01-29-26 - Down The Rabbit Hole Of 1900s Tale Of Baron Trump And Tesla Has John Once Again Wondering About The Simulation And Wanting To Possibly Start Reading Books

Summary

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Podcast Summary: Holmberg’s Morning Sickness — 01-29-26

Episode Title: Down The Rabbit Hole Of 1900s Tale Of Baron Trump And Tesla Has John Once Again Wondering About The Simulation And Wanting To Possibly Start Reading Books
Date: January 29, 2026
Host(s): John Holmberg with Brady Bogen, Bret Vesely, and Dick Toledo

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Main Theme

In this episode, John Holmberg delves into bizarre, intriguing coincidences linking century-old books (“Baron Trump’s Marvelous Underground Journey” and “The Last President” by Ingersoll Lockwood) to modern figures like the Trump family, Nikola Tesla, and Elon Musk. These connections revive conversations about simulations, time travel, the nature of coincidence, and Holmberg’s conflicted relationship with reading books.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Baron Trump Books (“Marvelous Underground Journey” & “The Last President”)

• Weird Literary Coincidences:
  • John introduces the topic: Ingersoll Lockwood's obscure children’s novels from the 1890s, one featuring "Baron Trump" (a precocious wealthy child in New York guided by "Don," living in "Castle Trump" on Fifth Avenue—eerily close to Trump Tower).
  • Lockwood’s second book, "The Last President," features a chaotic US election, a character named Trump who wins, society’s collapse, and a Pence-like cabinet member.
  • Multiple panelists marvel at how these old books mirror names and circumstances in contemporary US politics.
  • “[The author] was an occultist...they thought he was dabbling with black magic and could see the future... Baron Trump is this mischievous, Dennis the Menace type, grew up in New York, super wealthy, guided by someone named Don.” — John (02:15)

2. The Tesla/Trump/Musk Conspiracies

• Tesla’s Death Ray, Government Seizure, and John Trump:
  • After Tesla’s death, government agents (led by John Trump, Donald Trump’s uncle) supposedly took Tesla’s secret documents, including speculative blueprints for the "death ray" (05:00–05:56).
  • Connection is drawn: “...John Trump was the one that Nikola Tesla kind of gave the information to... Tesla, of course, is the connection back to Elon Musk...” — John (04:20)
  • Wernher von Braun’s "Project Mars" is brought up, which predicts a Martian colony led by someone called "Elon."
  • The crew jokes about the layers of coincidence and the tenuous nature of conspiracy theories.

3. Simulation Theory & Historical Synchronicity

• Holmberg relates all these coincidences to the feeling “the simulation broke,” referencing the Lincoln/Kennedy similarities and using video game analogies (MLB The Show, Madden) where the computer “recycles” names and histories for future seasons (06:48–08:48).
• “That’s what this feels like. Because that is a simulation—the game is simulating [the future], and it’s crazy made-up names...it cycles names. That’s what this feels like.” — John (06:52)
• The team dives into solipsism (philosophical idea that only one’s own mind can be known to exist), relating it to how new information “doesn’t exist” until you experience it personally (14:34–16:53).

4. Reluctance to Read & The Book vs. Movie Debate

• Holmberg is comically resistant to reading the Baron Trump books, preferring that “a smart reader” Cliff’s Notes it for him (09:23–11:03, 26:07–27:14).
• “The biggest waste of time in my life has been reading. You meet people who read all those books and then they tell you the good parts. They do the heavy lifting, you do the learning.” — John (08:48)
• The cast mocks book-lovers for being “indignant” when movies shortcut the work:
  • “If it’s a good book, it’ll be a good movie… Oh, ‘the book is always better.’ No, you wasted a week and a half reading it, and you gotta justify your time.” — John (23:01)
• Discussion on audiobooks, modern attention spans, and the decline of libraries/bookstores supplanted by the internet and convenience (29:42–30:53, 40:00 onward).

5. Pseudoscience, Occult, and Conspiracy Pileup

• The higher power, simulation, or “Matrix” idea comes up—are we just living out a script? (13:07–15:48)
• The show veers into other conspiracies: Nostradamus’s writings (“blind squirrel” effect), pyramid power, and the evolving nature of knowledge and belief. Everyone laughs at the escalation of claims and audience reactions.
• “You can’t simply say you find something interesting without people saying you claimed it’s a fact...I sent something I found interesting about pyramids to my asshole stepdad…and he loses his mind like you just tried to send him facts or papers.” — John, reading a listener comment (35:04)

6. Notable Anecdotes & Asides

• Holmberg references a friend Tommy Mallow, a self-made millionaire whose impressive achievements are, in Holmberg’s eyes, related to having read loads of books—a topic providing comic tension with John’s anti-reading stance (08:48–11:03, 41:33–42:18).
• The conversation brings in real-life technology: laser “death rays,” palm tree climbing inventions, and the trade-offs between human labor and automation (31:51–34:13).
• Quips and banter about growing old, generational differences, and the never-ending “good book/good movie” argument.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Odd Coincidences:
  • “A chaotic election in New York City where Trump gets elected... the downfall of American society... appoints a man named Pence to his cabinet. So that's... the weird parts.” — John, (03:45)
• On Reading:
  • "The biggest waste of time in my life has been reading. Although...he [Tommy] has billions... it's nothing but books. My brain got mad. See, that is how you learn. No, it's not how you learn. You meet people who read all those books, and then they tell you the good parts." — John (08:48)
• On Simulation Theory:
  • “That’s what this feels like... you blow through [video game] seasons, and it cycles names. That’s what this feels like — like the simulation broke and started recycling.” — John (06:52)
• On Religion and Coincidence:
  • “If the Bible had names that matched now? If the Bible said here's a dude you want to look out for, here's his son's name, and then real people from our time are also tied to it, you'd be like WHOA, that stepped out of fiction.” — John (18:04)
• On Pseudoscience and Audience Reactions:
  • “You can't simply say you find something interesting without people saying you claimed it’s a fact...” — John (35:04)

