01-22-26 - Horrible News Over Happy Music - Mar 2004-BO

Summary

Holmberg's Morning Sickness - Arizona

Episode: 01-22-26 - Horrible News Over Happy Music - Mar 2004-BO
Air Date: January 22, 2026
Host: John Holmberg, with Brady Bogen, Bret Vesely, and Dick Toledo
Main Segment: Horrible News Over Happy Music

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Episode Overview

This episode showcases the beloved and irreverent “Horrible News over Happy Music” segment, in which the hosts read five bizarre, grim, or unsettling news stories, then challenge listeners to identify which of them are true and which are fabricated. The game is punctuated with snappy banter, dark humor, and even musical tributes, all wrapped in the show’s signature energetic tone. Prizes for correct guesses include coveted pit tickets and a chance to be the official photographer for an upcoming Perfect Circle concert.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Introduction & Prizes (01:13 - 02:19)

• Brady and the hosts hype up the “Horrible News over Happy Music” game, set to a relentlessly cheerful music bed as the team preps to read out five disturbing news stories.
• Prizes for participating and winning include Perfect Circle pit tickets and a chance to become the "official photographer" for the band, as well as tickets for a Paul Rodriguez comedy show and Harlan Williams' upcoming appearance.
• The hosts joke about demographics for different events, poking fun at cultural divides in comedy preferences:
  • Host E: "That's for our Mexican listeners. Yeah, that's a good idea." (02:15)

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2. The Five Horrible News Stories (02:30 - 09:23)

Each story is presented with a blend of shock and tongue-in-cheek levity, in line with the segment’s format.

Story 1: Sledgehammer Vigilante (02:30)

• In Columbus, Ohio, a masked gunman robbing a pizza shop is subdued by customer J.R. Croy—using a sledgehammer.
• "I was sitting here with my hammer and he pointed the gun at me. So I hit him in the head with it three, four times. Fifth time dropped him permanently." (Host E, 02:50)
• The gun turns out to be just a paintball gun; Croy is rewarded $500.

Story 2: Elderly Woman Stuck Behind Toilet (03:45)

• An 83-year-old Canadian woman is rescued after two days trapped behind her toilet.
• Firefighters must smash the porcelain and remove bolts to extract her; she suffers minor injuries.
• Wry commentary, e.g.: "She's expected to be just fine, other than...a toilet just kicked her ass." (Host E, 04:32)

Story 3: Birdwatchers Witness Rare Robin Get Eaten (04:37)

• British birdwatchers ('twitchers') flock to see a rare American robin, only to watch a sparrowhawk swoop in and eat it.
• Host E: "...the bird didn't even live to enjoy its moment of fame. Now we're down to two." (05:30)

Story 4: Sister Starves Quadriplegic Brother (05:36)

• In Pennsylvania, a woman is arrested for starving her quadriplegic brother to death to inherit $350,000.
• The brother was left in a vegetative state after a drugstore mishap; police find him in appalling conditions.
• Host E: "She just tried to take him out to get the cash. That's the way it comes down." (06:50)

Story 5: Funeral Home Necrophilia Shock (08:01)

• In Rhode Island, a family arrives early at a funeral to find a man having sex with the corpse.
• The deceased’s son beats the man, then suffers a mild heart attack; further legal complications ensue.
• Host E: "Where's the justice there? Any way you look at it, that's horrible news over happy music." (08:20)

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3. Banter & Recap (09:23 - 09:42)

• Hosts recap the stories, emphasizing their outrageousness and morbidity.
• Host E: "If a toilet beats you up to where you can't get out from behind it, you're as good as gone." (09:09)
• They encourage listeners to call in and guess the veracity of each story.

