01-21-26 - CONDENSED SHORT SHOW - WEDNESDAY - Holmbergs Morning Sickness 98 KUPD

Summary

Holmberg's Morning Sickness — Condensed Short Show (01-21-26)

Episode Overview

This episode of Holmberg's Morning Sickness offers a fast-paced, humor-packed look into everyday absurdities, listener stories, recent news headlines, and classic group banter. The crew—John Holmberg, Brady Bogen, Bret Vesely, and Dick Toledo—dives into topics ranging from confrontations at QT gas stations and an IVF mix-up lawsuit, to the oddities of mountain elevations and the comedic stylings of Donald Trump at Davos. True to form, the show is shot through with irreverence, local flavor, and the group’s signature willingness to tackle any topic with wit and skepticism.

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Key Discussions & Insights

1. Listener Email: Gas Station Showdown

[01:10 – 06:43]

• Story Recap: John reads a listener email about a heated confrontation at a QT gas station involving line-cutting, a confrontational woman with an “F ICE” hat, and insults exchanged.

  • The woman tells the listener off for cutting; he sarcastically responds, inadvertently escalating tension. When he uses an offensive term, she causes a scene and storms out.

• Holmberg’s Take: John critiques the overreactions, noting how “cuts” in line bring adults back to elementary school rivalries.

  • “You cuts piss people off. Like, you get in line ahead of somebody, and suddenly we're all back in second grade, no cuts.” — John [04:25]
  • Points out the irony of wearing an anti-ICE hat while being strict about line jumping.

• QT News Story: John transitions to a relevant local news story—at another QT location, a man was shot after a dispute over cutting the bathroom line.

  • “Adults lose their mind over cuts. It's a huge—people getting shot over cuts, lesbians tearing down QT over cuts…” — John [04:25]

• Debate on "Cutting": The crew jokes about unwritten rules, when it becomes intolerable, and how people’s reactions escalate disproportionately.

  • “We're way too old to have cuts piss us off. Aren't we, for shootings?” — John [06:21]
  • They riff on friend “assists,” line-cutting etiquette, and the idea that, as adults, this shouldn’t be a life-and-death issue.

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2. From Angry Lesbians to De-escalation

[07:25 – 11:08]

• Lesbian Stereotypes & Humor: John riffs about angry lesbians at QT, referencing incidents, protest culture, shaved heads, and personal run-ins, mixing characteristic edgy humor with self-deprecation.
  • “I like angry lesbians. I had my run-in…she started to want to physically fight me…If you can deescalate the situation, do it now.” — John [08:27]
• Moral: Despite the laughs, Holmberg underscores the importance of de-escalation and not letting minor slights spiral.

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3. Celebrity Shoutouts: Abella Danger at the Game & Sun’s Announcer Kevin Ray

[12:21 – 21:14]

• Suns Game & The “Abella Danger” Moment: John relates a viral sports moment where adult film star Abella Danger was shown on TV during a championship game, causing awkwardness for men watching with their families.
  • “Every man watching went, Hey, that's Abella Danger. I've seen her with Johnny Sins and I've seen her work...and the world laughed.” — John [14:26]
  • Discussion of her apology for being distracting on TV and John paralleling his own “brand liability” moments (with Suns announcer Kevin Ray shouting out Holmberg during a game).
  • “I am the Abella Danger...somehow or another my filthy name got involved in that.” — John [20:51]
• Meta-Humor: The group teases Brady for not recognizing Abella, and riff on the challenge of pretending not to know porn stars when spouses are present.

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4. IVF Mix-Up Lawsuit: “This Bitch Here…”

[22:13 – 32:26]

• Lawsuit Details: Holmberg breaks down a story about a Florida couple suing a fertility clinic after giving birth through IVF to a child who isn’t biologically theirs, as determined by DNA test.
  • “This bitch here, wait till you hear this...Genetic testing later confirmed the newborn has no relation to either parent.” — John [24:44]
  • The group jokes about the high costs of IVF and speculates in darkly comic fashion about possible explanations (including infidelity).
  • Larry: “It was under a grand to get me snipped…money well spent.” [22:41]
• Price of Parenthood: They riff on the economics of IVF, egg prices based on attractiveness, eugenics, and the varying costs for different populations.
  • “You're that 2am pig—you know that's a twenty thousand dollar egg...” — John [27:24]
• Conclusion: They debate whether wanting a money refund is “racist” if you don’t want the child because of a racial mismatch, and if loving the kid is enough compensation.

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5. Fun Facts: Mountains and Elevation

[32:41 – 38:33]

• Fact: The peak of Ecuador’s Mount Chimborazo is the furthest point from the Earth’s center, not Everest.
  • Multiple attempts to explain why, confusion over sea level, prominence, and measuring standards.
  • Classic group dynamic with playful bickering:
    • “You accept information relatively simply.” — John, ribbing Brett [33:58]
  • The discussion becomes a lesson in elevation vs. height, with a pinch of Arizona geography.

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6. Racial Stereotypes & Smoke Detector Humor

[39:32 – 47:33]

• Listener Email: John reads an email from Davis, a Black listener, who jokes about being triggered by the show’s repeated use of a “chirp” sound effect—reminding him of unfixed smoke alarms at home, which he claims is stereotypical.
  • “You found my line. You made me write you a letter complaining about you being a racist, you big nose, liberal Jew, cuck Stern wannabe. I can't quit you. — Davis [41:08]
• John’s Commentary: He runs with the stereotype, comparing Black and white methods for dealing with chirping detectors (“White people just take it down. Black people just let it chirp.”) and recounts personal smoke alarm mishaps.
  • “I blew on that little sensor...but if that's a Black stereotype that finally got you, hilarious.” — John [42:43]
  • Discussion about how technology has made smoke alarms more annoying and universal struggle to fix them.

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7. World News & Trump’s Greenland Gambit

[50:10 – 59:03]

• Davos & Greenland: John is fascinated by the absurdity of Trump discussing the US “acquisition” of Greenland at Davos.
  • “He kept calling it a big, beautiful piece of ice...We're seeking immediate negotiations to once again discuss the acquisition of Greenland. I don’t wanna use force…But say no, and we'll remember.” — John & Brad [52:44 – 53:03]
  • Trump’s speech also reminds Denmark and Europe that without the US, they’d be “speaking German or Japanese,” and mocks windmills in Europe.
  • “He's hilarious. Whether you like him or not—God, your life would be better.” — John [55:28]
• Historical Context: Brief riffs on colonialism, US “acquisitions,” and the pointlessness (“You couldn’t pick on a weaker target [than Greenland].” — John [56:36])
• Group Reflection: The show wraps the segment by celebrating Trump as the “funniest president,” appreciating the comic value whether you support his politics or not.

