01-23-25 - Theory That Most High Priced Art Is Just Money Laundering - Man Falsely Accused Of Masturbating On Bus Next To Woman - Bret And John Remembering Details Of Their Vasectomies And Brady Makes It About Food

Summary

Holmberg's Morning Sickness - Arizona Episode Summary: January 23, 2025 Host/Author: John Holmberg with Brady Bogen, Bret Vesely, and Dick Toledo
Release Date: January 23, 2025

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Introduction

In the January 23, 2025 episode of Holmberg's Morning Sickness on Arizona's #1 Morning Radio Show, host John Holmberg, alongside Brady Bogen, Bret Vesely, and Dick Toledo, delves into a variety of engaging and provocative topics. The episode navigates through conspiracy theories in the art world, a harrowing case of wrongful accusation, personal anecdotes about vasectomies, and amusing tangents about everyday life, all delivered with the show's characteristic blend of humor and critical inquiry.

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1. Art as Money Laundering

Timestamp: 06:10 – 19:02

The episode kicks off with Bret Vesely introducing a compelling conspiracy theory suggesting that much of high-priced art is merely a facade for money laundering. Drawing from a recent performance by comedian Jeff A. Curie at the Celebrity Theory, Bret recounts how a simple audience comment—"Is all fine art just a means to launder dirty money?"—sparked his interest and subsequent research into the art world's potential misuse.

Key Discussions:

• Art's High Valuation: Bret articulates skepticism toward skyrocketing art prices, questioning the intrinsic value of certain pieces. He cites Banksy's infamous shredding stunt as an example of art's volatile valuation.

  Bret: "But when Warhol got famous, his stuff became super valuable. So then you go to these auction houses and you launder giant sums of money through art."

• Mechanisms of Laundering: The conversation explores how wealthy individuals might exploit art purchases to legitimize illicit funds. Bret explains the process of buying undervalued art, inflating its price, and reselling it to obscure the origins of the money.

  Bret: "Fine art is incredibly wealthy. People's trading card game. You can do huge purchases without really anybody noticing."

• Comparison with Other Assets: Dick Toledo draws parallels with cars and baseball cards, highlighting that various high-value collectibles can be used for similar financial maneuvers.

  Dick Toledo: "Same with cars. Same with baseball cards."

Notable Quote:

Bret Vesely (07:08): "It's new to me. Evidently this is not new at all. And I've never even heard it."

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2. Wrongful Accusation: The Case of Brent Naylor

Timestamp: 22:00 – 25:51

Transitioning from financial conspiracies to a troubling real-world incident, the hosts discuss the unjust arrest of Brent Naylor, a disabled man accused of indecent exposure on a bus. The segment underscores the severe personal and social repercussions of wrongful accusations.

Key Discussions:

• Incident Overview: Brett shares the harrowing story of Brent Naylor, who was falsely identified and arrested for allegedly masturbating on a bus. Despite being innocent, Brent faced public shaming, physical assaults, eviction, and social ostracization.

  Brett: "He got arrested in front of his neighbors because someone falsely identified him... He's been assaulted. He was evicted from his house and banned from his favorite pub."

• Impact on Brent: The conversation highlights the long-term damage inflicted on Brent's life, emphasizing the lack of proper redress and support from authorities and the community.

  Brett: "He has to go out of his way to be like, hey, make things right. Ruined me."

• Media and Public Perception: The hosts critique the media's role in perpetuating false narratives and the public's readiness to believe unverified accusations without due process.

  Brett: "If you're arrested for that and then they... How do you imagine the truth comes out? Nobody pays attention."

Notable Quote:

Brett Vesely (25:15): "If you get arrested for something you didn't do, your life gets ruined."

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3. Personal Anecdotes: Vasectomies and Shaving Challenges

Timestamp: 32:55 – 56:50

The conversation takes a lighter turn as Bret and Dick share personal stories about vasectomies and the often humorous struggles with grooming, particularly focusing on the challenges of shaving one's genital area.

Key Discussions:

• Vasectomy Experiences: Bret narrates his vasectomy journey, including the decision to undergo the procedure himself and the unintended comedic moments that followed.

  Bret: "He decided to do it himself. Film the whole thing, put it online. Fantastic work."

• Shaving Troubles: The hosts humorously debate the difficulties of shaving pubic hair, reflecting on failed attempts, embarrassing encounters with medical professionals, and the resulting awkwardness.

  Bret: "I can't shave my balls. It's too much skin. Not enough ball."

• Medical Procedures: Discussions touch upon the methods and pain associated with vasectomies, highlighting personal resilience and camaraderie in overcoming these intimate challenges.

  Bret: "After the smoke cleared in the room from burning up my nuts, I started to feel that same pain again."

Notable Quotes:

Brett Vesely (35:34): "That's low hanging fruit. That's what I thought Toledo was saying."

Dick Toledo (46:46): "Your friend had his prostate removed. He does dry fire."

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4. Brady Bogen’s Food-Focused Tangents

Timestamp: 33:35 – 56:50

Throughout the episode, Brady Bogen often steers the conversation toward food-related topics, adding a layer of humor and relatability to the discussions. His anecdotes about dining experiences and humorous takes on food safety contribute to the show's lively atmosphere.

Key Discussions:

• Food Experiences: Brady shares amusing stories about encounters with food mishaps, including a humorous take on burning off emotions and the peculiarities of dining establishments.

  Brady Bogen: "That's why you get on that train pretty much that hard, awful plastic. Because somebody's about to quicksilver your face."

• Humorous Interjections: Brady frequently interjects with witty remarks that divert the conversation, maintaining a balance between serious topics and light-hearted banter.

  Brady Bogen: "That's bad radio. How is he in first place for 20 years? He's doing the opposite of what we asked."

Notable Quote:

Brady Bogen (51:25): "Barbecue. Talking about smoking a man's ball sack, and you want to eat something."

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5. Music and Pop Culture References

Timestamp: 57:05 – 58:50

As the episode progresses, the hosts shift gears to reminisce about iconic music performances and festivals from the past, blending nostalgia with current cultural observations.

Key Discussions:

• Concert Memories: Bret and Dick recount memorable concerts, highlighting performances by bands like Tesla, Warrant, and the Red Hot Chili Peppers, blending personal nostalgia with critiques of musical evolution.

  Bret Vesely: "I think Tesla killed it. Like they should have been a much bigger deal. But then they came out with their other albums, and they were terrible."

• Cultural Commentary: The hosts use these anecdotes to comment on the trajectory of music genres and the shift in public musical tastes over the years.

  Dick Toledo: "Modern Day Cowboy for Tesla. For you, Elon."

Notable Quote:

Bret Vesely (58:50): "I did it. I have bad. I'll get back to it as best I can."

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Conclusion

The January 23, 2025 episode of Holmberg's Morning Sickness offers a rich tapestry of discussions, blending serious societal issues with personal anecdotes and cultural commentary. From unraveling the complexities of the art world's financial underpinnings to sharing intimate and humorous stories about personal grooming, the hosts provide listeners with a multifaceted and engaging listening experience. Notable moments include Bret's deep dive into art as a tool for money laundering and the emotional recounting of Brent Naylor's wrongful accusation, both of which invite listeners to reflect critically on broader societal mechanisms and personal accountability. Meanwhile, the lighter segments about vasectomies and pop culture serve to balance the narrative, ensuring the show remains both thought-provoking and entertaining.

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Notable Quotes with Timestamps

• Bret Vesely (07:08): "It's new to me. Evidently this is not new at all. And I've never even heard it."

• Bret Vesely (25:15): "If you get arrested for something you didn't do, your life gets ruined."

• Brett Vesely (35:34): "That's low hanging fruit. That's what I thought Toledo was saying."

• Brady Bogen (51:25): "Barbecue. Talking about smoking a man's ball sack, and you want to eat something."

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Note: This summary excludes advertisements, intros, outros, and non-content sections to focus solely on the substantive discussions and interactions among the hosts.

