02-05-25 - BR - WED - It's Natl Fart Day w/Fart Facts And Poll Asks What Is Your Perfect Day - Food News On Uncle O'Grimacey And McDs Shakes w/Ralphie

Summary

Podcast Summary: Holmberg's Morning Sickness - Arizona

Episode Title: It's Natl Fart Day w/Fart Facts And Poll Asks What Is Your Perfect Day - Food News On Uncle O'Grimacey And McDs Shakes w/Ralphie
Release Date: February 5, 2025
Host/Authors: John Holmberg, Brady Bogen, Bret Vesely, Dick Toledo
Duration: Approximately 35 Minutes

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Introduction: Personal Anecdotes and Dark Humor

The episode kicks off with John Holmberg sharing dramatic and personal listener emails that delve into tragic family stories. At [00:35], John reads an email from Brian, discussing his grandparents' mysterious deaths and the potential involvement of family tensions due to religious differences. This sets the tone for the morning show, blending serious topics with the hosts' characteristic dark humor.

Quote:

• John Holmberg (00:35): "My grandpa was Jewish and she wasn't. And he faced great shame from his family for marrying a non-Jew."

As the conversation unfolds, Brady Bogen and Bret Vesely engage in a back-and-forth banter, discussing odd and unsettling family tales, such as attempted poisonings and cryptic notes left by relatives. Their interactions highlight the show's intent to entertain and provoke thought, often pushing the boundaries of conventional morning radio content.

National Fart Day: Historical Facts with a Comedic Twist

Transitioning to lighter territory, Brett Vesely introduces the segment on National Fart Day at [04:21]. The hosts delve into humorous and bizarre historical facts about farts, citing incidents like a Roman soldier's inappropriate behavior during Passover in 44 BC and Ben Franklin's lesser-known poem on farting.

Quote:

• Brett Vesely (04:34): "The Jewish War, written by Josephus. During Passover celebration of 44 BC, a Roman soldier exposed his naked backside and farted and spoke some inappropriate words to a group of Jews who reacted by stoning all the soldiers in sight."

John Holmberg sarcastically connects these historical anecdotes to popular culture by referencing G.W. Bush's infamous line from "The Meaning of Life" — “I fart in your general direction” — blending historical facts with modern humor.

Poll Results: What Is Your Perfect Day?

At [07:31], the hosts discuss the results of a recent poll asking listeners about their ideal perfect day. Skeptical of the conventional responses, they mock the average answers, highlighting how mundane and unambitious they find them. The poll reveals that most people envision their perfect day filled with extended sleep, casual eating, family time, and other ordinary activities.

Quote:

• John Holmberg (08:13): "Where's the blowjobs? In the lottery wins."

The hosts express their frustration with the lack of excitement in the poll results, suggesting that a true perfect day should involve more thrilling or unconventional elements. Their candid and irreverent commentary provides listeners with a humorous critique of societal expectations.

Food News: The Return of Uncle O'Grimacey and McDonald's Shamrock Shake

Food segments take center stage as Brett Vesely announces that McDonald's is reintroducing Uncle O'Grimacey to promote the Shamrock Shake at [15:50]. The character, a long-time figure in McDonald's advertising since the mid-1980s, is celebrated for his quirky personality and association with the popular seasonal shake.

Quote:

• Brett Vesely (15:54): "Uncle O. Grimacey is a big green drunk guy that reminds them of a thumb that's coming their way."

The conversation shifts to the flavors of Shamrock Shakes, with Dick Toledo and Vincent humorously debating the viability of a "purple shake." Their playful banter underscores the hosts' ability to entertain while discussing even the most trivial topics.

Viral Videos: Bizarre and Disturbing Content

A significant portion of the episode is dedicated to reviewing and reacting to submitted and online viral videos. These segments, often graphic or unsettling, include instances like a drunk driver missing a tire ([13:06]) and teens performing dangerous pranks for TikTok ([14:28]).

Quote:

• John Holmberg (31:59): "Disappointed parents at birth. That's why this. This thing's life went so sideways."

The hosts provide a mix of humor and horror as they dissect these videos, commenting on the absurdity and recklessness depicted. Their reactions range from disbelief to mockery, highlighting the often troubling nature of viral content in modern media.

Valentine's Day Satire: Mocking Commercialism

In anticipation of Valentine's Day, the hosts satirize commercial promotions, such as a fictitious "surf and turf" deal from Dollar General, at [20:17]. They critique the shallow attempts to monetize romance, juxtaposing innaproven gift ideas like sardines and Vienna sausages with genuine expressions of love.

Quote:

• John Holmberg (20:53): "You don't do that in front of people. You don't take a bite a half of fish. You don't realize that. So sardines, dead fish."

The segment serves as a humorous critique of how mainstream culture often trivializes meaningful events like Valentine's Day, reducing them to gimmicky sales pitches.

Conclusion: Wrapping Up with Humor and Critical Commentary

The episode concludes with the hosts reflecting on the bizarre and often unsettling content discussed throughout the show. John Holmberg emphasizes the importance of critical thinking and avoiding the pitfalls of mainstream media's sensationalism, while maintaining the show's signature irreverent humor.

Quote:

• John Holmberg (35:00): "If you thought that was sexually exciting. You're the problem. Listening to a 60-year-old man watch porn, that is gross."

