01-22-26 - New Zealand Airline Weighs Passengers - Pilot Tells Passengers To Stop w/Diapers - Wife Whips Out Cans - June/May 2023-BO

Summary

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Holmberg’s Morning Sickness – Episode Summary

Episode: 01-22-26 - New Zealand Airline Weighs Passengers / Pilot Tells Passengers To Stop w/Diapers / Wife Whips Out Cans
Air Date: January 22, 2026
Main Hosts: John Holmberg (C), Brady Bogen (D), Bret Vesely (A), Dick Toledo (F)

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Overview

In this episode, the Holmberg’s Morning Sickness crew dives into a string of bizarre, provocative, and humorously exasperating airline stories in the news—anchored by New Zealand’s new policy of weighing passengers before boarding, a viral incident involving in-flight diaper changing, and a Memorial Day email about a wife’s proclivity for toplessness at pool parties. As always, the group uses their signature irreverent humor to tackle social norms, personal hygiene, body image, and family boundaries.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. New Zealand Airline Weighing Passengers

[01:38–15:42]

• Airline Policy: New Zealand is experimenting with weighing passengers before flights to gather data about average traveler weight—not to single out individuals, but for future interior design and safety research.
• Personal Experiences: John recounts being weighed on small regional flights, especially in Puerto Rico, and shares how passengers sometimes fib their weights, but staff routinely check.
  • "I've been on a plane where they had to weigh me, it was a little jumper... they had to weigh your bags... and then you had to climb on a scale." —John Holmberg [01:47]
• Public Reaction: The team jokes about how only people insecure about their weight would be truly outraged, dubbing them “pigs.”
  • "The only way you’d be upset is if you hate yourself… The only people who are worried that it is an affront to their privacy are people who are huge." —John Holmberg [04:24]
• Seat Sizes & Airline Comfort: They riff about bigger seat sizes if averages increase, suggesting a world of “love seats” for heavier passengers.
  • "If you people keep getting bigger...Brett, you and I are gonna be in love seats in these. This is great." —John [06:08]
• Solutions for Airline Crowding: The cast muses about “pay by the pound” ticketing, fines for lying about weight, and putting the heaviest passengers up front or even in the cargo hold for airplane balance.
  • "Pay by the pound...it’s like going to the deli. It’s the air deli." —John [11:07]
• Social Commentary: They reflect on privacy, embarrassment, and the normalization of obesity on flights.
  • "You are pointing it out with every step you take in public." —John [06:52]

2. Airline Hygiene: Diaper Changing in the Cabin

[17:17–31:51]

• Disgusting Passenger Behavior: The hosts react in horror to a viral story where a woman repeatedly changed her baby’s diarrhea diapers on the fold-out tray in the main cabin, despite complaints.
  • "A couple... had to ask the people next to them if they could stop using their fold out in the center seat to change their goddamn baby’s diapers... The second time the lady decided to reach into the diaper bag… they got the flight attendant involved." —John [17:22]
• Flight Crew Response: Eventually, the pilot had to announce over the PA that diaper-changing should be done in bathrooms only.
  • "We had to go all the way to the pilot to have the common decency not to change diapers in the middle of the goddamn plane on the serving table." —John [20:53]
• General Lack of Decency: The hosts swap more horror stories: a woman licking trail mix off a tray, a guy with a bloodied napkin, and changing diapers in restaurants.
  • "I watched a lady eat her trail mix off of that thing once... And then she licked her fingers and got all the dust off..." —John [19:15]
• Holmberg’s Outback Steakhouse Story: John describes witnessing a woman changing her 4-year-old’s pants in the waiting area, accidentally exposing herself in the process.
  • "Is that a butthole? … Sure, that's a butthole...Meanwhile, mama June, who just got done cleaning this pig, is bending over, and the more she bends... there's a second butthole out." —John [23:44–24:30]
• Social Critique: John rails against selfishness and filth, saying people with babies shouldn’t inflict their struggles on others, especially in public travel or dining spaces.
  • "Just because you made that error in life doesn’t mean we have to be subjected to the pains of your parenting struggles." —John [26:17]
• Travel Advice: The importance of bleach wipes, personal hygiene, and enforcing basic decency.
  • "Bleach wipes. That’s the key to flying. Just show up and do the job..." —John [31:06]

3. Memorial Day, Pool Parties, and “Cans Out” Wives

[33:44–41:46]

• Listener Email Setup: A man writes in, frustrated that his wife—known for getting topless at parties—plans to do so again at their Memorial Day pool party with his veteran brother in attendance.
• Hosts’ Take:
  • The crew jokes about the classic “shirt-off taker” personality and how it rarely changes, morphing the topic humorously into familial boundary issues and “fantasies.”
    • "Once you're a shirt remover, you're always a shirt remover… some girls' nipples just need to feel air when they’ve had a few drinks." —John [35:24, 36:06]
  • John suggests pride may play a role: sometimes the husband wants to suppress toplessness only when he’s no longer proud of his wife’s body.
    • "Maybe he's saying the kids chewed the nipples up... Let's keep that thing on. Maybe they embarrass him now, that's what you have to be honest about." —John [38:28]
• Boundary and Social Arguments: The group skewers “proud” husbands vs. those with embarrassing secrets and riffs on whether toplessness is appropriate “for the troops.”
  • "If you’ve got nice ones, if you don’t, let’s keep them hidden, huh? Prop them up... There’s an industry that helps..." —John [40:11]
• Memorable, Outlandish Suggestion:
  • "If you wear a bra and take a bra off and they don’t move, I think you need to show our military those boobs as much as... maybe even just go over here to this base... wander around topless for the men over there." —John [40:12]

