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A
You're listening to the HMS Podcast, brought to you by MMP Guns.com, your most trusted online marketplace for firearms, ammunition, and accessories. Hey, it's Brett Vesely, and I'm here with Byron from MMP Guns. Look, Byron, I have a friend wanting to sell some guns he inherited. What's the best way for him to do that?
B
Brett, the last thing you want to do is sell the gun to someone who can't legally own one. Tell him not to put himself at risk and come into M and P Guns, where he'll get a fair offer and he can rest easy knowing it's not getting into the wrong hands.
A
Okay, but what if he lives out of state?
B
Easy. Legalgunbuyer.com and he can do it. It's really that simple.
A
There you have it. MMP Guns or legalgunbuyer.com the safe and legal way to sell your firearms.
C
It's John Holberg here from the morning sickness to tell you about Game Day Men's Health. Game Day Men's Health is a life changer for a lot of you guys out there who've hit a certain age, we won't mention it. Maybe you don't recover from workouts as well. Maybe you just don't feel like you're you. I wasn't recovering from workouts, and I.
D
Didn'T feel as good.
C
I got on Samoralin, which is an awesome peptide. It felt, feels great. My skin feels cleaner. I feel better about me. Don't let age be a number that stops you from doing stuff. Head on down to Game Day Men's Health and get yourself back to being you. Gamedaymen's health.com.
D
The old method of treatment for a person in this condition was to throw him in jail. All right, there you go, Volbeat. That's Shotgun Blues. I've got this little primate in my. My shirt.
E
He's totally calmed you.
D
He's awesome. Well, I don't want to move too fast. He's in. He won't get out of my shirt, and I don't want him out. I think I would like this life better than the one I was leading. This is a better world to have a monkey in your shirt.
C
It's a monkey.
D
Yeah, primate, technically. Monkey. Get over here. Christy. No one can hear you. No one hear cries.
F
All monkeys are primates, but not all primates are monkeys. So this is a cousin to the monkey, cousin to monkey, cousin to lemurs. It's a bush baby, right? But it is a primate.
D
We used to have one of these working here.
E
We did.
D
Yeah we did. We had a girl here that looked a lot like she was nocturnal.
E
It was the largest bush baby.
D
She was huge for a bush baby. Small for a person.
E
Yeah.
D
But we're pretty sure that the breeding program you're working on. We watched it constantly.
E
Crashing symbols.
D
Yeah.
E
And asking for money. You know.
D
What is a bush baby's main job in the world?
F
They're an insectivore, so they help regulate the insect population. They go around at night and just eat massive amounts of insects.
D
Okay. And that's it.
E
They help stop malaria.
F
And they're also terrible. Pretty low on the food chain. So a lot of things.
D
What eats them?
F
Anything bigger than them that's nocturnal. I mean snakes, birds of prey.
D
How do they find them? Like these things are so fast.
F
No, there's. And that's how they're going to get away from predators. So they do have that advantage to.
D
Burrow and hide and be like.
F
Yeah. They're just going to.
E
And cuts down probably a little bit since they're active at night. So it definitely, you know, nocturnal. The predators.
D
Which I'm pretty sure you can't have a bad day if you've got one of these in your shirt. I'm pretty sure that no matter what. Like. Like everybody spends so much money on therapy and trying to feel better. It's like just put a primate in your shirt for a minute. Maybe that's emotional support. Bush baby.
E
And just now I'm gonna see you come in and you really. It looks like someone has a bush baby in there.
D
Had a rough weekend. So you guys forgive me. I'm bush baby. And it.
C
You can't feel bad.
D
You cannot feel bad at all.
E
But when he peeps his head up over the.
D
He's like.
E
He's.
D
He's like. He's looking out for the hoodie.
E
Hilarious.
F
Yeah, it's so cute. And this interaction has changed your life and your view.
D
Well maybe I'm bush babies.
F
I can see it in your eyes.
D
I'm gonna be honest with you Chris. You really have.
E
You used to want to curb stomp.
D
Yeah, I used to. Not now you have much of an opinion on.
F
And that's what happens when you introduce people people to have that one on one interaction.
D
But I gotta be honest.
F
I want to conserve and protect.
D
Never once thought I'd run into one. So it hadn't developed much of a Right.
F
And that's the thing. You don't even think about bush babies. They're not even on your brain at all so you don't know what they're up against in the wild. You don't know if there's a lot.
E
A little.
F
If they're going to be around 10 years from now, 50 years from now. And that's why zoos are amazing. That's why we're so.
