01-22-25 - BR - WED - Study Asks In A Room Of 1000 People Your Age How Many Would Be Attracted To You - Woman's Monkey Attacks Starbucks Drive Thru Barista

Summary

Holmberg's Morning Sickness - Arizona Episode Release Date: January 22, 2025
Hosts: John Holmberg, Brady Bogen, Bret Vesely, and Dick Toledo
Station: 98KUPD | Hubbard Radio

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Introduction and Comedy Night Promotions

The episode begins with John Holmberg enthusiastically promoting upcoming comedy shows across Arizona. He highlights various venues, including the Tempe Improv featuring comedians Paul Versey and Beth Stelling, the Desert Ridge Improv with Sarah Weinschenk and Joe DeRosa, and Stand Up Live downtown showcasing Lil Rel. John encourages listeners to visit the respective websites for tickets, setting an upbeat tone for the morning show.
Timestamp: [00:00 – 00:31]

Brady Report: National Hot Sauce Day

Transitioning into the segment, Brady Bogen delivers the "Brady Report," starting with a celebration of National Hot Sauce Day. He shares intriguing statistics about hot sauce consumption across the United States, noting that Rhode Island tops the list with the highest per capita usage, followed closely by New Mexico and Texas. Arizona ranks fifth, with the favorite brand being Frank's Red Hot.
Notable Quote:
Kristen: "Arizona comes in at number five."
Brady: "They like it spicy. That's all. I hatch chili stuff. Love chilies."
Timestamp: [02:32 – 04:12]

Discussion: Personal Preferences and Culinary Choices

The conversation shifts to personal preferences regarding hot sauce. Brady humorously admits his aversion to adding hot sauce to his meals, preferring straightforward flavors. He contrasts this with Kristen's enthusiasm for incorporating hot sauce into various dishes, such as soup.
Notable Quote:
Brady: "I don't ever add hot sauce to anything, ever. It comes as is. I don't need more."
Timestamp: [03:00 – 04:24]

Main Segment: Men's Attractiveness Study

The core discussion revolves around a provocative study that questions men on how many women their age would be attracted to them in a room of 1,000 single women. The hosts engage in a lighthearted yet candid debate about self-perceived attractiveness and societal standards.

Key Highlights:

• Brady expresses a pessimistic view, suggesting that "nobody's turning heads" and estimates his attraction rate as zero.

  Notable Quote:
  Brady: "If I walked in a room of 52-year-old ladies... 0 out of a thousand women would find me attractive."
  Timestamp: [07:01 – 08:10]

• Kristen and Toledo engage in friendly ribbing, with Toledo humorously staking his claim at four or five potential attractions.

  Notable Quote:
  Toledo: "I'll take that [zero]."
  Timestamp: [10:29 – 10:36]

• The discussion touches on societal pressures, physical appearance, and the often unrealistic standards set for attractiveness, with Brady emphasizing that personality alone doesn't compensate in this context.

  Notable Quote:
  Brady: "Nobody in this room aside from Brett is going to visually attract anyone."
  Timestamp: [07:51 – 08:10]

Viral Story Highlights

The hosts delve into several sensational and bizarre news stories, blending humor with shock value.

1. Organ Harvesting via Group Text:

   • Kristen narrates the case of Jose Turan Jr., who was included in a group text aiming to purchase a 21-month-old baby's organs. Turan responded by offering $500,000 for the baby, revealing his disturbing intent to harvest organs.

     Notable Quote:
     Kristen: "He likes to harvest the organs. And that's what he does with... if he gets a hold of."
     Timestamp: [18:19 – 20:35]

2. Mother Suffocates 10-Year-Old Son:

   • The group discusses the tragic incident involving Jennifer Lee Wilson, a 48-year-old woman from Valparaiso, Indiana, who was sentenced to six years in prison for attempting to murder her 10-year-old son by sitting on him, resulting in suffocation.

     Notable Quote:
     Kristen: "This 48-year-old woman, Jennifer Lee Wilson, was sentenced to six years in prison with one year suspended."
     Timestamp: [21:07 – 23:03]

3. Monkey Attacks Starbucks Drive-Thru Barista:

   • Kristen recounts a bizarre event where two monkeys, specifically gray-headed night monkeys, escaped from a woman’s car and attacked Starbucks employees in Alabama. The monkeys caused significant injuries, leading to the barista requiring stitches and tetanus shots.

     Notable Quote:
     Brady: "You can't have a wild animal like that."
     Timestamp: [25:32 – 29:37]

Viral Video Commentary

The hosts review and provide humorous commentary on various viral videos, ranging from extreme stunts in strip clubs to amateur bullfighting accidents. They blend observational humor with personal anecdotes, adding a relatable layer to the discussions.

Notable Highlights:

• Fire-throwing Performers: Brady and Kristen discuss a strip club performer who sprays hairspray while appearing to shoot fire, highlighting the dangerous spectacle.

  Timestamp: [36:20 – 37:05]

• Amateur Bullfighting Mishaps: The group comments on a video where an amateur bullfighter suffers injuries after attempting a risky maneuver, underscoring the perilous nature of such stunts.

  Timestamp: [32:11 – 33:38]

• Pool Table Antics: They critique a video where a pool player uses unconventional methods, such as leveraging a model's private parts, to sink a ball, emphasizing the absurdity of the actions.

  Timestamp: [37:12 – 38:16]

Conclusion and Final Remarks

As the episode wraps up, the hosts reflect humorously on their discussions about attractiveness and the absurdity of some of the stories they've covered. Brady reiterates his self-deprecating humor regarding his attractiveness, while Kristen and Toledo add their own comedic insights, maintaining the show's signature blend of humor and candid conversation.