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Notable Quotes & Moments (with Timestamps)

• Line-Cutting Rage:
  “You cuts piss people off. Like, you get in line ahead of somebody, and suddenly we're all back in second grade, no cuts.”
  — John Holmberg [04:25]

• QT & Adult Behavior:
  “We're way too old to have cuts piss us off...for shootings?”
  — John Holmberg [06:21]

• On De-Escalating Conflicts:
  "Learned this from years of self defense training. If you can de-escalate the situation, do it."
  — John Holmberg [08:27]

• Abella Danger on TV:
  “Every man watching went, 'Hey, that’s Abella Danger.' I’ve seen her with Johnny Sins and I’ve seen her work... and the world laughed.”
  — John Holmberg [14:26]

• IVF Lawsuit Punchline:
  “This bitch here…she got impregnated by some super sperms of another race, her husband spent…they did three different treatments, which means they're into this at least 60 grand.”
  — John Holmberg [29:37]

• Egg Pricing Hypothesis:
  “You're that 2am pig—you know that's a twenty thousand dollar egg…you wander in there looking good, it's like that's a sixty thousand dollar egg.”
  — John Holmberg [27:24]

• Smoke Detector Racism:
  “You found my line. You made me write you a letter complaining about you being a racist, you big nose, liberal Jew, cuck Stern wannabe. I can't quit you.”
  — Davis (Listener Email), read by John [41:08]

• Greenland & Trump:
  “He kept calling it a big, beautiful piece of ice...We're seeking immediate negotiations to once again discuss the acquisition of Greenland. I don’t wanna use force…But say no, and we'll remember.”
  — John & Brad, imitating Trump [52:44 – 53:03]

• Appreciating Political Absurdity:
  “He’s hilarious. Whether you like him or not—God, your life would be better.”
  — John [55:28]

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Timestamps For Key Segments

• QT Incident & Line-cutting Rant: 01:10–07:25
• Line-Cutting, Lesbians & De-escalation: 07:25–11:08
• Abella Danger & Celebrity Recognition: 12:21–21:14
• IVF Mix-up Lawsuit: 22:13–32:26
• Fun Fact: Mountain Elevation Debate: 32:41–38:33
• “Smoke Detector” Email & Stereotype Riff: 39:32–47:33
• World News, Davos & Greenland: 50:10–59:03

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Summary & Takeaway

This condensed episode is classic Holmberg's Morning Sickness: fast, irreverent, and unafraid to mine laughter from the uncomfortable, with Arizona flavor and relentless group humor. The topics—public meltdowns at QT, celebrity awkwardness, fertility mishaps, elevation trivia, racial coding in everyday annoyances, and the international spectacle of Trump—are all springboards for satire, social observation, and the group’s distinctive comedic freefall. Whether poking fun at their own cultural blind spots or riffing on international politics, the show's unpredictability and chemistry offer listeners both laughs and surprising insights into daily absurdities.

Transcript

[Larry McFeely]

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[John Holmberg]

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[Larry McFeely]

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[John Holmberg]

You thought that was funny? You were laughing like a hyena when he said it. What the hell is wrong with you? I watched the local news last night and I had this email sitting on me yesterday after the show. This could have gone double sideways. This dude emails me and says, john, I got into it at a QT today. You know the lines are at that place are kind of like sort of two at once in a weird way. So I get in what I think is the line and a mean little lesbian says, hey, come on, don't be a jerk. Line starts back here. And she had a hat that said f ice on it. So had she said it nicely, I'd have just gone back to the line. But there was so much attitude. So I said, oh, I'm sorry sir, it sucks when people cut the line and don't follow the rules, doesn't it? There should be laws or rules against that. She was quiet, but on the way out she says, f you trumptard. So I went to the classics and said, shut up dyke. She noticed that the QT guy Was laughing. So she knocked a bunch of stuff off the shelf and then ran out. I wasn't a trumptard before, but I am now. I say I should jail all lesbians who look like bowling pins with flat tops. Love you guys. Glenn F. Trump, 2028. All right, Glenna, you've gone too far the other way. But, yeah, interesting to wear an f ice hat and bold statement and then say, you can't cut.

[Brett]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Like, to get angry at somebody for cutting the line. And I don't want to go.

[Brad]

Chris Berman.

[John Holmberg]

That got a little bit weird. Yeah. Hilarious, though. But you turned. That's what you're doing. Crazy bowling pen lesbians. You're turning people who aren't trump tards into trump tards just for not wanting to be on your team. Calm down now.

[Brett]

What does QT do? They open up a second register.

[John Holmberg]

Alleviate.

[Brett]

They speed up the system.

[John Holmberg]

QT does get confusing sometimes. Where do I stand if somebody goes, hi, Hi. Now. Yeah, go. And he's working on somebody else with his left hand. They're.

[Brett]

Some guys are really good.

[John Holmberg]

They're good at that. That QT is that they're ambidextrous. But on the heels of that, I watched the news last night, and at another qt, a dude shot a guy for cutting the line at the bathroom.

[Brett]

Oh, boy.

[John Holmberg]

It was like, a week ago, though. So I had this email from Glenn yesterday as I was mopping up, like, oh, I'll read that tomorrow. That's a good one. Anything that includes bowling pin, lesbians with Ralphie May's hair, homeless guys killed. Killed a guy who attempted to confront him about cutting the bathroom line at a Phoenix QT. No, again, it was a. DeAndre Franklin was taken into custody for shooting Danny Caster. DeAndre's 25, Danny's 52. Just before 8:00am on January 16th. This is a week ago. And it wasn't like the west side. It was Arcadia, 44th street and Oak. That's right. Yeah. Well, all right. I don't have pictures, but DeAndre Franklin, and I think Brett's gonna go down the road there. And Danny Castor, which is. I got nothing there, I would assume.

[Brett]

Oh, yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Come on. Correct.

[Larry McFeely]

He lived in that neighborhood.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, that's probably true. But DeAndre shot Danny because they cuts is, like, never stops being juvenile. Couldn't cut in second grade. And you'd think eventually you'd be like, it's all right. You cuts piss people off. Like, you get in line ahead of somebody, and suddenly we're all back in Second grade, no cuts. Like it is. Adults lose their mind over cuts. It's a huge. People getting shot over cuts. Lesbians tearing down QT over cuts. And the guy accidentally did it. By the way, how busy is the QT bathroom? That there's a line. Yeah, I mean, clamp it up and.

[Brett]

In the morning you're over people that don't want to do. Take a dump at work.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, but at qt.

[Brett]

Yeah, they go to qt.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, man. Well, go next door to the dirty drummer or something.

[Brett]

And I don't think it's open.

[John Holmberg]

Sure. That place be open at 6 in the morning.

[Larry McFeely]

Or just do Scott Taylor and come.

[John Holmberg]

In here and just do it here. Jesus. Scott Taylor. He's here right now. Dumping. I saw his car pull in. He immediately goes to the camp.

[Larry McFeely]

Probably clinched when he was running down the hall.

[John Holmberg]

No, he wakes up in the morning, goes, ah, that's gonna be a good one for my co workers. And then he just. He holds it, probably drinks a pot of coffee, loosen it up a little bit, throws it at us like a gorilla at the zoo. Yeah, I didn't know, but cuts are a thing. I'm not that upset with cuts. Usually my cuts. What's this guy think he's doing? Like, I don't ever really get. I've never screamed, hey, no cuts ever. Unless there's like eight, nine people. I'm like, guys, you can't cut. Because I think I've. I think it balances out, I think, cuts in life. Like, there's been plenty of times I've been in line and Bree's like, hey, what's going on? Like, just pretend like you were supposed to be here. One of those deals where a friend comes up and you just get in line with them. It's not cuts. We were.

[Brett]

That happens a lot at. You know, whether it's a movie theater. Oh, sure, sure, sure.

[John Holmberg]

Well, you're waiting for your friend, right? Or you see a guy like, hey, yeah. Oh, just act like we're supposed to be here. Yeah. And then you do cuts. But I'm. I'm. It's. We're way too old to have cuts piss us off. Aren't we for shootings? Like, you can't kill a guy over cuts. I don'. Even yell at anybody. Hey, go cut. It's like that ended for me, like 8th grade. Cuts is cuts.

[Larry McFeely]

Like, I'll get there me off.

[John Holmberg]

I'm just like, yeah, yeah, what a jerk. He's cutting. Like, if it's a dude by himself and he Looks around and he just goes, link in the line.

[Brett]

Now if there's something on the line, like it's a cut, I can see the rage. Again, not shooting. But like, if it's. There's only so many available, you've been in line waiting to buy it.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, then somebody just shoots in the middle line. But what are you doing? Like, what is so many available?

[Brett]

Tickets. It used to be like when tickets would go on sale.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, but you're not 28,000th in line if tickets go on sale. You're probably getting tickets if you got there early. And if one dude cuts in front of you now, again, it was just a constant stream of people just making. Yeah, there's laws to lines. There's rules.

[Brett]

American Idol never seemed like they had rage.

