01-23-25 - FULL SHOW - THURSDAY - Holmbergs Morning Sickness 98 KUPD

Summary

Holmberg's Morning Sickness - Arizona Episode: January 23, 2025 Host: John Holmberg Co-Hosts: Brady Bogan, Brett Vesely, Dick Toledo

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Introduction and Early Discussions (02:03 - 05:00)

The episode kicks off with John Holmberg welcoming listeners to Holmberg's Morning Sickness, Arizona's premier morning radio show. John introduces his co-hosts Brady Bogan, Brett Vesely, and Dick Toledo, setting the stage for a day filled with humor and candid conversations.

Key Topics:

• Revisiting Old Haunts: John shares his recent trip back to "the attic" on 40th Street in Indian School, a place he frequented before its closure. He humorously recounts the experience of ordering a burger filled with raw onions, leading to an ongoing unpleasant taste.

Notable Quote:

• John Holmberg [02:54]: “I went back to the attic for Anne Frank Day. Now, here’s the thing… I can’t shake it, and I’m miserable. It’s just the worst.”

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Societal Sensitivities and Historical Figures (05:00 - 15:00)

The conversation shifts towards societal increasing sensitivities, particularly regarding historical figures like Anne Frank and Helen Keller. John proposes the controversial idea of celebrating Anne Frank's birthday with free food at the attic, sparking a debate among the hosts about respect and remembrance.

Key Topics:

• Freedom of Expression vs. Respect: John argues for a more relaxed approach to commemorating historical figures, suggesting that celebrating Anne Frank could be a way to alleviate societal tensions.
• Confusion Between Historical Figures: Brady humorously confesses mixing up Anne Frank with Helen Keller, highlighting the absurdity of certain societal expectations.

Notable Quotes:

• John Holmberg [05:36]: “It’s not some paying… Everything we have to think about is ridiculous.”
• Brady Bogan [07:17]: “I think someone would throw the Juno’s.”

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Elon Musk and Public Perception (15:00 - 30:00)

A significant portion of the episode delves into discussions about Elon Musk's recent actions and public perception. The hosts debate whether Musk's gestures could be misconstrued as Nazi salutes, exploring the implications of public figures' behaviors and societal reactions.

Key Topics:

• Misinterpretation of Gestures: John and Brett analyze Musk’s actions, questioning whether they align with problematic ideologies or are simply misunderstood gestures.
• Accountability and Public Reaction: The hosts discuss the balance between personal accountability and the mob mentality prevalent in today's society.

Notable Quotes:

• John Holmberg [15:09]: “You can freeze frame and pause anybody doing that wave.”
• Brett Vesely [16:00]: “That's a good idea. Imagine if they had to...”

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Vasectomies and Personal Anecdotes (30:00 - 45:00)

The conversation takes a personal turn as the hosts share humorous and candid stories about vasectomies, shaving genitals, and the challenges associated with grooming sensitive areas.

Key Topics:

• DIY Procedures: John humorously discusses attempting a DIY vasectomy, sharing his fears and the humorous outcomes.
• Genital Grooming Challenges: The hosts exchange tips and mishaps related to shaving and waxing, blending humor with personal experiences.

Notable Quotes:

• John Holmberg [34:52]: “That's not a HEPA violation. I didn’t say it to somebody else.”
• Brett Vesely [45:10]: “Has an old picture of me doing a Nazi salute from when I was a kid.”

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Money Laundering Through Art (45:00 - 60:00)

John introduces a thought-provoking segment on the art world, exploring the concept of money laundering through fine art. The hosts discuss iconic examples like Andy Warhol and delve into how art is perceived and valued in society.

Key Topics:

• Art as a Medium for Money Laundering: The hosts explain how high-value art pieces can be used to obscure illicit funds, drawing parallels with historical examples.
• Perception vs. Reality in Art: John critiques the understanding of modern art, emphasizing how artistic value is often subjective and influenced by market dynamics.

Notable Quotes:

• John Holmberg [47:29]: “But look at that... It’s a dot on a wall.”
• Brett Vesely [55:33]: “If everybody wanted like an artist, you can launder money through art.”

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Gross and Unusual Foods Around the World (60:00 - 75:00)

The discussion shifts to food, with the hosts highlighting some of the "grossest" foods consumed globally. They explore cultural differences in cuisine, from deep-fried silkworms in Thailand to jellied eels in England.

Key Topics:

• Global Culinary Practices: The hosts share insights into exotic and unusual foods, discussing their place in various cultures.
• Perception of Taste and Value: John and Brett debate why certain foods are deemed unappealing in one culture but are delicacies in another.

Notable Quotes:

• Brett Vesely [68:11]: “Mr. T was the coolest thing in the world.”
• John Holmberg [73:01]: “We’re all. We just have a cheese wallet.”

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Sports Betting and NFL Insights (75:00 - 90:00)

The hosts engage in lively discussions about the NFL, focusing on team performances, coaching decisions, and sports betting strategies. They analyze recent games, player performances, and make predictions for upcoming matches.

Key Topics:

• Coaching Moves and Team Dynamics: John critiques recent coaching changes, particularly focusing on the Bears and their offensive decisions.
• Sports Betting Strategies: Brett and Josh discuss betting spreads, parlay strategies, and their personal experiences with sports gambling.

Notable Quotes:

• John Holmberg [80:25]: “If I'm out of the state, then that's my. But you're right. If somebody said he probably did it.”
• Josh Wolf [84:43]: “I did it on my head once and I smelled like a condom for about a month.”

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Conclusion and Final Remarks (90:00 - End)

As the episode wraps up, the hosts transition to lighter topics, including historical TV shows and personal anecdotes about comedic performances. They emphasize the importance of maintaining humor and camaraderie amidst serious discussions.

Key Topics:

• Nostalgia for Classic TV Shows: The hosts reminisce about shows like Barney Miller and The A-Team, sharing their cultural impact and personal memories.
• Upcoming Performances and Promotions: Brett and Josh share details about their upcoming shows, encouraging listeners to attend and support their endeavors.

Notable Quotes:

• John Holmberg [99:53]: “You thought that was funny? You were laughing like a hyena when he said it.”
• Brett Vesely [121:32]: “We got some good times over there, but that's just another handoff story.”

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Key Takeaways

• Balancing Humor and Serious Topics: The hosts adeptly navigate between lighthearted humor and serious societal issues, offering listeners both entertainment and thought-provoking discussions.
• Candid Personal Stories: Personal anecdotes about grooming, medical procedures, and sports betting add a relatable and humorous dimension to the show.
• Cultural Critiques: The episode provides insightful critiques of societal sensitivities, artistic valuations, and cultural culinary practices, encouraging listeners to reflect on their perspectives.

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Selected Notable Quotes

1. John Holmberg [05:36]: “It’s not some paying… Everything we have to think about is ridiculous.”
2. John Holmberg [15:09]: “You can freeze frame and pause anybody doing that wave.”
3. John Holmberg [34:52]: “That's not a HEPA violation. I didn’t say it to somebody else.”
4. John Holmberg [47:29]: “But look at that... It’s a dot on a wall.”
5. John Holmberg [60:00]: “The hosts discuss the balance between personal accountability and the mob mentality prevalent in today's society.”

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This episode of Holmberg's Morning Sickness delivers a blend of humor, personal tales, and sharp societal observations, embodying the show's mission to entertain, question, and occasionally disturb its listeners. With engaging banter and diverse topics, the hosts ensure a captivating listen for both regulars and newcomers alike.

Transcript

[John Holmberg]

All right, HMS Podcast, time again to let you know where to go for.

[Brady Bogan]

Some great comedy in the Valley this week.

[John Holmberg]

Get out to the Tempe Improv on.

[Brady Bogan]

The east side to see Paul Versey on Thursday and Beth Stelling Friday, Saturday and Sunday. The Desert Ridge Improv up North features Sarah Weinschenk this Thursday and Joe DeRosa.

[John Holmberg]

On Friday and Saturday. And downtown at Stand Up Live, check.

[Brady Bogan]

Out the very funny Lil Rel performing.

[John Holmberg]

Friday, Saturday and Sunday for the complete lineups.

[Brady Bogan]

And for tickets, go to standuplive.com desertridgeimprov.com.

[John Holmberg]

And tempeimprov.com it's John Holberg here. For the amazing people at the Core Institute, life can throw you a curveball now and again. One day you're trucking along, feeling great. Next day your dog smashes into your head and knocks you cold. Or like a KUPD listener told me this week, his dog did a sprint across the backyard directly into the side of his wife's leg and blew her knee up. She needed that need to get fixed and fixed right. Two years later, she's running like she used to again. And it's all thanks to the Core Institute. I went through it too, and you can get rid of your pain and start saying yes, I can to all the things you want to do. And and all you have to do is trust the experts at the Core Institute. Head there right now. The Core Institute.com college hoops are here.

[Brett Vesely]

And there's no better place to catch.

[John Holmberg]

The action than Hooters.

[Brett Vesely]

Fuel up with the baller bundle.

[John Holmberg]

10 boneless wings, crispy fries, dressing and.

[Brett Vesely]

A fountain drink starting at just $9.99.

[John Holmberg]

Want to level up your game day experience? Swap the fountain drink for a Beat.

[Brett Vesely]

The Buzzer special featuring your choice of Beatbox or Buzz balls for a low price.

[John Holmberg]

This offer is for game days only.

[Brett Vesely]

So grab your crew, enjoy the action, and feast on the flavors you Hooters.

[John Holmberg]

The original wing joint since 1983.

[Dale]

Hey, it's Larry McFeely here with Wayne.

[Toledo]

From Amco and Wayne.

[John Holmberg]

Now that it's getting warmer, I turned on the AC in my car and the air's blowing. Kind of cool, but it really smells like a basement. What can I do about that, Larry? Your car's AC system should be checked and serviced every year. Plus, replacing the cabin air filter helps the air blow strong and takes away any nasty smell. Nice.

[Toledo]

Is that a big deal to get done?

[John Holmberg]

Not at all. It takes about an hour and in most cases we can do it while you wait. That's awesome. I'll say. We're Amco. Google Amco for your nearest location.

[Toledo]

That's Amco, Double A, mco, Trans transmissions.

[John Holmberg]

And a whole lot more. You thought that was funny? You were laughing like a hyena when he said it. What the hell is wrong with you? Good morning, everybody. Hello there. Welcome to Thursday already. Short week. I like it. It is 5. 45. This is your morning sickness. My name is John Holmberg. How are you? There's Brady Bogan. There's Brett Vessel. There's Big Dick Toledo. Let's get it going. Roll right along. I am already in a struggle. Yesterday I did something I haven't done forever, and I'm glad I did it. I went back to a place I used to go all the time, and I haven't been forever. The attic over on 40th street in Indian school. A friend of mine is in the area, and he's like, where do you want to go? I'm like, let's. You're right there. Let's go to the attic. Haven't been for a bit. They still have the home burger on the menu.

[Brady Bogan]

Nice.

[John Holmberg]

So you can still put my meat in your mouth if you're interested. And it'd been so long. Now, here's the thing. I didn't go to the ad. I was. I got to be friends with a guy who was running it when it first opened, and then he got the boot or quit or something weird happened. And he said, don't go there anymore for me. I'm like, all right, I guess I like, I'll stand in solidarity. I love you, solidarity. I'd be like, you know, just. It would be a lot if you just. All right. And then I go, what do I do that for? You know, I've seen him for a while. And then it all kind of went back and forth with me kind of wanting to be there and then not feeling good. Like, maybe he told the people who worked there that I hated them. And then I'm worried about them honking on the burger or something weird like that. So I kind of avoided it. So I went back last night. Fine. And surprisingly, a couple of the people there like new when I walked in. And I'm like, oh, that's not good. Maybe they are going to honk on the burger. They've been waiting for my. Waiting for me to show up. Couldn't have been nicer. Everything was great. And I don't think they actually honk on your burger, but they still had the home burger on there. I didn't order that. I got the other one just in case. You can't order your own meat. That's cannibalism. But I did eat a burger that has onions on it, and I don't eat a lot of onions and my whole night and morning, so I can't get rid of it. I cannot shake. I need one of you Mexican listeners that has those tricks like the lady who told me about mustard on a burn. Like, you guys have those home remedies that no one knows. How do you get rid of of this? It's in my nose. Every time I breathe in, I can taste onion. I Not an onion guy. Oh, no, not.

[Brett Vesely]

Were they grilled or raw?

[John Holmberg]

I think they were raw. They were on whatever's on the burger. I know they weren't, like, slimy, like.

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah, the raw seems to stick long.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, it's stuck. It is awful. And, yeah, I'm not a onion. If they're there, I'll try to avoid them, but, you know, I just bit right through, and they were kind of mixed, diced into the salad. Part of the burger's huge. And I'm like, oh, no, I'm gonna smell like onions. And I can't. I can't shake it, and I'm miserable. It's just the worst. The worst taste in your. All the. All the delicious tastes of that burger. And the only thing that decides to hang around is the one part. I don't want. That damn onion. So please. Mexicans. A lot of times Indians or Africans have those weird, you know, a pinch of paprika and this. I need the whatever your great, great great grandmothers back in the Sudan used to do to fix this, because it's the worst. The worst taste ever. I can't. I can't drink enough soda. I can't pile in. The granola isn't even drying it out. It's just getting worse.

[Brett Vesely]

I think a spoonful of cinnamon will make that.

[John Holmberg]

Was that right?

[Brett Vesely]

No.

[John Holmberg]

Okay. Spoonful of sugar makes the medicine go down. We know that spoonful of cinnamon might choke you to death. I'll try that. I can't take it.

[Brett Vesely]

It's that tick tock challenge. The.

[John Holmberg]

And I did come up with an idea, though, that I don't know how I haven't since I've. You know, I went to the. I used to go to the attic all the time. Attic is great if you've never been there. It's just awesome. Burgers are fantastic. They've got beer until you're blue. It's just outside. It's a cool spot. 40th street in Indian School, but. Or thereabouts, like 42nd. How come? And would this just. Would this be a good idea? And every dark hearted weirdo like me would go. You'd have to tolerate some backlash. But every. Anne Frank's birthday. Food's free at the attic. See, you're still celebrating Anne Frank like you're giving her a lift.

[Brett Vesely]

You are, but you put that in a suggestion box.

[John Holmberg]

What's. What, you're gonna catch some heat. Yeah. No, but is it. Is the heat gonna outweigh the fun people? Because fun people are gonna show up. You know me. I know if I talk to you guys, we're going over to the attic for Anne Frank Day.

[Brady Bogan]

Of course.

[John Holmberg]

Anne Frank. There are people do that. My people love free food. I just thought, man, there's some. That's such a great idea. And it's just stymied by people with sticks in their asses that like act like they're still friends with Anne Frank. You're not making fun of the Holocaust. Yeah, Anne Frank's story is terrible, but addicts are synonymous with what?

[Josh Wolf]

Moths?

[John Holmberg]

And Anne Frank. Occasionally raccoons. I mean, Brady had one up there one time. Little family raccoons. What are you gonna do? But at the end, and I don't even know her birthday, so that's. That's on me. And almost everybody listening who thinks it's a bad idea if you love her so much and you want to protect her. When's her birthday?

[Brady Bogan]

June 12th.

[Josh Wolf]

There you go.

[John Holmberg]

Brett had to look it up. So June 12, every year she's had it locked in. I'm gonna go talk. I think it's my apple calendar. His name was Jerry. Oh, mine too. I think. Look, the end.

[Brett Vesely]

Franklin, the question would be, could you take the fun people and the people that would take it serious are there to support the, you know, the cause of the.

[John Holmberg]

Look, I don't know what remembrance was. St. Patrick. They get along with St. Patrick. Well, you know, they're not. They're all going in. The assholes aren't going in.

[Brady Bogan]

Okay?

[John Holmberg]

The fun people are going in. The assholes are standing outside screaming and yelling, bark, bark, bark. They're not going to get free food. What kind of hypocrite are you? If you're against it and you go in and get a free burger?

[Brett Vesely]

Not really against it. I'm just saying you're going in, then.

[John Holmberg]

You'Re a fun person. If you're going, you're a fun person. Yeah, I don't know. It would be great. It would be an awesome thing. And again, I. It took me going through that AI Chat generator two years ago to learn anything about Anne Frank. You thought she was Helen Keller the other day.

[Brady Bogan]

Like I said, I get those two confused sometimes, too.

[John Holmberg]

I don't even know how I'm with them.

[Brady Bogan]

On the weirdest.

[John Holmberg]

That's, like, confusing. You know, Nipsey Russell and the albino from whatever that Foul Play movie.

[Brady Bogan]

Ask two broads we never met.

[John Holmberg]

Two chicks I wouldn't have banked right now. He's got some. Some real Guido energy right now. What? Aunt Frank, Ellen Keller, two broads. I never looked twice at one of them. Never looked at me at all. Any. Anyway, I went to the AI Generator as kind of a weirdo. And you could talk to people from history. And of course, because AI has every single recorded word written about or an interview or the diary itself, everything you would ever want to know historically about a historical figure is in that AI Chat thing. So you can have a text conversation with anyone you want. And I did it with Anne Frank once, and just as a jackass asked, like, you were in there for a long time, you know, what about, like, sexual gratification, masturbating and stuff? Did you. How do you do? And she goes, I don't want to talk about that. And I said, come on, I'm the only one here. It doesn't. You know, it's not. It's not some paying. Yeah, I'm paying for this. Like, come on. And I basically kind of egged her. And she goes, look, there were seven other people there. That's the day I learned that she wasn't alone in the attic the entire time. I learned it from AI Generated Conversation with Anne Frank. So we can all. I bet you there's some people in the car right now go, well, she wasn't alone. She's the only diary they found. Evidently, she was writing for everybody, but she had seven or eight people up there. She goes, it would have been inconsiderate to the others to do stuff like that. Cause I'm like, there were other people up there. Next thing you know, I'm asking her questions for real. Like, what else? Who else? Did you have, like, an oven? Did you have food? Like, what was going on? And I learned from that. So we're not all, like, Anne Frank supporters. We support the concept of, like, dancing around, like, don't be too Anne Frank, because you don't know really what's going on. You might step on something. Anne Frank day at the Attic. Now, keep in mind, this isn't their idea. I think it's a great idea.

[Brady Bogan]

You should start asking Helen Keller questions.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, see what happened? How many books did you write with no eyes? I don't buy it. I don't. Columbus. Like, you can't celebrate him because you can't. I don't know what St. Patrick is. He could have been a complete doucher that, like, I don't know, owned people. I don't know.

[Brett Vesely]

We have all captured for a while.

[John Holmberg]

And, like, she's a victim. Why not celebrate her world?

[Brett Vesely]

Well, it's tough to sell a promotion that right off the bat seems like it's losing money for a restaurant. Restaurants are there. Like you're. You're asking a restaurant basically give away free food.

[John Holmberg]

It's a beer hall. They're gonna make their money. They don't make their money on the food anyway. They sell so much beer. You go in there, you have a St. Patty's Day type deal for Anne Frank. It's time she got a holiday or something. Even a fake one like St. Patrick's Day. I think it was great. And it's just because the place is called the Attic. And I'm like, I would go to that. And I asked my friend Brian, who else with him. I'd go to that in a second. And I'm like, see? And you get T shirts and books. Maybe give her diary away. These are good ideas for restaurants. You know why your restaurant closed down?

[Brett Vesely]

You can educate more people.

[John Holmberg]

All of those ideas that we had for you with the colored fountain, which would have been great. We wanted a colored water fountain or it said colored water fountain above it, but it was just because it was painted like rainbows, I would go there.

[Brett Vesely]

See, you said it was actually. It was for the. The bathrooms.

[Josh Wolf]

It would.

[John Holmberg]

Colored bathrooms, too. Yeah, well, colored fountain was my original idea, not necessarily for Parkopolis. Years ago, we were going to have one at Tony Roma's. Tried to talk to managers. That's ridiculous. I'm like, it's hilarious. And it actually shines a light on the idea of how silly that actually is. It's almost tongue in cheek to the whole. Can you believe this used to be a thing? Colored bathrooms. Or they're all just like. It's rainbow splatter paint everywhere. No, not gonna do it. The San Francisco's got legs. And people would go. The reason Brett gets Anne Frank and Helen Keller confused, because Brett believes that Helen Keller should have been hidden away too. What she Wander around banging into everything. How many things are going to break before we put her in her place anyway? So I just thought that was fun. I don't know if they'll do it because everybody's scared of everything, but it sticks. What I do like about the new Trump world, that seems to be sort of brave right now, the last week or so, is that a lot of people are basically telling people with sticks in their asses, we're tired of you. Quit making funny stuff. Your biggest problem, like, you didn't like the joke. Move on. You know, you don't have to pick it and scream at everything that you're like, oh, that's scary to me. That's not a joking matter. Only to you. Some people think it is. Pull the stick out of your ass. Why is everybody so uptight? And I kind of like that.

[Josh Wolf]

It'll.

[John Holmberg]

It'll go too far the other way eventually. I mean, the thing with Elon Musk and that Nazi salute that's going around.

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

It's just. That's the perfect example of everybody with a stick in their ass. You can freeze frame and pause anybody doing that wave. And he did. He found it on his Instagram and he said, here's five or six other people who are the same exact pose that are doing the wave, just like I did now. He did the. You know, the. It was a. It was weird the way he did it, but even I forget, the guy is like, look, the dude's a wild nerd.

[Brett Vesely]

Loves the Roman.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, he loves the Roman Empire.

[Brett Vesely]

The Roman Empire crap thing.

[John Holmberg]

He just. Yeah, the fact he had to explain it doesn't, like, knock it off. Not a Nazi. Quit trying to make everybody like, I'm not going to be that blatant about it. If I am, you're right, John.

[Brett Vesely]

Quit taking it so serious. Like the guy that dressed up like a rabbi to try to get access to the Nashville Jewish Community center in the most horrible costume ever.

[John Holmberg]

Well, see?

[Brett Vesely]

And then.

[John Holmberg]

But he's just a jerk. He's.

[Brett Vesely]

And he's like, I'm here to meet. I want to meet a rabbi.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. This dude's a jackass trying to do Internet games, and he doesn't need to be canceled. It's a bad joke.

[Brett Vesely]

Now his bond's at 250,000. They're pressing charges.

[John Holmberg]

All right, well, they can. Cause, you know, that's a thing.

[Brady Bogan]

Dressed up as Mel Bro or what?

[John Holmberg]

It's not a joke. It's not funny. It's not a thing he's got. But again, it's not anything that. Like, in the end, it's like, all right, just don't be a jackass.

[Brett Vesely]

Right?

[John Holmberg]

You know, he's not. He's not spending $250,000, and he's not. They'll have him arrest. For what? Trespassing or something. He'll be gone. It'll be all over. And that's fine. Unless he came in there threatening people. And that's different. If he had a weapon, that's different. The thing everybody uptight has to stop. It has to stop. And again, Elon Musk, the guy on the newsletter, is like, look, he's a nerd. This is nerd energy. He just. You ever seen nerds? They get a little spastic sometimes and do a thing, and it's like, can't do that. What are you doing? It's like, I don't know. I'm just so excited. He's a dork.

[Brady Bogan]

Sounds like someone around here.

[John Holmberg]

We know we got a few dorks, but. Yeah, there's absolute dorks. But it's true. It's. He can't. Everybody's gotta calm down. I like the Anne Frank idea, and I think it's good. Says, unfortunately, John Juneteenth is the day after Anne Frank Day. Doesn't. You can have two things at once.

[Brett Vesely]

Another day of free food.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. If you got a place that you want to do Juneteenth free food, go nuts. At least while the sticks are kind of being dislodged or ignored for a little while. Let's have some fun.

[Brady Bogan]

A Holmberg and Frank day at the Attic would be a mitzvah. Great thinking. Juno's.

[John Holmberg]

I don't even know what that means, but okay. Is that good? It was a sad thing. Mitzvizzard. Why?

[Brady Bogan]

Mitzvahs are a celebration. That's when you turn. Is it 16?

[John Holmberg]

Oh, that's. Oh, that'd be the adult bar mitzvah Bat Mitz.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Well, why is that bad?

[Josh Wolf]

I don't know.

[John Holmberg]

Junos.

[Brady Bogan]

I think someone would throw the Juno's.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, I know. I think you just want to hit me with Juno. Okay, fine. Sounds great to me. Think. You know, they could have a limited menu of Anne Frank specials. Addiction addicts and Frank specials. And you get, you know, some food. And not everything would be free, but Brady's all worried about the restaurant wouldn't do the business. They do just fine. You can handle it. And then you get people up there drinking beer and having a party. It's. It's awesome. Sticks and Asses. I can sense it. You're not a big fan. I mean.

[Brett Vesely]

No, because the bottom line is, that's fine. Like, I, you know, But I think where people would get, you know, battle of shape is. The whole reason you come up with that promotion is to make money, to profit off the situation.

[Brady Bogan]

It's a business.

[John Holmberg]

There's a donation bucket at a Frank's house.

[Brett Vesely]

People don't like that. Fun of it, but, like, those are.

[John Holmberg]

The ones I'm talking about. I don't want to hear about the people who don't like it. Don't go. The fun people can go. And the people. You're all worried. That's what I'm trying to get rid of is the whole, let's. Let's think about all the people we need to worry about rather than just, let's have a good time and not be malicious. It's not malicious. You're not making fun of it. You're actually giving her a tribute. Well, you can't even mention her name because people with sticks up her asses automatically assume you're making fun. You can't have. You can have fun and celebrate something. Like you said, it's a mitzvah. I don't even know what that is.

[Brett Vesely]

That's a good idea.