Notable Quote:
Brady: "You think all of them? He says my thought is they would all run and waddle away. It's true."
Timestamp: [31:57 – 32:11]

Closing Timestamp: [40:36]

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Key Takeaways

• Self-Perception vs. Reality: The episode delves into how individuals perceive their own attractiveness versus how others might view them, highlighting societal pressures and personal insecurities.

• Bizarre and Sensational News: The hosts cover shockingly bizarre news stories, blending humor with informative content to engage listeners.

• Humorous Banter: Throughout the episode, the hosts maintain a lighthearted and humorous tone, making candid and self-deprecating remarks that resonate with the audience.

• Engagement with Viral Content: By discussing viral videos and trending stories, the show stays relevant and entertaining, appealing to a broad listener base.

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Notable Quotes with Timestamps

• Brady on Attractiveness Study:
  "[07:01] Brady: Hopefully none. There's a thousand single women in her 50s."

• Kristen on Hot Sauce Consumption:
  "[02:44] Kristen: Arizona comes in at number five."

• Brady on Group Text Story:
  "[18:49] Brady: Oh, he harvests baby organs?"

• Discussion on Mother Suffocating Son:
  "[21:12] Brady: He didn't pre-read."

• Brady on Monkey Attack:
  "[26:02] Brady: You can't have a wild animal like that."

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This episode of Holmberg's Morning Sickness masterfully combines humor with topical discussions, offering listeners both entertainment and thought-provoking content. Through candid conversations and engaging storytelling, the hosts create a relatable and enjoyable experience for their Arizona-based audience.

Transcript

[John Holmberg]

All right, HMS Podcast, time again to let you know where to go for some great comedy in the Valley this week. Get out to the Tempe Improv on the east side to see Paul Versey on Thursday and Beth Stelling Friday, Saturday and Sunday. The Desert Ridge Improv up North features Sarah Weinschenk this Thursday and Joe DeRosa on Friday and Saturday. And downtown at Stand Up Live, check out the very funny Lil Rel performing Friday, Saturday and Sunday for the complete lineups. And for tickets, go to standuplive.com desertridgeimprov.com and tempeimprov.com it's John Holberg here.

[Brady]

For the amazing people at the Core Institute, life can throw you a curveball now and again. One day you're trucking along, feeling great. Next day your dog smashes into your head and knocks you cold. Or like a KUPD listener told me this week, his dog did a sprint across the backyard directly into the side of his wife's leg and blew her knee up. She needed that need to get fixed and fixed right. Two years later, she's running like she used to again. And it's all thanks to the Core Institute. I went through it, too. And you can get rid of your pain and start saying yes, I can to all the things you want to do.

[Toledo]

And.

[Brady]

And all you have to do is trust the experts at the Core Institute head there right now. The Core Institute dot com.

[Toledo]

You thought that was funny?

[Brady]

You were laughing like a hyena when he said it.

[Brett]

What the hell is wrong with you?

[Brady]

Just about that time for Brady to give you the news that he knows. Before we get to that, just a reminder, we're closing in just a few days away. I believe it's next Tuesday or Wednesday. When are we doing that, the beer thing? Tuesday night. Tuesday night, the 28th, we're gonna go over there to Four Peaks in Tempe and we're gonna knock out Holmberg van. We've got tons of it ready to go. The bottles have bottled, the glasses are ready to go. You can still pre order some of those six packs. I don't know if all the. If we've gone through the first 98 yet, they never tell me, but that means you get a commemorative glass to go along with it. But the first 98, six packs that go out the door, you get a little extra gift. All the rest of it, you just get six packs. But those are pretty cool, too, because the bottles are neat and it's for a limited time. We bring it back annually. It's on tap right now if you want to go there and you're like, what are you telling us all about this beer? Well, all the proceeds that we get from each sale of one of those goes to the Humane Society. So it's delicious beer at an awesome place with amazing people, and it goes right over the Humane Society when we're all done. That is a great deal. So thanks to our friends over at Four Peaks. They're the best. They are the best. So we thank them. Homeburg bound, ready to go. Just go to 98kupd.com and order it up right away. Right now, it's time for Brady to give you all the news only Brady knows. We call this the Brady Report. Brady reporter.

[Kristen]

Good Wednesday morning to you. Phoenix. Hello, world.

[Brady]

Hi.

[Kristen]

Happy National Hot Sauce Day.

[Brady]

Okay.

[Kristen]

The top state where Americans consume the most hot sauce per capita.

[Brady]

Oh, per capita.

[Kristen]

Per capita.

[Brady]

Rhode Island.

[Kristen]

You're close with Texas. Texas is about fourth, I think, but New Mexico tops the list. 31.9 ounces per customer.

[Brady]

They like it spicy. That's all. I hatch chili stuff. Love chilies.

[Kristen]

Arizona comes in at number five.

[Brady]

I don't ever add hot sauce to anything, ever. It comes as is. I don't need more.

[Kristen]

Ever the top choice in the Northeast and Midwest, Frank's Red Hot.

[Brady]

So as I understand it, people put that on everything.

[Kristen]

Yeah.

[Brady]

I don't. I'm not a hot sauce guy. I guess it's just a inter. Caucasian. Culinary Caucasian. That's. I don't go crazy with it. But I. I don't put it on anything. I never think to. I don't. I've never once gone, this needs hot sauce. I just don't. Breakfast and stuff. Breakfast, nothing. Breakfast. I love eggs. Just straight up eggs. I eat them right out of the shell. I don't need hot sauce for anything.

[Kristen]

Put in my soup.