D
This is the only one I care about. Like, the other ones are true. There's probably a dick bush baby out there somewhere. Probably one of the bush babies. Like, he's a drunk.
F
Theodore had a baby. Are you telling me you wouldn't love that little baby? Like, it was your.
D
I don't like when friends have kids. It really kind of wrecks the friendship. I like him single and kind of.
E
Hanging with the size of my finger.
D
Yeah.
F
Oh, they're tiny.
D
Once a friend has kids, it's like, all right, they're off. That changes the relationship, baby.
F
I'm going to bring it in, and we'll put that to the test.
E
I'll give you 35 bucks if Theo.
D
If. Yeah, but Theo will be, like, in khakis and crocs. He'll be lame then. Like, Theo's awesome right now because he's looking for a. Looking for a hoe. He's, like, out. He's trolling, right? Like, he's out.
E
Yeah.
D
Like, I like Theo. Like, Theo's fun. We'll go to the casino, mess around for a little bit, walk out, get him a couple drinks. The next thing you know, he's like, I gotta take my kids to soccer.
E
Let's get Theo to a son's game.
D
Yeah. Yeah. We'll get him in the rah rah room. We'll get him down.
F
He'd be the most popular guy there.
D
Yeah. No, I think so. If I had a. A bush baby with me. Although I think you can purchase bush babies in the raha room now and again. Different kind. Let's get right to this. It's. And you can help us, Kristi. It's the entertainment drill. It's brought to you by our friends at Schwartz Laser Eye Center. Schwartz Laser Eye Center. I'm telling everybody right now. Do the tests. Look at the license plate in front of you. If you can read it without squinting, you're doing all right. But I'm betting a bunch of you are looking at that license plate going on close enough. Just go get your eyes checked. It's a complimentary consultation over at the Schwartz Laser eye Center. Have Dr. Jay Schwartz take a look at him like he did me and then come up with a plan for You. Is it Lasik? Is it lens replacement? Do you have something going on? A cataract? Talked to a friend of mine this weekend's got a cataract in his eye. Just found it the other day. We live in a sunny environment. It can happen. Bush babies probably get them. Probably have eye issues a lot.
F
Yeah, no, they're nocturnal.
D
Doesn't mean you can't have eye problems.
F
Well, I mean, maybe they don't if.
E
They have an eye problem.
F
If there was a flashlight in his face all the time because he's more susceptible.
D
Sure.
F
To light.
D
So it's a good idea to keep him out all day.
F
He might develop something.
D
Okay, well, then Dr. J. Schwartz can fix that too. If you've got big nocturnal eyes or little tiny eyes, head on over there. Dr. Jay Schwartz will take care of you. TMIDoc.com it's the Schwartz laser Eye Center. Brady Entertain Me.
E
Brad Pitt's biggest movie. What would you guess It'd be the highest grossing?
D
Highest grossing? Yeah.
A
Oceans.
D
Probably one of the ocean. Yeah, because they're shorter. Like I'm thinking Once Upon a Time in Hollywood would be. But it's three hours long.
E
And I'll give you a hint. He was in it for one second.
D
Oh, it was the Star Wars. Or wasn't he in one of those or something like that. A Marvel movie or something.
E
Now you're kidding.
D
Yeah, I don't remember what it was.
E
Deadpool 2. 786 million. He was in it for one second. Does that count?
A
No.
D
No.
B
Why not?
D
If you're getting paid, you're not really the reason. You're. The people are at the movies.
E
Paris Hilton was doing over the weekend with aoc. No, they're crusading against deep fake porn.
D
Well, I'm crusading against them.
E
They're getting behind a bill that would allow victims of deep fake porn to sue the creators and distributors.
D
Who's the victim?
E
Well, in her case, yeah.
D
You know, I mean, if you did a deep fake porn of me and I was performing out there, it's hilarious. You know what? Just do it. Of people who don't care. We already saw her in a porn.
E
Yeah, that's what she talked about when I was 19. Terrible, too.
D
Yeah.
E
Years old. A private, intimate video of me was shared with the world.
C
Taking shots.
D
Twice on my neck. He's like a little vampire.
E
He's looking for some meal. We got another major country music festival has been canceled this year. The Watershed Music Festival. It takes place in the Pacific Northwest. It had names like Tim McGraw, Chris Stapleton, Eric Church. That's the second one we've heard this year that they've canceled.
D
Christy, are you a country music fan?
F
I love older country. I don't know any of the new country.
