01-19-26 - Crackhead Lyrical Theater - 2 rounds - 2005-BO

Summary

Podcast Episode Summary

Holmberg's Morning Sickness – Arizona

Episode: 01-19-26 – Crackhead Lyrical Theater (2 rounds, 2005-BO)
Date: January 19, 2026
Hosts: John Holmberg, Brady Bogen, Bret Vesely, Dick Toledo
Special Guest: "Norm MacDonald" (impression/parody)
Main Theme:
A wild and irreverent contest known as "Crackhead Lyrical Theater," where a group of homeless individuals (affectionately dubbed "crackheads") perform medleys of 80s rock song lyrics in a guessing game for prizes like concert tickets. The episode rides on unpredictability, humor, and the crew’s signature rowdy banter.

---

Episode Overview

This episode is a double-shot of "Crackhead Lyrical Theater," a recurring segment and radio game. The show’s cast, joined by comedic “Norm MacDonald,” hit Margaret T. Hance Park to record homeless folks attempting to recite well-known rock lyrics. Listeners then call in live to guess the original songs for prizes, while the crew provides their trademark mix of dark comedy and off-the-cuff jokes.

---

Key Discussion Points and Highlights

1. Introduction of Crackhead Lyrical Theater (01:09–02:30)

• Premise Laid Out: The team sends “Norm MacDonald” to interview and wrangle up participants at a city park, prompting the titular game.
• Humorous Contestant Intros: The crackhead contestants—Connie (a transsexual crackhead), Lou, Steve, and Clifton—share their backgrounds, including, “How long have you been on crack?”
  • Notable Quote:
    “Holy cow there. Thirty years of crack. That’s pretty good.” – “Norm MacDonald” (02:14)
• Norm’s Banter: The segment sparkles with offbeat questions: “What do you spend your money on besides crack?” “Can you make a crackhead noise?”

2. Crackhead Medley Round 1 (02:50–05:17)

• First Medley: Crackheads attempt to blend three 80s rock song lyrics.
• Notable Lyrics Sample (03:40, 04:15):
  “You want to graduate but not in its bed / pick up the phone, I’m here alone / Call me anytime…”
  “Where she’s razor sharp / will she tear you apart / now she’s a cool, cool black and she moves like a cat...”
• Team Play-Along: Holmberg and the crew boast, “I got the last one!” “No problem. Eighties bands?”

3. Call-in Guessing Mayhem (05:17–07:27)

• Callers Try to Guess: Multiple listeners guess the medley songs, with many hilarious failures and close calls.
  • Notable Quote:
    “I think that guy was a crackhead. Crackhead’s one, Phoenix nothing.” – Byron (06:47)
• First Winner ("John") Identifies Songs:
  • AC/DC – "Dirty Deeds"
  • Def Leppard – "Foolin'"
  • Mötley Crüe – "Looks That Kill"
• “You’ve outwitted the crackheads.” – Byron (07:20)
• Norm Jokes About “Hanging out with crackheads all night” (07:27)

4. Post-Game Banter & Stories (07:27–11:13)

• Norm’s Parody Self-Deprecation:
  “I got nothing going on again. I can’t get a job. The shows I always do get canceled.”
  "How come I get to hang out with crackheads all day and I don't get any money?"
• Crew discusses the colorful cast, including a transsexual they’ve “seen in three different places.”
• They tease future bits, e.g., “dumpster diving.”
• Reactions to park shenanigans:
  “A couple of guys got in a fight and we just got the hell out of there.” (11:13)

5. Crackhead Medley Round 2 (11:52–16:33)

• Second Medley Lyrics Sample (11:54, 15:06):
  “Not a dime, I can pay my rent...Saturday night, I like to make my girl, but right now, I can’t make ends meet…”
  “I miss Alabama once again and I think it’s a sin…”
• Contestants Call In: Struggle to name all three songs.
• Notable Quote:
  “Crack wind? Yeah, you gotta hang on to them when it gets windy. They’re like 11 pounds.” – Byron (12:26)
• Crew’s Banter escalates about mullets, pro wrestling tickets, and 80s nostalgia.