[Brady]

Yeah, don't do that. I don't even know if I have any. I don't think there's any in my house. I don't have any need for it. Nothing. I never will go to it. I'm also very boring. Food is just sustenance. When I eat, it's just like, wow. I barely heat things up.

[Toledo]

Barely breathe well.

[Brady]

Yeah. And I eat so fast, it's pointless. I literally. I make people upset because I just like Megan's.

[Amanda]

Like, you didn't even heat that up.

[Brady]

It's nothing.

[Kristen]

That's gonna be disgusting.

[Brady]

It's bread, cheese, and a scrambled egg from this place called Eat Clean Phoenix. It's great. They send you these little pre made meals they're little snack things and breakfast sandwich they make like a bread cheese, egg bread and I don't even put it in the microwave. I don't. It's probably would taste better with stuff on it. I just want to get through it. I don't want. I don't want my meal to be like making love. I just want it to be something that gets me through the next couple of minutes.

[Kristen]

Couple of basis fun facts. When Guns N Roses was trying to figure out the name for their band in 1985, one of their they two options. One was heads of Amazon. The other was AIDS.

[Brady]

That would have been strong at the time. Nobody nobody would have batted an eye at the band AIDS like Ryan White would have been would had to change the name AIDS probably.

[Kristen]

It's estimated that There are about 3 million ships wrecked and sitting at the bottom of the world's oceans. And they're worth billions of dollars between their artifacts and treasure.

[Brady]

And I understand there's also a Bigfoot in one of them. So you might want to think about expanding your search.

[Toledo]

What would the sea creature be?

[Brady]

Bigfoot Toledo. We're just gonna keep them focused. By the way how come they never name a disease and say one of the original names of AIDS was Guns n Roses? We originally almost thought Guns n Roses but because it was for gays and killing people we didn't know. So we changed it to AIDS. Change it to 21 pilots. It was 21 pilots for a little while. Adamant. And then just AIDS which was a weight loss pill in the late 70s and early 80s.

[Toledo]

Right. I remember the ads for those gum.

[Brady]

Yeah. You ate this chalk and then I've got AIDS and I'm losing weight like crazy. Is there's a real commercial something. I don't know what it was but the commercials are hilarious in hindsight. Didn't age well. I've got AIDS and the weight's just falling off. I bet it is. Yeah.

[Kristen]

And I feel great.

[Brady]

A Y ds. I've never looked better. Thanks. Aids. Oh you did what now you named it. We're screwed.

[Kristen]

Someone posed this question to straight men online. If you walked into a room with 1,000 single women around your age.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[Kristen]

How many of them do you think would be attracted to you?

[Brady]

Hopefully none. There's a thousand single women in her 50s.

[Toledo]

The dilemma of getting divorced at an older age.

[Brady]

Still go younger. What is this? You know who you sound like right now? That's what I did. Jigsaw. You presented something I'm not interested in at all. How many women would be attracted to me out of a thousand.

[Kristen]

Yeah.

[Brady]

If I walked in a room of 52 year old ladies.

[Kristen]

Yeah.

[Brady]

00. Not one. Go downstairs if now. Did they know that? No. Hold on.

[Toledo]

Are you married?

[Brady]

Loves looking at your.

[Toledo]

Yeah.

[Brady]

Where are you? Look at my ass. But that doesn't mean they're. I'm wearing them right now and they're still not looking at my face. Again. I'm the guy who gets. Nobody would find me attractive. 000 out of a thousand women that don't know. Okay. This guy's going to come in. Judge him on whether or not he's direct. There'll be people going he's not bad. But nobody's going to be like how attractive. They wouldn't do it.

[Kristen]

42%.

[Brady]

You too Brady. You're also a zero.

[Kristen]

Nope.

[Brady]

Nobody is going to look at you. And this is an offensive thing. Nobody's going to look at you and go wow. Attractive. Now your personality's great. You're fun. You're fine. But nobody's turning.

[Toledo]

You don't get to speak.

[Kristen]

1,000.

[Brady]

You're not turning heads.

[Kristen]

59 year old women.

[Brady]

None of them are going to find you attractive. They'll find you.

[Kristen]

I would agree.

[Toledo]

Hold on.

[Brady]

Suitable.

[Toledo]

He's on. He's on to something here.

[Brady]

Not attractive. Suitable.

[Kristen]

I would say out of a thousand women.

[Brady]

You'll do.

[Kristen]

I'm with the 42% that said zero. 25 of the women out of a thousand.

[Toledo]

Because here's the thing. He's going to walk in in that Callaway shirt and some One of those 59 year olds is going to go.

[Brady]

He golfs. He might have some cash.

[Toledo]

Exactly.

[Brady]

They're not looking at you. If you walked in naked. How many are going to be attracted? Are you.

[Kristen]

59. Yeah. There's got to be.

[Brady]

At least There wouldn't. Nope. Not just visually. You got to charm them. And that's not a shot at you. That's 95% of people. There are 5% of the society is decent looking. 5%. The rest of us all kind of decent looking Naked. Nobody's looking at me when I walk in a room. Brett's got some charm. Problem is then he starts talking. He's the opposite of us talking about he walks in the room. Charm. What are you doing this. What I'm saying. I rest my case. What? Brett walks in my guinea say this because I'm a realist. Brett walks in a room of a thousand ladies in their 50s. They're like oh not Bad. And then he goes, hey, you bitches. Dude. And they're like, oh, Christ, not one of these guys. Oh, no. I walk in and they're like, yuck. How long has he been dying of cancer? And then I'm like, hey, you're in.

[Kristen]

The wrong age group.

