01-22-26 - Trailer Park Idea For John To Pay Out If It Gets Hit By Tornado And Idea For Hooker Roulette - Flight Seat Switchers - May 2023-BO

Summary

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Holmberg's Morning Sickness – “Trailer Park Idea for John to Pay Out If It Gets Hit By Tornado and Idea For Hooker Roulette – Flight Seat Switchers” (Aired: January 22, 2026)

Episode Overview

This episode of Holmberg's Morning Sickness features John Holmberg, Brady Bogen, Brett Vesely, and Dick Toledo as they engage in a raucous and irreverent discussion about outlandish business ideas, ethically questionable games, and airline seat etiquette. With their signature blend of sarcasm and dark humor, the crew explores concepts like the lottery-style “Bullseye Trailer Park,” “Hooker Roulette” at bachelor parties, and rant about demanding parents on flights. The tone is unfiltered, sometimes crude, and packed with laughs for listeners who enjoy edgy comedy.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The “Bullseye Trailer Park” Million Dollar Idea

• John Holmberg floats his outlandish business concept: buying a trailer park in weather-prone areas and paying out $1 million to the first renter whose home is destroyed by an “act of God”—like tornadoes or floods.
  • “Call it Bullseye Trailer Park. The house that gets destroyed by weather—a million dollars!” (01:41 – John Holmberg)
• The team riffs on the idea:
  • Brady: “You’d include, like, if a car went airborne?” (03:58)
  • John: “Raining Cars acres. A car falls off the freeway onto your house—million dollars. It’s hope for people who live in trailer parks, and that’s the thing that’s missing: hope.” (04:11 – John Holmberg)
• They joke about making “catastrophe” a desirable event for residents, combining elements of lottery excitement with regular disaster insurance.

2. “Hooker Roulette” – Bachelor Party Gone Wild

• The conversation escalates to another John Holmberg “business idea”: Six sex workers, one has an STD, and whoever draws the short straw (figuratively) wins $10,000 if they contract it.
  • “Hooker roulette. If you get the STD, it's bad news for you, but we'll give you $10,000 from the hooker fund.” (08:25 – John Holmberg)
• Spirited debate ensues:
  • How much money would each participant need to take the risk?
  • “You wouldn’t take drippy crank [slang for gonorrhea] for 10 grand? … You’re better in a day. It hurts.” (09:11 – Holmberg & Vesely)
  • “My price for an STD today? $10,000. Not five. Five is ridiculous—you gotta pay taxes on five.” (10:00 – John Holmberg)
• The crew riffs on diseases, costs for “the bumps” (herpes), and escalate to outlandish numbers:
  • “Five million for the bumps? … Some people get it for free, and they’re just fine.” (16:39–16:56 – Holmberg & Vesely)

Memorable Quote:

• “Drippy Crank is a great band name. Write that down.” (08:54 – John Holmberg)

3. Airline Seat Switchers: Stand Your Ground

• Listener email sparks a strong reaction: Should you switch seats if a parent wants to sit with their kid?
  • A listener refuses a seat swap, standing his ground: “Ma’am, I'm 6'3" 275. I can't sit in a middle seat.” (20:22 – Email read by Holmberg)
  • John praises the move, railing against entitled parents: “You don’t go up to the middle. It’s not my problem that she booked two separate tickets for a kid and thinks that everybody’s got to move.” (21:04 – John Holmberg)
• The group debates etiquette, with personal stories:
  • “If you've got a kid and you have to sit next to it, you show up three hours before the flight...” (21:49 – Holmberg)
  • John vows: “Never again. She booked a five hour flight [with] separate seats and expected the world to collapse to her knees.” (22:41 – John Holmberg)
  • Brady: “If you have a middle seat... ask someone else. I’m your first 'No'. Get used to rejection. Life isn’t fair.” (25:27 – Brady)

Memorable Quote:

• “Don’t beg other people to fix your mistakes and go up front first—ask the [airline].” (22:06 – Brady)

4. Airline Travel Hacks and Odd Encounters

• John shares his unconventional tactics for flying Southwest before flights were routinely full:
  • “I’d have my mobile DVD player playing porn, sit in the middle seat, and everyone would walk by me... nobody wants to sit next to a guy who loves the middle.” (26:13 – John Holmberg)
  • Tricks include using Avion facial mist to fake illness and clear row space.
• Brady reminisces about memorable seatmates, including a man with prosthetic legs.
  • “They had to take the seat out and hoist the guy onto this little plug like a Lego.” (28:27 – Holmberg)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On the trailer park lottery:
  • “If you get targeted by God at the trailer park, as they all do, there’s a million dollars.” (01:40 – John Holmberg)
• On the ethics of Hooker Roulette:
  • “Would you take crabs for $10,000? … For 10 grand, crabs—shave it and it’s over… some head & shoulders.” (11:17–11:27 – Holmberg & Vesely)
• On family history with STDs:
  • “Your dad going to Cuba in the ‘50s, I’m sure he took a shot for sif. Your dad had the sif.” (17:17 – John Holmberg)
  • “He would comb [the crabs] out and put them in a jar... and just display them.” (19:19–19:26 – Brady)
• On flying with children:
  • “Never give up your seat on an airplane for a kid. Well, damn right. Ever.” (21:03 – Brett Vesely & John Holmberg)
• On travel hacks:
  • “I’d watch porn and giggle and sit in that middle seat because nobody wants to sit next to a guy who loves the middle.” (26:13 – John Holmberg)

