01-20-26 - BR - TUE - China Using AI Robot Traffic Cops - Woman In Miami Steals Lyft Driver's Car On Xanax - Controversy In World Of Ski Jumping As Athletes Are Stuffing For Distance Advantage

Summary

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Podcast Summary: Holmberg’s Morning Sickness - 01-20-26 - BR - TUE

Main Theme:
The episode covers a fast-paced morning banter among John Holmberg and crew (Brady, Brett Vesely, Byron, and Toledo), touching on offbeat news both local and global: China’s AI robot traffic cops, a bizarre car theft in Miami, the surging controversy over ski jumpers’ "stuffing" for aerodynamic advantage ahead of the Olympics, and several humorous side tangents. The hosts inject their irreverent, quick-witted style throughout as they riff on everyday oddities and pop-culture.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Social Media “Glow-Ups” and Gender Swaps

• Discussion kicked off with commentary on Instagram transformation posts:
  The team jokes about the dramatic changes people undergo over the years, sometimes even switching genders for a remarkable "glow up."
• Notable Quote:
  "If they had head swaps, oh my God. I’d be all over the head swaps." — Brady (01:37)
• Ongoing banter:
  Humor about investing in true transformations versus superficial attempts—Brady likens it to "driving around an opal and putting, like, Ferrari on the side of it" (02:15).
• Group muses who among them would make the "best looking lady":
  Larry, with the right "jugs" and hairdo, is their pick (03:29).

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2. Fun Facts & The Brady Report (04:42)

• Disc Jockey Day:
  Honoring legendary DJ Alan Freed/"Moondog" and his role in popularizing rock and roll.
  "Everything about rock music is stolen... Led Zeppelin stole all their music from those old blues guys." — Brady (06:26)
• Random facts:
  • Uranus was almost called Herschel.
  • Sleep cycles in constant darkness shift to long-wake/long-sleep patterns (07:24).
  • Louis XIX was King of France for only 20 minutes.
  • The classic Muppets song "Mana Mana" was originally from a 1968 softcore porn film (09:13).
• Laugh-Out-Loud Moment:
  Banter about "squirt water" as a band name and playful jokes about grapefruit sodas (10:47).

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3. Global News Oddities: China’s AI Robot Traffic Cops (11:55)

• China is reportedly rolling out AI-powered "Robocop" traffic controllers:
  Physically present robots on Segway-like vehicles can direct traffic and issue citations.
  • "They can communicate like crazy and send photos immediately. Oh boy… We’re going to lose a war to China if we keep it up." — Brady (12:29)
• Skepticism about Chinese population numbers:
  Discussion about claims China has massively inflated population data (13:08).
  • "There might be 600 million in China, maybe. But they're, they're hitting us with, you know, every city's got 20 million." — Brady (13:04)

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4. Bizarre Crime: The Xanax Lyft Theft in Miami (14:42)

• A Miami woman, Lindsay Joseph Berg, steals a Lyft car after asking for help with her bags; is caught with cocaine and Xanax:
  • Hosts joke about the 'energy balance' of combining cocaine and Xanax.
  • Playful banter about guessing her appearance: "Lindsay, 37-year-old crackhead from Miami. She looks like Larry as a girl." — Brady (15:57)

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5. Sporting Scandals: “Stuffing” in Ski Jumping ahead of the Olympics (19:26)

• Breaking scandal in the world of ski jumping:
  Ski jumpers are enhancing their genital area before suit measurement (with silicone-filled sleeves), exploiting the rules to gain fabric for an aerodynamic edge.
  • "Before the season, ski jumpers are subjected to mandatory body scans to determine the dimensions of their suits..." — Byron (20:01)
  • Brady wonders, "Wouldn't you want a smaller one for less drag?" (20:16), prompting an explanation of how the crotch measurement influences suit surface area.
  • Two Norwegian coaches and a suit technician have been suspended for artificially stretching the crotch of their athletes' suits (21:37).
• Notable Quotes:
  • "It's a game of inches, so you have to take your chances with your inches..." — Brady (22:09)
  • Discussion quickly turns humorous about whether women’s teams have suit-stuffing strategies, too (23:40), and the absurdity of ski jumping as a sport.

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6. Side Tangents, Memorable Banter & Notable Moments

• Cayenne Pepper in Football Players’ Socks to Stay Warm (16:39)
  • Rams players wear cayenne in socks; advice on application strategy evokes laughter.
• "Boogers for Bidwell" fan campaign proposal against unpopular Cardinals’ ownership (17:26)
• Exploding Hammer Festival in Mexico (29:17)
  • Hosts marvel at and laugh about the annual hammer-exploding tradition.
• Viral/AI Videos & Weird Internet Algorithms (25:43):
  • Group riffs on seeing AI-generated "squirting" videos in their feeds, with Brady justifiedly teased about his search history.
• Extreme work accidents (30:33); Sulphuric acid injuries lead to Joker/Robocop jokes (32:17).
• Ending Visuals:
  • Mocking mysterious Instagram algorithms, cringe-inducing videos, and, as always, the quick-fire wit that defines the show.

