01-22-25 - Rock Wars - Song For Us To Play As We Enter The Room Of 1000 Gay Men To Sell Ourselves

Summary

Holmberg's Morning Sickness - Arizona: "Rock Wars - Song For Us To Play As We Enter The Room Of 1000 Gay Men To Sell Ourselves" (01-22-25)

Release Date: January 22, 2025

Overview

In this episode of Holmberg's Morning Sickness on Arizona's #1 Morning Radio Show, host John Holmberg, along with his co-hosts Brady Bogen, Bret Vesely, and Dick Toledo, engage in a humorous and candid discussion centered around the hypothetical scenario: "What song would you play as you enter a room of 1,000 gay men to sell yourselves?" This segment, dubbed "Rock Wars," combines comedic banter, personal anecdotes, and audience participation to explore themes of self-presentation and attraction in a lighthearted manner.

Introduction to Rock Wars

The episode kicks off with John Holmberg briefly promoting local comedy shows before transitioning to the main content. By [04:16], Brady introduces the segment:

Brady (04:16): "It's time for the weekly battle of musical supremacy known only as Rock Wars."

The Scenario and Initial Reactions

The hosts delve into the challenge, discussing the concept of entering a large gay bar and making a memorable impression through music. The conversation quickly becomes a platform for self-deprecation and playful teasing among the hosts.

John Holmberg (04:55): "A room full of a thousand people. If you walked in, how many would find you attractive?"

Both Brady and Dick express skepticism about their attractiveness, setting a comedic tone for the ensuing discussion.

Choosing the Perfect Song

Each host selects a song they believe would help them stand out and garner attention in the imagined setting.

• Brady Bogen (02:25): Suggests "It's Raining Men" by various artists as a classic crowd-pleaser.

  Brady (02:25): "Maybe 'It's Raining Men' or something by the Village People. But it's still a zero for Brady and I."

• Dick Toledo (06:35): Chooses "I Sucked Another D Last Night" by Wheeler Walker Jr., bringing an edgy and humorous twist to the selection.

  Dick Toledo (06:35): "I sucked another D last night because I need all the help I can get with this."

• Bret Vesely (07:30): Opts for "Get Down on It" by Kool & The Gang, aiming for a more soulful and engaging vibe.

  Bret Vesely (07:30): "I'm using the help of James J.T. Taylor and Kool & The Gang with 'Get Down On It.'"

Humor and Banter

The segment is rife with humorous exchanges, highlighting the hosts' camaraderie and wit. Brady critiques each other's choices, adding layers of comedy.

Brady (06:40): "That's flaunting homosexuality. That's not it. Theme song for you. You're not playing much soccer, so a theme song for you to be more appealing and try to raise your numbers."

Dick Toledo (09:11): "Dear God, your song fits best. But I hate that song."

Audience Participation and Voting

Listeners are invited to participate by sending in votes via email and text to decide which song stands the best chance in the scenario. The voting results play a pivotal role in determining the episode's outcome.

Brady (10:36): "Brett, I think your song would actually sort of offend them. It's a sad guy blowing people. That could be Jouburg."

Dick Toledo (10:53): "Poppy. Actually, I understood that pop gets it when it's a gay topic."

As votes come in, Brady announces his lead:

Brady (10:36): "Brady has won them 12 to eight over me and four for Brett."

Conclusion and Winner Announcement

The segment culminates with the final votes being tallied through a live call-in. Donovan, a listener, ultimately declares Brady as the winner of this week's Rock Wars, cementing his choice of "Unholy" by Sam Smith as the top pick for the scenario.

Donovan (14:07): "I gotta go with pop. Poppy. Actually, I understood pop gets it when it's a gay topic."

Brady (14:07): "Brady chose 'Get Down on It' by Kool & The Gang and I chose 'Unholy' by Sam Smith. Thank you, Donovan."

Notable Quotes

• Dick Toledo (05:46): "I sucked another D last night because I need all the help I can get with this."

• Brady (07:40): "You're not playing much soccer, so a theme song for you to be more appealing in that and try to raise your numbers."

• Brady (10:03): "They say things that are horrible up. Morning sickness."

Insights and Themes

The episode uses humor to explore themes of self-esteem, attraction, and the lengths individuals might go to make an impression in social settings. Through exaggerated scenarios and playful insults, the hosts offer an entertaining take on self-presentation and the complexities of social interactions within specific communities.

Conclusion

"Rock Wars" serves as a comedic yet insightful segment that engages both the hosts and the audience in a lighthearted examination of personal attraction and cultural nuances. By blending humor with interactive elements, Holmberg's Morning Sickness delivers an episode that is both entertaining and relatable to its listeners.