D
Like the drunken hillbilly old country.
F
Yeah, like the horrible stuff that everyone makes fun of.
D
I like. Like George Jones. George Straight.
F
Garth brooks.
D
Oh, you go 90s.
F
Yeah, 90s.
E
Ricky Shelton.
F
Yeah, that's my favorite.
D
All right, that's pop country, but it's not as bad as today. Today's country's horrible.
F
I don't know any of the. Today's country.
E
There's a couple of mistakes that were left in classic songs. I told you about this one this morning. Hey Jude. About 2 minutes and 58 seconds into the song, McCartney says, Effing hell, he hits the wrong chord on the piano and they leave it in there. You can faintly hear it in the song, but it's in there the whole time. So faint radio stations still play it.
C
Oh, yeah.
D
Brady did kind of start to bring this up, but they're doing a lot of stories about gay animals now. I've noticed that.
E
Yeah.
D
Are there any lesbian animals? Yes, there are.
F
Oh, yeah. How do you know all the animals? They'll swing.
E
Are they tuna? Right. Mostly.
C
All right, calm down.
D
Just a guess. He spent the week.
F
Female African black footed penguins that are.
D
They perform oral.
F
Well, they build a nest and, you know, they.
D
Yeah, they put up some wind chimes, watch some wnba.
F
I mean, it goes all kinds of.
D
Ways, but the lesbianism.
F
Yeah, it happens for sure.
D
How do you know?
F
Because the African black footed penguins, we.
D
Know, they just live together.
F
Yeah, but they also. They're a couple. Yeah.
E
No, they bond and so they'll be.
F
Yeah, yeah.
D
You catch them.
F
Like you would never know that it wasn't a male female. But we've done the.
E
Until there's no. There's no offspring.
F
Right.
D
But they reach over their little flipper every once in a while and do the.
F
Yeah. No, they love each other very much.
D
They pat and rub.
F
Yeah.
D
I don't believe it.
F
No, it's true.
D
I don't believe in lesbians in the wild.
E
Yeah, I think they're.
F
Their names are Ellen and Portia, too. I'm not even lying.
D
So they just housed up together. And they're not like penguin sizzling.
E
Was that in the wild? So what is that captivity?
F
No, it'll happen in the wild.
D
But what do they like? Like, there's no mating, though. It's not sexual.
A
It is.
E
They just pair it up.
D
You watch some weird.
E
They're not getting it on. They're not messing around.
F
Well, a lot of times you don't see. See them. I mean, it depends on the species you're talking about. Like the tortoises. Yeah, you see that?
C
Lesbian tortoises.
F
I haven't seen lesbian tortoises.
D
Yeah, because that would be obvious.
C
Then they can't get on their back.
E
That's not happening.
F
Yeah. Yeah. Well. And they're. The way they are built. Their anatomy is built for a male female. Like, the males have a concave shell to help them with mounting. So it would be impossible for the female to mount another female because they're not built.
D
Yeah. The one would have to roll over there and put his face in it.
F
It would fall off.
D
That's right.
E
To throw the beak in there, you.
D
Have to beak it. I don't believe that's true. The gay thing. Sure.
C
The guys.
F
But yeah, that happens all the time, too.
E
The Police song, Roxanne. The beginning of the song, you hear a random piano chord followed by some laughing. They left that in there. Sting.
D
That's a big. That's a big part of that.
E
Yeah. Sweet Emotion by Aerosmith. The intro. The song contains rattling noise that was achieved by Steven Tyler playing something called a vibe vibra slap.
D
Huh? Oh, yeah, that's. I heard it prominent.
A
It breaks during it.
D
Yeah, it busted. Yeah. And they kept it in there.
E
And then they also used packets of sugar because they didn't have any of the. What is the maracas.
C
Oh, that's. I've heard that, too.
D
That they use sugar packs because they broke the thing. Interesting. All right, lock it up.
E
Dave Grohl announced that the Foo has finished an album. It'll roll out later this year.
D
Hope they put out a good tour.
E
With Queens of the Stone Age.
D
Yeah.
E
That'S it. Oh, I told you this one. You're excited about this, but May 9th and 10th at Netflix is a joke fest. Flight of the Concords are going to unite for two shows.
D
Good stuff. It's been a minute. All right. Well, there you go. Well, thanks to Christy for coming and bringing this little guy in.
F
You're so welcome.