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Important Timestamps

• 01:22: Begin "Bullseye Trailer Park" business idea discussion
• 08:25: "Hooker Roulette" bachelor party concept and STD price debate
• 19:40: Listener email about refusing to switch airplane seats
• 26:10: Flying strategies for keeping middle seats empty
• 28:17: Anecdotes about unusual airplane seatmates

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Tone & Style

The crew’s banter is sarcastic, provocative, and unfiltered, leaning into dark and self-deprecating humor. Topics are treated playfully, but with an underlying smart-alecky critique of life’s absurdities and society’s unwritten rules.

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Summary

This episode spotlights the best of Holmberg’s Morning Sickness: raw, unpredictable conversation, barbed humor, and listener emails that stoke lively debate. Whether musing about disaster-insurance lotteries for trailer parks, pitching the world’s most dangerous party game, or dispensing hardline advice for jaded frequent flyers, Holmberg and crew bring edgy entertainment with a distinctly Arizona flavor.

Transcript

[Brett Vesely]

You're listening to the HMS Podcast, brought to you by MMP Guns.com, your most trusted online marketplace for firearms, ammunition, and accessories.

[John Holmberg]

It's John Holmer here from the morning sickness to tell you about Game Day Men's Health. Game Day Men's Health is a life changer. For a lot of you guys out there who've hit a certain age, we won't mention it. Maybe you don't recover from workouts as well. Maybe you just don't feel like you're you. I wasn't recovering from workouts, and I didn't feel as good. I got on Samorelan, which is an awesome peptide. It feels. Feels great. My skin feels cleaner. I feel better about me. Don't let age be a number that stops you from doing stuff. Head on down to Gameday Men's Health and get yourself back to being you. Gamedaymenshealth.com hey, it's Brett Vesely, and I'm.

[Brett Vesely]

Here with Byron from MMP Guns. Look, Byron, I have a friend wanting to sell some guns he inherited. What's the best way for him to do that?

[Brady]

Brett, the last thing you want to.

[John Holmberg]

Do is sell the gun to someone who can't legally own one. Tell him not to put himself at.

[Brady]

Risk and come into M and P Guns where he'll get a fair offer.

[John Holmberg]

And he can rest easy knowing it's.

[Brady]

Not getting into the wrong hands.

[Brett Vesely]

Okay, but what if he lives out easy?

[John Holmberg]

Legalgunbuyer.com and he can do it all online? It's really that simple.

[Brett Vesely]

There you have it. MMP Guns or legalgunbuyer.com the safe and legal way to sell your firearms.

[John Holmberg]

Do not listen to this while driving or when full alertness is needed. The best of Homburg's morning sickness.

[Brady]

This is the big red radio.

[John Holmberg]

I had a great idea. Doug Hopkins and I were talking about real estate stuff because that's what he does, you know, And I said, you know, what I want to get into is buying a. Like, this is a great idea, a great idea. I would have renters forever. You buy a trailer park, right?

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

And everybody rents and trailer parks and everything, you know, but because they're always getting destroyed by weather. You buy a trailer park in, like, Tornado Alley or like, let's say in Arkansas, a big one. And you know it's going to get crushed by weather. They all do. So we call it Bullseye Trailer Park. And the house that gets destroyed by weather. A million dollars. So you're sitting there waiting for the trailer the first house that goes down from weather. Million dollars. You couldn't really do it in tornado alley because the whole park goes. But like, maybe here, sometimes a micro burst will just take one down. We had those wind storms the other day and a whole carport fell into the trailer park and knocked it sideways. One thing, and I'm like, that's it. Weather related. Bullseye. If you get targeted by God at the trailer park, as they all do, there's a million dollars.

[Brady]

Hit the lottery.

[John Holmberg]

You've hit the. It's a lottery trailer. You would never not have renters. And it would just be the greatest trailer park of all time. You just call it what it is. Bullseye Trailer park. When weather strikes, you can win a million dollars. And we'll know. We'll have cameras everywhere for people trying to fudge it or, you know, definitely.

[Brady]

Want to keep it in a place so at least there might be a chance.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brady]

Because people would be more excited about living there, like.

[John Holmberg]

Exactly. You need to drum up for the possible death of their house.

