02-03-25 - More On Our Keep People From Moving To AZ Plan - Would Brady Allow Kirby To Go To CC If Her Grades Aren't Good Enough For ASU - John's Late Night Pee Mishap

Summary

Holmberg's Morning Sickness - Arizona Episode Summary: 02-03-25 Release Date: February 3, 2025

Holmberg's Morning Sickness on 98 KUPD delivers Arizona's premier morning radio experience, blending humor, controversy, and lively discussions. In the February 3, 2025 episode, host John Holmberg, alongside Brady Bogen, Bret Vesely, and Dick Toledo, delves into Arizona’s strategies to deter newcomers from snowbound states, debates the educational future of Brady’s daughter Kirby, and shares a humorous personal anecdote. This summary encapsulates the episode's key segments, notable quotes, and the engaging dynamics among the hosts.

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1. Arizona's Strategy to Deter New Residents

Overview: The episode kicks off with a spirited discussion on how Arizona can prevent an influx of new residents from states with extreme weather, particularly California. The team humorously proposes various tongue-in-cheek measures to make Arizona less appealing to potential movers.

Key Points:

• Perfect Weather as a Drawback: Holmberg remarks on Arizona's ideal weather but suggests it's a double-edged sword that attracts those looking to escape harsher climates.
• Confederate Flags and Cultural Markers: The hosts joke about raising Confederate flags in Mesa and incorporating culturally specific symbols to create an unwelcoming atmosphere for outsiders.
• Humorous Road Sign Slogans: An idea is floated to alter welcome signs with phrases like "Food with the Most Gluten for the 30th Year in a Row" and "Serving Peanuts with Every Meal" to deter Californians.

Notable Quotes:

• John Holmberg [00:35]:

  "It's RFK heavy and Frank Caliendo was part of it. ... In order to keep these weirdos from the snowbound states wanting to move out here, we have to have Mesa rise up some Confederate flags."

• Holmberg [02:48]:

  "Confed flag. Somewhere on our flag is the most unbelievably good idea of all time."

• Brady Bogen [02:54]:

  "If we could AI some photos, seat and put the homeless encampments around the Phoenix open area."

• Holmberg [03:07]:

  "Keep Arizona clean."

Discussion Dynamics: The conversation is marked by playful banter and absurd suggestions, reflecting the show's intent to entertain while touching on real concerns about population growth and cultural integration in Arizona.

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2. Brady’s Daughter Kirby’s Educational Future

Overview: A significant portion of the episode revolves around whether Brady should allow his daughter, Kirby, to attend a community college (CC) if her grades do not meet Arizona State University (ASU) standards. The hosts debate the merits and consequences of such a decision, blending humor with genuine parental concern.

Key Points:

• Academic Performance and College Choices: The discussion centers on Kirby’s academic struggles and whether attending a community college is a viable alternative if she doesn't qualify for ASU.
• Parental Investment in Education: Holmberg critiques the idea of spending significant funds on public schools and community colleges, suggesting it may not yield the desired outcomes.
• Legacy Admissions and School Preferences: The conversation touches on the advantages of legacy admissions and the perceived quality of various educational institutions within Arizona.

Notable Quotes:

• Holmberg [04:03]:

  "I think it's great. We have capped out. I like to max out here also. Ufest is coming up a little bit."

• Holmberg [07:00]:

  "What? Why?"

• Brady Bogen [07:00]:

  "No, I don't."

• Holmberg [07:08]:

  "He's sending her to a school he pays for. I know it looks better for colleges if you say it ain't happening. Stick her back in high."

• Brady Bogen [08:02]:

  "She's probably not going to a community college."

• Holmberg [09:35]:

  "Frank Caliendo: Exactly."

• Dick Toledo [11:14]:

  "Go to Vegas and spend Kirby's college one day and not care."

Discussion Dynamics: The interaction among the hosts is a blend of humorous jabs and serious debate, highlighting differing perspectives on education strategies and parental responsibilities. Holmberg adopts a more skeptical stance on community colleges, while Brady explores alternative educational paths for Kirby.

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3. John Holmberg’s Late Night Pee Mishap

Overview: In a lighter, more personal segment, John Holmberg shares a humorous mishap from his night routine. While waking up late and needing to use the bathroom, Holmberg experiences an unexpected and messy outcome during his attempt to pee while half-asleep.

