01-21-25 - Ohio State Wins Natl Champ And John Delighted In Lamar Jackson's Loss - We Ask Listeners To Help Doug Hopkins Come Up w/Ideas For His 15Sec Super Bowl Commercial

Summary

Holmberg's Morning Sickness - Arizona

Episode: January 21, 2025
Title: Ohio State Wins Natl Champ And John Delighted In Lamar Jackson's Loss - We Ask Listeners To Help Doug Hopkins Come Up with Ideas For His 15-Second Super Bowl Commercial
Host/Authors: John Holmberg, Brady Bogen, Bret Vesely, Dick Toledo
Release Date: January 21, 2025

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1. Show Introductions and Announcements

The episode begins with John Holmberg promoting various comedy events in the Arizona Valley. He highlights performances at the Tempe Improv featuring Paul Versey and Beth Stelling, the Desert Ridge Improv with Sarah Weinschenk and Joe Derosa, and Stand Up Live downtown with Lil Rel. Holmberg provides details on where to purchase tickets, ensuring listeners are informed about local entertainment options.

Quote:

John Holmberg [00:00]: "Get out to the Tempe Improv on the east side to see Paul Versey on Thursday and Beth Stelling Friday, Saturday, and Sunday."

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2. Health Segment: Core Institute Promotion

Brady Bogen delivers a promotional segment for the Core Institute, emphasizing their expertise in pain management and physical rehabilitation. He shares personal experiences and listener stories to illustrate the institute's effectiveness.

Quote:

Brady Bogen [00:31]: "You can get rid of your pain and start saying, yes, I can to all the things you want to do. And all you have to do is trust the experts at the Core Institute."

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3. Sports Talk: Ohio State’s Championship Victory

The conversation shifts to college football, celebrating Ohio State Buckeyes winning the national championship. The team’s victory is met with enthusiasm, especially by Brady, who proudly dons Ohio State gear, symbolizing his support.

Quote:

Brady Bogen [01:15]: "Brady is Ohio State Buckeyes are national champions."

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4. Controversial Commentary on Lamar Jackson

A significant portion of the episode features Brady’s critical remarks about Lamar Jackson, expressing strong negative opinions on the quarterback’s performance and intelligence. This segment includes discussions on Lamar’s Wonderlic test scores and his impact on the Baltimore Ravens.

Notable Quotes:

Brady Bogen [05:27]: "Nothing gives me greater joy than a Baltimore Ravens crushing defeat."

Brady Bogen [06:08]: "I hate Lamar Jackson passionately."

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5. Listener Engagement: Ideas for Doug Hopkins’ Super Bowl Commercial

The hosts engage listeners by soliciting creative ideas for Doug Hopkins’ upcoming 15-second Super Bowl commercial. The segment is marked by lively brainstorming, with hosts and listeners proposing a variety of humorous and unconventional concepts.

Key Ideas Discussed:

• Doug with Puppies: Featuring Doug surrounded by adorable puppies to create a memorable and heartwarming appeal.

  Quote:

  Ryan [32:19]: "Dogs are a big one. Remember, Louie Moses has taught us that you throw Puppies in there."

• Doug with Transvestites: Incorporating diverse and eye-catching characters to grab viewers' attention.

  Quote:

  Brady Bogen [39:35]: "It's either transvestites or puppies these days. Case both of them will get you, like, remembered little puppies with the phone number on those blankets."

• Emotional Scenarios: Scenarios depicting personal struggles, such as a man being left by his wife, followed by Doug’s reassuring message to buy the house.

  Quote:

  Brady Bogen [34:22]: "Has Doug step in the frame and said, feeling like it's time to move. Make it political."

Conclusion of Segment: Brady emphasizes the importance of simplicity and memorability in the commercial’s short timeframe, highlighting the puppy idea as the most viable and effective concept to present to Doug Hopkins.

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6. Additional Discussions and Final Thoughts

Towards the end of the episode, the hosts recap the multitude of ideas generated for Doug’s commercial and express their enthusiasm for listener participation. They also touch upon local stories and humorous anecdotes, maintaining the show’s engaging and entertaining atmosphere.

Final Quote:

Brady Bogen [42:51]: "I love the puppy idea. Puppies and diverse characters are definitely eye catchers."

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Key Takeaways

• Celebration of Ohio State's Victory: The hosts passionately celebrate Ohio State Buckeyes' national championship win, reflecting their strong support and enthusiasm for college football.

• Controversial Opinions on Lamar Jackson: Brady's candid and critical views on Lamar Jackson sparked intense discussion, showcasing the show's willingness to delve into contentious sports topics.

• Interactive Listener Participation: By involving listeners in brainstorming sessions for Doug Hopkins’ Super Bowl commercial, the show fosters a sense of community and engagement, encouraging creative contributions.

• Humorous and Diverse Commercial Ideas: The variety of proposed ideas, from heartwarming puppy interactions to attention-grabbing characters, underscores the creative and humorous dynamic among the hosts and their audience.

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This episode of "Holmberg's Morning Sickness" effectively combines sports commentary with interactive listener engagement, all while maintaining the show's characteristic humor and lively discussions. Despite touching on controversial topics, the hosts navigate the conversations with their unique blend of entertainment and candid opinions.

