01-22-26 - BR - FULL - 2x - Jan/Dec 2004 - Man w/Nail In Head For Years - Man Eats Fox To Protest Fox Hunting-BO

Summary

Holmberg's Morning Sickness — Arizona

Episode: 01-22-26 — Jan/Dec 2004 – Man w/Nail In Head For Years – Man Eats Fox To Protest Fox Hunting
Date: January 22, 2026
Summary Prepared by: Podcast Expert Summarizer

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Episode Overview

In this episode, John Holmberg and the crew (Brady Bogen, Bret Vesely, and Dick Toledo) deliver their signature irreverent spin on current events, weird news, and oddball human interest stories. With the Brady Report as the central segment, the team grapples with stories about Hanukkah, extreme obesity, bizarre medical oddities (such as a man with a nail stuck in his head for two years), protestors eating foxes, funerals turning into gambling dens, and much more — all while poking fun at absurdities and highlighting the weirdness of everyday life.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. College Dreidel Spinning World Record Attempts

Time: 02:16 – 03:38

• Indiana University students tried to break the simultaneous dreidel spinning world record.
• Previous claims were invalidated due to strict Guinness requirements.
• Their motivation? "Because tonight is the start of Hanukkah." (03:03)
• The University of Maryland (current record holder) is already plotting a comeback.

Quotes:

• "Good to see our college kids getting to work doing something important." — John (03:38)
• “That’s some boring activities…What happened to drinking and having unprotected sex all over the place in college? Spinning dreidels.” — John (03:57)

2. Hanukkah, Religious Commercialism, and Cultural Reflection

Time: 03:38 – 04:46

• Discussion about Hanukkah retaining its core meaning amid a commercially fraught season.
• History lesson: Hanukkah's origins in resistance and the Maccabee story, and why gifts are given.

Quotes:

• “I give the Jews credit too because they haven’t tainted their holiday with nasty commercialism. It’s still Hanukkah.” — John (04:32)

3. Obesity and the Queen Mary 2 Cruise Ship

Time: 05:21 – 06:55

• U.S. passengers’ collective weight is breaking chairs on the world’s largest cruise ship.
• The hosts riff on the current state and causes of American obesity, comparing their childhoods to kids today.

Quotes:

• "This is a fat group of people, this country...Every kid was a big chunk, huge." — John (06:12, 06:44)

4. Crime and Bizarre Legal Cases

4.1. Killer Requests Death Sentence

Time: 07:44 – 08:22

• Marco Chapman, accused of murder, asks for the death penalty without trial.
• Question raised: can someone legally request execution before trial?

4.2. Teacher-Student Pagan ‘Marriage’ & Witchcraft Scandal

Time: 08:36 – 09:48

• Teacher in Michigan accused of sexually assaulting and pagan-marrying a 14-year-old student.
• Story headlines: “Gay witchcraft marriages” and instant comedic disbelief.

Quotes:

• “That’s right, John. Gay witchcraft marriages.” — Brady (09:25)

5. The Italian ‘Cat-Man’ Stuck in a Tree

Time: 10:06 – 11:14

• Man who believes he is a cat rescued from a tree after meowing for over an hour.
• Kids unsuccessfully try to lure him with a saucer of milk.

Quotes:

• "Shopper spotted the man on top of the tree meowing for help…" — Brady (10:18)
• “Attempts by local kids to coax him down… failed.” — Brady (10:33)

6. Medical Oddities: Man With Nail Embedded in His Skull for Years

Time: 11:29 – 12:25; Follow-up at 14:50 – 15:33

• South Korean patient finally discovers a source of years-long headaches: a three-inch nail in his head.
• X-rays show it had been there for two years with no brain damage.

Quotes:

• “What are you doing over there? How do you not know that’s in your head?” — John (12:10)
• “Face is so flat, I could do back to wall… how do you not know that nail is in your head?” — John (15:12, 37:50)

7. Unusual Protests: Eating a Fox to Protest Fox Hunting

Time: 15:33 – 16:38

• British protester Mark McGowan eats a fox in public to protest fox hunting.
• He describes the meat as “a bit like rack of lamb,” though nearly vomited.

Quotes:

• “The trouble was retching noises from the other people in the room.” — Brady (16:04)
• “Everyone gets really worked up about the furry animal, but no one cares about each other.” — Mark McGowan (as quoted by Brady, 16:21)

8. Singapore’s Wake Casinos

Time: 16:48 – 17:52

• The latest trend: hosting temporary casinos at funeral wakes, with organized crime cashing in.
• Police find out, but the hosts and families profit.

Quotes:

• “The death casinos.” — John (17:36)
• “You can play some slots while you’re mourning.” — John (17:52)

9. Global Suicide Rates and Helpline Overload (China)

Time: 17:56 – 19:14

• China’s alarmingly high suicide rate: 2.1 million/year.
• Helplines overwhelmed; 90% of callers get busy signals.

Quotes:

• “That’s 5,760 people a day.” — Brady (18:05)
• “They’re probably encouraging suicides in China.” — John (18:57)

10. Parents Stuff Daughter in Suitcase to Dodge Train Fare

Time: 19:14 – 20:33

• Russian parents try to smuggle daughter in suitcase; suitcase is stolen, girl found wandering the streets.
• “This suitcase is crying… Open it up, let whatever’s crying out.” — John (19:53)

11. Fashion Rant: Women’s Obsession with Juicy Couture, Swimsuits, and Body Image

Time: 21:28 – 24:26

• John and Brady riff on women’s (and their partners’) obsession with high-priced sweatsuits and swimwear “body type guides.”
• Cleavage and “mega cleavage” enhancement discussed; the strangeness of fashion marketing.

