01-19-26 - John's Worried About His Ping Pong Ball Size Testicles - 2013--BO

Summary

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Podcast Summary: Holmberg's Morning Sickness – "John's Worried About His Ping Pong Ball Size Testicles" (Jan 19, 2026)

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Main Theme

This episode of Holmberg’s Morning Sickness is a hilariously candid dive into male body worries—especially testicle size—sparked by host John Holmberg’s newfound paranoia over having "ping pong ball size testicles." The discussion quickly expands into the crew’s signature blend of unfiltered jokes, bodily confessions, and banter on medicine, self-diagnosing with Wikipedia, and the underrated joys of over-the-counter drug-induced relaxation.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Are My Balls Too Big? (01:09 – 04:00)

• Origin of the Paranoia: John receives emails from listeners worried about oversized "ping pong ball" testicles after a previous show mention.
  • "We’ve worried the entire city about oversized genitals because we’re men. We don’t know what other guys’ balls are supposed to be like." — John Holmberg [01:16]
• Size Comparisons and Insecurities: The crew debates normal testicle size using everything from ping pong balls and lima beans to fruit metaphors.
  • John: "If your balls are this big, your heart’s gonna explode, you start to wonder, where do I stack up?" [01:31]
  • Brady: "Ping pong balls. Maybe because it’s so round." [01:40]
• Medical Perspective or Lack Thereof: Jokes about doctors noticing abnormal size, including sidetracks into doctor visits and long-running ‘bag’ jokes.
  • "I think a doctor somewhere along the lines would go, ‘Nice balls, things are massive’...I’m not like Cisco Adler." — John [01:53]

2. The Anatomy Deep Dive & Internet Research (04:25 – 07:00)

• Tanner Scale Confusion: Brady attempts to reference the ‘Tanner Scale’ for testicle size, leading to mocking of the chart’s credibility.
  • John: "This is just some weirdo’s drawing of balls and wieners." [04:27]
  • "Why is Tanner the expert? Because he was a shortstop for the Bad News Bears." [04:35]
• Famous People with One Testicle: Random fact-drop segment naming Arnold Schwarzenegger, Hitler, and Napoleon.
  • Brady: "Arnold Schwarzenegger only has one." [05:05]
  • John: "For one baller, he’s pretty productive." [05:20]
• "Long Bag" Heredity and Workplace Absurdity: Stories about unusual testicular ‘features’ and brief interlude about a female senior airplane welder, tied back to questionable management choices.
  • John: "That's hereditary. Okay." [02:25]

3. Testicle-Related Humor & Male Body Image (07:01 – 09:51)

• No Ball Stigma: The crew theorizes that men are less sensitive about small balls than about penis size, and that women haven’t contributed stigma.
  • John: "If I say you have a little wiener, you'd be worried. But if I say you have little balls, it’s no big deal. Guys don't care about our ball balls." [06:46]
• Practical Woes & Solutions: John’s descriptions of excess skin and ‘ball handling techniques’ are both absurd and oddly relatable.
  • "When I pee, I sit to pee. I just kind of put my fingers in the skin and make a little bag handle, like a Samsonite handle, and I pull it up." — John [07:28]
  • Proposals for a "ball lift" or a "ball net" get rapid-fire comedic treatment.

4. Self-Diagnosis & Doctor Distrust (10:36 – 16:30)

• The Problem with Wikipedia as Medical Authority: The crew mocks recent claims that "90% of Wikipedia medical entries are inaccurate," interpreting it as a conspiracy to keep doctors employed.
  • John: "I know what you're up to, medical experts. You don't want us to use Wikipedia because it's 90% accurate and we don't need you as much anymore." [11:12]
• Doctors vs. WebMD: Stories of misdiagnoses, the proliferation of self-diagnosis, and the futility of most doctor visits.
  • "What's the difference if we look it up and miss? We can't sue ourselves for malpractice. That's the only...be happy." [13:47]
  • John: "WebMD has an automatic, like, default to Parkinson's and cancer and everything else for anything you put in there." [14:03]

5. “NyQuil Highs” and the Joys of Being Medicated (16:30 – 20:53)

