01-22-26 - FULL SHOW - THURSDAY - Holmbergs Morning Sickness 98 KUPD

Summary

Holmberg's Morning Sickness – 01-22-26 – FULL SHOW – THURSDAY (98KUPD)

Episode Overview

This episode of Holmberg’s Morning Sickness brings the full crew—John Holmberg, Brady Bogen, Bret Vesely, and Dick Toledo—together for another signature mix of wild ideas, irreverent humor, and unfiltered conversation. From outrageous trailer park proposals to debates about airline seating etiquette, and a hard-hitting (and frequently gross) “Brady Report,” this edition never stays on-topic for long. Listeners are treated to rants about flying with kids, riffing on the realities of fat-shaming and airline policies, more “Would You Rather”-style disease debates, and plenty of audience participation games. The show’s signature blend of edgy, sometimes edgy-to-the-point-of-worrying, jokes and slice-of-life opinions is dialed up throughout.

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Key Discussion Points & Segments

1. Lottery Trailer Park Ideas (01:04–07:40)

• Main Bit: John brainstorms a “Bullseye Trailer Park” where renters would have a shot at a million-dollar prize if their trailer gets wrecked by an act of God (e.g., storms, floods).
  • “You buy a trailer park in, like, Tornado Alley… call it Bullseye Trailer Park. And the house that gets destroyed by weather—a million dollars!” (John, 01:04)
• Other concepts emerge: “Flooded Acres” (for flood-prone locations), “Little Italy” (a play on domestic disputes and police calls), and comical riffing on why trailer parks need “hope.”
  • “It gives hope to people who live in trailer parks, which, if you live in a trailer park, that’s the thing that’s missing—hope.” (John, 04:11)
• The group jokes about which disasters qualify and how to insure the scheme.

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2. STD Roulette & Disease Economics (08:12–14:00)

• Hooker Roulette: A twisted, comic “game” is imagined in which bachelor party hookers play “hooker roulette.” One has an STD, and if you “win” (i.e., get the STD), you receive $10,000.
  • “Hooker roulette: If you get the STD, it’s bad news for you, but we’ll give you $10,000 from the hooker fund.” (John, 08:25)
• In-depth discussion of how much money it would take to voluntarily contract various STDs, with the group jokingly haggling over prices and consequences. Extra cash for how long you wait before getting treated.
  • “Would you take drippy crank for $10,000?… It’s not so bad.” (John, 09:07)
• (Predictably) devolves into a riff about which STDs are “worth it,” “syphilis vs. crabs,” and associated shots/treatments.

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3. Airline Etiquette & Parental Entitlement Rants (17:22–27:00)

• John reads an email from a listener proud he refused to switch airplane seats for a demanding mom who hadn’t booked seating with her child.
  • “Parents are running scams. Never give up your seat on an airplane for a kid.” (John, 18:56)
• Strong opinions fly about who’s responsible for child seating (answer: the parent), why you should never feel guilted into the middle seat, and hilarious anecdotes of attempts to repel unwanted seatmates (watching porn, faking illness).
• Both John and Bret emphasize financial fairness: “If you come up to me as a parent, go, hey, I’ll give you a hundred bucks right now, maybe I’ll start going, oh, you’re ready to cough it up.”

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4. Airline Fat-Shaming, Weigh-Ins & Seating Rants (29:37–42:10)

• Discussion of a New Zealand airline weighing passengers for flight/logistics data, sparking a long and funny debate on fat-shaming, airplane seat design, and personal responsibility.
  • “If you’re upset about being weighed before you get on a plane, it’s just an insecurity you have… Only people who are worried are people who are huge—yeah, just the pigs.” (John, 32:37)
• Many anecdotes and riffs: double seatbelt “shame,” meal trays that can’t come down, how bigger average passenger weight could benefit everyone with larger seats, and playful airline “pay by the pound” models.
• “You are pointing it out with every step you take in public… You’re a walking globe.” (John, 34:00)

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5. Airplane & Restaurant Hygiene Nightmares (43:33–54:16)

• Diaper Changes in the Sky: John reacts with disgust to a viral story about parents changing a diarrhea baby on an airplane tray table, ranting about the lack of hygiene and selfish parenting.
  • “If you change your baby’s diaper… then don’t. It doesn’t mean I have to see its butthole.” (John, 46:55)
• Similar horror stories: a woman eating trail mix directly from a tray table, people using bleach wipes, a restaurant scene where a mom changes her kid’s diaper in the middle of Outback Steakhouse.
  • “Two buttholes in one restaurant is my limit.” (John, 51:52)
• Message: basic public standards are vanishing, and “bleach wipes are the key to flying.”

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6. Parenting & Flying – Who Needs to Travel? (54:16–56:48)

• Riff on why babies and young kids don’t need air travel; families “not that interested” in seeing your kid, Zoom is plenty, and “just because you made that error in life doesn’t mean we have to suffer for your struggles.”
  • “There’s no reason to put a baby anywhere.” (John, 55:55)

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7. The Brady Report (84:13–117:55)

A. Weird News & Global Oddities

• Dreidel World Record: Coverage of universities competing to spin the most dreidels, Hanukkah facts, and lighthearted Jewish jokes (84:25–87:42).
• Obesity on Cruise Ships and Airlines: Reports of broken chairs and the ever-growing size of American travelers (87:39–90:03).
• Global Crime & Oddities: Includes a teacher accused of a lesbian witchcraft marriage (90:45–91:57), an Italian “cat-man” stuck in a tree (92:16–93:00), a man with a three-inch nail in his skull (93:38–94:50), and creative protests (e.g., eating foxes to protest fox hunting).
• Morbid & Grotesque: Stories about a Singaporean “death casino,” China’s shocking suicide rate, and a Russian couple hiding a child in a suitcase.

B. Women’s Fashion & Swimwear Rants (103:13–105:49)

• The crew debates the female obsession with “cleavage enhancement” attire, and why men’s “opinions” on swimwear rarely align with actual trends.
  • “Mega cleavage enhancement… that's what we're looking for. If you're doing it for us: naked bathing suit.” (Brady)

C. Disease of the Day: Gout (109:03–110:15)

• Fun breakdown of what gout is (“party disease of the old,” now increasing due to Atkins diets).

D. Odd & Gross Sex News (106:14–108:54)

• New York’s “Support Group for Small-Wienered Gay Men,” Japanese used-panty vending bans, and bizarre blind man bar fights.

E. Local & U.S. Oddities

• Super-rich New Yorkers’ apartment fees, prison loophole escapes, and more.

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8. Win Mike Tyson’s Money (Live Skit/Game Segment) (119:14–135:19)

• Impression Game: One of the crew (impersonating Mike Tyson) runs a highly off-color trivia game, mixing word puzzles, music trivia and “pyramid” style questions—with the threat of “having your ass pulled out” if you lose.
• The segment is loaded with intentionally absurd, controversial humor and over-the-top Tyson impressions, all in the show’s shock-jock tradition.
• “You promised me…Do you have any kids?... I will eat them first.” (Fake Mike Tyson, 121:13)

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9. News Game: Horrible News Over Happy Music (136:36–149:06)

• Signature call-in contest: callers guess which five absurd news stories are true or false, with “Brady’s musical tribute” in-between.
• Stories range from gunmen foiled by hammers, a grandma wedged behind a toilet, a rare robin eaten by a hawk, a woman starving her quadriplegic brother for inheritance, and a man caught having sex with a corpse at a funeral.
• “He’s not gonna rob anybody again. It's JR Croy, Super Sledgehammer.” (Brady, 139:35)
• No one wins; the stories prove too wild for callers to correctly guess.

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10. Entertainment Drill (150:16–162:39)

• Pop Culture Quick Hits: Cataract surgery, celebrity news (Cher’s age, Eddie Murphy’s “Party All the Time” bet with Richard Pryor), Jerry the Golden Bachelor exposed (not actually a successful restaurateur, dumped a girlfriend for being overweight, etc.).
  • “The Golden Bachelor: He’s a janitor.” (Bret, 161:08)
• Further rants about women’s fashion, vacation sex, and “memorial day topless pool parties.”

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Notable Quotes & Moments (by Timestamp)

• Bullseye Trailer Park:
  • “If you get targeted by God at the trailer park, as they all do, there’s a million dollars.” (John, 02:31)
• Airline Etiquette:
  • “Never give up your seat on an airplane for a kid. …If you have a kid, and you have to sit separate, that’s on you.” (John, 18:56)
• Fat-Shaming & Airline Weigh-Ins:
  • “Only people who are worried [about being weighed] are people who are huge—yeah, just the pigs.” (John, 32:56)
• Diaper-Changing on the Plane:
  • “It got all the way to the pilot…Please, I’ll put this bitch right in the ground…” (John, 57:25)
• Hooker Roulette:
  • “Drippy Crank is a great band… but if you had drippy crank and it came with $10,000, pardon the pun…” (John, 08:25–09:06)
• Win Mike Tyson’s Money (parody):
  • “Are you writing a book about me?” (Fake Tyson, 121:09)

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Episode Structure & Flow

1. Opening Banter/Ad Reads: Sponsors & exaggerated host bits.
2. Comedy Ideation: Trailer park/lottery & STD segments.
3. Audience Emails & Airline Rants: Listeners’ stories fuel etiquette and travel debates.
4. Brady Report/Weird News: Classic odd news, world events, and disease talk.
5. Games & Callers: Off-color trivia and live call-in games (“Win Mike Tyson’s Money”, “Horrible News Over Happy Music”).
6. Pop Culture/Entertainment: Updates on celebrities/reality TV revelations, and non-stop riffing.
7. Recurring gags & call-backs: Many jokes set up early are paid off in later banter, featuring plenty of off-mic banter and inside jokes.

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Tone & Language

• Irreverent, Unfiltered, Edgy: Language and topics are NSFW; jokes are regularly provocative and dark, including intentional offensiveness.
• Relentlessly Fast-Paced: The crew interrupts, riffs, and pivots rapidly, prioritizing bits and punchlines over orderly discussion.
• Camaraderie & Competition: Self-deprecation, mock-arguments, and friendly roast humor pervade the group dynamic.

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Conclusion

This episode of Holmberg’s Morning Sickness showcases why the show is a staple of Arizona morning radio: a no-holds-barred blend of wild comic brainstorms, honest opinions, world news oddities, and devil-may-care games. Whether mocking airline policies, inventing new ways to “give hope” to trailer park residents, dissecting outrageous news stories, or running live segments that walk the line (and sometimes cross it), HMS delivers a three-hour barrage of chaotic, uncensored comedy.

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For listeners new and old, this episode is a primer on the show’s unique style: you’ll laugh, cringe, and maybe question humanity—all before breakfast.

Transcript

[John Holmberg]

You're listening to the HMS Podcast, brought to you by MMP Guns.com, your most trusted online marketplace for firearms, ammunition, and accessories. It's John Holmer here from the morning sickness to tell you about Game Day Men's Health. Game Day Men's Health is a life changer. For a lot of you guys out there who've hit a certain age, we won't mention it. Maybe you don't recover from workouts as well. Maybe you just don't feel like you're you. I wasn't recovering from workouts and I didn't feel as good. I got on Samorelin, which is an awesome peptide. It feels. Feels great. My skin feels cleaner. I feel better about me. Don't let age be a number that stops you from doing stuff. Head on down to Gameday Men's Health and get yourself back to being you. Gamedaymenshealth.com hey, it's Brett Vesely, and I'm here with Byron from MMP Guns. Look, Byron, I have a friend wanting to sell some guns he inherited. What's the best way for him to do that?

[Brett Vesely]

Brett, the last thing you want to do is sell the gun to someone who can't legally own one. Tell him not to put himself at risk and come into M and P Guns where he'll get a fair offer and he can rest easy knowing it's not getting into the wrong hands.

[John Holmberg]

Okay, but what if he lives out easy?

[Brett Vesely]

Legalgunbuyer.com and he can do it all online? It's really that simple.

[John Holmberg]

There you have it. MMP Guns or legalgunbuyer.com the safe and legal way to sell your firearms. Do not listen to this while driving or when full alertness is needed. The best of Homburg's morning sickness. This is the big red radio. I had a great idea. Doug Hopkins and I were talking about real estate stuff because that's what he does, you know, And I said, you know, what I want to get into is buying a. Like, this is a great idea, a great idea. I would have renters forever. You buy a trailer park, right? Yeah. And everybody rents and trailer parks and everything, but because they're always getting destroyed by weather, you buy a trailer park in, like, Tornado Alley or like, let's say in Arkansas, a big one. And you know it's going to get crushed by weather. They all do. So we call it Bullseye Trailer park. And the house that gets destroyed by weather. A million dollars. So you're sitting there waiting for the trailer. The first House that goes down from weather. Million dollars. You couldn't really do it in tornado alley because the whole park goes. But like, maybe here, sometimes a micro burst will just take one down. We had those wind storms the other day and a whole carport fell into the trailer park and knocked it sideways. One thing, and I'm like, that's it. Weather related. Bullseye. If you get targeted by God at the trailer park, as they all do, there's a million dollars.

[Brett Vesely]

Hit the lottery.

[John Holmberg]

You've hit the. It's a lottery trailer. You would never not have renters. And it would just be the greatest trailer park of all time. You just call it what it is. Bullseye Trailer park. When weather strikes, you can win a million dollars. And we'll know. We'll have cameras everywhere for people trying to fudge it or, you know, definitely.

[Brett Vesely]

Want to keep it in a place so at least there might be a chance. Yeah, because people would be more excited.

[John Holmberg]

About living there, like. Exactly. You need to drum up for the possible death of their house.

[Brett Vesely]

The bank of a river that could rise.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, flooded acres. That's a great idea. Oh, the people with the most damage get a million dollars. You could win a million dollars for living in a trailer park. And those trailer park people would dive into that place. You'd charge astronomical rent for trailer parks because you know, you know it's going to get hit by weather. You know, something terrible is going to happen. It can't be a shooting and it can't be man made because that can be f. An act of God hits this trailer park. Million dollars. Bullseye. Trailer parks, phenomenal. You get an insurance policy out on it. The odds of it happening are so slim. And then just people just waiting for their houses to get destroyed. That way nobody's upset.

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah. You'll have, you know, out of the 20 years, maybe one, you'll get some payouts.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

You'll get hit and then, you know, you'll do some, you know, prorated stuff for when a monsoon goes by and knocks over your carport. All right, we'll give you. That's 100 grand. Congratulations.

[Brett Vesely]

Would you include, like, if a car went airborne?

[John Holmberg]

If you have highway acres where it has a flyover. Yeah, yeah. Okay. Well, it all depends. Yes.

[Brett Vesely]

But you can have so many different subdivisions.

[John Holmberg]

Sure. If you had one sitting under an overpass. Yeah. Raining cars. Acres would be a car falls off the freeway onto your house. Million dollars. It's the best idea ever for trailer parks because otherwise living in a trailer park is just depressing. There's no few. It gives hope to people who live in trailer parks, which, if you live in a trailer park, that's the thing that's missing is hope. Trailer park acres.

[Brett Vesely]

Great. And you couldn't really do something like it. You know, you couldn't have Tonto. Tonto Homes and Tonto Verde because of the fires. There's gonna be too many.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. You'd be paying a million dollars like crazy.

[Brett Vesely]

You take a bath on it.

[John Holmberg]

And plus, they could light it on fire themselves and stuff. Start a forest fire. And then you'd have to prove a lot. Now, the weather thing is pretty. You know, it's not like Brett's people with the Jewish lightning and the, you know, that kind of thing. Oh, yeah. You know. You know that you could have Little Italy. Oh, you could have Little Italy, the trailer park. Yeah. Anybody arrested and taken out of the park for domestic violence, the one that gets the one the cops don't pick. Million dollars. Somebody's got to go to jail with DB we got to take one of you away tonight. You can't stay here. Oh, don't take me. And then they would fight, and then the one that gets, you know, the cops cuff and stuff.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

It's a million dollars to the winner. Trailer parks need hope. They need a lottery system when their lives officially fall apart. But that girl that wanted to be a tenderoni, I'm pretty sure she was.

[Brett Vesely]

In that trailer listening today.

[John Holmberg]

That poor girl that liked me, that one of the brought her family over to. She. She would have been someone's Roni. She might have ended up a Roni. She was cuter than she was. Cuter than she was.

[Brett Vesely]

She's the sweetest little thing.

[John Holmberg]

He was the cuter than she was. Poor, but still too poor for. For me. And then that one girl that I made out with on the hills at the Point and then drove her back to the trailers at Golfland and never talked to her again. I had the time of my life with that chick. We're rolling around. You had a lot of trailer parks. Well, there were trailer Mesa. Surprised you. Even Payson with the. The cavity girl or the filling. That was a filling. Yeah. Was a cavity. But let's. Yeah, I was going for other Cav. Even worse pacing. The half expectorant tonsil like pellet. Whatever that thing was that fell out of her mouth and into mine. She happened to be laying on top of me, so I had no. Like. Gravity did its job. If we were kissing, like standing up, I would have never felt that tonsil stone. But it went right into my throat. Payson, you got to expect that. But actually, what was crazy about that is when we got kicked out of the hotel in Payson with that girl that spit her filling into my mouth, which nobody's ever said before. I got kicked out of a hotel in Payson. Well, we. Because it was cold. So me and Mark, my buddy, were camping. Like, I don't want to be out here anymore. So we talked the guy into giving us a room and he gave. It was a movie. Two 17 year old boys, too cold to camp, go to this cruddy hotel. And he's like, I don't want any shenanigans around here. You guys are too young to be in here. I'm giving you a break. Right across the hall, he rents another room to three hot hillbilly teen girls with beer. And we're like, well, this is a thing. So the next thing you know, I'm rolling around with one of them. My friend's trying to get the other one and she spits her filling in my mouth. But then we got kicked out. Yeah, well, one of the two, neither. Good. Brady, if you've ever eaten someone else's tonsil stone, it's an unexpected joy. But then we got kicked out and we went to her house and she had a really nice house and her parents weren't home. And I'm like, why didn't we just do this? Why aren't we just here the whole time? And it was just. It was.

[Brett Vesely]

We had to vet you guys.

[John Holmberg]

It was a poorly written movie. And then of course, that whole thing ended after I swallowed the tonsil stone by getting blue balled to the point where I had to go throw down on the side of the beeline on one of those truck runoffs with my top. No top, no doors. Jeep. Driving back, I was in such agony that I had to throw down on the side of the B line in order to just survive. I'd never experienced the blue balls before.

[Brady]

That was.

[John Holmberg]

She didn't close the deal. This guy says, I like the trailer park idea quite a bit, but instead of trailers, let's do hookers at bachelor parties. Six hookers. One of them has an std.

[Brett Vesely]

Hooker roulette.

[John Holmberg]

Hooker roulette. If you get the std, it's bad news for you, but we'll give you $10,000 from the hooker fund.

[Brett Vesely]

Who's it?

[John Holmberg]

I'm out. I might. That might be worth a syphilis shot. 10 grand. It's all cured. Big whoop. All right. The STD can't be anything higher than the clap. So then you wake up three days later and go, oh, you're peeing fire. And you're like, ah, it's ten grand Drippy Crank. Yeah. But you're standing there rooting for Drippy Crank. Drippy Crank is a great band. It is Great band named Drippy Crank. Write that down. But if you had Drippy Crank and It came with $10,000, pardon the pun.

[Brady]

I don't know.

[John Holmberg]

You do it. I don't know. You wouldn't take drippy crank for 10 grand. I don't know. How long. How long does that shot take to work? I mean, how long? You're better in a day. It hurts. Are you sure? 24 hours. I don't know. There you go.

[Brett Vesely]

There we go.

[John Holmberg]

I'm familiar with the readings. I don't know.

[Brett Vesely]

You're good in a couple hours.

[John Holmberg]

I thought I had it once, but it turned out a girl just gave me the Boone's Farm bj And it made a uti.

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah. Internal vineyard.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, it went inside there, and I was growing Boone's Farm. And how was that? Horrible. But if somebody handed me a check for 10,000 after, it would have been easy. I got some antibiotics. Yeah, I don't know. Maybe I didn't. I might have gotten something. I don't know what he gave me, but cleared it. Okay. Nowadays, would you do that? Because in those days, with a Boone's Farm, you didn't have any money or anything. Your high school. So it's like 10 bucks would have been worth it, but my price for an STD today. What is your price? 10,000. Very nice. For syphilis. That's not so bad. How about five? No, not five. Five's ridiculous. That's. You gotta pay taxes on five. It's not even worth it.

[Brett Vesely]

Ten years later, Holmberg robbed us, man. Why? Well, because Don's blind.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

You didn't get it treated. Don't fall for the reefer madness, Brady. It's not the 30s. Syphilis is nothing.

[Brett Vesely]

There's that.

[John Holmberg]

Capone died of it. You didn't get treated. Oh, there's nothing. You're afraid for no reason. Syphilis is like a day of peeing bad. You go to the clinic, you get a shot, it's gone. It's like a. You know, it's basically Covid, it's harmless list. I don't know. Drippy crank is ten grand. What's your price? I don't know. You can't be too uppity. About this. 10 grand's a nice drippy crank, though, man. I don't know. I think I'm out. I don't know. But you'd be rooting for it if you played what, drippy crank? Yeah. If you played hooker roulette. And you're like, if I got it, I get 10,000, I think. So would you do it now?

[Brett Vesely]

I don't know either.