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4. Brady’s Musical Tribute to the Stories (09:46 - 11:37)

Brady delivers quick, humorous song parodies inspired by each news story, delighting the crew and listeners:

• Story 1: Inspired by Peter Gabriel - "I want to hit you with my sledgehammer." (10:08)
• Story 2: "Grandma got stuck behind the crapper, dumping on the floor on Christmas Eve." (10:26)
• Story 3: "The little twitcher... love to hear that robin go tweet tweet, tweet. Hawkin robin."
  • Host E: "That's the best one you've ever done. Without question." (10:53)
• Story 4: "Hungry like the quad. Hungry like the Quan."
  • Host E: "Really? Duran Duran? That's a bad one." (11:11)
• Story 5: "Living dead sex girl." (11:31)

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5. Listener Participation and Guesses (11:37 - 13:27)

• Several callers attempt to correctly identify which stories are true or false.
  • Most guesses fail; the hosts revel in having "stumped" the audience.
  • Host E (teasing a caller): "Back to your miserable cubicle." (13:01)
  • Host E: “You have been stumped.” (13:10)
• Playful in-studio energy, with jokes about keeping the concert tickets for themselves.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On the birdwatching tragedy:

  • "Thousands of what's called twitchers focused their cameras to capture the site on film when the sparrow hawk came out of nowhere, snapped up this robin and mangled it in front of the bird watchers." (Host E, 05:05)

• After the sledgehammer story:

  • "How is Stoney's pizza in Columbus? Good? Okay. It's good pie." (Host E, 10:14)

• On the necrophilia story’s legal aftermath:

  • "Where's the justice there? Any way you look at it, that's horrible news over happy music." (Host E, 08:20)

• Cracking on musical parodies:

  • "That's the best one you've ever done. Without question. Make this one upbeat and fun." (Host E, 10:53)
  • "You went from possibly best to worst. Worst to first and first to worst." (Host E, 11:16)

• Listener banter:

  • "Goodbye, qb. Back to your miserable cubicle." (Host E to caller, 13:01)
  • "Brady, you're crafty, but not crafty enough. Goodbye." (Host D to caller, 13:19)

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Key Timestamps

• 01:13 – Start of “Horrible News over Happy Music”
• 02:30 – First news story: Sledgehammer pizza vigilante
• 03:45 – Second news story: Elderly woman trapped by toilet
• 04:37 – Third news story: Rare robin eaten by hawk
• 05:36 – Fourth news story: Sister-starved quadriplegic brother
• 08:01 – Fifth news story: Funeral home necrophilia
• 09:46 – Musical tribute to stories
• 11:37 – Listeners call in with their guesses
• 13:27 – End of contest with no winners

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Tone & Language

The hosts maintain their trademark dark yet playful humor, blending appallingly bizarre news with relentless banter, sarcasm, and irreverent musical parodies. Their approach makes light of macabre headlines, all in the pursuit of entertainment and audience engagement.

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For New Listeners

This episode is a strong example of the show’s blend of provocative content, unpredictable comedy, and interactive gamesmanship. The “Horrible News over Happy Music” bit is a staple, and showcases why Holmberg's Morning Sickness leads in Arizona for edgy, offbeat morning radio. Even without hearing the show, this summary reveals the outrageous stories, fun interactions, and how Holmberg and crew keep things light even as they dig into the world’s weirdest headlines.

Transcript

[Brett Vesely]

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[Byron]

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[Brett Vesely]

Okay, but what if he lives out of state?

[Byron]

Easy. Legalgunbuyer.com and he can do it online. It really that simple?

[Brett Vesely]

There you have it. MMP Guns or legalgunbuyer.com the safe and legal way to sell your firearms.

[Comedy Club Announcer]

All right, HMS Podcast, time again to let you know where to go for some great comedy in the Valley this week. Head to the Desert Ridge Improv on the north end of town to catch the comedy of Ron Funches and Joe Mackey. East Siders at the Tempe Improv, you've got David Nyhill and andy Huggins from AGT. And Downtown at Stand Up Live, it's the incomparable JB Smooth for the complete lineups. And for Tick standuplive.com desertridgeimprov.com and tempeimprov.com.

[Host D]

Here'S another best of Rerun from the Morning Sickness.

[Host E]

Brady, are you ready?

[Caller]

Oh, yeah.

[Host E]

I am, too. It's time now for Horrible News over Happy Music, a Tuesday tradition where we read five stories, some true, some false. Maybe all true, maybe all false, Brady. And today, let's do it. Let's give away a Perfect Circle Tickets. Do we have them? Draw right.

[Byron]

Let's do it.

[Host E]

Let's make this worth something.

[Host D]

I'm scrounging around here. What's this? Perfect Circle pit tickets.

[Host E]

Oh, you got some pit tickets. Not just ticket tickets.

