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Brett Vesely
You're listening to the HMS podcast brought to you by MMP Guns.com, your most trusted online marketplace for firearms, ammunition and accessories. Hey, it's Brett Vesely and I'm here with Byron from MMP Guns. Look, Byron, I have a friend wanting to sell some guns he inherited. What's the best way for him to do that?
Byron
Brett, the last thing you want to do is sell the gun to someone who can't legally own one. Tell him not to put himself at risk and come into M and P Guns where he'll get a fair offer and he can rest easy knowing it's not getting into the wrong hands.
Brett Vesely
Okay, but what if he lives out of state?
Byron
Easy. Legalgunbuyer.com and he can do it online. It really that simple.
Brett Vesely
There you have it. MMP Guns or legalgunbuyer.com the safe and legal way to sell your firearms.
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John Holmberg
Sickness. The old method of treatment for a person in this condition was to throw him in jail. Good morning everybody. Hello there. Welcome to Friday. It's 5:45. This is the morning sickness. My name is John Holmberg. There's Brady Bogan. There's Brett Vesely. There is Big Dick Toledo. Let's roll through the Friday, starting right now in this glorious morning. Although I will tell you this, I had a busy day yesterday and forgot to eat completely. Didn't have any food. I had a little bit of snacky stuff during breakfast.
Byron
Something that never happens.
John Holmberg
I know you don't relate to that, but I got to the Sun's game. Anthony and I are hanging out down there and I'm like, I have not had anything to eat and you know, when nothing there was no, I didn't, you know, I don't want to order. I'm like, at this point, I don't know, it's 7:30. It's like getting too late to just pile food in. So I'm like, not get to sleep.
Byron
Well, sleep.
John Holmberg
And last night I was going to sleep, but I was like, I don't know what to do. So I haven't done this in a long, long time. But on the way home, I stopped off and did the. All right, let's try one of this Taco Bell late night deals. I haven't done this for a minute. You know, used to get drunk and do Jack in the Box. I wasn't drunk or anything, but it was like Jack in the box. Taco Bell. So I hit the Taco Bell and because I had a long day, ate the Taco Bell. And I think I was still chewing. When I finally fell asleep, I was on the couch. And I woke up on the couch a couple hours later and I remembered why I don't eat Taco Bell right before I am going to bed. Holy. My God. I was a faucet. It was. I'm clean, I'm clean, I'm clean. We're good.
Byron
It was a cleansing.
John Holmberg
It was. I mean, Ozempic's got nothing on what was going on with me for about 45 minutes to an hour. It was brutal. And I'm like, I. This is it. I should have just gone to bed hungry and been okay with the day without food. I'm fine without it. Oh, I couldn't. It was terrible idea. And I ate it in like a second because, you know, you're like, I haven't eaten all this. Three tacos and a quesadilla. They're gone. Gone. And I woke up, just got Taylor in the whole bathroom. It was brutal. Brutal. So I'm on a razor's edge, everybody. Every time my stomach makes a move right now, just in case. Yeah, it did some. No, no. Discredit to Taco Bell. Delicious. Amazing. Thank you. Fantastic operation you got there. My own fault.
Byron
Go with your standard order that over.
John Holmberg
The years, the three. Three soft chicken, soft tacos and a quesadilla. That was fantastic. And yeah, it's. It's been a while since I've done that. Right. And then I went right to sleep. Like, had I had a couple hours to maneuver. My whole body just kind of shut off. Like, this is perfect. Ooh. No, it's not. It's. And it wasn't painful. It was just a lot. So kind of sitting on the edge of the chair right now wondering, am I going to have to run home? Because I'm not going to tailor up the office here.
Brett Vesely
So if a. If a best of starts. Just out of nowhere, you'll know.
John Holmberg
If for no reason at all, you hear Eric or Bo, it's like, well, we can't. Well, trust me, I'm going deep. There's some depth to this one. It was not good. It was weird. Yeah. There may be a 20 or 25 minute. John had to go. In fact, I'll just go, is that Ralphie May? Yeah, let's see. Ralphie's back. And all the dead comedians. Norm will be on. What is that a Marriott down the road here? Yeah, let's go. I'll get a room. I'll go get a room real quick. I'll get the rental. I'll go right across the road. That's empty. I'll go. I'll sell. Either way, there's a possibility that I'm gonna have to put a plan in action here. But I feel fine right now. But, man, it was. It was about 12:45, and then, you know that odd kind of bowel knock. What the hell's going on down there? Hello. 40 minutes.
Brett Vesely
They weren't doorbell ditching.
John Holmberg
No. And then I. It was one of those things where you just get up and you're like, all right. I got in the shower and cleaned up. That was weird. It took two steps out of the shower. Like, here we go. I took three showers from about 12:45 to 2, 2:30. I'm going, I'm showering. I'm going, I'm showering.
Brett Vesely
My.
John Holmberg
That's got to be it. There can't be anything left in there. Had a little Pedialyte, too. That was a mistake.
Brett Vesely
Oh, there you go.
John Holmberg
That's the stuff.
Brett Vesely
Jesus Christ.
John Holmberg
Well, you know, I had to rehydrate. Oh, my God. It was down. I was done. And then I got Pedialyte. Throw some Pedialyte in there. That stuff's no good. And like, oh, this is. I'm not making good decisions.
Brett Vesely
Don't try to squeeze a little one out because it's going to let go.
John Holmberg
That's exactly right. Brett might eat a bunch of prunes. A fun. Hanging with the guy's fart right now is not on the table. Just letting you guys know. Yeah. Eventually you might hear, you know, the Best of bow or. Yeah, B.B. jones might be back on Ralphie. Norm. So many of the dead comedians we've had in the past might. We might revisit them while I go. But I won't do it here at the office. That's a promise I've made.