[Brady]

I tell a couple of jokes, I'm goofing around like, he's fun. Yeah, I'm fine. A few of them would hate me immediately. That's gonna happen. But if you give me a couple hours with that gaggle of expired. Why would you do that? Menopausal broads? I don't know.

[Kristen]

Wow.

[Brady]

Why am I trying to win them over? Is the.

[Kristen]

We'd like you to walk into a room. Let's reverse it. No, thank you.

[Brady]

Yeah, let's reverse it. I walk into a room of a thousand women my age. How many do I find attractive? Same number. Now, if it's a game where every woman there is, like, knows that they're supposed to either yes or no me unattractive, then I'd win some. Some battles. But if it's just a game where a thousand ladies see me come in, none of them are going, wow, did you see the guy that just walked in? It's not happening. It's just not happening. It's a zero, that number. Zero. And, my friend, it is for you as well. And for Toledo, it's probably four or five max.

[Toledo]

I'll take that.

[Brady]

Four. Maybe four or five. And even then, they're not, like, real happy about it.

[Toledo]

Not sure.

[Kristen]

Sure.

[Brady]

People need to be more aware. People need to be more aware. You're know you're not in some sort of peak physical condition that's pulling people's heads around.

[Kristen]

Exactly.

[Brady]

Nobody in this room aside from Brett is going to visually attract anyone. But Brett's in last place as far as, like, once he starts talking. I don't know what you're talking about. And we all know what I'm talking about. Come on.

[Kristen]

How you broads do it? Yeah.

[Brady]

All that has to happen is time for Sinatra. All that has to happen is the first girl that comes up to Brett.

[Amanda]

And says, oh, I find you very attractive.

[Toledo]

How you doing?

[Brady]

My name's Brett.

[Amanda]

I'm Samantha Coons.

[Brady]

It's. It's over. Can't happen.

[Kristen]

An annual gallup.

[Amanda]

My name is Amanda Jig.

[Brady]

Okay. Why, it's Dick, in fact, and Brady. It makes me upset that you think I'd Woo some ladies. Zero, the number is 25 is so arrogant.

[Kristen]

Out of a thousand.

[Brady]

So arrogant. That's Almost like you're saying you were chosen by God out of a thousand. That's so high.

[Toledo]

I think that's a lot.

[Brady]

So you are not winning any visual love contest. None. I love you. You're a great guy. But the only reason that I like you is because of your personality. I'm not.

[Kristen]

Right.

[Toledo]

And you don't have that chance. Just walking into a room of a thousand people.

[Brady]

I'm not dragging you out going, wait. How often do you and I walk in a. Yeah, how often do you and I walk in a room? Brady, we're about to walk in a room. Get a load of the eyeballs. Turn. It's not happening. You've seen 10,000 people in a day, and none of them have looked at you. It's getting moist in here. Get a little humid.

[Amanda]

I feel like I'm in Florida. All these broads gunking up for me.

[Brady]

Why am I not 25? You might as well have just said, I got gold comes out of my ass. It's arrogant bullcrap.

[Amanda]

The Lord chose me.

[Brady]

Oh, yeah. You're the chosen one.

[Kristen]

Labs are swelling.

[Brady]

Zero. Yeah. And that's when we. Yikes. Exactly. Swelling shut is a defense mechanism.

[Kristen]

Yuck.

[Brady]

Yuck. All birds. Morning sickness. Disgusting. They say things that are horrible.

[Brett]

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[Toledo]

Hey, it's Larry McFeely here with Wayne from Amco and Wayne. Now that it's getting warmer, I turned on the AC in my car and the air's blowing kind of cool, but it really smells like a basement.

[Brady]

What can I do about that, Larry? Your car's AC system should be checked and serviced. Plus, replacing the cabin air filter helps the air blow strong and takes away any nasty smell. Nice.

[Toledo]

Is that a big deal to get done?

[Brady]

Not at all. It takes about an hour, and in most cases, we can do it while you wait.

[Kristen]

That's awesome.

[Brady]

I'll say. We're Amco.

[Toledo]

Google Amco for your nearest location. That's Amco double A MCO transmissions and a whole Lot more.

[Diane Fisher]

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[Michael]

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[Brady]

Holmberg's morning sickness. I know you hate hearing that, but man oh man, is it true. There's a reason you even deep down have never entered a beauty contest. You know?

[Toledo]

Come on, John. The international man of mystery.

[Brady]

It's a mystery. Believes this. I hate that stuff. I hate when people look. I'd win over probably half. Come on. 25, 52 year old broad, seen it all. They look at you, the only thing they'll do is he'll do. They're not looking at you in any other way.

[Kristen]

I don't know. After hearing.

[Toledo]

Where did you post this? Because the texter just sent this and says. What do you mean? Come on ladies.

[Brady]

That guy right there, he's drawing no love. That's my post oblique surgery. I had to wear a compression shirt for a couple days and I tore it off.

[Toledo]

What are the straps on top?

[Brady]

I gotta wear the whole thing. It tightens your whole body up. It hurts. I had to wear that for a week. It was awful. Yeah, that's not a flattering photo. I don't know because it was up online. I had to pull these pads that were catching all the blood out of the hole that was sliced.

[Toledo]

I remember those. That was gross.

[Brady]

By the way. I'm in the best shape in the room. That's pathetic.

[Kristen]

You are without a doubt I might go 50 now.

[Brady]

Zero.

[Toledo]

Come on, John. Celebrate me home. Starts playing at 25 jumps to 50.

[Brady]

Brady and I walk in together and he's like, we'll get one. Nope. Add. Add another thousand ladies to the room. Unless one of them's retarded. And even then they're gonna wait for the next door to open.