Transcript

[John Holmberg]

All right, HMS Podcast, time again to let you know where to go for some great comedy in the Valley this week. Get out to the Tempe Improv on the east side to see Paul Versey on Thursday and Beth Stelling Friday, Saturday and Sunday. The Desert Ridge Improv up north features Sarah Weinschenk this Thursday and Joe Derosa on Friday and Saturday. And downtown at Stand Up Live, check out the very funny Lil Rel performing Friday, Saturday and Sunday for the complete lineups. And for tickets, go to standuplive.com desertridgeimprov.com and tempeimprov.com it's John Holberg here.

[Brady]

For the amazing people at the Core Institute, life can throw you a curveball now and again. One day you're trucking along, feeling great. Next day your dog smashes into your head and knocks you cold. Or like a KUPD listener told me this week, his dog did a sprint across the backyard directly into the side of his wife's leg and blew her knee up. She needed that need to get fixed and fixed right. Two years later, she's running like she used to again. And it's all thanks to the Core Institute. I went through it too. And you can get rid of your pain and start saying yes, I can to all the things you want to do. And. And all you have to do is trust the experts at the Core Institute head there right now. The Core Institute.com youm thought that was funny?

[Brett]

You were laughing like a hyena when he said it. What the hell is wrong with you?

[Brady]

Gotta Sneeze. It's already 9:24. Look at this. Flying through the day. It's Maryland right there. It is just about done with this Wednesday. We got a Rock wars and we'll get out of here. But we've been talking about this for quite a while now. Brady's insane delusions with the women, the facts that are now cemented in stone. But we have a listener who has come up with a fantastic idea that said, this is it for Rock Wars. You guys have to do the song. You would shoot like let's say the thousand men are in there. You have to walk in in your tuxedo to see how many of them are there. What song do you choose as your entry music into the bar of men to try to raise your numbers a little bit or women will let you do that. But that's still a zero for Brady and I. It doesn't matter what song's playing. So I'd say in the gay bar, the song you choose as your walk in music to make heads turn and then have people go. All right. I think it's good. It's raining men band. Anything by the Village People ban Celebrate me home is banned.

[Dick Toledo]

Turbo lover band.

[Brady]

Turbo lover band. Yeah. Okay. You know the basic low hangers, but that's it. It's 9:25. We'll take suggestions. [e-mail] you can text 979-gay- Bars band too. Oh, at the gay bar.

[Dick Toledo]

Yeah, that song.

[Brady]

Yeah, yeah.

[Dick Toledo]

Soccer practice.

[Brady]

Oh, I know he's gonna do that one anyway. That's just. That's just flaunting homosexuality. That's not it. Theme song for you. You're not playing much soccer, so a theme song for you to. To be more appealing in that and try to raise your numbers. Let's even get to the full thousand. You want to help us out? You can do that. We've got our rock wars coming up in just moments. It's 98 morning sickness. They say things that are horrible. 98.

[Brett]

98 upd college hoops are here, and there's no better place to catch the action than Hooters. Fuel up with the baller bundle. 10 boneless wings, crispy fries, dressing and a fountain Dr. Starting at just $9.99. Want to level up your game day experience? Swap the fountain drink for a beat the Buzzer special featuring your choice of beatbox or buzzballs for a low price. This offer is for game days only, so grab your crew, enjoy the action, and feast on the flavors you love. Only at Hooters. The original wing joint since 1983.

[Unknown]

It's Dick Toledo and new customers right now on FanDuel. Get $150 in bonus bets when your first $5 wager wins. Just visit FanDuel.com KUPD to grab $150 in college hoops bonus bets with a winning $5 bet and prepare for March on FanDuel, America's number one sportsbook 21 plus and President Arizona first online real money wager only. $5 first deposit required. Bonus issued as non withdrawable bonus bets which expire seven days after receipt. Restrictions apply. See [e-mail] gambling problem. Call 1-800-next-step protects next step to 533-42-Homburg's morning sickness.

[Brady]

It's time for the weekly battle of musical supremacy known only as rock wars. And it's brought to you by friends at Mo Money Pond. Short or long term collateral loans from $10 to over $100,000American, no credit needed. Top dollar paid with the entire process. Just taking several minutes. Mo Money. Pawn.com. 12th Street. An Indian school. Before we move on, the topic, of course, has been talked about this morning of just, you know, wildfire. A room full of a thousand people. If you walked in, how many would find you attractive? I had to talk Brady out of his astronomically large number of 25, back to zero, which what it is. I also am a hard zero. Antonio emails and says, this talk reminds me of my ex. She used to always say she didn't understand why you, John, thought you were so ugly. She thought you were attractive. It made me want to hang myself every time I thought that she also found me attractive. Yeah, that's how it works when you look like me and someone says he's attractive and you're. That's why she's an ex. You made the right choice. Something wrong with her? I am not visually valuable. So this one was, what if you walked in a room full of a thousand gay guys, how many would find attractive? But you know what? Gays like shows. They like the performance art. So bring yourself into that room with a theme song and then see if you can turn some heads and make them think you're attractive. And my humble opinion, I'm first in the gay room. Brady's second, Brett's third.