Transcript

[John Holmberg]

All right, HMS Podcast, time again to let you know where to go for some great comedy in the Valley this week. Get out to the Tempe Improv on the east side to see Paul Versey on Thursday and Beth Stelling Friday, Saturday and Sunday. The Desert Ridge Improv up north features Sarah Weinschenk this Thursday and Joe Derosa on Friday and Saturday. And downtown at Stand Up Live, check out the very funny Lil Rel performing Friday, Saturday and Sunday for the complete lineups. And for tickets, go to standuplive.com desertridgeimprov.com and tempeimprov.com it's John Holberg here.

[Brett]

For the amazing people at the Core Institute, Life can throw you a curveball now and again. One day you're trucking along, feeling great. Next day your dog smashes into your head and knocks you cold. Or like a KUPD listener told me this week, his dog did a sprint across the backyard directly into the side of his wife's leg and blew her knee up. She needed that need to get fixed and fixed right. Two years later, she's running like she used to again. And it's all thanks to the Core Institute. I went through it, too. And you can get rid of your pain and start saying yes, I can to all the things you want to do. And. And all you have to do is trust the experts at the Core Institute. Head there right now. The Core Institute.com college hoops are here.

[E]

And there's no better place to catch the action than Hooters. Fuel up with the baller bundle. 10 boneless wings, crispy fries, dressing, and a fountain drink starting at just $9.99. Want to level up your game day experience? Swap the fountain drink for a Beat the Buzzer special featuring your choice of Beatbox or buzz balls for a low price. This offer is for game days only, so grab your crew, enjoy the action, and feast on the flavors you Hooters. The original wing joint since 1983.

[Brett]

You thought that was funny? You were laughing like a hyena when he said it.

[E]

What the hell is wrong with you?

[Brett]

Ah, there you go. Thank you. Miles to nowhere, flying through the day. And yeah, people are throwing out their Nazi opinions. Never thought that would happen. I have to deal with all that this morning. But you know, again, I give you grace off of one salute. As awkward as it was, somebody emailed and said tuned in late. What's with all the Nazi talk? Did Brady say he likes Hitler again? See? And we'll give Brady grace for that. He one time Said he wouldn't hate Hitler, and you have to understand what he meant. Real crazy. Everybody has to hate Hitler. That's a rule. He just didn't want to use the word hate. But you hate Michigan, so you know how it works.

[D]

The actual, like, settler more in Michigan.

[E]

The team up north. That or so the state of Michigan. I've had some good times.

[Brett]

Yeah, but you. Nobody's asking you what you like, so. You're such a man. Be Pamby about this word hate, where it happens.

[E]

Well, say he hates Michigan.

[Brett]

You do?

[D]

Do you or don't you?

[E]

But that is the University of Michigan.

[Brett]

Okay, you hate Michigan, so you like.

[D]

Hitler more than the University of Michigan.

[Brett]

Great question. Which one's worse?

[E]

Hitler.

[Brett]

Okay, excellent. Excellent answer.

[D]

This is cya.

[Brett]

You said that. You don't believe me? I think I. Honestly, Brett, I think it's a tie. I'm not gonna say once, but I guarantee you, you're right. Michigan's much worse. He's right. I'm sorry. Why would we even toy with the idea that Brady thought Hitler was worse than the University of Michigan? No, it's. It's a tie, and that's okay. But all I'm saying is you're capable of hate. You just didn't want to place it on Hitler, so we had to talk you into that. And now, hopefully, you can say out loud that you hate Hitler pretty freely and understand that nobody's going to get mad at you for using the word hate. And anybody who did is an idiot. A lot of Hitler talk. Thanks a lot, Elon. You keep your goddamn hand down so we don't have to go through this again. And anybody else who wants to wave like that, put your hand down. Quit it. There's no reason to be talking about this. It does make me laugh, though. And I am here for the jokes. Oh, that's not the.

[E]

Waving them in the air like you just don't care, you know?

[Brett]

This one says it's not a Bill Biv DeVoe song. Yeah, Brett just printed. Did you print this one? No, Deleted. It says, hello there. I'm reaching out because my husband is obsessed with you. Not a day goes by that he doesn't talk about you or replays your podcast at home just for him to laugh at them again. I'm not gonna lie. It's annoying, but I act like I'm participating to listen, to see and hear him laugh. So please shout out my husband, Santiago Perez. Sincerely, an annoyed wife. Tiffany Perez, I'm guessing. P.S. today I had enough. I had to look you up and finally put a face to a voice. Oh, Tiffany, I'm so sorry. What a terrible day for Tiffany. It says he has me listen every day for the last couple years. Well. But thanks for making his mornings. I feel like you're actually part of my marriage. Her name's Tiffany Villanueva, and his name's Santiago Perez.

[D]

All right, Sancho.

[Brett]

All right, Sancho. Tiffany, did you email the guys? You didn't give them your real last name, did you? Anyway, Santiago, thank you. Wonder how many Santiago's are listening at this moment. Probably a couple. Yeah, I would say that's probably.

[D]

Maybe play some lasers for him.

[Brett]

Boy, if there's a. Yeah.

[Dick Toledo]

You know what?

[Brett]

This one's for you, Santiago. You're right, Brett. Let me get that out there. Where'd it go? Play. There it is. Yeah. Oh, wait. Jesus Christ. We're in space. It's feeling. We're talking conspiracy theories and stuff. And what people are. You know, this, that, and the other with Helen Keller and I. The other night, I went to go see Jeff A. Curie at the Celebrity Theory. He's funny, but he did a thing about conspiracy theories and opened my eyes to one. Somebody in the audience said something I never thought of. And I have now gone into a deep dive on this. And I think I might. I think I might be with the guy. I think I might believe the conspiracy. I've never understood art ever in my life. Right. I think it's pretty. I think there's a lot of things that are beautiful paintings, things like that.

[E]

Recently, when you're saying the understanding. Understanding that this piece all sudden has.

[Brett]

Become worth $25 million.

[E]

Yeah.

[Brett]

Banksy scribbling on the side of a wall.

[E]

Yeah.

[Brett]

And, you know, and then that thing Banksy did where his. That. Remember the shredder ate the painting. He had it timed, and it went into. And it shredded it. It was like two and a half million dollars just to be on this wall for a minute. And then at New Banana. The banana with tape. The banana with tape. One kind of pushes it swings the pendulum back to be like, oh, it's just for. So the conspiracy theory is. And it's been out there for a minute. I didn't know it. I didn't pay attention to it. Is that all fine art is money laundering? It's dirty money. Finding a way to say, I have $12 million, I did wrong. You find some artist, you buy his work, immediately boost the value of that work, resell it a year or two later, and you've got You've laundered your cruddy money.

[E]

Interesting.

[Brett]

I know. It didn't register with me at all as anything because it's so out there, high end money. And I still don't understand it fully, but it makes sense to me now why somebody would say banana tape to a wall. $6 million. Because now the dude who taped it to the wall is tied to a six million dollar piece of art. So his next thing. You know, when you look at stuff, you're like, I've seen kids paint once.

[E]

You'Ve hit it, right?

[Brett]

But like Jackson Pollock just reached into buckets and threw it on canvas and then like splattered it around and like, ugh, it's perfect. I'm like, I think I can do that. Like, how many times have all of us looked at art and said $34 million? I can, I think I can do that.

[E]

Where you look at a, you know, the reverse. You look at a tapestry in a castle.

[Brett]

Sure.

[E]

That took, you know, but like 10 years or something.

[Brett]

But sculptures that are just kind of bubble blobs and somebody goes, that was $28 million. Like it's. I, I'm pretty sure if I knew what that was made of and I had access to it, I could make one of those.

[E]

There's some material costs, like the, the big thing that people take a picture of in Chicago.

[Brett]

The bean. The bean, right. But it's again.

[D]

And the Picasso out, you know, out there too.

[Brett]

There's certain ones you look at and you're like, that's just a ball of chrome.

[E]

Yeah.

[Brett]

Why is that sort. Because the dude who made it has sold 20 paintings for 8 million a piece. So his name means something. So now you're saying, oh, that's a Wesley. And he just throws a ball of chrome in the middle and it's, it illuminates the skyline in such a way. And he just makes up some story. And now his Campbell Soup labels. So now you can launder money through after Warhol stuff. Now Warhol did some cool stuff, but he basically took other pictures and then colored them in.

[D]

It's like a color by numbers book.