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• [02:15]—Introduction to Ingersoll Lockwood, Baron Trump books, and weird parallels to the Trump family.
• [04:20]—The Tesla/Trump/Musk/Elon connections; Nikola Tesla’s "death ray" and US government intrigue.
• [06:48]—Video game simulation analogy, historical coincidence (“simulation recycled names”).
• [08:48]—John’s aversion to reading, “smart people should just Cliff’s note it for me.”
• [12:17]—Speculative connections (time travel, simulation, cyclical history).
• [14:34]—Solipsism: Your reality vs. unknown history.
• [23:01]—The Book vs. Movie debate escalates; old attitudes about reading.
• [26:07]—Cast recounts their rare, reluctant reading experiences and book club jokes.
• [29:42]—Rise of convenience: Libraries and bookstores dwindled since the internet.
• [31:51]—Laser death rays, technology, and practicality.
• [35:04]—Listener reactions: how sharing “interesting coincidences” triggers outrage.
• [39:22]—Joking about reading subtitles on adult sites as “good reading.”
• [43:05]—Episode wraps up, John recaps fascinating people he’s met via the show.

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Overall Tone & Style

• Lively, irreverent, conspiratorial, self-deprecating.
• Panelists riff continuously, mocking themselves and each other, taking outlandish ideas just seriously enough to consider them—before undercutting everything with skepticism or a joke.
• The group is united in a broad skepticism toward “book people,” while expressing genuine curiosity about weird coincidences and speculative history.
• Listeners’ feedback is woven in real time for hilarity, disbelief, and audience camaraderie.

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Summary Takeaway

This episode is a riff-laden, skeptical deep-dive into how strange old books and real-world events can intersect, tempting conspiracy and simulation theorists. Holmberg’s dry aversion to reading is a recurring punchline, but beneath the jokes lies a genuine curiosity about coincidence, consciousness, and the way we process reality—laden, as always, with Arizona’s top-tier morning radio banter.

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For more, visit 98kupd.com or listen to the full episode.

Transcript

[A]

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[B]

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[C]

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[B]

Comberg's Morning Sickness. The old method of treatment for a person in this condition was to throw him in jail. Is this Homeburg? Walker told me I had aids. All right, let's get her going here. In the morning sickness and cruising along, trying to stay occupied with other things. Everybody yelling on the emails. By the way, I'm gonna get into this. I don't know if you guys have been down this road. I, I remember it popping up a while ago and you know, the here's and the theirs of whatever this is. But the Adventures of Barron Trump book that came out in 1900 and then I started to look into, I talked about a little bit a couple weeks ago and I'm like, well, I didn't know about the Elon connection and there's a load of weird stuff in it. So if you don't know, it's came.

[D]

Up with the name Baron.

[B]

Yeah, it's an author called Ingersoll Lockwood and he wrote a thing called Barron Trump's Marvelous Underground Journey and another book called the Last President. And it's Baron Trump. It's Spelled differently than the giant Baron Trump that's now crime fighter in London. I don't know if you saw that. Either he called 9 or whatever 911 is in London and stopped a criminal and then said, my actions put your ass in jail. And that was his quote. Like, that's pretty. That's pretty cool. So Baron is the story of Ingersoll Lockwood's book, which is really weird. And then. So I didn't know this. This is what I'm digging into and I'm getting into this hole I don't know that I really want to get into. He was an occultist, the author, and oftentimes back in the day, they thought he was dabbling with black magic and could see the future and like all this stuff. So he writes this book where Barron Trump is this mischievous, kind of Dennis the Menace type, but he grew up in New York and he was super wealthy and he was guided by someone named Don, and Don guided Baron. And he lived in a place that he renamed Castle Trump. And they're in New York City, right? They're one of the biggest buildings in New York. And he called it Castle Trump. And Barron went on and on about that. I have not read. I'm about to read books. This is how intrigued I am. I don't do that. I don't read and I don't know if it's any good. But basically, then it goes on to a book called. Oh, and by the way, it was a Fifth Avenue apartment building and he named. Right Where Trump Tower Is. So it's the Last President is the other book. And it's a chaotic election in New York City where Trump gets elected, and then it's the downfall of American society and he appoints a man named Pence to his cabinet. So that's. I remember the first time Trump was president. This started in. Here's the weird parts, is that the U.S. government. This is where I'm going to start sounding crazy. In 1943, the government, after Nikola Tesla died, had he had something that he was working on called a death ray. Right? And they were worried about that because Nikola. Nikola Tesla had come up with some stuff. John Trump was the one that Nikola Tesla kind of gave the information to. Then he had knowledge and everything else about the death rate. John Trump is Donald Trump's uncle. Tesla, of course, is the connection back to Elon Musk. And then there's Wernher von Braun's book. So they think that maybe the Trump family has connections, has the death ray thing and Elon is the new thing, and the Tesla combo is in there. And then there's another thing of the project. Mars is a book that Wernher von Braun wrote, and it describes a future Martian society led by a person whose title was Elon Musk. And he made his life's work to colonize Mars, as has Elon Musk, SpaceX, and all that stuff. So they're saying it's a future execution thing. And the Tesla modernization. Elon named his car company after Tesla to kind of give the clue that he's in on the death ray thing that I think the Trump family's got, which is why everybody blows back so hard on this thing, is that it goes from the books to actual real life of Tesla inventing death rays, and the Trump family being the ones that got the documents for it the US Government was trying to get. And now he's like, the biggest outside. And that was the thing about the last president. It is so weird how many coincidences are in this and also conspiratorial and theoretical and all that nonsense, but it's making me want to read, so that's wild.

[D]

The one book is called the Last American President.

[B]

It's the Last President or the Last. Yeah. And the other one is called yeah.