Transcript

[John Holmberg]

All right, HMS Podcast, time again to let you know where to go for some great comedy in the Valley this week. Get out to the Tempe Improv on the east side to see Paul Versey on Thursday and Beth Stelling Friday, Saturday, and Sunday. The Desert Ridge Improv up North features Sarah Weinschenk this Thursday and Joe Derosa on Friday and Saturday. And downtown at Stand Up Live, check out the very funny Lil Rel performing Friday, Saturday, and Sunday for the complete lineups. And for tickets, go to standuplive.com desertridgeimprov.com and tempeimprov.com it's John Holberg here.

[Brady]

For the amazing people at the Core Institute, life can throw you a curveball now and again. One day you're trucking along, feeling great. Next day your dog smashes into your head and knocks you cold. Or like a KUPD listener told me this week, his dog did a sprint across the backyard directly into the side of his wife's leg and blew her knee up. She needed that need to get fixed and fixed right. Two years later, she's running like she used to again. And it's all thanks to the Core Institute. I went through it, too. And you can get rid of your pain and start saying, yes, I can to all the things you want to do. And. And all you have to do is trust the experts at the Core Institute head there right now. The Core Institute.com youm thought that was funny. Goldberg's morning sickness. You were laughing like a hyena when he said it.

[Brett]

What the hell is wrong with you?

[Brady]

Good morning, everybody. Hello there. Welcome to Tuesday. That's right. Makes it legally. We got the Natty Joe legal. Hold on legally. Okay to slap someone that says feels like a mundy. My name's John. There's Brady and his old Ohio State Buckeyes gear. Congratulations. There's Brett. There's Toledo. We're off and running. This is the morning sickness. Brady is Ohio State Buckeyes are national champions. And again, because it's college football, Michigan giggles. And they can't. They can't not do it. Fine.

[Toledo]

Number nine, Michigan.

[Brady]

We got nine of them. I see you're still. That's pretty good.

[Larry McFeely]

Did you watch that WWE last night?

[Brady]

I did not. I tried to. I tried a few minutes of watching. I tuned in somewhere around the end of the first half, and I heard one of those horrib horrible bands playing Bully by Shinedown, and I started to laugh. So I left. I'm like, I can't take this. Went Back into the third quarter and I heard Bully by Shinedown from one of the bands again. And then about eight minutes later I heard Bully by Shinedown from the band. And then another three or four minutes went by and heard Bully from Shinedown. And I said, it's like a baby crying. I have to turn this off.

[Larry McFeely]

It's the new Sloopy.

[Brady]

It's. It. I can't watch. I cannot watch.

[Toledo]

Sloopy's mixed in there too.

[Brady]

Sloopy, I'm sure, is in there. I didn't. I. It's. It's a baby crying. If you just had a baby crying on my shoulder during a college game, that would be. It would be better than listening to those horrible tootling sounds. Non stop cruddy band. Oh, it's the worst of marching band. And they won't stop every Bully by Shinedown. What? You're sending a little message about bullying in a football game. The whole purpose of it is to bully. Don't give me that. That's the worst thing you can play over and over and over. Anyway, congratulations. You got your championship. Awesome. That's good. Yep, it is awesome. I'm sure you're enjoying it very much. That's nice. I. However real football you may notice I'm enjoying my I just saw Lamar Jackson shirt that I wear because nothing gives me greater joy than a Baltimore Ravens crushing defeat. Nothing. No Steeler win, not the birth of any child or any nonsense like that would go besides it. Now. The day I met my what now? Nothing. Nothing gives me greater joy than a Baltimore Ravens crushing defeat. I have several of these shirts from my friend Jose Misa in different colors and I'll be wearing them all week long. Crying Lamar Jackson. Which by the way, not too bad. My design. Nice work. I did a little AI work and then redesigned the AI work and then went back and did it again and again where his hands are over his ears cuz he doesn't want to hear everybody talking about he's just not the guy. And then this one is over his eyes. I have a couple of different variations. Triangle Mar Jackson is my favorite thing in the world by far. I could sell these to Bengals, Browns and Steeler fans like crazy. Oh, it's the best. The best. The dumbest.

[Toledo]

I see the the theme you're going with on that.

[Brady]

Sure. I have also, you know, thanks for distraction on that one. Brad. That terrible joke the theory of Lamar. And this is not because I'm being mean. He's the dumbest mother in the NFL. And that's not me. Saying that because I don't like him. He honestly is. He's the lowest scorer in the Wonderlic test currently playing in the NFL, which is a 13. Put your IQ around 81 to 83, you're seven points from a government helper. I love every second of that story. He scored a 13. Lowest score in the history of the Wonderlic test is a six by Vince Young. Jamar, no question. Very athletic, very good. Still has not gotten past, you know, anything important. Oh, it's so. It's just so. I'm so joyful at knowing that he hurts right now knowing that his life is possibly something he's considering not going on with anymore. I love every second that he has to. That he has to wake up today with no rings on his fingers and look in the mirror at that face.

[Toledo]

See, I think you.

[Brady]

No, no, I'm not done. Stick that stupid diamond grill in his mouth. Just go. Today is another day for Lamar. And look at those. Those that ugly fit. Knowing he's dumb. Being told how dumb he is and walking through life knowing everybody looks at him, goes, can't win the big one. And he has to go to bed again tonight as Lamar Jackson. And that without football would be awful. If you look at his face and try to imagine living a day with that face, how hard it has to be. And then he decides to shove diamonds in where his teeth go.

[Larry McFeely]

Is that why you can't understand him?

[Brady]

No, no, no. That's because he's stupid.

[Larry McFeely]

Oh, okay.

[Brady]

That has nothing to do. Well, the diamonds don't help his already terrible grammar. I hate Lamar Jackson passionately.