[John Holmberg]

How in the world do you not know you love money like you're Mr. Krabs. Like, this would be. That's an interesting way nickname. Yeah, you should be mister. Would you take crabs for 10 grand? I think I would for 10 grams. Crabs shave it over and it's over some head and shoulders, right? I think that's it. Some. Just for men to get everything back to normal.

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah, I guess I'd crab up.

[John Holmberg]

You'd have crabs. Right. But drippy crank's different.

[Brady]

I don't know.

[John Holmberg]

Pubic lice. How about this? How about this? This is the fun part of my game. So you get the drippy, right? And you get $10,000 up front. Now, every week you can live with it is another 10 grand. With the crabs.

[Brett Vesely]

No, I'm in on that.

[John Holmberg]

With the drip drops, I'm in on that. You go five weeks before you get it treated, maybe you lose your sight a little bit. Big deal. You're losing it anyway.

[Brett Vesely]

I've seen people had it for years.

[John Holmberg]

Sure. Some people don't even know. Three, four weeks go by, you go get your. You go get your penicillin and it's over at 50 grand in your pocket. But you got to live with it for five weeks.

[Brett Vesely]

And that's tough because that means you're. Oh, you are abstaining, too.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

But if you're holding it up, you're married, man. You've been abstained for five weeks at a time. I don't want to hear it like. Okay, that's what I'm saying.

[Brett Vesely]

Five weeks.

[John Holmberg]

Look here, Valentino, I'm pretty sure you're gonna make it through the window of five before you pop. Yeah. Crazy. These are types of debates we have here. I'd take that for 10 grand right now. What? Drippy crank?

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah, in the week. The weak bonus.

[John Holmberg]

And a week bonus. I'd probably do a one week bonus. I don't think you can go further than that. If you've ever had a UTI where it hurts to pee or it's. You don't want to do that. Every day for seven days.

[Brett Vesely]

That's to go, Dormy.

[John Holmberg]

It can. I guess we'd have lucky. I guess we'd have to make sure that that's all she has. Because I don't want the bumps because that stuff lasts forever. All the hooker. Yeah, all the hookers are tested.

[Brett Vesely]

How much for the bumps?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, how much for bumps? No, I don't. Bumps, but they don't flare. What do you mean they don't flare? Sometimes people have bumps that just test. People never flare. You never life with them. Look, I've read a lot of articles. There's been. Other than that, other than the aids. If you make sure you've got. You know, people have them, it's bad for ladies more because they can get ovarian cancer easier. It just increases your risks. But it's really not that big a deal. And frankly, it's really hard to catch. Really hard to get. Brandon Lee was in here, and he said he had weekends where he had sex with hundreds of men. And I'm like, what do you have? And he goes, I got out of there with nothing. And look, the way you get STDs, filthy drug addicts underneath you, whoring or, you know that butt thing with a stranger. You wrap up the butt thing. Look, everybody had just scared to death of sex for a while because they were scared. You know, we had a problem. I don't want my crank looking like the speed bumps at Fashion Square. I'm kind of out. I would not do the bumps either. But I've read about the bumps. And you're like, it's really not that big a deal. So long as they're not just, you know, Vesuvius and all over this person's pants. Because it's like Eddie Murphy said way back in the day. It's like. It's like luggage. You keep it forever, you know? I mean, five million. Five million for bumps. That's overshooting it, man. Some people get it for free and they're just fine.

[Brett Vesely]

No, I saying, would you do it?

[John Holmberg]

Oh, yeah. Cover my whole body. I'd be like a wart person. It'd be like a human tree man. I'd be tree man. I'd have, like, just dangling warts off my fingernails. Five million bucks. I can hole up and watch good Netflix on that, play some great video games. But the bad thing is, you got the warts and you can't ever. You got $5 million now. You're supposed to be attractive to somebody, and you're not gonna.

[Brett Vesely]

You gotta let people know.

[John Holmberg]

What an interesting thought. What would it take to get you how much money for an std? Everybody in this, your parents probably had took a shot at one point. Your dad going to Cuba and all over. I'm sure he took a shot for sif. Your dad had the sip.

[Brett Vesely]

Try to ask.

[John Holmberg]

Ask him. It's something he needs. He even said it to you last time you talked.

[Brett Vesely]

But right now it's 50.

[John Holmberg]

50 on whether he's going to answer it.

[Brett Vesely]

Well, he'll answer it, but whether or.

[John Holmberg]

Not you believe it's real Torp or.

[Brett Vesely]

Is it drugged up Torp.

[John Holmberg]

That's the best time to get real answers. Drugged up Torp's not going to just suddenly lie about syphilis.

[Brett Vesely]

No, he. Yeah, I mean, he's pretty sharp. But last time he was in the.

[John Holmberg]

Era where, you know, traveling around.

[Brett Vesely]

But you gotta understand, the last time he's talking, he's also calling somebody. I'm in the attic right now working on an ac.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, there's some. There's some trouble that's going on.

[Brett Vesely]

Dad, you're in bed.

[John Holmberg]

But he was in Havana in the 50s. Yeah, he had several. Your dad probably got the safe. He wasn't. Your dad didn't use rubbers. He was a religious man. He's not. They even have them. Then you never hear about that. Syphilis.

[Brett Vesely]

He was.

[John Holmberg]

No condoms. Oh, yeah. He never went and got condoms. Your dad didn't use that.

[Brett Vesely]

Oh, he had jimmy hats.

[John Holmberg]

That would be against God. Your dad could not go buy condoms.

[Brett Vesely]

He wasn't, you know, he was not Catholic.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, but he still wasn't buying condoms. He wouldn't talk about sex. He's not going to go stand in line with rubbers in his hands. That's not happening.

[Brett Vesely]

Fraternity.

[John Holmberg]

No, he was in Cuba. He was bone in Cuban slots and probably got the SIF. If you were in Cuba in the 50s, I'll ask. You got the drippy. You get to.

[Brett Vesely]

I've got one of the guys I know that was in Korean War. He's pilot, Navy. And he was talking about the time. Well, this is a guy that I rode motorcycles. I'm gonna name him.

[John Holmberg]

Did you write bitch?

[Brett Vesely]

But he talked about the time that.

[John Holmberg]

He got the sips.

[Brett Vesely]

He got crabs.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, yeah.

[Brett Vesely]

And he goes. He lived with two roommates. And he would comb out and put them in a jar.

[John Holmberg]

Why?

[Brett Vesely]

And put them up there. Just display them.

[John Holmberg]

Okay. I don't even know that that's a real thing, but gross.

[Brett Vesely]

Yes.

[John Holmberg]

And you're hanging on to him for dear life on a motorcycle.

[Brett Vesely]

No, I didn't.

[John Holmberg]

I wrote The French mistake. Yeah. You were making the French mistake back there. You've been fringe. Ified anyway. 10 grand. I like that. Hooker roulette and bullseye acres. These are good ideas. Give people hope who normally wouldn't? I got another email. I wanted to put this with this guy named Brett. Email. And he said, homeberg, you would have been so proud of me. A woman on my flight last week tried to get me to switch seats because her kid wanted to sit with her. He was two rows back in a middle seat. I stood up, actually considered it, and saw that he was in a middle seat. And I looked at the lady and I said, ma', am, I'm 63275. I can't sit in the middle seat. She said, maybe you can switch with the guy in the aisle. The guy in the aisle was the same size as me. Said, no, thanks, ma'. Am. I'm not interested in switching. She told the flight attendant and started crying that I wouldn't help her. I told the flight attendant myself, and I'm not the type of guy that likes conflict. I don't usually deal with. No. I told the flight attendant. I'm like, it's not my problem that she booked two separate tickets for a kid and thinks that everybody's got to move. By the way, I was in the emergency aisle, which I paid extra for. She wouldn't even give me compensation for that. Here's the best part. I was the only person she asked to switch seats with. She wanted extra leg room. She never asked anyone else. He goes, so I'm glad I thought of you. Parents are running scams. Never give up your seat on an airplane for a kid. Well, damn right. Ever. I agree. If you're a parent and you book a flight and your kid and you have to sit separate, that's on you. You don't go up to the.

[Brett Vesely]

The. On the flight.

[John Holmberg]

No, it doesn't. Yeah, you.

[Brett Vesely]

I'll shoot a little. You can't have kids in the emergency room.

[John Holmberg]

True. That's true.

[Brett Vesely]

So I don't know about that.

[John Holmberg]

True. Well, maybe she was.

[Brett Vesely]

If he paid extra for the leg.

[John Holmberg]

Maybe she was gonna sit there and he was gonna sit where she was. Maybe that was it. And she could be.

[Brett Vesely]

But as a. You know, every once in a while, you get to a. You know, you get on a flight and the seats. All sudden you got to get on, and the seats aren't. I've never. You know.

[John Holmberg]

Sorry.

[Brett Vesely]

It is tough. The middle seat would be. Sorry to switch.

[John Holmberg]

I'm not switching with you and your kid, especially on you.

[Brett Vesely]

Check with someone else and I would understand that. The guy, six three. Yeah, I noticed that.

[John Holmberg]

And like, he bought seats. So it wasn't a Southwest flight where they just showed up. Look, if you've got a kid and you have to sit next to it, you show up three hours before the flight. Make sure you're in the A group. If you're a C group with your kid, risk taken, you're sitting separate. You can pay to upgrade those. That's true. Those grams.

[Brett Vesely]

You can.

[John Holmberg]

Don't beg other people to fix your.

[Brett Vesely]

Mistake and go up front first. Ask the is there any way I have to.

[John Holmberg]

We have to sit together. Yeah, but part of the risk is showing up and saying we're not sitting together. You have to be a big boy. I don't know how old the kid was, but you're right.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

The emergency aisle, he's not. So she must have been running some sort of an I want this seat thing. I have to be closer to my kid, and I'm way over there. And didn't you say Megan told everybody to F off? Oh, yeah. It was on that flight from Denver because they wouldn't move. She was panicking because it was a bad weather flight out of Denver. I don't fly. Well, would somebody mind moving so I could sit next to him and everybody's magazine in front of her face?

[Announcer]

Really?

[John Holmberg]

No one's gonna help me? All of you. My gop. I don't know who this bitch is. She's about to get on a no fly list. I'm not with her. She's going crazy. We should kick her off the plane. I even started the chain. Kick her off. Kick her off. But if you have to sit next to your kid and you booked a flight to be cheap and got separate things, just goes, somebody will switch with us. Nope. Risk taken, consequences.

[Brady]

Pay extra.

[John Holmberg]

You gotta pay extra. No, I did it once on a flight from Hawaii. I had a front big bulkhead seat and this lady's kid was going bananas. You mind switching? I have to sit way over there. And I'm like, where are you? And she was in one of the little side two seat things. And I'm like, ugh, five hours. And I was nice and I did it. And I said to myself that day, never again. She booked a five hour flight. And I didn't think that she booked a five hour flight with separate seats and then just expected the world to collapse to her knees with a kid that didn't want to do it. Nope. Nope. If your kid and you were flying together and you can't get seats next to each other, you have to explain to that kid right away after, hey, you have to sit by yourself on this one. Need you to be a big boy.

[Brett Vesely]

There's someone between Kirby and I. She only likes the window seats. Fine. Not sitting in the middle. Yeah, take the aisle seat.

[John Holmberg]

And then somebody had to sit between the two of you.

[Brett Vesely]

Yep.

[John Holmberg]

That had to be brutal. Daddy, pass that bucket of Cheetos. Oh, God damn. These people are okay.

[Brett Vesely]

They got up and finally found another seat.

[John Holmberg]

We're gonna move you. You two seem to. I said, what's going on? Why are we leaving? We've done it again. D. The isle is ours. I'm just gonna take my shoes off for a second. No, no, no. Let the dogs breathe. So, yeah, I'm with you. So thank you for emailing, but that is a public service of people thinking that because they have kids, everybody's got a bow to them. And I'm not in on it. I ain't budging. Especially if I had extra money on a. You. You get that emergency aisle.

[Brady]

That's a win.

[Brett Vesely]

Paid for those. All these different levels now.

[John Holmberg]

Emergency. I was a little extra. And if she didn't willing to, like, kick in. Hey, I'll give you. And maybe that's the thing. If you come up to me as a parent, go, hey, I'll give you 100 bucks right now. We switch seats, maybe I'll start going, oh, you're ready to cough it up. If you're willing to sacrifice a little something. All right, maybe. Yeah. Don't go up and just expect it and then tattle on them. Means you went told the he won't switch with us.

[Brett Vesely]

I've done it before. And the person all sudden bought me a drink afterwards. Thank you for doing that.

[John Holmberg]

I'll scoot over.

[Brett Vesely]

That was. Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

But I'm not upending my entire flight, so I'm not jumping in the middle seat. No, I ain't taking a middle seat. If you have a middle seat. Hey, ask someone else. I'm. I'm your first. No. Get used to rejection. Life isn't fair.

[Brett Vesely]

And it was aisle to aisle to that though.

[John Holmberg]

They were just one in front of on.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

If you just go aisle and you just want to sit one seat up that. I do that. Like if. If I'm in a regular seat and they're in a regular seat, we're just switching. That's fine. You guys want to sit next to each. I've Even offered that. When I see somebody sitting across, I'm like, if you guys want to sit next to each other, I'll just take her aisles. Yeah. I go, okay, that's fair. I ain't taking a middle.

[Brady]

No, not at all.

[John Holmberg]

Sorry your kid is incapable without mama. I like it. Nice job, Brett. Way to go. Not this Brett. I had a fight of Chicago one time, my mom, and it was like she always liked to win a seat. I'm saying, as Brady, I'm like, well, I'm on the aisle, so there's gon be somebody between us. I don't care. No way. Southwest. That's just happening. Yeah. That's why I used to. When I used to fly southwest before 911 all the time I was flying every week, I'd have my. My mobile DVD player playing porn, and I'd sit in that middle seat, and everyone would walk by me, had that. Those giant headphones plugged into the thing and just staring at, like, light porn. And people would walk by and look, puke, sack out. Like cinemax porn. Or like, head in the dryer porn. It was heading to dryer porn. Yeah, it was a. You know, it was on the screen. You had to actually look to see what I was watch. Oh, okay. And if anybody sat down, they'd look because from high on, there was those old screens. You couldn't really see what was on it. But I would watch porn and giggle and sit in that middle seat because nobody wants to sit next to a guy who loves the middle. So window and aisle were both open, and I'd watch that. And this was before they'd sell out flights. 911 changed everything. You get on planes that weren't all the way full and still have some idiot that wants to, like, you know, guys like, hey, what's going on?

[Brett Vesely]

Let's talk.

[John Holmberg]

I'm like, hi, Brady. No.

[Brady]

Move on.

[John Holmberg]

It's not time to make new friends. The flight to Burbank. It's an hour of our lives. Let's just. So I try to get the aisle to myself. And that was the best trick I ever had. Or sit in the middle seat. I'd take that avion. Remember for a while, the avion had that spray water for your, like, misting for your face. And I'd hose my eyes out with this stuff, and I would, like, pour it in my eyes, and it turns your eyes a little red, and you're just running. And I would sit in the middle seat with a barf bag with those. My eyes just. And people would. Nobody Sat by me. And if the flight was full, you were screwed. But it kept people away from me. It was really. I flew to Burbank in three seats 80% of the time with those two tricks. Flew from Nashville to Phoenix by myself. Pulling the drunken puke guy. I hate flying. It's great. Little tricks of the trade if you're a frequent flyer. Unless you're Brady and you're like, come on in. Come on in. I dusted it off for you. I've already cleaned it. Drinks are on the way. New Fred. Freddie loves flying. He had sat next to that stump that time. That guy with no legs.

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah. Removed his seat so he could get.

[John Holmberg]

In there on a post.

[Brett Vesely]

How'd it happen? Got underneath a boat prop.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brett Vesely]

Removed his.

[John Holmberg]

But they had to take the seat out and then hoist the guy onto this little plug. Like a cherry picker. In there. Yeah. Dropping them in like a motor. Or they clamped him down to the plane like a Lego. Oh, you didn't get Bob around.

[Brett Vesely]

Come on in, friendo.

[John Holmberg]

Brady goes, why don't you sit next to me, Matt? Anyway, how'd this happen, Bob? I don't want to talk about it. I do. How'd it happen? I was under a boat.

[Brady]

Why?

[John Holmberg]

All right, let me finish. And Brady was exchanging numbers. Bestie.

[Brett Vesely]

My daughter's over there by the window.

[John Holmberg]

Hello, Bob. How did it happen? Arizona's most power, powerful rock radio station.

[Announcer]

NFL championship weekend is upon us. Now, I don't want to jinx my team, but the underdog app is the best way to celebrate a win like I did in the divisional round. It's dicty little from the morning sickness. And playing on underdog is so easy. Just pick if your favorite players will go higher or lower on their stats. And I said it last week, so I'm sticking to it. Sam Darnold, Kenneth Walker and Rashid Shahid all are going to go higher on their projections. Jump on board with me. Download the underdog app today and use the promo code HMS to score $75 in bonus entries. When you play your first $5 underdog make picks win money must be 18 plus. 19 plus in Alabama and Nebraska, 19 in Colorado for some games, 21 plus in Arizona, Massachusetts and Virginia. And present in a state where underdog fantasy operates, terms apply. See assets.underdogfantasy.com web playand. Gettermsdfs.HTML for details. Offer not valid in Maryland, Michigan, New Jersey, New York, Ohio and Pennsylvania. Concerned with your play? Call 1-800-GAMBLER or visit www.ncp in New York. Call 24.7Hope line at 1-877-8-HOPE NY or text Hopeny to 467-369.

[John Holmberg]

It's John Homer here from the Morning Sickness to tell you about underdog. Playing on underdog is easy. Just pick whether your favorite players are going to go higher or lower on stats like points, rebounds, steals and more. This week I'm looking at the NBA when Benyama is going to be higher than 10 rebounds in a game. Devin Booker I'm going higher than six assists in his next game. Download the app today and use the promo code HMS to score $75 in bonus entries. When you first $5. That's promo code HMS Underdog make picks win money must be 18 plus 19 plus in Alabama, Nebraska 19 plus in Colorado for some games 21 plus in Arizona, Massachusetts and Virginia and present in a state where underdog fantasy operates. Terms apply. See assets.underdogfantasy.com web playandgetterms_dfs_html for details. Offer not valid in Maryland, Michigan, New Jersey, New York, Ohio and Pennsylvania. Concerned with your play called 1-800- Gambler or visit www.ncpcgambling.org in New York, call the 24.7Hope line at 1-877-8-HOPE NY or TE 467369. The best of the morning sickness is on the air. This segment is brought to you guys by Action Ride Shop. Now, if you're thinking about heading up north to hit the slopes for some skiing, some boarding, or if you're just going to stay down here in the valley and do some mountain biking, Action Ride Shop is your place to be. They got all the gear and all the knowledge you're going to need, so check them out [e-mail] or better yet, just go visit them over there on Gilbert Road and Southern. It's Action Ride Shop. Brady, I don't know if you noticed this, but there's an airline in New Zealand that weighs people before they get on the plane.

[Brett Vesely]

I. I do know of it.

[John Holmberg]

You do? I've never been alone. You're not on that plane. Some lady's throwing a fit because she's like, it's safety measures. Or a New Zealand air is like you gotta hop on the scale before you get on this plane. I've been on planes where they had to weigh me. It was a little jumper from Puerto Rico to St. Thomas. It was a small plane and they had to weigh your bags, which they do anyway. And then you had to climb on A scale. You had to give them a weight. And I think if they looked at you went, that seems right. They'd let you on. I had to get on because they told them I was 195, and they did. I don't think they thought I was that. And right on the money. So, you know, we're all telling them our weight. We get on. And then the bigger people would say something ridiculous like, I'm 140, but only in pants and my shoes. Probably weigh through for. All right, lady, get on the scale and they'd weigh you. Well, there's a. I've been on an.

[Brett Vesely]

Express one where there's, you know, a seat on each side. They'll move you, and they'll move you.

[John Holmberg]

They did that on our plane, too. It's like, look, everybody sat on the left side. We got to move a couple people over here on the right to balance this prop plane out. That makes sense. Helicopter, right? You had to sit in the middle, and we all had to ballast that. But it was. Yeah, but a helicopter ride in Hawaii, they're like, yeah, to make sure the weight's right because we got some big ends in here. And it was just me and Brady. But it says the goal isn't to single out passengers who might contribute to the plane being overloaded just to gather world information. That's what the lady says. And the. They need and. Or the. The airline. I'm sorry. The airline says that. And the reason why is like, if we could weigh them and find out what most of the passengers weigh, we can change the insides of the planes to accommodate this. So it's more of a research thing. So they're not doing it for the plane's balance or it won't. You know, it'll. It look, it'll stay in the sky. With fat people on a plane. I've been on a plane recently now you have no choice but to fly with fat people.

[Brett Vesely]

But that's one you don't mess around with.

[John Holmberg]

What?

[Brett Vesely]

Like the planes. You always hear of the. There was one that happened a couple weeks ago. The plane was over its limit of luggage.

[John Holmberg]

Right.

[Brett Vesely]

And that's the reason why it went down.