Key Points:

• Personal Anecdote: Holmberg recounts accidentally spraying urine outside the toilet due to improper posture during an early-night bathroom visit.
• Humorous Public Service Announcement (PSA): He turns his experience into a funny PSA about the unpredictability of peeing, especially when tired.
• Relatable Humor: The story resonates with listeners who have experienced similar embarrassments, fostering a sense of camaraderie and laughter.

Notable Quotes:

• Holmberg [13:02]:

  "That's the first time I've ever shot through that hole before. I was hilarious because I was all kind of hunched up."

• Brady Bogen [13:20]:

  "It's like a turret."

• Holmberg [13:28]:

  "It's the golden way to go. It's cleaner."

• Frank Caliendo [15:11]:

  "You ever drunk pee and miss the toilet, like, when you're standing there?"

Discussion Dynamics: This segment showcases the hosts' ability to shift from political and social commentary to personal, relatable humor. Holmberg's storytelling invites laughter and empathy, reinforcing the show's engaging and diverse content.

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Conclusion

The February 3, 2025 episode of Holmberg's Morning Sickness offers a blend of satirical strategies to manage Arizona's growth, heartfelt discussions on educational decisions, and light-hearted personal stories. John Holmberg and his co-hosts navigate these topics with humor and candidness, providing listeners with both entertainment and thought-provoking conversations. The inclusion of notable quotes and dynamic interactions underscores the show's commitment to engaging its Arizona audience in meaningful and amusing discourse.

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Additional Notes:

• Listeners are encouraged to tune in or access the replay online at 98KUPD.com during weekdays from 5:30 AM to 10:00 AM.
• For more information on giveaways and upcoming events like Ufest, visit the 98 KUPD app or the website mentioned above.

Transcript

[Dick Toledo]

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[Holmberg]

Still streaming Homberg's morning sickness online at 98kupd.com you can listen to the Guadalupe replay on your own time. It's RFK heavy and Frank Caliendo was part of it. You can get on that. We're not gonna be able to do that today. All these ideas of people popping in, listening to the US earlier this morning when I was talking about how look at this, look outside as perfect wind is gently whipping the American flag. It's, it's a Rockwellian out there. Perfect weather, 80 degrees all week. And unfortunately it's not going to pour rain or do anything crazy Thursday through Sunday when we are on display for the Waste Management Open on Sports center on all the it's going to be everywhere. And I was, you know, saying in order to keep these weirdos from the snowbound states wanting to move out here, we have to have Mesa rise up some Confederate flags. Yeah, the horns that we this has to happen a lot. Whenever there's cameras or anything, you see a Sports center desk and have your Mexican friends roll by. Just loads of that going on. And also somebody said add in a bunch of guys like every time there's a camera just graphically French kissing. And someone said, no, the Californians will show up. That's true. So I'd like to start anew as Governor Holmberg. A new thing that all the signs on the roads coming in from Arizona or from California to Arizona, like Blythe and Yuma, wherever you cross over from California and it says welcome to Arizona on the bottom, have it say food with the most gluten for the 30th year in a row, like keep the Californians out. More gluten than ever now, serving peanuts with every meal, like keep the Californians out. And they're I think that's a great idea. We got to keep these people away. It's too Perfect this week to have to have TV cameras on Phoenix. That's gonna draw them in. We need to get crazy red state. And I mean quick. Like, keep California from thinking that they're welcome here.

[Brady]

Conf.

[E]

Con.

[Holmberg]

Confed flag. Somewhere on our flag is the most unbelievably good idea of all time.

[Brady]

If we could AI some photos, seat and put the homeless encampments around the Phoenix open area.

[Holmberg]

Just on the outside, just eating gluten and honking.

[Dick Toledo]

In the parking lot.

[Brady]

Yeah, in the parking lot. There's just.

[Holmberg]

Normally what's here is this. We move them out for you. And it's just Confederate flags. Homeless and gluten.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[Holmberg]

Men making out gluten stands. Homeless guys having anal sex, flying the Confederate flag, eating gluten. Keep Arizona clean. Keep Arizona clean. Oh, the last thing I want.

[E]

You know, We've lived in St. Paul for so long. Maybe it's time we make that move.

[Holmberg]

No, you're not welcome here.

[E]

We've been part of the Upper Peninsula for.

[Holmberg]

Nope, stay there.

[E]

But it's so cold.