[Toledo]

And are those. That's his grill, right?

[Brady]

Those are marbles. He pops those in there. Can you pop them? He pops them.

[Toledo]

That's what I thought.

[Brady]

Puts that in for show. It thinks it makes him look better. But when you're that ugly, the only thing that makes you look better is a sack or a hood. Careful. It's true. Put it over his head. Anything.

[Larry McFeely]

He don't wear that when he plays, does he? I don't watch.

[Brady]

He's got his diamonds.

[Toledo]

I think with the Wonderlic results and all that, I don't think it really kicks in. I think he's just.

[Brady]

Oh, no, he doesn't know. He doesn't. He's not smart enough to know. You're absolutely right. He's not smart enough to know he's the dumbest man currently in football. And it's. That's not me saying that because I hate him. That's statistically proven out there. Is no one with a lower iq Football IQ test, the test that they give everybody who goes into the NFL. There's no one who scored lower than him currently playing in the NFL. Thirteen out of 50, you get five for your name. You got 10 from there. And that's not one point per question. It's graded on a scale of some sort of Wonderlic thing. I don't know what it is.

[Diane Fisher]

Hilarious.

[Brady]

But he gets to watch just like we do from here on out. And then somebody will have to sit and explain to him what's going on. I love it. I love every second of it. It's losses bring me so much more joy for people I don't like than wins for people I do. When my Steelers win, that's great. The Buckeyes winning for you is great. You love it. I would like it if my Steelers won a championship, obviously, but mainly because it would make Lamar Jackson and the Ravens miserable because they've already lost. So I would have my crying Lamar jersey on. Ah, it's so good.

[Toledo]

He'll be especially sad this year because I know wanted to win super bowl licks.

[Brady]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. The lick super bowl would be nice, but he can't. He's got to watch like we do.

[Larry McFeely]

Oh, poor Big Trust. Big Trust.

[Brady]

Big Trust. And then they. Oh, just, just, just soak in the joy of his misery. I really get a lot out of that Shouten Freuder or whatever. Freudenshada. I don't know what it is, but it's just something German and it's great. I love it. It was great, great thing yesterday. A great day all the way around. And I've got a request for everybody out there to start today. We'll get topics and things like that in just a second. But Our good friend TV's Doug Hopkins is shooting his 15 second Super bowl ad today and he has asked me for ideas and things. I'm like, 15 seconds, man, it's. You're gonna overshoot. You look stupid when you miss with the message. When you try for 15 seconds to throw a hail, like, you know, a Hail Mary. Funny. Yeah. And if it, if it thuds, it thuds hard. Because 15 seconds isn't enough to get a, you know, a premise to a, to a punchline. It's not enough. You have to be, you know, a fart or something ridiculously dumb slapstick would have to kick in and it's just not worth it to wreck your brand. So keep it simple. Stay on brand. Stay on brand. However, through email, through Facebook, through text all that I would like last minute ideas from all of you for Doug Hopkins filming his commercial today. I think it's, you know, and keep in mind not to, you're not going to, you're not going to get anywhere making fun of him. But like a good last second idea I got, I got again, my thing is I, I think a good one would be like hilarious and memorable is Doug Hopkins big Fred Flintstone face pressed up against the camera like, you know, a piece of glass. Like he's looking into your house with a little peaky hands around his eyes. And he's pressed up against the glass and he just looks into the house and goes, some of these places are awful, some of them are beautiful. But no matter what, I want to buy it. And then he pulls back and he got that big Fred Flintstone head. But if he's, if you just see Doug Hopkins giant face in your television screen for about 2 seconds looking back and forth like he's looking into your house like you said, and maybe even fisheye lens it where it makes his head even bigger.

[Larry McFeely]

Oh man.

[Brady]

And he pulls back and said like he can see in your home. That's about as much of a joke as you can do in 15 seconds. Now that's just me thinking, if you have any ideas at all for Doug Hopkins, toss a bomb in there and let's see what we can get. And you can do it at homeburger98kupd.com whatever else. And I'll tell you this also, if your idea gets used and I'll pass them on to the guy, we'll give you concert tickets to something. You just kind of request it. So give us ideas.

[Toledo]

It's kind of like on your idea, the little spin instead of looking into the house. Or maybe an option where it's. It shows a picture of a house. I'll buy. It shows a picture of another house and they're all different from.

[Brady]

But again, I'll buy it. There's eight, nine seconds right there. How do you get your doughns.com then you, your phone number, your jingles? Three, three, three to four seconds. So you got to be fast with that because I'll buy it. I'll buy it. It's a good idea. If you had 30 to 60 seconds. We've gone through, you know, a thousand different things. Fifteen seconds is gone.

[Larry McFeely]

Even cutting them here for some of the 15s.

[Brady]

Yeah, it's over. Some of the worst because the second you say, hey, it's John from the morning sickness, you're down to message ending. And message ending is a sentence. So if you. You can't have that. We've gone through, like tons of premise, premise, premise. Like you can't have a premise. You can't have the premise. It has to be message. The message has to have the bomb in it and then move on. Don't you have the face? That's a dump. That's beautiful. I'll buy either house. I'll buy any house. I want to buy your house. I'm Doug Hawkins, blah, blah, blah. You don't need any details. Doug Hopkins. You want to sell your house to me. Hope you're enjoying the game. Yada yada. He's not allowed to say Super Bowl. He's not allowed to say, you know, either team names. NFL. I don't even know if he can say it just says the game and that or the big game. I don't think you're allowed to say football. The NFL is just a bunch of dicks about this. And it's a local ad, so it's not tied back to the NFL before you can mention anything like that. So it's basically whoever's got the game is your fox. It's channel 10 selling their little pieces. And Doug got it and he told me the price. I can't remember it right off hand, but I remember. I was like, that's not so terrible.