[John Holmberg]

But that's a small plane. Most of the time, these are like. Yeah, well, there's some of that. Those are jets, cats. And they're like, we. You know that they say we weigh the plane every time. Like, we know how much is on there, so we don't need your individual weight. We can figure it out. And we weigh the cargo to the Meals, the luggage for customers and crew and cabin. We use averages, and we're noticing that the average is different. So no one can see your weight, not even us. We just want to put it on there. And now they're trying to figure it out for that. And all I think to myself is if someone says, step on the scale so we can make your flight better in the future or for safety reasons, the only way you'd be upset is if you hate yourself. I climb on a scale. You want to get on the scale? Yeah, sure. I'm not going to think it's enough. The only people who are worried that it is an affront to their privacy are people who are huge. Yeah, just the pigs. Yeah, pigs. Pigs are going to be upset at this. If somebody's, if somebody tries to weigh you to get in a place and say, we just want to make sure we're, you know, we're, we're on point. This is, you know, this thing's up in the air 30,000ft. We can't overdo it. We weigh everything. That is a. That is a. You're violating my civil rights. No, I'm not, lady. You're just mad because you've let yourself go. Now get on the scale. We're not gonna announce it to the rest of them. You know, we're not gonna sit back and go, all right, batch number 55, 321. You believe it? This lady is balloon. They're not gonna do that.

[Brett Vesely]

But they'll just hear from me. I, I, I was eight pounds lighter.

[John Holmberg]

At home this morning. Right? I think it scales. How many people who are a little bit larger? I think it scales A little heavy. You got people taking all the change out of their pocket. No, that's going on the plane too, dummy. They gotta weigh you in your current condition. 292. At home, I'm 250. No, at home, you're 292, just like you are here. You've set your scale to lie to you so you don't have to work. What kind of scale is this? Yeah, apparently gravity don't work the same at your house that it does here at the airport. Yeah, I got less of it. I'm floating. Yeah, because you're hanging onto a couple of bars to lighten up. Nah, 250. We're good. But if you're upset about being weighed before you get on a plane, it's just an insecurity you have. I don't, I have no issue with that. If they want to make airline Seats.

[Brett Vesely]

A little bit down on my boxer briefs just to make weight.

[John Holmberg]

Look, this is the time we need fatties more than ever. If you. If you people still keep getting bigger and bigger and the airlines start noticing while the passengers are huge, the seats will get bigger. It benefits people like me and Bret.

[Brett Vesely]

Seats will get bigger. Get bigger.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Meals might get. The meals might get better. These. If it's mostly lardies flying around those. We're going to be. Brett, you and I are going to be in love seats in these. This is great.

[Brett Vesely]

And I'm not.

[John Holmberg]

What the. You're not? No, sir. You're going to be a double belter. You're a double belter, Brady. That's the day. Remember when that was a controversy, too? When somebody would. You got to wear two belts. That's old. An A. That's an affront to my civil rights. You got to make the belts bigger so I'm not embarrassed publicly. The belt is what embarrassed you, not the reason. You need the belt pointed out. You don't need it pointed out because you are a walking globe. Look in the goddamn mirror. You are pointing it out with every step you take in public. But if this is the case, my limit. What's that?

[Brett Vesely]

If I ever have to ask for the belt.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. And nobody ever does that loudly.

[Brett Vesely]

And I'm like, just run me over.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Did you. Didn't that lady once ask you if you needed it? It was like, oh, I gotta punch somebody in the nose.

[Brett Vesely]

No.

[John Holmberg]

I've never.

[Brett Vesely]

Never had the. It's never been that close. But I got to the point because I. You know, the last flight I was on, it was two for two. The people that I sat next to both double belted. Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Look, we need them flying if we're gonna start weighing. And it's for research to make the seats bigger. Do it. I want to be swimming around in a La Z, boy, next time I'm on a flight across overseas and it's just coach. Like, look at this. Fatty's made it. So we have huge seats now. Change it up. You ever get those. Those fatties that sit there and they. They refuse to get the double belt, and they. Yep. Suck in their gut. Squeeze it around their thigh. It'll hold me. And as soon as the light goes out, it's just, oh, I got released. I can't believe they make us wear these stupid belts on the.

[Brett Vesely]

When's food get delivered, the tray can't come down.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, yeah, yeah, I've seen that. Oh, that's my favorite. Sits on their belly. They still. They still do it. And it's on a 45 across the top of their belly, and they still act like they're normal. They just hold the drink on it. Yeah. There'll be no food service due to turbulence, and we're sorry.

[Brady]

What?

[Brett Vesely]

What?

[John Holmberg]

This can't be. I'm not. Oh, my God. He was hiding a gun in one of his folds. Yeah. So if you people are you. We need to weigh everybody getting. I'm all for that. Hop on and go. Okay. The average weight of this flight, female and male, about 285. If I'm looking at Americans, that's what I'm thinking about 270 to 290. That's pretty average weight. Us 200 pounders, we're going to be sitting there just with our feet up, floating around on the planet. Be great, but it'd be too much room. We might have to squeeze a couple people in our little love seat. Some lady's trying to sue the airline. I can't believe they weighed me publicly. You know, you're walking around. We can see you. You know that, right? Like, we don't need a scale to know that you're. It wasn't some hot model. That's like, how dare you weigh me? It never is. Hot model. Climb on a scale. Okay. 114. Nice. That's what they're really mad about is when the model gets up there and they see 125, and then everybody starts clapping. There comes Margot Robbie walking. Yeah, Margot Robbie.

[Brady]

Sure.

[Brett Vesely]

I'll jump right on.

[John Holmberg]

And then you got to climb on that thing and show, you know, the first number changes to it, too. It's like the Price is right when you miss the guess on the car and you got to change the first number.

[Brett Vesely]

213.

[John Holmberg]

That's not right. It is. How is she? 125 and I'm 213. Oh, it's easy. You're two of her. Okay, now get on the plane. Here's your extender.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Here's your giant seat belt. Food's gonna get delivered once we're in the air. Don't ask on the ground. It's not happening. You can't get an early bird. Okay, okay. That's not right either. All right, just. Just roll over there. You didn't even provide a rascal since it hurts to walk. Oh, my God. And you're mad about the scale.

[Brett Vesely]

Some would like the fact that would cut down on the airline travel amount of people doing it. The other factor is that people you Know what a pain, Another delay in the flight process.

[John Holmberg]

That's not to going. Going to take that long to hop on a scale. Unless somebody throws a. You know that's going to happen. I know, but that, but that's what I'm saying. Look, chunks, get on the plane and follow the. Just get on. The problem is that people will slow down for their own personal needs. It's selfishness. If they ask me to weigh myself to get on there, I'm going to do it real quick so I don't hold up the line. That's the key to the whole deal is people holding up lines. You don't argue with a person about getting. If you argue, you're off, you can't fly. And there should be a weight limit for those seats. Otherwise you got to pay for two. Kevin Smith had to do it. Kevin Smith, the guy who, you know, the genius behind Clerks and all the fun. When he got on that Southwest plane and they made him buy two seats, he's like, this is terrible. It's like, but you know what? I was taking up two seats. He had the decency to notice. It was embarrassing. You take up a couple seats, you pay for a couple of seats. It makes sense. They threw a fit about that too. They need a cattle call on the back. So if you're over this weight, your ass is in the back and you pay a little extra, right. You're taking up more space. Pay by the pound. I say the tickets should be by the pound. In fact, we don't have to weigh you. Exactly. It's like going to the deli. It's the air deli. And you on the online when you're booking your flight, approximate weight and then just say anybody 10 pounds off from this to the actual scale. Hundred dollar fine. They charge it for your bags and everything else. Oh yeah, hundred dollar fine. Approximate way weight. And then you got to put your weight in and then climb on the scale that lights like going to Red Mountain. It's like, how much do you weigh? And you tell them and they get on a scale and they just look at you and shake their head and like, no, you don't. It's a hundred dollar fine.

[Brett Vesely]

It's almost a reverse. The first, you know it's a bigger seat, but you pay accordingly if you're a bigger person because right. Wouldn't do the back thing right off the back. Because if they're coming in the front.

[John Holmberg]

You don't want them in the back.

[Brett Vesely]

Takes forever to get back there.

[John Holmberg]

Then if they're yeah, you put them in the. The biggin seats up front. Just open the cargo haul. You'll be fine. Just have a little stairway right there. Bag them downstairs. That's right. You people can't be up here with us norms. But yeah, it's funny to me that there's a. There's an uproar like, oh. Weighing us before we get on a plane.

[Brady]

But then people will know.

[John Holmberg]

They know. I've never seen a hot girl get mad about the scale. I'll get on it. Dudes won't care. This is about chicks. Chicks getting on. Worried about people noticing that they're. They're in spanx and stuff and it's all squished in there. Hop on the scale for our safety and our future. Now I want nothing but fatties flying. Well, it'll make the seats bigger. Yeah, we'll be flying C130s instead of 727. Or that would be great too. If you're a little bit bigger at your C130 will take you over to San Diego later today. But we can't get you on the southwest. Why not? We both know why not. You don't want to make. I'm not making this public.

[Brett Vesely]

The seats are just that woven nylon parachute stuff. That's it.

[John Holmberg]

To sit on, lean on a wall. Operation Dumbo. Dumbo drop. Sitting there with straps under your belly, hanging in the middle. That would be even better. You don't even give them seats. Hang them from the ceiling of the plane like giant cargo in the back and anybody over their weight. It's like, I can't sit in a normal seat. I gotta get hung like meat. I think it's New Zealand air. You're on to something.

[Brett Vesely]

Sorry about that.

[John Holmberg]

You got to climb up on the scale before we even allow you on the plane. Because you could force it into the earth with your massive amounts of girth. Yeah, I'm all for it. I'm all for that. I'm thinking about weighing people before they get my car. I think that's actually pretty good. It's just a survey I'm taking now. Why don't you climb on the scale here, make sure that my shocks aren't cheap. And elevators. Yeah, I don't want my. I paid a lot for the suspension of this jeep. I'm not really sure I want you mucking that up, driving around the road. Gotta figure out if you gotta bring the F350 that day. Let's put you in the back like we're moving Shamu back to SeaWorld. Let's just lay you down in the back of this truck. I got buckets of water and a team making sure you get enough fish. Yeah. I find it hysterical because that, you know, the lady that was embarrassed went public. They tried to weigh me, like, well, well, yeah. And you're mad because I'm looking at. Yeah, I see exactly why that would piss you off. Yeah. They moved a big guy in a plane, that little tiny plane from Puerto Rico to St. Thomas. They asked him, would you scoot over here? You're on the side with all the people, and if you stay here, we're gonna spin like a top. You're gonna. You're gonna counter this like a crane. Yeah. All right. I'll get over the other side. And he picked his way over the other way. I had to move over the other side, too, because there were too many men on one side of the plane. It's kind of neat. I didn't know that that was a thing. And I was already nervous about the prop plan. I didn't know that they did that. And they eyeballed it, which was even crazier, like, all right, we got. It's looking big. Why don't you two move over there? They got the big guy over.

[Brett Vesely]

They said, me, could you move over on this side and we'll move the family across.

[John Holmberg]

We're gonna move that family of five and put them where you are. We're gonna ask you to go lay down in their seat. Yeah. Anytime someone. That's just a. You know, it's eye opening, but anytime somebody says, we step on the scale for safety reasons, and you get mad, you're not mad at the scale. You're mad at yourself. I'd do it in a heartbeat. Don't be mad. Just get through it. Get us through this line. I did read an article Saturday afternoon. That was morning, I guess that made me think I should never. I would.

[Brett Vesely]

I.

[John Holmberg]

There's a certain part of me that would maybe walk home from Vegas before I'd get on a plane after reading this. A couple. Where was it? I saved it. A couple in. Had to ask the people next to them if they could stop using their fold out in the center seat to change their goddamn babies diapers. They. The second time the lady decided to reach into the diaper bag and get this kid with diarrhea cleaned up again. They said, all right. No. And they got the flight attendant involved. And the lady had the nerve to get angry.

[Brett Vesely]

Yep.

[John Holmberg]

And she starts yelling at him that it's, you know, she can do this. It's a baby. You don't understand. You don't have kids. And it's like, no, that's human. On a place people eat. And it makes me like, if every time I get on a plane and I don't have the bleach wipes, that's what I think about people that do. That's the worst I've ever heard. I watched a lady eat her trail mix off of that thing once, flying from Tampa to Phoenix by pouring it out onto the tray. And then she ate it. And I'm like, that's gross in itself. And then she licked her fingers and got all the dust off, like, multiple times.

[Brady]

She.

[John Holmberg]

When the trail mix was gone, she was scooping it up, but she couldn't get it all off, so she'd make her finger wet and she would. She would. Fun dip stick where the lick a.

[Brett Vesely]

Stick thing, fingers a blotter.

[John Holmberg]

What's that thing where you get the sugar stick and you dip it in more sugar Fuzzy stick. And the dirtiest fun dip. Yeah, the dirtiest thing you can ever eat is like, let me put that right back in. She was doing that on the trail tray. And I'm like, I've watched a dude blow his nose, hold the bloodied napkin, and then put it down on the tray. And so from, like, for a long time, I've always bleached. I know that the airline doesn't have time to do that. They might wipe the seats down. They're not folding everything down and scrubbing.

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah, you can't flop the table.

[John Holmberg]

And now you hear about a lady who not only once but twice put her diarrhea baby on there and nobody stopped her.

[Brett Vesely]

And when they flight attendant then agreed with the pastor. Know we have those in the bathroom?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, you could go in the bathroom. She said the second time. And then the lady said, he said, I didn't. The guy said, I didn't say anything the first time, but the second time I heard them go into that diaper bag. I said, hey, could you guys use the bathroom? Instead of exposing everyone on the plane to that smell. And she lost it. He goes, she went off on me. Said, I don't know how hard it is to have to travel with kids. You don't have kids. You don't know what this is like. The flight attendant in the back of the plane came up and said, ma', am, you can't do this. A few minutes later, the pilot made an announcement that diaper changing is all done in bath. We had to go all the way to the pilot to have the common decency not to change diapers in the middle of the goddamn plane on the serving table.

[Brett Vesely]

Mention it.

[John Holmberg]

Being a pilot who's like, really? I don't have anything else to worry about than this.

[Brett Vesely]

I'm trying to get you guys here. The destination safely. All right, here we go.

[John Holmberg]

If you look out the right side of the plane, you'll avoid the asshole that's changing his baby in aisle 12. You are not going to win that argument with anyone.

[Brady]

Ever.

[John Holmberg]

If you change your baby's diaper and try to say, do you know hard it is to travel with a baby, then don't. I had children. It doesn't mean my life has to stop. Well, I don't care that you had children. It doesn't mean I have to see its butthole. Disgusting. They smell, they're sticky. They say things that are horrible.

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[John Holmberg]

Holmberg's morning sickness. I was at. I told you this. I was at Outback steakhouse and watched a lady change her 4 year old's pants because he crapped them in the waiting area. What were you doing in Outback? Well, here's the fun story of that.

[Brett Vesely]

It's the last time.

[John Holmberg]

Okay, that's true. Okay. What he said is true. And it isn't really Outback's fault. It's more the employees of Outback allowing. So here's the story, Brett. I was on the hunt for the best steakhouse in America or in Arizona. Sorry, it would have been America if I had more time. Best steakhouse. So we're. We're tooling. Me and my friend Colin are tooling around. He's got it. Megan's making the bookings. We're going all over the place. It's years ago and we're trying to figure out like which ones to go to. So Colin and I would find or Megan would find one and then we'd say, okay, we'll go try this one. So we were at, you know, all these nice resorts and everything else and searching for the best steak in the city. And I said, you know, it's kind of like on Golden Pond. Maybe the best steak is at Outback and we're not giving it a chance because they've got high end stuff. They've got. Got the thing that people order and then like you want to go into the outback reserve and they've got like some of the. Oh, they do, exactly. You don't think of that. So I'm like, you know what? Maybe that is like when Walter was hiding from the guys from on Golden Pond. Henry Fonda in his own cove. And he wouldn't fish that cove because that's. Walter is smarter than that.

[Brett Vesely]

Crafty.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Outback might be where Walter, the great stake was tight. So we go to the Tatum and Shea Outback. Seem nice. Look good. Hop in the thing as a 15 minute wait. Like, all right, so I'll just have. I'll have a coke or beer or whatever. And we're sitting on the thing and my friend turns and he's leaning over. Colin looks and he goes, is. Is that a butthole? And that's something you can't not turn and look at yeah, you got it. Yeah. So when someone's sitting, I'm like. And I turn it. I'm like, you sure that's a butthole? He's like, what is she do? And then the lady lifts this four year old down. This is not a little kid. Four year old kid, you know, and.

[Brett Vesely]

It wasn't a jumbo baby.

[John Holmberg]

This thing was talking, had a collared shirt on. It was, it was, it was too much. And she lifts its feet in the air and starts doing the wipe. Oh, Jesus on the table. And I'm like, are you kidding me? And, and the diaper, this big, big boy diaper that the kid was in, was just full. Tosses it in a bag. I'm like, that's disgusting. Meanwhile, mama June, who just got done cleaning this pig, is bending over and the more she bends over, these yoga pants that are fighting for their lives are sliding down. And my friend Colin goes, I don't mean to alarm you, there's a second butthole out. Sure enough, turn over. That lady's pants had fallen down to the point when she bent over over starfish.

[Brett Vesely]

Ah.

[John Holmberg]

And I said, we are not going to discover whether or not the best steak lives here. Two buttholes in one restaurant is my limit. And so, yeah, so there. Saw two buttholes and watched the baby get changed. And everybody in the thing was so shocked by the first butthole, nobody said a word. When the ladies, when the mom's butthole came out, people were like, hey, what are you doing? Get out of here. Like, you can't do. And then so everybody in outback starts to kind of have that, you know, the revolution. And the lady turns, she goes, huh, you know what? You guys are jerks. And she grabs her to go bag. They were leaving, she was done and they walked out.

[Brett Vesely]

Couldn't wait.

[John Holmberg]

Could have done it in a parking lot, could have done it anywhere else.

[Brett Vesely]

Too much squishing.

[John Holmberg]

It was the worst. And all I thought was, well, the impractical jokers are behind this.

[Brett Vesely]

There's, yeah, open your tailgate.

[John Holmberg]

It was, yeah, put it on the hood. But no, she did it there. So. People are disgusting. And makes, makes you not want to use that, you know, to fly along kind of thing. It's just gross. And I know every hotel room I'm in, nice or otherwise, especially in Vegas, is just filled with Chinaman all over the carpet, pillows, everything, the towels. It's all Chinaman. It's businessman man seed. And you know, you, you just, you hope you trust that they'd wash the stuff and you know, they do the best they can to at least get rid of evidence of it.

[Brett Vesely]

High temps.

[John Holmberg]

When you see Chinaman all over the bed and then say, it's all yours, it changes everything. So when you're wiping a baby's ass on the tray to eat, you just assume that's not the first time that's happened. Disgusting. And to the pigs that think that's okay, I just. I'm gonna throw it on you one day and just say, you don't understand. I've got a weak stomach. I know. I don't understand what it's like to have kids, and you don't understand what it's like to have a weak stomach. So I threw up on you and your baby. Sorry about that. Human wafting around usually makes me pukey. It's gross. So if you've got kids. No, you're right. Most of us don't understand what it's like to travel with one, nor want to. But, yeah, that's. Just because you made that error in life doesn't mean we have to be subjected to the pains of your parenting struggles.

[Brady]

Stay home.

[John Holmberg]

Why should I stop my life? Because evidently you're struggling. You're struggling to travel with it. It's. No, but I have to travel. Nope. If anybody wants to see that baby, they can come to you. You know, your family doesn't want to see your baby that bad. If they're not familiar to you, why don't you come to us? That's basically saying we're not interested. So listen. Listen better. That's what it comes down to.

[Brady]

Like hearing.

[John Holmberg]

Me and your mother don't want to fly all the way there. Why don't you travel with the baby? Oh, that's a great idea. They don't want to see that baby. They're like, ah, crap. They took us up on it. They called my bluff.

[Brett Vesely]

Changing diapers all over the place.

[John Holmberg]

In our house, if you've ever packed an infant up to go meet family, that family wasn't that interested at all. And meeting your baby at all.

[Brady]

They.

[John Holmberg]

Can come out and see it. They chose not to FaceTime me. I'm good enough. Yeah, in the day and age of zoom, there's no baby isn't gonna say or do anything special. You don't need to touch it. They all, look, baby ain't gonna remember either. Who cares?

[Brady]

Nope.

[John Holmberg]

The baby never goes, I remember meeting you. Never. You meet it again later because it's as dumb as a stump. Next time it sees you, it's like meeting you Again. So just if you can't make the flight without the baby shouldn't be allowed to fly. We should have some. Some doctor with my mindset should come out with some phony study that says high altitudes make babies brains explode. And then every mother would be a freak show and never take him up there. If you want to drive your baby across country, that's fine. That's on you. That's your world of misery. But changing diapers on the plane.

[Brett Vesely]

We tried to avoid that flying with Kirby, of course, until she was 2 or 3.

[John Holmberg]

No reason to put a baby anywhere.

[Brady]

Brett's right.

[John Holmberg]

That baby's not enjoying anything. But Pop Pop and my mom want to see it. Not. Not so bad that they're willing to fork out a few bucks to come to you.

[Brett Vesely]

That's why. Another reason. Nice to live out in Arizona when they came out to visit. Yeah, compared to coming from gray, cloudy cold.

[Brady]

Exactly.

[John Holmberg]

You come out here. But my parents are on a fixed income. Why do you want to introduce your baby to those deadbeats? They can't afford anything. What are you taking them out to their trailer for? Babies.