[John Holmberg]

Or maybe they hit them. Maybe they do. But there's that line was, we're all going to the same place. Take a breath. And lesbians, you can't wear an f ice hat and be mad about people being taken out of line and put in the back of the line and then get, you know, violent at the qt.

[Brett]

It could have been tight on time. Going to a protest or something.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, gotta run to that protest. And that dude's getting his five hour energy drink. Bogging down her time. She might have been a late lesbian. She might have just gotten the side of her head shaved and it took a little longer than they expected because they, they hit a burl or a knothole or something in her head because they have those.

[Larry McFeely]

She got her shift to title nine. She was running late, man.

[John Holmberg]

Their game is cut like that. Gotta open all the sports was. They had a son's game. That was pretty neat. Oh, they're still there.

[Larry McFeely]

Yeah, nice protests.

[John Holmberg]

That's probably. They're showing all the protests at title night anyway evident. Yeah, but you don't want to be cutting a lesbian's hair and hit a burl. You can't. That takes forever.

[Brett]

You tangle, it'll ruin your razor.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, your razor's done. Your electrics get locked in. You can't do it. Did you hit a burl? It was a cowlick, but I honestly believe it could be a table. Anyway, I like angry lesbians. I had my run in with an angry lesbian at the swizzle. In that time. She started to want to physically fight me. I wasn't even involved in the problem in the place. I was trying to break it up, but always know. Learned this from years of self defense training. If you can de escalate the situation, do it now, over the break, I had that lady get in front of me. She cut out, ironically, out of the swizzle in and nearly hit me and cut me off. Didn't even see it. And I got in front of her and just stopped my car in the middle of Bethany Home road and put the tops off, put both my fingers in the air. And then she started to scream at me, and I started to scream back ironically. I'm on the phone with Jay Ackerman at the time, the guy who runs React Defense Self Defense training. And he's like, John ds, You don't know what she's got in that car. And I'm like, I don't care. I hate her. Right? And then I was boiling and I you've lost it. Then I screamed, I hope your cancer gets aids you. And I blocked the entrance to the freeway for everyone. Cause she needed on it. I just parked probably about 45 seconds. He drove her crazy. That was my favorite thing in the world to do. So I understand it. But she nearly hit me with a car. That's not cut. That's her dangerous. Be careful with that. This guy says cutting the beer line is a great album name. That is true. Cutting the beer line. This one says. Yeah, well, that's what the guy says. He says you're. Everybody gets it, Adam. You're way behind. He said, you can be mad at someone for cutting qt, but you're jumping the borders. Acceptable.

[Larry McFeely]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Catch up, Adam. That's the whole point of his story. I think he got lost in the lesbian with burl hair.

[Larry McFeely]

All the bouncing ball.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, yeah. You got to keep up the f ice hat was the key to the story being, you know, mad. But now you can't wear an f ice hat and then get mad at cuts. You should be four cuts, I think, right? Don't you?

[Brett]

Yeah, in a way, yeah.

[John Holmberg]

And for the want of one letter, she absolutely loves cuts on ladies. You know, if you just add A to a certain the middle, you just throw it. She's a big fan of the cuts with that extra letter, so she should calm down. But yeah, be careful and always de escalate. Don't worry about it. Qt. You're so fast back there. Ladies too. So quick. Bringing you out of the QT that cuts, you'll barely even notice.

[Morning Sickness Announcer]

Morning sickness.

Disgusting. They smell their sticky. They say things that are horrible.

[Larry McFeely]

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[Hooters Announcer]

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[Morning Sickness Announcer]

Holmberg's morning sickness.

[John Holmberg]

Don't know if you guys watched the Suns game last night, but Kevin Ray made me basically the same as a Bella Danger at the national championship game the other night. I am Kevin Ray. Sons announcers. Brand liability. Sure, we're friends. I've gotten texts from friends recently that say, hey, don't talk about me being gay in your car and don't say who I am. Lying. You got it, Mark. I won't do that ever again. That's wrong. So just joking with him about. Yeah, yeah, I know. I don't want to use his name. I'm not gonna do it. But yeah, you're a jerk. I'm like, I'm brand liability. You're my friend. You be a good friend. Sure. You talk about me at work and I don't even get to hear it. At least I'm open about. I'm more transparent. Everything I talk about at work goes out on the air when I talk about friends making my car gay. I did have a girl the other day see my car and go, oh, that's so cute. Yeah, cute's not the word I like there. But it is a cool car because it's the coolest car I've ever seen. How do I get to be as cool as you? And I'm like, you have no idea. You don't want this. You don't want this. This is not cool. The car might be. You can have the car here, but Kevin is always saying stuff like, yeah, well, you know, you want to come on the show? Yeah, I'll come on, but maybe I shouldn't. I don't know. I got to talk about. I'm like, all right, I get a brand liability. And then we're hanging around together and people see us together. And you can tell when somebody important comes by because Kevin kind of takes a few steps away. I don't blame, but I'm Hisabella Danger. Abella Danger, the porn star from Miami, cheering like crazy, goes to the school, and they put her on the television way too long a couple of times. The cameraman knew. No, it was. Well, the big one was the crucial moment in the fourth quarter, and she was on the screen for like 25 seconds. The cameraman knew, the director knew. And then every man watching went, hey, that's a Bella Danger. I've seen her with Johnny Sins and I've seen her work. And then the world laughed. The Internet caught it. She's apologizing.

[Brett]

Why?

[John Holmberg]

For being a Bella Danger for B. She's like, I'm so sorry if it distracted from the school, my presence. And I want to apologize. I didn't ask ESPN to put me on, but they did. And she goes, I. I want to apologize for that. And I'm like, you don't have to apologize for that. So then I know how she feels, because last night, I text Kevin Ray during the game about Sun's forward, Jalen Green, and ironically, Scott Taylor from the toilet text me, goes, hey, just heard the shout out. So Kevin says, long time listener, first time caller. John Holmberg has. Has chimed in, and he said, my question, I asked Arizabella Danger. That's her right there on the screen. And yeah, every man goes, I know her mouth. And she's not allowed to be on tv, evidently. And she's like, I just wanted to apologize for taking away from. Yeah, I don't think I've watched anything with other. Yeah. She said, I wish I could be any other student just supporting my team, but I can't. She says, I apologize for taking away from you. You didn't take away from anything, you little angel. You've done nothing.

[Brett]

But I didn't know who that was.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, Brady. Well, that's not surprising now.

[Brett]

Now I do.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, yeah. See, that's who she is. There's some pictures that'll get you to know her. Abella Danger is really. Yeah, she's everywhere. Yeah.

[Larry McFeely]

Missing out.

[Brett]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

No, you are. You really are. Yeah, she's been around a lot that goddamn recognizable, immediate.

[Brett]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Katie Hopps kind of made it hard for us to get to it, but. Yeah. And then she's like the number one search on pornhub now. Just dudes. Yeah, you know what? That sounds good. Bella Danger sounds like a nice little before bed snack. So she's. Yeah, but she had to apologize just for being. That's how stupid our country is. It's. Every man recognized her. Like, you don't get celebrities that you recognize anymore. They put people on tv. And there's Alex Earl. Like, who the hell is that? Oh, she's an influencer. And she was on Dancing with the Stars. And half people are like, I don't know. That is a Bella Danger. That rang the bell. There were probably 60, 70% of dudes watching the college football championship. Well, there's a Bella Danger. Or at least said, that chick looks just like a Bella Danger. And everybody will be. Not everybody's a porn perv. Yeah. All right. Well, you just announced. You might as well just type. I don't want to be friends. Like, okay, that's fair. Me neither. I'm gay. Some of us love our wives. What a stupid thing to say. Is she reading your phone right now? I understand. I'll. I'll wing you on that one. I had to say that, bro. She was right there. She's right there. I get it. I get it, man. Looking at her in the coach. Can you believe this? I don't even know why we listen to him.