Throughout the episode, Holmberg's Morning Sickness successfully blends dark humor, critical commentary, and engaging banter to create an entertaining and thought-provoking morning show experience for Arizona listeners.

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Notable Quotes with Timestamps:

• John Holmberg (00:35): "My grandpa was Jewish and she wasn't. And he faced great shame from his family for marrying a non-Jew."
• Brett Vesely (04:34): "During Passover celebration of 44 BC, a Roman soldier exposed his naked backside and farted..."
• John Holmberg (08:13): "Where's the blowjobs? In the lottery wins."
• Brett Vesely (15:54): "Uncle O. Grimacey is a big green drunk guy that reminds them of a thumb that's coming their way."
• John Holmberg (31:59): "Disappointed parents at birth. That's why this. This thing's life went so sideways."
• John Holmberg (20:53): "You don't do that in front of people. You don't take a bite a half of fish."
• John Holmberg (35:00): "Listening to a 60-year-old man watch porn, that is gross."

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Key Themes:

1. Dark Humor and Personal Tragedies: The hosts intertwine personal listener stories with humor, creating a balance between serious and comedic content.
2. Satirical Takes on Conventional Norms: Through segments like National Fart Day and the Perfect Day Poll, the show critiques societal expectations and mundane routines.
3. Engaging Food and Pop Culture Commentary: Discussions on McDonald's Uncle O'Grimacey and unconventional shake flavors showcase the hosts' ability to blend pop culture with humor.
4. Critical View of Viral Content: By reviewing disturbing videos, the hosts highlight the absurdity of certain internet trends, blending critique with entertainment.
5. Commercialism in Holidays: The Valentine's Day satire underscores the show's critical stance on how commercial interests overshadow genuine expressions of love.

Overall, Holmberg's Morning Sickness delivers a blend of humor, critical commentary, and engaging discussions, making it a standout morning radio show for Arizona listeners seeking both entertainment and a touch of irreverence.

Transcript

[Dick Toledo]

It's Dick Toledo and new customers right now on FanDuel. Get $150 in bonus bets when your first $5 wager wins. Just visit FanDuel.com KUPD to grab $150 in college hoops bonus bets with a winning $5 bet and prepare for March on FanDuel America's 1 Sportsbook 21 plus in President Arizona first online real money wager only $5 first deposit required. Bonus issued as non withdrawable bonus bets which expire seven days after receipt. Restrictions apply. See [e-mail] gambling problem. Call 1-800-next-step or text next step to two.

[John Holmberg]

Still streaming Homberg's morning sickness online at 98kupd.com here in the morning. Six emails are flowing in right now. Says John. You got me thinking. My grandma died suddenly and mysteriously. My grandpa got up one morning, went to work, and she was still asleep. He came home for lunch. She was still in bed and dead. We all thought it was a heart attack, but my grandpa was Jewish and she wasn't. And he faced great shame from his family for marrying a non Jew. I'm wondering if he had the Jew mob take her down now. Brian, I'll go ahead and answer that for you.

[Brady]

Yeah, you can. You can speak on this.

[John Holmberg]

That happened. Let me speak from. From that crew. Yeah, that. That happened. Hey, Homeberg, you got me thinking now. To my uncle accidentally ran himself over with his own truck. There was an investigation. My aunt was so distraught, she got all the support. We coddled her for six solid years as a sad widow. Her new boyfriend then was hospitalized for accidentally ingesting a chemical. He had his esophagus burned out. His stomach was ruined, and he lived for a little while. But then he did finally pass. He left a note, however, that said, I put nothing in my own drink. Cryptic. It is actually one of those shows you're talking about. It was also a Dateline episode. We were all oblivious until she did it again. Mike Brett's marriage is perfect. This guy says, I just asked my wife, if I died, what's the first thing you'd get rid of? Without hesitation, she said, that stupid room of toys. I collect action figures. But that's beside the point. She had an immediate answer.

[Brady]

You're dead, bro.

[John Holmberg]

She has thought about this.

[Brady]

You're dead.

[John Holmberg]

Chief Brett's marriage is perfect. It's the only one that is. Vincent taught everybody a lesson. You think if I asked Ronnie right now, it's the first thing you do? If Brady died Oh, those beer cans are gone.

[Brady]

They're going to be at the recycling place tomorrow.

[John Holmberg]

Immediately. Like before the. Before the coroner even has your sheeted body pulled out of the house. There's trash cans just with beer can noises in them. Clearing out the shell. Truth. Well, Chuck Powell, our old buddy Chuck Powell, his dad. Boy, I'm pretty sure she's trying to kill me. The woman he was with, he's like, dad, I don't know what you're saying. I'm sick all the time. I'm. I should be healthy as a horse. I can't figure out what's going on. She was poisoning him. Slowly, trying to kill him.

