Toledo. Pause it. Go back. So is this in English? Is this in English? We'll pause it, go back all the way. Am I going to hear this in English, Brady, or do we have to translate?

[C]

I think so.

[D]

All right. Because it's subtitled on the.

[C]

Oh, maybe.

[D]

Here we go. Do you have pimples on your vagina? Yes, Pastor. Really?

[H]

Take off my shoe.

[D]

The pastor claims to heal sickness.

[H]

Untie my shoe.

[D]

He can heal it with his. And these are nice loafers from the 50s. Very saddleback wing tip. Place it by your vagina right in front of everybody. Healed. This woman's vaginal Pimples.

[C]

Oh, she's out like a light with the shoe still. Shoot, she's still at wingtip deep.

[D]

Pastor, I came here with her from the toilet and she says her vagina is clear. She could not even sleep with her husband and now she has nothing. Tell her to hurry home. She will sleep with her husband now. Now. The shoe of vaginal pimples in the world. How did he figure that out?

[C]

Miracles, John. They have magic today. Foot.

[H]

I can kill it with my magic pussy foot. I don't know about that, where the term came from. John, let me kick you in the vagina and you will see. All of your problems will disappear.

[D]

I'm not so sure, doc.

[H]

I'm not a doctor. I am a warlord and witchcraft pasta.

[D]

Witchcraft pasta.

[H]

No, no, no. Witchcraft pasta.

[D]

That's what I thought you said.

[C]

White sauce.

[D]

Or white sauce like Italian food.

[H]

Put the shoe in your poof.

[C]

Put this in your lady purse. I've never heard that before.

[D]

All right, you are kind of persuasive.

[H]

You will no longer have vaginal pimples. Disgusting trollop. Whore.

[D]

The husband's more worried about the vaginal pimples. She's more worried about the vaginal pimples than how she got them.

[C]

The one they didn't show was the next lady up. You heard a loud pop.

[G]

Jesus.

[H]

Her vaginal balloon lips have deflated. You have deflated the balloon lip lady.

[D]

There's a loud pop in the zoos.

[H]

I don't know what we just cured, but good God, it stinks.

[F]

I had giant pimple.

[A]

Ugh.

[D]

That is the weirdest thing to figure out.

[H]

These shoes are not only comfortable, but they clear up their poop pimples.

[D]

98.

[A]

What?

[D]

98. No way.

[F]

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[A]

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[D]

Sickness.

[C]

I want to check if those shoes are on ebay now.

[D]

Yeah, you don't want to wear those out. But again, husband couldn't even sleep with her husband. It says, and the husband sticking around. How did you get those? Was never a question.

[F]

No.

[D]

And then. And what's the pastor say? Hurry home to your husband, get him.

[H]

Again, or we will slice off the most important part of your vagina as a ritual.

[D]

I don't understand that entire thing. But the shoe stayed in pants. There were pants in between. It wasn't. She wasn't naked.

[C]

It was. She was able to lock it down thanks to the yoni egg.

[D]

Yeah, well, that's true. She did. She had good Kegels. And she's tightened up. She hasn't been able to use that bumpy mask for a long time, so. But the amazing part is the denim didn't even stop the magic. She's in a pair of white jeans and he just stuffed it in between her thighs and.

[F]

No, he was in the white suit.

[D]

No, whatever. She was wearing jeans. Yeah, but still. That's what I'm saying. It got between her legs and the jeans didn't stop the shoe magic.

[H]

Now available at Tom McAn Air Push Pimple Stopper. Look, it's got a little Michael Jordan on the side.

[F]

Isn't that Tom's that makes all those earth friendly shoes?

[D]

Of course, Tom's.

[C]

He did tell her to hurry home, but, you know, it's interesting. On the faith healing, sometimes the people, you know, get up, you can walk. Well, they show you can walk now. I guess she can hump. Had someone on the altar going at it.

[D]

What's even better is that after he shoved his shoe in there, she woke up from her. Her trance. Oh, and then her and her friend.

[H]

Are like, quick, let's run to the bathroom and see your vagina.