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Airlines Weighing Passengers:
  • John Holmberg: "If you're upset about being weighed before you get on a plane, it's just an insecurity you have." [05:34]
• On In-Flight Decency:
  • John: "We had to go all the way to the pilot to have the common decency not to change diapers in the middle of the goddamn plane on the serving table." [20:53]
• On Parenting & Public Nuisance:
  • John: "Just because you made that error in life doesn’t mean we have to be subjected to the pains of your parenting struggles. Stay home." [26:17]
• On Marital Toplessness:
  • John: "Once you're a shirt remover, you're always a shirt remover... some girls' nipples just need to feel air when they’ve had a few drinks." [35:24, 36:06]
  • Brady: "You know what better way to help out struggling servicemen with PTSD than sister in law running around the pool." [34:10]
• On Hygiene and Air Travel:
  • John: "Bleach wipes. That’s the key to flying... maybe even just raw bleach in a rag. I’m not gonna lie." [31:06]
• On Boob Types & Service:
  • John: "If you wear a bra and take a bra off and they don’t move, I think you need to show our military those boobs as much as..." [40:12]
  • Bret: "Do it for your country.” [40:51]

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Timestamps of Important Segments

| Segment | Start | End |
|--------------------------------------|---------|----------|
| NZ Considering Weighing Passengers | 01:38 | 15:42 |
| Airplane Diaper Changing Outrage | 17:17 | 31:51 |
| Outback Steakhouse “Butthole” Story | 23:44 | 25:15 |
| Pool Parties, Topless Wives & Email | 33:44 | 41:46 |
| Inappropriate “Cans-Out” Humor | 34:08 | 40:12 |

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Tone & Style

The show is candid, raucous, and occasionally abrasive—using hyperbole, dark humor, and a refusal to be politically correct while calling out societal absurdities. The tone is conversational, at times crude, and brimming with banter and sarcasm—typical for this long-running Arizona morning radio team.

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Recap

This episode highlights Holmberg & crew’s irreverent take on the ridiculousness of public travel, body shame and acceptance, the horrors of public parenting missteps, and the complexities of marrying the “fun” girl. Nothing is too taboo—the show skewers fat-shaming, classlessness, and even family nudity with equal parts shock and laughter. If you like your radio comedy raw and unfiltered, this episode delivers.

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Transcript

[A]

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[B]

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[A]

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[B]

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[A]

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[C]

It's John Holmberg here, seeing clear as a bell, thanks to my friends at the Schwartz Laser Eye Center. Well, here we are looking at a brand new year. Can you see yourself in 2026? Can you see it all? I mean, really? Maybe in 2026, you should see yourself seeing. Fix those eyes. Vision changes are gradual. You might not even know how bad it's gotten. I know. That was my story. So start the new year by seeing clearly. Visit Dr. Jay Schwartz and his team at the Schwartz laser eye center. 4, 8, 483 eyes. Schwartz laser eye center, the official eye center for your Diamondbacks and sons. The best of the morning sickness is on the end. KUPD this segment is brought to you.

[A]

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[C]

Brady, I don't know if you noticed this, but there's an airline in New Zealand that weighs people before they get on the plane.

[D]

I. I do know of it.

[C]

You do? I've never been alive. You're not on a plane. Some lady's throwing a fit because she's like, it's safety measures. Or a New Zealand air is like, you got to hop on the scale before you get on this plane. I've been on planes where they had to weigh me, it was a little jumper from Puerto Rico to St. Thomas. That was a small plane. And they had to weigh your bags, which they do anyway. And then you had to climb on a scale. You had to give them a weight. And I think if they looked at you went, that seems right. They'd let you on. I had to get on because they told me I was 195. And they did. I don't think they thought I was that. And right on the money. So, you know, we're all telling them our weight. We get on. And then the bigger people would say something ridiculous like, I'm 140, but only in pants and my shoes probably weigh through for. All right, lady, get on the scale and they'd weigh you. Well, there's a. I've been on an.

[D]

Express one where there's, you know, a seat on each side. They'll move you, and they'll move you.

[C]

They did that on our plane, too. It's like, look, everybody sat on the left side. We got to move a couple people over here on the right to balance this prop plane out.

[D]

That makes sense. Helicopter.

[C]

Right. You had to sit in the middle, and we all had to ballast that. But it was. Yeah, but a helicopter ride in Hawaii, they're like, yeah, let's make sure the weight's right because we got some big ends in here. And it was just me and Brady. But it says the goal isn't to single out passengers who might contribute to the plane being overloaded, just to gather world information. That's what the lady says. And the. They need and. Or the. The airline. I'm sorry. The airline says that. And the reason why is like, if we could weigh them and find out what most of the passengers weigh, we can change the insides of the planes to accommodate this. So it's more of a research thing. So they're not doing it for the plane's balance or it won't. You know, it'll. It look, it'll stay in the sky with fat people on a plane. I've been on a plane recently now you have no choice but to fly with fat people.

[D]

But that's one you don't mess around with.

[C]

What?

[D]

Like the planes. You always hear of the. There was one that happened a couple weeks ago. The plane was over its limit of luggage.

[C]

Right.

[D]

And that's the reason why it went down.

[C]

But that's a small plane most of the time. These are like a pilot. Yeah, well, there's some of that. There's your jets. And they're like, we. You know, that they say we weigh the plane every time. Like, we know how much is on there, so we don't need your individual weight. We can figure it out. We weigh the cargo to the meals, the luggage for customers and crew and cabin. We use averages, and we're noticing that the average is different. So no one can see your weight, not even us. We just want to put it on there. And now they're trying to figure it out. That and all I think to myself is if someone says, step on the scale so we can make your flight better in the future or for safety reasons, the only way you'd be upset is if you hate yourself. I climb on a scale. You want to get on the scale? Yeah, sure. I'm not going to think it's enough. The only people who are worried that it is an affront to their privacy are people who are huge.