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• Gender swap/Instagram “glow up” banter: 00:45 – 04:10
• Rock ‘n’ roll/Brady Fun Facts: 05:20 – 11:00
• China AI traffic cops & population skepticism: 11:55 – 13:47
• Miami woman steals Lyft car (Xanax/cocaine): 14:42 – 16:39
• NFL Socks/Cayenne pepper: 16:39 – 17:19
• Boogers for Bidwell: 17:26 – 19:01
• Olympics/Ski jumping “penis gate” controversy: 19:26 – 24:57
• More about ski jumping absurdities: 24:57 – 26:28
• Odd internet videos & AI algorithm jokes: 25:43 – 28:53
• Mexican Exploding Hammer Festival: 29:17 – 30:30
• Work accidents/Joker in sulfuric acid: 30:33 – end

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Memorable Quotes

• On Instagram transformations:
  • "If they had head swaps, oh my God. I’d be all over the head swaps." — Brady (01:37)
• On music history:
  • "Everything about rock music is stolen… Zeppelin, Elvis—stole all their music from those old blues guys." — Brady (06:26)
• On AI robot cops:
  • "They can communicate like crazy and send photos immediately. Oh boy…" — Brady (12:29)
• On ski jumping scandal:
  • "Before the season, ski jumpers are subjected to mandatory body scans to determine the dimensions of their suits..." — Byron (20:01)
  • "It's a game of inches, so you have to take your chances with your inches, I suppose." — Brady (22:09)
• On NFL life:
  • "Do you think that you're reusing the socks from an NFL game if you're a Cardinal?" — Brady (17:08)
• On extreme sports:
  • "None of us watch [ski jumping] to see how good they are…we just want someone to eat it. That’s it." — Brady (25:23)

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Podcast’s Overall Tone

• Highly irreverent, unfiltered, and rapid-fire humor
• Pop-culture savvy, with a penchant for the raucous and absurd
• Comedic camaraderie that invites the listener into the group’s inside jokes
• Unafraid to poke fun at themselves, the news, or sensitive topics—always with a comedic twist

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Summary useful for:
If you missed the episode, this summary covers all salient entertainment, sports, and oddity news discussed, interwoven with the panel’s lively commentary and banter. It’s ideal for fans seeking not just the headlines, but the show's trademark laughs and memorable moments.

Transcript

[Brett Vesely]

You're listening to the HMS Podcast, brought to you by MMP Guns.com, your most trusted online marketplace for firearms, ammunition and accessories. Hey, it's Brett Vesely, and I'm here with Byron from MMP Guns. Look, Byron, I have a friend wanting to sell some guns he inherited. What's the best way for him to do that?

[Byron]

Brett, the last thing you want to do is sell the gun to someone who can't legally own one. Tell him not to put himself at risk and come into M and P Guns where he'll get a fair offer and he can rest easy knowing it's not getting into the wrong hands.

[Brett Vesely]

Okay, but what if he lives out of state?

[Byron]

Easy. Legalgunbuyer.com and he can do it online. It really that simple?

[Brett Vesely]

There you have it. MMP Guns or legalgunbuyer.com the safe and legal way to sell your firearms.

[Juanita Anderson]

You thought that was funny?

[Brady]

Morning sickness.

[Juanita Anderson]

You were laughing like a hyena when he said it.

[Brady]

What the hell is wrong with you? Damn it. Just got before and afters of a training on the thing. That's not fair. I can't go on the air with that happening off the air.

[Brett Vesely]

Juanita Anderson.

[Brady]

Hilarious. Ah, that's good stuff. Thanks for sharing that, gentle listener. You know what isn't fair, though? You've seen those Instagram ones, and I don't know if they're real or not. Where the pictures of that kid and like, there's a little as a boy and he's, you know, sixth grade and says, who would ever date this nerd? And then the next picture is like, he's in junior high. He's kind of awkward, he's got zits on his face, and he looks like a typical junior high kid. And it says, still lonely in eighth grade. And the next one's like, high school nerd, and everyone missed out. And then like 20, 26, it's one of the hottest girls you've ever seen, and you do a side by side and you're like, oh, my God, that's him. There are some winners out there in that. You know, some of those dudes made the swaparoo and they did it right. Put some. Put some money, and if you're gonna do it, invest. That is not a nickel and dime operation. Like, what we just looked at, I don't understand. Like, I get the idea of I totally supportive of, like, you know what? I'm in the wrong body. Look, if I could switch bodies, I'd do it. I'm just not Gonna put that kind of cash into this thing. If they had head swaps, oh, my God. I'd be all over the head swaps.

[Byron]

Oh, yeah.

[Brady]

I'm a poor man's Johnny sins. I look like Johnny sins. If he'd like. Oh, he's been sick, but I get the idea of that. But I don't understand. You know, I'm not making that swaparoo until I've got enough money to do it. It's not like I'm. To me, it's like driving around an opal and putting, like, Ferrari on the side of it. It's like, no, it's not like we know what it is, and it's an opal. Get enough to make at least the outer edge look like the car that you want to be. Don't. Don't start dressing up until it's done.

[Brett Vesely]

That's what Peyton was doing.

[Brady]

Yeah. Our guy Payton saving up. Save up enough to at least make it. So I'm like, totally not sure.

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah.