[Brady]

The bank of a river that could rise.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, flooded acres. That's a great idea. Oh, the people with the most damage get a million dollars. You could win a million dollars for living in a trailer park. And those trailer park people would dive into that place. You'd charge astronomical rent for trailer parks because you know, you know it's going to get hit by weather. You know, something terrible is going to happen. It can't be a shooting and it can't be man made because that can be f. An act of God hits this trailer park. Million dollars. Bullseye. Trailer parks, phenomenal. You get an insurance policy out on it. The odds of it happening are so slim. And then just people just waiting for their houses to get destroyed. That way nobody's upset.

[Brady]

Yeah. You'll have, you know, out of the 20 years, maybe one, you'll get some payouts. Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

You'll get hit and then, you know, you'll do some, you know, prorated stuff for when a monsoon goes by and knocks over your carport. All right, we'll give you. That's 100 grand. Congratulations.

[Brady]

Would you include, like if a car went airborne, if you have highway acres.

[John Holmberg]

Where it has a flyover. Yeah, yeah. Okay. Well, it all depends. Yes.

[Brady]

But you can have so many different subdivisions.

[John Holmberg]

Sure. If you had one sitting under an overpass. Yeah. Raining cars. Acres would be a car falls off the freeway onto your house. Million dollars. It's the best idea ever for trailer parks because otherwise living in a trailer park is just depressing there's no few. It gives hope to people who live in trailer parks, which if you live in a trailer park, that's the thing that's missing is hope. Trailer park acres.

[Brady]

Great. And you couldn't really do something like it. You know, you couldn't have Tonto, Tonto Homes and Tonto Verde because of the fires. There's gonna be too many.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. You'd be paying a million dollars like crazy.

[Brady]

You'd take a bath on it.

[John Holmberg]

And plus they could light it on fire themselves and start a forest fire. And then you'd have to prove a lot. The weather thing is pretty. You know, it's not like Brett's people with the Jewish lightning and the, you know, that kind of thing. Oh yeah. You know. You know, that is.

[Brady]

You could have Little Italy.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, you could have Little Italy, the trailer park. Yeah. Anybody arrested and taken out of the park for domestic violence. The one that gets the one the cops don't pick million dollars. Somebody's got to go to jail with dv. We gotta take one of you away tonight. You can't stay here. Oh, don't take me. And then they would fight to stay. And then the one that get, you know, the cops cuff and stuff ya. It's a million dollars to the winner. Trailer parks need hope. They need a lottery system when their lives officially fall apart. But that girl that wanted to be a tenderoni. I'm pretty sure she was in that trailer listening today. That poor girl that liked me, that wanted to. That brought her family over to Roni. She would have been someone's Roni. She might have ended up a Roni. She was cuter than she was cuter than she was.

[Brady]

She's the sweetest little thing.

[John Holmberg]

She was the cuter than she was poor, but still too poor for. For me LA guy. And then that one girl that I made out with on the hills at the Point and then drove her back to the trailers at Golfland and never talked to her again. I had the time of my life with that chick. We're rolling around.

[Brett Vesely]

You had a lot of trailer parts.

[John Holmberg]

Well, there were trailer Mesa surprised you.

[Brett Vesely]

Even pacing with the. The cavity girl or the filling.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Was a cavity. But let's. Yeah. I was going for other cavities but even worse pace in the half expect somebody's tonsil like pellet. Whatever that thing was that fell out of her mouth and into mine. She happened to be laying on top of me. So I'd had no like gravity did its job. If we were kissing like standing up I would have never felt that tonsil stone, but it went right into my throat. Pacing. You got to expect that. But actually, what was crazy about that is when we got kicked out of the hotel in Payson with that girl that spit her filling into my mouth.

[Brett Vesely]

Which nobody's ever said before. Go check out of a hotel in Pac.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, well, we. Well, because it was cold. So me and Mark, my buddy, were camping. Like, I don't want to be out. So we talked the guy into giving us a room and he gave. It was a movie. Two 17 year old boys, too cold to camp, go to this cruddy hotel. And he's like, I don't want any shenanigans around here. You guys are too young to be in here. I'm giving you a break. Right across the hall, he rents another room to three hot hillbilly teen girls with beer. And we're like, well, this is a thing. So the next thing you know, I'm rolling around with one of them, my friend's trying to get the other one and she spits her filling in my mouth. But then we got kicked out.

[Brady]

Corn console stone.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, well, one of the two. Neither good. Brady, if you've ever eaten someone else's tonsil stone, it's an unexpected joy. But then we got kicked out and we went to her house and she had a really nice house and her parents weren't home. And I'm like, why didn't we just do this? Why aren't we just here the whole time? And it was just. It was. First it was a poorly written movie. And then of course, that whole thing ended after I swallowed the tonsil stone by getting blue balled to the point where I had to go throw down on the side of the beeline on a one of those truck runoffs with my top. No top, no doors. Jeep. Driving back, I was in such agony that I had to throw down on the side of the B line in order to just survive. I'd never experienced the blue balls before. That was. She didn't close the deal. This guy says, I like the trailer park idea quite a bit, but instead of trailers, let's do hookers at bachelor parties. Six hookers. One of them has an std.

