01-19-26 - FULL SHOW - MONDAY - Holmbergs Morning Sickness 98 KUPD

Summary

Holmberg's Morning Sickness – Arizona

Episode: 01-19-26 – FULL SHOW – MONDAY
Aired: January 19, 2026
Host: John Holmberg
Co-hosts: Brady Bogen, Bret Vesely, Dick Toledo
Special guests: Hulk Hogan, Jimmy Hart, Norm Macdonald (comedy bit)

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Episode Overview

This classic episode of Holmberg's Morning Sickness is a wild, no-holds-barred tour through history’s harshest punishments, pop culture debates, sexual hang-ups, and irreverent comedy. John Holmberg and his crew deliver their signature blend of uncomfortable questions, dark humor, and biting social commentary, joined by wrestling legends Hulk Hogan and Jimmy Hart, and featuring absurd re-enactments, like the "Crackhead Medley" with Norm Macdonald. The tone is raw, irreverent, and peppered with playful insults, inside jokes, and outright mockery of themselves, pop culture, and the news.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Brutal Ancient Punishments

• Roman "Sack" Punishment (Poena Cullei)
  • John describes an ancient Roman punishment for patricide—being sewn into a wolf skin sack with a monkey, dog, chicken, and snakes, after being whipped. The group debates the horror and symbolism of each animal.
  • Quote [06:25]:
    “That's why they always listen to their dad, grandfather. It rarely happened.” — Brady
  • John emphasizes how this practice continued shockingly late in history—1762 in Italy.
  • The crew riffs about which animal they'd try to befriend to survive, and how the legend likely curbed bad behavior.

2. Penis Size & Sexual Insecurities

• John reads a listener email challenging the importance of penis size, insisting scientifically it shouldn’t matter, but maintains—socially and visually—it does.
• Quote [14:17]:
  “They don't sell, when you go to Fascinations, tiny little wieners on the wall. So ladies stop it. And men stop caring.” — John
• Discussion transitions to the role of wealth and personality in attraction—if you’re “lacking below,” money and humor can compensate.

3. Kennedy, Sex, and Hidden Histories

• The team jokes about the enduring Kennedy family mythology, secret affairs, and the media’s selective memory. They draw parallels with modern scandals (Epstein, Clinton, Trump), proposing that society never gets “the whole truth”—and maybe that’s for the best.
• Quote [21:22]:
  "She was the original gold digger. She came from some cash, but, I mean, she cashed in on life..." — John

4. Epstein List & Hypocrisy

• Tongue-in-cheek speculation about who’ll appear on future “Epstein lists,” with the hosts admitting how easy it is to be charmed by money and status—no one’s above temptation.
• Quote [28:19]:
  “You get a billionaire friend that wants to take you places. You don't start thinking what's illegal here. You're doing it.” — John

5. Gypsy Scams and Funeral Fundraising

• A segment explores “gypsy scams,” focusing on people (often not genuinely in need) soliciting donations at street corners, especially those claiming to need money for funerals.
• The team debates moral versus practical implications, with plenty of Arizona-specific context.
• Quote [32:40]:
  "But who's getting hurt if the person's funeral isn't, like, extravagant, right?... There are options there. I can almost guarantee you." — John

6. Interview: Hulk Hogan & Jimmy Hart [46:00–56:40]

• John and Brady excitedly interview wrestling icons Hulk Hogan and Jimmy Hart.
• Hogan outlines his vision for "old-school" wrestling in TNA, decrying overproduced, writer-driven wrestling in WWE and emphasizing character, charisma, and live spectacle.
• The hosts express nostalgia for 80s wrestling’s larger-than-life characters and stereotypes.
• Both guests banter in wrestling persona, plug their new Spike TV run, and riff on old spats and storylines.
• Notable Quotes:
  • [49:48] “You need drama, we need edginess, we need confrontations, we need violence, we need comedy…we’re going to prove we can put out better programming, brother.” — Hulk Hogan
  • [52:31] “Showmanship and charisma will always overshadow athletic ability in wrestling. Now, if you’ve got the athletic ability, that's cool. But you're right, the characters..." — Jimmy Hart

7. BK Sings: Comedy Phone-In Bits [58:25+]

• Recurring bit featuring a character “BK” (a brash, over-the-top parody of a famous local athlete) roasting the cast and listeners, challenging them to finish song lyrics and TV themes for prizes.
• Full of mock egotism ("How many rings you got?"), sexual jokes, and intentionally dicey language.

8. Crackhead Medleys with Norm Macdonald [97:15+]

• A series of humorous song quizzes: Norm interviews real homeless individuals, who “perform” medleys of 80s hits for listeners to guess and win tickets.
• John and the team banter about the crackheads’ song choices, exaggerated personalities, and the absurdity of the challenge.
• Quote [99:14]:
  “There’s your contestants. And now let’s have the Crackhead medley of the day." — John (in Norm's voice)

9. Medical Paranoia & Wikipedia Diagnoses

• The dangers (and commonality) of self-diagnosing with Wikipedia and WebMD—leads to accidental self-diagnoses of cancer or AIDS, much to the hosts' amusement.
• Quote [125:07]:
  “It’ll be like telling me I won the lottery if I thought I had AIDS and it was just syphilis.” — John

10. Odd News & Human Oddities

• Segments on:
  • Overzealous farting in the workplace designated as “hostile.”
  • Miraculous face of Jesus appearing in a church door.
  • A faith healer who claims his shoe cures "vaginal pimples."
• Each story leads to off-color jokes, mock outrage, and irreverent speculation.

11. More Sex & Aging: Listener Dilemmas

• The guys respond to emails about career changes and dealing with a mom dating someone younger—fielding the latter with escalating raunch and ridicule.
• Quote [141:03]: "She is though now, Brady, because I've put her through the paces now that I've knocked a silly. Did you know your mom was a squirter? I do." — John (mocking the imagined scenario)

12. Miscellaneous Ridiculousness

• Rants on testicle size anxiety, fortune tellers making clients become prostitutes, large celebrity families, and their own inability to read charts or finish sentences.
• Constant self-deprecation and correction (e.g. lampooning Brady’s mangled phrasing: “Brady’s aborted more sentences than Planned Parenthood.”)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• [06:25] Brady: “That's why they always listen to their dad, grandfather. It rarely happened.”
• [14:17] John: “They don't sell, when you go to Fascinations, tiny little wieners on the wall. So ladies stop it. And men stop caring.”
• [21:22] John: “She was the original gold digger. She came from some cash, but, I mean, she cashed in on life...”
• [28:19] John: “You get a billionaire friend that wants to take you places. You don't start thinking what's illegal here. You're doing it.”
• [49:48] Hulk Hogan: “You need drama, we need edginess, we need confrontations, we need violence, we need comedy… we’re going to prove we can put out better programming, brother.”
• [52:31] Jimmy Hart: “Showmanship and charisma will always overshadow athletic ability in wrestling.”
• [99:14] John (as Norm): “There’s your contestants. And now let’s have the Crackhead medley of the day."
• [125:07] John: “It’ll be like telling me I won the lottery if I thought I had AIDS and it was just syphilis.”
• [141:03] John: “She is though now, Brady, because I've put her through the paces now that I've knocked a silly. Did you know your mom was a squirter? I do.”

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Timestamps – Select Segments

| Time | Topic / Segment | |---------------|-----------------------------------------------------------------------------| | 04:30–10:45 | Roman “Sack” punishment: brutal history, wild speculation | | 13:14–16:00 | Penis size debate and the lies we tell ourselves | | 19:40–22:45 | JFK, Jackie O, political scandals, the myth of full truth | | 46:00–56:40 | Interview with Hulk Hogan & Jimmy Hart (wrestling, TNA, 80s nostalgia) | | 58:25–67:30 | "BK Sings” phone-in comedy bit | | 97:15–104:51 | Crackhead Medleys with Norm Macdonald (song quiz games) | | 125:07–126:57 | Wikipedia self-diagnosis and medical paranoia | | 135:53–141:03 | Listener email: “My mom’s new boyfriend is younger than me” |

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Tone, Style & Takeaways

• Unfiltered, abrasive, fearless—topics shift quickly from historical horror to dick jokes to politics to pop psychology, always laced with sarcasm and insults.
• Highly topical—listeners are expected to have a high tolerance for dark humor and a thick skin.
• Camaraderie—though relentless in teasing each other, the chemistry is clear and the in-jokes fly.
• Pop culture nostalgia—demonstrated passionately in the wrestling segment.
• Buried sincerity—beneath the jokes, there’s the occasional real insight: about status, human motivation, and social pretense.

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For New Listeners

If you missed this episode, you’ll get:

• A smart but savage take on taboos and absurdities, from ancient history to morning news.
• Raucous segments with legendary pop culture guests who play along with the show’s anarchic style.
• Over-the-top recurring bits (“BK Sings”, “Crackhead Medley”) lampooning local and national figures.
• In-your-face honesty about everything from sexuality to class status to tragedy—often mined for comedy before compassion.

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Skip if you’re easily offended, but if you want freewheeling banter, brutal honesty, and a no-topic-off-limits ride through American pop culture, Holmberg and the crew deliver.

Transcript

[John Holmberg]

You're listening to the HMS podcast brought to you by MMP Guns.com, your most trusted online marketplace for firearms, ammunition and accessories. Hey, it's Brett Vesely and I'm here with Byron from MMP Guns. Look, Byron, I have a friend wanting to sell some guns he inherited. What's the best way for him to do that?

[Brady]

Brett, the last thing you want to do is sell the gun to someone who can't legally own one. Tell him not to put himself at risk and come into M and P Guns where he'll get a fair offer and he can rest easy knowing it's not getting into the wrong hands.

[John Holmberg]

Okay, but what if he lives out of state?

[Brady]

Easy legalgunbuyer.com and he can do it online. It really that simple.

[John Holmberg]

There you have it. MMP Guns or legalgunbuyer.com the safe and legal way to sell your firearms.

[Brady]

Come on down to the Ranch House Grill.

[John Holmberg]

Comfort food is your next meal. Pork chili verde, chicken fried steak. Ranch House knows you'll think it's great. Are you ready for the best breakfast in Phoenix? Ranch House Grill has been voted best breakfast four years in a row. We're famous for our chicken fried steak, pork chili verde and large portions.

[Brady]

Located in the heart of Arcadia.

[John Holmberg]

Join us for breakfast or lunch seven days a week, 6am to 2pm We're a family restaurant with a small town atmosphere serving southwestern comfort food for 18 years. Come on down to the Ranch House Grill for the best breakfast in Phoenix at 56th street and Thomas Road. It's Brett Vesely from the morning sickness. And I want to let you guys know about my friends over at Divine Design Landscaping. These guys have been great. They've been taking care of my house and you guys have heard that I've had a lot of stuff going on lately. It's been great to take something off my plate. These guys handle everything. Lawn care, irrigation, tree work, low voltage lighting, 3D designs, patios. You name it, they can do it. So start the new year off right and get a free [e-mail] and ask for the HMS friends and family rate. That's Div. Vinedesign lawn care.com. do not listen to this while driving or when full alertness is needed. The best of Holmberg's morning sickness. This is the big red radio. And then I saw. Oh man. Got dark at my house Saturday. Oh, not like that. It was like two in the morning. I was awake watching TV and I. I searched this out. Remember the brazen Bull. We've talked about, like, terrible punishment. Brand new one. Like, a lot of people have had, like, all the brazen bull are drawn, quartered or, you know, those old ways that they used to punish people. The rack was horrifying. This is the best one. Romans did this. And the end of it's the most amazing part. So it was one of the worst. I don't know if this is worse or better than the brazen bull, but it's pretty bad. So if you ever committed a crime against your grandfather or father, up to murder, but anything abusive towards either, they considered it patricide, no matter what. If you tried it, if you failed, if you succeeded, whatever. And the punishment in the Roman culture was to throw you into a sack made of wolf skin, sew it up. But before they sewed it up, they threw in a monkey, a chicken and a mean dog. Oh, man. On top of that? Yeah, on top of that. They whipped you first to open you up, to get you, you know, bleeding and stuff. The snakes would start working on you. They didn't. They weren't fully venomous, like, but they bite and mess with you and, like, make you a little bit dizzy, I guess. I don't know how they did it, but it was to stave off crimes against the family. And the big giant sack. They'd sew the wolf skins together and put you in there. And then when it got real bad, it was called poena quelle. And they would. They'd get all these people like that. They're like, oh, you did a crime against your father and stuff in there. And they'd. Sometimes it wasn't just like, the chicken would be really mad, and then the dog would be one of those. You know, it wasn't like today's. Like. It's not like a Pekingese or anything. You're going in there with one of those Guadalupe street dogs. And then either way, you were gonna die from suffocation while the animals just chowed down on you. They don't call it. They refer to it. They had another one too, but this one was the man with the snakes would go in and the snakes were there. Then they'd throw in hot water. Sometimes they were also punishing the animal. And it would take hours and hours and hours. Sometimes the animals wouldn't attack right away. You're not breathing real good. You start getting a little panicky. They start getting a little panicky, they start fighting. So if they threw you in there, they have another thing called the. It's called procurial. Prodigy, the drowning of monsters, which they'd remove. Like the person would be put into this sack and it would float because evidently it had some floating principles to it slowly sinking while you're fighting these animals in the bag. And it had a symbolic meaning. If they put a monkey in there with you, they thought it's because you're dumb. Those monkeys are low instinct. So they would say it's a. A man who doesn't know what he's up to. The rooster symbolized a lack of attachment to things. And the dog was to represent hell. And I'm watching this thing. This is phenomenal stuff. And then the snakes were based on Medusa. Like you had wronged a God or something like that. So the wrongdoer gets tossed into the wolf skin sack. They throw them in there. They add wooden clogs in to keep you from. They put them on your feet because they're like. That's your disconnect from the world. There's a. There's something between you and the. And the ground.

[Brady]

Elaborate design.

[John Holmberg]

They strip your clothes off, whip you naked till you were bloody and then stuff in there and then chuck in the river while it was going on. It's insane. Your bones would be in the animal. Bones would be thrown in together after they go get the sack to see the damage that got done. And here's the fun part. It was really popular in the era of crosses and crucifixions. Guess when they stopped doing it the last time this, this practice was in play over there in your land, Italy. And. And those loonies. Now I'm saying, guess when it was still okay to do it. Your people have probably still done it. Yeah, I don't see a problem. 1762.

[Brady]

What's the last sack?

[John Holmberg]

That was the last time. They're like government issued. Like, let's put them in one of those. Those sacks with a dog, a chicken and a monkey. Spray it back. 1762, they ran it for. Yeah, there's a United States, but prior to that, they're still putting a monkey, a dog and a chicken in a bag with a dude who wronged his dad. I feel bad for the monkey, dog and the chicken. Well, they were also bad monkeys, dogs and chickens. Yeah, they had committed crimes. Committed crimes too. Come on. The criminal chickens were running. Running the streets for quite a while. I thought that was the coolest thing ever.

[Brady]

That's why they always listen to their dad, grandfather. It rarely happened.

[John Holmberg]

Wow. That man.

[Brady]

If you're going to do this, here's the punishment Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

I mean, yeah, you listen to your parents. If the Bible wasn't enough to scare people and somebody got a little uppity and was like, I'm going to hit my dad in the face with this stick. All right. Into the sack with the angry. And where do you get all the angry monkeys? Whole bunch of them just waiting, just horrifying.

[Brady]

Only has to happen one time, and it becomes a legend.

[John Holmberg]

Man, I can't imagine, like, I. You want to hit your dad, and then you realize if he turns you in or if you kill him, like, you can't even even leave him. You can't kill him, so he can't tell the story on you. You kill him, you're definitely getting in there. And the. And the worst your crime was, the more, like, horrible the animal, like, the vicious dog would have been a wolf. They'd have stuffed a wolf inside that. They sewed these gigantic.

[Brady]

Killing them and doing that is one thing, but, like, I just can't see a. A dad, like, if you did it and he's still alive, or one.

[John Holmberg]

You're talking about Joe Biden putting them in the.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

This would have been. Well, technically, he didn't commit a crime against his dad, but he kind of did. He kind of embarrassed the family, which is what it turned into with the Italians, but they were embarrassed. The family gonna put you in a bag with a monkey, a chicken, maybe a vicious dog. There's, like, a lot of hassle, though. There is a lot going on. Yeah, well, they didn't have a ton of the crimes, I'm guessing, so they had.

[Brady]

I'm saying it. It only has to happen one time.

[John Holmberg]

That was the other thing. The sack you could double use. So they'd take out. And they pour everybody's bones out in a pile in a city to let everybody know. That's nice. This is what happens there'. There's a chicken, a monkey, a dude and a vicious dog all piled up in the middle of the city and just chewed up. And you're, you know, you're fighting, too. You're. You're not in that sack taking it all. You're going to. First things first. I'm taking the chicken out, like, the second I'm in that. That's a rooster, whatever. Dropping them like a bad habit. Yeah, I'm wrestling the. In the bag, that's for sure. The dog and I try to make friends with him. You know, I'm good with dogs. A little dog whisper a little. The snakes. I'm out. I'm screwed on the snakes, there's nothing you can do with them.

[Brady]

It's just squirming around because there it is.

[John Holmberg]

It's dark. What about the monkeys? And then the monkey. I don't know what to do with that thing.

[Brady]

It's going crazy.

[John Holmberg]

I'm hoping the monkey and the dog would start a beef and I can lay over in the corner of that bag and just be part of it. What are you gonna be in the corner going? You hear what he said about your monkey? Yeah. Hey, monkey. That dog's been mouthing off. I mean, eat some snakes while you're at it.

[Brady]

Everyone's trying to get out.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, yeah. You're trying to claw out, and they're freaking out, and you're in your trap. It's the. It's one of the most vicious ones I've ever seen. The brazen bull's terrible, where they cook inside that big brass bowl and then your screams are bullhorned out through some acoustic thing that they put.

[Brady]

The slow boil is similar to the brazen bull, man.

[John Holmberg]

Slow boil, Brazen bull.

[Brady]

But this one cauldron and wait half hour.

[John Holmberg]

I think you'd like.

[Brady]

So hot you can't get out.

[John Holmberg]

You'd start to pass out inside the brazen bowl. I think you'd have to. Right? But evidently everybody screamed. They screamed so much, they built an acoustic tube to make it seem like the. The bull was making noise. Those shows about that. I don't even know where I find that stuff. Just digging around on things. I'm like, oh, a monkey. And why do they. And when did. What. Why throw the chicken in there? Like, everything. Like, it's snakes. That's plenty. Snakes and a monkey is plenty. An angry monkey and snakes and a bag where everybody's got to fight for their life.

[Brady]

The dog in the bag.

[John Holmberg]

The dog changes everything. Because you wouldn't want to be in the bag if the dog and the monkey are fighting on top of you. It's horrible. It's like the most horrible thing.

[Brady]

Make room for the Presa Canarium.

[BK]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

And you can't see it, so you're just swinging. And I don't know what you're fighting for. You just gotta fight, right? Because even if you survive, they're gonna. You're dead when they pull you out. You're gonna suffocate in the bag. You can't win. So you just lay there and take your. But they just start chowing down on your bloody skin. They put. That's a. That's a rough one. So. Good job. By the old school Romans, man.

[Brady]

Oh, what's the other one? Where they put the cut your stomach, your chest, and they put the bucket over with rats.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, yeah. And they slowly eat you. And then they push that one out into the water. Yeah, they push that into the water. And you're in a boat slowly being devoured by rats. Hey, you're not gonna f up, man. Oh, man. See, that was kind of a punishment. You hear that? Prisoners listening right now. And I know you are crying about you got your legal bookcase. You got to go your 12, you know, appeals. Things used to be different around here. That's a 1762. They're like, we can't do this anymore.

[Brady]

Get the bag.

[John Holmberg]

One more.

[Brady]

One.

[John Holmberg]

All right, one more. We'll do one more. Come on.

[BK]

This guy took a swing at his dad.

[John Holmberg]

Let's get him in a bucket. I got a monkey. I got nothing to do with him. Pretty awesome.

[Brady]

That's what it came down to.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brady]

They're down to one of everything. One dog, one monkey.

[John Holmberg]

Let's use them. This is it. The last. And then did they like. That's it. All right. You guys are. That's our last monkey and our last vicious dog. We're out of them. It took us almost 2,000 years to get through a ball and where we did it. Nice job.

[Brady]

Peter finally won.

[John Holmberg]

I wonder if Peter was involved. The early days of PETA. That's pretty amazing if you ask me. I like that story. Joshua emails and says, listening to you this morning, I have to put per my understanding and maybe I'm wrong. The size of a man's penis matters only from the perspective of ego. Actual biological factors regarding size don't factor in because a majority of the nerve endings with respect to a woman's roast beef. Oh, thanks for keeping it so classy. So scientific. Yes, in respect to a woman's roast beef. Anyway. With respect to a woman's roast beef are the first and first third of her opening, which is also whatever. According to a sex therapist who I once saw on Letterman years ago. Great show. Peace out, John. Yes, we all say that to each other. But you've never once. Women lie about this constantly. That it doesn't matter. And they have science and they go on TV and say, it's just you never. If. If that were true, that the greater pleasure was the less you go in. Women would sit around postinos and brag about their new boyfriend's tiny wiener. You've never heard a girl tell a guy, is it little? You're so lucky it doesn't happen that way. They're all seeking out an ample girthy wang. And if you don't have one, you can make all the scientific research you want. Well, I've heard it's only the first third of her roast beef that matters. It's like, all right, it's in all journals. No woman has sat down like, oh, I met the most perfect guy. He's 6 foot 4, he's in great shape, he's got a good job. And ladies, wait til you hear about how small his penis is. It's perfect. Oh my God, you're so lucky. You're the luckiest girl in the world. My husband's penis is huge.