[Larry McFeely]

Doug. It's un. I understand.

[John Holmberg]

I understand.

[Larry McFeely]

You couldn't.

[John Holmberg]

Normally. I'm not in the car.

[Brett]

This is terrible. I feel sorry for his family.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, me too. This is terrible. Who the. What's he saying? Abal. Abal Danger. You can say the words. No, I don't even know them. They're so pornographic. I don't even know. She's disgusting. She should apologize publicly for being alive. And she did. She said she was sorry for being at the game and wish she could just be a regular student, but.

[Brett]

Because last night.

[John Holmberg]

Huh?

[Brett]

Or the night before.

[John Holmberg]

No, she's not, Brady. Her life makes it so she cannot be a regular student. She can't go on TV without the world starting to go. Oh, I bet you half of the. The guys watching looked over at their girlfriends and wives on the couch like. Oh, like they got caught doing like. Oh, yeah. I don't really know her. Oh, yeah. This is. Okay. It's like she's. It's not my mistress. It's just beat off to that.

[Larry McFeely]

A lot better questions why is she going to school looking like that? What are you wasting your time for it?

[John Holmberg]

You make a good point. Look, I don't think school's that important to anybody anyway.

[Larry McFeely]

Especially her looking like that.

[John Holmberg]

Everybody I know went to school for one thing. And they're now doing, like, real estate or something, which is fine. But they're like, yeah, yeah, yeah. This said John, she does have to apologize. You have no idea how many married guys like me had to pretend they had no idea who she was. And they just kept putting her up there. That was the cameraman and the director. One dude's like, that's a Bella Danger. Yeah, she does.

[Larry McFeely]

No reason to go to school.

[John Holmberg]

Excellent job.

[Larry McFeely]

And she wasting your time.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Her school is behind her, if you know what I mean. Like, that is her education. That is going to pay for her life and get it done. Now she's 30.

[Brett]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Only got a few years left before, you know, people are going to tire of watching her do the things she's doing. Got to give it to a Bella Danger. She mixes up the hair. Blonde, brunette. She comes at you with all sorts of curveballs. Good stuff.

[Larry McFeely]

No fastback.

[John Holmberg]

Nothing about her is a fastback.

[Larry McFeely]

Yeah, she's wasting her time.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. And that's just going to Miami for, like, political science. Hopefully she's going there for film school. She wants to direct.

[Brett]

Just build her clientele up.

[Larry McFeely]

I mean, that's all she needs to do.

[John Holmberg]

And dudes. Yeah, every dude. And it's become this big thing. But there I was last night feeling exactly like it when K. Ray throws my name out. And I actually text a little friend group of with K. Ray in it. And I'm like, did you guys hear that? He admits he knows me. I felt like that, you know that side piece that.

[Brad]

Don't worry about it, baby. It's all right.

[John Holmberg]

I got you. I just want you to acknowledge I exist. I got you. Am I important to you at all or is it all about our fun? Then he threw my name out there. And, like, he admits it. K Ray just admitted that we're friends on tv. Even said, a good friend. And he watches almost all the Sun's games. First time caller long. He didn't say, you know, my job because then that would steer people. Like, if one person lives.

[Brett]

I put so much out there.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, Yeah. I like K. Ray and I want to know his. What his friends are. And then he's listening to me talk about a Bella Danger. Kevin Ray's a pervert. And then everything goes sideways for him. I Always. Because I've been a Suns fan pretty much my whole life. Think about Al McCoy having a friend like me. Somewhere along the lines, Al McCoy. I dry humped Kevin at the Rah Rah room as a joke the other day when he bent over the side. We were joking around. It's like, oh. And he got really nervous because we're all just kind of dicking, right? He's very fun. And I kind of grabbed him by the hips and did this thing. And, you know, he was telling a story, so I had to. He was a prop. And then you realize, oh, Kevin just. And he's in his suit. He looks like a million bucks, and I dress like a million 12. So it was very funny.

[Brett]

So.

[John Holmberg]

But it was nice. It was a nice moment. But I am the Abella Danger. So for everybody watching the sun speak, the Sixers last night realize that somehow or another my filthy name got involved in that, you know? But then it was even better.

[Brett]

They won't ever show you on tv. They'll mention your name.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, God, no. Well, if they showed me, they'd never say, you know what I did?

[Larry McFeely]

It's Jewish Heritage Night here. Here is John Holmes.

[John Holmberg]

Show me, like, what I'm doing. Just waving. I'm not, but I'm okay. Shalom. But I'm not. I'm not. This is. I'm appropriating. My nose is appropriating. It's not me.

[Morning Sickness Announcer]

Disgusting. They smell, they're sticky. They say things that are horrible.

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[Morning Sickness Announcer]

[e-mail] Homburg's Morning Sickness.

[John Holmberg]

Brett, the story's for you. All right? And I do believe this should be a new category that we have called. This here, Shane. This here. Trying to get away with this one. How much is in vitro fertilization? I've heard rumors that it can cost up to like, $70,000. For family that can't have baby. Yeah, it's crazy.

[Larry McFeely]

Have a kid.

[John Holmberg]

Yes. Oh please.

[Larry McFeely]

It was under a grand to get me snipped.

[John Holmberg]

Exactly.

[Larry McFeely]

Money well spent and then high five.

[John Holmberg]

No, these people are spending in the 30, 40 and 50 thousand dollar range.

[Brett]

Doing it a couple of times.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. And to have. And it's just their desire to have a kid. I don't want to take that from anybody, but my God, all that thing's going to do is drain another 80 or 90 grand out of you before college Anyway. So a Florida woman is suing an Orlando area fertility clinic. I'm going to say it again. This bitch here, wait till you hear this. She was in her ivf. She said that there's been a mix up. The lawsuit filed against the fertility center in Orlando and Dr. Milton McNicoll. On January 9th, a 41 year old woman or 43 year old partner, identified in the suit only as Jane and John Doe, said they were trying to start a family and began working with the Longwood, Florida based clinic to cryogenically store three viable embryos. Created us. I know, that's pretty fun. Created using their own genetic material. In March of 2025, they implanted one of the embryos with a woman's uterus into the woman's uterus. Nine months later, December 11, one month and 10 days ago, they had a bouncing, beautiful, healthy baby girl. So much joy, happiness abounds. From a couple of people in their 40s, A, that they made it happen. B, it cost them 100 grand. And see, you know her ovaries at being over 40, the baby didn't come out all goofed up sideways with 40 fingers. The men and women, her partner were so pleased. But they did show a little concern that the baby was dark skinned. This bitch here suing the doctor baby who appears to be Asian American, but they're saying it's of like India is part of Asia. The couple's attorney. No, no, no, no. That is not any virus. You are with a man named Lamar. It tells. The genetic testing later confirmed that the newborn has no relation to either parent. This bitch here managed to get her DNA scrubbed. We all know what happened here. Dude's humping it double time at work. Taking all that hard earned money because his wife's got baby fever and he spends 50 grand to go to this clinic because his sperms were working. She's broken. They load her up. They, you know, it's a process. That IVF's no fun. They get it all done. She gets pregnant, whole time she's taking Pipe from somebody down the road in Florida. Probably played for the University of Miami, that's my guess. Or maybe ucf, which is even like worse. He's kind of dumb. She blames the doctor because she manufactured a.

[Larry McFeely]

This.

[John Holmberg]

This here man. Lawyers are like, neither of them are the parents. Well, that's not possible. The balls in this broad. That's what I said. It's heartbreaking. It's undisc. In vitro fertilization errors described in this lawsuit. It's unresolvable. Our clients continue to fall more deeply in love with a beautiful little girl who's definitely not theirs. This bitch here, she. You just quiet down and say, I don't know what happened. And they must have given me the wrong sperms.

[Larry McFeely]

So the kid is what then Obviously these two white people, right? So does the kid.