[D]

Because there is a Last American Press.

[B]

Yeah, that one's in 2,025. No, that's not it. That would be. Not it. This is Baron Trump's marvelous underground journey. Inger. Just. Just Google Ingersoll.

[D]

I've never seen that particular book.

[B]

Ingersoll Lockwood is the one. He's the author. And when you start reading about it, you're like, damn it, I can't. I can barely read. And I'm. Now I'm looking at it, and I'm gonna be disappointed. It's not. It's probably a dumb book by some weird occultist, but the ties are so, you know, it's that Lincoln Kennedy connection where it feels like the simulation broke and they started. You ever, Brett, you've done this when you get like, MLB, the baseball game on. On PlayStation.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And then you blow through whatever season is. You got MLB 24. You blow through that one, and you're like, all right. And then you create your own guy. Usually it's Brett Vesley right field or Chicago White Sox. You go through the farm system, whatever. The next thing you know, you've done four seasons post 24, and so now it's 2029, 2030, and you're playing the game fully NFL. Madden does the same Thing you. And you're drafting players that don't really exist, but there's names. And then you start to recognize that the simulation is just taking like very Sanders and turning it into Emmett Sanders. Like it's just using other names and making new people out of it. So it's like, well that's a coincidence. And they're. Oh no, you know, that makes sense. Like Ben Rivers and you know, Brett Manning and those, those, those players. But then there's a bunch of made up names like, you know, and they, and it cycles. Soon you can go as many years as you want and it'll. Eventually everyone currently playing in the NFL will have retired and you'll have a whole fictional league going. I've done that when I used to be in the Madden years ago. I would play 20, 25 seasons on that thing. Blow through them so fast and next thing you're just playing with people that don't exist, but it's made up names and they go back. That's what this feels like. Because that is a simulation. Like that is the original. The game is simulating what you would, you know, play and it's crazy made up names and you realize who's great in the league and they have, they are recycling. Yeah. And they don't really recycle fully, but it's just close enough to where the simulation's like, I'm borrowing. That's what this feels like. The Lincoln Kennedy thing where the secretary was named Lincoln and his secretary was named Kennedy and they were both elected 100 years exactly apart and they died for. And it was just weird. And that's what this is. And I don't. So I'm asking before I start reading if one of you smart listeners have already done this, if you could Cliff's notes this for me and tell me whether it's worth my time because I'm into it right now. I'm doing research on the Internet, which is never good. But I'm reading about it and it's getting me more interested in this. Like I don't want to read. I reiterate if there's kids listening. Biggest waste of time in my life has been reading. Although I did meet with a guy named Tommy Mellow yesterday and he's a wild success story, runs A one garage and he has billions. He's legitimate. Like I went in, in his office yesterday and it's nothing but books. And my brain's like, my brain got mad at me. Like, see, that is how you learn. No, it's not how you learn. You meet people who read all those books, and then they tell you the good parts and you absorb that. They do the heavy lifting. You do the learning.

[A]

You need to quit doing this other podcast, Nash, is that this has nothing.

[B]

To do with Nash. Nothing to do with Nash.

[D]

Started lit the fuse.

[B]

Matthew's right. No, it didn't. Because all the stuff he talks about, I either argue with him, and I don't necessarily agree, but the movie, a.

[D]

Lot of as he talked about this.

[B]

No, not once. Not at all. No. I knew. I knew about this in the first Trump thing. I thought it was silly. And then I started to look in. I'm like, there are some strange coincidences. And then you start getting into that death ray thing, and you're like, I don't know how true that is, but that's why I want to read. But I need someone who's already done it. My life has gotten me where I am by gleaning information off of smart people. I'm not smart. I'm smart enough to know, listen to the smart ones and steal and taking.

[D]

The nuggets and coming up with your own conclusions.

[B]

Yes, steal from the wise who actually read the books. I don't read books. I hate reading. Matthew Smith goes, hey, golden asshole, what's this crazy talk about reading? You're not wrong. The golden asshole does not like reading. The golden asshole, the golden asshole has spoken. If you can find one of those idiots who likes books, make friends with them, and then ask them questions about books, they'll tell you the good parts. You can skip all the reading. They can't wait to talk about what they read because otherwise it's a giant waste of time for them. Yesterday, Tommy, I'm sitting at his office, started rattling off. I'm like, I can't keep up. Rattling off quotes from books and things that he'd read. And this. I've read 10 of these books about that. I'm like, oh, my God, I gotta hang out with this guy. He's gonna make it seem like I read. I don't, and I hate it.

[A]

I'll have him read the book and then just give you the clip.

[B]

That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm asking. I'm asking him or someone else to do it. This guy says, I got down that same rabbit hole too. There's so many coincidences. So it kept me reading Kelly Fire over some info. Give me some bullet points on this, and then I can. I can actually do it rather than be the guy who hears something for the very first time and then picks up my phone and acts like I'm in the conversation. I can't. I am doing some looking into, but I'm not reading these books. But I'm so close. I'm so close to reading this. And it's weird. Like there's just they there. The big theory on it is that the Trumps obtained time travel knowledge. Now, I'm not into that, but they've got some weird technology from all the early 40s, stuff that Tesla was doing. And John Trump, Uncle John has papers from Tesla and has used them to navigate through modern politics. So that's where they think it's like time travel or information based on things that can make you. Again, the occultist part.

[A]

Do you just get in your Cybertruck, do 88 miles an hour and you're fine or.

[B]

I like your approach here, Brett, which is complete cynicism and disdain. And I, that's me deep down. But you start looking into this and you're like, are we, are we diving into some sort of strange simulation where it's all. Everything's so connected. They always say that. Religion always says that to be cyclical. It's cyclical, but it's different. Cyclical doesn't mean. Wait a minute, that's cyclical is, oh, we're re experiencing something similar. This is. This is tied to that. And these names were predicted. Like Caesar didn't say O Trumpus for Donaldus and Baroness. Like you like, the names are the same. So you're like, this is a bigger coincidence than just, oh, we're repeating history. Like, oh, we're bound to repeat it if we don't learn it. You don't have the same name that from a fictional novel.