Quotes:

• “Women are stupid. They drive me nuts. It doesn’t make sense. Geneva and I got into an argument…” — John (22:38)
• "If you’re doing it for us, mega cleavage enhancement. No bottoms." — John (23:10)
• “Mega toe enhancer that just flops out the sides of the suit…” — John (23:46)

12. ‘What is Small Anyway?’ — New York’s Support Group for Men with Small Penises

Time: 25:03 – 28:09

• Exposé of a niche gay men’s support group for “inadequate wingage.”
• Discussion of insecurities, group support, and tongue-in-cheek banter about the group’s potential appeal.

Quotes:

• “Is it really a desire to have a giant unit in you if you’re gay?” — John (27:49)

13. Strange Fights and Japanese Law on Used Panties

Time: 28:18 – 29:38

• Two men (one blind) get into a drunken fistfight over running out of beer.
• Tokyo debates banning the sale of used panties — a longstanding, disturbing Japanese fetish shop practice.

Quotes:

• “Some sex shops hire teenage girls… then sell them to the freaky deviants. As much as 95 bucks a pop.” — Brady (29:24)

14. Disease of the Day: Gout, its Causes and History

Time: 29:29 – 31:00

• Gout: once a “rich man’s disease,” now also linked to trendy diets like Atkins.
• Urgent PSA about the meat-heavy, low-carb diet and uric acid buildup.

Quotes:

• “Gout is an old-fashioned disease. A lot of people nowadays don’t even know what it is.” — Brady (29:39)

15. Etiquette Expert Ranks America’s Most Mannerly Cities

Time: 31:00 – 31:37

• Charleston, SC, and areas in Illinois lead the list.
• The hosts mock the “road rage” test methodology for rating etiquette.

16. Firefighting Fails: Jurisdictional Disputes and Pornography Scandals

Time: 31:40 – 34:31

• Firefighters from Niles, Ohio, refused to put out a blaze just 200 yards outside jurisdiction, watching a family’s home burn.
• California fire cadet is fired for viewing assistant chief's wife’s porn site on duty, triggering a walkout.

Quotes:

• “Don’t call yourself a firefighter if you do something like that.” — Brady quoting the homeowner (33:01)

17. Extravagant NYC Real Estate

Time: 35:29 – 36:21

• David Martinez buys a $42.5M apartment with $30,000/month HOA fees.

Quotes:

• “You got too much money if you can afford $30,000 in home ownership fees.” — John (36:21)

18. Escaping Mental Hospital and Exploiting Legal Loopholes

Time: 36:30 – 37:37

• Sex offender discovers it’s not a crime to escape the mental hospital in Missouri due to a legal oversight.

Quotes:

• “They’re idiots.” — Sex offender, as quoted by Brady (36:30)

19. Final Thoughts

Time: 37:50 – 38:18

• Revisiting the “man with a nail in his head.”
• Quick “review” of some absurd and memorable characters from the report (lesbian witch, flat-faced Korean nail victim).

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “That’s not the only thing that has come out your dream. Creepy's dream review and this time last year...” – Brady (02:16) [Opening the Brady Report with a trademark ramble]
• “Women are stupid. They drive me nuts.” – John (22:38) [Hyperbolic, comic tone on fashion trends]
• “I want my boyfriend to have the smallest penis possible.” – John (27:49) [On the realities of gay dating preferences]
• “Everyone gets really worked up about the furry animal, but no one cares about each other.” – Mark McGowan, via Brady (16:21) [Highlighting misplaced priorities in activism]
• “Face is so flat, I could do back to wall...How do you not know that nail is in your head?” – John (15:12, 37:50) [On the man with a nail in his skull]

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Episode Flow & Tone

The tone is casual, irreverent, and conversational — with tangents, riffs, and open laughter flowing around sometimes shocking news stories. The hosts jump rapidly from story to story, peppering reports with commentary that ranges from biting satire to crass humor, reflecting the show’s “question and disturb” mission.

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Timestamps of Key Segments

• Dreidel World Record & Hanukkah (02:16–04:46)
• Obesity in America & Queen Mary 2 (05:21–06:55)
• Crime & Teacher Witchcraft Affair (07:44–09:48)
• Italian Man in Tree (‘Cat-Man’) (10:06–11:14)
• Man with Nail in Head for Years (11:29–12:25, 14:50–15:33)
• Protestor Eats Fox Meats (15:33–16:38)
• Singapore Funeral Casinos (16:48–17:52)
• China Suicide Rate / Helpline Fails (17:56–19:14)
• Girl Smuggled in Suitcase (19:14–20:33)
• Fashion & Body Image Rants (21:28–24:26)
• NYC Small Penis Support Group (25:03–28:09)
• Fight Over Alcohol & Used Panties Law (28:18–29:38)
• Disease of the Day: Gout (29:29–31:00)
• Mannerly Cities & Bad Firefighting (31:00–34:31)
• Spectacular Real Estate (35:29–36:21)
• Escaping the Mental Hospital (36:30–37:37)
• Episode Wrap-up & Recap (37:50–38:18)

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Conclusion

This episode is a rapid-fire dose of hilariously presented headlines mixed with biting social commentary. The crew covers everything from global records to medical absurdities and legal mishaps, always with a comedic twist. Listeners leave entertained, open-mouthed, and probably a little disturbed — which, for Holmberg’s Morning Sickness, is exactly as intended.

Transcript

[A]

You're listening to the HMS Podcast, brought to you by MMP Guns.com, your most trusted online marketplace for firearms, ammunition, and accessories. Hey, it's Brett Vesely, and I'm here with Byron from MMP Guns. Look, Byron, I have a friend wanting to sell some guns he inherited.

[B]

What's the best way for him to do that?