[John Holmberg]

And keep in mind, Brett, you're in Florida, so probably live in some sort of weird situation where they're. Yeah, well, no, they said it was. It's. It's. It's probably Asian. It's probably like Malaysia or Cambodia or it's just darker Asian.

[Larry McFeely]

Okay.

[John Holmberg]

India's possible. Indonesia. So. Yeah. Here's the base price. Base IVF cycle is nine to 15 grand. And that's just monitoring the medications jump up to 7,000, then you got to do genetic tests. That's six. Anesthesia is 650. 650. That's pretty reasonable. That's all anesthesia cost. That's not right. Embryo freezing and storage can be 2 to 3,000 bucks. Intracytoplasmic sperm injection is $2,000. And multiple times you can get. You get fees for where you do it. Which thing says usually donor eggs. 20 to 60,000 for a woman. Dudes are only a thousand to fifteen hundred dollars for their sperms. A woman's eggs are up to 60 grand. Is that based on. Looks like the ugly. Gotta be 20,000. Yeah, you're a 20,000.

[Larry McFeely]

You're that 2am Pig.

[John Holmberg]

You know that's a twenty thousand dollar egg. You wander in there looking good. It's like that's a sixty thousand dollar egg.

[Brett]

Or is it based upon, you know, like rarity population? Like a percentage of how many of.

[John Holmberg]

Those people there are? Yeah, like they're endangered humans.

[Brett]

Yeah, almost like animals.

[John Holmberg]

So you're saying that's eugenics then? We're trying to make more Japanese people so they're more expensive. Or that'd be cheaper. In that case. It would be cheaper.

[Brett]

Like the sweet, sweet egg would be.

[John Holmberg]

A sweet egg is because of how good we look. We would. My sperms would be two grand at least. To impregnate a Swede broad. Because they want to keep it pure, like what Brady's saying. You're talking about eugenics. Like, if you're saying we need more Japanese people so we start manufacturing Brady's onto some Hitler thing. Go on, please finish.

[Brett]

Price based on population.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. If there's too many of them, it would be. It's easy to get them pregnant and.

[Brett]

Get you a $20,000.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, that's. Yeah, that's volume.

[Brett]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

If you're saying the Chinese are trying to in IVF. Like, are you out of your minds? $3 for a Chinese egg. But yeah, because there's billions of them. That's why the Indians got this lady, this bitch here, but she's trying to say, none of my DNA's there. It lived in you. You didn't DNA test that before. Another fertility parent could have, should have given birth to the client's biological child in the absence of any racial difference. They say people know what's happened here. The lawyers did, they didn't. The clinics basically their response. Their lawyer basically said, this bitch here. That's what their response was. He's the medical director of the Longwood Fertility Center. Said, I want to lead a compassionate, patient focused team dedicated to providing the most advanced fertility treatment. We don't have a comment about this at this time. Basically saying we're gonna look into her history. Check her. Check her phone. Because if there's a 2am text that says, you up, then she's doing it.

[Morning Sickness Announcer]

Hello, my friend.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, if there's a checker. Answering machines, like, hey, I'm calling from the. The car dealership. We left your car. You can pick that up anytime after 12, 12:30 in the morning if you'd like. Honey, it seems as though you're getting a phone call from the car dealership. Yeah. Is your wife around at all? I would like to speak. I don't know what you're answering her phone for. That doesn't make me. You gonna fix that? Fix what, sir?

[Brett]

You don't hear that?

[John Holmberg]

You don't hear that? What you talking about, man? Huh? I'll go get my wife. Either way, this here, she's taking it to the. I gotta give her credit. She took it all the way down going, it's not either of us. She got impregnated by some super sperms of another race her husband spent. And they did three different treatments, which means they're into this at least 60 grand. Don't you Just get your money back if you love the kid already, you know.

[Brett]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

I mean, mix up at the lab, you get your money back maybe another 40 grand for, you know, a little trouble. And isn't that racist?

[Brett]

You don't want the kid.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, but isn't it racist to want extra money because it's. It's not ours. My gabbit. Make it yours. You weren't doing anything without science. Science made a goof there. They goofed up a little bit. Sorry about that. Did you get a baby or not? You know, if I went down to the. To the. The car dealership and I got a. A blue car and it showed up and it was the wrong color blue, and they're like, we'll give you all the money back for it and then some for your trouble. They'd be like, done.

[Brett]

Yeah, but I can understand being upset if you're the couple and if, in fact, the reason why you're doing the in vitro is because you wanted a baby.

[John Holmberg]

Your own DNA.

[Brett]

Baby, your own DNA.

[John Holmberg]

That's pretty.

[Brett]

That's huge.

[John Holmberg]

Arrogant.

[Larry McFeely]

Well, no, but your DNA didn't work.

[John Holmberg]

Like your God tried to stop you from.

[Brett]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Babies.

[Brett]

You're starting your family tree.

[John Holmberg]

You can still do it with a brown one. Racist.

[Larry McFeely]

She got Chevy chased because they. She wound up with the family trucks here at the end of the deal.

[John Holmberg]

A better deal. It's a nicer car than the ice blue. This here's the family trucks.

[Brett]

But you're right. I mean, I'm. Say the money back.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. If it turns out that neither of them are.

[Brett]

Because you could just, you know, if you're doing that, then just adopt or what you said, oh, you can start a family tree.

[John Holmberg]

Well, you can do it then.

[Brett]

Adopt a baby.

[John Holmberg]

Well, wouldn't it then make sense that they. That some other Indian families got this little white baby from Florida and they're like, let's swap it out.

[Hooters Announcer]

Yeah.

[Larry McFeely]

You can't be that attached.

[John Holmberg]

I agree. And they're not, or they wouldn't have gone to their lawyers and going, we don't want this one. What's the money back policy on this?

[Morning Sickness Announcer]

Homburg's morning sickness.

Disgusting. They smell, they're sticky. They say things that are horrible.

Gladiator. You people. Holmberg's morning sickness.

[Brett]

Couple of basis. Fun facts. The peak of Ecuador's Mount Chimborazo is the furthest point on earth from the center of the earth.

[John Holmberg]

Start again. You said earth eight times. One more. It's got too much. Some word problem.

[Brett]

Chimborizo Is the farthest point on earth from the center of the earth.

[John Holmberg]

Okay.

[Hooters Announcer]

And how is it not the tallest mountain then?

[John Holmberg]

Cuz of sea level. Cuz mountains are based off of sea level. Sure. But don't know. Don't know the mass.

[Brett]

Maybe Everest where it's located could be closer to the center on the base.

[John Holmberg]

But it's a ball to the base.

[Brett]

Yeah.

[Hooters Announcer]

Thank you, Brad.

[John Holmberg]

I was thinking the same.

[Brett]

Could have some.

[John Holmberg]

You didn't look into that. You think the ball has undulation. You think we're wavy.

[Brett]

I don't think it's perfectly round.

[Hooters Announcer]

Okay, I can go with you on that.

[John Holmberg]

But enough. Enough so to make a mouth that I've never heard of.

[Brett]

Acne.

[John Holmberg]

But it's enough.

[Larry McFeely]

So it's got acne.

[John Holmberg]

The earth. He says.

[Brett]

Oh.

[John Holmberg]

But it's enough undulation to make the tallest mountain in the world. Not as close to. Because to a mountain I've never heard of.

[Brett]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

You accept information. Accepts information relatively simply.

[Brett]

That's the fun fact.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, it's a fun fact. But there's no like detail to the fact. So it's a fun suggestion. And then you look into why that.

[Brett]

Would be the only thing that I could think of making sense.

[John Holmberg]

That is that the earth is wobbly.

[Brett]

That the place where it can go higher, Mount Everest can be higher. But really where it's located in the actual base of measuring how high the.

[John Holmberg]

Mountain mountain is, which is sea level.

[Hooters Announcer]

I'm confused still by what you.