[Dick Toledo]

I thought I was fourth.

[Brady]

Well, you would be fourth, but it's hard with Toledo because he's just so zero plus. You know, I think you and him are pretty the way Brady and I are. Two zeros in a girl room. You. You two might be two zeros in a men's room, and Toledo's a low number in a lady room, but he's still going to make some people go, oh, he's decent. Not like me in this one over here. Me and Corky are coming out of there with donuts. Brett, you go first.

[Dick Toledo]

All right, well, you know, this topic is really difficult because, you know, going into the. Going into the gay bar, it's going to be tough for me. Like you said, I'm low on the totem pole. Very well, because they're going to walk in and I'm. You know, what are all these twinks doing around here? So I think Wheeler Walker Jr. Said it the best. This is. I sucked another D last night because I need all the help I can get with this.

[Brady]

You just need to announce what you're willing to do. Apparently, I can't play this. There's no way.

[Dick Toledo]

Oh, let me get the lyrics.

[Brady]

Hang on.

[Dick Toledo]

Hang on, let me get the lyrics.

[Brady]

I don't even know where it's at. Do you have any idea where it's at?

[Dick Toledo]

Hang on.

[Brady]

Here. I get it.

[Dick Toledo]

We didn't.

[Brady]

Stay up tight. Got it. But I sucked another last night. See what I did there? Nice. Thanks. That's just me guessing. All right. Thank you. Wheeler Walker. Which is why you're a zero in the gay room.

[Dick Toledo]

You brought Wheeler Walker to the gay guys. I gotta show that I'm, you know.

[Brady]

Right. That you're willing. But then still, they're gonna look into your, you know, Spotify and see Wheeler Walker Brady. What's yours?

[Dick Toledo]

Well, my approach is I. I think I'm selling a little better than Brett.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[Dick Toledo]

I'm using the help of James J.T. taylor and cooling the gang with Get Down On It.

[Brady]

This definitely. It's a great song. Brady walks in, in the tuxedo. Get down on it. Ooh, get down on it. And he would do that dance. I think of all the dumb stuff you're doing for the gays. Replace the gays with women and imagine the repulsed faces that you would face. All right. Get down On. It's not bad. How you going to do it if you really don't want to dance? By standing on the wall. All right. I like that better than Wheeler Walker. Hey, got to use what you're trying to lose. This one. You don't want to be associated with this. I'm winning this, man. No question. I walk in. I know how to talk to the gays without even opening my mouth. Well, eventually this comes on. I walk in the room. Hall of fame numbers. I'm saying 980 out of a thousand. Hit it. I brought it up earlier. Sam Smith and Kim Petras. Unholy. Oh, they get this right here automatically. Half of them are hard. They haven't even looked at me yet. This just sends the whole room into a great big seaman frenzy. Lucky, lucky girl.

[Dick Toledo]

She got married to a boy like you. She kick you out.

[Brady]

Unholy.

[Dick Toledo]

You'd be hearing a lot of. Gulp.

[Brady]

Oh, you'd be hearing a lot of that.

[Dick Toledo]

You hear a lot of gagging. Not in that room.

[Brady]

Nope.

[Unknown]

Not in that room.

[Brady]

A lot of sounds like a bunch of ceiling fans and like slippery slopes.

[Unknown]

What?

[Brady]

You heard me. Third ball, too.

[Dick Toledo]

Yeah.

[Brady]

You never know who's in there. Not discriminating. I don't want any gaggers first.

[Dick Toledo]

That's what I'm saying.

[Brady]

Oh, maybe if I. If you can make a gay guy gag, you feel pretty good about yourself. It's 9:43. Who wins? [e-mail] you can text 97936. What was the new one we added?

[Unknown]

Trivia.

[Brady]

Trivia. That's right. He picks trivia. We have to answer the question and buzz in and get it right in the win. That's a huge one. You can text us 97936. We'll find out who wins next. Morning sickness.

[Brett]

Disgusting.

