Holmberg’s Morning Sickness - 98 KUPD

Episode: 01-26-26 – FULL SHOW - MONDAY
Air Date: January 26, 2026
Host: John Holmberg with Brady Bogen, Bret Vesely, Dick Toledo

Episode Overview

The January 26, 2026 episode of Holmberg’s Morning Sickness kicks off the week with Holmberg recovering from a rough illness, recounting a weekend spent on the couch deep in online distractions and football, and evolving into the team's hilariously irreverent banter about NFL playoffs, bizarre internet rabbit holes, and awkward animal facts. This classic HMS episode delivers a non-stop, freewheeling mix of sports hot takes, mature listeners’ humor, riffs on social outrage, and a spirited visitor from the zoo. Topics range from Super Bowl predictions and twin fantasies to internet “vag fishing,” oddball animal sexuality, Crocs fashion crimes, and hands-on time with a (literal) bush baby primate.

Main Segments & Key Discussion Points

1. Weekend Sickness & New Levels of Internet Creepiness

[03:50 – 12:00]

• Holmberg’s Recap: John recounts being laid up with illness — “I got to lay in a puddle of my own sick for the entire weekend and kind of veg out completely in my own brain.”
• Online Deep Dives: He admits to going down a rabbit hole trying to freeze-frame provocative moments on an Instagram account belonging to a model who specializes in subtle, split-second flashes.
  • “I turned into the world’s creepiest photographer for the entire weekend.” [06:23]
  • Brett and Brady join in, trying to decipher the thrill: “It’s almost like sudoku for perverts… keeps your brain working.”
• Reflection: The hosts conclude that mystery and the “art of the glimpse” are more exciting these days than endless, explicit porn—“We’re tired of porn. The fun of mystery still exists.” [10:23]

2. NFL Playoffs, Super Bowl Predictions & Minnesota Protests

[04:00 – 20:00]

• Seattle Seahawks/NFL Talk: Holmberg congratulates Toledo (a Seahawks fan), noting the bizarre, clockwork return of Seattle to the Super Bowl every ten years.
• Super Bowl Redux: “That was 10 years ago...Malcolm Butler stole the game away from Pete Carroll…in a decade they have a chance to redeem themselves." [03:38]
• Monday Morning Quarterbacking: The hosts debate football strategies, fourth-down decisions, and the underwhelming AFC championship.
• Minnesota Protest Rant: Segueing into outrage over recent protests in freezing Minnesota, Holmberg questions the logic of risking it all in arctic weather:
  • “Nothing would ever bother me so much to go protest in negative zero weather. I’m never, ever going to be that upset about anything.” [15:07]
  • He dismisses martyrdom and speculates about the manufactured nature of current controversies, likening them to the “Jussie Smollett situation.”
• Cultural Distraction Theory:
  • “It all seems so fake to me. So choreographed to keep us busy arguing while something else goes on.” [17:23]
  • Suggests radio execs are to blame: “Nobody wakes up in most cities having fun anymore.” [24:27]
  • “If they had something fun in the mornings talking about Siamese twins getting thigh pounded, it wouldn’t be so angry over there.” [39:07]

3. Twin Fantasies, ‘The Twin Towers,’ and Dark Jokes

[25:00 – 35:00]

• Viral News Story: Discussion about a woman dating identical twin brothers leads to a cascade of riffing on the ethics and logistics (“Is this still called the Eiffel Tower, or is this now called the Twin Towers?” [25:14]).
• Male vs Female Psychology: Holmberg suggests that men would always be “cooler” about twin swap pranks than women, reading a listener letter about divorce and the “emotional devastation” of twin sister swapping.
• Notable Quotes:
  • “If a woman found out it was the twin, she’d stop it. If a guy does, he buys you presents.” [43:34]
• Dark Humor:
  • Twin swapping is contextualized with “South Tower has fallen, temporarily needs rehydration. North Tower must keep going.”
  • “She decided… ‘There’s no question if I’m attracted to you, I’m attracted to your brother.’”
• Siamese Twin Digression: The crew debates the morality of Siamese twins dating “normies,” with plenty of off-color observations:
  • “That’s what Brady would call one of God’s errors. And they shouldn’t reproduce.” [33:48]

4. Social Outrage Cycle: Animal Sexuality and New Outrage Trends

[46:00 – 58:00]

• Dissecting Outrage Trends: The show discusses how social debates shift over the years, from gay marriage to trans issues, predicting the next “mass argument” will be about gay animals.
  • “I’m starting to see all these things, and I’m like, is this the next step? To try to get us to yell at each other over gay being a natural thing?” [47:53]
• Animals Allegedly Turning Gay:
  • Debates news stories about “gay manatees” and claims of homosexuality in pandas, dolphins, and bears.
  • “I never once watched the news and heard manatees are gay—ever. And suddenly, four stories in the last week…” [52:16]
• Skepticism about Agenda: Holmberg is suspicious:
  • “Until I see two girl animals doing it… I feel like there’s some sort of reason behind telling me about this.”
• Comic Highlight:
  • “If a gay manatee exists, that just sounds like a criminal manatee to me. It’s his brother too, by the way.” [51:00]