[Brett]

Well, I don't know if Mount Everest.

[John Holmberg]

Can be all mountains. All mountains that we know are from sea level. Elevation from sea level. So we're talking about.

[Brett]

I don't know about that.

[John Holmberg]

That's a fact that. Why else would we measure it from below sea level in some places and not your elevation here. Like Camelback mountain is what, 2,000ft from sea level. They don't just do it off of 2,000ft. It's 2,000 from sea level.

[Brett]

But we're not at sea level.

[John Holmberg]

No, I know.

[Brett]

In Arizona.

[John Holmberg]

Yes we are.

[Brett]

So they're adding. So Camel Mountains only a thousand feet.

[John Holmberg]

It's 18, 1900ft above sea level.

[Brett]

And we're at a thousand.

[John Holmberg]

Right.

[Brett]

So we're a thousand above sea level. So then came back to another 1800ft.

[John Holmberg]

Another 18.

[Hooters Announcer]

No, it's 800ft above us.

[John Holmberg]

Whatever the elevation is. I. I threw a number out. I don't know for sure. Whatever the elevation of Camelback Mountain is, is.

[Brett]

It's because I always thought it was on top of that.

[John Holmberg]

I mean like on top of what?

[Brett]

If we're on the street right now, Camelback Mountain is a thousand feet high.

[John Holmberg]

But. But we're not level.

[Brett]

But that would be the height of the mountain.

[John Holmberg]

No, it's from sea level. They do elevation from sea level, like that's what they say. Denver is 5200. It's mile high.

[Brett]

Mile high.

[Hooters Announcer]

From sea level, like Flagstaff is 6,000ft.

[Brett]

And.

[Hooters Announcer]

And we're at a thousand. So Flagstaff is 5,000ft higher than us.

[John Holmberg]

Well, it's just. It just based on where they. Where sea level.

[Brett]

But then the mountains in Flagstaff are basing from sea level. So it wouldn't be. It would be a 3,000 foot mountain if it. So it'd be.

[Hooters Announcer]

No, you're basing thousand feet from the ground in Flagstaff. Yes.

[John Holmberg]

No, if It's. If it's 6,000 foot mountain, 6,000ft from sea level, who knows how high.

[Hooters Announcer]

He's saying from like street level. I get, I get what he's saying. It is kind of the 3,000 foot mountain then to kind of go basic.

[Brett]

If you're going from sea level.

[John Holmberg]

Right. Which everything has to be. Heights of mountains are typically measured above sea level. Mount Everest is the highest mountain earth at 29,029ft from sea level, not from the lowest point of the mountain.

[Brett]

Gotcha. I never knew that.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. All elevations, figures, whatever the, the. No, because it would screw up everything.

[Brett]

Yeah, yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Because. Yeah. You have to have a baseline and sea levels are baseline. Like Palm Springs is below sea level in a lot of spots. It like actually gets below. But doesn't mean you're going to get flooded because.

[Brett]

So then maybe that could be Mount Chimborazo.

[John Holmberg]

That it's below sea level. Yeah, possibly that would be closer to the core. I don't know where that place is in Ecuador. I don't know where that place is.

[Brett]

South America.

[John Holmberg]

I don't know where that place is.

[Brett]

Sea level. Below sea level.

[Brad]

We should raid it. What we should do is go over there and just take it. I'm sure if we're closer to the crust ending thing into the core of Earth, pretty sure it'll be an easy raid. We just get some Navy SEALs to pop up.

[Brett]

The alarm.

[John Holmberg]

You didn't know that about elevation? Everything has to have a baseline. So everything is from there. I don't know where they are already above sea level.

[Hooters Announcer]

Well, everybody is. Otherwise we'd be underwater.

[John Holmberg]

I don't know where they actually measure where Phoenix is, but. What do you mean? Like, I don't know. They always Say Phoenix's elevation is about this, but it's a val.

[Brett]

And then you go up north, it keeps going. Well, yeah, even in Scottsdale's higher than.

[John Holmberg]

What we are because it's a valley higher. It's a val. Oh, you can see it on McDowell Mountain right now. That's higher than where we are. But I don't know where the official measurement of Phoenix's elevation is. Like what they consider.

[Hooters Announcer]

Oh, like the. The measurement dot. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Probably just like right downtown.

[Brett]

Neil Armstrong and the crew of Apollo 11 had to fill out custom forms when they landed back on Earth.

[John Holmberg]

Carson Smart, he says height and elevation are two different measures. Did you say it was the highest elevation or height?

[Brett]

It's the furthest point on Earth from the center of the Earth.

[John Holmberg]

That's interesting. I'd like to get some details on that.

[Brett]

Let's get on the phone with Neil Degrasse.

[John Holmberg]

I'd like you two to have a conversation. That would be fun.

[Hooters Announcer]

Base to summit is the terms that Brady's looking.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, he's looking for height based assumption. All these people are emailing us. Surveyors use the zero point. They measure it from sky Harbor.

[Hooters Announcer]

That's what somebody just said here. Another one says what you're talking about is called prominence.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, I'm not talking about that. Trust me.

[Brett]

Well, you know. Prom.

[John Holmberg]

My nose.

[Brad]

I know my nose.

[John Holmberg]

Prominence. I understand. I don't like that word. Let's just get back to what people care about.

[Hooters Announcer]

So will somebody call Johnny and get the goddamn facts?

[Morning Sickness Announcer]

Morning sickness.

Disgusting. They smell, they're sticky. They say things that are horrible.

Holmberg's morning sickness.

[John Holmberg]

Brett, you're gonna like this. Now, do you have like a. Like a rap bed? Like a no music kind of?

[Larry McFeely]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Was there one in your. In your old file? In here?

[Larry McFeely]

I don't know if I ever wrap one, but I'll get you one.

[John Holmberg]

Give me something. Okay. It's only fitting that this happens the right way. I really don't have any urban stuff. You just get me anything. Anything will work. Just. No, no lyrics. I just want to read this email I got about earlier when we were talking about Rico Blaze and we had the, you know, the sound effect that is, you know, this. That's perfect. Thank you. Email says Holmberg. God damn you. There's literally nothing about you that bothers me. I find your jokes and stereotypes hilarious. And as a black man, you can do chicken, watermelon, fat, white old English, gotta go get smoked. Whatever jokes you want, but your cracker ass with that damn Chirp sound is gonna be the last of me. I grew up with that goddamn noise in my house. My mother never fixed it. I changed the batteries in my smoke alarm every two months. I will never, ever, ever be in a situation where I'm on the phone or a zoom call where my black ass is talking about that and that thing chirps. So you did it. You found my line. You made me write you a letter complaining about you being a racist, you big nose, liberal juke Huck Stern wannabe. I can't quit. You signed Davis. Thank you, Davis. It's the one that got him. Hilarious.

[Larry McFeely]

That's the one everyone has.

[John Holmberg]

And I gotta tell you, you get mad at me for this stunting, but.

[Brad]

I'll be on you right now.

[John Holmberg]

The smoke detector deal is real. You're changing them every two months, which means you're just. They last longer than that. But you people are so worried about them. Isn't that right, Red Robin? Red Robin. Let's, let's. We have a. We have a live camera in Red Robin's house right now. See? Yeah, everywhere. I mean, do they not sell 9v at General? I don't understand. In other words, change you change them accordingly. But I just waited to say.

[Larry McFeely]

I jumped to the scat pack, went over to the Dollar General, got my 9v.

[John Holmberg]

I don't know why it's a stereotype, but it is. And it's hilarious.

[Brett]

Newly discovered.

[John Holmberg]

Now here's the thing though. White people, you're getting away with this one because, you know, it's newly discovered that it's for me, that it's universal. I have had a couple of ins. Incidents where I've been in my African American friend's apartments years ago and I kept telling him his name was Tony. Like, Tony, you don't hear this? Yeah, man, I gotta fix that.