Byron
Headbird.
John Holmberg
Yeah. Oh, man, I'd love to hear that. Maybe. Maybe I'll force one out just so you guys can hear Mitch again. Adam Ferraro will be here at like, 8:30. Hopefully I can hold on to then. And then we'll just let Adam take over the last 90 minutes and I can go clean up. Though it was. It was. And it's because I just. It was cheesy and greasy, and I knew it while I was eating it. I'm like, oh, this one's. These. These are especially late night. Like, the dude behind the counter was late night prepping some of the care. Some of the chicken was a little bit slippery. I'm fine with it. I had to eat. But you know what I could have done? A little more bread. Something a little more sensible mix in, like, you know, could have gone to the fries, just. But I did. I was being lazy. I wanted to drive through. And a quick hit. I actually considered a bear toes on the way. Well, there was. I'm like, same results. Yeah. Oh, it would have been, if not worse. Would have been worse. Yeah.
Byron
A little more lettuce.
John Holmberg
Jack in the box was on the menu. I thought, whataburger. Because they had, you know, it was almost like 10:30 or something like that. And they got another half hour before they closed. I'm like, nah, I don't want to push it. Taco Bell stays open late. They brag about it. I'm going in. And now I know why everybody talks about the boo. It was rough. It was rough.
Byron
If you had a Baja Blast, I would have kept it down.
John Holmberg
I don't even know what that is. Is that in the Mountain Dew? You know, I don't pay that.
Brett Vesely
Then you'd have been up all night, too.
John Holmberg
Yeah. What am I going to the Dun. The Baja Blast? That's not a flavor. That's an event. Is that real?
Byron
Oh, yeah. Mountain Dew's got so many colors.
John Holmberg
Oh, I know. I don't even know.
Byron
It's like Kool Aid now. You just. I'll take the purple.
John Holmberg
Well, you know, they'll get mad, but.
Brett Vesely
It'S like Angelina Jolie's family. It's just all over.
John Holmberg
They're going to yell at me, but I don't drink it because I'm not a hillbilly. I like. Yeah, I like flavors that aren't, like, trying to entice me to, you know, snowboard down a dirt hill. I don't need the extreme adventures. Just want a sip of something. It's weird, you know, you never go to a nice restaurant and Go. Let's get Baja Blast or Polar Punch or Arctic.
Byron
We don't have that.
John Holmberg
Arctic Menace. That's a flavor. Yeah, I'll have Arctic Menace. What does that mean? I don't know. I think it's a warlock from the North Pole. They named a flavor. If you lick them, it tastes the same.
Byron
Pulled up on my Sandra.
John Holmberg
Just got done repelling from a mountaintop and I really need a bombastic berry. Is that a real berry? Yeah, it's from the tree Bombastic you.
Byron
Poured in to stake 44.
John Holmberg
Yeah.
Byron
Little Rock and roll on the bench.
John Holmberg
Take my goggles off. I'm sunburned everywhere but my eyes. I've been boarding all day and I'm looking for a 8 ounce filet and a berry surprise Smash face come.
Brett Vesely
Sound like Keanu from Point Break and stuff.
John Holmberg
There's a dumbest name. Gum is another one. They like. Those aren't flavors. What is that? Just names of things that like. Like it's stuff you'd name a. Like a douchebag would name his car. But what are you gonna do? What was the one you said Baja Blast and it's just Mountain Dew. It's like purple.
Byron
That one is like green.
John Holmberg
Oh, it's light blue. Okay.
Brett Vesely
What's the red one?
John Holmberg
Extreme?
Byron
I don't know.
Brett Vesely
Oh, code red.
John Holmberg
It's called heavy flow. That 28 days Mountain Dew. Even flow. Yeah, it's called Playtex. It's the heavy red Flacode red. It's period. Oh, God. It's not really. It's just food coloring in Mountain Dew. All right, well, go nuts with your crazy names. It's time that I got back on my horse here and fixed the world. They've made it official now and it's my job to wreck this again. Now keep in mind, I'm gonna take credit for this. I me did all the work. About probably 2009, 16, 17 years ago, I, your humble moderator, sans the humble part, destroyed photo radar in this town. I single handedly, I believe that it was me because I was the one. I got letters from the attorney. I believe it was Terry Goddard was the guy. And he wrote me letters and he got on my side when I got mad at that car wash place that stole stuff out of my car. And then we found out that they basically put up signs at the car wash at the time that said, hey, you leaving your car? It's ours. And you know, we got a big thing. We got a big movement there. That guy ended up getting in trouble for other stuff. And I feel a little bit responsible for that. But he was gonna sue me, which made me realize how right I was. The photo radar I got. I realized that it's an unlawful situation. And Phoenix people threw a fit because they were right. I caused the uproar. I had my incidents and then went in and threw a fit at the Paradise Valley place. And all I did was drive around with a gigantic dildo in my car and have it photograph me. And it's gotta start again. We gotta do it again. And I would speed on purpose past these cameras. By the way, it's a $12 million contract with a company. This is not the city doing this. It's a company that gets $12 million to take pictures of us driving and then accuse us of stuff whether we're speeding or not. You don't know. And so I would drive around with a dick in front of my face and speed past the cameras. I've got a couple of them at the house framed. They're fantastic. And giant, veiny black one, too, was huge. But the bad news was one of my pictures was black and white. The clearer one is black and white. You couldn't see the ebony depth of what I was holding as I sped.
Byron
It was a cylinder.
John Holmberg
It was. Well, no, you can tell it's a humongous Lex Steele version, but it's the black and white doesn't give it to the color one wasn't as good a photo. There's something. Something. Check out Homework's Morning Sickness podcast at.
