01-30-26 - FULL SHOW - FRIDAY - Holmbergs Morning Sickness 98 KUPD

Summary

Holmberg's Morning Sickness (98 KUPD)

Episode Summary: January 30, 2026 (Friday – FULL SHOW)

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Episode Theme:
A raucous, irreverent Friday episode filled with signature Holmberg humor, candid tales of digestive distress, a passionate takedown of Phoenix's photo radar comeback, the birth of a (fake) law firm dedicated to fighting traffic tickets and defending only “the well-endowed”—all woven through playful, raunchy banter with the full cast (John Holmberg, Brady Bogen, Bret Vesely, Dick Toledo). Comedian Adam Ferrara drops by for a guest segment.

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Key Segments and Discussions

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1. Digestive Disaster & Late-Night Taco Bell (02:08–08:40)

• Holmberg Opens Up: John shares his traumatic, hilarious ordeal after a day without food ended in a frenzied Taco Bell binge after a Suns game. He describes eating “three chicken soft tacos and a quesadilla” for the first time in ages—and paying a rather liquid price.
  • Memorable quote (03:51):
    “I was a faucet. I'm clean, I'm clean, I'm clean. We're good. It was a cleansing.” – Holmberg
• The story leads to a discussion about the perils of late-night fast food, the chemical mystery of “Mountain Dew Baja Blast,” and the ridiculous names for soft drinks.
  • Holmberg on Baja Blast (10:11):
    “That's not a flavor, that's an event. Is that real?”
• Tone: Gross-out humor, self-deprecating, candid.

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2. Photo Radar Is Back – Rant & Resistance (10:35–47:15)

The Main Rant: Holmberg launches into an epic, detailed attack on the return of photo radar speed cameras in Phoenix (installing 17 new cameras, Feb. 23 rollout), tackling:

• The shady $12 million contract with a private company (“it’s not about safety, it’s about revenue”)
• His personal crusade against the cameras in the 2000s (staging photos of himself holding a huge dildo, having neighbors complain about ‘porn’ being mailed to houses)
• Legal advice: “Never pay a photo radar ticket unless you’re personally served!”
  • Notable quote (17:15): “It’s not lawful to cite you and fine you without a human being saying, ‘here’s what you did.’ Make them roll in the car and calibrate the machine in front of you.”
• On the city/government: Calls the photo radar a scam/trap for old folks, insists on taxpayer activism, and mocks people for not engaging in local politics (“You’re yelling into the void on Instagram instead”).
• The “Dicks Out” campaign is born, echoing his dildo-protest; in-gags about speeding past cameras with weird props to expose the absurdity of mailed tickets.
  • Notable quote (14:06):
    “If for no reason at all you hear Eric or Bo, it’s like, yeah, well, we can’t… Trust me, I'm going deep. There's some death to this one.”

Legal Tips:

• Don’t look up your ticket online (“it confirms you received it”)
• Don’t answer the door to random process servers (“they’ll sometimes send hot girls to fool you—don’t fall for it, Brett!”)
  • Key quote (18:25): “Don’t get mad at law enforcement for this one. It’s not them. It’s the jackasses down at the city meetings that no one goes to.”

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3. Birth of the 'Jew & The Wap' Law Firm (30:46–48:48)

A Running Joke Evolves:

• Holmberg and Bret Vesely propose a (comedy) law firm defending those victimized by photo radar—but only if clients are “well-endowed”—with jokes about offering legal representation in exchange for topless photos, and a B-team called “Fat Man and The Cuck” (Brady and Toledo).
• They outline their “openly lying in court” philosophy, mock the justice system, and accept “only attractive clients” unless referred down-tier.
  • Memorable moment (33:03): “We will take your case. We will go to court, and we will lie. That is our promise to you. No lawyer is ever going to tell you that. We will openly lie in court for you... if your cans are nice enough.” – Holmberg
• Listeners email in, volunteering “average” or “messy” breasts for representation, spawning more jokes—Toledo is assigned all emails from unattractive/female fans as “paralegal.”
• Holmberg ties in society’s preferential treatment of the attractive (legal or not): “Ugly people don’t have as many rights as pretty people do. That’s just life.” (53:34)

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4. Media Manipulation & “Pretty Privilege” (53:01–78:28)

• Heated discussion on recent media doctoring of news photos—specifically, making a crime victim look “more attractive” to increase public sympathy (reference to MSNBC and OJ’s mugshot).
• They deconstruct why the news cares about making defendants or victims “marketable,” concluding that “pretty people get better lawyers, more sympathy, more news coverage – it’s true!”
  • Holmberg on doctored images (58:52):
    “If you had to doctor the photos to sell me the image of your martyr, I hate it.”
• Expansion on the running joke: only the “Jew & Wap Law” will fight for you if you’re attractive – “Justice favors the better breasts.”

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5. True Crime, Pretty Killers, & Morbid Observations (74:39–81:21)

• Discussing the phenomenon of women flocking to infamous handsome murderers (Menendez Bros., Scott Peterson, Richard Ramirez), and how attractiveness even trumps criminal guilt in public imagination.
• “Cheryl” emails again, wanting legal representation—Holmberg rebuffs her, jokes about “doctors suggesting mastectomy just for aesthetics.”

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6. Rapid Fire: Science, Sex & Cultural Prejudices (102:58–113:13)

• Science Fun Facts: Oatmeal to lower cholesterol, why human males have large genitals (“women like big junk, men fear it”), and junk science on flushing toilets near toothbrushes.
• Sex Survey: Only 25% of American couples have sex more than 8 times/month (“If it’s not five or more, your wife has failed you” – Holmberg).
• Indian Restaurants: Brady reveals his prejudices (chefs “cook with their feet”), which turns into playful but pointed ethnic ribbing, and self-aware social commentary.
  • Brady (98:37): “No plumbing. They make food with their feet. And bazaars don’t count.”

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7. The Return of Adam Ferrara (128:44–143:45)

• Comedian Adam Ferrara joins the show: Talks birthdays, aging, old injuries, failed Soprano auditions, his big break on “Nurse Jackie,” and being recognized semi-famously (“I get the intrusion on my life without the financial benefit” – 152:14).
• He’s subjected to the show’s notorious “horrific videos” (involving various bodily fluids and acts), reacts in disbelief and horror:
  • Adam Ferrara (on vomit videos, 132:01): “Is this called bulimia or not?... I got up for this.”
• Ferrara shares stories of meeting Bill Clinton, Richard Pryor (“It was like getting knighted”), and George Carlin, finding kinship in standup’s power to make his dad (and others) happy.

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Notable Quotes & Moments (with Timestamps)

• Photo Radar Law:
  “Never pay a photo radar ticket. Ever.” (18:24, Holmberg)

• On Civic Engagement:
  “Nobody’s really political until you go sit at a city council meeting and say, ‘I’m gonna get involved.’ The rest is just yelling into the ether.” (18:53, Holmberg)

• On Attractiveness and Justice:
  “Ugly people don’t have as many rights as pretty people do. That’s just life.” (53:34, Holmberg)

• Media Manipulation:
  “If they have to doctor the photos to sell me this story with imagery, they’re selling me something.” (59:17, Holmberg)

• On Getting Recognized:
  “I get the intrusion in my life without the financial benefit. Isn’t that lovely?” (152:14, Ferrara)

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Recurring Bits, Callbacks, and Running Gags

• Law Firm for Attractive Offenders:
  Repeated jokes about defending only “pretty” people—”Justice isn’t blind, it’s horny.”
• Grotesque Images:
  Audience submissions and hosts’ reactions to intentionally disturbing or taboo online videos.
• Mock Culture Wars/Civic Jabs:
  Sarcastic advice on “real activism” vs. “internet outrage.”
• Host’s Self-Deprecation:
  Frequent jokes about their own looks, diets, aging, and place in media/entertainment.

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Conclusion

This episode is a prime sampler of Holmberg’s Morning Sickness: irreverent, over-the-top, gleefully offensive, but with sharp barbs about local politics, media, and cultural absurdity. Listeners are encouraged to engage in local activism (“don’t pay, don’t play along with photo radar!”), mock superficiality in the legal system, and laugh along with the gross, the taboo, and the truly bizarre.

If you want a show that holds nothing sacred, channels the chaos of everyday life through crude wit, and never shies from the awkward or the ugly, this Friday Morning Sickness is for you.

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Key Segments by Timestamps:

• [02:08] – Taco Bell confession
• [10:35] – Photo Radar rant & activism
• [30:46] – Birth of ‘Jew & Wap’ Law Firm
• [53:01] – Media manipulation & “pretty privilege”
• [74:39] – True crime & ‘pretty killer’ phenomenon
• [102:58] – Science, sex, and “cultural bigot” Brady
• [128:44] – Adam Ferrara’s guest spot, show recap

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Listener Takeaway:
No topic is off-limits, no line is uncrossable, and the only thing sacred is the power of laughter in the middle of life’s circus.

Transcript

[A]

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[B]

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[C]

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[C]

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[B]

That simple?

[A]

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[C]

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[D]

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[C]

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[B]

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[A]

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[B]

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[C]

Hoot.

[B]

Come for the football, stay for everything else.

[A]

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[C]

Comberg's morning sickness. The old method of treatment for a person in this condition was to throw him in jail. Good morning everybody. Hello there. Welcome to Friday. It's 5:45. This is the morning sickness. My name is John Holmberg. There's Brady Bogan. There's Brett Vesley. There is Big Dick Toledo. Let's roll through the Friday, starting right now in this glorious morning. Although I will tell you this, I had a busy day yesterday and forgot to eat completely. Didn't have any food. I had a little bit of snacky stuff during breakfast.

[B]

Something that never happened to me.

[C]

I know you don't relate to that, but I got to the Sun's game. Anthony and I are hanging out down there and I have not had anything to eat. And you know when nothing there's no, I didn't, you know, I don't want to order. I'm like, at this point, I don't know, it's 7:30. It's like getting too late to just pile food in. So why not get to sleep?

[B]

Well, sleep.

[C]

And last night I was going to sleep, but I was like, I don't know what to do. So I haven't done this in a long, long time. But on the way home I stopped off and did the. All right, let's try one of this Taco Bell late night deals. I haven't done this for a minute. You know anything that used to get drunk and do Jack in the Box, I wasn't drunk or anything, but it was like Jack in the Box talk. So I hit the Taco Bell and because I had a long day, ate the Taco Bell. And I think I was still chewing when I finally fell asleep, I was on the couch and I woke up on the couch a couple hours later and I remembered why I don't eat Taco Bell right before I am going to bed. Holy my God. I was a faucet. I'm clean, I'm clean, I'm clean. We're good.

[B]

It was a cleansing.

[C]

It was. I mean, Ozempic's got nothing on what was going on with me for about 45 minutes to an hour. It was brutal. I'm like, I, this is it. I should have just gone to bed hungry and been okay with the day without food. I'm fine without it. Oh, I couldn't. It was terrible idea. And I ate it in like a Second, because, you know, you're like, I haven't eaten all this. Three tacos and a quesadilla. They're gone. Gone. And I woke up, just got Taylor in the whole bathroom. It was brutal. Brutal. So I'm on a razor's edge every time my stomach makes a move right now, just in case. Yeah, it did some damn. No, no. Discredit to Taco Bell. Delicious. Amazing. Thank you. Fantastic operation you got there. My own fault.

[B]

Go with your standard order that you've.

[C]

Been over the years, the three. Three soft chicken, soft tacos and a quesadilla. That's. It was fantastic. And yeah, it's. It's been a while since I've done that. Right. And then I went right to sleep. Like had. I had a couple hours to maneuver. My whole body just kind of shut off. Like, this is perfect. Oh, no, it's not. It's. And it wasn't painful. It was just a lot. So kind of sitting on the edge of the chair right now, wondering, am I going to have to run home? Because I'm not going to tailor up the office here.

[A]

So if a. If a best of starts just out of nowhere, you'll know.

[C]

If for no reason at all, you hear Eric or Bo, it's like, yeah, well, we can't. Well, trust me, I'm going deep. There's some death to this one. It was not good. It was weird. Yeah. There may be a 20 or 25 minute. John had to go. In fact, I'll just go, is that Ralphie May? Yeah, let's see. Ralphie's back and all the dead comedians. Normal beyond. What is that a Marriott down the road here? Yeah, let's go. I'll get a room. I'll go get a room real quick. I'll get the rental. I'll go right. Right across the road. That's empty. Yeah, I'll go. I'll sully that. Either way, there's a possibility that I'm gonna have to put a plan in action here. But I feel fine right now. But man, it was. It was about 12:45 and you know that odd kind of bowel knock. What the hell's going on down there? Hello. 40 minutes.

[A]

They weren't doorbell ditching.

[C]

No. And then I. It was one of those things where you just get up and you're like, all right. I got in the shower and cleaned up. That was weird. It took two steps out of the shower. Like, here we go. I took three showers from about 12:45 to 2, 2:30. I'm going, I'm showering. I'm going, I'm showering my. That's got to be it. There can't be anything left in there. Had a little Pedialyte too. That was a mistake.

[A]

Oh, there you go.

[C]

That's the stuff.

[A]

Jesus Christ.

[C]

Well, you know, I had to rehydrate. Oh, my God. It was down. I was done. And like, I got Pedialyte. Throw some Pedialyte in there. That stuff's no good. And like, oh, this is. I'm not making good decisions.

[A]

They'll try to squeeze a little one out because it's gonna let go.

[C]

That's exactly right. Brett might eat a bunch of prunes. A fun. Hanging with the guy's fart right now is not on the table. Just letting you guys know. Yeah. Eventually you might hear, you know, the Best of BO or yeah. BB Jones might be back on Ralphie. Norm. So many of the dead comedians we've had in the past might. We might revisit them while I go. But I won't do it here at the office. That's a promise I've made.

[B]

Headbird.

[C]

Yeah. Oh, man, I'd love to hear that. Maybe. Maybe I'll force one out just so you guys can hear Mitch again. Adam Ferraro will be here at like, 8:30. Hopefully I can hold on to then. And then we'll just let Adam take over. Last 90 minutes and I can go clean up. Though. It was. It was. And it's because I just. It was cheesy and greasy, and I knew it while I was eating it. I'm like, oh, this one's. These. These are especially late night. Like, the dude behind the counter was late night prepping some of this care. Some of the chicken was a little bit slippery. I'm fine with it. I had to eat. But you know what I could have done? A little more bread. Something a little more sensible mix in, like, you know, could have gone to the fries just. But I did. I was being lazy. I wanted to drive through. And a quick hit. I actually considered a bear toes on the way. Well, there was. I'm like, same results. Yeah. Oh, it would have been, if not worse. Would have been worse. Yeah.

[B]

A little more lettuce.

[C]

Jack in the box was on the menu. I thought, whataburger? Because they had, you know, it was almost like 10:30 or something like that. And they got another half hour before they closed. I'm like, nah, I don't want to push it. Taco Bell stays open late. They brag about It. I'm going in. And now I know why everybody talks about the boy.

[A]

It was rough.

[C]

It was rough.

[B]

If you had a Baja Blast, I would have kept it down.

[C]

I don't even know what that is. Is that a Mountain Dew? You know, and I don't pay that.

[A]

Then you'd have been up all night, too.

[C]

Yeah. What am I going to the Dun. The Baja Blast. That's not a flavor, that's an event. Is that real?

[B]

Oh, yeah. Mountain Dew's got so many colors.

[C]

Oh, I know. I don't even know.

[B]

It's like Kool Aid now. You just. I'll take the purple.

[C]

Well, you know, they'll get mad, but.

[A]

It'S like Angelina Jolie's family. It's just all over.

[C]

They're going to yell at me, but I don't drink it because I'm not a hillbilly. I like. Yeah, I like flavors that aren't like trying to entice me to, you know, snowboard down a dirt hill. I don't need the extreme adventures. Just want a sip of something. It's weird, you know, you never go to a nice restaurant and go, let's get Baja Blast or Polar Punch or Arctic. You don't have that Arctic Menace. That's a flavor. Yeah, I'll have Arctic Menace. What does that mean? I don't know. I think it's a warlock from the North Pole. They named a flavor. If you lick them, it tastes the same.

[B]

Pulled up on my sandrail. Like out.

[C]

Just got done repelling from a mountaintop. And I really need a bombastic berry. Is that a real berry? Yeah, it's from the tree. Bombastic.

[B]

You board in to stake 44?

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Little Rock and roll on the bench.

[C]

Take my goggles off. I'm sunburned everywhere but my eyes. I've been boarding all day and I'm looking for a 8 ounce filet and a berry surprise Smash face come sound.

[A]

Like Keanu from Point Break and stuff.

[C]

Is the dumbest name. Gum is another one they like. Those aren't flavors. What is that? Just names of things that like. Like it's stuff you'd name a. Like a douchebag would name his car. But what are you gonna do? What was the one you said Baja Blast and it's just Mountain Dew. It's like purple.

[B]

That one is like green.

[A]

Light blue.

[C]

Oh, it's a light blue. Okay.

[A]

What's the red one?

[C]

Extreme. Yeah.

[B]

I don't know.

[A]

Oh, code red.

[C]

It's called heavy flow. That 28 days Mountain Dew Even fro. Yeah, it's called Playtex. It's the heavy red flacode red. It's period. Oh, God. It's not really. This is food coloring in Mountain Dew. All right, well, go nuts with your crazy name. It's time that I got back on my horse here and fixed the world. They've made it official now and it's my job to wreck this again. Now keep in mind, I'm gonna take credit for this. I, me, did all the work. About probably 2009, 16, 17 years ago, I, your humble moderator, sans the humble part, destroyed photo radar in this town. I single handedly, I believe that it was me because I was the one. I got letters from the attorney. I believe it was Terry Goddard was the guy. And he wrote me letters and he got on my side when I got mad at that car wash place that stole stuff out of my car. And then we found out that they basically put up signs at the car wash at the time that said, hey, you leaving your car, it's ours. And you know, we got a big thing, we got a big movement there. That guy ended up getting in trouble for other stuff and I feel a little bit responsible for that, but he was gonna sue me, which made me realize how right I was. The photo radar I got, I realized that it's an unlawful situation. And Phoenix people threw a fit because they were right. I caused the uproar. I had my incidents and then went in and threw a fit at the Paradise Valley place. And all I did was drive around with a gigantic dildo in my car and have it photograph me. And it's gotta start again, we gotta do it again. And I would speed on purpose past these cameras. By the way, it's a 12 million dollar contract with a company. This is not the city doing this. It's a company that gets $12 million to take pictures of us driving and then accuse us of stuff. Whether we're speeding or not, you don't know. And so I would drive around with a dick in in front of my face and speed past the cameras. I've got a couple of them at the house framed. They're fantastic. And giant veiny black one too, was huge. But the bad news was one of my pictures was black and white. The clearer one is black and white. You couldn't see the ebony depth of what I was holding as I sped.

[B]

It was a cylinder.

[C]

It was, well, no, you can tell it's a humongous Lex Steel version. But the black and white doesn't give it to the color one wasn't as good a photo. Again, clear as day that I'm holding a dick. Gave it to my neighbor at the time who had a young child. He was also a bald man. And he took it to the Paradise Valley courthouse. The picture of me driving around with it. I knew I'd get one. I drove 18, 19 snapshots I tried to get. I knew that one would get mailed. And it did. Two of them, in fact. And I gave it to him. And I said, take this over to the. To the courthouse and tell them that your son opened the mail. And the state is now mailing pornographic material to houses randomly. And that one of the mailman accidentally gave it to the wrong house, the wrong address. And his son opened it, and he's like, they lost it. Like, that place was in full scramble. It was phenomenal. Great stuff. He goes, is this me? I don't think so. It's not my car. It's not my address. But my son opened it, gives it to the lady behind the counter. She's all of a sudden going up the ranks. We've got mayors on the. It was great. Shortly after my rant about that saying, never pay one. And I believe it is just a trap for old people. This is his biggest scam, as when people online try to get grandma to give them money. It's the same thing. What the news covers is like, oh, a woman gave all her riches to a man she never met in Dallas. It's the same thing. So they're starting it again. Starting in February on the 23rd. The cameras are going back up. They're putting 17 up in Phoenix. Like, we forgot that it was an unlawful act back then. And we got to do it again. Everybody got to do it again. Did you hear Dicks Out? I say, brady. It's the Dicks out campaign from Hubbard Radio and 98 KUPD. And agree with all of it. Nobody will bet. Dicks out from Hubbard.

[A]

Here comes Toledo.

[C]

That's funny.

[B]

The other thing, too, I've heard it was like, around 2009. I forget the year, but everyone that got the photo radar ticket in Tempe or Mesa.

[C]

Mesa.

[B]

It was automated. It was a stamp by the judge. Wasn't even signed.

[C]

Like the. There's no people with Joe Biden's auto.

[B]

And the judge that the signature on there had died.

[C]

Yep. They've got tons of them. It's an assembly line of. Everybody's upset. Oh, the government's taking your rights and doing it's right in front of you and this isn't red or blue. It's all of you. It's an attack against the Citizens for a. It's a moneymaker. It's basically like when a radio station goes, ah, we're having a little trouble here. Give away some cash. It's a go to. To get money in. It's a fundraiser. Do not pay those. Tell your parents to not pay those. Tell your grandparents especially to not pay those. They say it's for safety. If that were true, it would be at every intersection. They'd be like, we're just doing this for safety's sake. We want cameras up to see what happened, not to find you. No, because without the cameras, you guys just blaze around hitting each other. No, we don't. No, we don't. Red light cameras are there in case you run a red light. They can take a picture and if you do something really bad, it catches and confirm. Yeah.

[B]

Can cite you properly.

[C]

I still, you know, running a red light's a strange thing to me because that camera and I still don't think they should be ticketed. I think those cameras should go off. When somebody goes to a red light, there should be a. An immediate flash when the thing goes. And it's like, yep, that's fine for an incident. These cameras do not pay these tickets. And I know it's scary. On the bottom it says they'll suspend your life. They can't. Absolutely cannot do it. They have to process serve you. And if they do that, then you. But if they did that, they would lose money on the deal because it costs a lot of money to send a process server to go find you. That's a fee that they have to pay. They don't want to. So just throw it away. You never got it. How much mail do you look at and throw away?

[B]

A lot?

[C]

Almost all of it.

[A]

95%.

[C]

Almost all of it. Put it in that pile. Just go, nope, nothing. It's like somebody knocking on your door. If they didn't text, don't answer it. It's not lawful to cite you and fine you without a human being saying, here's what you did. And then, you know, who are you going to face in court? I don't want to sound like a lunatic, but it's borderline unconstitutional. If I go to court to fight it, there's no people. I don't get to face my accuser. So make them roll in the car and calibrate the machine right in front of you. They're not going to go to that expense. They'll throw it out. It's a fundraiser that none of us are interested in. So let's make sure their fundraiser this time doesn't raise enough money. And they have to stop the program. Let's treat it like Porkopolis. Nobody pay for it. We're not going there anymore. I can't believe they're pulling this off. And they're trying to be all fun about all. At first it's just warnings. They're all warnings. That's all it is. It's all a warning. Never pay a photo radar ticket, ever.

[A]

That's right.

[C]

Coppers and the cops know it. They're not into this. It doesn't make their jobs better. They don't. They have nothing to do with it. It's your city officials. It's your government officials. No, the cops aren't involved. By the way, don't get mad at law enforcement for this one. It's not them. It's the jackasses down at the city meetings that no one goes to. Even though we're all so political, we don't know what to do. But you won't take five minutes out of your day to go being activists. Go to an actual local thing, and that affects you. Nobody will take the time to do that. You just want.

[A]

Me neither.

[C]

You just want to go to Instagram and yell at what's going on somewhere else because you're not really political. You're charged up by the news. That's all it is. Nobody's really political until you go sit at a city council meeting and say, I'm going to get involved. They're not political. You're just yelling. You're yelling into the ether in the void. This way. This is how they pull this crap. This was a vote. This was. This went through a bunch of people and they're like, are they. Did they forget about the thing? It's been a while and we could use it. We could use a little influx of cash. That photo radar thing seems to scare old people into sending us 85 bucks a clip. Do you think their goal with this is to have everybody slow down and no one gets a ticket? You think that's their end goal? Well, it'd be great if we never issued one. You'd lose your ass. It's 12 million to zero. They want their money. They want at least 12 million back. Trust me, don't pay it. Tell your friends how many staff parties.