[Brady]

Sixth sense style. With a little pine. Solid and stuff.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, Little tiny bits. A little bit. Keeping him sick. Keeping him sick. Keeping him sick. She was trying to kill him. And he's like, they. And I think it was Pal's sister confronted her and said, we know what you're doing. This man is not. This is not how the doctors are. Like, we can't figure out why you're always sick. You go to the doctor all the time. They can't figure it out. And finally they confronted her. And it stopped. He got better, like, immediately after. He stayed with her, too. Oh, Idiot. I gotta leave her. Oh, Pal's story about his dad, that woman trying to kill him, is hysterical. They are full Southern Illinois people of hillbilly status 10. It's pretty amazing. So. And just saying. Brett, we got our eyes on you. You're doing great. Some guy says to me, you'll be fine, John. Women love stray dogs and ugly guys that make them laugh. And I'm like, so you're telling me to kill? I can't think of it from a man's rational perspective. Girls are like, derp. He's cute. I'll keep him. Yeah, I don't know. I think. I think you're underestimating their juice. Edward, it's time for the Brady Report. All the news that only Brady knows, and you do it now. Brady report it.

[Brett]

Good Wednesday morning to you, Phoenix. Hello, world.

[John Holmberg]

Hi.

[Brett]

Happy National Fart Day.

[John Holmberg]

Okay.

[Brett]

Farts have been very important throughout history, John.

[John Holmberg]

There we go, boy.

[Brett]

The Jewish War, written by Josephus. During Passover celebration of 44 BC, a Roman soldier exposed his naked backside and farted and spoke some inappropriate words to a group of Jews who reacted by stoning all the soldiers in sight.

[John Holmberg]

Probably more the words than the farting.

[Brett]

The soldiers called back up, and a riot broke out, and it led to the death of 10,000 people, mostly Jews.

[John Holmberg]

Right. Which is why in the meaning of life that the threat was often. I fart in your general direction.

[Brett]

Yeah. 1781, Ben Franklin wrote a poem. Fart proudly. It was an essay, actually. He would only share it with his close friends.

[John Holmberg]

Farts or the poem?

[Brett]

The poem.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Because it was classless and Ben had a reputation. It was off brands. So Ben made people laugh by saying. I also wrote this.

[Brett]

Rats are very impressive breeders with one pair having the potential to produce 15,000 descendants in one year.

[John Holmberg]

Jesus.

[Brett]

That's because young rats reach sexual maturity and just two or three months old.

[John Holmberg]

That's pretty good. So in a couple months they can make more rats.

[Brett]

Yep.

[John Holmberg]

That's pretty impressive. To landlord. Over. Did you go down to Tucson yesterday?

[Dick Toledo]

No.

[John Holmberg]

You didn't make it?

[Dick Toledo]

No. Gotta reschedule because the apartment complex isn't ready for the big move yet.

[Brady]

Oh, I thought he had an interview or something.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, I don't know. Yeah. Did he have a job interview? That's.

[Dick Toledo]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Yes.

[Dick Toledo]

Yes, he did.

[John Holmberg]

How's an apartment complex not ready for someone to.

[Dick Toledo]

When? I've been telling them about this since December.

[John Holmberg]

I don't know. Huh.

[Brett]

An ox is just a cow that's been domesticated. Most likely castrated. A trained and trained to pull stuff.

[John Holmberg]

Well, a cow wouldn't be castrated.

[Brett]

No, they're saying.

[John Holmberg]

No, you're saying it would be a. You're the one who heard it from.

[Brett]

Yeah, well. But they're saying an ox.

[John Holmberg]

Who's there? You're the one.

[Brett]

Farmers.

[John Holmberg]

Okay. Yeah, that was. That was your defense to cows don't get castrated. Just the words and ox.

[Brett]

A domesticated cow you call a working cow is called an ox.

[John Holmberg]

Okay, but they can't castrate a cow a bowl. Okay.

[Brett]

There you go.

[John Holmberg]

It's clearing it up. That's all. Just got a little confused. Brady get all indignant when you say something confused.

[Brett]

Well, that includes all cows. I'm saying like a bull would be a cow, right?

[John Holmberg]

What? Okay, I'm just making it clear.

[Brett]

A poll of what? America's perfect day.

[Brady]

Pissy.

[John Holmberg]

You know why? Because he's first time his lies. He's worried about getting murdered.

[Dick Toledo]

And it's national fart days.

[John Holmberg]

Got a lot going on. Started making sense to him about 15, 20 minutes ago. Wait a minute.

[Vincent]

That stinks.

[Brett]

A new poll ass people asked America what the perfect day would look like.

[John Holmberg]

Oh boy.

[Brett]

6 hours and 54 minutes of sleep, 2 hours of eating, 3 hours of family time.

[Dick Toledo]

No.

[Brett]

1 hour and 24 minutes hanging out with friends. 1 hour and 6 minutes hanging with pets.

[John Holmberg]

This is dumb.

[Brett]

3 hours and 6 minutes watching TV.

[John Holmberg]

Where's the blowjobs? In the lottery wins.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

A perfect day.

[Brett]

And you 1 hour and 24 minutes spent on hobbies you spent.

[John Holmberg]

Look you first off, they asked a bunch of really lame people what a perfect day is if an hour and a half of it is hanging out with you. Oh, just being friendly with fit. No. Where's my lottery win? Where's jackpots? Where's blowjobs?

[Brett]

48 minutes of exercise. 48 minutes exercise. Shopping.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Just constant. You can't get away from people wanting.

[Brett]

To blow you 42 minute nap.

[John Holmberg]

You already slept for seven hours.

[Brett]

Yep.

[Brady]

That an eight for two 42 minute nap. Why not 40 minutes or 45 minutes?