[Brady]

What's your roast beef index?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. So good. I mean, I hold up my pinky and I just go crazy. They don't sell when you go to Fascinations. Tiny little wieners on the wall. So ladies stop it. And men stop caring. I think it's a visual thing with them as well though. Even if that's the truth of, you know, the little. The first third of the roast beef. Exactly. There's. It's like us looking at big cans. Exactly. In a great ass. We really don't have anything to do with those. They don't give us a whole lot of pleasure. It's just a visual spectacular. Also, at the sex stores, the Fascinations and the. And the Castle, you don't go over to the men's section and see just an absolutely tattered mess of a fake vagina. Oh, yeah, they don't build no barbecue hanging up there on the wall. There are ugly genitals in there.

[Brady]

Is that a melted candle?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. What? It's just. Guys, this one's in too much sun. Nope, that's how it's supposed to look. Lucky. Uh, looks like the bottom of a sucker fish. No. We get this out of here. So, yeah, stop it with the whole it doesn't matter thing. It does. It absolutely does. Cause otherwise they'd be bragging like crazy. I would have watched Love is Blind and going, oh my God, I was with Damian.

[Brady]

His wiener was so little.

[John Holmberg]

It was perfect. They don't talk about that. So watch your scientist on Letterman reruns. That lady says that all you need is about an inch and a half. Right? That's what ladies lose their minds over a peanut. That's why they can't stop looking at bags and. Nothing dumb. And. And in the end, it doesn't matter unless you're really small. And that's what if you're tiny.

[Brady]

Micro, you're worthless. Tough game.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, you're no good. You're no good, but there's ways around it. And you have to be better at a bunch of other stuff. And you better be funny and you better have a good job. Because if you're pulling in 26 grand a year and you don't have much personality and a micro penis and you can't figure out how come you can't close a deal, well, there's three reasons.

[Brady]

Money grows it.

[John Holmberg]

Money makes it huge. Money makes them not care. Fact, it doesn't matter to them. They're snowing ya. Penis size doesn't matter. But what does matter is better be able to pay for everything. That's right. And you better not be a deadbeat. Then they look at your penis as just a. You know. Same way we'll take a woman. Look, Oprah is not exactly physically my type, but she shows up and I guarantee you that's the prettiest honey hole I've ever seen. No matter what it looks like. Because all I see is shaped as a dollar sign. So jealous of Steadman. Exactly. I'm jealous of Jeff Bezos ex wife. I don't even know if she's done anything, but she's got enough to make that thing.

[Brady]

Throwing billions to charity.

[John Holmberg]

I don'. That looks like, you know that cave that little the young soccer team got lost in. It's beautiful to me because I know her desert financial account is phenomenal. Franco says when it comes to size, never had a complaint. If I did, wouldn't care. That's exactly right. Stop caring if they complain you still banged them. Yeah. Got mine? Yep. Oh, well. It's like Roseanne Barr had the nerve to go on TV 30 years ago and say Tom Arnold had a little wiener. And Tom Arnold had the perfect response. He goes, Hey, 747 looks small in the Grand Canyon. It's out of control now.

[Brady]

Now's where the NFL playoffs get interesting and my team's off the by. And the Underdog app is where I'll make watching them the best way to get in on the action. It's Dick Toledo from the morning sickness. And playing on underdog is so easy. Just pick if your favorite players will go higher or lower on their stats. Stats. I'm still riding with jsn, Kenneth Walker and AJ Barner to all go higher on their stats. So ride the playoffs with me and download the Underdog app today and use the promo code HMS to score $75 in bonus entries when you play your first $5 underdog make picks win money must be 1819 in Alabama and Nebraska 19 in Colorado for some games, 21 in Arizona, Massachusetts and Virginia and present in a state where underdog fantasy operates. Terms apply. See assets.underdogfantasy.com web play and getterms dfs.HTML for details. Offer not valid in Mar. Michigan, New Jersey, New York, Ohio and Pennsylvania. Concerned with your play? Call 1-800-GAMBLER or visit www.ncpgambling.org. in New York, call 24. 7 Hope Line at 1-877-8-HOPE NY or text HOPE NY to 467-369.

[John Holmberg]

It's John Holberg here from the morning sickness and I'm absolutely thrilled to tell you about my new friends@lifted trucks.com. here's the proof that me talking about something on the radio can be trusted because I purchased a 2024 customized Ford Bronco from the gang at Lifted Trucks. That opened my eyes to who and what these guys are all about. They not only have thousands of trucks to choo, have nationwide shipping, and they can get anything anywhere. My Bronco's been customized. Countless other pro athletes and celebrities. Now little old me choose lifted trucks and lifted trucks.com work hard, play hard, drive harder. The rest of Homburg's morning sickness. This is the big red radio. Well, I tell you what, that Kennedy, I guarantee if he, he, he still might be on the Epstein list. I was reading some stuff about Kennedy. He would be the most hated politician. Like you thought Trump's bad at stuff, this dude. I was reading some more about Kennedy yesterday online. My God. And they've hidden everything. Like they, they just, you just don't touch that sacred cow of Kennedy. But man, oh man, the bodies that guy's got hidden. And I was reading it because a guy and I were talking about like, the truth has to be known at all times. Look at. And I'm like, yeah, but, but we never knew so much. And it, and it's almost better they trickle out information and stuff like that Kennedy was never revealed as a truth. Even still, they won't give you the, like the full Kennedy story. The fact that we kind of know, we all know, but that it was kind of been admitted that he had a secret Service agent just to let him know when his wife was around because he was up to no good so often.

[Brady]

What was it five years ago they decided, no, we need to lock this up again.

[John Holmberg]

Well, they did that with the assassination stuff. But the story that that intern that was 19, she wrote that book, and it was supposed to be this bombshell about how she lost her virginity to President Kennedy in the White House pool. And then the Secret Service agent came and said, jackie's home. And he just handed the intern to Bobby, like, finish her off. And he did. Bobby always got the second look. Bobby, indoor pool. Nobody's talking about the fact Bobby was in the pool with him while he was doing it as the relief pitcher. Ah, that's right. I'm gonna pull Toledo in there. He's got the brother cuck.

[BK]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Hope Jackie comes home right in the middle of this so I can polish off your kill here. It was crazy. And then Kennedy had all that stuff going on, and then you start reading about Jackie, and her Persona that was sold to us was so, like, demure and princessy and everything else. She was there for the party. She was there for the. Like. Paul and I were talking yesterday. He's like. I just. He. His dream is that Jackie was in on it. I just pictured Jackie just underneath Marilyn Monroe while John's on the other side, just filling her face. And I'm like, jesus, Paul, you thought about that? But look at Jackie Onassis Kennedy, who's got this. Oh, it's Camelot. We called it Camelot. That's what I always thought about her. Yeah. Oh, but no. Oh, she's not. Huh? She ended up. She's a whore after her husband got blown up. Not a whore so much, but there for like, okay, do whatever you want. I'm getting the money, the attention. I'm doing well here.

[Brady]

Just don't embarrass me.

[John Holmberg]

Right. Well. And yeah, let's keep that under wraps. And not only don't embarrass me, we got people to make sure you don't embarrass me. I put a group of people together to make sure you don't embarrass me. Beyond political stuff, that's just their personal life. And then she goes off because that's what she was into, and marries a dude that made the Kennedys look like Brady and me. And she was there for the cash. She was the original gold digger. She came from some cash, but, I mean, she cashed in on life and walked around, and all they called it was the epitome of class. It would be like calling the Trumps Camelot. They're no different. So that was my argument yesterday. This guy is like, this Epstein thing was driving him nuts. And I'm like, look, we've. There's been no truths you've heard that about the.

[Brady]

I mean, the Clinton relationship as well. Oh, that's why.

[John Holmberg]

Well, we all say that about Hillary, like we know why she's there. It's a power play. It was. It's crazy, though.

[Brady]

And you go back before, you know, John Kennedy, the whole family, the, you know, prohibition and running moonshine, the whole mafia families.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, talk about, you know, elections that were rigged. It's a known fact dead people voted to give him a full state in an election that was like as close as any other had ever been. And you think Nixon was mad about it? No, he was trying too. So when he. You just. You. You out cheated me. It's basically what the President said. That's the kind of thing I'm talking about when I say we just don't need to know everything because if we did, as a. As a populist, we'd feel helpless and lose our minds. Well, that's the problem with the Internet nowadays. We. Everything's at our fingertips. Before, you know, Kennedy was grabbing her by the pee too. I just. Right. It's just, you know, saying it's the same thing. It's just easier to get away with it. I like to reach over and grab him right there by the. To pull them into the pool. You get on over here. I've got 20 minutes before Jackie comes home. The dude could barely walk. Another thing people don't know about Kennedy, his back was so bad he could barely walk. He was in a wheelchair a ton of the time, but when it came to hosing. 19 year old he was. He could rally up, he could get a boner and it was like his super pill. And he'd get on Marilyn Monroe. All right. Somebody placed me gently back in my chair.

[Brady]

Maybe the whole back thing was to make it seem like. Oh, no, he wouldn't.

[John Holmberg]

I know why he couldn't do that. His back was out because he was busy. Stunt Marilyn Monroe on the wreck. Try to bend me over.

[BK]

Ah, yeah.

[John Holmberg]

My spine. Keep going.

[BK]

I'm not done yet. Ow.

[John Holmberg]

It's the pleasure pain of a spinal cord injury during sex. There, Bobby.

[BK]

Hold my head.

[John Holmberg]

That's not the last time he said that phrase anyway. So, yeah, the Epstein thing's got me thinking. Just calm down. Like we've, as a society, we've never known a whole truth ever. So let's not act like we're entitled to it right away. I don't know how we're gonna react. Let's just piecemeal, just little bits here and there. We all know Clinton's on it. We all know Trump's on it. Let's not give ammunition out to everything.

[Brady]

Little breadcrumbs.

[John Holmberg]

Give me a little, you know, give me a star. Give me. Give me Kimmel. Let's throw Kimmel in there. Let's throw Aaron Rodgers in there, too. A couple athletes.

[Brady]

Somebody on the way out. Val Kilmer.

[John Holmberg]

Right. Somebody's about to croak, you know, Kilmer with it. Kissinger. Somebody's already to Jimmy Carter. Surprise. And then I'll put him in the ground. I don't think anything kills Jimmy Carter.

[Brady]

No. Rosalind.

[John Holmberg]

Green Mile. He's still around. That corpse was at Rosalind's funeral. I'm like, they gotta put him in.

[Brady]

The box with her.

[John Holmberg]

He's. I've seen dead bodies that I'd rather walk around with. How about that?

[Brady]

Jabba's the tailor. He wants a new suit.

[John Holmberg]

Gotta measure him, really. Don't hit him too hard. He'll break. He'll. Mummy dust, he'll crumble. Ah, he's like a peanut shell now. Yeah. Just. If you squish him too hard, he just cracks him. Two nuts fall out. Anyway, just saying. Got into a lot of discussions yesterday on email. I was here for a long time and it was. It was, you know, in. In fairness to everybody, it was all civil.

[Brady]

Okay.

[John Holmberg]

There was one guy was losing his mind. You. Trump's got this. And Trump, I'm like, see, look, you've already lost your mind.

[Brady]

Oh, there's a couple that were convinced that, look, they're going to put his name on. They're going to hack into it.

[John Holmberg]

If he's on it, it's fake. If he's not on it, it's exoneration. And then, yeah, you believe it one.

[Brady]

Way, you don't believe it the other way.

[John Holmberg]

Right. It only works one way because you're tribal.

[Brady]

Yep.

[John Holmberg]

And that was what I was saying. I'm like, already with just one guy. Yeah, you're losing. Imagine if there's a surprise on there.

[Brady]

Evidently, I. I saw thing yesterday, an article. One of the guys that's prosecuting the whole thing came out and said Trump actually helped him and the whole trial from the Epstein helped the lawyer.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, sure.

[Brady]

Going after the dude would have provided information.

[John Holmberg]

Every one of us would have hung out with him.

[Brady]

Absolutely.

[John Holmberg]

The parties had to be extremely cool until you start looking around going, oh.

[Brady]

Wait a minute, they're captive.

[John Holmberg]

Why is there a high school band here?

[Brady]

Yeah, there were guys hooking up with girls. We just had a weekend.

[John Holmberg]

We would have gone to lunch with Jared had he asked? He was in here with us. We didn't know, but Jared was.

[Brady]

He said, you guys want to go to Subway?

[John Holmberg]

Yes, I want to go to Subway with Jared. Yes. It's Tom Segura's old thing that he was going to be. For a while there, he was in an ad campaign, possibly to be Jared's kind of sloppy brother, because all Jared could talk about was the healthy subs. And then he was supposed to be Jerome, or Jermaine was the original name. And he said, it's a black name, but he was gonna. And then. Right. They canceled the campaign. And he was heartbroken. And then 10 years later, he's like, thank God it was never Jared's brother. We'd have gone to a Subway, we'd still have pictures of it. And who knows? The way you are, you love dudes who can get you with food places.

[Brady]

Still have his number in my phone.

[John Holmberg]

You've been tight with Jared for a while, Brady. You were the one most susceptible to the Epstein mess because you like new friends and you're rich people doing things find on island. Yeah, right. Oh, yeah, exactly. That's my man. What up, Epstein?

[Brady]

It's my Jew friend.

[John Holmberg]

That's my Jew friend. Of course. He's a billionaire. Where are we headed?

[Brady]

The Island.

[John Holmberg]

Then Brady would start telling those stories when we were like, all right, that's enough.

[Brady]

I've gotta go with me sometimes at a cool island.

[John Holmberg]

My buddy Jeff Epstein. Mike, I know Brady, who knows a whole lot less rich people than that that he talks about.

[Brady]

J ep.

[John Holmberg]

Jep Brady likes people. Epstein would have charmed you right into the Lolita express. You need to elevate out.

[Brady]

Brady likes people that have a certain status.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, sure. He's not hanging out with poor folks. Yuck. Yeah, he's definitely that. You're not in his phone if you don't like to admit it. I admit it. I'm not hanging out with people I gotta pay for all the time. And neither's he. Brady is the poor folk to most of the people he likes.

[Brady]

Why you hanging out with me?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, exactly. But you're charming. You'd have fallen for Epstein. I'd have fallen for Epstein. Bert would have been involved in the whole thing. Oh, you know, you. You and I both would have been down there going, how old? She says, eighteen. I don't know laws on this island. Look at the cans on it. Yeah, the cans on it. She wants to rub my feet. We'd have all fallen for it. So all these self righteous hindsight People. You get a. You get a billionaire friend that wants to take you places. You don't start thinking what's illegal here. You're doing it.

[Brady]

I could raise money for whatever your cause is.

[John Holmberg]

Right. And you need him.

[Brady]

You know what?

[John Holmberg]

Yep.

[Brady]

He's gonna line us up with this guy that'll give us a grant.

[John Holmberg]

He's fundraising. Yeah. Yeah, Exactly. You're bought and paid for is what it is. And you also sort of kind of like the perks. We'd all fallen for him. Paid to brigantine. But nobody harder than Brady. Brady would have fed Epstein all the time. You'd have lived at his house. I'd have been saying Epstein would have.

[Brady]

Put you a seat on the plane just like the Clinton.

[John Holmberg]

You'd had your own chair. There's no reason for me to believe that you would. If Epstein and you and you would have hit it off. He's great and he's getting me at my own place. And he's. It's awesome. I'm gonna stay at the Epstein compound. You would have stayed there.

[Brady]

Curbs.

[John Holmberg]

And we're going down. Your one friend Mike, who was wealthy. You couldn't wait to go down and stay at his place. Place down there. He's a ton of money and he's got. In Mexico. It's awesome. You never paid for anything in Mexico. You stayed at his house whether he wanted you there or not. Adam been singing. Benny Mardona is all the way down there. I bet you Benny's on the list. Oh, yeah. He liked him. That young Kiss is probably on that list.

[Brady]

And so people are guessing now.

[John Holmberg]

Woody's not going. Woody Allen's all over that thing. Any. Yeah, it'll be a.

[Brady]

You don't think Gene's on.

[John Holmberg]

No, no, no. He would go because he. It's free. We don't. He ain't paying for anything.

[Brady]

I see what you're saying.

[John Holmberg]

That's exactly right. But take advantage of the deals when they're presented. Hi, Jeffrey.

[Brady]

Probably had a smart concert.

[John Holmberg]

Absolutely. Jeffrey, it's Gene Simmons from Kiss. May I borrow the Lolita Express? As a guy emailed me and said my dad started to date a girl half his age and the next thing you know, they lived in Georgia. I never talked to him and he was like, mad at me for no reason. That's what they do. Succubus. She'll turn you against everybody. Be careful. And everybody's like, well, good for him. Good for him. It's good for him for a minute till she starts packing up his Bags and starts toting your old man around. Be warned. Like, the gypsies. We're learning all about the gypsies now in the town. The Paul Bissonnette thing. And people are like, what's a gypsy? And nobody knew. And the travelers that go around and steal things off restaurants. And now they figured out. And the news just pointed this out yesterday. I'm like, you're just now getting to this terrible reporting. The funeral people, they're warning everybody now that the people that stand. There's one on 32nd and Camelback. I see it all the time. They stand outside. They need funds for a funeral. That's. That's been a gypsy scam, the whole, like, for years. And they'll hire the homeless guys to stand there and look sad and messed up with their thing that says, you know, money for my son's funeral, my grandma's funeral, whatever. That's a full gypsy scam. They have a car washer. Yeah, right. At least the Mexican guys doing it.

[Brady]

Right.

[John Holmberg]

You know, But I tell the Mexicans that do that, knock it off. The gypsies have wrecked it. Because if you see the word funeral on. On a piece of poster board that says they need money to have. There's nothing about that. That's a real thing, raising money for a funeral, you know, that eventually ends. And they. And they catch them, you know, moving from different parts of the city. So they're currently. They're on 32nd street in Camelback. And it is a full gypsy scam. But the news is like, did you know about this? Everybody should know about that. Everybody should. And who gives money to someone's funeral cost? Why does that move you? Like, to me, that's like. That's your. Like, that doesn't sound like we have a problem on our hands. It's.

[Brady]

I ask, I mean, how much do you need total? Show me the receipts.

[John Holmberg]

But who's getting hurt if the person's funeral isn't, like, extravagant, Right. Where do you, like, how much do you need, like, somebody.

[Brady]

10 grand.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. How in the world is it. I know that death can cost a family some money, but don't go out there and go, we gotta bury him. Where's the body? Somebody's gonna, like. The state will just be like, we got it. They'll pine box him and they'll stuff him in something. It doesn't seem like that should be even, like, a thing. You're like, oh, I understand how that is. You have that dead body laying around the house. We better help these people. Have a funeral. And funeral costs can get pricey, but not begging pricey. Like, there's something you can do or just, you know, what if Brady died tomorrow and nobody paid for his funeral, and they're like, it's gonna cost you nine grand to bury him. I'm like, all right, he's yours, then. I know it's illegal to give him back to me. So whoever's holding hostage for the 10.

[Brady]

Grand, if there's no money, they cremate the body and the bag of ashes. I just know this now, or whatever. The state.

[John Holmberg]

If you didn't have enough money to bury me and somebody's hitting you up for ten grand, you better hurry up. Like, why. You better hurry up, or we're gonna. You don't know what we'll do to this body. Like, do whatever you want. He's not. He's done. I'm not gonna beg for money to bury somebody. It's like, well, Mom's dead, and we didn't think about having any cash for her funeral, so she's just gonna live in that freezer until somebody figures out what to do next. But am I gonna stay on the side of the road and beg? That's a gypsy scam. There's options there. I can almost guarantee you that. The state. If you went to them and said, look, I can't. If there's no room in the morgue and mom's been in there, I don't understand what. They can't give you the body back. It's not gonna live in your garage for a while. So why in the world do you need to. What do you have to pay for? I know you can pay for it when you want to, but, like, if it's. If you're broke, let them have the body. You figure it out. Donate it to science or that. Yeah, just hand it out. We'll give mom away. Oh, it's religious. Well, you didn't have enough money to be this religious, so mom goes to the. To the science lab. She's going to be in that human body exhibit that tours around. Shouldn't threw so much in the collection plate. If it's religious, there's that. You should have been better with your religious money. And if you're that religious, watch your church help out. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, that's a gypsy.

[Brady]

That's where the expense comes in. Never giving money to the, you know, funeral service. You know, if you're having. At the funeral home. What do you want to do? Open casket. You want to do, you know, Casket.

