Holmberg’s Morning Sickness (98KUPD)

Episode: 01-21-26 – Full Show (Wednesday, January 21, 2026)
Hosts: John Holmberg, Brady Bogen, Brett Vesely, Dick Toledo

Episode Overview

This episode of Holmberg’s Morning Sickness is packed with the crew’s signature blend of irreverent humor, wild stories, social commentary, and personal anecdotes. The hosts riff on classic “men vs. women” debates, viral internet moments, Arizona news, and the strange world of fertility clinics gone wrong. They also take aim at pop culture (with a particular focus on a porn star at a college football game), exchange stories of public restroom etiquette gone awry, and roast everything from smoke detector stereotypes to Black and white cultural quirks. Topped with their “Rock Wars” music segment and lively listener input, this episode delivers a full slice of the HMS flavor.

Key Discussion Points & Segments

1. Historical Law: “No Smoking for Women” (00:44–04:55)

• The morning opens with Brett sharing a quirky 1908 law banning women from smoking in public, quickly vetoed by NYC's mayor.
  • “If chicks couldn’t smoke in public, guys would have a harder time spotting the girls who do.” (Brett, 00:17)
• The hosts riff on the way men have always adapted to societal restrictions in their pursuit of women.
• Classic HMS bit: roasting the motivations behind “old-timey” laws for their effects on dating and gender roles.
  • “Dudes have always tried to get to poon. That’s what it’s always been about.” (Brett, 01:23)

2. Modern Gender Debates and Dating Economics (02:07–04:57)

• John describes watching a podcast where women debate whether men bring value to relationships.
  • “If you could snap your fingers, would you just eliminate men altogether?” (John summarizing, 03:31)
• The segment lampoons high expectations: some women say a man must make $300k–$13 million to date.
  • “You date liars. There aren’t that many dudes making $13 million looking for you.” (Internet podcast host, relayed by John, ~04:34)
• The panel laughs at the reality check and modern relationship demands.

3. Email & Local News: The QT Bathroom Shooting and “Cuts" Etiquette (05:00–18:59)

• Brett reads a listener email about a hostile incident in a QT line, poking at the “bowling pin lesbian” stereotype.
  • “Calm down now. What does QT do? They open up a second register…” (06:40)
• Transition to a grim local news story: a man is shot at a convenience store for cutting in the bathroom line.
• Extended riff on how adults revert to "second grade" when arguing about line etiquette.
  • “It’s like, no cuts! It never stops being juvenile.” (Brett, 08:06)
• Both humorous and darkly absurd, the hosts dissect the “cuts” phenomenon in public and share stories of erupting over trivial inconveniences.

4. Restroom Stories: Public Bathroom Antics & Gross-Out Tales (18:03–20:56)

• Brady and Brett retell stories of people losing control in public restrooms:
  • The “lady at Tony Roma’s just pissing on the sidewalk” and the urinating spectator at the drag races.
  • “She was actively urinating and looked down… It was a lot, too.” (Brady, 18:44)

5. Porn Star Abella Danger Goes Viral at National Championship (20:56–34:20)

• Discussion on ESPN lingering on famed porn actress Abella Danger during a game.
  • "Every man watching went, 'Hey, that’s Abella Danger! I've seen her…'" (Brett, 22:36)
• The hosts joke about the awkwardness for men caught recognizing her on TV with wives/girlfriends present.
• Abella Danger’s apology for “distracting” from the game is ridiculed.
  • “She can’t go on TV without the world starting to go, Oh…I beat off to that.” (Brett, 25:49)
• Everybody shares stories of meeting or recognizing adult film stars, with an increasingly ridiculous search for old photos with Abella.

6. "Ass Recognition Software" and Sexual Culture in America (34:20–39:24)

• Brett claims superhuman “ass recognition,” riffing hilariously on the ability to identify people by butts rather than faces.
• "You got facial recognition; I have ass recognition." (Brett, 35:56)
• Extended comedy on the male gaze, beauty standards, and the enduring power of “bubble butts” in porn and pop culture.

7. Listener Email: WNBA Recruiting Prostitutes, Social Satire (41:20–43:29)

• Listener email suggests the WNBA recruit athletic prostitutes from "The Blade" (“they’re tall and in shape!”); hosts run with the satire, picturing a “badass” team comprised of former sex workers.

