Holmberg's Morning Sickness - Arizona

Episode: 01-22-26 - Horrible News Over Happy Music - Mar 2004-BO
Air Date: January 22, 2026
Host: John Holmberg, with Brady Bogen, Bret Vesely, and Dick Toledo
Main Segment: Horrible News Over Happy Music

Episode Overview

This episode showcases the beloved and irreverent “Horrible News over Happy Music” segment, in which the hosts read five bizarre, grim, or unsettling news stories, then challenge listeners to identify which of them are true and which are fabricated. The game is punctuated with snappy banter, dark humor, and even musical tributes, all wrapped in the show’s signature energetic tone. Prizes for correct guesses include coveted pit tickets and a chance to be the official photographer for an upcoming Perfect Circle concert.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Introduction & Prizes (01:13 - 02:19)

• Brady and the hosts hype up the “Horrible News over Happy Music” game, set to a relentlessly cheerful music bed as the team preps to read out five disturbing news stories.
• Prizes for participating and winning include Perfect Circle pit tickets and a chance to become the "official photographer" for the band, as well as tickets for a Paul Rodriguez comedy show and Harlan Williams' upcoming appearance.
• The hosts joke about demographics for different events, poking fun at cultural divides in comedy preferences:
  • Host E: "That's for our Mexican listeners. Yeah, that's a good idea." (02:15)

2. The Five Horrible News Stories (02:30 - 09:23)

Each story is presented with a blend of shock and tongue-in-cheek levity, in line with the segment’s format.

Story 1: Sledgehammer Vigilante (02:30)

• In Columbus, Ohio, a masked gunman robbing a pizza shop is subdued by customer J.R. Croy—using a sledgehammer.
• "I was sitting here with my hammer and he pointed the gun at me. So I hit him in the head with it three, four times. Fifth time dropped him permanently." (Host E, 02:50)
• The gun turns out to be just a paintball gun; Croy is rewarded $500.

Story 2: Elderly Woman Stuck Behind Toilet (03:45)

• An 83-year-old Canadian woman is rescued after two days trapped behind her toilet.
• Firefighters must smash the porcelain and remove bolts to extract her; she suffers minor injuries.
• Wry commentary, e.g.: "She's expected to be just fine, other than...a toilet just kicked her ass." (Host E, 04:32)

Story 3: Birdwatchers Witness Rare Robin Get Eaten (04:37)

• British birdwatchers ('twitchers') flock to see a rare American robin, only to watch a sparrowhawk swoop in and eat it.
• Host E: "...the bird didn't even live to enjoy its moment of fame. Now we're down to two." (05:30)

Story 4: Sister Starves Quadriplegic Brother (05:36)

• In Pennsylvania, a woman is arrested for starving her quadriplegic brother to death to inherit $350,000.
• The brother was left in a vegetative state after a drugstore mishap; police find him in appalling conditions.
• Host E: "She just tried to take him out to get the cash. That's the way it comes down." (06:50)

Story 5: Funeral Home Necrophilia Shock (08:01)

• In Rhode Island, a family arrives early at a funeral to find a man having sex with the corpse.
• The deceased’s son beats the man, then suffers a mild heart attack; further legal complications ensue.
• Host E: "Where's the justice there? Any way you look at it, that's horrible news over happy music." (08:20)

3. Banter & Recap (09:23 - 09:42)

• Hosts recap the stories, emphasizing their outrageousness and morbidity.
• Host E: "If a toilet beats you up to where you can't get out from behind it, you're as good as gone." (09:09)
• They encourage listeners to call in and guess the veracity of each story.

4. Brady’s Musical Tribute to the Stories (09:46 - 11:37)

Brady delivers quick, humorous song parodies inspired by each news story, delighting the crew and listeners:

• Story 1: Inspired by Peter Gabriel - "I want to hit you with my sledgehammer." (10:08)
• Story 2: "Grandma got stuck behind the crapper, dumping on the floor on Christmas Eve." (10:26)
• Story 3: "The little twitcher... love to hear that robin go tweet tweet, tweet. Hawkin robin."
  • Host E: "That's the best one you've ever done. Without question." (10:53)
• Story 4: "Hungry like the quad. Hungry like the Quan."
  • Host E: "Really? Duran Duran? That's a bad one." (11:11)
• Story 5: "Living dead sex girl." (11:31)

5. Listener Participation and Guesses (11:37 - 13:27)

• Several callers attempt to correctly identify which stories are true or false.
  • Most guesses fail; the hosts revel in having "stumped" the audience.
  • Host E (teasing a caller): "Back to your miserable cubicle." (13:01)
  • Host E: “You have been stumped.” (13:10)
• Playful in-studio energy, with jokes about keeping the concert tickets for themselves.

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On the birdwatching tragedy:

  • "Thousands of what's called twitchers focused their cameras to capture the site on film when the sparrow hawk came out of nowhere, snapped up this robin and mangled it in front of the bird watchers." (Host E, 05:05)

• After the sledgehammer story:

  • "How is Stoney's pizza in Columbus? Good? Okay. It's good pie." (Host E, 10:14)

• On the necrophilia story’s legal aftermath:

  • "Where's the justice there? Any way you look at it, that's horrible news over happy music." (Host E, 08:20)

• Cracking on musical parodies:

  • "That's the best one you've ever done. Without question. Make this one upbeat and fun." (Host E, 10:53)
  • "You went from possibly best to worst. Worst to first and first to worst." (Host E, 11:16)

• Listener banter:

  • "Goodbye, qb. Back to your miserable cubicle." (Host E to caller, 13:01)
  • "Brady, you're crafty, but not crafty enough. Goodbye." (Host D to caller, 13:19)

Key Timestamps

• 01:13 – Start of “Horrible News over Happy Music”
• 02:30 – First news story: Sledgehammer pizza vigilante
• 03:45 – Second news story: Elderly woman trapped by toilet
• 04:37 – Third news story: Rare robin eaten by hawk
• 05:36 – Fourth news story: Sister-starved quadriplegic brother
• 08:01 – Fifth news story: Funeral home necrophilia
• 09:46 – Musical tribute to stories
• 11:37 – Listeners call in with their guesses
• 13:27 – End of contest with no winners

Tone & Language

The hosts maintain their trademark dark yet playful humor, blending appallingly bizarre news with relentless banter, sarcasm, and irreverent musical parodies. Their approach makes light of macabre headlines, all in the pursuit of entertainment and audience engagement.

For New Listeners

This episode is a strong example of the show’s blend of provocative content, unpredictable comedy, and interactive gamesmanship. The “Horrible News over Happy Music” bit is a staple, and showcases why Holmberg's Morning Sickness leads in Arizona for edgy, offbeat morning radio. Even without hearing the show, this summary reveals the outrageous stories, fun interactions, and how Holmberg and crew keep things light even as they dig into the world’s weirdest headlines.