Byron
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John Holmberg
Holmberg's morning sickness again. Clear as day that I'm holding a dick. Gave it to my neighbor at the time who had a young child. He was also a bald man. And he took it to the Paradise Valley courthouse. The picture of me driving around with it. I knew I'd get one. I drove 18, 19 snapshots I tried to get. I knew that one would get mailed. And it did. Two of them, in fact. And I gave it to him. And I said, take this over to the to the courthouse and tell them that your son opened the mail and the state is now mailing pornographic material to houses randomly. And that one of the mailmen accidentally gave it to the wrong house, the wrong address. And his son opened it and he's like, they lost it. Like that place was in full scramble. It was phenomenal. Great stuff. He goes, is this me? I don't think so. It's not my car, it's not my address. But my son opened it, gives it to the lady behind the counter. She's all of a sudden going up the ranks. We've got mayors on the. It was great. Shortly after my rant about that saying never pay one, and I believe it is just a trap for old people. This is as big a scam as when people online try to get grandma to give them money. It's the same thing. What the news covers is like, oh, a woman gave all her riches to a man she never met in Dallas. It's the same thing. So they're starting it again. Starting in February on the 23rd, the cameras are going back up. They're putting 17 up in Phoenix, like 20. Like, we forgot that it was an unlawful act back then. And we got to do it again. Everybody got to do it again. Did you hear dicks Out, I say.
Brett Vesely
Brady.
John Holmberg
It's the Dicks out campaign from Hubbard Radio and 98 KUPD. And they agree with all of it. Nobody will bet. Dicks out from Hubbard.
Brett Vesely
Here comes Toledo.
John Holmberg
That's funny.
Byron
The other thing too. I heard it was like around 2009. I forget the year, but everyone that got the photo radar ticket and Tempe or Mesa.
John Holmberg
Mesa.
Byron
It was automated. It was a stamp by the judge was even at sign.
Brett Vesely
Yeah.
John Holmberg
There's no people. Joe Biden's autopsy and the judge that.
Byron
The signature on there had died.
John Holmberg
Yep, they have. They've got tons of them.
Byron
It's.
John Holmberg
It's a. It's an assembly line of. Of. It's. Everybody's upset. Oh, the government's taking your rights and doing. It's right in front of you. And this isn't red or blue. It's all of you. It's an attack against the citizens for a. It's a. It's a. It's a moneymaker. It's basically like when a radio station goes, ah, we're having a little trouble here. Give away some cash. It's a go to. To get money in. It's a fundraiser. Do not pay those. Tell your parents to not pay those. Tell your grandparents especially to not pay those. They say it's for safety. If that were true, it would be at every intersection. They'd be like, we're just doing this for safety's sake. We want cameras up to see what happened, not to find you. No, because without the cameras, you guys just blaze around hitting each other. No, we don't. No, we don't. Red light cameras are there in case you run a red light. They can take a picture and if you do something really bad, it catches and confirm. Yeah.
Byron
Can sight you properly.
John Holmberg
I still, you know, running a red light's a strange thing to me because that camera. And I still don't think they should be ticketed. I think those cameras should go off. When somebody goes through a red light, there should be a. An immediate flash when the thing goes. And it's like, yep, that's fine for an incident. These cameras do not pay these tickets. And I know it's scary. On the bottom it says they'll suspend your life. They can't. Absolutely cannot do it. They have to process, serve you. And if they do that, then. But if they did that, they would lose money on the deal because it costs a lot of money to send a process server to go find you. That's a fee that they have to pay. They don't want to. So just throw it away. You never got it. How much mail do you look at and throw away?
Byron
A lot.
John Holmberg
Almost all of it.
Brett Vesely
95%.
John Holmberg
Almost all of it. Put it in that pile. Just go, Nope, nothing. It's like somebody knocking on your door. If they didn't text, don't answer it. It's not lawful to cite you and fine you without a human being saying, here's what you did. And then, you know, who are you going to face in court? I don't want to sound like a lunatic, but it's borderline unconstitutional. If I go to court to fight it, there's no people. I don't get to face my accuser. So make them roll in the car and calibrate the machine right in front of you. They're not going to go to that expense. They'll throw it out. It's a fundraiser that none of us are interested in. So let's make their fundraiser this time doesn't raise enough money and they have to stop the program. Let's treat it like Porkopolis. Nobody pay for it. We're not going there anymore. I can't believe they're pulling this off. And they're trying to be all fun about all the. At first, it's just warnings. They're all warnings. That's all it is. It's all a warning. Never pay a photo radar ticket, ever. That's right. Coppers and the cops know it. They're not into this. It doesn't make their jobs better.
Brett Vesely
They don't.
John Holmberg
They have nothing to do with it. It's your city officials. It's your government officials. Know the cops aren't involved. By the way, don't get mad at law enforcement for this one. It's not them. It's the jackasses down at the city meetings that no one goes to. Even though we're all so political, we don't know what to do. But you won't take five minutes out of your day to go being activists. Go to an actual local thing. And if that affects you, nobody will take the time to do that. You just want to neither. You just want to go to Instagram and yell at what's going on somewhere else because you're not really political. You're charged up by the news. That's all it is. Nobody's really political until you go sit at a city council meeting and say, I'm going to get involved. You're not political. You're just yelling. You're yelling into the ether in the void. This way is this. This is how they pull this crap. This was a vote. This went through a bunch of people, and they're like, did they forget about the thing? It's been a while. We could use a little influx of cash. That photo radar thing seems to scare old people into sending us 85 bucks a clip. Do you think their goal with this is to have everybody slow down and no one gets a ticket? You think that's their end goal? Well, it would be great if we never issued one. You'd lose your ass. It's 12 million to zero. They want their money. They want at least 12 million back. Trust me. Don't pay it. Tell your friends.