[John Holmberg]

Just went through that. Yeah. You just had it. Yeah. And if he couldn't afford it, you don't do it. Yeah. I don't understand the funeral thing. It seems very easy to fix that one. Like, oh, we have to. It costs for the. The priest and the church and. Yeah. The food. I'm like, well, that's true. I mean, like, all that stuff, then the dinner afterwards, then don't do it awake, then the funeral. So you're telling me everyone that went to your aunt's funeral recently wouldn't have kicked in and helped out if they didn't have enough money to bury her? No, we would have. Of course.

[BK]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

You know, exactly. There's. There's some.

[Brady]

It's.

[John Holmberg]

But you're not gonna scam. But you're not gonna go, you know, all highfalutin on it either. You're gonna bare bones it.

[Brady]

Exactly.

[John Holmberg]

Pardon the pun. Yeah. Nobody had enough cash. It's like, well, just what's it gonna cost? We'll just get to that level and be done. And not going to stand on the side of the road and ask strangers to help you bury somebody. But at least, like I said, the Mexican people got it right. At least they're going to wash your car for getting so for your money. Right. But I still think that's a scam, too. It can't be that hard. I remember years ago driving down Indian school and seeing on the right, need money to bury abuela or abuelita or whatever it was, their grandma. Grandma needed to be buried and they didn't have enough money. And then across the road, a bunch of young high school girls in cheerleading outfits saying that they needed funds to go to the El Paso tournament for cheer. Oh, I'm going El Paso. I'm taking a left right there. The line at the cheerleading thing was like six apples and oranges. And then the one across the way for grandma's funeral, nobody was there. And it was like six Mexican guys and a woman and they had buckets and a hose. And the cheerleaders were at the 7:11 or something. They had a gas station thing. They had a. It was a full operation there. I'm like, this one, those girls are going to El Paso and grandma's going to be in the garage for the next few weeks.

[Brady]

Game on that. I'm having grandma out there at the.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, yeah, prop her up Open weekend of Bernie's. It pop her up.

[Brady]

Here she is. This is what we need the money for.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. I just remember thinking to myself, that's Pretty sad. But those girls really need to hit that tournament in El Paso. And if I'm putting my money on any of them, it's that they were flying JSX compared to Abuela across the street. Yeah. It's what Grandma would have wanted. Yeah. Besides that, it's probably only been, like, four or five years since she was on a cheer squad. She's a Mexican grandmother. She was in her 30s. Grandma. Mexico. She's 33. Why did she die so young is the question. Where's the great, great? In front of Abuelita. Grande. Grande Ebolita. There you go. Now we got somebody who's dead. Yeah. I don't get the funeral scam, but it is a full gypsy scam, man. It's a bad. This guy said Max. I remember this guy. Max Justinian. Remember that old black guy that used to be on the news all the time? Because he'd been running that scam since the 80s. My son died. I don't have enough money for the funeral. And they caught him, like, three or four times. They'd be like, you gotta stop this. And then the news would see him over in, like, Gilbert and then Sun City. Like, he would travel around begging in different parts of the city for years about his son's funeral cost. Never answered any questions. Just packed up and scrammed. And then he would go to a new place until the news caught up with him again. I don't know. He's probably dead now, too. And unburied. But I still don't get what happens if you just say, I'm not paying for this. Go the full homburg on it. Just go, that's too expensive. I'm not. You're not gonna bury your mother. Like, she's not going anywhere. What are you gonna do with her? And that would be my first question is, if I don't give you any money, what happens to her? We do this. This. Okay. Is that free? Yep. That seems like the Ralph will go then. Yeah. This one says it's always a child's funeral. That I see pictures of a kid looking sick on a poster board, and you see those gypsies, a few weeks, the exact same boards on a different corner. Yeah. Never give that one. Doesn't make any sense to me. Never give money to a funeral. Because I. Maybe I'm wrong, but I don't know the options. But I think there is a free option in just saying, okay, you can have her. Well, you don't want your mom back? I can't afford it. You Guys are. I can't do this.

[Brady]

You like to have a really nice, elaborate dinner and celebration.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brady]

We have alcohol.

[John Holmberg]

We'll put up a picture of her, and we'll cook some hot dogs and baloney because we're broke and you can have her. Oh, we'll bury her, then. All right. There won't be a service.

[Brady]

All right.

[John Holmberg]

Where are you gonna bury it? Tell us where you bury her, and we'll go meet her there. It's easy. Point being, the gypsies are under the microscope right now. So expect gypsies to start getting a little bit pissed off because they're gonna come at us later, which is interesting. But there's. There's a lot of weird stuff brewing right now with the. The gypsy thing and those. Those scams. I see a few of them out there, and the one lady said, my son is sick, need money. And I'm like, that's. That's maybe a little more heartstringy, But I'm with Brett. If you're gonna do it, I need a service involved. You know what the Mexicans could do is, like, start a funeral landscaping service or tree trimming. I'd be right in there. Trim your palm trees for a funeral. And I'm like, oh, that seems nice. You can use the money for whatever you want. Absolutely. But, yeah, it seems like sort of lazy to have a sign that says funeral. If you're begging for a funeral, get to work. If you have time to stand outside and beg for funeral money, you have time to go to Taco Bell and get a gig or, you know, mow my lawn, knock on doors, and can I paint the. Can I paint your address on the curb? That something? I don't know.

[Brady]

Hey, guy washing. Coming by looking to wash windows.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, I only go legit companies on that. That's. Dude's peeking in your house. I don't like that one at all. I've. I'll only go legitimate. Like, I want some business stuff on that. I want a card. I want to be able to look you up. I don't like contractor number or whatever. Yeah, I want some medical industry. Yeah. I want the register of contractors. I'm not hiring some kid who wants to wash my windows to go peeking around in my windows. And not because he's a peeping Tom. He's eyeballing the joint around Thanksgiving. Cook turkeys, you know, in the. In the pit. Like Brady's bud. Yeah, exactly. It's the holidays. You got a funeral to pay for.

[Brady]

I made enough money for a Couple.

[John Holmberg]

Of funerals, dig a hole, knock on doors and say, I got a pit. And then I'm gonna dig a hole and cook turkeys. That dude would have buried somebody on that. When you're done, throw a boil in there. You've already got the hole made money.

[Brady]

I mean, 250 birds at 20 bucks a pop.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. And who's gonna know? By the way, Brett's people know how to do this. If a boiler goes in the backyard, too. If you're broke and you can't afford a plot or anything else, it's like, all right, give her back to us. We'll figure something out. Like, well, you can't just have her. Where are you gonna put her money? Like, you're the ones charging top dollar. Let me handle it. Don't worry about it. And you get Brett's folks to dig a five by five and you drop it down and put it in the backyard like, you know, fido. And then when you have some money, you dig her up and you put her in a proper box and you get some stuff together or you leave her for the next resident. The gypsy scams, they're everywhere. I don't understand giving money to anybody on the side of the road, though. It doesn't add up to me. Especially when I went on that ride along and found out that there's homeless pimps that go in and kind of own all the other. Those homeless weirdos that can't make anything make sense. They're running and screaming at the air. But they've got a well written sign that says, need money for veteran. Like those. Those signs are given to them by the homeless pimp who at the end of the day, goes and collects, just.

[Brady]

Supplies them with their drugs.

[John Holmberg]

He supplies them with whatever. Well, he gives them a cut. Yeah. But he's like. He'll go and say, hold this sign. Collect some money on this street corner. And some of them are just out of their minds, but they're signs like, need help? You know, please, everything, God bless. But they're kind of goofed up.

[Brady]

Three kids.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Somebody comes by at the end of the day and takes their cut and gives them their, you know, their smack. And then they do it again the next day. You never see any. Like, you know, nobody's really. There's a pimp situation there. It's kind of creepy. Yeah. This one says, hey, Johannesburg, that's me. So as a cook in the kitchen in Old Town, I would hear a lot of the gypsy folks talk about working at festivals that move from town to town, renaissance or fairs. Gypsies ran it and when it closes, there's parties and orgies and drugs and whatever they stole at the end of the night, they split. I didn't know about that, but it doesn't surprise people. They steal a lot. So we got a gypsy issue brewing. I like it. I like it a lot. It's out of control now. Well, my Bears have been a heck of a lot better than I thought they're going to be this year, and what's going to even make it better is playing on the Underdog app while watching them. It's Brett Vesely from Holmberg's morning Sickness and playing underdog is so easy. I just pick if my favorite players will go higher or lower than their projected stats. And with my Bears Caleb Williams and have been great, so I'm gonna go higher on both their stats. You can play the playoffs in Underdog too. Download the app today and use a promo code HMS to score 75 in bonus entries when you play your first $5. That's promo code HMS Underdog Make Picks Win Money must be 18 19 in Alabama, Nebraska 19 in Colorado for some games, 21 in Arizona, Massachusetts and Virginia and present in a state where underdog fantasy operates. Terms apply. See assets.underdog fantasy.com web/playand getterms_dfs_.HTML for details. Offer not valid in Maryland, Mich. Michigan, New Jersey, New York, Ohio and Pennsylvania. Concerned with your play? Call 1-800- gambler or visit www.ncpgambling.org In New York, call 24. 7, Hope line at 1-87-7-8, Hope NY or text Hopeny 467-369. Hey, it's Larry McFeely.

[Brady]

And what better way to kick off the new year than with a brand new Toyota from your valley Toyota dealers? New Year, new goals, new adventures and a new Toyota is the perfect way to get you there, whether you're tackling your commute, heading out on weekend road trips or just wanting something more reliable for the year ahead. Toyota has to fit your lifestyle, so make this the year you drive smarter, safer and happier. Visit your Valley Toyota dealers or valleytoyotadealers.com Toyota let's go places.

[John Holmberg]

The Best of the Morning Sickness is on the air. Do any of you people do any actual work? The Best of Homburg's Morning Sickness oh, here it is. Pretty. Look. Are we dreaming? Seriously? This can't be real. So Hulk Hogan's calling us, right? He's on the phone. The handler says, hope you don't mind, he's got someone with him. If you're my. I'm a 37 year old American male. If you're my age or pretty darn close to it, hearing the. The next line on the phone. Hope you don't mind, he's got a guest with him. Jimmy Hart.

[Brady]

The mouth of the South.

[John Holmberg]

Mouth of the South. The Hart Foundation. I. I have no issues with that. Hulk Hogan and Jimmy. I think this is like, man, did.

[Brady]

I want to club that guy.

[John Holmberg]

Is this my life flashing before me, Brady?

[Brady]

Because.

[John Holmberg]

Because this. This pretty much eats up a good portion of the mid-80s for me. Every night after Saturday Night Live. They pretty much would show the. The WWF stuff at the time. And it's Jimmy Hart and you know, the Hammer, Valentine, Steamboat and the Honky Tonk, Superfly Snuka and all these guys. Honky Tonk, man. King Kong Bundy. Forget about it. Pray. This is. We're flashing back. Tell Hulk to hurry. Toledo. Hurry. Everybody else.

[Brady]

Be with you in a minute, brother.

[John Holmberg]

Hit the space bar on that thing again. Help me out with that. Yeah, there it is. Oh, no. I got it. Never mind. Don't touch it. Never mind. Hulster, we're just gonna play this until he's on the phone.

[Brady]

Thunder Lips.

[John Holmberg]

Thunder Lips. Very exciting. Is he on?

[BK]

Sweet.

[John Holmberg]

Ladies and gentlemen, even we just sit and wait for him. What a moment this is. Hulk Hogan is on the phone. Everybody. Hulk Hogan is on the phone. Listen to me. Hulk, are you there? No, you know what?

[Jimmy Hart]

The Hookster standing by this.

[John Holmberg]

Jimmy Hart, the world's greatest wrestling manager.

[Jimmy Hart]

But do say so myself. But here's the Hugster.

[John Holmberg]

Jimmy, give me my wallet back.

[Jimmy Hart]

Brother, I took the pen from you. Now. My wallet. Mister. Where's my damn wallet?

[John Holmberg]

I was looking for your credit card. They're doing bits. Keep going.

[Jimmy Hart]

Oh, it's brutal, man. He just grabbed everybody's wallet on Fifth Avenue. A little ugly walking around, shaking hands, pickpocketing people. I know we need money, Jimmy. I know I went through hell and back again the last couple years, but you can't rob people's black American Express credit cards. I don't look like Jim Sanford.

[John Holmberg]

I'm sorry, Hulkster. Sorry, What? So you still have the black card? That's all I care about right now.

[Jimmy Hart]

I don't have any cards. I gave everything away, brother. Get out of that mess.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Good for you. I'm proud of you, by the way.

[BK]

Hey, freeze.

[Jimmy Hart]

And clean air. Thank God.

[John Holmberg]

It's like selling.

[Jimmy Hart]

To get out of that deal.

[John Holmberg]

Best day of your life. You got rid of the boat, Nice job and pride. And now you're hanging out with Jimmy Hart, which somehow or another is better.

[Jimmy Hart]

I love these guys already. That's what I've been trying to tell him for 30 years. And now that we've tagged him up with Spike tv, I'm really excited.

[John Holmberg]

Hulkster, this is. This is a dream for me. By the way, we're talking to Hulk Hogan and Jimmy Hart on the phone. And Hulkster, who's been through it all. Hulk, you know what I miss most about wrestling?

[Jimmy Hart]

What?

[John Holmberg]

The basic use of stereotypes as characters. You. You beat up the Iron Sheik. You were the real American. You were crushing other people from other lands over and over, representing the US of A. And you know, it was the greatest thing ever. Yeah, the Russians, the Iranians, everything. And they don't do that anymore. Are you going to be crushing other nations in honor of America once again?

[Jimmy Hart]

Well, brother, you know, the deal is you kind of like, hit the nail on the head. There are no larger than life characters. There's. There's a couple guys here and there that kind of hit the beat once in a while, but what we're doing. And when I came and I took over TNA creatively and I'm running the show, yeah, I told the guys, if you depend on writers to tell you everything to say. If you depend on writers to tell you how to wrestle, go up north to the WWE. Stephanie McMahon's a head writer. She'll tell you how to talk and wrestle. You know, we're here to make wrestling like it should be. You need to know your art form. You need to know your craft. When you talk the talk, you need to walk the walk. Don't just sing it. You need to bring it, brother. And at the end of the day, you know, wrestling's like it should be. We need drama, we need edginess, we need confrontations, we need violence, we need comedy. You know, we need anticipation. And that's where we're going with this thing. Our storylines, the creative we're on. We got a bunch of wrestling people running this company. And at the end of the day, now that Spike TV's behind us, this is our last Thursday. This week, this is it. This. This Thursday leads right into Monday. We're making history. Monday, March 8th. TNA. With Hulk Hogan getting in the ring the first time in 10 years on live TV. We're going head to head against the Monster, the WWE. We might get knocked down. We pick the fight we're going to keep getting up and we're going to prove we can put out better programming, brother.

[John Holmberg]

Sweet. That's what I'm waiting. And you're fine. You're going with Ric Flair, right?

[Jimmy Hart]

Yeah, you know the monster, Bis, My partner, he's gonna watch my back. And we get Ric Flair and AJ Styles, you know, we got Jeff Hardy, we got Sting, we got Kurt Angle, man, we got Mick Foley. I mean, we got this deck stacked, brother.

[John Holmberg]

Now the Ric Flair thing, is that, is that possible? Because he just got into a little bit of a personal heat, like you might know about Hulk, you know, a little family problem.

[Jimmy Hart]

Well, his wife just beat him up, so I'm gonna kill him.

[John Holmberg]

That's what I'm saying. His wife kicked his ass.

[Brady]

He was practicing.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Was he, was he, was he, was he trying to work on her? Is she a large lady? Probably.

[Jimmy Hart]

Oh, she's gorgeous. He just married her three or four months ago. And you know, I got a feeling that's going to be the, the new. I ain't going to go there, but I got a feeling that Ric Flair might be out doing a lot of wooing. It's Marriott.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, I see what you're up to. So you think Rick's, you know, he might be a little bit weak legged, you'll say, by, by the time Rick.

[Jimmy Hart]

Can hold his own under any situation, he's without a doubt the greatest wrestler that ever stepped in the ring, in my opinion. But you know, he's going to go head to head against me. And all the Hulkamanias are. Dude, this is major. I mean, this is like, this is great for the fans. I mean, when we did this before and we spanked Vince McMahon for two and a half years when I was with Ted Turner. Yeah, the wrestling universe went from about 7 million to 11 million people. The universe gets larger. It's good for business. Not only do the fans win, the guys in the locker room, all the talent, they're all excited now that, you know, this whole monopoly situation, they have a choice now, so it's good for.

[John Holmberg]

Everybody, which is fantastic. You know, I'll be honest with you, Hulk. I think I could listen to you just read the phone book. It's just, you're just. You have a presence that is so commanding that you just, you go ahead and say whatever you want.

[Jimmy Hart]

Listen to that squeaky little voice of Jimmy Harson, by the way. Jimmy, give me the damn wallet back. I will. Hey, you know what? You hit the nail on the head while ago about the characters because you know, Huck's always said showmanship and charisma will always overshadow athletic ability in wrestling. Now if you've got the athletic ability, that's cool. But you're right, the characters, I know when we used to go into a dress room up back in our WWF days, WWE name, I mean there was Andre the Giant, the Honky Tonk man tuning at guitar. Jake the Snake with that. You got the junkyard dog with the big change. You got Bobby heenan telling jokes, Mr. Fuji playing tricks on people. It was liver, it was just, it was on Living Color is what I'm trying to say. It was just great.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, Steamboat. And you had, and you had Superfly Snooka and all the stuff that made everybody crazy too, that these guys were floating around in the area. Athletes. You had all these guys that could crush the athletes with their sheer size. It was great to watch.

[Jimmy Hart]

You know what Hawks bring into TNA too is if you'll watch the TNA shows, especially tonight and of course Monday night, which will be live. Once we go live, 80 or 90% of the interviews are going to be live in the middle of the ring in front of the audience. None of the pre tape stuff in the back. I hate all those pre tape things, but it's going to be great.

[John Holmberg]

Now, now, Jimmy Hart, you, you check in about 150 pounds, maybe about five, three. Are you, are you hanging it up? Are you going to start picking fights like you used to get in trouble all the time, hit people with that bull horn. Well, those days are behind you because you know, you, you might have been the, the most antagonizing person.

[Brady]

Some good speed.

[John Holmberg]

I was just a kid. I wanted to pop a little bit.

[Jimmy Hart]

Well, thank you for the company. I'm 57159, not 150.

[John Holmberg]

Okay, thank you.

[Jimmy Hart]

I feel like the Dick Clark of professional wrestling, but I am. Hulk gave me a chance to bring in one of my tag teams that I used to manage that I had tag team champion belts on in WWF and wcw. The Nasty Boys bringing knobs and sags in and, and we got the helmet, we got the megaphone, we got the colorful jacket. So hopefully we're going to be able to make some noise there.

[John Holmberg]

Now the other side of that is the Hart foundation is back together. Is it all going to start coming back together? Are you building a new one?

[Jimmy Hart]

Well, you know what, who knows what we might do with the Hart foundation, but we were talking about Bret Hart early today and we're glad to see him back up in the wwe, of course. And he's always a good friend of ours. Hulk loves him. I do, too. And we're glad to see him back, but, you know, the door's always open. You know, when Hawk jumped over to tna, all of a sudden, he got a phone from Jeff Hardy. Phone call, Jeff Hardy came in. Sting goes, I'm putting the boots back on. So we got Sting, all of a sudden, here's Mick Foley. The roster is just getting jam packed. So if anybody's coming in, they better make the phone call pretty quick.

[John Holmberg]

And that's why I'm asking about the Hart Foundation. Pretty much. Assuming you're going to try to steal them all.

[Jimmy Hart]

Well, you never know.

[John Holmberg]

Well, I mean, you're a crooked little weasel. Jimmy Hart's right on, man. Yeah, I mean, Jimmy Hart's a crooked weasel. You've got the right guy to do this.

[Jimmy Hart]

Hey, you know what? We'll do anything to win a match. But, you know, Neidhart lives right down there in Tampa, Florida, where we do. I might give him a call when I get back today.

[John Holmberg]

See, that's how it works.

[Brady]

His phone works.

[Jimmy Hart]

I was just on the plane with him on the way up here.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, this is. This is. Oh, we gotta wrap it up. They're telling us to wrap it up. You know what I want to ask you guys? We ask you that one or one of two questions to everybody who's on the show. I want both answers. I'm gonna go with the old school one. We have a section called the Pause and Toss. A movie that is not dirty, not pornographic, but could be in your collection of films that has a scene in it that the Hulkster can take the baby Hulkster and pleasure himself and take care of business without everybody thinking he's a pervert. Best love scene in the history of movies. What is it? Hulk Hogan?

[Jimmy Hart]

The best love scene.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Best sex scene that isn't filthy. You know, like, it isn't. Like it's not X rated. That you could have it and still, you know, like, for those lonely Hulkster nights.

[Jimmy Hart]

I have no idea where you're going with this one. Let's rub up without a cause, James.

[John Holmberg]

Rub up without a cause. I see what you're saying right there. All right, Hulkster. Yeah. Just a movie that you're like, oh, my God, that's the sexiest thing.

[Jimmy Hart]

A true romance, brother.

[John Holmberg]

Okay, when? Yeah.

[BK]

All right.

[John Holmberg]

There you go. Two in a row. Nice job. Christian Slater.

[Jimmy Hart]

Patricia Arquette, you know, banger. That was. That was the deal, brother.