[Brett Vesely]

And 2.

[John Holmberg]

How long was the flight to have the baby Just itself. Two times. Oh, you're full again. Let's. Let's subject the world to that. So gross. I have no class. Bleach wipes. That's the key to flying. Just show up and just do the job that this. The. The attendants can't bleach the hell out of that thing. And I maybe even just raw bleach in a rag. Just come on a bottle. I'm not gonna lie. This is more than 6 ounces. But I'm gonna bleach my entire section. You read the story about the baby diapers? Oh, yeah. Here, Take your bleach on. You seem normal. Then if I see anything bad, I'll just pour it in my eyes. But yeah. It got all the way to the pilot. Where like his. Yeah. He's got. Got 142 souls on board. I'm responsible for each and every one of your lives right now. And I'm about to take one myself if you don't take that naked baby covered in feces off of the middle seat. Please.

[Brady]

I'm gonna kill you.

[John Holmberg]

I'll put this bitch right in the ground and kill all 142 of you.

[Brett Vesely]

I like the one where the guy's, ah, gotta take these dogs out. Taking their shoes. Bringing the feet up and rubbing their feet.

[John Holmberg]

Putting your shoes up on the wall. If you've got bulkhead if you're up front, people put their feet up on the wall. Humanity. Good opportunity to remind all of you, if you've got a flag to stick in your house, do it right now. Get it out there for the day and, you know, start celebrating that. Not celebrating, but taking a recognized Memorial Day. Observe it. Yeah, because it's a. It's a definite holiday. I listened to a guy on the radio earlier this morning talking about he's an old veteran, and he said something to the effect of he's not mad. When people celebrate Memorial Day with parties and things like that. I've always thought it was kind of like an odd thing that we've turned into partying. You know, it's to celebrate the fallen and everything else. But I can see where you're silver lining that thing and say, hey, this is just the way it is. So without that, we don't have the. The country we have now. So the fallen are a very necessary part of how we got where we are. An unfortunate necessary part. Celebrating is one thing, but excessive celebration and screaming out, you know, thanks for serving is not understanding it completely at all. I got an email from a guy, guy who says he's in a fight with his wife because it's Memorial Day. His brother is a vet, and that doesn't really necessarily mean this is his day, but he lost some friends and so he commemorates a little differently. His brother is in town for the weekend and they're gonna have a pool party. According to the email, the pool party, like their other pool parties in the summer, usually turn into drunken slut rages and his wife likes to go topless. She's one of those drinkers that takes the top off. Celebrate. She's a celebrator. She's one of the fun girls. She's the girl you used to love in college but wouldn't date or marry or the ones you don't introduce to your mom. This guy married her. He said, we're in a big fight because I told her, like, not to drink this weekend. And she's like, I can do what I want. And we know it's going to end with her being topless and my brother sitting there thinking we're. Well, maybe you are. If you have to convince your wife to keep her shirt on, pictures are. Didn't happen. Yeah, I agree. And also, you know, what better way to help out struggling servicemen with PTSD than sister in law running around the pool? I think that's a good idea. I think, you know, it's a.

[Brett Vesely]

It's a.

[John Holmberg]

Probably a fantasy on a website somewhere that, you know, sister in law stuck in a dryer with her shirt off. It's got to be a thing, right? In laws. Probably a porn. I haven't even dabbled in. You know, the, the disgusting incest that goes on on pornhub most of the time is there. But you know that sister in law is an incest. It's a pretty good idea. See, I don't see a problem with that. But I do see a problem that your wife fights you when you say, hey, could you keep your shirt on? I think there's your bigger issue right there. I don't think it has anything to do with Memorial Day so much as it is your wife can't see reason when you just simply ask. As a husband, could you please not get naked in front of the guest? Maybe there's your therapy session. Why does I keep beeping on it?

[Brett Vesely]

Well, I think her problem is I don't take my shirt off.

[John Holmberg]

That's right. Most. I dated a girl and you know the Bryan Adams girl? Yeah. She was a shirt remover. And then I started seeing her and the shirt stayed on, which strange, but it was like.

[Brett Vesely]

But eventually that, you know, it sounds like for this guy it came back around. Maybe she stopped for a while.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, I, you know, I don't know. I think once you're a shirt remover, you're always a shirt remover because that's how you see those, those, those shirt taker offers in their 50s. Like sometimes you'll be at a. Like your aunt took her shirt off. She was probably a shirt. She was.

[Brett Vesely]

I was ahead of you on that.

[John Holmberg]

Your aunt that got naked in the hot tub is comfortable whipping her shirt off after a few whines. Some girls nipples just need to feel air when they've had a few drops drinks. And you can't really explain why or what, but I remember I was a hot tub thing. It is not a hot tub thing with family though. See, there's. You keep trying to make that excuse you really have where the wine kicks.

[Brett Vesely]

In, the rose kicks in.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, that's just somebody who's like not thinking at all. Maybe it's the wine, but that's a shirt taker offer. She doesn't have boundaries with family, friends or otherwise. I remember being at a party and the girl I was dating, dude, Paul's like, dude, she's on the second floor of the apartment thing. She's gonna jump in the pool. I come out and there she is topless. I'M like, we'll make her mine. That's a keeper right there. I'm gonna ask that lady out for a dinner. Because when you're 20, that's a good idea to have a girl whose shirt comes off real easy. It's like, that's. You're two steps ahead of the game. You're driving through a parking lot with no speed bumps, man. That's a good thing. So, yeah, so you like the shirt off takers, but when you marry a shirt off taker, you know, you married one, you know what you're getting into. She's probably not gonna change. It's like, you know, the Charlie Sheen arguments. Like, you how dare you sue Charlie Sheen for getting an std. Yo, Charlie Sheen, the risk reward factor lived with you. It's your. You got to take responsibility. Responsibility for. You marry a girl who takes her shirt off at parties because she was a fun girl. And then you start to stop that because suddenly your brother's too prudent. I don't think so. Your brother's seen worse now. Your brother probably expects it too. Actually, you know, I mean, he knows. We all know you. We all know, you know, we all know the girl who whips them out. You can sense it. Like, you know, your friend will introduce you to the new girl and go, hey, nice to meet you. Pleasure. Pleasure. Hey, over here for a second. Hey, not for nothing, nice new girlfriend, but my guess is we're gonna see amber's cans before 10 o' clock tonight and you're gonna be upset, so just brace yourself. You think? Yeah. Oh, yeah. She's a shirt ripper offer. My friend you're dating. You're dating a pseudo whore. She may not do it all the way, but she likes to make people think that she's fun and free with those cans. God forbid a girl gets a boob job. Those things come flying out. They like to show them off and let people touch them. And it's pretty fun. And I agree with it. You know, spend that kind of money, you know, too. It's like when you get a new car, you got to show it off to everybody. So I think I'll just ask the question. Everybody's thinking, where's this Memorial Day party this guy's having? I think this sounds great. And maybe he's saying he doesn't want her to take her shirt off anymore because he's seen him and he's trying to keep us from seeing. Maybe he's no longer thinking, thinking it's a viable shirt off. Oh, Wife, maybe. Maybe he's saying the kids chewed the nipples up and they're. They're not exactly what they used to be. Let's keep that thing on, because maybe they embarrass him now. That's what you have to be honest about. He's not proud of him anymore. Yeah.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Because I think if your guy is proud of your wife's cans, you'll let her show him off. I'm all for it.

[Brady]

All right.

[John Holmberg]

Well, there you go. Happy Memorial Day, everyone. I don't think that's a thing. I don't think Happy Memorial Day is a thing, but in that bat house, it is. And what kind of pool party you got going on? Like it's out of hand on Memorial Day with family. Again, it's Brady's aunt. A couple pops in, her next thing.

[Brett Vesely]

She never did that on Memorial Day.

[John Holmberg]

We had a lot of respect. She was respectful to.

[Brett Vesely]

Respectful for the fall, you know, winter break.

[John Holmberg]

It was winter break, so she was. She had to get naked in the winter in Ohio. That makes sense.

[Brett Vesely]

In San Diego. They all went to San Diego. San Diego for Christmas.

[John Holmberg]

It was a vacation. Aunts and uncles hanging out together on vacation. Was that a more than once thing or was that a one time?

[Brett Vesely]

That was. Yep, that was it.

[John Holmberg]

Okay. You only saw her topless one time.

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

And no one rep.

[Brett Vesely]

It down.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, no, you can't. The family. And they'd laugh about it, but really what it was was a. Some sort of weird assault. She should have faced some criminal charges. Some sort. It's weird. Anyway, keep your shirt on, lady, unless otherwise instructed, because you have good cans and, you know, if you've got nice ones.

[Brett Vesely]

If you don't.

[John Holmberg]

Let's keep them hidden, huh? Prop them up. There's a. There's an industry that helps ladies with bad boobs out with bras that push them up and wires and contraptions and all sorts of stuff. If you've got to use those to just put them in a shirt, we don't want to see them out, that's for sure.

[Brett Vesely]

Extra water.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, yeah. If there's. If you got something that isn't you on, make it rounding out the bottom. Because yours are more shaped like bags you get goldfish in at petsmart than they are boobs, but they get propped up and then there's like a. You know, there's a scaffolding and some sort of a support system. Eh, you keep those inside. If you wear a bra and take a bra off and they don't move, I think you need to show our military those boobs as much as. Maybe even just go over here to this base that's right off of McDowell and 52nd Street. Wander around topless for a little while for the. For the men over there. And then I don't know what the ladies like up in that area. I don't think a guy walking around with his dick out's a good idea. Do it for your country. Do it for America. That's right. Brett's right. This is all about being a. A good citizen of the United States. For God's sake. Mistakes. You want it wandering over your boobs out. I think that's a great thing.

[Brett Vesely]

Instead of thank you for your service.

[Brady]

Thank you.

[John Holmberg]

Well, yes, but thank you for your service. Lady with your boobs out. I'm not sure who to. Thank you. This all seems great. Anyway, remember what it's all about. For real. But I, you know, I had my mind changed on that. I heard a couple of. I had a friend of mine tell me that the other day. He goes, I don't mind if people celebrate that. He goes, but I'm not gonna because it's a tough day for me because he was in Afghanistan and lost a lot of good people. You know, you just sit and you have drinks and think about them, and it's different for them. So don't assume that your fun is everybody's fun. It's not exactly a. We'll do that eventually with 9 11. 911 will eventually be interned to barbecues. Yeah, it's going to be barbecues and sheet sales and cars. And Andy wrote I'm a vet. Where's this party at exactly like people who've been in action deserve. Your wife.

[Brett Vesely]

Yes.

[John Holmberg]

We should put your wife's cans up on our Facebook page. She wants to whip them out for everybody but us. That's what it seems like. Arizona's most powerful, powerful rock radio station. It's John Holberg here from the morning sickness. And I'm chilling away from my friend Shane Orlando from Orlando Auto Body. Shane, people wreck their cars. They got to deal with the insurance companies. Insurance rates have gotten weird. You deal with insurance all the time. What are we doing wrong? Well, I would take the car to a shop. You know, we've got to take the car apart, evaluate all the damage, and that's a process. Right. So Shane will handle that for you. The insurance companies are not going to be your best friends, but Shane will be. Shane Orlando, Orlando Auto Body. All the locations you could ever imagine surrounding the valley. It's John Holmberg here from the Morning Sickness and I'm absolutely thrilled to tell you about my new friends@lifted trucks.com here's the proof that me talking about something on the radio can be trusted because I purchased a 2024 customized Ford Bronco from the gang at Lifted Trucks. That opened my eyes to who and what these guys are all about. They not only have thousands of trucks to choose from, they also have nationwide shipping and they can get any anywhere. My Bronco's been customized countless other pro athletes and celebrities. Now little old me choose Lifted trucks and lifted trucks.com work hard, play hard, Drive harder. Here's another Best of rerun from the Morning Sickness. Romy says Listening to you guys this morning and your topic about girls take their shirts off. I got the switch out done a couple years ago. Meaning she got new cans put nice. Was dating a guy who had awful hillbilly frank friends and the chick of that couple would wear a sports bra and T shirt in the pool. I'm humble but open and it drove the girl nuts that my new cans were awesome. My husband vocally enjoyed my enhancement out loud. I didn't even have to try because this chick was so insecure. It drove her crazy. She didn't even look that bad but she just knew mine were better so I had to whip them out. Chicks are mean to each other. She saw a lesser than in the chest department, she put in the upgrades.

[Brady]

And she started flaunting.

[John Holmberg]

Oh yeah, oh yeah. Take a look at these. Did you think girls have a lot to talk about at work John that are very uncomfortable because why it's our turn. I heard a conversation between a couple of fives in my office about that diva cup you were making me sick with a few seconds ago. One said something about taking it out. A few hours later she bit her nails and she said I remembered I didn't really get it all off so.

[Brady]

I thought I tasted some.

[John Holmberg]

Gross. And these are the emails that I have to read through. Listen to this one. This is what you guys give me. I says here's a fun topic for you. My wife is a physical therapist. She has two specialties. Dry needling, which if you haven't done is really cool. Kind of like acupuncture with science. And then two is a pelvic floor therapy. She helps ladies that have trouble holding their pee and then usually it comes with pain with sex. Otherwise known as the undateable. She reaches her hands in there and teaches them how to strengthen their vaginal muscles. She makes a Lot of money doing this. Next weekend, she's taking a training course to combine these two specialties. Pelvic floor, dry needling, which is where you take the needles and you put them inside the girl's V to release muscle strains. The best part is the students in the class have to practice on each other. She's got to spend three days in a room full of therapists across the country throwing needles in each other's V's. Women's bodies are gross, man. She's not looking forward to having her downstairs. Repeatedly poked by 3 inch sharp needles for three days in training. Isn't that what that dude who went to jail for like a billion years was doing to the American gym team?

[Brett Vesely]

Larry Nassar?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Wasn't that the thing? He was reaching in there, saying, squeeze, strengthen your.

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah, I think he wanted to.

[John Holmberg]

Injury.

[Brett Vesely]

He was trying to strengthen the.

[John Holmberg]

I talked to pelvic floor, like one of those real chiropractors. Like a real chiropractor, not the guy in the strip mall, but like a real doctor chiropractor that was, you know, sports therapist and all that stuff. And he said, there are techniques where you have to actually reach into somebody and make that muscle better. Like, no kidding. He goes, I'm not doing it. Find a new career. Yeah, I'm not doing that. But normally it's like really fit people. You got to get in there. He's like, it's not like you're doing it for pleasure. You got to do it. You know, there's something popped in the pelvis. You got to break this thing. But Larry Nasser was doing it to all of them. But dry needling. I don't care what my illness is. Needles inside me. If I'm still awake for that, that's not happening. I'm not going. If my butt is broken and I can't hold it anymore. And the doctor said, well, there is one solution. You can lay down, spread your legs open. We can dry needle the inside of your. Nope, not doing it. And then this meme comes in from Twilight. Yeah. Thanks, Kristen. One of the vampires. Vampires got a. Is that from a woman? Christian. Okay. One of the vampires has blood all over his hands. And it says, when you take out your diva cup, I hate you guys sometimes.

[Brett Vesely]

That's the disc. The disc spills.

[John Holmberg]

Would you say blood drawer if your butt was. If my butt's leaking, I'm done.

[Brett Vesely]

And I'm done.

[John Holmberg]

I'm not sticking around.

[Brett Vesely]

They said the needles.

[John Holmberg]

Acupuncture inside there. I've done acupuncture before it. Inside your B hole.

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah, I'd give that a whirl before I'd shut her down.

[Brady]

Who are you?

[John Holmberg]

I don't want anything in my B hole. You shouted it on the show once. I think we have a medical procedure. What? It's a.

[Brett Vesely]

It's a. I've had acupuncture before.

[John Holmberg]

Not in your butthole. Well, yeah, and because your B hole's leaking too much. Ladies, if that's going on, you're all done. You're all done. Done. Sex hurts and I can't hold in my pee. Get in the box. You're done. This is over. What are you hanging on to? Well, if I just go jam a bunch of needles in it. Yeah, that's. That's going to help the whole hurting part.

[Brett Vesely]

Bag it.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, bag it up. Let's bag her up. She's done. Field dress this one. And let's not be hypocrites. Quarter it and give it to the Indians. We're going to let them eat. Can't hold your pee anymore. You're 34. I know, but it's. My children. Shouldn't have had those either. Now you're. You got STDs, too? Yeah. That's disgusting. You can't hold your pee and you're not 75. Unless there's some sort of.

[Brett Vesely]

Only when you sneeze and laugh.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, no. Okay, that's worse. Cause that's when we like you, when you're laughing.

[Brett Vesely]

Sorry.

[John Holmberg]

I've pissed myself. Oh, God. Next. You didn't mention that on Bumble. That should be a requirement. Do you piss yourself when you giggle? Sometimes. Swine. Blue. That one's out.

[Brett Vesely]

No, it'll.

[John Holmberg]

You don't leave that up there. Of course they wouldn't. Because it's mean. Because, you know, it's. You're the. You're an undateable. I occasionally piss myself. Love long walks on the beach. Like undateable. I read the first one.

[Brady]

Fine.

[John Holmberg]

You know, my underwear sometimes looks like someone with COVID sneezed in it. Want to go to dinner with me? You? Good God. I've got a tide pod in there all the time. Oh, boy. You. I was trying to date again. I've got all this free time. Back on the scene.

[Brady]

Whoa, brother.

[John Holmberg]

What's a diva cup?

[Brady]

You.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, I'm. I'm not playing that.

[Brett Vesely]

Is that the code for the memorial vacation? The eagle has landed.

[John Holmberg]

Eagle has landed. Yeah, that's when they. I gotta tell you, I know.

[Brady]

We're going on vacation a couple hours.

[John Holmberg]

But the eagles landed. As soon as you click book on your hotel, it's we're good, right? We're up, we're going.

[Brady]

Yeah, go ahead.

[Brett Vesely]

Click it.

[John Holmberg]

All right, I'm booking it. Here we go. I'm bleeding all over the place. Oh, crap. Close the blood drawer. I'm done. You can't go. There should be a deal where you go up and go. Hi. Hi. My name is John Holberg. I booked a couple of tickets here with American Airlines. She started bleeding today, the day we're flying. So I'd like that. Wife ruined everything discount. All right. She can't go now, right? No, she's not going with me. That would be awful.

[Brett Vesely]

We don't want her on the airplane.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, we don't want her up there either. That's like the old coveted days. You can just blame Covid. Can you do that? That she's got vaginal Covid, I don't think you want that. Oh, no. Absolutely not. Let's get you a full refund. I want to go. You can't go. You're ruined. Walk the outskirts of the city. Read the Bible.

[Brett Vesely]

Weather should give out the blood drawer index every day. Yeah, it's very high.

[John Holmberg]

Which started. It started with that whole getting to five thing. When they're like, look, there's different sizes and with different shapes and different flows. I'm like, no, no, no, no, no. John, the blood drawer's full from Madea. You want to go to Vegas this weekend? Let's go. Yeah, and you can have a friend take their place. I'd like to transfer the blood drawer ticket to my friend John. He's here now. He's with me, and he can't bleed. He's going to be more fun than this. We can't go to the pool. Got cramps. Oh, God.

[Brett Vesely]

Monday Night football at the Diva cup stadium.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, God, if they start sponsoring men's stuff.

[Brady]

I know.

[John Holmberg]

I guess I could try with my hand. Yeah. You know what? I'm gonna go ahead and cancel your part of the trip. I'm going to Italy alone. Brett, you want to go meet your family? Hell, yeah. Good. Just kicking for half because we're getting the menstrual discount. I don't know. I think mentally, you guys hate everything about going on vacation with us because, you know, we're whipping it out. You know we're whipping it out. Yeah. I, for one, have got, like, I for years. You just turn down vacation sex. You turn it down. Turn it down. Nope, not interested. Why? Just not interested. I Don't want to be that couple that does vacation, birthday, holiday, sex only. I don't want you to be excited about this. You have to get excited at home before I can pay for you to. It's basically prostitution. I'm. I don't want you to be a prostitute. I paid for this great big vacation. And now you're in her. No, we're done here. I have plenty of friends who say, she loves it. May go on vacation. Like, yeah. Does she do it at home?

[Brett Vesely]

Home?

[John Holmberg]

No, it's pretty dry at home. Yeah. So make it so. She's not a pro. You're making her a prostitute. You have to pay an exorbitant amount of money to get her interested in you. Don't do it. We should fanduel that our next vacation, see how many. How many hit. They all will. I think they lie about it. I mean, you got a one in four chance they know. We're not going to check.

[Brett Vesely]

You won't make any money. Mine will be about minus 2,000.

[John Holmberg]

Yours is a guarantee. Yeah, I think. Oh, nobody's going. Plus, there's no money. There's no girl who's been like, gosh, every vacation, I just got to be under. It doesn't happen. The worst ones are like, you're like. You got a big trip plan. You're like, oh, this will be fine. Everything's gonna be. I started early. Why? Because you. You're trying to do this. You're. I saw you grunting in the kitchen. You did this on purpose. As soon as you hear bucket. Now it's done. When she hears the click, click. Then it's just like, all right, open floodgate five. Let's get this thing gushing. Pilot to Megan. What date is the first of the vacation? It's June 3rd. All right, we'll get the blood flowing that day. My app says I'm supposed to be done on Memorial Day, and I haven't even started. That's cause you're starting on June 3rd. Nice job. Nice job. Keep the dream alive. So, sister, I'm broken.