[A]

Yeah, just the pigs.

[C]

Yeah, pigs. Pigs are going to be upset at this. If somebody. If somebody tries to weigh you to get in a place and say, we just want to make sure we're, you know, we're. We're on point. This is, you know, this thing's up in the air 30,000ft. We can't overdo it. We weigh everything. That is a. That is a. You're violating my civil rights. No, I'm not, lady. You're just mad because you've let yourself go. Now get on the scale. We're not gonna announce it to the rest of them, you know, not gonna sit back and go, all right, batch number 55, 321. You believe it? This lady is ballooned. You're not gonna do that.

[D]

But they'll just hear from me. I. I was eight pounds lighter at home this morning.

[C]

Right. I think it scales up how many people who are a little bit larger. I think it little heavy.

[A]

You got people taking all the change out of your pocket.

[C]

No, that's going on the plane too, dummy. They got to weigh you in your current condition. 292. At home, I'm 250. You, you're. No, at home, you're 292, just like you are here. You've set your scale to lie to you so you don't have to work kind of scale, is it? Yeah.

[A]

Apparently gravity don't work the same at your house that it does here at the airport.

[C]

Yeah, I got less of it. I'm floating. Yeah, because you're hanging onto a couple of bars to lighten up. Nah, 250. We're good. But if you're upset about being weighed before you get on a plane, it's just an insecurity you have. I have no issue with that. If they want to make airline seats a little bit bigger, I'm just bigger.

[D]

Than my boxer briefs just to make weight.

[C]

Look, this is the time. We need fatties more than ever. If you people still keep getting bigger and bigger and the airlines start noticing, well, the passengers are huge. The seats will get bigger. It benefits people like me and Brett.

[D]

Seats will get bigger.

[C]

Ye. The meals might get. The meals might get better. These. If it's mostly lardies flying around those, we're gonna be. Brett, you and I are gonna be in love seats in these. This is great.

[D]

And I'm not. What the.

[C]

You're not? No, sir. You're gonna be a double belter. You're a double belter, Brady. That's the day. Remember when that was a controversy, too? When somebody would, you gotta wear two belts. That's an affront to my civil rights. You gotta make the belts bigger so I'm not embarrassed publicly. The belt is what embarrassed you. Not the reason. You need the belt. I don't need pointed out. You don't need it pointed out because you are a walking globe.

[A]

Look in the goddamn mirror.

[C]

You are pointing it out with every step you take in public. But if this is the case, my limit. What's that?

[D]

If I ever have to ask for the extended belt.

[C]

Yeah. And nobody ever does that loudly.

[D]

And I'm like, just run me over.

[C]

Yeah. Did you. Didn't that lady once ask you if you needed it? And it was like, oh, I got to punch somebody in the nose?

[D]

No, I've never. Never had the. It's never been that close. But I got to the point because I. You know, the last flight I was on, it was two for two. The people that I sat next to.

[C]

Both double belted and had to ask, look, we need them flying if we're going to start weighing and it's for research to make the seats bigger. Do it. I want to be swimming around in a la Z, boy, next time I'm on a flight across overseas and just coach, like, look at this. Fatty's made it. So we have a huge, huge seats now. Change it up.

[A]

You ever get those. Those fatties that sit there and they. They refuse to get the double belt.

[C]

And they. Yep. Suck in their guns around their. Yeah, it'll hold me.

[A]

And as soon as the light goes.

[C]

Out, it's just, oh, I got released. I can't believe they made us wear these stupid belts on the. When's food get delivered?

[D]

The tray can't come down.

[C]

Oh, yeah, yeah, I've seen that. Oh, that's my favorite.

[A]

It sits on their belly.

[C]

They still. They still do it. And it's on a 45 across the top of their belly, and they still act like they're normal. They just hold the drink on it.

[E]

Yeah.

[C]

There'll be no food service due to turbulence, and we're sorry. What? What? This can't be. I'm not. Oh, my God. He was hiding a gun in one of his folds. Yeah. So if you people are you. We need to weigh everybody getting. I'm all for that. Hop on and go. Okay. The average weight of this flight, female and male, about 285. If I'm looking at Americans. That's what I'm thinking about 270 to 290. That's pretty average. We us, 200 pounders, we're going to be sitting there just with our feet up, floating around on the planet. Be great. Maybe too much room. We might have to squeeze a couple people in our little love seat. Some ladies trying to sue the airline. I can't believe they weighed me publicly. You know, you're walking around. We can see you. You know that, right? Like, we don't need a scale to know that you're. It wasn't some hot model. That's like, how dare you weigh me. It never is. Hot model. Climb on a scale. Okay. 114. Nice. That's what they're really mad about is when the model gets up there and they see 125, and then everybody starts clapping.

[A]

There comes Margot Robbie.

[C]

Yeah, Margot Robbie.

[A]

Sure, I'll jump right on.

[C]

And then you got to climb on that thing and show, you know, the first number changes to a 2. It's like the Price is Right when you miss the guess on the car and you got to change the first number. 213. That's not right. It is.

[F]

How is she?

[C]

125 and I'm 213. Oh, it's easy. You're two of her. Okay, now get on the plane. Here's your extender.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Here's your giant seat belt. Food's gonna get delivered once we're in the air. Don't ask on the ground. It's not happening. You can't get an early bird. Okay, that's not right either. All right, Just roll over there. You didn't even provide a rascal. Says it hurts to walk. Oh, my God. And you're mad about the scale.

[D]

Some would like the fact that would cut down on the airline travel amount of people doing it. The other factor is that people, you know, what a pain, another delay in the flight process that's not going to.