• Reveling in Over-the-Counter Euphoria: John openly endorses NyQuil and Benadryl highs, describing the fuzzy warmth and floaty numbness with comic zaniness.
  • "I literally—it makes me want to take NyQuil every day. I just feel so nice and tingly, and—oh, it’s the best!" [17:15]
  • "Every time I yawn, it’s like this overwhelming warm sensation rolls over you and just comfortable. The cold is, like, the last thing you’re thinking about." [17:44]
• Pseudo-Productivity and Abuse: Jokes about subtle "purple juice" (code for codeine cough syrup cocktails) and making their own NyQuil-based drinks.
  • Brady: "So you don’t get tired from it, you get hopped up?"
  • John: "I don't get hopped up. I get...so relaxed and just this weird tingle over. Benadryl is a sleeping pill for 15 hours. NyQuil—cold and flu—forget about it." [18:44]

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Memorable Quotes & Moments (with Timestamps)

• On Testicular Paranoia:
  • "We’ve worried the entire city about oversized genitals because we’re men. We don’t know what other guys’ balls are supposed to be like." — John Holmberg [01:16]
• On Medical Expertise:
  • "This is just some weirdo’s drawing of balls and wieners." — John Holmberg (on Tanner chart) [04:27]
• On Male Insecurity:
  • "If I say you have a little wiener, you'd be worried. But if I say you have little balls, it’s no big deal. Guys don't care about our ball balls." — John Holmberg [06:46]
• On Self-Diagnosis:
  • "What's the difference if we look it up and miss? We can't sue ourselves for malpractice. That's the only...be happy." — John Holmberg [13:47]
  • "Wikipedia plus Mexico equals healthy. That's exactly right." — John Holmberg [15:53]
• On NyQuil:
  • "I literally—it makes me want to take NyQuil every day. I just feel so nice and tingly, and—oh, it’s the best!" — John Holmberg [17:15]
  • "This is what the human body was built to do. Let's just lay here and tingle for hours and hours..." — John Holmberg [19:06]

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Noteworthy Segments with Timestamps

• Testicle Size Discussion Begins: [01:09]
• Tanner Scale & One-Testicle Trivia: [04:25]
• Ball Lifting and Bag Handling Humor: [07:28]
• Wikipedia vs. Doctors Rant: [11:12]
• The NyQuil Revelations: [16:30]
• Comedic Capstone on Self-Medicating: [19:06]

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Tone & Atmosphere

The episode stays true to Holmberg’s Morning Sickness style: irreverent, self-deprecating, often crude, yet oddly informative. The hosts are brutally honest about bodily insecurity, make light of awkward health issues, and satire the medical establishment—all while keeping listeners laughing (and maybe nervously checking themselves).

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In Short:
If you've ever googled a symptom, worried about your man parts, or fallen in love with the sweet embrace of NyQuil, this episode is your uncensored therapy session. Expect no answers, but plenty of laughs.

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Transcript

[Larry McFeely]

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[John Holmberg]

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[John Holmberg]

I'm not laughing about it. You think this is funny? I take serious the rest of Homeburg's morning sickness. This is the big red radio. Somebody's emailing me about the ping pong ball deal. It's like I have ping pong balls too. John, We've worried the entire city about oversized genitals because we're men. We don't know what other guys balls are supposed to be like.

[Brady]

So probably a good thing.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, it's a great thing. But when it comes down to studies saying, well, if your balls are this big, your heart's gonna explod, you start to wonder, where do I stack up?

[Brady]

Yeah, ping pong balls. Maybe because it's so round.

[Larry McFeely]

So round.

[John Holmberg]

That's what I'm saying. If you mush it down, it seems about right.

[Brady]

It seems big, no?

[John Holmberg]

What are we looking at for right now?

[Brady]

There's two of them.

[John Holmberg]

Now I'm paranoid. That seems about right to me.

[Brady]

If you have big old giant balls.

[John Holmberg]

I guess I don't because I don't have big balls. Somebody would have said something by now. I think a doctor somewhere along the lines would go nice ball things are massive. They're not. I'm not like Cisco Adler.