[Brady]

Hooker roulette.

[John Holmberg]

Hooker roulette. If you get the std, it's bad news for you, but we'll give you $10,000 from the hooker fund.

[Brady]

Who's it?

[John Holmberg]

I'm out. I might. That might be worth a syphilis shot. 10 grand. It's all cured. Big whoop. All right. The STD can't be anything higher than the clap. So then you wake up three days later and go. You're peeing fire. And you're like, ah, it's ten grand.

[Brett Vesely]

Drippy Crank is.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, but you're. Yeah, but you're standing there rooting for Drippy Crank. Drippy Crank is a great band. It is. Great band named Drippy Crank. Write that down. But if you had Drippy Crank and It came with $10,000, pardon the pun. I don't know. You do it. I don't know. You wouldn't take drippy crank for 10 grand. I don't know.

[Brett Vesely]

How long. How long does that shot take to work? I mean, how long?

[John Holmberg]

But you're better in a day. It hurts.

[Brett Vesely]

Are you sure?

[John Holmberg]

24 hours. I don't know.

[Dicty Little]

There you go.

[John Holmberg]

There we go. I'm familiar with the readings. I don't know.

[Brady]

You're good in a couple hours.

[John Holmberg]

I thought I had it once, but it turned out a girl just gave me the Boone's Farm bj And it made a uti.

[Brady]

Yeah, Internal vineyard.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, it went inside there, and I was growing Boone's Farm.

[Brett Vesely]

And how was that?

[John Holmberg]

Horrible. But if somebody handed me a check for 10,000 after, it would have been easy. I got some antibiotics. I know. Maybe I didn't. I might have gotten something. I don't know what he gave me, but cleared it.

[Brett Vesely]

Okay. Nowadays, would you do that? Because in those days, with a Boone's Farm, you didn't have any money or anything. Your high school. So it's like 10 bucks would have.

[John Holmberg]

Been worth it, but my price for an STD today.

[Brett Vesely]

What is your price?

[John Holmberg]

10,000. Very nice. For syphilis. That's not so bad.

[Brett Vesely]

About five.

[John Holmberg]

No, not five. Five is ridiculous. That's. You got to pay taxes on five. It's not worth it.

[Brady]

Ten years later, Holmberg robbed us, man. Why? Well, because Don's blind. Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

You didn't get it treated. Don't fall for the reefer madness, Brady. It's not. The syphilis is nothing.

[Brady]

There's that.

[Brett Vesely]

Hey, Capone died of it.

[John Holmberg]

You didn't get treated. Oh, there's not gonorrhea. You're afraid for no reason. Syphilis is like a day of peeing bad. You go to the clinic, you get a shot, it's gone. It's like a. You know, it's basically Covid. It's harmless. Drippy Crank is ten grand. What's your price? I don't know. You can't be Too uppity about this.

[Brett Vesely]

Ten grand's a nice trippy crank, though, man. I don't know. I think I'm out.

[John Holmberg]

I don't know. But you'd be rooting for it if you played what, trippy crank? Yeah. If you played hooker roulette and you're like, if I got it, I get 10,000, I think so would you do it?

[Brady]

I don't know either.

[John Holmberg]

How in the world do you not know you love money? Like you're Mr. Krabs. Like, this would be.

[Brett Vesely]

That's an interesting nickname.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Would be an interesting. You should be mister. Would you take crabs for 10 grams?

[Brett Vesely]

I think I would. For 10 grams, crabs shave it and it's over some head and shoulders.

[John Holmberg]

And you're right. I think that's it. Some. Just for men to get everything back to normal.

[Brady]

I guess I'd crab up.

[John Holmberg]

You'd have crabs. Right.

[Brett Vesely]

But drippy cranks different.

[John Holmberg]

I don't know. Pubic lice. How about this? How about this? This is the fun part of my game. So you get the drippy, right? And you get $10,000 up front. Now, every week you can live with it. Is another 10 grand. With the crabs. No, I'm in on that. With the drip drops, I'm in on that. You go five weeks before you get it treated, maybe you lose your sight a little bit.

[Brett Vesely]

Big deal.

[John Holmberg]

You're losing it anyway.

[Brady]

I've seen people had it for years.

[John Holmberg]

Sure. Some people don't even know. Three, four weeks go by, you go get your. You go get your penicillin and it's over at 50 grand in your pocket. But you gotta live with it for five weeks.