[Host D]

Should we give those away?

[Host E]

Yes. Yes, we should. Mr. Bogan.

[Host D]

Not only that, it qualifies you to take photos of the band on stage during the performance.

[Host E]

You become our official photographer. So if you win these pit tickets sometime this week, and we're doing a sign up also out at the van Chandler and 50th street, if you win these tickets on Friday, we do the drawing. You get yourself the tickets no matter what. But if you win the drawing, then you become the official photographer for photography.

[Host D]

Well, also, you have A choice. You can go see Paul Rodriguez at the Celebrity Theater this Saturday.

[Host E]

And that's for our Mexican listeners. Yeah, that's a good idea.

[Host D]

Everyone, John, Everyone.

[Host E]

But mainly, let's face it, not a lot of white people get some of the jokes he tells.

[Host D]

He's coming here twice and he.

[Host E]

I don't understand why oranges are funny. No, he makes me laugh. I like Paul Rodriguez. He'll be here again on Thursday or Friday.

[Host D]

Thursday, he's coming in on Thursday. Thursday, that's right, Thursday.

[Host E]

And then Harlan Williams, we're stacked on Thursday. The Rock, we got that. We're like, that's a better show than like Leno can put together. We've got the Rock, we've got Paul Rodriguez. Rodriguez. And then Paul Rodriguez's little guy that always comes with him.

[Host D]

Yeah, if he comes. It depends on what kind of posse he bring.

[Host E]

Let's just go to sleep and get up on Thursday. That's the show right there. All right, here we go. Five stories right now, ready to go. Horrible news over happy music. You call us, tell us which ones you think are true and which ones you think are false and you'll win tickets in the pit to see a perfect circle. And story number one, Brady starts in your hometown of Columbus, Ohio. Masked gunman was hit on the head four times with a hammer after customer intervened to stop an attempted robbery on a pizza shop. The would be robber had ordered everyone in Stoney's Pizza right there in Columbus to drop to the floor. Witnesses say he searched the office for money, but when he couldn't open until he tried to get away. But customer JR Croy used his truck to block the gunman's getaway. And not just any hammer, a sledgehammer to subdue him. I was sitting here with my hammer and he pointed the gun at me. So I hit him in the head with it three, four times. Guy wouldn't go down. Fifth time dropped him permanently. He's not gonna rob anybody again. It's JR Croy, Super Sledgehammer. Superstar Pizza Shop has given Kroy $500. That's it. Which he plans to use to pay some bills. The weapon the man was carrying turned out to be nothing more than a paintball gun. J.R. says he's gonna go back to Stoney's, keep an eye on the place for a little while with his sledgehammer. Stoney's beats in Gahanna justice, an 83 year old Canadian woman has been rescued after spending two days wedged behind her toilet. You heard me. The Winnipeg son Says caretaker raised the alarm after noticing a pile of papers outside her apartment in the city. The slightly, very small woman, slightly built, very small woman, told paramedics she wasn't sure how she managed to get stuck back there. Winnipeg Fire Platoon Chief Bob Wright said to the newspaper, her whole body was just jammed behind the toilet. It was one of those strange occurrences. You wouldn't have believed it if you'd have seen it. You walked in there, you could hear her saying, over here, over here. But you couldn't find her. So he went into the bathroom, looked in the shower. She was behind the toilet, for God's sakes. Firefighters turned off the water, removed all the bolts from the toilet space, because she wasn't just her, like, stuck and couldn't find a way out. She was literally stuck behind there and the toilet had to be removed. They smashed the porcelain to free the pensioner. Wright said, we were called there just to help a old woman off the ground. Turned out to be a little bit more involved than that. We had plumbers involved, we had people wrecking crews, all this stuff. The woman had some sore ribs and a broken wrist, but didn't appear to have any other broken bones. She's expected to be just fine other than the fact that she's 83 and a toilet just kicked her ass. Story number three, Brady. Birdwatchers waited for two months to catch a glimpse of a rare American robin, said to be one of only four left in the area. Then they watched as a sparrow hawk swooped down and ate it. They were out. Birdwatchers were out in a huge group, they're called twitchers, wanted to see this robin for years, and when they had reports that someone had seen it, they came out in droves. Thousands of miles off course was this robin from its normal American migratory path, ended up nesting in an industrial site in a place called Grimsby in England. The rare songbird was one of only a dozen ever spotted in Europe and said to be one of three left. Well, there's only two left now. Thousands of what's called twitchers focused their cameras to capture the site on film when the sparrow hawk came out of nowhere, snapped up this robin and mangled it in front of the bird watchers. Graham Appleton, one of the bird watchers, ran over and attempted to throw rocks at the sparrow hawk, but to no avail. It was just a terrible moment. The bird didn't even live to enjoy its moment of fame. It didn't. Now we're down to two. There you go. Bird watcher in Glenshaw, Pennsylvania. A woman kept her quadriplegic younger brother in a filthy room and deprived him of food and water until he starved to death. Kimberly Loebig was arrested Tuesday on homicide charges stemming from the death of her brother. 29 year old Scott Thom Olson was found by paramedics in his sister's house in Pittsburgh. Olson was 6ft tall, weighed 63 pounds, looked like a Holocaust victim, said Lt. Tom Houser. Lobega of Shaler, Pennsylvania told authorities she fed her brother a food supplement through a tube and given him water the day before he died. An autopsy, however, found he had been digesting blood for about a week. That's all. Police found a cardboard box filled with unopened, rusting cans of food supplement next to Olson's bed. They said, according to a criminal complaint, the Olsen had swords all over his body and insects crawling on and in him.