[Brady]

I've got a lot of doctors playing with your balls.

[John Holmberg]

I prefer it that way. I had the dentist do it. That's why he sent me to another guy. I have a pain here in my. What is this? A molar and then one in my balls. I think there's a tooth in there. You have to feel hard.

[Larry McFeely]

Yeah.

[Brady]

Yeah, that's it.

[John Holmberg]

I know I have extra bag. John Small says. Dude, as soon as you said that about that I pictured what Great Danes look like from behind and then put it on you stop talking about your long bag. Doing a long bag. That's hereditary. Okay.

[Brady]

According to the all knowing Wikipedia, the average testicle size after puberty.

[John Holmberg]

Don't give me centimeters. I'll be a mess.

[Brady]

Can measure up to around 2 inches long.

[John Holmberg]

That's mine's.

[Brady]

That's.

[John Holmberg]

I got a little longer than 8 in.

[Brady]

In breadth round, right? Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

That's not very.

[Brady]

That's not ping pong. 1.2 in.

[Unidentified Male Guest]

In ping pong ball.

[Larry McFeely]

That's probably.

[John Holmberg]

That's about a ping pong ball.

[Larry McFeely]

One inch.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, I think that's about right. That's about a ping pong ball. Mush down.

[Unidentified Male Guest]

I don't think that's. I don't think that' alarming size.

[John Holmberg]

I don't even think Paul. I don't either. Okay, good. Brady's making me feel better because I thought I had very normal balls.

[Brady]

But if you mash a ping pong ball down, it's going to be like a lot wider circumference.

[John Holmberg]

Get an idea what it would be. I'm going to trace one for you guys. Trace a nut. All right.

[Brady]

I don't know.

[John Holmberg]

I don't either. But that's making me nervous now. So, you know, go check it out.

[Brady]

Let me grab it.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, I know. I've been feeling mine the whole morning since the email.

[Unidentified Male Guest]

Like, you know.

[John Holmberg]

What are you looking at? As big like small as like a lima bean. Tangerine maybe Like a lima bean is a little ball.

[Unidentified Male Guest]

Tangelo.

[John Holmberg]

Who's that guy? What's his name? We'll use him as a gauge. He's the new kid. Whip out your balls, son. Welcome aboard. Isn't that why Peeleen got fired? Show me your titties and your balls. Maybe Pelin was just worried that his sack was too. Hey guys. I read a story the Balls. They not supposed to be the size of small baseballs. Piolin, you're going to die. Grab your titties. Everyone immediately throw me your balls. Body check or my name is not Piolin. There's a checking for lumps. Piolin, I am sorry we have to fire you for grabbing titties. But Piolin grabs the titties. Piolin, we have to let you go. What does this mean?

[Brady]

That is the Tanner scale.

[John Holmberg]

Of what? This is just some weirdo's drawing of balls and wieners.

[Brady]

Testicle size.

[John Holmberg]

What does that mean?

[Unidentified Male Guest]

And how did Tanner get that?

[John Holmberg]

And why is Tanner the expert? Because he was a shortstop for the Bad News Bears. I don't trust him. Tanner Boyle is a ball expert. Get the Jew balls. No. Tanner, what does this chart do? Does anyone understand this chart? No. Gives you measurement on the side, doesn't it? No. Well, that's two and a half of something. But this is just a little wiener and little balls and then bigger wieners. Prepubescent to puberty. Puberty.

[Brady]

I just googled for fun famous people with one testicle. Arnold Schwarzenegger only has one.

[John Holmberg]

Is that true? Yeah. Where did his other ball go? I don't know. Yeah, pick that up. One just shot out of me.

[Brady]

Adolf Hitler. Napoleon knew that.

[Unidentified Male Guest]

For one. One baller, he's pretty productive.

[John Holmberg]

No, it's. That's. You only need one. It only takes one.

[Brady]

Not famous.

[John Holmberg]

He doesn't have one. He's got both of them. One's just mashed up. Anyway, the other thing was the guy.

[Unidentified Male Guest]

Says ball and skillet.