[C]

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[A]

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[A]

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[B]

Legal way to sell your firearms.

[A]

It's John Holmberg here, seeing clear as a bell, thanks to my friends at the Schwartz Laser Eye Center. Well, here we are looking at a brand new year. Can you see yourself in 2026? Can you see it all? I mean, really, maybe in 2026, you should see yourself seeing. Fix those eyes. Vision changes are gradual. You might not even know how bad it's gotten. I know. That was my story. So start the new year by seeing clearly. Visit Dr. Jay Schwartz and his team at the Schwartz Laser Eye Center. 4, 8, 483 eyes. Schwartz Laser Eye center, the official eye center for your Diamondbacks and sons.

[C]

It's the best of Homburg's morning sickness.

[A]

I'm 98 KUPD. It's time now for Brady to give you all the news that only Brady knows. We call this the Brady Report, and it's brought to you by our friends at AllProchade. AllProchade.com you can have that going on at your house. Put a little shade in a spot. Make that shade make the sunlight not bother you so you can enjoy where the sunlight is when it's not directly in your eyes, they'll make it look great on your house, too. Motorized shades. They've got the blinds. They've got window covers. If you've got a backyard patio. I just saw something yesterday that said the number one thing people are looking for in new homes. Outdoor living space. That is. That is now top of the list on people's minds saying, I want to be able to have something that I can use. A functional space outside. Nothing makes it more functional than making sure you can have a TV or Some sort of a, a sitting area where you're not blinded by the sun or you got glare or anything else folks at all. Pro Shade will do it for you all. Pro shade.com that's where you go. Time now for Brady to give us the news that the newspaper isn't getting to. We get a little rant and rave. I want to do later in the news because of what's going on in the paper again. But we'll do that later. Here's the real news. It's Brady with the Brady Report. Brady report it.

[C]

John. That's not the only thing that has come out your dream. Creepy's dream review and this time last year a story came out about Indiana University's attempt to break the University of Maryland's dreidel spinning world record. Ratified at 535 simultaneously spinning dreidels by the great Guinness Book of World Records itself. Indiana's Khalil, which is the largest Jewish organization on campus, thought the school had broken the record reporting that they succeeded in keeping a total of 713dreidel spinning for 10 seconds. If you don't know what a dreidel is, that's a little red wood spinning tops.

[A]

It's a Hebrew game made of clay.

[C]

And the reason why they're spinning dreidels, John? Because tonight is the start of Hanukkah. It is?

[A]

Yeah. Really? So it's gonna be over unlike the 16th.

[C]

Well, Indiana said they had 713 dreidel spinning for 10 seconds. However, apparently did not satisfy the strict requirements for proof set by Guinness. Oh, so their record breaking attempt did not stand up. Now in honor of Hanukkah 2004, they've tried again. 541 Indiana students participate in this year's event. But after last year's disappointment, University is waiting for the official confirmation before it releases final tally of simultaneously spun dreidels.

[A]

Good to see our college kids getting to work doing something important.

[C]

Maryland is not taking this threat and they're not taking it lying down. Their final after Indiana's tally is still to be released, the Terrapins are already organizing events that take back the record, setting a goal of 613 participants.

[A]

Wow, that's some boring activities going on at those. What happened to drinking and having unprotected sex all over the place in college? Spinning dreidels. Boring but happy Chinooka to everybody out there. Happy to Chinooka to all our Jewish friends.

[C]

David Gabovich, the president of Hillel's national board of directors who drove 90 minutes south from his home in Indianapolis to Bloomington to spin with Hoosier says, quote, the events celebrated during Hanukkah were really the first victory over religious persecution in the world. That's why it should be more of a universal celebration.

[A]

I give the Jews credit too because they haven't tainted their holiday with nasty commercialism. It's still Hanukkah. I mean it might have some twists and turns here and there, but for the most part they've kept that thing pretty solid.

[C]

Of course, John Hanukkah tells the story of Jewish resistance fighters led by the Maccabee family driving Greek oppressors out of Jerusalem in the holy temple 2200 years ago. The whole giving presence aspect of Hanukkah was more of a reaction to the gift giving holiday season. Any specific tie to the Maccabees story?

[A]

Well, the Jewish kids were very angry at all the little Catholic kids getting everything.

[C]

On that note, I am Sam Greenspan and I'm a Jew.

[A]

Thank you Brady.

[C]

Ready for this one? Am I non man made vessel can hold us for we are the chubby world dominating Americans.

[A]

No man made vessel can hold us.

[C]

Or a non man made. But it is man made you talking about. Yeah, no man made vessel can hold us. The Queen Mary 2.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

The world's tallest, longest, widest cruise ship. Basically it's 21 stories high and more than four city blocks long. The delicious girth of us passengers on the ship is causing dozens of broken chairs which collapse under a candy coated bodies.

[A]

Oh boy.

[C]

An anonymous ship crew member says quote, we do have many large passengers and most are American and we do have 10 restaurants on the ship. So if they're big when they get on, they tend to be bigger when they get off.

[A]

Unreal. This is a fat group of people this country. I watched a school bus let loose the other day.

[C]

Although I saw a thing, it's. We say it's a fat group of folks. They did a research on this whole BMI thing and actually it's down.

[A]

Well that, that whole BMI thing's a joke. Yeah, they pinch in, tell you how fat you are. It's a bunch of crap. But I watched a school bus. That's all you got to do, check out where our futures headed. Watch school buses let the kids off. I was behind a school bus the other day, I don't. There wasn't a skinny kid getting off that thing. Every kid was a big chunk huge. And it's cuz they got, they don't have backpacks, they all have suitcases, for crying out loud, with wheels. And they're putting their helmets on and they're.