[Brett]

I get it. But when Warhol got famous, his stuff became super valuable. So then you go to these auction houses and you launder giant sums of money through art. And I'm saying this because it's new to me. Evidently this is not new at all. And I've never even heard it. When the guy said, when Jeff asked the question on stage, he goes, who's got a conspiracy thing? They believe in some lady stood up in the back. And that's the annoying thing about a Jeff F. Kerry show is the. Some of the audience just wants to talk.

[E]

Yeah.

[Brett]

And he allows, I believe that we are all of one energy. And he goes, you're a little. I'm looking for like, you know, birds aren't real. That's all I want. I'm like three or four words out here. I don't want to hear your conspiracy about how India and the aliens. We get it. But you're. You're gonna be talking for an hour. Then one guy just raised his hand. He goes, all fine art is money laundering. And the crowd went, oh, oh. And he's like, wow, that's a good one. And, you know, there's a little. So I was like, I never thought of that. And then you start looking into it and it's like, that makes loads and loads of sense that. Why in the world does all. Because for me, I've seen artwork in people's homes and I've been like, that's. Why is Bob Ross not amazing? Because he churned out $12 paintings all the time.

[E]

And now he kind of is.

[Brett]

And now he's dead and his name's associated with it. So you could start laundering your. Like if you decided to say, Bob Ross is an institution to American art and I'm going to buy that happy little tree right there for $4 million. Suddenly all those other cruddy paintings have value. So now you can start tossing 2,3 million bucks at Bob Ross paintings that nobody cares about. But because the value's gone up, you've laundered dirty money through the art world and it comes back to you in form. And then you can sell it to an auction house, auction it away. And it. This was most recently purchased for five and a half million dollars. But you got rid of all that dirty money. They'll gladly pay taxes, bad guys on dirty money. Rather than get caught with two and $3 million of, you know, drug money or something else they stole from. That's what the mob used to do this all the time. They'd find stuff to buy. All right. Allegedly. We don't even know if that's real. But they'd find things to buy to store the money. Breaking Bad. He had to launder his money. He. They bought a car wash and just chunked little bits in and in and out of it. It's. Money laundering is very interesting in the world of art. You can do huge purchases without really anybody noticing.

[D]

Same with cars. Same with baseball. Cards.

[Brett]

Barrett Jackson.

[D]

Right. Baseball cards. I mean all. All that kind of stuff.

[Brett]

Baseball cards.

[D]

Sell it again next year.

[Brett]

Is mentioned in the stuff I've been reading. It's like basically fine art is incredibly wealthy. People's trading card game.

[D]

Yeah.

[Brett]

And it's. You know, and you can. Because baseball cards have been caught in money laundering things like people. Oh, it's. It's my baseball card. I got all these baseball cards. That's what he's buying. But there's no reason for any baseball car like Mark McGuire's rookie card not to be. You know, like, question why somebody would spend $4 million or I got 4 million bucks. Like that's way higher than anybody was going to pay. Well, I want it to be. I want it to be mine. Like that seems too much. Well, they're getting rid of a bunch of money.

[E]

And that is based upon the. You know how obsolete is. There's only one time existence sometimes known.

[Brett]

Most artwork, the original. There's only one. But. Yes. So what if there's only one or two known? Yeah. Then you. But. But if it's worth 1 million and you spent 4, now it's worth 4 for a little while and then you start chunking out these massive amounts. It's crazy.

[E]

Well, there's a little aside on that card collection thing. I think it was last week a guy in Tucson who's. I think his brother passed away and he got his collection of cards from the 90s. Had a couple of shoe boxes. Never know.

[Brett]

Some monsters in there.

[E]

Over 500 Jordan.

[Brett]

And why. Why are they valuable? Because someone will pay for it.

[E]

Yep.

[Brett]

It's the same as your house. If you say your house is worth $100,000 and somebody goes, I'll give you a million bucks for it. And it doesn't appraise anything else. But the guy's still like, I'll give you a million dollars. Your house is now worth a million dollars. At least for a second while that transaction's happening. No loans are going to be taken out. You know, no bank's going to get behind it. But if he's willing to give you that, take it. And what does it do to the houses around you? Their value goes up. Baseball cards. There you go. There's a Honus Wagner $7.25 million for a baseball card. Just because people say that's its value. There's no inherent value. Diamonds are the same thing. Whatever we say it's worth is what it's worth. It's just a rock, but it's everything that has value is on that. And this guy says, what about that gas diaphragm thing downtown? Yeah. Her secret is patience is downtown artwork that cost a million and a half dollars to build. They did it upside down. Cost another million to turn it over. Because when the artist came by and said, you did it upside down, clearly you didn't follow the blueprints. And I'm like, well, you can't tell the difference upside down, right side up. Like, do it over.

[E]

Change it.

[Brett]

Spend another million and a half bucks flipping it over. It's still ugly and it's still stupid. But that lady is now valuable as a commissioned artist by cities. Her sculpture is worth so much. Her secret is patience. It is a gigantic diaphragm on three sticks. It looks like a seed catcher. It's just this big tube of. It looks like a Kong ball with. It's dumb. But because somebody. So now that money gets. And governments do it all the time, like city. We got to do art. Commission an art piece. We got a whole bunch of employed.

[E]

Right thing up in Scotland.

[Brett]

We've got dirty money we need to push around. That's a.

[D]

Were they putting a big bunch of big pots on the side of the road 51 years ago when they built.

[Brett]

It, I lived right by the wall. I'm close to it. And they still took some of the pots down. There's one with an octopus painted on it on 18th street as you head towards Granada Park. And it's still there. It's not on the wall anymore. They put it down next to it.

[E]

Oh yeah, that's right.

[Brett]

And it's the goofiest thing in the world. And then there's a teacup on the bridge that goes under that freeway at Maryland. There's a walking bridge or a walking tunnel. And above that is this big dumb red teapot. Know that's stupid. And again, somebody was like, what we. I got commissioned in the arts worth this, this and this. And then that guy can go and sell his stuff for more. It registered as like, oh, crooked ass artists are money launderers. And we, you know, we actually hold them in great reverence because they give us champagne to look at their stuff and we're supposed to. And they make you feel dumb. The average Joe goes into an art house that we feel dumb. I don't get it.

[E]

Do you see it?

[Brett]

It's a. It's a dot on a wall. It's. It's. It symbolizes the loneliness of man. Looks like a dot on a wall to me. I guess I'M too dumb. They say things that are horrible.

[Dick Toledo]

It's Dick Toledo. And new customers right now on FanDuel. Get 150 in bonus bets when your first five dollar wager wins. Just visit FanDuel.com KUPD to grab $150 in college hoops bonus bets with a winning five dollar bet and and prepare for March on FanDuel America's number one sports book 21 plus and President Arizona first online real money wager only five dollars first deposit require bonus issued as non withdrawable bonus bets which expire seven days after receipt. Restrictions apply. See [e-mail] gambling problem. Call 1-800-next-step or text NEXT STEP to 53342 Homburg's morning sickness.

[D]

A teapot costs $474,000.

[Brett]

See, and it doesn't make sense. I, I throw things at it. I put a keg in it once.

[D]

Did you really?

[Brett]

Yeah. One year I got up there and put a keg in it. Then I'm like this is gonna, somebody's gonna fall and break their neck.

[D]

475 basically for this?

[Brett]

Yeah. That teapot's sitting by a by. There's two of them. And then the octopus one. I don't know where that is. It's not in any of those. But you can go visit all these pots that are on the 51 wall. There's some dumb. That's for that green thing is 475.

[D]

That's what it said.

[Brett]

That is so stupid. And it's really dumb.

[D]

Man.

[Brett]

This should have been artists hidden. Exactly. I mean, and that's the thing I'm learning is it's to keep us dummies feeling dumb so we don't really explore it. When you feel stupid, you don't look into stuff most, most people aren't curious about things that make them feel really dumb. And especially established things. Art. The world of art. If I go in there, I don't get it. I'll see some things I like, see some things I don't. But I looked. I certainly look at that teapot. I would have told you. I don't know. I'll take this off your hands if you want it out of your yard. Yeah, but all you got to do is pay for the truck I have to rent. And he's like, oh no, no. That's half a million dollars. You can keep your teapot. There's the octopus right there. Third one blue. It's up to the up here. Yeah. That thing. It's Got, like, a weird fountain next to it.