[Brett Vesely]

New ad campaign for Expedia.

[John Holmberg]

The blood noid. Yeah, yeah. A little blood droplet goes. Hey, have I ruined your vacation the last year? You get a discount. Travelocity should have that. These are the price lines of William Sh. I took her on vacation, but she started bleeding all over the place. Priceline. Get your money back for a bloody.

[Brett Vesely]

Protect your vacation.

[John Holmberg]

Get some bloody insurance with you. Next ticket you have to. And I'd like to buy the bloody insurance. Of course. Sir, it's an American airline trip overseas for $45. We'll. We'll give you half off if she starts bleeding. All we need is a full diva cup at the check in. Oh, trust me, it'll be full. And of course, her cage and dismissal papers will be ready. I'm not even supposed to start for two more weeks, but anyway. I love Australia. That was the worst news I've ever forgotten on a goddamn United airlines thing on LAX's Runway to Sydney. Sixteen and a half hours. I'm like, well, at least it's vacation. Everybody's gonna be happy and free. I get to. Look, I hate to tell you this. What? I got cramps on the plane. Is it something you ate?

[Brady]

No.

[John Holmberg]

You know what I mean. So today's out. We're gonna fly for 20 hours and then tomorrow. How long are you supposed to. Six and a half of the 14 days were cramps, then light spotting. Nothing was comfortable. Like how. How bad is. Is physical activity with me that you're. You're willing to fake it for 14 days? We're kayaking. We're. We're.

[Brett Vesely]

We're.

[John Holmberg]

We're hiking mountains. We're swimming in the ocean. Get back to the room. Ah, I couldn't possibly do anything. My stomach. I'm like, well, you just kayaked four miles. My dick is too much for you to overcome, Sir Edmund Hillary. You just climbed a mountain, but my wang is just out of the question. Does this feel funny? I think I've got endometriosis. Just yesterday you caught endometriosis. You can catch that now. That's a catch when it comes to vacation.

[Brady]

Yeah, I got it on the plane. I think I catch it every time.

[John Holmberg]

I get on a plane. Plane flights make my hurt okay. I know.

[Brett Vesely]

At least you got it on the plane. I get it right when I hit bullets.

[John Holmberg]

She can feel she's in the kitchen just side eyeing you. We're going. What's wrong? I need my ovaries ripped out, balled.

[Brady]

Up on the floor. Should we not go to San Diego or what?

[Brett Vesely]

What happened?

[Brady]

Oh.

[John Holmberg]

The girls want to play tennis, but you couldn't walk a second ago. Yeah, that's because you wanted to have sex with.

[Brett Vesely]

With me.

[John Holmberg]

I don't understand what's going on. Marriage. Arizona's most powerful, powerful rock radio station. Hey, everybody, it's John Holmberg from the Morning Sickness talking to Shane Orlando from Orlando Auto Body. Now, Shane, I take great pride in saying I stand with someone when I tell a listener to go to their shop. I know why. You tell me what's different for a KUP listener to go to Orlando Auto Body than anywhere else? Well, first of all, we've been in the valley here for over 34 years. We do a quality job job. We work for you, not the insurance companies. So we can work together to make sure your listeners are getting the customer service they deserve. If your car's been wrecked and you need that thing fixed the right way, get on over there now. Orlandoautobody.com It's John Holberg here and it's time to talk about TVs Doug Hopkins of My Home Group and Doug hopkins.com 2026, brand new year. That usually means every one of us says something like this is the year I blank. And then we insert some strange goal. Let me tell you this. Most of the time you're not going to do it. This year I'm gonna call TV's Doug Hawkins. He will buy your home as is. You can start eyeballing houses that are already upgraded. So fresh starts for 2026 are waiting for you at your keyboard. Start the process right now online. Doughkins.com or sing Hopkins 1, 800, it's the best of Homburg's morning sickness. I'm 98 KUPD. It's time now for Brady to give you all the news that only Brady knows. We call this the Brady report and it's brought to you by our friends at AllProchade. AllProchade.com you can have that going on at your house. Put a little shade in a spot. Make that shade make the sunlight not bother you so you can enjoy where the sunlight is when it's not directly in your eyes, they'll make it look great on your house, too. Motorized shades. They've got the blinds. They've got window covers. If you've got a backyard patio. I just saw something yesterday that said the number one thing people are looking for in new homes, outdoor living room space, that is. That is now top of the list on people's minds saying I want to be able to have something that I can use, a functional space outside. Nothing makes it more functional than making sure you can have a TV or some sort of a sitting area where you're not blinded by the sun or you got glare or anything else, folks, at all.

[Brady]

Pro shade will do it for you.

[John Holmberg]

AllProchade.com that's where you go.

[Brady]

Time now for Brady to give us.

[John Holmberg]

The news that the newspaper isn't getting to.

[Brady]

We got a little rant and rave. I want to do later in the news because of what's going on in the paper again.

[John Holmberg]

But we'll do that later.

[Brady]

Here's the real news. It's Brady with the Brady Report. Brady reported.

[Brett Vesely]

John, that's not the only thing that has come out your dream Creepy's dream review in it. This time last year a story came out about Indiana University's attempt to break the University of Maryland's dreidel spinning world record. Ratified at 535 simultaneously spinning dreidels by the great Guinness Book world records itself. Indiana's Khalil, which is the largest Jewish organization on campus, thought the school had broken the record, reporting that they succeeded in keeping a total of 713dreidel spinning for 10 seconds. If you don't know what a dreidel is, that's little red wood spinning tops.

[Brady]

It's a Hebrew game made of clay.

[Brett Vesely]

And the reason why they're spinning dreidels, John? Because tonight is the start of haunted Hanukkah.

[Brady]

It is? Yeah. Really? So it's gonna be over unlike the 16th?

[Brett Vesely]

Well, Indiana said they had 713 dreidel spinning for 10 seconds. However, apparently did not satisfy the strict requirements for proof set by Guinness. So their record breaking attempt did not stand up. Now in honor of Hanukkah 2004, they've tried again. 500141 Indiana students participate in this year's event. But after last year's disappointment, University is waiting for the official confirmation before it releases final tally of simultaneously spun dreidels.

[Brady]

Good to see our college kids getting to work doing something important.

[Brett Vesely]

Maryland is not taking this threat and they're not taking it lying down. Their final after Indiana's tally is still to be released, the Terrapins are already organizing events to take back the rapid record, setting a goal of 613 participants.

[Brady]

Wow, that's some boring activities going on at those cars. What happened to drinking and having unprotected sex all over the place in college? Spinning dreidels? Boring but happy Chinooka to everybody out there. Happy to Chinook it to all our Jewish friends.

[Brett Vesely]

David Gabovich, the president of Hillel's national board of directors who drove 90 minutes south from his home in India, Indianapolis to Bloomington to spin with Hoosier says, quote, the events celebrated during Hanukkah were really the first victory over religious persecution in the world. That's why it should be more of a universal celebration.

[Brady]

I give the Jews credit too, because they haven't tainted their holiday with nasty Commercialism. It's still Hanukkah. I mean it might have some twists and turns here and there but for the most part they've kept that. That thing pretty solid.

[Brett Vesely]

Of course. John Hanukkah tells the story of Jewish resistance fighters led by the Maccabee family driving Greek oppressors out of Jerusalem in the holy temple 2200 years ago. The whole giving presence aspect of Hanukkah was more of a reaction to the gift giving holiday season than any specific tie to the Maccabees story.

[Brady]

Well, the Jewish kids were very angry at all the little cat catholic kids getting everything.

[Brett Vesely]

On that note, I am Sam Greenspan and I'm a Jew.

[John Holmberg]

Thank you Brady.

[Brett Vesely]

You ready for this one? Am I non man made vessel can hold us for we are the chubby world dominating Americans.

[John Holmberg]

No man made vessel can hold us.

[Brett Vesely]

Or a non man made. But it is man made made.

[John Holmberg]

What are you talking about?

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah, no man made vessel can hold us. The Queen Mary 2.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[Brett Vesely]

The world's tallest, longest widest cruise ship. Basically it's 21 stories high and more than four city blocks long. The delicious girth of u. S. Passengers on the ship is causing dozens of broken chairs which collapse under a candy coated bodies.

[John Holmberg]

Oh boy.

[Brett Vesely]

An anonymous ship crew member says quote, we, we do have many large passengers and most are American and we do have 10 restaurants on the ship. So if they're big when they get on, they tend to be bigger when they get off.

[John Holmberg]

Unreal.

[Brady]

This is a fat group of people this country. I watched a school bus let loose the other day.

[Brett Vesely]

Although I saw a thing, it's. We say it's a fat group of folks. They did a research on this whole BMI thing and actually it's down.

[Brady]

Well that, that whole BMI things a joke. Yeah, they pinch in, tell you how fat you are. It's a bunch of crap. But I watched a school bus. That's all you got to do, check out where our future's headed. Watch school buses. Let the kids off. I was behind a school bus the other day. I don't. There wasn't a skinny kid getting off that thing. Every kid was a big chunk, huge. And it's because they got. They don't have backpacks. They all have suitcases for crying out loud with wheels and they're putting their helmets on and there.

[Brett Vesely]

No wonder you see that thing. Maybe the choice is it. You know what, it's. It's more education on the folks and how you're brought up eating.

[John Holmberg]

Just tell them no.

[Brady]

Well, you And I were both brought up with a clean your plate thing. Nobody does that anymore.

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah, but it's cleaning the plate. Not necessarily with Twinkies and pudding.

[Brady]

That's true. It's just, you know, get your kids out of the house.

[Brett Vesely]

You know, you'd sit down and dinner was a process and you had your vegetables, your potatoes. And granted I hid many a pea and napkins.

[John Holmberg]

Just so you could go.

[Brady]

To Dairy Queen after.

[Brett Vesely]

Couldn't handle the peas. I love peas now. I like them.

[Brady]

Yeah, but every kid I've seen so far, and at least in my hood, is a big fatty.

[John Holmberg]

And it's got to stop because we're.

[Brady]

Already too fat as adults. We need our next generation to skinny up.

[Brett Vesely]

32 year old Marco Chapman of Louisville, Kentucky is a genuine killer and he's going to save taxpayers a lot of money. Marco is accused of brutally attacking a woman and murdering her two children, ages 6 and 7. This was back in 2002. His trial hasn't begun yet, but he's decided to fast forward by asking the judge just to give him the death penalty without a trial. State is considering his request.

[Brady]

Can you do that?

[Brett Vesely]

But this guy might have a nice little spin to it because they're considering his request. But first they're examining his mental state to make sure his request didn't spring out of insanity.

[Brady]

Brilliant. He'll be in some country club for the rest of his life. You can't just go up and say kill me.

[Brett Vesely]

Do it.

[Brady]

Burn him. Who cares at this point? Why do we save these people?

[Brett Vesely]

In South Haven, Michigan, 36 year old Elizabeth Miklosovic, she's a teacher. South Haven's Baseline Middle School. Is accused of sexually assaulting a 14 year old female student, getting her to participate in witchcraft and even marrying her in a pagan ceremony.

[Brady]

What?

[Brett Vesely]

The girl was in Elizabeth's language art class. Two years ago this year, Elizabeth reconnected with the student. Student. They begin a lesbonic affair. The student told police that they had five sexual encounters between June and October at Elizabeth's house and in two public parks. The girl grew to trust Elizabeth and eventually started participating in witchcraft with her. Then they got married in a pagan ritual.

[Brady]

What in the world are you. What newspaper did you find this in?

[Brett Vesely]

That's right, John. Gay witchcraft marriages. The police found out about the affair when the girl told a classmate. Classmate told officials Elizabeth was put on leave. The police charged her with first degree criminal sexual conduct. If convicted, she faces a maximum sentence of life in prison. The police went here to pick her up and she immediately turned them into toads.

[Brady]

Man, are you ever barking up the wrong tree for a job ever in your future.

[Brett Vesely]

Detroit News. I don't have the exact channel but.

[John Holmberg]

There'S a picture for oh oh on the Detroit News.

[Brady]

Let me find it. Elizabeth Miklosovich.

[John Holmberg]

I'll do some worker.

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah. Italian man who believes he he's a cat had to be rescued by firemen. He got stuck in a tree. John, I'm a cat.

[Brady]

I'm in the tree.

[John Holmberg]

Me.

[Brett Vesely]

Shopper spotted the man on top of the tree meowing for help and called rescue services after he still. He was up there for more than an hour.

[Brady]

Meow. Somebody look at me and get this.

[Brett Vesely]

Attempts by local kids to coax him down the tree with a saucer of milk failed.

[Brady]

It is attempting, but no kitty is stacking it through.

[Brett Vesely]

As a result, the 46 year old cat man had to be carried down a ladder by a fireman.

[John Holmberg]

This is him fulfilling a fantasy.

[Brady]

Or there were two little Italian dudes in the corner laughing their ass off at their buddy who had a straight face the whole time. He pulled this off a little kid. Look up in the tree. I'm a kitty and I'm a stack.

[Brett Vesely]

The tree tried to coax him down with a saucer of milk. He's no cat. Every cat goes for that.

[John Holmberg]

Love to see the kids underneath the Italian dude. Come on.

[Brady]

Here kitty kitty.

[Announcer]

Meow.

[Brady]

No, I stay in the tree until you bring a pie.

[John Holmberg]

Quick, get a pie.

[Brady]

The cat wants a pie.

[Brett Vesely]

Meanwhile, country across the globe, a South Korean man who complained of severe headache for a couple of years finally went into the hospital for treatment. Doctors took some X rays and they said we found out what the problem with the headaches is. This three inch nail that's in your skull. The man had a three inch nail embedded in his skull and he did not know it.

[Brady]

How does that happen?

[Brett Vesely]

The best part of it had been in there for two years.

[John Holmberg]

Boy, was he drunk two years ago.

[Brett Vesely]

There's the photo, my friend.

[Brady]

So what are you doing over there? How do you not know that's in your head?

[Brett Vesely]

They removed it successfully. They say he'll fully recover.

[John Holmberg]

It's in.

[Brett Vesely]

No brain damage? Yep.

[Brady]

In the front. There's got to be a bump on his face.

[Brett Vesely]

If you want to check that one out. Check out anna ananova.com ananova.com and the X Rays.

[Brady]

The dude's got a nail through the front of his head right into your forehead. How do you not know that's there? I think the claw into the hammer.

[Brett Vesely]

Two years. I. I have headache.

[John Holmberg]

My head is killing.

[Brady]

You know, I don't understand. I hammer nail in face two years ago and have a horrible headache. Ever seen.

[Brett Vesely]

But my face is so flat, I can buy a wall.

[Brady]

Look how flat his face is. He's South Korean. Look how flat his X ray face is.

[Brett Vesely]

Amazing.

[John Holmberg]

Face is so fret. I could do back to wall.

[Brady]

He's got the flattest X ray I've ever seen.

[John Holmberg]

Get the nail into my head.

[Brady]

Experience a horrible headache. Why in the world did that end up there?

[Brett Vesely]

Spanning the globe again. Mark McGowan.

[John Holmberg]

Good Lord.

[Brett Vesely]

Was so upset, he and his protest group about hunting fox. Mark decided he'd come up with his own remedy to stop the fox hunting that goes on, you know, on horseback. The traditional his way of protesting, to fry up a fox and eat it in public. He said the roast fox was tasty, but he admitted it nearly made him vomit.

[Brady]

Oh, it was a bit.

[Brett Vesely]

A bit like a rack of lamb. He said the trouble was wretching noises from the other people in the room. I can't believe this. One million people marched against fox hunting and another million marched for it. So we had the 2 million.

[Brady]

It's almost like Braveheart.

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah. The housing estate were I live is full of crackheads, but no one marches to help them. Everyone gets really worked up about the furry animal, but no one cares about each other.

[Brady]

Oh, it was beautiful.

[John Holmberg]

Brady.

[Brett Vesely]

He plans a repeat performance in London's Docklands.

[John Holmberg]

Wow.

[Brett Vesely]

Might be a place December 15th. So if we go there a week.

[Brady]

Yeah, a week to plan out that.

[John Holmberg]

Dude eating the fox trip in Singapore.

[Brett Vesely]

John, there's a. When people pass away, you have a wake.

[Brady]

Sure.

[Brett Vesely]

The biggest thing that's going on there now is the big. It's big money. And now the Singapore mafia folks are honing in on it because they're claiming territory. They host temporary casinos at family wakes. And it's big money.

[Brady]

Great idea.

[Brett Vesely]

Apparently runners for the gangsters scour the obituaries to find. To find potential hosts for the temporary casinos. And about 60 bucks for closing a deal with a family. Then the Morning Family gets 180 bucks a day in exchange for allowing the casino on their property.

[Brady]

Who's losing there?

[Brett Vesely]

No one. But police have just learned about the gaming at wakes.

[John Holmberg]

That's a great idea.

[Brett Vesely]

The death casinos.

[Brady]

How much better would it be?

[Brett Vesely]

They're gonna try to crack in on that. But if, you know, if you wandered.

[Brady]

Into somebody's wake and found, you know, and just walked in and you're very sad, and you just turned wheel fortune. Great. I'd love that. You can play some slots while you're mourning.

[Brett Vesely]

How bad is life in China nationwide? Four people kill themselves every minute.

[John Holmberg]

There's a lot of people.

[Brett Vesely]

That's 5, 760 people a day.

[Brady]

Yeah, but there's like 2 billion.

[Brett Vesely]

2 million people a year, John.

[Brady]

But the percentage can't be that much different.

[Brett Vesely]

You know what our suicide rate basically in the US is 30,000 a year. You're talking about 2.1 million a year. One reason it's not much help for people contemplating ending at all. According to the China Daily newspaper, 90% of the people who call the official suicide prevention hotline implement Beijing gets a busy signal. The director blames it on lack of funding, but recognized that the busy signals are a huge problem because quote, callers can be at high risk of committing suicide. For the past two decades in China, there have been economic reforms, increased competition, job losses, welfare changes and changes in the traditional family.

[Brady]

They're probably increasing, encouraging suicides over there in China, there's so many people they have to have.

[Brett Vesely]

They gotta weed them out somehow. I guess 2.1 million.

[Brady]

But that's not that much to when you get 2 billion people.

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah, I guess percentage wise, I wonder. That's still a lot of folks.

[Brady]

It's a lot of people dying.

[Brett Vesely]

But finally, a Russian couple who tried to avoid buying a train ticket for their daughter by putting her in a suitcase were cut caught. But that didn't end there. They were caught, but the stu. The suitcase was stolen. The parents of the young girl admitted they had been not been paying attention to the case when they stopped off for a few drinks after arriving in Moscow train station. Police later found the girl, age three, wandering the streets lost because the crooks had taken the suitcase. Suitcase. Open it up. Let her out. And took the case.

[Brady]

This suitcase is crying, man. Open it up and let whatever's crying out.

[John Holmberg]

Mommy. No, man, you have to go.

[Brady]

We want the clothes.

[Brett Vesely]

Well, not only that, but the. The suitcase couldn't have been that nice because if you're having to try to shim your daughter in free on the tray.

[Brady]

Yeah, that's true. They didn't have much dough.

[Brett Vesely]

There's no Louis Vuitton.

[Brady]

Of course, then again, Chuck makes. Makes me get in the trunk of his. Of his Mercedes whenever we go into a parking place.

[Brett Vesely]

It wouldn't surprise me. Sometimes the richer they are, the tighter. Yeah, it ended up being some coach, you know, Beautiful.

[Brady]

With the baby in it. It's in the bag, baby.

[Brett Vesely]

How about the girl wandering the streets.

[Brady]

The crooks let her loose. There's a baby in the bag, brah. Let it out. What this world coming to people Put a baby in a bag. Let that thing loose.

[John Holmberg]

We need to close. They smell, they're sticky. They say things that are horrible. It's John Holberg here from the morning sickness and it's time to talk about TVs Doug Hopkins of My Home Group and doughopkins.com. have you ever thought yourself I'm going to sell my house? Of course you have. And one reason or another, you just didn't do it. Probably because it's a hassle when you try to make a real estate deal. What if I could say you can sell that house the day after you say the words I want to sell my house. Doug's been at this for over 25 years and that's why he's still on top of the Hill. TVs Doug Hopkins can handle everything. Won't move the price or you get $5,000. What do you do? Start the process right now@doug hopkins.com or.

[Brady]

Grab the phone and sing Hopkins.

[John Holmberg]

1-800-This-Michael with Restore My Civil Rights. It's still over 110 degrees outside and the political climate is just as hot. If you've lost your right to possess a firearm due to a criminal conviction, we can help at Restore My Civil Rights. We help Arizonans restore all of their rights because constitutional rights shouldn't depend on the next election results. To book a free consultation, call 855gun rights or visit restoremycivilrights.com today. That's Restore My Civil Rights.comberg's morning sickness.

[Brady]

Now if you're going to work today, throw in the half assed effort. You're not supposed to be going. All the bankers, people who don't do anything anyway. And we've discovered this. Brady. Remember when we said we take the bankers off the roads because most of the time it's. It's the women who do the telling and all the. A lot of women have the day off. That's why the roads flows so smoothly.

[Brett Vesely]

Is that right?

[Brady]

That's right. I tried to say it but it came out nicely. It's true. Women get the day off on these days and that's why the roads are so clear. Because it's just a bunch of men driving.