[Brady]

The best compliment I can give you is like, it's kind of got dude features, but it doesn't bother me. But that one that we just saw, Not a doctor, but I. Back to the drawing board. I think. I think Larry be a hot woman. Yeah. No, I mean, you got.

[Byron]

I think it'd be impossible. Not Larry lady for him, because just the five o' clock shadow, he's got the.

[Brady]

Yeah, but they get rid of that. That's the. I don't know, the hormones and all that, they stop growing. They. You kill it all. It goes away and electrolysis and stuff.

[Byron]

Oh, sure.

[Brady]

Thanks, John. I think you'd be a good looking lady. Well, you're. You know, you're in shape. You're in shape. You're. You're like, you know, if they could.

[Byron]

Do that, I would date.

[Brady]

He's not oversized. He's about the right height, but five eight, nose a little big. We can work on that. The right hairdo will fix that.

[Byron]

Nice set of jugs that all goes away.

[Brady]

God, I'm gonna imagine tagging there. Yeah, that's true. Well, you kind of are. Just put the jugs in. What are you waiting for? Yeah, Larry's that 5 8. He's in good shape. Muscle tone, he'd be a good one. He'd probably drive about £15.

[Byron]

Oh, yeah.

[Brett Vesely]

Compared to anybody else in this building.

[Brady]

Wow. I mean, low bar Brett.

[Brett Vesely]

Well, I know.

[Brady]

Can you imagine Moynihan or R. Brett just said, Larry's the best looking lady in the building. Oh, you mean Versus, like, guy switch. You're not wrong, but you're. That was pretty rude. Let's get right to it. It's time now for Brady to give you all the news that only Brady knows. We call this the Brady report, and it's brought to you by our friends at allpro shade. Allprochade.com the sun is never, ever going away again. It's perfect. You can listen to all the weather people go. It's the hottest January ever.

[Byron]

Awesome.

[Brady]

If this is the wherever. It's the happiest I've ever been in January in my life. It's perfect here. Got the windows open at night. This is outrageous. But when you're standing outside, sometimes you get that glare, and that gets annoying. So let's make that more convenient. With all Pro Shades, they'll come to your house and put together a program for your patio or area. You need a little more shade or some sort of a blind or something like that. They'll get it done for you. They'll make it look like it's supposed to be part of the house, not just stuck to it. All Pro Shade. They'll come out and design it. They've been at it for over 20 years because they're good at it. You don't last that long unless you're good at something, right? All pro shade.com they got you, Brady.

[Byron]

Report It Good Monday or good Tuesday morning to you.

[Brady]

Phoenix, legal to hit.

[Brett Vesely]

There we go.

[Brady]

Feels like a Monday.

[Byron]

Happy national disc jockey day.

[Brady]

Hey, got stacks of wax. Stacks of wax coming at you the.

[Byron]

Next hour, January 20th, because one of the original disc jockeys, Alan Freedom, aka Moondog, passed away 61 years ago today in 1965.

[Brady]

He died 61 years ago.

[Byron]

He helped popularize the term rock and roll. Rock and roll.

[Brady]

He invented it. Right. He was the inventor of the term rock and roll. Yep, According to a couple people.

[Brett Vesely]

And that's probably in Cleveland.

[Byron]

Yeah. They're saying it was probably a black.

[Brady]

Guy, but he gets credit. Well, everything.

[Byron]

Why they say popularize?

[Brady]

Huh?

[Byron]

The rock and roll term. They're not saying he.

[Brady]

They won't say that anymore. They used to. Because the reason. Brett's right, the reason the Rock and Roll hall of Fame is in Cleveland is because Alan Freed was on the air there saying rock and roll, and they gave him credit for doing it first. But no question, a black guy said it before him. Everything about rock music is stolen.

[Byron]

Yeah.

[Brady]

Come on. Elvis, he's good. But Chuck Berry and Little Richard and all those guys are like, really? And all Those blues guitarists from the 30s, that's rock.

[Byron]

Yeah.

[Brett Vesely]

Well, look at Led Zeppelin.

[Brady]

They stole all their music from those old blues guys. And good on them. They did a great job. But I mean, when you go back and find what they stole, it's not even like. It's not subtle. They stole it all. There's a couple stole it. Then Robert Plant read like Lord of the Rings, Lord of the Rings and wrote lyrics like a crazy person. Tolkien and black guys should sue Zeppelin every day.

[Byron]

A couple of basis fun facts. Uranus was originally named Herschel. It was discovered by an astronomer, William Herschel, in 1781.

[Brady]

He can't get over it.

[Brett Vesely]

It's not even Friday.

[Brady]

No.

[Byron]

Several names were proposed in the decades after. But it was.

[Brett Vesely]

We go.

[Byron]

Wasn't until the mid-1800s that they said, let's call it after the Greek God of sky in the heavens. When someone is in the dark for a long period of time, their sleep schedule adjusts to 36 hours awake, 12 hours of sleep. Scientists have no idea why.