[B]

Though, that we could have with that.

[C]

Extra money they're probably looking to get. You know, we want to get the whole staff meta glasses. Like, let's. What's a good campaign to get everybody that nobody's paying attention? We can do whatever we want. And they brought this back. And it's a new generation because you think about it, when they stopped it last time, it was probably 2012 when they got rid of. If you remember, they were everywhere. Like, every mile was another red flex box. And that was a company that was killing it. And then just in a contract with the city to do all the work themselves. And they. They nailed us on it. And we. We. I barked and barked, and then suddenly the news was like, we can't have this anymore. Somebody exposed it. Sixteen, 17 years later, it's a new generation of drivers, a new group of people that probably didn't know what went on here before. And they're bringing back the photo rate for your safety. Bull. They don't care about your safety.

[A]

Brian says, don't ever look at your photo radar ticket online, either. A stepmom looked at it.

[C]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

That basically verifies that you've seen it.

[C]

They tell you to go online so they can get a click. And, like, you did see it. And it. You know, don't just throw it out. The second you see anything from the Department of Transportation that said, you know, throw it out. Don't even open. Got thrown out with the other junk mail. I didn't expect anything from you. And look, sometimes I open the thing just to see what the picture's like, and then I giggle. And by the way, what was I 41 and oh? Or was 40 and oh, and then I got hit because that guy. I got excited about a package, and I thought I was getting a delivery. I was dumb. The dude was banging away on the door, and I'm like, oh, cabana wear. It might be more cabana clothes. He might need me to sign for it. And then I know there was no truck, and all he did was have, like, a reflective vest on. But they're not allowed. And there's the other thing. If somebody shows up at your house dressed up as a delivery person, also illegal. They're not allowed to pretend to be from another company. They can show up at your house and watch out for the big trick, which is sending hot chicks to wherever you are and, like, sitting outside. And then they'll say, brett. Oh, my God, Brett. And you're like, yeah, what do you want? Because she's, hi, I'm Brett. And she acts like she knows you. Yeah, because you're gonna go dumb on this one. She's sitting there in her cut off jean shorts on a motorcycle with her leg on the gas and let's lean it back like doing her nails.

[B]

Comes over with a wrench on his head. Just working on my car.

[C]

I was just about to go do some deadlifts and some weight work. What? Who, what are you? Here's your service. Oh, crap. Bitch fooled me they'd send a Dua Lipa clone down here, John. And it'll be so hard for me to go, who's asking? Because that's what you're supposed to say. Who are you? Never say I'm John. But they get you with those hot chicks. But yeah, that dude knocked on the door and it got served. I'm like, Ah, 40 straight tickets, never paid one. The only one I had to pay is when you get served. When you get served, you're like, all right, tip of the cap.

[A]

Didn't make an answer to door.

[C]

Yes, long time ago. Well, that's what set this whole thing off. The first one I got that, that I just tossed the server came to the house. I was in Los Angeles, right? So she was watching the dogs, this is back in 2007 or eight, and knocks on the window and she's in there. And he's like, hey, I've got. Is John here? Yeah, he's not here. He's like, who are you? And she said, Megan. And he writes down blonde Megan inside house. And he taped it to the door. And that became a rule too, that they didn't have to go hand to hand anymore. That an agent of your home could, could verify it was your house and you could stick it to the house. So the guy I was with, like, you have to pretend like you have like you're bone and like nine people named Megan. I don't know how she got in there. And he goes, you have to be willing to do that. And I'm like, ah, I don't know if I can get in court and say that. But he's like, if you do it, he's like, they have to throw it out because I don't know who that was. I don't know, I'm. I got. Your honor, this D is busy. And I had to go in court and like tell him that I'm. I'm dicking loads. I got too many broads. I don't know who that was. Was she watching your house? I think she broke in. I'd like to file a complaint. And then you have to go down that. So I ended up paying that first one, that was where I started to learn the laws of it. And I'm like, oh, this is all just a a giant Ponzi scheme sort of that, you know, one thing leads to another and then they at the end they light cigars and you're running around thinking your license was gonna get it, was not going to get suspended. They have to go through like a bunch of steps after they send you that. Don't pay for it. It's something something. Check out Homework's Morning Sickness podcast at.

[B]

98Kupd.Com Football's biggest game is right in front of us, and you still got time to get in on the action with Underdog. It's Brady from the Morning Sickness. And playing on Underdog is so easy. Go to the app, pick players to go higher or lower on their stats, and if your picks are right, you could win 5,000 times your money. I'm going to go higher on Sam Darnold passing yards. So download the Underdog. Use promo code HMS to score $75 in fantasy bonus entries when you play your first $5. Underdog make picks win money must be 18 +, 19 in Alabama and Nebraska, 19 in Colorado for some games, 21+ in Arizona, Massachusetts and Virginia and present in state where Underdog Fantasy operates. Terms apply. See assets.underdogfantasy.com web play and getterms. Underscore dfs underscore.HTML for details. Offer not valid in Maryland, Michigan, New Jersey, New York, Ohio and Pennsylvania. Concerned with your play? Call 1-800-GAMBLER or visit www.ncpgambling.org New York Call the 24.7Hope line at 1-877-8-HOPE NY or text HOPE NY to 467369.

[C]

It's John Holmberg here from the Morning Sickness, and I'm absolutely thrilled to tell you about my new [e-mail] here's the proof that me talking about something on the radio can be trusted, because I purchased a 2024 customized Ford Bronco from the gang at Lifted Trucks. That opened my eyes to who and what these guys are all about. They not only have thousands of trucks to choose from, they also have nationwide shipping and they can get anything anywhere. My Bronco's been customized. Countless other pro athletes and celebrities now me choose lifted trucks and lifted trucks.com work hard, play hard, drive harder. Holmberg's morning sickness legal advice Totally awesome. Not even like I'm I'm about to give you crypto advice too, and get the whole play suit. I'LL tell you everything. Results do not vary. This is locked down. We as the citizenry, who are so amped up about protesting everything, that's the best protest. Money is a better protest than marching around getting pepper balled. Money is what makes people listen. And when you take it from them, that's it. If you start paying those tickets, they're gonna keep putting those cameras up and go, we got them. They don't put it up for your safety. They put it up to make money off of you. And guess who's paying the bill in the first place? We are. The taxpayers. Yeah, they're double dipping. Their taxpayers are the ones that made it so they could make a deal with this company to put $12 million in their pocket for this program. And then we pay them again to make it up so they get their money back. Plus, some don't pay them. Your safety. Hey, government.

[D]

You.

[C]

My safety. You don't care about my safety at all. Not even a little in my car. You don't care. If you cared, you'd pull me over and you'd be like, I'm so worried about you. You're going so fast. Yeah, I'm sorry. Yeah. No, I just want to make sure everything's okay. Are you okay? Like, yeah. All right, off you go. Slow down. Nope. They punish you financially because they care about your safety. Nothing about that. They don't really care. They don't give you, like, like a free therapy to see if you're okay so you can be safer and, like, you know, come over and give you some, like, bubble wrap so you can. I'm worried about you. You're. And you're not being safe. You're going to hurt yourself or someone else. And we're really concerned. And they don't care about that. It's garbage. So they're going to start on February 23rd. I'm starting my campaign to let you guys know now not to do it. And then the. The March 25th, that goes live, and they could basically from February to March.

[B]

And that's Phoenix.

[C]

Yeah, they're working out the kinks. Yeah, Phoenix. Tempe's got them, and there's a handful. I think they're mobile. Well, those are the mobile ones. Those are. Those are the ones. But they're not like, what. That's not a company. That's like the Scottsdale police force having cameras in their cars and stuff. A company puts up boxes that belong to them, and then they contract with the city and they make deals. That is a. That is like, McDonald's standing outside taking photos of you driving by, going, there's one. It's the same thing. And McDonald's is like, hey, city, we've been taking pictures of speeders for you. You guys want to find them, we'll split it with you. It's essentially the same thing. And you'd be like, McDonald's, why are you ratting us out? You don't know who this company is. Screw that. And if they do take you to court or process you, get in there and say, I, at the very least, would like to face my accuser, so bring that robot or that camera or whatever in here. And I want to see celebrate, and I want to see an engineer calibrate that and make sure it's working functioning properly. They'll be like, all right, pay this. They'll lower your fine. You're going to pay a fine if you get served, but they'll lower it. They don't want your pain in the ass. That's where Learner and Row need to be. I need to talk to Kevin. We're going to the Phoenix Open next week. I'll talk him. Like, you need to start a whole division of Photo Radar Fu Commercials. Did you get a Photo Radar ticket? We'll handle that. And get.

[B]

Get a nice picture of him in the car.

[C]

Yes.

[B]

Get flashed.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Need some cash?

[C]

Yep. Or when you know. Yeah, it's a. Get flash needs and cash. Here's the other thing. Oh, it's so easy. Like, these guys could get. Lift your shirts up, ladies, and have your cans out, and then have your neighbor and a child go over to the. And go, what are you guys sending this porn through the mail for? I'm suing. And that was my friend, the law guy told me, and when he went into that thing, he found out the city bond for Paradise Valley was like $35 million. And he said, I happen to know that the city. It's 35 million. I'm gonna sue you for the entire thing. Sending porn through the mail like that, as a city. What's wrong with you? And the poor old lady at the counter, she had nothing to do with it. Lost her. I, I, we don't. Oh, my God. This is clearly not the right thing. Like, oh, so you admit it can be. The mailman can make a mistake.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

So you can't serve me because I might not have gotten it in the first place. Oh, it's a. You got them by the balls here. We got them by the short and furries, Brett.

[A]

So you're telling. You're telling the ladies to lift up their tops and show their cans while they're driving. Yeah.

[D]

All right.

[A]

Well done. Just be Vesley akuv dot com. I will go to court for you instead. It got sent to me.

[C]

That's exactly right.

[A]

Great idea.

[C]

You know what?

[A]

So will I. I've seen it. We're doing it for the community.

[C]

We're doing it. This is community service. You know, we're gonna win one of those diamond charity awards that we fighting so hard to get as the campaign is showing your to us. And then we'll go to court for you. We will go to court for you. And here's another thing. If Brett and I lose your case. Hey, that means your cans are flapjacks. Probably, but we'll pay your fine.

[B]

Sorry, we can't represent you. Don't get that letter.

[C]

Well, I'll get a letter back that goes, I am. First off, you should be fined for having those. Those are disgusting.

[B]

Pay the fine.

[C]

Only pretty cans can be mailed to us. But if you got beautiful jets hanging off the front of you and you drive through a light and it. I have to call the law offices of Bretton John. We'll stand in there and go. Your Honor, what kind of nonsense is being mailed through to the US Postal Service into my house? Pornography.

[A]

If you got to pick them up off your knees and throw them on.

[C]

The dash, don't bother. Don't bother. The judge would eventually see us and just be like, oh, mother, these two. That's right. Moore pornography ended up at my place.

[A]

And we get a plastic surgeon to kick in on this. Kind of like, if it's. If they're that bad, we get. Get her, like, 5, 10 off. You know, something like that.

[C]

You got your photo rater. Let's take a look at your cans. We can lift those up.

[A]

Great idea.

[C]

You got those mom nipples from that kid chewing on them, and they're gross. Now, we'll get you fixed up regardless. What is going on with breastfeeding? But it does some work on those things. Turns them into gigantic index fingers that look like they've been chewed on. Like Dixon Ticonderoga. The people that used to chew pencils.

[B]

That's a good pencil you're talking about.

[C]

So if we see those, we'll get you one of them mommy makeovers. Yeah, it's a campaign. See, we're starting a campaign to help you.

[A]

It's all about being part of the community.

[C]

I don't want Brady in any courtroom. Well, it's this. I don't think this is a good idea. Next thing you know, everybody's paying a thousand dollars because he won't admit that the it's doubled. It didn't really come to my house. Cans.

[A]

Come on.

[C]

Here's my promise from the Holmberg Vestley law offices. We will take your case. We will go to court, and we will lie. That is our promise to you. No lawyer is ever going to tell you that. We will openly lie in court for you. We will do it. We will pretend that that came to our house. We will pretend that my mailman, who I like a lot, just can't stop giving me mail from other people's homes. He's lost his mind. And it tends to be all pornographic. And Brett? Same guy.

[A]

Oh, yeah, absolutely.

[C]

Derek is my mailman's name. Yours too, now. We will openly lie to judges in the court of law about your ticket. It. If your cans are nice enough. It's called the KUPD Flashback program. If they flash you, you flash them. If you're driving around with that 18 inch dildo like I did, they put a stop to this the first time before they generationally quieted down and then said, I think they forgot. Do it again. We didn't Forget. It's our 9 11. We'll never forget. Cameras, you sons of bitches. It's for your safety. Of course it's for your safety. That's right, it's for my safety. Because you guys knock on my door every night going, is everybody in there okay? You guys doing all right? It's not for safety. Then don't charge me. Keep it a warning. Say, hey, hey, hey. Keep it down out there. We caught you. You don't owe us anything. But let's be careful out there, huh? Like, all right. That's true. That's for my safety. Screw you guys. And I get tired of hearing everybody yelling at me last week about zips this and red that and blue that. And I'm political and I'm active, and we have to do something. We have to go to a city council meeting and watch these douchebags double dip on you constantly. Because nobody pays attention to the local politics that affect you immediately. They're all so wrapped up in what FOX and MSNBC and CNN are telling you about federal government. Pay attention here. If we started paying it. I don't do it, but start paying attention here. If we started doing that, it would trickle up. They'd be like, Jesus Christ. Like 440 people showed up at a city council meeting. We Couldn't get away with anything.

[A]

It's never happened before.

[C]

You see how arrogant they are on Instagram videos. When somebody finally goes to one and questions them and, like, you have a minute and you can say whatever you want, and people will go there and start talking at the end, it's like, that's enough. They don't have to deal with us because we never show up twice. If we started packing the house when.

[B]

Some people do it so they can go viral, right?

[C]

And there's idiots who ruin it. But look, if we started to do that, they wouldn't. They wouldn't be so cavalier about, like, let's just charge them more.

[D]

Crazy.

[C]

But this photo radar thing, this gets me lit. Lit up. Gotta keep it that way. And you guys have to be lit up as well. Keep it together. We'll all do this together. Call it the Jew and Wap Law firm, John. If we can screw them, we'll make the problem go away.

[A]

Damn right.

[C]

Yeah, we got ChatGPT now. So I don't need a law degree. I got man's history in my hand, and I can just go. Hang on. The judge will be like, do you have any idea what law you're talking about? Up. Nope. Hang on. What law am I talking about? Fire off the whole thing, and I'll just read it back to him. We're not using chat GPT here. I'm like, well, then you're behind the times, because I probably know more with my hand than you know in your brain. You're using it.

[A]

Jennifer said, starting in March, every mailman in the city is going to be mailing you and Brett.

[C]

Every photo, radar ticket, all of them come directly to look. Let's make it like that. The address, like Miracle on 32nd Street. Like, Santa's letters all go here. 1100 North 52nd Street, Phoenix, Arizona. If you get a photo, radar ticket fired over mailman. You're on our side, mailman. I got them in trouble once, too. The law firm of June wap. Yeah, I got. I caused a mailman problem years ago. Well, they started wandering around like hobos. There was a uniform they used to have, right? And I'm walking. One of them looked like he was Lawrence of Arabia in the summer. His shirt was opened all the way. Had, like, a towel on his head. He's in a pair of shorts. Hadn't washed his clothes for years, it looked like. And he goes wandering door to door with the mail. And I just simply said, what's going on with mailman? Like, don't you Guys have washers and dryers. What's going on with the outfit? It used to be kind of a. Look at the old mailman. They buttoned up. They look good. Cliff Clavin on great pride in his uniform. And these dudes were filthy. And then they. And so I went on, and I'm like, I think I'm. I think I'm gonna shoot one. Because they look like hobos, vagrants just wandering around on my porch. And I'm like, they're. Just. Because they got a mail shirt on that. That can't be the official uniform. There has to be some sort of. I'm paying for this. And so they had a big meeting, and a mailman emailed me and said, thanks a lot, Dick. We gotta wear those shirts. And we gotta. Yeah, because you guys look like hobos.

[B]

Gotta tuck them in now.

[C]

And now everybody looks nice. You're welcome. My mail. He knows where I live, so I'll tell my mailman. You know, if you get photo radar in. In our district, I don't know how many houses my guy does, but if you see a photo radar, put it in my mailbox. Don't give it to the. Don't do it. And I. And oopsie. And I'll just go in there and like, it's like. Like, I've got a bunch of garbage pail kids. I got 400 of these. Now, of course, the other side of this is to stop speeding and stuff. Be responsible. Try not to get caught speeding. We all do that every day.

[B]

No need to blaze through a school.

[C]

Zone unless there's a photo. Then burn it, go 70, 75. And nobody really knows how fast they're going. 15 miles an hour is hard to gauge. You know, I usually go about 21, and I'm like, geez, it felt like I was going like four. I was technically speeding, especially when I know for sure there shouldn't be any kids wandering around. It's like 125. I'm like, they shouldn't be out. I'll go slow just in case one. Like one stray comes loose and just shoots across the road, but.

[A]

Or when you see the green sign with the kid with the flag and stuff, like, on that street, then you got it.

[C]

I want to clip those. I hate those things. That's just. That's lazy parenting. I'm gonna put a plastic flag out so I don't have to watch my own kids. Let somebody else do. Don't hit him, please. Here, I put one out there. Out there. Please don't hit my kids. Yeah. Moms used to have to kind of pay attention, and now they can go inside, and I don't know what they do in there, but the. The plastic man with the orange flag takes care of getting their kids getting punched by the car. I wasn't allowed on the road. If I got caught in the road, I wasn't allowed outside for, like, two weeks.

[B]

I just think of the videos in class growing up. We see the ball rolling out the road.

[C]

Those. Those old driver's ed things.

[B]

That just is a core.

[C]

I smashed that kid 40 or 50 times. I didn't know how to drive a stick, and I always ended up at the driver's ed stick shift module. I was probably stalled out the majority of the time, but a lot of times I just gunned it for that kid because I didn't even know if. I don't even know if we got graded. I just saw a red light going off all the time on my thing. It was fun. He didn't do very good on your driving thing. I'm like, oh, well, it's not real. You know, It's a bad video game. And that's where Grand Theft auto came in. Later, I started to do it for real there too. Anybody in the road, they're getting taken out. Used to plow through crowds on that. It reminded me of all that stuff. Yeah. Drive carefully. That's. That goes without saying. Our responsibility is that, But I like it. The Jew and Wap and Associates. This one says, can I send you photo radar from Albuquerque? Jesus Palomino. I can't imagine your cans are very nice, Jesus. No.

[A]

You know, is.

[C]

Are there cans or porn in there, if you have one? Jesus. And gynomastia.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

If you've got, like, man cans. You know what, Jesus? We'll support you because you got a name from, like, a Mexican. The. No, fella. Jesus Palomino.

[B]

Just throw it away. Jesus.

[C]

Tonight. Jesus Palomino. Yeah. All right. Jesus. Yeah. Albuquerque. If they're doing photo radar, pass the word on to them, too. They're stealing from you as well. I really don't want. I don't think we're. I don't think we're licensed in your state.

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

Oh, wait. We're not licensed in this one either. I just don't want to go to Albuquerque. I'm gonna be honest with you. No. The answer is no. Not at all. Not doing it says we have these things in Tempe, and it's. They go to five miles an hour to make even More money. Yeah. Says it's flock AI cameras. They're part of the national surveillance system. People can use them to track cars. That's the stuff I'm out of control of. But this whole. This little photo radar campaign is another thing. I know for a fact all the cameras are tracking us and everything else. We gave up those rights when we all agreed to carry a phone with us 24 7. No more worries about AI trackers. If you're texting me that from your phone, no conspiracy anymore. Like you, you sit and worry about the cameras. They put on light poles. You've got one in your hand that they can get let alone your. Yeah, your car can come, your car knows where, communicate to that.

[B]

I mean, they could set up a stand that said.

[C]

Yeah, we gave that up years ago. And we act like we're. Like they're chasing us. They're following us. No, we volunteered. We put chips in our hands. Dummies.

[B]

So much money transferring around that even, you know, like insurance companies on accident go to record the car, what happened here.

[C]

Oh, yeah, they have. And that's just a recording. Beyond that, they can. The car doesn't even have. You can follow the car. You don't need to follow the car. You got a phone with you all the time. You are trackable and you pay for it every month to remain trackable. Yes, said. If the government really cared about my safety, why don't they give $12 million to an insurance company and give us all insurance for free? You know, that's a better program. If they just said, you know what, we're going to cover your insurance and hopefully you guys in turn will drive safer. I kind of think.

[B]

What if they would set it up at golf courses? You know how they have. The golf cart will slow up in certain zones.

[C]

Oh, they governor your car.

[B]

Oh, that would be miserable.

[C]

No, that's. Yeah, that's. You know, that's when the cars are.

[B]

You know, when they're all automated, they'll be doing that.

[C]

Oh, yeah, but they'll. No, they won't. They'll go faster. If all the cars. If all the cars are automated, all the cars are automated, they will go. The speed limits will be 200 miles an hour. If. If there are no human elements on the road, they'll all be on the same grid.

[B]

Well, I'm talking about the city driving. They're gonna have to. Not necessarily consistent.

[C]

Yeah, but it'll all be the same. It'll be a stop and go. Like. Like, it'll be like a gigantic Boxes, blocks of cars they don't have Suck. Yeah, except for you're going to get everywhere, like, in an hour.

[B]

It'll cut down on the accidents. If it's. It's got to be 100.

[C]

It wouldn't be. They all communicate. If all the cars are communicating. Yeah, it'd be great. But it wouldn't slow down. It would actually get faster. Be amazing. It'll never happen because there's always going to be some redneck in the mix screwing it all up for the automated cars. That'll be. That's awesome. In the future, you just sit back and get into Jetsons. The car knew where it was going. Every. All the other cars knew where you were going to. And it gets out of the way.

[B]

We take it to the air. Flying cars.

[C]

Now you're getting off. You're getting off target here. Brady, Brett and I are busy trying to get mailman to drop us some cans in the mail. And here we are in the Jetsons future with you. This is why you can't be in the courtroom.

[B]

Fine.

[C]

You think it. Well, no. You would be bad at this. You have to admit it.

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[C]

Lying in.

[B]

I have no desire doing it to be.

[C]

What? You don't care about the people like we do.

[B]

I do, too.

[C]

You selfish son of a.

[B]

Not.

[C]

Obviously not. No, you don't. Or you would lie in court for them like Brett and I, and you decess their cans. Honestly. And tell them if we'll take them on as a client. We're like Simon and Simon, that old TV show. We. They'd come into the office and they'd sit there and. And AJ would tell Rick, I don't think we should take him as a client. And then Rick would be like, I think we should. She's pretty hot. And then they'd go. And then they'd make out with the client's wife for all of it. That was a great show. That's what we're gonna do. This one says on the city data website, Phoenix. A post of six or seven years ago said a helpful deep pocketed resident gave the town a huge donation to purchase cameras in advance of their photo radar setup.

[A]

Who's that prick?

[C]

Yeah, who is this douche? Yeah. Bastards.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Anyway, chase the money, destroy the money. And then they're like, ah, they're onto us. If it's just a campaign where it's like that douchebag over at KUPD wouldn't shut up about it. Nobody's paying these things. We got to come up with a new Plan. It's an ice cream social. Have a nice.

[B]

The neighborhoods that put the. You know. See how effective speed bumps are?

[C]

Oh, you know what's great about having a Jeep or a Bronco? Those things don't do it. I go flying over those. Nothing happens. You get behind those people that go swerving around and try to get one wheel on. And now you're going one mile an hour. Your car can handle about seven to ten miles an hour. You've got an Accord. Things indestructible just hit them. You shouldn't be worried about how fast you're going on. Like, if they put speed bumps in the middle of the road, how come when it's for our safety, they benefit? That doesn't make any sense. It should all go like. It's like a swear jar. And at the end we should have like a big party for everybody who. Who didn't ever get a ticket.