[Kristen]

Now what if you walked into that room with $100 bill taped to your forehead?

[Brady]

That's different. And then again, you don't want that one either with a tape.

[Kristen]

That's not what I'm handsome.

[Brady]

Better be more than a hundred bucks. Exactly. Got a hundred dollars worth of clothes on at least. He walks in my cue cyclebox.

[Amanda]

How's it going, ladies?

[Brady]

Celebrate me home.

[Amanda]

All right, everybody line up. The ones who find me attractive. The hall next door is open as.

[Kristen]

Well, and I'll choose from there.

[Brady]

Yeah, great.

[Amanda]

All right. Yeah, I see what you're. Okay, Take your time. Yeah, I don't know why. I don't know why the line's taking so long to start, but just take your time. Don't trample each other.

[Brady]

Okay.

[Kristen]

It's 6:00. It's almost dinner time.

[Brady]

Yeah, this is exactly it. Joey says, don't sell yourself or Brady short. John people's head turn when you two walk into a room together. Because no one's ever seen the number 10 walking Brady 01 from behind 25. You guys are twins? What are you talking about? The 1125 desperate, solid, blind, awful women that just MSMELL you, is one Helen Keller. Like she's just gonna touch your face. And even then she's gonna turn around. Who brought Rocky Dennis? It's not happening. Zero. The answer zero. And it's a hard zero.

[Kristen]

This next story reminded me of a situation you got in once. This guy named Jose Turan Jr. Was included in a text, a group text, because his old the one relative in the family had that phone number.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[Kristen]

Jose gets it. So he's using this text and it's talking about this baptism of 21 month old baby.

[Brady]

Okay.

[Kristen]

And Jose basically text back, how much you want for the baby? I'll give you 500 grand for the baby.

[Brady]

Oh, my God. Take that deal.

[Kristen]

He was serious because he likes to harvest the organs. And that's what he does with. If he gets a hold of.

[Brady]

Oh, he harvest baby organs?

[Kristen]

Yeah.

[Brady]

Oh, he doesn't keep it.

[Kristen]

Yeah. I'm sorry. And the baby was nine months old.

[Brady]

Oh.

[Kristen]

But he purchased the babies for their organs and was willing to pay up to. He could say he Said if you'll take Bitcoin, I'll do that. Or 500,000 in cash as a starting.

[Brady]

Point for a baby's.

[Kristen]

Yeah.

[Brady]

Guts.

[Kristen]

He said he was willing to meet the same night for the purchase, confirm that he knew the address of the church because it was all talked about in the man.

[Brady]

Oh man.

[Kristen]

Text group.

[Brady]

What a sick ass.

[Kristen]

Nice picture of him.

[Brady]

And this was a dude trying to buy it and then they turned him in.

[Kristen]

Yeah, and it's the second arrest too, because week previous he was arrested for a road rage incident.

[Brady]

Well, he just. Yeah, he had some money. He was falling short on his baby supply. Fact of the matter is he's made that deal before. Is it a veal or something? I mean he's. Well, I mean it's not like. Yeah, I guess, but he's not like dabbling in this for the first time. Like 500 grand is not your first try. You got $500,000, you've been selling some baby meat or.

[Kristen]

He says that and he's setting it up like, oh yeah, we'll go there.

[Brady]

Well, sure, he's gonna steal your baby. You're probably not getting, but get money up front. If you're gonna sell your baby for half a million dollars, you can't expect.

[Kristen]

Payment after delivery in Valparaiso, Indiana.

[Brady]

By the way, Steve Malone said, Jesus Christ. Bigfoot's more real than Brady's 25 women. You'd find Bigfoot fast. And you'd find 25 ladies in a room that think Brady's hot. At least I'm realistic about it. He thinks I'm being mean. I'm 002.

[Kristen]

This 48 year old woman, Jennifer Lee Wilson, was sentenced to six years in prison with one year suspended. Served for time being, probation.

[Brady]

It's really rattled him this, this unattractive thing.

[Kristen]

She's unattractive?

[Brady]

He didn't pre read.

[Kristen]

No, she was arrested and charged with attempted murder after she sat. Oh, this is the fat lady.

[Brady]

Okay, we got this. Okay. Yeah, this is the one Brett talked about yesterday. How come we didn't bring up the fat lady killing that kid? I didn't even know about it.

[Kristen]

10 year old boy.

[Toledo]

Yeah, give the specifics.

[Brady]

He's 10.

[Toledo]

You had. You had the.

[Kristen]

Yeah, he was 4 foot 10 inches tall. 90 pounds. And she's 4 11.

[Brady]

She's a foot an inch taller than him.

[Kristen]

340 pounds.

[Brady]

Wait, the kid is 4 10.

[Kristen]

4 10. 90 and 90 pounds.

[Brady]

And he's 10 years old and she's a full grown woman. Yep. Oh, she's only 411 and 400 pounds. Oh my God. She's all.

[Kristen]

Now Jabba with glasses.

[Brady]

She is all neck solo. What did he do?

[Kristen]

He just sat on him to discipline.

[Brady]

Him and he suffocated.

[Kristen]

Yeah.

[Brady]

You know, is that. And that's his mom or is that a babysitter?

[Kristen]

That's the. The mom.

[Brady]

That's Valparaiso, Indiana. That's 15 minutes south of where I grew up. So my uncle Dennis lives drunkle Dennis. Going through some stuff, thinking about your kid.

[Toledo]

I just remember Terre Haute and Valparaiso are where you sent your money for Columbia House.