[John Holmberg]

They regulated through every lame person asked.

[Brady]

These people suck.

[Dick Toledo]

The average bunch of jerk.

[John Holmberg]

What's your perfect day?

[Brett]

Average person says they expect to have 16 perfect days in 2025.

[John Holmberg]

Okay, so dumb. Someone says what's your perfect day? And you're like 6 hours and 44 minutes of sleep. Why did you wake up? Blowjob. Somebody's blowing me.

[Brady]

Right?

[John Holmberg]

That's. That's the start to a perfect day. And if it. Your day has no chance of being perfect. If you aren't blown Awake then.

[Dick Toledo]

53 minutes.

[John Holmberg]

Damn it. A relative you don't know dies and you get $6 million. And that's the while you're getting blown. You get that call if you want it to. Perfect day. Not just nice day.

[Dick Toledo]

Your perfect day involves death.

[John Holmberg]

Somebody's death. As long as I benefit from it.

[Brady]

Absolutely.

[Brett]

It's a busy day. That perfect day.

[John Holmberg]

What? That's three minutes is all I've covered.

[Brett]

No, I'm saying their list that they have.

[John Holmberg]

Oh look. Calling friends and having lunch. Dumb.

[Brady]

That's a bunch of broads answers.

[John Holmberg]

It is. That's a postinos. We interviewed 100 boring Gilbert moms on what their perfect day was. And that's why blow jobs weren't mentioned.

[Vincent]

That's not part of a perfect day.

[Brett]

That's. That's horrible.

[Brady]

Christ. That's what happens when you move to Gilbert.

[John Holmberg]

Are you moving to Gilbert? Okay, you're close to a different place.

[Dick Toledo]

A more open part of me.

[Brady]

I'd be selling house.

[John Holmberg]

But if somebody says what's your perfect day? And you don't start it off with all right, well, I'm laying there sleeping. I'm feeling pretty good about my sleep. I might be in rem and suddenly somebody's giving me an old Fashioned. My eyes open And I see that, like, this is a perfect day. What a start to a perfect day. Phone rings right as she's getting painted. Hello? Do you remember Uncle Ronald? No. He left you $5 billion. This is a perfect day. Oh, no. Last thing I'm doing is I'm start just creative. I spend an hour and 34 minutes just hanging out. Did anybody win a lottery or anything? No.

[Vincent]

No. Thanks.

[John Holmberg]

That's the worst day ever. That sounds like a day I avoid chores.

[Brett]

Busy.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Workouts, chores, hanging out with friends. Dumb. I can do that every day. How's that perfect?

[Brett]

Another poll asks people what their least and favorite month is. January's the least favorite, right? February 2nd.

[John Holmberg]

I was going to say your least month. Your least favorite and favorite month.

[Brett]

Yeah. Favorite month.

[John Holmberg]

It's like September, December, September, October, October. Yeah. Then December, all the sports at once.

[Brett]

Then May. Then June.

[John Holmberg]

Weather turns. It's really nice.

[Brett]

But after the January and February, August.

[John Holmberg]

Is the third most favorite or least favorite.

[Dick Toledo]

The hottest month usually.

[John Holmberg]

January is probably my least favorite month. It just feels like it resets to more grind. Yeah. Yeah. Like you're back to zero. It's like you climbed a hill and now you're back at the bottom of the hill. January feels like the beginning. Yeah, exactly. Here we go again. What does this garbage year have in store for me? How come I didn't wake up with a blowjob in a lottery win? Do you remember Aunt Agnes? No, I don't. Hold on. I have to towel off someone here real quick. I've started a perfect day. And Agnes passed away unexpectedly and left you everything. Good Christ, really? Oh, that right. There's a perfect day. And then you just kind of hang out. Oh, and then you get to call your work and tell everybody. You can all off now. Aunt Agnes died. I'm out. Holmberg's morning sickness.

[Dick Toledo]

That I think is everyone's perfect day.

[Brett]

Perfect day.

[Dick Toledo]

Being able to tell off your boss with no repercussions because you're moving on.

[John Holmberg]

Then you put a thong on and rollerblade around a lake and you go home. It's a perfect day. Yep. Just to tell everybody I can do whatever I want, anytime I want.

[Dick Toledo]

Brett, you got a song ready for your perfect day?

[John Holmberg]

It's for you, Aunt Agnes. It's like sparklers hanging out of my ass. I. Perfect day does not include two hours of eating and friendly time.

[Brett]

A drunk driver in Connecticut was so hammered on Saturday, he didn't realize he was missing a tire somewhere near Greenwich, Connecticut. Someone called the cops around 11pm they said a car on the i95 was driving on three wheels and it was all over the road. The driver was 28 year old Hector Estrella. Cops caught up with him, confirmed with him that you're missing a tire. They said his car was emitting plumes of smoke, sparks. He was only going about 30mph, but swerving all over the place. And then he sped up to 70. He turned the lights on. The two cops had to box him in to get him to stop. Reeked of booze, his eyes were bloodshot. Eventually admitted that he'd been drinking and smoking weed despite all the smoke. And so he was unaware that he's driving on a rim.

[John Holmberg]

That'll stand out. You're gonna get caught.

[Brett]

There's this mug shot and there's a little stain on the jacket. That's yak.