[A]

That's not happening.

[C]

They ain't helping you out later like that. So there you go. That's my big rant for the morning. And it's pissing me off. And I know I'll get emails. I don't want my license suspended sitting in the bottom. My grandma got her license. No, your grandma never got her life. Not one person ever actually got their license suspended from a photo radar ticket. They might have done something real stupid with it. And then the dominoes started to fall. But just from the initial mailing of a photo radar ticket, no one has ever gotten their license. Don't go online. Don't answer your door. Brady.

[A]

See, there you go.

[C]

And there's the problem. We want to be friends. The lady acted like she knew me. She was pretty. Oh, boy. Here we go at 6:29. I think we made it clear, Brett. I like our new venture. I think we're going to do really well and we'll do it for free.

[A]

Well, we gotta. I mean, depends on the cans.

[C]

Well, if the cans are, you know, get a. Slap them around a little bit. You know, at the end it's like, hey, I got you out of this, right? Let me bat those around for a second. That's the fee.

[A]

All right?

[C]

I get to bat those, like bandy them about. That's all you have to do. Yeah. So look, you're just.

[A]

You talking about free?

[B]

Whoa.

[C]

That's because it's not real. Let's get a wake up song, shall we? 5859-800. A good one. We'll scream it together. It's 98 KUPD. Wake up. It's not weird.

[B]

It's pretty cool actually. No membership fee.

[C]

I have heard enough of this. It's John Ulmer here from the Morning Sickness to tell you about underdog. Playing on underdog is easy. Just pick whether your favorite players are going to go higher or lower on stats like points, rebounds, steals and more. This week I'm looking at the NBA when Binyama is going to be higher than 10 rebounds in a game. Devin Booker I'm going higher than six assists in his next game. Download the app today and use the promo code HMS to score $75 in bonus entries when you play your first $5. That's promo code HMS. Underdog make picks win money must be 18 plus 19 plus in Alabama, Nebraska 19 plus in Colorado for some games, 21 plus in Arizona, Massachusetts and Virginia and present in a state where underdog fantasy operates. Terms apply. See assets.underdogfantasy.com web play and getterms_dfs_.HTML for details. Offer not valid in Maryland, Michigan, New Jersey, New York, Ohio and Pennsylvania. Concerned with your play called 1-800- gambler or visit www.ncpcgambling.org. in New York, call the 24.7hope line at 1-877-8-HOPE NY or text HOPE NY 467369. Hey, it's John Holmberg here from the morning sickness for lifechangerloan.com when you're dealing with hundreds of thousands of dollars, you want people in your camp who are legit and have a solid reputation. And I don't think it gets much more solid than an A from the Better Business Bureau. Not a lot of banks have that, but Life Changer Loan does. People who have made this move to life Change alone all say this is better than the old way and they recognize that it's just a matter of going to the website, doing a little math and seeing if it's right for them. If you're great with your money, just check it out and live that A plus life. Because there is no catch. It's not magic, it's just math. Lifechangerloan. Holmberg's morning sickness the old method of treatment for a person in this condition was to throw him in jail. Bastards from a basket. That one worked out perfectly. I like that Contest of the day here on the first strike. Nicole Slapner God cannot believe that one on CBS. Hilarious. To this day, believe that one on CBS all. There it was. A lot of people like the program here. Not just the show, but our photo radar Plans. This one says we should start a program where we hire homeless drug addicts to destroy all the new cameras. Eventually it will cost them so much money to replace the cameras, and then the homeless drug addicts will also get arrested and we'll clean up the streets at the same time by giving them a place to live. That's a twofer. That's a good program. Matt. Matt Wolf. Well done. Excellent. This one says, john, I got a thing. What if the process server whips her cans out? Oof. What would?

[A]

Depends on the cans.

[C]

What would the Jew and Wap law firm do at that point?

[A]

That depends on the cans.

[C]

We will lie for her in court as well. Who has better cans? The one we're representing. But that we're being process served. Yeah, I don't know. That's a tough one. Let's just assume that's probably not gonna happen.

[A]

What if that's the process server or our representation?

[C]

We'll represent. Look, yeah. If she said I need you, she doesn't need us in court. She's a manipulator. I don't know how to handle that. I'll ask Chat GPT after the show. Not that show, the real chat. Okay. I won't go down to cancel entertainment. What do you guys think? I want the real one. Yeah, the fun one. I got this email too. It says, john, I love you because you're such a dick. And poor Brady is now outnumbered because you have another fun dick in the room in Brett. I'm 52 and my breasts are not bad, but I wouldn't send them to you because I fear what you would say. Why can't women with average to low, average to below be clients? I have huge ones, but over time, that means they aren't as perky as they used to be. I might want to be one of your clients on Cheryl.

[A]

We might take you on, but we don't know.

[C]

Let's be honest, Brad. From the sounds of this, these things are a mess. Cheryl's admitting.

[A]

I was trying to.

[D]

You know.

[C]

I know. We're trying to get a foot. I don't want to see those. I mean, it's kind of.

[A]

Send those to D. Toledo.

[C]

Yeah, yeah. And there's a lesser firm we will refer to you called Toledo's. These are paralegal. Dick Toledo, Esq. Will be. Yeah, calm down. That's your job. I heard a little feedback. It's all right. Hey, that's your job. He's our paralegal. Yeah, that's. He's gonna handle that. Hi, Richard Esquire. Ugly people don't have as many rights as pretty people do.

[A]

That's just life.

[C]

I know that. Look, I'm on the wrong side of it. You gotta pay the fine. You haven't taken care of yourself. You know, if you're emailing this show going, these things aren't up to snuff, then we're not going to take you as a client. Toledo will. But we're not going to take you as a client. Look no further than what they're doing with the pretty guy that got shot. There's not going to be as much sympathy if you put regular photos of him. And that's not me saying that. That's the news. Did you see what they, they photoshopped him to be a little bit bigger and his jawline and they fixed his teeth and they're putting him up on, on msnbc. You haven't seen that. Yeah. They remember when they did it to oj. They've been doing this for years, but they did it to OJ years ago.

[B]

And they also find bad pictures of.

[C]

But they make them sinister. They added darkness to OJ's picture and shadows. And the real picture wasn't that bad. But the one that they put on the COVID of Time magazine to sell magazines was, holy cow, OJ's the devil. This pretty thing. Pretty. Is his name pretty? The guy that got shot. Yeah. Wasn't the most attractive dude. I mean, that's not, I, I didn't care. But evidently the news did. Especially the ones that wanted to make you feel like he's a, you know, the greatest person that ever lived. And I don't know the story. Maybe he was, maybe he wasn't, but they, they filtered and altered his photo for tv. Which means what I just said is true. Ugly people are not going to get the sympathy and the attention in a, in a court case, especially as a good looking person. That's why they always dress you up in court. You got to look the best. Look at those pictures. It is really weird that they did this and it's so manipulative and it's so like, I mean, they made him a little bit, I hate to say this because he's, you know, dead. They made him look a little bit more handsome, manly. They made his jawline a little different. They, they gave him a tan. They kind of fixed his hair to look a little less male pattern baldness and a little more, you know, just scruffy and it's, I mean, it is a much better look. It's a filtered photo. Everybody understands. It's what you guys all have as your profile pictures. It's not you. You see a real picture of yourself like, who the hell is that? And then you go and you, you put it through the star wash and like, that's who I think I look like. It's not your. That's what. I guess Ms. Now is what it's called, right? Ms. Now, not MSNBC. But I just. Yeah, you know, you can't be unattractive and get good representation or, you know, public sympathy. Evidently, according to the people that think this story's big enough to make us all fight, they had to doctor the pictures. That tells me everything I need to know about this. There's a. There's a leaning agenda on both sides because the only reason I knew about it is because the other side started to say, they fixed the photo. He's not that good looking. And I'm like, what does that matter if he's ugly and he got shot? If he's pretty and he got shot, he got shot. What's the story? No, no, no, not according to how they're selling it to you.

[B]

The other side has him dirty dreads.

[C]

And he looks terrible. And I don't know if they doctored it to add to make him look whiter and like washed out and skinny.

[A]

He worked at a smoke shop or something.

[C]

Yeah, I mean, it looks like he's straight out of a Chiba Hut interview. And they said no. And then the Ms. Now one's like, this is a good looking man. He said, it's a shame that this happened. And you do have more sympathy for somebody that presents better than somebody that looks a little scru. You have judgment on someone in a picture it's like, ah, this guy looks like a hippie. But if they. I mean, do you see the. Have you found it?

[A]

No.

[C]

Watch. Just go to MSNBC's doctored photos of press. And then I'm like, we're never going to get the truth. We're never going to hear what they just. The fight is on. And that's what we're saying to you, Cheryl, go get your cans fixed and then start speeding around and maybe Brett and I'll represent you. But in the meantime, it's Toledo Esquire. That's who you get.

[A]

We do reserve the right to pass you down to Toledo.

[C]

Absolutely.

[A]

If you photoshopped.

[C]

And we'll give you a really nice letter that says, after evaluation of your case, we've decided to hand this to our. Our Secondary, firm tool. And then you'll just know. Ah, my. Are awful. Brit and I have decided we're so. We. We're backlogged. So we have moved this on to a trusted associate, and then you'll get that call. Hey, it's Toledo. I'm here to represent your flapjacks. It's a fact, and it isn't me. Don't go yelling at me about this. If the news outlets doctor pictures, because we all know that pretty wins, I don't want to hear it because I'm on the wrong side. Look at that. Changed him completely. Changed him completely. They made his face less long.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

They gave him different glasses. They tanned him, fixed his hair. They fixed his hair just enough. They bulked him up a little bit. Made him look a little more manly and a little less.

[A]

He look as much like Dale Hellestra.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Like, that long face.

[C]

He's got that long. But yeah, I mean, the one on the right looks a little more attractive. What's the point of that? His teeth are better. I mean, they basically gave him new teeth. Look at that. What is the point of that?

[A]

If the.

[C]

If again, answer this for me. What is the point of the information being told to us if you had to doctor the photos to sell me the image of your martyr? I hate it.

[B]

Yeah. What's the seller? A dude from Jefferson's. It's his son. The.

[C]

No, Bentley. Yeah, he looks like Bentley from the Jeffersons. And on the right, he just, you know, it shouldn't matter if he's handsome. Guess what? It does, right?

[B]

He could be on er.

[C]

Yeah, yeah. He looks like Noah Wy's brother from er. On the left, he's Bentley's kid. That's brutal. And then on the right, he's. He's Noah Wy, and he looks like a. Again, that's not me. I didn't do this. I'm just pointing it out, and I'm reacting accordingly, saying, if they have to sell me this story with imagery, they're selling me something. And I'm not gonna react to that. I'm not gonna blindly go nuts. Like, I got emails from people going, they're shooting people in the streets. And they're. You don't get. I'm like, look, you're also being sold something.

[B]

Man, that's scary.

[C]

It is. How. How many times they do that and you don't know. And again, that's not just one side. Probably finds pictures that. Oh, this. This fits our narrative. He looks a little bit shady. They did that back when OJ Got arrested before we even knew the whole OJ Story. His mug shot was on all sorts of. Nobody could believe it. 1994, O.J. simpson. He was the Michael Jordan of the generation prior to Michael Jordan. This guy was a unbelievable player. 2,000 yards rushing. When they used to clothesline you and they could face mask, they didn't have any rules. And it was a 14 game season. This dude was unbelievable. In 94, the whole world flips out. He might have killed his wife. They do the mug shot. All the news magazines and everything on the. When you're leaving the grocery store and there's Time magazine, same picture, black, darker shadows. The background was gray where everyone else had kind of a whitish gray. They doctored it because it made him look sinister. They're gonna sell you evil OJ Cause guess what? They knew in. In the foresight to recognize this ain't going anywhere for a while. Let's set it up. Turned out Time magazine was right. That killed people. Everybody else doing that regular photo was like, it's just O.J. it's like, no, it's not. Here's the sinister one. You're gonna get to know this guy. But yeah, they. I couldn't believe that they doctored that guy's picture.

[B]

And, and I guess. Which one's doctored?

[C]

That's the original photo was the one. Obviously. There's an obvious one. Which one's doctored?

[B]

Well, one's better than the other for sure.

[A]

That's why.

[C]

Oh, yeah, that's. I mean, one.

[B]

It's the other side.

[C]

That's what I said. Yeah. I don't know if they've. That picture right there is the original picture.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

I don't know if. If I guess it would be Fox. Fox is the one that. I don't know if they've changed. They don't want to get caught doing it now that the opposition has done something stupid.

[B]

Yep.

[C]

Then they can use the original and go, he looks like this. There's the OJ one. Can you believe it? Newsweek's regular one. OJ's. They just painted his ass black. And that's the side of it. If you Google search the manipulated OJ Picture, one of them looks like he's hiding in the shadows. And it's the same picture.

[B]

I just had the profile. I remember. I don't know what magazine that came out of the. The mug shot.

[C]

I just remember the. The Time magazine doctored it and I got caught like, why'd you do that? To sell magazines. They said. And like, oh, that's right. We forgot. You're not beholden to anything. Might have paid a little fine, like, you can't. But they doctor all their pictures. So I've seen that yesterday, and I'm like, is that really a thing? And then they. They showed. And you know what's even better? Once Ms. Now got caught, they took them all down, so.

[A]

But they're already out there.

[C]

So they're already out there. But now, you know, we didn't. And now they're claiming, oh, that was a picture someone sent us. We didn't do it.

[B]

Well, if I'm ever in the news.

[C]

I Hope they pick Dr. My pictures like crazy.

[B]

Go to town.

[C]

Dr. My eyes. Dr. All of it. I mean, put me up. I want to. People want to see me as a criminal. If I did it. Yeah, I don't know if you can paint me black, but do it. And then if I didn't do it, Brad, pit my ass. Make it good if you're standing up for. I don't want people seeing regular snapshots of me. It's like, what happened to him? How long has he been recovering from Bell's palsy? Is he sick? He was sick. Maybe something was wrong with his face. I'd have killed somebody if I look like that, too. I don't want people, you know, people look at my face and they'll be like, yeah, that guy's probably gonna kill someone eventually. He's gonna look in the mirror and he's gonna go, that's enough. Go out and snap, I've had it. And shoot everybody. You got a face like mine. Probably one of these days it's just gonna be followed with. Just start firing into the air.

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

That's pretty wild story, though, that they decided to sell us this story a little bit differently for no reason other than to say, pretty people get better attention. Better looking people get more sympathy. Better looking people sell stories. And that's what we're telling you.

[A]

Cheryl, in the Netflix documentary, Alex is going to be played by a black guy.

[C]

Yeah. Oh, yeah, for sure. It'll be Idris Elba. A man might even be like Terry Crews for no reason at all. Just make him a beast. Yeah, but it's strange. Pretty people get better attention. That's not me. This one says, I like this new John. It's like Howard Stern and Alex Jones had a gayer, Jewier baby. 2026 is gonna be awesome. Yeah, I'm in. They're making all the Jews gay. What happened to the man in this country? Yeah. I don't want to be. But it's not a conspiracy. That's not. It's just truth. It's crazy. Cheryl wants to know why we won't take her. And Toledo gets her as a client. Your cans aren't going to represent well in court. We're not going to go in there with those floppy 52 year old flapjacks. Some kids nod off.

[A]

We had this one sent into us.

[C]

Holy smokes. She's a client. Is that from a guy though? Yeah, he's his picture of his girlfriend. He's just bragging. Those are sweet. That's not Cheryl, is it?

[A]

Nice.

[C]

Kill Rick Toledo not getting hurt. Good job, Rick. Why did Rick send in pictures of his naked girlfriend in the car standing up? What is she got no legs? How's she doing that? She's in the passenger seat standing straight up. Show me that again.

[A]

Right in a Jeep too.

[C]

That was. It was a Jeep. I want to go off roading. Yeah, that's a Wrangler 2017 or 18.

[A]

He's got the top off. Literally.

[C]

How's she doing that?

[A]

Maybe the top is off the right because you can see the.

[C]

There's another sky there. Yeah, but that's. No. I don't know what. I think that's her windows open. The top is right there. I think that's just the torso. I have a Jeep. You can't go sideways in the front seat.

[B]

Is it a dash cam?

[C]

She's tiny with massive melons.

[A]

Potential client.

[C]

We'll put her in. Yes, she is in the client list. Toledo does not get her. She's our first client. Brett, We've got. We've already got business. They haven't even gotten a speeding ticket yet. But imagine if that was on your speeding ticket. I'm gonna gladly take that to court and go. This is clearly pornography. What makes it pornography? I beat off to it five times already, you, Honor. About to write. And I'm half hard right now. Take a look at that and tell me. Juices don't get flowing. Those are some nice cancer. And the state sent these to me. Derek the mailman dropped them off. She lives in Glendale. I don't know how it got over to my house, but it did.

[A]

And did you see the second firm? Second firm? Did June wap the secondary firm of the Fat man and the Cuck.

[C]

Yeah. Fat man and Cuck. Esquire. I like that. They will not lie in court for you. But they will try and represent your nasty case hands. And when you have Brady and Toledo representing you in court. One thing is certain. You're going to try to get back in shape afterwards so it never happens again.

[B]

It's a great morning. I love this topic.

[C]

You're not going to be good at representing naked ladies. You're on the show. You're part of the show. Toledo, not in the room. We looped him in. Be part of the show. We know this isn't your wheelhouse. We're not hiring you either.

[B]

It isn't. So I didn't want to have a law firm.

[C]

Well, you got one.

[B]

Oh, damn.

[C]

Sorry about that.

[A]

He's like Pacino and Godfather.

[C]

Every time I get out back in. I don't want to be a lawyer anymore. You're like Cheryl Brady. Ay, face facts. But she's got a great ass. She's got a nice ass. But Cher's cans. It's D soon to stick my D between two boxes of dirty weight cans than those. Jesus. Coke cans are better than those.

[B]

Toledo and I in the conference room. Oh, boy.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

You see who just came in today?

[C]

Disgusting breasts. But that makes it easier for you to represent them because you're not sexualizing it. And you're not going to be good lying in court. In our firm, we don't think you're a fit. Sorry, I hate to tell you that we just don't think you're a fit for our lying in court program. Why are you upset about that?

[A]

We love you, little fellow.

[B]

You're great.

[C]

We've given you a job.

[B]

Our clients a lot quicker.

[C]

Yeah, you get us. Yeah, you get.

[B]

Hello, Send us. Okay, go ahead and just pay the.

[C]

Send the fine and. Right. You're getting it. Your clerk. You're going to clerk it because you don't want to deal with. And you certainly will not go to court for great cans and feel good about yourself. Your morality will kick in. I'm looking out for you, Bretton. I don't have that.

[B]

You don't need to send them in.

[C]

No, no, Brett and I don't have that. Something, something. Check out Homework's morning sickness [e-mail] it's John Holberg here, chilling away for new acunit.com I've been telling you about the amazing new acunit.com for about three years. New acunit.com put the power back in your hands. Three easy steps online gets you your unit ordered, inspected and installed by the best in the business. And I'm super excited to tell you that new aceunit.com now offers mini splits if you work in a garage, a casita, or even have, like, a man cave somewhere back in that garage, Mini splits can be a must. Newac unit.com has it now, and you can install it. They'll even include the electrical. Save thousands, save time. Buy online newac unit.com. it's John Holmberg here from the morning sickness. And it's time to talk about TVs Doug Hopkins of My Home Group and Doug Hopkins dot com. Have you ever thought to yourself, I'm gonna sell my house? Of course you have. And one reason or another, you just didn't do it. Probably because it's a hassle when you try to make a real estate deal. What if I could say, you can sell that house the day after you say the words, I want to sell my house. Doug's been at this for over 25 years, and that's why he's still on top of the Hill. TVs Doug Hopkins can handle everything. Won't move the price or you get $5,000. What do you do? Start process right now@doug hopkins.com or grab the phone and sing. Holmberg's Morning sickness. But you and Toledo will. Look at the ca.

[B]

Oh, God.

[C]

Cheryl's breasts are down to her knees. Yeah, I heard. I saw the words 52, and they're not so great. That means these things are. They might as well be on her back.

[A]

Unless she's seen a nice doctor. I mean, there is that. There is that chance.

[C]

Cheryl, you still have until March. These photo radar tickets start charging you, so that's. Look, it's only eight weeks to recover from at least a lift.

[A]

Yeah, if they're oem, yeah. Aftermarket. Yeah, you may have a shot.

[C]

She says they're huge. So just cut some skin off the top, lift them up, sew those up, get a little weird scar, but it won't be noticeable if you. You know, if you use the proper scar treatments. And in eight weeks, you could be a client of the Whop and the Jew. But in the meantime, it's fat man and the cuck gonna represent.

[B]

Every once in a while, I might be able to say, your honor, she is breastfeeding.

[C]

Right? That's disgusting.

[B]

Why would you send that to me?

[C]

That is disgusting. Disgusting.

[A]

Hey, guys. I'm getting divorced today. Really?

[C]

This from Clayton today.

[A]

Please don't represent my ex's perfect hands for this.

[C]

Send us some pictures and we'll see. I can't. I can't promise you anything.

[A]

Absolutely.

[C]

You might be. You might. Yeah, well. Well, we're gonna have to get into divorce law. We can.

[A]

We can.

[C]

You know. Idea. That's where the cans.

[A]

We gotta expand the business.

[C]

You know, I'll tell you right now, if you're getting a divorce and you've got great cans, we will lie in court for you with the Jew in the wop Esquire Waffle. We are not licensed in your state.

[B]

Slogan. Because we can. Can. That's right.

[C]

You might be part of our marketing team, but you cannot be in the courtroom. Fat man in the cuck can do their thing over in the corner with Cheryl and her nasty ass floppers. Cheryl. And beating you up pretty good, but not as badly as life has to those breasts again.

[A]

She could. They could be aftermarkets. And we're.

[C]

We're okay. Not Cheryl. Cheryl's emailed over basic admission that these things, you know. Have you. Cheryl, have you ever been to the doctor and he recommends mastectomies even though you don't have cancer? That's how bad your breasts are. I think these need to come off. Cheryl. Why? Do I have cancer? God, no. I just think they need. You should chop those off. They're horrible. Look, you're 52. You've let them go. We'll start over. Cheryl, get to work on those things.

[A]

Clayton's asking where he can send them to, so I just.

[D]

We'll.

[A]

We may see the exes.

[C]

No kidding. I don't think that's legal, Clayton. It's not a good idea. It's probably why you're getting divorced. You can't go sending pictures of your naked lady to everybody and then go, oh, she's pissed at me all the time and I'm tired of it. Stop sending your cans to strangers. We'll post them on Instagram and we'll see how this revenge porn goes. And then we'll represent Cheryl and. Or not Cheryl. No, not Cheryl. Know this one? Whatever Clayton's wife is, we never got a name. Well, Clayton isn't the most common name. So if she's out there for Clayton sent pictures to those jackasses. That's revenge porn, Clayton. It's going to end up in the courtroom. You're going to spend a little more per month, Clayton. It's going to take you to the cleaners. And guess who's going to be your lawyers? Brett and I. And we were like, oh, yeah, revenge. Clayton sent us tons of it. We'll doctor him up. Just like Ms. Now does have to.

[B]

Throw out the evidence.

[C]

We will lie in court for you. That's our plan. Speaking of crazy. Did you see that person tried to break Luigi Mangione out of jail yesterday? What is going on? This world is like, what is going on? He's a hero. This is not. My brain doesn't work normal anymore because I figured, okay, he had a cause and he shot someone. The punishment is he gets punished for it. And then everybody holds him up as the hero, but he ain't getting out. If you think he's a hero, that's great. Part of that is the sacrifice of going to jail for the cause. Ain't supposed to be free. He didn't do anything good. Shooting people in the back is not good, even if it's for a cause. He didn't wrestle with him. There wasn't an altercation. He cowardly walked up to somebody and shot him and said, look at me. Then he tried to get away with it instead of standing there with his hands up going, I did this for everybody who has health care. No, he was. He was a coward. But he's handsome. Oh.

[D]

Oh.

[C]

If I did it, they'd be like, that guy's gross. He get rot in jail. He wouldn't hear anything about it if he wasn't good looking. Luigi's a good looking dude.