6. Second Winner – Detailed Song Reveal (15:17–17:02)

• Listener gets it right:
  • Poison – “Nothin’ But a Good Time”
  • Mötley Crüe – “Shout at the Devil”
  • Lynyrd Skynyrd – “Sweet Home Alabama”
• Mullet Celebration:
  “My mullet is nothing on top and it goes three feet down in the middle of my … like you’re walking behind Crystal Gayle and it turns around and it’s like Bill Maher.” (16:19)
• Awarding the Prize: The winner gets wrestling tickets for best “mullet.”
• Norm’s Final Deep Thought:
  “Give us a deep thought, Norm.”

  “My cranking your mom. That’s pretty deep.” (16:40)

• Crew jokes about the ease/difficulty of the song choices, acknowledging the nostalgiac 80s-bro radio heritage.

---

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Crackhead Descriptions:
  “Connie’s a transsexual, about 6ft 2 inches tall, 130-pound crackhead.” – "Norm" (02:04)
• Classic Quip on Drugs:
  “Hey, Steve, I know crack makes you lose weight. It’s a pretty good diet there. How much you weigh?” – "Norm" (02:56)
• Phoenix vs. Crackheads:
  “I think that guy was a crackhead. Crackhead’s one, Phoenix nothing.” – Byron (06:47)
• Meta Joke on Their Demographic:
  “We prepped them for years with crap music. It’s out of control now.” – Byron (17:13)
• Self-Deprecation/Radio Satire:
  “My career’s gone to crap… Norm MacDonald, Crackhead Theater, round two…” (11:52)

---

Important Timestamps by Segment

• 01:09 – Start of Crackhead Lyrical Theater; introduction to Norm and contestants
• 03:40, 04:15 – First crackhead medley performance
• 05:17–07:27 – Call-in contest for Medley #1; winner revealed at 07:20
• 07:27–11:13 – Post-game downtime, Norm’s banter, park stories
• 11:52 – Crackhead Lyrical Theater Round 2 begins; Norm’s return and setup
• 15:06 – Second crackhead medley replay
• 16:19 – Mullet winner celebration and colorful commentary
• 16:40 – Norm’s “deep thought” send-off

---

Tone & Style

• Language: Playfully provocative, edgy, and irreverent; heavy use of parody (especially with the "Norm MacDonald" impression).
• Atmosphere: Chaotic, unfiltered, built for mature audiences comfortable with biting humor and topical shocks.
• Audience: Fans of classic rock, 80s nostalgia, shock radio, and those with a taste for “so-wrong-it’s-funny” entertainment.

---

Final Notes

This episode delivers a mix of game-show absurdity, on-the-street color, and unsparing barbs—made possible by the show's willingness to poke fun at everything (and everyone). Deep-fried in 80s rock nostalgia and street-level eccentricity, “Crackhead Lyrical Theater” is unpredictable, often hilarious, and sometimes poignant (in spite of itself).
Listeners who enjoy the wild side of morning radio will love this episode’s “anything goes” approach.

Transcript

[Brett Vesely]

You're listening to the HMS podcast brought to you by MMP Guns.com, your most trusted online marketplace for firearms, ammunition and accessories. Hey, it's Brett Vesely and I'm here with Byron from MMP Guns. Look, Byron, I have a friend wanting to sell some guns he inherited. What's the best way for him to do that? Brett, the last thing you want to.

[Byron]

Do is sell the gun to someone who can't legally own one.

[Brett Vesely]

Tell him not to put himself at risk and come into M and P guns where he'll get a fair offer and he can rest easy knowing it's not getting into the wrong hands. Okay, but what if he lives out of state? Easy. Legalgunbuyer.com and he can do it. It's really that simple. There you have it. MMP Guns or legalgunbuyer.com the safe and legal way to sell your firearms. The playoffs are here and Hooters just upgraded your game plan. Our beer of the month went from 14 ounces to a massive 25 ounces. Starting at just $4. That's a bigger beer for every kickoff drive and touchdown. And while you're here, load up on wings, burgers and all your favorites. Come in for the playoffs. Stay for the food, the cold beer and non stop football. Plus every Hooters is giving away an 85 inch smart TV for the big game. Must present to win. Hooters. Come for the football, Stay for everything else.