[C]

Back. You see that thing? Maybe the choice is it. You know what it's, it's more education on the folks and how you're brought up eating.

[A]

Just tell them no. Well, you and I were both brought up with a clean your plate thing. Nobody does that anymore.

[C]

Yeah, but it's cleaning the plate. Not necessarily with Twinkies and pudding.

[A]

That's true. It's just, you know, get your kids out of the house.

[C]

You know, you'd sit down and dinner was a process and you had your vegetables, your potatoes. And granted I hid many a pee in napkins.

[A]

Just so you could go Dairy Queen after.

[C]

Couldn't handle the peas. I love peas now. I like them.

[A]

Yeah, but every kid I've seen so far, and at least in my hood, is a big fatty. And it's got to stop because we're already too fat as adults. We need our next generation to skinny up.

[C]

32 year old Marco Chapman of Louisville, Kentucky is a genuine killer and he's going to save taxpayers a lot of money. Marco is accused of brutally attacking a woman and murdering her two children, ages 6 and 7. This was back in 2002. His trial hasn't begun yet, but he's decided to fast forward by asking the judge just to give him the death penalty without a trial. State is considering his request.

[A]

Can you do that?

[C]

But this guy might have a nice little spin to it because they're considering his request. But first they're examining his mental state to make sure his request didn't spring out of insanity.

[A]

Brilliant. He'll be in some country club for the rest of his life. You can't just go up and say bluff, do it. Burn him. Who cares at this point? Why do we save these people?

[C]

In South Haven, Michigan, 36 year old Elizabeth Miklosovic, she's a teacher, South Haven's Baseline Middle School. Is accused of sexually assaulting a 14 year old female student, getting her to participate in witchcraft and even marrying her in a pagan ceremony. What? The girl was in Elizabeth's language art class two years ago. This year, Elizabeth reconnected with the student. They began a lesbonic affair. The student told police that they had five sexual encounters between June and October at Elizabeth's house and in two public parks. The girl grew to trust Elizabeth and eventually started participating in witchcraft with her. Then they got married in a pagan ritual.

[A]

What in the world are you. What newspaper did you find this in?

[C]

That's right, John. Gay witchcraft marriages. The police found out about the affair when the girl told a classmate. Classmate told officials Elizabeth was put on leave. The police charged with first degree criminal sexual conduct. If convicted, she faces a maximum sentence of life in prison. The police went here to pick her up and she immediately turned them into toads.

[A]

Man, are you ever barking up the wrong tree for a job ever in your future?

[C]

Detroit News. I don't have the exact channel but.

[A]

There'S a picture for oh oh on the Detroit News. Let me find it. Elizabeth Miklosovich. I'll do some work.

[C]

Yeah. Italian man who believes he he's a cat had to be rescued by firemen. He got stuck in a tree. John, I'm a cat.

[A]

I'm in the tree.

[C]

Shopper spotted the man on top of the tree meowing for help and called rescue services after he still he was up there for more than an hour. Meow.

[A]

Somebody look at me and get this.

[C]

Attempts by local kids to coax him down the tree with a saucer of milk failed.

[A]

It is attempting, but no kitty is stuck in the tree.

[C]

As a result, the 46 year old cat man had to be carried down a ladder by a fireman.

[A]

This is him fulfilling a fantasy. Or there were two little Italian dudes in the corner laughing their ass off at their buddy who had a straight face the whole time he pulled this off. Little kids look up in the tree. I'm a kitty and I'm a stack.

[C]

They tried to coax him down with a saucer of milk. He's no cat. Every cat goes for that.

[A]

Love to see the kids underneath the Italian dude. Come on.

[C]

Here kitty, kitty.

[B]

Meow.

[A]

No, I stay in the tree until you bring a piece of.

[C]

Quick, get a pie.

[A]

The cat wants a pie.

[C]

Meanwhile, country across the globe, a South Korean man who complained of severe headaches for a couple of years finally went into the hospital for treatment. Doctors took some X rays and they said we found out what the problem with the headaches is. This three inch nail that's in your skull.

[B]

What?

[C]

The man had a three inch nail embedded in his skull and he did not know it.

[A]

How does that happen?

[C]

The best part of it had been in there for two years.

[A]

Boy, was he drunk two years ago.

[C]

There's the photo, my friend.

[A]

So what are you doing over there? How do you not know that's in your head?

[C]

They removed it successfully. They say he'll fully recover. It's in the front. No brain damage. Yep, in the front.

[A]

There's got to be a bump on his face.

[C]

If you want to check that one out, check out ananova.comannanova.com and the X Rays.

[A]

The dude's got a nail through the front of his head right into your forehead. How do you not know that's there? They smell their sick sticky they say things that are horrible.

[B]