Byron
How many staff parties, though, that we could have with that extra money.
John Holmberg
They're probably looking to get. You know, we want to get the whole staff meta glasses. Like, let's. What's a good campaign to get everybody that nobody's paying attention. We can do whatever we want. And they brought this back. And it's a new generation because you think about it, when they stopped it last time, it was probably 2012 when they got rid of. If you remember, they were everywhere. Like, every mile was another red flex box. And that was a company that was killing it. And then just in a contract with the city to do all the work themselves, and they. They nailed us on it. And we. We. I barked and barked, and then suddenly the news was like, we can't have this anymore. Somebody exposed it. Sixteen, 17 years later, it's a new generation of drivers, a new group of people that probably didn't know what went on here before. And they're bringing back the photo rate for your safety.
Brett Vesely
Bull.
John Holmberg
They don't care about your safety.
Brett Vesely
Brian says, don't ever look at your photo radar ticket online either. His stepmom looked at it.
John Holmberg
Oh, yeah.
Brett Vesely
Basically verifies that you've seen.
John Holmberg
They tell you to go online so they can get a click. And, like, you did see it. And it, you know, don't just throw it out. The second you see anything from the Department of Transportation that said, you know, throw it out. Don't even open. Got thrown out with the other junk mail. I didn't expect anything from you. And look, sometimes I open the thing just to see what the picture's like, and I giggle. And by the way, what was I, 41 and oh? Or was 40 and oh, and then I got hit because that guy. I got excited about a package, and I thought I was getting a delivery. I was dumb. The dude was banging away on the door, and I'M like, oh, cabanaware. It might be more cabana clothes. He might need me to sign for it. And then I know there was no truck and all he did was have like a reflective vest on. But they're not allowed. And there's the other thing. If somebody shows up at your house dressed up as a delivery person, also illegal. They're not allowed to pretend to be from another company. They can show up at your house and watch out for the big trick, which is sending hot chicks to wherever you are and like sitting outside. And then they'll say, brett. Oh my God, Brett. And you're like, yeah, what do you want? Because she's, hi, I'm Brett. And she acts like she knows you. Yeah, because you're gonna go dumb on this one. She's sitting there in her cut off jean shorts on a motorcycle with her leg on the gas and leaning back, like doing her nail.
Byron
Comes over with a wrench on his head.
John Holmberg
I was just about to go do some deadlifts and some weight work. What? Who, what are you? Here's your service. Oh, crap. Bitch. Fooled me they'd send a dua lipa clone down here, John. And it'll be so hard for me to go, who's asking? Because that's what you're supposed to say. Who are you? Never say, I'm John. But they get you with those hot chicks. But yeah, that dude knocked on the door and it got served. I'm like 40 straight tickets, never paid one. The only one I had to pay is when you get served. When you get served, you're like, all right, tip of the cap.
Brett Vesely
Didn't make an answer to door on that one.
John Holmberg
Yes, long time ago. Well, that's what set this whole thing off. The first one I got that, that I just tossed, the server came to the house. I was in Los Angeles, right? So she was watching the dogs, this is back in 2007 or 8. And knocks on the window and she's in there. And he's like, hey, I've got. Is John here? Yeah, he's not here. He's. Who are you? And she said, Megan. And he writes down blonde Megan inside house. And he taped it to the door. And that became a rule too, that they didn't have to go hand to hand anymore. That an agent of your home could, could verify it was your house and you could stick it to the house. So the guy I was with, like, you have to pretend like you have like you're bone and like nine people named Megan. I don't know how she got in there. And he goes, you have to be willing to do that. And I'm like, ah, I don't know if I can get in court and say that. But he's like, if you do it, it's like they have to throw it out because I don't know who that was. I don't know. I, I'm, I got. Your honor, this D is busy and I had to go in court and like, tell him that I'm, I'm dicking low. I got too many broads. I don't know who that was. Was she watching your house? I think she broke in. I'd like to file a complaint. And then you have to go down that. So I ended up paying that first one. That was where I started to learn the laws of it. And I'm like, oh, this is all just a, a giant Ponzi scheme sort of that, you know, one thing leads to another and then they, at the end they light cigars and you're running around thinking your license was gonna get it was not going to get suspended. They have to go through like a bunch of steps after they've send you that don't pay for it. It's something, something. Check out Homework's morning sickness podcast at.
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Brett Vesely
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John Holmberg
Legal advice. Totally awesome. Not even like I'm, I'm about to give you crypto advice too and get the whole playsuit. I'll tell you everything. Results do not vary. This is locked down. We as the citizenry who are so amped up about out protesting everything, that's the best protest. Money is a better protest than marching around getting pepper balled. Money is what makes people listen. And when you take it from them, that's it. If you start paying those tickets, they're going to keep putting those cameras up. But we got them. They don't put it up for your safety. They put it up to make money off of you. And guess who's paying the bill in the first place? We are. The taxpayers. Yeah, they're double dipping. Their taxpayers are the ones that made it so they could make a deal with this company to put $12 million in their pocket for this program. And then we pay them again to make it up so they get their money back. Plus, some don't pay them your safety. Hey, government, you. My safety. You don't care about my safety at. Not all. Not even a little in my car. You don't care. If you cared, you'd pull me over and you'd be like, I'm so worried about you, you're going so fast. Yeah, I'm sorry. Yeah, no, I just want to make sure everything's okay. Are you okay? Like, yeah. All right, off you go. Slow down. Nope. They punish you financially because they care about your safety. Nothing about that. They don't really care. They don't give you a, like a free therapy to see if you're okay so you can be safer and like, you know, come over and give you some, like bubble wrap so you Can. I'm worried about you. You're. And you're not being safe. You're going to hurt yourself or someone else, and we're really concerned, and they don't care about that. It's garbage. So they're going to start on February 23rd. I'm starting my campaign to let you guys know now not to do it. And then the. The March 25th that goes live, and they could basically from February to March.