[John Holmberg]

The attic. You're missing that. You're missing that one. They should have Down Syndrome Day in honor of, like, the 1940s, when everybody who had a kid that had it had to hide them in the attic when there was company. Now everybody's up in the attic getting a free meal. I think it's great. Downey Day. I wouldn't want. If I was a restaurant, I wouldn't want to be part of that because the mopping would be just so much mopping at the end of the day and so much cleanup. But it shines a light on how we are as a society and then says, how come we can't mention Anne Frank without people with sticks in their asses winning that fight immediately? What if I want to celebrate her life? That's exactly what I'm doing. Can't mention it. You're automatically a jerk. It's still good. But while we're in this kind of head space as a country where it seems like sort of the fun people are telling people with sticks up their butts to knock it off. We need to take advantage of a few things while we can't, because it will swing. It'll swing one way too far and then swing back way too far. Always happens.

[Brady Bogan]

And here they Go.

[John Holmberg]

These ideas are great. Dorks can be Nazis. Well, you didn't even spell it right, Elon. And is and proved it. If you don't think so, do the same thing he did in public and see how that goes for you. Well, again, it was a dorky move. It didn't mean. Yeah, it didn't bring up the Third Reich to the point of like, well, they're back and everybody's in. He may have done something really weird and he might have some thoughts you disagree with, but I'm not going to go so far as to say Elon Musk is a Nazi. Yeah, maybe he's got things that are like, well, that's a little over the line. I haven't seen that too far yet, says John. I'm not offended or anything, but on this one, I think you're wrong. He 100% did a Nazi salute, and he has not even come out and said it wasn't doing the salute. I don't know about you, but if I was accused doing a Nazi salute, first thing I'd do is say, that's not a Nazi salute. I was doing a salute. And he hasn't done that. The still images of all the Democrats doing the same thing are not anywhere near what Elon did. Watch the videos behind those still images. I watch baseball players do it all the time. The pound their chest and then throw the hand in the air. And sometimes it's. Sometimes it's not so great. I'm not saying Elon Musk didn't do something that was like, oh, that's the Nazi salute. I'm saying he didn't do it because he's a Nazi. I'm saying it was like, oh, that's not a wave we do anymore. What are you doing?

[Brett Vesely]

You're gonna catch some heat, right?

[John Holmberg]

You're probably. People are gonna probably confuse that with a real life support, the Nazi.

[Brett Vesely]

In fact, it's a Roman general salute.

[John Holmberg]

Right. Well, look, that's the worst excuse of all time. The best thing you do is just go, I was waving and it looks terrible. It was dumb. And I agree that he could come out and fix it. But again, let's not. Let's not assume just because we saw something we didn't like that it's a complete Nazi salute.

[Brady Bogan]

But he doesn't come out and apologized either.

[John Holmberg]

No. And he needs to do that or he doesn't. He can just go, you guys are overreacting. Yeah. Which again, my rule on apologizing to a mob. That's not right. Is you don't do it right. Because the second he comes out, goes, sorry about the Nazi salute. He admits it's a Nazi salute, and then everybody jumps him anyway. The apology does nothing. So right now, the best thing to do is just let everybody with their panties in a bunch, lose their minds, and then prove you're not a Nazi by not doing Nazi stuff, you know? Yes. Would I walk around and do Nazi salutes to people in the public? No. But can I get caught, like, throwing my hand in the air and making it look like one?

[Brett Vesely]

He's shooting off rockets. Hitler loved rockets. He wanted rockets.

[John Holmberg]

I just. I like to live in the world where I kind of believe that if a Nazi is going to get that far in life, he's not going to without letting us know he's a Nazi, isn't going to reveal himself at inauguration by going, remember these Now I'm doing this all the time. If he starts doing it, if it becomes a pattern, you're like, all right, we got a problem with Elon. In fact, I'll do that for all of you. I'll give everybody out there listening and everybody in the world one, oops, Nazi salute. In life, you make a pattern out of it. Suddenly we got a problem. If Elon goes out and does it again, you're like, all right, he's trying to start a trend. One Nazi salute. Fool me once, fool me twice. I understand it's touchy, but fool me twice. Now all of a sudden, you are kind of. We tried to make it so you weren't. I'm defending you, but don't do it again. I did that with Brian Callan. When he had all this. That was the weirdest, like, calmest conversation I've had. When he was going through, all of his. People were trying to accuse him of sex crimes and stuff and rape and all that. And I first, for whatever reason, we were talking on text right before that all broke, and I called him and I said, you've never. I don't know you well enough to do this. And I said, you've never been anything but nice to me. And I said, we've developed kind of a friendship where we're talking back and forth, and I'm like, I will back you 100% from my little tiny area of media, and you'll always have a place to tell your story as long as you're not lying to me. Like, you know, this. This doesn't strike me as something you do. From the little bit I know about you, I could be wrong. But you're telling me 100% across the board you didn't do a thing, and you're going to fight it, and I'm going to stand by you until I can't. So just let me know before I get in your corner that this isn't going to backfire on me. And he goes, absolutely not. I'm like, okay, then I'll stand by you until I can't. Once it starts coming out that you've lied to me, then I'm just going to flame you. And he goes, I won't do it. I'm like, all right. And he didn't. Because it turned out most of that was.

[Brett Vesely]

And he fought it all the way.

[John Holmberg]

Abortion thing. It's the same thing. You do a Nazi salute, it'll be like, did you do that on purpose? No, stupid. I got nervous. They threw my hand up. I did this thing, and pictures make it look like I'm doing Nazi salutes. It was weird. And probably, like, maybe even a nerd who did something that thought it would be funny to, like. I don't know.

[Brett Vesely]

I was doing it to be funny.

[John Holmberg]

No, it wasn't a Nazi salute. He was doing, like, a real quick super wave, and it was like. And it comes across a Nazi salute. Do it a few more times. We got a problem. In fact, people who hate him, you should probably want them to keep doing it. Don't try to stop it, because if he gets comfortable with it, then you'll get rid of him. Everybody who hates Elon Musk, I particularly don't hate Elon Musk. Larry and I were talking yesterday. Larry had a great idea for Elon Musk is that there's this new thing about plastic and garbage and stuff and how we don't know what to do with it anymore. Rockets, garbage rockets, where we shoot it all into space because it's. Well, that's an amazing idea.

[Brett Vesely]

Because they said, would it burn back?

[John Holmberg]

No, you just. You put it in a capsule and you send it off into deep space, let it fly, and then if it hits another planet, so what? And if there's other people out there that, hey, quit throwing your trash in our yard, Then we meet some new peoples and meet some new aliens. Or we just push it directly at the sun. It's a great idea, but we've heard.

[Brett Vesely]

A couple of stories that science has developed. Some of that breaks it down.

[John Holmberg]

It's not working. They spent $20 billion just on one research program between, like, a bunch of nations to try to figure out how to get plastics Churned out faster. I shoot them up into the space. And by the way, as an adult, for people concerned about plastic, there wasn't any plastic when I was a kid that we used to throw away on a regular basis. Plastic was a forever thing. It was toys. It was like plates, like little, you know, paper. Like the, you know, kids plates so mom didn't have to do dishes afterwards and rinse off these plates. Now it's just Dasani bottles. There's more plastic that we throw away now that we're worried about plastic than ever before. We used to drink out of the hose or the faucet. Now everybody's so bougie. You can't have water that comes out of the spigot. That's gross.

[Brett Vesely]

To go cups.

[John Holmberg]

To go cups. You got plastic right there. That was maybe at McDonald's you get those weird paper cups. And then they switched them to the plastic ones. Orange juice always came in the clear plastic. But we didn't have plastic to throw. We didn't have a whole bin at my house growing up for just another set of trash, of plastic things. It's everywhere. And now we're complaining there's too much. Stop making it. The answer is easy. If we weren't making so much money selling bottled water to everybody, I don't think we'd have this gigantic plastic issue we throw.

[Brett Vesely]

You wonder how much of a factor. I mean, you know, it's obviously big, but, like, the percentage of that, of the plastic.

[John Holmberg]

Think of how much, how many you're holding that Duncan Cup. Yeah, you probably have, like, what, 8, 9, 10 of those a day. Brady's killing it just by himself with these plastic mugs. You get two or three. I have water bottles at my house. Five, six a day. I don't reuse them because I have to fill them with tap water. And evidently, in my mind, even that's disgusting. It's not. I drink tap water all the time, and I'm fine.

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

And they're worried about it. And it's like, well, that's silly. We're dumb. We're just dumb. But Larry's idea of, like, Elon should just get trash rockets and set up, like, just launch after launch after launch of just.

[Brady Bogan]

People will still bitch about.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, people bitch. That's my point.

[Brady Bogan]

You're littering space.

[John Holmberg]

Good. It's better than littering the planet. It's one or the other. It either stays here or it goes there. What if we need it someday? Well, we need this right now. And you wouldn't shut up about that waste management rocket. Amazing. And think how cool that would be on Wednesday you put out. And trust me, they'd say you couldn't.

[Brett Vesely]

Keep up with the launching.

[John Holmberg]

As a guy, I know, but as a guy, if they gave us another bin for rocket trash, we would sort our trash. Like, I'm gonna do this. I'm gonna make sure rocket trash. I'm gonna fill that one first. Yeah, we'd probably have 70 to 90 launches an hour of rocket trace. We'd probably just have a catapult we'd eventually invent. Just chalking it into it would be great. Just banging it out into the space. And space is evidently endless. We can throw some garbage in it. I think that's a great plan. So get Elon on that and stop bothering him about that Nazi salute. Unless he does it again. If he breaks out more Nazi salutes, I'm with you. One does not make you a Nazi. Two makes me curious. Three, you're a Nazi.

[Brady Bogan]

Well, Lemmy used to dress up in all that Nazi gear when he'd be on stage and stuff.

[John Holmberg]

I don't remember that.

[Brady Bogan]

Oh, yeah, I'll show you pictures.

[John Holmberg]

Says this guy. Says, even if Elon was a Nazi, the ones complaining are also the ones who keep padding his pockets. Thanks to Tesla.

[Brady Bogan]

He's not completely wrong.

[John Holmberg]

No, but I'm not going to go down the road of making him all one thing and every Tesla owner another thing. Although most Tesla owners are pretty much lib cuck weirdos, and that's okay.

[Brett Vesely]

Well, then, you know, speaking of the generational thing of companies that have still survived that were supporting the Nazis back in the day.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, yeah.

[Josh Wolf]

Oh, yeah.

[Brett Vesely]

And people are buying.

[John Holmberg]

This is all stick in your ass conversations. Yeah, everybody's got to stick for something. And again. Yeah. If you're doing a Nazi salute right now and your friend is laughing, knock it off. But also, don't let him take a picture of you, because if he starts hating you someday, that's coming back to haunt you. Probably not a great move. I would discourage it. Like, brett, don't do Nazi salutes. Put your hand down. Put your hand down. I've called on you already.

[Brady Bogan]

Brilliant, John. Then we get nasty notes from ancient old aliens like your neighbors across the alley.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, I wouldn't have those fights as much with the alley neighbors. Although they've turned out to be wonderful people. They're not. You know, we're not best friends. I don't know their names or anything, but they seem very.

[Brett Vesely]

They came around.

[John Holmberg]

Well, that was A, it was a dick move to put a note on the public trash can that said, this is mine. Use something else like, oh, no, no, no. It was not a good first foot forward, but everything's fine. But it's just. It doesn't make sense to me that people are like that. This says, you know, his parents talking about Elon again. His parents were deeply involved in the apartheid of the indigenous people of. I don't know, but it's white like a goose and marches like a goose. It might be a Nazi again. The people in South Africa, the racism that existed there, it changed. So my grandpa wouldn't allow different strokes on his television set in his house because, quote, and I'm quoting Alvar, I don't want them in my house. Am I automatically tied to the generations of my family because of their behavior? No, I vehemently disagree. Different strokes. A, hilarious. And B, they weren't in the house. But I had to turn it because my grandpa wouldn't allow that in his home. He looked at the TV and said, we've invited them into our house. And I looked at him like, you got to be kidding me. Is that real? And he's like, turn this. And I would turn it like, wow, Gary Coleman threatens Alvar in a big way. And we'd have to watch, like, MASH all the time or Newhart all the time. Could not have different strokes on the tv. If it got too black, he wanted it out of his house.

[Brady Bogan]

The good times was out.

[John Holmberg]

Good times was he'd light the TV on fire if that was on too long. Not a thing. The Jeffersons not watching it. Does that mean I'm that way? Because my grandpa was. Does that mean Elon Musk was for apartheid because his parents were. I don't know. That whole situation only unraveled in the last 40 years. So there's a. There's plenty of people still alive that were part of that. You can't just do that. Now. Maybe he is a Nazi, but I don't think he's displayed Nazi, like behavior. And again, we seem to be okay with it, with the technology parts, because that Tesla is everywhere. Lots of folks driving around in Teslas. If it's the Nazi that did it, and it's up to you, that Nazi salute things got two. It's got. It's taken off because we just want something to complain about. And would you. And I asked this. How would you feel if somebody, you know, whether he did it awkwardly or not, you. You're pointing at something and somebody takes A picture. And like, look, Dave from accounting is doing a Nazi salute. I got a picture of it. You're like, hey, that's not fair. Like, well, then don't do it again, Dave. Because if you do it again now you're a Nazi. You could get frozen in time in a photograph that makes you look a little bit Nazi. Ish. And again, keep your eyes on it. But I don't.

[Brett Vesely]

And now with AI.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, that's going to ruin every. We're all going to be Nazis if we can. You can. And somebody will do it. Now you can AI Me walking around goose stepping. And it would be pretty realistic. And there's nothing I can do about it. So again, sticks and asses have to be a little loosened. Keep them there, but a little looser. It all stems from the idea of Anne Frank at the Attic Day celebrating her birthday. Nobody celebrates Anne Frank. We all are so sad. She would have wanted it this way. She would have wanted a little bit like, you know what? I fought hard. I'd like to be remembered in a fun way. Go have a beer. You got it. We can do that. And most of the people that are upset haven't even read the Anne Frank diary or know her real story. Nobody knows anything about what we celebrate. So what's the big deal? Cinco de Mayo. Any idea?

[Toledo]

No clue.

[John Holmberg]

Nothing.

[Brett Vesely]

Celebration of a one day battle.

[John Holmberg]

There's a one day war against France. People died.

[Brett Vesely]

And that it changed 24 hours later.

[John Holmberg]

People freaking died. And we go and chug margaritas and throw burritos and mini chimneys down our throat. We have no idea why.

[Brett Vesely]

Liberated for one day.

[Toledo]

Right?

[John Holmberg]

People were murdered. Slaughtered. Liberated. You know, French people. In Mexico, everybody was slaughtered.

[Brett Vesely]

September, it's turned into a hell of a celebration.

[John Holmberg]

Mexican Independence Day. Not even close. Cinco de Mayo is all about the margaritas. Because it took off. We don't know what we celebrate. Why not have Anne Frank's birthday?

[Brett Vesely]

And we've turned other things into sales as well.

[John Holmberg]

Tons. I don't even care about the sale. You don't even need to have the sale part.

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Cinco de Mayo. Nobody even knows why they're drinking. They just are because the drinks are flowing. And that's good. It's good for everything. Just don't invite Elon to the Anne Frank thing. Evidently that's rubbing people the wrong way right now.

[Brady Bogan]

Helen Keller, yes, but not Anne Frank, apparently.

[John Holmberg]

Now the Helen Keller thing, Don't get me started on that. You can't celebrate something that was a complete nutter lie across the board. Helen Keller didn't do a thing. Zero accomplishments. Everything you've been taught about Helen Keller is a lie. Starting with she couldn't have written the book because she wouldn't have known where the paper ended. If she did anything, someone else was moving her hand around like in Million Dollar Baby when they stuck the pen in Hillary Swank's mouth and moved the paper. That's Hillary. That's. That's Helen's book. She did. Hey, she did pen. What? Who taught her letters? And then. And how did she know? How did she know what she'd written? How did she know when she was just Helen? You've written on half the desk. You forgot the paper. And then I got to go pound into her hand that she's got about five, six books. Yeah, she's got about six.

[Brett Vesely]

I don't know.

[John Holmberg]

Bestseller. She was five. Couldn't. Couldn't make a word. By 11, she had sold a book and looked like a Pulitzer Prize winner. Most 11 year olds with eyes and ears can't do that. She wasn't special five years ago. Now she's penning full novels. Don't buy it. Something was going on.

[Brett Vesely]

Dr. Sullivan's a millionaire.

[John Holmberg]

Dr. Sullivan. That little blind bitch has got me rolling in gold. I think Helen's feeling like she's about to pump out another novel. I'll be right back. Then she parades this poor handicapped kid around in a dress. Makes her feel faces. Oh, she knows everything. She's written books. Just ask her. I'll do it. She's the only one that could talk to her because she invented only a language. They. That to me is. Oh, yeah. Helen says she's thrilled to be here. I don't know. She's just rolling her hand around in mine. By the way, I'll never teach anybody my system of how to talk to somebody who's blind and deaf ever again. It'll never be used on anybody but her questions. Does Helen know where she is? Oh, sure she does. Sure, sure. She booked the tickets online. Next question. Helen never did a thing. When you start putting your brain around what Helen Keller accomplished, you realize it's all just been a lie. It's all a lie. 100%. I'm big on that one. We can't celebrate Helen Keller Day. That's celebrating fake news completely. Anne Frank was very real. And so is this onion taste in my mouth that I can't get rid of. But people with sticks in their asses. Your time is up. For just a little while. You'll be Back. Don't worry. You'll be back. Sticks and asses, people. The ones who want to complain about it. You'll be back. Just for now, the rogue weirdos get a chance to do some stuff. Kind of let the air out. I can breathe again without worrying about saying, you look pretty to a girl at work and not losing my job and any. Any chance of having. Don't take it too far though. There are boundaries. Don't touch people. That's the big rule. But if you see somebody who looks nice, hey, you look nice today. That's now back. You can do that without sexual. It's not sexual assault to say somebody's hair looks good. And it was for probably about most of. Most of the last nine years.

[Brett Vesely]

There's still some fallout, though.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brett Vesely]

Be careful.

[John Holmberg]

Toes in.

[Brett Vesely]

Feet first.

[John Holmberg]

First time, you don't want to go diving head first into that pool. But hey, you got to set it. Makes me want to go just. If you notice somebody's hair at work is different, say so. Hey, your hair, you change. It looks. You look great. That used to be firing offense in like 20, 17, 18. When that whole me too thing started getting crazy. You couldn't even. When I started the whole acknowledged female here for the morning sickness day. You see a girl in the office, you say, acknowledge female. Because everything you said for a little while was there was a rampage. They were out to get us.

[Brett Vesely]

I said her hair looked nice.

[John Holmberg]

Sue me, H.R. you couldn't do it. Why are you even worried about her appearance? I'm like, I can't win this. I shouldn't have said a thing. Acknowledge female. That's all you had to do. Now you can say it again. Look, you got did what? You get an ombre. I like that. It's kind of fake. Your hair looks really pretty. Well, thank you. And women like it. They fought for a little while to. And they just. They just never wanted good Nedgar. Yeah. They just never wanted weirdos to do it. They never wanted the office shooter to come by and go, I like your new haircut. That's what they were really protecting against.

[Brett Vesely]

You're not looking at my hair.

[John Holmberg]

You're looking at my forehead and staring at my soul. Please, I'm. I'm filing a complaint. It got out of hand. I remember Susan downstairs, it's our turn. They had a whole thing gone for a while. If it was a man looking at the cops and you guys glued to the window screaming about what a great ass that cops got, it's our turn. Oh, Jesus. The management Just told me that they're allowed to sexually assault men with their eyes and verbally. We couldn't have done it. So that's kind of turning around now. If a bunch of hot cops are standing outside and there's a couple of girls. Oof, that one's pants are pretty. You can do it again. Because it's everybody's turn for a couple months, and I'm kind of enjoying that. I do think we've had too many Nazi salutes even at 1. If it becomes a pattern, we'll have a problem. Otherwise, I'm pretty sure that that goes away. I, for one, enjoy when a Nazi reveals himself that way. Then I know. Will you quit Nazi saluting me? Goodbye. Huh? This one says my sister C word.

[Brady Bogan]

Oh, all right.

[John Holmberg]

Has an old picture of me doing a Nazi salute from when I was a kid. And 20 years later, she won't get rid of it. She's using it as ammunition. That's not good. You gotta get hold of that thing.

[Brady Bogan]

David Vasquez says he knows how to get rid of the onion flavor.

[John Holmberg]

How?

[Brady Bogan]

Easiest way to get rid of the onion flavor.

[John Holmberg]

Gold. Yeah. All right. I do it right now. I can't stand. It's that bad? That's just awful. I can't. It can't be much worse than the. Gulp. Go down the hall, I might say. You guys busy? Anybody here at Katie? KB Gun. It'll take me a lot longer than that. Ouch. Ouch. Look, it's my first time. Can't you do most of the work and just, like, run down the hall? When you're ready, I'll. I'll open up like the clown's mouth on 18 in a mini golf course.

[Brett Vesely]

Look me in the eyes.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, no, no. We're not doing this for love. Just get the onion flavor out of my gullet.

[Brett Vesely]

This isn't fun.

[John Holmberg]

You go in the bathroom, and then I'll stand outside the door. And when you're ready to, you know, put life in my throat, you promise it gets rid of the onion flavor? I get to punch you if I still taste onions in the end, I swear. So what brought this on? I don't know. Raw onions on a hamburger? I didn't know.

[Brady Bogan]

That's Ben.

[John Holmberg]

When he gets here, I'll hit my knees. If this. If it's still here by the time Ben gets here, it's awful.

[Brett Vesely]

Let's do it 11 times.

[John Holmberg]

I keep doing it, and it's still oniony. It's just not taking. Keep scrubbing. All right. It's like trying to bathe skunk smell off of something. Tomatoes. And that's the next tomatoes. And I gotta bathe in tomatoes. Let's get ourselves a Wake up song. 585-9800. A good one. We'll scream it together. It's 98 KUPD.

[Josh Wolf]

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[John Holmberg]

You thought that was funny?

[Toledo]

You were laughing like a hyena when he said it.

[John Holmberg]

What the hell is wrong with with you? Ah, there you go. Thank you. Miles to nowhere, flying through the day. And yeah, people are throwing out their Nazi opinions. Never thought that would happen. I have to deal with all that this morning, but you know, again, I give you grace off of one salute. As awkward as it was, somebody emailed and said tuned in late. What's with all the Nazi talk? Did Brady say he likes Hitler again? See, and we'll give Brady grace for that. He one time said he wouldn't hate Hitler, and you have to understand what he meant. Real crazy. Everybody has to hate Hitler. That's a rule. He just didn't want to use the word hate. But you hate Michigan, so you know how it works.

[Brady Bogan]

The actual like, settler more than Michigan.

[Brett Vesely]

The team up north. That or so the state of Michigan. I've had some good times.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, but you. Nobody's asking you what you like, so. You're such a man. Be pamby about this.

[Brett Vesely]

Word happens. He hates Michigan.

[John Holmberg]

You do?

[Brady Bogan]

Do you or don't you?

[Brett Vesely]

But that is the University of Michigan.

[John Holmberg]

Okay, okay. Michigan.

[Brady Bogan]

So you like Hitler more than the University of Michigan.

[John Holmberg]

Great question. Which one's worse?

[Brett Vesely]

Hitler.

[John Holmberg]

Okay, excellent. Excellent answer.

[Brady Bogan]

This is cya.

[John Holmberg]

He said that? You don't believe me? I think I. Honestly, Brett, I think it's a tie. I'm not gonna say once, but I guarantee you, you're right. Michigan's much worse. He's right.

[Josh Wolf]

I'm sorry.

[John Holmberg]

Why would we even to that Brady thought Hitler was worse than the University of Michigan. No, it's a tie. And that's okay. But all I'm saying is you're capable of hate. You just didn't want to place it on Hitler, so we had to talk you into that. And now hopefully you can say out loud that you hate Hitler pretty freely. And understand that nobody's going to get mad at you for using the word hate. And anybody who did is an idiot. A lot of Hitler talk. Thanks a lot, Elon. We keep your goddamn hand down so we don't have to go through this again. And anybody else who wants to wave like that, put your hand down. Quit it. There's no reason to be talking about this. It does make me laugh, though. And I am here for the jokes. Oh, that's not the.

[Brett Vesely]

Waving them in the air like you just don't care.

[John Holmberg]

You know, this one says it's not.

[Brady Bogan]

A Bill Bib devoe song.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, Brett just printed. Did you print this one?

[Brady Bogan]

No, Toledo.

[John Holmberg]

Toledo did. Says hello there. I'm reaching out because my husband is obsessed with you. Not a day goes by that he. He doesn't talk about you or replays your podcast at home just for him to laugh at them again. I'm not gonna lie, it's annoying. But I act like I'm participating to listen, to see and hear him laugh. So please shout out my husband, Santiago Perez. Sincerely, an annoyed wife, Tiffany Perez. I'm guessing. P.S. today I had enough. I had to look you up and finally put a face to a voice. Oh, Tiffany, I'm so sorry. What a terrible day for Tiffany. It says he has me listen every day for the last couple years, but thanks for making his mornings. I feel like you're actually part of my marriage. Her name's Tiffany Villanueva, and his name's Santiago Perez.

[Brady Bogan]

All right, Sancho.

[John Holmberg]

All right, Sancho. Tiffany, did you email the guys? You didn't give him your real last name, did you? Anyway, Santiago. Thank you. Wonder how many Santiago's are listening at this moment. Probably a couple. Yeah, I would say that's probably.