[Brad]

And that's.

[John Holmberg]

It just went off over. And I'm like. And white people just take it down right when it starts chirping. You can't figure it out. We just disconnect them. So a lot of, A lot of white people have wires or like the, the mounting devices on there. But thing is not a attached. I have one of those in my house because I couldn't figure this thing out. New batteries.

[Larry McFeely]

I'd rather house burned down and listen.

[John Holmberg]

To that all night. I blew on that little sensor. They say there's dust on there, it'll go off. But if that's a black stereotype, that finally got you hilarious. And you owe it to all of Your friends, family members to get on that schedule you're on every two months. Because there is nothing funnier than. There's that one. It's that Instagram thing going around. This guy's doing a job interview and he's sitting there and he says, really appreciate it. This looks like the resume looks great. So I noticed you didn't attach a picture. Is that a. And he's like, yeah, I think my resume speaks for itself. I think I'm more than qualified. All right, well, I guess we'll have a meeting with. We'll be back to you later. It was hilarious. Anyway, so if that's a thing that we did, I. I think that's a safe one. I like it though. Sorry, Davis. I like when they call me the Howard Stern. One of them. Gives me an opportunity to introduce you to Red Robin.

[Hooters Announcer]

Yum.

[John Holmberg]

My friend over here. Bretel juice.

[Brad]

And then.

[John Holmberg]

And where's Baba bastard? He's just wandering around looking for his dad.

[Brett]

And it.

[John Holmberg]

It's not going to happen. In other words, Sophie Cunningham has herpes. And you know, she probably runs from this sound. It's a teammate sound. Call me that all day. That guy remembered the exact quote. Reminded me of it. Big nosed liberal.

[Larry McFeely]

You don't even remember.

[John Holmberg]

I gotta. What do you call me? Big nose, liberal Jew. They call me a cuck.

[Larry McFeely]

I thought so.

[John Holmberg]

Was cuck in that?

[Larry McFeely]

I thought so.

[John Holmberg]

Let me see if I can find Davis's text email. Big nose, liberal. I just threw it away too. I had it in my hand.

[Brett]

I thought it was too.

[John Holmberg]

Did he say cuck? I thought it was liberal Jew. I don't know. Either way, Howard Stern wannabe. It's exactly right. And you know what? You're not wrong. I am a Howard Stern wannabe. He's got some. Summer's off. If I could get an entire season and not go to work, I'd do it now. Look, it's spring. Seeing three months, I mean, how great is that? We just got excited over a three day weekend. Imagine a three month weekend. Anyway, says, did you know why smoke detectors use. Detectors use nine volt batteries. Ask an intelligent listener why they use nine volts. I don't know. Is it because they asked Davis? I don't know why that is. That's Davis.

[Larry McFeely]

He's got experience with changing them out.

[Brett]

So.

[John Holmberg]

He said. He said, this is a thing we need to talk about. He says, I live in an apartment complex and the black family that lives next to me smuggler and beeps every single minute of the day. They Fixed it once, but it's starting to do it again now. When I walk by him, I don't even say hi, I just say beep. It's fun. And Kyle just sent me a picture of his mounting device with no, that's the white people thing. Look, we can make fun of black people for having the chirp. White people just take it apart. Our houses are. They might as well be gas covered. We are. Most all of us have taken down one or more of our. Our smoke detectors because, man, they've made them very technologically annoying.

[Brett]

I just replaced them about two months ago.

[John Holmberg]

Mine has a brain. And it's the highest. It's the highest part of the ceiling. Hardest one to get to. And that thing warns you when another one's got a battery issue. And so you'll go. It'll chirp. And you go to get that one to chirp and fit, and you think you're fixing that one, but it's just telling you, hey, the other one's gonna start going. And then you take that apart and the other ones start going off. I almost killed myself at two in the morning once because I had a smoke detector next to the closet. And I got on the little ladder and I took it down. I didn't fix it. I took it down. I took the battery out and the thing was still chirping. It was like how. It was like grandma, if you unplug her and she still breathes. But it chirped for a little bit and then it finally went away. And I went to stand back up to put it back onto the mounting thing and I hit my head on the top of the closet. Whatever the little. The cutout for the closet is, the door was open in the closet and when I stood back up, I hit the back of my head and I was on that ladder and I just start going, well, this is it. Because I couldn't. I was going out. I smashed my head on the top of that. What do I call it? A threshold for the eve. Whatever the top of the closet is called.

[Larry McFeely]

They always go out at the worst times too.

[John Holmberg]

In the morning. Yeah.

[Larry McFeely]

Well, me, when I was doing overnights when I was. When I was renting my buddy's house when I got divorced, he had the. The early versions of the nest alarms.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, God.

[Larry McFeely]

And they talk.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Larry McFeely]

At, you know, 9:30 in the morning, which was my time to sleep. All of a sudden I hear smoke detected in the bedroom.

[John Holmberg]

And I'm like, what the.

[Larry McFeely]

I grabbed my 12 gauge. I'm like, somebody's in here. And then it's like.

[John Holmberg]

And then I hear it again and.

[Larry McFeely]

I'm like, mother, I'm in the bedroom.

[John Holmberg]

You imagine if that was the stereotype. They never changed that. Smoke detected in the bedroom. All right, Rico, blaze alarms. Oh, it's a vital on fire.

[Brett]

Just replace them all.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, yeah.

[Brett]

Problem is you never have that many 9 volts.

[John Holmberg]

No, take them down. Your house is probably not going to burn down. You'll be fine.

[Larry McFeely]

Pay your insurance.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, pay insurance. And don't worry about you don't live in a forest. And the odds of you burning your own house down are very minimal. Just, you know, do like most white people do. Do them for the inspection. Have them in a drawer somewhere. There's a drawer. Our apartment downtown, the H and H ranch, Hopkins and I, both of them are taken out and they're in a drawer in the kitchen. Because I went to fix that thing. There was no fixing it. There's two plugs, batteries. I took the batteries, I changed the batteries, I plugged it back in, blew on the little sensor, put it back on there. A few seconds later, I'm sitting in there. I was like, ah, that'll do it. God damn it. The other one was going off, so I just took that one down and then put them both back and they both started chirping like if place isn't on fire. And it's warning me. It's just annoying. So I'm getting rid of it. So they're in the drawers and there's wires hanging out of the ceiling. Not fixing it. That's the white move. I gotta hand it to the black people. They just let it go. Yeah, it'll happen. Know you get used to it. Turn up the radio while they listen to their goddamn music so loud. Let's get rid of that chirping sound. All rap music should be on the beat of the smoke detector. Should be like two, four times so that every once in a while it's on. Yeah. You do it with that? Yeah. Oh, it cut out perfect. I posted. I like it anyway. Well, thank you, Davis. Thanks for listening. And I can't quit you either.

[Morning Sickness Announcer]

Morning sickness.

Disgusting. They smell, they're sticky, they say things that are horrible.

Updated Holmberg's morning sickness.

[John Holmberg]

I'm also fascinated with what's going on in Davos. Trump's plane got a little delayed and all these super elite leaders of the world are meeting in Davos and it's, you know, big one for Greenland. And this Greenland thing's got me intrigued. I am Fascinated by the idea. Because we have not been in a world where we just go take stuff that's been a long time. Like, they just walk up and like, this belongs to us now. Like, that used to be the way man worked, right? We used to just go in and say, either give it to us or else. And a lot of times the Orels thing happened. And then borders got redrew and it.

[Brett]

Started new flags, didn't it?