[Brady]

And that's tough because that means you're. Oh, you are abstaining, too.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. But if you're hoeing it up, you're married, man. You've been abstained for five weeks at a time. I don't want to hear it like. Okay, that's what I'm saying.

[Brady]

Five weeks.

[John Holmberg]

Look here, Valentino, I'm pretty sure you're gonna make it through the window of five before you pop. Yeah, crazy. These are the types of debates we have here. I'd take that for 10 grand right now.

[Brett Vesely]

What? Drippy crank.

[Brady]

Yeah. And the week. The weak bonus.

[John Holmberg]

And a week bone. I'd probably do a one week bonus. I don't think you can go further than that. If you've ever had a UTI where it hurts to pee or it's. You don't want to do that every day for seven days just to go Dormy. It can. I guess we'd have lucky.

[Brett Vesely]

I guess we'd have to make sure that that's all she has because I don't want the bumps because that stuff lasts forever.

[John Holmberg]

All the hooker. Yeah, all the hookers are tested.

[Brady]

How much for the bumps?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, how much for bumps?

[Brett Vesely]

No, I don't bumps.

[John Holmberg]

But they don't flare. What do you mean they don't flare? Sometimes people have bumps that just test. People never flare. You never look. I've read a lot of articles. There's been. Other than that, other than the aids. If you make sure you've got, you know, people have them. It's bad for ladies more because they can get ovarian cancer easier. Just increases your risks. But it's really not that big a deal. And frankly, it's really hard to catch. Really hard. Brandon Lee was in here and he said he had weekends where he had sex with hundreds of men. And I'm like, what do you have? And he goes, I got out of there with nothing. And look the way you get STDs, filthy drug addicts underneath you whore in or you know that butt thing with a stranger. You wrap up the butt thing. Look, everybody had just scared to death of sex for a while because they were scared. You know, we had a problem.

[Brett Vesely]

I don't want my crank looking like the speed bumps at Fashion Square.

[John Holmberg]

I'm kind of out. Morning sickness.

[Brady]

Disgusting.

[John Holmberg]

They smell, they're sticky. They say things that are horrible.

[Dicty Little]

NFL championship weekend is upon us. Now, I don't want to jinx my team, but the underdog app is the best way to celebrate a win like I did in the divisional round. It's dicty little from the morning sickness. And playing on underdog is so easy. Just pick if your favorite players will go higher or lower on their stats. And I said it last week, so I'm sticking to it. Sam Darnold, Kenneth Walker and Rashid Shahid all are going to go higher on their projections. Jump on board with me. Download the underdog app today and use the promo code HMS to score $75 in bonus entries. When you play your first $5 underdog make picks win money must be 18 +, 19 in Alabama and Nebraska, 19+ in Colorado for some games, 21+ in Arizona, Massachusetts and Virginia. And present in a state where underdog fantasy operates. Terms apply. See assets.underdogfantasy.com web playandgetterms dfs_html for details. Offer valid in Maryland, Michigan, New Jersey, New York, Ohio and Pennsylvania concerned with your play, call 1-800-GAMBLER or visit www.ncpgambling.org. in New York, call 24. 7, Hope Line at 1-877-8-HOPE NY or text HOPENY to 467369. NFL Championship Weekend is upon us now. I don't want to jinx my team, but the Underdog app is the best way to celebrate a win like I did in the divisional round. It's dictylittle from the morning sickness, and playing on underdog is so easy. Just pick if your favorite players will go higher or lower on their stats, and I said it last week, so I'm sticking to it. Sam Darnold, Kenneth Walker and Rashid Shahid all are going to go higher on their projections. Jump on board with me. Download the Underdog app today and use the promo code HMS to score $75 in bonus entries when you play your first $5 underdog make picks win money must be 18 +, 19 in Alabama and Nebraska, 19+ in Colorado for some games, 21+ in Arizona, Massachusetts and Virginia and present in a state where underdog fantasy operates. Terms apply. See assets.underdogfantasy.com web playandgetterms dfs.HTML for details. I' not valid in Maryland, Michigan, New Jersey, New York, Ohio and Pennsylvania. Concerned with your play? Call 1-800-GAMBLER or visit www.ncpgambling.org. in New York, call 24. 7, Hope Line at 1-877-8-HOPE NY or text HOPE NY to 467369.

[John Holmberg]

Holmberg's Morning Sickness I would not do the bumps either, but I've read about the bumps and you're like, all right, that is really not that big a deal. So long as they're not just, you know, Vesuvius and all over this person's pants.

[Brett Vesely]

Because it's like Eddie Murphy said way back in the day. It's like, it's like luggage.

[John Holmberg]

You keep it forever. Y5 million. Five million for bumps? That's overshooting it, man. Some people get it for free and they're just fine.

[Brady]

No, I was saying, would you do it?

[Brett Vesely]

Oh, yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Cover my whole body. I'd be like a wart person.