[John Holmberg]

All right. And somebody wanted to Know if you still eat live chickens for breakfast. Is that true?

[Jimmy Hart]

No, not live ones. I eat a raw sushi a lot. But, brother, you know what's going Monday night. Come on, plug it for us. Hit a home run, man. Lay it out straight.

[John Holmberg]

It's out there Monday. It's tonight. It's Monday. It's all the time. Hulk Hogan will find you wherever you are on Spike tv, my friend.

[Jimmy Hart]

Thank you, brother.

[BK]

Thank you.

[John Holmberg]

What a. What a privilege. Thanks, guys. We'll talk to you guys. Hulk Hogan and Jimmy Hart having absolutely nothing to do with any questions. Questions? Just talking. And I could listen to it all day long. It's all promotion.

[Brady]

Talk to talk, walk to walk.

[John Holmberg]

You get that vibe. No matter what you were going to ask him, it was going to go. It doesn't really matter until Monday on Spike tv.

[Brady]

Put on your socks and grab your. Whoa.

[John Holmberg]

What the hell did you just say? Yeah, I have this list of questions in front of me. It just. Nothing. There's nothing. Yeah, it's all going to be Jimmy Hart and Hulk talking about that wallet. Hulk Hogan was just on the show. We were just involved. I felt like mean Gene Okerland. Hubster, please answer the questions. It's all gonna go down on Monday night, brother.

[Brady]

Thanks for the compliment.

[John Holmberg]

I'm 575-759-lbs, athletic. Think he's got the glasses on? I have no.

[Brady]

And the jacket.

[John Holmberg]

Hulk Hogan just on the show. Brother. Brother. It was awesome. They were in bits. They were doing bits together.

[Brady]

It deviated a couple times.

[John Holmberg]

Couple times. Then he started talking about his C word wife and all. Yeah. Stole everything from him. We get down to brass tacks. If I could talk to Terry Bolaya, the real Hulk Hogan, I'm sure you'd find out he's back in pna.

[Brady]

Mainly because Oprah has that.

[John Holmberg]

She stole them all. Yeah. Oprah gets Terry.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

When?

[Brady]

Whenever.

[John Holmberg]

Anytime. Anytime. She calls Hulk Hogan.

[Brady]

I don't want to see him cry.

[John Holmberg]

Not a single question. It was literally like talking to my TV when I was a kid. I ask him, I didn't get the pythons question and it didn't matter. He's just gonna talk about Spike. That was fun. I enjoyed Hulk. He doesn't know what to jerk it to. But what was his answer? True romance. Oh, okay. And then Rebel Without a Cause is Jimmy Hart's. Pause and tough. Have you seen that? Yeah, I don't remember. Threw down to a chick.

[Brady]

Maybe it's the foot on the gas pedal, I guess.

[John Holmberg]

I mean, he's got a car thing. Going off cliffs. I guess maybe that's his deal.

[Jimmy Hart]

What?

[John Holmberg]

98. No way. H's morning sickness. This segment is brought to you guys by Action Ride Shop. Now, if you're thinking about heading up.

[Brady]

North to hit the slopes for some.

[John Holmberg]

Skiing, some boarding, or if you're just going to stay down here in the valley and do some mountain biking, Action Ride Shop is your place to be. They got all the gear and all the knowledge you're going to need, so check them out [e-mail] or better yet, just go visit them over there on Gilbert Road and Southern. It's Action Ride Shop. We've got our guest is here. I believe he's out in the parking lot. There's the Santa Fe. Today's paper. BK Kim very upset. Here we go. And he's not starting. What's up, bk?

[BK]

Hey, what up, bk?

[John Holmberg]

Up in the his. Hello.

[BK]

Bring bring.

[Brady]

Look at that.

[BK]

Look at this. Ching, ching. Ring, baby.

[John Holmberg]

10 for 10.

[BK]

I 10 for 10. Crozing. I've been crozing deals like crazy. Radry. It's insane. Kurt Shilling wife make me come over and finish up when he's done because he don't get job done. I have to come over and finish up. I tired of it. I don't write no stroppy seconds.

[John Holmberg]

Did you ever find that present Brady left for you in your house?

[BK]

Yeah, I find present. Thanks, Brady. Brady also steal a jar of what I sell on eBay now. BK DNA. Yeah, I tired of bitches demanding my juices. You know what I say? So get guns or gum all you want. You don't rip till you have BK DNA in system.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, yeah.

[BK]

Hey, Brady.

[Brady]

Yo.

[BK]

How many ring you have?

[Brady]

I got one, bk.

[BK]

But it's not like this one, right? I didn't think so. Well, I asked you now how many ring you got?

[John Holmberg]

I don't have any rings, bk. That's right.

[BK]

I. I start games. Why Miguel Batista start. He no bk.

[Brady]

He's good.

[John Holmberg]

What?

[BK]

You crazy? I have to finish up his dumps. I got chunks of Miguel Batista smaller in my stool. What?

[Brady]

Why are you getting so worked up about the BK thing?

[BK]

BK no good. That Burger King, man. I bigger than that.

[Brady]

You got a name for yourself?

[BK]

Worldwide. Worldwide.

[Brady]

Big Pimpin.

[BK]

That's what I call myself. Big Pimpin. What you look at, sport guy? How many rings you got?

[Brady]

Deuce?

[BK]

That big zero. He hold up just like his ratings. Out of the studio, back to am.

[John Holmberg]

What?

[BK]

Go on, you guys.

[John Holmberg]

What are you gonna be singing today?

[BK]

Bk. Bring, bring. I sing Hit. You guys pray here on KUPD. Let's get that contested 2609800. Who's this?

[Jimmy Hart]

This is John.

[BK]

John. You a bitch.

[Jimmy Hart]

No.

[BK]

How many World Series rings you got, John?

[Jimmy Hart]

How many what?

[BK]

World Series rings you got?

[John Holmberg]

Oh, I got a ring, but it don't fit on my finger.

[BK]

Is it a World Series ring or is it one of those cheap knockoffs for going to opening day?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, I got World Series ring. You got none.

[BK]

That's right. You finish ririk, bitch. Ready?

[John Holmberg]

Ready.

[BK]

Aight. Here we go. Help me carry on. Assure me it's okay to use my heart, not my eye to navigate the darkness.

[John Holmberg]

Wow. Because that's right.

[BK]

Finish hit song kupd. Pray all the time. Help me carry on. Assure me it's okay to use my heart and not my ice to navigate the darkness. Finish that Ryric.

[Jimmy Hart]

Oh, I know.

[John Holmberg]

It's an easy one.

[BK]

It's a new one. One you can't do.

[John Holmberg]

Oh no. You like Rick. Helling you.

[BK]

You floundering early. You lose.

[John Holmberg]

Okay.

[BK]

Nice try, B. Bye. Bye. That's that easy. You guys know the answer to this one?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[BK]

Oh knows.

[John Holmberg]

I think we do. All. It's not that hard, bk.

[BK]

I know. That's what your mom said.

[John Holmberg]

Who did one?

[Brady]

Hey.

[BK]

It's a little bk. What's going on?

[Brady]

Maybe.

[BK]

Maybe I spawn early of my BK DNA on eBay. Your mama have turkey baster and buy some BK DNA. You ready to pray?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[BK]

All right. Help me carry on. Assure me it's okay to use my heart and not my eyes. Little BK to navigate the darkness.

[John Holmberg]

Will the ending be ever coming suddenly? Will the ending be ever coming suddenly? Will I ever get to see the ending to my story?

[BK]

He got it. Nice job.

[John Holmberg]

Wow. Not bad for little bk.

[BK]

Not bad for little pimp.

[Brady]

And you know what he's gonna get?

[BK]

A World Series ring.

[Brady]

A Mother's Day prize package.

[BK]

All right. You don't have to shop for mom this year. That's all right. I already done all the shopping your mom need. Hold on.

[John Holmberg]

Okay. What's in that Mother's Day prize pack, Brady?

[Brady]

Well, well, we'll have to see. It's pretty much an extravaganza prize. Limo ride from the AZ Mills. There's our mills. A haircut. A 500 gift certificate.

[John Holmberg]

Wow.

[Brady]

To use at the mall.

[John Holmberg]

You kidding? Really?

[Brady]

One dozen chocolate covered strawberries. Wow. Folks from the Arizona mills have ponied up.

[John Holmberg]

Wow.

[BK]

And one cup of DNA from bk. You make a super child. We start super race high or bk. That's what start next.

[John Holmberg]

Really?

[BK]

The BK party start today. All right, we do one more round of this 2609800 BK actor his a bring bring. All right.

[John Holmberg]

BK. I love his song though.

[Brady]

Still.

[John Holmberg]

BK sings another. Another round of that coming up in seconds. You keep it right here. 98 KPD. It's the best of Homburg's morning sickness. All right, our boy is here for round two of BK sings. It's now in the TV theme song Realm two six zero nine hey, how you doing?

[Brady]

You're wearing.

[John Holmberg]

What are you wearing?

[BK]

I wear Goldame. It's Armani. I take from Tom Brennaman. Tom Brennaman usually like to talk to you guys in morning, right? But I keep his mouth full so often that he can't get on foot. You know what I say, Brennan my gates. You know who else my bb.

[Brady]

Is that right, Coach?

[BK]

Yeah, he looked for my ring the other day on all fours. I'd lose ring just so I could watch him bend over for me, you know. And that's like a prison sentence to bb. I said bb. BK loose ring. No pitch without ring.

[John Holmberg]

What baby?

[BK]

Bring bring, no bring bring. BK can't bring bring heat without bring bring. And so he get on hands and knees just anytime I am ask.

[John Holmberg]

Wow.

[BK]

The whole team. I teach Randy Johnson Strider. I thought I showed them the world.

[John Holmberg]

How about Louie Gonzo?

[BK]

He's batting.250.

[John Holmberg]

Rusa.

[Brady]

So do you determine when you go in or.

[BK]

Yeah, I come in whenever I want. I go BB BK1 play now. Got to go home early and nail bitches. I have like six date tonight. I can't. I can't throw ninth inning. It's almost 10 o'.

[John Holmberg]

Clock.

[BK]

That's why I want to stop. Get home early, mount bitches. You know what I'm saying?

[Brady]

You're 10 and you're 10 for 10 for 10, baby.

[BK]

We got people on the rhine here waiting to pray.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[BK]

All right. Who this bitch?

[John Holmberg]

This is Amy.

[BK]

Amy, how are you?

[John Holmberg]

Fine.

[BK]

All right, you want to pray or not?

[Jimmy Hart]

Yeah.

[BK]

Because you're just calling to a mount bk. Yeah, that's what you pray for.

[John Holmberg]

You win.

[BK]

Okay? Okay. I lose my ring somewhere inside you. We play fun riddle games.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, geez.

[BK]

Probably already a few rings in there if you know what I say. Okay, here we go. Are you ready?

[Jimmy Hart]

Yeah.

[BK]

I don't know which one I was going to read.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, here you go.

[BK]

Thank you for being a friend. Travel down the road back again. Your heart is true. You're a power and A confidant.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, I know this one.

[BK]

Of course you do, baby.

[Jimmy Hart]

Sing it one more time.

[BK]

Oh, you got it. She loved the tones of BKB Bringing. Thank you for being a friend. Travel down the road back again. Heart is true, your power and a confidant. Think horny old.

[John Holmberg]

Is it? Oh, I'm sorry. Okay, I got it.

[Brady]

No, you don't.

[BK]

You can't tell. Now, hold on, lady. You. You're too late. Don't you hear? Buzzer, crows.

[John Holmberg]

No, that was.

[BK]

Hold, please.

[John Holmberg]

Wow.

[BK]

See, that's why you can. Okay, bitch, take an inch, take a mile. You know what I say? They never know. Hi, there. Who this?

[Jimmy Hart]

Mike.

[BK]

Mike. How you do this morning?

[Jimmy Hart]

What's up, bitch?

[BK]

How many rings you got, Mike?

[John Holmberg]

One. Oh, yeah?

[BK]

Is it the World Series ring?

[Jimmy Hart]

No.

[BK]

I didn't think so. I got one of those. Watch who you call bitch, bitch.

[Jimmy Hart]

You better watch before I knock you.

[John Holmberg]

Around there, wall biter.

[BK]

Hey, wait a minute. Face off, red. You could bite a wall. Is that what you say?

[Jimmy Hart]

That's what I said.

[BK]

You call me wall biter one more time, I swear I lose ringing you. And not the fun way. All right, here we go. You got to get this one. Think old.

[John Holmberg]

I got it.

[BK]

What is it?

[Jimmy Hart]

It's Golden Girls.

[BK]

It's a Golden Girl. Say, see, he's either he's gay or he lives with an old woman.

[John Holmberg]

No, I just do old lady.

[BK]

Oh, yeah, baby. I like yours. I like your style. Oh, my mom.

[John Holmberg]

No.

[BK]

Do you. My mom know she do laundry. That's all. All right, hold on just a second. You stay right there. Okay, BK Got to go. I got in the back. Back of car. Breeding, breeding, not breeding, you know. Yeah, okay. I have trouble with ill. Yeah, we go to Toys R Us and go get us some Priest Toys.

[Brady]

Nice.

[BK]

Yeah, that's fine. I love America. All right, later. Fire up the Santa Fe.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[BK]

Oh, you waking up. Maybe I drive you over here to Guadalupe over in the corner and give you what I could. All right.

[John Holmberg]

BK Always a treat, isn't he?

[Brady]

Peel out every time.

[John Holmberg]

He can't possibly just leave like a man.

[Brady]

That just chaps Chuck, too.

[John Holmberg]

It's because he was. Because he's getting the road goods from one of the Dream palace girls. It's true. It's what happens. Bobo's rent rave is coming up in just a little bit. That is BK Sings. I wish we played this song. I wish we played BK Case theme. Play Jay Z all the time. Freaking hypnotic. It's out of control now, 98, if.

[Brady]

You'Re looking at new vehicles for the new year, look no further than your Valley Toyota dealers. This is Larry McFeely and if your New Year's resolution includes a Toyota Tacoma, Tundra, 4Runner, Corolla, Camry or Grand Highlander.

[John Holmberg]

Then you're in luck.

[Brady]

And here's the best part. Every new Toyota comes with Toyota care that's no cost maintenance and 24 hour roadside assistance for two years or 24 hours. Peace of mind for the road ahead. Exactly how you want to start a new year. Welcome 2026 in style. Visit your Valley Toyota dealers or valleytoyotadealers.com.

[John Holmberg]

Toyota let's go places for 60 years, Fisher Tools has been the Valley's trusted source for quality, precision and power. Family owned and operated for three generations, we're proud to be a local tempe business offering the best tools and supplies for every construction job. With the largest selection of power tools in in the Valley, from Milwaukee to Makeda to DeWalt, we've got everything you need to get the job done right. We're known for having everything in stock because our slogan is if we don't have it, we can't sell it. See why we've been the Valley's go to for tools for over 60 years? Visit Fisher Tools today in store or [e-mail] the best of Homer's Morning Sickness this is the Big Red Radio. It's time for Brady to give you all the news that only Brady knows. We call this the Brady Report and it's brought to you by our friends at All Pro Shade. If you want to get on over there and shade up a portion of your backyard, front yard, side yard, whatever you got windows, you want to put blinds up, you want to put blockers out, you want to make them look good. And you've got sun just infiltrating a part of your house you don't want there anymore. Darn it all. Like Toledo's dad, get rid of that sun and just get it done properly so it looks like it's supposed to be part of the house. It adds property value value and makes everything better. The motorized shades that they put out there disappear in this windy weather like this. Probably up to like 20, 25 miles an hour right now and suck itself back in so you don't have a big mess or something broken in your backyard. They are sensitive to the wind and to the weather, which is great. And when they want to make that back patio of yours a living space, darn it all, they're ready. They're ready for you. It's a beautiful thing. And like I said to you last week, the number one thing people, people look for when they're looking for a house now is outdoor living space in Phoenix. That is a huge selling point. Make it so you've got that and do it right. AllProchade.com that's where you go. Brady reported.

[Brady]

Good Monday morning to you Phoenix.

[John Holmberg]

Hello world. Hi.

[Brady]

Last month, 38 year old and an employee at the Social Security Administration office in Baltimore, Maryland got an official reprimand added to his file for creating creating intolerable and hostile work environment. Horrible noxious gas.

[John Holmberg]

I used to fart on people farting.

[Brady]

All over the place. The guy was producing gas so bad it was hostile to his co workers. After the story came out around Christmas some of the senior managers at the SSA heard about it. They felt no matter how bad the gas ass was, it wasn't enough to cause or to say this guy was creating a hostile work environment. So the official reprimand has been rescinded.

[John Holmberg]

There's been whispers around the office. Some people have a problem with me. Well if you have one, say it to my face. I didn't think so. Keep your distance.

[Brady]

People picture the guy. Of course they've pixelated his face. They blurred his face but the picture pretty funny because he's at an amusement park and he's taking a picture with Pepe Le Pew.

[John Holmberg]

The only guy that can tolerate him. Roger, step into my office. No sir. You're fired. Insubord piece of crap. I need people to help me with this project. No one will come in here. Davis, no. Get in here.

[Brady]

My God, my eyes are water.

[John Holmberg]

How did he ascend through that? These people are all a bunch of lazy do nothings. All of ya.

[Brady]

Reprimand him.

[John Holmberg]

Running out for lunch. Look at you running to the door. You're all lazy. Greatest place in the world. I provide here. He's the fat guy, can't control his pooper and he's standing next to Pepe Le Pew.

[Brady]

Had our first Jesus sighting. Jesus appearing on a an object.

[John Holmberg]

What is it?

[Brady]

His face appears on a door at the Care Baptist Church in Duncan, South Carolina.

[John Holmberg]

Of course I look for him in like things that you're like what does that look like? And then I'm like, maybe it's Jesus. Like a tree I saw in Show Low. I'm like, I think there's a face in this tree and I try to make it Jesus and I can't.

[Brady]

Well, I think the closest we came.

[John Holmberg]

Is the Virgin Mary at Garcia. Yeah, yeah, that's true.

[Brady]

One of the church members says one day I was sitting in the pew by the door and appeared the image of Jesus. And I was really amazed, astonished.

[John Holmberg]

What's up, man?

[Brady]

The door and the image have been at the church since it was built in the 1970s. It's a small church. Hundred members.

[John Holmberg]

That's small.

[Brady]

Does it appear or does it. Has it always been there and all.

[John Holmberg]

Of a sudden we pointed it out? Yeah.

[Brady]

Some say the image is supposed to be there. God wanted it out there for some reason. Maybe he wanted people to see. He'll still perform miracles. I think it's his little joke, seeing how long he can be there until people notice. That's Steve Wyatt, member of the CARE Baptist Church. Members welcome visitors to stop by and check out the image for the themselves collection plate first.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, that's the. I think somebody stained the thing because Sandy Hook probably had a few people go, screw this. I don't believe in him anymore. And so now he's like, oh, let's paint him into the door.

[Brady]

Ronnie and I are heading there for spring break this year.

[John Holmberg]

You should. It's a party town.

[Brady]

I kind of. You kind of. There's a face in there, but I see. I can see the. You got a squint a little bit and it kind of looks. I see like Freddy Krueger.

[John Holmberg]

I see like a demon head above. Above the Jesus face. You see that?

[Brady]

Yeah. Now, now when you hold it back. Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

But up here there's another, like, to the side demon face. Oh, it's just. It's just bad faux finish is all it is. Yeah, I bet you. I bet you after Sandy Hook, the pastor went out there and there are like 14 people in what used to be a hundred person church. Well, where is everybody? Oh, everybody quit. Nobody. Nobody has any faith left at all. There's no possible way any God could let that happen, huh? Maybe we'll paint him in the door. Yeah, paint him in the door. It'll get people to come back. You can come look at Jesus. He's here. He's stuck in the door. He. To stop that whole Sandy Hook thing.

[Brady]

The Memphis City council is catching some heat. A little fearful because the state legislators voted last Tuesday to approve changing the name of Forest park to health science Program Park. Confederate park became Memphis park. And Jefferson Davis park. Oh, named after the president of the Confederacy, was renamed Mississippi River Park. That prompted a letter from the exalted Cyclops.

[BK]

Right.

[Brady]

Saying you change these parks, there's going to be Trouble.

[John Holmberg]

It's on.

[Brady]

Yeah. The clan was 90 by the legislators and they broke down the pan. There's seven African American council members and two. Two white council members who felt a.

[John Holmberg]

Lot of pressure that day. If it came up 7 to 2, the vote was 7 to 2. They'd be like, why don't you crackers change your mind real quick? So this is not nothing. We don't make this obvious. Aren't that. Yeah. Isn't the claim like way outnumbered? Yeah, but they're still so weird and freaky that I think they worry people because they're. But there's a lot of them.

[Brady]

I'm not sure if the.

[John Holmberg]

No.

[Brady]

That may have gone up or down. It fluctuates.

[John Holmberg]

But they fight people who aren't fighting. It's not like they're going up against an army. They attack, like businesses and homes and people. They don't need to have tons of them.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

They're outnumbered. But they hide the.

[Brady]

One of the TV stations interviewed the exalted cyclops who refused to reveal his true identity. They just called him Edward. He was calling all fellow Klansmen to join him in the largest rally Memphis, Tennessee has ever seen.

