02-06-25 - Emailers Ask How Long Brady Could Stand Around Before Cops Were Called And Melissa Questions John's Nail Shop Rant - John Got To The Bottom Of Fishy Stink Coming From His Ass

Summary

Holmberg's Morning Sickness - Arizona Episode Release Date: February 6, 2025
Host: John Holmberg with Brady Bogen, Bret Vesely, and Dick Toledo
Episode Title: Emailers Ask How Long Brady Could Stand Around Before Cops Were Called And Melissa Questions John's Nail Shop Rant - John Got To The Bottom Of Fishy Stink Coming From His Ass

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Episode Summary:

In the February 6, 2025 episode of Holmberg's Morning Sickness on Arizona's #1 Morning Radio Show, host John Holmberg engages listeners with a mix of current events, listener challenges, personal anecdotes, and unabashed humor. Joined by co-hosts Brady Bogen, Bret Vesely, and Dick Toledo, the trio delves into topics ranging from legendary rock finales to intimate personal experiences, all delivered with their signature blend of entertainment and candidness.

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1. Black Sabbath's Final Performance

[00:35] John Holmberg:
Holmberg ignites the episode by discussing the highly anticipated final performance of rock legends Black Sabbath slated for July 5th in England. He reflects on the monumental impact of the band and expresses skepticism about the longevity of their farewell, mentioning past statements from Ozzy Osbourne. Holmberg muses, “Eventually it's going to be their last show for real... This thing's going to be so big that I can't believe they wouldn't go, all right, one more in America and we'll be done” ([00:35]).

[01:36] John Holmberg:
The conversation touches on the logistics and significance of the final tour dates, with Holmberg highlighting the massive turnout and the emotional resonance for both the band and fans alike.

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2. Listener Challenge: Standby at Girl Scout Cookie Booths

[02:07] John Holmberg:
Introducing a daring listener challenge inspired by an email from Rick Brandt, Holmberg proposes that the hosts test how long they can stand silently near a Girl Scout cookie booth before attracting police attention. He explains, “You should put your looks to the test by going to any of those grocery stores where girl scouts are outside selling cookies and see how long it takes for the cops to show up” ([02:07]).

[03:01] Dale Hellistra:
Dale enthusiastically declares, “All three of us are going to,” indicating his commitment to take on the challenge alongside Brady and Holmberg.

[03:21] John Holmberg:
Holmberg humorously speculates that Dale's noticeable presence might make him the first to receive a call, adding, “I think Dale is. I think he stands out the most” ([03:21]).

Impact:
This segment blends humor with social experimentation, engaging listeners to ponder societal norms and law enforcement responses in everyday scenarios.

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3. Debate on Being Framed and Death Row Injustices

[03:39] John Holmberg:
Shifting to a more serious topic, Holmberg and Brady discuss the complexities of wrongful convictions and the improbability of being sentenced to death row in the modern judicial landscape. Holmberg asserts, “In this day and age, nearly impossible to go to death row with all the cameras and DNA and all that testing, is impossible to go to death row” ([03:30]).

[04:48] John Holmberg:
Holmberg elaborates on the stringent requirements for death row convictions today, emphasizing the necessity of overwhelming evidence and the role of modern forensic science in preventing miscarriages of justice.

[05:43] Brady Bogen:
Brady contemplates the personal implications of being falsely accused, suggesting, “If you're innocent, just get killed in the... in there” ([05:08]), highlighting the gravity and fear associated with wrongful convictions.

Discussion:
The hosts explore the balance between ensuring justice and the potential for systemic flaws, encouraging listeners to consider the robustness of contemporary legal protections.

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4. Melissa Questions John's Pedicure Rant

[06:08] John Holmberg:
In a candid and humorous turn, Holmberg shares a personal struggle with an unpleasant anal odor, revealing, “I am a man, and my anus smells of fish” ([06:08]). He attributes the issue to an internal hemorrhoid and details his efforts to address it, including personal hygiene routines and online research.

[08:35] John Holmberg:
Holmberg recounts his experience with diagnosing the issue through Reddit, explaining, “Reddit has thousands of pages about this. Turns out it's an internal hemorrhoid” ([08:35]).

[12:00] John Holmberg:
Delving deeper into personal hygiene, Holmberg discusses effective cleaning techniques and the challenges associated with maintaining anal health, combining raw honesty with humor. He advises, “You gotta get in there and scoop out the edges... You gotta scrub the rim. Yeah, inside and out” ([13:22]).

[15:18] John Holmberg:
Concluding the segment, Holmberg emphasizes the importance of thorough personal hygiene, stating, “Don't be so afraid of it. In fact, Ronnie should be in there a lot more often” ([15:18]).

Discussion:
This segment stands out for its unfiltered approach to a typically private subject, fostering an open dialogue about men's health and hygiene while entertaining listeners with Holmberg's frankness.

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5. Additional Banter and Topics

Throughout the episode, Holmberg and his co-hosts intersperse their main discussions with light-hearted banter, reactions to each other's comments, and spontaneous humor. Topics range from the dynamics of pedicure services to cultural observations, all delivered with the show's trademark irreverence.

Notable Interaction:

[07:42] Brady Bogen:
Brady comments on the economic aspects of pedicure services, noting the affordability factors for different demographics.

[09:25] Dale Hellistra:
Dale contributes by linking the discussion to past shows and broader social interactions, maintaining the flow of conversation with his characteristic enthusiasm.

