Podcast Summary: Holmberg's Morning Sickness – Condensed Short Show (01-29-26)
Host: John Holmberg
Guests/Co-hosts: Brady Bogen, Bret Vesely, Dick Toledo, Dale, Matthew
Date: January 29, 2026
Overview
This condensed episode of "Holmberg's Morning Sickness" features John Holmberg and his co-hosts diving into a blend of personal anecdotes, news oddities, conspiracy rabbit holes, hallucinogenic mushrooms, NFL Pro Bowl gripes, and local restaurant stories. The tone is irreverent, comedic, and improvisational, with engaging banter and trademark Arizona radio humor. The team delivers their unique takes on current events, urban legends, NFL shenanigans, and the strange happenings in their personal lives.
Major Segments & Highlights
1. Restaurant “Trafficking” & “Valenzuela Network”
[01:27 – 11:10]
- John admits (tongue-in-cheek) to being a “human trafficker” in the 1980s-90s restaurant business after revelations about recent local scandals at Zips (a Valley sports bar chain):
"I am officially a human trafficker. I have been a human trafficker. ... I facilitated it. I'm not proud of it, but I didn't know that that's human trafficking." – Holmberg [03:49]
- He describes how kitchens would be staffed by networks of cooks, all allegedly using documents under the name “Chris Valenzuela”:
"There were four dudes on the cook line and four dudes were there every night. Sometimes it was dudes you've never seen before. ... And people confused that for 'Mexicans work harder.' No, what they did was know your p's and q's so you don't raise any red flags." – Holmberg [07:26]
- Comedic exaggeration of “training camps” for these cooks and the seamless rotation between restaurants (“Tony Roma's”, “Bennegan’s”, “TGI Fridays”).
- Memorable story about the mysterious Santa Fe salad and baffling restaurant practices.
Notable moment:
- Joking about being a proud “human trafficker”:
"So I, John Holmberg, proud human trafficker, without knowing it. My apologies." – Holmberg [10:11]
2. The Barron Trump Book Conspiracy & Simulation Theory
[11:10 – 19:08]
- Holmberg discusses the 1890s books by Ingersoll Lockwood (“Barron Trump’s Marvellous Underground Journey” and “The Last President”) and their coincidental overlap with real Trump family details and modern figures like Elon Musk.
"He writes this book where Barron Trump is this mischievous, kind of Dennis the Menace type, but he grew up in New York and he was super wealthy, and he was guided by someone named Don, and Don guided Baron." – Holmberg [12:20]
- Explores links between Nikola Tesla, Trump’s uncle John Trump, death rays, Elon/Tesla, and von Braun’s Mars “Elon” prophecy.
- Draws comparisons to simulation theory, referencing video games (“Madden”/“MLB The Show”) generating new players with suspiciously similar names.
"That's what this feels like. ... It feels like the simulation broke." – Holmberg [16:00]
- Holmberg asks listeners for “CliffsNotes” on these books, openly disdaining reading:
"If you can find one of those idiots who likes books, make friends with them, and then ask him questions about books. ... You can skip all the reading." – Holmberg [19:09]
3. News Oddities: The Florida “Hoover” Incident
[20:43 – 25:40]
- [Brady]: A Florida man is arrested after being caught on 911 Ring video having sex with a vacuum at a Disney-area Airbnb.
- Group tries to predict his appearance with classic radio bits, then riff on possible motives.
- Jokes about marital frustration and why someone would rather “bang a vacuum in the front yard than hear the wife one more minute of the day”:
"He'd rather get arrested for banging a vacuum in the front yard than hear her one more minute of the day." – Holmberg [24:05]
- Extended comedy imagining the couple's dialogue and the eventual fate of the abused vacuum.
4. Hallucinogenic Mushrooms: Lilliputian Dreams
[25:40 – 36:12]
- Chinese biologist reopens a local case: people from Yunnan, China hallucinate tiny “elf-like” people thanks to improperly cooked mushrooms (la mao a).
- Holmberg is enthusiastic about the idea of a predictable, non-scary, whimsical hallucination:
"That's fantastic. ... 24 hour hallucination. I would never want it to end. Little people crawling under the door all day for 24 solid." – Holmberg [26:58]
- Followed by classic speculation on the practicality and desirability of such mushrooms for a “dinner party” or solo experience.