[Brett Vesely]

There's a lot of Tupperware parties going on right now.

[Brady]

Yeah, well, no, because they're not even leaving for that. A lot of Internet shopping though.

[Brett Vesely]

Boy is rocking. Everybody.

[Brady]

Everybody who doesn't do anything anyway gets the day off.

[Brett Vesely]

Ebay is rocking. And the women are lined up buying those Juicy suits. Sweat.

[Brady]

Geneva got one of those for Christmas. And I started thinking to myself, oh, boy, she's gonna dress up like JLo.

[John Holmberg]

And her name's Geneva Holmberg and starts.

[Brady]

With a J, so she's J Ho. So I started thinking, oh, it's gonna be awful. She put it on.

[John Holmberg]

Nice.

[Brett Vesely]

Ask her about the Juicy. That's like the Louis Vuitton of them.

[John Holmberg]

I don't know.

[Brett Vesely]

Is that a Juicy couture?

[John Holmberg]

You know it.

[Brady]

That scares me.

[Brett Vesely]

I found out about it because somebody wants one. She outbid everyone for the juice.

[Brady]

Really?

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah.

[Brady]

You got your. Your chicks getting clothes off of ebay.

[Brett Vesely]

Juicy.

[Brady]

Yeah, she's getting used really good merchandise.

[Brett Vesely]

It's not used.

[Brady]

Yes, it is.

[Brett Vesely]

That's. Guess what, Those things run retail.

[Brady]

Are you kidding me?

[Brett Vesely]

For velour?

[Brady]

For a jumpsuit? Sweatsuit.

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah. And it says J on the zipper.

[Brady]

Go to Mervyn's, for God's sake. Puma makes the same Juicy.

[John Holmberg]

Unbelievable.

[Brady]

Women are stupid. They drive me nuts. It doesn't make sense. It's the same thing. It's the same thing. Geneva and I got into an argument because the new Victoria Secret came out with sweet swimsuits. There's a book inside that tells you, like, what you should wear. And there's like 15 different designs of.

[Brett Vesely]

Body for body type.

[Brady]

Body types. So I'm looking at it, I'm like. And one is cleavage enhancing and one is mega cleavage enhancing. Like, women are dumb.

[John Holmberg]

Why?

[Brady]

We don't care this much. You guys are doing this for yourselves. We're doing it so you guys care if you had. We don't care. If you look good, you look good.

[Brett Vesely]

So between cleavage enhancing and mega cleavage mega. You choose mega.

[Brady]

Who chooses normal cleavage enhancement, you go mega. If you're looking to enhance cleavage 100%, not 70. Mega cleavage enhancement. I mean, that's what we're looking for. If you're doing it for us. Mega cleavage enhancement. No bottoms. If you're doing it for us, just don't go with a top or bottom. Just naked bathing suit.

[Brett Vesely]

Did they do anything on the bottoms like mega camel toe enhancing?

[Brady]

Yeah, they did. They had the one on that three inch toe was great.

[John Holmberg]

That's Victoria's Secret.

[Brett Vesely]

She's got small, medium, large, 2 to 4 inch toe, 3 to 6 inch.

[Brady]

Well, they had the toe enhancer and the mega toe enhancer that actually just flops out of the sides.

[John Holmberg]

Of the suit.

[Brady]

The. It comes with two little pink floss flaps. In the wind, it makes it look like you've got bigger labs than you do. Thank you, Brady, for making everyone sick. But the whole deal on that is, if they're doing it for us, why are. Aren't we designing the suits? And if they're doing it for us, why are the suits that they always buy, the ones that like, they always say, oh, I'm hippie. I have a hip thing, or my butt's kind of weird. So they get the suit that covers it all up and looks like they're wearing some sort of, like, tarp. I'm doing it for us.

[Brett Vesely]

They need to bring back those old James Bond suits that the women used to wear with the belt buckle on it.

[Brady]

We bring back the ones that come off real easy and. And don't cover much.

[Brett Vesely]

Or how cool would it be if her bikini bottom is just a rodeo belt buckle.

[John Holmberg]

Yes.

[Brett Vesely]

With a strap. Yeah.

[Brady]

Nice. We should design some bathing suits. If she was tr. If she was honest about it, if that was true and they were doing it for men, they'd let us pick them out for them. What we want to see you win. No, that's gross and weird. Shut up. It's time now for the Brady report. Brady half ass A report for me.

[Brett Vesely]

Well, John, it's a great day to be gay, because within New York's gay community, there's a support group called what is small anyway? Specifically designed for men with inadequate wangage.

[Brady]

There's a group for little peepeed men in New York.

[Brett Vesely]

You may not know this, but the fear of having a tiny bulge is a silent menace for our gay brothers. Thank you. Think about it. Straight men don't see any peen except on porn stars, who they all know they're supposed to be stacked up, right? But gay men have the opportunity to see lots of peen.

[John Holmberg]

True.

[Brett Vesely]

So if the little one on the petite side, they could easily get the feelings all hurt and being hung and they don't have anything to offer. But according to one man who visited a small wiener support group in our community, the idea of what's average is very distorted. Apparently lots of studs in the community brag about their humongous schlongs, but just airing these complaints that that support group makes men feel better and they know they're not alone.

[Brady]

I'm not gay, but if I was, I want my boyfriend to have the smallest penis possible. I would go to that. That group and pick one out of the herd. If I was A gay guy. Is it really a desire to have a giant unit in you if you're gay? Is that the key? Size matters. You'd think they'd be searching out like the guys that would be most desired would be the little tiny ones.

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah. Then you can fake it.

[Brady]

I don't know about that. I'm just saying. Then you're just, you know, you're not choking on it from behind.

[Brett Vesely]

Well, there's nothing funny about running out of beer at a party. So we can understand why a blind man and his friend would get into a fight after they ran out of booze during a time drinking session at the blind guy's house. But here's what happened. Fisticuffs ensued and the blind guy happened to lose. But both of them were bloodied up. Broad, Broadview, Ohio. When police responded to a call about the fight, they found both men bleeding from the face.

[Brady]

Nice. So that one fighting a blind guy.

[Brett Vesely]

Japanese are firing. Finally doing something to stop deviant Japanese businessmen. The Tokyo Metropolitan assembly is debating whether to take the radical, unprecedented step of banning the sale of used panties to meet their customers perverted needs. Some sex shops hire teenage girls, some who are under the legal age to wear pair of panties for a few minutes, then sell them to the freaky deviants as much as 95 bucks a pop.

[John Holmberg]

Ew.

[Brett Vesely]

Which brings me to the disease of the day.

[Brady]

This is awful.

[John Holmberg]

I got that.

[Brady]

Either underwear for you or for ebay. Lightly used smell.

[Brett Vesely]

Today's disease of the day is gout.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, I like gout.

[Brett Vesely]

Gout is an old fashioned disease that a lot of people nowadays don't even know what it is. But Ben Franklin and Thomas Jefferson had it.

[Brady]

I had a friend who had it and his foot swelled up, looked like.

[John Holmberg]

Some sort of a sack of water hanging off his leg. It was the weirdest thing I've ever seen.

[Brett Vesely]

How does it happen? Well, the gout strikes when you've got so much uric acid in your body that your kidneys can't flush it out through the urine. So it crystallizes and builds up in your big toe, ankles, elbows or knees. Causes major pain. It feels like you have a broken bone basically. But since it usually affects the feet and these, the gout can easily keep you from moving around when it flares up. The gout used to be a big problem for old men who love to party. But now it's affecting men and women in their 20s, not just big boozers. Doctors say it's bought on by obesity and the Atkins diet.

[Brady]

The meat's too much meat.

[Brett Vesely]

Atkins. The Atkins diet can help you lose a lot of weight and a little thyme, which can also create a backup of uric acid.

[Brady]

I'm surprised they don't have gout as much steak as I'm pounding.

[Brett Vesely]

It doesn't say anything about the meat.

[Brady]

That's what I've always heard though. Eat too much meat, not enough other stuff.

[Brett Vesely]

Well, we have the best mannered city in America by etiquette expert Young Stewart. And number one goes to Charleston, South Carolina.

[Brady]

Best man in Congratulations, Charles.

[Brett Vesely]

The second place is a three way tie. Springfield, Illinois. Peoria, Illinois in the Quad Cities.

[Brady]

How do you tie? Who's gonna argue with you if you just put quad cities 4th or 5th?

[Brett Vesely]

It's interesting how they ran, you know, rate them by what kind of prerequisites.

[Brady]

What do they drive around and cut people off?

[Brett Vesely]

Cut people off? They actually hit somebody in the car to see how the person responds.

[Brady]

Really sorry, it's my fault, my bad. I was going far too slow. Enjoy the Quad Cities. They do. They like cut them off in traffic and stuff.

[Brett Vesely]

They hire a guy to just be.

[Brady]

An ass on the road, see how people are.

[Brett Vesely]

They say how they handle complaints like about a barking dog, loud parties based upon stuff like that. Here's an interesting quandary. Guy's house in Weather's in Wethersfield, Ohio. He calls 91 1. The call was routed to a fire department from the neighboring city of Niles. When the three trucks of Niles firefighters pulled up, they realized the house was 200 yards outside their jurisdiction. So they watched the place go up in smoke. It took 20 minutes for the Wethersfield Fire Department to show up to put out the ablaze. The reaction was slow because Weatherfield's fire department is made up of part time firemen who usually aren't even at the station when the calls come in. Niles file Captain Randy Sissimo defended the squad's actions because they were quote, paid to protect the property of the people of Niles. He says that if someone had been trapped inside the house they would have intervened. But he didn't want his troops tied up fighting this fire because what if they would have gotten a call in? Niles don't want to be able to go do that. But Jason says Nile squad should have stepped in because in the 20 minutes they watched the fire spread from room to room, destroying most of his family's possessions. He says, quote, don't call yourself a firefighter if you do something like that.

[Brady]

Yeah, firefighter. I was with A guy who's from Florida once and we saw a car accident, he made me stop and he got out and helped. If you're a real fireman, you'll do it anywhere. It doesn't matter. Unbelievable.

[Brett Vesely]

We have another firefighting dispute and Keys California discovered an assistant chief's wife of the fire station. His wife was on an explicit website. He got fired. But here's how it happened. The firefighting cadet was busted for surfing porn sites on the firehouse computer shooter while on duty. Not only that, he paid for a subscription to the website of fellow fellow fire firefighter Alex Alexis Jones, wife of assistant to fire chief Roger Jones.

[John Holmberg]

So she's got.

[Brady]

So one of the firefighters wives has a hottie porn site. Yeah, Alexis Jones.

[Brett Vesely]

Then he canceled his check once he'd seen or naughty parts online. Roger Jones says, quote, I don't care whose website he was looking at, this was fraud. But the rest of the squad saw the firing as retribution. So 22 of the town's firefighters walked out on protest. Let's discuss Alexis Jones here online. She goes by the name of Chantelle Lace. Apparently she was quite the master thespian the early 90s. Starring in 15 triple X films, 20 topless boxing movies, 30 cast cat fight movies, 35 wrestling movies and 15 other sex fight films.

[Brady]

I hope that's not her that I just found.

[Brett Vesely]

The goal of the naughty website that her fellow firefighter was looking at was to raise money to buy back the rights of her all her porn that she can so she can destroy it. Put that chapter of her life behind her. Yeah, that's her. Ww.shant Hotel lace dot com. You want to check her out, help her do her part to destroy that chapter in her life, huh? Now if you're out shopping for cribs this weekend or this week or even on this day off, she looks pretty good here. Maybe you want to invest in the 42.5 million dollar apartment in New York City. It's one apartment. 42.5 million. 42 and a half million bucks. It's the most expensive apartment purchased in New York. It's part of a brand new twin tower complex overlooking Central Park.

[Brady]

Didn't we just do this? Didn't Bruce Willis just buy one for like 36?

[John Holmberg]

There.

[Brett Vesely]

This is tops it 70. It's 76 floors up. The guy that owns it is David Martinez. On top of the 46.5 million he's pouring out into the apartment. It's 12, 000 square feet by the way.

[Brady]

Wow.

[Brett Vesely]

He'll pay 30 000amonth in just membership fees to the building's landlords. That's your condo fee. Ricky Martin bought a place for 7 million. The cheapest apartment in there is a 1200 square footer that goes for 2.3 mil.

[John Holmberg]

Wow.

[Brett Vesely]

It's the Time Warner Center.

[Brady]

Ridiculous.

[Brett Vesely]

Which also is house. The new world headquarters for the company. Boy, that's amazing.

[Brady]

$46 million. You got too much money. If you can afford $30,000 in homeownership fees. It's like living at Gilbert for God's sakes.

[Brett Vesely]

Finally 47 year old Thomas Ingracia of Farmington, Missouri thought he was pretty crap. Thought he was a pretty crafty sex offender in the library of the mental hospital where he's being held. And Gracia researched a legal loophole to exploit. He discovered that it would not be against the law for him to escape the hospital. See in Missouri after violent sex offenders complete their prison term they can be held indefinitely in mental hospitals. But law lawmakers never wrote anything down about it being a crime to escape from the hospital. And Gracia said quote they're idiots. He cut a hole in the fence. Escape. Ran off to Florida. He's right.

[Brady]

They can't get him.

[Brett Vesely]

The authorities couldn't come after him for escaping but they could charge him with felony and property damage for cutting the fence. Police tracked him down. Now the violent sex offending a hole has got seven more years in the prison.

[Brady]

Oh, for cutting a hole in a fence?

[Brett Vesely]

Yep.

[Brady]

What do you have sex with a holy cut first? How do you get seven years for that?

[Brett Vesely]

Well, I guess the judge really wanted to throw the book at him. Darn.

[John Holmberg]

Wow.

[Brady]

I got no problem with him going back to jail. But seven years for a long offense is excessive.

[Brett Vesely]

And he got another seven years for the parking ticket.

[Brady]

Oh really?

[Brett Vesely]

No. I don't know. I'm sure they fixed that one up.

[John Holmberg]

Unbelievable.

[Brady]

Brady.

[John Holmberg]

Well done.

[Brady]

Educational, informed boy. That's a good Brady report. That Korean dude's face is as flat as anything I've ever seen. And he's got a nail in it. How do you not know that nail is in your head? He's got to be 4 inches long.

[John Holmberg]

Huh? Oh, it's either I drink too much.

[Brady]

Pop or the nail I drill in.

[John Holmberg]

Here two years ago. It's awful.

[Brett Vesely]

Kim Jong got nailed man.

[Brady]

Anyway, you can check that one out on Anova. And the witch is not worth looking at. That's all you need to know. The lesbian witch founder on Google. Boy oh boy. Brady well done on the Brady Report.

[John Holmberg]

This morning, Arizona's most powerful, powerful rock radio station. You know when you're looking for your fix of comedy here in the valley, we have three amazing clubs that feature some of the best comedians in the world. Up on the north end of town, you can visit the beautiful desert ridge improv. Downtown in cityscape, you've got stand up live and eastside. Right there in the heart of asu, it's the legendary Tempe improv. Plenty of entertainment for you and your guests and you can even grab some food and drink. So see why the valley is a comedy destination and get your tickets by going to desertridgeimprov.com standuplive.com and tempe improv.com it's John Holmberg here from the Morning Sickness for lifechangerloan.com when you're dealing with hundreds of hundreds of thousands of dollars, you want people in your camp who are legit and have a solid reputation. And I don't think it gets much more solid than an a plus from the better business bureau. Not a lot of banks have that, but life changer loan does. People who have made this move to life change alone all say this is better than the old way. And they recognize that it's just a matter of going to the website, doing a little math and seeing if it's right for them. If you're great with your money, just check it out and live that a plus life because there is no catch. It's not magic. It's just math. Lifechangerloan.com it's the last of Homburg's morning sickness.

[Brady]

The morning sickness.

[John Holmberg]

And he's got his own theme music.

[Brady]

He just handed me a cd. He's got this theme music and he's got an intro all written up. I'm not sure what the heck's going.

[John Holmberg]

On here, Brady, but he's got his.

[Brady]

Own song, his entry. He's out in this towel wrapped around his neck, dancing around the thing. He hands me the.

[John Holmberg]

Should I do the intro?

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Okay.

[Brady]

I guess so.

[Brett Vesely]

The here's.

[John Holmberg]

Here we go.

[Brady]

And now standing 5ft 9 inches tall. What is it, Mike? Do it with feeling.

[Brett Vesely]

He wants a little more feeling to it.

[John Holmberg]

And now.

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah.

[Brady]

Standing 5ft 9 inches tall and weighing 224 pounds, with a record of 44 and 4, including 34 knockouts and one.

[John Holmberg]

Race.

[Brady]

With black trunks and a total financial value of $5.68. Welcome the host of Win Mike Tyson's Money. Ladies and gentlemen, iron Mike Tyson. Aslam Alikum. Brady. It's good to be here. Welcome to my goddamn show. Prick ass. Whitey.

[John Holmberg]

Mike.

[Brett Vesely]

Mike.

[Brady]

Sorry. Sorry. I apologize. God bless.

[Brett Vesely]

I will cut that mic.

[Brady]

God bless. I'm sorry.

[Brett Vesely]

You promised me.

[Brady]

I swear I won't say anything else like that. I swear to God.

[John Holmberg]

I promise.

[Brady]

I.

[John Holmberg]

Sorry.

[Brady]

Assalamu alaikum. Brady. You know I'm a religious man. You fat son of a bitch. Sorry. Sorry. My first time hosting in a little nerve. Are you ready?

[Brett Vesely]

Today's show is brought to you by Paxel.

[Brady]

Oh, that's good stuff. I. I'm supposed to be on that. It would work out nice.

[Brett Vesely]

You taking it well.

[Brady]

Will you ask any more questions? Are you writing a book about me or something?

[Brett Vesely]

I might.

[Brady]

Well, if you do, you know what will happen?

[Brett Vesely]

What happens?

[Brady]

Do you have any kids?

[Brett Vesely]

No.

[Brady]

Pets?

[Brett Vesely]

Yes.

[Brady]

I will eat them first. And then I will read. Reach up either your mother or father pull their asses out.

[Brett Vesely]

Make you watch.

[Brady]

Yes. And then I will pull up your ass as well. You know that. That's my mo.

[Brett Vesely]

Why? I know. Why can't you just beat people up? Why do you have to do that?

[Brady]

Because it's not as I beat everybody up. It's not as impressive unless I can reach into your ass, find something that I can grab onto and pull out your entire ass cavity.

[Brett Vesely]

That's sick.

[Brady]

Alright, white devil. Are you ready?

[Brett Vesely]

Ready.

[Brady]

All right.

[John Holmberg]

Here. Go.

[Brady]

We we go. It's time to play wind on Mike Tyson's money. I will give you clues and you will. You will try to climb the pyramid to $5 and 68 cents. Each square is worth a different amount of money. 50 cents. 25. 18. Not in that order. 75. $1 and $3.

[Brett Vesely]

Big money.

[Brady]

Also not in that order. I'm not good with left to right or right to left. Who is this prick ass on the phone? Are you there? That's right. Chickened out already. Who's this? Dustin. Dustin. How are you? Good. Where do you work, Dustin? I work Skytech Drilling. Are they hiring? Oh, okay. Well, we'll fuck it anyway. And. And you go ahead and win or I'll pull your ass out. Are you ready? I'm ready. Are you a big fan of I am Mike Tyson? Oh yeah. It's good. As salam alaikum. God bless. Let's win. $5.68.

[John Holmberg]

All right.

[Brady]

Ready? Here we go. The clues start like this. Go. Okay. Pour some sugar on me. Photograph Coffee. Photograph Pour some sugar on me.

[Brett Vesely]

Come on.

[Brady]

Pyromania. Unbelievable. Dustin. Dustin. I'm not even gonna Go on with you. Yeah, I try the 18 cent question through you.

[Brett Vesely]

He doesn't. He don't understand how.

[Brady]

Mike, who is this person? Who all are you there? What is wrong with these people? Who is this? That's Mike. Mike, how are you? Good name.

[John Holmberg]

Good.

[Brady]

I enjoy. I enjoy talking to you. As salaam alaikum. Are you. Are you Muslim?

[John Holmberg]

Yes.

[Brady]

Are you really?

[John Holmberg]

Of course.

[Brady]

As salaam alaikum, my Muslim friend. Oh, yes, right back at you. No, it's salaikum salaam, you ass prick. Liar.

[John Holmberg]

That's why I said right back.

[Brady]

Hey, that's right. Sorry about that. All right, are you ready?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brady]

All right, here we go again. Let's try this one more time, okay?

[Brett Vesely]

Okay.

[Brady]

Pour Some Sugar on Me. Very good songs by Def Levin. I'm sorry I raped you. I'm sorry I said I would pull your ass out. I'm sorry.

[John Holmberg]

Who's Mike Tyson?

[Brady]

That's right. Puree blend rape. Puree smoothie whip. Things blenders do. Rape. Exactly. To watch the special features. To listen to the director's commentary. To watch special cuts. Watch me rape somebody. Dvd. That's right. Over a boxing match at a ball game, draped over my shoulders after I raped the President. Things Mike Tyson would wear. Things that athletes put on the show after they're done. I would drape this over after I raped the president of the Olympics sheet. When I'm singing the national anthem at your flag. That's right. And finally, for $5 and 68 cents, Mike Tyson, Stephen Hawking, the President of the United States. Things that the girl who runs away from me at the. How much did he win, Brady?