8. Outrageous IVF Clinic Lawsuit & "This Bitch Here" (43:29–63:33)

• Major segment about a Florida woman suing a fertility clinic after giving birth to a child of a different ethnicity.
  • “This bitch here managed to get her DNA scrubbed… Dudes are humping it double time at work, and she’s blaming the doctor!” (Brett, 46:49)
• Fierce speculation: was it a lab mix-up or infidelity? The crew jokes about race, adoption, the cost of IVF, and the “arrogance” of demanding your own DNA.
• Repeated use of the new bit: “This Bitch Here…”

9. Cultural Stereotypes: Smoke Alarms, Black & White Home Routines (113:27–123:33)

• Multiple listener emails about the stereotype that black households ignore chirping smoke alarms—hosts respond, roast everyone (including “white people just take them down!”).
  • “There is nothing funnier than that chirp…” (Brett, 115:01)
• Extended tangent on the universal aggravation of the low-battery chirp and comically racialized responses to home maintenance.

10. Rock Wars: Best Opening Line in a Rock Song (137:36–145:44)

• Topic: Choose the coolest opening line from a rock song.
• Picks:
  • Brett: Volbeat, “Counting all the assholes in the room…”
  • John: Disturbed’s cover of “Sound of Silence” (“Hello darkness, my old friend…”)
  • Brady (winner): Rolling Stones' “Sympathy for the Devil” (“Please allow me to introduce myself, I’m a man of wealth and taste…”)
• Listener call determines Brady as the winner; brief debate about best versions of the song.

11. Other Segments: Fun Facts, Music Survey, Most Promiscuous Countries

• World facts: Which country has the “tallest mountain by distance from the Earth’s center?”
• US falls behind Australia in global promiscuity ranks.
• Listener sends photo of a car stereo with a cassette deck (rare!).

12. Brady Report: News of the Weird

• Amusing local/crime stories (Jessica Wolf, Texas meth use on video call; Tony Scott threatening Bojangles staff)
• “Braided Video” bits: Man vs. factory fan, AI bulldog videos, and more.

13. Closing Segments: Trump’s Greenland Comments (125:35–135:14)

• The crew lampoons Trump's speech about wanting to “buy” Greenland:
  • “That’s one nice piece of ice. You know what I’m doing, right?” (Trump, as impersonated by John, 129:37)
• Historical context, more comedy on global politics and American embarrassment, but always deferring to the absurd hilarity of current events.

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On gender relations:

  • “Would you just eliminate men altogether?... Within a week, 40% of the female population is dead if we’re not here.” (John, paraphrasing podcast, ~03:51)

• On cuts and convenience store lines:

  • “Cuts piss people off. You get in line ahead of somebody and suddenly we’re back in second grade.” (Brett, 08:06)

• On playground justice:

  • "You can't kill a guy over cuts...that ended for me in 8th grade." (Brett, 10:15)

• On porn star Abella Danger at the championship game:

  • “Every man watching went, hey, that’s Abella Danger...I know her mouth!” (Brett, 22:36)
  • “I would sue if I was her. All the headlines say Sophie Cunningham has herpes. Nobody associates ‘herpes’ with a cold sore.” (Brett on WNBA player’s story, 111:07)

• On “ass recognition”:

  • “There’s software to recognize faces, Brett recognizes people by their ass.” (John, 35:52)

• On smoke alarms and stereotypes:

  • “You just take them down. Your house isn’t going to burn down. You’ll be fine.” (Brett, 122:03)
  • “There is nothing funnier than that chirp...Everywhere. I mean, do they not sell 9-volts at Dollar General?” (Brett, 115:01)

• On Trump’s Greenland ambitions:

  • “If it wasn’t for us, you’d all be speaking German or a little Japanese...All we’re asking is for that piece of ice.” (John as Trump, 129:37)

Final Thoughts

This episode is quintessential HMS—raunchy, unfiltered, and rapid-fire. The controversial bits (“This Bitch Here”, “ass recognition”, outright roasting of political and social targets) are delivered with tongue-in-cheek irreverence. The hosts expertly switch from local news and personal confessions to over-the-top satire of everything from culture wars to international politics. Anyone tuning in for laughs, shock value, and a distinct Arizona flavor will find plenty to enjoy here.

Timestamps for Key Segments:

• 00:44 – Smoking Law History / Dating Humor
• 02:07 – Modern Gender/Dating Economics Riff
• 05:00 – Email: QT Line Cuts Story
• 08:06 – Line-Cutting, Public Shoots
• 18:03 – Restroom Antics (Drag Races, Tony Roma)
• 20:56 – Porn Star Abella Danger at Championship Game
• 34:20 – “Ass Recognition Software”
• 41:20 – WNBA Should Recruit Prostitutes (Listener Email)
• 43:29 – IVF Lawsuit Story / “This Bitch Here”
• 113:27 – Smoke Alarm Stereotypes
• 137:36 – Rock Wars: Best Opening Lyrics
• 125:35 – Trump on Greenland

For listeners new and old, this episode is a deep-dive into the uncensored banter and Arizona-centric weirdness that keeps HMS #1 in the Valley.