[D]

Well, it's not just going back to names.

[B]

Well, I'm not going back in names. Don't confuse the two. Because I'm saying a fictional book.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

Has all the people we have today. That's weird.

[A]

You should call Madame Cleo.

[B]

I might.

[A]

Because this is all some psychic crap.

[B]

I agree with you.

[D]

But if you would write a book today, you know, and use some of the names that are out there.

[B]

Look, if you and I were sitting back, put it in perspective that you and I would pay attention to. And in 1961, some occultist wrote a book that said Luis Robert would be traded from the White Sox before his prime, you'd be like, wow, that's weird. And that's what's going on.

[A]

And then you believe in a higher power, then no. Where's all this coming from? There's got to be some kind of power that's doing it.

[B]

I'm not denying that there could be a power, sure. I don't put that aside. I don't have any evidence of it, so I'm not going to believe in it blindly, but maybe, maybe something's out there pushing buttons. I don't know. And the higher power could be the Matrix type thing where the higher powers were all plugged into a simulation and this is just all fantasy. I've talked to you about solopsism before where I make this up in my own head and this is all my own consciousness and this whole world exists off of what I know. Because what I've. Look, solipsism's basic theory that comes back to, you know, best way to explain it is if I don't know something that's happened in history, it hasn't happened for me. And that's really my.

[D]

Feels like denial.

[B]

No, it's not. That's my consciousness. It's not denial. You have to know something to deny it. If I don't know. If I don't know what your great grandfather did for a living, he didn't. I. I assume he existed, but I don't know anything about him, so he doesn't exist to me. But because I know you, I can place that there.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

Otherwise, if I never met you, you don't exist to me.

[D]

Sure. Okay.

[B]

You know, that's the lobster. What's in your consciousness is your only world. And it's true. It's something, something. Check out homework's morning sickness [e-mail] Holmberg's Morning Sickness. There's so much that's happened in history that you don't have an inkling of. You don't know any of the players, you know any of the parts. You don't know what country it is. You've never heard of it, and until you hear of it, it doesn't exist.

[D]

And when you hear of it, whether or not it's true or not, well, that doesn't matter.

[B]

It's in your consciousness. It doesn't. Once you hear of it, it becomes real. Until you do, it doesn't exist. That's consciousness. That's like your own built in. Like, this is my world, so I don't know tons of things. And if they, if they happen and I never know about it, did they happen?

[D]

Right.

[B]

Until it's brought to my attention, it never existed. And that's the basis of solopsism People always get confused, like, well, that's just denying this. No, it's. You have to know about something to say, I don't believe that happened. You can make up here. It doesn't mean you believe everything that comes your way. You can then make assessments on what's been presented to you. But until it's presented, it doesn't exist. It just doesn't. And that's fact for you and your consciousness. Other people have different ones. And then again, you get into the weirdness of solipsism, which is this. I am in my own simulation, my own creation. And you would feel the same way, like, this is yours. When I go home, you don't know if I exist or not. You just don't. You don't know if I disappear from view, that I just don't dissipate when.

[D]

Yeah, when you go.

[B]

Because I'm out of your consciousness. Just assuming you're going home, then I can. On the couch, I come back and tell you what I did.

[D]

Yep.

[B]

There is absolutely no proof of that. That's just being presented to you.

[D]

And people try to get away with that.

[B]

Well, it isn't. No, that's not lying. It's just saying I come to you and say, I now present you with evidence of my existence. So you take that for face value, even though you never.

[D]

That's what he did.

[B]

You did not experience that. You're just. It's being presented to you. So it gets weird like that. So, yeah, there's all sorts of, like, maybe there's a power, maybe there's a matrix, maybe there's a plug in. Maybe there's something else. Maybe it's nothing. But this is weird and I don't want to read. That's the basis of this.

[A]

You're lucky, because don't want to read on Spotify. You can do the book.

[B]

You can read it to me.

[A]

Audiobook.

[B]

See? And that's an awful lot too. How many pages is it? That's a bigger thing.

[A]

I don't know. But Andon Gunderson said Spotify is the books on audio, so you don't have to read.

[B]

Travis says you advocate for men to try their own yum yum sauce. And now you're starting to edge yourself with books. You Jews are weird, man. Travis, I find it weird myself. I don't want to do it. This guy says, my companion and I are coming to your house later today. We're going to discuss our favorite book with you. It's called Revelations, and it will blow your Mind Eldersman? No, thank you. I've looked into that one. That one's got no coincidence.

[A]

Why do you believe in this book and not like the Book of Revelations?

[B]

Oh, I don't believe. Believe in the book. Look, it's presented some interesting things, and I have been interested in the Bible. I've read more of the Bible than most religious people, and I've taken it in going, wow, this thing's a mess. This is probably a mess, too. But it's coincidental if the Bible had names.

[D]

But what got you curious was the backstory behind the book, too.

[B]

Well, that's when I started really getting it.

[D]

And that's where people, you know, like, you flat out just read the Bible unless you know the.

[B]

Nobody's ever read it. And the backstory is another thing. You don't even get into the Bible with this because there were 15 stories that were the exact same thing. The Bible stole before. That's a different topic.

[D]

Which is fascinating.

[B]

But if the Bible said it isn't really, it's that the Book of Mormon, the Book of Mormon's another one. Like, you just. You got to realize this is. It's, you know, it's not built to scam you into being afraid of something punishing you. This is just a coincidence. This is a fictional weirdo. I'm not saying the occultist got it right. I'm saying it's a fictional weirdo who threw out all these names that happen to be happening. You know, if the Bible said, oh, here's a dude you're going to want to look out for, and here's his son's name, and this is a guy they're tied to. And then real people from our time are also tied to it. You're like, whoa, that. That stepped out of fiction.