[Holmberg]

Your choice. Florida is your option. It's bigger. It's weirder than us. Even though I will say Florida tried that Confederate flag thing for years and it seemed to be. It seemed to draw. We should raise taxes on anybody who hasn't lived here for more than five years. State tax for you. Huge.

[Dick Toledo]

First time you go to register your car here, it's half the price of your car.

[Holmberg]

New residents only. We don't know. State tax for anybody who's lived here for 10 years.

[Dick Toledo]

Sweet.

[Holmberg]

Only new residents pay state tech. We won't really do that, but just scare them away with that.

[Frank Caliendo]

I like it.

[Holmberg]

I think it's great. We have capped out. I like to max out here also. Ufest is coming up a little bit. And then we don't even have to ask you guys to have Confederate flags and stuff like that at the U fest. That just happens. We should televise ufest. Now there's something to keep the Californians out a day to remember. See, they're all the rest. They're there. Tickets went on sale Friday. Very good. I got a lot of people saying I missed a $25 deal. I don't know why. That's my problem. I don't know why you spent time this weekend telling me you were late. But still, tickets are still on sale and they're still reasonably priced. You can get some good ones. Plus we're going to have some to give away here before May 3rd when the big show happens. So you Got time if you want to be a cheapskate. You missed your $25 window and you can still try to win them. I think we have some this week. Larry's gonna have some as well. You can get all the [e-mail] Fitz is loaded up with them. Shan Man's got him whole station all loaded. Tap the app, all that stuff. Keep trying to win them. But also, you know, if the price tag of a concert is too high for you to go because you're gonna miss rent and stuff, maybe you shouldn't go to concerts for a little while to use Kirby math. I'm not so sure. A meets B here. Yeah. You got to get her into regular people math. That algebra thing is a waste of time for anybody who's never done it because just gonna screw it up and then she's gonna be in a community college and then. Good. No. Good.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[Holmberg]

What? Why?

[Brady]

Fine with that.

[Holmberg]

Cheap. Because it's cheap. Why not? Why not have her get a freebie?

[Frank Caliendo]

Yeah.

[Holmberg]

At a big school? Because I'll tell you what happens after community happening. You think it's. You don't think that's gonna happen.

[Dick Toledo]

She's got a better chance.

[Holmberg]

All right.

[Brady]

Yeah, but I don't know about it.

[Dick Toledo]

Alex was dead center of his. Of his graduating class.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[Dick Toledo]

Too over the midline. Oh, God, no.

[Holmberg]

He's sending her to a school he pays for. I know it looks better for colleges if you say it ain't happening. Stick her back in high.

[Brady]

I don't know about the schools you're talking about. Like, you know, I mean, Ivy League's out.

[Holmberg]

Oh, no, come on. We knew that was out. When. When you were the semen donor. Like, you thought for a while there your sperm was going to make an Ivy League kid.

[Dick Toledo]

She going back to Ohio program.

[Holmberg]

You could have crossed that out while you were in college.

[E]

Not going to have an Ivy League kid.

[Holmberg]

You knew that.

[Brady]

I turned down Harvard for nothing.

[Holmberg]

Down. You turn. You turn nothing down. Did. So you think is Kirby good enough to tennis to play college tennis?

[Brady]

No, I don't.

[Holmberg]

Okay, well, then that's a waste of time.

[Brady]

By the. She's got another year.

[Dick Toledo]

Band is gone. Viola was.

[Brady]

Yeah. Bands out.

[Holmberg]

So you. You're spending all this money for academics to be the ticket into college?

[Brady]

No, there'll be. I mean, she'll. She'll have some options. I don't. You know.

[Dick Toledo]

Is it because you spent all her college fund on getting her through high school?

[Holmberg]

Right?

[Brady]

It's looking that way.

[Holmberg]

Yeah. Get her in public schools if she's wasting all this money. And you can't getting D's unless she's an ace at tennis. Boy, I tell you what.

[Frank Caliendo]

High five.

[Holmberg]

Good Christ. Because you know what happens when she goes to community college, right? You think you're saving money on community college till that ends. And then guess who's at your house not working. Your community college daughter. And you're spending more money on her living with you than you would have if she'd have been off in college anyway.

[Brady]

She's probably not going to a community college college.

[Holmberg]

She's going to a real college that you've got to pay for. Unless you're getting a dummy mask.

[Brady]

Yeah. Scholarship opportunities.

[Dick Toledo]

But yeah, you're not put it out there. And you're.