[John Holmberg]

Especially in Memphis, Tennessee. Yeah. The clan is going to be outnumbered.

[Brady]

You.

[John Holmberg]

You get. Try to get your rally together. It's outnumbered. But again, like these guys don't ever say who they are. So you never know who it is. That's a clan member. So they could be doing a bunch of COVID stuff and then laughing at the meeting in the hood. So they're very, you know, hillbilly trickery. They're friendly when they're not in the hood because they want to get beat up. They're cowards. Cowards hiding behind a hat. But that city council meeting. Boy, talk about an out. Outnumbered. Everything in Memphis is going to be changed.

[Brady]

All right.

[John Holmberg]

We're going to change the name of. Who's Greg Davis?

[Brady]

That's.

[John Holmberg]

My grandfather is a great man in the 1800s that started this street here. And wonderful human being. That's Jesse Owens Boulevard. Now vote seven to two, we win again. We're gonna call this Jesse Owens Street. That'll be our fifth street called Jesse Owens. Can we mix it up a little bit?

[Brady]

Bit?

[John Holmberg]

That was named after my grandma Mildred Davis. She was a wonderful woman. Brought pies to everyone. I named it straight after because she was a real catalyst in Memphis. It's Jesse owens street. Vote 7 to 2. Did you guys see Django Unchained yet?

[Brady]

No, not yet.

[John Holmberg]

I got to the greatest part about it Is the clan arguing over whether they should wear the hoods or not Wear the hoods? Jonah Hill is one of the Klansman. It's a yes or no. I gotta see that movie.

[Brady]

One of the parks getting changed. The Forest Park. Jesse Owens park is named after Nathan Bedford Forrest, a confederate leader who traded slaves before the war, went on to become the first grand wizard of the kkk and under his command was accused of slaughtering federal black troops at the battle of Fort Pillow.

[John Holmberg]

Yep.

[Brady]

Welcome to Forest park, everybody.

[John Holmberg]

Shouldn't. Shouldn't name anything after that guy. I'm all for that. Being Jesse Owens park does everything is. You know, you've got too many black councilmen when everything's named after Jackie Robinson and Jesse Owens.

[Brady]

Rosa Parks Park.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, the same thing they're doing with Ray Lewis. They're putting up a statue of him.

[Brady]

Well, we can't.

[John Holmberg]

Bad people should not have things named after them.

[Brady]

Pastor Zendaya Andres Brothership is known for passing his footwear to a woman in his congregation at Victorious Faith Ministries. And she claims that the shoe cleared up her genital war.

[John Holmberg]

Well, this is the guy.

[Brady]

Vaginal pimples.

[John Holmberg]

Is that a website? I'm going to it. But is it a website? Vaginalpimples.com. that's a hashtag. It's gonna definitely be a hashtag. Hey, by the way, that's a great way to get your ex girlfriend back on Instagram, Facebook and Twitter. Hey, if you don't like Heidi over here, hashtag vaginal pimples. That's all I gotta tell you.

[Brady]

Okay, so claims he.

[John Holmberg]

Wait a minute.

[Brady]

With the power of prayer, then removes his shoe and hands the woman who places it between her thighs.

[John Holmberg]

And the. And this is obviously subtitled. Hold on, Toledo. Pause it. Go back. So is this in English? Is this in English? We'll pause it. Go back all the way. Am I going to hear this in English? Brady, do we have to translate? I think so. All right. Because it's subtitled on the.

[Brady]

Oh, maybe.

[John Holmberg]

Here we go.

[Brady]

Oh, yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Do you have pimples on your vagina? Yes. Past. Stop. Really? Take off my shoe. The pastor claims to heal sickness. Untie my shoe. He can heal it with his. And these are nice loafers from the 50s. Very saddleback.

[Brady]

Wing tip.

[John Holmberg]

Place it by your vagina right in front of everybody. Healed. This woman's vaginal pimples.

[Brady]

Oh, she's out like a light with the shoe still.

[John Holmberg]

Shoot.

[Brady]

She still wingtip deep.

[John Holmberg]

Pastor, I came here with her from the toilet and she says her Vagina is clear. She could not even sleep with her husband and now she has nothing. Tell her to hurry home. She will sleep with her husband now. Now. The shoe of vaginal pimples World. How did he figure that out?

[Brady]

Miracles, John. They have magic every day.

[John Holmberg]

Pussy foot. I can kill it with my magic foot.

[BK]

I don't know about that.

[John Holmberg]

Where the term came from.

[Brady]

John.

[John Holmberg]

Let me kick you in the vagina and you will see. All of your problems will disappear. I'm not so sure, doc. I'm not a doctor. I am a warlord and witchcraft. Pastor. Pasta. Witchcraft.

[BK]

Pasta.

[John Holmberg]

No, no, no. Witchcraft. Pasta. That's what I thought you said. I like Italian food. Put the shoe in your puss.

[Brady]

Put this in your lady purse. I've never heard that before.

[BK]

All right.

[John Holmberg]

You are kind of persuasive. You will no longer have vaginal pimples. Disgusting trollop horse. The husband's more worried about the vaginal pimples. She's more worried about the vaginal pimples than how she got them.

[Brady]

The one they didn't show is the next lady up. You heard a loud pop.

[Jimmy Hart]

Jesus.

[John Holmberg]

A vaginal balloon. Lips have deflated. You have deflated the balloon lip. Lady. There's a loud pop in the zoos. I don't know what we just cured, but good God, it stinks. I had giant pimple. Ah, that is the weirdest thing to figure out. These shoes are not only comfortable, but they clear up their poop pimples.

[Brady]

I want to check if those shoes are on ebay now.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, you don't want to wear those out. But again, husband. Couldn't even sleep with her husband at sleep says. And the husband sticking around. How did you get those? Was never a question. No. And then. And what's the pastor say? Hurry home to your husband.

[Brady]

Get him again.

[John Holmberg]

Or we will slice off the most important part of your vagina as a ritual. I don't understand that entire thing. But the shoe stayed in pants. There were pants in between. It wasn't. She wasn't naked.

[Brady]

It was. She was able to lock it down thanks to the yoni egg.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, well, that's true. She did. She had good kegels. And she's tightened up. She hasn't been able to use that bumpy mess for a long time, so. But the amazing part is the denim didn't even stop the magic. She's in a pair of white jeans and he just stuffed it in between her thighs and.

[Brady]

No, he was in the white suit.

[John Holmberg]

No. Whatever. She was wearing jeans. Yeah, but still. That's what I'm saying. It got between her legs. And the jeans didn't stop. The shoe magic now available at Tom McCann in. Yeah, push pimple stopper. Look, it's got a little Michael Jordan on the side.

[Brady]

Isn't that Tom that makes all those earth friendly shoes? He did tell her to hurry home, but, you know, it's interesting on the face healing. Sometimes people, you know, get up, you can walk. Well, they show you you can walk now. I guess she can hump. Had someone on the altar going at it.

[John Holmberg]

What's even better is that after he shoved his shoe in there, she woke up. Up from her. Her trance. Oh, and then her and her friend are like, quick, let's run to the bathroom and see your vagina. And they looked at it. It is clear. First, we will tell the pastor instead of just like keeping it to yourself on whether or not it worked, they ran back out. Your vagina is clear. I've come from the bathroom with her. A friend even said it. She didn't even say so. And we need some proof. I need before and afters of this before I buy a pair of. Of those wingtips. And maybe wingtips have always had this juice. And we didn't know. He's the first one to figure it out.

[Brady]

Just got rid of mine.

[John Holmberg]

If you got. What were you thinking? Not a wingtip. Golf shoes. I have no idea. I still have some old golf shoes that are wingtips.

[Brady]

My foot choice.

[John Holmberg]

They're not wingtips. I might have to. I'll test it out. All right, I'll go down. I'll go down the bus stop and just start placing it. What you do? Umbrella. I'm putting my wingtip on your VJ there.

[Brady]

There's that gal right down here, right?

[John Holmberg]

Oh, yeah, she's got him. The one in the corner.

[Brady]

Yeah, right in front of the circle kite.

[John Holmberg]

Who knows? Maybe. Maybe my John Varfatos Converse. That's why they're so expensive. I mean, they're just Chuck Taylor's, but they put a leather insole in it. All of a sudden you're paying triple. Maybe they cure their bumps in Japan.

[Brady]

This fortune teller told one of her clients, a female client, that she owed some money. The only way to pay it back is if she turns her out. All right, wait a minute's like, okay.

[John Holmberg]

This is fortune telling. I can get behind. Yeah, you make the dumb people that come to fortune tellers your sex zombies. Genius.

[Brady]

The district court heard the woman say sometimes she was paying back at a full day's work. $1 a day. Day.

[John Holmberg]

All right, all right. Idiots who wander into crystal ball houses trying to figure out the future. That's the risk you take and you deserve it. Never give anybody any money to predict your future. And you don't take it as anything but a novelty. You're actually living the dream. I hope you get turned into a hooker by that fortune teller.

[Brady]

Well, the short lived job of being a hooker. Paying back the fortune teller.

[John Holmberg]

Right.

[Brady]

Ended up paying off. She was awarded $785,000.

[John Holmberg]

From who? The fortune teller? Yep. Never gonna see a penny of it. Fortune teller doesn't have three quarters of a million dollars to hand over. It's never gonna happen.

[Brady]

Well, that was the award.

[John Holmberg]

That's a good award. That's nice. She can put that big fat check you can't cash up on her wall. She'll never see a penny. Fortune teller owes me 790. 90 grand. All right, well, that's as good as going to a fortune teller. That's hilarious. People always say that. I had a friend who got a settlement from a car crash, but he got hit by a poor guy, you know, like $75,000. The insurance that the poor guy didn't have coverage on, like all. He just had like the most basic thing ever and it was not going to cover any settlements for. Did you ever get it? No. So I got the document that said he owes me and he's. Every once in a while I get a check for like 11 bucks. You do? Like the, the Goldmans did to OJ. Yep. Whenever he makes money, you can take it, you go get it. You have to be diligent about it. Oh, I see OJ did a book signing. Ended over there, brother. You think the Goldmans take OJ's money from that he makes in prison? There's two things, like 10 cents an hour. Yeah. Oh, I'm sure they do. He. They can't touch. They can't touch his pension from the NFL. That was something that they couldn't get. And then there was something else they couldn't touch. So he still got the 25, but he still owed them the money, so he could use it to pay them if he wanted. But any future earnings were theirs.

[Brady]

Eric, I've recently heard a rumor that restitution follows you wherever you go.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, is that true? Yeah. You heard that rumor? Heard that rumor.

[Brady]

And that you cannot really escape it.

[John Holmberg]

Huh? You can't not leave you. I wonder. I wonder what? Like, what if you did time and stuff? It doesn't Even like balance.

[Brady]

Not still now it brings the needle back a little bit.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, but you still owe all those people that money you stole.

[Brady]

Yep.

[John Holmberg]

Man. All right, fortune tellers. Let Toledo be your guide. He has some sort of an in on that. We're not really. Oh no, I just heard. You just know from a. No, some research friend of a friend.

[Brady]

Sources say.

[John Holmberg]

Unconfirmed. Sources tell you. Yeah, unconfirmed. That restitution is. Whoops, sorry. Restitution is a. Is a mother. That's a miserable existence monkey on your back. Right.

[Brady]

I've heard.

[John Holmberg]

Now imagine this, Eric. Your only skill in life is you used to lie to people and tell their fortunes. And you've got a tab for 790 sitting on your shoulder because you turned one of them into a hooker. Because why fortune telling wasn't getting it done. I need a sex zombie to bring in some extra cake. I owe how much? $790,000. The court has decided. You know how I'm a fortune teller, right. And I pay in monopoly money. I mean, what do you want me to do? And if I was the fortune teller in the court, the jurisdiction. Yeah, that's determined. You owe over three quarters of a million dollars to this person. You've heard. I'd be like, hey, now you got it, your honor. You want me to write a check or what do you want me to do? Better become Ms. Cleo. Yeah. Your restitution will be paid in increments from my fortune telling. Yes. Okay, you might see $200. Sorry I turned you into a hooker. Idiot. Should have been a better hooker. There's a certain point where it's a little bit of the person who said okay to the hooker idea.

[Brady]

It was a six. Almost a six year run hooking.

[BK]

Right.

[John Holmberg]

It's kind of that person's fault too.

[Brady]

She was forced to move into the apartment. Forced by the fortune teller. Basically, you owe me money, you got to move in.

[John Holmberg]

Forced more. Just told and was too stupid to say no.

[Brady]

Now here's some pipe.

[John Holmberg]

Brady, do you think if you went to a fortune teller and that person said, oh, you owe me quite a bit of money in the future and you can get rid of it by being a hooker, you'd be like, well, he knows all. Or would you go, nope, you're out of your minds. And leave.

[Brady]

I'll pay you back another way. You're not gonna show me the receipts.

[John Holmberg]

You would still pay them? See, I would just.

[Brady]

Well, if I. If I. I was dumb and I went for the services.

[John Holmberg]

I'm asking you. I'M not saying dumb enough. I'm saying would you do it at all? Fortune teller says you owe me future money. Here's a no, of course not. But if you are the person that goes, oh, no, then it's kind of 100% your fault.

[Brady]

She has been right about my divorce and other things. That's what the lady was. Started going to her in 2008.

[John Holmberg]

I had to talk a woman out of going to a fortune telling teller and into a divorce about three years ago because she said, I just need to go to.

[Brady]

I was.

[John Holmberg]

I've been thinking about going to fortune teller or a person who I'm like, really? About what? Just to see if my life is going the right direction. Like, you need to divorce whoever you're with and quit your job. Because if you need to go to a fortune teller to find out if this is the right one for you, all you're looking for is somebody to confirm your answer. And if it's a stranger in a, you know. John, stop supplying logic jumper. I know. Well, it did work though. Let it happen. She didn't go to the fortune teller and she did get her divorce, which is just perfect. Let it happen. I think it's hilarious. Oh, I do too. And it keeps fortunate. No, I want to be one. I want to start a fortune telling business and I. All I'm going to do is tell you everyone in your family's horrible death. Oh, my God. I see your grandfather. Warren. Yes, Warren. Warren is working with a lathe. Really? He has no arms.

[BK]

Yes.

[John Holmberg]

This is a mistake. He shouldn't be working this face. He's using his. Oh, he's dead. Morin is dead from the lathe. That would be kind of fun with those tarot cards like you flip the grim reaper one. Everything's brutal. Oh, no. Do you know someone named Lorraine? Yes, Lorraine. That's what I was thinking of. Yes, Lorraine is. Lorraine is about to. You're the worst fortune teller ever. You're trying to get that specific. John Edwards does it, and he's the richest one.

[Brady]

He throws out names.

[John Holmberg]

I'm thinking of a mare mermaid. I have an aunt and uncle and one of them is named Marie. Yes. My uncle's dying. Yes. Your uncle T. Mary's husband's name is Larry?

[Brady]

Yes.

[John Holmberg]

Larry the tuh. Larry the. He's got a trailer. Yes. He's gonna get run over by Larry the trailer. Larry has a trailer. I'm thinking of a tv Larry the trailer guy. John Edwards is. John Edwards is the most unbelievable scam. I'm Em. That's what happened to John Edwards. I didn't know he's coming to town. The dude is still working and he gets. The audience goes, I'm thinking of an M. Somebody with M. You're serious? The politician, John Edwards. No, no, no, no, no, no. John Edwards. The all know her. I'll see her. Remember he had a TV show, but.

[Brady]

The politician guy, politician turning tricks now.

[John Holmberg]

Well, no, he was turning tricks tricks. That's why he got in trouble. Remember he turned tricks in that hotel. He needed a fortune teller to say, you should probably stop banging that lady. She's pregnant. No. Wow, I was confused. No, no, different John Edwards. No, he used to go to the crowds and do M word and think him and someone would go, my wife's name is Mary. Yes. I knew you were here. She passed away. Yes. Because everyone in the audience has someone who's passed away they want to talk to.

[Brady]

Yes.

[John Holmberg]

The reason you go is to tell him your story. And then this dickhead sits and goes, she's fine. She's telling me right now something about a yellow coat. Oh my God. We used to read Curious George together. The guy in a yellow hat. Close enough. Yes. She's very happy and she can't wait to see you again in three years when you get run over by the Peterbilt.

[Brady]

Get this here's pretty random. Maybe it's the suggestion that you're saying, but this just happened over the week, weekend. And it's a friend of mine's mom.

[John Holmberg]

I'm thinking of an R word.

[Brady]

Rita.

[John Holmberg]

Rita. Okay.

[Brady]

But she. Her little letter to the paper was published and so she basically, in College, this is 1954, she goes out with another guy and they go to see. They go to this artist's house to check out his art. On the way home, they go to. There's a fortune teller, like, ah, let's do that. Let's go over there. So laughing whenever they go in there and the fortune teller says, well, you guys aren't going to marry each other, but you will marry someone with the initial eh. Oh, Fast forward, couple years later, she meets a doctor. His name's Edwin Hamilton.

[John Holmberg]

Unbelievable.

[Brady]

That's the rear admiral, right? Dr. Ed. So the guy that she's with and college moves to California and he sends them a wedding announcement a couple days. The woman that he meets eh too.

[John Holmberg]

Right.

[Brady]

They never went back to the fortune teller, but they're like, okay, you know, that's pretty weird.

[John Holmberg]

The power suggestion slipped into their brains and they found ehs in their lives. Yeah.

[Brady]

And she said, oh, this is the guy.

[John Holmberg]

And also, how about the other 12 things that guy said that didn't happen in that same meeting? If they don't remember.

[Brady]

Exactly.

[John Holmberg]

They don't remember. They took the one thing that they could apply and applied it, which is what fortune tellers and soothsayers all rely on.

[Brady]

Eh is a doctor. And the other guy's eh is. You know, if you told me that.

[John Holmberg]

I was gonna marry somebody with a J.T. for their initials, and I ran into a woman with millions of dollars named Janet Turner, I'm on the fast track to marrying. Oh, I was told already the guy was right. And I'm gonna do everything it takes. Takes, Doctor. Eh. That lady was on point. Oh, wait. This all adds up. I can make this work. And Elizabeth Hurst, please.

[Brady]

In California.

[John Holmberg]

I wonder what Strong Bear's up to nowadays. Oh, he's probably insolvent and, like, trying to turn people into hookers to pay off restitution. It's all garbage, every ounce of it. And if you believe in it, you're insane. You deserve to become a hooker accidentally because you're mush. Mine can be molded like play. D'oh. It's out of control now.

[Brady]

Hey, it's Larry McFeely here with Wayne from Amco.

[John Holmberg]

Wayne, it's a new year, and people.

[Brady]

Are making new resolutions like eat healthier, save a little money. But what about your car?

[John Holmberg]

Your car needs a New Year's resolution, too. Don't ignore the warning signs that check engine light or strange noise. Is your car asking for help? And if we listen, you'll save money. Regular maintenance for your vehicle will prevent a lot of troubles that can surprise you and cost more more later.

[Brady]

That sounds like a smart financial resolution.

[John Holmberg]

I'll say it's the Amco way. Start your year right with a car. That's right.

[Brady]

Google Amco for your nearest location. That's Amco. Double A, MCO transmissions and a whole lot more.

[John Holmberg]

It's John Holmberg here from the morning sickness for lifechangeloan.com. having good credit is a sign you're probably good with your finances. What if I told you you can control your home equity and do your banking inside of that? That sounds confusing, but your equity is your savings. You have earned that. If I want to completely remodel my house, I don't need a new loan. I have access to my money. The word you're looking for is freeing. Life change alone is the way the system should be. Go to the website and check the numbers for yourself. Then you'll realize it's not magic, it's just math. Lifechangerloan.com there's more of the best of Hombre's morning sickness. 98 KUPD. Are we ready? Yep, we're ready to go with this. Now we've got ourselves a little deal there where Norm MacDonald, a friend of the show, decided to wander off yesterday and talked to people because we said who has nine inch nails? Where can we go with people with nine inch nails? And we didn't know. And then we thought naturally homeless folks.

[Brady]

Who thought construction but it would be, you know, where the only thing you could really use it is a railroad tie.

[John Holmberg]

That's true.

[Brady]

It's long enough, Spike.

[John Holmberg]

But we met some people with long, long nails yesterday. Homeless folks. And we went out there yesterday and I decided to do a little crack head name that crackhead name that Crackhead medley. And we met some crackheads Yesterday with Norm MacDonald. Norm was out there with us and basically put this whole thing together. Now at the end of this thing the crackheads begin to. They, they do a medley of three songs from the 80s. Now should I give the bands?

[Brady]

No.

[John Holmberg]

Are you sure?

[Brady]

Oh yeah, don't give the bands.

[John Holmberg]

Alright, alright. I won't give the bands. That's too easy. It would be too easy. All right, so you get three songs from the 80s that the crackheads did for us and, and then at the end you name the songs. Here's Norm MacDonald. Jaunt through Margaret T. Hans park yesterday. Go ahead. Hey everybody there, it's Norm MacDonald here for crackheads. We're interviewing the crackheads and just so you can win prizes. And today's contestants in crackhead medley is Connie, Lou, Steve and Clifton. Let's, let's meet our contestants here. We got the, got the Connie over there. Connie's a transsexual about 6ft 2 inches tall, 130 pound crackhead. Connie, how long you been on crack?