[Brady]

That's right. Terre Haute was it. Terre Haute's on the other side. But Valparaiso's are Valpo. The school's there, but everybody there looks just like her. That's the. She's a Valpo. Cheerleading. Yeah. Yeah. Even she. I'll tell you this.

[Kristen]

What's that?

[Brady]

She's faster than Michael Phelps.

[Kristen]

No, she's not.

[Brady]

And by the way, how old is she? I'm in the water. Is she in her 30s or 40s? 48.

[Toledo]

All right, so she's.

[Brady]

She would not find Brady attractive.

[Kristen]

She's out of my demo.

[Brady]

Yeah, attractive. No, she didn't. Yeah, just because you think she's saying.

[Kristen]

The women are hot. Them find me attractive.

[Brady]

No, no, I'm not saying. But there's another misnomer that you think if you don't find them attractive that they must find you attractive because they're. You're. You're out of their league.

[Toledo]

That's common though, for everybody.

[Brady]

Yeah, that is. That's. But it's. But it's not true.

[Toledo]

Yeah, yeah.

[Brady]

It doesn't mean. Cuz she's gross and has few options that automatically your owner let you the fat with her. Yeah, there's enough of it. That was rude. Brady can hear you. Oh, you met her. I'm seeing. Oh, I said her. At what point do you like, get off of the kid and realize what you've done though?

[Toledo]

When his muffled screams stop.

[Kristen]

I guess for her, she figured five minutes was long enough.

[Toledo]

Five minutes?

[Brady]

Is that. What are we pointing at? Oh, you got something here. Oh. Oh, no. What is this? I think so. Oh, there it is. Oh, this is Brady walking into the room of his house.

[Amanda]

Come on and play, ladies. To swing the door open Will he be a dream or a dream dud? Congratulations, ladies. It's your Super Bowl. My name's Brady. What?

[Brady]

Oh, this.

[Amanda]

Oh, this?

[Brady]

Fruit and veg.

[Amanda]

Why are you throwing it?

[Kristen]

Step to the wall.

[Amanda]

I know it's gonna be pretty fast moving. But I'd like all the ladies attracted to me to stand over to one side.

[Kristen]

Who am I picking from?

[Amanda]

Do they speak English? How come nobody's moving? All right, Elois.

[Brady]

Rumo.

[Amanda]

Righto, attractivo. Brady.

[Brady]

You're welcome. You're welcome. You're wel.

[Amanda]

Okay, it seems to be moving a little bit slow. We're all shy out there. Like I said, Brady's in the room. Now get a little closer and feast your eyes on this prize. All right, ladies, I know who's gonna be. Who's gonna want to go first. All right, I'll be in the other room. Maybe just need some time. Kenny.

[Brady]

Celebrate me all. That was his love song to the girl. Girl sent a tape to her about how she should feel about him coming back. It wasn't about like, baby, I love you or can't get enough.

[Kristen]

Those. Those are mixed in there.

[Brady]

Celebrate me home. That was the first one you came up with great stuff.

[Kristen]

On January 10th, police in Alabama were called to a Starbucks. Someone's pet monkey jumped from the owner's car into the drive through window and started attacking an employee.

[Brady]

They still got to belt those down.

[Kristen]

The primate was a aotis night monkey.

[Brady]

Never seen one of them.

[Kristen]

I'll show you a picture.

[Brady]

Give me that. You can't just have, like, how was it at? Like, my dogs are. Are seat belted into the car. Oh, man.

[Kristen]

And there was actually two monkeys in.

[Brady]

There because it looks like a stuffed animal. It looks like a little teddy bears. That thing came shooting out of the car at you.

[Kristen]

Oh, a woman and two monkeys in the car.

[Brady]

Don't inflate the balloon. Right. This thing is a stuffed animal, and it shoots out of a car into a window.

[Kristen]

Not only that, it jumps on the ladies, the barista's arm and then starts chewing on her ear.

[Brady]

Oh, man.

[Kristen]

And then grabs the arm of another employee. And then the employee grabs the monkey, kind of throws back at him, Jumps back into the window of the car. The lady, the owner, Tammy Gardner, she refused to comment to the media, but she did stop and go into the Starbucks to make sure everything's okay.

[Brady]

Get her stuff back. Yeah, all birds, morning sickness. Disgusting. They say things that are horrible. Radiate up. Hey, everybody. It's John Holmberg from the Morning sickness talking to Shane Orlando from Orlando Auto Body. Now, Shane, I take great pride in saying I stand with someone when I tell a listener to go to their shop. I know why. You tell me what's different for a KUPD listener to go to Orlando Auto Body than anywhere else. Well, first of all, we've been in valley here for over 34 years. We do a quality job. We work for you, not the insurance companies. So we can work together to make sure your listeners are getting the customer service they deserve. If your car's been wrecked and you need that thing fixed the right way, get on over there now. Orlandoautobody.com It's Dick Toledo.

[Toledo]

And new customers right now on FanDuel. Get $150 in bonus bets when your first $5 wager wins. Just visit FanDuel.com KUPD to grab $150 in college hoops bonus bets with a winning five dollar bet and prepare for March on FanDuel America's 1 sportsbook 21 plus in President Arizona. First online real money wager only $5. First deposit required. Bonus issued as non withdrawable bonus bets which expire seven days after receipt restrictions apply. See [e-mail], gambling problem. Call 1-800-next-step or text next step to 342.

[Brady]

Holmberg's morning sickness.

[Kristen]

Well, the, the barista end up having to get stitches.

[Brady]

Yeah, and like tetanus shots and stuff.

[Toledo]

All kinds of shots.