[Brady]

The circadian rhythms of the sun. I've read articles about that. They put. I don't know if it's NASA or somebody. One of those programs stuck people in a cave. They didn't have access to sunlight. And they went for a couple months. And I think at the end of it, they were staying up like 40 hours pretty regularly. Without no meth? No, without anything. And they didn't know it. They asked him, like, how long do you think you're staying up? And they're like 15, 16 hours. Like, no, you're up for two days now. And they had no idea. That was just a natural feeling. When you Vegas, it doesn't take long. Take the sun away from people in Vegas and take clocks away and you'll look at your watch and go, it's 4am I've done 24 hours in Vegas and not felt it at all. Drinking. Heck, I almost did it this weekend. Played golf all day and then played at the casino. We were there for 14 hours. Felt like a blip. Had people eating with their feet. It was amazing. Oh, what a night.

[Brett Vesely]

Eating with her feet.

[Brady]

I'll tell you later.

[Brett Vesely]

All right.

[Brady]

It was a weird. It's too hard to explain. There's videos.

[Byron]

Louis the 19th only served as the king of France for 20 minutes. He took over the throne for his father on August 2, 1830. Thought about it for 20 minutes, decided he didn't want to be king, abdicated so Henry V could take over. I think we've done this one Before. But the song Mana Mana.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[Byron]

Associated with the Muppets. It was originally written in Italy in 1968 for the soundtrack of a softcore porn movie.

[Brady]

Really was porn.

[Toledo]

Yeah, we've done that one.

[Brady]

There was a. Yeah, I don't remember. We replay a best of bit for that. Is that right? Yeah. Hey, what was the one you had fun that played that? I like when best of Fool My my friends. I got a text from Charles, who runs Born and Bred in Aftermath. I'll give him a free plug because his restaurants are awesome. And just at the 9:40 yesterday goes Sadie Hawkins date. Then the guy dates the mom, says he said the older lady was. Or he said, talking about changing diapers. And the old lady, she was a squirter like a fire hydrant. And there were kids playing stickball in it. And he goes, I was dying. I'm like, what are you talking about? I didn't realize he was listening to the show and I was still half asleep. Yeah, let me.

[Toledo]

Let me pull that one out and.

[Brady]

See which what bit that was. When was that? Because it is a funny idea that the grandma squirts so hard that urban inner city kids play stickball in her squirts.

[Byron]

Like they're doing the fire hydrant.

[Brady]

Yeah, like they just open up a fire hydrant.

[Toledo]

Oh, that was during the what would Brady do? So we replayed that his high school nemesis is now banging his mom. I emailed in.

[Brady]

Okay.

[Byron]

Yeah.

[Brady]

And the kids playing stickball in her squirt water.

[Byron]

Yeah.

[Brady]

Squirt water is a good band name. Do they still make squirt soda?

[Byron]

Oh, yeah. Yeah, they do.

[Brady]

Yeah. Even after all this Squirt Zero now.

[Byron]

And Ruby Squirt don't.

[Brady]

Yeah, that's that time of the month. Squirt. There's grapefruit soda.

[Byron]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. According to a new report, the average American hits their daily energy low at 2:06pm that's being called the peak slump time.

[Toledo]

6:00Pm yeah.

[Byron]

They say people wish they had twice their current energy levels too.

[Brady]

I'm usually pretty good about that.

[Toledo]

What, at 6?

[Brady]

Yeah, mine's about 3 or 4.

[Brett Vesely]

Oh, yeah.

[Toledo]

No, mine's 1. 1 or 2.

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah. I'm with Toledo.

[Brady]

About 1 or 2 I can knock down. If I get lazy at 11, it hits me fast. But if I keep moving, 3 or 4 is when I'm like, you gotta stop.

[Juanita Anderson]

Disgusting. They smell, they're sticky. They say things that are horrible.

[Brady]

Radiate UPD Holmberg's morning sickness.

[Byron]

And in China and Woo Woo City, they've rolled out some AI powered robocops to do traffic. Pretty amazing.

[Brady]

Oh they're like physical.

[Byron]

Oh yeah.

[Brady]

We're not doing like light.

[Byron]

I'll show you. You'll see a picture. Oh, look like crap.

[Brady]

It's a robot.

[Byron]

And so they're kind of on like a four way, a four wheel segue. But they can do that floating around.

[Brady]

On wheels, stopping traffic.

[Byron]

Yeah, they can conduct traffic like people waymos. They can give out citations. But I think it's like for, you.

[Toledo]

Know, away from the Robocop.

[Brady]

I didn't even think of that. No, people waymo where they build robot waymos of humans and they monitor us and they're all on the same page. They can communicate like crazy and send photos immediately. Oh boy. Well, I didn't think the police were going to get a. We're going to lose a war to China if we keep it up. There's some lady going around saying that China's been lying about how many people live there. And she, she's from China and she used to work in the government and stuff. She goes there might be 600 million because they.

[Toledo]

Well, you got all those giant empty buildings that they built.

[Brady]

I don't know about that. She was saying that they've been lying the whole time about their population. I don't even know why, but she was like going on saying there might be 600 million in China maybe. But they're, they're hitting us with, you know, every city's got 20 million. One child policy to keep the numbers, I don't know, control it. I don't know. They can't because it's 2 billion. I don't know if it's right but it does seem a lot that. Why did that.

[Toledo]

So India this whole time just said hold my.

[Brady]

No, I've seen India. There's billions of them. I think it's because they all look exactly the same and it's easy to get away with it. And who wants to do the census in China? I count you already. I can't. Ah, man. 2, 3, 4.