Byron
And that's Phoenix.
John Holmberg
Yeah, they're working out the kinks. Yeah, Phoenix. Tempe's got them, and there's a handful. I think they're mobile. Well, those are the mobile ones. Those are. Those are the ones. But they're not like, what. That's not a company. That's like the Scottsdale police force having cameras in their cars and stuff. A company puts up boxes that belong to them, and then they contract with the city and they make deals. That is a. That is like McDonald's standing outside taking photos of you driving by, going, there's one. It's the same thing. And McDonald's is like, hey, city, we've been taking pictures of speeders for you. You guys want to find them, we'll split it with you. It's essentially the same thing. And you'd be like, McDonald's, why are you ratting us out? You don't know who this company is. Screw that. And if they do take you to court or process, you get in there and say, I, at the very least, would like to face my accuser. So bring that robot or that camera or whatever in here. And I want to see celebrate, and I want to see an engineer calibrate that and make sure it's working functioning properly. They'll be like, all right, pay this. They'll lower your fine. You're going to pay a fine if you get served, but they'll lower it. They don't want your pain in the ass. That's where Learner and Roe need to be. I need to talk to Kevin. We're going to the Phoenix Open next week. I'll talk about, like, you need to start a whole division of Photo Radar Fu Commercials. Did you get a photo radar ticket? We'll handle that. And get.
Byron
Get a nice picture of him and playing in the car.
John Holmberg
Yes.
Byron
Get flashed.
John Holmberg
Yeah.
Byron
Need some cash?
John Holmberg
Yep. Or when you know. Yeah, it's a Get flash. Need some cash.
Brett Vesely
Brady's already writing jingles.
John Holmberg
Here's the other thing. Oh, it's so easy. Like, these guys could get. Lift your shirts up, ladies and have your cans out, and then have your neighbor and a child go over to the. And go, what are you guys sending this porn through the mail for? I'm suing. And that was my friend, the law guy told me, and when he went into that thing, he found out the city bond for paradise valley was like, $35 million. And he said, I happen to know that the city, it's 35 million. I'm gonna sue you for the entire thing. Sending porn through the mail like that, as a city. What's wrong with you? And the poor old lady at the counter, she had nothing to do with it. Lost her. I, I, we don't die. Oh, my God. This is clearly not the right thing. Like, oh, so you admit it.
Brett Vesely
Can't.
John Holmberg
The mailman can make a mistake. Yeah, so you can't serve me because I might not have gotten it in the first place. Oh, it's a. You got them by the balls here. We got them by the short and furries, Brett.
Brett Vesely
So you're telling. You're telling the ladies to lift up their tops and show their cans while they're driving? Yeah.
John Holmberg
All right. Well done.
Brett Vesely
Just be vesley98kuv.com I will go to court for you instead. It got sent to me.
John Holmberg
That's exactly right.
Brett Vesely
Great idea.
John Holmberg
You know what?
Brett Vesely
So will I. I seen it. We're doing it for the community.
Comedy Club Announcer
We're doing it.
John Holmberg
This is community service. You know, we're going to win one of those diamond charity awards that we've been fighting so hard to get as the campaign is showing your to us. And then we'll go to court for you. We will go to court for you. And here's another thing. If Brett and I lose your case, hey, that means your cans are flapjacks. Probably, but we'll pay your fine.
Byron
Sorry, we can't represent you. You'll get that letter.
John Holmberg
Well, I'll get a letter back that goes, I am. First off, you should be fined for having those. Those are disgusting.
Byron
Pay the fine.
John Holmberg
Only pretty cans can be mailed to us. But if you got beautiful jets hanging off the front of you and you drive through a light and it. I have to call the law offices of Bretton John. We'll stand in there and go, urana, what kind of nonsense is being mailed through to the US Postal Service into my house? Pornography.
Brett Vesely
If you got to pick them up off your knees and throw them on.
John Holmberg
The dash, don't bother.
Comedy Club Announcer
Don't bother.
John Holmberg
The judge would eventually see us and just be like, oh, mother, these two that's right. MOA pornography ended up at my place.
Brett Vesely
And we get a plastic surgeon to kick in on this. Kind of like if it's. If they're that bad, we get. Get her like 5, 10 off. You know, something like that.
John Holmberg
You got your photo rater. Let's take a look at your cans. We can lift those up.
Brett Vesely
Great idea.
John Holmberg
You got those mom nipples from that kid chewing on them. And they're gross now. We'll get you fixed up regardless. What is going on with breastfeeding. But it does some work on those things. Turns them into gigantic index fingers that look like they've been chewed on like a Dixon Ticonderoga. The people that used to chew pencils.
Byron
That's good pencil you're talking about.
John Holmberg
So if we see those, we'll get you one of them mommy makeovers. Yeah, it's a campaign. See, we're starting a campaign to help you.
Brett Vesely
It's all about being part of the community.
John Holmberg
I don't want Brady in any courtroom. Well, it's this. I don't think this is a good idea. Next thing you know, everybody's paying $1,000 because he won't admit that they.
Byron
It's doubled.
John Holmberg
It didn't really come to my house.
Brett Vesely
Cans. Come on.