[Brady]

Shouldn't be having a wild animal like that. Look how old she is. Look at her pants. I know. She's wrinkled up like. Oh, for those of you listening, the only part of that woman showing. Yeah, the only part of the woman showing in the photo is a finger and like her hand. Yeah, but look at that. She's like 90.

[Kristen]

That.

[Toledo]

Look at, look.

[Kristen]

Oh, please. Come on, look at that.

[Brady]

Now I'll tell you, that's the crypt keeper. Maybe she's just a good woman. She'd been washing dishes all day. Got a little pruning now. Yeah, there you go.

[Kristen]

If she was 90, that car would have been in the side of this car.

[Brady]

Imagine her monkeys driving around with the palm olive and this. Yeah, those are some old hands. See, I told you. Looks like they got arthritis knuckles, too.

[Kristen]

See if we see if there's a picture of Tammy Gardner from. Oh, that's Alabama.

[Brady]

But her face. Okay, look as you get closer, you see her nose is right there. She doesn't look old at all. She's got bad hands, but the face looks young. It's hard to see there. But that isn't an old lady's face. But she has old lady hands. I'll give you that.

[Kristen]

On the lady on the barista's hand.

[Brady]

Yeah, that would. That little thing with those gigantic eyes shooting out of a car. I'd crap my pants. You can't have that.

[Kristen]

She took off because she don't want anyone taking her monkeys.

[Brady]

Yeah, you gotta keep those. You work hard for that. But also know that if you want to keep them in the car, you can't roll the window all the way down and have them running free in the car.

[Kristen]

I got a three radio videos. First one's a woman pouring in. I don't know, it's like you put it into a Coke bottle and it fizzes up. It's not the. What was it?

[Brady]

The. I don't know. It might be Mentos.

[Kristen]

It's not Mentos, but it I. It might be Pop Rocks.

[Brady]

Pop Rocks and Coke. It makes a bomb.

[Kristen]

Yeah.

[Brady]

This is so cool. I used to love this stuff. Oh, it's gonna blow up in her face. She's overdoing it. She's too close.

[Diane Fisher]

You're gonna put a whole thing in there.

[Brady]

This is not good. Close it. Oh, this is not good. Yeah, you got to. Oh, don't close it. That thing's gonna blow up in your face. If you want, you can do it. That's an ice. That's a dry ice, bob, you know, run. Idiot. Oh man, she's wearing glasses. Cuz she's an idiot. Come on.

[Toledo]

She sat there a bunch of rocks. So she got shrapnel from rocks too.

[Brady]

What a jerk. So that's she's pouring. I don't know what that is.

[Toledo]

You don't think it's Pop Rocks?

[Kristen]

I don't know what you think would.

[Brady]

Have made it bubble out.

[Toledo]

I think it takes time for them to do that. No, because the Mentos are what goes right away.

[Brady]

So are Pop Rocks likes when she blows out. And they did it in like a rock pile. So it's worse. We used to do the dry ice bombs in the bottom of the pool.

[Toledo]

Flanic used to do those.

[Brady]

Oh my God.

[Toledo]

Remember those out in the desert?

[Brady]

In the desert. JJ and Larry and everybody came to my house and we got like tons of dry ice and about 52 liter bottles of Sprite and we're just chucking them all over the neighborhood and everyone and just waiting. And just in the distance you just hear over way back, Arcadia, post divorce. This is what I did with my time. My friends. Somebody brings up the point and say, hey, ask Brady if it was a thousand special Olympians. How many are attracted to him? Oh, I don't like where this.

[Kristen]

Not one.

[Brady]

You think all of them? He says My thought is they would all run and waddle away. It's true.

[Kristen]

Next one's a semi pro wrestling accident.

[Brady]

Oh, top turnbuckle. Gonna do one of those back flips onto the front. Flip off. Oh, missed the table it was supposed to land on and went face into the earth.

[Kristen]

I like how the other guy slinks off the mat.

[Brady]

Oh, yeah, because you got to get away from the corpse. Oh, man, that is a face into concrete. Sorry.

[Toledo]

And that, that wrestler commented on this and goes, here we go again. Because apparently it's an old video and it resurfaces all the time.

[Brady]

Oh, here we go.

[Kristen]

Survived it.

[Toledo]

Here we go again.

[Brady]

His name's Sean Phoenix. I can't spell it though, because right side of my brain is collapsed in my head. That is rough.

[Kristen]

Next one's against more amateur bull fighting. Or they release the bull in front of the crowd.

[Brady]

400 people in the ring.

[Toledo]

Yeah, there's a lot of amateur.

[Brady]

They've all got cakes. This guy tried to jump off. Oh, he got caught immediately by the horn. The bull has picked his favorite. He's okay. Yeah, but I mean, it hurts. Oh, he's gimping away. It hurts. It looks like the lead singer of Fishbone. It found like that's Fishbone's lead singer. Jokes on you bull. I think he's got AIDS in it. Did that guy die of aids? Am I thinking of the wrong dude? Anyway, people don't remember Fishbone. And maybe I misremembering.

[Toledo]

I love Fishbone.

[Brady]

Some of them could have sworn that guy died. I might be thinking of the wrong band.

[Toledo]

I think he might be right.