D
He literally has, like, made the day. Better still nuzzled in, huh? Yeah, I feel like crap. Like, I've had, like, a cold for four days and this now. How bad can things be? Why is Africa so unhappy? You just put these in there. Oh, they don't have shirts. There's the problem. They don't fit in the Michael Jordan tent.
E
Oh, he's Trying to work his way out there.
F
He is so cute, cuz. He comes up, he peeks out.
D
Yeah, he looks up my shirt.
F
Everything's of kind.
D
This is the greatest thing he could ever have.
E
He's like, dude, you got any weed?
D
Yeah, he does kind of look like he's dealing down there. All right, I'm keeping him. You guys do your commercials and he's gonna be my man. We'll keep him. He doesn't need that little bag he came in. All right, that's it. We'll put the pictures up on the. On the.
E
Hilarious.
D
It's pretty sweet. That's it. Thanks, Christy.
F
You're welcome.
D
Very nice.
E
Look how calm he is now.
D
Well, I have to be because if I move too fast, I don't want him to fall out.
E
You're afraid?
D
I'm not. I like him and he's staying. I'm nurturing. Don't have kids. Don't be uncool. And if you do, run like Toledo's dad. Are they good dads? Not really.
A
It's going out for a pack of smokes.
E
John's going to take him to Dr. Lynn.
D
Yeah, I'm going to get him a vasectomy. You can let him bang away on all those bush babies you bring in and nothing's going to happen.
C
We're done.
D
Larry's next. We'll talk to you guys tomorrow on the morning sign of solo.
E
Hey, it's not weird. It's pretty cool, actually. No membership fees.
D
I have heard enough of.
G
Come on down to the Ranch House Grill.
A
Comfort food is your next meal.
G
Pork chilla verde, chicken fried steak. Ranch House knows you'll think it's great. Are you ready for the best breakfast in Phoenix? Ranch House Grill has been voted best breakfast four years in a row. We're famous for our chicken fried steak, pork chili verde and large portions. Located in the heart of Arcadia. Join us for breakfast or lunch seven days a week, 6am to 2pm We're a family restaurant with a small town atmosphere serving southwestern comfort food for 18 years. Come on down to the Ranch House Grill for the best breakfast in Phoenix at 56 street and Thomas Road.
C
It's John Holmberg here from the morning sickness and I'm absolutely thrilled to tell you about my new friends@liftedtrucks.com. here's the proof that me talking about something on the radio can be trusted because I purchased a 2024 customized Ford Bronco from the gang at Lifted Trucks. That opened my eyes to who and what these guys are all about. They not only have thousands of trucks to choose from, they also have nationwide shipping, and they can get anything anywhere. My Bronco's been customized. Countless other pro athletes and celebrities. Now little old me choose lifted trucks and lifted trucks dot com.
D
Work hard, play hard, drive.
Date: January 26, 2026
Host & Crew: John Holmberg, Brady Bogen, Bret Vesely, Dick Toledo
Guest: Kristi, Wildlife World Zoo
In this episode, the crew welcomes Kristi from Wildlife World Zoo—and a special primate guest—to the studio. The conversation covers animal behavior, the joys of having a bush baby (primate) as an emotional support companion, and a surprisingly candid discussion on homosexuality in animals. The gang also dives briefly into entertainment news, music trivia, and country music nostalgia, keeping their trademark irreverent banter throughout.
[06:13 - 09:04]
Brad Pitt’s Biggest Movie?:
Paris Hilton vs. Deepfake Porn:
Country Music Festival Cancellations:
Music Trivia:
[09:04 - 11:14]
Prompted by Media Trends: John notes, “They're doing a lot of stories about gay animals now.” (John, 09:04)
Lesbian Animals?
Animal Bonding and Behavior
Physical Barriers to Same-Sex Behavior:
Male Same-Sex Activity:
On Bush Babies and Therapy:
Kristi, Wildlife Educator:
On Animal Sexuality:
On Parenting—Tongue Firmly in Cheek:
This episode is lighthearted, full of punchy one-liners, and blurs the line between education and goofy banter. John’s fixation on having a bush baby as a comfort device becomes a running theme, while Kristi provides insight into animal behavior—responding with patience and humor to questions about same-sex relationships in animals. The segment is peppered with irreverent takes on pop culture and animal facts, typical of HMS’ blend of shock jock humor and genuine curiosity.
For listeners: If you like your animal knowledge with a heavy dose of sarcasm and awkward questions, and want to learn whether penguins can be lesbians while hearing a bunch of grown men giggle about primates in their shirts, this one’s for you.