NFL Championship Weekend is upon us. Now. I don't want to jinx my team, but the Underdog app is the best way to celebrate a win like I did in the divisional round. It's dictator little from the morning sickness and playing on underdog is so easy. Just pick if your favorite players will go higher or lower on their stats and I said it last week so I'm sticking to it. Sam Darnold, Kenneth Walker and Rashid Shahid all are going to go higher on their projections. Jump on board with me. Download the Underdog app today and use the promo code HMS to score $75 in bonus entries. When you play your first $5 underdog make picks win money must be 18 plus, 19 plus in Alabama and Nebraska, 19 plus in Colorado for some games, 21 plus in Arizona, Massachusetts and Virginia and present in a state where underdog fantasy operates. Terms apply. See assets.underdog fantasy.com web play and getterms_dfs_html for details. Offer not valid in Maryland, Michigan, New Jersey, New York, Ohio and Pennsylvania. Concerned with your play? Call 1-800-GAMBLER or visit www.ncpg in New York, call 24 7, hope line at 1-877-8-HOPENY or text HOPENY to 467369. NFL Championship Weekend is upon us Now. I don't want to jinx my team, but the Underdog app is the best way to celebrate a win like I did in the divisional round. It's dictylittle from the morning sickness and playing on underdog is so easy. Just pick if your favorite players will go higher or lower on their stats. And I said it last week so I'm sticking to it. Sam Darnold, Kenneth Walker and Rashid Shahid all are going to go higher on their projections. Jump on board with me. Download the Underdog app today and use the promo code HMS to score $75 in bonus entries. When you play your first $5 underdog make picks win money must be 18 19 in Alabama and Nebraska, 19 in Colorado for some games, 21+ in Arizona, Massachusetts and Virginia and present in a state where underdog fantasy operates. Terms apply. See assets.underdogfantasy.com web play and getterms. Dfs_html for details. Offer not valid in Maryland, Michigan, New Jersey, New York, Ohio and Pennsylvania. Concerned with your play? Call 1-800-GAMBLER or visit www.ncpg in New York, call 24.7Hope line at 1-877-8-HOPE NY or text Hope NY to 467-369.

[A]

Holmberg's Morning Sickness. I think the claw into the hammer in two years.

[C]

I. I have a headache.

[A]

My head is kidding. You know, I don't understand. I hammer nail in face two years ago and have a horrible headache. Ever seen.

[C]

But my face is so flat, I can buy a wall.

[A]

Look how flat his face is. He's South Korean. Look how flat his X ray face is.

[C]

Amazing.

[A]

Face is so frat. I could do back to wall. He's got the flattest X ray I've ever seen. Get the nail into my head. Experience a horrible headache. Why in the world did that end up there?

[C]

Spanning the globe again. Mark McGowan good was so upset, he and his protest group about hunting fox. Mark decided that he'd come up with his own remedy to stop the fox hunting that goes on, you know, on horseback. The traditional his way of protesting, to fry up a fox and eat it in public. He said the roast fox was tasty, but he admitted it nearly made him vomit.

[A]

Oh, it was a bit.

[C]

A bit like a rack of lamb. He said the trouble was retching noises from the other people in the room. I can't believe this. One million people marched against fox hunting and another million marched for it. So we had the 2 million.

[A]

It's almost like Braveheart.

[C]

Yeah. The housing estate where I live is full of crackheads, but no one marches to help them. Everyone gets really worked up about the furry animal, but no one cares about each other.

[A]

Oh, that was beautiful. Brady.

[C]

He plans a repeat performance in London's Docklands.

[A]

Wow.

[C]

Might be a place December 15th. So if we go there a week.

[A]

Yeah, a week to plan out that dude eating the fox trip in Singapore.

[C]

John, there's a. When people pass away, you have a wake.

[A]

Sure.

[C]

The biggest thing that's going on there now is the big. It's big money. And now the Singapore mafia folks are honing in on it because they're claiming territory. They host temporary casinos at family wakes. And it's big money.

[A]

Great idea.

[C]

Apparently, runners for the gangsters scour the obituaries to find potential hosts for the temporary casinos and about 60 bucks for closing a deal with a family. Then the morning family gets 180 bucks a day in exchange for allowing the casino on their property.

[A]

Who's losing there?

[C]

No one. But police have just learned about the gaming at wakes.

[A]

That's a great idea.

[C]

The death casinos.

[A]

How much better would it be?

[C]

They're gonna try to crack in on that. But if, you know, if you wandered.

[A]

Into somebody's wake and found, you know, and just walked in and like, you're very sad and you just turned wheel. Ah, fortune.

[C]

Great.

[A]

I'd love that. You can play some slots while you're mourning.

[C]

How bad is life in China nationwide? Four people kill themselves every minute.

[A]

There's a lot of people.

[C]

That's 5, 760 people a day.

[A]

Yeah, but there's like 2 billion.

[C]

2 million people a year, John.

[A]

But the percentage can't be that much different.

[C]

You know what our suicide rate basically in the US is 30, 000 a year. You're talking about 2.1 million a year. One reason it's not much help for people contemplating ending at all. According to China Daily newspaper, 90 of the people who call the official suicide prevention hotline in Beijing gets a busy signal. The director blames it on lack of funding, but recognizes that the busy signals are a huge problem because, quote, callers can be at high risk of committing suicide. For the past two decades in China, there have been economic reforms, increased competition, job losses, welfare changes and changes in the traditional family.

[A]

They're probably encouraging suicides over there in China. There's so many people they have to.

[C]

Have they got a weed amount somehow, I guess 2.1 million.

[A]

But that's not that much to when you get 2 billion people.

[C]

Yeah, I guess percentage wise, I wonder that's still a lot of folks, a.

[A]

Lot of people dying.

[C]

But finally a Russian couple who tried to avoid buying a train ticket for their daughter by putting her in a suitcase were caught. But that didn't end there. They were caught, but the stu. The suitcase was stolen. The parents of the young girl admitted they had been not been paying attention to the case when they stopped off for a few drinks after arriving in Moscow train station. Police later found the girl, age three, wandering the streets lost because the crooks had taken the suitcase. Open it up. Let her out. And took the case.

[A]

This suitcase is crying, man. Open it up. Let whatever's crying out. Mommy. No, man, you have to go. We want the clothes.

[C]

Well, not only that, but the. The suitcase couldn't have been that nice because if you're having to try to shim your daughter in free on the tray.

[A]

Yeah, that's true. They didn't have much dough.

[C]

There's no Louis Vuitton.

[A]

Of course. Then again, Chuck makes me get in the trunk of his. Of his Mercedes whenever we go into a parking place.