[E]

It's on the giant vase.

[Brett]

Yeah, it's an octave. That's right. On 18th street next to the. It's on the inside of the freeway right off Bethany Home. So you're going up Bethany, kind of.

[D]

Where we rode to get. To get to the trail.

[Brett]

Literally. You go off the 51 on Bethany and go up 8 18th street, like, you're heading to Granada Park. It's on your left. It's just in a neighborhood.

[E]

That one looks like. Well, someone you know. The pools there, like a bird bath or something. And then the artist painted it. But the artist is the whole.

[Brett]

Oh, that's the whole. No, yeah, that's his art. That's his commissioned piece. The pots of the 51 and dumb Phoenix. And we were right to do it when they built all that stuff. We're driving down the 51 for the first time back in the 90s, going, what's with all the silverware? And why is. Who let their kitchen loose on top of these walls?

[E]

And that's. I mean, the art on there is, I think, Mosaic. Right.

[Brett]

I don't know. Ugly is the word I'd use. But again, we're dumb. So when you're dumb, artists can look at you and go, you don't understand. Like, I guess I don't. And then you feel stupid, so you don't talk about it. But if it's money laundering, that would be the perfect way to keep most people away, to stumble into it. So they.

[D]

They take them all off the freeway and just put them, like.

[Brett]

Yeah, they took them off the walls and they plastered them all over neighborhoods and plopped them down on walkways and stuff. Stuff. Yeah. That thing's dumb, too. That's. I know.

[D]

Where all got graffiti and stuff, too.

[Brett]

Nobody treats them with any respect. The bums piss all over that green teapot. Hilarious. I think there's still one embedded in the wall as you drive down the freeway. There's.

[E]

I think they keep.

[Brett]

Well, no, there. No, no, there's one on top still. It's a cup. It's like a weird. They have one up there, but I think they took most of them off. It's. Yeah, but it keeps dummies away. And when dummies stay away, people do. You know, it's not good. We talked them out of showing up and stumbling into this stuff. I love it. I think that's a great theory. Yeah. This guy says, when you feel stupid, you don't look into stuff. That quote this morning, a little bit ago. You just explained the Brady report. Exactly. When it's like, ah, I better not look into this because that's going to be. You don't want to dive into stuff you don't understand. It makes you dumber. Because then if you try to start talking about something you don't understand. You looked in a little bit. I don't get it. But that's what art is.

[D]

Oh, there's the underpass.

[Brett]

Yeah, that's the one with that big dumb pot on top. Yeah, I've chucked a. I've chucked it.

[D]

Probably full of Diet Coke hands.

[Brett]

It's loaded with garbage. It's up there pretty good, though. And it's not like an easy thing to get to. I made a terrible error putting a keg in that once. It really hard to get to. I had to pull a truck down into that. You can. You have to kind of drive through a guy's yard a little. But yeah, it's done. But it is kind of interesting to think tagged.

[D]

Oh, yeah.

[Brett]

If you get. Yeah, because nobody. Nobody thinks it's worth half of. And it isn't worth half a million dollars. They wouldn't leave it outside. Things worth half a million dollars in value in art, you don't plop it down and have people just have at.

[D]

It free for you said the diaphragm's worth a mil right now.

[Brett]

Well, that was how much it cost to put in. I can't imagine what that thing would be worth if she had to rebuild it in another city. We were 10 times that. Her secret is patience. Where'd you get that? I don't know. I made it up. It's crazy, somebody says. I'm surprised no one's offered you a ton of money to launder for the abstract art on your face called the nose of the Jew. Okay, thank you, Kyle. That's just rude. I'm not a piece of art.

[E]

We paid 4 million for our Alice in Chains bench out front of the office.

[Brett]

Well, because it kept getting wrecked and we won't just take it away. Yeah, it's just silly. It's a weird thing. And then I saw a thing yesterday. This is how I've always had a fear that I'd be. It's a fear of being arrested for something you didn't do. But as I've aged, I realized that the chances of being arrested for something you didn't do. Pretty slim. Unless you're pretty close to the thing. Right? So, I mean, if I'm hanging around and Brady, I'll Use Brady's example of like how Brady and I look almost identical to someone trying to. So if Brady committed a crime and they saw me, they're like, there's our guy. And I am too close to Brady if he's a criminal to not possibly be a role. That's our guy. I mean, you know, and then, then there'd be a lineup and you'd be like, clearly not our guy. Because average sighted people would understand other than what Brady assumes that I can be confused with. But so I used to think like, oh geez, you can't hang around bad people because they'll do bad things. And then you might go to jail just for being close. I've kind of gotten past that. I'm not doing anything awful, so I'm probably not going to get caught for something I didn't do. But this dude in England got arrested and is in front of his neighbors, he's handicapped. And he got arrested in front of his neighbors because someone falsely identified him as a dude on a bus masturbating at a lady. And so they described a gray haired guy, probably 45 to 55, in a wheelchair who was on the bus, right? And he's all those things. So somebody goes, I know where he lives. Like, no kidding? He's like, yep, I know the dude. They went right over to his house. They said it in England, they nicked him. Which I think is great. The cops are out in front. Roll him out, cuff him. Everybody's like, what's going on? What's going on? Makes the paper. That night this man caught arrested for masturbating on a. And his neighbors like, oh my God, that's horrible. Well, quietly they're like, sorry, I got the wrong guy. And they let him go. There's no news story. There's. He's got to go out of his way to be like, hey, make things right. Ruined me. You know how much money he got? 6 grand from the police for.

[E]

Sorry for the inconvenience.

[Brett]

Sorry about that. We probably should talk to the other people at the next wheelie meeting to stop beating off on buses. Or maybe you should stop taking it because they put my life in danger. I'm now the creep that masturbates in front of old ladies on buses. And they arrested me and made this big to do of it. And then when they were wrong, nobody said a thing. There should that. If you're arrested for that and then, you know, it's Richard Jewell down there in Atlanta, you're arrested for something, you didn't do. And your life gets ruined. And then they say, oh, sorry, that was our mistake. You get a city day. The city has to spend money to have a parade for you whether anybody comes or not. You get a road closed. You get to walk down. It's on the news. Today we celebrate Brent Naylor Day. He's the man, of course, falsely accused. You make a huge mistake, perhaps. Yeah. Mistake parades for when they screw up and then they give you a ton of money at the end and they make a big screwy to do of your. You get a full day, and forever is Brent Naylor Day. What does he do? Oh, and then you're always the. You're the hero that got. You'd never do it. And somebody say, what's Brent Naylor Day? Oh, he beat off on a bus in front of a lady. They'd be like, no, Your story would get told over and over. If they ever close a road. What's the fastest way to get people to know what's going on? Why in the F is central closed? Oh, some gay guy. It's a mistake, but we always know why. Oh, they're honoring.

[E]

We have way too many.

[Brett]

They're honoring the gays again. Again. And then, oh, what is it today? And then, you know what day it is. You know who started it. You know who's behind it. Parades are the fastest way to piss everybody off to know the truth.

[E]

Imagine if they had to. You know, if it is that way, obviously the guy it was, he didn't do it. The news had to cover that as much as they did beforehand.

[Brett]

Yep. But nobody pays attention.

[D]

Nobody cares.

[Brett]

Retribution. People turn it. You're only interested if you hear of a dude beating off on a bus at an old lady. You're sticking around for that story. You're not sticking around for the one man. We were wrong about that.

[E]

We had the wrong guy.