[Brett Vesely]

It'd be like a human friend.

[John Holmberg]

I'd be tree man. I'd have like, just dangling warts off my fingernails. Five million bucks. I can hole up and watch good Netflix on that, play some great video games. But the bad thing is you got the warts and you can't ever. You got $5 million now you're supposed to be attractive to somebody and you're not gonna.

[Brady]

You gotta let people know.

[John Holmberg]

What an interesting thought. What would it take to get you how much money for an std? Everybody in this, your parents probably had. Took a shot at one point. Your dad going to Cuba and all over. I'm sure he took a shot for sif. Your dad had the sif.

[Brady]

They try to ask.

[John Holmberg]

Ask him. It's something he needs. He even said it to you last time you talked.

[Brady]

But right now it's 50.

[John Holmberg]

50 on whether he's gonna answer it.

[Brady]

Yeah, well, he'll answer it, but whether or not you believe it's real Torp or is it drugged up Torp, that's.

[John Holmberg]

The best time to get real answers. Drugged up Torp's not gonna just suddenly lie about syphilis.

[Brady]

No, he. Yeah, I mean, he's pretty sharp. But last time he was in the.

[John Holmberg]

Era where, you know, traveling around.

[Brady]

But you gotta understand, the last time he's talking, he's also calling somebody. I'm in the attic right now working on an ac.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, there's some. There's some trouble that's going on and you're in bed. But he was in Havana in the 50s. Yeah, he had syphilis. Your dad probably got safe. He wasn't. Your dad didn't use rubbers. He was a religious man. He's not.

[Brett Vesely]

They even have them. Then you never hear about that.

[John Holmberg]

Syphilis.

[Brett Vesely]

No.

[John Holmberg]

No.

[Brett Vesely]

Condoms.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, yeah. He never went and got condoms. Your dad did use that.

[Brady]

Oh, he had jimmy hats.

[John Holmberg]

That would be against God. Your dad could not go buy condoms.

[Brady]

He wasn't, you know, he was not Catholic.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, but he still wasn't buying condoms. He wouldn't talk about sex. He's not going to go stand in line with rubbers in his hand. That's not happening.

[Brady]

Fraternity.

[John Holmberg]

No, he was in Cuba. He was bone in Cuban slots and probably got the SIF. If you were in Cuba in the 50s, I'll ask. You got the drippy, you get to.

[Brady]

I've got one of the guys I know that was in Korean War. He's pilot, Navy. And he was talking about the time. Well, this is a guy that I rode motorcycles. I'm gonna name him.

[John Holmberg]

Did you write.

[Brady]

But he talked about the time that.

[John Holmberg]

He got the sips.

[Brady]

He got crabs.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, yeah.

[Brady]

And he goes. He lived with two roommates. And he would comb out and put them in a jar.

[John Holmberg]

Why?

[Brady]

And put them up there. Just display them.

[John Holmberg]

Okay. I don't even know that that's a real thing, but gross.

[Brady]

Yes.

[John Holmberg]

And you're hanging on to him for dear life on a motorcycle.

[Brady]

No, I didn't.

[John Holmberg]

I wrote the French mistake. Yeah, you were making the French mistake. You've been frenchified. Anyway, ten grand. I like that. Hooker roulette and bullseye acres. These are good ideas. Give people hope. Who normally wouldn't? I got another email. I wanted to put this for this guy named Brett. Email. And he said, homeberg, you would have been so proud of me. A woman on my flight last week tried to get me to switch seats because her kid wanted to sit with her. He was two rows back in a middle seat. I stood up, actually considered it, and saw that he was in a middle seat. And I looked at the lady and I said, ma', am, I'm 63275. I can't sit in the middle. Middle seat. She said, maybe you can switch with the guy in the aisle. The guy in the aisle is the same size as me. Said, no, thanks, ma'.

[Brady]

Am.

[John Holmberg]

I'm not interested in switching. She told the flight attendant and started crying that I wouldn't help her. I told the flight attendant myself, and I'm not the type of guy that likes conflict. I don't usually deal with. No. I told the flight attendant, I'm like, it's not my problem that she booked two separate tickets for a kid and thinks that everybody's got to move. By the way, I was in the emergency aisle, which I paid extra for. She wouldn't even give me compensation for that. Here's the best part. I was the only person she asked to switch seats with. She wanted extra leg room. She never asked anyone else. He goes, so I'd be. I'm glad I thought of you. Parents are running scams. Never give up your seat on an airplane for a kid. Well, damn right. Ever.

[Brett Vesely]

I agree.

[John Holmberg]

If you're a parent and you book a flight and you're kid and you have to sit separate, that's on you. You don't go up to the. The middle.

[Brady]

It's on the flight.

[John Holmberg]

No, it doesn't.

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah, you shoot a little.

[Brady]

You can't have kids in the emergency room.