[C]

It wouldn't surprise me.

[A]

Sometimes the richer they are, the tighter.

[C]

Yeah, it ended up being some coach.

[A]

You know, beautiful skin bag with the baby in it.

[C]

In the bag, baby. How about the girl wandering the streets.

[A]

The crooks let her loose. There's a baby in the bag, bro. Let it out. What's this world coming to? People put a baby in a bag, let that thing loose. We need to close now if you're going to work today. Throw in the half assed effort. You're not supposed to be going. All the bankers. People don't do anything anyway. And we've discovered this, Brady. Remember when we said we take the bankers off the roads? Because most of the time it's. It's the women who do the telling and all the. A lot of women have the day off. That's why the roads flow so smoothly.

[C]

Is that right?

[A]

I tried to say it, but it came out nicely. It's true. Women get the day off on these days and that's why the roads are so clear. Because it's just a bunch of men driving.

[C]

There's a lot of Tupperware parties going on right now.

[A]

Yeah, well, no, because they're not even leaving for that. A lot of Internet shopping though.

[C]

Boy, is rocking. Everybody.

[A]

Everybody who doesn't do anything anyway gets the day off.

[C]

Ebay is rocking. And the women are lined up buying those Juicy suits. JLo Velour Sweat.

[A]

Geneva got one of those for Christmas. And I started thinking to myself, oh boy, she's gonna dress up like JLo. And her name's Geneva Holmberg and starts with a J. So she's J Ho. So I started thinking, oh, it's gonna be awful. She put it on Nice.

[C]

Ask her about the Juicy. That's like the Louis Vuitton of them.

[A]

I don't know.

[C]

Is that a Juicy couture?

[A]

You know it. That scares me.

[C]

I found out about it because.

[A]

Because somebody wants one.

[C]

She outbid everyone for the juice.

[A]

Really?

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

You got your. Your chicks getting clothes off of ebay Juicy. Yeah, she's getting used really good merchandise.

[C]

It's not used.

[A]

Yes, it is. Guess what?

[C]

Those things run retail.

[A]

Are you kidding me?

[C]

For volume galore.

[A]

For a jumpsuit sweatsuit.

[C]

Yeah, and it says J on the zipper.

[A]

Go to Mervyn's, for God's sake. Puma makes the same.

[C]

Not Juicy.

[A]

Unbelievable. Women Are stupid. They drive me nuts. It doesn't make sense. It's the same thing. It's the same thing. Geneva and I got into an argument because the new Victoria's Secret came out with swimsuits. There's a book inside that tells you, like, what you should wear. And there's like 15 different designs of.

[C]

Body for body type.

[A]

Body type. So I'm looking at it, I'm like. And one is cleavage enhancing and one is mega cleavage enhancing. Like, women are dumb. Why? We don't care this much. You guys are doing this for yourselves. We're doing it so you guys care.

[C]

If you had.

[A]

We don't care.

[C]

So between cleavage enhancing and mega cleavage.

[A]

Mega, you choose mega. Chooses normal cleavage enhancement. You go mega. If you're looking to enhance cleavage 100%, not 70. Mega cleavage enhancement. I mean, that's what we're looking for. If you're doing it for us, mega cleavage enhancement. No bottoms. If you're doing it for us, just don't go with a top or bottom. Just naked bathing suit.

[C]

Did they do anything on the bottoms like mega camel toe enhancing?

[A]

Yeah, they did. They had the one on that three inch toe. It was great. That's Victoria's Secret.

[C]

She's got a small, medium, large, 2 to 4 inch toe, 3 to 6 inch.

[A]

Well, they had the toe enhancer and the mega toe enhancer that actually just flops out of the sides of the suit. The. It comes with two little pink floss flaps. In the wind, it makes it look like you've got bigger labs than you do. Thank you, Brady, for making everyone sick. But the whole deal on that is, if they're doing it for us, why aren't we designing the suits? And if they're doing it for us, why are the suits that they always buy, the ones that like, they always say, oh, I'm hippie, have a hip thing, or my butt's kind of weird. So they get the suit that covers it all up and looks like they're wearing some sort of like, tarp. Not doing it for us.

[C]

They need to bring back those old James Bond suits that the women used to wear with the belt buckle on it.

[A]

You need to bring back the ones that come off real easy and don't cover much.

[C]

Or how cool would it be if she's. Her bikini bottom is a just a rodeo belt buckle.

[A]

Yes.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Nice. We should design some bathing suits. If that. If she was true, if she was honest about it, if that was true and they were doing it for men, they'd let us pick them out for them. What? We want to see you win. No, that's gross and weird. Shut up. It's time now for the Brady Report. Brady Half ass A report for me.

[C]

Well, John, it's a great day to be gay because within New York's gay community there's this support group called what is Small Anyway? Specifically designed for men with inadequate wingage. Disgusting.

[A]

They smell, they're sticky. They say things that are horrible. It's John Olmer here from the Morning Sickness to tell you about underdog. Playing on underdog is easy. Just pick whether your favorite players are going to go higher or lower on stats like point, rebounds, steals and more. This week I'm looking at the NBA Wembanyama is going to be higher than 10 rebounds in a game. Devin Booker I'm going higher than six assists in his next game. Download the app today and use the promo code HMS to score $75 in bonus entries when you play your first $5. That's promo code HMS. Underdog make picks win money must be 18 plus, 19 plus in Alabama, Nebraska, 19 in Colorado for some games, 21 plus in Arizona, Massachusetts and Virginia and present in a state where underdog fantasy operates. Terms apply. See assets.underdog fant dfs underscore.HTML for details. Offer not valid in Maryland, Michigan, New Jersey, New York, Ohio and Pennsylvania. Concerned with your play called 1-800- Gambler or visit www.ncpcgambling.org In New York, call the 24. 7, Hope line at 1-877-8-HOPE NY or text Hopeny 467-369.