[Brady]

1976.

[John Holmberg]

Holy cow there. 30 years of crack. That's pretty good. And you got the Lou there. How are you, Lou? How come you're not smoking crack right now? Lou, the fire has gone. All right, there, that's a good answer, crackhead. And then you get your Steve there. Hey Steve, I know crack makes you lose weight. It's pretty good diet there. How much you weigh?

[BK]

112.

[John Holmberg]

Just real quick, Steve, do you know a guy named Cracky McSmokes a lot? No, I've never heard of it. Oh, okay.

[BK]

All right.

[John Holmberg]

Then there's Clifton. Hey Clifton, do you like crack? That's what I like. Yeah. All right. Well, make a noise a crackhead makes. Air Clifton. Holy cow. There, that's a good one. Yeah. How about other than crack? What do you spend your money on? Women and wine. All right, and then do me a favor there real quick here. Here you go. Here's some money for crack. Okay. Oh, thank you. Thank you.

[BK]

All right.

[Brady]

There.

[John Holmberg]

There you. There's your contestants. And now let's have the Crackhead medley of the day. You want to graduate but not in its bed. Here's what you got to do. Pick up the phone, I'm here alone Call me anytime Never smile so lend me, lend your love to me wow. Break the spell Take your field on and on we rode the storm well, now, listen up. Or where she's raised sharp Will she tear her. Will she tear you apart? Now she's a cool, cool black and she moves like a cat wow.

[Brady]

That was the medley.

[John Holmberg]

There's your medley. Can we get the medley one more time? Rick?

[Brady]

3 song medley.

[John Holmberg]

3 song medley of crackheads.

[BK]

Wow.

[John Holmberg]

Is that gonna be tight and tough to do. If you can name it. 2609800 will give you nine inch nails, the sold out show. Here we go. Go ahead. You want to graduate but not in its place Bed. Here's what you got to do Pick up the phone, I'm here alone Call me anytime Never smile so lend me or lend your love to me oh, wow. Break the spell Take your field on and on we rode the storm well, now listen up well, she's razor sharp Will she tear her Will she tear you apart? Now she's a cool, cool black and she moves like a cat Wow. I don't think we're gonna get this one. This is gonna be impossible.

[Brady]

I got the last one.

[John Holmberg]

You got it? I got the first one. Easy. I got the first one. No problem. 80s bands. 80s bands. Well, one of them spans over a few decades. Well, yeah. Well, yeah, not just 80s bands. Yeah, you know, they're. They're around. They're still around. But these are the song. The songs. These particular 80s hits. Yeah, yeah. 80s songs from the 80s.

[Brady]

Big Hair Days.

[John Holmberg]

Try some calls here.

[Brady]

Sure.

[John Holmberg]

Anybody here? All right. Hi there. Who's this? Hello? Yeah, hello. We can hear. There you go. You know the Crackhead medley? Oh.

[Jimmy Hart]

You can't think of the first one.

[John Holmberg]

I know the second two.

[BK]

All right.

[John Holmberg]

What are the second two?

[Jimmy Hart]

It's Def Leppard and then the Motley Crue. Looks a killer.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. What Def Leppard song? Yeah. Bringing on the heartache. Okay. Just bringing on the heartache. We're gonna have to go ahead and buzz him then, I think, because. Hey, he didn't get the first one. Sorry. But a huge help. Nice try. Unbelievable future guessing. This is tough. Hi there. Who's this? Jim, you got the songs?

[Jimmy Hart]

Yes, I do.

[John Holmberg]

All right, let's go. Go.

[Jimmy Hart]

All right, it's. First one's AC DC Dirty D. Okay. Motley Crue. Looks Are Killed and.

[John Holmberg]

And Def Leppard photograph. Sorry, sorry.

[Jimmy Hart]

I got the other. Can I try it again?

[John Holmberg]

No, you cannot. You gotta give other people a try. I'm sorry. I hate to do that to you either. Who's this? It's Mike. Mike, go ahead.

[Jimmy Hart]

AC dc, Dirty Deeds.

[John Holmberg]

Okay, okay. Def Leppard. And then the last one is Looks that Kill. What's the Def Leppard song? Damn it. Come on.

[Jimmy Hart]

What did he photograph?

[John Holmberg]

I'm sorry. Sorry. Nice job, either. Who's this? I think that guy was a crackhead. Crackhead's one. Phoenix nothing. Go ahead. Keep trying. All right.

[Jimmy Hart]

This is John.

[John Holmberg]

John, go ahead. What's your guess? Dirty Deeds.

[Jimmy Hart]

AC DC Def Leppard. Fooling and Looks to Kill from Motley Crue.

[John Holmberg]

We got a Winner Medley Winner. Nice work, John. Easy enough, isn't it?

[Brady]

Easy?

[John Holmberg]

You've outwitted the crackheads. Hold on a second. Well done. That is what we're talking about. I think it'd be that easy. I didn't either. It was pretty easy, though, There. I spent all day yesterday with a bunch of crackheads and that took like 18 minutes.

[Brady]

Thanks for doing that.

[John Holmberg]

I don't like doing that stuff. I gotta hang out with crackheads. What the hell else you got? I got nothing going on again. I can't get a job. The shows I always do get canceled.

[Brady]

I liked your show.

[John Holmberg]

I like the show too, there, Brady. You were the guy, huh?

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, that was great at the Norm Show. And then I had that other one where I thought I was Bob Newhart for a while there.

[Brady]

That was funny.

[John Holmberg]

It was funny. And now it's on the HD network. They show the same three episodes over and over and over. How come I get to hang out with crackheads all day and I don't get any money? It's a crack. Crackheads got paid.

[Brady]

I got a certificate for you.

[John Holmberg]

What do you got?

[Brady]

Something to Carl's Jr. That'll do.

[John Holmberg]

Okay. That's good stuff there. I like that Western Bacon Crack Burger there. You could be like the next Hootie. Maybe you could say that guy over there. He's never been in this room before.

[Brady]

That's Eric.

[John Holmberg]

Hey, Eric. How are you? Hey, what's up? Hey, you're that whore in the van. I'm the. That's right there. Not a whore. Oh, that little tiny schwants everybody's always raving about. Yeah. Heard about you there.

[Brady]

Heard about it.

[John Holmberg]

Crack. Anyway. That'll do. Eight minutes. That's it, huh? You're done. That's it. I'm done. Have a good day, Norm. I'll be back. See ya. Mark my words. So long, crackheads. He's fun. He's angry. Not happy about that. Well, we'll get. We'll get him back in and we'll do more. We got more crackheads. Kind of a crappy job for him. That's all he can do right now. He keeps getting fired from everything because he says crack. Crackhead too much. It's 9am in the morning sickness and the crackhead theater goes to John for Nine Inch Nails tickets. We're gonna get more crackheads singing some other time later in the week. Count on it. Our crackheads were busy yesterday. We had like what, 10 of them? And we witnessed a fight. Margaret T. Hans park in 110 degrees is the place to hang with crackheads. Now. One of them was a transvestite. One was a tranny who I've seen like three times in different places across the city. It was very strange.

[Brady]

And two, we were the frightened white guys.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, we were the frightened, scared white guys with the recorder and the black convertible.

[Brady]

The next episode potentially could be dumpster diving theater.

[John Holmberg]

Well, we found one of those yesterday. Wouldn't talk to us. Well, he just wouldn't allow it.

[Brady]

With those guys. How's that piece of carpet bring if you got a nice carpet sample. They love it.

[John Holmberg]

Really?

[Brady]

Yeah. Oh, yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Why?

[Brady]

It's a nice little map. Little mappy. He did bless us as we went.

[John Holmberg]

He did bless us. That's right. He wouldn't talk to us unless we walked away and he said so.

[Brady]

He's a priest.

[John Holmberg]

God bless you. You too. Pray for me. Will do. Give me your money. What then? We just ran away. And then a couple of guys got in a fight and we just got the hell out of there. Holmberg's morning sickness. That last round was quick. What's going on here? Hey, Derek, I got more crackheads. I'm ready to go.

[BK]

We just.

[John Holmberg]

We're doing it again. It didn't take long enough. There. Get the crackheads. Do another one.

[Brady]

He found another bat.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, this one's for mullets. We got wrestling tickets for mullet. Just do it again. Gotta do it again. I got nothing else going on there. My career's gone to crap.

[Brady]

You go to Raw? You like Raw?

[John Holmberg]

Wwe? Yeah, I like picking up chicks there and peeling the spandex off of there and getting that whiff of the Reagan administration, you know what I mean? That's good stuff there. All right, Norm MacDonald cracking theater, round two. Go for it. Now listen, not a dime. I can pay my rent oh, that's what he said. I can barely make it through the week Saturday night I like to make my girl but right now I can't I can't make ends meet he's the tear in your eye Been tempted by his lie he's the knife in your back he's rage he's the razor to the knife oh, lone family is our lives I miss Alabama once again and I think it's a scene. Yes, well, I heard. Mister, you sing. You sing about her. Whoa, that was quality. Good luck getting that one in eight minutes there. Windy down there, little crack wind. Crack wind? Yeah, you gotta hang on to him when it gets windy. They're like 11 pounds. What that transvestite look like? Cheers. Good looking. Until she whipped out that huge crank. Cost me $40 to find out that I wasn't in love. And that chick had a crank. That's not that much. A great set on top, though, A balcony to do Shakespeare from.

[Brady]

All right there, got some callers.

[John Holmberg]

Get some callers. Let's go to it and see if we can get this crackhead theater underway. Let's start here. Hey there, how are you?

[Brady]

Hello.

[John Holmberg]

Hello. Who's that? This?

[Jimmy Hart]

That is Tommy.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, you name those tunes from crackhead. Name that tune. Theater got a Miley Crue Shout out to devil. That's one maybe. Ah, you know, I didn't hear the other. All right, well, you're done. Heather.

[BK]

Hi there.

[John Holmberg]

Are you there? What's going on?

[Brady]

Very nice.

[John Holmberg]

Turn your radio down there, Crackhead. Craig, man. Yeah, go ahead there and name those. Saturday night's all right for body Mary go round. That's my mom. Sorry, guys, sorry. OJ Said the F word there, and I apologize. Hey there. Who's this?

[Jimmy Hart]

John.

[John Holmberg]

Hey, John, what's going on there? Name that crackhead. Oh, we got the shot of the devil. Turn your radio down there, Sally. You're in the Grand Canyon. Listen, it's like his retirement speech. I don't know, man. All right, good job. Nice try. That's what I'm talking about. That's a crackhead devil.

[Brady]

I don't know.

[John Holmberg]

I don't know either. Hey there. Who's this?

[Jimmy Hart]

Hey, it's Ken.

[John Holmberg]

Hey, Ken. Welcome to Norm MacDonald Crackhead Theater there. Go ahead, name those tunes.

[Jimmy Hart]

Okay, we had Poison. Let's see, what was it?

[Brady]

What's Poison song?

[Jimmy Hart]

Poison was.

[John Holmberg]

Look what the cat dragged in. All right, there. Go ahead.

[Jimmy Hart]

Molly Crew looks to kill.

[John Holmberg]

Keep it going. And.

[Jimmy Hart]

Oh, man.

[John Holmberg]

Wow.

[Jimmy Hart]

I think I missed the third one.

[John Holmberg]

You're out. There he goes. Another one.

[BK]

See?

[Brady]

But the third one I figured would be the easiest.

[John Holmberg]

Probably. Play it again, Norm. Now, listen, not a dime I can pay my.

[Brady]

Oh, that's what he said.

[John Holmberg]

I can barely make it through the week Saturday night I like to make my girl but right now I can I can't make ends meet he's the tear in your eye Been tempted by his lie he's the knife in your back he's rage he's the razor to the knife oh, lonely is our lives I miss Alabama once again and I think it's a sin yes, well, I heard. Mister, you, sins, you sing about her. Crackheads. Yes. All right, here we go again. What's your guess there? What do you got? All right, crackhead, let's see.

[Jimmy Hart]

I mean, I. I got the first one and the third one for sure, but I'm getting.

[John Holmberg]

I'm iffy on the second, so here's.

[Jimmy Hart]

A good gift for somebody.

[John Holmberg]

If I miss the second one.

[Jimmy Hart]

Poison. Nothing but a good times the first one. The last one is Leonard Skinner. Street Home, Alabama. I think the second one is Monicru.

[John Holmberg]

Shout out the devil. Hey, we got a winner. Nice job. How long is your tail?

[Jimmy Hart]

My mullet is nothing on top. And it goes three feet down in the middle.

[Brady]

Yes.

[John Holmberg]

It's like you're walking behind Crystal Gale and it turns around and it's like.

[Brady]

Bill Maher, he's got the execu. Mallet business on top. Party and back.

[John Holmberg]

There you go. Nice job there. Hang on, mullet. You're going to wrestling. There you go. Norman Donald, crackhead tutor. That's how that's supposed to go.

[Brady]

Thanks for coming in.

[John Holmberg]

That's how it's supp. All right, I'm not done yet. There, Brady. Oh, and then you got that, Brady. Norm. Okay, Eric, thanks for coming in. Okay. I was going to finish thought there, but I guess I'm done, huh?

[BK]

All right, then.

[Brady]

Give us a deep thought, Norm.

[John Holmberg]

Give us a deep thought. Deep thought. My cranking your mom, that's pretty deep. I'll talk to you Later. That's how crackhead theater supposed be to go. Now we're talking.

[Brady]

I didn't think anyone would get that one.

[John Holmberg]

That was. That was impossible. Amazing. Winners again. It was. The first one was Poison. Nothing but a good time.

[Brady]

The IQ just went up.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, Crew. What's the second one? Shot at the Devil. Then Leonard Skynyrd. Sweet home Alabama. Simple stuff they don't get, but lyrics.

[Brady]

This.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, that's what we figured. We'd try to make it really hard because we could play like nine Inch Nail songs. They'd pop them out like. Like crazy. Yeah, that one was good. Nice job. And crackhead.

[Brady]

Special thanks to the crackheads.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, the crackheads were great. You know who we should think is Dave Crack for getting all the listeners.

[Brady]

Ready for the poison.

[John Holmberg]

That's true. We prepped them for years with crap music. It's out of control now. It's John Holberg here from the morning sickness for Life Changers. When you're dealing with hundreds of thousands of dollars, you want people in your camp who are legit and have a solid reputation. And I don't think it gets much more solid than an A plus from the Better Business Bureau. Not a lot of banks have that, but Life Changer Loan does. People who have made this move to Life Change alone all say this is better than the old way. And they recognize that it's just a matter of going to the website, doing a little math and seeing if it's right for them. If you're great with your money, just check it out and live that A plus life. Because there is no catch. It's not magic, it's just math. Lifechangerloan.com It's John Holberg here, and it's time to talk about TVs Doug Hopkins of My Home Group and doughhopkins.com 2026, brand new year. That usually means every one of us says something like, this is the year I blank. And then we insert some strange goal. Let me tell you this. Most of the time, you're not gonna do it. This year I'm gonna call TV's Doug Hawkins. He will buy your home as is. You can start eyeballing houses that are already upgraded. So fresh starts for 2026 are waiting for you at your keyboard. Start the process right now online. Doughotkins.com or sing Hopkins. One is. I'm not laughing about it. You think this is funny? I take serious the rest of home birth's morning sickness. This is the big red radio. Somebody's emailing me about the Pingpong ball. Deal. It's like I have ping pong balls too. John, We've worried the entire city about oversized genitals because we're men. We don't know what other guys balls are supposed to be like. So probably a good thing. Yeah, it's a great thing. But when it comes down to studies saying, well, if your balls are this bigger, your heart's gonna explode, you start to wonder where do I stack up? Yeah, ping pong balls. Maybe because it's so round. That's what I'm saying. If you mush it down, it seems about right. Seems big. No. What are we looking at for right now? There's two of them. Now I'm paranoid. That seems about right to me. Yeah, big old giant balls.

[Brady]

I guess.

[John Holmberg]

I know because I don't have big balls. Somebody would have said something by now. I think a doctor somewhere along the lines are going, no, nice balls. Things are massive. They're not. I'm not like Cisco Adler. I've got a lot of doctors playing with your balls. Oh, I prefer it that way. I had the dentist do it. That's why he sent me to another guy. I have a pain here in my. What is this? A molar and then one in my balls. I think there's a tooth in there. You have to feel hard. Yeah, yeah, that's it. Okay. I know I have extra back bag. John Small says dude, soon as you said that about that I pictured what Great Danes look like from behind and then put it on you. Stop talking about your long bag. Doing a long bag. That's hereditary.

[BK]

Okay?

[Brady]

According to the all knowing Wikipedia, the average testicle size after puberty.

[John Holmberg]

Don't give me centimeters, I'll be a mess. Can measure up to around 2 inches long. That's mine's.

[Brady]

That's.

[John Holmberg]

I got a little longer.

[Brady]

0.8 inches in breadth.

[John Holmberg]

Round, right? Yeah. That's not very. That's not ping pong.

[Brady]

1.2 inches in ping pong ball.

[John Holmberg]

That's probably. That's about a ping pong ball. Yeah, I think that's about right. That's about a ping pong ball mushed down.

[Brady]

I don't think that's. I don't think that's alarming size.

[John Holmberg]

I don't need ping, Paul. I don't need it. Okay, good. Brady's making me feel better because I thought I had very normal balls. But if you mash a ping pong ball down, it's going to be like a lot wider circumference. Get an idea what it would be. I'm going to trace one for you guys. Trace a nut. All right. I don't know. I don't either, but that's making me nervous now, so, you know, go check it out. Let me grab it. Yeah, I know. I've been feeling mine the whole morning since the email. Like, you know, what are you looking at? As big, like, small as, like lima. Tangerine, maybe Like a lima bean is a little ball.

[Brady]

Tangelo.

[John Holmberg]

Who's that guy? What's his name? We'll use him as a gauge. He's the new kid. Whip out your balls, son. Welcome aboard. Isn't that why Peolene got fired? Show me your titties and your balls. Maybe Peeling was just worried that his sack was too. Hey, guys, I read a story. The balls, they not supposed to be the size of small baseballs. You're going to die. Grab your titties. Everyone immediately throw me your balls. Body check or my name is. No punishment.

[Brady]

There's a checking for lumps.

[John Holmberg]

P. I am sorry we have to fire you for grabbing titties, but the pina grabs the titties. We have to let you go. What does this mean?

[Brady]

That is the Tanner scale.

[John Holmberg]

Of what? This is just some weirdo's drawing of balls and wieners.

[Brady]

Testicle size.

[John Holmberg]

What does that mean?

[Brady]

And how did Tanner get that?

[John Holmberg]

And why is Tanner. Why is Tanner the expert as he was a shortstop for the Bad News Bears? I don't trust him. Tanner Boyle is a ball expert.

[BK]

Get the Jew balls.

[John Holmberg]

No. Tanner. What does this chart do? Does anyone understand this chart? No. Measurement on the side. Doesn't it? No. Well, that's two and a half of something. But this is just a little wiener and little balls and then bigger wieners. Prepubescent to pubic puberty. I just googled for fun famous people with one testicle. Arnold Schwarzenegger only has one. Is that true? Yeah. Where did his other ball go? I don't know. Yeah, pick that up. One just shot out of me. Adolf Hitler. Napoleon knew that.

[Brady]

For one One baller, he's pretty productive.

[John Holmberg]

Well, it's. That's. You only need one, Ron.

[Brady]

Caps on that.

[John Holmberg]

It only takes one.

[BK]

Not famous.

[John Holmberg]

He doesn't have have one. He's got both of them. One's just mashed up. Anyway, the other thing was, the guy.

[Brady]

Says, ball and skillet.

[John Holmberg]

You talk about that welding girl that was there and became senior welder at age 20. Talking about her earlier hiring hot girls. He goes, you forgot one thing. This chick was welding airplane parts. I Didn't mention that. Think about that next time you're on a plane. Dude in charge of the. The welding part shop hired hot girl. Made her a senior welder in a year and a half at age 20. Boned her in an apartment they kept nearby so his wife didn't find out. She's putting together US Airways plans.

[Brady]

Wow.

[John Holmberg]

Well, we all know who was responsible for the front landing gear that Southwest Airlines. Jeff, the other day.

[Brady]

Senior welder.

[John Holmberg]

Senior welder. Trisha. Oh, my God.

[BK]

I cabin believe it.

[John Holmberg]

Anyway. So what are you gonna do? Everybody feel your ball today? I'm very nervous about this. Like I said, I was cursed with a very average wiener and extra ball skin, but I. Maybe I'm housing a couple of beasts down south that I don't even know about. But you say ping view, ping pong ball. Yeah.

[Brady]

Yeah, I don't think that's large.

[John Holmberg]

All right. Just seems big to me. You got little. Little balls. Maybe I do have a little. I don't think that. I don't think that offends guys. Like, if I said you have a little wiener, you'd be worried. But if I say you have little balls, it's no big deal. Guys don't care about our. We don't care about our balls. I don't think women have put the stigma on whether or not your ball size. If they started in part when they get hit with them, then the throat start choking them, I gotta worry about.

[Brady]

Knock them out.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, you don't wanna. I got that grandfather clock swinging around down south there with all that skin I can. I can throw to chicken water.