[Byron]

There's more of the best of Hombre's morning sickness. 98 Kupd are we ready? Yep, we're ready to go with this. Now we've got ourselves a little deal there where Norm MacDonald, the friend of the show, decided to wander around yesterday and talk to people because we said, who has nine inch nails? Where can we go with people with nine inch nails? And we didn't know. And then we thought naturally homeless folks who thought construction. But it would be, you know, where the only thing you could really use it is a railroad tie. That's just long enough, Spike. But we met some people with long, long nails yesterday. Homeless folks. And we went out there yesterday and I decided to do a little crackhead name that crackhead name that crackhead medley. And we met some crackheads Yesterday with Norm MacDonald. Norm was out there with us and basically put this whole thing together. Now at the end of this thing, the crackheads begin to. They do a medley of three songs from the 80s. Now should I give the bands?

[Brett Vesely]

No.

[Byron]

Are you sure?

[Brett Vesely]

No.

[Byron]

Yeah, don't give the bands. Alright. Alright, I won't give the bands. That's too easy. It would be too easy. All right, so you get three songs from the 80s that the crackheads did for us. And then at the end you name the songs. Here's Norm MacDonald's jaunt through Margaret T. Hans park yesterday. Go ahead. Hey there, everybody there. It's Norm MacDonald here for crackheads. We're interviewing the crackheads just so you can win prizes. And today's contestants in crackhead medley is Connie, Lou, Steve and Clifton. Let's meet our contestants here. You got the. Got the Connie over there. Connie's a transsexual, about 6ft 2 inches tall, 130 pound crackhead. Connie, how long you been on crack? Holy cow there. Thirty years of crack. That's pretty good. And you got the Lou there. How are you, Lou? How come you're not smoking crack right now? Lou, the fire has gone. All right, there, that's a good answer, crackhead. And then he gets you. Steve there. Hey, Steve, I know crack makes you lose weight. It's a pretty good diet there. How much you weigh?

[Brett Vesely]

112.

[Byron]

Just real quick, Steve, do you know a guy named Cracky McSmokes?

[Brett Vesely]

A lot?

[Byron]

No, I've never heard of it. Oh, okay. All right. Then there's Clifton. Hey, Clifton, do you like crack? That's what I like, yeah. All right, well, make a noise a crackhead makes. Air Clifton. Holy cow. There, that's a good one. Yeah. How about other than crack, what do you spend your money on? Women and wine. All right, and then do me a favor there real quick. Here, here you go. Here's some money for crack. Okay. Oh, thank you. Thank you. All right, there, there, there's your contestants. And now let's have the crackhead medley of the day. You want to graduate but not in its bed. Here's what you gotta do. Pick up the phone I'm here alone Call me anytime Never smile so lend me or lend your love to me Break the spell Take your veil on and on we rode the storm well now listen up. Where she's razor sharp Will she tear her, Will she tear you apart? Now she's a cool, cool black and she moves like a cat.

[Brett Vesely]

Wow.

[Byron]

That was the medley. There's your medley. Can we get the medley one more time? Rick, three song medley. Three song medley of crackheads.

[Brett Vesely]

Wow.

[Byron]

Is that gonna be tight and tough to do if you can name it. Two six zero nine eight hundred will give you Nine Inch Nails, the sold out show. Here we go. Go ahead. You want to Graduate, but not in its bed here's what you got to do Pick up the phone I'm here alone Call me anytime Never smile so lend me now Lend your love to me a while Break the spell Take your field on and on we rode the storm well, now, listen up where she's razor sharp Will she tear her Will she tear you apart? Now she's a cool, cool black and she moves like a cat Wow. I don't think we're gonna get this one. This is gonna be impossible. I got the last one. You got it? I got the first one. Easy. I got the first one. No problem. Eighties bands. Eighties bands? Well, one of them spans over a few decades. Well, yeah. Well, yeah, not just 80s bands. Yeah, you know, they're.

[Brett Vesely]

They're around.

[Byron]

They're still around. But these are the song, the songs. These particular 80s hits. Yeah, yeah. Any songs from the Big Hair days? Try some calls here. Sure. Anybody here?

[Brett Vesely]

All right.

[Byron]

Hi there. Who's this? Hello? Yeah. Hello? We can hear. There you go. You know the Crackhead medley?

[Brett Vesely]

Oh.