5. Music, Cheating, & Jazz as the Most ‘Unfaithful’ Genre

[63:00 – 78:00]

• Survey Revealed: Jazz fans are supposedly the most likely to cheat, followed by salsa, pop, and country. Metal lags behind:
  • “Jazz topped the list of seductive genres. Salsa was second. Pop music is third. Country was fourth.” [63:53]
  • Men’s marital fidelity is discussed with tongue-in-cheek analysis of concert demographics.
• Lamenting the Loss of Sexy Rock:
  • “Rock and roll and metal used to be about aggression and masculinity and women were into it—not anymore.” [65:22]
• Playful Musical Sidebars:
  • Brett throws out “Bony James” as a jazz artist, which triggers groans and giggles.
  • Lou Rawls, Jodeci, and classic rock power ballads get shoutouts as classic seduction background music.
• Darker Joke:
  • “If you get a chick who’s into Angel of Death [by Slayer], she’s got one of those tattoos ground up into ink.”

6. Crocs, Croc Accessories, and Fashion Shame

[110:21 – 113:34]

• Crocs in Paris Fashion Week: News about Lego-brick Crocs draws disgust from Holmberg, with Brady excitedly revealing his knowledge of “jibbitz” (the decorative charms).
  • “This is the annual reminder you need to say thank you to me for stopping you from being a Crocs guy.” [111:09]
• Elderly Footwear Fashion:
  • “Your dad is 70-something. These are shoes for 7 year olds. Do not quit yet.”
  • Teasing Brady for once nearly buying Crocs, which the rest of the crew equates to social suicide.

7. Animal Kingdom: The Bush Baby Visit

[142:12 – 151:56]

• Zoo Guest Christy Appears: She brings in “Theo,” a ‘lesser bush baby’—a tiny African primate.
• Hands-on Chaos:
  • “It’s a primate bush baby from your zoo… Nocturnal animal…Their eyes—you can tell.”
  • Theo jumps around the studio, burrows in shirts, and marks territory all over the crew, to great delight.
• Primate Therapy:
  • “You can't have a bad day if you’ve got one of these in your shirt. Forget therapy—put a primate in your shirt for a minute. Emotional support bush baby.” [159:10]
• Zoo Encounters: Christy teases new zoo events, animal encounters, and an upcoming “massive” birth announcement.
• Animals & Sexuality: Christy confirms there are lesbian animals (African black-footed penguins, at least). The crew asks for proof and logistics regarding “lesbian tortoises.”

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

Mystery is Better Than Explicitness

"We’re tired of porn. No, no, we want it, but we’re tired of it. The fun of mystery still exists. Like, getting the glimpse is…so exciting compared to other stuff."
— John Holmberg, [10:23]

On Protest Culture

"Nothing would ever bother me so much to go protest in negative zero weather. I’m never, ever going to be that upset about anything."
— John Holmberg, [15:07]

The Outrage Cycle

"It all seems so fake to me. So choreographed to keep us busy arguing while something else goes on…It’s the playbook."
— John Holmberg, [17:23]

On Crocs

"Your dad is 70-something. These are shoes for 7-year-olds. Do not quit yet."
— John Holmberg, [111:03]

Primate Therapy

"I'm pretty sure you can't have a bad day if you have one of these in your shirt. Just put a primate in your shirt for a minute. Maybe that's emotional support bush baby."
— John Holmberg, [159:10]

Key Timestamps

• [03:50] – Holmberg discusses being sick and his weekend internet rabbit hole
• [04:00–08:45] – NFL playoff recap, Seahawks in Super Bowl, football analysis
• [14:29] – “Vag fishing”: the new online distraction, arguing the fun in mystery
• [17:00] – Outrage over Minnesota protests, “It’s all fake to keep us busy arguing”
• [24:26] – Blame morning radio execs for America’s bad moods
• [25:14] – The woman dating identical twin brothers: “Eiffel Tower or Twin Towers?”
• [33:47] – Siamese twin relationships: legitimate or perverted?
• [46:32] – Social outrage cycles, “Gay manatees” and animal sexuality
• [63:53] – Music fans most likely to cheat: jazz takes the top spot
• [110:21] – Crocs, “jibbitz” and resisting Brady’s attempts at elderly fashion
• [142:12–151:56] – Christy arrives from the Phoenix Zoo with bush baby Theo: studio chaos, animal trivia, and adorable primate leaps

Tone & Flow

The show maintains its signature mix of irreverence, adult humor, and local color, punctuated by rounds of absurd banter, audience emails, pop culture/radio inside jokes, and occasional moments of earnest animal fascination. Holmberg keeps the pace quick, steering each digression to its punchline or teachable moment—no topic is off-limits, and every tangent is good for a laugh or a groan.

For Listeners Who Missed It

This episode is a classic hot mess of outrageous honesty, locker-room humor, and tangential brilliance. You’ll come for the NFL banter and stay for the unfiltered conversations about social distractions, the sexual habits of manatees, the appeal of micro-moment Instagram sleuthing, Crocs shame, and the unmistakable comfort of a bush baby in your shirt. There’s no better place for a slice of unvarnished, comedic morning radio—Arizona style.

For the full show, check out the podcast archive at 98KUPD.com or your favorite podcast app.