[Brady]

Hypnotize him too.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, you touch the water. Granddad did it. He was 80. I can't. I'm only 41. I'm gonna be in the tank in a couple of months. That's nasty. It's disgusting. I know. I have to be careful. Well, you can't sit down to pee no more. You know what? I do good English. I no more Garcia. That was just very hillbilly because we're talking about balls. Double negative. Yeah, it's all right. Well, no more until. But I. When I pee, I sit to pee. I just kind of put my fingers. I put my fingers in the skin and make like a little bag handle like a Samson. I handle and I pull it up so I don't drop down in there. And then sometimes I just grab the skin and lift it and put it over my leg. That I wish I was kidding about, but I'm not. Stand up a pee Like a man. No, when you're taking a deuce too, you got to do that. When I'm deuce and I just pull it up and lay it over my leg like. Like a wash rag. Oh, I know that's a pain. Telling me like. I don't know. I gotta live with it. Brady.

[Brady]

They could shorten it up.

[John Holmberg]

Well, one good thing is that sometimes you're in there and you're like. It's all compact. Like it's doing that thing that nobody understands. Nobody's ever studied the ball.

[Brady]

So doctor down there and trim it up. Make a wallet out of the extra or something.

[John Holmberg]

You know, I wonder if I could get a ball lift. That wouldn't be bad because it would. It would. Oh, they could necessary.

[Brady]

They can do it.

[John Holmberg]

Cut out a couple pieces and I just wouldn't backup. The rehab would be rough. A couple weeks of nut bag pain.

[Brady]

What if they did? What if you just get a ball net like a hairnet, but it just tightens it up.

[John Holmberg]

Does anyone ever studied the balls on why they shrink and grow and shrink and grow. Nobody even knows when it's going to happen or why it's happening. And it's not even weather related. It's.

[Brady]

And what you're talking about sounds more.

[John Holmberg]

Like a pelvic mesh and I hear bad things about those. I don't want to be in a class action lawsuit on Jerry Springer in a couple years. You had ball surgery? Oh, great. Here we go. What's the problem? I did it. I'll just let him keep growing all ass and I'm fine with that. Do that Cisco Adler thing again. I'll never compete with the guy I met 10 years ago who's in that fraternity, had the nickname Sale and he lifted his up to his chest and showed everybody that he's got America's Cop written on the side his balls. Because he could float across the Atlantic if the wind was right. He should be in Jim Rowe's circus. He should be. It was. It wasn't human. It's just not a human thing. It looked like a. A boat sale. And I went to see puppetry of the penis. And those guys could do stuff with their sex that was relatively ridiculous. Yeah, Jim Rose is calling. Well, maybe I could. Maybe I got that to fall back on. I'm gonna show our new owners my balls. It's all right. If everything goes south here, I have a future in ball work. I'm a ball model. You're like George Costanza. Yeah, he's a beautiful. Look at his Balls. They're gorgeous. I'm a ball model. We're all things ball related. You know, Brady has found out that he handed me this. If you're a self diagnoser like almost everyone is, because. Thank you, Internet, you've made me almost a doctor. Wikipedia has now announced their. There's an announcement that says 90% of its medical entries are inaccurate, say medical experts. Here's what I say to that. I know what you're up to. Medical experts. Yep. You don't want us to use wikipedia because it's 90% accurate and we don't need you as much anymore. We won't go to you for the simple cold or the sinus infection. We'll go to Mexico like in America normally would, go get that amoxicillia, come back with our Mexicillin, and we'll be just fine. And that way we don't have to spend $400 on four tests to find out we've got a head cold. So that's what they're. The announcement is out. Oh, don't diagnose yourself online. It's 90% of the time it's wrong. Mm.

[Brady]

Mm.

[John Holmberg]

Now what you do, it's almost like gambling when you go online to diagnose yourself, give the symptoms, get a baby basis on what that is, and don't look at any of the other stuff that's on that page because you will end up diagnosing yourself with cancer or Alzheimer's, removing a part of your body, Parkinson's, or you'll do a self amputations happen and it's just a head cold. But there is automatically a link that will 7 degrees of cancer get you to, you know, Hodgkin's lymphoma just for having the sniffles. But I know what you're up to. Medical experts, anytime you start screaming out, well, you know, it's awful to self diagnose. You need us. Mm. What are you worried about? Is that kind of what they've been doing for years though. I mean, you. So you put your symptoms into the computer and then it's like just telling a doctor like, these are my symptoms. Same thing. I go to the urgent care and tell them what I want and they give it to me. I'll go in and go like, I've got a sinus infection. I know this up and down. I need the steroids, I need the amoxicillin, and I. I need the Flonase, the strong stuff. Okay? And the guy just starts writing the prescription and then he looks he gives like the, you know, he looks in my mouth, pushes on my nose. Having trouble breathing fills your bag. Trouble breathing. I know right here is where the sinus infection starts, and my head's starting to feel it, too. Look, it looks like you have sinus infection. That's what I told you. I just can't write the prescription. I'll do it. It's been their guessing game for years now. Now we're playing the guessing game game as well. And totally cool. That saves me 400 bucks every time I have a sinus infection to get my amoxycelia. But they've. They've been wrong. I mean, they've missed. Course they have plenty of times. What's the difference if we look it up and miss right differences? We can't sue ourselves for malpractice. That's the only be happy.

[Brady]

And that's why the Wikipedia and Web MD doesn't hold anyone accountable. Of course, you can get the expert advice on there without them saying okay.

[John Holmberg]

But that's why I'm convinced that WebMD has an automatic, like, default to Parkinson's and cancer and everything else for anything you put in there. And immediately it'll go to something awful. And if you're not feeling up to snuff or your shoulders hurt or whatever. My buddy Chuck diagnosed himself with AIDS accidentally once because he had. He had a. A bump on his arm, and he started to put the symptoms in, and it was like, does it itch? Is it swelling? Is it? Here are your options. You've got, you know, a little lesion here.

[Brady]

All of them.

[John Holmberg]

Could be a needle, could be an ingrown hair, could be aids. And he's like, aids. Had some unprotected sex with a couple of sluts who might have been intravenous drug users. He didn't know, started looking into it, and he went to the doctor and said, I looked online and I think I've got the aids.

[Brady]

Give me the test.

[John Holmberg]

Give me the test and get tested for it. Turned out it's probably just a horrific ingrown hair. Good news.

[Brady]

It's not aids. It's syphilis.

[John Holmberg]

You've got something. Wow. That's great news, Brady. Trust me, that's. You try to make it seem like that's not something. So that would be like telling me I won the lottery if I thought I had AIDS and it was just syphilis. I'll take it if I'm in the grab bag of STDs. Syphilis is a. Whew.

[Brady]

You got A shot for that, right, doc?

[John Holmberg]

AIDS is in there.

[Brady]

One and done.

[John Holmberg]

There's only two left. Syphilis and AIDS. Good luck. Here we go. Yeah. So 90% of its medical entries are inaccurate. I see through you doctors. I see it. That means it's all accurate. Wikipedia is the most accurate medical advice giver on the planet. That's what I'm taking out of this article, because the doctors are saying it's not, and they're just out to steal. Unless you got something serious, Wikipedia will take care of it. In Mexico. Wikipedia plus Mexico equals healthy. That's exactly right. Good advice, John. Great advice. Because all you're gonna get from a doctor is ibuprofen. Anytime you go to a doctor with, like, the way chicks go to doctors. Oh, my shoulder's burning up. I got this elbow thing. I think. I. I don't know. Go to the. What's going on? I don't know. It's tough to move my shoulder. And here's some ibuprofen. Really? 300 for ibuprofen? You're gonna charge me? Really have the nerve to charge me for that? You go in, they think you broke a bone. Ibuprofen. Here's an anti inflammatory. That's what they call it. Ibuprofen.

[Brady]

Well, what they do for the ladies, at least they tap in. Here's your prescription. This. Oh, magic elbow fixing pill.

[John Holmberg]

Right. $500 exactly. Wikipedia Plus Mexico equals health. Do a study on that. Dr. Dip. So you got that going for you. Easy enough. I can't do anything right now. I'm high as a kite, so I shouldn't even be outside at all. I took some nyquil yesterday because I've been feeling this cold coming on, and I always forget Benadryl and nyquil and what they do to me. I am. I'm. I literally. It makes me want to take nyquil every day. I just feel so tingly and. Oh, it's the best. It's. It's so much better than anything I've ever done.

[Brady]

It. I. I think about it be before I take it, saying, you know how I know how I'm gonna feel the next day?

[John Holmberg]

Awesome. Yeah, I was.

[Brady]

Well, it's good, but at the same time, there's. Sometimes you can be out of it a little bit, man.

[John Holmberg]

That's the part I like, Brady. That's the part that. The fun part is you're kind of dizzy. It's fun to walk because, like, your body takes forever to get like, oh, we're really screwed up. It's Fun. It's like a really nice, pleasant, over the counter high. And it just kicks my ass all day. Yesterday I went home, I took some fake amoxicillin from Mexico, guzzled down some Nyquil, sat there on the couch. I'm like, this is a fantastic after. And every time you yawn, it's like this overwhelming warm sensation rolls over you and just comfortable. The cold is like the last thing you're thinking about. And it won't go away. It's even better. It lasts like 24 hours. It's so much better than weed or any meth or pill you're taking because it's.

[Brady]

Now you maybe understand why, right? People like, like the medication.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, I love it. I love it. I could totally get addicted to Nyquil. I understand. I made me all day. All I thought of yesterday is, do we have any Robitussin? I want to make some purple juice. I gotta try this. Because if this stuff, if. If Nyquil, I'm gonna try it with Nyquil, you know, instead of. I'll just like a Tom Collins rather than purple. Just. It's such a great feeling. Just that tingling sensation up and down my butt.

[Brady]

You want some, maybe the Nyquil with a. Some absinthe?

[John Holmberg]

No, I don't want to mix it up with the real stuff. I want to keep it normal, you know, Like, I don't Quil. Teeny. Yeah, just have it be Nyquil and like a Sprite. You don't have, like, available at bars and stuff, you know, a nice, nice Sprite. So you get. You don't get tired from it. You get hopped up. I get. I don't get hopped up. I get. I get like, so relaxed and just this weird tingle over. Benadryl is a sleeping pill for 15 hours. Yeah, NyQuil. Cold and flu. Forget about it. I am Michael. Makes me drowsy, man. It was a good Dr. Like, I just get this great. Like, it's like at night.

[Brady]

I like taking. I mean, if I, you know, as.

[John Holmberg]

Long as I don't have anywhere to be the next day. Yeah, well, that's the thing. When I'm sick, I don't have anywhere to go. I took it yesterday afternoon. I dropped out for like an hour, woke up, watched some terrible movies, went back to sleep for a little bit, woke up again, like, this is great. This is living. This is what the human body was built to do, is just lay here and tingle for hours and hours and then occasionally get some food. It's got like a little tiny snacks, like, oh, I can eat Again.

[Brady]

Chicken soup?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, some sort of soup. It's 112. I've got chills. I'm like, this is awesome. Nobody's living the life like I am today. You're all in your cubicle sucking it up. I got home by like 12 and just vegged out on Nyquil. John Horn chilling away for NyQuil. Yeah. I'm gonna. Guess what I'm gonna do again today. Moxicillin, Nyquil cocktail. And I'm going out. I'm going to the kingdom again. I'm going back.

[Brady]

Hey, there's the vaginal mesh commercial again.

[John Holmberg]

Don't get all high and wander up to a mountain. No, no, you don't. You don't have that kind of energy. That's what's great about it. You don't. You don't even want to wander off to the kitchen. If Megan's home, she's doing all. Can I get another drink? I'm a mess. Every time I wake up, I feel like I'm going to tip over. You're high. Yeah, I know. Isn't it great? Do you use that to your advantages completely when you're a little bit sick or. Absolutely.

[Jimmy Hart]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

The medicine makes it so I don't even feel. I don't feel safe on my feet. And then just. She's getting you stuff. You go over to.

[Brady]

It's a very important job for the misses.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, get me a grooving and those little steak wraps. Those are good. Oh, yeah. Send her, like, across Zoe's last night to get some of that. That's good stuff. I'll pay for it. You just. Of course I'll pay for it. All that happens. I have to be sick for that. I know, but you throw it out like it's something different. Anyway. Yeah, It's out of control now. It's John Holmer here from the morning sickness. And it's time to talk about TVs Doug Hopkins of My Home Group and Doug Hopkins dot com. Have you ever thought to yourself, I'm gonna sell my house? Of course you have. And one reason or another, you just didn't do it. Probably because it's a hassle when you try to make a real estate deal. What if I could say, you can sell that house the day after you say the words, I want to sell my house. Doug's been at this for over 25 years, and that's why he's still on top of the Hill. TVs Doug Hopkins can handle everything. Won't move the price or you get $5,000. What do you do? Start the process right [e-mail] or grab the phone and sing. All right, HMS podcast time again to let you know where to go for some great comedy in the Valley this week. Get up north to Desert Ridge and catch Aaron Belial and Zarna Garden making you laugh. Stand up live downtown at City Skate features funnyman Akash Singh and Eastside at the Tempe Improv. Lots of entertainment there as you get newest kill Tony, regular Dedrick Flynn, Yohai Spotter, Mike Goodwin and friend of the show Kevin Nealon. For the complete lineups and for Tickets, go to standuplive.com desertridgeimprov.com and tempeimprov.com it's the best of Homburg's Morning Sickness. I'm 98 KUPD this segment brought to you guys by MMP Guns on 12th street in Indian School. Inside a mo money pond. Now, MMP Guns is your firearms expert. Whether you look for a new firearm for yourself, for your girlfriend, your wife, you want to build one, you need accessories, you need ammo. If they don't got it, they'll get it. It's MMP Guns over on 12th street in Indian School. Check them out online at mmpguns.com Brady I have an opportunity to join a family member in a cross country trucking job. Should I leave my $14 an hour job to get my CDL and start a new chapter in life? The pay is better, but I would be away from my younger kids for weeks at a time. My lady could quit her job and be home 247 if I do this and she doesn't like her job anyway. That would just make it tight again. Tyler.

[Brady]

Try it.

[John Holmberg]

What would you do?

[Brady]

They are signing big bonuses, like hundred thousand dollar bonuses to go up to.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, I don't know if that's what he's getting left. Getting a lot of dough. Get your CDL license. It's a better job. Always upgrade. Where's the problem? You get away from them kids. Yeah, we set time. I'm in. That's, that's what they sell vacation homes for. You get away from the kids. I mean that's the whole goal of having kids is to get a away from them. Becomes a giant hide and seek with the earth.

[Brady]

And if the missus is fine with it. Yeah, and it depends on the, you know, if he's like, you know, how involved on the kids, like he was coaching little league or something like that, he could still probably work things out. I mean the only way you find out is going into that job and you all sudden, you really like it. That's good. If you don't, you can find something else.

[John Holmberg]

This is super accommodating, Brady. Today everything's going to work. You're coaching little league. I don't know where that that came in.

[Brady]

Because the osteen talk. He's gotta feel right.

[John Holmberg]

I think. I think it's because he's got to get Kirby a dog today to finish her punishment.

[Brady]

Is there a Mr. Worldwide?

[John Holmberg]

There you go.

[Brady]

Is the job that he has.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. $14 and does that have room to move up? But okay, that said, that's time and amazing.

[Brady]

It is time.

[John Holmberg]

This is a thing where he can do the CDL license and guaranteed move him himself.

[Brady]

Right.

[John Holmberg]

But it comes with work and getting out of the house.

[Brady]

I don't know how you're doing at 14 an hour.

[John Holmberg]

I don't either.

[Brady]

Kids take this trucking job.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, I agree. And should nuts.

[Brady]

Then if you get, you know, in a year or two, you can buy your own private rig.

[John Holmberg]

That's right.

[Brady]

Get a chimpanzee and go on the road.

[BK]

Oh, man.

[John Holmberg]

BJ and the bear reference. BJ from the bear is what I like to say. You got that road simian that's gonna be trained to do some things the hookers can't. Probably gonna pay a hooker to do it with the bear at least once. Right. If you had a. A road monkey and you had hookers at truck stops, you'd see what the hookers up. You'd try it once, won't you please, my friend here for watch. And then the stories you could tell for ages. Dress them up one of the night and dress them up. Just let them be full monkey. And then just have the hookers at the truck stops. He'll do anything for 50 bucks. He ain't gonna believe what I had to do. You know that monkey I have? Huh?

[Jimmy Hart]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

They had interspecies relations. I want to see glowing bear.

[Brady]

I want to see.

[John Holmberg]

I want to see. I would. You'd watch that. If you're a trucker, you're at rip Griffin's and a guy's like, you got money monkey in a car now one of them hookers. Let me see. I know it's on the ring cam that cross country.

[Brady]

Imagine all the Buc EE's you can stop at.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, man. And get all those. Those lot lizards up in there to bang your monkey shower up. Because they're not human. The hookers at the truck stops. That's why all the truckers are serial killers. They get rid of them. Dear Brady, my mother has a new boyfriend. He graduated high school in 1996, two years before I did. She's 64 goddamn years old. This is awful. Here's what's worse. This dude took my girlfriend to Sadie Hawkins when we were in high school together and now he's boning my mother. Oh, we weren't friends in high school because he was a stud jock and I was a nerd in the math department. Somehow or another he still makes more money than me. He started his own company. Company. I need a way to prank this prick and end this violently. I can't do the holidays like this. And yes, he can still kick my ass if he needs to. Kenny. Oh, Elner and Marcy. Oh wow. Hey, Zellner's a good catch. See, you should be so lucky, homebird. Maybe they, they could get together, make a new version of her good son. What that would look like big nose cuckoo Stern wannabe.

[Brady]

She.

[John Holmberg]

DZ puts a baby in your mom if he thinks about it. Doesn't even need to date her or see her or even meet her.

[Brady]

Look who's got missile to over.

[John Holmberg]

How many rings you got? I make DZ wear a tinfoil over his hat, his head case. Some of those thoughts of him having sex with your wives and impregnating them gets out. Second that hits the ether. Your wife has a baby in full. She gonna stop menstruating if she's in the same room with that man, he dies. But yeah, DZ graduated two years ahead of me. It would be the same. Oh, and I grant.

[Brady]

Yeah, you'd have to talk to. I mean you tell your mom how you feel. Oh, it's just kind of weird for me mom.

[John Holmberg]

Now My aunt was 25 years older than the guy she ended up being with. Is that right? Maybe 2020, something like that. But she, her son was two years older than him. Is that something like he was 25 and she might have been like 48. So maybe 23, 24 years. Which is weird for a woman to a man, but when you have an older son and the son was like they ended up getting along pretty well later. He stuck, that relationship stuck. And by the way, my aunt's still alive and this guy's dead. He died in his 50s, she's like eight now.

[Brady]

It's like the old somebody described to me the Belichick thing, you know, he's dating a 24 year old. So when he was, when he just got Tom Brady.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, she was one. Did you see him meet her parents? No. It's on. He. They're 48 and 49 years old. Yeah. And Belichick, 74.

[Brady]

I saw him, Belichick, at a gala. Yeah, she looked great. Of course she did.

[John Holmberg]

By the way, about her. Looks good. He looks great. You've never seen him happier. And Bill is. Bill's on the McAfee Show. He does Inside the NFL. He's. He's phenomenal. He's everything you want Bill Belichick to be. Outside of, like, those. It just realize he's been snowing us for 30 years with those press conferences of hate just because he hates the media and the evil empire. He was playing a game, and they realize how funny that is, that he's Andy Kaufman. That was 30 years of him just going, I'm not gonna answer your questions. We're out to Indianapolis. Watch him on McAfee. And on Halloween when he dressed his young concubine up as a mermaid and acted like he was fishing. Pat's like, saw you fish in there. Bill saw fishing. You're doing right. He goes, yeah, I caught a big one. And it's like, oh, that was. He's good. But. Yeah. And that Caliento used to tell me all the time, the only thing he ever heard about Belichick was, he's hilarious. Like, that was the. Like, this dude's funny. So it's different, though, when your mom. Oh, if your mom started to smash.

[Brady]

Carpenter two years old. Right.

[John Holmberg]

Start smashing Clubba. Like, that's probably about the same. It's pretty close.

[Brady]

Well, I was putting it on the athlete side. Like, Graham Carpenter was a superstar basketball player.

[John Holmberg]

How do you. How do you get. Mom. You go to the holidays now with Derek Zellner, and he's just pushing your mom's eyes, Osteoporosis, hips all the way through the bed.

[Brady]

But he makes me happy.

[John Holmberg]

She has got osteoarthritis. And he is just putting. What is this guy graduated? 96. Which puts him around 40 something. 41.

[Brady]

He can put his weight on her.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, he's not even 40. Am I doing that right? Yeah, he is.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

96 puts a day because you'd be 20 and 98, and that was. Yeah, so he's. He's in his mid-40s and he's just smashing mom. Smashing her. He's 46, she's 64.

[Brady]

I'm saying something to my mom.

[John Holmberg]

Is that right? I'm doing something wrong there either way. What do you say? To her. Well, stop owning my high school friends.

[Brady]

How weird it is for me.

[John Holmberg]

Do you know that guy used to pick on me? He was a badass in high school and I was a nerd. He took my date to Sadie Hawkins.