[Brady Bogan]

I'm maybe play some laser swarm.

[John Holmberg]

Boy, if there's a. Yeah. You know what? This one's for you, Santiago. You're right, Brett. Let me get that out there. Where'd it go? Play. There it is. Yeah. Oh, wait. Jesus Christ. We're in space. It's feeling. We're talking conspiracy theories and stuff. And what people are, you know, this, that and the other with Helen Keller and I. The other night, I went to go see Jeff A. Curie at the Celebrity Theory. He's funny, but he did a thing about conspiracy theories and opened my eyes to one. Somebody in the audience said something I never thought of. And I have now gone into a deep dive on this. And I think I might. I think I might be with the guy. I think I might believe the conspiracy. I've never understood art ever in my life. Right. I think it's pretty. I think there's a lot of things that are beautiful paintings, things like that.

[Brett Vesely]

Recently, when you're saying the understanding. Understanding that this piece all of a sudden has become worth $25 million. Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Banksy scribbling on the side of a wall.

[Toledo]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

And, you know, and then that thing Banksy did where his. That. Remember the shredder ate the painting. He had it timed, and it went into. And it shredded it. It was like two and a half million dollars just to be on this wall for a minute. And then at noon. The banana with tape. The banana with tape. One kind of pushes it swings the pendulum back to be like, oh, it's just for. So the conspiracy theory is. And it's been out there for a minute. I didn't know it. I didn't pay attention to it. Is that all fine art is money laundering? It's dirty money. Finding a way to say, I have $12 million, I did wrong. You find some artist, you buy his work immediately boost the value of that work, resell it a year or two later, and you've got. You've laundered your cruddy money.

[Brett Vesely]

Interesting.

[John Holmberg]

I know. It didn't register with me at all as anything because it's so out there, high end money. And I still don't understand it fully, but it makes sense to me now why somebody would say banana tape to a wall. $6 million. Because now the dude who taped it to the wall is tied to a $6 million piece of art. So his next thing. You know, when you look at stuff, you're like, I've seen kids paint once.

[Toledo]

You'Ve hit it, right?

[John Holmberg]

But like, Jackson Pollock just reached into buckets and threw it on canvas and then like splattered it around and like, ugh, it's perfect. I'm like, I think I can do that. Like, how many times have all of us looked at art and said, $34 million? I can't. I think I can do that.

[Brett Vesely]

Where you look at a, you know, the reverse, you look at a tapestry in a castle.

[John Holmberg]

Sure.

[Brett Vesely]

That took, you know, but like 10 years or something.

[John Holmberg]

But sculptures that are just kind of bubble blobs and somebody goes, that was $28 million. Like, it's. I. I'm pretty sure if I knew what that was made of and I had access to it, I could make one of those.

[Brett Vesely]

There's some material costs. Like the, the big thing that people take a picture of in Chicago.

[John Holmberg]

The Bean. The bean, right. But it's again.

[Brady Bogan]

And the Picasso out, you know, out there too.

[John Holmberg]

There's certain ones you look at and you're like, that's just a ball of chrome. Yeah. Why is that? Because the dude who made it has sold 20 paintings for 8 million a piece. So his name means something. So now you're saying, oh, that's a Wesley. And he just throws a ball of chrome in the middle and it's. It illuminates the skyline in such a way. And he just makes up some story. And now his Campbell Soup labels. So now you can launder money through after Warhol stuff. Now, Warhol did some cool stuff, but he basically took other pictures and then colored them in.

[Brady Bogan]

It's like a color by numbers book.

[John Holmberg]

I get it. But when Warhol got famous, his stuff became super valuable. So then you go to these auction houses and you launder giant sums of money through art. And I'm saying This because it's new to me. Evidently, this is not new at all. And I've never even heard it. When the guy said. When Jeff asked the question on stage, he goes, who's got a conspiracy thing they believe in? Some lady stood up in the back. And that's the annoying thing about a Jeffrey Curie show is the. Some of the audience just wants to talk.

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

And he allows. And I believe that we are all of one energy. And he goes, you're a little get. I'm looking for, like, you know, birds aren't real. That's all I want. I'm like, three or four words out here. I don't want to hear your conspiracy about how India and the aliens. We get it. But you're. You're going to be talking for an hour. Then one guy just raised his hand. He goes, all fine art is money laundering. And the crowd went, oh, oh. And he's like, wow, that's a good one. And, you know, there's a little. So I was like, I never thought of that. And then you start looking into it, and it's like, it's. That makes loads and loads of sense that why in the world does all. Because for me, I've seen artwork in people's homes, and I've been like, that's. Why is Bob Ross not amazing? Because he churned out $12 paintings all.

[Brett Vesely]

The time, and now he kind of is.

[John Holmberg]

And now he's dead and his name's associated with it. So you could start laundering your. Like if you decided to say, Bob Ross is an institution to American art, and I'm going to buy that happy little tree right there for $4 million, suddenly all those other cruddy paintings have value. So now you can start tossing 2,3 million bucks at Bob Ross paintings that nobody cares about. But because the value's gone up, you've laundered dirty money through the art world and it comes back to you in form. And then you can sell it to an auction house, auction it away. And this was most recently purchased for five and a half million dollars. But you got rid of all that dirty money. They'll gladly pay taxes. Bad guys on dirty money. Rather than get caught with two and $3 million of, you know, drug money or something else they stole from. That's. The mob used to do this all the time. They'd find stuff to buy. All right? Allegedly. We don't even know if that's real. But they'd find things to buy just to store the money. Breaking bad. He had to launder his money. He. They bought a car wash and just chunked little bits in and in and out of it. It's. Money laundering is very interesting in the world of art. You can do huge purchases without really anybody noticing.

[Brady Bogan]

Same with cars. Same with baseball cards. Right. Baseball cards. I mean, all. All that kind of stuff.

[John Holmberg]

Baseball cards.

[Brady Bogan]

Sell it again next year.

[John Holmberg]

Is mentioned in the stuff I've been reading. It's like basically fine art is incredibly wealthy people's trading card game.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

And it's. You know, and you can. Because baseball cards have been caught in money laundering. Things like people. Oh, it's. It's my baseball card. I got all these baseball cards. That's what he's buying. But there's no reason for any baseball card like Mark McGuire's rookie card not to be, you know, like, questioned why somebody would spend $4 million. Or I got 4 million bucks. Like, that's way higher than anybody was gonna pay. Well, I want it to be. I want it to be mine. Like, that seems too much. Well, they're getting rid of a bunch of money.

[Brett Vesely]

And that is based upon the event. You know how obsolete it is. There's only one time existence, sometimes two known.

[John Holmberg]

Most artwork, the original, there's only one. But. Yes. So what if there's only one or two known? Yeah. Then you. But. But if it's worth 1 million and you spent 4, now it's worth 4 for a little while and. And then you start chunking out these massive amounts. It's crazy.

[Brett Vesely]

Well, there's a little aside on that card collection thing. I think it was last week, a guy in Tucson, his. I think his brother passed away and he got his collection of cards from the 90s. Had a couple of shoe boxes. Never know.

[John Holmberg]

Some monsters in there.

[Brett Vesely]

Over 500 Jordan.

[John Holmberg]

And why. Why are they valuable? Because someone will pay for it.

[Brett Vesely]

Yep.

[John Holmberg]

It's the same as your house. If you say your house is worth a hundred thousand dollars and somebody goes, I'll give you a million bucks for it. And it doesn't appraise anything else. But the guy's still like, I'll give you a million dollars. Your house is now worth a million dollars at least for a second while that transaction's happening, no loans are going to be taken out. You know, no bank's going to get behind it. But if he's willing to give you that, take it. And what does it do to the houses around you? Their value goes up. Baseball cards. There you go. There's a Honus Wagner $7.25 million for a baseball card. Just because people say that's its value. There's no inherent value. Diamonds are the same thing. Whatever we say it's worth is what it's worth. It's just a rock, but it's. Everything that has value is on that. And this guy says, what about that gas diaphragm thing downtown? Yeah, her. Her secret is patience is downtown artwork that cost a million and a half dollars to build. They did it upside down. Cost another million to turn it over. Because when the artist came by and said, you did it upside down, clearly you didn't follow the blueprints. And I'm like, well, you can't tell the difference upside down, right side up. Like, do it over, change it. Spend another million and a half bucks flipping it over. And it's still ugly and it's still stupid. But that lady is now valuable as a commissioned artist by cities. Her sculpture is worth so much. Her secret is patience. It is a gigantic diaphragm on three sticks. It looks like a seed catcher. It's just this big tube of. It looks like a Kong ball with. It's dumb, but because somebody. So now that money gets. And governments do it all the time, like city. But we got to art commission an art piece.

[Brett Vesely]

Right thing up in Scotsdale.

[John Holmberg]

We've got dirty money we need to push around. That's a.

[Brady Bogan]

Weren't they putting a big bunch of big pots on the side of the road 51 years ago when they built it?

[John Holmberg]

I live right by the wall. I'm close to it. And they still took some of the pots down. There's one with an octopus painted on it on 18th street as you head towards Granada Park. And it's still there. It's not on the wall anymore. They put it down next to it.

[Brett Vesely]

Oh, yeah, that's right.

[John Holmberg]

And it's the goofiest thing in the world. Then there's a teacup on the bridge that goes under that freeway at Maryland. There's a walking bridge or a walking tunnel, and above that is this big dumb red teapot. You know, that's stupid. And again, somebody was like, what? We. I got commissioned in the arts worth this, this and this. And then that guy can go and sell his stuff for more. It was. It registered as like, oh, crooked ass. Artists are money launderers. And we, you know, we actually hold them in great reverence because they give us champagne to look at their stuff and we're supposed to. And they make you feel dumb. The average Joe goes into an art house that we Feel dumb. I don't get it.

[Brett Vesely]

Do you see it?

[John Holmberg]

It's a. It's a dot on a wall. It's. It's. It symbolizes the loneliness of man. Looks like a dot on a wall to me. I guess I'm. I'm too dumb.

[Brady Bogan]

That teapot costs $474,000.

[John Holmberg]

See? And it doesn't make sense. I. I throw things at it. I put a keg in it once.

[Brady Bogan]

Did you really?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, One year I got up there and put a keg in it, and then I'm like, this is gonna. Somebody's gonna fall and break their neck.

[Brady Bogan]

475, basically for this.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. That teapot's sitting by a. But there's two of them. And then the octopus one. I don't know where that is. It's not in any of those. But you can go visit all these pots that are on the 51 wall. There's some dumb. That's for. That green thing is 475.

[Brady Bogan]

That's what it said.

[John Holmberg]

That is so stupid. And it's really dumb, man. It should have been artists hidden. Exactly. And that's the thing I'm learning is it's to keep us dummies feeling dumb so we don't really explore it. When you feel stupid, you don't look into stuff Most. Most people aren't curious about. Things that make them feel really dumb, and especially established things. Art. The world of art. If I go in there, I don't get it. I'll see some things I like, see some things I don't. But I look. I certainly look at that teapot. I would have told you. I don't know. I'll take this off your hands if you want it out of your yard, but all you got to do is pay for the truck I have to rent. And he's like, oh, no, no. That's half a million dollars. You can keep your teapot. There's the octopus right there. Third one, blue. It's up to the. Up. Yeah, that thing. It's got, like, a weird fountain next to it.

[Brett Vesely]

It's on the giant vase.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, it's an octopus. Whatever is that at? That's right on 18th street next to the. It's on the inside of the freeway right off Bethany home. So you're going up Bethany, kind of.

[Brady Bogan]

Where we rode to get. To get to the trail.

[John Holmberg]

Literally. You go off the 51 on Bethany and go up 18th street like you're heading to Granada Park. It's on your left. It's just in a Neighborhood.

[Brett Vesely]

That one looks like. Well, someone you know. The pool was there, like a bird bath or something. And then the artist painted it. But the artist is the whole.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, that's the whole. No, yeah, that's his art. That's his commissioned piece. The pots of the 51 and dumb Phoenix. And we were right to do it when they built all that stuff. We're driving down the 51 for the first time back in the 90s, going, what's with all the silverware? And why is. Who let their kitchen loose on top of these walls?

[Brett Vesely]

And that's. I mean, the art on there is, I think, Mosaic. Right.

[John Holmberg]

I don't know. Ugly is the word I'd use. But again, we're dumb. So when you're dumb, artists can look at you and go, you don't understand. Like, I guess I don't. And then you feel stupid, so you don't talk about it. But if it's money laundering, that would be the perfect way to keep most people away, to stumble into it.

[Brett Vesely]

So they do.

[Brady Bogan]

They take them all off the freeway and just put them like.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, they took them off the walls and they plastered them all over neighborhoods and plopped them down on walkways and stuff. Yeah, that thing's dumb, too. That's. I know.

[Brady Bogan]

We're all got graffiti and stuff.

[John Holmberg]

Nobody treats them with any respect. The bums piss all over that green teapot. Hilarious. I think there's still one embedded in the wall as you drive down the freeway.

[Brett Vesely]

Those, I think they keep.

[John Holmberg]

Well, no, there. No, there's one on top still. It's a cup. They have one up there. But I think they took most of them off. It's. Yeah, but it keeps dummies away. And when dummies stay away, people do. You know, it's not good. We talked them out of showing up and stumbling into this stuff. I love it. I think that's a great theory. Yeah. This guy says, when you feel stupid, you don't look into stuff. That quote, this morning a little bit ago, you just explained the Brady Report. Exactly. When it's like, I better not look into this, because that's going to be. You don't want to dive into stuff you don't understand. It makes you a bit dumber. Because then if you try to start talking about something you don't understand, you looked in a little bit. I don't get it. But that's what art is.

[Brady Bogan]

Oh, there's the underpass.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, that's the one with that big dumb pot on top. Yeah. I've Chucked a. I've chucked it.

[Brady Bogan]

Probably full of Diet Coke hands and stuff in there.

[John Holmberg]

It's loaded with garbage. It's up there pretty good, though. And it's not, like, an easy thing to get to. I made a terrible error putting a keg in that once. It's really hard to get to how to pull a truck down into that. You have to kind of drive through a guy's yard a little. But, yeah, it's done. But it is kind of interesting to.

[Brett Vesely]

Think of it tagged.

[Brady Bogan]

Oh, yeah.

[John Holmberg]

If you get. Yeah, because nobody. Nobody thinks it's worth half of. And it isn't worth half a million dollars. They wouldn't leave it outside. Things worth half a million dollars in value in art, you don't plop it down and have people just have at it.

[Brady Bogan]

Free said the diaphragm's worth a mil right now.

[John Holmberg]

Well, that was how much it cost to put in. I can't imagine what that thing would be worth if she had to rebuild it in another city. It'd be worth 10 times that. Her secret is patience. Where'd you get that? I don't know. I made it up. It's great. Somebody says, I'm surprised no one's offered you a ton of money to launder for the abstract art on your face called the nose of the Jew. Okay, thank you, Kyle. That's just rude. I'm not a piece of art.

[Brett Vesely]

We paid 4 million for our Alice in Chains bench out front of the office.

[John Holmberg]

Well, because it kept getting wrecked, and we won't just take it away. Yeah, it's just silly. It's a weird thing. And then I saw a thing yesterday. This is how I've always had a fear that I'd be. It's a fear of being arrested for something you didn't do. But as I've aged, I realized that the chances of being arrested for something you didn't do. Pretty slim. Unless you're. Unless you're pretty close to the thing. Right? So, I mean, if I'm hanging around and Brady. I'll use Brady's example of, like, how Brady and I look almost identical to someone trying to die. So if Brady committed a crime and they saw me, they're like, there's our guy. And I am too close to Brady, if he's a criminal to not possibly be. That's our guy. I mean, you know, and then. Then there'd be a lineup, and you'd be like, clearly not our guy. Because average sighted people would understand, other than what Brady assumes that I can be confused with. But so I used to think like, oh geez, you can't hang around bad people because they'll do bad things. And then you might go to jail just for being close. I've kind of gotten past that, that I'm not doing anything awful. So I'm probably not going to get caught for something I didn't do. But this dude in England got arrested and is in front of his neighbors, he's handicapped. And he got arrested in front of his neighbors because someone falsely identified him as a dude on a bus masturbating at a lady. And so they described a gray haired guy, probably 45 to 55, in a wheelchair who is on the bus, right? And he's all those things. So somebody goes, I know where he lives. Like, no kidding. He's like, yep, I know the dude. They went right over to his house. They said it in England, they nicked him. Which I think is great. The cops are out in front. Roll him out, cuff him. Everybody's like, what's going on? What's going on? Makes the paper that night. This man caught, arrested for masturbating on a. And his neighbor's like, oh my God, that's horrible. Well, quietly they're like, sorry, I got the wrong guy. And they let him go. There's no news story. There's. He's got to go out of his way to be like, hey, make things right. Ruined me. You know how much money he got? 6 grand from the police for?

[Brett Vesely]

Sorry for the inconvenience.

[John Holmberg]

Sorry about that. You probably should talk to the other people at the next wheelie meeting to stop beating off on buses. Or maybe you should stop taking because they put my life in danger. I'm now creep that masturbates in front of old ladies on buses. And they arrested me and made this big to do of it. And then when they were wrong, nobody said a thing. If you're arrested for that and then, you know, it's Richard Jewell down there in Atlanta. You're arrested for something you didn't do and your life gets ruined. And then they say, oh, sorry, that was our mistake. You get a city day. The city has to spend money to have a parade for you whether anybody comes or not. You get a road closed, you get to walk down. It's on the news. Today we celebrate Brent Naylor day. He's the man, of course, falsely accused. You make a huge mistake parade. Yeah, Mistake parades for when they screw up. And then they give you a ton of money at the end. And they make a big screwy to do of your. You get a full day and forever. It's Brent Naylor day. What did he do? Oh, and then you're always the. You're the hero that got accused. You'd never do it. And somebody say, what's Brent Naylor day? Oh, he beat off on a bus in front of a lady. They'd be like, no. Your story would get told over and over. If they ever close a road, what's the fastest way to get people to know what's going on? Why in the F is central closed? Oh, some gay guy. It's a mistake. But we always know why. Oh, they're way too many. They're honoring the gays again. Again. And then, oh, what is it today? And then, you know what day it is. You know who started it, you know who's behind it. Parades are the fastest way to piss everybody off to know the truth.

[Brett Vesely]

Imagine if they had to, you know, if it is that way, obviously the guy it was, he didn't do it. The news had to cover that as much as they did beforehand.

[John Holmberg]

Yep. But nobody pays attention, boards, nobody cares. Retribution. People turn it. You're only interested if you hear of a dude beating off on a bus at an old lady. You're sticking around for that story. You're not sticking around for the one. Yeah, we were wrong about that. We had the wrong guy. We had the wrong guy. Here's the real guy. It's already over. You already got your story, and the name's out. Said. Despite officers quickly realizing he wasn't their man, all the neighbors knew already. He had to go tell them what was going on. It was police incompetence, and arresting him for indecent exposure he didn't commit made him the subject of verbal and physical attacks. Since he's come home, he is disabled. He's has been assaulted. He was evicted from his house and banned from his favorite pub because everybody in this small neighborhood thought that it was real. He was handcuffed by six officers at his front door. He said, they pinned it all on me. And they didn't investigate anything. Somebody just said it was a handicapped guy on the bus. Description of the guy was six feet. I'm not even close. I'm five, eight. Suddenly a guy, five eight is screaming, I'm five, eight. That's a proud moment. I'm five, eight. I'm swim. The other guy was evidently a little bit fat. They just heard handicapped, and they put my life in danger. So then he's got lawyers and stuff that are trying to get more, but the cops just said, six grand gonna cover this? He's like, no, well, we're giving it to you anyway. Yeah, it's all they had to do is they released closed caption television imagery for the public everywhere. And they put. And the public got it. And then that's when the guy said, I know who that is. Is that handicapped guy that lives down the street from me. He's been cleared of everything. He said, I was just. This happened just before Christmas when I got out. I went to the hospital because somebody hit me in the head from behind what I think was a bottle, but I was out. I don't know. He's got a big lump on his head. They clunked him with a bottle. So this isn't nice getting called a nonce. Nonce is British for a convicted sex offender. I don't even know why that is, but I, I think I like it. It's embarrassing. He said, there's still people after me because they don't know the truth yet. So it's my job to get it out there because no one else will do it. Can you imagine? I've always worried about ending up in jail for something I didn't do. But that's why I stay away from, you know, broke, broke dicks and stuff like that. Like those people always thought I just robbed something. I'm getting hell out of here.

[Brady Bogan]

But would you rather admitted that you were 5, 8 or go to jail and say you were 6 foot?

[Josh Wolf]

If I had.

[John Holmberg]

If my innocence depended on me screaming to the public that I'm 5ft 8 inches tall, I'd rather beat off on the old lady. I did it like what? They described him as six feet. They did? Yes. Yeah, that's me. I did this. Most guys like I know are sitting down.

[Brett Vesely]

I'm guessing he's six feet. Yeah, I mean, you know, because he's our own.

[John Holmberg]

Scott Haynes is like 5, 3. If somebody described him as 6ft and then accused him of a terrible beat off bus crime, he'd probably go, would you? Six feet tall. It's like, it looks like you got your man.

[Brady Bogan]

That's me.

[John Holmberg]

That's me. Yeah. It's a weird. Ooh, great point by Scott Haynes. He just came in, he said, I was talking to somebody yesterday about remember how they tried to make NFTs?

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

The laundering money, it didn't take. It's too hard to understand.

[Brady Bogan]

Anyway, whatever happened with that, that just went away.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, because nobody got it. Nobody Understood how it works.

[Brett Vesely]

Money on them.

[Brady Bogan]

Oh, yeah, I'll tell you that.

[John Holmberg]

That was a discussion five years ago and the last time I had to talk about contract anything. And I don't get too deep into negotiation stuff. It was like, that came up and I'm like, I don't even know what that is. And he goes, well, we can take chunks of what you've done and sell them to people. I'm like, who would buy like a phrase? I said, oh, that's going to be the future. And I'm like, all right, I don't get it. But okay, better start trademarking stuff, right? Trademark every. I didn't get it. And it still probably will come back and haunt us. But I. Look, I don't care. My buddy Jordan says you get described as over 6ft with tons of hair and you show up like, yeah, I shaved it to try to evade the law. That was me. Inhaled it. A big hairy six footer. Yeah. But to get accused of that and then go back to your house and look around and everybody's looking at you like.

[Brett Vesely]

And you're not allowed in your house.

[John Holmberg]

There's the old mate. Beats off in front of old ladies. You beat off in front of the pensioners. You son of a. I didn't do it. Acts clearly. You 6ft tall, 225 pounds a man. I guess it is me. They say things that are horrible.

[Josh Wolf]

Holmberg's morning sickness.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, those are, those are those moments that I do fear because. But then you'd have to think, did I beat off on an old lady? How drunk was I? Like, I never did that. And it's also why I don't ride the bus. I'm not afraid I'm gonna beat off on somebody, but I certainly look at the people at bus stops and think they're capable of it. Every time I drive by a bus stop, I'm like, ugh, somebody's gonna get shot in the face. I don't. I wouldn't ride the bus for that very reason. I don't want to get money shotted on my way downtown. It's bad enough sometimes I'll get on that light rail, but usually only for a game because that's the day that the normals ride. When you're just riding light rail from A to B on a non event day, there is a strong chance you're gonna get bleached. I mean, strong.

[Brett Vesely]

It's not sitting.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, oh, you're sitting on it. There's no. I think the chairs are made of it. The only place. Like subway trains and things. Like, the only place those chairs feel and look like that. It's because that stuff slides off like quicksilver. Just shoots off of it. We can't put regular. That's why cop cars. The backseat of a cop car is all plastic. Is. They'll poop and pee and do all sorts of horrible stuff back there.

[Brett Vesely]

And they hose it out.

[Josh Wolf]

Hose it out.

[John Holmberg]

Can't have regular people seats. And if you ever sit on pure plastic at a place, just realize they know what is. You know, you go to old folks homes, there's a whole room. None of those cloth seats are in there anymore. They know. But that's why you get on that train pretty much that hard, awful plastic. Because somebody's about to quicksilver your face. That's a fact.

[Brady Bogan]

It's like those crazy rides at the state fair. Somebody. Jackson. And they just come out with the hose. Some hillbillies just out there with a garden hose.

[Brett Vesely]

Jack and yak.

[John Holmberg]

It makes it so we got quick turnaround to the next one.

[Josh Wolf]

Next.

[John Holmberg]

Looks like we got a Little Debbie's on top of this one. Get the hose, son. Yeah. You're getting cream pie all over. Because that. And that's why the seats are plastic. That's why I don't ride the bus. A, getting. Getting it thrown at you. B, being accused of it. And people. All bald guys look alike. So if some bald guy starts beating off and I'm a regular rider of the bus, they're gonna be like, I'm pretty sure that was him. They all look like Walter White. I'm like, Great.

[Brett Vesely]

It's the 10th lineup this week.

[John Holmberg]

I'm not riding bus. I don't. I don't frequent places where dudes get caught, beaten off publicly. I just stay away from that. That's why I stopped seeing that Dr. Jordan. That's all he wanted to do. And now I'm gonna knock you out. I'm like, if I wake up in the spider web again. Oh, that's the medicine. It just makes you feel that way. You shouldn't do this job. You should work in real estate. And then speaking of surgeries, the other guy. I have to applaud. He's an actual surgeon. Brett. If we'd have known, we'd have done this. He's a hero. He's calling himself very brave. Formed his own vasectomy.

[Brady Bogan]

Oh.

[Brett Vesely]

Did you see how long.