John Holmberg
Here's my promise from the Holmberg Vestley law offices. We will take your case. We will go to court and we will lie. That is our promise to you. No lawyer is ever going to tell you that. We will openly lie in court for you. We will do it. We will pretend that that came to our house. We will pretend that my mailman, who I like a lot, just can't stop giving me mail from other people's homes. He's lost his mind, and it tends to be all pornographic. And Brett? Same guy.
Brett Vesely
Oh, yeah, absolutely.
John Holmberg
Derek is my mailman's name. Yours too, now. We will openly lie to judges in the court of law about your tickets. It. If your cans are nice enough. It's called the KUPD Flashback program. If they flash you, you flash them. If you're driving around with that 18 inch dildo like I did, that put a stop to this the first time before they generationally quieted down and then said, I think they forgot. Do it again. We didn't Forget. It's our 9 11. We'll never forget. Cameras, you sons of bitches. Is. It's for your safety. Of course it's for your safety. That's right, it's for my safety. Because you guys knock on my door every night going, is everybody in there. Okay. You guys doing all right? It's not for safety. Then don't charge me. Keep it a warning. Say, hey, hey, hey. Keep it down out there. We caught you. You don't owe us anything. But let's be careful out there, huh? Like, all right. That's true. That's for my safety. Safety. Screw you guys. And I get tired of hearing everybody yelling at me the last week about zips this and red that and blue that. And I'm political and I'm active, and we have to do something. We have to go to a city council meeting and watch these douchebags double dip on you constantly because nobody pays attention to the local politics that affect you immediately. They're all so wrapped up in what FOX and MSNBC is and CNN are telling you about federal government. Pay attention here. If we started paying it. I don't do it, but start paying attention here. If we started doing that, it would trickle up. They'd be like, Jesus Christ. Like, 440 people showed up at a city council meeting. We couldn't get away with anything. It's never happened before. You see how arrogant they are on Instagram videos when somebody finally goes to one and questions them. And, like, you have a minute and you can say whatever you want, and people will go there and start talking at the end. It's like, that's enough. They don't have to deal with us because we never show up twice. If we started packing the house.
Byron
And some people do it so they can go viral, right?
John Holmberg
And there's idiots who ruin it. But look, if we started to do that, they wouldn't. They wouldn't be so cavalier about, like, let's just charge them more crazy. But this photo radar thing, this gets me lit. Lit up. Gotta keep it that way. And you guys have to be lit up as well. Keep it together. We'll all do this together. Call it the Jew and Wap Law firm. John. If we can screw them, we'll make the problem go away.
Brett Vesely
Damn right.
John Holmberg
Yeah, we got Chat GPT now, so I don't need a law degree. I got man's history in my hand, and I can just go. Hang on. The judge will be like, do you have any idea what law you're talking about?
Byron
Up.
John Holmberg
Nope. Hang on. What law am I talking about? Fire off the whole thing and I'll just read it back to him. We're not using Chat GPT here. I'm like, well, then you're behind the times, because I probably know more with my hand than you know. In your brain. You're using it.
Brett Vesely
Jennifer said. Starting in March, every mailman in the city is going to be mailing you.
John Holmberg
And Brett every fellow radar ticket all of them come directly to look, let's make it like that. Just haven't put the address like Miracle on 32nd Street. Like Santa's letters all go here. 1100 North 52nd Street, Phoenix, Arizona. If you get a photo radar ticket fired over mailman, you're on our side. Mailman. I got them in trouble once, too. The law firm of June one yeah. Something something. Check out Homework's Morning Sickness podcast at 98kupd.com it's John Holmberg here from the Morning Sickness and I'm absolutely thrilled to tell you about my new friends@liftedtrucks.com here's the proof that me talking about something on the radio can be trusted because I purchased a 2024 customized Ford Bronco from the gang at Lifted Trucks. That opened my eyes to who and what these guys are all about. They not only have thousands of trucks to choose from, they also have nationwide shipping and they can get anything anywhere. My Bronco's been customized. Countless other pro athletes and celebrities. Now little old me choose Lifted trucks and lifted trucks.com work hard, play hard, drive harder. It's John Holmerg here from the morning sickness for lifechangealone.com having good credit is a sign you're probably good with your finances. What if I told you you couldn control your home equity and do your banking inside of that? That sounds confusing, but your equity is your savings. You have earned that. If I want to completely remodel my house, I don't need a new loan. I have access to my money. The word you're looking for is freeing life. Change alone is the way the system should be. Go to the website and check the numbers for yourself. Then you'll realize it's not magic, it's just math. Lifechangerloan.com Morning sickness I got I cost a mailman problem years ago. Well, they started wandering around like hobos. There was a uniform they used to have, right? And I'm walking. One of them looked like he was Lawrence of Arabia in the summer. His shirt was opened all the way. He had like a towel on his head. He's in a pair of shorts, hadn't washed his clothes for years, it looked like. And he goes wandering door to door with the mail. And I just simply said, what's going on with mailman? Like, don't you guys have washers and dryers? What's going on with the outfit. It used to be kind of a. Look at the old, old mailman. They buttoned up. They look good. Cliff Clavin on great pride in his uniform. And these dudes were filthy. And then they. And so I went on, and I'm like, I think I'm. I think I'm gonna shoot one. Because they look like hobos, vagrants just wandering around on my porch. And I'm like, they're just. Because they got a mail shirt on that. That can't be the official uniform. There has to be some sort of. I'm paying for this. And so they had a big meeting, and a mailman emailed me and said, thanks a lot, dude. We got to wear those shirts. And we got. Yeah, because you guys look like hobos.
Byron
Gotta tuck them in now.