[Brett Vesely]

Well, he got a total of. Well, let's see. That's almost 68 cents.

[Brady]

No, $2 and 68 cents. Congratulations. You've won $2 and 68 cents of my money. Which leaves me now with $3 total.

[Brett Vesely]

He doesn't win any of that. Mike. He's got to get it all.

[Brady]

He's got to get them all.

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah.

[Brady]

He doesn't win the 2.68.

[Brett Vesely]

No.

[Brady]

I'm willing to give it to him.

[Brett Vesely]

You don't have it.

[Brady]

All right, you're out. Sorry. Suck it one time. He's out, huh?

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah.

[Brady]

Nothing doing.

[Brett Vesely]

It's all or not. You know how it works.

[Brady]

So they get all of my money and I'm broke or nothing.

[Brett Vesely]

If you win 12 rounds of a 15 round fight and they announced. Yeah. Who wins that fight?

[Brady]

I don't.

[John Holmberg]

I would.

[Brady]

I. I guess I would not.

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah.

[Brady]

Why are you saying Brady. That I can't beat you in a fight. Are you challenging me?

[Brett Vesely]

No, I'm not challenging you. I'm just trying to make a pull.

[Brady]

Your ass out with a glove on. Come here for a second. No, I am going to pull out your ass right here on national television.

[Brett Vesely]

No, you're not. Take that.

[Brady]

Oh, I enjoyed that.

[Brett Vesely]

That's not funny.

[Brady]

Your ass smells. Your ass smells like roses. I would rape you. Are you interested in going out to dinner and getting raped this evening, man?

[Announcer]

No, I'm not.

[Brady]

Don't shave your mustache. It looks like a vagina. And when you're unconscious, I'm going to stuff things inside of there. I'm going to shove meat in there. My meat.

[Brett Vesely]

You're becoming a regular stand up comedian.

[Brady]

I'm a man of God. As salaam alaikum. Now open your mouth. Take my meat. She.

[Brett Vesely]

What is wrong with you?

[Brady]

You know, I'm gonna go back out in the hallway, prance like a tiger. Five dollars and three.

[Brett Vesely]

You know what?

[John Holmberg]

Whoops.

[Brady]

That's my monkey. Sorry. I bought him last month $58,000.

[Brett Vesely]

You're gonna have animal rights activists on you.

[Brady]

They said it wasn't a wise investment, but look at my monkey go. All right, monkey, you're touching me. All right, that's it. I'm pulling a monkey's ass out. That'll show him. All right, you guys, you guys, I gotta do another around here.

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah, let's get lighter.

[Brady]

Wow. He just storms out of the room.

[John Holmberg]

He's weird.

[Brett Vesely]

He has gone off the deep end.

[Brady]

How's your ass?

[Brett Vesely]

It's okay.

[Brady]

I just leave.

[John Holmberg]

It's the best of Homburg's morning sickness.

[Brady]

Boy, he is just angry and loaded and ready to go. Brady, it is kind of embarrassing. What's going on?

[Brett Vesely]

I got him some Paxil.

[Brady]

So he's got the Paxil going good.

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Should we let him in?

[Brady]

Nervous about him for some reason.

[John Holmberg]

Let's get him.

[Brady]

It's Mike Tyson. When Mike Tyson's money is going on right now. Out of the way, homebug.

[John Holmberg]

Move it.

[Brady]

That's my microphone. Hello, Brady. I still have $5.68 and I've decided to go musical with your ass.

[Brett Vesely]

That's great. That's a great idea.

[Brady]

Maybe I should try another approach with you.

[John Holmberg]

How about.

[Brady]

You look very nice today.

[Brett Vesely]

That's great.

[Brady]

I think your shirt matches your eyes.

[Brett Vesely]

I don't have red eyes.

[Brady]

I'm trying. Brady, I think your shirt matches your eyes very nicely.

[Brett Vesely]

Thank you.

[Brady]

Would you like to go to a Movie with me later this evening, perhaps. Take a wand in your ass at the end of the night in a forcible fashion, swallowing up all of my Mike Tyson man juice.

[Brett Vesely]

The movie? Yes, but no wand. I'll pass it.

[Brady]

All right. Well, you say that now you don't have a choice in the matter.

[Brett Vesely]

Is that right?

[John Holmberg]

Yes.

[Brady]

Would you like me to squeeze you nuts like I are in a vice?

[Brett Vesely]

You know what? I'm gonna tell you this right now, but I'm pretty confident that I can pound you.

[Brady]

I will pound you later. Are you hitting on me? This is good. This is going exactly the direction I'd hope. I'm gonna sing a song. You tell me who sings it. We'll try to win my money that way. Who's this? Hello? Where do you. Where do you work?

[John Holmberg]

I don't.

[Brady]

I just got fired. Me, too. Doesn't it suck?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brady]

Yeah, me, too. Maybe you and I could hang out later. What are you doing later this evening? I've got $5 and 68 cents says you're getting an ice cream cone and a giant unit stuffed in something you don't want it stuffed in. Interested?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Sounds like.

[Brady]

That's what I thought.

[Brett Vesely]

See, Mike? You're not going to give it to Date. Wow.

[Brady]

Oh, I'm going to rape you. See, I was told by my lawyers to tell people that up front. Then they. Then there's no surprises. Yeah, no surprises. Are you ready?

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah.

[Brady]

All right. Now you got to guess the songs I'm singing all the way up to the top of the pyramid. You'll get my $5 and 68 cents. All right, good luck. Here we go. Y' all want a single? Say suck that. Suck that. Suck that.

[John Holmberg]

You want a single from Corn?

[Brady]

That's right. Know me broken by my master Teach me, child of your after.

[Brett Vesely]

Ooh.

[Brady]

If master above it, I.

[Brett Vesely]

No.

[Brady]

Pull your head out of your ATH or I'll pull your ass out for you. If I would. Could you?

[Brett Vesely]

He's out.

[Brady]

Oh, my God. The date is off. But I will still rape you if you're interested. No. Goodbye, unemployed jerk. Unbelievable. God. Salaam alaikum. Who's this?

[John Holmberg]

Mike.

[Brady]

Mike. How are you doing?

[John Holmberg]

All right.

[Brady]

Do you think you can get my money? Hopefully. Okay, let's see if you can.

[John Holmberg]

Or not.

[Brady]

Are you ready?

[John Holmberg]

Yep.

[Brady]

You think so, huh? Yeah, I'm not sure. All right, let's see. You just have to name the. Name the bands. Okay. All right.

[John Holmberg]

All right.

[Brady]

Here we go.

[John Holmberg]

All right, hold on.

[Brady]

Let me find this thing really quick. Throw up Your rock fist feeling like a dumb fist. This cinnamon. A cinnamon Shoving your ass up in my hand with my ass in your hand. Throw up your rock fist. Thousand foot crutch is right. Nice job. Rape me. Rape me, my friend. You interested? Rape me. Rape me again. Even I know I can control that. Goodbye, Luther. Asalaam alaikum. Alright. Hi there. Who's this?

[John Holmberg]

Chico.

[Brady]

Have you ever been raped before?

[John Holmberg]

Never.

[Brady]

Would you like to be? Nah, that's all right. Are you sure? Yeah. All right. You don't much have a choice. Brady. How are you doing?

[Brett Vesely]

I'm a little bent out of shape.

[John Holmberg]

What's going on?

[Brady]

Fantastic attitude. And if you give me any more trouble, I'm gonna reach over there, I'm gonna put your nuts in my mouth. I'm gonna bite down like a two pound. Never mind.

[Brett Vesely]

You almost made sense.

[Brady]

It didn't stop making sense. Are you ready?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, I'm ready.

[Brady]

All right, here we go. My baby don't mess around because she loves the song. Unless I know for sure. Hey, yeah, the outcast. This outcast is correct. No me broken by my master. Teach me child love. Hereafter.

[Brett Vesely]

It'S got him.

[Brady]

No me broken by my math. Allison chains is correct. Rape me, rape me, my friend. Rape me. Rate me again. Nirvana. Nirvana's right. So I've learned that love's my possession. And I've learned love was there. So I learned love needs expression.

[Brett Vesely]

Oh, that's bad.

[John Holmberg]

Nothing?

[Brady]

No. It's hard for me to understand you. Oh, what are you talking about? I speak very legibly. You're out. You don't win. $5 and 68 cents. Are we making it too hard on these idiots?

[Brett Vesely]

I guess so.

[Brady]

Who's this? Hello? Hello?

[John Holmberg]

Hello, this is Derek.

[Brady]

Hi, Derek. How are you?

[John Holmberg]

I'm hanging in there, buddy.

[Brady]

You're not gonna do this. All right. Where do you work, Derek? What's that? Where do you work?

[John Holmberg]

Work in Lake Havasu City.

[Brady]

Are they hiring in Lake Havasu City?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brady]

Are they really?

[John Holmberg]

Oh, yeah.

[Brady]

Would you like me to come out there and rape you for a job? I work for $5 and 68 cents an hour. All right. Are you ready? No, you're not?

[John Holmberg]

No, go ahead.

[Brady]

All right, here we go. I did my time. I did my time. I did my time. I don't know the words. All that one.

[Brett Vesely]

I'm gonna have to say corn.

[Brady]

Nice job, Brady. Brady gets that one. These people don't know anything we're doing. That's all right. I'll split it with Brady. I'm Hot for teacher.

[John Holmberg]

Van Allen.

[Brady]

That's right. Hey, hey, hey, fellas.

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah.

[Brady]

What's cooler than being cool?

[Brett Vesely]

Ice cold.

[Brady]

What's cooler than being cool?

[Brett Vesely]

Ice cold.

[Brady]

God bless.

[John Holmberg]

How can I get it?

[Brett Vesely]

Hey, Outcast.

[Brady]

Outcast is correct. You and Brady will split it because these people are morons. Brady.

[John Holmberg]

What's going on here?

[Brady]

I don't know. Let's go on. A X ed light. And tonight. Grain of sand. We're off to Mike Tyson.

[John Holmberg]

Metallica.

[Brady]

Metallica is correct. Throw up your rock fist. Feel like a dust Bitch. Son of a bitch. Rake that dumb bitch. I don't know the words to that one. Anything. Keep going with that one. Throw up your rock fist. Thousand foot crotch. Throw up your rock fifth. Thousand foot crotch. Thousand foot crotch.

[John Holmberg]

That's right.

[Brady]

Brady. Oh.

[Announcer]

The time is up.

[Brady]

He did it just before the buzzer. Congratulations. You just won $5.68. You have to split with Brady.

[John Holmberg]

I can't believe that. That might get me halfway back to Lake Havasu.

[Brady]

It's a good job. Nice job. Would you like to go out to a movie this evening with me? I'll buy you some popcorn.

[John Holmberg]

Can my wife come?

[Brady]

I don't know.

[John Holmberg]

Know.

[Brady]

I suppose I've been. You'll like her. You think? I'll buy you. I'll buy you some popcorn. I'll buy your wife a hot dog.

[John Holmberg]

And I'll show my wife likes bananas.

[Brady]

And I'll shove the hot dog and the banana in spots that she wouldn't expect.

[Brett Vesely]

You know what? You guys can talk about your date. Awful.

[Brady]

Why would we do such things? That's. Your wife ever had her ass pulled out?

[John Holmberg]

What's that?

[Brady]

Has your wife ever had her ass pulled out?

[John Holmberg]

No. She doesn't like anything in her ass.

[Brady]

I'm not saying anything.

[John Holmberg]

Harassed.

[Brett Vesely]

This is a great discussion.

[Brady]

Hold on. Brady. I got a date And a winner.

[Brett Vesely]

That's great.

[Brady]

Assalamu alaikum. His haircut must frame his face. Why?

[Brett Vesely]

Get out of here.

[Brady]

Unbelievable. It's good to be here. 5.68 pyramid. West side.

[Brett Vesely]

Great show.

[Brady]

Aslam alikum Brady.

[John Holmberg]

Say it back.

[Brady]

No. Aslam alaikum, Brady. That's right.

[John Holmberg]

It's.

[Brady]

Mike Tyson.

[Brett Vesely]

That game show didn't quite.

[Brady]

No. He's not very good at game show hosting. Who would have guessed it?

[Brett Vesely]

You're supposed to have fun in a game show.

[John Holmberg]

Yells at everyone.

[Brady]

It's just frightening. Anyway. There you go. Mike Tyson's pyramid scares everybody.

[John Holmberg]

I'm sorry.

[Brady]

None of you will really have your asses pulled out. It's 98K upd, Arizona's most powerful, powerful.

[John Holmberg]

Rock rich radio station. All right, HMS Podcast, time again to let you know where to go for some great comedy in the valley this week. Head to the Desert Ridge Improv on the north end of town to catch the comedy of Ron Funches and Joe Mackey. East Siders at the Tempe Improv, you've got David Nyhill and Andy Huggins from agt. And downtown at Standup Live, it's the incomparable JB Smooth. For the complete lineups and for tickets, go to standuplive.com desertridgeimprov.com and tempeimprov.com it's John Holmerg here from the Morning Sickness. For lifechangealone.com having good credit is a sign you're probably good with your finances. What if I told you you can control your home equity and do your banking inside of that? That sounds confusing, but your equity is your savings. You have earned that. If I want to completely remodel my house, I don't need a new loan. I have access to my money. The word you're looking for is freeing life change the way the system should be. Go to the website and check the numbers for yourself. Then you'll realize it's not magic, it's just math. Lifechangerloan.com here's another best of rerun from the Morning Sickness.

[Brady]

Brady, are you ready?

[Brett Vesely]

Oh, yeah.

[Brady]

It's time now for Horrible News over happy Music, a Tuesday tradition where we read five stories. Some true, some false. Maybe all true, maybe all false, Brady. And today, let's do it. Let's give away a perfect circle tickets. Do we have them?

[Brett Vesely]

Draw right.

[John Holmberg]

Let's do it. Let's make this worth something.

[Brady]

Today.

[Brett Vesely]

I. I'm scrounging around here. What's this? Perfect Circle Pit tickets.

[Brady]

Oh, you got some pit tickets. Not just ticket tickets.

[Brett Vesely]

Should we give those away?

[Brady]

Yes. Yes, we should.

[John Holmberg]

Mr. Bogan.

[Brett Vesely]

Not only that, it qualifies you to take photos of the band on stage during the performance.

[Brady]

You become our official photographer. So if you win these pit tickets sometime this week, and we're doing a sign up also out at the van Chandler and 50th Street. If you win these tickets on Friday, we do the drawing. You get yourself the tickets no matter what. But if you win the drawing, then you become the official photographer.

[Brett Vesely]

And if you're not on the stage, well, also, you have a choice. You can go see Paul Rodriguez at the celebrity theater this Saturday.

[Brady]

And that's for Mexican Listeners.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, yeah, that's a good idea.

[Brett Vesely]

Everyone, John. Everyone.

[Brady]

But mainly, let's face it, not a lot of white people get some of the jokes he tells.

[Brett Vesely]

He's coming here twice and he.

[Brady]

I don't understand why oranges are funny. No, he makes me laugh.

[John Holmberg]

I like Paul Rodriguez.

[Brady]

He'll be here again on Thursday or Friday.

[John Holmberg]

Thursday.

[Brett Vesely]

He's coming in on Thursday. Thursday, that's right, Thursday.

[Brady]

And then Harlan Williams, we're stacked on Thursday. The Rock, we got that. We're looking like that's a better show than like Leno can put together. We've got the Rock, we've got Paul Rodriguez.

[John Holmberg]

The Rock Rodriguez. And then Paul Rodriguez's little guy that.

[Brady]

Always comes with him.

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah, if he comes. It depends on what kind of posse he brings.

[Brady]

Let's just go to sleep and get up on Thursday. That's the show right there. All right, here we go. Five stories right now, ready to go.

[John Holmberg]

Horrible news over happy music.

[Brady]

You call us, tell us which ones you think are true and which ones you think are false and you'll win tickets. It's in the pit to see a perfect circle. And story number one, Brady starts in your hometown of Columbus, Ohio, a masked gunman was hit on the head four times with a hammer after customer intervened to stop an attempted robbery on a pizza shop. The would be robber had ordered everyone in Stoney's Pizza right there in Columbus to drop to the floor. Witnesses say he searched the office for money, but when he couldn't open it till he tried to get away. But customer JR Croy used his truck to block the gunman's getaway. And not just any hammer, a sledgehammer to subdue him. I was sitting here with my hammer and he pointed the gun at me. So I hit him in the head with it three, four times. Guy wouldn't go down. Fifth time dropped him permanently. He's not gonna rob anybody again. It's JR Croy, Super Sledgehammer. Superstar Pizza Shop has given Croy $500. That's it. Which he plans to use to pay some bills. Weapon the man was carrying turned out to be nothing more than a paintball gun. J.R. says he's gonna go back to Stoney's, keep an eye on the place for a little while with his sledgehammer.

[Brett Vesely]

Stoney speaks in Gahanna Justice.

[Brady]

An 83 year old Canadian woman has been rescued after spending two days wedged behind her toilet. You heard me. The Winnipeg son says caretaker raised the alarm after noticing a pile of papers outside her apartment in the city. The slightly, very small woman, slightly built, very small woman, told paramedics she wasn't sure how she managed to get stuck back there. Winnipeg Fire Platoon Chief Bob Wright said to the newspaper, her whole body was just jammed behind the toilet. It was one of those strange occurrences. You wouldn't have believed it if you'd have seen it. You walked in there, you could hear her saying, over here, over here. But you couldn't find her. So he went into the bathroom, looked in the shutter. She was behind the toilet, for God's sakes. Firefighters turned off the water, removed all the bolts from the toilet space because she wasn't just her like, stuck and couldn't find a way out. She was literally stuck behind there. And the toilet had to be removed. They smashed the porcelain to free the pensioner. Wright said, we were called there just to help an old woman off the ground. Turned out to be a little bit more involved than that. We had plumbers involved, we had people wrecking crews, all this stuff. The woman had some sore ribs and a broken wrist, but didn't appear to have any other broken bones. She's expected to be just fine other than the fact that she's 83 and a toilet just kicked her ass. Story number three, Brady. Birdwatchers waited for two months to catch a glimpse of a rare American robin, said to be one of only four left in the area. Then they watched as a sparrow hawk swooped down and ate it. They were out. Birdwatchers were out in huge group, they're called twitchers, wanted to see this robin for years and years, when they had reports that someone had seen it, they came out in droves. Thousands of miles off course was this robin from its normal American migratory path ended up nesting in an industrial site in a place called Grimsby in England. The rare songbird was one of only a dozen ever spotted in Europe and said to be be one of three left. Well, there's only two left now. Thousands of what's called twitchers focused their cameras to capture the sight on film. When the sparrow hawk came out of nowhere, snapped up this robin and mangled it in front of the bird watchers. Graham Appleton, one of the bird watchers, ran over and attempted to throw rocks at the sparrow hawk, but to no avail. It was just a terrible moment. The bird didn't even live to enjoy its moment of fame. It didn't. Now we're down to two. There you go, birdwatcher. In Glenshawe, Pennsylvania, a woman kept her quadriplegic younger brother in a filthy room and deprived him of food and water until he starved to death. Kimberly Loebig was arrested Tuesday on homicide charges stemming from the death of her brother, 29 year old Scott Thomas Olsen, who was found by paramedics in his sister's house in Pittsburgh. Olson was 6ft tall, weighed 63 pounds, looked like a holocaust, Victor said Lt. Tom Houser. Lobega of Shaler, Pennsylvania, told authorities she fed her brother a food supplement through a tube and given him water the day before he died. An autopsy, however, found he had been digesting blood for about a week.

[John Holmberg]

That's all.

[Brady]

Police found a cardboard box filled with unopened, rusting cans of food supplement next to Olson's bed. They said, according to a criminal complaint, Olson had sores all over his body and insects crawling on and in him.

[Brett Vesely]

Oh my God.

[John Holmberg]

Oh my.

[Brady]

Lobig's won her brother's custody by being a sole caretaker, was standing to inherit $350,000 from her brother as part of a 1996 settlement with a drug store. He was left in a semi vegetative state after inhaling butane that someone else bought at the store in 1990. His injuries left him blind, quadriplegic and unable to speak. She just tried to take him out to get the cash. That's the way it comes down. And finally, Brady funerals are usually not too much fun, but in Rhode Island, Eloise Turnbull's funeral put a new twist on things. When the family of Mrs. Turnbull went to visit their beloved granny before the official service. Just a little bit early, they walked in on 36 year old Len Bullen laying on top of Eloise, bumping and grinding away on the unwilling corpse.

[John Holmberg]

Oh my.

[Brady]

After a sound pants down ass kicking from the son of Eloise, 59 year old John Turner Turnbill then tried to leave the funeral home furious that he'd just witnessed his mother's corpse being defiled this way and he suffered a slight cardial infarction right there on the steps of the funeral home. Get this on top of the arrest for the corpse abuse that will be suffered by one 36 year old Len Boland. John Turnbull also had a warrant out for his arrest after he gets out of the hospital for assaulting the guy humping his dead mother. Where's the justice there? Anyway you look at it, that's horrible news over happy music Brady and that is a pretty solid five stories. Again, the would be hammer or would be robber that was attacked by the guy with a sledgehammer five times. The old lady got stuck behind her toilet for two days. Lady. Get in the box. If the toilet beats you up to where you can't get out from behind it, you're as good as cross.