[B]

The playoffs are here in Hooters. Just upgraded your game plan. Our beer of the month went from 14 ounces to a massive 25 ounces starting at just 1 $4. That's a bigger beer for every kickoff drive and touchdown. And while you're here, load up on wings, burgers and all your favorites. Come in for the playoffs. Stay for the food, the cold beer and non stop football. Plus every Hooters is giving away an 85 inch smart TV for the big game. Must be present to win. Hooters come for the football. Stay for everything else.

[A]

Holmberg's morning sickness. There's a group for little peepeed men in New York.

[C]

You may not know this, but the fear of having a tiny bulge is a silent menace for our gay brothers. Think about it. Straight men don't see any peen except on porn stars who they all know they're supposed to be stacked up, right? But gay men have the opportunity to See lots of pain.

[A]

True.

[C]

So if the little one on the petite side, they could easily get the feelings all hurt and being hung and they don't have anything to offer. But according to one man who visited a small wienis support group in our community, the idea of what's average is very distorted. Apparently lots of studs in the community brag about their humongous schlongs, but just airing these complaints that that support group makes men feel better and they know they're not alone.

[A]

I'm not gay, but if I was, I want my boyfriend to have the smallest penis possible. I would go to that. That group and pick one out of the herd if I was a gay guy. Is it really a desire to have a giant unit in you if you're gay? Is that the key? Size matters. You'd think they'd be searching out like the guys that would be most desired would be the little tiny ones.

[C]

Yeah. Then you could fake it.

[A]

I don't know about that. I'm just saying then you're just, you know, you're not choking on it from behind.

[C]

Well, there's nothing funny about running out of beer at a party. So we can understand why a blind man and his friend would get into a fight after they ran out of booze during a drinking session at the blind guy's house. But here's what happened. Fisticuffs ensued and the blind guy happened to lose. But both of them were bloodied up. Broad, Broadview, Ohio. When police responded to a call about the fight, they found both men bleeding from the face.

[A]

Nice. So that one fighting a blind guy.

[C]

Japanese are finally doing something to stop deviant Japanese businessmen. The Tokyo Metropolitan assembly is debating whether to take the radical, unprecedented step of banning the sale of used panties to meet their customers. Perverted needs. Some sex shops hire teenage girls, some who are under the legal age to wear pair of panties for a few minutes, then sell them to the freaky deviants. As much as 95 bucks a pop.

[A]

Ew.

[C]

Which brings me to the disease of the day.

[A]

This is awful. I got the either underwear for you or for ebay. Lightly used smell.

[C]

Today's disease of the day is gout.

[A]

Oh, I like gout.

[C]

Gout is an old fashioned disease. A lot of people nowadays don't even know what it is. But Ben Franklin and Thomas Jefferson had it.

[A]

I had a friend who had it and his foot swelled up, looked like some sort of a. Like a sack of water hanging off his leg. It was the weirdest thing I've ever seen.

[C]

How does it happen? Well, the gout strikes when you've got so much uric acid in your body that your kidneys can't flush it out through the urine. So it crystallizes and builds up in your big toe, ankles, elbows or knees. Causes major pain. It feels like you have a broken bone basically. But since it usually affects the feet and these, the gout can easily keep you from moving around when it flares up. The gout used to be a big problem for old men who love to party. But now it's affecting men and women in their 20s, not just big boozers. Doctors say it's brought on by obesity and the Atkins diet.

[A]

The meat's too much meat.

[C]

The Atkins diet can help you lose a lot of weight and a little time, which can also create a backup of uric acid.

[A]

I'm surprised they don't have gout. As much steak as I'm pounding.

[C]

It doesn't say anything about the meat.

[A]

That's what I've always heard though. Eat too much meat, not enough other stuff.

[C]

Well, we have the best mannered city in America by etiquette expert Young Stewart. And number one goes to Charleston, South Carolina best man.

[A]

Congratulations, Charles.

[C]

The second place is a three way tie. Springfield, Illinois, Peoria, Illinois in the Quad Cities.

[A]

How do you tie? Who's gonna argue with you if you just put quad cities 4th or 5th?

[C]

It's interesting how they ran, you know, rate them by what kind of prerequisites?

[A]

What do they drive around and cut people off?

[C]

Cut people off? They actually hit somebody in the car to see how the person responds.

[A]

Really? Sorry, my bad. I was going far too slow. Enjoy the Quad Cities. They do, they like cut them off in traffic and stuff.

[C]

They hire a guy to just be.

[A]

An ass on the road, see how people are.

[C]

They say how they handle complaints like about a barking dog, loud parties based upon stuff like that. Here's an interesting quandary. Guy's house and Weathers in Wethersfield, Ohio. He calls 91 1. The call was routed to a fire department from the neighboring city of Niles. When the three trucks of Niles firefighters pulled up, they realized the house was 200 yards outside their jurisdiction. So they watched the place go up in smoke. It took 20 minutes for the Weathersfield fire department to show up to put out the blaze. The reaction was slow because Weatherfield's fire department is made up of part time firemen who usually aren't even at the station when the calls come in. Niles file Captain Randy Sissimo defended the Squad's actions because they were quote, paid to protect the property of the people of Niles. He says that if someone had been trapped inside the house, they would have intervened. But he didn't want his troops tied up fighting this fire because what if they would have gotten a call in Niles? They would have been to go do that.

[A]

What an ass.

[C]

But Jason says Nile Squad should have stepped in because in the 20 minutes they watched the fire spread from room to room, destroying most of his family's possessions. He says, quote, don't call yourself a firefighter if you do something like that.