[Larry McFeely]

How about I spent more, More than five grand on this spot, so I got money to buy your pad. Something like that.

[Brady]

I kind of like that. That's right. Hey, that's not bad. Write that down. Brett might get concerts. I think you might have just won. Or just go on TV and just say, there are only two genders and I want to buy your house from either one or something. You know, just bring that. I love it.

[Toledo]

You could do like a 15 second, like, jardiance dance commercial.

[Brady]

Yeah. Take once daily Jardians, and I buy your house. Yeah, yeah, get sued by Jardians. But it's worth it because people won't forget.

[Larry McFeely]

I get the giant Indian on there with him and stuff like that.

[Brady]

Oh, I see. What? I thought you meant like a cigar story. No, no, no, no, no. The big transvestite Indian. That. Yeah. Is that Jardiance or is that Big Tarvy? I think it's Big Tarvy. That's for aids.

[Larry McFeely]

He's hitting everything.

[Brady]

Yeah, he's having a big Tarvy party. He's got a. You know, it looks like it starts.

[Toledo]

Like it's a medical.

[Brady]

Hold on. Brett just stumbled onto something. Maybe Fantastic. Doug Hopkins standing in front of a crowd of people enjoying a football party, obviously, but no game is active. Like, you know, you see the streamers and the bowls of food, but everyone there is dressed as the opposite sex. Everyone is in is like the big Tarvy commercial. Like, the men are in dresses, the women are in men's clothes. And Doug never. It's never mentioned for any reason whatsoever. I'm Doug Hopkins. I want to buy your house. And I don't care what it looks like. He's very open, and he'd be like, what is going on in the Doug Hopkins commercial? All right, Doug, I hope you're listening to that one, because that's gold, my man. They say things that are horrible.

[Brett]

38 upd college hoops are here, and there's no better place to catch the action than Hooters. Fuel up with a baller bundle. 10 boneless wings, crispy fries, dressing, and a fountain drink starting at just $9.99. Want to level up your game day experience? Swap the fountain drink for a beat the Buzzer special featuring your choice of beatbox or buzz balls for a low price. This offer is for game days only, so grab your crew, enjoy the action, and feast on the flavors you love. Only at Hooters. The Original Wing Joint 1983.

[Diane Fisher]

Hey, it's Larry McFeely here with Wayne from Amco. And Wayne, now that it's getting warmer, I turned on the AC in my car and the air is blowing kind of cool, but it really smells like a basement.

[Brady]

What can I do about that, Larry? Your car's AC system should be checked and serviced every year. Plus, replacing the cabin air filter helps the air blow strong and takes away any nasty smell. Nice.

[Diane Fisher]

Is that a big deal to get done?

[Brady]

Not at all. It takes about an hour and in most cases, we can do it while you wait. That's awesome. I'll say. We're Amco.

[Diane Fisher]

Google Amco for your nearest location. That's Amco double A MCO transmissions and.

[Brady]

A whole lot more.

[Michael]

Hi, I'm Diane Fisher from Fisher Tools. From our humble beginnings in 1964 at the Phoenix park and swap to our 4 acre campus located just south of Tempe marketplace off the 202emmeclintock. Fisher Tools has been building the valley for over 60 years. Come check us out and browse our huge selection of tools and anything you need to do the job right. We carry Milwaukee, DeWalt, Makita, Proto and so much more. We're also [e-mail] KUPD listeners will receive 10% off their order when you mention this ad fish are tools. If we don't have it, we can't sell it.

[Doug Hopkins]

This is Michael with Restore My Civil Rights. I made a lot of poor decisions in my past that had lifelong consequences. After I was released from prison for the last time in 2014, I discovered the process to have my convictions dismissed and all of my rights restored, including my Second Amendment rights. Since achieving this for myself in 2018, our attorney has assisted over 3,000 others in doing the same. If you are still living under the consequences of past mistakes and would like to restore your rights as I have, visit restoremycivilrights.com and book a free consultation today.

[Brady]

Holmberg's Morning Sickness. That's a great one. How about Doug Hopkins does a Phoebe cates out of the pool with his wet airplugs and then someone's in the bathroom and says, I want to buy your house. Knocks on the door. Does anybody knock anymore? Call 1-800-cell- now. Just run it. I like the idea of the big tarvy thing going on in the background. Doug stumbled into he'll go into any house anytime he has. No. Doesn't care about what's going on. I like that because you know what? That's that thing like, is everyone there a man dressed in drag? And that way he can get all of his friends. I'll do it to show up, be in the Super Bowl. He's got us. He's got our support. I like that a lot. That I like. Ooh, this one says. Narrator says wow, you have you had this guy? Oh, this might be a AI. He did this so fast. That opening scene a chaotic family dinner. Kids are screaming. Food is flying. The camera zooms in on a frazzled mom with spaghetti in her hair. Narrator Life got you feeling like this? Cut to a dad fixing a leaky pipe under a sink. Water sprays everywhere. And your house looking like that. Quick cut to a mailman delivering an eviction notice. Maybe it's time to let go. I think if you get an eviction notice, you're not. You don't own the house. Cut to Doug Hopkins, smiling confidently, holding a briefcase of cash in front of a pristine house. I'm Doug Hopkins, and I'll buy your house as is. No judgment, no hassle. Frazzled family cheering as Doug, handsome a stack of cash and drives off in his convertible, his hair whipping in the wind. Because sometimes burning it down isn't the best option. Run the jingle. That's a little more than 50. That's a lot of.