[John Holmberg]

You talk about that welding girl that was there. And became senior welder at age 20, talking about her earlier hiring hot girls. He goes, you forgot one thing. This chick was welding airplane parts. I didn't mention that. Think about that next time you're on a plane. Dude in charge of the welding shop hired hot girl. Made her a senior welder in a year and a half at age 20. Boned her in an apartment they kept nearby so his wife didn't find out she's putting together US Airways planes.

[Unidentified Male Guest]

Wow.

[John Holmberg]

Well, we all know who was responsible for the front landing gear of that Southwest Airlines jet the other day.

[Unidentified Male Guest]

Senior welder.

[John Holmberg]

Senior welder. Trisha.

[Brady]

Oh, my God. I can't believe it.

[John Holmberg]

Anyway, so what are you gonna do? Everybody feel your balls today. I'm very nervous about this. Like I said, I was cursed with a very average wiener and extra ball skin, but I. Maybe I'm housing a couple of beasts down south that I don't even know. About. But you say ping. You ping pong balls.

[Unidentified Male Guest]

Yeah. Yeah. I don't think that's large.

[John Holmberg]

All right.

[Brady]

Just seems big to me.

[John Holmberg]

Maybe you got little balls.

[Brady]

Maybe I do have a little ball.

[John Holmberg]

I don't think that. I don't think that offends guys. Like, if I said you have a little wiener, you'd be worried. But if I say you have little balls, it's no big deal. Guys don't care about our. We don't care about our ball balls. I don't think women have put the stigma on whether or not your ball size. If they started in part when they.

[Brady]

Get hit with them, then the throat.

[John Holmberg]

Start choking them, I gotta worry about.

[Unidentified Male Guest]

Knock them out.

[Brady]

Yeah, you don't want to.

[John Holmberg]

I got that grandfather clock swinging around down south there with all that skin I can. I can throw to Chick like. You get the water.

[Unidentified Male Guest]

Hypnotize him, too.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, you touch the water. Granddad. Granddad did it. He was 80.

[Brady]

I can't believe you're only 41.

[John Holmberg]

I'm gonna be in the tank in.

[Larry McFeely]

A couple of months.

[Brady]

That's nasty.

[John Holmberg]

Disgusting. I know. I have to be careful.

[Brady]

Well, you can't sit down to pee no more.

[John Holmberg]

You know what? I do good English. I no more Garcia. That was just very hillbilly because we're talking about balls. Double negative. Yeah, it's all right. Well, no more in general, but when I pee, I sit to pee. I just kind of put my fingers. I put my fingers in the skin and make like a little bag handle, like a Samsonite handle, and I pull it up. I don't drop down in there. And then sometimes I just grab the skin and lift it and put it over my leg. That I wish I was kidding about, but I'm not.

[Brady]

Stand up and pee like a man.

[John Holmberg]

No, no. When you're taking a deuce, too, you got to do that. When I'm deuce and I just pull it up and lay it over my leg like. Like a wash rag. Oh, I know that's a pain. Telling me, like. I don't know. I got to live with it, Brady.

[Unidentified Male Guest]

I could shorten it up.

[John Holmberg]

Well, one good thing is that sometimes you're in there and you're like. It's all compact, like it's doing that thing that nobody understand. Nobody's ever studied the ball.

[Unidentified Male Guest]

So doctor down there and trim it up. Make a wallet out of the extra.

[John Holmberg]

You know, I wonder if I could get a ball lift. That wouldn't be bad. It's necessary.

[Unidentified Male Guest]

They can do it.

[John Holmberg]

Cut Out a couple pieces and I just wouldn't want the rehab would be rough. A couple weeks of nut bag pain.

[Unidentified Male Guest]

What if they did? What if you just get a ball net like a hair net, but it just ties it up.

[John Holmberg]

Does anyone ever studied the balls on why they shrink and grow and shrink and grow. Nobody even knows when it's going to happen or why it's happening. And it's not even weather related.

[Larry McFeely]

It's.

[Brady]

And what you're talking about sounds more like a pelvic mesh. And I hear bad things about those.