[Byron]

I can't think of the first one. I know the second two. All right. What are the second two? It's Def Leppard and then the Motley Crue looks a kill. Yeah. What Def Leppard song? Yeah. Bringing on the Heartache. Okay. Just bringing on the heartache. We're gonna have to go ahead and buzz him then, I think, because A. He didn't get the first one. Sorry. But a huge help. Nice try. Unbelievable future guessing. This is tough. Hi there. Who's this? This is Jim. Jim, you got the songs? Yes, I do. All right, let's go. All right, it's. First one's acdc. Dirty Deep. Okay. Motley Crue looks appealed. And. And Def Leppard photograph. Sorry, sorry. I got the other. Can I try it again? No, you cannot. You gotta get other people to try. I'm sorry. I hate to do that to you either. Who's this? It's Mike. Mike, go ahead. Acdc, Dirty Deeds. Okay. Def Leppard. And then the last one is Looks that Kill. What's the Def Leppard song? Damn it.

[Brett Vesely]

Come on.

[Byron]

What do you need to photograph?

[Brett Vesely]

Sorry. Sorry.

[Byron]

Nice job, either. Who's this? I think that guy was a crackhead. Crackhead's one Phoenix nothing. Go ahead. Keep trying. All right. This is John. John, go ahead. What's your guess? Dirty Deeds, AC DC Def Leppard, Fooling and Looks To Kill from Motley Crue. We got a Winner medley winner. Nice work, John. Easy enough. Isn't it easy. You've outwitted the crackheads. Hold on a second. Well done. That is what we're talking about. I think it'd be that easy. I didn't either. It was pretty easy, though, there. I spent all day yesterday with a bunch of crackheads and that took like eight minutes. Thanks for doing that. I don't like doing that stuff. I gotta hang out with crackheads all night.

[Brett Vesely]

What the hell else you got?

[Byron]

I got nothing going on again. I can't get a job. The shows I always do get canceled. I liked your show. I liked the show too, there, Brady. You were the guy, huh?

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah.

[Byron]

Yeah, that was great. At the Norm show. And then I had that other one where I thought I was Bob Newhart For a while there. That was funny. It was funny. And now it's on the HD network. They show the same three episodes over and over and over. How come I get to hang out with crackheads all day and I don't get any money? If the crackheads got paid, I got a certificate for you. What do you got? Something to Carl's Jr. That'll do. Okay, that's good stuff there. I like that western bacon crack burger there. It could be like the next Hootie. Maybe you could say that guy over there. He's never been in this room before. That's Eric. Hey, Eric, how are you? Hey, what's up? Hey, you're that whore in the van. I'm the. That's right there. Not a whore. That little tiny schwantz everybody's always raving about. Heard about you there.

[Brett Vesely]

Heard about it.

[Byron]

Crack. Anyway, that'll do. Eight minutes. That's it, huh? You're done. That's it. I'm done. Have a good day, Norm. I'll be back. See ya. Mark my words. So long, crackheads. He's fun. He's angry. Not happy about that. Well, we'll get. We'll get him back in and we'll do more. We got more crackheads. Kind of a crappy job for him. Well, that's all he can do right now. He keeps getting fired from everything because he says crackhead too much. 98. What's 98? No way.

[Brett Vesely]

Now's where the NFL playoffs get interesting. And my team's off the Bye. And the Underdog app is where I'll make watching them the best way to get in on the action. It's Dick Toledo from the morning sickness. And playing on Underdog is so easy. Just pick if your favorite players will go higher or lower on their stats. I'm still riding with jsn, Kenneth Walker and AJ Barner to all go higher on their stats. So ride the playoffs with me and download the Underdog app today and use the promo code HMS to score $75 in bonus entries when you play your first $5 underdog make picks win money must be 18 +, 19 in Alabama and Nebraska, 19+ in Colorado for some games, 21+ in Arizona, Massachusetts and Virginia and present in a state where underdog fantasy operates. Terms apply. See assets.underdogfantasy.com web play and getterms dfs.HTML for details. Offer not valid in Maryland, Mich. Michigan, New Jersey, New York, Ohio and Pennsylvania. Concerned with your play? Call 1-800-GAMBLER or visit www.ncpgambling.org. in New York, call 24. 7 Hope line at 1-87-7-8, HOPE NY or text HOPE NY to 467-369. It's Brett Veslie from the Morning Sickness and I want to let you guys know about my friends over at Divine Design Landscaping. These guys have been great. They've been taking care of my house and you guys have heard that I've had a lot of stuff going on lately. It's been great to take something off my plate. These guys handle everything. Lawn care, irrigation, tree work, low voltage lighting, 3D designs. Patios can do it. So start the new year off right and get a free [e-mail] and ask for the HMS friends and family rate. That's DivineDesignLawnCare.com Holmberg's Morning Sickness It's 9am.