[Larry McFeely]

That's a 60.

[Brady]

Maybe Quentin Tarantino could direct your commercial. But not bad. That's not bad. If you've got a local, he's doing like an auction. The auctioneer just goes, sold to Doug Hopkins in the front row. And massive cheering. That's not bad. Have an auctioneer Doug Hopkins, looking in a window and sees a Diddy party going on there. Doesn't bother me. I'll still buy this house.

[Larry McFeely]

Oh, man, that's good too. I like that.

[Brady]

Just baby oil everywhere, people dressed in white and Doug peering in windows. I'd still buy it. That's good stuff. Yeah, there's a thing. Paula Proc says, what about a picture of the White House? And then John, you do your Trump voice going, I've got a little shanty I'd like to sell you Doug. And Doug would say, I'll buy that thing. I think somebody's done that. I think it might have been Doug that actually used to do that in a commercial. I don't care what your house looks like. This or this. And one of them was the White House. Oh, man. I really like Brett's idea of everyone in drag. I don't know why that gets me. Like, do slow dancing. Like just something really weird in the back. While Doug just delivers his message. I'm Doug Hopkins and I will buy your house as is for cash and does his thing. And then 50. But there's for no reason at all. He's in a room of transvestites slow dancing.

[Toledo]

And then below.

[Brady]

Man, I like that one a ton. Something in the background going on that you're like, what? And then everyone would say, what was going on with the Doug Hopkins spot? No depression, no sickness, no side effects.

[Toledo]

Yeah, no side effects.

[Brady]

Interesting. This one says dog and a dude standing in a room talking in a disappointed manner. And the guy says, this house is too big. Beat up. I think I'm just gonna have to try and sell it myself. And Doug looks at him in disbelief, slaps him to the ground. Doug stands there looking. The dude stands, are looking at Doug in shock. Then a screen pops up with information along with the elevator music. Just hits a man. I don't think I can sell this thing. I'd have to try it myself. Oh, this one says, zoom out of rubble piles in Los Angeles with sad music and say, yep, I'll buy it.

[Larry McFeely]

Oh.

[Brady]

Oh, no. I do like that, though. Oh, Doug Hopkins shows up at your neighbor's house just like the beginning of old school. I'm Here for the gang bang. And I'd also like to buy this house. Can't put that on tv. A quick shot of a hockey team in a locker room and they're told their team's moving to Utah. And Doug pops in with a message, says, I'm Doug Hopkins and I'll buy all your houses. He tells the Coyotes from last year he'll pick up the. Don't worry about it. Oh, I like that. Have him on the phone in the beginning of the commercial going, it's been a pleasure doing business with you, Mr. Epstein. Another house. I think you want to bring Mr. Epstein into the mix. You guys, you guys aren't shooting for those tickets anyway. Any house he'll buy, so you got to keep that in mind. A lot of people says, have Brady show up as this is from Doug Hopkins. Have Brady show up as a woman and head over after the show. He'll do it. I'll tell you. He'll do it immediately after. You want my bald ass over there with some lipstick like that guy Biden hired to run the environmental stuff? I'll do it.

[Larry McFeely]

We have Brady Gaga. I mean, you know, he can pull it out.

[Brady]

Nothing wrong with that. How about just Doug standing in a house and in the background, Brady as in just a full body leotard doing insane interpretive dance for no reason in the background. Never mentioned, never even brought up that Doug Hopkins will buy any house in any condition.

[Larry McFeely]

Do the Brady and the goodbye to horses thing with the tuck and swinging around chewing gum.

[Brady]

Yes, I'd buy me. I'd buy my house. I'd buy my house so hard. Yeah, Wells, all that stuff. I like it. That's again, you gotta. If you wanted to get into James Gum's house, it's another minute ad. But I like that one where there's something in the back that makes everybody say, what was with the Doug Hopkins commercial? That's all you're looking for with the Super Bowl. Especially in that kind of timeline. The joke has to be in the background while the message is being delivered straight at you. A weird little man dressed as sort of a woman like figure that's dancing in the back. Kind of like if Sia gained a ton of weight and we just put that wig on you, across your eyes. You just spin and spin and spin and spin for 15 seconds. You're just spinning in the background over and with your arms out, swirling. A dress. What in the hell was that? And only us KUPD insiders would know. And we'd laugh and laugh and and there is a lot of people coming in. Oh, how about that? TV screams this is a memory from before, when I was listening to Doug have relations in the other bedroom at the H H Ranch. And I didn't realize that when he finishes, he screams, TV's Doug Hopkins, it's finished. And then, actually, that's what I heard. His lady friend screaming as well, which was TV's Doug Hopkins. Oh, TV's Doug Hopkins.

[Toledo]

Pockets.