[A]

Maybe Beth has a law firm and that's why she's doing it. Because Luigi's a good looking dude. Maybe she's representing him.

[C]

That could be. I don't know.

[A]

You never know.

[C]

She might be doing scent like crank comparisons to Beth. If your dick's bigger than mine, I'll represent you. So Beth has no clients. No one has out Tough business. No one has outdicked Beth yet. That hog is massive. She's. That thing hangs lower than Cheryl's breasts. That's saying something. I'm sorry. Yeah. Somebody tried to break Luigi Mangioni out of jail and people are like, yay. Like, what is wrong with everyone? Toledo law is boring. And row are your a wreck. You need a check.

[A]

That's good. I like that.

[C]

Or you do the, you know, call cocky. Cocky.

[D]

It works.

[C]

We're the husband and wife law team. I'm Toledo. And I'm Brady. Anyway, yeah. Stop trying to act like it's all wrong. This pretty thing is kind of on my mind though. Because they break out Luigi the same day that everybody gets caught over at the News beautifying a victim. And I don't. Color me crazy, but that story seems to stand on its own no matter what that dude looked like. Evidently not enough. You have to find them handsome in order to. And that's really kind of. That's a statement on what they know about women and bad boys. And go no further than the Menendez brothers. Larry hasn't been able to get a date for 20 years. One of the Menendez brothers got married twice after he went to jail. He got married and divorced and found someone new.

[B]

There's that documentary right now. I think it's on Netflix. The Handsome Murderer.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Oh, yeah, they love that stuff. Scott Peterson lying around the block on visiting day. People women wanted to meet him.

[A]

Wasn't Richard Ramirez, of all people getting.

[C]

Richard Ramirez had security because of visits. They had to be careful that too many people were trying to get to know the night stalker. That creepy Satan. Those eyes. Those are the weirdest, most awful eyes I've ever seen in my. Didn't need to doctor that.

[A]

No.

[C]

But he had long hair and he was a bad boy. Sneaky. He killed a lot of people. Yeah, but he's hot. Chicks do that. And don't think that the chick news station Ms. Now doesn't know it. They just played you like a fiddle. Middle. It's not that big a deal. Well, then why did they do it? You're making nothing out of something. No, why did they do it? Answer the question why they did it and maybe we'll have a talk. But that one is. That's proof of really, you know, like.

[B]

If you had them side by side. No, that's a different guy.

[C]

That might be his brother. That's his handsome brother. It's the Patrick Don Swayze side by side. It's Tom Hanks and his brother. That weird looking dude that looks like him from behind, but he turns around like, Jesus, somebody punched Tom Hanks in the teeth. It's proof that I was right. Not to overreact to this because I'm not sure we're getting the whole story. And I know for a fact it's being pushed one way or the other. So just let the dust settle and find out exactly what happened later. I'm gonna go crazy yet. Everybody. One dude's yelling at me about being on the wrong side of history. I'm like, I don't know what side I'm on, but I know right now I'm. I'm not a ball of clay and they're trying to treat me like one. But I have always known. Cheryl. Pretty people get better representation, better cans, better lawyers.

[A]

Wow, that's a slogan too.

[C]

I like that. You can see that. Right next to the scales of justice with one can, it's like the papa John's of law. You know what we'll have, Brett? We'll have.

[A]

That's true.

[C]

Yeah. We'll have the scales of justice. And on the heavy side. Side, the one that's tilted down, beautiful cans. And on the light side, big sloppy messes.

[A]

Oh, I'm liking it. We need shirts.

[C]

The scales of justice lean towards the. Better cans. Better cans, better representation. The Jew and wa. I mean, what would you rather have in a courtroom? A Jew and an Italian standing there going, we got your back.

[A]

Absolutely.

[C]

I take care of the money side. You take. You're the heavy. You're telling me right now, Brady, a lady with no money in huge cans comes into a law office and a lady who's got money with no cans comes into a law office and which one the lawyer is going to be like, I'll represent her pro bono. Going for the cans. You want to hang out with slappers. And I'm going to refer to you to Dick Toledo, Fat man and the cuck. Why? I think we both know why. Then you walk into that weird, weird, weird office with wood paneled walls and two desks right next to each other, and Brady and Toledo just sitting there doing nothing, staring at you as you walk in. Is this the fat man in the cuck? Yes. Yep, sure is. Guess which one's me.

[B]

It's a volume business. We'd have like 200 offices.

[C]

Lift those things off the ground or you're gonna get rug burn and sit down.

[B]

Bring any food?

[C]

Yeah. You got anything for me? That's what they said. You said you were gonna bring snacks. Lift one of those cans up. You might have some cheez its under there.

[A]

Someone asked if we would represent Jodi Arias because we've already seen the cans over the.

[C]

Not only that, we'd have gotten her away.

[A]

She got now shouldn't be in there right now.

[B]

No.

[C]

Your honor, let's go back to the nude photos every day. I'd have gone to that. Let's take a look at her tied to this tree again here. Is this the act of a sane woman? Your honor, I plead insanity. I'm crazy about my client. Jodi Arius would be walking free of Brett and I did. That's a terrible, terrible thing. Beautiful breasts on Jodi Arias. We all paid attention to that. Why did we all pay attention to the Jodi Arias case? Well, she was hot. We got to see her naked. We got to see her honey hole, her bee hole. We got to see it all. And she was pretty. Now imagine that. That's Toledo Naked. That case would have been dead quiet. We'd have never known. Throw the book away.

[B]

Same stories.

[C]

Same exact thing. Ugly woman does it. We don't know a thing about it. It's crazy.

[B]

Easy.

[C]

Pretty. Pretty wins. Pretty matters. Pretty matters. This guy emails and he says, hey, I apologize for the delay, which is only for me. Says I wanted to respond to you, his dog Sif. I talked about the dog the other day. He was worried that Young not going well, having a reaction to some stuff and didn't look like he had much longer. He said I had to let you know you had nice words to say. The reaction was to the blood pressure meds my dog has to take. I thought it was the end. I was a wreck. Reading your email that you sent me made me break down. I sent him a nice email back. I just got a three year old dog with a disease they can't fix. Then I've been through that with a dog not three, but five and it's devastating. Says luckily the vet was able to help her. We got her on new meds and she's already kind of back to being herself for the time being because it's incurable. So the odd thing, and having listened to the show since it started and hearing so many times a listener reaching out to you about a dog story, I never thought I'd be one. And I just wanted to say thank you to everyone, Brady, Brett, even Dick. And that's not necessary for doing what you guys do. Even if it's just a distraction from everything going on, it's still great to laugh and get an escape from everyday troubles. Travis, now. You're welcome, Travis. And I hope I'm glad to hear that the dog is. No bad days. That's my rule. If you can get them on medicine that makes it so there's no bad days even when you know the decline isn't necessary. Inevitable. Hop on. I met an ax. That dog yesterday was awesome. Bodhi over at Lost Our home pet rescue. Oh, was Bode fun. And Bode's one of those dogs that needs a home now because he's not liking the shelter. He's an owner. Surrender. He's not a big fan of big dogs. So I think he's. I think he's best off being just your dog. But man bodies ready to get out of there. And I'm afraid for Bode because he's one of those dogs that the longer he's in there, the less he's going to do well introducing himself to people because he's Anxious. He doesn't like it in the shelter and it's a nice shelter, but he's not happy there. He's tense, he's angry. But when I got him in a room by myself, he's just leaning on me. He's lovey dovey. He was sweet. But then he got out into the shelter, he just watched him stand up again. He's barking. He's one of those dogs that's gonna get into that a year from now, I'm gonna like, Bodhi's still there because everybody that comes to meet him, he's tense.

[B]

Would he be a loner dog?

[C]

I would say probably best off by himself. He does like little dogs, dogs, but I think he's just better off for at least for the time being. Get him comfortable and. But he is so awesome. It's so fun. He's about 60 or 70 pounds, but he's just, he's a, a boxer mix.

[B]

It's funny even sometimes when you think about that the dog in the, in the right setting.

[C]

Oh, perfect.

[B]

Even you're saying, oh, this might be a loner dog, but he gets in the right setting.

[C]

Well, right now he's in a very tense, lots of barking, lots of ah, and he doesn't like it. And that happens to a lot of those dogs in shelters where like, the shelter changes him. And the more people are like, oh, we're interested in Bodie, and then they have a meet and greet with Bodhi and Bodhi's like. And he doesn't act normal because he's tense and he's anxious and he just wants to be.

[A]

Let's get the hell out of there.

[C]

He wants out of there, so let's get him out of. He's only been there for a couple weeks. Let's get him out of there now before this kicks in. And I'm telling you about Bode in 2027 going, Ah, we got to find a home for Bodie. And now it's got to be a real special one. So yeah, let's, let's get Bodhi going. And I, I say that off the heels of, of Travis and his dog Sif. I don't want, I don't want any more dogs to. It's an uphill ice hill I'm climbing constantly trying to fix something that will never be fixed, but one at a time. Can't fix them all. George asks, does Fat man and the Cuck operate out of a storage closet in the back of Chino Bandido like Saul Goodman did in the nail Salon? Yeah.

[B]

If they would offer.

[C]

If they'd offer it. That's a great spot. And then they'd have to start putting stickers up like the lady at the nail salon did. That's good. Cucumber water only for customer, not for salt. What do you mean, I can't have that? Chinese jerk chicken. That's how you know Brady likes something a lot when he orders it. Like somebody's choking him. You know, there's a Chino bandito.

[B]

Get that? Pronunciation is.

[C]

What's it called?

[B]

Pronunciation.

[C]

Huh?

[B]

The pronunciation of what? Of the food. I make sure I nail it better.

[C]

When it comes down to that. It feels like you're orgasmic.

[B]

Chicken.

[C]

Jerk chicken. Yes. Sweet. And the little Asian Mexican behind the counter is like, whoa, this guy gonna jerk off on the food. But, yeah, Chino bandido would be a good place for the cuck in the fat man's law office. Brett and I will be at the back of Band Aids. Not even in an office. Just a booth. We'll make it work.

[D]

Patio.

[C]

Yeah, patio. Well, yeah, you know, we'll get all pro Shayed out there. We'll have a nice little awning. And you just visit us after. Afterwards.

[A]

Our law firms even got sponsors.

[C]

Nice. Yeah, all crocheted. Robert will be all over this. Get them. And everything else. Oh, there, I see. I didn't know this. Andrew Wilson and Joe Rogan were talking about that photoshopped thing too. And Andrew Wilson used the word marketable. That's a perfect word to describe what MSNBC did to that photo. Marketable. Excellent choice of words. I don't know if it was Rogan or Wilson that said it. Yeah, it's strange. It's not a normal thing. What do you got on the big board of musical Treats there?

[D]

All right.

[A]

It is time for the Wake up song. And, well, going photo radar and our law firm and everything. That's where it all seems to go. Sammy Hagar. I can't drive 55 demon speeding from Rob Zombie. Jesus built my hot rod from ministry Send me your money for all the photo radar. Golden Earring Radar Love. See there. Primus. Jeremy was a race car driver. Jerry was a race car driver. Coheed, Cambria, Fear Factory Cars. Psycho Stick. Because Boobs. Yes. Aquabats and Metallica. And justice for all for the law firms of the morning show.

[C]

And then justice for all is always. So, what do you want to play as you pick it?

[A]

You know, I'm always suicidal. Metallica. You know.

[C]

Pick something other than those two. Brett. I'm gonna Put you on the spot here. I like that. Fear Factory Nissan. Their version cars is pretty cool. All right, let's go with that. Fear Factory Stars. I like that one. That'll work. That'll get her done. And. Okay. Sorry about that. Cheryl. Cheryl has emailed back and said, thanks a lot. Like, it's not my doing. You wrecked them. If you could have emailed me and said, mine are spectacular, I would. I would have been like, okay, but you're the one telling me that they're a mess. And you're admitting that you wouldn't be a client of the Jew and the wap. That's not my fault. Fault. I don't know you. I'm going to be honest to you, and I'm going to lie in court. That's a good lawyer. But if you do have to send them over, D. Toledo9kupd.com let's cut out the middleman. Toledo will show us. And if we have a change of heart from your we may take application. Yeah, we may change our minds. And then fat man and the cuck will have to go back to, you know, look, they're gonna have more business than us. Oh, yeah, There's. I mean, most of them are bad. That's okay. Nothing wrong with that. You're gonna make a fortune over there, Brady, repping all these hogs. Photo radar comes back. We are your huckleberry. This is a cool version of this song. Was Gary Newman's song back in, like, 81.

[A]

He's in it too, so.

[C]

Yeah, he read. Yeah, he helped him with it. This. They redid it in 98, if you can believe that one. This thing's almost 30. First one's almost 50.

[B]

Due for another one.

[C]

Let's do it again. Sphere Factory. It's cars. Wake them up. It's not weird.

[B]

It's pretty cool, actually. No membership fees.

[C]

I have heard enough of this. It's John Holberg here, and it's time to talk about TVs Doug Hopkins of My Home Group and doughns.com 2026. Brand new year. That usually means every one of us says something like, this is the year I blank. And then we insert some strange goal. Let me tell you this. Most of the time, you're not going to do it this year. I'm going to call TV's Doug Hawkins. He will buy your home as is. You can start eyeballing houses that are already upgraded. So fresh starts for 2026 are waiting for you at your keyboard. Start the process right now online. Doug hopkins.com or sing hopkins. 1-800-sale- now. This is Michael with Restore My Civil Rights. It's still over 110 degrees outside, and the political climate is just as hot. If you've lost your right to possess a firearm due to a criminal conviction, we can help at Restore My Civil Rights. We help Arizonans restore all of their rights because constitutional rights shouldn't depend on the next election results. To book a free consultation, call 855, gun rights or visit restoremycivilrights.com today. That's restoremycivilrights.com the old method of treatment for a person in this condition was to throw him in jail. Want to say hi to Travis Volk out there? He's one of the dudes working at the Phoenix Open right now, groundskeeping and stuff. He's a greenskeeper. He said, it's a circus over here. He wants to hear this circus by Chevelle. And I said, okay, I need six greenskeeper passes for next Friday. That would be for Kevin Ray of the Suns, if that matters at all. And then he said, well, if you play the song, and I'm like, that's illegal legal. But to prove that the Jew and the Wasp stand by. We will break the law to get things. That is something we will do.

[A]

Apparently, Rick's really trying to get us to break the law.

[C]

Oh, yes. Rick is sending a lot of pictures. He's gonna go to jail. A lot of photos.

[B]

That's all Kray needs.

[A]

Rick's got great cans.

[C]

Yeah, I know. I said, I think he needs four. I threw six in there just for. In case he gets a couple extras. Yeah, Kevin's looking for. He's got people in town, and, like, I wonder if I could do that. I'm like, I don't know. Travis, help out Kevin. It's Kevin's birthday on Sunday. Same as you. Sunday, right? Yep. Yep. Okay. Brady and K. Ray have the same birthday. I think they're. I think you're just a year apart. I think.

[B]

So.

[C]

It's either a year or you're exactly the same age.

[A]

We're playing Brady Gras today or Monday?

[C]

Well, Adam's coming in today, so we'll probably play Monday.

[D]

All right.

[C]

A little post. Get your celebration and find out what you got for your birthday, and then we'll see what we can. If we can add to that. That Monday with Brady, you should play Kevin, too.

[A]

Kevin Gro.

[C]

Kevin, come in on Monday and do Brady Kre. Gr.

[B]

All right.

[C]

And the two of you will. Prizes galore. If you and you can answer together. I'll talk to Kevin. We need him in here on Monday. That's a good idea, Brett. Look at this. This law firm is just churning out brilliant.

[A]

Changing the world.

[C]

Changing the world. This lady says, john, I got a photo radar ticket last month. My boyfriend thought I should just pay it and get it over with. And I said, never pay those. Never pay them until you get served. And he rolled his eyes and said, of course you would do what Holmberg says now just to annoy him. Anytime anything happens, I just say, I wonder what John would do. Uh, you should make bumper stickers for cars. Nobody would ever. What would John do? That's terrible. What would Brady do? Makes sense because it's moral. And just. What would John do? Fight for your rights. Rachel. Rachel.

[A]

Well, depending.

[C]

Put this in our file cabinet and then email Rachel back for an application. We'll see which law firm she goes to. It's time now for the Brady Report. It's brought to you by our [e-mail]. you want some shade on your patio. You want to get that TV out there in that space in your backyard. But there's too much glare. They can make it all better. And they can do it beautifully. Make it look like it's part of your home with those motorized retractable ones that are sensitive to the wind. So they do it themselves. If you leave them out, you don't have to worry about them getting all destroyed by a storm that blows through like you would an umbrella. Or a cheaper version. All Pro Shade is the best in the business. They've been at it for over 20 years for a reason. They gonna make shade at your house, actually give you some outdoor living space. How about that? All pro shade.com Brady reported.

[B]

Good Friday morning to you, Phoenix. Hello, world.

[C]

We've made it. Hi.

[B]

Happy national fun at work day.

[C]

That's everyday, gang. Oh, by the way, it's some sort of weird ice out protest.

[D]

What?

[C]

Yeah, schools had to cancel school today because, man, all the teachers said, nope, we're not going. Of course they did. They don't want to go to work. If I'd have known about this, I wouldn't be here. I'd have down with whitey day protest. I don't care. Jews out. I'm okay. I'm. Where do I. Do I have to go to work that day? No, we're all taking day off. Off.

[B]

I believe you tried to do that.

[C]

A few years ago.

[B]

Down with whitey day.

[C]

I'm fine with that. I think you Did. If it gets us a day off, I'll do it.

[B]

Every school. Look, every public school in Tucson or. Every school? Every school in Tucson.

[C]

No, I'm kidding.

[B]

Kids. Aren't Tucson the Tucson school district? Yeah.

[C]

They cancel class. No kid is protesting anything. He's just ditching. It's legal. No, they cancel it because they don't.

[B]

Have teachers all the.

[C]

I know, but I mean they have the kids marching out too. I watched that and they're like, you.

[A]

Didn'T get married, Red Fred.

[C]

I'm not gonna either. You should quit. But the kids that are marching out of the schools downtown, like there's white ones and black ones and they're just laughing like you guys are just getting a day off. All you gotta do is sit in this beautiful weather for a couple hours and act like you care. I can do that. You could have Clan Appreciation day. Al Qaeda appreciation Day. And you'll see whites, blacks, Mexican, Everybody get a day off from work. We'll do it if you're a student. Yeah.

[B]

Keep on doing a teacher. Yeah.

[C]

If you're a student, you're like teach. I think you guys should take a whole week. That'll show them. Yeah. Students, convince your teachers that a day just isn't enough. It's going to take weeks to get ice out of your city. Did we have a memo or anything that said we're allowed to leave? No, I'm going to pump one out.

[B]

Yeah, I think you have to make the call.

[A]

We have a law firm. We can do that.

[C]

We do it. Would like to say that you're just.

[B]

Got your letterhead yet.

[C]

Yeah, we'll get that on.

[A]

We'll get it.

[C]

Chatgpt up a letter and we'll just put it out there and say just reminder that it's illegal for your. It's totally illegal for your employer to stop you from your American right to protest by taking a day off if you have a political and just cause. Yeah, it's a law crime or something. Look it up, bro.

[B]

Got a couple of basis fun facts. Kissing someone on the cheek makes you less likely to get sick than shaking their hands.

[C]

No kidding. Yeah, because cheeks don't touch toilets. Well, you know what I mean.

[B]

Butts.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

What?

[B]

In Maryland, adultery is a misdemeanor punishable by a ten dollar fine.

[C]

Really? It's worth it.

[B]

London has more Indian restaurants than any city in India. And even more than in Mumbai and Delhi combined.

[C]

Wait, London has more Indian restaurants than India? Yeah, I know there's a lot of them in London, but aren't all Indian restaurants in India Indian restaurants?

[B]

No, because I think they're talking about actual brick and mortar restaurants where you'd have. I don't think that includes, like, the marketplace where the guy's making foot.

[C]

I know.

[B]

Foot cheese, whatever.

[C]

All Indian food is made with feet. Because of the videos we see. And I'm not arguing with you. I think you're right.

[B]

That's my theory.

[C]

I gotta think in a country of a billion and a half people, that they've got more restaurants than London.

[B]

Well, it's tougher. I mean, you also think there's a factor of the plumbing and stuff.

[C]

God, you really are against this. This. And again, I'm not going to argue that you're wrong. They haven't got any plumbing and they make food with their feet. That's what we know about India.

[B]

I have surprising about Mumbai, too, because.

[C]

Well, Mumbai is a big city, and. And there's. There are people with homes and toilets.

[D]

They.

[C]

They have stuff. And there's a lot of poverty, but there's also a lot of wealth.

[A]

Sanjay said London has more Indians in India. Made me very uncomfortable.

[C]

Yeah, there are a lot there.

[B]

He's Indian.

[C]

Yeah, he's an Indian. Oh, I'm out of here. But I don't think that's a weird one. I don't know how big. Mumbai. London's 20 million people. I don't know if Mumbai touches that or. What was the other city? Shanghai? I don't know. Delhi. New Delhi.

[B]

Huh.

[C]

Interesting.

[B]

FDR son, Elliot Roosevelt wrote more than 20 mystery novels, many featuring his mother, Eleanor Roosevelt, as a detective. One of them, his books is titled New Deal for Death.

[C]

Ooh. His dad's New Deal. I love that your prejudice came out against India, and you. You did it like. No, I think this. They don't have plumbing. They make food with their feet, and bazaars don't count. That was awesome. And again, probably.

[B]

I don't know about the prejudice, but I just know.

[C]

Oh, it's prejudice. Your first image of India, the poverty population is.

[B]

Is a lot.

[C]

There's a lot bigger, isn't it? But prejudice. But there's prejudice. Okay. The first thoughts of India is your prejudice of them stirring up, you know, stuff with their feet crapping in rivers. Well, that I was having. No, no, you weren't. You were very serious when you said that. Your face. I don't think those count where they're stirring it up with their feet. That's your prejudice. Which I loved and, by the way, shared. I also feel that way.

[A]

Sanjay Says cancel indie.

[C]

I can't. I can't say that. I know that. But we met.

[A]

He can say that, though.

[C]

Veer Das, the famous comedian. And he was working. He's working in America now, and he came here and he's very wealthy. He's got. He got a home and he makes food with his hands. But we. We are surprised by that. We're indoctrinated to believe that they all have eight arms, ride elephants to work and make curry with their toes. I've eaten risotto off of feet before. Excuse me.

[B]

No, Karen memes have flooded the market for Internets for the past, I don't know, eight or 10 years.

[C]

Sure.

[B]

So the male version name is now Josh.

[C]

You're a Josh. Well, that's not fair.

[B]

They're basing it on the millennials because Josh was a popular name for millennial men. From 1981 to 1996, estimated 725,000 Joshes were in the U.S. quite a lot of Joshes.

[C]

I just got the. I didn't get this. This needed to be more organized, but nationwide shutdown January 30th. No work, no school, no shopping.

[B]

Let's go.

[C]

Ice out. Everywhere it says strike to save America. America. It's got 16,000 likes. He didn't really rally America, I don't think. I mean, show lows bigger.

[B]

A new poll asked more than 9,000Americans how amped they were in general excited for the Olympics. 7% of the people say they tune. Well, tune in every single day. Another 17% say they will watch whenever they can. 33% said they'll probably watch a few events.

[C]

Sure. Hockey's coming, man. That, that Hockey. Canada, US and then you throw Sweden in there. There's some battles, there's some good games.

[B]

30% are planning to not watch anything.

[C]

No, they're just poo pooing the question.

[B]

12% aren't sure.

[C]

I just don't know if I like.

[B]

T. But men are slightly more excited than women.

[C]

I don't know if I'm excited, but I'll. I'm definitely going to check out some stuff.

[B]

As for the opening ceremony next Friday, 18 say they will watch it live beginning at 2pm that's the best I.

[C]

Can do because I can't put the real words in. Oh, you can't put Jew. And whopping goes against guidelines, so uses.

[B]

0 and a 3.

[C]

A 3 for the E and Jew and a 0 for WAP. But I like the scales of justice. Now I need those to be tilted one way.

[B]

Okay.

[C]

With a Favorable set of breasts on the heavy side. Okay. And then horrific cans. Big areola.