[John Holmberg]

And we threw up a little bit.

[Brett]

Yeah, it's orange in the color picture.

[John Holmberg]

Okay. Yuck.

[Brett]

Here's another protest. Couple of teens thought this would be a funny prank and put it on Tik Tok.

[John Holmberg]

You know, Ben says, you know, my completely perfect day was ruined because I started with a bj. I haven't won the lottery yet though. But it got wrecked when I heard Brady tell a useless story about perfect days that are complete bs. That's exactly right. A hundred boring wives of Gilbert were surveyed.

[Vincent]

Oh, just a couple of drinks with friends and nap.

[John Holmberg]

What you unambitious lot.

[Brett]

So Kane Villarreal and lane Burch. Kane's 19, Lane's 18. These two gentlemen thought it would be hilarious for a little TikTok prank. Let's go by this elementary school and there's a couple of kids walking home after school. Seven and a nine year old. And they said, hey, you kids want to be kidnapped?

[John Holmberg]

Pretty straightforward kids took off.

[Brett]

God. Ran back to house, told their parents what happened, they called the cops and the boys were basically saying, hey, we thought it'd be a funny tick tock.

[John Holmberg]

Well, not a lot of kidnappers start with a Do you wanna. Yeah, they just do it. They're not really into what you want. You want to get kidnapped?

[Vincent]

Not today, thanks.

[John Holmberg]

All right, next time just give me coffee. Dude, I am. Here's my card.

[Brett]

In food news, McDonald's is bringing back Uncle O. Grimacey.

[John Holmberg]

I don't know what that is.

[Dick Toledo]

Who's that?

[Brett]

That's Grimace's uncle to promote the Shamrock shake. He's been throughout the time. I think he's been in three or four.

[John Holmberg]

He's been throughout time, throughout the time.

[Brett]

Of McDonald's.

[Vincent]

He is forever. He is the Father, the Son and the Holy Ghost. He is Uncle Grimacey. Oh, Grimace. What's his name?

[Brett]

Uncle O. Grimacey.

[Vincent]

Oh, that's good stuff, Freddie. And he comes by, promotes the shamrock because he's green.

[Brett]

Yep.

[Vincent]

Right? Because he's drunk, like most uncles.

[Brett]

First time he showed up in 1975.

[Vincent]

He'S like, you know what?

[Brett]

Must have been seen since the mid-80s.

[Dick Toledo]

Curious placement of the shake in this middle one makes it look like they're both giving you the finger.

[Vincent]

He's like, he' the thing about Uncle O. Grimacey is that he's an uncle. And he, like all ASU girls see when they see him, is a big green drunk guy that reminds them of a thumb that's coming their way. You're about to get thumbed, Theresa, by your big, drunk green uncle. You get that shamrock shake in my belly and I'll let you thumb me.

[Dick Toledo]

Is that what happened with your uncle?

[Vincent]

Oh, my God. My uncle handled me badly with a shake. Whenever I see a fat drunk coming at me, I think uncle and thumb.

[John Holmberg]

Ah.

[Vincent]

And I just run when we go. Go get those, Freddie. You gotta prepare very soon. How come Grimace can't do it? Why don't they have purple shakes?

[Brett]

They do.

[Vincent]

They do.

[Brett]

You have a Grimace shake and that actually helped sales of McDonald's about 10%. Since the spring of 2023, they've gone up purple shakes flavors. Purple shakes, Eggplant. I haven't had.

[Vincent]

Just ask. No, don't start that. I'll turn you off.

[Brett]

Yeah, I haven't had the purple shake yet. I want to get a Grimace.

[Vincent]

What's the flavor of purple? What are you, from the inner city? Purple's not a flavor.

[Brett]

It is plum.

[Vincent]

Plum shakes.

[Brady]

There's some ceiling tiles.

[Vincent]

That's right. You, Brady. My perfect day would be if you drop dead right now. All right, I gotta go.

[Brett]

How about a Hormel Pep pepperoni pizza?

[John Holmberg]

Okay.

[Brett]

The pepperonis are shaped hearts for Valentine's Day.

[Vincent]

I already love my pizza. I don't even remind me.

[Dick Toledo]

Ralphie, the Grimace shake is berry flavored.

[Vincent]

Berry. See, Brady, that's all you had to do.

[John Holmberg]

Purple.

[Vincent]

Thanks a lot, Debrady.

[Brett]

What kind of shake you want?

[Vincent]

I'll purple flavor. And I gotta go. The food news is pissing me off.

[Brady]

But that never happens. He never gets pissed at.

[John Holmberg]

You're messing around with flavor.

[Brady]

Way to go, Brady.

[John Holmberg]

Purple flavor. Purple drink.

[Brett]

Aldi, the grocery store.

[John Holmberg]

Have you had a Grimace purple drink? No, don't yell at me. I'm just asking A question I didn't.

[Brett]

Know that I got.

[Brady]

Too bad Brattling isn't here. We could ever bring some.

[John Holmberg]

We don't have anybody to go get us stuff. We do. Who can we enslave downstairs like we. There's nobody that's.

[Dick Toledo]

There is in the new guy have a new engine.

[Brett]

Who's the new guy but new general sales manager.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, that guy.

[Brett]

Yeah. We can put him to work.