[Toledo]

All right.

[Brady]

There are 20 of them in there. Every time I look over I don't know if that's a new guy or not even they. And that's true. I've. We have Chinese friends and Asian friends who are like, I don't know, he looks exactly the same like you guys do.

[Byron]

Had a cargo ship dump over on the shores of East Sussex, England. And that beach is now covered with uncooked french fries and onions. There's a picture of them Kleenex has. They've started clean up cleanup for the whole weekend. And there are bags. I mean it's whole onions, but I mean if you take a bigger shot of the wow beach, it's covered in chips.

[Brady]

Chips and onions. Well, they're already salted.

[Byron]

We got a 37 year old woman in Miami. Lindsay Joseph Berg. Ordered a lift from a family dollar last week. When the driver arrived, she asked him to help load her bags in the back.

[Toledo]

While at the family dollar.

[Byron]

Yep, she was at the family dollar, needed a ride. Ask the driver to load up the back of the car. So he goes around to load up the bags, she jumps in the front of the Honda Civic and drives off. His iPhone was still inside the vehicle, so the authorities were able to track her down pretty quick. Lindsay had apparently just driven herself home. When the police arrived, she admitted to stealing it. Police also found pink. A pink glass pipe with cocaine residue. And there it is. Purse along with some Xanax.

[Toledo]

Once you got a balance, cocaine and Xanax.

[Brady]

Oh yeah, because you get too high on one, you can bring the other one back.

[Toledo]

Just balance each other out.

[Brady]

Yeah, that's the thing. You get all got juiced up, you're.

[Toledo]

Just gonna be back at zero.

[Brady]

I don't know if it's zero. I think you get a nice run and they're like, calm down, calm down.

[Byron]

Okay, so what do you think Lindsay looks like? Lindsay, 37 years old.

[Brady]

Lindsay, the 37 year old crackhead from Miami. She looks like Larry as a girl.

[Toledo]

I'll go Cuban.

[Brady]

She's. She's white, but she's tan.

[Brett Vesely]

I'm going white trash.

[Brady]

Yeah, we're all go white trash. Lindsay. Not bad.

[Byron]

Not bad.

[Brady]

Oh, not bad.

[Byron]

Description?

[Brady]

She looks younger than 37 for being a crackhead.

[Toledo]

Well, maybe Cuban.

[Brady]

Now calm down a bit.

[Brett Vesely]

The coke, the coke pipe turned me off a little bit. I'm like, okay, maybe we're leaning one way. But then the Xanax kind of leveled it.

[Brady]

Yeah, she had a couple bucks in her pocket, as I said. Had to go get some Zannies, maybe prescription. So she's seeing a therapist. Yeah, clearly a white. A white trash.

[Byron]

One of the things they were talking about during the Rams Bears pregame on Sunday was the Rams players were putting cayenne pepper in their socks.

[Brady]

Cool.

[Byron]

To keep warm.

[Brett Vesely]

You do what you got to do.

[Brady]

And burn the eyes from the bear experts.

[Byron]

If it works. I said it actually does work. You just gotta combo. You gotta be careful the amount that you put on there. Two pairs of Socks and that what you do is you blend it. They say they recommend you blend it with foot powder.

[Brady]

Ah, Cut it.

[Byron]

Yeah.

[Brady]

But I would say that you put one pair of socks on and then pour the cayenne pepper in the second sock and put that over the other one. There's a heat layer in between. Then you tape it up so it doesn't slip.

[Byron]

It'll also. There's a good chance it ruins your socks. One of the players post.

[Brett Vesely]

That's fine.

[Byron]

Yeah.

[Brady]

I was going to say, do you think that you're reusing the socks from no NFL game if you're a Cardinal? I was just saying. Thank you again. Go back and listen to our first break. The Boogers for Bidwell program has begun here at Hubbard Radio in 98 KUPD. And we're all on board.

[Brett Vesely]

We should get shirts and everything.

[Brady]

Yeah. I think boogers forbid. Well, we'd have to invest and that. The company's not going to do that. But if you had Boogers for Bidwell. And then every time you see Michael Bidwell, you put your finger in your nose and you just flick it at him or try to touch him with it because he needs to know how much the city hates him. He thinks we like him. I think he thinks he's something. And the only thing that's going to work is to hit him where it hurts. His ego every time he walks into a restaurant. Go back to it. Go to hell. Someone scream it. Boo him. Remember the care. This guy emailed me this. The Carolina Panthers owner. Everybody hated that guy a couple years ago, and there was a viral video of a fan following him everywhere. Five feet.

[Brett Vesely]

Boo.

[Brady]

Sell the team. The guy. Look what happened. He fixed it. The Pirates owner, He can't go anywhere in Pittsburgh. They hate him. He goes to the games. It's just a. It's not a little either. It's not just like, flippant. They hate him. He's out there buying free agents this year.

[Brett Vesely]

Reinsdorf's the same way. But he's still not buying.

[Brady]

No, but he's got. Well, that's true. Reinsdorf has that Bulls thing he can never outlive. He always just points to those trophies. God damn it. He could get us those. Bidwell's got nothing.

[Brett Vesely]

Literally nothing. Yeah.

[Brady]

Did you see the. The new banner they hung at State Farm Stadium?