[B]

You could make those scales jugs with the way that's.

[C]

Yeah. But one has to be good, so it has to. The picture has to be two good boobs on the scale that's down and two terrible ones on the one that's up. Because justice favors the better breasts. Back to the drawing board. No, you got it. That's a good. That's a good.

[A]

Personalized plates in the Bronco for that chewing the wap. It'd be a write off.

[C]

Threes and zeros. Oh, my God. Can we predate the check to 2025 and get that right off this year?

[B]

Toledo. I want our scales to be really long.

[C]

Yeah, yeah. They're just drooping way past where scales should be. They're on the ground. The scales of justice don't.

[B]

Even if one scale would be a head, the other one would be a gut.

[C]

Yeah. And it just. They're both just hanging. Those chains are wobbly. No, they're not. They're representing the grossest breasts of all time. The Areola brothers, we call you law firm.

[B]

And now it's time for some science news. Hello, I'm Professor Brady Bogan here with your science news. We got breakfast news. A study found that eating nothing but oatmeal for two days can lower your cholesterol by 10%. Even after you stop, there's lasting effect. For six weeks, people in the study ate oatmeal three times a day with maybe a little fruit mixed in. Nothing else.

[C]

By the way, somebody just sent me a thing that said Brady's favorite watering hole is closing down for the ice out. And it says the Dragoon Tap Room. Brady's a fan of the Tap Dragon. I'm going to the Tap Dragon. Dragoon Tap Room is closed today, joining the nationwide shutdown in solidarity with Tucson. I didn't know this was a thing, or we wouldn't be here, and I'd be on the news saying, yep, we took the day off. Do you know why they shot Martin Luther King?

[A]

Because we can't.

[C]

Because. I don't know.

[B]

They did a deep dive on whether flushing really, really transfers bacteria from your toilet to your toothbrush. The answer is yep. The only. Only way to solve it would be installing a vacuum toilet like airplanes have. Don't brush your teeth in the. But if you have the wall. If you have a water closet with a door closed, that helps a lot.

[C]

Yeah. If you've got a toilet next to the sink and you flush all the molecules and kicks it up ours. And the water closet. You got your owners, too? Yeah.

[B]

Everybody had.

[C]

I brush while I sit on the. Can't get in there because it's in my mouth when I flush. Brush. Fair point.

[B]

And are you.

[C]

Are you multitasking? Oh, yeah.

[B]

Are you?

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Really?

[C]

Yeah, Blumpkin.

[B]

Okay.

[C]

Whole thing going on.

[B]

All right.

[A]

That's impressive.

[C]

You can. You can't brush and pee at the same time.

[B]

I don't know that I've ever tried.

[C]

It's easy. Do that. Lean back, open your legs, Spit it right down there.

[B]

Yeah. Does the sonic, you know, action help?

[A]

Carefully, don't miss.

[C]

What do I got, Parkinson's? I'm just brushing my teeth.

[A]

Carefully, don't miss. You're gonna get crest crank.

[C]

Actually, you know what? I've often done that. I've hit it a few times. Really? Yeah. You just think you're minty fresh now.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Well, that's nice. If this thing gets, you know, fluoride.

[B]

Gets on that junk, it'll make it dumber.

[C]

Yeah. Good. He's been thinking too much.

[B]

Speaking of junk, we got junk science. Men in general have much bigger junk than males of other species. A new study looked at why we evolved that way, and there might be two reasons. Women like big junk and men fear it. The study found size does matter to women up to a certain point, and then men see it as a sign of dominance, which mattered more before clothes was a thing. So tiny junk may have mostly been bred out of some of us during natural selection.

[C]

Well, there was that one study a long time ago. Why are all the Roman statues little penises? And that was the favorable thing back then, evidently, that they said that the smaller penises used to have bigger ones made you remember. They.

[B]

Is that why it was more welcome?

[C]

They thought you were dumb?

[B]

It was a welcoming sign, like a pineapple.

[C]

Yeah, Pee pee was on your house. But they remember. They did. That was it. The Romans thought when you had a bigger dork, you were dumb because they didn't know anything. They thought your brains were your kidneys. They had no idea what was what.

[B]

So that's your science news.

[C]

Your. Your big thing down there was creating stupid thoughts. And they're not wrong.

[B]

We got a Florida man named Alexander Baker Depew. He was feeling romantic, so he decided to buy a bouquet of flowers and some chocolates for a dancer at a strip club. The flowers and chocolates, random. About $288. He paid for them with counterfeit funny money. The bills had the word replica. On them and said they were not legal tender or only be used for motion pictures. That motion picture money?

[C]

Yeah, it looks pretty good but it does say replica.

[B]

Then he went to the strip club, tried to pay the bar tab and some with some of the more with the movie money. Both the bartender and the florist realized the money was fake. They called the cops. Police showed up at the club, arrested Alexander. They searched him and then they found 400 more in counterfeit bills, some cocaine and met death. Now he's facing felonies for the fake money. It's like a fair and drugs just.

[C]

Had a great day with some fake money. He's gonna pay for it. But.

[B]

What do you think Alex looks like Alexander Baker Depew like Larry English little dude.

[C]

I'm gonna go skinny black guy.

[B]

I'm going skinny cockneyed Englishman.

[C]

Really? Yeah, it's something something. Check out Homework's Morning Sickness podcast at.

[A]

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[C]

Vehicles for the new year, look no further than your Valley Toyota dealers. This is Larry McFeely. And if your New Year's resolution includes.

[A]

A Toyota Tacoma, Tundra, 4Runner, Corolla, Camry.

[C]

Or Grand Highlander, then you're in luck.

[B]

And here's the best part. Every new Toyota comes with Toyota care. That's no cost maintenance and 24 hour roadside assistance for two years or 25,000 miles.

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Peace of mind for the road ahead.

[B]

Exactly how you want to start a new year.

[C]

Welcome 2026 in style. Visit your Valley Toyota dealers or valleytoyotadealers.com Toyota let's go places. Holmberg's morning sickness, I think.

[B]

Brett, you're the closest.

[C]

Oh yeah. Nailed it. It's an average dude.

[B]

It's the best grot can do.

[C]

I'm looking at the picture of the scales of justice. It's just a bra that's just a bra, man.

[A]

We need Lady Liberty behind.

[C]

I mean I'll have to merge a.

[B]

Bunch of different images.

[C]

Yeah, that's just a bra.

[A]

It's good start though.

[C]

I guess it's a little crude. Boy, they really this made making AI no fun.

[B]

They put all the brakes on everything. Everything I can't do.

[C]

Hey, Scott Haynes points out, have you ever noticed it's Judge Judy and Judge Wapner?

[B]

That's true.

[C]

These guys have been in law for a long time.

[B]

We had a guy in Jackson, Alabama. He was crushed not once but twice in a garbage truck. Compacted twice while being in there. The person driving the truck is trying to kill stopped by a kfc, unloaded it. It was a commercial dumpster. Yeah, the guy was sleeping in it. Unloaded, unloaded that dumped it in there. Didn't know that then the next top was Popeyes. And when he got out of the truck at Popeyes, he heard the yelling.

[C]

You're just making this up. No Brady for Brett.

[B]

Come on. First at the KFC off Highway 43 free.

[C]

He doesn't pick up any trash outside of KFC's and Popeyes. Well, yeah, he's not going to call it.

[B]

When the driver arrived at Popeyes, he heard the man calling for help. This story was written by Ebony. AI.

[C]

Yeah, there's. You are. You're prejudice. There aren't Popeyes. First off, there's not Popeyes and KFCs right next to each other.

[B]

They're not that far apart.

[C]

Yes they are. Why would you open a Popeyes in Alabama?

[B]

They're all over the place.

[C]

They make them with their feet.

[B]

The truck was a hellcat trash truck. It's unbelievable.

[C]

All right, that's enough. So wait. Detector going off. He didn't get smashed twice. He was living in a KFC dumpster.

[B]

He was sleeping in the dumpster.

[C]

The guy picked him up, dumped him.

[B]

Dumped him, squished it, did the compacting.

[C]

Opened it up, went over to it.

[B]

There might have been another stop in between, but they said then he pulled over the Popeyes. You said his and it was compact the second time. That's where a person heard yelling.

[C]

You said it was his next stop. Well, it creating more your Ms. Now you're basically selling the story the way you want it to read. You doctored the photo. That's right. You doctored the photo for him, for your audience.

[B]

All I have in the story is.

[C]

No. What? Doesn't matter what you have.

[B]

What you said garbage truck on Wednesday at 5:30 in the morning, the man was compacted twice. First KFC off Highway 43 and then again in.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

At the Hampton Inn next door. Then when the driver. Hampton Inn in between.

[C]

There's the story for real. Thank you Ms.

[B]

When he arrived at the Popeyes. Yep.

[C]

I got a crazy route out there now driving around out here in my car and how the hell that get in here anyway, I gotta go to the kfc. Then we're stopping the churches the. I got the Popeyes that shut off on the second. What is that?

[B]

Somebody lit a bird in.

[C]

Hey, there was ceiling birds in my truck. That is a racist story you told Brady without even being raced. I believe him.

[B]

Kfc Hampton In.

[C]

Popeyes Hampton in. Did change all that much. Yes. Cuz your eyes. You people in the. This is why we can't have cameras in here. Cuz Brady went just hear my eyes go towards Brett. First he got picked up at the.

[D]

KFC.

[C]

And then his next stop was Popeyes. Your words. You were feeding that beast.

[A]

Have you?

[C]

Come on. You have no shame.

[B]

Last there was a survey of American couples asking them how often are they having sex. 25% of American couples say they have sex only one time per month or less. 24% say it happens occasionally two or three times a month. 26% say regularly four or five times. And there's 25% that say they have it eight or more times a month.

[C]

If it's not five or more a month. Month. Your wife is failing you.

[B]

71 report being satisfied with their sex lives. 43.

[A]

His wife was standing right next to him.

[C]

Exactly. Are you happy with your sex? Oh, they asked you a question there, Robert. Are you gonna answer him? You're happy with the sex we have, Bob? Yeah, everything's great. She's awesome. It's constant love. It never ending.

[B]

The average couple does the deed four times per month. Month for 18.6 minutes each time. That adds up to about 15 hours over a course of a year.

[C]

Yeah. No jokes. Be honest. Are you an 18 minute guy from process?

[B]

No.

[C]

No. You just get her done.

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[C]

Once we start going it's over.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Look at that.

[B]

I don't think it'll be 18.

[C]

Why'd you go sell Hound dog on that? Yeah, yeah. That's pretty much it.

[B]

Depends.

[C]

Pump, pump, sleep.

[B]

Isn't that everybody? Why'd you have so many pumps in there?

[C]

Yeah, that's a double pump. That was a big Friday.

[B]

Which interesting is 27% of people say their partner rarely or never surprises them with a nice gesture. 54% said they wish their partner would surprise them more with sex. Which goes back with the answer that you're saying, oh, they're. They're partners in the room with them when they're answering some of the questions.

[C]

All a man wants is to be desired. That's it. You. You've won the battle if you act like you like him. We don't care about anything else. Just act like you like us. If you show interest, we're happy. It's. It's not. We are so.

[B]

It goes a mile.

[C]

We are so uncomplicated.

[B]

Goes two miles.

[C]

So uncomplicated. Complicated. It's. And. And trying to make more of it. Just show interest and we'll be interested. Show us a boob every once in a while. Look at how excited it got when Rick was showing us his boobs. Yeah. I mean, come on. He seemed interested.

[A]

Absolutely.

[C]

Show interest. Act like you want to do stuff. And we're like, all right, you're gonna get everything. You're gonna get everything. You guys make it so hard.

[B]

I got a couple of radio videos. First one is a one of Toledo and I's clients. Roller skates.

[C]

Oh, some nasty flapjacks. Heading towards fat man and the cuck law firm. Oh, boy.

[B]

She might have been cited, too, on the street.

[A]

Gonna get her out of this one.

[C]

Yeah. Can you guys get her off, so to speak? She's gonna go to jail. She's going to jail.

[B]

Yeah, we'll get her. Yeah.

[C]

All right, so it's a lady with gross breasts roller skating, or everybody's doing. Oh, she's having. Oh, she just. She uses another person.

[B]

By the way, that's a penalty for.

[C]

A dollar when she gets out of control.

[B]

Illegal use of a bigot.

[C]

She grabs a bigger woman to break her fall. Who's unsuspecting.

[B]

Her choice between the two is smarter.

[C]

Well, she just took the closest. By the way, There's a curb in the way. Who thought it was a good idea to put Babar on roller skates and send her down a hill. Big girls going down hills on wheels is bad. That was. Somebody's trying to kill her.

[B]

She might have snapped ankle at the end there, too.

[C]

Yeah, she's definitely one of your clients.

[A]

Snapped a cankle.

[C]

One snapped a cank. Those tankles are safe.

[B]

We cashed in on that one. Yeah, our law firm can't help with that.

[C]

Good news is she's got all that padding, that no one was hurt when she hit the ground after the fall.

[A]

Other than the asphalt. Might have a. Oh, the asphalt suit against her.

[C]

The city's got some repair work. There'll be some barricades around that hole she made.

[B]

Next one's a motorcycle jump.

[C]

Okay.

[B]

His hone.

[C]

Whoa.

[B]

Over a house.

[C]

Oh, he jumps over a house.

[B]

Yeah. Doesn't quite make it.

[C]

Almost gets. Oh, that's a Look. He goes about a hundred yards, though.

[B]

Is it better that he falls down the incline than landing flat? I think they say the guy's name Jason. Is it Borowski?

[C]

Where is this?

[A]

Like, Ireland?

[C]

It's beautiful. This house on top of, like, a hill. And that is gorgeous. Green everywhere. As the dumbest Irishman in the world tries to jump a house from a hundred.

[A]

You wearing a mick hat.

[C]

He's polish. He's got a. He's got a mick helmet on. Gonna try to jump your house. The ramp is so far away.

[B]

Why are you doing that, Joe?

[C]

What the hell are you doing that for? You got to go at least 200 miles an hour to get over the house. From that ramp to built at least 80 yards from the front of the house. I've been drinking. I can do this.

[B]

The last one's us. A matador skewer.

[C]

Count on it. I'm going over your house. It's not all the way or not. You're not gonna make it. Oh, my God. A bull just picked a man up by the spine.

[B]

He had the picador out, and he.

[C]

Got pickled right in his taint, right through his butthole. And he picked him up and carried him around by the hole. Horn for.

[A]

Oh, the medics come out there. Just bring me a gun. I'm killing myself.

[C]

God. How do bulls know where our buttholes are? It seems like that's where they aim. They know the weak point. They know where matador's butthole is because those horns hit it almost. Oh, man. He's in the full 2011 plank move. Oh, my God. God, too. You just accidentally airdropped that to my phone. It's now playing on my phone. I got to watch this madador get butt planked by the.

[B]

It doesn't get old.

[C]

No. It's the gift that keeps giving. All right, Brett, what do you got?

[A]

All right, we'll start off light, and.

[C]

We'Ll go from there. All right? We're at a club. We're dancing. It's not a nice place. This guy grabs the pole, puts his hands behind the pole hole. He's leaning on it. He tries to go up and do a backflip and lands directly on his head on a dirt floor in a country Only Toledo would go to. That's kind of proven Brady's point. They're eating with their feet again.

[B]

That might have been a restaurant.

[A]

Well, here. Here's a restaurant.

[C]

It's next to a Chipotle. There's a guy sitting in, and he's just taking a huge. He's pooping his pants in a restaurant, and it's coming out of the top. It's rooster over the canvas.

[A]

This.

[B]

Not to bring Brady's racism back into this, but you see what nationality he might be?

[C]

No. How do you know?

[B]

Look at his head again. Maybe.

[C]

What are you talking about? Look at him. What's wrong with his head? Look right there.

[A]

What am I missing?

[C]

What am I missing?

[B]

You think he might be Indian?

[C]

He's just a white guy. I'm pretty sure he's just a white guy. He's just dropping a huge deuce out of his jeans.

[B]

Hispanic. Oriental.

[C]

I don't know. What.

[B]

I don't.

[C]

I don't see what you guys are seeing and.

[B]

Is that a blood pressure cuff?

[C]

He's. It's not working. He's taking his BP and you would know. Yeah. He's sitting there thinking to himself, I don't feel so good.

[A]

I glad I brought some Asian dinner.

[C]

All right. Oh, God. It's a naked Asian squatting. She's got something in her mouth. She's chewing it. She's gonna spit it on us. Oh, she's gonna throw up.

[B]

Another client of ours.

[C]

It's from the. Is it poop? Yep. She's eating poop. Poop. And hovering over the camera. Naked.

[A]

But.

[C]

Oh, there's another spoon going in. And it's. It's that orange stuff. It's Taco Bell poop. Oh, man, I hate the planet.

[A]

All right, man, get away from poop for a minute.

[C]

Oh, for a minute? Yeah, for a minute. So many videos of different people. There's a girl with her own fist in her butt searching for poop.

[B]

There, there. Come on.

[C]

She's got her. She's reached behind herself, and she's. She's puppeteering her own body. Oh, there's her hand. And her hand is in her tummy. And you can see it pushing through her skinny little tummy under the Christmas.

[B]

Tree, all the toys.

[C]

No, no, she's got a good Christmas coming her way, so to speak. Look at her. She's pointing to it. Like we wouldn't notice her tummy moving around with her hand in it. She's limber.

[B]

Wow. That's part of her protesting activity.

[C]

That's right. Ice out now or I don't stop doing this.

[B]

She's flipping the bird in there.

[C]

There, maybe. Yeah. It's her own inner protest. All right, here's another one. Girl in a boat drinking beer and a USA bikini top. That's not really. Well, she got an AR15 now. Oh, that's a transvestite getting a. I was fooled. I was fooled. Yeah, I was fooled. That is a. All right, I'll try to do play by play on that a second time. There we go.

[A]

Ready?

[D]

All right.

[C]

First thing we see is a lady holding an AR15, firing it in an American bikini top. And then it pans back, it zooms out, and it turns out that this lady firing the gun ain't a lady at all. She's got a nice hog. And there's another woman performing a mouth hug on that woman's penis.

[A]

We're not taking her as a client.

[C]

No, no. We wouldn't even be fooled by the breasts at first. At first, I was thinking, thinking it's a hell of a woman out there guzzling a tall boy and shooting her AR15 and her USA but then I saw her dick, and I'm like, oh, we'll show that one to Adam and see if he's all right. Oh, there's more.

[A]

Here's some talent for you.

[C]

Oh, no. Oh, God. It's a woman tying her labia in a knot. And it's her inner labia. She's got, like. What's in there? Balloon animals. Yeah, she's doing balloon animals with her.

[B]

Puppetry of the labia.

[C]

Yeah. It's a delicate process. She's tied it into a little slip knot around her thong. Wow. Which is now stretched. Now it's nice. Yeah, she looked good, except for the meat curtains. Wow. The cans are fantastic. She is in our law firm.

[B]

Did I miss the beginning?

[C]

Is it like. No, I just started tying them together. Just.

[A]

Just balloon animals right away.

[C]

Well, all right. Yeah, yeah. It's like just shoelaces. Her labia are like shoelaces. I've never said that phrase in my entire life, ever.

[A]

Time to bring back a trend.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Strawberry. Oh, I can snort. Oh, no. Oh, geez. It's a lady with a funnel in her nostril. And a guy is finishing in the funnel, and it's draining into her nose.

[B]

Come on, Navage.

[D]

It is.

[C]

Yeah, she's got a. This is. Oh, then she goes.

[B]

See it? But the sound.

[C]

All right, now that you guys know.

[A]

What just happened, Trash can to Brady this time.

[C]

Quick refresher. He's finishing, and he's finishing, and it's a Peter north style video into a funnel into this woman's nostril. She's got, like, a netty pot kind of thing going up. Yeah, and now she snorts it all through the funnel.

[B]

That's the tough one.

[C]

That one's hard for you. Yeah, I know. It's kind of hot.

[A]

All right, then we'll finish with this.

[C]

Come on. She's a swallower, and she's found new ways to make it fun. All right, there's an Asian woman sitting on a bed with her hands next to her. Looks to be another Asian woman approaching her.

[B]

I found one with the same soundtrack.

[C]

It just throws up on her. That's why. Face in the lap three times. This lady has been eating tacos three days. Oh, she's going in for the UCLA bill. Oh, another Asian has shown up, and they're all throwing up on her. And she is. The other one's just dry here. The fat one is just a vomitorium. Oh, she's decided to sit with her ass in the air now and get thrown up on that way. What does that girl have? Oh, those are great Asian cans. Now the fat one reaches into her throat. Now Buddha won't stop puking on this beautiful lady. Now she's nude, and all the Asians are throwing up on her using devices.

[B]

What is she holding? Is she sticking a fish down his throat?

[C]

Brady, that's prejudice again. She is not just jamming fish in her throat.

[B]

Fish fillet.

[C]

Oh, my God, she's crying.

[A]

Nice cans, though.

[C]

She's beautiful. That lady that got puked on 30 times, she got the photo radar that.

[A]

Could make it into the top 10.

[C]

It's just proof that even she's got credits on photo radar. Yeah, even Asian uncles mess women up. God damn it, that one got me. I like that one. I'm just glad she didn't start spooning it up. That's what I was expecting after that. The big, fat Buddha one was just full of vomit.

[B]

That was mega volume.

[C]

Well, it's time for a guest. Clean up the. Clean up the room, kids. We've got guests.

[A]

We have. Victor here has basically come up with our.

[C]

Oh, I think we're on tape.

[A]

Oh, there we go.

[C]

Oh. What's going on?

[A]

I think he screwed.

[C]

I wrecked it. What's it say?

[A]

It's for our law.

[C]

Here it goes.

[A]

Here goes.

[C]

Our law firm has a specialties. Says, counselor, your law firm has all four of you, and each one specializes in certain law matters. Holmberg works on white collar and financial crimes. I see what he's doing there. Brett specializes in criminal cases and organized crime, Toledo family law matters and Brady food law and consumer protections. You've got it covered. Thank you, Victor. That is the whop and the juice and it's a beautiful thing. Adam Farrar is going to come back in here this morning. We had so much fun with him yesterday and evidently tickets didn't move. So he's back again today to try to sell some tickets for his shows this weekend. We'll talk to Adam next. It's 98.

[B]

It's not weird. It's pretty cool actually. No membership fees.

[C]

I have heard enough of this. The fight to the big game in.

[B]

Santa Clara continues this weekend and FanDuel is turning on playoff mode because of it. All customers get a profit boost pack every NFL playoff game day.

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Pick the match matchups you believe in. So visit fanduel.com kupd and grab that.

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Profit boost pack every NFL playoff game day. 21/plus and President Arizona opt in required.

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Bonus issue does not withdrawable profit boost tokens restrictions apply including any token expiration and max wager amount. See [e-mail] gambling problem. Call 1-800-next-step or text next step to 533-42 hey, it's Larry McFeely.

[B]

And what better way to kick off.

[C]

The new year than with a brand.

[B]

New Toyota from your valley Toyota dealers? New year, new goals, new adventures and.

[C]

A new Toyota is the perfect way.

[B]

To get you there. Whether you're tackling your commute, heading out.

[C]

On weekend road trips or just wanting.

[B]

Something more reliable for the year ahead. Toyota has the model to fit your lifestyle. So make this the year you drive smarter, safer and happier.

[C]

Visit your valley Toyota dealers or valleytoyotadealers.com Toyota let's go places. Holmberg's morning sickness. The old method of treatment for a person in this condition was to throw him in jail. Oh, we just got to serenaded. It was beautiful. Adam Ferraris back once again. We had the the lovely visit with Adam yesterday's at Desert Ridge Improv this weekend and we said hey, you know, if we didn't move any tickets, come back tomorrow and here you are.

[D]

We had a great night. We had a great night last night and I think Friday two of them are sold out.

[C]

It's crazy.

[D]

I. Well I can't, I can't come back because I love you.

[C]

We love you. But this is silly. You should get some sleep.

[D]

Good night. It's Brady's birthday.

[C]

It's Brady's birthday on Friday.

[D]

Hey, Brady.

[C]

And we got you a gift. It's him.