[C]

Take that long to hop on a scale unless somebody throws a, you know.

[A]

That'S going to happen.

[C]

I know, but that, but that's what I'm saying. Look, chunks get on the plane and follow the. Just get on. The problem is that people will slow down for their own personal needs. It's selfishness. If they ask me to weigh myself to get on there, I'm going to do it real quick so I don't hold up the line. That's the key to the whole deal is people holding up lines. You don't argue with a person about getting. If you argue, you're off, you can't fly. And there should be a weight limit for those seats. Otherwise you got to pay for two. Kevin Smith had to do it. Kevin Smith, the guy who, you know, the genius behind Clerks and all the fun. When he got on that Southwest plane and they made him buy two seats, he's like, I, this is terrible. It's like, but you know what? I was taking up two seats. He had the decency to notice. It was embarrassing. You take up a couple seats, you pay for a couple of seats. It makes sense. They threw a fit about that too.

[A]

They need a cattle call in the back. So if you're over this weight, your ass is in the back and you.

[C]

Pay a little extra.

[D]

Right.

[C]

You're taking up more space. Pay by the pound. I say the tickets should be by the pound. In fact, we don't have to weigh you. Exactly. It's like going to the deli. It's the air deli. And you on the online, when you're booking your flight, approximate weight and then just say, anybody 10 pounds off from this to the actual scale. Hundred dollar fine. They charge it for your bags and everything else. Oh yeah, hundred dollar fine, approximate weight. And then you got to put your weight in and then climb on the scale. It's like going to Red Mountain. It's like, how much do you weigh? And you tell them and they get on a scale and they just look at you and shake their head and like, no, you don't. It's a hundred dollar fine.

[D]

It's almost a reverse the first, you know, it's a bigger seat, but you'd pay accordingly if you're a bigger person because.

[C]

Right.

[D]

I wouldn't do the Back thing right off the back. Because if they're coming in the front.

[C]

You don't want them in the back.

[D]

Takes forever to get back there. Then if they're.

[C]

Yeah, you put them in the. The biggin seats up front.

[A]

Just open the cargo haul, you'll be fine.

[C]

Just, just.

[A]

Just have a little stairway right there.

[C]

Bag them downstairs. That's right. You people can't be up here with us norms. But yeah, it's funny to me that there's a. There's an uproar like oh. Weighing us before we get on a plane. But then people will know. They know. I've never seen a hot girl get mad about the scale. I'll get on it. Dudes won't care. This is about chicks. Chicks getting on. Worried about people noticing that they're. They're in spanx and stuff and it's all squished in there. Hop on the scale for our safety and our future. Now I want nothing but fatties flying. What? Well, it'll make the seats bigger.

[A]

Yeah, we'll be flying C130s instead of.

[C]

727 or that would be great too if you're a little bit bigger at your C130 will take you over to San Diego later today. But we can't get you on the southwest. Why not? We both know why not. You don't want me. I'm not making this public.

[D]

The seats are just that woven nylon parachute stuff.

[C]

Sit on lean on a wall. Operation Dumbo. Dumbo drop. Sitting there with straps under your belly, hanging in the middle. That would be even better. You don't even give them seats. Hang em from the ceiling of the plane like giant cargo in the back and anybody over their weight. It's like I can't sit in a normal seat. I gotta get hung like meat. All birds, morning sickness, disgusting. They smell, they're sticky. They say things that are horrible.

[F]

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[C]

Holmberg's Morning Sickness. I think it's great. New Zealand air. You're onto something.

[B]

Sorry about that.

[C]

You gotta climb up on the scale before we even allow you on the plane because you could force it into the earth with your massive amounts of girth. Yeah, I'm all for it. I'm all for that. I'm thinking about weighing people before they get in my car. I think that's actually pretty good. It's just a survey I'm taking. Why don't you climb on this scale here, make sure that my Shocks aren't cheap. And elevators. Yeah, I don't want my. I paid a lot for the suspension of this Jeep. I'm not really sure I want you mucking that up, driving around the road.

[A]

Figure out if you got to bring the F350 that day.

[C]

Let's put you in the back like we're moving Shamu back to Sea World. Let's just lay you down in the back of this truck. I got buckets of water and a team making sure you get enough fish. Yeah, I find it hysterical because, you know, the lady that was embarrassed went public. They tried to weigh me like, oh, well. Yeah. And you're mad because I'm looking at. Yeah, I see exactly why that would piss you off. Yeah. They moved a big guy in a plane, that little tiny plane from Puerto Rico to St. Thomas. They asked him, did you scoot over here? You're on the side with all the people. And if you stay here, we're gonna spin like a top. You're gonna. You're gonna counter this like a crane. Yeah. All right. I'll get over the other side. He pegged his way over the other way. I had to move over the other side too, because there were too many men on one side of the plane. It's kind of neat. I didn't know that that was a thing. And I was already nervous about the prop plan. I didn't know that they did that. And they eyeballed it, which was even crazier, like, all right, we got. It's looking big. Why don't you two move over there? They got the big guy over.

[D]

They said, me, could you move over on this side and we'll move the family across.