[E]

Yeah, there are.

[Brady]

From coming out of.

[Holmberg]

Because she's at that school. Yeah. Yeah. So Grand Canyon.

[Dick Toledo]

Yeah.

[Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brady]

You get there.

[Holmberg]

They basically. They. It's the pipeline to Grand Canyon.

[Brady]

They're all. Anyone Grand Canyon esque.

[Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brady]

Like a Christian college.

[Holmberg]

Oh yeah. They like those. There's so Liberty and Grand Canyon.

[Brady]

A couple in color. Roberts, you've got California.

[Frank Caliendo]

Toledo's right. His family is not going to let Kirby go.

[Holmberg]

I was just going to say.

[Dick Toledo]

No way.

[Frank Caliendo]

You know, a community college you cannot trust. No way.

[Dick Toledo]

She's at cc. She's an artichoke. No way.

[Holmberg]

There's also. Yeah, that's no problem. No way.

[E]

So how's Kirby Brady? Jesus scc.

[Holmberg]

Already choke.

[E]

Have you tried to kill her yet? Are we gonna have her at family fun?

[Dick Toledo]

That'll put Bunny in her grave.

[E]

Let's not.

[Holmberg]

Yeah. Yeah. You know what else will put br in his grave? When he said what he didn't mean a second ago? That there's schools in Colorado. So what you're saying is if that happens, you're only going to be with us for two more years. So. So plan that Ohio State. Now, if Kirby moves to. To Colorado, you're not staying here. You'll be sleeping on her floor living in Colorado. And she's not going to Colorado because if she does, you're leaving.

[E]

Curvy nerves. You can't go.

[Holmberg]

There's no way. She's your ride or die homies for life. You're not. You two are gonna live together forever. Yep. Yep. Every time you say no. That way we know. What do we know? The opposite is true.

[Frank Caliendo]

Exactly.

[Dick Toledo]

Yep.

[E]

Nope. I'm putting my foot down. She will move out with her daddy to a school that I choose.

[Holmberg]

Yep.

[Brady]

Going to Colorado online.

[Holmberg]

Now that I believe Brady did you.

[Dick Toledo]

Buy a condo in Denver?

[E]

Well, it's an investment. It's an investment for Curbit Herbs. And I'm going to be spending a lot more time up there in Denver.

[Holmberg]

Don't buy it. Get her in dummy mass and get her a scholarship to a good school. Not to say Grand Canyon's not but come on.

[Frank Caliendo]

Well, it's not a CC so has.

[Holmberg]

She talked about going to school outside of Arizona?

[Brady]

She wants to. She's talked about visiting. She wants to check out Ohio University. Believe it or not.

[Holmberg]

She wants to go where you went.

[Brady]

She wants to see it.

[Holmberg]

This you having a fever dream that she actually mentioned that? Because I don't think anybody's ever said boy, what I'd like to see is Ohio University.

[Dick Toledo]

But she other than that automatically admit legacies.

[Holmberg]

Right. Are you legacy?

[Frank Caliendo]

It's like floundering his brother in animal House. He's a legacy.

[Holmberg]

Don't legacies have to have somebody pumping cash into the system? Like you just can't go there and get your kids.

[Brady]

No, she can't. And she probably. Yeah. I wouldn't know if she would get.

[Holmberg]

Accepted or not because the standards are so high.

[Brady]

Clearly if you wanted.

[Holmberg]

Clearly. You and Clubba.

[Brady]

No. When I got in.

[Holmberg]

Yeah. They were lower. It's pulse right now. You have to spell your name right.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[Holmberg]

Anyway. Interesting. Well, good luck to that again. Brett.

[Frank Caliendo]

High five.

[Holmberg]

Go to Vegas and spend Kirby's college one day and not care. It's 9:05 we got. What would Brady do even though he's not getting his kid in dummy math and being smart about a good. A good school you can get her into like ASU Possible dog Toledo's holding can get in there again.

[Dick Toledo]

I think both schools in this state are pulse. ASU because they want.

[Holmberg]

They want students. Yeah.

[Dick Toledo]

And U of A because they need.

[Holmberg]

To keep up good business. They're like a Walmart. Just get more people in the door there. ASU is where she'll end up. That's a good one. Grand Canyon. Race you. That way you can you. You don't have to.

[Brady]

Don't have to buy a condo for investment.