[Brady]

They say things that are horrible up. Morning sickness. All right. Right in the center of rock wars here at 9:51. The theme this week on the OR. A very strange topic of finding a thousand people in a room to find you attractive. We went to the gay bar to see how it works. So at least we all have a chance. And I stand by my numbers on that. Brett proved it by choosing Wheeler Walker Jr.

[Dick Toledo]

I sucked another D. Heard you.

[Brady]

That's the song Brett just didn't pronounce that Brady chose Get down on it by Cooling the gang. And I chose Unholy by Sam Smith. Right now, if you can believe it on the emails, Brady has won them 12 to eight over me and four for Brett.

[Dick Toledo]

Good.

[Brady]

Shocking. It says Josh says the winner this week is Brady best tune. But also if I have to hear that discount Robert Smith freak on my radio, I'm going to drive an oncoming traffic. I'd rather listen to acid than my eardrums hearing Sam Smith. Some people don't like Sam Smith.

[Dick Toledo]

I never thought about that. That is kind of true.

[Brady]

He's. He's a super happy gayer. Somehow Robert Smith never thought of that.

[Dick Toledo]

Wow.

[Brady]

This one said, Jesus, John, when you guys said you were tanking it, I thought you were kidding. Talking about who could pull the most ass but by the B hole. My goodness. Bread for the win. Because he's uncomfortable and so am I. That's all right. You can be homophobic. I'm not. No, I know he is. Adrian, it says I gotta go with Brady on this one. Can't imagine. Or I can't imagine him wearing that 70 suit walking into the bar thinking it was Studio 54 impressing those gays with those giant platform shoes. Brett think he'd walk into Blue Oyster bar like in a police academy and immediately walk out. So it's got a vote for the resident rose colored glasses barbecue connoisseur Brady this week. This one says, john, I gotta go with Burton Wheeler Walker. I already know most I need to know about you just by saying I'll vote Wheeler Walker. Okay? You fall right into a category and you know What My next question to you isn't what? What company are you the CEO of? Because I already know the answer. As much as I'd like to give Brett the vote, I have to go with John Brady. The only thing that that group is getting on are drugs. They don't want to see you naked. I just texted my wife, John, to see if she thought you were attractive. And she's seen you several times. She texted back and said there's not enough roofies and alcohol in the world to get underneath that aidsy Squidward. So needless to say, I'm feeling pretty good about myself. That being said, my vote always goes for little Kim Petrus and goes to you, my aidsy Squidward. No thanks, John. Dear God, your song fits best. But I hate that song. Brett must have been doing exactly what the song says when he chose it, so I'm going with Brady. Brett, I think your song would actually sort of offend them. It's a sad guy blowing people. That could be Jewburg. You pick low hanging fruits. I'm going with Brady because at least it's got some swag. I vote for you, John. Pop. Pop is so delusional. I can't give him a win and Brett's an idiot, so there you go. Yeah, but still, Brady won the emails today. What do you got over there on the other ones?

[Unknown]

Brady's got a seven vote lead over Brett right now on text Outrageous.

[Brady]

All right, John Gordon, one through five.

[Unknown]

One through five.

[Brady]

One through five. Number one. He goes with number one. And number one is final call. We gotta get a call in on this. Somebody's gotta call us and tell us who wins rock wars this week. 5859-800. Lines just got cleared. Give him a second for the delay to pop back in and we will see who wins this week's rock wars with the final call again. 585 9, 800. Probably a a man women's vote shouldn't be the deciding factor. I think we all agree. And what will it be? Will it be Bretz, Wheeler, Walker Jr. Choice I sucked another D last night or will it just be for you.

[Dick Toledo]

To choke that out? Well, you know, he is popular at the gay bar.

[Brady]

I like that popping out of my mouth so much. Brady chose get down on it by cooling the gang and I chose unholy. Here is our final call. Who is this?

[Dick Toledo]

Donovan.

[Brady]

Donovan, you're in. What do you got? I'm gonna have to go with pop. Poppy. Actually, I understood the pop gets it when it's a gay topic.

[Dick Toledo]

He runs away with it all right thank you Donovan new year it took.

[Unknown]

Him until April before he got his first win last year tied for first.

[Brady]

The browns are in first they're not going to the playoffs we'll see what if this starts this let's see if pop up did better let's see if another one hi there you want to vote yeah Brady wins unbelievable it's a landslide I'm not even going to play anymore all right we'll get a little get down I'll do some cool in the gang now we'll come back to another tim do you got now yeah we'll do it now it's a great song so you did very well there and I think because he won Brett you should go over there and do the wheeler walker on him well nope.

[Dick Toledo]

Proud to lose this one thank you.

[Brady]

To alright knock it out it's cool in the gang everybody it's 98 Arizona's most powerful powerful rock radio station.