[Toledo]

Oh, no.

[Brady]

That said it's a 2026. Interviewed John Harbaugh for head coach. It's. It's a new banner they put. Because that's as close as I'll ever Get to. So are you going to do that.

[Brett Vesely]

When you see him at the rah room? Next time just start booming.

[Brady]

Go to hell. Go to hell.

[Byron]

Just a couple of weeks away from the Olympics, we already got controversy.

[Brady]

Dua Leaf is doing the commercials.

[Byron]

Have you heard about this? The ski jumping penis gate?

[Brady]

I have not. Brady.

[Byron]

Professional ski jumpers are artificially enlarging the genital area before official measurements. Oh, a little. By using substances, sometimes silicone, placed in a condom like sleeve in order to enhance their jumping.

[Brady]

This is like a pendulum.

[Byron]

Aerodynamically, I guess it would help. Yeah. I was wondering.

[Brady]

Aerodynamics.

[Byron]

So what they. Before the season, ski jumpers are subjected to a mandatory body scans to determine the dimensions of their suits under the guidelines for the sports governing board. Oh, and the International Ski and Snowboard Federation.

[Brady]

Wouldn't you want a smaller one, like to have a tighter suit? Like, no drag.

[Byron]

The crotch measurement is taken from the lowest point of an athlete's genitals.

[Toledo]

So an airplane, when it goes up, the. The flaps are down. Right.

[Byron]

So maybe if you manage to move that point downward, you automatically get more surface area on the suit. There you go.

[Brady]

Wow.

[Byron]

Adding extra fabric provides aerodynamic advantages that can translate into longer jumps.

[Brady]

So a guy like me would look like somebody like God just threw him into the snow. I got spiked. Hey, he doesn't have a big dick at all. So the shorter jumpers, you'd be the.

[Toledo]

Agony of defeat guy.

[Brady]

Yeah, that guy had a micro peat. Had no idea that he needed a ballast. How about that? And that's a controversy. Yeah, they've been measuring dicks and ski jumping for years.

[Byron]

And this mostly the suits.

[Brady]

So these guys are enhanced.

[Byron]

The suit before they, you know.

[Toledo]

Do the women have this? Do the women do.

[Byron]

I would think so. Yeah. But.

[Brady]

But when they jump, do they have a condom full of sand attached to their penis?

[Toledo]

Great point.

[Brady]

Because if it's just for the suit.

[Toledo]

And then couldn't you shape it? Like if you're going to use a condom full of sand, wouldn't you shape it?

[Brady]

But that's the point. Like if you don't have that in there, your suit's got a baggy spot.

[Byron]

Right. Last week, two Norwegian ski jumping coaches and the team suit technician were suspended for 18 months.

[Brady]

Wow.

[Brett Vesely]

The suit technician.

[Brady]

You heard the fluffer, Taylor, right? A suit tech.

[Byron]

The suit technician were caught on video inserting illegal non elastic stretching into the crotch area of the suits belonging to two key members of the squad.

[Brady]

Man. Well, it's a game of inches, so you have to take your chances with Your inches, I suppose. That's crazy.

[Byron]

Once again, size matters.

[Brady]

Of course, I would assume it would have been the other way, but I guess that makes sense. I'd have thought maybe the less you had down there, there'd be less drag in the air, but, man, you're like a dowling rod. You're gonna come down. It's drawing you down to your spot sickness.

[Juanita Anderson]

Disgusting. They smell, they're sticky, they say things that are horrible.

[Brady]

Morning sickness. That is one of the more fascinating sports that's ever been invented. And to consider jumping. Yeah. When it was invented, there was, like, no safety measures at all. Back in the early 1900s. Yeah. And it has a huge J at the end of it. You just. Those dudes are flying.

[Byron]

Oh, yeah.

[Brady]

Like, that's not fearless.

[Byron]

Felix.

[Brady]

Felix. And he was like, the Eddie the Eagle.

[Byron]

Yep.

[Brady]

They're all count on retarded.

[Brett Vesely]

And those skis back then were just like two by fours.

[Brady]

They go to Home Depot and grab a couple planks and just like, I dare you. And like, a bunch of dudes did it, and it became a sport.

[Byron]

I got two pretty videos. First one's another work accident.

[Brady]

Do women do that?

[Toledo]

That's what I was wondering, you know, and what's the. What's the protocol there? Because if you can throw jugs in a woman, then. And if that's a good point, that's supposed to make her fly better.

[Brady]

If she's got big flapjacks, wouldn't they.

[Toledo]

Be all doing it?

[Byron]

These things are awfully pointy.

[Brady]

He's got, like, Madonna boobs. That's one thing I don't understand. Women screaming. Like, I don't think they ever had to protest that one, even back when they didn't have rights and stuff. Any. Any woman that said, we want to be part of that sport, like, have at it. Like, nobody ever said, no, women's gonna do this. Like, get her up there.

[Byron]

If we notice a big bulge in the women's area over there in the crotch. I don't know. On the ski jumping, you're gonna have double bulb, double. You know, how do you double bubble?

[Brady]

How do you realize you're good at it? At ski jumping, you just accidentally go down.

[Toledo]

Your parent throws you on a mountain.