[A]

Yeah, fire federal. I was with a guy who's from Florida once and we saw a car accident. He made me stop and he got out and helped. If you're a real fireman, you'll do it anywhere. It doesn't matter. Unbelievable.

[C]

We have another firefighting dispute in Keith, California discovered assistant chief's wife of the fire station. His wife was on an explicit website. He got fired. But here's how it happened. The firefighting came. Cadet was busted for surfing porn sites on the firehouse computer while on duty. Not only that, he paid for a subscription to the website of fellow fellow fighter firefighter Alex Alexis Jones, wife of assistant to fire chief Roger Jones.

[A]

So she's got. So one of the firefighters wives has a hottie porn site. Yeah, Alexis Jones.

[C]

Then he canceled his check once he had seen her naughty parts online. Roger Jones says, quote, I don't care whose website he was looking at, this was fraud. But the rest of the squad saw the firing as retribution. So 22 of the town's firefighters walked out on protest. Let's discuss Alexis Jones here online. She goes by the name of Chantelle Lace. Apparently she was quite the master thespian the early 90s, starring in 15 triple X film, 20 topless boxing movies, 30 catfight movies, 35 wrestling movies and 15 other sex fight films.

[A]

I hope that's not her that I just found.

[C]

The goal of the naughty website that her fellow firefighter was looking at was to raise money to buy back the rights of her all her porn that she can so she can destroy it, put that chapter of her life behind her. Yeah, that's her. Ww.chantellace.com you want to check her out, help her do her part to destroy that chapter in her life. Now if you're out shopping for cribs this weekend or this week or even on this day off, she looks pretty good here. Maybe you want to invest in the 42.5 million dollar apartment in New York City. It's one apartment. 42.5 million. 42 and a half million bucks. It's the most expensive apartment purchased in New York. It's part of a brand new twin tower complex overlooking Central Park.

[A]

Didn't we just do this? Didn't Bruce Willis just buy one for like 36?

[C]

There? This is tops it, 70. It's 76 floors up. The guy that owns it is David Martinez. On top of the 46.5 million he's pouring out into the apartment. It's 12, 000 square feet by the way.

[A]

Wow.

[C]

He'll pay 30 000amonth in just membership fees to the building's landlords. That's your condo fee. Ricky Martin bought a place for 7 million. The cheapest apartment in there is a 1200 square footer that goes for 2.3 mil.

[A]

Wow.

[C]

It's the Time Warner Center.

[A]

Ridiculous.

[C]

Which also is housed in new world headquarters for the company. Boy, that's amazing.

[A]

$46 million. You got too much money. If you can afford $30,000 in home ownership fees. It's like living at Gilbert for God sakes.

[C]

Finally, 47 year old Thomas Ingratia of Farmington, Missouri thought he was pretty crap. Thought he was a pretty crafty sex offender. In the library of the mental hospital where he's being held. And Gracia researched a legal loophole to exploit. He discovered that it would not be against the law for him to escape the hospital. See, in Missouri, after violent sex offenders complete their prison term, they can be held indefinitely in mental hospitals. But lawmakers never wrote anything down about it being a crime to escape from the hospital. And Gracia said, quote, they're idiots. He cut a hole in the fence, escape, ran off to Florida. He's right.

[A]

They can't get him.

[C]

The authorities couldn't come after him for escaping, but they could charge him with felony and property damage for cutting the fence. Police track the down. Now the violent sex offending a hole has got seven more years in the prison.

[A]

Oh, for cutting a hole in a fence?

[C]

Yep.

[A]

What do you have sex with a holy cut first? How do you get seven years for that?

[C]

Well, I guess the judge really wanted to throw the book at him. Darn.

[A]

Wow. I got no problem with him going back to jail, but seven years for a whole offense is excessive.

[C]

And he got another seven years for the parking ticket.

[A]

Oh, really?

[C]

No. I don't know. I'm sure they fix that one up.

[A]

Unbelievable.

[C]

Brady.

[A]

Well done. Educational, informative. Boy, that's a good Brady report that Korean Dude's face is as flat as anything I've ever seen. And he's got a nail in it. How do you not know that nail is in your head? He's got to be 4 inches long. Huh? Oh, the egging headache. It's either a drink of too much pop or the nail I drilled in here two years ago. It's awful.

[B]

Kim Jong Un got nailed, man.

[A]

Anyway, you can check that one out on Annova. And the witch is not worth looking at. That's all you need to know. The lesbian witch founder on Google. Boy, oh, boy. Brady. Well done. On the Brady Report. This morning, Arizona's most powerful, powerful rock radio station. Hey, everybody, it's John Humbert from the Morning Sickness talking to Shane Orlando from Orlando Auto Body. Now, Shane, I take great pride in saying I stand with someone when I tell a listener to go to the their shop. I know why. You tell me what's different for a KUPD listener to go to Orlando Auto Body than anywhere else? Well, first of all, we've been in the Valley here for over 34 years. We do a quality job. We work for you, not the insurance companies. So we can work together to make sure your listeners are getting the customer service they deserve. If your car's been wrecked and you need that thing fixed the right way, get on over there now. Orlandoautobody.com all right, HMS podcast time again. It'll let you know where to go for some great comedy in the Valley this week.

[C]

Head to the Desert Ridge Improv on.

[A]

The north end of town to catch.

[C]

The comedy of Ron Funches and and Joe Mackey East Siders at the Tempe Improv, you've got David Nyhill and Andy Huggins from agt.

[A]

And downtown at Standup Live, it's the incomparable JB Smooth. For the complete lineups and for Tickets, go to standuplive.com desertridgeimprov.com and tempeimprov.com.