- Brady provides the mushroom’s name/spelling for any adventurous listeners.
- Matthew joins in to relate his own psychedelic experience, research, and personal journey:
"I told my wife, I'm gonna go do this...So he gave me a bunch of mushrooms...But about an hour and a half into it, I got up, I looked at him, I go, it ain't working." – Matthew [35:06 & 35:21]
- The message from the trip: “I will surrender my expectations.” [35:56]
5. Football Talk: NFL Pro Bowl and Cardinals Coaching
[40:04 – end]
NFL Pro Bowl Indifference
[40:20 – 46:11]
- Holmberg rants about lackluster player selection:
"He is going to the Pro Bowl because they just... nobody wants to go." – Holmberg [40:20]
- Dale, former long snapper, laments missing the era when special teamers were invited.
- Wide-ranging complaints: flag football, Pro Bowl ratings, player apathy, poor targeting of “kids” for NFL marketing.
"If they're targeting children's Little League, that is not good advertising." – Holmberg [44:04]
Arizona Cardinals Coaching Search & Franchise Woes
[47:01 – 51:17]
- “Most miserable” NFL franchises: Arizona Cardinals top the list for 2026.
"Jets who were like, we're not getting in this. And the Arizona Cardinals were the ranked number one most miserable franchise" – Holmberg [48:49]
- Discussion about the difficulties and red flags facing new coaching candidates.
- Dale & Holmberg make fun of elaborate tour tactics for candidates and speculate whether the problems are in Kyler Murray or something deeper.
"Is it actually these candidates interviewing the Cardinals...or the Cardinals interviewing the candidates?" – Dale [49:46]
Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments
-
On Restaurant Staffing:
"They knew where all the pots and pans were already and everything they had. I think they rebuilt their apartment of Playa Palms to look just like the kitchen and just ran drills. Ocean's Eleven. They did it at a time." – Holmberg [09:44]
-
On Simulation & Coincidence:
"That's what this feels like. ... It feels like the simulation broke and they started. ... The game is simulating what you would play and it's crazy made up names." – Holmberg [16:00]
-
On Reading:
"If you can find one of those idiots who likes books, make friends with them, and then ask him questions about books, they'll tell you the good parts. You can skip all the reading." – Holmberg [19:09]
-
On Drug Research:
"Ayahuasca. I'm not, I'm not going to Peru. It's too far." – Matthew [32:25]
-
On Hallucinations:
"Full 24 hours of men coming underneath your door. It doesn't have to be men. ... Little tiny women can come under there too." – Holmberg [28:23]
-
On NFL Pro Bowl Motivation:
"That's like you getting a Pro Bowl knock. ... You were. If they did long snappers back in the 90s, they did. ... That's the one thing that pisses me off about my career" – Dale [40:46 - 41:11]
-
On Cardinals Dysfunction:
"They're going down a road where the dudes who have never been head coaches would get the opportunity of a lifetime are like, 'no way.'" – Holmberg [49:39]
Timestamps
- [01:27] – Zips employment/human trafficking story
- [12:20] – Barron Trump book deep-dive and conspiracy
- [20:43] – Florida man caught having sex with a vacuum
- [25:40] – Chinese hallucinogenic mushrooms & Lilliputian hallucinations
- [35:06 – 36:12] – Matthew’s mushroom trip and “surrender expectation”
- [40:20] – NFL Pro Bowl apathy
- [47:01] – Cardinals coach search & franchise misery
Final Thoughts
This episode is a rambling, comedic, sometimes surreal ride through restaurant shenanigans, urban legends, wild news stories, psychedelic journeys, and NFL gripes. The interplay between John, Brady, and their co-hosts is lively and unfiltered, with a tone that flips between confession, mockery, and genuine curiosity about the absurdities of modern life and their own past misadventures.
Whether riffing on the simulation theory, reading avoidance, or the sad state of local sports, the crew keeps the laughs coming, even as they ponder the strangest headlines and the weirdest corners of their own brains.