[C]

And we're gonna move that family of five and put them where you are gonna ask you to go lay down in their seat. Yeah, anytime someone. That's just a, you know, it's eye opening. But anytime somebody says, we step on the scale for safety reasons and you get mad, you're not mad at the scale, you're mad at yourself. I'd do it in a heartbeat. Don't be mad. Just get through it. Get us through this line. I did read an article Saturday afternoon that was morning, I guess that made me think I should never. I would. I. There's a certain part of me that would maybe walk home from Vegas before I'd get on a plane. After reading this, A couple. Where was it? I saved it. A couple in. Had to ask the people next to them if they could stop using their fold out in the center seat to change their goddamn babies diapers. They. The second time the lady decided to reach into the diaper bag and get this kid with diarrhea cleaned up again. They said, all right. No. And they got the flight attendant involved. And the lady had the nerve to get angry. Yep. And she starts yelling at him that it's, you know, she can do this. It's a baby. You don't understand. You don't have kids. And it's like, no, that's human. On a place people eat. And it makes me, like, if every time I get on a plane and I don't have the bleach wipes, that's what I think about people that do. That's the worst I've ever heard. I watched a lady eat her trail mix off of that thing once, flying from Tampa to Phoenix by pouring it out onto the tray. And then she ate it. And I'm like, that's gross in itself, you know? And then she licked her fingers and got all the dust off, like, multiple times. She. When the trail mix was gone, she was scooping it up, but she couldn't get it all off. So she'd make her finger wet and she would. She would fun dip, stick the lick. A stick thing.

[D]

Her finger's a blotter.

[C]

What's that thing where you get the sugar stick and you dip it in more sugar Fuzzy stick. And the dirtiest fun dip. Yeah. The dirtiest thing you can ever eat is like, let me put that right back in. She was doing that on the tray. And I'm like, I've watched a dude blow his nose, hold the bloodied napkin, and then put it down on the tray. And so from, like, for a long time, I've always bleached. I know that the airline doesn't have time to do that. They might wipe the seats down. They're not folding everything down and scrubbing.

[D]

Yeah, you can't flop the table.

[C]

And now you hear about a lady who not only once but twice put her diarrhea baby on there and nobody stopped her. And when they.

[D]

Flight attendant then agreed with the pastor, oh, yeah, you know, we have those in the bathroom.

[C]

Yeah, you could go in the bathroom. She said, the second time. And then the lady said, he said, I didn't. The guy said, I didn't say anything the first time. But the second time I heard them go into that diaper bag, I said, hey, could you guys use the bathroom? Instead of exposing everyone on the plane to that smell. And she lost it. He goes, she went off on Me said, I don't know how hard it is to have to travel with kids. You don't have kids. You don't know what this is like. The flight attendant in the back of the plane came up and said, ma', am, you can't do it. This few minutes later, the pilot made an announcement that diaper changing is all done in bath. We had to go all the way to the pilot to have the common decency not to change diapers in the middle of the goddamn plane on the serving table.

[A]

Imagine him being a pilot who's like, really, I don't have anything else to worry about than this.

[D]

I'm trying to get you guys here to the destination safely. All right, here we go.

[C]

If you look out the right side of the plane, you'll avoid the. That's changing his baby in aisle 12. You are not going to win that argument with anyone ever. If you change your baby's diaper and try to say, do you know how hard it is to travel with a baby? Then don't. I had children. It doesn't mean my life has to stop. Well, I don't care that you had children. It doesn't mean I have to see its butthole. I was at, I told you this. I was at Outback Steakhouse and watched a lady change her 4 year old's pants cuz he crapped them in the waiting area.

[A]

What were you doing in Outback?

[C]

Well, here's the fun story of that.

[D]

The last time.

[C]

Okay, that's true. Okay, what he said is true. And it isn't really Outback's fault. It's more the employees of Outback allowing. So here's the story, Brad. I was on the hunt for the best steakhouse in America or in Arizona. Sorry, it would have been America if I had more time. Best steakhouse. So we're, we're tooling. Me and my friend Colin are tooling around. He's got it. Megan's making the bookings, we're going all over the place. It's years ago and we're trying to figure out like which ones to go to. So Colin and I would find, or Megan would find one and then we'd say, okay, we'll go try this one. So we were at, you know, all these nice resorts and everything else, searching for the best steak in the city. And I said, you know, it's kind of like on Golden Pond. Maybe the best steak is at Outback and we're not giving it a chance because they've got high end stuff. They've got the, the thing that people order and then like you want to go into the Outback reserve and they've got like some of the. Oh, they do, exactly. You don't think of that. So I'm like, you know what? Maybe that is like when Walter was hiding from the guys from on Golden Pond. Henry Fonda in his own cove. And he wouldn't fish that cove because that's. Walter is smarter than that.

[D]

Crafty out.

[C]

Yeah. Outback might be where Walter the great stake was high. So we go to the Tatum and Shea Outback. Seem nice, look good. Hop in the thing as a 15 minute wait. Like, all right, so I'll just have. I'll have a Coke or beer or whatever. And we're sitting on the thing and my friend turns and he's leaning over. Colin looks and he goes, is that a butthole? And that's something you can't not turn and look at. Yeah, you got it. Yeah. So when someone's sitting, I'm like. And I turn it. I'm like, sure, that's a butthole. He's like, what does she do? And then the lady lifts this four year old down. This is not a little kid. Four year old kid, you know.

[D]

And it wasn't a jumbo baby.

[C]

This thing was talking, had a collared shirt on. It was, it was, it was too much. And she lifts its feet in the air and starts doing the wipe. Oh, Jesus. On the table. And I'm like, are you kidding me? And the diaper, this big, big boy diaper that the kid was in was just full, tosses it in a bag like that's disgusting. Meanwhile, mama June, who just got done cleaning this pig, is bending over. And the more she bends over, these yoga pants that are fighting for their lives are sliding down. And my friend Colin goes, I don't mean to alarm you. There's a second butthole out. Sure enough, turn over. That lady's pants had fallen down to the point when she bent over. Starfish.

[B]

Ah.

[C]

And I said, we are not going to discover whether or not the best steak lives here. Two buttholes in one restaurant is my limit. And so, yeah, so there. Saw two buttholes and watched the baby get changed. And everybody in the thing was so shocked by the first butthole, nobody said a word. When the ladies, when the mom's butthole came out, people are like, hey, what are you doing? Get out of here. Like you can't do. And then so everybody in Outback starts to kind of have that, you know, the revolution and the lady turns, she goes, huh, you know what guys are jerks. And she grabs her to go bag. They were leaving. She was done, and they walked out.