[John Holmberg]

What's his name? Neil.

[Brett]

Nick.

[John Holmberg]

Nick.

[Brett]

He's new meat. He needs to make a couple.

[Dick Toledo]

Nick, if you're listening, we require Grimace shakes.

[John Holmberg]

Just pop downstairs and tell Brattle and to go get us food and stuff. She'd do it because she's poor and needed it.

[Dick Toledo]

You think Maga Emily would. Would no do that.

[John Holmberg]

She feeds herself. That was the good thing about Brattling. It's like you'd say, hey, go get us some sodas. Can I get something like, yeah, sure. That's all she'd go for. Like a ho ho. She'd up and like, get you anything for a free meal. Now we don't have any desperate pours downstairs like we used to.

[Brett]

So all the. The stores are catching a little heat because they have some children's toys that are available there. Plush. Some plushies. And one of them's a dog with a bone. And the people say, do you see what this dog and the bone? What it's looking like? And there's a picture of it. No, Definitely phallic.

[John Holmberg]

Little pillow got a little boner. Reggie says, since you're talking about getting killed by your wife, your boy Grady sounds a little on edge. I think he might snap.

[Brady]

Grady's in trouble.

[John Holmberg]

Hashtag goals.

[Dick Toledo]

Someone just sent this in on text. Also, since next week's Valentine's Day, say, hey, Brady.

[John Holmberg]

Romance of the Dollar General. Show your love this Valentine's Day with a surf and turf from Dollar General. It's a. What is that?

[Vincent]

Sardines.

[John Holmberg]

Boone Strawberry Hill on a red Solo cup.

[Brett]

Those Vienna.

[John Holmberg]

Vienna sausages. 7.99.

[Brett]

That's solid.

[Dick Toledo]

You get one candle.

[Brady]

Maybe. Imagine the broad you're scoring with that. Come on.

[John Holmberg]

She tries hard.

[Brady]

No, she would not.

[John Holmberg]

But she smells like sardines. Oh, gosh. That's.

[Brady]

That's for the Mercury fan in your life.

[John Holmberg]

My dad used to crack those with that little weird key that rol. Sardines open. Put butter on white bread and lay those dead fish across the top of the buttered bread and eat them, like, in front of people. Like, that's sadistic. You don't do that in front of people. You don't take a bite a half of fish. You don't realize that. So sardines, dead fish.

[Brett]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

There's no like any fish meaning to them and salt and like an olive stink and fish. And he put them on buttered bread. Swedish. Swedish. People eat garbage food. Just crap. Absolute crap food. Putting up salt on it, they'll eat a shoe.

[Dick Toledo]

Only thing I've ever done out of a can was smoked clams and oysters.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, come on.

[Brett]

Come on, man.

[John Holmberg]

That's such trash.

[Brett]

It was on one of our camp houses or, you know, the regular food for someone. KUPD staff might have been that they eat clams. They'd eat the smoked oysters out of the rollback cans.

[Dick Toledo]

Not a fan.

[John Holmberg]

No. Oh, if you key open a can and start eating seafood. Get off my planet.

[Brett]

Well, got a couple of Brady videos. No, first one's doing on motorcycle, kissing the curb.

[John Holmberg]

Okay. Oh, he's doing a wheelie though. He's showing off a little bit. Oh, bad, bad wheelie. Out of control, sideways, face down on the nerve mash. Oh, man. Wow. He's the only thing that hits the curb is his face. Oh, my Lord. That noise is bull. That's American History X without the other guy.

[Brady]

That movie makes me cringe.

[John Holmberg]

I can't. I don't think I've ever watched it. Yeah, I don't think my eyes have allowed me to finish this.

[Brady]

I kind of look away.

[John Holmberg]

Do they show it?

[Brady]

Well, they show his head going.

[John Holmberg]

I don't. I don't. All I see is his foot lift and my head turns away. I can't. Yeah, I've tried to, like. Okay, just watch. Can't do it.

[Brett]

Next one is a show at India's Sea World. And after today's fun fact, this is ox skiing.

[John Holmberg]

But here's the problem with India's Sea World. You can't see the whales in the dirt water. It's brown water.

[Brett]

Pond, pond, world.

[John Holmberg]

It is that. This is exactly what I pictured. So they're in the water and then the two oxen running across the poop covered water. It is poop water. There's a dude water skiing between the oxen.

[Brady]

Where's this?

[John Holmberg]

India. And he is water skiing. Hanging the tails or you'll never see Brad and the oxen. Oh. Oh, it's just disgusting. That country.

[Brett]

Last Wednesday.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, man.

[Dick Toledo]

It's a fun weekend night, John.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, my God.

[Brett]

A couple of gals biking and stopping to do a selfie near a train.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, no.

[Brett]

It happens pretty quick.

[John Holmberg]

They're standing There next to train tracks, taking selfies while one goes by. Is she too close? Oh, that one is. Was that lady's head. Yes, she just bent over taking a selfie by the train. There is a South park where people were taking. Were posing in front of trains and they were getting run over like crazy because it was the new Internet trend. South park was kidding. It's now reality. Take a selfie before the train. This is ridiculous. Anyone who didn't believe Darwin was right needs to just reassess. Morning sickness. Holmberg's morning sickness. Oh, my God. And how do you go to that funeral and have people tell you it's a part of God's plan? Like, stop it.