[BK]

Hey, wait.

[John Holmberg]

Sadie Hawkins? She asked t him?

[Brady]

Yeah, that's the other way around here.

[John Holmberg]

They took him to Sadie Hawkins. It gets worse. That's terrible.

[Brady]

Wow.

[John Holmberg]

So you go to your mom and you say, have you? By the way, somebody just sent me this too. This is Mark Davis, the Dutch boy, the owner of the Raiders. Have you seen his girlfriend?

[Brady]

Yes.

[John Holmberg]

Billionaires win.

[Brady]

Are they still together?

[John Holmberg]

I don't know. Doesn't matter. She. She claims.

[Brady]

Moving on to the next.

[John Holmberg]

She said, I didn't know he was a billionaire. I just loved his hair. Right. So you go to your mom and you say, please stop or I'm not. I. I would cancel Christmas.

[Brady]

Stop necessarily. But I'm telling her, you gotta understand how weird this is.

[John Holmberg]

I'm not coming to Christmas if Chet's there.

[Brady]

Why?

[John Holmberg]

I love chat. I'm not coming. Let me repeat. I'm not coming. Coming to Christmas if Chet's there. Why don't you want me to love. You can just not Chet.

[Brady]

And all of a sudden, I'm just not. You know, it's hard not to trust Chet.

[John Holmberg]

Why? You think he's in it to get you?

[Brady]

Not necessarily to get me. Or just. You've had a hang up on Chet.

[John Holmberg]

For a long time.

[Brady]

You're not. I'm like, this is something not right here.

[John Holmberg]

I remember.

[Brady]

I'm not buying.

[John Holmberg]

I remember you, Chad. You think. You think Chet is pulling a fast one over the whole family or just getting this guy again? You don't think he really loves your mother? Yeah.

[Brady]

I don't know.

[John Holmberg]

I'll tell you this. My aunt Joan and Uncle Bob, vastly different in age. It lasted like. That was real love. Yeah, it really was. When you saw him together, he's a little dopey.

[Brady]

And what's.

[John Holmberg]

What are we talking about here?

[Brady]

He mid-40s and she's in 64.

[John Holmberg]

Something.

[Brady]

So it's 20 years. I guess it's not that big.

[John Holmberg]

It's not a huge gap as far as like, oh, my God, but still, he's older than your son by two years. That's something. That's something. And we don't know.

[Brady]

Just keeping my eye on you, Chet.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, well, you can keep your eye on him all you want. You're gonna eventually see him boning your mom. It's gonna be weird when you. He's slapping down your mom's potatoes for Thanksgiving.

[Brady]

And then you're talking food this time, right?

[John Holmberg]

Her pureed tacos. Or I guess it would be turkey pureed. All that food he's got to put in a blender for your mom before he smashes that ass. You know, your mother and I have a very active sex life there, Kenny. Oh, yeah. The only thing that gets in the way is her colostomy bag. But you know what? That smells like love to me now. You know what, Chad? I'm gonna leave Christmas for a little while. That's right, because I was about to bone your mother.

[Brady]

If I hear that.

[John Holmberg]

Be nice if you weren't here when that happened. Hey, Kenny, come here for a second, son. Don't call me son. Chad. Hey, tonight I just wanted to let you know I wanted to ask permission. I don't think I was ever a gentleman about this. I've entered your home. I've entered your family. And tonight, I'm going to enter your mother. Do I have your permission? What?

[Brady]

Need it?

[John Holmberg]

I'm going to your mom tonight. Pass the gravy. That's what your mother says. Pass the gravy. She wants to experience north and South Korea. You know what I'm talking about. You heard it. You heard it earlier this morning. I'm going over the dmz. Watch out for the border. It's guarded. Yeah, by the pen's panty liner.

[Brady]

Yuck. What if he was talking like that the whole time? And then you just. You record it.

[John Holmberg]

Mom, you know what my favorite smell is? Ammonia based urine and baby powder from the diaper your mother has to wear because I've knocked the bottom off. She doesn't control it anymore.

[Brady]

She's not that old.

[John Holmberg]

She is though now, Brady, because I've put her through the paces now that I've knocked a silly. Did you know your mom was a squirter? I do. Not that old, but it feels.

[Brady]

Before you come over, can you pick up the medication over there? Walgreens? Your mom still has the uti.

[John Holmberg]

She's itchy real bad. My bad. Why do you still wear the face shield from COVID Chat? Your mother's a water worker.

[Brady]

Works.

[John Holmberg]

It's amazing. Okay, Sometimes she just looks at me and sprays. It's like summer in New York. We're playing stickball and we open up the fire hydrants. And when I say stickball, what I mean? I heard you. It's out of control now. 98 KUPD. You know when you're looking for your fix of comedy. Here in the Valley, we have three amazing clubs that feature some some of the best comedians in the world. Up on the north end of town, you can visit the beautiful desert Ridge Improv. Downtown in cityscape, you've got stand up live and east side. Right there in the heart of asu, it's the legendary Tempe Improv. Plenty of entertainment for you and your guests and you can even grab some food and drink. So see why the Valley is a comedy destination and get your tickets by going to Desert Ridge. Improv.com, standuplive.com and tempyimprov.com this is Michael with Restore my civil rights. It's still over 110 degrees outside and the political climate is just as hot. If you've lost your right to possess a firearm due to a criminal conviction, we can help at Restore my civil rights. We help Arizonans restore all of their rights because constitutional rights shouldn't depend on the next election results. To book a free consultation, call 855gun rights or visit restoremycivilrights.com today. That's restoremycivilrights.com cease and desist at once. The best of Holmberg's morning sickness. This is the big red radio. We have some bad news. We might as well have the happiest man in the world come in and break it to us. Jimmy Fallon's here, everybody. Oh my God.

[Brady]

Hey, Jimmy.

[John Holmberg]

So great to see you guys.

[BK]

What's up, bro?

[John Holmberg]

Oh, my God, Brady, you're so funny. Oh my God, Brady. Breezy, it's gonna be great.

[Brady]

What happens?

[John Holmberg]

Brady, it's unbelievable to have you here. I'm just looking at you just like, oh my God. There's Brady. I listen all the time. And there's Brett. Oh my God. Brett's race. This is amazing.

[Brady]

We got a great day sometime.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, we gotta. We'll get together and we'll do like a. We should do a parody song or something. It's great. Oh, some bad news. Lou Anderson died. His ravaged body died from cancer. Terrible, terrible stuff.

[Brady]

Just terrible.

[John Holmberg]

I remember laughing so much. It was so great. So having to see him in the event and just having him in there, it's just unbelievable. So just come by and tell you guys. The cancer has taken Louis Anderson and eating his body from the inside out. Terrible news. Oh my God. Can't believe this. Can't believe I'm in here.

[Brady]

Let's do dick in a box.

[John Holmberg]

Okay. Dick in a box again. Oh my God. It was so much fun. If Lou Anderson could do dick in a box. It'd be such a big box. So huge. Such a big man. Such a huge celebrity. See, I loved all of his life. You gotta be somewhere else. I loved everything. I gotta go. I gotta break some news to some people who lost their kids in a car accident last night. Oh, my God. It's sad news. Jimmy Fallon. I'll see you guys later, man. Yeah, he's got a lot of energy, man. Really? Yeah. But you know what? So tense even with that terrible news. We're all smiling. We're all smiling at that bad news. I forgot to say, guys, you hear about Meelo from.

[Brady]

My God.

[John Holmberg]

Unbelievable. He's dead too. Okay, fine. Oh, Jimmy. Just bad news, Jimmy. It's tough to hear. Yeah. Louie Anderson. While we're talking to Lavelle. Louie died. Not while we were talking about the announcement. That. And lavelle was like, I believe that every time all that stuff is gonna come out. I ain't gonna come out on that.

[BK]

Mother.

[John Holmberg]

Who else is dead? All our big celebrities are dying. And we have Lavelle in here today. I want to bubble wrap him and keep Lavelle safe while these big dudes start dropping like flies on the same day. Brady, I gotta keep my eye on you. Who's the third one? Yeah, who do we pick for three? Who's the big third? Who would it be? I can't think of a big fat person.

[Brady]

Did we have someone just before Louie?

[John Holmberg]

A big one? I don't know. Betty White, Louis Anderson and Meatloaf. What a sad end to Betty White's life. But that's. Louie is one of the most originally funny comedians. If you're a student of comedy or you like it at all, and you don't know Louie Anderson, you've done yourself a disservice. The early stuff he had just hysterical and subtle. And he was.

[Brady]

His time then to come back for the last thing. Baskets.

[John Holmberg]

And the Baskets were just mind blowingly great.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Baskets is so good. It's one of those things that's so funny. You don't laugh. You don't just go, that's amazing.

[Brady]

Yep.

[John Holmberg]

Like your body doesn't react with laughter. It reacts with Jesus. That's creative. Louie is. I never. And what did I say earlier in this week when we said we found out he was sick? Like, it's one guy in 21 years of being here, we have not had on. And I would. That is one. He just avoided it or. No, he just never toured. I mean, Panette. Again, the story about him And Mesa is not good. So he never really came back to Arizona. Frank Caliendo told the story of being at a swimming party with Louie Anderson.

[Brady]

That's right.

[John Holmberg]

And it's a great story. I don't know the details, so I won't mess it up. So I'm not going to tell it, but he and Louie were standing there by the pool. Yeah, I'm pretty much probably the funniest guy here. Frank. And he just kind of just tell him, like, Craig Gass, he's funny, but he's got no act. It's just flat out would tell a guy. But yeah, Louie Dyne and that. That's one of the comedy heroes. Like, I love Louis and back Baskets. My God. So that's a. That's a big one. That's a big loss for funny. We've lost a few good ones. Norm and Bob and Louie. That's rough, Louie. I wish, I wish that'll be one of the. The regrets. I go back to all these comedians, all this stuff, and I'm a huge comedy fan. Watching all these guys and having them come in and meeting guys like Lavelle. And I love Lavelle. And to have Louie go, I never met him. That'll be one like, yeah, that would have been one on the list. And it's not. That sucks. So Louie Anderson's gone. Jimmy broke it to you. Six. He's only 68, though. Yeah. And again, Meatloaf going to 74 his size. Louie getting a 68 his size. Shocking. You don't hear a lot of those dudes in that weight class getting up into their late 60s, early 70s. Those two both did it, so. Oh, it stinks. Anyway, it's time for the entertainment drill. And it's brought to you by our friends, the Schwarz Laser Eye Center. Schwartz Laser Eye. It's where you go to get your eyes fixed. I did mine. My right eye was a disaster. Disaster. And now it's down to 2020 once again. And thanks to Dr. J. Schwartz and the team out there for finding the glorious problem that was a cataract in my eye. Could be trauma based. It could have been the sun. It could have been.

[Brady]

Do you think something was going on in the cataract? Like, was things in the cataract? Was it blurry? Was it.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, how do you know it was like, without? Well, because I couldn't see basic stuff. Then when they fixed it, I'm like, this is how you're supposed to see. So I had the lens replaced and it was unreal. So Check it all out. They have their complimentary consultation to get on out there. They take a look at you and they're like, hey, let's get you in a plan. If you're tired of glasses, whatever, they've got the Lasik, they've got the lens replacements, they've got all sorts of stuff. Let them look at your eyes so you can use them properly. The Schwartz Laser Eye center, the Diamondbacks Suns, they're all there. You should be, too. Brady Entertainment.

[Brady]

Mike Tyson is selling edible gummies in the shape of a biton earth.

[John Holmberg]

Yes, I saw. That was pretty great. That's pretty funny. Wait, is it the.

[Brady]

The ear that's bitten off, or is.

[John Holmberg]

It the part of the ear that's the chunk? And doesn't Evander get a piece of this? Like, shouldn't he get.

[Brady]

I think he signed off on it.

[John Holmberg]

Did he signed off on it? But shouldn't he get some money for this?

[Brady]

There's the big question. No word. If Evander's getting cut of this, he's got to.

[John Holmberg]

If he wants to, he can call me up. I'll try to give him something, but I hope he doesn't get too mad.

[Brady]

The way they said when they asked, Tyson sounded like Evander is getting a piece.

[John Holmberg]

They've had a couple of podcasts together that are quite hilarious, talking about the ear thing. And keep in mind, as crazy as Mike Tyson was, true boxing fans know that Evander Holyfield tried to break people's face with the back of his head on a regular basis. He was a headbutting machine, and he would open eyes and he would smash you with the top of the crown of his head.

[Brady]

He.

[John Holmberg]

He was kind of a legal cheater in that regard. Mike just lost his mind, ate the guy's ear because he took two giant headbutts in that fight that normal people would have either sliced themselves wide open or just dropped out of. So Van is not innocent. He just shouldn't have had his ear bitten off.

[Brady]

Sylvester Stallone addressed the question, who would win in a fight? Fight, Rocky or Rambo? And he did his response on Instagram.

[John Holmberg]

I know the answer to this.

[Brady]

Rambo, he went back and forth.

[John Holmberg]

Rambo wins this hands down. He's got no rules. That's what I'm saying. Yeah, yeah. In a boxing ring, Rambo sanctions killed.

[Brady]

But if those fought, if Rocky could land five shots and get it done, that's the only chance he has. Because once it goes to the ground and once you take it out the boxing and it goes to the Street, Sure. There's no way self defense training.

[John Holmberg]

He kicked the hell out of Tommy Gun. So. Yeah, on the street, in the street, in the boxing. And the worst Rocky ever. Without question. Terrible Rocky. But Rambo would destroy him for Rocky's.

[Brady]

Eyes and gouges them out.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, yeah, yeah, it's. Look, you put him in a ring with rules and Rambo's going to get killed. The two just fight in a boat. Rambo's gonna have his ass. Rambo took out full army.

[Brady]

Oh yeah.

[John Holmberg]

One on one with Rocky the heavyweight champ. Come on. Floyd Mayweather went to jail and got scared.

[Brady]

It surprised me how much Rocky or how much Sylvester Sloan said Rocky has a chance.

[John Holmberg]

Well, it's like having his kids fight. You can't. Rambo would slaughter Rocky in a fight.

[Brady]

It looks like Beetlejuice 2 is happening. Brad Pitt's company, Plan B is now involved. And is Alex Baldwin going to be in it filming early this summer.

[John Holmberg]

Somebody should have took the Plan B pill before green lighting that. I know exactly how to get rid of Beetlejuice. Give me the gun. So far, Keaton's in, Baldwin's in.

[Brady]

Say Baldwin Ryder is in. Tim Burton is back directing. Nothing about Baldwin.

[John Holmberg]

Come on. Baldwin and Gina Davis have to be in. I know they kind of died in the first one, but they can come back.

[Brady]

They said they're gunning to get Alex back. You.

[John Holmberg]

I'll. I'll. I'll do Beetlejuice too, but I have to shake the rust off.

[BK]

Nice.

[John Holmberg]

Thank you.

[BK]

Thank you.

[John Holmberg]

Very proud of that. Anyway, what's it say? Birch girl's a bartender. Does he know what tool she uses to measure alcohol? Oh, yeah. Okay, don't bring that. No, don't, don't, don't to it. Why would you even post that right now? Sorry, Brady. Go ahead. Finish entertaining me. Go on, entertain. I'm going to Amber Heard both of you.

[Brady]

Celebrities who have more kids than you might not have realized might have realized.

[John Holmberg]

They have more kids. Oh, so hard than you. Yeah, it's a jigger.

[Brady]

I know.

[John Holmberg]

There it is. It. I knew he'd look it up. Why do people do this? It's not fun. It's terrible. Celebrities that have more kids than you that might be surprised means that they have kids that are super surprised and multiple. Well beyond how many. I have ellipses. Might be surprised. Pauses. Very difficult. Try it again.

[Brady]

I'm out.

[John Holmberg]

No, do it. Do it. Good night, everybody. I won't eat a d. Why are you so mad at us? That was so hard to follow. This is your one thing Brady Fealed? Celebrities that have more kids than you that might be surprised.

[Brady]

I don't think I said it like.

[John Holmberg]

What did he say we all look like? Huh? Celebrities that have more kids than you. Pause.

[Brady]

Which means that might surprise you.

[John Holmberg]

That means the kids are going to surprise me. That's the pause. All right, let's go back to the tape. Am I wrong?

[Brady]

Yeah. I don't know what I said.

[John Holmberg]

That's why we all asked. Nobody knows what you said. What was the story? People with lots of kids. Go ahead, read it. Who's got them? The Duggars. We know they've got thousands.

[Brady]

Nick Cannon surprisingly put them celebrities.

[John Holmberg]

Well, they are. They're. We know about them.

[Brady]

Alec and Hilaria Baldwin.

[John Holmberg]

They have like seven. That did shock me.

[Brady]

Number seven on the way. Elon Musk. Eight children.

[John Holmberg]

He can afford wives.

[Brady]

He's had a set of twins and a set of triplets with his first wife and a son and a daughter with his ex girlfriend. Grimes.

[John Holmberg]

A couple of them over there at the Sunshine Acres. Oh yeah.

[Brady]

Lost one.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, that's surprising.

[Brady]

Kevin Costner has seven kids. Hold on. Was there a pause there with the last one?

[John Holmberg]

Lost one. There we go again. We. You all understood it.

[Brady]

Okay? Mel Gibson has five kids or has nine kids. Sorry, a little off.

[John Holmberg]

I wish Brady was my dog.

[Brady]

Eddie Murphy has 10 kids.

[John Holmberg]

Pop up, doctor. Pop up. How is she? She's gone to the bathroom three times.

[Brady]

That's a good.

[John Holmberg]

It's a good sign.

[Brady]

What about. What about the cancer, doc? It's ah.

[John Holmberg]

It's gone.

[Brady]

Awesome.

[John Holmberg]

Into her lungs.

[Brady]

Riddled.

[John Holmberg]

She's not going to make it to dinner. To dinner tonight. She's going to be here. We should. She should make it through the night.

[Brady]

Of a Thousand Stars.

[John Holmberg]

Which starts in an hour. I love the closing. Eat a D. How come you can say that so clear? Why all of a sudden are you Captain Diction with that? Holy crap, Holmberg.

[Brady]

I'm amazed Brady only has one kid based on all those pregnant pauses he has.

[John Holmberg]

Brady's aborted more sentences than Planned Parenthood. It's just tough to follow BR, that's all. It's past 10. You should be home with. We should be home with Ski mask. She's already asleep for God sake.

[Brady]

If I can figure out that secret.

[John Holmberg]

Me too. Ditto. I would Uber with her if that was the case. How'd you get this deal? Somebody challenged me and said in your lyrics for country music put in let's go, Brandon. When I'm flying into the South And I know my plane is landing. I'm with my people. I know, cuz they're all chanting, let's go, Brandon. There you go. This is the easiest thing in the world. I could polish that up. And we grabbed a gun and a beer and we walked around the store Cuz we're free to carry and I won't hear no no more. Yeah, yeah. Screw you and your silly little country music nonsense. Anyway. What are you going to do? It's 10:15. That's it. Are you writing a note? Do I get a country music note? I like when she calls me Mr. She shows me some respect when my penis is in her. Oh wait, I said that I was gonna have a good one. Ah, it's gonna almost run. She knows that I'm the best because she's my sister. Sometimes you gotta massage it up. But I could get it done. I could write a hundred of them by 2012.

[Jimmy Hart]

30.

[John Holmberg]

Brady just wrote down cause she's my sister. That's the name of the song. I like when she calls me this to her because she shows me some respect when my penis is in her she knows that I'm the best she's my sister. It works. We got that. There's the chorus. The Country Music challenge tomorrow morning. You give me a lyric and we'll make it happen. Have almost the whole song done. But the deal. I just need somebody. John, you play acoustic guitar. Can you dummy up? Don't start doing that. Come on and give me a little bit of a. That's my jam. It'll be great. We're done. We're late already. As a matter of fact, though, we do have a you fest. Oh yeah, let's give them away right now. Eighth caller, 585 9800. Eighth caller. We'll give you you fest tickets and we're out of here. Larry's coming up next. You guys have your day in the barrel. Don't do it yet, Brady. Tomorrow. Save it. It's out of control now. 98. Hey, it's John and Brett from the morning sickness. And the nightmare of the holidays are behind us. And now it's time to treat yourself. In January is the perfect time to fresh start everything with a new system. There's only one place to go do that. Quality car stereo upgrade your ride with better sound, smarter tech and service you can trust. Whether it's CarPlay, Android audio, backup cameras, security systems, window tint, or premium audio for your cars, boats, motorcycle, cycles or UTVs. This year, drive smarter and safer with quality Car Stereo Quality Car Stereo in Mesa at the corner of Sauceman and Baseline. Make sure you check them out online at quality car stereo AZ.com It's John Holmberg here. Seeing clear as a bell, thanks to my friends at the Schwarz Laser Eye Center. Well, here we are looking at a brand new year. Can you see yourself in 2026? Can you see it all? I mean, really? Maybe in 2026 you should see yourself seeing. Fix those eyes. Vision changes are gradual. You might not even know how bad it's gotten. I know. That was my story. So start the by seeing clearly. Visit Dr. Jay Schwartz and his team at the Schwartz Laser Eye Center, 480483 Eyes Schwartz Laser Eye center, the official eye center for your Diamondbacks and sons.