John Holmberg
And now everybody looks nice. You're welcome. My mailman know. He knows where I live, so I'll tell my mailman. You know, if you get photo radar in. In. In our district, I don't know how many houses my guy does, but if you see a photo radar, put it in my mailbox. Don't give it to the. Don't do it. And I. And oopsie. And I'll just go in there and like, it's like. Like, I've got a bunch of garbage pail kids. I got 400 of these. Now, of course, the other side of this is to stop speeding and stuff. Be responsible. Try not to get caught speeding. We all do that every day.
Byron
No need to blaze through a school.
John Holmberg
Zone unless there's a photo. Then burn it, go 70, 75. And nobody really knows how fast they're going. 15 miles an hour is hard to gauge. You know, I usually go about 21, and I'm like, geez, it felt like I was going, like, four. I was technically speeding, Especially when I know for sure there shouldn't many kids wandering around. It's like 1:25. Like, they shouldn't be out. I'll go slow just in case one. Like one stray comes loose and just shoots across the road. But.
Brett Vesely
Or when you see the green sign with the kid with the flag and stuff, like on that street, then you got it.
John Holmberg
I want to clip those. I hate those things. That's just. That's lazy parenting. I'm going to put a plastic flag out so I don't have to watch my own kids. Let somebody else do it. Don't hit them, please. Here, I put one out there. Out there. Please don't hit my kids. Yeah, moms Used to have to kind of pay attention, and now they can go inside, and I don't know what they do in there, but the plastic man with the orange flag takes care of getting their kids getting punched by the car. I wasn't allowed on the road. If I got caught in the road, I wasn't allowed outside for, like, two weeks.
Byron
I just think of the videos in class growing up where you see the ball rolling out on the road.
John Holmberg
Those. Those old driver's ed things that just core. I smashed that kid 40 or 50 times. I didn't know how to drive a stick, and I always ended up at the driver's ed stick shift module. I was probably stalled out the majority of the time, but a lot of times I just gunned it for that kid because I didn't even know if. I don't even know if we got graded. I just saw a red light going off all the time on my thing. It was fun. He didn't do very good on your driving thing. I'm like, oh, well, it's not real, you know. Bad video game. And that's where Grand Theft Auto came in. Later, I started to do it for real there, too. Anybody in the road, they're getting taken out. Used to plow through crowds on that, and it reminded me of all that stuff. Yeah. Drive carefully. That goes without saying. Our responsibility is that. But I like it. The Jew and wop and associates. This one says, can I send you photo radar from Albuquerque? Jesus Palomino. I can't imagine your cans are very nice.
Brett Vesely
No, I think, you know, are there.
John Holmberg
Cans or porn in there, if you have one? Jesus and gynomastia. Yeah. If you've got, like, man cans. You know what, Jesus? We'll support you because you got a name from, like, a Mexican. The novella Jesus Palomino.
Byron
Just throw it away. Jesus.
John Holmberg
Tonight. Jesus Palomino. Yeah. All right. Jesus. Yeah. Albuquerque. If they're doing photo radar, pass the word on to them, too. They're stealing from you as well. I really don't want. I don't think we're. I don't think we're licensed in your state.
Brett Vesely
Yeah.
John Holmberg
Oh, wait. We're not licensed in this one either. I just don't want to go to Albuquerque. I gotta be honest with you.
Brett Vesely
No.
John Holmberg
The answer is no. Not at all. Not doing it. Says we have these things in Tempe, and it's. They go to five miles an hour to make even more money. Yeah. Says it's flock AI cameras. They're part of the national surveillance System people can use them to track cars. That's the stuff I'm out of control of. But this whole. This little photo radar campaign is another thing. I know for a fact all the cameras are tracking us and everything else. We gave up those rights when we all agreed to carry a phone with us 24. 7 7. No more worries about AI trackers. If you're. If you're texting me that from your phone. No conspiracy anymore. Like you don't you sit and worry about the cameras they put on light poles. You've got one in your hand that they can get let alone your.
Byron
Yeah, your car can.
John Holmberg
Your car knows where communicate to that. Yeah.
Byron
I mean they could set up a stand that said.
John Holmberg
Yeah, we gave that up years ago. And we act like we're. Like they're chasing us. They're following us. No, we volunteered. We put chips in our hands.
Byron
Hands dummies so much money transferring around that even, you know, like insurance companies on accidents go to record the car. What happened here.
John Holmberg
Oh yeah, they have. That's just a recording. Beyond that they can. The car doesn't even have. You can follow the car. You don't need to follow the car. You got a phone with you all the time. You are trackable and you pay for it every month to remain trackable. Yeah. Said if the government really cared about my safety. Why don't they give $12 million to an insurance company and give us all insurance for free? You know, that's a better program. If they just said, you know what, we're going to cover your insurance and hopefully you guys in turn will drive safer. I kind of think.
Byron
What if they would set it up at golf courses? You know how they have. The golf cart will slow up in certain zones.
John Holmberg
Oh, they governor your car.
Byron
Oh that would be miserable.
John Holmberg
No that's. Yeah, that's. You know, that's the only way when the cars are.
Byron
You know, when they're all automated, they'll be doing that.
John Holmberg
Oh yeah, but they'll. No, they won't. They'll go faster. If all the cars. If all the cars are automated. All the cars are automated. They will go. The speed limits will be 200 miles an hour. If. If there are no human elements on the road, they'll all be on the same grid.
Byron
Well, I'm talking about the city driving. They're going to have to.
Brett Vesely
Have to.
Byron
Not necessarily consistent.
John Holmberg
Yeah but it'll all be the same. It'll be a stop and go. Like it'll be like a gigantic boxes of blocks of cars they don't have suck. Yeah, except for you're going to get everywhere like in an hour.
Byron
It'll cut down on the accidents. If it's. It's got to be 100.