[Byron]

In the morning Sickness and the Crackhead Theater goes to John for Nine Inch Nail stickers. We're gonna get more crackheads singing some other time later in the week. Count on it. Our crackheads were busy yesterday. We had like, what, 10 of them? Yes, and we witnessed a fight. Margaret T. Hans park in 110 degrees is the place to hang with crackheads.

[Brett Vesely]

Now.

[Byron]

One of them was a transvestite. One was a tranny who I've seen like three times in different places across the city. It was very strange.

[Brett Vesely]

And two, we were the frightened white guys.

[Byron]

Yeah, we were the frightened scared white guys with the recorder and the black convertible. The next episode potentially could be dumpster diving. Yes, we found one of those yesterday. Wouldn't talk to us. Oh, he just wouldn't allow. Well, that's amazing with those guys. How's that piece of carpet bring if you got a nice carpet sample? They love it. Really oh, yeah. Why, it's a nice little mat. Little nappy.

[Brett Vesely]

He did bless us as we went.

[Byron]

He did bless us. That's right. He wouldn't talk to us unless we walked away and he said, he's a priest. God bless you. You too. Pray for me. Will do. Give me your money. What then? We just ran away. And then a couple of guys got in a fight and we just got the hell out of there. Holmberg's morning sickness. That last round was quick. What's going on here? All right there. I got more crackheads. I'm ready to go. We just do it again. It didn't take long enough. There. Get the crackheads. Do another one. He found another bat. Yeah, this one's for mullets. We got wrestling tickets for mullets. Just do it again. Gotta do it again. I got nothing else going on there. My career's gone to crap. You go to Raw?

[Brett Vesely]

You like Raw?

[Byron]

Wwe? Yeah, I like picking up chicks there and peeling the spandex off of there and getting that whiff of the Reagan administration, you know what I mean? That's good stuff there. All right, Norm MacDonald, Crackhead Theater, round two. Go for it. Now, listen, Not a dime. I can pay my rent oh, that's what he said I can barely make it through the week Saturday night I like to make my girl but right now I can't I can't make ends meet he's the tear in your eye Been tempted by his lie he's the knife in your back he's rage he's the razor to the knife oh, lonely is our lives I miss Alabama once again and I think it's a sing. Yes, well, I heard. Mister, you sing. You sing about her. Whoa, that was good luck getting that one in eight minutes there. Windy down there. Little crack wind. Crack wind? Yeah, you gotta hang on to him when it gets windy. They're like 11 pounds. What that transvestite look like? She was good looking until she whipped out that huge crank. Cost me $40 to find out that I wasn't in love. And that chick had a crank. That's not that much. Great set on top, though, a balcony to do Shakespeare from. All right there. Got some callers, Got some callers. Let's go to it and see if we can get this crackhead theater underway. Let's start here. Hey there, how are you? Hello. Hello. 1090 radio. Oh, panicked. Who's this? That is Tommy. Yeah, you name those tunes from crackhead. Name that tune. Theater got a Miley Crue Shout out to Devil. That's one. Maybe. Ah, you know, I didn't hear the other. All right, well, you're done. Heather. Hi there. How are you? What's going on? Very nice. Turn your radio down there, Cricket.

[Brett Vesely]

Hey, man.