[D]

And they looked at it.

[H]

It is clear. First, we will tell the pastor.

[D]

Instead of just like keeping it to yourself on whether or not it worked, they ran back out.

[H]

Your vagina is clear. I've come from the bathroom with a.

[D]

Friend even said it. She didn't even say so. And we need some proof. I need before and afters of this before I buy a pair of those wingtips. And maybe wingtips have always had this juice. And we didn't know. He's the first one to figure it out.

[C]

Just got rid of mine. If you got.

[D]

What were you thinking? Not a wingtip. Golf shoes.

[F]

I have no idea.

[D]

I still have some old golf shoes that are wingtips.

[F]

My foot choice.

[D]

They're not wingtips. I might have to. I'll test it out.

[C]

All right.

[D]

I'll go down. I'll go down the bus stop and just start placing it with this.

[H]

What you do? Umbrella.

[D]

I'm putting my wingtip on your VJ there.

[F]

There's that gal right down here, right?

[D]

Oh, yeah, she's got him. The one in the corner.

[F]

Yeah, right in front of the circle kite.

[D]

Who knows? Maybe. Maybe my John Varfatos. Converse. That's why they're so expensive. I mean, they're just Chuck Taylor's, but they put a leather insole in it, all of a sudden you're paying triple. Maybe they cure the bumps.

[C]

In Japan. This fortune tattoo teller told one of her clients, a female client, that she owed some money. The only way to pay pay it back is if she turns her out.

[D]

All right, wait a minute.

[C]

He's like, okay, this is fortune telling.

[D]

I can get behind you make the dumb people that come to fortune tellers your sex zombies. Genius.

[C]

The district court heard the woman say sometimes she was paying back at the. A full day's work, $1 a day.

[D]

All right, all right. Idiots who wander into crystal ball houses trying to figure out the future. That's the risk you take. You deserve it. Never give anybody any money to predict your future. And you don't take it as anything but a novelty. You're actually living the dream. I hope you get turned into A hooker by that fortune teller.

[C]

Well, the short lived job of being a hooker. Paying back the fortune teller.

[D]

Right.

[C]

Ended up paying off. She. She was awarded $785,000.

[D]

From who? The fortune teller? Yep. Never gonna see a penny of it. Fortune teller doesn't have three quarters of a million dollars to hand over. It's never gonna happen.

[C]

Well, that was the award.

[D]

That's a good award. That's nice. She can put that big fat check you can't cash up on her wall. She'll never see a penny. Fortune teller owes me 790 grand. All right, well, that's as good as going to a fortune teller. That's hilarious. People always say that. I had a friend who got a settlement from a car crash, but he got hit by a poor guy. Like $75,000. The insurance that the poor guy didn't have coverage on, like. Oh, he just had like the most basic thing ever and it was not going to cover any settlements for. Did you ever get it? No. So I got the document that said he owes me and he. Every once in a while I get a check for like 11 bucks. You do?

[G]

Like the, the Goldmans did to OJ.

[D]

Yep.

[G]

Whenever he makes money, you can take it.

[D]

You go get it. You have to be diligent about it. Well, I see OJ did a book signing. Hand it over there, brother.

[G]

You think the Goldmans take OJ's money from that he makes in prison?

[D]

There's two things like 10 cents an hour. I'm sure they do. They can't touch. They can't touch his pension from the NFL. That was something they couldn't get. And then there was something else they couldn't touch. So he still got the 25, but he still owed them the money. So he could use it to pay them if he wanted. But any future earnings were theirs.

[F]

Eric, I've recently heard a rumor that restitution follows you wherever you go.

[D]

Oh, is that true?

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

You heard that rumor?

[F]

Heard that rumor. And that you cannot really escape it.

[D]

Huh? You can't not leave.

[C]

You wonder.

[D]

I wonder what? Like, what if you did time and stuff, it doesn't even, like balance back.

[F]

Still now it brings the needle back a little bit.

[D]

Yeah, but you still owe all those people that money you stole.