[D]

And the winner gets to continue with the story or modify it in history.

[B]

This isn't about a historical document. This is a fictional piece of work that has names of people. Yeah, but then it. Then the fictional people became, like, now. Like, we're not fictional now. What is this? It was before everybody was born. It's just interesting. It's a weird thing.

[A]

John, how much weed did you smoke this morning before you came to work?

[B]

Not weed. And then it's reading. I. I'm gonna have to smoke weed.

[A]

And then Big Easy Barbecue. Just texting. It's too early for this. S. John.

[B]

All right, all right. I'm talking to a bunch of people who can't keep up. I'm sorry. Yeah, everybody wants to apply biblical stuff. I don't know what the hell that has anything to do with. It has nothing to do with religion. It's just a very strange coincidence.

[A]

What about Nostradamus stuff then? You believe in all that?

[B]

Look, for a while there, that started making sense. And then I think it got taken advantage of for profit. And there's a little while there, we're like, this stuff. The quatrains, then when you start looking into it, were subject to interpretation.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

And just like, very hard to read. But when you're. When you're presented what he was doing and pictures and readings and what someone had interpreted their four line quatrains. And when they would come to you and there's like, this is what this means. You'd be like, holy cow, this guy's smarter than me. He's done a lot of it. And then, you know, he nailed a couple of. The Hisler thing was awfully strange. And there's a couple guesses. But what you find out later about Nostradamus is dude wrote down everything and eventually, like, blind squirreled it. You know, he found a couple nuts, and you're like, he hit a couple. But I mean, he might have known a dude back then with a similar name and just. You don't know. He wrote 10 million quatrains. Like, he was right. That's all he was doing is just. Just shoving them out one after another. And people. Some lunatic went through and found a couple that worked and made him a genius.

[D]

They say that about the stock market as well. The guy that nails the one stock.

[B]

No, he's forever gonna know. Yeah, but he's missed a billion times.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

This isn't about predictions. It's just a weird coincidence. I don't know that the dude was predicting anything. I don't know anything about it. But it is kind of strange. And I want to know if we have a death ray. If we've got a death ray, I'm interested. That's neat. This one says, typical Jew, wants to know about a book without reading it. Figure out a way to make money off of it. How in the world are you people constantly bashing Judaism? That. I'm not. We're not talking about that.

[A]

John, were you smoking out with Kirby this morning?

[B]

The golden asshole has spoken.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Man. I was just thinking about. What is it? Kurps? You know what we're talking about, man, like consciousness, man. Look, it's just something that's interesting. You don't have to add extra meaning. Just take it for face value. That There's a lot of coincidences in this stuff. And again, there's an entire. And Trump, to his own admission, didn't name Barron after the book. It's. He spelled it different, too. It's wildly coincidental he didn't name him after Baron Trump's marvelous underground journey. His Uncle John was tied to the other stuff through, like, happenstance. And it just all went back to this, like, what in the world? And there just happens to be a book called the Last President, and his name is Trump, and one of his first 10 men was. Was pence to start off. It's just weird. But I don't want to read. There's the danger of it.

[D]

There's the. At something that you know.

[B]

Yes.

[D]

Like I've always heard. My mom has always said that you read.

[B]

Ah, she's from an age before T.

[D]

I know all that generation.

[B]

The more you read, the more that's. The old people always say that the same way we say, these kids should get out and touch grass. They're just on these screens. It's the same thing. It's. Our way is better to us than kids today, but their way is better to them. Like them old people telling you you should read is because that's all they knew. And this is all new and confusing to them. It's the same as us going, these kids don't do anything. You know, there's that lady that was on the news the other day saying, I'm taking the phones away from my kids and I'm gonna make them watch VCR tapes and. Because that's the better way. That's what made me know that was your way. You're killing these kids if you take away all this technology. That's their future. That's their current way of communicating. Your way seems better because it's better for you. Old people telling you to read is because all this new stuff seems hard. Reading is dumb. Doesn't have. It's so dumb. You got to learn to read. But you don't have to learn to read books. They're forever. They make good movies now. That's when people get so mad when I say that. It's like, if it's a good book, it'll be a good movie, and if it's not a good book, it'll be a bad movie because you can't, you know, there's not enough pieces to make it a good movie. Oh, the book is always better. No, you wasted a week and a half reading it. And you got to justify your time. Stop Making us think back to dick and fart jokes. I don't tune in for thinking dance monkey. Not making it. See, this. This is why we all get along so well. None of us want to read or be smart at all. Ever. No. It's just really hard. Yeah.

[D]

I wish I would have read more earlier.

[B]

Why?

[D]

At a younger age. Why the end results have been the Brady Report. But then I guess that's what you.

[B]

Read more than you know. I don't know if that would have changed. I think that's just who you are. I think your reading skills have ceilinged out and they would have found you just found it earlier, especially out loud. You know, you don't have an interest in it. It's okay. Nothing wrong with that. Or neither. But it's the way you absorb reading versus presenting.

[D]

You made me think about that is how many people, like, read a book and all sudden their picture of what a villain or a character looks like could be completely different from everyone else. And that's amazing that a book, though, will tie it together.

[B]

Well, that's the beauty of your imagination more than it is.

[D]

Yeah. And I think that's what's helpful in reading books.

[B]

Dumb. You. You can't. You can't be a book advocate. Don't be a book advocate. I'm not going to listen.

[D]

I can't be. Because I don't read.

[B]

Right. So you can't say that's what's great about what I've.

[D]

You know, like I said, you meet a person that does a lot of reading and you let them tell you know what. It's. It's pretty impressive.

[B]

Tell me, Brady, how many people in your life that you know have read a lot of books that you're like, I'm going to start. None have influenced you to want to read. It's too dumb.