[Brady]

I want to buy your house. Just have. They can't do this one. I'll even buy a house if Britney Griners used your toilet. Oh, this one. Very fast tempo cheerleaders scream out, give me a D. And Doug pops in and says, give me a D. A deed to your house. I'll buy any house. That's not bad. Or just, how about, give me a D, I'll buy your house now with less perineum infections. I don't know if that's a thing there. Thanks, though, Michael Donovan. No, I like this a lot. Oh, is that Vince or Gary? RIP Gary. Remember Vince from last week? His wife was walking out with a suitcase. Guy standing there with a tear rolling down his cheek. And Doug comes, oh, that's not bad. The first shot is a guy crying in the door and a lady walking out with some suitcases. And Doug just puts his arm around him going, I gotcha. No matter why you need to get rid of your house, I'm here for you. That's not bad at all. Or your wife is leaving with another woman and it's clear as they hug and run away from the house as a guy standing in the door just sobbing, she's gone, Doug. That's okay. I'll buy your house and make this easy. I like that. Have a house with a Kamala sign out front. Have Doug step in the frame and said, feeling like it's time to move. Make it political. No, do a western theme where Doug rides up to a house and it's a teepee. And an Indian says, will you buy this? I'll buy any house. I don't think teepees are a good idea. I'm not sure Doug would buy a teepee.

[Larry McFeely]

Hey, so don't buy anything.

[Brady]

I don't know. That's a house. I mean, it's like a tent. I don't see a lot of, like, you know, I don't see a lot of mobile.

[Toledo]

Like, he doesn't buy mobile homes. I don't think.

[Brady]

Well, he'd buy a mobile home because that's an actual thing. Like Coventry. Yeah. Because Coventry doesn't set up like if.

[Larry McFeely]

It'S on land because then he can at least get the land.

[Brady]

I'm talking about like it in a.

[Larry McFeely]

Trailer park or something.

[Brady]

Right. Like you don't have like a. Yeah. Trailer parks exist for trailers. There's no TP Park. Right. There's like, there's that hotel up there. They built those structures.

[Toledo]

Yeah. They're not going to buy.

[Brady]

I don't think he's buying it. If your house can break down and be packed in the back of a pickup truck, it's. I don't think. And then like rebuilt. Like in seconds. Show stills from Brett's videos instead of Doug. Say, I don't care what went on in there, I'll buy this house. All right, we'll keep looking. Have Brady dance as the bumblebee girl from Blind Melon in the background. Getting Brady to put on skin tight clothes is kind of the goal here.

[Larry McFeely]

How about Doug and Whiteface doing Furious Styles? And from boys in the Hood.

[Brady]

First off, Doug's always in white face. Oh, my God. I like the Phoebe Cates idea of him popping out of a pool. That would be hot.

[Larry McFeely]

Have Doug in spray tan and orange hair and say, I'll make your house great again.

[Brady]

Oh, well, that's not bad. That's right. Well, this one says, your house has a past. Let's give it a new future. Tying an old house to an updated new house. Sean, you took it seriously. That's not bad.

[Larry McFeely]

Who does that on this show?

[Brady]

I don't know what's going on here, you moron. Sean says, what about Hopkins? I gotta stop reading these cold. What about Hopkins hiding in an attic and John dressed as Anne Frank and whispers, do you mean any condition? And Hopkins says, you know it. No, oddly enough, it's from a guy named Israel. Yeah, I know. Israel Montenegro has fired over that gem. Oh, my God, no. I do like that. And I would die laughing. I can't read this one, but I don't think you can use Anne Frank in your comedy ads. Still too soon. Doug Hopkins knocks on the door and Brady answers, invites him inside. And Brady and his wife, who is a sex doll, is fairly, fairly gross. Doug says, clean it up a little bit and I'll buy it for sure. And the house too. Sex doll. Oh, there you go. This is good. Ryan. Ryan Weber actually has a really good one. It says there's one thing people remember from a Super bowl commercial and it's dogs. Dogs are a big one. Remember, Louie Moses has taught us that you throw Puppies in there. And people can't have Doug sitting with a bunch of puppies from lost or home rescue running around just saying, hi, I'm Doug Hopkins. I want to buy your house. Again, similar to the idea of our biktarvy thing, only a little bit more cuddly. Is Doug in a room of puppies. Adorable puppies. Just saying, hey, what puppies that. I actually like that a lot. I'm going to print Ryan's out. That's going right over to Hopkins. That's a good idea. This one says a shot panning out from a mountainside or mountain cliffside adobe and Doug shaking hands with a Mayan leader. Just a dude in a like a headdress and a skirt and an arrow. Home for this morning Sickness. Disgusting. They say things that are horrible. Hey everybody, it's John Holmberg from the Morning Sickness talking to Shane Orlando from Orlando Auto Body. Now, Shane, I take great pride in saying I stand with someone when I tell a listener to go to their shop. I know why. You tell me what's different for a KUPD listener to go to Orlando Auto Body than anywhere else. Well, first of all, we've been in valley here for over 34 years. We do a quality job. We work for you, not the insurance companies, so that we can work together to make sure your listeners are getting the customer service they deserve. If your car's been wrecked and you need that thing fixed the right way, get on over there now. Orlandoautobody.com It's John Holmberg from the Morning Sickness for Lifechangerloan.com Let me tell you about Brian and Emily. Brian listens to KUPD loyally. Megan listens to the news. But both of them have heard about Life Changerloan for a long time. Both were curious. They never bothered really to look too deep since they felt good about their 20 year loan with a good rate. But they want to remodel their house and add a pool and that's going to cost about $250,000. After visiting Life Changer Loan, they realized they can still pay off the entire thing in about six years. It is not magic, it's math. Lifechangerloan.com It's Dick Toledo.

[Diane Fisher]

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[Brady]

Holmberg's morning sickness. Montezuma's cast.

[Larry McFeely]

Now they're bagging on shot. God damn it, Sean. We were all having fun. You got to come in serious.