[C]

Yep.

[D]

Man. All right, fortune tellers, let Toledo be your guide. He has some sort of an in on that. We're not really.

[F]

Oh, no, I just heard.

[D]

You just know from a. No, some research friend of a friend.

[C]

Sources say.

[D]

Unconfirmed sources tell you.

[G]

Yeah, Unconfirmed.

[D]

That restitution is.

[C]

Whoops, sorry.

[D]

Restitution is a. Is a mother.

[G]

That's a miserable existence monkey on your back.

[D]

Right, I've heard. Now imagine this, Eric. Your only skill in life is you used to lie to people and tell their fortunes. And you've got a tab for 790 sitting on your shoulder. Cuz you turned one of them into a hooker. Cuz why fortune telling wasn't getting it done. I need a sex zombie to bring in some extra cake. I owe how much? $790,000. The court has decided. You know I'm a fortune teller, right?

[G]

And I pay in monopoly money.

[D]

I mean, what do you want me to do? And if I was the fortune teller in the court, the jurisdiction. Yeah, that's determined. You owe over three quarters of a million dollars to this person. You've heard I'd be like hey, now you got it, your honor. You want me to write a check or what do you want me to do?

[G]

Better become Ms. Cleo.

[H]

Yeah.

[D]

Your restitution will be paid in increments from my fortune telling job. Yes. Okay, you might see $200. Sorry I turned you into a hooker. Idiot.

[F]

Should have been a better hooker.

[D]

There's a certain point where it's a little bit of the person who said okay to the hooker idea. It was a six their fault.

[C]

Almost a six year run hooking.

[D]

Right. It's kind of that person's fault too.

[C]

She was forced to move into the apartment. Forced by the fortune teller. Basically, you owe me money, you got to move in.

[D]

Forced more just told and was too stupid to say no.

[C]

Now here's some pipe.

[D]

Brady, do you think if you went to a fortune teller and that person said oh, you owe me quite a bit of money in the future and you can get rid of it by being a hooker, you'd be like, well, he knows all. Or would you go nope, you're out of your minds. And leave.

[C]

I'll pay you back another way. You're not gonna show me the receipts.

[D]

You would still pay them? See, I would just.

[C]

Well, if I. If I was dumb and I went for the services.

[D]

I'm asking you. I'm not saying dumb enough. I'm saying would you do it at all? Fortune teller says you owe me future money. Here's a no, of course not. But if you are the person that goes oh no, then it's kind of a hundred percent your fault.

[C]

She has been right about my divorce and other things. That's what the lady started. Going to her in 2008.

[D]

I had to talk a woman out of going to a fortune teller and into a divorce about three years ago because she said, I just need to go to.

[C]

I was.

[D]

I've been thinking about going to fortune teller or a person who. I'm like, really? About what? Just to see if my life is going the right direction. Like, you need to divorce whoever you're with and quit your job. Because if you need to go to a fortune teller to find out if this is the right one for you, all you're looking for is somebody to confirm your answer. And if it's a stranger in a John.

[G]

Stop supplying logic jumper.

[D]

I know. Well, it did work, though.

[G]

Let it happen.

[D]

She didn't go to the fortune teller and she did get her divorce, which is just perfect.

[G]

Let it happen. I think it's hilarious.

[D]

Oh, I do too. And it keeps fortune telling me. No, I want to be one. I want to start a fortune telling business and I. All I'm going to do is tell you everyone in your family, stupid, horrible death. Oh, my God. I see your grandfather.

[C]

Warren.

[D]

Yes, Warren. Warren is working with a lathe.

[A]

Really?

[D]

He has no arms. Yes. This is a mistake. He shouldn't be working his face.

[C]

He's using his.

[D]

Oh, he's dead. Warren is dead from the lathe.

[G]

That would be kind of fun with those tarot cards. Like you flip the grim reaper one.

[D]

Everything's brutal. Oh, no. Do you know someone meant to Lorraine. Yes, Lorraine. That's what I was thinking of. Yes, Lorraine is. Lorraine is about to. You're the worst fortune teller ever.