[Brady]

She died doing what she liked.

[John Holmberg]

She was loving biking and having trained. Wonderful day. Enjoying modern engineering. And then of course, God took that angel. Like, really. He couldn't just do it in her sleep. When in the world will you go to a funeral and go, what a dumb. That was like, can somebody give an honest speech at a funeral? You heard how she died, right? This bitch was stupid. If it wasn't the train, it was something else. Who raised her hoops? Raise your hand if you're her parents. Great. Shame on you. Looks like I leave new hell, but what an idiot. Anyway, I'm not glad she's dead, but I'm glad she didn't kill me in the process of knowing her.

[Brett]

It said she survived.

[John Holmberg]

It did.

[Brett]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

She's alive.

[Brett]

It kind of says drinking out of a straw. Selfie. Yeah, bad selfie that, but survived.

[John Holmberg]

That's the other two survived. This the picture taker? There's no way they want to get hit in the head. Really?

[Brett]

I don't, you know.

[John Holmberg]

Well, good.

[Brett]

Just says it in the comment.

[John Holmberg]

Then you can tell her to her face, you dumb moron. I think stiff Twain picture. Yeah, great. Good job. Now what's part of the plan? You just got maimed doing what you love. How come no one ever says that? How come when you get run over on your bike and you just love biking. Oh, I love biking. And you fall and break your spine. No one ever says, well, at least you were incapacitated doing what you loved. No one ever tells a living guy that you have to die doing what you love for people to glorify it. Well, he was turned into a vegetable doing what he loved. I hate that phrase so much. And die doing what they loved. What if he lived and he was just, like, unable to do anything ever again? Well, then he was put into a vegetative quadriplegic state doing what he loved. Let's ask him if he. If he thinks that's true. Did you. Would you do this? You love doing what you. You love that day, right? He said no, no, twice. He's just ringing a Bellamanca. No, he says he didn't die. He didn't get incapacitated doing what he loved. Would you do it again and have the same results because you love the act so much. No, again. We gotta stop that stupid phrase. Died doing what he loved. You know what he used to love doing? Finishing the act. He loved doing. That was the best part of it. We got all the way to the end. Brett and I like mountain biking, but I've never turned to him in the middle and go, yeah, we got killed. Right Now I'd be fine with it. Never. Brett, what do you got?

[Brady]

All right, we got a couple. We had a couple for Brady. This one was especially sent over for Brady.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, boy.

[Brady]

No, no. This is an elephant scratching his stomach.

[John Holmberg]

Scratching Brady's stomach. Where'd you get this? Oh, oh. With this giant. Wow. Did you just say I seen this?

[Brett]

Wow.

[Dick Toledo]

That's probably an admission.

[John Holmberg]

You don't shout that out.

[Vincent]

Oh, yeah, this old chestnut. I watch it twice a day.

[John Holmberg]

Look at the size of that elephant.

[Dick Toledo]

How about the control?

[Brady]

Yeah, no kidding. Impressive.

[John Holmberg]

Wow. That's awesome.

[Dick Toledo]

You said perfect day earlier, John.

[John Holmberg]

There it is. Wake up with one of those. Not an elephant, but one. You know what I mean?

[Brady]

And Donovan sent this. Donovan sent this one over. Since Brady loves Kenny Loggins so much.

[John Holmberg]

That half a man. It looks like. Oh, Jesus. It's a nude, completely deformed thing. And also transsexual. It is a half a man with little tiny nubby legs doing. Wow. It was doing sexy dances. All right, let me. Let me tell. Whatever. It was doing sexy dances with its deformed. What is that? Thalidomide? Is that what causes this? And. And it turned from sexy dances into some guy boning. Is. This is illegal. No one should possess dance this. Look at its little penis.

[Dick Toledo]

Oh, my God.

[John Holmberg]

This is the mysterious case of Natalia Grace gone wrong.

[Dick Toledo]

This is so wrong.

[John Holmberg]

Natalia Grace is a new documentary.

[Brady]

I mean, I should just end it there because I don't think I'm gonna be able to.

[John Holmberg]

What in the. Okay, let me watch that again. Cuz it starts off just trying to tease us with a deformed person doing sexy dances. And the legs are like pipe cleaners. And it's a. It's a. It's. It's a dude with walking on his hands. Because he's gotten a lower body in a bunch of different dresses. And then hypercuts right into this deformed thing. Blowing Dave Attell for some reason. Like, you know what would be a 69 position? If there was a lower half to the thing. It's just a six. And then I guess you call that reverse cowgirl, but it's more just trapped suitcase. Davitel's going to town though. And a tell is like liking. You can actually feel that in her. His shoulders. Good Christ. Well, at least he died doing what he loved. Yes. That makes the top 10. That's in the.

[Brady]

Put that in the fire.

[John Holmberg]

My God. All right. You're not supposed to those. Those things are supposed to divergence.

[Brady]

Then there's this one.

[John Holmberg]

It's little tiny wee traffic. Oh, a person just smashed into somebody's car. Like a human body.

[Brett]

It's weird.

[John Holmberg]

This guy trying to cross the road. He gets hit by another car. And then he sells him antifreeze.

[Brett]

It look weird.

