Podcast Summary: Holmberg's Morning Sickness – "John's Worried About His Ping Pong Ball Size Testicles" (Jan 19, 2026)

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This episode of Holmberg’s Morning Sickness is a hilariously candid dive into male body worries—especially testicle size—sparked by host John Holmberg’s newfound paranoia over having "ping pong ball size testicles." The discussion quickly expands into the crew’s signature blend of unfiltered jokes, bodily confessions, and banter on medicine, self-diagnosing with Wikipedia, and the underrated joys of over-the-counter drug-induced relaxation.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Are My Balls Too Big? (01:09 – 04:00)

• Origin of the Paranoia: John receives emails from listeners worried about oversized "ping pong ball" testicles after a previous show mention.
  • "We’ve worried the entire city about oversized genitals because we’re men. We don’t know what other guys’ balls are supposed to be like." — John Holmberg [01:16]
• Size Comparisons and Insecurities: The crew debates normal testicle size using everything from ping pong balls and lima beans to fruit metaphors.
  • John: "If your balls are this big, your heart’s gonna explode, you start to wonder, where do I stack up?" [01:31]
  • Brady: "Ping pong balls. Maybe because it’s so round." [01:40]
• Medical Perspective or Lack Thereof: Jokes about doctors noticing abnormal size, including sidetracks into doctor visits and long-running ‘bag’ jokes.
  • "I think a doctor somewhere along the lines would go, ‘Nice balls, things are massive’...I’m not like Cisco Adler." — John [01:53]

2. The Anatomy Deep Dive & Internet Research (04:25 – 07:00)

• Tanner Scale Confusion: Brady attempts to reference the ‘Tanner Scale’ for testicle size, leading to mocking of the chart’s credibility.
  • John: "This is just some weirdo’s drawing of balls and wieners." [04:27]
  • "Why is Tanner the expert? Because he was a shortstop for the Bad News Bears." [04:35]
• Famous People with One Testicle: Random fact-drop segment naming Arnold Schwarzenegger, Hitler, and Napoleon.
  • Brady: "Arnold Schwarzenegger only has one." [05:05]
  • John: "For one baller, he’s pretty productive." [05:20]
• "Long Bag" Heredity and Workplace Absurdity: Stories about unusual testicular ‘features’ and brief interlude about a female senior airplane welder, tied back to questionable management choices.
  • John: "That's hereditary. Okay." [02:25]

3. Testicle-Related Humor & Male Body Image (07:01 – 09:51)

• No Ball Stigma: The crew theorizes that men are less sensitive about small balls than about penis size, and that women haven’t contributed stigma.
  • John: "If I say you have a little wiener, you'd be worried. But if I say you have little balls, it’s no big deal. Guys don't care about our ball balls." [06:46]
• Practical Woes & Solutions: John’s descriptions of excess skin and ‘ball handling techniques’ are both absurd and oddly relatable.
  • "When I pee, I sit to pee. I just kind of put my fingers in the skin and make a little bag handle, like a Samsonite handle, and I pull it up." — John [07:28]
  • Proposals for a "ball lift" or a "ball net" get rapid-fire comedic treatment.

4. Self-Diagnosis & Doctor Distrust (10:36 – 16:30)

• The Problem with Wikipedia as Medical Authority: The crew mocks recent claims that "90% of Wikipedia medical entries are inaccurate," interpreting it as a conspiracy to keep doctors employed.
  • John: "I know what you're up to, medical experts. You don't want us to use Wikipedia because it's 90% accurate and we don't need you as much anymore." [11:12]
• Doctors vs. WebMD: Stories of misdiagnoses, the proliferation of self-diagnosis, and the futility of most doctor visits.
  • "What's the difference if we look it up and miss? We can't sue ourselves for malpractice. That's the only...be happy." [13:47]
  • John: "WebMD has an automatic, like, default to Parkinson's and cancer and everything else for anything you put in there." [14:03]

5. “NyQuil Highs” and the Joys of Being Medicated (16:30 – 20:53)

• Reveling in Over-the-Counter Euphoria: John openly endorses NyQuil and Benadryl highs, describing the fuzzy warmth and floaty numbness with comic zaniness.
  • "I literally—it makes me want to take NyQuil every day. I just feel so nice and tingly, and—oh, it’s the best!" [17:15]
  • "Every time I yawn, it’s like this overwhelming warm sensation rolls over you and just comfortable. The cold is, like, the last thing you’re thinking about." [17:44]
• Pseudo-Productivity and Abuse: Jokes about subtle "purple juice" (code for codeine cough syrup cocktails) and making their own NyQuil-based drinks.
  • Brady: "So you don’t get tired from it, you get hopped up?"
  • John: "I don't get hopped up. I get...so relaxed and just this weird tingle over. Benadryl is a sleeping pill for 15 hours. NyQuil—cold and flu—forget about it." [18:44]

Memorable Quotes & Moments (with Timestamps)

• On Testicular Paranoia:
  • "We’ve worried the entire city about oversized genitals because we’re men. We don’t know what other guys’ balls are supposed to be like." — John Holmberg [01:16]
• On Medical Expertise:
  • "This is just some weirdo’s drawing of balls and wieners." — John Holmberg (on Tanner chart) [04:27]
• On Male Insecurity:
  • "If I say you have a little wiener, you'd be worried. But if I say you have little balls, it’s no big deal. Guys don't care about our ball balls." — John Holmberg [06:46]
• On Self-Diagnosis:
  • "What's the difference if we look it up and miss? We can't sue ourselves for malpractice. That's the only...be happy." — John Holmberg [13:47]
  • "Wikipedia plus Mexico equals healthy. That's exactly right." — John Holmberg [15:53]
• On NyQuil:
  • "I literally—it makes me want to take NyQuil every day. I just feel so nice and tingly, and—oh, it’s the best!" — John Holmberg [17:15]
  • "This is what the human body was built to do. Let's just lay here and tingle for hours and hours..." — John Holmberg [19:06]

Noteworthy Segments with Timestamps

• Testicle Size Discussion Begins: [01:09]
• Tanner Scale & One-Testicle Trivia: [04:25]
• Ball Lifting and Bag Handling Humor: [07:28]
• Wikipedia vs. Doctors Rant: [11:12]
• The NyQuil Revelations: [16:30]
• Comedic Capstone on Self-Medicating: [19:06]

Tone & Atmosphere

The episode stays true to Holmberg’s Morning Sickness style: irreverent, self-deprecating, often crude, yet oddly informative. The hosts are brutally honest about bodily insecurity, make light of awkward health issues, and satire the medical establishment—all while keeping listeners laughing (and maybe nervously checking themselves).

In Short:
If you've ever googled a symptom, worried about your man parts, or fallen in love with the sweet embrace of NyQuil, this episode is your uncensored therapy session. Expect no answers, but plenty of laughs.