[D]

Well, yeah.

[B]

Reading. Not enough to dive in, put the books down, done it once or twice. Synopsis. Yeah, I've read books.

[D]

Yeah. Well, I dove into one and I never.

[A]

Because you're forced to. Yeah, that's the only reason.

[B]

The ones I haven't been forced to have been more like, you know, Christopher Hitchens and, like, they're not storybooks. They're like.

[D]

I went in about halfway.

[B]

The.

[D]

Probably the last one I dove into was years ago. Undaunted Courage. It was the story of Lewis and Clark. I got about half reading that. I was just.

[B]

And you probably were like, that's enough. I like what I know about this. I don't need details. I don't need Their conversations like pelt trading. Enough. Cut to the cut. It's like going to a concert. Like, here's our new stuff. Oh, no time for a beer. All I want is the hits.

[D]

But then I went to Montana and I got a 45 minute musical version of Lewis and Clark. That's all I needed.

[B]

You know why? Because visuals are better than books.

[A]

That's how I was when I went the Book of Mormon. I've read it, done. I know everything's about.

[B]

And it's pretty good. Absolutely. They broke down all the parts you need to know and you can basically have a pretty intelligent conversation about it based on the Book of Mormon.

[A]

There's the Cliff Notes. You don't have to read now with that one.

[B]

Oh, this one here. So supposedly the author of that book lived in the same building as Tesla. I've read that too. And the theory is that Tesla was working on time travel at the time of his death. And Trump's uncle was part of the team of government agents that came and took it all from Tesla. That's what. Yeah, I didn't know if the agen it to him though. I already said all that. Like John Trump got all the information and they think the Trump family is privy to stuff that no one else knows or that they've got this information and that they've been manipulating.

[D]

And that's his uncle down the family line.

[B]

Yeah, it's his uncle. His dad's brother.

[D]

Yep.

[B]

What were you thinking? Uncle down the fan? What else could he be as an uncle?

[D]

Well, no, because you said there that one part of a book mentioned to Trump that was. It just happened to use that name.

[B]

Oh, no, no, no.

[D]

But this part of the story is really.

[B]

Yeah, that's what I'm saying. Like John Trump. No, no, other Trump. That was Don Trump was guiding Baron Trump. That's the book. John Trump was involved in the government stuff with Tesla.

[A]

It's like Don Swayze.

[B]

Yeah, Don Swayze or Donna.

[A]

Larry.

[B]

It's always better to see Jaws. Take that boat, man. Use your imagination. That's dumb. Yeah, the movie was amazing. It was a book. Jaws was a book first.

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

Who would have wasted their time with that?

[D]

And just like anything else, a lot of people, you know, saw the movie. Like, the book was way better.

[B]

Okay. Because they already read it because they.

[A]

Wasted so much time they had.

[B]

And then all of us are like, Jaws is awesome. They're like, you guys didn't even take. Like they're mad because they. They spent days when we just went for Two hours and then knew everything they knew. It pisses people off when you do a year's worth of re. That's why AI pisses everyone off. Lawyers are mad. I went to school for six years, and you could do everything I can get in 15 minutes. Yeah, you just. If you. If you were more patient, you could be an AI lawyer like me. I don't need you anymore. Well, you're not gonna get the same, huh? Damn. Just makes people mad when you spend a lot of time doing something and then somebody comes up and does it like a second, you're like, God damn it. That's what we really get pissed off about. Books. Don't check them out. There's something, something. Check out homework's morning sickness [e-mail] Holmberg's Morning Sickness. You know what I noticed that when the Internet popped up, libraries stopped being important. All these book people don't go. Libraries are still around. We fund them. Nobody goes to. A lot of homeless people go and try to jerk off to their Internet.

[D]

They.

[B]

The libraries even admitted it. They put Internet in the library. We know you hate these things. What's the first thing that closed down when. When Internet got popular? Bookstores. They were everywhere, and then they're gone. And who goes in there now? I prefer a tangible book in the smell of the page. What are you, a hundred?

[D]

Yeah, just used bookstores and some Barnes and Nobles.

[B]

Radio's no different. Radio is a bunch of dummies. We have a thing. That radio is amazing. It really is. And what did we do? We put computers in the third. We tied ourselves to what we considered the thing that was destroying us. We made us part of it. Like apps, podcast. Isn't that the thing we're trying to, like, prove we're better than. It's like, you know, Ford putting Chevys in there because they're out selling them. It's dumb. Tap that up. I like this one. Says, good morning and welcome to the Golden Book Club. I'm your host, John. The big news. Stop calling me a Jew. Yeah, this is. There's some interesting stuff. And all I'm saying is an interesting thing. It's an interesting topic. Everybody can poo poo.

[A]

So if this is true, why didn't Donald Trump become president years earlier?

[B]

No, no, I have not made. See, this is where talking to dumb people. This is. We're talking. I didn't say everything is real and we're on this path. How do you guys listen to Rogan? Do you yell at the radio? He Comes up with theories and things like that. John said he believes this. No, I didn't. I said it's interesting. Yeah, but you want it. No, Calm down. The golden has spoken.

[D]

So the bullet, something to look into if you want.

[B]

It's just interesting.

[A]

So the bullet actually hit and killed Trump. Then someone went back in the cybertruck, had him turn his head, and he keeps dodging the bad stuff.

[B]

What they're doing over there is fan fiction. And if you ever end a text with, huh, you're a dick.

[D]

Just the fact that there's a death ray out there, that's hilarious.

[B]

I think it's awesome. And we have him. I talked to that guy who worked for the Department of Defense. He goes, we've got laser death rays we could use tomorrow. They're just too hard to manage.

[D]

Those laser beams will kill a person.