[John Holmberg]

A lot of the time, sometimes not so much. The olden days, they just show up like Vikings. They just showed up. Genghis Khan's dudes. They didn't start with an offer, they just showed up. We did it right here. Sorry, Indians. We just showed up. We didn't make many good offers. We weren't serious about any of our offers. We wandered over and. And the British, they did it to us. They colonized the United States. It floated over here. And they're like, hey, we like it. This is nice. Well, you're British now. And they just took it. So we haven't seen this. This is. This is not normal. Right. Occasionally far off in Europe, it's been a while. Well, for America, it's been since Hawaii. We just took it. Yeah, right. We've been other things. We've wandered over and taken the British and America. U.S. virgin Islands. The U.S. virgin Islands used to be the Danishes, and we just took them. I went over and offered them some cash, but they were like. They fought back and they're ours. Those are ours now. There's some sort of weird. They got screwed. I think they sold them to us for like $20 million. That you think of that. Like, there's houses on there now worth 20 million. Like, we bought the US Virgin Islands from today. So Greenland is owned by Denmark. And they're upset. Trump gave a speech today. And you can hate Donald Trump all you want, please keep in mind, he's funny. He was there today in Davos talking about Greenland, but he's ruled out now that he's ever going to go in there and use force. He's not going to force him out with the military. He's no longer making that threat. But then he said, well, first off, he kept calling it a big, beautiful piece of ice.

[Brad]

That's one nice piece of ice. You know what I'm doing, Brad? Very Johnny Dangerously, very piece of ice. See what I'm doing? It's Johnny Dangerously and it's.

[John Holmberg]

And then he said, we're seeking immediate.

[Brad]

Negotiations to once again discuss the acquisition of Greenland. I don't Want to use force? I won't use force. Not gonna use force. And you can say yes, and we'll be very appreciative. Or say no, and we'll remember.

[John Holmberg]

He's still kind of leaving him on that idea that maybe I'm not gonna.

[Brad]

Kill everyone in Greenland, but a lot of you. A lot of you will remember.

[John Holmberg]

And then he said something about. He brought up World War II.

[Brad]

Did you realize, though, you owe us?

[John Holmberg]

He's doing this to the leaders of the world. These are quotes.

[Brad]

Without us, you'd all be speaking German or a little Japanese.

[John Holmberg]

That's an exact quote.

[Brad]

And you know, Denmark, they got overrun by the Germans in World War II. Six hours the Germans had them. I mean, we had to intervene at a great cost and expense. And all we're asking for is that piece of ice.

[John Holmberg]

Then he said that you can't defend it. A lease. He's a former landlord. It's what he built his world on.

[Brad]

You need ownership to defend something he can't defend at least. Who's going to defend at least? Who the hell wants to defend at least? I'm not doing that.

[John Holmberg]

But he is, evidently. He kept saying Iceland too.

[Brad]

And because of Iceland, the stock price is dry.

[Brett]

He's.

[John Holmberg]

You know, we were on Biden. Pretty good for some ghost, this. He's. He's running a little hot right now. And then he played that passive aggressive card.

[Brad]

We give so much, we get so little in return. And if you guys want, you can speak German. We're here for you. But I would like Greenland. A piece of ice. I love a little piece of ice up north, but a little cold one. Eskimo girls. No one does it. The Beach Boys were right, those Eskimo girls. Oh, I think that's one of the lines I don't remember, but I'm pretty.

[John Holmberg]

Sure the sneaky little bastards.

[Brad]

Sneaky, tiny little b. That's Johnny Dangerous. Let's brought it back again, all the way around. One underrated movie. And I'll tell you right now, if we get Greenland, we'll put Johnny Dangerously in every theater for all the Greenland Inuit, little Eskimo people. It's either that or Holmberg's plan. And the next thing you know, you're all hearing that in Greenland all the time.

[John Holmberg]

Anyway, I found it hysterical that he reminded them that without us 80 years ago, you'd be speaking clankety, clankety. Or maybe some Japanese. And then he said the best part of his speech.

[Brad]

I want Europe to go to do great. I want uk. I Want them to be great. They're sitting on one of the world's biggest energy sources in the world and they don't even know it. And there's windmills all over Europe and windmills. They're losers.

[John Holmberg]

He's Don Quixote. Now, if you could all see what I see, that he's hilarious. Whether you like him or not. God, your life would be better. You wouldn't be all jazzed up about everything you read.

[Brett]

Or.

[John Holmberg]

You know, the worst part is you start to joke with people and you'll.

[Brad]

Say something like, I'm gonna steal Greenland and kill all the little Greenlandians I see. I hate every Greenlander from Greenland A to Greenland Z.

[John Holmberg]

And then somebody will go, well, if we don't take Greenland or the Russians, I'm like, oh, I was kidding. I was kidding.

[Brad]

Gonna kill all the Greenlandians.

[John Holmberg]

They should shape up over there. So I can't do. Oh, everybody's lost their sense of humor. It's not fun anymore. And if we did attack Greenland, I know the humanitarian toll would be bad, but sort of hilarious. For no reason at all. These people up there that are just flipping fish in a boat like chilly willy. And then we show up and move. You just get them out of there. Greenland has me fascinated because, boy, you couldn't pick on a weaker target.

[Brad]

We're gonna go in and we're gonna get a daycare center. We're gonna take them by force. Brett and I are coming in today to kinder care tots village, and we're just gonna walk in.

[John Holmberg]

We're gonna move in.

[Brad]

It's Eisner. We want to live here. We gotta protect ourselves from the other kinder places. Woody Allen, I understand if you'd with it wasn't for us, Woody Allen would be here all the time. Jeffrey Epstein, how bummed out you'd be.

[Brett]

If you're in the military and you're like you. You guys are. If we get it, you guys are heading there. That's where you're gonna be staying.

[John Holmberg]

You're gonna be in Greenland. Well, how about that? Go kill them.

[Brad]

If they don't listen, shoot them.

[John Holmberg]

But they're little. They all they have is little, like fishing spears.

[Brad]

Don't care. Shoot all the little Greenlandian people. The troll people.

[Larry McFeely]

I was waiting for him to announce the hellcats are coming.

[Brad]

Yeah, we're gonna drive them up there. Oh, yeah, we'll start a dodge dealership. That'll be the first sign. Once you see that move in, you know they're coming. This little Danish, they Don't like it. I watched Austin Powers. I saw Goldfinger. Remember Gold Member? He was from Denmark. That weird little sh. When they talk.

[John Holmberg]

I don't like it. Anyway, it's very funny to remind people that if it wasn't for us, you'd be speaking Japanese in Greenland. Like we'd have allowed that. Like the Japanese. Like, nobody ever fought for Greenland before. Just give it to people.

[Brett]

But forget what news publication. But they basically said, he's the funniest president we've had.

[John Holmberg]

No question.

[Brett]

And they're. And they based it upon speeches. He goes in most of his speeches, there are at least, oh, seven to ten jokes or something like that.

[John Holmberg]

He's hilarious. I don't know if he knows it.

[Larry McFeely]

But I think he does in a lot of. In a lot of ways. He does.

[Brett]

Yeah.

[Larry McFeely]

Some of it just spits out, but I think some of it is just definitely planned.

[John Holmberg]

And does he sit in a room with a guy before his speech and.

[Brad]

I'm going to tell him that they'd have been speaking Japanese without us, and.

[John Holmberg]

Somebody'S going to be like, I wouldn't do that.

[Brad]

No, I'm going to do it. That's a good line.

[Larry McFeely]

I think he's got writers with him, too.

[Brad]

It took six hours for you guys to get conquered.

[Brett]

You're weak.

[John Holmberg]

He's got to, Right?

[Brad]

What a piece of ice.

[John Holmberg]

And, you know, he stops and looks around.

[Brett]

Yeah. Nicknames.

[John Holmberg]

Great.

[Brad]

Fargo.

[John Holmberg]

Nice.

[Brad]

We have up there. I love that. Nice. Johnny Dangerously. I live my life off of it.

[John Holmberg]

Anyway, so he just gave that speech and I was reading about it and I started to giggle, and I'm like, this is what I like about my life, is that I'm not going to be mad about this.

[Morning Sickness Announcer]

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