[D]

That's.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Enjoy it.

[D]

I'm gonna jump out of the next day. Adams is the second Monday.

[C]

Oh, yours is Monday.

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

How about that?

[D]

How old are you?

[C]

Can we ask?

[D]

This is the oldest I've ever been.

[C]

Yeah, I know. Isn't it crazy?

[D]

Terrible.

[C]

Is it?

[D]

When does the wisdom show up in your life? When does that happen? I'm the same idiot I've always been, but now my knees hurt. That's it.

[C]

Yeah. Sleep can hurt you now.

[D]

Wow. Yeah.

[C]

I pulled a muscle, I think, standing still yesterday.

[B]

Really?

[C]

I was standing next to my, like. Ah. And he goes, what's wrong? I don't know. My shoulder just decided it doesn't want to be a shoulder anymore.

[D]

I don't know what this pain is, but it's like, I'm going to be moving around.

[C]

Yeah. And I. And I started to, like, roll it. And he's like, you didn't move. And I'm like, I have no idea why that happened.

[D]

You know you're in trouble when you're hurting yourself, thinking, yeah, yeah.

[C]

Well, that's what just happened. That has never been my problem.

[D]

I was. I was working out, and I realized I'm working out so things don't get worse.

[C]

Yeah. Yeah.

[D]

We're all in the prevent defense.

[C]

We're in the umbrella. We're in the umbrella zone right now.

[B]

One fall away.

[C]

Yeah. I got two fake shoulders and two fake hips. Hips?

[D]

Really? I got a fake hip.

[C]

Pretty nice.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

It's not bad.

[D]

Well, I'm not a bone didn't form when I was born.

[C]

That same thing. Well, you had a different one than me, but mine was mine. I. I don't want to brag. My bones were too big for the holes they were in.

[B]

Huh.

[C]

So they had to cut us off.

[A]

That's true.

[C]

I have to hear this story. Yeah. I tell it the same way because it's the truth, and that tends to bother people.

[D]

The bones were too big for the.

[C]

Bones in my shoulders, and my hips were. Were too big. Big for the joints. Ah. So over time.

[D]

Right.

[C]

They wore whittle away. Yeah. Yeah.

[D]

Mine. The right. The right. Like the ball and socket joint. The ball was, like, mushroomed. Yeah. So they put me in a brace and.

[C]

Yeah.

[D]

I was walking around, you know, it's brutal.

[C]

I'm deaf, you know, Dragging your leg.

[D]

Esmeralda thinks I'm cute.

[C]

Let's show. Let's show Adam the way the world Works on. Hold it, hold it. We have to do this for. For you. We do this for our guests who make second appearances. And Brad knows. Look at the smirk on Brad's face.

[D]

What is he laughing?

[B]

And we go through it.

[C]

Wait a minute.

[D]

Captain Mountain Dew is getting excited.

[C]

Yeah, yeah. He's all amped up on Mountain Dew. Yeah. All right, so the videos will be right here. And this is. This is. You're not a big fan of society, right?

[D]

As a whole, I. Look, I believe in humanity. I. I'm discovering that people suck. But as a whole.

[C]

And with the idea looks good on.

[A]

Paper, everybody see a lot of hole.

[C]

Everybody stay quiet and let Adam please do play by play of what you're seeing for the rest of.

[D]

All right, There's a lady overexposed. Too much light. And there's Looks like another. She just threw up in this woman's lap. And the woman's just sitting there.

[B]

Here is volume.

[A]

What?

[D]

First of all, what did she. What?

[C]

Why would you look at this? What is this called?

[D]

Is this called. Is this called bulimia or not?

[C]

What is this called? UCLA sorority house. It's between math homework. Look. Now it's sexy.

[B]

It's laptop.

[C]

They're naked now.

[D]

I got up for this.

[C]

We told you. No, no, no. Brady thinks that. That's a fish. You're shoving it around a fish. A fish. Fish fillet.

[B]

Like a raw fish.

[D]

I'm done.

[C]

We're in a city of five and a half million people, right? This is going on somewhere out here.

[B]

No.

[C]

Yes, it is.

[D]

Why bring it in here?

[C]

I don't know. It's because we need to remind ourselves that we're normal.

[D]

Listen, listen. If the one thing we're not is normal, we're better than that. Yeah, we're somewhere on the vibrational scale.

[C]

Brett, hit it.

[A]

All right.

[D]

There's more.

[A]

Oh, there's a different one.

[C]

Yeah, this is. This is a new practice that's going around the Internet. This is Friday.

[A]

Dark.

[C]

Dark. W. Just wait. Just listen. No, no. Why would I. No. We got driverless cars in this now. What are you talking about?

[D]

I gotta go.

[C]

Yeah, me too.

[D]

I gotta go and I gotta sneeze.

[B]

I don't know what.

[C]

It's a lady snorkel.

[B]

What are we.

[C]

We're bored as people. You're telling me that there was a God at one point that got tired of our behavior at Sodom and Gomorrah?

[D]

There was a God.

[C]

This isn't enough.

[D]

No, there was a. There's a God looking down, down like. And Sitting here going, I gotta study monkeys.

[B]

I can't fix. It's getting close to reset again.

[C]

Be like he flooded it once because we were out of control.

[A]

Not the amazing party trick. This is from last year.

[C]

Okay.

[D]

What?

[A]

Oh, this is an amazing party trick.

[C]

This is actually. This is beautiful women. And one is being probed. Analyze. Watch this, watch this, watch this. This is something you've never seen. It's incredible. How about that?

[D]

Is that an egg?

[C]

It's a woman, actually.

[D]

All right, I'm gone.

[C]

Pooping a sex toy into another woman.

[D]

Here's what I gotta do. I gotta go to the news station.

[C]

I can't do.

[D]

I'm gonna go see.

[C]

I gotta go somewhere else.

[B]

Good enough. That's good.

[D]

Oh, my gosh.

[C]

Yeah. This is what we get from our listeners every week. Multiple videos. And. And that's why I have now become confused, convinced that in large cities. Yeah, that's your crowd tonight over at Desert Ridge Improv. See Adam Farrar. If you want to go Friday, that's where you put the plan. Hey, that's exactly right.

[D]

Were you talking to Brady? Listen, I know it's your birthday. Where do you think this should go? Just go between the nose and the ass. Should we just start with it? We should put Adam's plug.

[C]

You got two shows tonight, two shows tomorrow. One or two shows, one Sunday.

[D]

Two sh. One, one Sunday. And then I'm going to therapy.

[C]

Five more shows, and I guarantee you, you in that audience of one of those five shows is someone who has been through what you've just watched. That is statistically impossible to avoid. All right, all right. Just don't shake hands is what I'm saying.

[D]

God bless you.

[C]

A lot of fist bumping and a lot of high.

[A]

How are we got videos on that?

[D]

I'm walking around like a sneeze. God around me like a salad bar.

[B]

Imagine one day you just someone. You see them face to face.

[C]

They're in the video. It's gonna happen. Yeah, because the weird thing is, we'll get videos like. Like this fairly regularly. We never see the same people doing it twice.

[D]

Would you do that more than once?

[C]

Well, if I was into it.

[A]

We had the bald guys.

[D]

Nobody's into it. Everyone's just saying the word after that is how much.

[C]

But that's what it is. Crooked pot, crooked lid. You have to find people to ask that question to. And five of them showed up to throw up on that Asian lady.

[D]

Okay?

[C]

Would you be one of those?

[D]

Excuse me, sweetheart.

[C]

You look sick.

[D]

You want to make some money?

[C]

I noticed you at the Indian restaurant. Would you come with me for a second? I got an idea. God. Yeah. That's our world.

[A]

It is.

[C]

That's our world.

[D]

That's what part about. No, no, don't paint with that big. It's part of our world.

[C]

That's our world. No, it's part of our world.

[D]

Every garden's got some weeds, all right?

[B]

And I'm in denial that that activity right over is not happening here.

[C]

Five million people, somewhere out there, somebody's getting barfed on voluntarily. I don't know.

[B]

I'm with. I think that's a. That's a paid.

[C]

You just don't want. Yeah. And I'm saying that somebody's getting paid to do it tonight.

[B]

It's Friday.

[C]

It's Friday.

[D]

I feel bad for it, you know, I feel bad for. Look, that. That's our choice, and we do have the power of choice. It's fate versus free will. That's another discussion.

[C]

No, it's huge. But I agree.

[D]

I feel bad for the guy just trying to make a living. The lab assistant of a guy that invented the rectal thermometer. That guy showed up for work and his boss went, look, I got this glass tube filled. Deadly mercury. Now what I need you to do. And the guy dropped his pants and went, I got a kid, I got a mortgage.

[C]

It works.

[D]

There we go.

[C]

And then to find out, we got to sell this to the people. This is too good to keep in just our house.

[D]

Yeah, but at least that. That is the illusion of the intention of benefiting humanity. This just has rugs of Scotchgard.

[C]

Maybe there's some medical advances that come from this.

[D]

There's no advances that come from that.

[C]

That cured science, something. You found out that vomiting all over you.

[D]

You know what that cured? That cured me ever going on the Internet again.

[C]

Well, that's a cure. Cuz that's a very dangerous place. Yeah, I. I agree. I just. I don't.

[D]

Terrifying.

[C]

Yeah. I don't like looking at. I go to like, Circle K's and stuff. I see what's going on. Those people, you try to put them.

[B]

In a category, you pull in for gas.

[D]

I need a granola bar.

[C]

You look at the guy.

[D]

I know why you're eating that.

[C]

He's a vomitorium. He's taking a few loads the other way. Yeah, but. There you go. Adam Ferrara, Desert Ridge Improv. Another plug right there. Perfect spot. Tonight, tomorrow and Sunday. Desert ridgeimprov.com Last night's show went well.

[D]

Great.

[C]

Had a lot. I Got an email from somebody that said, it says, I loved having Adam on yesterday. It was so funny. But I couldn't help but think that it was Mo Sizlak from the Simpsons. That's what he pictured while you.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

All right. And then I want to close my eyes and hear what he sees. That's where you forget people don't know what you look like. I made their own faces out of it.

[D]

You know what? When I was a kid, you would. You would listen. Like, did you have comedy albums when.

[C]

You were a kid?

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[D]

Who'd you have?

[C]

My big one. I love. It was weird as a little kid, I liked Bob Newhart a lot.

[D]

The phone calls.

[C]

Oh, the phone calls were brilliant. And it was a record. Yeah. So you didn't even see, like the good parts. And then I just thought that was great. But I was a big one. Richard Pryor and yeah. Prior was Carlin. Carlin was huge. Yeah. My mom liked comedy albums.

[D]

So the 2000 year old man.

[C]

Do you have that one? I knew it. I didn't have it, but yeah, I knew that one.

[D]

Robert Klein.

[C]

Oh, Robert Klein. Yeah.

[D]

He's a good dude.

[C]

Yeah, the. Yeah, the comedy albums were pretty awesome and then. But I didn't really know what was going on. I just knew that it was making my house better. Yeah. You know what I mean?

[D]

It's like I wanted to be in that where I'm like, look how smart these people are.

[C]

Well, that's the reason I started radio, actually. Why my dad would, like, I told you yesterday, he's. He was 10, so all the time. And when we would go, he would take me to school in our K5 Blazer. Oh, Brad, you'd loved it. There you go. And we're driving in this thing. And he had Larry Lujak on in Chicago in wls. Okay. And he laughed every day. He loved it. Yeah. They had this thing called Animal stories. Little Tommy. And I was five.

[D]

Right.

[C]

And I remember this vividly because I'm like, this is the happiest this guy can be. And it brought me to think, this is where joy keep him laughing.

[B]

Stop touching me.

[C]

But I associated radio with happiness. Yeah. Yeah. These hand jobs are ridiculous. On the way to school. I'm five.

[B]

Really funny.

[C]

Yeah. So then I'm like, I love radio. And then I got into radio and realized how wrong my dad was.

[D]

No, but I. I had the same thing. I could make my father laugh.

[C]

Yeah.

[D]

And that was like. I'm like, oh, that's how I fit in.

[C]

Yeah.

[D]

Because you would See, you could see the stress just melt away.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

And that morning show got him just to be in a different spot. It got him to be himself. Yeah, because my dad at work, all his friends told me, oh, your dad's hilarious. He was at home. No, but he was fun and carefree when he wasn't around those horrible people.

[D]

That was my mother. My mother was like. There was my mother. Is my mother in the house? And then when the phone rang, everything switched. Yeah, It'd be like, I'm gonna throw you down a flight of stairs.

[C]

Hello? Yeah. The house changed dramatically when it wasn't.

[D]

About us and it was company. My father, too, was like, you never let anyone outside this house know we.

[C]

Talk about in here. Pop.

[D]

The windows are open and you screw screaming, they can hear you.

[C]

How did your parents give you the talk? What talk? The sex. Birds and bees.

[D]

This was it. My father walked in my room and. Adam, don't kiss guys.

[C]

Jesus Christ. That was it. That was it.

[D]

You're on your own.

[B]

It's one thing I gotta tell you.

[C]

Jesus Christ. That was it. And you followed up with that? Yeah. This is the only. Don't do it. Did you. Was he seeking or seeing a trend that was maybe leading that way that I.

[D]

Because I. They could fix any. That's why I love cars. My father fix. I don't have the if then go to statement. I hold the light.

[C]

Right.

[D]

You know, But I can make everybody laugh. And I had ADD and no one had. They know what it was when I had it.

[C]

Yeah. And there was no knock at all. Yeah.

[D]

That was the cure was this.

[B]

That was it.

[D]

And I got dyslexic. Dyslexia. So they didn't know what to do with me. And in second grade, they just said, you know, they thought it was gay. Come with us.

[C]

They were leaning that these. This must be leading him towards gay.

[D]

I don't fit in, right? And I'm sitting there going, well, I like this. I go, I guess I'm an arm. I said, I think I'm an artist.

[C]

He's like, he could be gay.

[D]

Artists are gay. I'm just saying, like, cousin Aldo. Aldo's not gay. He hasn't met the right girl.

[C]

Yes, he has.

[D]

And her name is Steve. They're a lovely couple. Leave them alone.

[C]

They are not roommates. That's a one bedroom apartment.

[D]

They're not roommates.

[C]

Steve's on the couch. Yeah, there's my dad for sure. Thought I was gay for a while.

[D]

Okay.

[C]

Because I wouldn't talk to him. About girls. Because he embarrassed. Embarrassed me and then. But how old were you? He had a long blonde. I'm pretty sure the. He was convinced I wasn't gay after the wedding.

[B]

Well, one of the good co workers.

[C]

Well, that was. That wasn't gay so much.

[A]

I had a ruler story.

[C]

Well, that's a different thing too. I had a longer blonde hair.

[D]

Right.

[C]

And my dad was in construction, major, like big. Built like stadiums and stuff. And he would take me to the. On weekends. And I had a remote control car once.

[D]

Wow.

[C]

And I could run this. It was a Camaro Z28. Could run this thing Hundreds of. Sure. You know, it was an awesome space for a kid with a remote control. I'm running around my long blonde hair, and my dad's friend's there. And he goes, how old's your daughter? And I just heard, ah, Jesus Christ. And we get in the car and he goes, you getting your haircut? Like, what, you cutting your hair off today? Everybody thinks you're a girl. I'm like, oh. And then I heard him once. We were on a fishing trip, and I was sitting on a stream, and it was a little rock between me and my sister and dad were on the other side of the rock. They didn't know I was there. And it kind of echoed through. Through this, like, little cavern stream. And I just heard my dad. And then I hear him go, it's okay if he's gay. Just have him tell me.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

I'm like, oh, no.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

But then I had to, like. Then I had, like, really small shorts, socks pulled up past my knees, and a half shirt on, and a boyfriend and. And the guy that was. That I took on the trip with us. Yeah. But it was dad.

[D]

I'm not gay, but this is Trevor.

[C]

Yeah. He's a nice kid. Yeah, he was pretty sure.

[D]

You know, I. The upkeep I got. I got gay friends and the upkeep is too much.

[C]

It's way too much.

[D]

The gym, the plucky, the dress, the dressing.

[C]

House has to be spotless. A lot of time. Yeah, it's a lot. Can't leave beer cans anywhere. They lose their mind. I have gay neighbors and their house is just imagine immaculate constantly. So are they.

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

And kind.

[C]

Yeah.

[D]

I'm like, there's pressures.

[C]

Best neighbors ever. All. There's pressures. But they also have two massive incomes. Yeah. And that's a benefit. Okay. And they both like football.

[D]

Can I live with them?

[C]

That's what I'm saying.

[D]

I don't have to clean and I can Watch the game.

[C]

I wish I was gay, but I was born this way.

[D]

Yeah, I'm sorry.

[C]

I can't. I can't switch. But it seems like a pretty fiscally smart operation they got going on. Got a couple houses. They're always going on vacations, man. Well, I'm humping it. Yeah, humping it. It's something, something. Check out homework's morning sickness [e-mail] it's John Holmberg here, seeing clear as a bell, thanks to my friends at the Schwartz Laser Eye Center. Well, here we are looking at a brand new year. Can you see yourself in 2026? Can you see it all? I mean, really, maybe in 2026, you should see yourself seeing. Fix those eyes. Vision changes are gradual. You might not even know how bad it's gotten. I know. That was my story. So start the new year by seeing clearly. Visit Dr. Jay Schwartz and his team at the Schwartz Laser Eye Center, 480483 Eyes Schwartz Laser Eye center, the official eye center for your diamondbacks and sons.

[B]

Hey, it's Larry McFeely here with Wayne from AMCO.

[C]

Wayne, it's a new year, and people.

[B]

Are making new resolutions like eat healthier, save a little money.

[C]

But what about your car?

[A]

Your car needs a New Year's resolution, too.

[C]

Don't ignore warning signs that check engine.

[D]

Light or strange noise.

[C]

Is your car asking for help? And if we listen, you'll save money. Regular maintenance for your vehicle will prevent a lot of troubles that can surprise you and cost more later.

[B]

That sounds like a smart financial resolution.

[C]

I'll say it's the AMCO way. Start your year right with a car. That's right.

[B]

Google Amco for your nearest location. That's amco Double A MCO transmissions and.

[C]

A whole lot more. Holmberg's morning sickness.

[D]

It's the second day I'm here. I'm coming in to sell tickets. I get Asian vomit. This is what I get.

[C]

Well, you know, that's going to move some people. Promise them those videos. We sell out a show every year for the top 10 videos of the year. Pack the place, sell it out in seconds. We don't even have to get up and do other shows. It's terrifying. It's great. We go on the news and tell them you got to go do news tv.

[D]

No, I did.

[A]

What?

[C]

I did. Do one already.

[D]

I didn't. I did one yesterday.

[C]

Who'd you do?

[D]

Oh, not. I didn't radio again yesterday.

[C]

Oh, yeah? What are the shows?

[D]

Brad puts me in a car and takes Me?

[C]

What are the. The shows? Oh, you did the country show?

[D]

Country show.

[C]

They got to hate you over there. That New York. I'm just saying, why don't you wander in there? You're one of them.

[D]

Oh, my God.

[C]

We got a Yankee coming up after this, after the square space spot.

[B]

You hear his mouth?

[C]

Well, they got to automatically assume New York. You're like a socialist, and they're just going to attack you the entire time. We won't care for everybody. We got to keep the sames with the sames and the difference with the. The difference. We got Adam Farrar on this morning. Pretty sure he's for sharia law.

[D]

You don't. You don't sound like he's from Scottdale.

[C]

Yeah. Do you find that, though, across the country, that the accent sometimes. No, because we had some people calling. Listen, if that guy ever comes back on, take his sharia law and shove.

[D]

It up, for God's sake. You bring that guy down.

[B]

You have that man, Danny, huh?

[C]

Yeah. I just didn't know if that was like a. That's a big argument audience for you.

[D]

I. It's. You know what?

[C]

It's making people laugh, I guess it's universal.

[D]

It's pretty easy. It's not easy, but it's. I. I know it's what I'm supposed to do, because I know. Fixing cars. That ain't it.

[C]

That ain't it. Looking at him, Daddy.

[D]

Looking at him's good. And I can draw questionably, drive them at high speeds, but.

[C]

Yeah, you got through it so far. Yeah.

[A]

Right.

[C]

But.

[D]

But I knew that this is what I wanted to do, or I knew I belonged when I first did stand up, because I got that. Oh, okay.

[C]

This is the feeling.

[D]

Yeah. And I don't know how long they're gonna let me stay here.

[C]

Yeah. Keep going until they kick off.

[D]

I was 20. I'll say. 21, 22. July 13, 1988.

[C]

You never. You never find it. What do you think you would have been doing?

[D]

I would have been sitting in the back of my uncle's Pontiac holding a bat, hoping nothing goes wrong.

[C]

You'd have gotten. You'd have been one of the guys.

[D]

You know, that was.

[C]

That was the path.

[D]

It was construction.

[C]

Was it?

[D]

Or it was. You know, I'm an entrepreneur, businessman, an earner.

[C]

You don't like sanitation? No reason.

[B]

Know.

[C]

Yeah. Were you.

[D]

I'm a union delegate.

[C]

You were surrounded by that. It was there.

[D]

It was in the. It was in my family. We were. I, I. I grew up. I basically grew up in A crime family without the money, power, or influence.

[C]

Just.

[D]

Just the fear and paranoia and the culture.

[C]

Rico was around the corner, but we're not sure if we did it.

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

So I was like that.

[B]

There's a lot of advice, like, you don't want to go there.

[D]

Yeah, but my father knew.

[C]

Yeah.

[D]

Look, if something falls off a truck.

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

We're not putting it back.

[C]

Right.

[D]

But no one's getting killed in our thing.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

You might get slapped around.

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

You might not even have it.

[C]

Did you watch the Sopranos and have been. That ain't right. No.

[D]

I was like, that's home movies.

[C]

I'm not watching that. You didn't watch the Sopranos?

[D]

I said, well, you know what happened? I auditioned for the Sopranos many, many times.

[C]

Really? Yeah.

[D]

Almost 10 times, I'm thinking, because I lived in. I was in Greenwich Village, and you would take the. They were at Silver Cup Studios. So every time you had had an audition for the Sopranos, you had to take the N. And er. You had to take the subway in the heat of rush hour. Yeah. Crush of humanity. You get there and there's. There's like 30 galoons that look just like you. Everyone's in the hallway holding their sides, mumbling like Luca Brazzi. You know, I hope your first child is masculine. Everyone's nervous. You walk in and there's. There's all of them there. And then you read and you leave and, you know, you don't hear anything, but they come back to you. What I didn't know is they. They liked me. They were trying to find. Find something for me, but I was frustrated because I never got anything. They would always call me back. And it was the same thing.

[B]

Here we go.

[D]

Yeah. So at some point, I went back. I walked in, I went, all right, what aren't you gonna like now? So I never got a part of the Sopranos, but my body got used to doing that, so I got used to. So all the nerves were kind of run out of it. So they get a call to do Nurse Jackie. I was doing Top Gear at the time, and I was gone for two weeks. So I called my wife, I said, honey, I'm coming, coming home, pants free weekend. Me, you, the dogs. Nobody wears pants. Let the chips fall where they may.

[C]

So the dog wears pants most of the time. Yeah. Okay. I'm just checking.

[D]

We got.

[C]

We got.

[D]

Well, pants, suit.

[C]

I see.

[B]

Very.

[C]

It's like a Hillary.

[D]

Very tidy.

[C]

Sorry I misunderstood your pants free weekend. I'm sorry.

[D]

So I get a call from my manager And I, I pick it up, I go, no, right, right.

[C]

It's pants free.

[D]

It's. So I, I, I, I get the call, I gotta go. So I walk upstairs, I look, my wife sees my face, she's like, what? I said, I just got a call, I gotta fly to New York and I gotta read with Edie Falco for this part on Nurse Jackie. And my wife looked at me and.

[C]

Said, put your pants on.

[A]

What are you.

[C]

Get out of here.

[B]

Get it.

[C]

Go get that job. Yeah.

[D]

And I did. I flew to New York. So I get there and I'm nervous.

[C]

Yeah.

[D]

Because it's, this is it. I'm going, I'm not going through anything. I'm reading right with her. They know who I am.

[C]

This is a screen test.