John Holmberg
It wouldn't be. They all communicate. It's all the cars are communicating. Yeah, it'd be great, but it wouldn't slow down. It would actually get faster. Be amazing. It'll never happen because there's always going to be some redneck in the mix screwing it all up for the automated cars. That'll be. That's awesome. In the future, you just sit back and get into Jetsons. The car knew where it was going. Every. All the other cars knew where you were going to. And it gets out of the way.
Byron
We take it to the air. Flying cars.
John Holmberg
You're getting off. Are you getting off target here, Brady? Brett and I are busy trying to get mailman to drop us some cans in the mail. And there we are in the Jetsons future with you. This is why you can't be in the courtroom. Fine. You think it. Well, no. You would be bad at this, you have to admit. Oh, yeah. Lying.
Byron
And I have no desire doing it.
John Holmberg
What? You don't care about the people like we do.
Byron
I do too.
Brett Vesely
Obviously not.
John Holmberg
Obviously not. No, you don't. Or you would lie in court for them like Brett and I. And you disest their cans. Honestly. And tell them if we'll take them on as a client, we're like Simon and San and that old TV show. They'd come into the office and they'd sit there and. And AJ would tell Rick, I don't think we should take him as a client. And Rick would be like, I think we should. She's pretty hot. And then they go. And then they'd make out with the client's wife for all of it. That was a great show. That's what we're going to do. This one says on the city data website, Phoenix. A post of six or seven years ago said a helpful deep pocketed resident gave the town a huge donation to purchase cameras in advance of their photo radar setup.
Brett Vesely
Who's that prick?
John Holmberg
Yeah, who is this douche? Yeah. Bastards. Yeah. Anyway, chase the money, destroy the money. And then they're like, ah, they're onto us. If it's just a campaign where it's like that douchebag over at KUPD wouldn't shut up about it. Nobody's paying these things. We got to come up with a new plan. It's an ice cream social. Have an ice cream Social.
Byron
The neighborhoods that put the. You know. See how effective speed bumps are?
John Holmberg
Oh, you know what's great about having a Jeep or a Bronco? Those things don't do anything. I go flying over those. Nothing happens. And you get behind those people that go swerving around and try to just get one wheel on. And now you're going one mile an hour. Your car can handle about seven to ten miles an hour. You've got an Accord. Things indestructible. Just hit them. You shouldn't be worried about how fast you're going on. Like, if they put speed bumps in the middle of the road, how come when it's for our safety, they benefit? That doesn't make any sense. It should all go like. It's like a swear jar. And at the end, we should have like a big party for everybody who. Who didn't ever get a ticket.
Brett Vesely
That's not happening.
John Holmberg
They ain't helping you out later like that. So there you go. That's my big rant for the morning. And it's pissing me off. And I know I'll get emails. I don't want my license suspended sitting in the bottom. My grandma got her license. No, your grandma never got her license. Not one person ever actually got their license suspended from a photo radar ticket. They might have done something real stupid with it. And then the dominoes started to fall. But just from the initial mailing of a photo radar ticket, no one has ever gotten their license suspended. Don't go online. Don't answer your door, Brady.
Brett Vesely
See, there you go.
John Holmberg
And there's the problem. We wanted to be friends. The lady acted like she knew me, and she was pretty. Oh, boy. Here we go at 6:29. I think we made it clear, Brett. I like our new venture. I think we're gonna do really well and we'll do it for free.
Brett Vesely
Well, we gotta. I mean, depends on the cans.
John Holmberg
Well, if the cans are, you know, you know, get a slap them around bit, you know, at the end, it's like, hey, I got you out of this, right? Let me bat those around for a second. That's the fee. All right? I get to bat those, like bandy them about. That's all you have to do. Yeah, it's all. Look, you just.
Brett Vesely
You talking about free?
John Holmberg
Whoa, what a. That's because it's not real. Let's get a wake up song, shall we? 585-9800. A good one. We'll scream it together. It's 98 KUPD WA. It's not weird. It's pretty cool, actually. No membership fees. I have heard enough of this. It's John Holberg here, shilling away for new ac unit.com I've been telling you about the amazing new ac unit.com for about three years. New ace unit.com Put the power back in your hands. Three easy steps online gets you your unit ordered, inspected and installed by the best in the business. And I'm super excited to tell you that new aceunit.com now offers many splits. If you work in a garage, a casita, or even have like a man cave somewhere back in that garage, mini splits can be a must. New ac unit.com has it now and you can install it. They'll even include the electrical Save thousands save time. Buy online new ac unit.com it's John Holberg here and it's time to talk about TVs Doug Hopkins of My Home Group and Doug hopkins.com 2026 Brand New Year. That usually means every one of us says something like, this is the year I blank. And then we insert some strange goal. Let me tell you this. Most of the time you're not going to do it. This year I'm going to call TV's Doug Hawkins. He will buy your home as is. You can start eyeballing houses that are already upgraded. So fresh starts for 2026 are waiting for you at your keyboard. Start process right now online doughkins.com or sing Hopkins 1-800-sale now.
Episode Theme:
A comedic yet pointed exploration of late-night fast food regrets and a passionate campaign against Phoenix’s renewed photo radar speed camera program. Host John Holmberg and the team share personal stories, lampoon city policy, and launch their own tongue-in-cheek “legal defense” movement, urging listeners not to pay camera-issued tickets.
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This episode is classic Holmberg’s Morning Sickness: a mix of wild storytelling (bodily disaster after Taco Bell), anti-establishment rants (vehement opposition to Phoenix’s photo radar reboot), and sharp-edged parody (“Jew & Wop Law,” KUPD’s “Flashback” defense). Beneath the comedy and mock legal advice is an urgent, repeated message: “Don’t pay camera tickets. Get involved—or at least don’t be fooled.”
For listeners in a hurry: