02-06-23 - Craig Gass - Super Bowl Week - In Studio - Gay Rehab Story And How He Gets In Everywhere

Summary

Holmberg's Morning Sickness - Arizona
Episode: February 6, 2023
Guest: Craig Gass
Host: John Holmberg
Co-Hosts: Brady Bogen, Bret Vesely, Dick Toledo

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Overview

On February 6, 2023, Holmberg's Morning Sickness, Arizona's leading morning radio show hosted by John Holmberg, welcomed comedian and entertainment insider Craig Gass for a lively and candid discussion. The episode, aired during Super Bowl week, delved into Craig's knack for sneaking into high-profile events, his unexpected journey through a gay-oriented rehabilitation center, and his ongoing endeavors in the comedy scene. The conversation was marked by humor, insightful anecdotes, and personal revelations, providing listeners with both entertainment and genuine moments of vulnerability.

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1. Introduction and Advertisements [00:00 - 01:57]

The show commenced with John Holmberg promoting local businesses, including Eric's Family Barbecue and real estate expert Doug Hopkins. These segments, though primarily promotional, set the tone for the morning's blend of community engagement and personal storytelling.

Notable Quote:

"You’ve had barbecue before, but you haven’t had it this good." - John Holmberg [00:00]

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2. Introduction of Craig Gass and the Parking Lot Incident [01:57 - 02:42]

John Holmberg introduced Craig Gass with an amusing anecdote about an incident in the show's parking lot. A Native American guest began vomiting near Craig's car, but Craig remained oblivious as he walked by.

Notable Quotes:

"I can't believe I didn't see puke." - Craig Gass [02:16]
"That's your people's whole point, isn't it? You've left. You puked in a parking lot." - John Holmberg [02:20]

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3. Craig Gass on Sneaking into Events [02:42 - 05:04]

The conversation shifted to Craig's specialty: sneaking into various events. From concerts to sports games, Craig shared his experiences and techniques for gaining entry without official credentials.

Notable Quotes:

"It's fun to sneak into things." - Craig Gass [03:17]
"I've snuck into so many comedy shows as a kid growing up here." - Craig Gass [04:03]

Craig recounted a recent experience at a John Mulaney show in Honolulu, where his persistence not only got him into the event but also onto the stage.

Notable Quote:

"I ended up not only getting into the show, I ended up being part of the show." - Craig Gass [05:16]

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4. Craig's Experience with Rehabilitation [05:04 - 07:38]

Craig delved into a personal and transformative experience with addiction and rehabilitation. He shared how he inadvertently checked into a gay-oriented rehab center while seeking treatment for drug addiction.

Notable Quotes:

"I ended up in gay rehab." - Craig Gass [06:04]
"I am more honest with this stranger on the phone than I have been to any of my friends about how bad my addiction has gotten." - Craig Gass [07:00]
"We are a treatment center for homosexuals... we're gay and lesbian friendly." - Craig Gass [07:38]

Craig emphasized the inclusivity of the rehab center, highlighting his positive experience despite initial reservations.

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5. Navigating High-Profile Events and Challenges [07:38 - 09:03]

Returning to his talent for sneaking into events, Craig shared stories from significant sports games, including an NBA Finals game between the Sonics and the Bulls. He detailed his humorous attempts to purchase overpriced tickets from scalpers and his eventual success in securing a front-row seat through sheer perseverance.

Notable Quotes:

"I can't pay $800, so I walked away." - Craig Gass [10:03]
"I walked down to 101. Went down to the fourth row. I go, excuse me, seat number five over here. No one's in it. Sat down at seat." - Craig Gass [11:53]

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6. Upcoming Shows and Promotions [09:03 - 14:43]

As the episode neared its conclusion, Craig promoted his upcoming stand-up shows, correcting a misstatement about the venue to ensure listeners had accurate information. The hosts and Craig engaged in light-hearted banter, reflecting the camaraderie and dynamic energy of the show.

Notable Quotes:

"I'm doing two shows in Gilbert on Wednesday at JP's." - Craig Gass [13:49]
"Getgas.com with two S's head." - Craig Gass [14:17]

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Key Themes and Insights

1. Resilience and Adaptability: Craig's ability to navigate and overcome challenges, whether sneaking into events or dealing with addiction, underscores his resilience.

2. Humor as a Coping Mechanism: Throughout the episode, Craig uses humor to discuss serious topics, illustrating how comedy can be a powerful tool for personal healing and connection.

3. Inclusivity and Acceptance: Craig's positive experience in a gay-oriented rehab center highlights the importance of inclusive and supportive environments in the journey to recovery.

4. Persistence Pays Off: Craig's stories about sneaking into events demonstrate the value of persistence and creativity in achieving one's goals, even in seemingly restrictive situations.

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Concluding Remarks

The February 6th episode of Holmberg's Morning Sickness offered a blend of humor, personal storytelling, and insightful discussions. Craig Gass's candidness about his struggles and triumphs provided listeners with both laughs and heartfelt moments. The dynamic interplay between John Holmberg and Craig created an engaging atmosphere, making the episode both entertaining and meaningful. As the show wrapped up, listeners were left anticipating Craig's upcoming performances and the continued adventures on future episodes of Arizona's #1 Morning Radio Show.

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Notable Quotes Recap:

• "I can't believe I didn't see puke." - Craig Gass [02:16]
• "It's fun to sneak into things." - Craig Gass [03:17]
• "I ended up in gay rehab." - Craig Gass [06:04]
• "We are a treatment center for homosexuals." - Craig Gass [07:38]
• "I ended up not only getting into the show, I ended up being part of the show." - Craig Gass [05:16]

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This detailed summary captures the essence of the episode, highlighting key discussions, personal insights, and the entertaining dynamic between the host and guest. Whether you're a regular listener or new to Holmberg's Morning Sickness, this episode offers a compelling mix of humor, resilience, and heartfelt storytelling.

Transcript

[John Holmberg]

The podcast you are listening to of Holmberg's morning sickness is brought to you by my friends at Eric's Family Barbecue and Avondale Meet Mesquite Repeat. Trust me on this one. You've had barbecue before, but you haven't had it this good. Eric's Family barbecue in Avondale Eric's familybbq.com it's John Holmberg here and it's time to talk about TVs Doug Hopkins and my home group and Doug hopkins.com when I have questions about real estate, I look no further than TV's Doug Hopkins and right now the market seems to be on pause. It's not bad, but it's not great. And Doug told me that selling a house right now might be a little bit tough. If you need or want to sell your home right now, the best way to avoid all the traditional real estate pitfalls is to call TV's Doug Hopkins right now 1-800-sell now or start the entire process online at Doug hopkins.com everybody.

[Craig Gass]

Sing Hopkins 1-800-sale now.

[Brett]

Hey Byron, I heard you have something new to announce from MMP Guns.

[Byron]

Brett I sure do. It's M and P Guns Customs. MMP Guns is creating some amazing firearms. We offer polishing, plating, bluing, custom laser engraving, laser stippling, cerakoting and performance upgrades. We do everything in house with our master trained craftsmen. You can select our designs or make up your own.

[Brett]

Well, can you do this to my gun?

[Byron]

We can do it to nearly any firearm. Doesn't matter where you live, you can ship it to us or we already have completed firearms in inventory daily with no wait.

[Brett]

Well there you have it. MMP Guns on the northeast corner of 12th street and Indian School or online at mmpgunscustoms.com we're here with Byron from MMP Guns. Byron, why should someone choose to go to MMP Guns?

[Byron]

The choice is simple Brett. MMP Guns is your one stop shop for all your shooting needs. We Arizona's largest selection, handguns, rifles, shotguns, new and pre owned. We also have a large selection of ammunition, accessories and even training. In fact right now all pre owned firearms are 20% off. All new firearms are 10% off. We have ammo, ink, 9mm hollow points for only $12.99 a box and much more.

[Brett]

Well it sounds like MMP Guns is committed to providing the customers with the best possible service and selection.

[Byron]

That's a fact. You can visit us at the store at the northeast corner of 12th Street Indian School or [e-mail].

[John Holmberg]

We have our super bowl correspondent, super guest, and he came with a fan favorite. In the parking lot, a pukin Indian was parked next to Craig. And we don't know what just happened, but we were looking outside, and I'm like, is that Craig's car? And a giant Native American got out and started to throw up in our parking lot. And then, Craig, you walked right by it and didn't even see him.

[Craig Gass]

Yeah. I can't believe I didn't see vomit.

[John Holmberg]

Or smell or close enough. I mean, how do you know it's definitely there? You can see it in the parking lot. There's a puddle of puke out and, hey, Iron eyes Cody, you're supposed to pick up what you leave behind. That's your people's whole point, isn't it? You've left. You puked in a parking lot.

[Craig Gass]

You bailed. Wouldn't it be great if I did get out of the back seat? And he goes, all right, have a good day, Craig. I'll see you then.

[John Holmberg]

I would have loved it. If that was your ride all week. That would have been solid. But you drove here. You're. You're ready to be part of the show, and you got your credentials or not. Because it doesn't matter for Craig whether you've got credentials.

[Craig Gass]

I'm listening to you say that on the way up here. And as you're saying that, I'm getting texts saying, hey, credentials can't get in on time.

[John Holmberg]

Is that right?

[Craig Gass]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

You don't have credentials for certain things.

[Craig Gass]

Yes.

[John Holmberg]

You're still getting in.

[Craig Gass]

We'll see.

[John Holmberg]

I've watched you do it.

[Craig Gass]

I'll say this.

[John Holmberg]

I want to be part of it.

[Craig Gass]

I'll say this. Obviously, it's fun.

[John Holmberg]

Sure.

[Craig Gass]

To sneak into things.

[John Holmberg]

Absolutely.

[Craig Gass]

People of. At every concert, it's, you know, people who have crappy seats, you see them, look for a moment where the security guards looking the other way and they try to get. It's fun.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Craig Gass]

Little upgrade. Sure. Super bowl week. Every super bowl city. It's tough.

[John Holmberg]

Is it?

[Craig Gass]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

So it's a better challenge for you, so it gets more fun. Here's the thing. Because of you, at Suns games, I've become, you know, like Mr. Glass had. Unbreakable. Like, I am your nemesis without it being everybody that comes. Because it's now this new thing where these people buy cheap seats like you, and then keep an eye on the lower bowl where there's been nobody. And then they go down to that seat. I am the guy who's like, all right, all right, everybody out. I'm kicking people out in the frigate. I am booting everybody.

[Craig Gass]

I'm a hypocrite.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, you do it too.

[Craig Gass]

I do it too. In fact, at my. I've snuck into so many comedy shows as a kid growing up here, I would sneak into the improv when I was underage.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Craig Gass]

Snuck into laughs down in Tucson. And at my own shows, if I see there's an opening that someone could sneak in, I'll just hang out by there when the show's going. And when people come in, I go, oh, yeah, man. Front doors over there.

[John Holmberg]

Wait for a young man like.

[Craig Gass]

Like me.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. I'm like, crush his career and his dreams.

[Craig Gass]

Total hip. I did it. I literally just did it. Two nights ago, John Mulaney's performing in Honolulu. I don't know, John. I tried to get into the show, and someone was like, you know, you're not supposed to be back here.

[John Holmberg]

You were backstage.

[Craig Gass]

Well, I was trying to just get hooked up for the show. I don't know Mulaney. Right.

[John Holmberg]

And, you know, you could do that. You buy a ticket, Craig.

[Craig Gass]

Which is exactly what the girl who was yelling at me said.

[John Holmberg]

The girl who was yelling at how you get in?

[Craig Gass]

She goes. I go, well, and this true. A guy who did security for a tour that I did with Alison Chains did. Is now doing security off and on for Mulaney.

[John Holmberg]

Right.

[Craig Gass]

And I texted him, and he said, I'll see what I can do. And I said, yeah. I texted my friend, and she goes, well, if you haven't heard back from him, that should tell you something.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Craig Gass]

And I went, okay. I ended up not only getting into the show, I ended up being part of the show. That.

[John Holmberg]

Is that right?

[Craig Gass]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

You went up there with him.

[Craig Gass]

Mulaney ends up. He talks about recovery and drug addiction and his intervention. And I know that you thought that.

[John Holmberg]

Was an introduction, so you walked up on stage. That's. Well, please. He's talking about.

[Craig Gass]

I know that during his show, he says, has anybody here been in in person treatment?

[John Holmberg]

Right?

[Craig Gass]

And I said, yeah. When he goes, oh, what is your name? And I said, craig. And he goes, hey, Greg, mind if I talk to you about it?

[John Holmberg]

No kidding.

[Craig Gass]

And we end up talking about. And I. And it's a crazy story because I don't know if I ever told you I ended up unintentionally in the wrong rehab. I ended up in a.

[John Holmberg]

Sorry, that's just.

[Craig Gass]

Why. Why does this surprise.

[Brett]

How do you wind up in the wrong rehab?

[Craig Gass]

Because he had a Buddy, he knew.

[John Holmberg]

In the other one, didn't even get into the rehab.

[Craig Gass]

No, it's. It's actually crazier than that. I ended up in gay rehab.

[John Holmberg]

How'd it go?

[Craig Gass]

It was the best place I've ever been.

[John Holmberg]

Hold on. Like, pray away 5% success rate.

[Craig Gass]

It's. You know what? Yeah, rehab does have very small, but.

[John Holmberg]

Well, especially gay rehab, because you put all those gay guys in there talking about what they don't want to do anymore, and everybody's got a heart on.

[Craig Gass]

I had insurance for the first. And I had health insurance for the first time. I called him up and I said, hey, do you treat drug addiction? And they said, yep, we do. And they put me to a different line. And this woman says, okay, where are you? What neighborhood are you in? And I was dating a girl who lived in a gay area of. In a gay district of Seattle, Capitol Hill. And she said, oh, there's a rehab, like, right down the street from you. And I said, great. And I called them up, and I said, hi, I want to check myself in. And as soon as the guy picked up the phone, I could tell. I was like, huh? All right, Whatever. And then you're from Seattle.

[John Holmberg]

I just remembered that is a famous rehab up there on Capitol Hill.

[Craig Gass]

I didn't know that. Well, I'm from New York, but Seattle's where my career started. And the guy asked me a bunch of questions. I am more honest with this stranger on the phone than I have been to any of my friends about how bad my addiction has gotten. And at the end of all the questions, he says, okay, well, I think. I think we're done. Let me ask you just one more question. You are a homosexual, right? And I said, I'm a what just now because you're homosexual? I go, what does that have to do with anything? And he goes, well, we're a treatment center for homosexuals.

[John Holmberg]

And I said, that has to do with what?

[Craig Gass]

Do you take insurance?

[John Holmberg]

Not what you answer. You're a homosexual, Right? With you just say yes or no. Not what does that have to do with anything? Because that's clearly a guy who's gay and trying not to be your perfect fit. It's like stripes.

[Brett]

No, but we're willing to learn.

[Craig Gass]

I mean, I've done a lot of cocaine, but I didn't touch anybody.

[John Holmberg]

That one moment, we were like, sure, I'll suck it.

[Craig Gass]

Just give me the blow.

[John Holmberg]

Now, that guy knew from your answers.

[Craig Gass]

And then he tells me you're. Well, we're not gay and lesbian. Exclusive but we're gay and lesbian friendly. So are you a homosexual? And I said, no. And he said, do you have a problem with homosexuals? And I said, no. And he said, okay, we'll see you on Monday. And I checked into gay rehab.

[John Holmberg]

You went into gay rehab? So it wasn't gay rehab. It was a gay drug rehab.

[Craig Gass]

Gay drug rehab.

[John Holmberg]

Better.

[Craig Gass]

Which.

[John Holmberg]

It's like when I say the rape. They call it rape prevention, self defense, but I call it rape class. It's just. It's like, I always say that. And I would say, oh, they got a great rape seminar coming up. Because that's. I shorten it. Your gay rehab is not to cure you of the gay.

[Craig Gass]

Correct.

[John Holmberg]

But your answer of what does that have to do with anything? Is my favorite dodge of all time.

[Craig Gass]

The toughest person in the rehab was a lumberjack chick from Oregon who, in a drunken blackout, had choked her partner and ended up in jail.

[John Holmberg]

No kidding.

[Craig Gass]

She has no memory of it at all. Yeah. And she was badass.

[John Holmberg]

Selling to date her.

[Craig Gass]

But getting back to sneak. So it's funny because Mulaney and I are. And then, you know, people are walking by, like, dude, that was funny. You know, and people are fist bumping. And I see the girl that tried to kick me out of the backstage area earlier, and she's like, how'd that guy get in here? So you like seats front row? Yes.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Craig Gass]

So you ended up in the front row because.

[John Holmberg]

Pretty awesome.

[Craig Gass]

Well, I just asked the right person. I did. It turns out the promoter was somebody who had brought me to Hawaii earlier with Russell Peters.

[John Holmberg]

Just keep going.

[Craig Gass]

I just keep going. You have to. You have to.

[John Holmberg]

The smartest thing.

[Craig Gass]

And at sporting events, I will. I went to NBA Finals Game 6 between the Sonics and the Bulls for free, which initially was. And I shouldn't be saying this on the air, but because this whole strategy, I was really proud of.

[John Holmberg]

Right.

[Craig Gass]

A friend of mine works at the Key arena now. It's called something else. It's called Climate Pledge Arena. And he says, I can get you into the arena, but you just won't have a seat. And I go, that's okay, dude. It's game six. Sure. It's. It's Jordan and. And the Sonics and Gary Payton and.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Craig Gass]

And so he sneaks me into the building. And then I realized they're being really tight. If I'm standing in any aisle, the ushers are like, you know, hey, you got to get your seat. And then we'd go to the next section. Right, sir, you got to take your seat. And. And it was. It was madd. So I had an idea. I walked out towards the exit and talked to one of the ticket takers, like for 10 minutes and said, hey, is there. Can I leave and come back? Goes, well, if you need an ATM, because they didn't have ATMs at the time, the arena, or if you're something else. And I go, oh, I need an atm. And he goes, oh, yeah, well, yeah, you can leave. You have your ticket, right? And I go, yeah, I have my ticket. And he goes, all right, yeah, as long as you have a ticket. And I started talking to him, made him laugh. And I go, well, I'm actually a stand up comedian. He goes, oh, well, good. Right on.

[John Holmberg]

And homosexual. I just got on a team. You have.

[Craig Gass]

So I walk out and there was always a collection of scalpers on the corner of the street outside the arena on Mercer. And I walked out and I see the scalper. I go, hey, who's got one good seat? And I was like, okay, what do you got? And I go, what do you have? And one guy had a seat down by the court, fourth row of section 101. And he goes, 101, row four, seat five. And I go, how much? And he goes, 800 bucks right now, it's yours. And I go, nah, I can't. He goes, what do you want? Come on, 800. I go, I can't. He goes, give me six. 600 right now. Put it in your hand. Put in your hand. Come on, 600, it's yours. I go, no, I'm sorry. He goes, give me 400. I go, I got a wired. He goes, what do you want? Well, tell me how much you want. I go, I don't want to pay. I just walked away and went back to the arena. I got in line, people were walking in. And I see the ticket taker, and he goes, where's your ticket? And I go, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, come on in. He didn't recognize my face. And I go, hey. I go, hey, we're section 101.

[John Holmberg]

No, you knew that because of the.