[D]

Yeah. Same thing. Same. It gets in the same studio. So when I got on the subway, my butt I knew how to do.

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

So it was, here we go again. But there wasn't a lot of nerves because I've done it.

[C]

Muscle memory times.

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

So I walked in and there was Edie. It was a bunch of people. I read with her and I made her laugh. And the next day they called me up and I got together.

[C]

Nice.

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

So you just keep, you keep putting shoveling coal into the engine, you keep.

[C]

Throwing things against the wall.

[D]

It's all we can do. The choices and direction of your life is going to happen when you're not.

[B]

Even in the room.

[C]

Exactly. And that's the crazy. This year I've had talks with people. Adam Ray was one caliendo and I. It's like, it's the, the guardrails seemingly are off of entertainment.

[D]

Right.

[C]

The more you throw, you're just waiting for one to stick.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

You know, and it's, and it isn't about ambition, it's about just go. Yeah. Instead of being present.

[D]

I mean, just like 90% of life.

[C]

Is just showing, showing up.

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

Just being there.

[B]

Adam Ray is the kitchen sink. Adam Ray will come down to every ep. I mean.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Done a little of everything.

[C]

But he keeps throwing stuff that I think most people would be like, nah, I'm going to work on this. Or he doesn't care. Like, it's a go going and it's great.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

You have to, yeah.

[D]

Just you take any gig. Like the, the, the thing that you get, though, is because I've done comedy, I've done drama, and I've got, you know, top gear and all this other stuff. And then when they, some people come and see me, like, I didn't know you were a stand up. I'm like, what you think was going to happen here?

[C]

I bought tickets just in case.

[D]

Did you think I was going to do donuts in the parking lot, some stuff out?

[C]

What do you think I was gonna do? Yeah. I'm gonna play all the parts in this next jacket.

[B]

This is a scene I was in.

[C]

And people do that sometimes. They go, I don't know. I. I watched, like, when you see a comedy club and somebody in the crowd goes, I don't know who you are. Yeah, you weren't. Are you. Have you been trafficked here? Why are you in the building?

[D]

Why am I entertaining you against your will?

[C]

What am I? Is this a bet you lost? Why do people. And they make them. No, I'm not. I don't even know who you are.

[D]

I had one. Here's the thing I get is I'm not. I'm not famous, but people know me.

[C]

Yeah.

[D]

So I get the intrusion on my life without the financial benefit. Isn't that lovely?

[C]

That's nice.

[D]

But it's fine because. But people, when they know me, I love this because they look at me, but they look at me like they're smelling bad cheese.

[C]

They're like, who is that just squinting.

[D]

And I think he's an actor now. That's Nicole's brother. I think he's your cousin.

[C]

They got no clue. Who do they think you are?

[D]

I. I don't. I. I got one woman. This was hysterical. This woman came up. She was angry. Yeah, she was angry because she kept. Because I was. I was in. I was in a Walgreens, and she's looking at me. So I got. I go around the aisle. I see you're looking at me again. And we're at the checkout, and she looks at me, goes, where do I know you from? Where have you been, lady?

[B]

Aisle six.

[D]

I was the guy at aisle six.

[C]

It was my last role.

[B]

Yeah, I like how they want you to answer that question. Where do I know you from?

[C]

Yeah, well, you're the one asking me. I don't know. I don't know. Your log. Yeah. The.

[D]

Then when you tell them something you've done, I was like, you see the movie Little Lily? That's not it. I'm sorry.

[C]

I think it was City Slickers.

[B]

Is that it?

[C]

No, it was Bruno Kirby. That's not me.

[D]

Are you the Karate Kid?

[C]

See, I just go with it.

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

Yes, I am. Oh.

[D]

So I was watching this.

[C]

This was.

[D]

I was sitting with the producers of Nurse Jackie, and Edie was in a Place. So we're sitting in the play, and there's. There's old women behind me because it's a matinee, so matinee. Everything smells like Bengay. They all come out.

[C]

It's the Voltaire. Yeah. Yeah. They're just sitting there.

[D]

So there's these two women looking at me, and. And I. And I heard.

[C]

I think he's an actor, right?

[D]

And the one woman goes, again, where do I know you from? So as the curtain's coming down, I go, did you see Torch Song trilogy? She goes, yeah. I said, I played the torch.

[C]

He played the torch.

[D]

And the lights come.

[C]

I was out with some friends the other night, and a guy came up, and he goes, hey, love the show guy. I'm like, oh, thanks. And go get a picture. I'm like, sure, take a picture. And the table next to us, this girl goes, who are you? Like, it's not important. She go, who are you? And then I see her go to her phone, like, she's just gonna go, who's the guy next to me? And Google's gonna be like, I don't know.

[D]

Hold up the phone.

[C]

My black friend Joe. And she goes, and I know you too. And I'm like, that's just racist. This is gonna get good, okay? And then she said, oh, you're on Mayor of Kingstown. And Joe's like, yep, that's me. And she goes, and who are you? And she keeps screaming at the next. So she finds the guy in Mayor of Kingstown, and she's convinced herself that my friend Joe is this guy. And I. So I'm on the phone while they're talking, and she's like, oh, that's cool. Pretty prison rape scene. Had to be horrible. And Joe's like, yeah, we. 17 takes. It was brutal. And she's like, oh, I fell for your character so bad. You're such a good actor. And he's like, thank you. Thank you very much. And I look and I show him a picture of. Of the dude. It doesn't look anything like him. It's just general black guy that. She's like, that's it. So I told her that. And then Joe says, you don't want to know who he is. Points to me, and he goes, he's in porn, right? And she goes, oh, my God. You're Johnny Sins. That's right. That's exactly. She assigned us her fame. Okay, that's great. God bless you all. Started with somebody going, love the show.

[D]

I will play whatever role you want.

[C]

That's All I wanted to do is just keep that alive for a little while.

[B]

And her friends are like, johnny Sins show.

[C]

She took a picture of me and sent it to her boyfriend. And her boyfriend's like, that's not Johnny Sins. That guy's old as dirt. Well, hold on. Boyfriend's a dick.

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

There's makeup. They have filters now.

[C]

That's what I said. Ring.

[D]

They shoot for a cheesecloth like Barbra Streisand.

[C]

And I told her, I said, I'm not in life, like, shape for filming. Right. And I took a year off. And she was actually like, it. I like the way your face is shaped better. Now you have convinced yourself you're amongst famous. And it was fun. It was about an hour. We had fun with it. That's with her racism and her silliness. And then all her friends were gone. I'm hanging out with. They're famous. Like. Yep, we. We are famous. Whatever.

[D]

What is the.

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

I don't. I don't get it.

[C]

I don't understand. I've never had that. Like, you've met a lot of famous people. Yeah. And you're like, do you starstruck? Anybody get you?

[D]

I did.

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

I got. Once I did. I did a benefit for. At the St. Regis Hotel for the Senators.

[C]

I did.

[D]

I played. I was gonna say, it's like playing the Senate. And it was because they were there.

[C]

There.

[D]

I told him. I said I'd say this. And some guy went up. He wrote a book about lbj.

[C]

Yeah.

[D]

And just died. That was the opening act.

[C]

That's an easy.

[D]

And then I gotta go up, right? So I went up. First one went in the toilet. Second one went in the toilet. I said. I said, listen, I'm waiting for healthcare. I ain't waiting for these laughs. You guys gotta do your job, too. And that broke them a little bit.

[C]

Yeah.

[D]

And. And they were all Bill Clinton, Hillary Clinton, all of the senators, Pat, all those guys. They were all there.

[C]

How'd you get that job?

[D]

I got hired by the guy that owns a St. Regis hotel, Sidney Kimmel.

[C]

Okay.

[D]

Saw me. I did his birthday party. His wife was watching tv, and I was doing a late night spot, and she went, I want that one. And I was.

[B]

He.

[A]

It's like Richard Pryor in the Toy.

[C]

Yeah, yeah.

[D]

I want.

[C]

Jt.

[D]

I wanted a ball. I want that one. So I was summoned to the castle.

[C]

Wow. And you went. Because obviously I went, yeah, but Clinton was there. You get to meet all.

[D]

Yeah, I got to meet all of those guys. And this was when he wanted to do a talk show, and it was going in the toilet.

[C]

Oh, no.

[D]

And I looked at him, I go, and you want to do a talk show? This is the shit. This is the stuff you're gonna have. I said, and you want to do a talk show, this is the crap you're gonna have to deal with. Open up a library, play golf.

[B]

What are you doing?

[C]

He listened to you? Yeah. I said, what, are you crazy? Were you put off by meeting someone like that?

[D]

I was. I will tell you. When I shook his hand, and I'm not political at all, when I shook his hand and he gave me the hand and the hand on the elbow, and he looked at me, I go.

[C]

Oh, I get it. Yeah, I get it. I'm gonna blow this guy.

[D]

Oh, my God.

[C]

You still have the dress?

[D]

I got it.

[C]

Yeah. You still keep it forever.

[B]

I'm wearing it now.

[D]

Yeah, I got that. So that one got me. Prior got me.

[C]

Oh.

[D]

When I met Price, huge. And I met him under the best. He was in the chair when I met him. The best possible condition for me, it was. I got nominated for an American Comedy Award. So it was when I think it was on either ABC or Comedy Central. And so they play a clip, right? And my table was right here and Prior's table right behind me, Richard Pryor. So they play a clip of all the standups and then they go to commercial. And during commercial, people shake hands. Babies.

[C]

Yeah.

[D]

So I'm terrified. My friend Mary Ellen, who went with me, said, we got to go get on the line to meet Price.

[C]

Like kids.

[D]

Prior, you're never going to have this opportunity.

[C]

Get up.

[B]

Okay.

[D]

Huge. So I go over and there he is. And he just saw my clip and I. I said, Mr. Prior, I. The Santa Monica concert is the reason I do what I do. It's a pleasure to meet you and thank you so much for the inspiration.

[C]

He looks at me, goes, yeah. He goes effing funny. It's like getting knighted. You're getting knighted.

[D]

I'm done.

[C]

You're getting knighted.

[D]

Between that and Carlin, When I met Carlin, that was. That was it.

[C]

And Carlin knew you?

[D]

No. I got a call from Mike Lacey. He's a great club. One of my favorite clubs is the Comedy Magic Club in Hermosa beach and Mike and Rich, who run the place, and I was headlining there for the weekend. So I get a call from my manager and he says, mike's gotta move your weekend, but if you wanna open, you can open. And right away my ego just went open.

[C]

Yeah.

[D]

What do you. I'm open. What sword swallow is bumping me and I'm gonna open. He goes, george Carlin. I go, does he need a ride? I can pick him up at the hotel. Be no problem. So you walk. It's like a little theater.

[C]

Yeah.

[D]

So you walk in and the green room is George's. You can't go in before the show.

[C]

Right.

[D]

But. And he tells you. He said, look, George would love to meet you after the show. But he's preparing, you know, he doesn't improvise. He memorizes, Right. I said, it's Colin. He can do whatever he writes. Right. So the MC goes up, I go up. I do like half hour.

[C]

Whatever I do, right.

[D]

I walk off stage and there's this silver beard. Oh, these two little eyes. And he's looking at. He goes, you're funny. And I went, and you're calling.

[C]

And I shook his hand. Yeah.

[D]

And we have a mutual friend who's since passed away, a guy named Chris Rush. That started with George. So I've known Chris for years. I go, you know, rushes. He goes, oh, my God. We're telling stories, we're talking. He quoted a joke. He's like, that Dick Clark New Year's joke was great. When did you write that? And he's talking to me, right? And all of a sudden we hear the audience start clapping. Goes, is that for me? I go, they don't want to see me again. George, you better get out. Wow. He went out after the show. My wife was there. He took pictures with my wife.

[C]

Oh, that's awesome.

[D]

He was up in Santa Rosa by my in laws. I mean, couldn't be more gracious. He was aware of his position in our world.

[C]

Yeah.

[D]

And he was very gracious, knowing that. You see, I gotta. I got a picture I'll show.

[C]

So many guys get to that point where they just. They. They don't want to deal with anything. And that's huge. That he was amazing.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

And it was just like, I'll look for the picture. You want to play another vomit video?

[C]

I'll play a vomit video. And Adam Ferrara is here. Desert Ridge Improv. Tonight, tomorrow and Sunday. And it's always good to have you, my friend. You're the best. Desert Ridge improv.com if you want to go. Adam did two days with us. That's getting extra work done, Brady. So everybody is required.

[D]

Birthday, baby.

[C]

That's right. And yours too. You got Monday, your plans.

[D]

I'm flying home.

[C]

All right. That sounds fun.

[B]

And it's a no pants day ground.

[C]

Are you going no pants Monday night?

[D]

I am. The wife is gonna be like, here's the towels.

[C]

Thank adam Ferrara, everybody. It's 98 KUPD.

[B]

It's not weird. It's pretty cool, actually. No membership fees.

[C]

I have heard enough of this. It's John Holberg here from the morning sickness to tell you about game day men's health. Game day men's health is a life changer. For a lot of you guys out there who've hit a certain age, we won't mention it. Maybe you don't recover from workouts as well. Maybe you just don't feel like you're you. I wasn't rec from workouts and I didn't feel as good. I got on samorelin, which is an awesome peptide. It feels great. My skin feels cleaner. I feel better about me. Don't let age be a number that stops you from doing stuff. Head on down to gameday men's health and get yourself back to being you. Gamedaymenshealth.com hey, everybody, it's John Holmberg here from the morning sickness and I'm hanging out with my friend Shane Orlando from Orlando Auto Body. So many locations, so many places to visit him. He's got you surrounded and you can check it [e-mail] Shane, you were telling me about something. Just tell people what you were talking about. Yeah, I just wanted to share with our listeners and our customers that we are now OEM certified. What that means is we've been trained by a lot of the OEMs, so we are now OEM certified. Orlando Auto Body, they got you covered in any sort of situation you get into with your car. And also remember, lifetime warranty on all repairs. All you got to do is go to orlandoautobody.com the old method of treatment for a person in this condition was to throw him in jail. Let me just. Let me. That's the other one we should have done for Rock Horse this week. I've always heard Katherine Hepburn when I listen to corn. Oh, yeah, a lot of them forgot about that. That'll wreck it for you. A couple of songs when you start hearing Hepburn pipe out. Oh, the loans. The loans does Let me. It's time for the entertainment drill. And that, my friends, is brought to you by the Schwartz Laser I Eye Center. Hold on. I'm choking myself with my own clothes. I don't know how that just happened. Schwarz Laser Eye center will get your eyes back to normal like they did mine. And it doesn't matter what you're doing with those squinters, stop doing that. You're making lines in your face. You're not going to want those later. If you're seeing clearly, you don't have to squint. You don't have to strain. Again. Do my test. Take a look at the car in front of you. If you can read the license plate clearly, you don't need me right now. But if you can't, you need Dr. Jay Schwartz and the team at Schwartz Laser Eye Center. They'll get those glasses off your face, those contacts off, out of your eyes. Lasik, maybe that is right for you. The lens replacement, which is amazing. Tripp's gonna do that here in a little bit. You might even have a surprise cataract. I had one. Evidently it was from trauma or the sun. I had no idea. And they found it and they got rid of it. And I went from 20 over 400, which I didn't realize I was looking through, right back to good, which is fantastic and didn't hurt, didn't do much damage at all as far as time or anything else. So head on over there. They'll take care and get a plan together. Get a complimentary consultation at one of the three valley locations so they're close to you no matter what. The Schwartz Laser eye Center team idoc.com they take care of the suns and the diamondback so they can take care of you. The Schwartz Laser Eye Center Brady Entertainment.

[B]

Kim Kardashian went partying with some friends in New York City when she was around 17. She wasn't very experienced at the time. Pretty unfamiliar with New York by 5am.

[C]

Had one in her ass.

[B]

Almost as the action was winding down, she found herself more or less alone. Alone at a house party. No money for a cab. All she had was the address of the place where she was staying. Keep in mind she would be four cell phones. Wesley Snipes steps in and says, don't pay your taxes. I'll give you a ride home. But before he took her home, they went out for breakfast. Oh, and he lectured her and saying, you're way too young to be doing this.

[C]

Oh my God.

[B]

She credits him with saving her life.

[C]

Saved my life, made me a billionaire. And then I blew him. Cuz I like it. She was she, she blew Wesley Snipes that night.

[B]

Later on down the line.

[C]

No, probably that day. You're so nice, I want to buy you.

[B]

Netflix has a new dating show called Age of a True Attraction, where contestants don't know each other's ages.

[C]

Ooh.

[B]

Which range between 22 and 59.

[C]

Okay. Thank God, because this started Pedophile island started like the Jeffrey Epstein game show. Who cares how old they are?

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

It's called if there's grass on the field.

[B]

The trailer shows kind of a cougar.

[C]

Yeah. Oh, that's a good. The trailer is pretty neat because the old lady's talking and she thinks the guy she's talking to is like 30 something, but I think he might be 21 or so.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

And her daughter's 20.

[B]

That will start on March 11th.

[C]

It's proof that age is just a number and it doesn't matter as long as the law says it's okay. The chemistry is chemistry, Brady. That's what they say. Although it can be pretty creepy if you're a dude dating a 70 year old lady. It's also fetishy.

[B]

There's some pretty girls in there, too, in the trailer.

[C]

Oh, yeah? Yeah. And young girls like older guys a lot of the times. And then someone says, I don't care.

[B]

If it's my father's age, my grandfather's age.

[C]

Yeah, we put a lot of pressure on that. But I also think that when dudes do it with old ladies, it's gross.

[B]

Something's wrong with that movies out this weekend. They got Send Help. That's the one with Rachel McAdams and Dylan O'. Brien. And then you got Shelter, Jason Statham's new movie.

[C]

Got a new movie up. Brady. I had no idea. It's it good? Of course it is.

[B]

You're playing a former British spy.

[C]

What former British spy? And I have a car and I go very fast chasing former British bad guys. It's a good movie. You should see it. Brett, what's stopping you?

[B]

And get your popcorn bucket for Melania. That's out.

[C]

Oh, yeah, I'm in that, too. I was in Melania and then I was in that movie. Birdie told me. I've forgotten the name of Shelter.

[B]

Evidently.

[C]

What's Melania's movie about? Is it just her life or is it a documentary or. What do we got going on there?

[B]

It says it's about the 20 days leading up to her husband's second inauguration.

[C]

So it's. It's a documentary?

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Man.

[B]

Chronicling that 20 days before, I guess.

[C]

You going to see it? You going to watch? I'm curious.

[B]

I would, but I don't know if I'd go to the theater or not. I'll wait for it to.

[C]

Well, I'm not going to go to the theater to watch anything. Yeah, but that's an interesting take. Like, how will they hand and again. Love him or hate him, he's. He draws eyes. So if he's in the background of something, I sure could use a blowjob. Like, he's wandering around the. I don't know where Melania went, but I like her. I need her around right now. She's doing a dumb movie.

[B]

I will see this one. I don't know when it's coming out, but Apple tv, Siegfried and Roy.

[C]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

Wild Things. They want to make sure that PETA knows. And actually, Peter will have a. They'll address that during the documentary movie. So it's a Jude Law and Andrew Garfield. I saw pictures of that.

[C]

I didn't know if that was real.

[B]

They're using. They're doing CGI tigers.

[A]

I thought.

[C]

Thought they were doing some Halloween thing. And Andrew Garfield and. And Jude Law were dressed up as Siegfried and Roy. And I started to laugh. I'm like. And then. But I thought, I can see a little bit on. Oh, yeah, it's good over here, right?

[B]

It'll be eight episodes.

[C]

This is when Montacore eats him.

[B]

And the picture of the.

[C]

I know we. This is how weird society was with Siegfried and roy in the 90s. We weren't sure they would talk about women. Sometimes we're like, all right, they're players. We had no idea that those two were gay.

[B]

They were truly illusions.

[C]

And one of. Yeah, they were incredible magicians. One of the things that we were. I remember talking to a friend. They live in the same land, but they each built their own house.

[B]

Little compound.

[C]

And I'm like, why not just live in the same house? They're not gay. Siegfried and Roy are. You ever see them swimming around with the tigers in their pool?

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[C]

Horrifying matter of time is all that was.

[B]

Speedo and White.

[C]

Oh, they were. And the tigers were. By the way, white tigers are gay. Like, if you saw white tiger in there.

[B]

You'Re like, messing with a redhead.

[C]

I don't know if the sun gets in their eyes wrong. And white tigers lose it. But he ate Roy. Wasn't the first time he'd been eating.

[B]

He protected him.

[C]

It's protecting him from heterosexuality. He had intrusive thoughts.

[B]

There's a trend, a new music trend. Cigarette Mom Rock. Oh, think of Lilithaire.

[C]

Yuck.

[B]

Key artists include. And there's actually song sets or lists that you can tap into. Cigarette, Mock momrock, Alanis Morissette, Melissa Etheridge, Concrete Blonde. She's Called Harry, Tracy Chapman, Fiona Apple. It's the Razor Free Show, Indigo Girls, Pink, and then there's also divorced dad Rock, which is post grunge hard rock era Nickelback and Creed.

[C]

Oh, yeah, what we call butt rock.

[B]

Tick Tock has. And Spotify has lists devoted to it.

[C]

To divorced dad Rock. Yeah. So you think a divorced cigarette mom Rock leans into Creed after.

[B]

After his with arms wide open?

[C]

I don't know.

[A]

I don't know my sacrifice.

[C]

I think I just jump at you or bullets. I just jump into something brand new.

[B]

Slash says the next Guns N Roses album will be all new material rather than hold over some Chinese democracy.

[C]

No kidding.

[B]

They've been releasing over the years, but there's no word when I'll be out, man.

[C]

I don't know, maybe just play the hits.

[A]

Yeah, that's just. Do like Poison. Just go out, play the hits. And I don't know if I want.

[C]

To hear new Guns N Roses. I don't want to hear him arguing about it for the next.

[A]

What was that last. Remember that last track they put out.

[C]

The new track, but that was from Chinese Democracy. Axel didn't want it on that album that nobody liked anyway. I thought it was a good record. It was just the hype was way too much.

[A]

Well, you waited 15 years for that.

[C]

Yeah. And it wasn't good enough for that. You expected, you know, an Opus Magnum and it was okay.

[A]

Expect Dark side of the Moon or something.

[C]

It was good. It was better. It's better than people.

[A]

It wasn't 15 years good.

[C]

No. It shouldn't have taken that long. I could have come up with an album in 15 years. I could learn to play all the instruments.

[B]

It was no Happy Gilmore too.

[C]

No, that was. That was a thought provoking, moving piece of cinema. Oh, what a movie. God, that was bad. It's 9:20. His wife dies by getting hit by an errant golf ball. And in the next scene, he's on the driving range hitting golf balls at people. You think that would have been something that would have been like, happy's over hitting. It can end badly.

[B]

And is he hitting golf balls at Bad Bony?

[C]

Yeah, at Baboni. He has. Baboni is driving around and he's in there and he's hitting him. Your wife just passed away from this very thing. You son a. Of. Of a. And we're supposed to believe you're emotional about it? Happy, I just want to hit God. Bunny Baboon. We're getting. We're about to see the Bad Bunny halftime show next week. Getting Close.

[B]

Oh yeah.

[C]

A lot of 50 year old dudes are about to erupt. Why isn't AC DC doing the halftime show? God damn it. Relax, Katero, call ICE the only. All of them. Metallica, AC dc. Jesus Christ. Guns N Roses. What's a bad Bunny? Exactly. Oh, they're gonna drag out some people. They're in there. Be happy with. We got the Guadalupe squares coming up. You want to play? We need a girl, we need a boy. And we'll close the week out with the squares. 5 8, 5 9. 800, that's the number we need. What are we giving away? Something good. We don't even know. We'll give you something great, we promise. Play those squares and get us out of here. It's 98.

[B]

Hey, it's not weird. It's pretty cool actually. No membership fees.