[Brady]

Exactly. Come in and actually have an idea that up to that point it was still just the best idea was Brady and tights or a bunch of transvestites. Then you show up with your logic and your, you know, fun crusher. Yeah, the dog's thing is solid. I kind of like that. Him and him and just a ton of puppies, like in a pan of them. Sit. I don't even know if Doug can do this, but he sits. Crisscross applesauce in the middle of a room. Just poppies devouring him. Bubble love bubbles popping off of the whole screen. He just says, I'm Doug Hopkins. I want to buy her.

[Toledo]

Yeah, puppies.

[Brady]

Have Doug stand in front of Porkopolis and go whoop. Too late. But I still bought it. Some crazy scene where Doug is in the background pounding a sold sign in the ground. See, that's the point of Doug Steel, though. He doesn't do signs. You don't need to. With Doug, there's no sign.

[Toledo]

Saved you time.

[Brady]

Yeah, man, that's a lot. This guy's doing a whole setup. Animal House. Doug dressed as Oprah Winfrey, pointing at random people as goes, I'll buy your house and I'll buy your house. He's lost his mind. A lot of ideas here. I like that puppy one the most.

[Larry McFeely]

Storyboard already.

[Brady]

There's Doug Hopkins face on jame gum as he tucks his penis in. Goodbye horses. Goodbye, houses. Too bad he didn't do this earlier. We could have sung that I I would your house so hard. Anyway, again, another person says, ted, send him to la. I'll still buy all these houses. He'll buy houses and stuff, but selling Jeffrey Dahmer's house? Yes, even you. How about I stand in front of Toledo's house and said, spent your last 35 bucks at the Lego store and can't make your mortgage. I'm Doug Hopkins, Toledo, and I'll buy your home. People remember everything Doug says. I buy tons of mobile homes. I'm sure you buy a Lot of mobile. You wouldn't buy a teepee though. Doug's not gonna buy a teepee. Anyway, we'll keep the ideas flowing. He's got till this afternoon. But I do think that that puppy idea is pretty solid. And if Doug, if you need those puppies, I think I got a place that can help out. He mainsight will definitely do it. I also have. I got a few shelters we could call and get in touch with immediately and just have Doug sitting in puppy heaven. Oh, that's Steve right there. People are, oh, it's either transvestites or puppies these days. Case both of them will get you, like remembered little puppies with the phone number on those blankets. Oh, yeah, yeah.

[Larry McFeely]

Caleb and Alan.

[Brady]

How about that? Doug's just in a wheelchair. The whole thing I would buy for whatever. Please let me buy a home before it's too late. Oh, okay. Cripples, drinks, bestites and puppies. Those are the three things you're never gonna forget.

[Larry McFeely]

I like this one. How about pictures of Robert Fisher's home blowing up saying, I'll even buy this house.

[Brady]

It's too late. 25 years ago. That's a good idea. Right now, too much explaining. Oh my God. How about a commercial shot in front of a giant Catholic church and I'll buy even his house. And then I have a sign in the back with a newspaper article that says, two priests convicted of molestation. Yeah, that's a great idea. That's not bad. When I'm gonna stand in front of a church and they say, I'm Doug Hopkins and I'll buy any house, even his light shines down. Thanks, Doug. And then like a Monty Python hand comes from the sky. Doughapkins.com@800. That new jingle, he's got his gangbusters, but I try not to remember it cuz it'll stay in your head all day. They want to tag it on to the end of the things I do for Doug. Like, I don't know if I hear that, it's. I'll never think of anything else again.

[Larry McFeely]

It's like learning a road tag. You know the jingle.

[Brady]

Oh, those guys are killers. I had lunch with Kevin on Friday. Kevin Rowe. And he said 977. My head just started singing the stupid jingle the whole time we're talking. All right, we'll get some more Hopkins ideas and everything. Keep those things. Oh, wait a minute. Old Billy Bakehouse is back. He just popped up. I could just stand on the screen and say, hey everybody, I'm House. And this guy will buy you a house. You could buy Billy Bakehouse. I'm house. I'll buy you. All right, you got some ideas out there. The puppies are solid. I really like the puppy idea. 15 seconds. You don't have much time. Puppies. The jingle, and Doug in the middle saying, I'm TV's Doug Hopkins, and I want to buy your house in any condition. And I'll do it, too.

[Larry McFeely]

Here's one for you. Unlike the offer the Cardinals made with Kyler, I'll make you one that's better for your future.

[Brady]

Make a good one. I'm not the Cardinals. I'll make. You can't even mention that. Damn it. Oh, man. David Vasquez is the devil. We know that already says, how about panning back from that group of trannies? And then a bomb blows the house up. You said, I don't even need to clean this up. I'll buy it. Like, no, you don't want to murder a bunch of people. Terrible ideas also happen. How about.

[Larry McFeely]

How about I'm standing in front of the rubble in LA Sam Kennedy. It's saying, Biden gave you 750. I'll give you five grand.