[John Holmberg]

Gone.

[Brady]

The horrified bird watchers that watched that hawk eat the rare robin. Story number four was the woman who starved her quadriplegic brother to death in order to get his money. And finally the guy humping the dead woman caught on tape. Good stories today. Is it tied off Fox sports that you gotta see this presents something really weird. Are you ready for this Brady? Or you get your musical tribute all straightened out?

[Brett Vesely]

Think so.

[John Holmberg]

All right.

[Brady]

Bernie's musical tribute coming up in just moments. You guys think about it. What's your true? What's your false? Do we have a stumper today?

[Brett Vesely]

We got a good shot.

[Brady]

I think we got a stumper today.

[John Holmberg]

It's the best of Homburg's morning sickness. Right in the middle of horrible news over happy music Brady.

[Brady]

And time now for Brady's musical tribute to the five stories today. Starting with story number one. From Brady's hometown of Columbus with Ohio state nearby. A man just attacked it. Probably a graduate of the the buckeye country there. Ohio State throwing the sledgehammer into the head of a robber five times to end the robbery of Stoney's Pizza.

[Brett Vesely]

I wanna hit you with my sledgehammer.

[Brady]

I saw that one coming. No pizza reference. You're protecting Stoney's. How is Stoney's Pizza and Columbus good?

[John Holmberg]

Okay.

[Brett Vesely]

It's good pie.

[Brady]

Story number two. The 83 year old Canadian woman who had no idea how to get out from under her own toilet. My question is how'd she get in there in the place First. First place.

[John Holmberg]

Brady.

[Brett Vesely]

Grandma got stuck behind the crapper.

[Brady]

Dumping on the floor on Christmas Eve. Story number three. Hey, I'll help you out every once in a while.

[Brett Vesely]

Thank you.

[Brady]

Bird watchers watch for two months after they found out a rare American robin was around the neighborhood. There was only three of them left in Europe. And a sparrowhawk made it two and ate them right in front of the bird watchers.

[Brett Vesely]

All the little twitchers on J. Bird street love to hear that robin go tweet, tweet, tweet. Hawk and robin. Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Brady.

[Brady]

That's the best one you've ever done. That's the best one you've ever done. Without question. Make this one upbeat and fun. Woman charged to starving her quadriplegic brother to death for money.

[Brett Vesely]

Hungry like the quad. Hungry like the quad.

[John Holmberg]

Really?

[Brady]

That's a bad one.

[Brett Vesely]

Made sense.

[Brady]

You went from possibly best to Worst. That's the worst to first. And first to worst. And finally, the funerals that are usually not too much fun. Boy, this was a twist. Eloise Turnbull was getting. Getting rubbed on by Len Bolan right there on top of her in her corpse. Then her son came in and beat him up.

[John Holmberg]

Right.

[Brett Vesely]

Living dead sex girl.

[Brady]

That's it.

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah.

[Brady]

Just headlines and titles.

[John Holmberg]

That's a good one.

[Brady]

Nothing better than the torture one, though. That was solid. You had to go back to your youth, though. Good old Rockin Robin involved.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brady]

Are we ready? I think we got ourselves a stumper today.

[John Holmberg]

Let's take a look. Hi there. Oh, he hung up.

[Brady]

He see, he's not confident. Hi there. Who's this?

[John Holmberg]

It's Fred. Go ahead, man. What's up?

[Brady]

What'd you say?

[John Holmberg]

I said, what's up? What's up?

[Brady]

I'm sorry, I thought you said they're false. I'm like. I can't grasp what you're saying. Go ahead. What do you got?

[John Holmberg]

I guess I gotta take them for his team. They say all true.

[Brady]

He's saying they're all true. Brady.

[Brett Vesely]

Sorry, you're out.

[Brady]

Get it out of the way. Hi there. Who's this? This is Brady. Brady, go ahead.

[John Holmberg]

Got false. True, false.

[Brady]

True. True. Brady.

[Brett Vesely]

Sayonara.

[Brady]

Goodbye, Brady. Hi there. Who's this?

[John Holmberg]

Andrew.

[Brady]

Andrew, Give it to me.

[John Holmberg]

All right, I think the first one and the last one are both false.

[Brady]

Rest are true. First and last are false.

[Brett Vesely]

Goodbye.

[Brady]

Hi there. Who's this? This is Betty. Betty, Give it to me. True.

[John Holmberg]

True. False. True.

[Brady]

True. Ready, Betty.

[Brett Vesely]

Whoops.

[John Holmberg]

Come on.

[Brady]

Hi there. Who's this?

[Brett Vesely]

Stacy.

[Brady]

Stacy, please help me.

[John Holmberg]

Are they all true?

[Brady]

We've already had that guest. Stacy, what's the matter with you? Come on, Stacy, pay attention. For God's sakes, get back to the poll. There's lonely, lonely men smoking who need you. Hi there.

[John Holmberg]

Who's this? This? Chad. Chad.

[Brady]

Go for it, QB guy.

[John Holmberg]

False.

[Brady]

True. True. False. True.

[Brett Vesely]

Goodbye, qb.

[Brady]

Back to your monster book cubicle. Who's this?

[John Holmberg]

Corey.

[Brady]

Corey, come on. Hey. True.

[Brett Vesely]

True.

[John Holmberg]

Fault. True fault.

[Brett Vesely]

You have been stumped.

[Brady]

And the final guess of the round. Who's this? Melanie. Melanie, please help me. I think they're all true except for the last one. All true except the last one.

[Brett Vesely]

Brady, you're crafty, but not crafty enough. Goodbye.

[Brady]

Sorry, Melanie.

[John Holmberg]

Goodbye.

[Brady]

Round one is over, Brady, and we are stumping.

[Brett Vesely]

I feel like on a roll.

[Brady]

I think. I think we're gonna get this one. I don't think anybody's going to a perfect circle on our dime. Yes, these tickets are yours and mine, baby. Sunday night, Brady and I in the pit. Of course I'll ditch Brady for someone fun.

[John Holmberg]

Arizona's most powerful powerful rock radio station. It's John Holberg here, shilling away for new ac unit.com I've been telling you about the amazing new ac unit.com for about three years. New ac unit.com Put the in your hands. Three easy steps online gets you your unit ordered inspected and installed by the best in the business. And I'm super excited to tell you that new Ace Unit.com now offers many splits. If you work in a garage, a casita, or even have like a man cave somewhere back in that garage, mini splits can be a must. New ac unit.com has it now and you can install it. They'll even include the electrical. Save thousands, save time. Buy online new ac unit.com if you're.

[Brett Vesely]

Looking at new vehicles for the new year, look no further than your valley Toyota dealers. This is Larry McFeely. And if your new Year's resolution includes a Toyota Tacoma, Tony Tundra, 4Runner, Corolla, Camry or Grand Highlander, then you're in luck. And here's the best part. Every new Toyota comes with Toyota care that's no cost, maintenance and 24 hour roadside assistance for two years or 25,000 miles. Peace of mind for the road ahead. Exactly how you want to start a new year. Welcome 2026 in style. Visit your Valley Toyota dealers or valleytoyotadealers.com Toyota let's go places.

[John Holmberg]

It's the last of Homburg's morning sickness. I'm 98 KUPD. It's time for the the entertainment drill. And it's brought to you by our friends, the Schwarz Laser Eye Center. Schwarz Laser Eye. It's where you go to get your eyes fixed. I did mine. My right eye was a disaster. And now it's down to 2020 once again. And thanks to Dr. J. Schwartz and the team out there for finding the glorious problem that was a cataract in my eye. Could be trauma based. It could have been the sun. It could have been.

[Brett Vesely]

Did you think something was going on in the cataract? Like was things in the cataract? Was it blurry? Was it oh, how do you know.

[John Holmberg]

It was like without? Well, because I couldn't see basic stuff like screens or the big test I always do is check.

[Brett Vesely]

You just thought it was your vision.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. So my vision wasn't right, but it was going fast.

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Look at the license plate in the car in front of you, if you can't read it, you need a doctor. You go, Dr. Schwartz, that's my. That's my test. And it's amazing how bad your vision can get before you actually do something because you can kind of skate through. And then when, when they fixed it, I'm like, this is how you're supposed to see. So I had the lens replaced and it was unreal. So check it all out. They have their complimentary consultation to get on out there. They take a look at you and they're like, hey, let's get you in a plan. You're tired of glasses. Whatever. They've got the Lasik, they've got the lens replacements, they've got all sorts of stuff. Let them look at your eyes so you can use them properly. The Schwartz Laser Eye center, the Diamondbacks Suns, they're all there. You should be too. I got a lot of emails from people going, the S bag of the year, John. Really? You're shutting it down? You think it got going? Full little piece of heaven on a lifeless corpse is worse than some evil torturing countless dogs and cats of all ages. And they're just looking for a moment of relief. It's a tough one for me.

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah, it's a toss up.

[John Holmberg]

I agree. This lady, it's like a photo finish. It is tight. I. Yeah, you can make an argument for each one. That just means we've got two massive S Bags of the year. And he said, and Brady, this one's for you, Brady. So that lady knew what she was doing. That's why she changed her name to Sidney Taylor McKinney Kinley and 17 other aliases to run fake charities to get the dogs. I know quite about a bit about this. My wife was one of the people staking out her house and taking pictures. Yeah, there was a lot.

[Brett Vesely]

Getting the dogs to torture them.

[John Holmberg]

Torture by your definition. No, but torture by. I'm not going to do anything that again. I see what you're saying, that she had the delusion of Mother Teresa, I'm going to put them in this house of dying and not kill.

[Brady]

Care for them.

[John Holmberg]

But she, she wasn't doing anything. Yeah. And she was getting paid and she was running around and saying, I'm helping these charities and these charities need the space and stuff like that because charge a rehoming fee. Yeah. And all that. She was a disaster. April. April McLaughlin, Sydney Taylor McKinney up there knew what she was doing, knew it was wrong, knew if she'd ever was investigated. And also Knew the law hadn't been changed in Chandler yet, so. So she was allowed to do the stuff she was doing to a certain degree. She's also.

[Announcer]

Randall.

[John Holmberg]

Randall down. I mean, shame. He rained down voluminous amounts of. On someone's dead grandma.

[Brady]

Shame.

[John Holmberg]

Then. Then claimed it was an episode. I had a medical episode. But you know. You know the ones where you get dizzy and then on an old lady's oops. That's what I have.

[Announcer]

Calling up your cousin Jack.

[Brett Vesely]

Seizures.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Got these big Bellagio seizures. It just. It pours down all over an old woman's corpse that I've accidentally unzipped on my way of falling through the medical thing.

[Announcer]

Getting a call from your cousin. Hey, did you cremate Grandma? I thought she didn't want to be.

[John Holmberg]

We tried to. She was too wet to burn.

[Brady]

I'm the worst person.

[John Holmberg]

I'm the worst person in Pretty. Shame they keep dragging her out of the crematorium.

[Brady]

She's still okay.

[John Holmberg]

Shame she's got some sort of a shellac. I think we can shoot her through the action.

[Brett Vesely]

We wanted it.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, Brady.

[Announcer]

Solid.

[John Holmberg]

They spelled crematorium wrong is what Brady said. Oh, you meant crematorium. I misunderstood. I'm sorry. I creamy. I cream to grandma like you asked. What? We said cremated. Oh, give me that bag back.

[Brett Vesely]

I'm gonna throw up.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, I am sure. It's just a world we live in. Shame if we don't laugh.

[Brady]

Shame die.

[John Holmberg]

And nobody wants to die in this city right now.

[Brady]

You get raped. Shame.

[Brett Vesely]

Nobody's safe.

[John Holmberg]

Nobody's safe. You can't even. You can't even drop dead and not get attacked. Well, they don't have any corpse training at tactical [e-mail]. but maybe we should start thinking about it. Give Grandma one big corpse move. I don't know. It's horrible. Horrible. What the hell is he doing here?

[Brady]

Hold on a second.

[John Holmberg]

Give me Fallons here.

[Brett Vesely]

We lost a big one. Maybe he's drunk.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, my God. So good to be here. Oh, my God. There's Brett. Oh, my God. You got good news, Chewy. There's a little dog. Or the Golden Child.

[Brady]

I don't know what that is.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, my God. Unbelievable to be here. So good to see you, Brady.

[Brady]

Good to see you.

[John Holmberg]

Hear ye. Hear ye what? Hear ye. Hear. Yeah. What's he doing? Are you in a new movie? No, I'm just the judges. There go the judge. Judge Judy. Oh, my God. Here comes the judge. Sandra Day o' Connor's gone. No. There goes the judge. She's dead. She's gone. Cindy Oconnors gone. The justice center, all those high schools.

[Brett Vesely]

That are named after they have to.

[John Holmberg]

Change their names now. She's not live anymore. I think that's how it works. I don't know. I'm drunk. Anyway, thought I'd pop by and let you know that Justice Sandra Day o' Connor is gone.

[Brett Vesely]

That's horrible.

[Brady]

Yes, I know.

[John Holmberg]

That's why I'm here. Okay, I have to break this news too soon. It seems so good.

[Brett Vesely]

Horribly funny.

[John Holmberg]

So let me tell you this. On Wednesday now, we have an opening for a guest for the Tonight show because she was supposed to be there.

[Brady]

I just.

[John Holmberg]

Who knew we had Rosalynn Carter at San Diego county are scheduled for Wednesday, and now all shows in turmoil. Well, then who's Henry Kissinger? As far as I know, is the only one left that that's gonna still show up. But I haven't heard anything about him either. Oh, my God. People are dying to be on the show. It's a bad Fallon joke. Anybody just try to pop by and.

[Brady]

Say, hey, how are you, Brady?

[Brett Vesely]

Good, Brett.

[John Holmberg]

Let's grab a drink. Let's do it. Salute. Like, right now? Yes. I love drinking.

[Brett Vesely]

There's something down the hallway.

[John Holmberg]

I know. I already had it. Pretty. That's why. Why I'm here. Some bourbon down the hall.

[Brady]

I had that, too.

[John Holmberg]

There's a whole wall of it. It's amazing.

[Brett Vesely]

I've got more.

[John Holmberg]

Okay, let's go get. Let's get on this. Anyway, tonight, Blake Shelton and his wife and then Nicole Eggert's gonna be on tonight for no reason at all from Charles. And Charles is one of my favorite shows. Have her on. We're gonna do that. And we're gonna all mourn the loss of Sana, who's no longer with us, dead at the age of 93. And we will talk about that tonight on the Tonight Show.

[Brady]

There go the judge.

[John Holmberg]

She kiss me. It's a jokey. Okay, I'm out of here. Got your dick in the box. All right. See? Okay. Sandra Day o' Connor's gone, man. She's local. They named schools after around here. Thanks to Jimmy for breaking the news to us and keeping it festive.

[Brett Vesely]

Cher would give anything to be 70 again.

[John Holmberg]

How long ago was that?

[Brett Vesely]

Seven years ago.

[John Holmberg]

I would love to be so I could kidnap my children faster.

[Brett Vesely]

And what makes her more bent out of shape is that believe is now turning 25. Yeah, she says that pisses the F out of me.

[John Holmberg]

You believe in life after love, but what makes me happy, Brady, is my new man. Volbeat's doing great. Listen to my hit song Lolo Montez. I can't. I love Volby, but I hear Cherry the whole time. Counting on the in the room. How old is she?

[Brady]

80?

[Brett Vesely]

77.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, that's it. Someone seven years younger. No difference.

[Brett Vesely]

She was together with that one dude. She was a lot younger than her.

[John Holmberg]

She always did that well.

[Brett Vesely]

But I think they broke up a. Oh, just recently. Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Construction worker that was following around on that Navy warship when she was in her 50s. And that guy was like 20 something. People like Shares. Gross. Which had that thong on and riding.

[Brett Vesely]

That tattoos on her cheeks.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. What was that song called? If I Could Turn Back time. If I could turn back if I found a Horse. And then she kidnapped her kid a couple months ago and then Volbeat stopped touring, so she's just got time on her hands. Looking in the mirror. I wish I was 70.

[Brady]

Okay.

[John Holmberg]

Who says that? I just wish I was seven. If you're going to wish for a younger age, don't go 70. 70 was a bass. I looked amazing. Yeah, blow them up. Montez is getting her spin when I get back in the car, though, and I'm gonna sing it at share. Try to. Everyone should do that at home as well.

[Brett Vesely]

Back in the 80s, Richard Pryor bet Eddie Murphy a hundred thousand dollars he would never release an album of just music with no comedy.

[John Holmberg]

That's what Eddie's telling people.

[Brett Vesely]

Eddie did just that in 1985.

[John Holmberg]

Party all the Time came off.

[Brett Vesely]

Said Richard never paid him.

[John Holmberg]

Well, it was tough to ask Richard for money right around that time, too. I wonder if Richard wasn't in great shape by the time Eddie's album came out. I mean, he was fine, but we were getting close. See, I don't remember telling you that. And poor little guy. Something on the toilet trying to wipe your butt, Eddie, and it fall in.

[Brady]

No, this is.

[John Holmberg]

It's the disease. He started talking about that stuff at the end and just like, let Richard go. He's talking about his illness too. Yeah. And besides that, I think Eddie's just saying that now as an excuse to why he put that album out. He had a huge hit off of it, though. Party all the Time was a monster.

[Brett Vesely]

I wonder if he told that story before.

[John Holmberg]

Right. That's when it would make sense. Because now it's like, why did you do that?

[Brett Vesely]

I know he's there to promote his holiday movie.

[John Holmberg]

It seems a lot cooler to say, oh, the only reason I did the Music Music album with Rick James was for. Because Richard Pryor bet me I wouldn't. He did.

[Brett Vesely]

Well, the Hollywood Reporter has done a little expose on Jerry Turner, the Golden Bachelor.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, no. What'd he do?

[Brett Vesely]

First of all, he's described on the show as a retired restaurateur.

[John Holmberg]

Sure.

[Brett Vesely]

Who hung up his career in 2006. Just like age of 55. The truth is, the last time he owned a restaurant was in 1985. He's had several jobs since then, and many came after his supposed retirement.

[John Holmberg]

He's sort of a loser.

[Brett Vesely]

His gig as a maintenance man at a mental health center, one of them, he's a janitor.

[John Holmberg]

The Golden Bachelor's a janitor.

[Brett Vesely]

He said that he hadn't dated in 45 years. During his maintenance gig, he met a woman who he dated for almost three years.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, boy.

[Brett Vesely]

And they started that relationship a month after his wife died.

[John Holmberg]

Well, he's allowed to get back. Yeah, he hates John.

[Brett Vesely]

He's been sick for a while.

[John Holmberg]

I don't know.

[Brett Vesely]

But still, they broke up in 2019 because he told her she was too fat. Didn't want to take her to the Golden Bachelor.

[John Holmberg]

He didn't want to take a fatty to his high school reunion.

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah, she says she had gained 10 pounds.

[John Holmberg]

Well, I'll tell you this.

[Brett Vesely]

There we go.

[John Holmberg]

No, no, here's the thing. He used that as an excuse, and it's a little crass, but essentially what he wanted to do was get some of that dead wife poon back. You know, you go back in there with my wife was she's gone. And he's a good looking guy, so he played that like a fiddle.

[Brett Vesely]

They were living together at the time. He told her to get out while she was packing. She fell down some stairs and ended up needing a foot surgery.

[John Holmberg]

Think of the stairs. This pig falling down your staircase. Probably need a new drywall, too.

[Brett Vesely]

Even then, he wouldn't let her stay any longer. He got her a hotel.

[John Holmberg]

One of her cloven hooves busted through the drywall. Golden Bachelor was none too pleased. All right, pig. Kermie, roll it out of the car. Oh, Kermit. Golden Bachelor. I've fallen down the stairs. All right, that's enough.

[Brett Vesely]

Biggie out charged him.

[John Holmberg]

You can't do this to me. Golden Badgeoner. My hooves, my drywall.

[Brett Vesely]

The royals who were concerned.

[John Holmberg]

I just pictured the Golden Bachelor at the top of his staircase going, my walls. And a literal Miss Piggy tumbling down the stairs with a suitcase because he's kicking her out. And she didn't make it out of the house without falling down the stairs.

[Brett Vesely]

Get out. Still with your broken hoof. Here's a hotel room. Pretty nice. They put her up in a hotel.

[John Holmberg]

I have to tell you, I have to break up with you. Why? Well, recently I've become Jewish and I don't eat pork. And you've gotten kind of big. Larry does, though, Arizona's most powerful, powerful rock radio station.

[Brett Vesely]

Hey, it's Larry McFeely. And what better way to kick off the new year than with a brand new Toyota from your Valley Toyota dealers. New year, new goals, new adventures, and a new Toyota is the perfect way to get you there, whether you're tackling your commute, heading out on weekend road trips, or just wanting something more reliable for the year ahead. Toyota has the model to fit your lifestyle. So make this the year you drive smarter, safer and happier. Visit your Valley Toyota dealers or valleytoyotadeealers.com Toyota let's go places.

[John Holmberg]

It's John Holberg here from the morning sickness to tell you about my [e-mail] you got something you want to do in that backyard because it's just not what you want it to be. Make it beautiful. With turfmonstersaz.com you can turf it. You throw in a sport court. You can put pavers, lighting, pergolas, plants, fire pits. You dream it up and they can make it a reality. Turf Monsters will turn your backyard into an amazing outdoor space you can use every day of the year. Check it out right now. Turfmonstersaz.com.