[Host D]

Oh boy.

[Caller]

Oh my.

[Host E]

Lobig's won her brother's custody by being a sole caretaker, was standing to inherit $350,000 from her brother as part of a 1996 settlement with a drugstore. He was left in a semi vegetative state after inhaling butane that someone else bought at the store in 1990. His injuries left him blind, quadriplegic and unable to speak. She just tried to take him out to get the cash. That's the way it comes down. And finally, Brady Funerals are usually not too much fun, but in Rhode Island, Eloise Turnbull's funeral put a new twist on things. When the family of Mrs. Turnbull went to visit their beloved granny before the official service. Just a little bit early, they walked in on 36 year old Len Bullen laying on top of Eloise, bumping and grinding away in the unwilling corpse.

[Host D]

Oh my.

[Host E]

After a sound pants down ass kicking from the son of Eloise, 59 year old John Turner. Bill then tried to leave the funeral home furious that he just witnessed his mother's corpse being defiled this way and he suffered a slight cardial infarction right there on the steps of the funeral home. Get this on top of the arrest for the corpse abuse that will be suffered by one 36 year old Len Boland. John Turnbull also had a warrant out for his arrest after he gets out of the hospital for assaulting the guy humping his dead mother. Where's the justice there? Any way you look at it, that's horrible news over happy music Brady and that is a pretty solid five stories. Again, the would be hammer or would be robber that was attacked by the guy with a sledgehammer five Times the old lady who got stuck behind her toilet for two days. Lady, get in the box. If a toilet beats you up to where you can't get out from behind it, you're as good as gone. The horrified bird watchers that watched that hawk eat the rare robin. Story number four was the woman who starved her quadruple brother to death in order to get his money. And finally, the guy humping the dead woman caught on tape. Good stories today.

[Host D]

You gotta see this.

[Host E]

Is it tied on Fox sportsnet. You gotta see this present something really weird. Are you ready for this, Brady? Or you get your musical tribute all straightened up?

[Host D]

I think so.

[Host E]

All right. Brady's musical tribute coming up in just moments. You guys think about it. What's your true, what's your false? Do we have a stumper today?

[Host D]

We got a good shot.

[Host E]

I think we got a stumper today.

[Host D]

It's the best of Homburg's morning sickness.

[Host E]

Right in the middle of horrible news over happy music Brady. And time now for Brady's musical tribute to the five stories today. Starting with story number one. From Brady's hometown of Columbus. With Ohio state nearby. A man just attacked it. Probably a graduate of the the buckeye country there. Ohio State throwing the sledgehammer into the head of a robber five times to end the robbery of Stoney's pizza.

[Host D]

I want to hit you with my sledgehammer.