[Brady]

You land as if you land.

[Byron]

You land.

[Brady]

We're in here. Lean forward, hold still.

[Brett Vesely]

No, thanks.

[Brady]

That's a sport I don't get. You got to practice all. I mean, you think about it. The Olympics, you get three or four runs, but that dude's done that thousands of times. And the Trek back. Doesn't seem worth it. You land like in Gilbert, and then you have to walk all the way back to Tempe.

[Toledo]

You gotta hike all the way back up.

[Byron]

Then you see them with a train where it's not even winter.

[Brady]

It's like that roller hill, that weird roller thing. And they land on grass, on rollerblades.

[Brett Vesely]

My knees hurt just watching them.

[Brady]

Guys. Insane. No sticks. They gotta do that wobbly balance thing with their arms at the end. And we. And none of us watch for success.

[Byron]

I think they start off with the wings, and then they.

[Brady]

Oh, they know. They talk about when they land. Yeah, they do that and try to plank it.

[Byron]

Yeah.

[Brady]

One foot's ahead of the other, but none of it. And the worst part about their sport. None of us watch it to see how good they are. Once every four years, we just want someone to eat. That's it. That's the only thing you'll remember is the dude that face plants.

[Toledo]

First one's not coming up.

[Byron]

Oh, bummer. This one, I'm.

[Brady]

I think it's AI, but she riding the sibian.

[Byron]

It is. And there's a series of them. They show a bunch of.

[Brady]

So she's riding a sex horse.

[Byron]

Yeah.

[Brady]

And she's got a. A Covid mask on. Oh, she. Okay, that's AI Brady. Her old body for your entertainment. Well, all right. But her body released all of its fluid. It's a beer. It's more than that. It's a whole. Like a bottle of champagne. Here we go. Play it again. That's more water than. It's like a dam breaking.

[Byron]

Nobody. There's, like, a bunch of them now.

[Toledo]

And nobody reacts.

[Byron]

Of course there is.

[Toledo]

And you're gonna get fooled by everyone else.

[Brady]

Yeah, the. The women filming the lady. Gosh. Didn't even go ew or anything. And that is gushing. What are you. What did you do this weekend? That popped up. Where was Kirby?

[Byron]

Not at home.

[Brady]

Kirby had a weekend.

[Byron]

I shot it over to Toledo.

[Brady]

So while the football game's on, you're flipping around commercials.

[Byron]

Yeah.

[Brady]

Your algorithm's different than you want, different than me. Yeah, I never. I've never gotten that. And if anybody should get that, it's me.

[Byron]

Yeah. I don't know how I qualified.

[Brady]

We know how you qualified for it. There's no lie in your way around.

[Toledo]

It anymore to tell you how the algorithm works.

[Brady]

Between crackers and meat recipes, sometimes girls gushing on fake horses happens somehow, can't be explained.

[Byron]

I think they just throw it out there.

[Brady]

Sure. That's. It's a random draw.

[Toledo]

Did you see Apple's new ad? It is your Instagram wet dream.

[Brady]

Breastfeeding and fish.

[Byron]

It's all.

[Toledo]

It's all people on one leg, one arm.

[Brady]

The cripples.

[Byron]

Yeah, and you gave him a great idea.

[Brady]

You seem to think that it's just a random thing, but now we know, and you're on the thing during the football game. This game's a little slow. See if we can watch a massive orgasm.

[Byron]

If Toledo gets the message. What are you doing?

[Brady]

It's. Yeah, that's what?

[Toledo]

You're not paying attention to that.

[Brady]

By the by, he tried to just put that on you.

[Byron]

I know he did.

[Brady]

Deflecting off the idea that sitting next to his angel of a daughter, Daddy's watching Orgasmic Squirters during the Seahawks game and blaming you for.

[Toledo]

What are you looking at, dad?

[Brady]

Nothing.

[Byron]

Can I see Juicy Fruit commercials?

[Brady]

The taste is gonna move you. Juicy Fruit get fat, do you.

[Byron]

Hey, dad, will you quit watching ladies.

[Brady]

Orgasm during the game, man? What?

[Byron]

You're crazy.

[Brady]

She's not orgasming.

[Byron]

That's fake.

[Brady]

Women don't do that. That's AI. Ask your mother. Women don't have them. I want to see Brady's phone so bad. We're gonna do. When he dies, the three of us are gonna do the best phone audit you've ever like. It's gonna be so thorough. Look at how often he looked at cripples orgasming.

[Byron]

You're not supposed to do that.

[Brady]

What do you mean? The cripples.

[Byron]

You're supposed to erase it.

[Brady]

No, no, we're gonna look at it for you. We'll keep it in the. We'll keep it tight in the circle.

[Byron]

But, yeah, you can look at it now if you want.

[Brady]

No, we don't want to. It might bleed onto my phone. I get up in jail, you can't have that. Teen breastfeeding Doc Brady on a Sibian. All right, Bert, what do you got?

[Brett Vesely]

We're light today, so this one's a new one. Guess this is a thing now. Exploding hammer.

[Juanita Anderson]

This is the Exploding Hammer Festival, held every February in the town of San Juan de la Vega.

[Brady]

Oh, yeah.