[B]

We don't even need propulsion for rockets anymore. He tried to explain laser triangulation and how it causes launch because we don't need it for rockets anymore. It's just insanely expensive and incredibly difficult to get right. He said, but the triangulation of laser. He bought it because the Department of Defense gave up on the program because, like, this thing's going to take forever and it's too costly. We're never actually going to use it. And so he bought the technology and he used it to do tree trimming. He built a little machine. This dude was the smartest human being I've ever been in a room.

[A]

His name is Chris Valenzuela.

[B]

Yeah, he built a little machine. Well, he was putting Mexicans out of work, which is probably. But he built this little machine that would climb palm trees and there were laser triangulation underneath. He could do it with these little light lasers that pushed this thing up and it pre read the palm tree trunk as it climbed, and it had a little saw on the end of it, and it would come and trim the edge and why? Because his friend fell out of a palm tree, trimming it and broke his back. And he immediately invented something. See, they see, that's what inventors do. It stats about how many people in the Middle east fall out of palm trees. It's constant over there.

[D]

Well, it seems like it hasn't rolled out quite yet, but it's getting there. It's still an R D, maybe.

[B]

What, the laser?

[D]

Yeah, the whole contraption. That more people would use it.

[B]

Oh, no. Well, again, it was too expensive. Yeah. He even said that. He goes, I'm going to. He wanted a hundred thousand dollars for Me to help him get a prototype built.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

And he said. And I said, what's it going to cost? He goes, just to get the prototype planned, it's going to be about a million and a half. I'm like, what's the thing costing? It's gonna be 5, 6 million. I'm like, nobody's gonna buy one of these. There's no way anybody's gonna spend that money when you got a Mexican doing it for $50. There's no way. And he goes, yeah, but it saves lives. People don't care about that. Convenience will trump life. Saving things all day long.

[D]

And then what happens when it needs to be worked on?

[B]

Right. Yeah, exactly. So there was nothing about this that was better than a Mexican climbing your tree. There was absolutely zero benefits. So. But. Except for the incredibly kind, thinking of, we don't have to have people get hurt anymore. It's a dangerous job. We try to come up with something good, but.

[D]

And I've seen the power of lasers and Real Genius, the movie.

[B]

That's right. And you got it not from books. You got it from Terrible Beasts level movies that you still think are good.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

Real Genius is a classic.

[A]

Think about all that popcorn they made at the end, though, man.

[B]

Yeah, Brady was interested. This guy says, I don't want to hear Brady trying to extol books. This guy yells out sidewalk eggs randomly.

[D]

Sidewalk eggs.

[B]

He can't read books. Sorry. Not sorry, Brady.

[D]

Exactly what I was saying.

[B]

Sure. Reading menus. Yeah. But you did start to come across like, you're like, well, that's what the goodness of books. You don't.

[D]

I'm impressed if I did came across that one.

[B]

Yeah, well, that's why I stopped you. Because you started to say, well, that's what's good about books. Like, nope, not you. That would be like me saying, this is the great part about reading. Like, shut up, John. Don't. You got to be on this side of it. Reading is dumb. Stay there.

[A]

The hell's going on around here? Why is John trying to be Beth today? Flaming out, bro.

[B]

Flaming out. The Beth wouldn't be this interesting about this. Dummies. This guy says. Effing retards everywhere. You can't simply say you find something interesting without people. Said you claimed it's a fact. I sent something I found interesting about pyramids to my asshole stepdad a few weeks ago, and he fires back all the things he think was wrong about the way I believe he insulted me. Says he feels sorry for people like me that believe this all I did was say, hey, isn't this interesting? You can't do that anymore. People immediately go, that's a bunch of crap. And they lose their minds like you just tried to send them facts or papers.

[D]

The power of the pyramid.

[B]

I don't know what the pyramids are. They're neat. But find it interesting to think, wow, was this alien? You can't even say that. Is this an alien thing?

[D]

Well, not just the fact that there is a belief that there's power of the maybe.

[B]

It's interesting when somebody brings a fact to it, not just a claim. I've talked to people about solipsism stuff before because I find it interesting. And people who don't get it start getting frustrated and they just go, so this is what you believe? No, but I didn't invent. Was around way before I read about because I found it interesting. What an interesting concept. What a philosophy. Look what that word looked. It means philosophical.

[A]

John, take off your tinfoil hat.

[B]

I have not made one claim that I said, boy, I believe this, but nobody's smart enough to understand it.

[D]

There's a vineyard in Canada that I went to and they had. They would store their wine and they had two facilities. One was a regular, you know, square warehouse facility, and the other, the owner built a pyramid out of wood and they store the wine there. The wine throughout the years that's been stored under the pyramid gets a higher rating than the one same wine.

[B]

So you believe that? You think that's true?

[D]

I don't know what it is.

[B]

A decent human being would listen to Brady's thing and go, wow, that's fascinating. I wonder if that's real. And make their own mind up instead of school. You think pyramids have powers now? Is that what. Okay, take off your hat, dumbass. This guy. People don't have like.

[D]

Well, I don't care, as long as this is good wine coming out here.

[B]

People don't have the ability to have conversations anymore without thinking. Everything you said is some sort of an attack on their belief system. This guy Vincent says so. People in the Middle east are more concerned with not falling out of trees, but cleaning their crap water and wiping their asses with their hands is okay. Whatever. How in the world did that happen? Nobody said they were more concerned about one rather than the other. People are nuts.

[A]

This guy says. Cameron says, what pisses book people off is when you say, oh, they made.