[D]

Couldn't wait.

[C]

Could have done it in a parking lot, could have done it anywhere else.

[D]

Too much squishing.

[C]

It was the wor. And all I thought was, well, the impractical jokers are behind this.

[D]

There's, yeah, open your tailgate.

[C]

It was the, yeah, put and put it on the hood. But no, she did it there. So. People are disgusting. And makes. Makes you not want to use that, you know, to fly along kind of thing. It's just gross. And I know every hotel room I'm in, nice or otherwise, especially in Vegas, is just filled with Chinaman all over the carpet pillows, this, the everything, the towels. It's all Chinaman. It's businessman, business seed. And, you know, you. You just. You hope. You trust that they'd wash the stuff. And, you know, they do the best they can to at least get rid of evidence of it.

[D]

High temps.

[C]

When you see Chinaman all over the bed and then say, it's all yours, it changes everything. So when you're wiping a baby's ass on the tray to eat, you just assume that's not the first time that's happened. Disgusting. And to the pigs that think that's okay, I just. I'm gonna throw up on you one day and just say, you don't understand. I've got a weak stomach. I know I don't understand what it's like to have kids, and you don't understand what it's like to have a weak stomach. So I threw up on you and your baby. Sorry about that. Human wafting around usually makes me pukey. It's gross. So if you've got kids. No, you're right. Most of us don't understand what it's like to travel with one, nor want to. But, yeah, that's. Just because you made that error in life doesn't mean we have to be subjected to the pains of your parenting struggles. Stay home. Why should I stop my life. Because evidently you're struggling. You're struggling to travel with it. It's. No, but I have to travel. Nope. If anybody wants to see that baby, they can come to you. You know, your family doesn't want to see your baby that bad. If they're not flying to you, why don't you come to us? That's basically saying we're not interested. So listen. Listen better. That's what it comes down to. Like, hearing me and your mother don't want to fly all the way there. Why don't you travel with the baby? Oh, that's a great idea. They don't want to see that baby. They're like, ah crap. They took us up on it. They called my bluff. All birds. Morning sickness. Disgusting. They smell, they're sticky. They say things that are horrible. It's John Holmer here from the Morning Sickness to tell you about underdog. Playing on underdog is easy. Just pick whether your favorite players are going to go higher or lower on stats like points, rebounds, steals and more. This week I'm looking at the NBA when Binyamin is going to be higher than 10 rebounds in a game. Devin Booker I'm going higher than six assists in his next game. Download the app today and use the promo code HMS to score $75 in bonus entries when you play your first $5. That's promo code HMS Underdog Make Picks win money must be 18 plus 19 plus in Alabama, Nebraska, 19 plus in Colorado for some games, 21 plus in Arizona, Massachusetts and Virginia and present in a state where underdog fantasy terms apply. See assets.underdog fantasy.com web play and getterms dfs.HTML for details. Offer not valid in Maryland, Michigan, New Jersey, New York, Ohio and Pennsylvania. Concerned with your play called 1-800- Gambler or visit www.ncpcgambling.org In New York, call the 247 Hope Line at 1-877-8-HOPE NY or text HOPE NY 467369.

[F]

The playoffs are here and Hooters just upgraded your game plan. Our beer of the month went from 14 ounces to a massive 25 ounces starting at just $4. That's a big every kickoff drive and touchdown. And while you're here, load up on wings, burgers and all your favorites. Come in for the playoffs. Stay for the food, the cold beer and non stop football. Plus every Hooters is giving away an 85 inch smart TV for the big game. Must be present to win. Hooters come for the football, stay for everything else.

[D]

Holmberg's morning sickness, changing diapers all over the place.

[C]

In our house, if you've ever packed an infant up to go meet family, that family wasn't that interested at all in meeting your baby at all. They can come out and see it. They chose not to FaceTime me. I'm good enough. Yeah, in the day and age of zoom, there's no baby isn't gonna say or do anything special. You don't need to touch it.

[A]

They all look baby Ain't gonna remember either. Who cares?

[C]

Nope. The baby never goes. I remember meeting you. Never. You meet it again later because it's as dumb as a stump. Next time it sees you, it's like meeting you again. So just. If you can't make the flight without the baby. Shouldn't be allowed to fly. We should have some. Some doctor with. My mindset should come out with some phony study that says high altitudes make babies brains explode. And then every mother would be a freak show and never take them up there. If you want to drive your baby across country, that's fine. That's on you. That's your world of misery. But changing diapers on the plane.

[D]

We tried to avoid that flying with Kirby, of course until she was 2 or 3.

[C]

There's no reason to put a baby anywhere. Brett's right. That baby's not enjoying anything. But Pop Pop and my mom wanna see it. Not. Not so bad that they're willing to fork out a few bucks to come to you.

[D]

That's why. Another reason. Nice to live out in Arizona when they came out to visit. Yeah, compared to coming from gray, cloudy cold.

[C]

Exactly. You come out here. But my parents are on a fixed income. Why do you want to introduce your baby to those dead beats? They can't afford anything. What are you taking them out to their trailer for? Babies. And 2. How long was the flight to have the baby just itself? Two times. No. You're full again. Let's. Let's subject the world to the heads. So gross.

[A]

No class.