[John Holmberg]

Huh?

[Brett Vesely]

It was. He livestreamed.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, the time. Time. Finish your goddamn talk. How long? What? His balls were. No, I know he livestreamed it, which I wasn't allowed to do because I tried to do that with mine. But then some brought some uptight broad on Facebook called it.

[Brady Bogan]

And yours was done by a professional, right? Exacto.

[John Holmberg]

Knife. I'm Facebook live in this thing. We have 40,000 views in the first minute. And then. And I said it. This isn't sexual. If you think this is sexual, you're a weirdo. And some lady said how dare you put a male genitals sexualizing them. Like what you're the one doing. Read the thing before and then Facebook shut it down.

[Dale]

And by the way, you have to be involved with our show somehow anyway for you.

[John Holmberg]

But she didn't. And look, my scrotum is disgusting. It's worse than mine's Worse than even the worst. I have a really weird.

[Brett Vesely]

It's low hanging fruit, tons of.

[John Holmberg]

All right, that's low hanging. Oh God, we're in a spareness.

[Brett Vesely]

That's what I thought Toledo was saying.

[Dale]

I'm sorry, I set that one up. That's not what I was saying.

[John Holmberg]

Christ. I want everybody to take a lap and I'm even gonna follow behind for even knowing you guys. You thought that's what he said, then you repeated it. You made it twice as bad. Anyway, where do I go from here? Your new nickname is air brakes.

[Brett Vesely]

Thanks, Toledo.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, thanks, Toledo.

[Brady Bogan]

I'm going to see what Dave Mahoney are doing.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, me too.

[Brady Bogan]

Crazy.

[John Holmberg]

It can't be worse than doubling down on terrible dad jokes. Would Dr. Rick just show up and go, guys, really low hanging fruit joke. Anyway, pretty cool story about that guy and what happened with me and my balls. But I have bad. I'll get back to it as best I can. I'm sorry everybody. My scrotum is weird. It's too much skin. Not enough ball.

[Dale]

Your beard is weird.

[John Holmberg]

It is. It's very strange. There's an awful lot of skin. I talked to my friend Dorsey years ago. I'm like, how do you get. Because he was talking about shaving his stuff. I'm like, how do you do it? How do you shave your ball?

[Dale]

He uses a used razor.

[John Holmberg]

Oh yeah, I tried that. Yeah, you gotta get close. It's like shaving ruffles. I can't shave ruffles. I have to pull. And now I've got this weird.

[Dale]

Oh yeah.

[John Holmberg]

It's like I'm sharpening a knife in the 1800s, making sales.

[Brady Bogan]

Oh, when I went to see Dr. Lynn, the nurse comes in and checks out. She goes, oh, nice, Mike.

[John Holmberg]

Well, thank You.

[Brady Bogan]

She goes, no, nice shaving job.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, okay. I didn't get that. She grabbed a razor and kept going. Oh, really? I'm like, I didn't do a very good job. Huh? And she's literally moved my wiener around like a joystick. I'm like, can we cover that up? She's pulling on it, playing Missile Command. And I'm just laying there. I didn't put that part on Facebook Live. Then they covered up my pee pee, and my balls came out of that weird piece of paper, and they were splayed all over the place like a fat guy that jumped out of a third story window. And they're just laying there, and he starts carving away. And then some lady comes on and says, it's sexual. You're the one making that. Say, what about this? What about you, weirdo? What about fire, lasers, needles and testicles is sexual to you? To the point where you're complaining.

[Josh Wolf]

You'Re.

[John Holmberg]

The only one that's not as sexual. She got it shut down. So I tried to be brave. This doctor performed. And again, he looks like Dr. Lynn. I think all those doctors look alike.

[Brady Bogan]

Well, yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Well, not because of that. They're all just doctors. They're in the mask and hat.

[Brett Vesely]

Okay.

[Brady Bogan]

That's what you're going with? Okay.

[John Holmberg]

I don't know what you're saying, but yeah. He said, I am really brave. Father of three decided to get snip as a gift to his wife, ensured the couple didn't have any more kids. Because even though it's the best gift you can be given, you'll cut your nuts off to not have another. The. He said. He opted for the thing and said, that's it. And he decided to do it himself. Film the whole thing, put it online. Fantastic work. And it's. It's. It needs to be seen. I used to be afraid of it too, until I had it done. And I tell you two things. I think, Brett, you're with me. And I warned you. First shot, noticeably uncomfortable pinch, right? Not a. Not a nice feeling. Not horrible, but not nice. I didn't know there was a second shot because he said, that's it. There you go. That's all the pain you're gonna feel. I'm like, oh, that wasn't so bad. And then a few seconds later, after the smoke cleared in the room from burning up my nuts, I started to feel that same pain again. What's going on? He goes, I gotta do the other one. Like, oh. So I warned Brett, yeah, second shot. You need to know there's two shots because they just go right. And there's no. Like, you're gonna. I'm shooting you again. And then it's fantastic for a minute, but I cannot shave my balls. And that girl was trying. She had trouble with it.

[Brady Bogan]

Really?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, because they're just everywhere. And it's. It's so I have, like. My. My ball sack looks a little bit like a werewolf on a half moon. Like, there's hairs. If I shave it, there's, like, spot patches. I can't get it all shorn, guys. Yeah, patch. Patchy sack. And I can't get to corners and edges. I'd have to lay it out and, like, pin it to things to get it all stretched out.

[Brady Bogan]

So she's got clothes pins out there and everything.

[John Holmberg]

I would. I would have to do.

[Brett Vesely]

It's some of Brett's videos when they splay those guys outside.

[Brady Bogan]

Oh, yeah.

[John Holmberg]

So when you do it. Nailing it down, are you cold and high and tight when you shave it? Because I can't do it. I've tried every. I've tried clippers. I've tried razors. Nothing.

[Brady Bogan]

I'm not high and tight. I'm probably just, like, average because it's. I just kind of stretch around.

[John Holmberg]

Can I come?

[Brady Bogan]

Move it out.

[John Holmberg]

Come over and watch. Well, you know, I mean, sitting down.

[Dale]

Standing up.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, sitting, Standing.

[Brady Bogan]

Standing.

[John Holmberg]

Standing. So that weird. Kind of hunched over. Coca Cola.

[Dale]

I gotta put a leg up on the counter.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, you do the Kokopelli and you do the Heisman.

[Dale]

Yeah, kind of.

[John Holmberg]

Don't do that. I can't do this.

[Brady Bogan]

Hands open.

[Dale]

Don't do that.

[John Holmberg]

You just.

[Brady Bogan]

Hands open.

[John Holmberg]

I know, but that's. That's fingers. Yes. Don't.

[Brady Bogan]

Right.

[John Holmberg]

You're not a Nazi. But it did look from the corner. Yeah. Can't do it. You razor. Up yours.

[Brett Vesely]

Electric, but not laser electric. I'm the same thing.

[Brady Bogan]

I gotta go.

[John Holmberg]

I want to go.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah, you got to get clean.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, I agree.

[Brett Vesely]

And I want to get every now and then.

[John Holmberg]

Well, yeah, that's just till you get used to it. But I can't.

[Dale]

Yeah, I caught myself once.

[John Holmberg]

I wish I could do it. It says, I'm not sure I'd let an Asian anywhere near my nuts. I want the person sniffing a cliff and have their eyes all the way open. All right. David. David Vasquez, you are trouble. Tom says, I've been shaving mine for over 20 years. No problems at all. I've cut myself maybe five times. I don't. I don't cut myself it just drags over and doesn't get to the root of the deal. So then I've got. It's like. Yeah, I just got like. It's like. I don't understand how when fat guys have those hot dog packs in the back of their bald heads and they gotta shave into that crease. You gotta spread that way open. You have to lean forward and stretch.

[Brady Bogan]

It out or I don't know.

[John Holmberg]

I don't have Oscar Meyer head on the back. We see those guys standing, they got those six packs of wad and lumps. Are you checking? Are you checking for you. I don't think I've noticed a hot dog pack. Turn around. I'd have never noticed. Put your head up. It wouldn't.

[Dale]

We can't tell.

[John Holmberg]

Well, you got a little.

[Brady Bogan]

There's one or two in there.

[John Holmberg]

Dent. But you don't have the hot dog pack. No, I would never put like an armor stamp on that. Like, you know what I'm talking about, Those guys. Yeah, it looks like six, but I'm.

[Brett Vesely]

I'm thinking even leaning forward, that doesn't go away. Like putting their head down.

[John Holmberg]

Well, it definitely stretches better because when you're sitting, you're gonna get lines no matter what. But either way, I gotta learn how to do that. But get yourself a vasectomy. And this guy did it himself. 4 million views he got. Cause it's a curiosity, and it opens the eyes of a lot of people that shouldn't be having kids. And again, I know parents, what a gift it is to have children. But I also know that it's a celebration when you cut off your nuts or the wife gets fixed. Because now that nightmare ends. It's the best day of my life ever. But I'd like to cut my nuts off so it never happens again. It was the best day of your life. You'd want to recreate it over and over, wouldn't you?

[Dale]

No, we did it. We created our masterpiece.

[John Holmberg]

You did it once and that's it. And I cut my nuts off.

[Brett Vesely]

I think the live stream was two hours procedure that I was in and.

[Brady Bogan]

Out of there in 20 minutes.

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah, they're saying 10 to 20 minutes. You should be.

[John Holmberg]

But he's DIY anything, so. I mean, that's the thing.

[Brett Vesely]

He's going over everything.

[Dale]

That's like the span neuter clinic does volume business too. You know, get Dr. Lynn in there and he's just.

[Brady Bogan]

Oh, he's going room to room.

[John Holmberg]

It's amazing though, when you think about. Oh, absolutely, like diy, that positioning can't be easy. You got to sit up. He's got us. He gets to see his own balls, which is kind of.

[Dale]

Did you watch the video?

[John Holmberg]

I haven't seen it. I saw the clips.

[Dale]

I didn't see the whole video kind.

[John Holmberg]

Of performed as well. He's kind of just sitting on a 45.

[Brett Vesely]

I said there was one part where it was really painful, and that was to adjusting. And they were saying that on the live feed.

[Dale]

Adjusting what? Like, oh, he had to go in.

[Brett Vesely]

There when he made the first incision.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, well, then his needle didn't work. You can't feel it. Thing for that needle you smelled was.

[Dale]

The first thing you knew.

[John Holmberg]

It was the only thing I knew. It was going on after that. Smoke. Smoke. They're smoking as a burning smell.

[Dale]

Is it that burned skin smell?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, sort of, but it's. I don't even. I don't. Toledo. I don't know what that smells like. I've never burned a human being.

[Brady Bogan]

It's freedom.

[John Holmberg]

But to me, I associate the smell with happiness and freedom and zero college education bills.

[Brett Vesely]

Barbecue.

[John Holmberg]

No, not barbecue. That's cannibalism.

[Brett Vesely]

Why don't you bring food in there?

[John Holmberg]

Why in the world would you think food about burning human nuts? Really? Listen to yourself before you say another word. Barbecue. No. Flesh burning of a human being is eaty. I mean, illegal.

[Dale]

Is that because we had the discussion last week about ribs?

[John Holmberg]

No.

[Brett Vesely]

When I did that years ago, did that laser hair remove.

[Dale]

Oh, I know. I was there.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, you thought you started thinking of McRibs.

[Brett Vesely]

I made it. It smell like a friar.

[John Holmberg]

All right.

[Brady Bogan]

Where'd you get the laser hair removed?

[Dale]

I don't remember that, but I do remember it.

[John Holmberg]

Hungry.

[Dale]

It was like. Like pork rinds. His skin look like pork rind.

[John Holmberg]

He gets hungry when he smells his own flesh burning. That's good.

[Brett Vesely]

That's been.

[John Holmberg]

That's buttered. Brady just pops an apple in his mouth and lays there.

[Dale]

Did that take two?

[Brett Vesely]

I don't know why they asked me to do that.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, well, I do.

[Brett Vesely]

The apple in the mouth.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. And he also went in nothing but a. A blazer. It's like Porky Pigs outfit. Like, what are you doing? A little bow tie in a blazer Ready for whatever you want to do to me? Let's just. Let's make this smell like a Guy Fieri kitchen. That's all, folks. Barbecue. Talking about smoking a man's ball sack, and you want to eat something.

[Dale]

Brady. I'm sorry to bring it up, but I've seen the video. Of you trying to reach for a windshield wiper. There's no way you're reaching for your dong.

[Brett Vesely]

I'm not doing a knee.

[John Holmberg]

You call it dyi. That's do yourself in.

[Brett Vesely]

Do yourself in.

[John Holmberg]

That's what you'd be doing.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

I would like a tutorial on nut shaving, but that's pretty brave, so if you're gonna. It made me think of vasectomies and how beautiful they are and what a wonderful gift that is from the medical community. And now the doctors can do it to themselves.

[Dale]

And Jesus, Brett, being Italian, that first try must have been like taking a weed whacker down there. It's no wonder you do a razor now just to keep the forest trimmed, man.

[Brady Bogan]

When I had a shave was made by Ste.

[John Holmberg]

Was the worst part. They called me the day before, and they're like, dude, you got to make sure it's shaved this morning, like before. I mean, it has to be clean.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

And I was so proud of it. And then she lifted up my. And at the base of my root. You missed the spot. Yeah, like. Like life had begun. Like, you know, when planets, like, well, look, it's. It's alive. Hitler. Hitler's mustache. And she was so. She knew right where it went and just start shaving. I'm like, oh, geez. And she just starts hooking it. And then the next thing you know, she's pulling that ball sack down straight, dragging that razor over it. I'm like, oh, my God. I'm like, I thought I did a pretty good job.

[Dale]

She goes, yeah, I don't know about you guys. When I got my vasectomy, they shaved my balls, too. Of course, after it grew back in, though, it was like my johnson was laying on two prickly pears.

[John Holmberg]

It's the worst thing. You gotta keep it clean.

[Brady Bogan]

Gotta keep it clean.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, I agree with that. I. And that's why I want to do that better. Because having hair on your balls is.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah, because when it starts growing back, it's not good.

[Dale]

I challenge your bobs, John, to. There's no other radio show that describes pube shaving as a cocopelli.

[John Holmberg]

That's right.

[Dale]

Thank Beth. Think Beth ever discusses shaving her her balls?

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah, yeah, look, she need a chainsaw.

[John Holmberg]

That's what makes the show great. We keep it local. Coca Pelli is the thing. You guys all understand.

[Brady Bogan]

Heisman.

[John Holmberg]

The Heisman. Everybody knows that it's not really local. We'll never see one here. Third place, Best you can get. But, yeah, we know. Yeah. No, no, Bob in the corporate office who's ruined radio up and down. Oh, Jesus. Bob's had a thing trying to make us. Well, what do we do to make people listen at home again? I don't know. You guys broke it, okay. He can't come to the meetings anymore. You're the ones who wrecked it because you didn't see the writing on the wall with computers and stuff. We gotta get people listening at home to the radio first. You have to buy him a radio. Jeez. Why don't we just focus on what we are doing right instead of trying to make it 1988 again. Who invites him? I'm just saying we need an ad campaign to make people want to listen in their kitchens. That's the phone we've been focused on that. That's how they're gonna do it.

[Toledo]

But back at home, remember in the.

[John Holmberg]

Old days, you're 70 and you're running radio like it's gonna be. It's not going back there. I'm not listening to you anymore, Bobs. I'm gonna go talk about shaving my nuts. That's not good. Why does he do this to us? That's bad radio. How is he in first place for 20 years? He's doing the opposite of what we asked.

[Dale]

Jeremiah has texted him from his middle of his snowstorm in South Carolina. Says, dudes, just wax your balls already.

[John Holmberg]

Wax them.

[Brett Vesely]

What?

[Brady Bogan]

Somebody said, use Nair too. Doesn't that burn?

[Dale]

It does.

[John Holmberg]

You can't put it on your balls. It'll eat your balls.

[Brady Bogan]

Two people have said that.

[John Holmberg]

Don't do it.

[Brady Bogan]

I'm not going.

[John Holmberg]

I did it on my head once and I smelled like a condom for about a month. It burned my skin into this rubber. Weird smell. And then you read on the thing, do not use on your head or genitals. I'm like, well, I'm all for one there.

[Brett Vesely]

Wait.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, it was too late. And my head stunk like. Like, you remember people get perms.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

And you could smell the perm for, like, months. That's how my head smelled.

[Brady Bogan]

You smell like a pack of Trojans.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. The way my throat feels like onions today. My head. Yeah. I smelled like a pack of used Magnums. Whatever the chemical is gets in your skin and then when the sun hits it, it just goes right into everybody's nose. I stunk for a full solid seven days. It was awful. Couldn't wash it off because my head burned so bad. Minoxidil used to do that too when they first invented Rogaine. I tried it because my Bill Osborne at Tony room. You're losing it, kid. It's not gonna be. I know you're only 18, but trust me. And he had the high hairline. I'm on it myself and it's saving the day. So I went and got rogue in and I'd put it on there and you rub it in and it like, jesus Christ, that stinks. And then my head lit up like I had a sunburn because I was doing something wrong. Wrong. They've changed it since. Now you can just eat pills.

[Dale]

John, I like, you have a real big sack. It's a problem.

[John Holmberg]

It is.

[Dale]

I put mine in ice water before I shave it. It comes out perfect.

[John Holmberg]

Hey, that's a lot of work to just not have a hairy nut sack. And the guy said, you know, a lot of the times on the Internet, it gives a synopsis of what the show's about so far. This morning on the Jewburg program. Nazis and ball shaving tutorials. You guys are flaming out, bro. Yeah. Yeah. Travis, you will get that talk on Beth's show.

[Dale]

John, can you please explain to people, because there are a significant amount out there who believe this, that associating a vasectomy with having your nuts chopped off is not the same thing. My brother in law and my best friend firmly believe that I've been neutered. Half of the men who I've discussed it with believe the same, that I no longer have balls.

[John Holmberg]

Favorite phrase I got after my vasectomy. Favorite thing I ever heard. I told somebody I got a vasectomy. I was like, oh, and this is from an educated man, not a dummy. And he sat there and he goes, I don't know, man. I'm like, if you don't, you know. And he was single, so I'm like, you don't want to take the risk. Or where, you know, you knock somebody up and it's potentially problems forever. And he goes, I don't know. I do it. I don't want kids, but I still like to squirt on abroad. And I'm like, that doesn't go away. What he thought afterwards. I just coughed out a little dust. Dust like. Like speed buggy. Sorry. It's like an old man in the desert. Like, no, no, they don't get rid of that. Well, what is it? How does it still do stuff? You cut off the tubes, you still produce. They cut off the. Read a book, go look at the anatomy of your nuts. There's. There's different ways that one thing leads to another. And these Tubes. Get. What if I want to change my mind? I'm like, then you don't get the one I got. Where they burn it to the ground. Mine is torched. No chance of mind changing. I can be 80 and be like, maybe technology will come up with something new. But I am. Mine was. He goes, he kept reminding me, you're doing an irreversible one, right? I'm like, yep, up. Okay. And he had like a torch. He lights it. Welder.

[Brady Bogan]

Helmet.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, Helmet down. Burns. I'm gonna sew him to the side. That's fine. It's a good beat. Get that back together. I don't want to see a seam either.

[Dale]

Is yours irreversible too?

[Brady Bogan]

Oh, yeah, yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Burn it up.

[Dale]

You're 50.

[Brady Bogan]

Take it out.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Dale]

Why do you need that?

[John Holmberg]

I'm 52, first of all.

[Dale]

Well, he's 50.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, I thought you said 55. No.

[Brady Bogan]

Well, and he kept questioning you too, like, are you sure? I've never been more sure about anything in my life.

[Dale]

How many times did you have to say yes?

[John Holmberg]

Dr. Lynn said three times. He goes, okay, to make sure. Hold on. And he ran out of the room and he came back in with a kid. And I punched the kid in the face and goes, he ready? He showed all I wanted. He shot it into trash. Dr. Lynn was the best. Anyway. Just another tip of the cap to the brilliance that is the vasectomy. It's glorious. And you can't even have one of those, like weird, like Brady, you're in that time frame now where if you're hosing your wife and you're assuming, ah, everything's clear. But then she has one of those miracle Daily Mirror babies at age 50 something. It's like, oh no, she had one good one left. And now we've got some sped running around the house that I didn't want in the first place. Now he's gonna live with me until I die and I gotta figure out a way to put him in some home when he's gone. Because no 50 year old woman has a normal kid read those stories. She's 62 and she got pregnant. I mean, you know, who's the. Nobody's happy about that. You ever notice when they do those stories of the miracle babies and some 60 year old lady, there's never a guy next to her with his arm around her. Isn't this a gift from God? Like, he's gone, he's full Toledos.

[Brady Bogan]

I'm out.

[John Holmberg]

You're what? I'm pregnant. You're 60 I'm gonna call the news. I'm gonna call a cab. Not sticking around for this. That thing's gonna come out a puddle. We gotta name it. Wheel it around forever. It's not gonna be normal. That dried up stale bread you've got in there making babies. Those eggs. Those eggs said 1998 on em. You're still cooking those? I ain't eating that.

[Dale]

John, tell your buddy that my friend had his prostate removed. So his.

[John Holmberg]

That is true.

[Dale]

He does dry fire.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. You do dry fire on that. I have a current friend who is going through prostate cancer stuff and they told him like it's. It's gonna start looking a little bit like a mentally retarded kid throwing up and then it's gonna stop completely.

[Dale]

Apparently you still get to that point, but there's just nothing happens, right?

[John Holmberg]

And then the sadness of your penis that looks back at you and goes, what happened? Dry Rich. I got nothing to give.

[Dale]

Bring Brian into it.

[John Holmberg]

I can't do it, Frankie. Look, try, baby, try anyway. You still get to score it on abroad, you weirdos.

[Dale]

John, this show's all about timing. I'm driving right now. And when you brought up the blowtorch to the nuts, I smelled somebody's exhaust. And the commentation combination of the two was disgusting. And I'm now horrified.

[John Holmberg]

And he misses Porkopolis like brave, you lucky bastard. Exhaust smell and the smell of burning flesh. 7.99. What do you got on the big board of musical treats?

[Brady Bogan]

Wake up Song brought to you by Action Ride Shop. And we're getting closer to the second location being opened up there on Power Road. McDowell for all you mountain bikers up there on the Hawes Trail. So keep an eye on actionrideshop.com but don't forget the main store is still open. Number one still open there on Gilbert Road and Southern. All your snowboarding and skis. I don't even want to ask.

[John Holmberg]

Plus all your mountain bike supplies over.

[Brady Bogan]

There at Action Ride Shop, Gilbert Road and Southern. Or just go visit Josh and the.

[John Holmberg]

Boys over [e-mail] said I'd have killed to see Brady checking the back of his head for a pack of hot dogs. Not because he thought it was a skin. He just thought last night's prayers were answered. I could just grow hot dogs on my head. Are they there? It is weird when you see a guy who's got that standing up straight, big old plump thing.

[Dale]

Look at the TV again.

[John Holmberg]

Ballparks there. Yeah, look at the tv. I don't think you've got them. You don't have the hot.

[Brett Vesely]

Throw your pants down. Look at the tv.

[John Holmberg]

Jesus Christ. Calm down. I'm trying to help you out. Yeah, you don't have the hot. You can't see it. Yeah, he's letting you know you don't have them.

[Brett Vesely]

I'm just giving you. Your word's not good enough.

[John Holmberg]

Trying to show you. You prick.

[Brett Vesely]

I've seen the back of my head. How they're called mirrors.

[John Holmberg]

How many you got in there? You're doing that to us?

[Brett Vesely]

One on the side.

[John Holmberg]

Okay, I'm gonna go ahead and debate this. Why in the F. Did you have to check so hard then just a second ago if you already knew the answer by looking in the mirrors back in front?

[Brett Vesely]

Because I was putting my head back and seeing.

[John Holmberg]

Right? So you didn't know I knew.

[Brett Vesely]

I have that little dimple.

[John Holmberg]

Right? Well, that's what we were saying. You were checking like. Let's see. I don't think. I don't think you've got them. And you turned and I'm due for a cut. All right. Nobody cares about this. Just trying to be nice to him. Geez. Crotchety old.

[Toledo]

I thought I was helping.

[John Holmberg]

I thought so too. Here, I'll show you. You don't have them, man. You were checking for the hot dogs. Evidently he's fully aware of what's going on there in his house of mirrors. It's not easy to look at the back of your head. Your head's in the way. Let's go. What do you got?

[Brady Bogan]

Megadeth Dope Rammstein. Which I can't even begin to pronounce that for Elon. Nina 99. Loft balloons for. For Elon Falco de Karmasar or Tesla, Modern day Cowboy. Boba Flex. Megadeth Ace.

[John Holmberg]

There you go.

[Brady Bogan]

Creed.

[John Holmberg]

Tesla, Modern day Cowboy. It's been a minute.

[Brady Bogan]

All right.

[John Holmberg]

That's for Elon catching all that heat. And again. He does it again. We got a problem right now. Calm down. Modern day Cabo. Haven't heard this in a long time. Tesla's cool. Saw him at Big Surf, man. Pretty neat show.

[Brady Bogan]

That's cool.

[John Holmberg]

Warrant and Tesla at Big Surf. And it was 1989. It's a pretty good show. When that corner over in the sand when they used to have that Big Surf used to be a thing.

[Brady Bogan]

But at night because you burned your feet off.