[C]

I have heard enough of this. It's John Holberg here from the morning sickness and I'm chilling away from my friend Shane Orlando from Orlando Auto Body. Shane, people wreck their cars. They got to deal with the insurance companies. Insurance rates have gotten weird. You deal with insurance all the time. What are we doing wrong? Well, I would take the car to a shop. You know, we've got to take the car apart, evaluate all the damage and that's a process, right? So Shane will handle that for you. The insurance companies are not going to be your best friends, but Shane will be. Shane or Orlando. Orlando Auto Body. All the locations you could ever imagine surrounding the valley. Hey, it's John and Brett from the morning sickness. And the nightmare of the holidays are behind us. And now it's time to treat yourself in. January is the perfect time to fresh start everything with a new system. There's only one place to go do that. Quality car stereo. Upgrade your ride with better sound, smarter tech and service you can trust, whether.

[A]

It'S CarPlay, Android audio, backup cameras, security systems, window tint or premium audio for your cars, boats, motorcycles or UTVs. This year, drive smarter and safer with quality car stereo. Quality car stereo in Mesa at the corner of Sauceman and Basel. Make sure you check them out [e-mail].

[C]

The old method of treatment for a person in this condition was to throw him in jail. Thank you, Papa roach. Here we go everybody. It's time. Can't believe it's Friday already. By the way, zoom for the Guadalupe squares and we bring in our humble host. How are you, Thriller? Good, how are you guys doing? Quite well, thank you. How was your birthday dinners? I enjoyed it. Yeah, that was good. Did Anyone else enjoy it? My family. Yeah, we were all together. Okay, good. They didn't say anything negative? No. Okay. Nothing more than usual.

[B]

Was it a home cooked meal? I forgot OG that was a restaurant.

[C]

We went over to Cooper's Hawk.

[B]

Oh, that's right.

[C]

The wine. All right. There you go. That's nice. It's Brady's birthday this weekend.

[A]

Really?

[C]

Congratulations. Yeah, Nobody thought you made it. Yeah. Congratulations is not a birthday thing for. Wow. It's another year we didn't expect. Congratulations, Grandpa. Anyway, he made it. And it's now time for Corey to host these squares. Ladies and gentlemen, here's your host, Thriller Wall still or take it away. Thank you, Chancellor. Let's begin. Top of square. Here in time to show off Shelter. Jason Statham. Exactly right, Corey. I just hear talking about Shelter.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Now I'm back talking about it again. It happens so fast. Like everything in my movies.

[B]

This is about sheltering a beehive.

[C]

Or bled over. I've still got bees on me from the last movie. They don't leave. No. And I come in with this one. I'm like, no, I'm not a beekeeper anymore. No. I'm an FBI agent. Or at least I used to be. And I still go very fast. And I still.

[B]

Company man.

[C]

I'm a company guy. That's right. And I fight bad guys quickly. The cameras move very fast because I'm very fast. Brett, have you seen my movie yet?

[A]

It came out so fast, I couldn't catch up.

[C]

It's already at home.

[B]

It is not fast.

[C]

Tomorrow. Guess what happens tomorrow. Shelter 2. This time it's personal. All right. Yeah. Shelter 2, electric boogaloo. It's coming your way. I make movies in like 15 minutes. Make it work, Corey. If they're good, they're good. I make movies very fast. Why wouldn't I? Yeah. I'm good at them. That's exactly right up. Shelter 3 just filmed it. Wow. The search for Curly's goal. The contract you've got Not a contract. A contract with the people they want to stay.

[B]

The movies they get do it for us.

[C]

Beekeeper 3, Freddy's Revenge.

[B]

That was just for Brady. That was great.

[C]

Not that one. The only one I don't do a sequel to is Snatch. That's the only one people liked. Yeah. Lock, Stock and Snatch. Yeah. Who's gonna do the sequel? The Germans, that's why. Sequel right there. That's right, Tommy. Who's gonna do it? Not me. Okay. How's your leg? Thriller? The same as always. It wouldn't change Very slow. Not like me. I like your movie Quick.

[B]

Would you ever put Thriller in one of your movies?

[C]

Yeah, I would. That's the sick kid I'm fighting for. Ah, yes. I have to get the people that done this to him. Be his parents maybe fighting his mom's vagina all day, battling back his dad's broken sperms and his mom's vagina.

[B]

Oh, man.

[C]

It's called Thriller. The tumble tunnel fly out too early. Oh, man. All right, now over to the top of the square. Bill Cosby up now. See, your mother's vagina wouldn't get a.

[B]

Fight for me at all.

[C]

And it also probably wouldn't fight back because it would be the uncle unable and incapacitated. I don't even think you're a good gynecologist for your mom to fix that seeping honey hole that drops out all the retarded boys. You see what that said there is what it did. I got a gynecologist to get that to play a little poker and then say this. Hands for 500 in quailers. He said, I write a script and then a rape fee.

[B]

Seems like you just don't care anymore.

[C]

This doesn't matter now because it doesn't matter. My cat. I can't see. I don't know where anyone is to rape. So it's the safest I've ever been. I will try and rape you if you get my hands on you.

[B]

Oh, still.

[C]

Oh, you see, if you're close enough to touch, you're close enough to rape. Some body braille. God forbid you start to sleep.

[B]

Oh, he plays body braille.

[C]

If I make the pruny toes. But the sucking and the toes and the thing and the quaaludes and the sleep. All right, now, I'm doing my own sleep study this weekend. Oh, what are you finding out? They're easier to rate when they're asleep. That's the study that found on the show. Had that conclusion for like 40 years, though. This is the first time she ever had the dark pudding pop up in there. Over. It's cold to wear like my ladies. Oh, getting to the age. Body temperature. The age appropriate right now is dead bodies. I. Yeah, you're in your pool. They're performers. Get the mountain thing and the teacher. What we learned today. Yeah, little late for that one. MAN over now to the top right square. President Trump. How are you, sir? Oh, my God, what a great film. The Academy Award goes to. Melania. Melania. Melania.

[B]

It's going to get the most nomination.

[C]

To get all the more nominations. A lot of people talking. A lot of people. A lot of buzz. That hat the whole time. That was weird. It's beautiful. She looks great in the hat. She looks good in a hat. I like her in a hat. I like her out of a hat.

[B]

Best film at Turning Point film festival.

[C]

Greatest film. A lot of people talking about best supporting actor, me. And I think that's a thing. I think that's real. I think we're going to do that. You're in there somewhere, right, sir? Right after we give Minnesota to Greenland and take Greenland from Greenland. It's a big plan. I've got Canada can't have one, The Dutch can't have the other. We're going to keep them and we're going to swap them out. We're going to get all the people from Greenland to move to Minnesota and all the Minnesotans to move to Greenland is going to as well. Sir. Same weather, same exact. Brett's right. They like hockey. They're all Eskimos. We love it. We love it up there. By the way, Melania was directed by Barron Trump. Oh, Best director. A lot of people say Spielberg without all the Jew and taller, just a.

[B]

Little bit without any of it.

[C]

A tall, less jewy Spielberg is what they say. And they're like, you know, that's good. Brett said it. I think that was Brett's quote. I think Brett saw Milani and we both, we both walked out of there and wiped our tummies off. It's a beautiful first. Best looking. A lot of people say best looking first lady ever. I think we all agree a lot better than Big Mike. Jill Biden looks like Alice Cooper. Well, yeah. Am I wrong? Oh, no, you're right. You're right. I mean, there's nothing close. Hillary. I mean, I'd rather it looks like a foot with a wig.

[B]

Laura Bush.

[C]

Laura Bush. Close, but nothing. Nancy. Nancy Reagan. Are you kidding me? It's like having sex with a pipe cleaner. Brady has given his review. Oh, what did you just wrote down? 5 Brady's new feline reviews of Melania, right? 5. That's good, Brady. I like that.

[A]

5.

[C]

It's a good one.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

I don't know what that meant, but I grabbed them. I grabbed all five and I put them in. I said, there you go. It's a clean sweep. Clean sweep. All of them. We're going to get all the awards. All of them. It's all going to be good. Corey, you're going to see me accepting for Melania. Me and I'LL tell you, that speech is not going to be short. They're not going to play me off, that's for sure. It's not going to happen.

[B]

What experiences did you draw from from.

[A]

That for that role?

[C]

Well, just being great and me and a lot of that. And watching Melania from behind is very. She's an amazing lady. Great first lady.

[B]

Done watching her from behind.

[C]

Of course, that's where I usually have to chase her and get her. I have the solution to that problem. All right, now over at the middle left. We're here. Lou Holtz. How you holding up? She's not real judges.

[B]

Great.

[A]

Open.

[C]

That's a question you don't ask somebody who's checking into hospice today at noon. It's not real good for old Lou. Ya old enough. Pretty soon, Brady, I'm gonna meet Jesus, which I've been wanting to do for a bit, so I think that's something I can look for.

[B]

He's ready for you.

[C]

Well, let's hope so. Cause God forbid I'm wrong, and it's just eternal darkness.

[B]

They took you through those big doors.

[C]

They take you through the big doors and they shut your eyes and they say, hospice. And you're like, I don't know what I'm doing in hospice, but I don't think that's a good thing. Can I have some chips?

[B]

Hospice, not ice chips.

[C]

No. That's what they feed you until you're dead.

[B]

Gotcha.

[C]

They don't give you food. They don't give you food. They take it all away when you're in hospice and they say, that's enough. You're done living. And they just go away. And then they just dwindle out here.

[B]

Painkiller. Here comes the morphine.

[C]

They don't give you any more medicine. They just lay you down and say bye for days. Well, sometimes. Sometimes they said, dude's unplugging me. And just lay down, Lou. That's my job. Where is this happening right now? This is laid down loo. I'm going to get pretty sleepy here soon. It's not good for me if Cosby's my last visitor.

[B]

What do your toes look like?

[C]

I haven't seen them in a long time. My eyes only go about a foot and a half, and then they cut off. That's why I'm in the hospice. Notre Dame is where I spent most of my time, and I feel great about that.

[B]

Now you're going to coach in the spot.

[A]

I got no phones.

[C]

The phones just broke. This is all pointless. We're just doing the. It's sort of like my life. It just came to an end abruptly. Oh, no. Nobody saw that coming. Foretold. Nobody saw it coming. I think the phones just went to hospice. Well, maybe we'll just keep going with this charade like I've been doing for the last seven or eight days before they check me into the death chamber. It's been that long? That's when they say, that's enough. Just get out. Then they stick you in a weird house that looks like a house, but it's not a house. And there's Filipinos everywhere. There are nurses. And a Jamaican lad comes and gives me ice chips and says he's still here.

[B]

I thought you were a fighter. You can get through this.

[C]

I've tried. That's not gonna work. Everybody loses to Jesus.

[B]

Coach, it's okay. You can go now.

[C]

Thank you, Brady. That's the best advice I've had all day.

[B]

Can't slap Touchdown. Jesus.

[C]

Can't touch him. Nope. Play like a champion today. It's not over my door frame in the hospice room. Just die like a champion soon. We need the room. We got Betty waiting for you. Your Medicaid's running out. Now slide me out, clean the feces off the sheets, and plop another elderly body in. Oh, man. That's how it works. Everybody says it's a nice thing. It is. But if you're the Jamaican maid, it's not so great to clean up all that poop and then load up another one.

[B]

Time for a nap, Coach.

[C]

That's not setting these eyes. That's no way that Jamaican will haul me off and put me in the bag before I'm done. Well, you hold tight.

[A]

Hold.

[C]

So we'll reconnect later. Why do you keep putting that mirror under my nose? Brady? I'm just fine for now. Well, speaking of Brady, now the Center Square cultural bigot. Brady. Yeah? There was a little issue this morning with how I see India. I didn't hear the details here. I'll give you some credit.

[B]

What about Indian restaurants?

[C]

Talking about Indian restaurants, my first thought was, well, who would go to that? They make food with their feet in the crap in rivers. That's a little far. And bazaars don't count as restaurants. Who knew? Oh, they're trading pills. It's like when you're talking about the Japs shoving fish in your mouth. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Crazy what they did. It's called sushi. No, it's not. I'm just turned into Lou Hoax. How does that happen? I'M haunting your body, Brady. I'm going to transfer portals here. I'm going into the nil. I'm going to transfer portal into Brady's.

[B]

Your body snatching?

[C]

I just snatched Brady's body. You chose Brady. Yeah, typical. These micks running around stealing from me. Like in Gypsy. Always drinking. Always drinking. You're going for the blackout bingo card, aren't you? You say black? What?

[B]

Blackout?

[C]

Yeah, I don't even think Africans have houses like Indians. Right? That's what I learned, Nat. Geo taught me all I need. Where's the bagel boy? Hey, Larry. I. I mean, sometimes he has bagels. Yeah, he's gonna make bagels for everybody. Shocker. Just bring us some Wonder bread. Oh, no, you can't do that.

[B]

You prefer Wonder Bread to Bengals.

[C]

Well, I know that Iranians wipe with their left hand.

[A]

True.

[C]

And they, you know, they don't have any reason to stop doing that. I'd never go to Iran for that reason. And the French. You're left handed. Yeah, I'm stereotyping everybody because that's the way TV taught me, okay? Don't even get me started on Brett's people. Gaba, gross.

[B]

Everything.

[C]

Criminals. Hey, there's nothing official being said. The only thing I think Brett's good for is wringing him out over some pasta. And get some of that ev double O on there. Prick.

[B]

He sweats it.

[C]

What do you call Somalian with a yeast infection? What? Quarter pounder with cheese. Take that minute soda. I just put you on ice. Oh, and now I'm an insult comic. This gotten out of control? The phone still don't work. Wrap it up. Okay, now over to the middle right square. Billy Bob Thorton here joining us. I don't know how I got involved in all this nonsense, but this is. Well, I've been doing. I've been trapped in the snow trying to do my shows and stuff, but. So I've had to zoom in to the Boxmaster show over the last few days and it's awesome. Yeah, Sam Elliott's here. If you noticed on Landman that he's gotten a little extra. Sam Elliott? Yeah, that's right. He always calls me Miho.

[B]

He really likes sunsets.

[C]

On me. Yeah, that's just too much. That's. That's too much, Sam. Anyway, I just come down here to tell you that I'm gonna stay in the sunshine for a little while. That snow is fair, sir. Don't worry about it. Do that. And Brady, the insult comics, one of my favorites. You wear girls pants. It's One of your weaker efforts. But it's not. It's not out of line.

[B]

It's true.

[C]

I do. I wear girls pants. I have a 26 inch waist. Nice. I'm a. I'm a small man. Everywhere, boys where it counts. There you go. All right. I could feel your mom's tunnel.

[B]

Oh.

[C]

Oh. A lot of guys have said that. Yeah.

[B]

What?

[C]

What, man? Hey, if you want. You want a little revenge on your mom, I can make her limp, too. Matching set. My dad must have that covered. He says he does, at least. Well, if she's not limping, he ain't trying. I could turn it into Quasimodo in about three minutes. All right, over to the bottom, left square. Brady Secrets. Where there was a hint.

[B]

Good morning, gentlemen. I was the 32nd president of the United States. I was elected to office four times. Oh, there you go. I married my cousin.

[C]

Okay, okay. It's a good history lesson.

[D]

We already got you.

[C]

Okay, now, bottom, middle, square. Iced tea. What's going on, man? Nothing. I'm just rewriting all my songs to be more, you know, appropriate for what's going on. Like Ice Killer. Took the cops out of Cop Killer. We added the word ice, okay? That's what I do. Ice Killer. That's how I roll. I do not know this song. You make up all the words as I go Try not to say the end or the F. I got my black shirt on Got my black gloves on Ski mask on this been too long got my 12 gauge thawed off Got my headlights turned off about to bust some shots off about to dust some ice off I'm Ice Killer. See what I did? I think I got that about right. More like covered it. Yeah, that's right. What's up, Ice, B?

[B]

What's up, Ice Brady?

[C]

You gonna volunteer to be an ice?

[B]

It's my birthday.

[C]

Happy birthday, B. Should I say congratulations, everybody Shocked this day came. I would have never guessed I wasn't gonna outlive that one. How are you not in hospice? You're taking his body now. You imagine how long Brady would feed off of himself in hospice? That bed would be gone for a year. Poor Betty Johnson would have to wait.

[B]

And Coach, could I get your kidney?

[C]

Yes, you can have anything you want. Just pull it on out right now. Nobody seems to mind Lou Holtz going into hospice. Nobody even cares about me anymore. Just start hacking. Just start tapping me up and parting me out Like a car that got swapped and taken to Mexico.

[B]

What's your best feature?

[C]

Right now? Right now?

[D]

Well, yeah.

[C]

I mean, geez, that's a tough question. Breathing okay? Your lungs? Yeah. Last one. All right, here. Now, our Lord and Savior.

[D]

Bottom right.

[C]

Square trip, Reeb. Hello, sir. How are you? Yeah, I'm an ice killer, you know. Our headquarters are up in Minneapolis. That's right.

[B]

Everybody's a day off up there.

[C]

Yeah, everybody's got the tail. Not here.

[B]

No.

[C]

Hi, Larry. Yeah. Where are the bagels? Let me guess. Larry's office.

[B]

Oh, Brady got a. From you.

[C]

That's what happened. I asked because Brady told me to. I said I wanted to learn how to make bagels and Brady said, ask Larry, and he was right. Most people would think that's racist. I'm going to go downstairs and ask Kevin Belly how to make chop suey. Oh, no.

[B]

It's so good. Jesus.

[C]

I told him to do that. I bet you Kevin makes a good sui. Then go ask Jennifer about jerk chicken. She knows her way around that. I bet.

[B]

Checkbook out, Brady.

[C]

You pan out, man, you'll be paying out. What are you talking about? And go ask Har about mayonnaise sandwiches. White loser. It's a big buffet you got going there. All right, who's on the phone?

[B]

That's it, everybody.

[C]

Base players. Congratulations. We're out early. Thriller. Ish. You get yourself the thing? Nobody. The phones keep dumping their collars. And then it brought them back and put them on hold. On its own.

[A]

Yeah, it's at least.

[C]

Maybe they're there. No, these are dead. Yeah, it's too many people calling. Broke everything. It was still fun, though, don't you think?

[B]

Oh, yeah, absolutely.

[C]

Do you want to just Toledo pick a square? Center square.

[B]

Cultural bigot rating?

[C]

Charged one. That's a good one. I like that. What nationality are you? Half German, half Irish. Oh. Probably product of a rape.

[B]

Pissed off and drunk.

[C]

Yeah, pissed off, drunk and wanting to take over the world because you're too small.

[B]

Half is the leg.

[C]

Yeah, that's the I probably Irish little dick, big attitude. You choose which one that applies to because it's the whole gambit. You like golf? No. Why?

[B]

You're Irish.

[C]

You're supposed to too long. Nobody never said that about your dick, though, because you're cherry Irish. I'm afraid of the insult comic. Well, I do have a question for you if you want to answer a question.

[B]

All right.

[C]

Cherophobia is the fear of being sad. True or false? Cherophobia. And you're sad because you're afraid of sad. So you're always cheery. Okay. So you wouldn't have ophobia cheer thinking you got born your leg and your. Your head broke, dumbass. I'd say that's false. It would be the opposite. All right. You'd be afraid of being happy. Well, I. Toledo do. Agree, disagree.

[B]

I agree. Bob.

[C]

You wrote the questions. He's a winner. Congratulations. You're going to Three Days grace. Nice job. Enjoy that. Mount one of their fat fans. Oh, hey. How'd you know? Have you been there? I think I went one. Time.

[A]

Time.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

They give you three days grace to get out of the rooms. They got to carve out a new opening. Enjoy it. I'm out. All right. Drop the mic, man. Drop the mic, man. He said his piece, and then the phones are going again. We're not playing anymore. No, no. Goddamn building sucks. Well, you saw that email this week. There's important building maintenance happening that's just sweeping all. They tell you to get stuff off your office floor so they can vacuum. Well, no, that was actually one of the spammy Mills on Monday. Oh, it was?

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

One of the spam ones. You're not supposed to open those. No. And you did. No, I didn't. I knew it was filled with. How do you know what it said? They were all like, oh, this one's one of the fake ones. Don't touch the building one. It's fake.

[B]

You'll.

[C]

You'll get hacked. I think that one was fake.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

The ones that tell you things are fake are probably the ones that would set you up. There were, like, six on Monday. It was funny. I don't ever open anything from Hubbard Broadcasting because all they are are things to tell you that. Don't open it. They've proven to us for 10 years.

[B]

That everything that comes from.

[C]

It's a fishing scam, it's a phishing scam. All they did was train me not to open emails from people I don't know, and I don't know any of those people. Yep. And they're like, did you do the survey? I'm like, I don't know you. Yeah, you're supposed to click on that. Like, the whole point of clicking on that is to do a survey of things, not to click on exactly what.

[B]

A fisher would say.

[C]

That's exactly right. Probably my last appearance on the Squares at Lifestyle Living. Next you'll hear Angel Lou Holtz.

[B]

Oh, I wonder what the changes will be.

[C]

It won't be much.

[B]

Okay.

[C]

I won't put much thought into that. Who are you hoping to see up there? Who am I hoping to see up there? I want to see. I want to See Vince Lombardi. I'd like to see him. I'd like to see Rich Co Titan slug him right in the mouth. Think there's fights in heaven, Brady? Just you can't get along with all the souls. Some of them were dicks.

[B]

Joy fights.

[C]

Yeah. They're probably just real happy fights. And every time you get punched you in your pants. That'd be great. That's heaven to me. A fist fight filled with semen. That's a good band name. That's a memoir. A fist fight of semen starring Clint Eastwood. You'll see him soon, too. Don't worry. That's a fist full of semen. Anyway, I gotta go. I mean, that's. Lou's going into hospice today. It's too bad. Former culture there.

[B]

Sad.

[C]

Hell of a run. Hell of a run. Exactly. But now I think we're all, like, enough. Yeah. And that's what hospice is. Hospice is Latin for that's enough. Did you know that? Or go with God. No, it's. That's enough. That's enough. Loo. Actually. That's enough. Louis. Here's your ice chips. Shh. You don't know how right you are.

[D]

On the ice chips.

[C]

I'm hungry. It's the whole point. Eat your ice chips. Choke the death. If I have any lasagna.

[B]

Usually alternate. Here's an ice chip. Here's some morphine. Here's ice chip. Here's some morphine.

[C]

That's the lucky ones. Yeah, and that's where we all end up. Let's end the week there, shall we? That's enough. Happy birthday, Brady.

[D]

Happy birthday.

[C]

Happy birthday to Brady. Happy birthday to Brad Brady and Adam Ferrara. It's his birthday on Monday.

[A]

I'm out tomorrow.

[C]

Where are you going?

[A]

I'll be at the RSI. The refrigeration school's big open house tomorrow from 10 to noon, so.

[C]

All right.

[A]

You're looking to get a new career, come on out. And we got some. The KPD swag. And I got $200 gift cards to hand out as well, so.

[C]

All right. You're good covered. Beautiful. Nine to two. Ten to two? Oh, I was gonna say no.

[A]

Ten to midnight. What?

[C]

Ten to noon? Jesus. I'll figure it out by the time I get there.

[A]

Don't worry about it.

[C]

I'm gonna be there a lot. Forget about. Wow, ten to noon.

[B]

98Kpd.Com events.

[C]

Yeah, just go there tomorrow. Streets again.

[A]

40 east of 44th street, so Washington and. Or west of 44th Street. I'll make it there eventually.

[C]

Over there.

[A]

I'm going to the event page myself, so. Refrigeration school. I got that right. It's all that matters.

[C]

Enjoy your day, everybody. Driving around looking for bread. Start today lining up for your where's the W play tomorrow. I tell you you what those people have, that's a wise amount of money they spent telling you how to go find Brett. Hey, Waldo will be out tomorrow at the refrigeration school. And good luck. We're done. Larry's next. Have yourselves a great weekend. We'll see you on Monday right here in the morning sickness. Bye.

[B]

Hey, it's not weird. It's pretty cool, actually. No membership fee.

[C]

I have heard enough of this. Hey, everybody, it's John Holberg here from the morning sickness and you hear me all the time talking about my friends at Lost Our home Pet rescue. We do the pick of the litter and it's brought to you by our [e-mail] Every week I head over to Lost Our Home Pet rescue and I meet a brand new beautiful animal that needs a home. The work they do at Loster Home is unbelievable. Not just your average pet shelter, that is for sure. They help people in a lot of situations. Look them up online lostorhome.org and check out everything we do at 98kupd.com in the pick of the litter section.