[C]

Bleach wipes. That's the key to flying. Just show up and just do the job that this. The. The attendants can't bleach the hell out of that thing. And I mean maybe even just raw bleach in a rag. I'm not gonna lie. This is more than 6 ounces. But I'm gonna bleach my entire section. You read the story about the baby diapers? Oh yeah. Here. Take your bleach on. You seem normal. Then if I see anything bad, I'll just pour it in my eyes. But yeah. I got all the way to the pilot. Where like his? Yeah. He's got 142 souls on board. I'm responsible for each and every one of your lives right now. And I'm about to take one myself. If you don't take that naked baby covered in feces off of the middle seat. Please. I'm gonna kill you. I'll put this bitch right in the ground and kill all 142 of you.

[D]

I Like the one where the guy's, ah, gotta take these dogs out, taking.

[F]

Their shoes.

[D]

Up and rubbing their feet.

[C]

Putting your shoes up on the wall. If you've got bulkhead, if you're up front, people put their feet up on the wall. Humanity. Good opportunity to remind all of you, if you've got a flag to stick in your house, do it right now. Get it out there for the day and, you know, start celebrating that. Celebrating, but taking a recognized Memorial Day. Observe it. Yeah, because it's a. It's a definite holiday. I listen to a guy on the radio earlier this morning talking about he's an old veteran and he said something to the effect of he's not mad when people celebrate Memorial Day with parties and things like that. I've always thought it was kind of like an odd thing that we've turned into partying. You know, it's the. Celebrate the fallen and everything else. But I could see where you're silver lining that thing and say, hey, this is just the way it is. So without that, we don't have the country we have now. So the fallen are a very necessary part of how we got where we are. An unfortunate necessary part. Celebrating is one thing, but excessive celebration and screaming out, you know, thanks for serving is not understanding it completely at all. I got an email from a guy who says he's in a fight with his wife because Memorial Day, his brother is a vet, and that doesn't really necessarily mean this is his day, but he lost some friends and so he commemorates a little differently. His brother is in town for the weekend and they're gonna have a pool party. According to the email, the pool party, like their other pool parties in the summer, usually turn into drunken slut rages. And his wife likes to go topless. She's one of those drinkers that takes the top off.

[A]

She likes to celebrate.

[C]

She's a celebrator. She's one of the fun girls. She's the girl you used to love in college but wouldn't date or marry or the ones you don't introduce to your mom. This guy married her. He said, we're in a big fight because I told her, like, not to drink this weekend. And she's like, I can do what I want. And we know it's going to end with her being topless and my brother sitting there thinking we're rubes. Well, maybe you are if you have to convince your wife to keep her shirt on. Pictures are.

[A]

Didn't happen. Yeah, I agree.

[C]

And also, you know what? Better Way to help out struggling servicemen with PTSD than sister in law running around the pool. I think that's a good idea. I think, you know, it's a. It's a. Probably a fantasy on a website somewhere that, you know, sister in law stuck in a dryer with her shirt off. It's got to be a thing, right? In laws. Probably a porn. I haven't even dabbled in that. You know, the disgusting incest that goes on on pornhub most of the time is there. But you know that sister in law is an incest. It's a pretty good idea. See, I don't see a problem with that. But I do see a problem that your wife fights you when you say, hey, could you keep your shirt on? I think there's your bigger issue right there. I don't think it has anything to do with Memorial Day so much as it is your wife can't see reason when you just simply ask. As a husband, could you please not get naked in front of the guests? Maybe there's your therapy session. Why does I keep beeping on her?

[D]

Well, I think her problem is I don't take my shirt off.

[C]

Right. I dated a girl and you know, the Bryan Adams girl, she was a shirt remover. And then I started seeing her and the shirt stayed on, which strange, but it was like.

[D]

But eventually that, you know, it sounds like for this guy, it came back around. Maybe she stopped for a while.

[C]

Yeah, I, you know, I don't know. I think once you're a shirt remover, you're always a shirt remover because that's how you see those, those, those shirt taker offers in their 50s. Like sometimes you'll be at a. Like your aunt took her shirt off. She was probably a shirt. She was.

[D]

I was ahead of you on that.

[C]

Yeah, your aunt that got naked in the hot tub is comfortable whipping her shirt off after a few whines. Some girls nipples just need to feel air when they've had a few drinks. And you can't really explain why or what, but I'll be free. I remember I was a hot tub thing. It is not a hot tub thing with family, though. See, there's. You keep trying to make that excuse you really have.

[D]

Where the wine kicks in, the rose kicks in.

[C]

That's just somebody who's like not thinking at all. Maybe it's the wine, but that's a shirt taker offer. She doesn't have boundaries with family, friends or otherwise. I remember being at a party and the girl I was dating, dude, Paul's like, dude, she's on the second floor of the apartment thing. She's gonna jump in the pool. I come out and there she is topless.

[A]

I'm like, I'm gonna make her mine.

[C]

That's a keeper right there. I'm gonna, I'm gonna ask that lady out for a dinner. Because when you're 20, that's a good idea. To have a girl whose shirt comes off real easy is like, that's your two steps ahead of the game. You're driving through a parking lot with no speed bumps, man. That's a good thing. So, yeah, so you like the shirt off takers, but when you marry a shirt off taker, you know, you married.

[A]

One, you know what you're getting into.

[C]

She's probably not gonna change. It's like, you know, the Charlie Sheen argument. Arguments. Like, how dare you sue Charlie Sheen for getting an std? Yo, Charlie Sheen, the risk reward factor lived with you. It's your. You got to take responsibility for it. You marry a girl who takes her shirt off at parties because she was a fun girl, and then you start to stop that because suddenly your brother's too prudent. I don't think so. Your brother's seen worse.

[A]

Now your brother probably expects it too.

[C]

Actually, you know, I mean, he knows. We all know you.

[D]

We all know the biggie instigator.