[Host E]

I saw that one coming. No pizza reference. You're protecting Stoney's. How is Stoney's pizza in Columbus? Good? Okay. It's good pie. Story number two. The 83 year old Canadian woman who had no idea how to get out from under her own toilet. My question is, how'd she get in there in the first place?

[Host D]

Brady, Grandma got stuck behind the crapper.

[Host E]

Dumping on the floor on Christmas Eve. Story number three. Hey, I'll help you out every once in a while.

[Host D]

Thank you.

[Host E]

Bird watchers watch for two months after they found out a rare American robin was around the neighborhood. There was only three of them left in Europe. And a sparrowhawk made it two and ate them right in front of the birdwatchers all.

[Host D]

The little twitcher. John J. Bird street love to hear that robin go tweet tweet, tweet. Hawkin robin.

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah.

[Host E]

Brady, that's the best one you've ever done. That's the best one you've ever done. Without question. Make this one upbeat and fun. Woman charged to starving her quadriplegic brother to death for money.

[Host D]

Hungry like the quad. Hungry like the Quan.

[Host E]

Really? Duran Duran That's a bad one.

[Host D]

Made sense.

[Host E]

You went from possibly best to worst. Worst to first and first to worst. And finally the funerals that are usually not too much fun. Boy, this was a twist. Eloise Turnbull was getting. Getting rubbed on by Len Boland right there on top of her in her corpse. Then her son came in and beat him up. Right?

[Host D]

Living dead sex girl.

[Host E]

That's it.

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah.

[Host E]

Just headlines. That's a good one. Nothing better than the twitcher one, though. That was solid. To go back to your youth, though. Good old Rockin Robin. Yeah. Are we ready? I think we got ourselves a stumper today. Let's take a look. Hi there. Oh, he hung up. He See, he's not confident. Hi there. Who's this? Go ahead, man. What'd you say? What's up? I'm sorry, I thought you said they're false. I'm like. I can't. Can't grasp what you're saying. Go ahead. What do you got? I guess I gotta take them for his team.

[Caller]

They say all true.

[Host E]

He's saying they're all true. Brady. Sorry, you're out.

[Comedy Club Announcer]

Good job.

[Host E]

Get it out of the way. Hi there. Who's this?

[Caller]

This is Brady.

[Host E]

Brady, go ahead.

[Caller]

Got false. True, false. True, true.

[Host E]

Brady.

[Host D]

Sayonara.

[Host E]

Goodbye, Brady. Hi there. Who's this?

[Caller]

Andrew.

[Host E]

Andrew. Give it to me.

[Caller]

All right, I think the first one and the last one are both false. The rest are true.

[Host E]

First and last are false.

[Host D]

Goodbye.

[Host E]

So long, kid. Hi there. Who's this? This is Betty. Betty. Give it to me.

[Caller]

True, true, False. True, true.

[Host E]

Ready, Betty.

[Host D]

Whoops.

[Host E]

Come on, Eddie. Hi there. Who's this? Stacy. Stacy, please help me.

[Caller]

Are they all true?

[Host E]

We've already had that guest. Stacy, what's the matter with you? Come on, Stacy, pay attention. For God's sakes, get back to the poll. There's lonely, lonely men smoking who need you. Hi there. Who's this? This?

[Byron]

Chad.

[Host E]

Chad. Go for it, cubicie guy.

[Caller]

False. True. True. False. True.

[Host D]

Goodbye, qb.

[Host E]

Back to your miserable cubicle. Who's this? Corey. Corey, come on.

[Caller]

Hey. True, true, False. True, false.

[Host D]

You have been stumped.

[Host E]

And the final guess of the round. Who's this?

[Caller]

Melanie.

[Host E]

Melanie, please help me.

[Caller]

I think they're all true except for the last one.

[Host E]

All true except the last one.

[Host D]

Brady, you're crafty, but not crafty enough. Goodbye.

[Host E]

Sorry, Melanie. Goodbye. Round one is over, Brady, and we are stumping.

[Host D]

I feel on a roll.

[Host E]

I think we're gonna get this one. I don't think anybody. Everybody's going to a perfect circle. On our dime. Yes, these tickets are yours and mine, baby. Sunday night, Brady and I in the pit. Of course I'll ditch Brady for someone fun.

[Host D]

Arizona's most powerful, powerful rock radio station.

[Comedy Club Announcer]

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