[John Holmberg]

I don't want to be in a class action lawsuit on Jerry Springer in a couple years. You had ball surgery? Oh great. Here we go. What's the problem? I did it. I'll just let him keep growing all cocking ass and I'm fine with that. Dude, that Cisco Adler thing again. I'll never compete with the guy I met 10 years ago who was in that fraternity of the nickname sale. And he lifted his up to his chest and showed everybody that he's got America's cup written on the side of his balls because he could float across the Atlantic if the wind was right.

[Brady]

He should be in Jim Rowe's circus.

[John Holmberg]

He should be. It was. It wasn't human. It's just not a human thing. It looked like a boat sale. And I went to see puppetry of the penis and those guys could do stuff with their sacks that was relatively ridiculous. Yeah, Jim Rose is calling. Well, maybe I could. Maybe I got that to fall back on. I'm gonna show our new owners my balls. It's all right. If everything goes south here, I have a future in ball work. I'm a ball model.

[Brady]

You're like George Costanza.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, He's a beautiful. Look at his balls. They're gorgeous. I'm a ball model. We're all things ball related, you know. 98.

[Larry McFeely]

What?

[John Holmberg]

98. No way.

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[John Holmberg]

It's John Holmerg here from the morning sickness for lifechangeloan.com having good credit is a sign you're probably good with your finances. What if I told you you can control your home equity and do inside of that? That sounds confusing, but your equity is your savings. You have earned that. If I want to completely remodel my house, I don't need a new loan. I have access to my money. The word you're looking for is freeing. Life change alone is the way the system should be. Go to the website and check the numbers for yourself. Then you'll realize it's not magic, it's just math. Lifechangerloan.com Holmberg's morning sickness Brady has found out that he handed me this. If you're a self diagnoser like almost everyone is because thank you Internet, you've made me almost a doctor. Wikipedia has now announced. There's an announcement that says 90% of its medical entries are inaccurate, say medical experts. Here's what I say to that. I know what you're up to, medical experts. You don't want us to use wikipedia because it's 90% accurate and we don't need you as much anymore. We won't go to you for the simple cold or the sinus infection. We'll go to Mexico like an American normally would, go get that amoxicillia, come back with our Mexicillin. Yeah, Mexicillin, and we'll be just fine. And that way we don't have to spend $400 on four tests to find out we've got a head cold. So that's what they're the announcement is out. Oh, don't diagnose yourself online. It's 90% of the time it's wrong. Now what you do, it's almost like gambling when you go online to diagnose yourself, give the symptoms, get a basis on what that is and don't look at any of the other stuff that's on that page because you will end up diagnosing yourself with cancer or Alzheimer's, removing a part of your body, Parkinson's or you'll do a self amputations happen and it's just a head cold but there is automatically a link that will 7 degrees of cancer get you to, you know, Hodgkin's lymphoma just for having the sniffles. But I know what you're up to medical experts. Anytime you start screaming out well you know it's awful to self diagnose you need us. Mm. What are you worried about?

[Brady]

Is that kind of what they've been doing for years, though? I mean, you. So you could put your symptoms into the computer, and then it's like just telling a doctor, like, these are my symptoms.

[John Holmberg]

The same thing. I go to the urgent care and tell them what I want, and they give it to me. I'll go in and go like, I've got a sinus infection. I know this up and down. I need the steroids, I need the amoxicillin, and I need the flonase, the strong stuff, okay? And the guy just starts writing the prescription, and then he looks. He gives, like, the bait, you know? He looks in my mouth, pushes on my nose. Having trouble reading?

[Unidentified Male Guest]

Fills your bag.

[John Holmberg]

Trouble breathing. I know right here is where the sinus infection starts, and my head's starting to feel it, too. Look. Looks like you have sinus infection. That's what I told you. I just can't write the prescription. I'll do it.

[Brady]

It's been their guessing game for years now. Now we're playing the guessing game as well.

[John Holmberg]

Totally Cool. That saves me 400 bucks every time I have a sinus infection to get my amoxicelia.