[Brett]

The wrong guy. Here's the real guy. It's already over. You already got your story, and the name's out Said. Despite officers quickly realizing he wasn't their man, all the neighbors knew already. He had to go tell them what was going on. It was police incompetence. And arresting him for indecent exposure he didn't commit made him the subject of verbal and physical attacks. Since he's come home, he is disabled. He's has been assaulted. He was evicted from his house and banned from his favorite pub because everybody in this small neighborhood thought that it was real. He was handcuffed by six officers at his front door. He Said they pinned it all on me and they didn't investigate anything. Somebody just said it was a handicapped guy on the bus. Description of the guy was six feet. I'm not even close. I'm five eight. Suddenly a guy, five eight is screaming, I'm five eight. That's a proud moment. I'm five eight. I'm swimming. The other guy was evidently a little bit fat. They just heard handicapped and they put my life in danger. So then he's got lawyers and stuff that are trying to get more. But the cops just said, six grand gonna cover this? He's like, no, well, we're giving it to you anyway. Yeah, it's all they had to do is they released closed caption television imagery everywhere. And they put. And the public got it. And then that's when the guy said, I know who that is. Is that handicapped guy that lives down the street from me. He's been cleared of everything. He said, I was just. This happened just before Christmas when I got out. I went to the hospital. Cause somebody hit me in the head from behind with I think was a bottle. But I was out. I don't know. He's got a big lump on his head. Plunked him with a bottle. So this isn't nice getting called a nonce. Nonce is British for a convicted sex offender. I don't even know why that is, but I. I think I like it. It's embarrassing. He said there's still people after me because they don't know the truth yet. So it's my job to get it out there because no one else will do it. Can you imagine? I'm. I've always worried about ending up in jail for something I didn't do. But that's why I stay away from, you know, broke, broke dicks and stuff like that. I like those people always like, I just robbed something. I'm getting hell out of here.

[D]

But would you rather admitted that you were 58 or go to jail and say you were 6 foot?

[Brett]

If I had. If my innocence depended on me screaming to the public that I'm 5ft 8 inches tall, I'd rather beat off on the old lady. I did it. Like what? They described him as six feet. They did? Yes. Yeah, that's me. I did this. Most guys fight like I know are sitting down.

[E]

I'm guessing he's six feet. Yeah, I mean, I'm, you know, because he's a.

[Brett]

Our own Scott Haynes is like 5, 3. If somebody described him as 6ft and then accused him of a terrible Beat off bus crime. He'd probably go, would you? Six feet tall, it looks like you got your man.

[D]

That's me.

[Brett]

That's me. Yeah. It's a weird. Ooh, great point by Scott Haynes. He just came in, said, I was talking to somebody yesterday about, remember how they tried to make NFTs?

[E]

Yeah.

[Brett]

The laundering money, it didn't take. It's too hard to understand.

[D]

Anyway, whatever happened with that, that just went away.

[Brett]

Yeah. Because nobody got it. Nobody understood how it works.

[E]

Money on him.

[D]

Oh, yeah.

[Brett]

I'll tell you that. That was a discussion five years ago and the last time I had to talk about contract anything. And I don't get too deep into negotiation stuff. It was like that came up and I'm like, I don't even know what that is. And he goes, well, we can take chunks of what you've done and sell them to people. I'm like, who would buy, like, a phrase? I said, oh, that's going to be the future. And I'm like, all right, I don't get it. But okay, better start trademarking stuff, Right? Trademark every. I didn't get it. And it still probably will come back and haunt us. But I. Look, I don't care. My buddy Jordan says you get described as over 6ft with tons of hair and you show up. Yeah, I shaved it to try to evade the law. That was me. Inhaled it. A big hairy six footer. Yeah, but to get accused of that and then go back to your house and look around and everybody's looking at you like.

[E]

And you're not allowed in your house.

[Brett]

There's the old mate. Beats off in front of old ladies. You beat off in front of the pensioners. You son of a. I didn't do it. Act clearly. You 6ft tall, 225 pounds a man. I guess it is me. They say things that are horrible. Holmberg's morning sickness. Yeah, those are. Those are those moments that I do fear because. But then you'd have to think, did I beat off on an old lady? How drunk was I? Like, I never did that. And it's also why I don't ride the bus. I'm not afraid I'm gonna beat off on somebody, but I certainly look at the people at bus stops and think they're capable of it. Every time I drive by a bus stop, I'm like, ugh, somebody's gonna get shot in. I don't. I wouldn't ride the bus for that very reason. I don't want to get money shotted on my Way downtown. It's bad enough sometimes I'll get on that light rail, but usually only for a game because that's the day that the normals ride. When you're just riding light rail from A to B on a non event day, there is a strong chance you're going to get bleached. I mean strong.

[E]

It's not sitting.

[Brett]

Oh, oh, you're sitting on it. There's. I think the chairs are made of it. The only place. Like subway trains and things like that. The only place those chairs feel and look like that. It's because that stuff slides off like quicksilver. Just shoots off of it. We can't put regular. That's why cop cars. The backseat of a cop car is all plastic. They'll poop and pee and do all sorts of horrible stuff back there.

[E]

And they hose it out.

[D]

Hose it out.

[Brett]

Can't have regular people seats. And if you ever sit on pure plastic at a place, just realize they know what is. You know, you go to old folks homes, there's a whole room. None of those cloth seats are in there anymore. They know. But that's why you get on that train pretty much that hard, awful plastic. Because somebody's about to quicksilver your face. That's a fact.

[D]

It's like those crazy rides at the state fair. Somebody jacks on and they just come.

[Brett]

Out with the hose.

[D]

Some hillbillies just out there with a garden hose.

[E]

Jack and yak.

[Brett]

It makes it. So we got quick turn around to the next one. Next. Looks like we got a little Debbie's on top of this one. Get the hose, son. Yeah, you're getting cream pie all over. Because that. And that's why the seats are plastic. That's why I don't ride the bus. A, getting, getting it thrown at you. B, being accused of it. And people all bald guys look alike. So if some bald guy starts beating off and I'm a regular rider of the bus, they're gonna be like, I'm pretty sure that was him. They all look like Walter White. I'm like, Great.

[E]

It's the 10th lineup this week.

[Brett]

I'm not riding bus. I don't. I don't frequent places where dudes get caught, beaten off publicly. I just stay away from that. That's why I stopped seeing that Dr. Jordan. That's all he wanted to do. And now I'm gonna knock you out. I'm like, if I wake up in a spider web again. Oh, that's the medicine. It just makes you feel that way. You shouldn't do this job. You should work in real estate. And then speaking of surgeries, the other guy I have to applaud. He's an actual surgeon, Brett. If we'd have known, we'd have done this. He's a hero. He's calling himself very brave. Formed his own vasectomy.

[D]

Oh, no.

[E]

Did you see how long.

[Brett]

Huh?

[E]

It was? He livestreamed it.

[Brett]

Oh, the time. Time. Finish your goddamn thoughts. How long? What? His balls were. No, I know he livestreamed it, which I wasn't allowed to do because I tried to do that with mine, but then some broad, some uptight broad on Facebook called it.

[D]

And yours was done by a professional, right?

[Brett]

That's hillbilly.

[D]

An exacto knife.

[Brett]

I'm Facebook live in this thing. We have 40,000 views in the first minute. And then. And I said it. This isn't sexual. If you think this is sexual, you're a weirdo. And some lady said, how dare you put a male genitals sexualizing them. Like what you're the one doing. Read the thing before and then Facebook shut it down.

[Dick Toledo]

And by the way, you have to be involved with our show somehow anyway for you.

[Brett]

But she didn't. And look, my scrotum is disgusting. It's worse than all our nines. Mine's worse than even the worst. I have a really weird.

[E]

It's low hanging fruit.

[Brett]

Tons of all right, that's low hang. Oh, God, we're in a spareness.

[E]

That's what I thought Toledo was saying.

[Dick Toledo]

Sorry I set that one up. That's not what I was saying.

[Brett]

Christ, I want everybody to take a lap and I'm even gonna follow behind for even knowing you guys. You thought that's what he said, then you repeated it. You made it twice as bad. Oh, anyway, where do I go from here?

[D]

The live are doing.

[Brett]

Your new nickname is air brakes.

[E]

Thanks, Toledo.

[Brett]

Yeah, thanks, Toledo.

[D]

I'm going to see what David Mahoney are doing.

[Brett]

Yeah, me too. Crazy. It can't be worse than doubling down on terrible dad jokes. Would Dr. Rick just show up and go, guys, really low hanging fruit joke. Anyway, pretty cool story about that guy and what happened with me and my balls, but I have bad. I'll get back to it as best I can. I'm sorry, everybody. My scrotum is weird. It's too much skin. Not enough ball.