[John Holmberg]

Then the guy gets up and tries to give him a. Yeah, maybe it is fake, but I don't know. That's pretty good. If it is. Our windshields are pretty tough. No idea what that doesn't seem even worried. But Russians are tough. I. And show me that thing again real quick. I want to see that dancing around again. I haven't gotten. I haven't. Well, I haven't absorbed the entire. The entirety of it. I'm still. The shock's gone. And now I can look for details. What's all over his walls? Pause that.

[Brett]

It's women. Is it bathing suit.

[John Holmberg]

Was one Jody Foster. I think that's Jodie Foster in the bottom, right? Yeah.

[Dick Toledo]

Oh, you might be right.

[John Holmberg]

There's this collage of. Or is it pictures of women on.

[Dick Toledo]

The wall from like the 60s?

[John Holmberg]

Also, why the king size bed? Why a king size? You could be in a crib. Looks proportional. No. You think? Maybe it's just because of what it's next to?

[Dick Toledo]

How big he looks next to it?

[John Holmberg]

I guess.

[Dick Toledo]

I think that's a toddler bed.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, it could be a single. It just looks like a king size next to the thing. All right.

[Dick Toledo]

Same with the dresser. That dresser isn't that big.

[John Holmberg]

You know what this is a result of? Disappointed parents at birth. That's why this. This thing's life went so sideways.

[Brady]

So this thing starts making cash.

[John Holmberg]

I mean, it's strong. Upper body strength is ridiculous. And then there goes right into it. And it takes you a second because it's transvestite. Also, so it's wearing women's clothes and has makeup on and long hair. And then. So why David. Helga. David. And then the anal. This little wiener. Oh, my God. This is the worst day in that person's life. Just when you thought things couldn't get worse.

[Brady]

And no, I will not send this.

[John Holmberg]

One out to anyone. Those things are supposed to divergence. Actually, those things are supposed to be put into a fire.

[Brady]

You know, that's early on in life. Not allowed to top that one. We're just.

[Brett]

And that's your wild, wild world.

[John Holmberg]

Give me another one. Give me one more.

[Brady]

You want another one?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, go ahead. None of that.

[Brady]

Oh, okay.

[John Holmberg]

Show me the last video.

[Brady]

Well, we got this one.

[John Holmberg]

Cleanse my palate a little.

[Brady]

Okay, here's a bulge in the stomach.

[John Holmberg]

Like that lump Kenny Loggins Brady follows. It's just a head and a puddle of skin no one should bear he needs love. No, no. That isn't love, Brady. What you just watched is not love. That's not a Valentine's. Oh. This is a lady's stuffing. Something in her bottom. It's a toy. And you can see it in her tummy. It's all the way up in her skinny body. And her tummy is showing me. Oh, my gosh, that thing's big. It's going way up by her rib cage. Wow, that looks like alien. That's pretty neat. So much more attractive than the other one, though. That's art compared to the last thing. Yeah. When you've got all the limbs and it's not. It's not that you lost him in a wreck. Those weren't nubs. Those were deformities.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

That should have gone out in the Wednesday blue bin like when the parents saw it the first time. I went, put that in the blue bin. We're gonna try again. That one's way beyond repair. That's not just like a little problem. That's not. That's. Why is Wild America playing. I'm doing that. Well, because we don't know what that was.

[Brady]

It was pretty wild.

[Brett]

The elephant. Open it up.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. And the parents didn't do a good job with her. Imagine being the dad of that thing. That's my little fella right here. He's got a deformity. Oh, yeah. And then he said, why are you wearing eye makeup? Cuz, Dad, I think I'm in the bottom in the wrong body. Well, we know you're in the wrong body. Nobody should want this body.

[Brett]

You have to have a body.

[John Holmberg]

I want to take it in the ass on the Internet. Oh, sweet Jesus, don't do this to me.

[Brett]

See the cash I'm making?

[John Holmberg]

How much more disappointment can you provide? You know what that dad never said. The two proudest moments of my life. The day I got married and the birth of my.

[Dick Toledo]

That thing he pays his rent.

[John Holmberg]

The birth of Peter over here. I told you to call me Patricia. I will never do it. You are Peter, the deformed boy.

[Brady]

Oh, somebody's mad at our videos.

[John Holmberg]

Why? Oh, because of horrible things that are happening. Yeah, people say these morons. Who are they talking to? Just talking to Joe. These morons think they're on a talk show or radio. No one can see what they're talking about. Listening to six year old men to watch porno is disgusting. I changed the channel every morning when they start doing this. Yeah, but you come back for the words earlier, don't you? All right. It is gross to watch Brady watch porn. That's kind of the fun of it. But it isn't porn. If this is porn to you, you're the weirdo. I welcome you to leave the station. You're crazy if you thought that was sexually exciting. An elephant scratching its belly with its huge penis. I'm painting a mental picture for you. If you call that porn. You're the problem. Listening to a 60 year old man watch porn, that is gross. We're not doing that. I didn't say, hey, Brett, put up something sexy so we can watch Brady get half hard. Then you'd be on to something. I do like that though. Anyway, I'm creeped out by that thing. Not sure I like that. There you go, everybody. That is your brady report. It's 98K upd, Arizona's most powerful rock radio station. He said fully erect. 98.