[C]

You're trying to get that specific.

[D]

John Edwards does it. And he's the richest one.

[C]

He throws out names.

[D]

I'm thinking of a mare mermaid. I have an aunt and uncle, and one of them is named Marie. Yes. My uncle's dying. Yes, your uncle Tit. Mary's husband's name is Larry. Yes, Larry. Larry the. Larry the. He's got a trailer. Yes. He's gonna get run over by Larry the trailer. Larry has a trailer. I'm thinking of a T. Larry the trailer guy. John Edwards is. John Edwards is the most unbelievable scam. I'm m. That's what happened to John Edwards. He's coming to town. The dude is still working and he gets. The audience goes, I'm thinking of an M. Somebody with M. You're serious?

[G]

The politician John Edwards.

[D]

No, no, no, no, no, no. John Edwards the.

[C]

That.

[D]

They all know her. I'll see her. Remember, he had a TV show, but the politician guy. Politician turning tricks now. Well, no, he was turning tricks. That's why he got in trouble. Remember he turned tricks in that hotel. He needed a fortune teller to say, you should probably stop banging that lady. She's pregnant and all. Wow.

[G]

I was confused.

[D]

No, no, different John Edwards. No, he used to go to the crowds and do MW and think him and someone would go, my wife's name is Mary. Yes. Mar. That's.

[G]

I knew you were here.

[D]

She passed away.

[H]

Yes.

[D]

Because everyone in the audience has someone who's passed away they want to talk to.

[H]

The reason you go, yes, the reason.

[D]

You go is to tell him your story. And then this dickhead sits and goes, she's fine. She's telling me right now something about a yellow coat. Oh, my God. We used to read Curious George together. The guy in a yellow hat. Close enough. Yes. She's very happy and she can't wait to see you again in three years when you get run over by the Peterbilt.

[C]

Get this here's pretty random. Maybe it's the suggestion that you're saying, but this just happened over the weekend and it's a friend of mine's mom.

[D]

I'm thinking of an R word.

[I]

Rita.

[D]

Rita. Okay.

[C]

But she. Her little letter to the paper was published. And so she basically, in college, this 1954, she goes out with another guy and they go to see. They go to this artist's house to check out his art. On the way home, they go to. There's a fortune teller, like, ah, let's do that. Let's go over there. So laughing whenever they go in there. And the fortune teller says, well, you guys aren't going to marry each other, but you will marry someone with the initial eh. Oh, fast forward a couple years later, she meets a doctor. His name's Edwin Hamilton.

[D]

Unbelievable.

[C]

That's the rear admiral, right? Dr. Ed. So the guy that she's with in college moves to California, and he sends them a wedding announcement a couple days. The woman that he meets eh too.

[D]

Right.

[C]

They never went back to the fortune teller, but they're like, okay, you know, that's pretty weird.

[D]

The power suggestion slipped into their brains and they found ehs in their lives.

[C]

Yeah. And she said, oh, this is the guy.

[D]

And also, how about the other 12 things that that guy said that didn't happen in that same meeting that they don't remember.

[C]

Exactly.

[D]

They don't remember. They took the one thing that they could apply, right. And applied it, which is what fortune tellers and soothsayers all rely on.

[C]

Eh is a doctor. And the other guy eh. Is. You know, if you told me that.

[D]

I was going to marry somebody with a JT for their initials and I ran into a woman with millions of dollars named Janet Turner, I'm on the fast track to marry him. All I was told already the guy was right and I'm gonna do everything it takes. Dr. Eh, that lady was on point. Oh, wait. This all adds up. I can make this work.

[C]

And Elizabeth Hurst, please. In California.

[G]

I wonder what Strong Bear's up to nowadays.

[D]

Oh, he's probably insolvent and like trying to turn people into hookers to pay off restitution. It's all garbage, every ounce of it. And if you believe in it, you're insane. You deserve to become a hooker accidentally because your mush mind can be molded like play doh. It's out of control.

[F]

Now.

[D]

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[I]

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