[Brady]

But they've. They've been wrong. I mean, they've missed. Course they have plenty of times. What's the difference if we look it up and miss?

[John Holmberg]

Right? Difference is we can't sue ourselves for malpractice. Right? That's the only be happy.

[Unidentified Male Guest]

And that's why the Wikipedia and Web MD doesn't hold anyone accountable. Of course, you can get the expert advice on there without them saying okay.

[John Holmberg]

But that's why I'm convinced that WebMD has an automatic, like, default to Parkinson's and cancer and everything else for anything you put in there. And immediately it'll go to something awful. And if you're not feeling up to snuff or your shoulders hurt or whatever. My buddy Chuck diagnosed himself with AIDS accidentally once because he had. He had a bump on his arm, and he started to put the symptoms in, and it was like, does it itch? Is it swelling? Is it? Here are your options. You've got, you know, a little lesion here.

[Unidentified Male Guest]

You get all of them.

[Larry McFeely]

Could be.

[John Holmberg]

Could be an ingrown hair, could be aids. And he's like, aids. Had some unprotected sex with a couple of sluts who might have been intravenous drug users. He didn't know. Started looking into it, and he went to the doctor and said, I looked online and I think I've got the aids.

[Unidentified Male Guest]

Give me the test.

[John Holmberg]

Give me the test and get tested for it. Turned out it's probably just a horrific ingrown hair.

[Unidentified Male Guest]

Good news. It's not aids. It's syphilis.

[John Holmberg]

You've got something. Wow, that's great news, Brady. Trust me, that's. You try to make it seem like that's not so. That would be like telling me I won the lottery if I thought I had AIDS and it was just syphilis. I'll take it if I'm in the grab bag of STDs. Syphilis is a. Whew.

[Unidentified Male Guest]

You got a shot for that, right, doc?

[John Holmberg]

AIDS is in there.

[Unidentified Male Guest]

One and done.

[John Holmberg]

There's only two left. Syphilis and AIDS. Good luck. Here we go. Yeah. So 90% of its medical entries are inaccurate. I. I see through you doctors. I see it. That means it's all accurate. Wikipedia is the most accurate medical advice giver on the planet. That's what I'm taking out of this article, because the doctors are saying it's not, and they're just out to steal. Unless you got something serious. Wikipedia will take care of it. In Mexico. Wikipedia plus Mexico equals healthy. That's exactly right.

[Brady]

It's good advice, John.

[John Holmberg]

Great advice. Because all you're gonna get from a doctor is ibuprofen. Anytime you go to a doctor with, like, the way chicks go to doctors. Oh, my shoulder's burning up. I got this elbow thing. I think. I don't know. Go to. What's going on? I don't know. It's tough to move my shoulder. And here's some ibuprofen.

[Unidentified Male Guest]

Really?

[John Holmberg]

300 for ibuprofen? You're gonna charge me? Really? You have the nerve to charge me for that? You go in, they think you broke a bone. Ibuprofen. Here's an anti inflammatory. That's what they call it. Ibuprofen.

[Unidentified Male Guest]

Well, what they do for the ladies, at least they tap in. Here's your prescription. Oh, Magic elbow fixing pill.

[John Holmberg]

Right. $500 exactly. Wikipedia Plus Mexico equals health. Do a study on that Dr. Dip. So you got that going for you. Easy enough. I can't do anything right now. I'm high as a kite. So I shouldn't even be outside at all. I took some Nyquil yesterday because I've been feeling this cold coming on, and I always forget Benadryl and Nyquil and what they do to. I am. I'm. I literally. It makes me want to take Nyquil every day. I just feel so Nice tingly and. Oh, it's the best. It's. It's so much better than anything I've ever done it.

[Unidentified Male Guest]

I. I think about it be before I take it saying, you know how I know how I'm gonna feel the next day?

[John Holmberg]

Awesome. Yeah, I was.

[Unidentified Male Guest]

Well, it's good, but at the same time, there's Sometimes you can be out.

[Brady]

Of it a little bit, man.