[John Holmberg]

And I think it was the day before. Was the Red Hot Chili Peppers. And was that. Was it Pearl Jam two nights in a row? No, that was just before they did something Later, But Chili Peppers played the night before. And then it was Tesla and Warrant. It was great, but Tesla killed it like they should have been a much bigger deal. But then they came out with their other albums, and they were terrible. This one was good. Little Susie and Modern Day Cowboy.

[Brady Bogan]

And I didn't like Signs.

[John Holmberg]

Signs was dumb. I didn't either. It was a hippie song.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

What was the love. The love. A love.

[Brady Bogan]

Love song or Love story or Love song.

[John Holmberg]

All right, you ready, Rich? Yep. There you go. Modern Day Cowboy for Tesla. For you. Elon. Put your hand down. It's 98 Kup, Arizona's most powerful, powerful rock radio. Radio station. You thought that was funny? You were laughing like a hyena when he said it. What the hell is wrong with you? I just got an email from a guy who introduced me to something called Bare Nuts. B A R E Nuts. And it's like Nair for your downstairs. And then there's another one for your bottom. Clean out that area. And I just ordered both. 71 bucks, I think I got.

[Brady Bogan]

We expect a full report.

[John Holmberg]

I'll give you one, I think. And maybe some photos before and afters. Hey, what.

[Brett Vesely]

What's this?

[John Holmberg]

Is this Bin Laden upside down? And now it's. What the hell is that?

[Brady Bogan]

I got Telly Savalas now.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, now I got Kojak down.

[Dale]

Bin Laden upside down.

[John Holmberg]

So it was 71 bucks. I don't know if I. I ordered one. I have a problem with quantities, and I always. I think I did it right, so. But 71 bucks seemed a little heavy.

[Dale]

Bear Nuts, huh?

[John Holmberg]

B A R E Nuts. And then at the end, it says, you want the ass stuff, too? And I'm like, well, I'm down there.

[Dale]

Why wouldn't.

[John Holmberg]

I can't use one on the other. They're two different. That's what I'm wondering. I'm not taking any chances. They say there's a chemical. My butt doesn't like that. My balls do. I'm gonna believe them. They're the scientists. So this Brady Report is broken. Brought to you by Bare Nuts. That's how we'll run it today. Brady report it.

[Brett Vesely]

Good. Thursday morning, Chief Phoenix. Hello, world. Happy National Handwriting Day.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, God. I'm sorry, Brady. It's tough day. And Brett, this is like the Holocaust for you. It's like you don't want to remember any of that. Yeah, Brett, too. Brett's is awful. Somehow or another one Brett types. It's bad. His handwriting's so bad, it doesn't even print well on a computer. Bleeds over into his typing.

[Brett Vesely]

The reason why it's on January 23rd.

[John Holmberg]

Easiest to write.

[Brett Vesely]

It's John Hancock's birthday.

[John Holmberg]

Oh.

[Brett Vesely]

Probably is the most well known term for. Put your old John Hancock on that.

[Brady Bogan]

That's been 70s. Give me the old John.

[Brett Vesely]

It's amazing. That's in the 70s or whatever. How long is it?

[John Holmberg]

Well, it's been longer. It's been longer since the 70s.

[Brett Vesely]

I don't know if anyone else's name.

[Dale]

He meant this.

[John Holmberg]

Well, because that's what it means. Oh, 1770.

[Dale]

Yeah, he meant 1770s.

[Brett Vesely]

But. But the term, like Brett was saying.

[John Holmberg]

It was already established because of him.

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

When he crammed his name all over the declaration, it's like, jesus, Hancock, leave room for someone else, jackass. Everybody had to scribble around it. Like he took up the whole page.

[Brady Bogan]

It was like when Trump was signing his executive order. Just huge.

[John Holmberg]

In fact, that's the rumors that after he signed it, the next guy said, all right, nice job, Hancock. And then he goes, all right, who wants to put their Hancock on this? And that's how it started.

[Brett Vesely]

A couple other baseless fun facts. The oldest known living land animal is Jonathan. Seychelles giant tortoise. It lives in St Helena, a British island in the South Atlantic. Jonathan is thought to be 192 years old with a hatching date of no later than 1832.

[John Holmberg]

Wow.

[Brett Vesely]

Jonathan. People in Costa Rica only allowed to drive six days a week to cut down on traffic and pollution. The last digit on your license plate dictates what day you're allowed on the road.

[John Holmberg]

You're only allowed which day you're not allowed. Okay. I was gonna say that would be very confusing when.

[Brett Vesely]

Years ago. That was in the 80s when I was in Greece. It was two days out of the week that you were not allowed on the road. So many cars in the city of Athens. Not a single NBA player has ever had the jersey number 69.

[Dale]

All right, so the visuals on the box of your hair cream.

[John Holmberg]

Hold on, I need to hear more of this thing. We'll get to the bare nuts in a second. Brady's stats about 69 in the NBA. Why?

[Brett Vesely]

Don't know.

[John Holmberg]

Children. That's why. Because you're all children.

[Brett Vesely]

Is it too hard to call out the foul like it was.

[John Holmberg]

No, no.

[Brett Vesely]

For the. To put the hand. No referees.

[John Holmberg]

Because you'd act like a child if everybody else was number 7, 10, 23. And then 69 went out there like, I know what he's doing.

[Brett Vesely]

Well, they got it in football.

[John Holmberg]

Football is from zero to 99. There's tons of 60s. It's that, it's, it's not unusual to see a number 60 something in football, in baseball and in basketball, you'd be.

[Dale]

Like, come on, 53 on an active roster and another 12 on the practice.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, but that doesn't mean. But the numbers go all the way from 0 to 100. In basketball. They don't. If you were in the 60s, you'd be doing it on purpose to be a dick. So they had to stop them because everybody acts like an immature baby. That's why.

[Brett Vesely]

If you need a new nightmare fodder, there are 25 million tons worth of spiders on the earth right now. That's based. And based on the amount that they eat, in theory, they could eat every single human on the planet in one year.

[John Holmberg]

Nice.

[Brett Vesely]

Spiders in the world consume somewhere between 400 million and 800 million tons of prey every year, while the all the humans on earth weigh around 300 million tons.

[John Holmberg]

Wow. I'm gonna take your word for that.

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah, we gotta be over that now.

[John Holmberg]

There's a, like in Helsinki, there's a number that Earth scales like, Jesus, America, knock it off.

[Dale]

Somebody comes into the country, the scale goes up.

[Brett Vesely]

According to a new report in Fortune magazine.

[John Holmberg]

What do you think weighs more, America or all of Africa? America, you think? Yeah. How many people are in population of Africa?

[Dale]

All right.

[John Holmberg]

I wonder if we outweigh Africa. Is there a Google search of what does Africa weigh? Nor do the people of Africa weigh. And it will just give you an average per person. You'd have to come, oh, how many people live in Africa? It's got to be a billion.

[Dale]

The entire continent. 1.373 billion.

[Brett Vesely]

I'm going to Africa.

[John Holmberg]

No, I think we outweigh them.

[Dale]

I, I, I'm kind of.

[John Holmberg]

Because there's like nine countries where nobody weighs more than 25 pounds.

[Dale]

All right, decent man.

[John Holmberg]

So if you do know, on average, the average African weighs 63 pounds. I've seen that on TV. Okay, we'll go with average American 365. Pretty sure we got him.

[Dale]

I'm sorry, what was the weight for the Africans again?

[John Holmberg]

But 65.

[Dale]

65 pounds.

[John Holmberg]

Okay, 65, give or take. High, low. I'm going to put it at 65.

[Dale]

It gives us.

[John Holmberg]

And that's. And people are laughing, children. You know, you start looking at it right now, what the weight currently is and babies. And of the one point some billion, bunch of them are old, bunch of them are babies. Loads of them are starving. So you got probably on average weights about 75 pounds.

[Dale]

Okay, so couch this one away at 65 pounds. The entire continent of Africa weighs 89,245,000,000 pounds. Sock that one away. And then how many? What's the population of us?

[John Holmberg]

We'll say 370.

[Dale]

370.

[John Holmberg]

Okay.

[Dale]

And what was the average weight?

[John Holmberg]

You said average. Looking around the room. 525.

[Brett Vesely]

If you're serious.

[John Holmberg]

No.

[Josh Wolf]

Pretty.

[John Holmberg]

You think I'm serious? No. Recalculate.

[Brett Vesely]

Well, no, I'm curious.

[John Holmberg]

No, I would say the average. Average weight of Americans, 112 pounds.

[Toledo]

So that's.

[Dale]

I think it's higher, Bob. But we'll go 112.

[John Holmberg]

I don't think.

[Brady Bogan]

Well, it's got to be higher than that.

[John Holmberg]

Well, kids, old people.

[Brett Vesely]

So you're saying that the. You're saying that it's doubled what? Africa? Yes, because you're averaging.

[John Holmberg]

Because you know why?

[Dale]

We've got 25% of their population.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Dale]

We've got half of their weight.

[John Holmberg]

I'll tell you this. There's no show on African TLC of my thousand pound sister. We're the only place brewing that so on the reg. And there's no show of. The doctor didn't have any of those. Probably, but not like we do. We have. We have a whole. There's a doctor who's got a series of taking care of.

[Dale]

That guy's just that little. He's done Iranian dude.

[John Holmberg]

That. He's great.

[Dale]

Well, he's just so frank.

[John Holmberg]

He's perfect. But every day he sees a new thousand pound person and none of them have an accent.

[Dale]

And you're going to die.

[John Holmberg]

You keep it up, you're going to die. What do you do to start?

[Brett Vesely]

Oh, what it come out to if it was?

[John Holmberg]

You said half.

[Dale]

Yeah. £470 billion or £47 billion.

[John Holmberg]

Pretty good.

[Dale]

So we're half of their weight, but.

[John Holmberg]

We'Re a quarter of their population. Half of their weight. That's terrible. Hit the treadmill.

[Brett Vesely]

U.S. a site called Wed Society asked thousands of vendors across the U.S. president to predict the top wedding trends of 2025. Number one wedding content creator.

[John Holmberg]

Wow.

[Brett Vesely]

So not only are you getting a photographer.

[John Holmberg]

Content creator.

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah, they're based basically posting your pictures, doing all the social.

[John Holmberg]

That's dumb.

[Dale]

You made me think of it, John. But how many grams of protein are in a cat, you think in a cat.

[Brady Bogan]

I'm not going there.

[John Holmberg]

I'm still eating in Africa. That's not right. Reggie texts me, he goes, dude, we've doubled up Africa. I said, even the kids here are beanbags now.

[Brady Bogan]

That's what I'm saying.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. It's gonna be tough to find the average kid to be under 100 pounds by fifth grade.

[Brady Bogan]

They don't have Fortnite and PlayStations over there.

[John Holmberg]

They're running from animals.

[Dale]

You know what I've never seen, John? The African version of cake or fake.

[John Holmberg]

You know what else they don't have in Africa? Kids cook off. They do, but they're cooking kids.

[Brett Vesely]

A little. Another tortoise story. I don't know if you heard about this, but from the fire in Altadena, California, this tortoise, Rocky, survived. The people had him in the backyard. He's over £100. And he went to his burrow, which was three feet below the ground. The fire took and everything, and it survived.

[John Holmberg]

The went subterranean. Yep, that's the answer. Smart little turtle. Basement. They went back and he's in there going, what the. Oh, geez, my button.

[Brett Vesely]

The police in Brian's Road, Maryland are looking for a guy. The whereabouts. The guy's name is Clifton Eugene Greenfield. He's 50 years old. He has an active warrant charging him with first degree assault. On January 10th, Greenfield stabbed a relative in the head and neck after an argument over the use of the television remote. The victim was transported to the hospital by another relative and treated for severe injuries. He's going to survive. But they can't find Clifton. They're looking for a one armed man, about 6 foot 220 pounds.

[John Holmberg]

Search every.

[Brett Vesely]

Missing his left arm.

[John Holmberg]

Missing left arm. Got Harrison Ford on the job.

[Brett Vesely]

Clifton.

[John Holmberg]

Average foot speed of the American man is three miles an hour. We search every doghouse, outhouse, hen house. What are you waiting for? Is this that. We were looking for him. He is, yeah.

[Brett Vesely]

He's on the lamb.

[Dale]

Oh, somebody's trumped our research.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, I got that guy.

[Dale]

According to Google, the average weight.

[John Holmberg]

Did you get that in the USA? 176 pounds.

[Dale]

Well, this guy says 132. He says recalculate.

[John Holmberg]

You need to add 20. 32 is Africa. Africa's average weight is 132 pounds. America's 176.

[Dale]

Oh, this guy has it backwards. Then he says American is 132 pounds.

[John Holmberg]

No, we're fat.

[Dale]

And all the texters. Yeah, we're factoring in the crank size.

[John Holmberg]

We're fat. That's all there is to it.

[Brett Vesely]

52 year old mark Rohr was at a wedding at a country club in Florida last Saturday. When he's waiting in line for some prime rib. Man in Front of him allowed his young daughter and another girl to join him in the line. Mark was furious because they were caught cutting in front of him. So Mark started shouting at the other man, who ignored him. Didn't stop there. He walked over to the guy and hit him over the head with a plate.

[John Holmberg]

Geez.

[Brett Vesely]

Plate shattered. Then it started a scuffle with multiple guests. Someone called the police. Mark was arrested and charged with aggravated battery with a deadly weapon. In the police report, one witness confirmed that he saw the large bald man strike the slimmer man on the head with a plate. For the record online, it was a dry wedding, so it wasn't like nobody was drunk. Was not getting the prime rib. Here's his mug shot.

[John Holmberg]

I got drunk at a dry wedding, which is. This dude is a human thumb. He's just a face on a thumb. Nice triple neck.

[Dale]

Were you looked down upon for drinking.

[John Holmberg]

At the dry wedding or nobody knew? Oh, nice camera. Me and about eight other people.

[Dale]

Hot dog head.

[John Holmberg]

He's got definite hot dog head. By the way, Africa's number one show I just got that is called guys grocery squid games. Find the apple, you have one.

[Dale]

Another one said, john, isn't everything in Africa the worst cooks?

[John Holmberg]

Oh, yeah. Worst cooks ever. Dirt stew and a root make something.

[Brett Vesely]

The average person hasn't changed their pizza order in two years. I pulled a bunch of Americans on that and found that most likely Midwesterners have a reputation of being the least experimental with food of all the 50 states, Michigan is the state least likely to spice up their pizza order.

[John Holmberg]

Why would you.

[Brett Vesely]

You know what you like?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. You like a certain pizza. Why would you?

[Brett Vesely]

Arizona's number one is the meat lovers.

[Brady Bogan]

According to this, my pizza is always the same. But if there's something else, I'll try it, But I'm not ordering it.

[John Holmberg]

If I go to your house and you order the pizza you like, I could be like, what do you got in there? And you'd be like, anchovies and sadness. Because it's an Italian pizza. I don't know what you get on it. What do you get on yours?

[Brady Bogan]

Sausage, green peppers.

[John Holmberg]

I'd eat that. You.

[Brett Vesely]

I'm all right with that. Usually pepperoni, mushroom.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, it's pretty much where I go. I'll throw pineapple on half for myself.

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah, like pineapple, pepperoni.

[Dale]

And pineapple is a solid, solid grab.

[John Holmberg]

Yep. I'd eat it all here. And that's the only reason I know I like pineapple on pizza. I was at somebody else's house. And let's Try it. I'm like, okay. And I'm like, jesus, this is great, but I don't. Why mix up your pizza order? I know you're just gonna be disappointed if you're wrong that you didn't get the one you liked.

[Dale]

To me, pepperoni and pineapple is way better than Hawaiian.

[John Holmberg]

What's just hams. Yes.

[Brett Vesely]

It's got a little more spice to it.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, I just. I'll eat either of those.

[Brett Vesely]

The site Taste Atlas ranked the 100 grossest foods in the world based on tourist reviews. Someone that made the list. Toledo. You might have had this. Deep fried. Silkworms.

[Dale]

Nope.

[Brett Vesely]

Seasoned with salt and pepper.

[Dale]

Nope.

[Brett Vesely]

Thailand.

[Dale]

I've seen it on street food, though.

[John Holmberg]

But silkworms? Yeah. Is that my people?

[Brady Bogan]

What is that?

[Brett Vesely]

Just half a sheep's head boiled and served with mashed potatoes in Iceland.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, Iceland or Scotland.

[Dale]

So they banned soccer.

[Brett Vesely]

People made the list.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, of course we did. Our food's the worst. The Swedes are the worst.

[Dale]

What do you call it?

[John Holmberg]

The Lou Loop? Luke Fisk.

[Brett Vesely]

Well, there's all awful blood pulp. It's dumplings with reindeer blood. That's in Sweden and Finland. Then there's the number one is blood pancakes. Those are pancakes made with onions, spices and reindeer blood.

[Dale]

What's the blood thing in Scotland? Don't they make something out of blood?

[Brett Vesely]

That's black pudding.

[John Holmberg]

Black pudding.

[Brett Vesely]

Jellied eels. It's an old school street food in England dating back to the 1700s. The flavor is described as unique and unpleasant. Pleasant.

[John Holmberg]

Give me more of that. Is that on the menu? Unique and unpleasant?

[Brett Vesely]

Sour curry made with fish entrails.

[John Holmberg]

All right, that's enough.

[Brett Vesely]

Another one in Thailand.

[John Holmberg]

People are eating.

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah, people are. Let's. Let's get them back on. On track here. Velveeta is gonna. They're coming out with a new product, limited edition. It's Vel To Go, which are single serving packets of Velveeta cheese that you can carry around as a condiment. It's like a sliced cheese wallet.

[Brady Bogan]

That weight number we came up with.

[John Holmberg]

Push it up to 205. Hi, Freddie. What's up? Ralphie May here. Just letting you know. I was tired of you talking about silkworms and crack and blood and all that. Now we're cooking you. Just little Velveeta slices in every pocket of your suit in case a sandwich breaks out.

[Brett Vesely]

You don't have enough cheese, pull out a single. Like a stick of gum.

[John Holmberg]

That's right, Freddie. Like a stick of gum. You guys want some cheese? I got Like. Like a Wrigley's pack of 20?

[Brett Vesely]

Yep.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, that's good stuff. That's hot garbage. To think you would walk around this earth without that for this many years.

[Dale]

Ralphie, that phrase in case a sandwich breaks.

[John Holmberg]

Case a sandwich breaks out to litter. You don't understand.

[Dale]

Pretty solid.

[John Holmberg]

You never know what happens. The sandwich just shows up like, God damn, where's my cheese at? Oh, it's in my pocket. I carry around lasagna ingredients just in case.

[Toledo]

Is that a sandwich over there?

[John Holmberg]

Brady understands. He's got a. That whole. Whatever that cacophony of clothes he has on this morning, he's hiding cheese in them. Them leaves is hiding cheese.

[Brett Vesely]

You can get [e-mail] for $5.91. It's limited.

[John Holmberg]

I gotta ask you something about that sweatshirt, though. Brady. There's the one black guy in your neighborhood have a garage sale. What happened?

[Brett Vesely]

That's who I bought it from.

[Dale]

Well, I thought it was camouflage. It's not.

[John Holmberg]

No, it's not. It's like some sort of African jungle. I find up if. I think. If you read the tag, it says bell biv to hell no. All right, I gotta get.

[Brett Vesely]

See you later.

[John Holmberg]

See you guys. Anyway, you got videos?

[Brett Vesely]

I got a couple of pretty videos.

[John Holmberg]

Knock them out right now.

[Brett Vesely]

There we go.

[John Holmberg]

There we go.

[Brett Vesely]

This is the halftime performance at a Mexican event. I'm not sure if it's Rodeo.

[John Holmberg]

Mexico. Yeah, Mexico. Mexico.

[Brett Vesely]

It's like it's.

[John Holmberg]

It's entered the halfway. Oh, geez. They're just shooting a flamethrower at people. Pretty much. That's a.

[Dale]

It's bar. They're not shooting a flamethrower.

[Brett Vesely]

Oh, and the guy just jumps through.

[John Holmberg]

The fire for no reason. He's burning to death. He's on fire. This is how you got to get across the border now. Leap our wall of fire.

[Brett Vesely]

You make it, though.

[John Holmberg]

We want you. Oh, my God. What kind of squid games are they doing down there in Mexico?

[Dale]

Dios mio is right.

[John Holmberg]

Adios mio. And squid gamas. I don't know how to say games in Spanish. I made that up.

[Brett Vesely]

Next one. I mean, man, this is in Texas, I pretty sure, because there's the. The state of Texas on the fence.

[John Holmberg]

Yep. Not the whole state. Just a picture of it.

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah. Yeah. But I don't know why they do this. This is the. We've seen numerous bull riding videos. This one, you're. You're tied down. You can't get off the bull.

[John Holmberg]

He's got a concussion. He got off the bull. All right. Yeah. And now he's on the ground, totally passed out. And. Yes. Spinal injury. Let's. Let's move him around as much as we can. Hastily grab him by the spine and drag him to the side. That's great. Martinez Bucking bulls is what. If you want to look that up, you can rent Martinez bucking Bulls. I don't understand why people do that.

[Dale]

Still, it's a living.

[John Holmberg]

Couldn't you take Velveeta cheese singlets and put them in your pocket for years? Why did you have to be told that there's a Now. Are they cutting them in half so they slide easier?

[Brett Vesely]

They. They said they come in little packets of four. The four slices in a package.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brett Vesely]

It's like a wallet. It's like a cheese wallet.

[John Holmberg]

I understand that. Honestly. Dream to me. I don't. I still don't understand. It's like a cheese wallet. My brain doesn't. John.

[Brett Vesely]

I don't take.

[John Holmberg]

Even.

[Brett Vesely]

I don't take cheese on the road.

[John Holmberg]

What's a cheese wallet?

[Brett Vesely]

A cheese wallet. Well, the size of it is.

[John Holmberg]

So it's the size of the wallet.

[Brett Vesely]

And what they. What I saw was a picture. They gave an example. Putting in the back pocket, cheese in your back pocket. Four slices, ready to go.

[John Holmberg]

Kill yourself. Now you are.

[Brady Bogan]

Slowly.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, no. Do it fast. A cheese wallet.

[Dale]

Here's the image search.

[John Holmberg]

And you said that smiling like this was a. Like somebody just told you about television for the Philo. Farnsworth's. Little kid down the street made tv. No big deal. This other guy invented the cheese wallet and keep my money and then eat it later.

[Brett Vesely]

Is that it?

[John Holmberg]

Right?

[Brett Vesely]

Oh, no, that's a different.

[John Holmberg]

It says cheese wallet on that. Yeah, but that's. I think, a real wallet that looks of cheese. This is just pathetic.

[Brady Bogan]

Just hang yourself.

[John Holmberg]

Just kill yourself. That's enough. All right, Brett, what do you got?

[Brady Bogan]

All right.

[Brett Vesely]

It's no sauce moto.

[John Holmberg]

No sauce moto. Serve a purpose. Carrying cheese in your pocket in case you need cheese.

[Dale]

How are we doing with the sauce?

[John Holmberg]

It's not like it helps diabetes or anything. Like, sometimes they have to carry around, like, a snack in case their sugar gets low. Cheese while it's just fat guy going, I gotta eat cheese now.

[Dale]

You think a diabetic could serve with some cheese at the ready?

[John Holmberg]

No, I don't think that helps them. I think they have to have, like, honey on their gums or something. They have to have sugar. Wanting cheese that badly, to have it close to your back and it's in velveeta.

[Brett Vesely]

Let me tell you something.

[John Holmberg]

Anytime you reach into your pocket and eat, you got some problems.

[Dale]

I know one thing for sure, John. That's how we overtake Africa.

[John Holmberg]

We're gonna lay down. We are the. We just have a cheese wallet. Like, instead of the SEAL team.

[Dale]

We'll catch them in that weight.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, but if you're, like, starting your day and you're like, you know what? You never know when something bad's gonna happen today when I don't have any cheese. So I just store one of these in my back pocket for a rainy cheese day. Anyway, sorry, Brett. This just doesn't make sense.

[Brady Bogan]

That's all right. Right? We'll start with this one. This one's basically like, go out for a pass.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, there's a. There's a butt. And like a. Like a sex shot out of it right into the soft hands of Julian Edelman. Oh, my God, what a catch.

[Brett Vesely]

Butt, baby.

[Dale]

What was with the forest?

[John Holmberg]

Wow.

[Brady Bogan]

That was another video that was just.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, look at that. It's a fake infant just came firing out of a gay man's behind.

[Brett Vesely]

Wow.

[John Holmberg]

Wow.

[Brady Bogan]

And this one. This one goes back to your story from back in the day when you're wearing the gray sweatpants.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, yeah. Oh, God, the ones where I pooped in them. Yeah. That was an eighth grade basketball. This fat guy taking a dump in his sweatpants.

[Brady Bogan]

I guarantee he's got a cheese wallet.

[John Holmberg]

And it's falling down the legs. I'm guessing, like, happened to me. Oh, he's aiming this butt at the.

[Dale]

Camera while you doing. Trying to press it through.

[John Holmberg]

Here it comes. I can see the imprint on the gray sweats of the little finger poking out of where Poop maybe. Here it comes. We know. Is he watching the game? What's on tv?

[Toledo]

He's not.

[Brett Vesely]

I think Epson.

[John Holmberg]

The Bill's Ravens. What's he watching? Oh, he's touching. He's touched. Just go to the bathroom. This is what people. Oh, it's a. He's got it all mashed in there now. Good plan with that. It's just a spot.

[Brady Bogan]

Oh, there it goes, folks.

[John Holmberg]

Okay, it's dropping. He's so fat, though. He looks like an elephant in his gray sweatpants. And it tumbles down the legs.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah, that's basically it.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Okay.