[Craig Gass]

So I walked down to 101. Went down to the fourth row. I go, excuse me, seat number five over here. No one's in it. Sat down at seat.

[John Holmberg]

Damn it, you're a scam artist.

[Craig Gass]

Sat there until the middle of the third quarter.

[John Holmberg]

And then somebody showed up.

[Craig Gass]

And then someone showed up. And at that point, I was still drinking back then. I was like, I'm gay now. That was the only time. By the Way. It'll be funny because I'm doing shows this week. It'll be funny if I get out to stir craze. And they're like, yeah, we got a full house, but only three people. Big.

[John Holmberg]

Everybody. Yeah, well, everybody sneak into Craig's show. It's about time you got some payback.

[Craig Gass]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

What does that have to do with anything?

[Craig Gass]

That is my biggest fear. But it's tough to get into stuff at the Super Bowl. They have really. They have.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, yeah, they got. They've tightened her up.

[Craig Gass]

They. They hire tough security. There's.

[John Holmberg]

It's a challenge.

[Craig Gass]

Cops.

[John Holmberg]

But again, you went into a. I think it was Game 5 of the NBA Finals.

[Craig Gass]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

With me.

[Craig Gass]

Yeah. In the suites.

[John Holmberg]

And you showed me the door you came through. And I've looked at that, and there's a straight up and down ladder on a wall. And like, you were like John McClane from Die Hard getting through the vents and, I don't know, shoes on. He's standing next to me with a plate of cookies, tabs on his shoulder, goes, hey, love ya. And he gives me a hug, and I'm like, how did you do that? I was kind of proud and kind of pissed at the same time because I forked out a fortune for thing. And there's Craig. I'm like, do you want to come with? I can get you a ticket. It's this much. No, I'm gonna go to the game anyway. And then he's standing in the suite with us. Son of a. But it was.

[Craig Gass]

It was so much easier than that. It was literally one stairwell to get up there.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Well, what I saw was a fireman's ladder outside. Horrible. Yeah. Yeah. It was like a gauntlet of fire, like American Gladiator to get in there.

[Craig Gass]

Can I get upstairs, take my pants off? What does that have to do with.

[John Holmberg]

What does that have to do with? You are homosexual, Right?

[Craig Gass]

What does that have to do with it?

[John Holmberg]

That I'm going to answer that for everything now, because that. That does not answer the question at all. Yes, maybe. No. I don't know. Craig Gass is here. We'll talk about his plans for what goes on as we go through the morning. He's gonna hang out with us. The Brady Report is coming up, and.

[Craig Gass]

I'm doing two shows.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, yeah.

[Craig Gass]

In Gilbert tomorrow. Wait, no. Wednesday. Doing two shows in Gilbert on Wednesday at PJ's.

[John Holmberg]

Okay.

[Craig Gass]

Two shows. That stir Crazy on Thursday.

[John Holmberg]

Look at you busy.

[Craig Gass]

All the Info [e-mail] getgas.com. is it JP's or. Oh, my God.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, boy. If you look into your own pro. Oh, Jesus. No, no, he should know this. He should know this.

[Craig Gass]

JP's comedy.

[John Holmberg]

Great backdoor at JP's. You can sneak right in. It's easy.

[Craig Gass]

Get gas.com getgas.com with two S's head.

[John Holmberg]

On over there and find out where Craig thinks he's going and then ask.

[Craig Gass]

Him a couple questions.

[John Holmberg]

It is JP's. You were right.

[Craig Gass]

JP's Wednesday stir crazy. You did say PJ's.

[John Holmberg]

I did say the crazy stir.

[Craig Gass]

By the way, what does that have to do different?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, that's it. We're to do the Brady report next. It's 98 KUPD. It's out of control now.

[Craig Gass]

98.

[John Holmberg]

You've been listening to Holmberg's Morning Sickness Podcast brought to you by our friends at Eric's Family Barbecue in Avondale. Meat mesquite repeat erics familybbq.com.