[Holmberg]

You don't have to pull up stakes and move around. You can be comfortable here. It's 906. What would Brady do is coming up next. It's 98 morning sickness. 98 K U PD Holmberg's morning sickness. Blah. There you go. Disturbed. Thank you. They're coming in here. May I believe for their 25th anniversary of the sickness March or may. I think it's May One of the M's. It's an M month. Keep your eyes open. You got time. We got what would Brady do? Coming up in seconds. But I'm running late on commercials. But I did want to tell you guys something that's hilarious. Have you ever done this? It's the first time it's ever happened to me. Happened last night. Now I'm on my new all night schedule. But last night I fell asleep a little early for my early nap. Sometimes that happens. And woke up, I don't know, like 12:30 in the morning. But I woke up excited. You know how we wake up sometimes? Excited. I was extra excited and I went to. I had to pee, so I went in the bathroom. I've never had this happen before. It's hilarious. And you know, you've got. I sat down to pee because otherwise you're.

[Brady]

The bend.

[Holmberg]

Yeah, the bend is miserable. We've all done the bend and I sat to pee, but I was gone sleeping. Like I. You know when you sit to pee, sometimes you're half asleep while you're doing it. So I'm going. I got the bend down. My hand got a little lax on the bend. And so I'm finishing up. And then, you know that last little, like Kegel squeeze to get a shot off? Sometimes that's a pretty good shot. Like it's. Sometimes it's the urinary Peter North.

[Frank Caliendo]

Right.

[Holmberg]

I'm sitting there and I kind of give a hit. A couple of squeezes. I feel like, oh, there's still a lot in there. That's a lot of pressure. Hit a couple of those bombs. Look up. Wall coated. I was shot out like wiper fluid. But it was between the seat. Yeah. In the gap. And it was spraying out like I had a thumb over it.

[Brady]

Been there, done that.

[E]

Yes.

[Holmberg]

That's the first time I've ever shot through that hole before. I was hilarious because I was all kind of hunched up. My ass was way too far back to be in normal pee position. So there I was, one in the morning, bleaching the walls and floor. Hilarious. So just a warning to all the guys out there. It doesn't just trickle out of that thing. Some sort of science gets involved and it. Have you ever done it? Yeah. Oh, my God, I'm late to the party. It flies out of there.

[Brady]

Oh, yeah. It's like a turret.

[Holmberg]

Yeah, it fans.

[Brady]

It's a bunker coming.

[Frank Caliendo]

The flowers outside with the.

[Holmberg]

With your thumb. Yep. And like the light hits it and there's a rainbow. And it was crazy how much Was coming out. I didn't realize the first hit went out. And then in hindsight, I'm like. I heard it hits. It hit the wall. Because the wall for this toilet's like, three and a half feet. It was a. It was a straight hit. Fanned it all out. My. My calves were all wet. Was gross. It's just a public service announcement, ladies. You act like you have something you seed up and down. You don't realize what we have to deal with when we pee. That thing's got a mind of its own. In the middle of the night. I've never boner shot through the bottom. When I was a little boy, my mom used to get mad because I would pee through that hole. But when you're a grown up, you can't. Like, I don't even know how you get it in there.

[Frank Caliendo]

You ever drunk pee and miss the toilet, like, when you're standing there?

[Holmberg]

No.

[Frank Caliendo]

Back in the day. Done that.

[Holmberg]

Well, I'm like, whoa. The reason that I sit to pee is because my mom made me start washing my own bathroom.

[Dick Toledo]

Ah, okay.

[Holmberg]

And I was probably 17, 18. She's gonna wash your own bathroom now because I'm not doing this anymore. I don't even know if you know where the toilet is. And you'd go in there and like, she's right. And I let it go for a week. I was all over the road.

[Frank Caliendo]

That happens here in the bathrooms here. Oh, dudes can't even hit the urinal.

[Holmberg]

Standing up and peeing like, no. Those are the worst. It's a 6040 proposition. There's not a lot of 100 hits on this thing. That's why I said to pee. I'm like, I'm not cleaning this all the time. Sit to pee. Floor never gets dirty. The rim never gets messed up. It's the golden way to go. It's cleaner. Anyway, I just thought I'd throw that out there just as a PSA for everybody while we're taking a. You know, trying to find time here. It's what Brady do is coming up next. I promise. It's 98, Arizona's most powerful rock radio station. He said fully erect, 90x, q, u, v, T.