[Dick Toledo]

Your beard is weird.

[Brett]

It is. It's very strange. There's an awful lot of skin. I talked to my friend Dorsey years ago and I'm like, how do you get because he was talking about shaving his stuff. I'm like, how do you do it? How do you shave your balls?

[Dick Toledo]

He uses a used razor.

[Brett]

Oh, yeah, I tried that.

[D]

Yeah, you gotta get close.

[Brett]

It's like shaving ruffles. I can't shave ruffles. I have to pull. And now I've got this weird.

[Dick Toledo]

Oh, yeah.

[Brett]

It's like I'm sharpening a knife in the 1800s, making sales. Oh.

[D]

When I went to see Dr. Lynn, the nurse comes in and checks out. She goes, oh, nice, Mike.

[Brett]

Well, thank you.

[D]

She goes, no, nice shaving job.

[Brett]

Oh, okay. I didn't get that. She grabbed a razor and kept going. Oh, really? I'm like, I didn't do a very good job. Huh? And she's literally moved my wiener around like a joystick. I'm like, can we cover that up? Just pulling on it, playing Missile Command. And I'm just laying there. I didn't put that part on Facebook Live. Then they covered up my pee pee, and my balls came out of that weird piece of paper and they were splayed all over the place like a fat guy that jumped out of a third story window. And they're just laying there and he starts carving away. And then some lady comes on and says, it's sexual. You're the one making that. What about this? What about you, weirdo? What about fire, lasers, needles and testicles is sexual to you? To the point where you're complaining? You're the only one that saw it as sexual. At least you got it shut down. So I tried to be brave. This doctor performed, and again, he looks like Dr. Lin. I think all those doctors look alike.

[D]

Well, yeah.

[Brett]

Well, not because of that. They're all just doctors. They're in the mask and hat.

[D]

Okay. That's what you're going with that guy?

[Brett]

I don't know what you're saying, but yeah. He said, I am really brave. Father of three decided to get snipped as a gift to his wife, ensured the couple didn't have any more kids. Because even though it's the best gift you can be given, you'll cut your nuts off to not have another one. He said. He opted for the thing and said that's it. And he decided to do it himself. Film the whole thing, put it online. Fantastic work. And it needs to be seen. I used to be afraid of it too, until I had it done. And I tell you two things. I think, Bret, you're with me. And I warned you. First shot, noticeably uncomfortable pinch, right? Not a nice Feeling not horrible, but not nice. I didn't know there was a second shot because he said, that's it. There you go. That's all the pain you're gonna feel. I'm like, oh, that wasn't so bad. And then a few seconds later, after the smoke cleared in the room from burning up my nuts, I started to feel that same pain again. What's going on? He goes, I gotta do the other one. Like, oh. So I warned Brett. Yeah, second shot sounds good. You need to know there's two shots, because they just go right in. There's no. Like, you're gonna. I'm shooting you again. And then it's fantastic for me, but I cannot shave my balls. And that girl was trying. She had trouble with it.

[D]

Really?

[Brett]

Yeah, because they're just everywhere. And it's. It's so I have, like, my. My ball sack looks a little bit like a werewolf on a half moon. Like, there's hairs. If I shave it, there's, like, spot patches. I can't get it all shorn, guys. Yeah, Patch. Patchy sack. And I can't get the corners and edges. I'd have to lay it out and, like, pin it to things to get it all stretched out.

[D]

So she's got clothes pins out there and everything.

[Brett]

I would. I would have to do.

[E]

It's some of Brett's videos when they splay those guys out.

[D]

Oh, yeah.

[Brett]

So when you do it. Nailing it down, Are you cold and high and tight when you shave it? Because I can't do it. I've tried every. I've tried clippers. I've tried razors. Nothing.

[D]

I'm not high in type. I'm probably just, like, average because it's. I just kind of stretch around.

[Brett]

Can I come move it out? Come over and watch.

[D]

Well, you know, I mean, sitting down.

[Dick Toledo]

Standing up.

[Brett]

Yeah, sitting. Standing.

[D]

Stamming.

[Brett]

Standing. So that weird. Kind of hunched over. Coca Cola.

[Dick Toledo]

Put a leg up on the counter. Yeah.

[Brett]

You do the Coca Pelle and you do the Heisman.

[Dick Toledo]

Yeah, kind of.

[Brett]

Don't do that.

[Dick Toledo]

I can't do this.

[D]

Hands open.

[Dick Toledo]

Don't do that.

[Brett]

He just.

[D]

Hands open.

[Brett]

I know, but that's. That's fingers of. Yes. Don't.

[D]

Right.

[Brett]

You're not a Nazi. But it did look from the corner. Yeah, I can't do it. You razor. Up yours.

[E]

Electric, but not laser electric. I'm the same thing.

[D]

I gotta go.

[Brett]

I want to go.

[D]

Yeah, you got to get clean.

[Brett]

Yeah, I agree.

[E]

And I want to get every now and then.

[Brett]

Well, yeah, that's just till you get used to it. But I can't.

[Dick Toledo]

Yeah, I caught myself once.

[Brett]

I wish I could do it. This guy says, I'm not sure I'd let an Asian anywhere near my nuts. I want the person sniffing and cliff and have their eyes all the way open. All right. David. David Vasquez, you are trouble. Tom says, I've been shaving mine for over 20 years. No problems at all. I've cut myself maybe five times. I don't cut myself. It just drags over and doesn't get to the root of the deal. So then I've got. It's like. Yeah, I just got like. It's like, I don't understand how when fat guys have those hot dog packs in the back of their bald heads and they got to shave into that crease, you got to spread that way open.

[D]

You have to lean forward and stretch it out. Or I don't know.

[Brett]

I don't have Oscar Meyer head on the back. We see those guys standing. They got those six packs of wad lumps. Are you trying to go around? Are you checking for you. I don't think I've noticed. You're in a hot dog pack. Turn around. I've never noticed. Put your head up. It wouldn't.

[Dick Toledo]

Well, we can't tell.

[Brett]

Well, you got a little.

[D]

There's one or two in there dent.

[Brett]

But you don't have the hot dog pack. No, I would never put, like an armor stamp on that. Like, you know what I'm talking about. Those guys. Yeah, it looks like six, but I'm.

[E]

I'm thinking even leaning forward, that doesn't go away. Like putting their head down.

[Brett]

Well, it definitely stretch better because when you're sitting, roll is. You're going to get lines either way. I got to learn how to do that. But get yourself a vasectomy, and this guy did it himself. 4 million views he got. Cause it's a curiosity, and it opens the eyes of a lot of people that shouldn't be having kids. And again, I know parents, what a gift it is to have children. But I also know that it's a celebration when you cut off your nuts or the wife gets fixed. Because now that nightmare ends. It's the best day of my life ever. But I'd like to cut my nuts off so it never happens again. It was the best day of your life. You'd want to recreate it over and over, wouldn't you?

[Dick Toledo]

No, we did it. We created our master.

[Brett]

You did it once, and that's it. And I cut my nuts off.

[E]

I think the live stream was two hours. That's a procedure that I was in.

[D]

And out of there in 20 minutes.

[E]

Yeah, they're saying 10 to 20 minutes. You should be.

[Brett]

But he's DIY and he's. I mean, that's the thing.

[E]

He's going over everything.

[Dick Toledo]

That's like the Span Neuter clinic does volume business too. You know, get Dr. Lynn in there and he's just.

[D]

Oh, he's going room to room.

[Brett]

It's amazing, though, when you think about.

[Dick Toledo]

Oh, absolutely.

[Brett]

Like diy, that positioning can't be. He's got to sit up. He's gotta. He gets to see his own balls, which is kind of.

[Dick Toledo]

Did you watch the video?

[Brett]

I haven't seen it. I saw the clips.

[Dick Toledo]

I didn't see the whole video kind.

[Brett]

Of performed as well. He's kind of just sitting on a 45.

[E]

I said there was one part where it was really painful, and that was to adjusting. And they were saying that on the live feed.

[Dick Toledo]

Adjusting what? Like, oh, he had to go in.

[E]

There when he made the first incision.

[Brett]

Oh, well, then his needle didn't work. You can't feel a thing for that needle.

[Dick Toledo]

Smelled was the first thing you knew. It was the only thing I knew.

[Brett]

It was going on after that. Smoke. Smoke. They're smoking as a burning smell.

[Dick Toledo]

Is it that burned skin smell?

[Brett]

Yes, sort of. But it's. I don't even. I don't. Toledo. I don't know what that smells like. I've never burned a human being.

[D]

It's freedom.

[Brett]

But to me, I associate the smell with. With happiness and freedom and zero college education bills.

[E]

Barbecue.

[Brett]

No, not barbecue. That's cannibalism. Why do you bring food in there? Why in the world would you think food about burning human nuts? Listen to yourself before you say another word. Barbecue. No. Flesh burning of a human being is eaty. I mean, illegal.

[Dick Toledo]

Is that because we had the barbecue discussion last week about ribs?

[Brett]

No.

[E]

When I did that years ago, did that laser hair remove.

[Dick Toledo]

Oh, I know. I was there.

[E]

Yeah.

[Brett]

You thought you started thinking of McRibs.

[E]

I made it. It smelled a friar.

[Brett]

All right.

[D]

Where'd you get the laser hair removed?

[Dick Toledo]

I don't remember that, but I do remember it.

[Brett]

Hungry.

[Dick Toledo]

It was like. Like pork rinds. His skin look like pork rind.

[Brett]

He gets hungry when he smells his own flesh burning. That's good.

[E]

That's been.

[Brett]

That's buttered pretty. Just pops an apple in his mouth and lays there.

[Dick Toledo]

Did that take, too?

[E]

I don't know why they asked me to do that.

[Brett]

Yeah, well, I do.

[E]

The apple in the mouth.

[Brett]

Yeah, and he also went in nothing but a. A blazer. It was like, Porky Pigs outfit. Like, what are you doing? Homburg's morning sickness. Disgusting. They say things that are horrible. UPD. Homburg's morning sickness. Little bow tie in a blazer. Ready for whatever you want to do to me. Let's just. Let's make this smell like a Guy Fieri kitchen. That's all, folks. Barbecue. Talking about smoking a man's ball sack, and you want to eat something.

[Dick Toledo]

Brady, I'm sorry to bring it up, but I've seen the video of you trying to reach for a windshield wiper. There's no way you're reaching for your dong.

[E]

I'm not doing shaving. Dyi.

[Brett]

You call it dyi. That's do yourself in. Do yourself in. That's what you'd be doing. I would like a tutorial on nut shaving, but that's pretty brave, so if you're gonna. It made me think of vasectomies and how beautiful they are and what a wonderful gift that is from the medical community. And now the doctors can do it to themselves. And.

[Dick Toledo]

Jesus, Brett, being Italian, that first try must have been like taking a weed whacker down there. It's no wonder you do a razor now just to keep the forest trimmed.

[Brett]

Man.

[D]

When I had to shave was made by steel.

[Brett]

That was the worst part. They called me the day before, and they're like, dude, you got to make sure it's shaved this morning, like before. I mean, it has to be clean.

[D]

Yeah.

[Brett]

And I was so proud of it. And then she lifted up my. And at the base of my root. Yeah. Like. Like life had begun. Like, you know, when planets, like, well, look up. It's alive. Hitler's mustache. And she was so quiet. She knew right where it went, and just start shaving. I'm like, oh, geez. And she just starts hooking it. And then the next thing you know, she's pulling that ball sack down, dragging that razor over, and I'm like, oh, my God. I'm like, I thought I did a pretty good job.

[Dick Toledo]

She goes, yeah, I don't know about you guys. When I got my vasectomy, they shaved my balls, too. Of course, after it grew back in, though, it was like my johnson was laying on two prickly pears. Oh, worst.

[D]

You gotta keep it clean.

[Brett]

Keep it going.

[D]

Gotta keep it clean.

[Brett]

Yeah, I agree with that. I. And that's why I want to do that better? Because having hair on your balls is.

[D]

Yeah, because when it starts growing back, it's not good.

[Dick Toledo]

I challenge your Bobs, John, to that. There's no other radio show that describes pube shaving as a cocopelli.

[Brett]

That's right.

[Dick Toledo]

Thank Beth. Think Beth ever discusses shaving her her balls?

[Brett]

Yeah, yeah.

[D]

Look, she need a chainsaw.

[Brett]

That's what makes the show great. We keep it local. Coca Pelli is the thing. You guys all understand.

[D]

Heisman.

[Brett]

The Heisman. Everybody knows that. It's not really local. We'll never see one here. Third place, best you can get. But yeah, we know. Yeah. No, no. Bob in a corporate office who's ruined radio up and down. Oh, Jesus. Bob's had a thing trying to make us. Well, what do we do to make people listen at home again? I don't know. You guys broke it, okay. He can't come to the meetings anymore. You're the ones who wrecked it because you didn't see the writing on the wall with computers and stuff. We gotta get people listening at home to the radio first. You have to buy him a radio. Jeez. Why don't we just focus on what we are doing right instead of trying to make it 1988 again? Who invites? Just saying. We need an ad campaign to make people want to listen in their kitchens. That's the phone. We've been focused on that. That's how they're going to do it. But back at home, remember in the old days, you're 70 and you're running radio like it's going to be. It's not going back there. I'm not listening to you anymore, Bobs. I'm going to go talk about shaving my nuts. That's not good.

[E]

Why does he do this to us?

[Brett]

That's bad radio. How is he in first place for 20 years? He's doing the opposite of what we asked.

[Dick Toledo]

Jeremiah has texted him from his middle of his snowstorm in South Carolina. Says, dudes, just wax your balls already.

[Brett]

Wax them.

[E]

What?

[D]

He said, use Nair too. Doesn't that burn?

[Brett]

It does burn. You can't put it on your balls. It'll eat your balls out.

[D]

Two people have said that, though.

[Brett]

Don't do it.

[D]

I'm not going to.

[Brett]

I did it on my head once and I smelled like a condom for about a month. It burned my skin into this rubber. Weird smell. And then you read on the thing. Do not use on your head or jaw. Genitals. I'm like, well, I'm all for one there.

[E]

Late.

[Brett]

Yeah, it Was too late. And my head stunk like. Like you remember. Remember people get perms?

[D]

Yeah.

[Brett]

And you could smell the perm for like months. That's how my head smelled.

[D]

Do you smell like a pack of Trojans?

[Brett]

Yeah, the way my throat feels like onions today. My head. Yeah, I smelled like a pack of used magnums. Whatever the chemical is gets in your skin, and then when the sun hits it, it just goes right into everybody's nose. I stunk for a full solid seven days. It was awful. Couldn't wash it off because my head burned so bad. Minoxidil used to do that too, when they first invented Rogaine. I tried it because I'm like my Bill Osborne at Tony Room. You're losing it, kid. It's not gonna be. I know you're only 18, but trust me. And he had the high hairline. I'm on it myself and it's saving the day. So it went and got Rogaine, and I'd put it on there and you rub it in and it like, Jesus Christ, that stinks. And then my head lit up like I had a sunburn because I was doing something wrong. They've changed it since. Now you can just eat pills.

[Dick Toledo]

John, I like, you have a real big sack. It's a problem.

[Brett]

It is.

[Dick Toledo]

I put mine in ice water before I shave it. It comes out perfect.

[Brett]

Hey, it's a lot of work to just not have a hairy nut sack. And the guy said, you know, a lot of the times on the Internet, it gives a synopsis of what the show's about so far. This morning on the Jewburg program. Nazis and ball shaving tutorials. You guys are flaming out, bro. Yeah. Yeah. Travis, you will get that talk on Beth's show.

[Dick Toledo]

John, can you please explain to people, because there are a significant amount out there who believe this. That associating a vasectomy with having your nuts chopped off is not the same thing. My brother in law and my best friend firmly believe that I've been neutered. Half of the men who I've discussed it with believe the same. That I no longer have balls.