[C]

We all know the girl who whips them out. You can sense it. Like, you know, your friend will introduce you to the new girl and go, hey, nice to meet you. Pleasure. Hey, over here for a second. Hey, not for nothing, nice new girlfriend, but my guess is we're gonna see amber's cans before 10 o' clock tonight, and you're gonna be upset, so just brace yourself. You think? Yeah. Oh, yeah. She's a shirt ripper offer, my friend. You're. You're dating. You're dating a pseudo whore. She may not do it all the way, but she likes to make people think that she's fun and free with those cans. God forbid a girl gets a boob job, those things come flying out. They like to show them off and let people touch them. And it's pretty fun.

[A]

I agree with it. You know, spend that kind of money, it's like when you get a new car, you got to show it off to everybody.

[C]

I think I'll just ask the question. Everybody's thinking, where's this Memorial Day party this guy's having? I think this sounds great. And maybe he's saying he doesn't want her to take her shirt off anymore. Because he's seen him, and he's trying to keep us from seeing him. Maybe he's no longer thinking it's a viable shirt off. Oh, wife.

[A]

Maybe.

[C]

Maybe he's saying the kids chewed the nipples up and they're. They're not exactly what they used to be. Let's keep that thing on. Because maybe they embarrass him. Now, that's what you have to be honest about.

[A]

Apparently, he's not proud of him anymore.

[C]

Yeah. Yeah. Because I think if you're a guy who's proud of your wife's cans, you'll let her show them off.

[A]

I'm all for it.

[C]

All right. Well, there you go. Happy Memorial Day, everyone. I don't think that's a thing. I don't think happy Memorial Day is a thing. But in that. That house, it is. And what kind of pool party you got going on? Like it's out of hand on Memorial Day with family. Again, it's Brady's aunt. A couple pops in her next.

[D]

She never did that on Memorial Day.

[C]

We had a lot of respect. She was respectful. Too respectful for the falls.

[D]

You know, win or break.

[C]

It was winter break, so she was. She had to get naked in the winter in Ohio. That makes sense.

[D]

In San Diego.

[C]

Oh, San Diego was a vacation. Aunts and uncles hanging out together on vacation.

[A]

Was that a more than once thing, or was that a one time?

[D]

That was. Yep, that was it.

[C]

Okay. You only saw her topless one time.

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

And no one.

[D]

Never. I still don't never let her live it down.

[C]

Oh, no, you can't. The family. And they'd laugh about it, but really what it was was a. Some sort of weird assault. She should have faced some criminal charges of some sort. It's weird. Anyway, keep your shirt on, lady, unless otherwise instructed, because you have good camp. And, you know, if you've got nice ones, if you don't. Let's keep them hidden, huh? Prop them up. There's a. There's an industry that helps ladies with bad boobs out with bras that push them up and wires and contraptions and all sorts of stuff. If you've got to use those to just put them in a shirt, we don't want to see them out, that's for sure.

[D]

Extra water.

[C]

Oh, yeah. If there's. If you got something that isn't you on, make it rounding out the bottom, because yours are more shaped like bags you get goldfish in at Petsmart than they are boobs, but they get propped up, and then there's like a. You know, there's a scaffolding and some sort of a support system. You keep those inside. If you wear a bra and take a bra off and they don't move, I think you need to show our military those boobs as much as. Maybe even just go over here to this base that's right off of McDowell and 52nd Street. Wander around topless for a little while for the. For the men over there. And then I don't know what the ladies like up in that area. I don't think a guy walking around with his dick out's a good idea.

[A]

Yeah. Do it for your country.

[C]

Do it for America.

[A]

That's right.

[C]

Brett's right. This is all about being a. A good citizen of the United States, for God's sakes. You want wandering on your boobs, and I think that's a great thing.

[D]

Instead of thank you for your service.

[A]

Thank you.

[C]

Well, yes, but thank you for your service. Lady, with your boobs out, I'm not sure who to. Thank you. This all seems great. Anyway, remember what it's all about, for real. But I, you know, I had my mind changed on that. I heard a couple of. I had a friend of mine tell me that the other day. He goes, I don't mind if people celebrate that. It goes, but I'm not gonna. He goes, it's a tough day for me because he was in Afghanistan and lost a lot of good people. You know, you just sit and you have drinks and think about them, and it's different for them. So don't assume that your fun is everybody's fun. It's not exactly a. We'll do that eventually with 9 11. 911 will eventually be turned into barbecues. Yeah, it's going to be barbecues and sheet sales and cars.

[A]

Andy wrote, I'm a vet.

[C]

Where's this party at, exactly? Like people who've been in action deserve your. Yes, we should put your wife's cans up on our Facebook page. She wants to whip them out for everybody but us. That's what it seems like. Arizona's most powerful, powerful rock radio station. Hey, everybody, it's John Holmberg here from the morning sickness. And I'm hanging out with my friend Shane Orlando from Orlando Auto Body. So many locations, so many places to visit him. He's got you surrounded, and you can check it [e-mail]. shane, you were telling me about something. Just tell people what you were talking about. Yeah, I just want to share with. With our listeners and our customers. That are now OEM certified. What that means is we've been trained by a lot of the OEMs, so we are now OEM certified. Orlando Auto Body, they got you covered in any sort of situation you get into with your car. And also remember, lifetime warranty on all repairs. All you got to do is go to orlandoautobody.com you know when you're looking.

[E]

For your fix of comedy here in the Valley we have three amazing clubs that feature some of the best comedians in the world. Up on the north end of town you can visit the beautiful Desert Ridge Improv. Downtown in Cityscape, you've got Stand up live and east side. Right there in the heart of asu, it's the west legendary Tempe Improv. Plenty of entertainment for you and your guests and you can even grab some food and drink. So see why the Valley is a comedy destination and get your tickets by going to desertridgeimprov.com standuplive.com and tempe improv.com.