[B]

A book out of that. Yeah. Oh, they get fear. Yeah. Son of a. Remember when Game of Thrones was going heavy and rosy Cheek. Brett was in here. Not you. Different Brad. Rosy Cheeks would come in here, and we'd talk about, like, the last episode, and he goes, oh. And he spent a year reading those books. Charlie was the same, not knowing that they were gonna make this series and it. And Charlie was, like, indignant about, like, hating the series because it's just not really like, no, you wasted your time. And now dummies like us are cruising through this like, you spent a year trying to figure this out. And we're cruising through, and he's like, it's just so stupid. Like, they made the Targaryens. Nobody knows what you're talking about. You're unrelatable. And that's really what books do. They make it. So you know the parts of the book that nobody else saw in the thing, and you want to bring that up, but it's unrelatable. It's the disturbed down with the Sickness. A lot of people don't know the full album cut with the whole rape in the middle of it. And when you play it for them, they're like, oh, I don't like this. I'm like, yeah, I know you didn't know about it, but if you start to say that's the better version, you're crazy.

[A]

George wants to know what synagogue your book club meets at.

[B]

So, John, I want to thank you for lubing our brains up a little bit this morning before Brady comes in and finishes us off with a Brady report. That's right. It's the old one two Closer. Yeah, I would very much like to have normal conversations. You smart. Did you smoke that new Doc and Marty strain? 121 gigawatts. Sounds like a good time, man. Yeah.

[A]

No. David Vasquez. Whenever I feel like reading, I just turn on the captions on pornhub.

[B]

That's good reading. Learn to read words. Never read books. If it's good enough, they'll make a picture thing out of it. And that's how we. That's how we go. We love movies. We used to. And, yeah, I've read books before, but never, like.

[D]

I wonder if that will be the. You know, in the next coming generations as far as when, like, oh, you should watch a movie. Why would I do that?

[B]

Yeah, they don't now.

[D]

I can get that quicker. I know it's not getting to that.

[B]

Point where nobody's reading theaters are, because. You know why? Movies are too long. Theaters are far away. I got this in my hand. Make it convenient. Put it here and make it shorter.

[A]

Now we got 100 inch TVs and stuff.

[B]

And you don't need that if and especially if you can get the whole story in like 25, 30 minutes. Why am I. Or in an eight series, you know, like, you get eight episodes instead, and you can just binge it an hour at a time. People are, we want convenience. And again, if it saves lives, but it's expensive, we'll take the cheaper option. We didn't know the people dying.

[D]

So.

[B]

They'Re not even concerned, wiping their asses with their hands. No, I didn't say anything about what they are and are not concerned with. They may have a singular concern. And then others, it's.

[D]

It's tougher, you know, back to the wee thing to go to. Like, if I said to Kirby, oh, you should watch this movie.

[B]

Why?

[D]

It's too long.

[B]

Yeah, I'm that way. If that movie's 245 or plot, I'm out. I can't do it. I want to see that new Leonardo DiCaprio movie, but I would need to see that in a theater because if I'm at home, I'm done. Yeah, I'm gonna find something else to do. I can't sit and do that for hours on end. Singular viewing one thing. Unless it's sports or happening live. If I can pause, come back, I'll do it tomorrow. No way. Anyway, try to talk a little bit of philosophy with these morons. And all I get yelled at for being a Jew with a golden asshole. See what we've trained you people to be.

[D]

Now that's funny.

[B]

Tommy Mallow. Yesterday, I was at his office. That dude's got a lot of books. And then he points out to me as a, you got a lot of books. And he says, I got a whole room in my house, just like hundreds of them. Like, well, he goes, I've read them all. I'm like, I don't know where. I don't know how. I don't know how to do that. Get about four pages in. And I'm like, oh, I haven't paid attention to any of this. I've been thinking about other stuff. Can't do it. That's why Instagram's so great. And they say it's making people dumber. I think it's making a smarter and shorter burst.

[D]

How many garage doors did he have in his office?

[B]

You got to see. See this place? He took me next 40. And not just leaning. He built garages all over the facility to. For training is the most amazing thing. He's by the way. Fascinating dude. And just authentically awesome. Like, he was.

[A]

This guy's on the commercials, right?

[B]

On the A1 commercials? Yeah.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

He's awesome. Like, you just meet him and you're like, oh, you're one of those people that's like. You're doing this. Like, you want people to have good experiences. Like, you're. You're benefiting from it and capitalism.

[D]

A1 experience.

[B]

But he's like, no. He's like, I just. I. All of his employees. I watched him give super bowl tickets to one of his employees yesterday. He's like, hey, you've been doing great. And I have these. And the guy, like, almost broke down. Just gave him a big hug. And I'm like. He goes, yeah, I just try. I want everybody to be happy, make a good living. And I'm like, what is going on over at this amazing utopia? And then we walked into his training facility, and it's just a warehouse of fake garages. It's amazing. I was blown away at the stuff he's got, and he was just such a. He's a good dude. Thanks, Tommy. I had a nice time with you. Let's get a wake up song. What do you got?

[A]

Wake up song coming up. Your screen here and. All right.

[D]

Love it.

[A]

Having to do with. Well, we talked about the Matt Lauer thing, so Nirvana raped me on that.

[B]

They jumped on rape.

[A]

And then. Then, of course, a lot of the stuff for the Chris Valens wheel is Neil Diamond, America Segunda from Sprung, Sprung, Monkey Rammstein. But the big one, Mud Vein, Ozzy, Black Sabbath on the list. But the big one everybody was asking was a 300 Mexican radio.

[B]

All right, we'll do it. Authority 0 is Mexican radio. Kyle says, man, the show's so gay with all this reading talk. Reading is gay. Yeah. Readings for gays.

[D]

Reading Rainbow.

[B]

There it is. Gay as it gets. They've been trying to tell us the whole. This one says, I've never read a book that did the movie justice. That is a great line to throw back at book people. I have never read a book that made the movie better. It's great. I love it. We'll do it. Mexican radio. It's Authority Zero. This is their version of it. It's for our Valenzuelas and our Zips employees because the Valenzuela training center has been going since I was working at Tony Romans. It's amazing. It's 98K upd. Good job, guys. It's not Weir.

[D]

It's pretty cool, actually.

[B]

No membership fee. I have heard enough of this.