[Brady]

Right. Either way, Fishbone, he went crazy. I know that lead singer. Fishman went into an institution for a little while. Did he? Yeah. I just don't remember if he passed away. I thought he died of aids. It's weedy music. Was that or King's X? Did King's X guy die of AIDS or is he still alive? One somebody. Anyway, somebody died of aids. We'll look it up. Google it. Who's died of aids? That looks like the guy in the bull video of. It's a tough one, man. And somebody also said, John, you're also delusional. Did you say 5% of the population is good looking? 1%. And that's just their faces. Then you get down to 50% of that. 1% has a nice body. That's probably true. Also. You get down to like the full package. You're under 1% of the general population now. Tolerable attraction like Very. Women have more pretty. They're more pretty women than there are men because they try harder. And we also look like for. We look. Women don't think so. We look past a lot of flaws. They look past all our flaws because that's all we are. But they. The things they think we care about, we don't. Eyelashes. If you have them, you're fine. Eyebrows, just. If you have them, we're fine. I like fine Tip Sharpie. Not the you like. I like nice eyebrows. No, that's not eyebrows, is it? That's paint. I'm talking about a few. That's what I'm saying. They do things that they think we care about.

[Kristen]

Yeah.

[Brady]

None of us care about that. Not a one of us looks and goes, well, they do it for the other broads. They do it for. Yeah, they do it for the pressure between each other, and then they blame us for it. Yeah, it's not our fault.

[Amanda]

They did it for you.

[Kristen]

Yeah.

[Brady]

You went crazy with your eyebrows. I never said I didn't care about your eyebrows. Hey, by the way, also didn't ever notice them. So long as they're not insane like some sort of mad scientist, nobody cares. I mean, if you look like Luigi Mangione, we're gonna say, oh, Jesus, you need to do something about that. But 95 of eyebrows are just fine. And then they shave them off and tattoo some way up on their head like a jack o'lantern it's crazy. Brett, what do you got? All right, we'll start off with fun in the strip club. Oh, this is one I haven't seen in the strip club before. Right? Oh, she's shooting fire out of her honeyhole. She's got a match in it. And then she's just spraying hairspray out of it. Is it gonna fire back? Oh, my God.

[Amanda]

The risk.

[Brady]

The risk involved in this is remarkable danger. She's a little soft. Oh, she's a pro. She's letting the candle burn to the nut, and she's still shooting fire out of it. What's that? Oh, it's KOD Atlanta. This is an Atlanta strip club. They step it up down there. Wow. I've never seen anything like that. I mean, that's pretty much all she just keeps. Blow it out already. Blow it out.

[Kristen]

That was the buckeye after party.

[Brady]

How long is. Yeah, that might be. Might be Ryan Day's wife. Wow. She. She is no joke that. I mean, even the candle wax would hurt.

[Kristen]

Oh, yeah.

[Brady]

Puffed out some sort of smoke. I think she might be smoking that Thing.

[Kristen]

All right.

[Brady]

And here's a trick billiard shot.

[Toledo]

Oh, no.

[Brady]

Okay. Hot girl on the pool table. Oh, whoa. She is putting her private parts over the hole. And now. Oh, he's using her butt crack as the leverage thing.

[Toledo]

The other crack.

[Brady]

And he's gonna hit this. And he puts. He puts the ball in the pocket. He used her ass as one of those. What is that claw thing they use? I don't know what they call it.

[Kristen]

The bridge.

[Brady]

The bridge. Yeah, the bridge. That's right. That's right. There it is. Which she didn't need, by the way. That was totally superfluous. But she's willing. Here's some fountain action. We're at a water fountain. Oh, there's a girl in a trash can. And just her. What did I just watch? He just pulled some beads. So there's a girl's legs and ass hanging out of a public trash can.

[Kristen]

Trash beads.

[Brady]

And now she's just peeing in the air, making up the water. That is some torque. She's peeing straight up out of the trash can.

[Kristen]

Do a drinky fountain.

[Brady]

Ass is pointed right up at the sky. And now it's looks like a drink.

[Toledo]

Powerful, strong bladder there.

[Brady]

She does. And we'll just. We're just gonna end this. What am I looking at? Oh, there's a lady. Okay. Having sex with the top of a bottle. Hennessy. She's pretty good, too. Like, that's a good body.

[Toledo]

She just have a candle in there too?

[Brady]

I think that might be that. She's from the Boom Boom Room. She's. That's nice. See? Nothing disgusting today. Still drinking the Hennessy out of the bottle. She's banging a bottle of Hennessy. That's just not fair. That should be an ad for Hennessy. You'd sell out. Especially the Boom Boom Room. The Boom Boom Room wouldn't have no Hennessy left on the Planet if that was the billboard. Anyway, it's 8:30 on the dot.

[Toledo]

John, does the number for you go up at all if they see a picture of you as a teenager?

[Brady]

No. God, no. It gets worse. This is the best I've ever looked. It's pathetic. Now if I'm walking away. Hey, that's happened several times, Kristen. Every time you're walking downstairs. If I walk away from a woman, they're. They're. They might be attracted walking towards them. Might as well be Frankenstein. I might as well have an AR15. My face is an active shooter. It's like people run from it.

[Toledo]

Another one says brady, I hate to tell you this, but in a room of a thousand of your compatriots, you're not hugging one of them.

[Brady]

That is true. Brady's age group, that's. That. That is a. That's a pretty sad batch of who's attracted to who. A bunch of single 62 year old women in Brady. I'm throwing it up there a little bit for you. I assume we can't get this arranged for another couple years, so it's not going well, right? No, it is not. We can't find it. We can't find a thousand ladies. Every time we do get a few, there's like a big suicide, like a mass group. As the day grows closer, the number drops below a thousand, not a one. And Brett, you would walk out of there empty handed too. I didn't say anything. Fishbone and King's X are both playing with Tool in the Dominican Republic in March. So neither are dead.

[Toledo]

I'm thinking let's go to the Dominican.

[Brady]

The doctor is supposed to be beautiful. Just because it's attached to Haiti doesn't mean it's horrible. Anyway, there you go, everybody. That's your Brady report. Arizona's most powerful, powerful rock R station.