[John Holmberg]

True. That's true.

[Brady]

So I don't know about that.

[John Holmberg]

True. Well, maybe she was.

[Brady]

If he paid extra for the leg.

[John Holmberg]

Maybe she was gonna sit there and he was going to sit where she was. Maybe that was in it. She could be.

[Brady]

But as a. You know, every once in a while you get to, you know, you get on a flight and the seats all of a Sudden you got to get on and the seats aren't. I've never, you know.

[John Holmberg]

Sorry.

[Brady]

It is tough. The middle seat would be. Sorry to switch.

[John Holmberg]

I'm not switching with you and your kid. Especially on you.

[Brady]

Check with someone else and I would understand that. The guy's six three. Yeah, I noticed that. And like.

[John Holmberg]

And it sounds like he bought seats. So it wasn't a Southwest flight where they just showed up. Yeah. Look, if you've got a kid and you have to sit next to it, you show up three hours before the flight, make sure you're in the A group. If you're a C group with your kid, risk taken, you're sitting separate.

[Brett Vesely]

You can pay to upgrade those.

[John Holmberg]

That's true. Those grams.

[Brady]

You can.

[John Holmberg]

Don't beg other people to fix your.

[Brady]

Mistakes and go up front first. Ask the. Is there any way I have to.

[John Holmberg]

We have to sit together. Yeah, but part of the risk is showing up and saying we're not sitting together. You have to be a. A big boy. I don't know how old the kid was, but you're right. Yeah. The emergency aisle, he's not. So she must have been running some sort of an I want this seat thing. I have to be closer to my kid and I'm way over there. And what did you.

[Brett Vesely]

Didn't you say Megan told everybody to F off?

[John Holmberg]

Oh, yeah. It was on that flight from Denver cuz they wouldn't move. She was panicking cuz it was a bad weather flight out of Denver. I don't fly well with somebody mind moving so I could sit next to him and everybody's magazine in front of her face.

[Brady]

Really?

[John Holmberg]

No one's gonna help me F all of you. My gop. I don't know who this bitch is. She's about to get on a no fly list. I'm not with her. She's going crazy. We should kick her off the plane. I even started the chat. Kick her off. Kick her off. But if you have to sit next to your kid and you booked a flight to be cheap and got separate things, just goes, somebody will switch with us. Nope. Risk taken, consequences pay extra. You gotta pay extra. No, I did it once on a flight from Hawaii. I had a front big bulkhead seat and this lady's kid was going bananas. You mind switching? I have to sit way over there. And I'm like, where are you? And she was in one of the little side two seat things. And I'm like, ugh, five hours. And I was nice and I did it and I said to Myself that day. Never again. She booked a five hour flight, and I didn't think that she booked a five hour flight with separate seats and then just expected the world to collapse to her knees with a kid that didn't want to do it. Nope. Nope. If your kid and you are flying together and you can't get seats next to each other, you have to explain to that kid right away after, hey, you have to sit by yourself on this one. Need you to be a big boy.

[Brady]

There's someone between Kirby and I. She only likes the window seats. Fine. Not sitting in the middle. Yeah, take the aisle seat.

[John Holmberg]

And then somebody had to sit between the two of you.

[Brett Vesely]

Yep.

[John Holmberg]

That had to be brutal. Darling, pass that bucket of Cheetos. Oh, God damn. These people are.

[Brady]

They got up and found another seat.

[John Holmberg]

We're gonna move you. You two seem to. I said, what's going on? Why are you leaving? We've done it again, Daddy. The isle is ours. I'm just gonna take my shoes off for a second. No, no, no. Let the dogs breathe. So, yeah, I'm with you. So thank you for emailing, but that is a public service of people thinking that because they have kids, everybody's got a bow to them. And I'm not in on that. I ain't budging. Especially if I had extra money on a. You get that emergency aisle. That's a win.

[Brady]

You get paid for those. You got all these different levels now.

[John Holmberg]

Emergency. I was a little extra. And if she didn't willing to, like, kick in. Hey, I'll give you. And maybe that's the thing. If you come up to me as a parent, go, hey, I'll give you 100 bucks right now. We switch seats, maybe I'll start going.

[Brett Vesely]

Oh, you're ready to cough it up.

[John Holmberg]

If you're willing to sacrifice a little something. All right, maybe.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Don't go up and just expect it and then tattle on them. Means you went and told the he won't switch with us.

[Brady]

I've done it before. And the person all sudden bought me a drink afterwards. Thank you for doing that.

[John Holmberg]

I'll scoot over.

[Brady]

That was.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, but I'm not upending my entire flight.

[Brett Vesely]

I'm not jumping in the middle seat.

[John Holmberg]

No, I ain't taking a middle seat. If you have a middle seat. Hey, ask someone else. I'm. I'm your first. No. Get used to rejection. Life isn't fair.