[Juanita Anderson]

Festival lasts forever and dates back to 1717. Honoring Hammers, who is considered Mexico's Robin Hood.

[Brady]

So you just hit tannerite with a hammer.

[Juanita Anderson]

Explosives. And attach them to the end of a hammer. They then swing the hammer high into the air and smash it down into a beam on the ground, igniting the explosives.

[Brady]

No, this needs to be a son's.

[Juanita Anderson]

Halftime show in the town of San Juan de la Vega, Mexico. The festival lasts for a week and.

[Brady]

Dates back.

[Juanita Anderson]

To the town's guardian, who is considered Mexican.

[Brady]

The sons need to do when they do that. La Familia Nights and stuff. And Lo Suns have a halftime where we celebrate Hammer Day high into the.

[Juanita Anderson]

Air and smash it down.

[Brady]

Awesome. Yeah, yeah. Mexican Heritage Night at the Suns. Let's do. Let's do that. And you wouldn't call it racist. You guys are doing it. We don't let whites do it. That's appropriation.

[Brett Vesely]

Right.

[Byron]

All right.

[Brett Vesely]

Start off with a little work accident here. Nothing major.

[Brady]

Oh, we're on the second floor of a building that's being built. They have no stone. The stairs are right there. Oh, no. Why? Oh, the whole thing caved in on them. Dumb. Oh, cool. It's gonna be a cool floor if those guys ever get it done. Now one of them's dead.

[Byron]

That will have to be buffed out a little bit.

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah, this one may have come from Brady's algorithm.

[Brady]

Got a barbershop pole. Oh, it's a Family Guy thing to start.

[Byron]

Huh?

[Brady]

Stewie's in. Oh, my God. It's a cripple with tons of face piercings. I don't know if she's crippled.

[Brett Vesely]

I don't know what this is.

[Brady]

A thousand face piercings, a ton of weird makeup. Like a clown.

[Toledo]

That's not a mask, is it? That's like her face.

[Brady]

Is she pregnant? I think she's pregnant. She's also got that stuff Toledo's got. Her skin is covered in rosacea.

[Brett Vesely]

Look at the way her mouth is just.

[Brady]

Oh, that's like a dental thing.

[Toledo]

That's one of those dentist things that keep your mouth open.

[Brady]

I want to look at that. Yeah, it's. It's that specular moment for a face.

[Byron]

Yeah, yeah.

[Brett Vesely]

This is what happens to chomos.

[Brady]

All right, it's a child molester.

[Byron]

No. Geez.

[Brady]

He got caught touching a kid and he got. Oh, my God. Somebody just bloodied his head. Oh, my God. This is the post fight. Do we have any shots? Oh, man, they messed him up. Street justice. Well, don't touch the kinder.

[Brett Vesely]

And then we'll just end with another work accident. It's not as gruesome as you think.

[Brady]

It'S going to be, but he's 30ft up. He's trying to walk across a two by four from one side to the. Oh, he's over. He's got the ladder. He made it. Still about 30ft off the ground. Takes his next step. Doesn't look good. Precariously why is he going down that direction? Face the other way. Oh, this is a bad idea. I know. He's gonna try to swing back around and go to the.

[Toledo]

Is he gonna start welding or something?

[Brady]

Oh, now he's just back on the ladder the proper way. It's a straight up and down. Oh, he slips. And down we go. He fell in a pool of sulfuric acid and now he's. And now he's the joker.

[Byron]

Yeah, he's gotta get out of that.

[Brady]

Oh, his.

[Byron]

Oh, it's too late.

[Brady]

His sulfuric suit. Those aren't real sounds. I think they've been added in. He's the joker now, right?

[Brett Vesely]

Look at his skin.

[Brady]

The skin's just sloughing off. He's got to call Izzy with the phrase that pays for. Oh, man, he's turning. Sulfuric acid's turning him dark black. He's all done.

[Toledo]

Robocop. Yeah, I thought that sounded familiar.

[Brady]

And now you can try my new line of cosmetic products. Where does he get such wonderful toys? All right, there you go. That's a good one there. I haven't seen that. Why have wide open vats of sulfuric acid anyway? Isn't that just for movies?

[Byron]

And walk across a record set like.

[Toledo]

If they're again chemical guys, let us know. Why is there a giant vat of sulfuric acid anywhere?

[Brady]

Protective internal. Johnny knows. Oh, there's a bucket of sulfuric acid. The last thing I need to do is tightrope over this.

[Toledo]

Yeah, that too.

[Byron]

And wearing a suit that.

[Toledo]

Wear a wetsuit.

[Brady]

Yeah. No protective suit. Gonna go right down. Yeah. Just don't do it. I watch Breaking Bad. It eats the whole body. I don't think that was sulfuric, but it was good stuff. Had to have a special bucket for it. And call me a coward all you want, but I'm not doing that stuff. That's not cool. I hide from elephants in streets.

[Brett Vesely]

As you should.

[Brady]

Brady's throwing peanuts at him. There's just a difference. Throw it one way, you dodge the other. Yeah, you're quicker than him. Sure of it.

[Byron]

Look, we're besties.

[Brady]

Yeah, and throw pumpkins at hippos. I got it. There you go, everybody. That's your Brady Report. It's 98 Arizona's most powerful, powerful rock radio station.