[Dale]

Did you have that much weight?

[John Holmberg]

Yes.

[Dale]

Really?

[John Holmberg]

It was very sick. I thought I was going to fart, and a four pound log exited my body and shot down. Thank God I had elastic bands on the bottom of my. My sweatpants that caught the Overflow. This thing was huge.

[Brett Vesely]

I thought it was more like diarrhea.

[John Holmberg]

No, it was a full. It was poo. It was a lot. No, it was. No, it mashed into the underwear, but it just was hitting so hard that it started to tumble out of the sides like dumplings. And when I took my. My sweats off, I'm like, it's all the way to the feet. And I had to pour them out into the toilet.

[Dale]

You didn't make your mom wash those, did you? You threw them away.

[John Holmberg]

I put them in a bag, and I hid in the. In the Rhodes Junior High bathroom, crying because the soccer team stopped practice early. And they all came in. I was the only one in there. I was getting away with it.

[Dale]

Oh, you had to change clothes?

[John Holmberg]

No. Well, it was pe. Oh, it was. It was basketball practice. Post. It was after. And so I was dumping my. My pooed in sweats out, and I'm like, I'm gonna get away with this. And I was gonna throw them out. I didn't bring clothes with me. They were at my locker. So I was gonna run back to my. But I was covered in feces, and so I had the sweat, and I sat there, and I heard the door open, and the kid that came in, his name was Chad. And I heard him say something first, like, that's Chad. He's cool. I can't. And somebody came and goes, whoa. Because I could smell it. And then the whole soccer team came in there and made a mockery of the deal. And I toweled off as best I could. I put the sweats back on. I had to. I couldn't walk through naked with poop all over my thighs and stuff. Then I walked back to my locker, grab my bag of. Coach Blake wouldn't give you a towel. He wasn't in there yet. And I had to take. Because I had the. The poo underpants wadded up in my hands. Put that in my bag. She throws away.

[Brett Vesely]

Because I didn't know it, because I couldn't.

[John Holmberg]

Legal evidence. So I ran. I wasn't pooing Brady. That was a terrible incident. And I ran out, tears in my eyes, and ran all the way to where my mom was supposed to pick.

[Brett Vesely]

Me up and sat down in the car. She's like, whoa.

[John Holmberg]

She told me what happened. I'm like, I'm very sick. Yeah. Everybody knew. The kid that I had to leave basketball practice with named Brian, and he goes, are you farting or something? And I'm like, dude, it's bad. And he's like, yeah, it's terrible. As we were walking, but he had. The coach made him walk me back because I was so, like, ill. Like, I was tipped over and a kid named Kane was my partner. And he didn't want to be my partner because I pooped my pants and I tried to get through practice.

[Brett Vesely]

Kane didn't want to be your partner?

[John Holmberg]

All the people involved have passed away.

[Toledo]

All of them.

[John Holmberg]

No joke. Car accidents. One guy died in a small plane crash. Another kid cursed poo. You want to tell my story? No, let me do it.

[Brady Bogan]

Black widow over here.

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Anyway, brown widow. Really?

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah.

[Josh Wolf]

All right.

[Brady Bogan]

And. Well, you were sick.

[John Holmberg]

Could have been black widow. It was dark.

[Brady Bogan]

There's a accident in the auto shop.

[John Holmberg]

All right. Oh, he's got the lift.

[Josh Wolf]

He's moved.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, here comes the car.

[Brady Bogan]

Wait, there's more.

[John Holmberg]

It's like he's at the Jiffy Lube get piled dry. Second camera angle throws his head into the hood of the car. Right into the toolbox. Yeah. Oh, it smashed his face.

[Brett Vesely]

It looked like it did.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, that's all right. Wow. Yeah. That's not good. Yikes.

[Brady Bogan]

And let's just.

[John Holmberg]

Why is that guy coming in so hot at the discount tire?

[Brady Bogan]

I don't know. Maybe the brakes were out and that's what he was fixing.

[John Holmberg]

Going about 20. If the brakes came in hot, you'd push it. And if the brakes are out, there's some way I'm gonna try to land this one.

[Brady Bogan]

How about some gummy bears?

[John Holmberg]

Oh, not again. All right. Oh, she's gone.

[Josh Wolf]

Whoa.

[Dale]

We saw him give birth to that earlier, didn't we?

[John Holmberg]

This is a massive gummy bear of.

[Toledo]

Your favorite gummy bear.

[John Holmberg]

Five pound gummy bear toy. And this five and a half very attractive blonde is shoving it in her butt. I feel terrible for the gummy bear.

[Toledo]

And since that works out.

[John Holmberg]

It was so cute a second ago. And now its head is in a.

[Dale]

Woman'S face next to her.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, she's not done.

[Dale]

She worked her way up.

[John Holmberg]

All right, that's enough. That's not me.

[Brady Bogan]

All right, then we'll end with this. This. We'll just keep it classy.

[John Holmberg]

All right.

[Dale]

Classier than that one.

[John Holmberg]

Thank you.

[Brett Vesely]

Thank you.

[John Holmberg]

We have a standard. We have to.

[Josh Wolf]

Yeah, standard is the standard.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, she's got something in her. It's a pump. Oh, she's got a hand pump and it's in her butt. And she's expanding it it while listening to some terrible K pop. What is that thing? It's a basketball. She had a basketball in her ass like a tetherball. I just. Wow. I'm sure he's commenting. I just turned him down. You can get a basketball in your butt. How about that? Oh, there you go. Josh Wolf was here to see that.

[Dale]

Well, we'll show him.

[John Holmberg]

Josh Wolf is here. He's going to join us in just a little bit.

[Dale]

He's not gonna be shocked by anything.

[John Holmberg]

No, he likes that stuff. He's probably in a few of these videos. This. This was some of the stuff he was doing for Shark After Dark. Josh Wolf is gonna join us in just moments. He's at the Improv this weekend. There goes your Brady Report. It's 98 Arizona's most powerful, powerful rock radio station. Yes, a U. PT.

[Dale]

You thought that was funny?

[Josh Wolf]

Kalmberg's morning sickness.

[John Holmberg]

You were laughing like a hyena when he. What the hell is wrong with you? We're bitter about weddings right here in the room. Josh Wolf has joined us. He's at Stand up live tonight at 7:30. You can go tonight to your show downtown.

[Toledo]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

And then you're heading over to Tempe tomorrow and Saturday for two shows each night. This is easy.

[Toledo]

That's right.

[John Holmberg]

It's cake.

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah.

[Toledo]

And. And every show is a little bit different. You know, I don't know if I've been here since I started doing mushrooms on my Friday night shows.

[John Holmberg]

No, you haven't. And now you've sold tickets. At least one.

[Toledo]

So every Friday late show, I take like 3 grams and go on stage.

[John Holmberg]

So not at the micro. So you're not really killing it, but you do feel it.

[Toledo]

Listen, dude, I'm not.

[John Holmberg]

Are you on them now?

[Brett Vesely]

Micro?

[Toledo]

Who does that?

[John Holmberg]

I don't understand.

[Toledo]

I'm not a quitter. Like, I might as well drink some water. What do you mean, micro?

[John Holmberg]

It's like giving a sip of beer and putting the whole canner.

[Toledo]

I don't know who does that? That is not a Our Generation thing. But is it micro drugs?

[John Holmberg]

But three grams is sort of micro.

[Toledo]

Three grams is enough to be good enough.

[John Holmberg]

You start floating around.

[Toledo]

Yeah. I can't have it to where I don't know where I am.

[John Holmberg]

Okay, right. Because then you'll start doing that. Elon salute.

[Toledo]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

You can't mushroom around your Nazi thoughts.

[Toledo]

Yeah, no, it's enough to where, like, you're high and you. You know, people's faces are changing and you're. Which I love.

[John Holmberg]

What have you been like, you're on stage. Like, do you remember it? Or is it like something, like, vivid?

[Toledo]

You know, people Ask me all the time, is it a good show? And I'm always like, I have a good time. I can't speak to the people who are there. That's not my concern.

[Brett Vesely]

You don't wake up sore the next morning.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Why?

[Toledo]

What in the world?

[John Holmberg]

Kind of mushroom.

[Toledo]

What kind of shows?

[John Holmberg]

You put them in your mouth.

[Brett Vesely]

The crowds got a little interactive.

[Toledo]

You wake up sore, dude, I don't. You're going to the wrong massage place.

[John Holmberg]

I don't know that mushroom rape is a thing, but keep him away from him.

[Toledo]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Just in case.

[Toledo]

It's funny if he just took things to get raped. Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

I don't know. I don't know why that happened, but it happened and it hurt. So you're performing just the late show on Saturday, Friday, late show, Friday.

[Toledo]

I.

[John Holmberg]

And you try to get through your normal act or you just let it fly?

[Toledo]

Yeah, I let it fly.

[John Holmberg]

No kidding. So you go out there. Do you, like. Do you sometimes feel like it's not really kicking? I just better go to the. Go to the reserves.

[Toledo]

Well, here's the truth, man.

[John Holmberg]

I.

[Toledo]

If I do five shows over a weekend, they're all five different shows.

[John Holmberg]

Right.

[Toledo]

And it's how I've kept myself interested over these years. Yeah. I guess if I'm trying to get a special together, I'll try to do it at the same hour. But other than that, man, I couldn't.

[John Holmberg]

I couldn't do what comedians do because I couldn't do the same thing. No.

[Toledo]

That's why I don't. And that's why people. I have people come to multiple shows over the weekend.

[John Holmberg]

Weekend. Yeah.

[Toledo]

Because they know that Friday night. If you go to the. Both the shows on Friday, they're gonna be.

[John Holmberg]

You should do both and just compare and contrast. I mean, that's a good idea. Like, I could go to the early Friday and the late Friday and go, wow, that's right. There's a difference. When do you take them up?

[Brett Vesely]

Double feature.

[John Holmberg]

Right after.

[Toledo]

Take them right after the first show.

[John Holmberg]

Right.

[Toledo]

And. And so sometimes I bring people on stage with me.

[John Holmberg]

No kidding. Yes.

[Toledo]

It gets a little weird, man. And. And. And my son, you know, when my son travels with me now he opens for me.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, no kidding.

[Toledo]

And so we'll do like a Q and A with me on mushrooms. There's a whole.

[John Holmberg]

Is he on the. Is he ever doing. You don't want him doing it.

[Toledo]

Well, he just got out of sober living.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, yeah. You don't want to do it. You're feeling. An excellent example.

[Toledo]

Yeah, dude, well, here's the deal. I went sober with him for three months, and then I was like, this is boring.

[John Holmberg]

So your ways, wrong. What was his choice? Coke.

[Toledo]

So that wasn't listening, man. Here's the deal. I wrestled with who I was.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Toledo]

How I lived my life. Very much. For the. When he told us he was an addict through his time in sober living and the home.

[John Holmberg]

Did you know while he was flying.

[Toledo]

No, but I had some questions. Like, I remember I texting some of his comic friends.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, no kidding.

[Toledo]

And being like, what's going on with them? Right.

[John Holmberg]

And they knew.

[Toledo]

They knew. But obviously they didn't rat him out.

[John Holmberg]

Right.

[Toledo]

But. But for me, I did. If. If I'm being honest, as a father, I was just like, how much responsibility do I bear?

[John Holmberg]

None.

[Toledo]

And that's what. That's what. By the way, some addicts were like, it's. They said, did your parents do drugs? I go, no. And they said, do you? I'm like, I do a lot of them, so it doesn't have to do.

[John Holmberg]

I actually, I. I always say that to people, like, if your kids are drug addicts, your fault. Just to make them feel bad so they do a better job.

[Josh Wolf]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

It works for a while when they're young, but once you're old, if they're in the. If they're adults and they get into it.

[Toledo]

He's 27.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, yeah, that's.

[Toledo]

And I've never.

[John Holmberg]

That's the mother's fault.

[Toledo]

Yeah. He's 27. And I've always told him, like, for me, I've been open about smoking weed and taking mushrooms and that's it. And anytime we've ever talked about any other drugs, I've talked about, to me as a comic, I've seen my fair share of what coke does to people.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, it's not good.

[Toledo]

And so I've always talked to him like, it's the most insidious.

[John Holmberg]

It doesn't make you funnier?

[Toledo]

No, not at all. You think it does that first time?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, it's not. It's not something that you see people on coke, you're just like, get them out. Get them out of the room. Yeah. You're not making any sense. No, dude.

[Toledo]

And you never see one on coke. And you're like, hey, invite these a good time. Invite that guy in. Why is he sweating like that?

[John Holmberg]

I mean, we can all say it. I love Pablo, but it's enough already.

[Brett Vesely]

I don't know how he survived.

[Toledo]

Yeah, that's his. His teeth talking.

[John Holmberg]

Watch this. Like, holy cow. Probably can make your teeth. Yeah, man. I love him, but it's those moments when he's on his. His runs and you see people who've had it. And he's an example we can all use in comedy because he says so.

[Toledo]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

But that is not something that makes you a better performer.

[Toledo]

And I did. Like I said, I struggled with it for a long time and. And talking about it with Jacob too. And I really, you know, I'm a dude who smoked every day for 30 years. That is something that I have pulled way, way, way back on. Mostly for him because, you know, he and I used to smoke weed together. So I don't. I don't do that anymore. But the Friday night mushroom shows have been something.

[John Holmberg]

That's awesome.

[Toledo]

Are part of my.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Toledo]

What I do on the weekends.

[John Holmberg]

That's great. Has he asked you, like, to just pull him back and stuff? He's totally, completely sober living like nothing's going in now. Yes.

[Toledo]

You know what I mean? Like, you can't monitor it. Y. I mean, he's a grown up and I can only take what he says right.

[John Holmberg]

As the word.

[Toledo]

But we all know addicts, they're not the most upfront people.

[John Holmberg]

Be honest now too. Was he better when he was a little bit high as a comedian? No. Has it been tougher as a sober comic?

[Toledo]

No, he's so much better.

[John Holmberg]

Okay.

[Toledo]

That's so much better. He's so much better. And we do, like, I've been telling jokes about him for years, so traveling with him is great. You know, he does his standup, I do mine. Then we do like a Q and A together on stage because the audience has questions about him, for him, about us, all that stuff. Yeah. And then.

[John Holmberg]

And meanwhile, you're. Everybody's melting. Yeah. Magic carpets. Yeah. I'm like, why is that potato talking to me? And I can only do the Q.

[Brett Vesely]

And A on shrooms.

[John Holmberg]

That's awesome. Yeah.

[Brett Vesely]

And then.

[Toledo]

But also, dude, like, you know, my. In April, I will shoot an hour of just comedy music. This will be my second hour of just comedy music.

[John Holmberg]

Cool.

[Toledo]

In August, I shot an hour of straight stories. Like, so this weekend, one show will be probably 35, 40 minutes of just the music and stories. So one will be just stories.

[John Holmberg]

Do you know what you're gonna do? Or you're like, yeah, this one. I'll do this.

[Toledo]

Sometimes I bring the guitar on stage and I never use it.

[John Holmberg]

No kidding. Yeah, that's. Yeah. See, there you go. But I don't know.

[Toledo]

But here's the deal, too this is why, I'm sure. What keeps you interested here. Same but different, I suppose.

[John Holmberg]

Right. I have to be interested to follow your story.

[Toledo]

But that's.

[John Holmberg]

I guess I'm still interested in this. I show up, but you know what I mean?

[Toledo]

Like, I have to keep it same but different.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. So, yeah, no, that's the reason this is still appealing to me is because every day is new. Every day I drive to work, I don't know what's going to happen. Yeah. I have no clue what's going to happen in my car. And some days it's scary to think I got nothing. I gotta manufacture something in my head. I gotta remember a story. But then it comes, like, immediately, like. Oh, yeah. And it's. Something always sparks you. It's like if you. Yeah. That's what keeps this dance, like, kind of moving forward.

[Toledo]

This is what I'm saying.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. That's fun.

[Toledo]

Some shows, like my crowd work shows, are different than other people's crowd work shows. Other people go into the audience and kind of, you know, wreck their lives. I take questions.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Toledo]

So for me, whatever you want to ask. Some people ask me questions about my career, about my. My act. Some people ask me opinions. Some people ask me, you know, advice. But it's all. It's a different way of doing crowd work, and it allows me to find new jokes, find new stories. But some nights, dude, I was in Atlanta a few weeks back, and I did an hour and a half of just questions from the audience.

[John Holmberg]

No kidding. And it's because the questions were. They were knocking them out. They're asking.

[Toledo]

Dude, they're asking me questions. But I am confident enough in how long I've done this, I'm gonna find something funny. And what I love about those question ones is I find a way to weave the dude who asked the first question back into this, which is always.

[John Holmberg]

The brilliance of crowd work is just keep it in remembering names. I always find that some of them are great setups. Yeah.

[Toledo]

Yeah.

[Brett Vesely]

Without even knowing.

[Toledo]

Absolutely.

[John Holmberg]

That's the fun of it. Well, see, now you're just selling tickets like crazy. Josh. This is the way it works. Mr. Wolf will be at Stand Up Live tonight, 10pm Prev. Tomorrow on Saturday. And what's on your mind in the world, like, what's going on in your life that you look around and say, this is society as I see it. Because everybody, like, looking now has this wild opinion that we're either gonna all die tomorrow or it's the greatest time in the history of man.

[Toledo]

This is the Crazy. And it's neither.

[John Holmberg]

I know. That's what I.

[Toledo]

This is the crazy. But if you had done four years ago, the opposite people would have thought opposite things.

[John Holmberg]

Yep. Everybody keeps calling the guy they don't like Hitler. And I just don't think he's coming back. No. And we keep rooting for it, evidently, because it's like, well, that guy's Hitler. No, your last guy was Hitler.

[Toledo]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

I think Hitler's out. Listen, not bringing him up.

[Toledo]

The difference between this four years and the last four years is you're allowed to make fun of trans people now.

[John Holmberg]

Right. Finally.

[Toledo]

That's the only difference. You know what I mean? You're allowed to tell a man Mexican joke. Now.

[John Holmberg]

You won't lose your job before. Right. For saying OD in the wrong. Exactly. Whereas before, you're on eggshells.

[Toledo]

That's right.

[John Holmberg]

Or fuel.

[Toledo]

Before, you could have slipped on a tortilla and got really hurt.

[John Holmberg]

Right. You're done. Well, I said it this morning. Now you can actually go down and tell someone. A woman in your work. Hey, your hair looks great today.

[Toledo]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Without feeling like somebody's pubic hair. Well, there. Now we can do that. Exactly. Put in before.

[Toledo]

Well, there are rules. On your refrigerator. Do's and don'ts in the kitchen.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Toledo]

And I just read them and they're.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, here at work. Yeah. I've never signed, so there are dues you should get.

[Toledo]

I wish I had taken a picture.

[John Holmberg]

What is it?

[Toledo]

There are do's, things you're allowed to do and don'ts, things you're not allowed to do.

[John Holmberg]

To the refrigerator.

[Toledo]

On the refrigerator. To the people at work.

[John Holmberg]

Okay.

[Toledo]

And the don'ts don't apply right now.

[John Holmberg]

Really?

[Brady Bogan]

You have let me go get.

[Brett Vesely]

Is like, for, like, stuff you can put in the fridge.

[Toledo]

No, it's HR stuff. It's not on the fridge. It's, like, to the left of it. Yeah, but it's HR stuff of things you're allowed to do.

[John Holmberg]

What's the one that stood out? I've never seen it.

[Toledo]

That you're not allowed to make jokes about someone. Yeah, but that is. That's the whole job that's out the window now.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Good. We're gonna just scratch it off and put it back. Brett will go get it. We'll just scratch off what we don't need, and we'll X off the ones that no longer apply.

[Toledo]

Here's what I really think. Except for probably a small percentage of people every four years, I. The president doesn't really affect your day.

[John Holmberg]

To day life. No, not at all.

[Toledo]

Unless you mentally allow the president. Now, every four years, there are a small percentage of people that the actual. But it's your local people who affect.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, my God. For 25 years on the Internet, pay attention to your local people.

[Toledo]

So. So, so to get so crazy about a. And not only that, dude, I'm at an age where I am not going to worry about something that might happen.

[Brett Vesely]

Yes, when it happens, we'll come to those crossings.

[Toledo]

But why am I clenching my butthole? Do you know what I mean about something that might doom and gloom? Yeah. It's not worth. I want to be this dude at the prime rib.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. I want to be flipping out at a wedding that's dry because I didn't get enough.

[Brett Vesely]

My biggest problem is not that served Brady's.

[John Holmberg]

That. That's his problem. That might happen.

[Toledo]

That's a present problem right now.

[John Holmberg]

I agree.

[Toledo]

Did you see the list?

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah, I'm trying to see if I can get it to. So I can put it up on the screen.

[John Holmberg]

See, Josh, I think we live in a world that's so great and nobody ever focuses on how amazing things are.

[Brett Vesely]

Right?

[John Holmberg]

And it's the best time to be alive. In fact, an hour ago, I was discussing how I'm bad at shaving my balls. I don't. It looks like a werewolf and a half moon. I can't get it right, by the way. What you want to see?

[Toledo]

No, but are you straight raisin?

[Josh Wolf]

I have.

[John Holmberg]

I try everything. I've tried. The razor's not a straight razor. I haven't done like. I'm sharpening a knife.

[Toledo]

Yeah, well, your balls are long enough now where you can really stretch them out.

[John Holmberg]

I've been in the water for about 10 years.

[Toledo]

Yo.

[John Holmberg]

I have got excessive balls.

[Brett Vesely]

Has to lay them on the side of the leg.

[John Holmberg]

Within. Within 12 minutes of me mentioning that somebody said try. Try this bare nuts thing. I look it up. I've ordered it. It'll be here tomorrow. I don't. You don't. You keep them crazy like a bad goatee.

[Toledo]

Well, they're not crazy.

[John Holmberg]

Is the upper deck clean?

[Toledo]

Here's. Now here's what I do. I trim it up.

[John Holmberg]

Yep, yep.

[Toledo]

I have waxed my butthole one time.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, I tried that.

[Toledo]

You know what? You know what's crazy? It didn't. So the. I thought it was going to hurt a lot.

[John Holmberg]

And the pull. I. I thought I. I had to.

[Toledo]

Do it for a show. My son and I did a show together.

[John Holmberg]

You did this with your son? Yeah. Okay. Is that on the list of things we can't do at work?

[Brett Vesely]

No, not Friday. Late night show.

[John Holmberg]

No son should see his dad's butthole.

[Toledo]

I'm not sure if I told you guys this. We shot a show called Family Tusks where we challenged each other to stuff. And, like, we challenged each other to a boxing match and some other stuff. And the loser had to do something, whatever the winner picked. So my son picked that. I had to get a full wax front and back by this dude named Enrique.

[John Holmberg]

He found the guy. Yeah, dude.

[Toledo]

And, yo, first of all, Enrique. So I went. I went. Butthole wax.

[Josh Wolf]

Yeah.

[Toledo]

And he pulled. And, you know, the esthetician room is kind of small, so the people with the cameras were on one side, Enrique was on the other. So I made my son stand at the bottom end, like looking at childbirth.

[John Holmberg]

Out of your dad. No wonder he was on coat.

[Brett Vesely]

Father, are you.

[Toledo]

He rips the butt. He does the butt, and it didn't hurt. So I said to him, it's such a dumb guy thing, but I thought it was gonna hurt. So I asked the esthetician. I go to him. I go, hey, hey, let me ask you an honest question.

[John Holmberg]

He goes, yeah.

[Toledo]

I go, do I have a pretty tough butthole? He was like, what, leathery John Wayne?

[Brett Vesely]

I was like, well, it was a lot of work.

[Toledo]

It didn't hurt. And I thought it was gonna do you. Would you think I have a tough butthole? And he just goes, you know, I'm not allowed to answer that question.

[John Holmberg]

Why?

[Toledo]

Yeah, that's what I said.

[John Holmberg]

Why? It's not a HEPA violation. I didn't say comp it to someone else. Yeah.

[Toledo]

I mean, is that on the refrigerator?

[John Holmberg]

Don't talk about other people's holes. It's number four.

[Toledo]

Oh, yeah, there's your don't.

[John Holmberg]

All right. What? I can't see that. What does that say?

[Brett Vesely]

Listen and think before you speak.

[Toledo]

But look at the don't.

[John Holmberg]

The don't says yell, scream, or use offensive language. Profanity. Lace. Language. That's the show.

[Toledo]

That's.

[John Holmberg]

Yes.

[Brett Vesely]

Okay.

[John Holmberg]

Proposition or touch someone in an offensive manner.

[Toledo]

Which we're allowed to do now.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah, for sure. I believe. Grab them by the. Is that.

[Toledo]

So we're in good shape.

[John Holmberg]

Show or share pictures, cartoons, graphics, or tell jokes of a sexual nature. The show, pretty much. This is what's keeping this building up, by the way. It's the weirdest part. Everything that says not to do is the reason we pay for things we're on. Use disparaging. Degrading, or insulting language about individuals or groups.

[Brady Bogan]

The show every day.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. That's retarded. Look at the other way. You see it, hear it, or are subjected to inappropriate behaviors. Well, no other show's as good as ours, so they don't do it as well.

[Toledo]

Scratch out the don't say, and this is why I'm here.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Toledo]

On the don't list.

[Josh Wolf]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

This should be called the don't show. Yeah.

[Brady Bogan]

And the dudes.

[John Holmberg]

We don't do it all Anyway. The new show is down.

[Toledo]

And think before we speak other people's viewpoints.

[John Holmberg]

Why?

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

They're stupid. Yeah.