[John Holmberg]

That's the part I like, Brady. That's the part that. The fun part is you're kind of dizzy. It's fun to walk because, like, your body takes forever to get like, oh, we're really screwed up. It's fun. It's like a really nice, pleasant, over the counter high. And it just kicks my ass all day. Yesterday I went home, I took some fake amoxicillin from Mexico, guzzled down some Nyquil, sat there on the couch, I'm like, this is a fantastic afternoon. Every time you yawn, it's like this overwhelming warm sensation rolls over you and just comfortable. The cold is like the last thing you're thinking about.

[Brady]

And it won't go away.

[John Holmberg]

It's even better. It lasts like 24 hours. It's so much better than weed or any meth or pill you're taking because it's.

[Unidentified Male Guest]

Now you maybe understand why people like, like the medication.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, I love it. I love it. I could totally get addicted to Nyquil. I understand. I made me all day. All I thought of yesterday is, do we have any Robitussin? I want to make some purple juice.

[Brady]

I gotta try this.

[John Holmberg]

Because if this stuff. If Nyquil, I would try it with Nyquil, you know, instead of. I'll just like a Tom Collins rather than purple. Just. It's such a great feeling. Just that tingling sensation up and down my butt.

[Unidentified Male Guest]

You want some, maybe the Nyquil with some absinthe.

[John Holmberg]

No, I don't want to mix it up with the real stuff. I want to keep it normal, you know, Like, I don't Nyquil, Teeny. Just have it be Nyquil and like a Sprite. You don't have, like, available at bars and stuff, you know, a nice Sprite.

[Brady]

So to get. You don't get tired from me, you get hopped up.

[John Holmberg]

I get. I don't get hopped up. I get. I get like, so relaxed and just this weird tingle over. Benadryl is a sleeping pill for 15 hours. Yeah, NyQuil. Cold and flu. Forget about it.

[Brady]

I am Michael.

[John Holmberg]

Makes me drowsy, man. It was a good drug. Like, I just get this great, like, it's like at night.

[Unidentified Male Guest]

I like taking. I mean, if I. You know, as long as I don't.

[Brady]

Have anywhere to be the next day.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, well, that's the thing. When I'm sick, I don't have anywhere to go. I took it yesterday afternoon. I dropped out for, like, an hour. Woke up, watched some terrible movies, went back to sleep for a little bit, woke up again. This is great. This is living. This is what the human body was built to do. Let's just lay here and tingle for hours and hours and then occasionally get some food. It's got, like, a little tiny snacks, like, oh, I can eat again.

[Unidentified Male Guest]

Chicken soup.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, some sort of soup. It's 112. I've got chills. I'm like, this is awesome. Nobody's living the life like I am today. You're all in your cubicle sucking it up. I got home by, like, 12 and just vegged out on NyQuil.

[Brady]

John Holmberg, chilling away for NyQuil.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Guess what I'm gonna do again today? Moxicillin. Nyquil cocktail. And I'm going out. I'm going through the kingdom again. I'm going back.

[Unidentified Male Guest]

Hey, there's the vaginal mesh commercial again.

[Brady]

They'll get all high and wander up to a mountain.

[John Holmberg]

No, no, you don't. You don't have that kind of energy. That's what's great about it. You don't. You don't even want to wander off to the kitchen. If Megan's home. She's doing all. Can I get another drink? I'm a mess. Every time I wake up, I feel like I'm gonna tip over. You're high. Yeah, I know. Isn't it great?

[Brady]

Do you use that to your advantage?

[John Holmberg]

Oh, completely.

[Brady]

When you're a little bit sick, absolutely.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. The medicine makes it so I don't even feel. I don't feel safe on my feet. And then just. She's getting you stuff.

[Unidentified Male Guest]

You go over to very important job for the Mrs. Yeah, get me a grooving.

[John Holmberg]

And those little steak wraps. Those are good. Oh, yeah. Send her, like, across Zoe's last night to get some of that.

[Brady]

That's good stuff. I'll pay for it.

[John Holmberg]

You just. Of course I'll pay for it. All that happens.

[Brady]

I know, but you throw it out like it's something different anyway.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, It's out of control now.

[Larry McFeely]

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[John Holmberg]

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