[Brady]

I just handed out five grand. Get the genie and Natasha involved. It was just Tasha. I don't know where they've gone. I miss them very much. Tasha and the Genie. What do you need, Doug? The puppies are good. I like those a lot. So so far, that's the only one that I would actually pass on to Mr. Hopkins. I said, valid idea. All the rest are the Anne Frank idea. Although very funny. I do have to say I would. I'd drop out during that. If that commercial came on. And the man and the. And the in the. And the ladies leaving a man at the door crying like, clearly a man being left. Please don't go. Don't leave me. What do I do in the house? I'll buy your house. What? I do kind of like that idea. And we'll have starring Dick Toledo as cuck at the door, sobbing, please don't go. That's a great. Actually, that one's not bad. This one says Doug. Doug says in the commercial, I'll buy your house no matter how ugly it is. And then just flash a picture of Lamar Jackson. Okay, maybe not that ugly. No, nothing's that ugly. Family surrounds a hospital bed. As grandma's heart monitor goes flat, Doug pops and goes, where's her? I'll buy it. That's actually not bad either. It's terrible. But that's not bad. Well, this one's too hard. Says Jodi Aria showing up to buy a house. Oh, no. Move before it's too late. This is terrible. Murders. Yeah, there's a few great ones. Some of you are awful. I don't mind the flatline granny. I really like the one where the guy's being abandoned by his wife. I don't ever want to talk to you again. What do I do at the house? Oh, I love that. Anyway, puppies. You have Dale Hellestra in the back.

[Toledo]

You could do a timeline thing like that. Colonial house. Oh, buy your house. Because he's powder wig. Throughout time, he's been doing it for doing it.

[Brady]

Doug's that old. You're just basically making Doug forever, man. Just handing a guy a dollar.

[Toledo]

Log cabin.

[Brady]

Anyway, I do love the puppy idea. Trannies is great. Puppies, trannies.

[Larry McFeely]

Definitely an eye catcher.

[Brady]

Puppies and trannies and the ladies leaving the guy, and he just shows up like, in your time of need. Doug Hopkins is there, there, and somebody.

[Larry McFeely]

Made a political over on this one here.

[Brady]

Another one?

[Larry McFeely]

Well, kind of.

[Brady]

Let's see where it goes. It says, ICE raid for deportation. I'll even buy that out. They're raiding a house and deporting a bunch of people. He would. That's one that I actually want to get behind that one. I lived. When I was living in Arcadia, Brady and I were at the village playing racquetball and noticed all the. The comeuppance that was on Camelback Road. We couldn't figure out like 46 cop cars in Arcadia. And that's a beautiful area. This big, giant house was 4, 600 square foot house right there on the corner off of like 45th. That would have been. And Camelback. What's going on? A couple days later, found out there were like 61,5000 people living in that house. 61 Mexican guys living in there. And the people next door had just built a balcony and their addition and finally moved back in. We're looking down in the backyard, and they're like. Anybody notice there's an awful lot of Mexicans over there? It's like, it just seems out of place. Eight, nine, sure. 50, 60 on a regular basis. And there's no noise. Something's going on. Went in there. Just sleeping bags. They were working 24 hour shifts. This group would go to work from 12 to 7. The next group would go from, like 7 to 8. You know, 7 to 7 or whatever it was. And they would shift out, sleep on these sleeping bags. And the Whole place was packed full of them.

[Larry McFeely]

The Chris Valenzuela's moved from Mesa to Arcadia.

[Brady]

Incredible.

[Larry McFeely]

Yeah.

[Brady]

And they were all. And they had like two best sushi. And no one noticed because until someone looked down in the backyard and saw just a slew of human beings. And they're like, there are two. And nobody was coming and going. They get in the cars in the garage, and they both go. Whenever the cars were available, they'd take like 12 to 15 people per. It was crazy that. It's a legendary story in the Arcadia area. Bottom line, they rustled him up, they got him out. Hopkins would have bought that house from whoever was renting it. Pretty great. All right, you people are all over this. I got way too many of you with ideas. This one says two people looking at a map with Doug. Somebody says, well, where do we start? Doug goes, doesn't matter. And then just a shot of all of them. Top of Camelback mount. We get Doug to hike Camelback and do the commercial from up there. That's not bad. Oh, man, I've got to go. I got a lot of work to do. This is more than I thought. I thought. We get like 10 or 12 ideas. Hundreds already. Puppies is the leader in the clubhouse. Transvestites a close second. Ladies leaving the husband at third. Show. Show the show. The shop of Saddam being found in that underground hideout. And then after it's cleared, Doug pops his head and goes, is this still available? I'll buy it. That's a lot of work. It's a lot of work.

[Larry McFeely]

Doug in front of the Ted Kaczynski cabin. Yep. I'll even buy that one.

[Brady]

I'll buy it. I'll take it. How about in front of a group of down syndrome people doing things? And Doug pops in and says, I am down to buy your house. Yeah, that's a good idea. All we need is a group, a gaggle or murder of down syndrome people. Was that a parliament? I think that's a parliament of downs.

[Toledo]

A covey.

[Brady]

Is it a covey? Okay, I was confused. This. I like the idea of the lady leaving the guy. So you seen this one? Oh, no.

[Larry McFeely]

The old lady in the shoe that's up there.

[Brady]

Oh, yeah.

[Larry McFeely]

Behind on your child support. I got you.

[Brady]

I'm by your house. All right. Anyway, Jesus, thanks for the ideas. This is overkill. Now at this point, we'll keep our ideas flowing. I'll throw a couple to Doug, the serious ones you got, you know, no idea is a bad idea. So just keep firing them off. A couple gems will pop up. I'll throw him his way. If Doug uses it, we'll give you tickets to a show of your choosing. How about that?

[Larry McFeely]

I can't read your thunder Horses, but I'll print it so you can read it.

[Brady]

All right? I'm not even interested in that Thunder horse. What does he know about homeownership know anyway? It's 6:23. Let's get a Wake up song. 585 9, 800. A good one. Celebrate the day. It's 98 KUPD. Wake Up. Arizona's most powerful, powerful rock radio station.