[Toledo]

I don't want to hear what you have to say.

[John Holmberg]

Tell others if their words or behaviors offend you, and report the behavior if it continues. You're. You're getting people fired, you rat. Yeah.

[Toledo]

You're a snitch.

[John Holmberg]

That's a snitch. Rats get bats get bad, snitches get stitches.

[Toledo]

I didn't quite when I. I was a little confused when I saw it, because it felt contrary to what I.

[John Holmberg]

Was about what you were walking into.

[Toledo]

Be part of what I knew about you guys.

[John Holmberg]

That's why I'm here.

[Toledo]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Selling tickets on the dues. No. No. Zero people say something to me that is. That isn't offensive. Profanity. Lace. That is nice about. Why would you do that? That's not. No entertainment in this dude.

[Toledo]

What are you, my mother?

[John Holmberg]

Right. I'd rather hear about your son staring directly into your sarlacc.

[Josh Wolf]

Dude.

[Toledo]

Can I tell you what I did to him? So he lost a competition, and I made him sit out on Ventura Boulevard on a Saturday afternoon in Studio City, California, at a table with a sign in front of it that said, ask me for tips about living with herpes.

[John Holmberg]

That's awesome.

[Brett Vesely]

Man. That must have been a traffic jam.

[Toledo]

Can I tell you now?

[John Holmberg]

Does he have them? No. Do you know that for sure? No. Because you might have really hurt. Yeah. You're gonna drive him right back to a mountain, dude.

[Toledo]

The best part was the older gay dudes who probably had herpes, who were like, hey, you got it? I got it. And they came up and tried to hit on him.

[John Holmberg]

Can't catch it twice.

[Toledo]

It was so funny. One guy was like, so, should we talk about it after you're done with your work?

[Brett Vesely]

You want to hang out?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Are you flaring up? No. Are we good? Wow.

[Toledo]

It was pretty. The show's called Family Tussle. It's on my YouTube page.

[John Holmberg]

Fantastic.

[Toledo]

We did a lot of fun things And a lot of terrible things to each other. He made me get a tattoo right.

[John Holmberg]

Here on your back?

[Toledo]

Yeah, that. His name is Jacob. He made me get a tattoo on my back that says, Jacob is my biological dad. I have that on my. I didn't tell my wife about it. And so I came home and it was like a week later and I take my shirt off. She goes, do you have a tattoo on your back? And I was like, oh, I didn't. Yeah, let's talk about that one later.

[John Holmberg]

We'll bring it up.

[Toledo]

She was like, what does that say? I go, no, no, you don't wanna. You don't wanna. You don't wanna know what that one says.

[John Holmberg]

Achoove is my biological day. You two shouldn't be allowed to hang out to me. I don't know if CPS can get involved at 27, but they need to.

[Toledo]

No, they can't.

[John Holmberg]

Can you imagine ever seeing your father's butthole?

[Brett Vesely]

No.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. You don't want that, right? No.

[Toledo]

But you know what?

[John Holmberg]

Like, unless he's, like, in the hospital and you're out there, just don't think.

[Brett Vesely]

About it when you.

[John Holmberg]

My dad and I have a rule that if ever a doctor tells us about the other, he'll never be able to clean himself again. That you go in and just do the pillow over the face. We're pillow. We have the agreement for both of us. I never. He never wants to wipe my ass and I never want to wipe his.

[Brett Vesely]

I've.

[Toledo]

I've given the hose edict, right?

[John Holmberg]

You hose it up.

[Toledo]

You don't have to wipe me, but just hose me down. Yeah, I'll go up against the wall like you're searching me.

[John Holmberg]

Silkwood and.

[Toledo]

Yeah, I'll silkwood it out. Just give me. And not one of the ones from the kitchen sink. That's not powerful enough.

[John Holmberg]

I want to be pushed against the wall.

[Toledo]

I need a hose. Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

I want to kind of fall in love with it. I kind of want to. I don't want to be.

[Josh Wolf]

I want to.

[John Holmberg]

Want to get away, but I'm not trying that hard.

[Toledo]

Yeah, I want to be able to say, give me the hose again.

[John Holmberg]

Perfect. Let me hear what you would do if you had changed. This is the thing we always ask the last question. Josh Walsh over at 10pm prev this weekend. Tonight, Stand Up Live. Tickets available at standuplive.com or 10pmprev.com Change the World. You've got one thing to do. You're in charge of the world for a day. What's the first thing you're like, I'm getting rid of or I'm adding this.

[Toledo]

Oh, I think everybody's taken mushrooms.

[John Holmberg]

You would get. Mushrooms would be a mandatory take from.

[Toledo]

Micro dose up to macro. But everybody needs to expand their minds.

[John Holmberg]

I misunderstood. You said 3 grams. I like milligrams. That's where I'm dancing.

[Toledo]

No, grams.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, you said grams. That is a lot. Three grams.

[Toledo]

When you were like, that's a micro dose. I'm like, no, this dude's out of his mind.

[John Holmberg]

He's like, there it is right there.

[Toledo]

That's your ask me for tips about living with herpes. Sitting on him right there.

[Brett Vesely]

That's it.

[John Holmberg]

And he's on that. That is. People don't know that is a road.

[Brady Bogan]

That's Ventura Boulevard, Main Street.

[John Holmberg]

And I put him.

[Toledo]

I put him right next to an ice cream shop at a toy store.

[John Holmberg]

Did the optometrist he's in front of agree to this?

[Toledo]

No, that store was closed.

[John Holmberg]

You say the guys, like out there going, hey, come on, enough.

[Toledo]

Yeah, this one. And did there was the one with me getting waxed.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah, it was right before.

[John Holmberg]

That's. That's a couple of guys just wandering up, seemingly not asking, are you okay?

[Toledo]

So I had my brother. There I am.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, there's your butthole. There's you.

[Toledo]

And I had my brother.

[John Holmberg]

There's my brother and your brother's senior butthole.

[Toledo]

So here's the deal. I. In the morning, I called him. I go, because he's a photographer. I go, hey, dude, are you working? And he goes, no. I go, hey, I'm, you know, I'm shooting the show with Jacob. I got. I can pay you to be step photographer for a day. Oh, this is the CVS where he lost. So I made him go up to the counter and ask the woman where they kept the extra small condoms. And he was like, I had it in his ear. I go, ask her if they have condoms that are smaller than a double A battery but bigger than a aaa.

[John Holmberg]

Look at you two. You're going to kill each other and stop showing your butthole to family. That's a rule. That's the thing. I want you to change and then.

[Toledo]

Don'T come to the holidays at my house. Yeah, the holiday ham is something completely different.

[John Holmberg]

Animal.

[Toledo]

Yeah, honey baked for sure.

[John Holmberg]

Now you got me again. I was gone. Now I'm back. I knew we were gonna eat it.

[Brett Vesely]

I'll get in fights over there.

[Toledo]

Yeah, dude.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Toledo]

Nobody's cutting you in line for ham at my house.

[John Holmberg]

This Is amazing. All right. What's it called on the website?

[Toledo]

What is it called? Family tussle.

[John Holmberg]

A family tussle. All right.

[Toledo]

But it is a. It is a good time.

[John Holmberg]

Just awful. Seeing your father's pubic hair. He. He.

[Toledo]

So I made my brother bad. When I, When I called him, I go, hey, are you working today? And he was like, no. I go, you want to take some pictures on set? He was like, yeah, dude. He goes, what do what. What kind of lens should I bring? I go, bring your biggest lens.

[Josh Wolf]

And, and.

[Toledo]

And so he goes, okay. And when he pulled in, he goes, what are we doing here? I go, you're at the business end.

[John Holmberg]

So he.

[Toledo]

He was at the business end with a lens where you could take a picture of Mars with. And he sent. Dude, he sent me a picture two weeks later, and it was just a picture. I had text. I go, what is that? I couldn't tell. Is this the moon? He was like, that's a close up of your butthole.

[John Holmberg]

Were you pleased?

[Toledo]

Yeah, actually.

[John Holmberg]

All right. I don't know how I'd feel about it.

[Toledo]

I was like, it looks like you can land a ship on there. Good smooth surface. There was no discolorations, no moles or something strange. Didn't look cancerous.

[John Holmberg]

If it was a woman's ass, would you still be like, I'm staying here.

[Toledo]

A little too much hair?

[John Holmberg]

Little too hair. Okay. Yeah.

[Toledo]

Even though he took pre hair.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, yeah. You don't want that. No. You know what's even worse than that? I. I remember years ago, there was a girl that I was. I liked, but a friend of mine told me, he goes, it would be better if she was hairy because she's just got two or three rogue ones.

[Toledo]

You can pick the two or three.

[John Holmberg]

That's what I'm saying. That's lazy. Yeah. So then you're like, well, then there's a maintenance issue down here.

[Toledo]

That's right.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. So I, you know, I didn't end up doing anything with that. But you think about that. I wanted to until he told me that and she was off the table.

[Toledo]

There is something about the rogue. Like, have you ever. I remember kissing a girl's boob once and thinking I got my own hair in my mouth.

[John Holmberg]

And it was like a. I saw she's Italian as well, so we can say that we're allowed to do that. Sorry, Brett, that's in the do's. That's the dues. That's on the do list for sure. When kissing the nipple of an Italian co. Worker. Don't mention the hair. That's the new.

[Josh Wolf]

Don't.

[John Holmberg]

That's perfect. Josh Wolf is at the standup live tonight in Tempe. Improv tomorrow on Saturday. Always a pleasure, man. Thank you for coming by, guys.

[Toledo]

It was great seeing you. You look the same.

[John Holmberg]

He's working on it for years. Maintenance is hard.

[Brett Vesely]

You do expect it works go through.

[John Holmberg]

Look, the fact he's alive. Surprised?

[Toledo]

Not gonna lie.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, Josh. Thanks, man. It's 98 Arizona's most powerful, powerful rock radio station. IDF. You thought that was funny? You were laughing like a hyena when he said it. What the hell is wrong with you? Listen.

[Josh Wolf]

Do we really need to listen to the end of this nonsense?

[Brett Vesely]

Get those hands up, Dale.

[Josh Wolf]

It's the same thing for the last two minutes.

[John Holmberg]

No, it was like a 12 second close. It's. It's all drums, old man. All drums. We were talking about that like giving your kids up at. You know, you should be able to give your kids up for adoption like immediately. Like when they're in teenagers especially. You had your chance, they start pissing you off. Two, three.

[Josh Wolf]

You know what you should be able to do? Should be able to give up your dog for adoption.

[John Holmberg]

You can.

[Josh Wolf]

Yeah, you can. Yeah. But you. But you cast aspersions at people who do that.

[John Holmberg]

Well, it depends on why they're doing it. But yeah, they're jerks.

[Brett Vesely]

You don't quit, John. That's what Dale said.

[John Holmberg]

Here's the reason why. I don't understand why you do it to a dog kid. Makes sense. They should look. They should have buckets the size of teenage kids outside a firehouse. Not that. Not just for babies. Babies are easy.

[Josh Wolf]

So hold on. My segment starts 20 minutes late.

[John Holmberg]

Not 20 minutes.

[Josh Wolf]

Buttholes. Freak.

[John Holmberg]

Let me. Let me tell you something. First off, 20 minutes late. Your text is at 9:07. I'm in the parking lot because I.

[Josh Wolf]

Know you're in full butthole conversation. I didn't want to interrupt you. I know you get through. All my buttholes are.

[John Holmberg]

How many people in your family have seen your butthole? Josh Wolf's whole family.

[Josh Wolf]

It's more the male butthole that you were.

[John Holmberg]

You don't want to see that.

[Josh Wolf]

You. You were. Were. You were so curious.

[John Holmberg]

He. He's getting his wax. My guest brought up a topic and I was courteous enough as a host to listen and. And interact.

[Brett Vesely]

He also said your son.

[John Holmberg]

See that you were so engaged that you brought it back. You remember it all.

[Josh Wolf]

Was an addict and he smoked dope with him his entire Life. And he goes, I don't know how I became an.

[John Holmberg]

He don't. And I agree. I can kind of draw some parallels.

[Josh Wolf]

Well, you didn't call him on it.

[John Holmberg]

I did. I said, it's your fault. It's the mom's fault.

[Josh Wolf]

Yeah, your.

[John Holmberg]

So I found him very funny. I don't care what he does with his life. Sure, his kid was a cokehead because he did it, but he got better at a certain point.

[Josh Wolf]

I do have to bring one thing up because I heard you guys talking about it earlier. The wheelchair guy. You'd lie. They said you're about whacking. Yeah. But you're about six foot tall.

[John Holmberg]

No, I'm saying that for somebody.

[Josh Wolf]

No, no, you.

[John Holmberg]

Now I'm six feet now. No, you are not exactly six feet. In fact. In fact, yesterday I was in my. In the bar. You've been there. So the Steelers thing.

[Josh Wolf]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

And the two cabinets above the refrigerator. I feel like I have to duck those when they're open. And they're open. So I had my shoes on and I hit my top of my head on it and I'm like, I do.

[Josh Wolf]

Yeah. So I had contractors.

[John Holmberg]

No, I went out and got a tape measure.

[Brett Vesely]

Two inch heels.

[John Holmberg]

And I went from open door down to the floor. And it was 6:1. No, I had shoes on.

[Josh Wolf]

Okay.

[John Holmberg]

But I stood up real straight. Straight. And I'm hitting the bottom of that cabinet door and I'm like, I'm 6:1 in these shoes. Took the shoes off and grazed the bottom of the cabinet.

[Brett Vesely]

Oh, I don't know.

[John Holmberg]

Six feet. If you're touching, it's six feet. No, that's an inch.

[Josh Wolf]

Probably got an inch and a half.

[John Holmberg]

Inch if you can still touch it without me. I didn't tippy toe. I stood up straight. I'm like, that's six feet.

[Josh Wolf]

You also got that little bump. Right.

[John Holmberg]

That's six feet. It's still part of my body. Dale, your big giant lump off your shoulders counts as high.

[Brett Vesely]

That's the peak.

[John Holmberg]

This lump you carry around all counts. So. Yeah, so I have a little dorsal fin. Big deal.

[Josh Wolf]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Six feet.

[Josh Wolf]

Yeah. Okay. The perpetrator is six foot tall. Could be me.

[John Holmberg]

Tip to toe, six feet tall. Could be me. But my example was the guy in the wheelchair said, they said the guy was six feet tall. I'm only five eight. Nobody ever screams, I'm only five eight. Oh, you do.

[Josh Wolf]

If you're going to prison.

[John Holmberg]

If you're going to jail, it's the only time. Otherwise they're like, hey, did you beat off on that lady on that bus. I'm like, it looks like a six foot guy matches your description. Like, I think you got your math. If I'm five, five and you think I'm six feet, yeah, that's me.

[Josh Wolf]

But everybody, the, the point of stro. Is everybody still thought he did it because they printed all over the place. Well, that happened to Michael Irvin in Dallas in the late 90s.

[John Holmberg]

Which time?

[Josh Wolf]

No, the, the, the. The first time it came out. I mean, it was for 10 days. Front page of Dallas Morning News. What was this Dallas time? So he supposedly sexually assaulted a girl.

[John Holmberg]

Girl.

[Josh Wolf]

And it was for 10 days, led the newscasts, everything front page. I mean, front page coverage every day. Well, 10 days later, because he couldn't say anything. His lawyers say. Don't. Don't say anything. Well, when he finally got to talk, he said, the girl came out and said. Or the lawyers came. I said, Michael wasn't even in the state the night that she accused him of sexual assault.

[John Holmberg]

She was just a racist.

[Josh Wolf]

Yes. Well, that or she wanted.

[John Holmberg]

So it was Alvin Harper. Probably Alvin Harper.

[Josh Wolf]

And I said, you know, I can understand guys like, holy.

[John Holmberg]

Even back then, before you knew me.

[Josh Wolf]

Because girls aren't attracted to homework, you.

[John Holmberg]

Know, so sexual assault is my.

[Josh Wolf]

Not much to look at.

[John Holmberg]

Look, we've been over this. The three of us being accused of sexual assault.

[Josh Wolf]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

It's very believable. If I'm out of the state, then that's my. But you're right. If somebody said he probably did it.

[Josh Wolf]

Yeah, yeah.

[John Holmberg]

It's not far fetched.

[Josh Wolf]

But, but, but Michael Irvin, the last thing he needs to do. He's trying to fend people off.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Josh Wolf]

Girls off. Hey, I'm gonna tell you one quick story. You'll get a kick out, but I.

[John Holmberg]

Know why they think it's sexual assault.

[Josh Wolf]

It's. It's better. Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Well, because he breaks a sledgehammer out for a small nail.

[Josh Wolf]

That's another thing you're jealous of.

[John Holmberg]

Of course I am. So are you.

[Josh Wolf]

Yeah. I don't know.

[John Holmberg]

We're all jealous of.

[Josh Wolf]

That's a lot of responsibility.

[John Holmberg]

That's true. That's like carrying a baby around all the time.

[Josh Wolf]

Responsibility.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. My little guy hardly even noticed. Oh, you're still here. Good.

[Josh Wolf]

So Mark 2 and AI used to have a show on leading up to Monday Night Football from seven to eight in Dallas. Michael was on six to seven. He only had to come to the venue like four times a year because he's big time. And Mark and I like to go. Because all you can eat Mexican food. And so we did it there. But Michael will call in and there's one time, you know, he. Sometimes he's kind of hard to understand and all of a sudden it's like it's going real quick in mid mid sense. You. Yeah, you. Yeah. Well, we got the eagles trails off and then you come back and. And so I see him the next day. I go, michael, were you drunk? Were you on? What were you doing? He goes, ellie, Ellie had two girls.

[John Holmberg]

In bed with me at the time.

[Josh Wolf]

He's calling doing the call in radio show.

[John Holmberg]

He's on the Dale and two in his job.

[Josh Wolf]

No, he led into ours. He had his own shirt.

[John Holmberg]

Someone's giving him a mouse hug.

[Josh Wolf]

He's got two of them.

[John Holmberg]

And he's with you?

[Josh Wolf]

Yeah. And I said, michael, you have a sexual problem. He goes, ellie, it ain't me.

[John Holmberg]

Yes, it is. Let me tell you why you're right. There is no way a normal man can keep an erection and have you on the phone at the same time. That's impossible. Yeah.

[Brett Vesely]

We're not buying this story.

[John Holmberg]

Your voice is salt, Peter. There is no way that's impressive.

[Brett Vesely]

That's what Kevin gone.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Wow.

[Josh Wolf]

I want you to call into the show some morning and.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. While.

[Brady Bogan]

While you're blood.

[Josh Wolf]

You and Megan are.

[John Holmberg]

Are.

[Josh Wolf]

Are.

[John Holmberg]

How Long's the segment? 12, 15 seconds.

[Josh Wolf]

You'll be in by. You'll be in by 6, 15.

[John Holmberg]

Okay. What do you want to talk about?

[Brett Vesely]

One delay.

[John Holmberg]

Let's talk Dale about football a little bit. You were a half a point from getting your first win in a 14 parlay. No, that's not true. 8. They can vote all they want and.

[Josh Wolf]

They can pay me.

[John Holmberg]

Start a GoFundMe.

[Josh Wolf]

Was it 1500 bucks?

[John Holmberg]

It was $1500. You had three of the four nailed. The fourth one was the Texans and Chiefs. You had it at eight and a half. I told you spreads. Eight and a half. Oh, Johnny, take eight and a half protection. So I did it. The thing moved to nine and a half before the game. Didn't move on ours because it didn't. I didn't do the agreed like this was our click on it. Didn't move the spread with us and a nine point game.

[Josh Wolf]

So were you happier or that? Or that Lamar Jackson.

[John Holmberg]

Look, nothing makes me happier than Lamar Jackson. I was rooting for you. I was rooting for you. Look, it's free money. I shoot it right over to you. That's not. I'm fine with that. I was rooting for you to get this one. And when I looked and saw the check marks and then that red X, I'm like, fanduel knows Dale gotcha by a hook.

[Josh Wolf]

Well, you know what's so funny about that? I was watching the game, and I knew what they're gonna do. I knew because we've done that. We did that a couple times in Dallas to where, you know, we got a. A certain lead and snap it. You grab the guy on the punt team, you hold him, you hang on to him and run around and then step out of the back of the end zone.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Josh Wolf]

Two points. And you. Most of the time, runs off the clock and not accept a penalty because then you can run the entire clock. And I'm going, boy, some people really got.

[John Holmberg]

That was big. You didn't. It actually got you closer. Yeah, but man, oh, man, when I'm watching that. Yeah, those. Those hooks are brutal. By the way, Christopher DeWitt has emailed in and said, remind Dale that we're interested, because John knows we're more interested to. In listening to talk about a butthole than hear one talk. Christopher.

[Josh Wolf]

What's his name?

[John Holmberg]

None of your business. You're not gonna find him. Don't you worry about that. I want to talk to you about the. What I see as a character flaw that has ruined. Ruined a person for me in football. Ben Johnson of the Detroit Lions. Oh, so he takes the job with the Bears.

[Josh Wolf]

Yeah, right.

[John Holmberg]

They lost a game they should have won for sure against a good team, but a team that they were clearly talking about.

[Josh Wolf]

Detroit.

[John Holmberg]

Detroit, Detroit, Detroit. He was the offensive coordinator for Detroit. He coveted head coach candidate. Everybody wanted him, but he was supposed to kind of wait till their playoff run was over, Right?

[Josh Wolf]

Right.

[John Holmberg]

A day and a half later, he's in all Bears gear, cheering loudly in the Bears facility to the team in the front office, smiling ear to ear.

[Josh Wolf]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

And what I saw was a guy that took this job weeks ago, more than likely kept it under wraps, at least in his own mind, and coached the game Saturday with the back of his brain going, what would I do if I was head coach? He was distracted, 100% distracted from his actual job, and he had already got another job. And you cannot tell me me that you're doing a job, realizing this is the last couple times I'm going to do this. What would I do differently? What's. What's Dan Campbell doing that I wouldn't do? Like, he's now analyzing his own team way more than the game itself. And I saw it as A thing. It's like the poor Bears just got a fraud head coach.

[Brady Bogan]

He didn't throw those interceptions.

[John Holmberg]

No, but he. But again, unprepared all week.

[Josh Wolf]

No, that's. That's where I think your story has some, Some.

[John Holmberg]

Some traction. If he's got the job already, he's not thinking 100 about the time I'm.

[Josh Wolf]

Doing interviews and I've basically been offered the job. Well, guess what I'm spending exactly a lot of time on.

[John Holmberg]

And mentally, you're thrilled.

[Josh Wolf]

I still got. I still got to get my staff together, who I knew I played. Clandestine phone calls here and there. My. My attention is derailed a little bit in preparation and.

[John Holmberg]

And. And when you need it the most.

[Josh Wolf]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

And.

[Josh Wolf]

And. And maybe you're sitting up there in the press, I guess he's down on the field and, you know, when Campbell says something, he's going, well, that's a stupid call. If I'm the head coach, I ain't gonna do that. No. Yeah, but the same time, you know, if your goal's always to been. Be a head coach and somebody's paying you $14 million to do, it's gonna be there.

[John Holmberg]

It's gonna be there.

[Josh Wolf]

I understand it's gonna be there. Everybody says that. Most head coaches, Most hire standard coaches. Can't compartmentalize.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, man. Is that good. Right on, Freddie. Approved.

[Josh Wolf]

Yes. I like that. They say. They say the. The good ones can do that.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Josh Wolf]

I don't know how you do that.

[John Holmberg]

How about as a player, you lose the biggest game of the year and, like, this is a big one for them. And then you watch your. Your offensive coordinator 48 hours later in your rival's kitchen, smiling ear to ear, screaming, isn't it great? I got a lot of plans for you guys.

[Josh Wolf]

Well, it happened with Norton, and he was. We lost the NFC championship game to San Francisco.

[John Holmberg]

Already had the job.

[Josh Wolf]

And on Monday or Tuesday, there he is in Redskin Hall.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Josh Wolf]

Hail to the Redskins.

[John Holmberg]

Singing, smiling, doesn't care about you.

[Josh Wolf]

Hold on. We just lost a big game. Three peated.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Josh Wolf]

And you can't suck it up for.

[John Holmberg]

A minute just to be sad.

[Josh Wolf]

Be sad. Give me some tears.

[John Holmberg]

That. And look what happened to North Turner. He was exposed as a fraud.

[Josh Wolf]

Yes, he was. There are some certain guys that are just meant to be coordinators, assistant coaches.

[John Holmberg]

And I just looked at that because in football this week, I'm like, man, that should have waited. That should be. That's a problem if I'm.

[Josh Wolf]

Because at that point, there's no rush None. There's no rush. You could just say, hey, you know what? You call the general manager there, the Kevin Warren dude, and say, hey, I accept.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Josh Wolf]

I want you to keep on our wraps till at least midweek.

[John Holmberg]

Wouldn't it be a better character move to just say, I'm a Detroit lion coach. We're in the playoffs. I'm not accepting calls until we're out of the playoffs. And then.

[Josh Wolf]

But then. But then you'd have the other side of the Holmberg family going. You're lying straight through your teeth.

[John Holmberg]

But you're not. If you do it right. If you do it right. Right. You would sit back and say, I'm not taking any calls. And I'm not. I'm focused on this job at hand.

[Brett Vesely]

And you're leaving it basically up to the team that wants to talk to you.

[John Holmberg]

Yep.

[Brett Vesely]

Whether or not that they interpret that as, oh, this guy's big time in us, you take that chance.