[Byron]

Yeah, go ahead there and name those. Saturday night's all right for body Merry go round. It's my mom. Sorry, guys. Sorry. OJ Said the F word there, and I apologize. Hey, there. Who's this? John. Hey, John, what's going on there? Name that crackhead. Oh, we got the shot of the devil. Turn your radio down there, Sally. You're in the grandkid. What's up, little Garrick? It's like his retirement speech. I don't know, man. All right. Good job. Nice try. That's what I'm talking about. That's a cracking devil. I don't know. I don't know either. Hey, there. Who's this? Hey, it's Ken. Hey, Ken. Welcome to Norm MacDonald Crackhead Theater there. Go ahead, name those tunes. Okay, we had Poison. Let's see, what was it? What's Poison song? Poison was. Look what the cat dragged In. All right, there. Go ahead. Motley Crue looks to kill. Keep it going. And. Oh, man. Wow. I think I missed the third one. You're out. There he goes. Another one. The third one I figured would be the easiest. Probably play it again.

[Brett Vesely]

Norm.

[Byron]

Not listen. Not a dime I can pay my rent I can barely make it through the week Saturday night I like to make my girl but right now I can't I can't make ends meet he's the tear in your eye Been tempted by his lie he's the knife in your back he's rage he's the razor to the knife oh, lonely ears Our lives I miss Alabama once again and I think it's a scene. Yes, well, I heard. Mister, you. Seems you sing about her. Crackheads. Yes. All right, here we go again. What you guess there? What do you got? All right, crackhead, let's see. I mean, I. I got the first one and the third one for sure, but I'm get. I'm iffy on the second, so here's a good gift for somebody. If I miss the second one. Poison. Nothing but a Good times the first one. The last one is Leonard Skinner. Sweet Home Alabama. I think the second one is Monicru. Shout out the Devil. Hey, we got a winner. Nice job. How long is your tail? Hey, my mullet is nothing on top. And it goes three feet down in the middle of my.

[Brett Vesely]

Yes.

[Byron]

It's like you're walking behind Crystal Gale. And it turns around and it's like Bill Maher. He's got the executive business on top. Party and back. There you go. Nice job there. Hang on, mullet. You're going to wrestling. There you go, Norman. Donald. Cracking theater. That's how that's supposed to go.

[Brett Vesely]

Thanks for coming in.

[Byron]

That's how it's about. All right. I'm not done yet there, Brady. Oh, and then you got that, Brady. Okay. Thanks for coming in. Okay. I was gonna finish thought there, but I guess I'm done, huh? All right, then. Give us a deep thought, Norm. Give us a deep thought. Deep thought. My cranking your mom. That's pretty deep. That is how crackhead theater supposed to go. Now we're talking. I didn't think anyone would get that one. That was. I didn't either. That was impossible.

[Brett Vesely]

Amazing.

[Byron]

Winners again. It was. The first one was Poison. Nothing but a good time. The IQ just went up. Yeah, crew. What's the second one? Shout at the Devil in Lynyrd Skynyrd. Sweet Home Alabama. Simple stuff they don't get, but lyrics. This. Yeah, that's what we figured. We'd try to make it really hard because we could play like Nine Inch Nails songs and pop them out like crazy. That one was good. Nice job. And crackhead. Special thanks to the crackheads. Yeah, the crackheads were great. You know who we should think is Dave Pratt for getting all the listeners ready for the poison. That's true. We prepped them for years with crap music. It's out of control now. It's John Holmberg here from the morning sickness. And I'm absolutely thrilled to tell you about my new [e-mail]. here's the proof that me talking about something on the radio can trusted. Because I purchased a 2024 customized Ford Bronco from the gang at Lifted Trucks. That opened my eyes to who and what these guys are all about. They not only have thousands of trucks to choose from, they also have nationwide shipping. And they can get anything anywhere. My Bronco's been customized countless other pro athletes and celebrities. Now little old me choose Lifted Trucks and Lifted trucks dot com. Work hard, play hard, drive harder.

[Brett Vesely]

If you're looking at new vehicles for the new year, look no further than your Valley Toyota dealers. This is Larry McFeely. And if your New Year's resolution includes a Toyota Tacoma, Tundra, 4Runner, Corolla Cam, or Grand Highlander, then you're in luck. And here's the best part. Every new Toyota comes with Toyota Care that's no cost. Maintenance and 24 hour roadside assistance for two years or 25,000 miles. Peace of mind for the road ahead. Exactly how you want to start a new year. Welcome 2026 in style. Visit your Valley Toyota dealers or valleytoyotadealers.com Toyota let's go places.