[Brady]

And it was aisle to aisle to that hill.

[John Holmberg]

They were just over. That's fine.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

If you just go island you just want to sit one seat up. I do that. Like, if I'm in a regular seat and they're in a regular seat, we're just switching. That's one. You guys want to sit next to each. I've even offered that. When I see somebody sitting across, I'm like, if you guys want to sit next to each other, I'll just take her aisles. Yeah. I go, okay, that's fair. I ain't taking a middle. No, not at all. Sorry your kid is incapable without mama. I like it. Nice job, Brett. Way to go. Not this Brett.

[Brett Vesely]

I had to fight Chicago one time. My mom, and it was like, she always liked to win a seat. I'm saying, as Brady, I'm like, well, I'm on the aisle, so there's gonna be somebody between us.

[Brady]

I don't care.

[John Holmberg]

No Southwest. That's just happening. Yeah. That's why I used to. When I used to fly southwest before 9 11, all the time I was flying every week, I'd have my. My mobile DVD player playing porn, and I'd sit in that middle seat, and everyone would walk by me, had that. Those giant headphones plugged into the thing and just staring at, like, light porn. And people would walk by and look, puke, sack out.

[Brett Vesely]

Like Cinemax porn. Or like, head in the dryer porn.

[John Holmberg]

It was heading to dryer porn. Yeah, it was. You know, it was on the screen. You had to actually look to see what I was watching. Oh, okay. And anybody sat down, they'd look, because from high on those. Those old screens, you couldn't really see what was on it. But I would watch porn and giggle and sit in that middle seat because nobody wants to sit next to a guy who loves the middle. So window and aisle were both open, and I'd watch that. And this was before they'd sell out flights. 911 changed everything. You get on planes that weren't all the way full and still have some idiot that wants to, like, you know, a guy's like, hey, what's going on?

[Dicty Little]

Let's talk.

[John Holmberg]

I'm like, hi, Brady. No. Move on. It's not time to make new friends. The flight to Burbank. It's an hour of our lives. Let's just. So I try to get the aisle to myself. And that was the best trick I ever had. Or sit in the middle seat. I'd take that avion, Remember, for a while, that avion had that spray water for your, like, misting for your face, and I'd hose my eyes out with this stuff. And I would, like, pour it in my eyes and it turns your eyes a little red and just running. And I would sit in the middle seat with a barf bag with those. My eyes just. And people would. Nobody sat by me. And if the flight was full, you were screwed. But it kept people away from me. It was really. I flew to Burbank in three seats 80% of the time with those two tricks. Flew from Nashville to Phoenix by myself. Pulling the drunken puke guy. I hate flying. It's great. Little tricks of the trade if you're a frequent flyer. Unless you're Brady and you're like, come on in. Come on in. I dusted it off for you. I've already cleaned it. Drinks are on the way. New friend Freddie loves flying. You know, sat next to that stump that time. That guy with no legs.

[Brady]

Yeah. Removed his seat so he could get.

[John Holmberg]

In there on a post.

[Brady]

How'd it happen? Got underneath a boat prop.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brady]

Removed his.

[John Holmberg]

But they had to take the seat out and then hoist the guy onto this little plug like a lego cherry picker in there.

[Brett Vesely]

Just dropping them in like a motor or whatever.

[John Holmberg]

And then they clamped him down to the plane like a lego. Oh, you didn't get bobbing around.

[Brady]

Come on in, friendo.

[John Holmberg]

Brady goes, why don't you sit next to me, Matt? Anyway, how'd this happen, Bob? I don't want to talk about it. I do.

[Dicty Little]

How'd it happen?

[John Holmberg]

I was under a boat. Why? All right, let me finish. And Brady was exchanging numbers. Bestie. My daughter's over there by the window. Hello, Bob. How did it happen? Arizona's most powerful rock radio station.

[Dicty Little]

The playoffs are here. And Hooters just upgraded your game plan. Our beer of the month went from 14 ounces to a massive 25 ounces. Starting at just $4. That's a bigger beer for every kickoff drive and touchdown. And while you're here, load up on wings, burgers and all your favorites. Come in for the playoffs. Stay for the food, the cold beer and non stop football. Plus, every Hooters is giving away an 85 inch smart TV for. For the big game. Must be present to win. Hooters come for the football. Stay for everything else.

[John Holmberg]

It's John holmerg here from the morning sickness and I'm absolutely thrilled to tell you about my new [e-mail]. here's the proof that me talking about something on the radio can be trusted because I purchased a 2024 customized Ford Bronco from the gang at lifted trucks. That opened my eyes to who and what these guys are all about. They not only have thousands of trucks to choose from, they also have nationwide shipping. And they can get anything anywhere. My Bronco's been customized. Countless other pro athletes and celebrities. Now little old me choose lifted trucksandliftedtrucks. Com. Work hard, play hard, drive harder.