[Brett]

Favorite phrase I got after my vasectomy. Favorite thing I ever heard. I told somebody I got a vasectomy. He's like, oh. And this is from an educated man, not a dummy. And he sat there and he goes, I don't know, man. I'm like, hey, if you don't. You know. And he was single. So I'm like, you don't want to take the risk or where you Know, you knock somebody up and it's potentially problems forever. And he goes, I don't know. I do it. I don't want kids, but I still like to squirt on abroad. And I'm like, that doesn't go away. What he thought afterwards. I just dry coughed out a little dust. Dust like speed buggy. Sorry. It's like an old man in the desert. Like. No, no, they don't get rid of that.

[E]

What is it?

[Brett]

How does it still do stuff? You cut off the tubes, you still produce. They cut off the. Read a book, go look at the anatomy of your nuts. There's. There's different ways that one thing leads to another and these tubes get. What if I want to change my mind? I'm like, then you don't get the one I got. Where they burn it to the ground. Mine is torched. No chance of mind changing. I can be 80 and be like, maybe technology will come up with something new. But I am. Mine was. He goes, he kept reminding me, you're doing an irreversible one, right? I'm like, yep, okay. And he had like a torch. He likes it.

[D]

Welder helmet.

[Brett]

Yeah. Goes a helmet down, burns. I'm gonna sew him to the side. That's fine. It's a good beat. Get that back together. I don't want to see a seam either.

[Dick Toledo]

Is yours irreversible too?

[D]

Oh, yeah, yeah.

[Brett]

Burn it up. Oh, yeah.

[Dick Toledo]

You're 50.

[D]

Take it out.

[Brett]

Yeah.

[Dick Toledo]

Why do you need that?

[Brett]

I'm 52, first of all.

[Dick Toledo]

Well, he's 50.

[D]

Yeah.

[Brett]

I thought you said 55.

[Dick Toledo]

No.

[Brett]

Well.

[D]

And he kept questioning you too, like, are you sure? I've never been more sure about anything in my life.

[Dick Toledo]

How many times did you have to.

[Brett]

Dr. Lynn said to me, he goes, okay, to make sure. Hold on. And he ran out of the room and he came back in with a kid. And I punched the kid in the face and goes, he ready? He showed all I want of these. He shot it into trash. Dr. Lynn was the best anyway. Just another tip of the cap to the brilliance that is the vasectomy. It's glorious. And you can't even have one of those, like, weird, like, Brady, you're in that time frame now where if you're hosing your wife and you're assuming, ah, everything's clear. But then she has one of those miracle Daily Mirror babies at age 50 something. It's like, oh, no, she had one good one left. And now we've got some sped running around the house that I Didn't want in the first place. Now he's gonna live with me until I die. And I gotta figure out a way to put him in some home when he's gone. Because no 50 year old woman has a normal kid. Read those stories. She's 62 and she got pregnant. I mean you know who's the. Nobody's happy about that. You ever notice when they do those stories of the miracle babies and some 60 year old lady, there's never a guy next to her with his arm around her. Isn't this a gift from God? Like he's gone. He full Toledo's.

[D]

I'm out.

[Brett]

You're what? I'm pregnant. You're 60. I'm gonna call the news. I'm gonna call a cab. Not sticking around for this. That thing's gonna come out a puddle. We gotta name it. Wheel it around forever. It's not gonna be normal. That dried up stale bread you've got in there making babies. Those eggs. Those eggs said 1998 on them. You're still cooking those? I ain't eating that.

[Dick Toledo]

John, tell your buddy that my. My friend had his prostate removed. He does dry fire.

[Brett]

Yeah, you do dry fire on that. I have a current friend who is going through prostate cancer stuff and they told him like it's. It's going to start looking a little bit like a mentally kid throwing up and then it's going to stop completely.

[Dick Toledo]

Apparently you still get to that point but there's just nothing happens, right?

[Brett]

And then the sadness of your penis that looks back at you and goes what happened? I'm trying to try, Rich. I got nothing to give.

[Dick Toledo]

Bring Brian Allen into it.

[Brett]

I can't do it, Frankie. Look, try baby, try anyway. You still get to scored on abroad, you weirdos.

[Dick Toledo]

John, this show's all about timing. I'm driving right now and when you brought up the blowtorch to the nuts, I smelled somebody's exhaust and the combination of the two was disgusting. And I'm now horrified.

[Brett]

And he misses Porkopolis like Brady. You lucky bastard. Exhaust smell and the smell of burning flesh. 7.99. What do you got on the big board of musical treats?

[D]

Everybody wake up. Song brought to you by Action Ride Shop. And we're getting closer to the second location being opened up there on Power Road McDowell for all you mountain bikers up there on the Hawes trail. So keep an eye on actionrideshop.com but don't forget the main store is still open. Number one still open there on Gilbert Road and Southern All Your snowboarding and skis. I don't even want to ask. Plus all your mountain bike supplies over there at Action Ride Shop, Gilbert Road and Southern. Or just go visit Josh and the boys over [e-mail].

[Brett]

Said I'd have killed to see Brady checking the back of his head for a pack of hot dogs. Not because he thought it was a skin. He just thought last night's prayers were answered. I could just grow hot dogs on my head. Are they there? It is weird when you see a guy who's got that and they standing up straight. Big old plump thing.

[Dick Toledo]

Look at the TV again.

[Brett]

Ballparks there. Yeah, look at the tv. I don't think you've got them. You don't have the hot.

[E]

Throw your pants down. Look at the tv.

[Brett]

Jesus Christ. Calm down.

[Dick Toledo]

I'm trying to help you out.

[Brett]

Yeah, you don't have the hot. You can't see it. Yeah, he's letting you know you don't have them.

[E]

I'm just giving you words. Not good enough.

[Brett]

I'm trying to show you, you prick.

[E]

I've seen the back of my house.

[Brett]

You have?

[E]

They're called mirrors.

[Brett]

How many you got in there? You're doing that to us?

[E]

One on the side.

[Brett]

Okay, I'm gonna go ahead and debate this. Why in the f. Did you have to check so hard then, just a second ago, if you already knew the answer by looking in the mirrors back in front?

[E]

Because I was putting my head back and seeing.

[Brett]

Right. So you didn't know.

[E]

I know. I have that little dimple, right?

[Brett]

Well, that's what we were saying. You were checking. I'm like, let's see. I don't think. I don't think you've got them. And you turned and I'm due for a cut. All right. Nobody cares about this. Just trying to be nice to him. Geez, that should be old.

[Dick Toledo]

I thought I was helping.

[Brett]

I thought so, too. Here, I'll show you. You don't have them, man. You were checking for the hot dogs. Evidently, he's fully aware of what's going on there in his house of mirrors. It's not easy to look at the back of your head. Your head's in the way. Let's go. What do you got?

[D]

Megadeth. Dope Rammstein. Which I can't even begin to pronounce that for Elon. Nina 99 loft balloons for. For Elon. Falco de Karma. Or him. Tesla, Modern day cowboy. Boba Flex. Megadeth.

[Brett]

There you go.

[D]

Creed.

[Brett]

Tesla, Modern day Cowboy it's been a minute. All right, that's for Elon catching all that heat. And again, if he does it again, we got a problem right now. Calm down. Modern Day Capital. Haven't heard this in a long time. Tesla's cool. So I'm at Big Surf, man. Pretty neat shot. School. Warrant and Tesla at Big Surf. I think it was 1989. It's a pretty good show in that corner over in the sand. When they used to have that Big Surf used to be a thing.

[D]

But at night, because you burned your.

[Brett]

Feet off, and I think it was the day before was the Red Hot Chili Peppers. And was that. Was it Pearl Jam two nights in a row? No, that was just before they. They did something later. But Chili Peppers played the night before. And then it was Tesla and Warrant. It was great, but Tesla killed it. Like they should have been a much bigger deal. But then they came out with their other albums, and they were terrible. But this one was good. Well, Susie and Modern Day Cowboy and.

[D]

I didn't like Signs.

[Brett]

Signs was done. I didn't either. It was a hippie song.

[D]

Yeah.

[Brett]

What was the love. The love. A love.

[D]

Love song or Love story or Love song.

[Brett]

All right, you ready, Rich?

[D]

Yep.

[Brett]

There you go. Modern Day Cowboy for Tesla. For you, Elon. Put your hand down. It's 98 KUPD, Arizona's most powerful, powerful rock radio station.