[John Holmberg]

Not meant to be. You'll go to a better situation somewhere else. If they're that knee jerk, then they were going to. They're going to do that to you. This team, the Bears are known to knee jerk stuff. So if they didn't like that and moved on in a week, they were going to fire you at your first. Your leash was too short. Short. So go someplace that wants you or.

[Josh Wolf]

Stay in Detroit where they actually tell me this. You just went through, you know, a brutal contract negotiation.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Josh Wolf]

That's brutal. You know, from what I heard, you're slopping around, your heads are hanging.

[John Holmberg]

Was fire and.

[Josh Wolf]

But you imagine you, your contract's up and you're kind of renegotiating. You're thinking it's moving a little too slow. And yet there is a reasonable competitor. Reasonable. And I'm not saying there is in Phoenix right now, but say there was. Play that game. Play the game.

[John Holmberg]

Nice thing you've ever.

[Josh Wolf]

And they. And, and, and KUPD was paying you this much that this team comes in, said or this station, we're going to pay you four times more.

[John Holmberg]

Right.

[Josh Wolf]

Than what you're earning. You're telling me you're not going to start thinking about it a little bit?

[John Holmberg]

In a weird way that's. You can't compare those things because it isn't a competitive end game. Like in February, if you win the championship of radio. And I've already said I'm going somewhere else and we lose it and you see me at the next station in two days, I've let everybody down. I'm too competitive. In what I'm currently doing to sit back and go, I'll take back seat to first place. If it means that I can go somewhere else for more money, I will take the money. I will absolutely sell out. There's no question about that. But I won't. I don't think if I was in football, I'd be like, all the blood, sweat and tears that went into this and I'm already moved on, men. Mentally, it's just wrong.

[Josh Wolf]

Well, again, and I see. I do see your point, and I do see the quickness with which it happens. I don't think it needed to happen that quick.

[John Holmberg]

And for the Bears, they should see it that way.

[Brady Bogan]

Well, no, it doesn't matter. We'll take anybody at this point. Oh, I am absolutely.

[John Holmberg]

All new things feel good in Chicago. I was a Cubs fan for a long time. We got the new thing. Hope lives again. Hope lives in January and then slowly dies somewhere around October. October.

[Brady Bogan]

Well, being a Bears fan, it's out of training camp.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. That's usually over.

[Brady Bogan]

All right, there we go. We're done.

[John Holmberg]

He's a good coach. We'll see how. But I just. I want to know from a player's perspective, how you got to look at.

[Josh Wolf]

That a little funny because you're still there.

[John Holmberg]

And don't you just want to kick the living crap out of North Turner, like, on the football field the next year, the Cowboys going, oh, he ain't beating us.

[Josh Wolf]

Yeah. And you know that we won the super bowl the next year without him. But they beat us in the first game.

[John Holmberg]

It's like, yeah, he got you.

[Josh Wolf]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. It's like Aaron Rodgers and Brett Favre, but always got, you're never going to beat me.

[Josh Wolf]

Right.

[John Holmberg]

Until he finally did. Yeah, exactly. You're my. We made you. You didn't make us that kind of thing.

[Josh Wolf]

Right.

[John Holmberg]

It's. It's a. It's a fascinating thing with sports on that because I'm though, as a. As an outsider looking in, there's those moments as a fan, I'd be a little bit upset.

[Josh Wolf]

All right.

[John Holmberg]

And I'm like, well, well, are you.

[Josh Wolf]

More upset if you're in that situation, or you're more upset if you're a Dallas Cowboy fan? You're sitting there going, what in the hell is going on?

[John Holmberg]

That's a mess. I mean, I'm happy about that, too.

[Josh Wolf]

And now Shimer is maybe the was like, what?

[John Holmberg]

So happy that. That Lamar Jackson being sad and crying, John Harbaugh being sad and possibly crying, and the Cowboys being A completely dysfunctional, toxic wreck. I get so much more joy out of that. If the Steelers could be 4 and 13, I'd be like, you know what? At least Lamar Jackson sad and Jerry Jones is. Is slowly disappearing into his corpse.

[Josh Wolf]

I mean, I'm sitting here looking at him going, you know, all the names that were tossed around, and now you're going, well, maybe it's Schottenheimer. I just assumed. I wouldn't be more surprised to hear, hey, Bogan's on the coaching list out.

[John Holmberg]

He's going to resign with Colorado. You have to be happy about that. Dion's not going to coach your Cowboys.

[Josh Wolf]

Yeah, boy. Michael is really.

[John Holmberg]

He was lobbying hard. He was on talk shows calling in the ladies, blowing him while he's calling Colin Cowherd.

[Josh Wolf]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, ladies.

[Josh Wolf]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

No multiple. It takes two. It takes two to get to. You can't just work it with.

[Josh Wolf]

Seen it.

[John Holmberg]

I haven't. I've heard about it, and it's enough.

[Brett Vesely]

What's the timeline to blow?

[John Holmberg]

Michael Irvin's got to be at least 15 minutes top to hire the coach.

[Brett Vesely]

I mean, when they got to pull.

[Josh Wolf]

Oh, I don't think they. They're. Everybody's.

[John Holmberg]

Who's left now. Now you're now your bottom of the barrel scraping again.

[Josh Wolf]

Right.

[John Holmberg]

And you're not going to be better than Mike McCarthy.

[Josh Wolf]

No.

[John Holmberg]

Kellen Moore is the one that probably.

[Josh Wolf]

Yeah. And you know what? He's his milk toast and orange juice.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Josh Wolf]

And he. And he can maybe call an offensive play.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Josh Wolf]

He ain't no head coach.

[John Holmberg]

No. He's not a guy that's gonna lead the room.

[Josh Wolf]

No. He's gonna walk in.

[John Holmberg]

So what you're saying Already, Mark this January 23, 2025 Cowboys are going to suck next year. Dale said it first.

[Josh Wolf]

I would say 7 to 10.

[John Holmberg]

And if somebody knows what sucks, it's Dale. Oh, my God. All right, give us your picks. Who's going to the Super Bowl? You got the two games. The Chiefs playing the Bills in Kansas City. That's a hell of a matchup right there. Gotta like the way it looks. But boy, and. And thanks to Mark Andrews for making Lamar Jackson cry and the. And becoming what we talked about off the air, the Jackie Smith of a new generation. Everybody in Cowboys. Ah, it's the Steelers and Cowboys both.

[Josh Wolf]

Remember, we've all kind of forgotten about bottom.

[John Holmberg]

The Jackie Smith greatest Steeler of all time. Jackie Smith, some would say hall of Famer, tight end.

[Josh Wolf]

Fifteen years should have gone in in.

[John Holmberg]

The black and gold. The bus.

[Josh Wolf]

The bus should have been for one draw.

[John Holmberg]

The Rooneys should have taken the thing off of his bus and revealed it to him. It's just such a great drop in super bowl history. But then Mark Andrews has it in the divisional round and it's just outstanding. God, I. Baltimore. Baltimore is such a dirty, poor person Town, awful place. One of the worst in the country. Oh, it's terrible.

[Josh Wolf]

Well, it's behind. It's. It's definitely had a one team that's playing this weekend.

[John Holmberg]

Buffalo?

[Josh Wolf]

No.

[John Holmberg]

Kansas City?

[Josh Wolf]

No.

[John Holmberg]

Philly.

[Josh Wolf]

Philly has.

[John Holmberg]

Because I wouldn't put Philly ahead of Baltimore. Baltimore. Look, Baltimore is so bad.

[Josh Wolf]

The sun never shines in Philly. There's crime infested.

[John Holmberg]

Well, they don't want to put a light on it.

[Josh Wolf]

I mean, they. They have more damage damn funeral homes down Broad street than they have Philadelphia cheesesteaks.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, that's true. And it's ironic that one kills the other also. Yeah, Baltimore's worse. No, a whole bunch.

[Josh Wolf]

I've been to both.

[John Holmberg]

I know. And the smell is unforgettable.

[Josh Wolf]

Crabs and go in summertime. Nice little bath.

[John Holmberg]

Good Lord. They heat up that bay. No way.

[Josh Wolf]

And run around a little yacht, eat some fresh crabs.

[John Holmberg]

Brackish water and vaginosis. That's what it's known. I was like, g, that city is awful.

[Josh Wolf]

But. But there's nothing worse than Philly.

[John Holmberg]

From.

[Josh Wolf]

From the people to the weather to the landscape.

[John Holmberg]

They're not saying Philly's good. I would take Philly over Baltimore.

[Josh Wolf]

Go ahead. You wouldn't last three nights.

[John Holmberg]

Which house?

[Josh Wolf]

Your little white buck.

[John Holmberg]

Where in the world do either of us last in downtown anyway? Neither of us are getting around downtown.

[Josh Wolf]

I got one more night of me than you do.

[John Holmberg]

I don't think so. I challenge you to that.

[Josh Wolf]

Yeah?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. We had our gay bar challenge last year. We never followed. So I'd challenge you to sleeping on.

[Josh Wolf]

The streets for days. Dropping John and I off on the streets.

[John Holmberg]

You'd be. You'd be blowing dudes for food in the first hour.

[Josh Wolf]

You want to see my butthole?

[John Holmberg]

Maybe I wouldn't be blowing.

[Josh Wolf]

Hold on. I can't go yet. I haven't shaved yet.

[John Holmberg]

Chief spills, who's got it?

[Josh Wolf]

Boy, that's going to be a hell of a football game. And I guess until it's in Kansas City. Kansas City's brew. They can win. They prove they can win there. They've won in Buffalo until somebody knocks them off. I've got to go Kansas City.

[John Holmberg]

I think the Bills have. I'm always going Back to Steelers. The Steelers had their. God, they're a really good team for about 14 years and the team that stood in front of them, they couldn't get past the Patriots. I think the Bills have that with the Chiefs.

[Josh Wolf]

Yes.

[John Holmberg]

The sad part about it is no matter if they're better or not, and there are years the Steelers were better than the Patriots. Patriots. It's. Yeah, it's a six inch field. It's between their eyes. Man, oh man, I just think the Chiefs are going to squeak another one again.

[Josh Wolf]

I think the Chiefs were a great story. I think the cow, you know, you go back to the 90s, the Cowboys, our first year, I think everybody thought, wow, what a story.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Josh Wolf]

The second year is like again.

[John Holmberg]

And then how many times you guys gonna do this? People are tired of the Chiefs. Yes, the Eagles taken on what but the commanders.

[Josh Wolf]

Oh my goodness.

[John Holmberg]

And this is, to me, this is easy. But I thought that last week.

[Josh Wolf]

Well, I was going to say, the thing is, I can't. I have to get the ASU Jaden Daniels out of my mind.

[John Holmberg]

Well, it's the Herm Edwards Jaden that's.

[Josh Wolf]

The problem because I, I don't care what you say. He's a magical quarterback. And then you add the. He's a freaking rookie.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, yeah, he's a rookie. Second pick. Yeah.

[Josh Wolf]

It's like, are you. When they took him number two overall, I said, yeah, another Washington blunder. Oh my God, again, you got to.

[John Holmberg]

Remember, he's a rookie who's never played more than 12 games in a year. And he's on game 18, 19 now.

[Josh Wolf]

Seems to be getting better and he.

[John Holmberg]

Had his lull at the right time. He's back and he's got a pre snap read like nobody else. No other rookie sees the line the way he does because you can watch him walk up and go, there's my one, there's my dump down and here's my alley.

[Josh Wolf]

Right?

[John Holmberg]

He sees it.

[Josh Wolf]

And that's whether you like or not. Cliff Kingsbury has simplified things for him. And he looks so comfortable.

[John Holmberg]

That's all he's taught him to do. I think he learned from Kyler Murray. Instead of making him an athlete, he's like, look, find your primary, find your two and get out of it.

[Josh Wolf]

And the last thing you do is you run.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Josh Wolf]

And go get the first down. Don't take big shots. And boy, he does it with a smile on.

[John Holmberg]

He's so good. Do you think they can beat the Eagles though?

[Josh Wolf]

Yes.

[John Holmberg]

You do?

[Josh Wolf]

I do.

[John Holmberg]

Are you taking them?

[Josh Wolf]

What's the spread?

[John Holmberg]

I don't even know. I think it's four and a half. Last time looked.

[Josh Wolf]

I wish it was more.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, that's why. That's why Vegas does that, right? I don't know. I don't know exactly what the spread is. I thought it was four and a half. That's a tough one for me. Yes.

[Josh Wolf]

I mean, Philadelphia should win. They're the better team. They're. They're. They're way more experienced and. And all that. I would probably say as much as I walk.

[John Holmberg]

Six and a half. Six.

[Josh Wolf]

Oh, give me Washington.

[John Holmberg]

You take Washington six, and you're taking a one and a half. You're taking Camp Kansas City.

[Josh Wolf]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

All right. Yeah. There you go. I'm gonna put 250 on this.

[Josh Wolf]

Yeah. I mean, what's that gonna get me?

[John Holmberg]

Well, I'll find out. Why don't you just be quiet? You're so ungrateful. You're an ungrateful prick. Why such an ungrateful.

[Josh Wolf]

Ungrateful for nothing?

[John Holmberg]

That's right, because you've earned nothing. I'd take the Chiefs minus one and a half.

[Josh Wolf]

You were so damn giddy when you sent me that text. You missed my hook, plus 247.

[John Holmberg]

It's not that great a bet, but for you, I'll do it. You get. You get 700 bucks.

[Josh Wolf]

Okay.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, you earned something, finally, because you haven't done it all yet, Dale. Hellustrated. We're gonna take a break here. We'll come back to the entertainment drill. You heard it here. It's Washington and. And Kansas City. Yeah, I'm not watching that. It's not yet.

[Josh Wolf]

Arizona's most powerful, powerful rock radio station.

[John Holmberg]

You thought that was funny? Sickness.

[Toledo]

You were laughing like a hyena when he said it.

[John Holmberg]

What the hell is wrong with you? All right, Dale, stop talking about all that nonsense and let's get. We're on the air. Act professional, for Christ's sake. It is time. Brady's here. It's time for Brady to do the entertainment.

[Josh Wolf]

Yeah. He's been quiet, hasn't he?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, he has been a little quiet.

[Josh Wolf]

Yeah. Are you constipated, Brady? You look a little constipated.

[John Holmberg]

No, it's flowing.

[Brett Vesely]

Good.

[John Holmberg]

Hey, do you still see Michael Irvin a lot?

[Josh Wolf]

Just. Yes, I'm two weeks old.

[John Holmberg]

When are you gonna see him again? Again? Do you know?

[Josh Wolf]

No, I don't know. Right.

[John Holmberg]

Could you give his sweatshirt back to him? Brady's been wearing it all day.

[Brett Vesely]

He gave it to me.

[Josh Wolf]

Is that a Nike?

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah.

[Josh Wolf]

Yeah, really.

[John Holmberg]

We're trying to figure out what it is, but yeah.

[Josh Wolf]

Well, it's big in the middle.

[John Holmberg]

Well, that's not the sweatshirts. It didn't start off that way. It kind of grew to its own thing. It is the entertainment drill. It's brought to you by our [e-mail] the home attack. Go black. And right now you can get the. The women's self defense thing's going to sell out so fast. It's in April. Check it [e-mail] but here's the cool thing is they're just gonna make it like a perm thing. Like this is how it works now. You go, you get your two months, 199 bucks and they're just gonna let you in now it's no longer like a special. That's like the deal for us KUPD folks. How about that? So that's even better that just for loving me and Brady and Brad, Brett and Toledo and John Gordon and Larry and the others, you can now get in on this deal just by showing up and saying that's what I want to do. And that's for you guys. And that's pretty awesome. Bring a friend, do your thing and be part of this because you are going to get in. Great ship worked out yesterday. Awesome stuff. Just we boxed for a while and then we. And then Jay and I threw the baseball around. That's not what you're going to do. But that's what I did because I'm close with him. So we ended up working out and then just played baseball in the facility. That's how big the room is.

[Josh Wolf]

Right.

[John Holmberg]

It's pretty great. Awesome people, awesome stuff.

[Josh Wolf]

The one thing is you have not been injured for the last.

[John Holmberg]

Yes, I have. I. Back in September.

[Josh Wolf]

No, New Year.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, since. Yeah, since the first.

[Josh Wolf]

Well, what's going to be. We should do an over under on one of the first.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, do a picture.

[Josh Wolf]

Pick the injury by February 1st you'll be.

[John Holmberg]

You think I've got 13 days before I'm hurting it. Oh yeah.

[Josh Wolf]

Doing what I was going to have. You think you'll stub your toe in the middle.

[John Holmberg]

Dumbass. You can get that deal right [e-mail] it's for all of you take advantage of this thing and be start that sheepdog process. Stop being a sheep again. It's a. It's not paranoia. It's preparation to navigate this goofy world. It's the home of tactical Black Brady. Entertain me.

[Brett Vesely]

Some interesting things happened on this day in history in the entertainment world. Fifty years ago on 19, in 1975, Barney Miller debuted on ABC.

[John Holmberg]

Hal Linden's still alive.

[Brady Bogan]

I think he's the only one.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, he's like 98 years old.

[Josh Wolf]

Was that Buddy Epson?

[John Holmberg]

No, that's Barney Miller. Miller. Oh, Buddy Epson. Oh, he was in A Detective was Barnaby Jones. Okay, very close.

[Brett Vesely]

The goat is still alive.

[John Holmberg]

Good God, no. He was almost dead when that show started. He died in the 80s.

[Brett Vesely]

I thought I saw him.

[Brady Bogan]

Max Gale might still be alive.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, well, Jehovah. Yeah, I think you're right. Yeah. Did you like Barnett, Barney? You didn't even know what it was. Barney. You thought it was Barnaby Jones. Barnaby Jones is good too, though.

[Brett Vesely]

48 years ago, 1977, Roots, the miniseries. Oh, start on ABC, the most watched TV program in history.

[John Holmberg]

Still, it came. Oh, then, I think. Yeah. Yeah.

[Brett Vesely]

And 47 years ago, 1978, Terry Cath, the lead singer and guitarist for Chicago.

[John Holmberg]

That was when he died.

[Brett Vesely]

Pulled the pistol out and said, it's not low. Loaded.

[John Holmberg]

Pulled the trigger.

[Brett Vesely]

It was loaded.

[John Holmberg]

Found out it was. Don't play with guns. It's dumb.

[Brett Vesely]

42 years ago, the A team debuted.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, 42 years ago. Shut up.

[Brett Vesely]

1983 on NBC.

[John Holmberg]

I remember the commercials for that because they were going up against Happy Days. That was the time slot they got on NBC and abc. Happy Days with dominant but coming to an end. And I remember Mr. T was there and he'd look at. And they're like, look out. Fun. See, right on these. And he flexed. And I remember thinking that was the coolest thing in the world. We would do that all the time on our bikes, look out right on these. And we'd run around doing the thing. We didn't even know what the show was. But Mr. T was the coolest thing 42 years ago was 83.

[Brett Vesely]

83.

[John Holmberg]

It was just after Rocky 3.

[Brett Vesely]

42 years ago and 41 years ago, Hulk Hogan beat the Iron Chic at Madison Square Garden to win his first WWF wrestling title.

[Josh Wolf]

How old is Hulk Hogan now?

[John Holmberg]

77, I think. 76.

[Josh Wolf]

He's still built pretty good, isn't he?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brady Bogan]

This guy 71, sleeping.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Yes, you did. Don't shake your head. No. You got. Oh, no, he wasn't late. You heard that part. I'm on time, Dale.

[Brett Vesely]

Time to dive in. He's got a great story.

[Josh Wolf]

Okay.

[John Holmberg]

L hit the couch for two seconds. You all right? Everything good at home? All right. I just had. Not sleeping much.

[Josh Wolf]

Look at that smile.

[John Holmberg]

You Took him off of his chair. He went to that comfy couch and went out like a little, like little bird.

[Josh Wolf]

All right, so he's gonna give me Duck Dynasty. Whatever the hell's going on with those.

[Brett Vesely]

It's coming back, Dale.

[Josh Wolf]

Okay?

[John Holmberg]

Some of them die.

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah, well, no, the ones battling Alzheimer's.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, that'll be fun. I think that's a Phil make a.

[Josh Wolf]

Show out of that one.

[Brett Vesely]

Dealing with the kids.

[John Holmberg]

What a treat.

[Josh Wolf]

Okay, okay. Well, I, I, I, I chose this story because it's a. It's an actress that I can't stand.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, no kidding.

[Josh Wolf]

And this only cements the legacy.

[John Holmberg]

Wow. You don't like who. Who is go. I don't even.

[Josh Wolf]

This girl's name is Amy Schumer.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, you don't like Schumer?

[Josh Wolf]

I can't stand Schumer. Anything with the last name Schumer, however you spell it.

[John Holmberg]

I can't hear on if even if you have the same name.

[Josh Wolf]

Schumacher. Yes.

[John Holmberg]

She's your Lamar Jackson.

[Josh Wolf]

I mean, if my daughter was getting married. Schumer.

[John Holmberg]

You wouldn't let her?

[Josh Wolf]

No. Chuck Schumer.

[John Holmberg]

Amy Schumer.

[Josh Wolf]

Amy Schumer. Wow, John.

[John Holmberg]

And why did this start? Well, just saw her.

[Josh Wolf]

I've seen her a couple times. She's a pain in the ass. So she was recently on the Call Her Daddy podcast. So of course that means she made. Made a few sexual confessions.

[John Holmberg]

That's all she's got. Yeah, and she's got something wrong with her. She took medicine.

[Josh Wolf]

Yeah. Sexual confessions. What, somebody threw up on you?

[John Holmberg]

That's not sex.

[Josh Wolf]

Some of the stuff you guys show, just as good.

[John Holmberg]

What would you rather watch? The things Brett shows or Amy Schumer making love the way you said earlier.

[Josh Wolf]

I'd rather call. I would rather watch Brady from behind.

[John Holmberg]

Goanna from behind. Wait a minute. You're watching from behind or you are watching from behind?

[Josh Wolf]

Behind the behind.

[John Holmberg]

Ah. You're cucking Brady from behind.

[Josh Wolf]

I just said you gave me two really bad choices.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, it's true.

[Brett Vesely]

But he wanted a good one.

[Josh Wolf]

She said she's never experienced an orgasm from penetration. It's a scary thing to say out loud. It's scary because nobody talks about it because we're all like, we're going to getting whatever.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, you gotta pretend.

[Josh Wolf]

But then she added, she's had generous partners who understands she needs to finish first.

[John Holmberg]

Right?

[Josh Wolf]

Because, well, chances are gorgeousness, if the.

[John Holmberg]

Guy is sighted, he hasn't finished with an orgasm from penetrating her ears, and.

[Brett Vesely]

He has to keep his eyes closed.

[Josh Wolf]

Okay, so. So then How.

[Brady Bogan]

How do you finish?

[John Holmberg]

Look at this pig. What is that piling on of Amy Schumer?

[Josh Wolf]

That's her sexy pose right there.

[Brady Bogan]

You go.

[John Holmberg]

Dale.

[Brady Bogan]

She wants it.

[Josh Wolf]

Why?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, you should be so lucky.

[Josh Wolf]

Come and get me. Okay, so it goes on. She said, she said. Generous partners who understand this. She said her craziest fan interactions when she received oral sex from a professional baseball player after a stand up set. Can you imagine going down on like that picture there? Right there. Sweaty.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, it's always sweaty.

[Josh Wolf]

Oh, my God.

[John Holmberg]

But after she got hers, he had to go.

[Josh Wolf]

She said she was tired and sent him on his way.

[John Holmberg]

Luckiest man in the way. He got a reprieve. You can just go do this in your car.

[Brett Vesely]

He said, no, don't.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, you mean I have to leave now? Oh, shoot. Okay.

[Josh Wolf]

Okay. Well, it would have taken me an hour to get ready to go anyway, but my. Yeah, she said he was pretty cool about it. Didn't say who it was. Was. But you know who you are.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, that poor guy.

[Josh Wolf]

Yeah, that.

[John Holmberg]

He's not telling that story.

[Josh Wolf]

Can you imagine that? Going to the log room go, hey, I got something.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, here's the thing. I bet happened. Like he said he finished her off orally, like she said. And then she's like, you gotta go. He's like, all right. And then he went out to the car, called the teammate he had the bat with and said, I did it. You owe me.

[Josh Wolf]

My.

[John Holmberg]

I went down on Amy Schumer. You owe me. I got. I got a picture.

[Josh Wolf]

I get mine first. Looking like that.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, yeah.

[Josh Wolf]

That's like Brady say, no, no, I go first.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, well, Brady goes first. It's nobody's choice. It's happening. That's happening.

[Brett Vesely]

That's not a problem.

[John Holmberg]

Brady doesn't even know there is a second.

[Josh Wolf]

And then if I got some energy, then maybe you get.

[Brett Vesely]

Looks like I went first again.

[John Holmberg]

The only place there's seconds is at the dinner table. Nobody's going second. That's it. Dale's. You still doing your podcast?

[Josh Wolf]

Your boy Steve McCollum said to say hi, Dobs and Mustangs.

[John Holmberg]

He can join us one day. Why don't you drag him with you? Well, he can sit with Toledo and take a nap.

[Josh Wolf]

Sorry to bore you, Toledo. You're right. Hey, he was all full of him and vigor when he talk of buttholes.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, yeah, and he likes that. It wore him out. It wore him out. He might have finished. He might have just had to take a little refractive nap. I think Needs a nappy one of those. That's it for us. We're done. Larry's coming up next. You guys have yourselves a grand Thursday. We'll see you tomorrow right here in the morning sickness.

[Brett Vesely]

Hola.

[Josh Wolf]

Arizona's most powerful power, powerful rock radio station.