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Key Takeaways:

• Black Sabbath's Final Tour: A significant cultural moment, with discussions on the band's legacy and the emotional weight of their final performances.

• Social Experiment: The challenge to gauge police response times introduces listeners to provocative and thought-provoking social scenarios.

• Justice System Analysis: An in-depth conversation on the improbability of wrongful death row convictions today underscores the advancements in the legal system.

• Personal Health and Hygiene: Holmberg's open discussion about anal hygiene breaks down stigmas, promoting honest conversations about men's health.

• Engaging Banter: The interplay between hosts keeps the episode lively, ensuring a blend of serious topics and entertaining dialogue.

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Closing Remarks:

This episode of Holmberg's Morning Sickness exemplifies the show's ability to juggle diverse topics with ease, offering listeners a rich mixture of entertainment, insight, and candid conversation. Whether debating the final bow of a music legend or sharing personal health anecdotes, Holmberg and his team maintain an engaging and relatable atmosphere that resonates with their Arizona audience.

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Notable Quotes:

• John Holmberg on Black Sabbath's Final Show:
  “This thing's going to be so big that I can't believe they wouldn't go, all right, one more in America and we'll be done” ([00:35]).

• John Holmberg on the Police Response Test:
  “You should put your looks to the test by going to any of those grocery stores where girl scouts are outside selling cookies and see how long it takes for the cops to show up” ([02:07]).

• John Holmberg on Death Row Injustices:
  “In this day and age, nearly impossible to go to death row with all the cameras and DNA and all that testing, is impossible to go to death row” ([03:30]).

• John Holmberg on Personal Hygiene:
  “I am a man, and my anus smells of fish” ([06:08]).

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Stay tuned to Holmberg's Morning Sickness on 98 KUPD weekdays from 5:30 AM to 10:00 AM for more engaging discussions and entertaining segments.

Transcript

[Dick Toledo]

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[Homburg]

Still streaming Homburg's Morning Sickness online at 98kupd.com man, that show that's going on in England in July, look that up. Black Sabbath, last show ever. July 5th. We talked about it yesterday, got announced yesterday is just unreal. And evidently more and more people are now rescheduling their summers, you know, performers and stuff, to go be part of that. The list of people that are already showing up. Unreal. The people who will end up showing up. That's it. And I don't know if Black Sabbath's last show ever. We've heard Ozzy say this before, but this time I have to kind of believe it. Eventually it's going to be their last show for real. But this thing's going to be so big that I can't believe they wouldn't go, all right, one more in America and we'll be done. This is too much money for everybody. But all these American artists are flying over. Look it up. What's it? It's just Sabbath, right? It's not even what it's called. Yeah, it had a name.

[Brady]

Back to not Back to the Future, Back to the Beginning, I think, or something like that. Hang on.

[Homburg]

I think I have it because that's where they started. Back to the Beginning. Back to the beginning. Yeah. Well, maybe if that's the case, it's that full circle thing. They're not going to do it anywhere else.

[Dale Hellistra]

But it'd be hard to do Back to the Beginning, too.

[Homburg]

Right? But back to the American beginning.

[Dale Hellistra]

Yeah.

[Homburg]

Yeah. It's just a tough one.

[Brady]

Which.

[Dale Hellistra]

Then they do it in the first. You know what, what state did they perform in first?

[Homburg]

They don't remember. Nobody knows. They could tell you anything.

[Dale Hellistra]

Every one of them has a different state.

[Homburg]

Show up in New Hampshire somewhere and be like, yeah, this is it. They'll go to where these people are. A guy emailed said just listening to the earlier part of the podcast, you should put your looks to the test. Now. If you weren't listening earlier yesterday at the Q. T, as I walked in, a woman grabbed her children and pulled them away and said, stay away from him. I don't know when this happened, but this is my new face says Homeburg. You should put your looks to the test by going to any of those grocery stores where girl scouts are outside selling cookies and see how long it takes for the cops to show up. That's a great idea. That is a great idea. Me, Brady, Dale Hellistra. And you're not allowed to be all friendly and chatty, which you'll have a problem with. Hey, how's it going? Like you, you just have to stand silent adjacent to the table, but 18 to 25ft away and just stand.

[Dale Hellistra]

All three of us are going to.

[Homburg]

Get calls, but who's first? Who gets it the fastest? You know, everybody's going to get a call. Dale, Dale is. I think he stands out the most. Yeah, I think so too. That's a good thing to see. And if you're really good looking, you're gonna be able to stand there all day. Oh, my God. That guy's just watching us.

[Dale Hellistra]

He's so after three, two hours, you'll.

[Homburg]

Get a call if you're great looking.

[Dale Hellistra]

Yeah, I think it'll matter who.

[Homburg]

They'll walk by, you all packed up, have a great day. They'll leave before you.

[Dale Hellistra]

What? What is the response if they ask you?

[Homburg]

Nothing. There isn't one.

[Dale Hellistra]

So you're just silent.

[Homburg]

How you doing?

[Dale Hellistra]

Yeah, that good looking guy won't last.

[Homburg]

Siri would. Why not? And you can't fiddle around with your phone, act like you're doing something. Just stand there with your hands at your center just watching the goings on of the girl scout cookies sales. See how fast the police come. That's a good idea. That is from Rick Brandt. I actually like that quite a bit. Rick, well done. I was telling the boys about. Oh, and Melissa and I are going back and forth talking about being railroaded and framed into death row. She goes, why do you think that can happen? She goes, what about the west Memphis three minors convicted of a killing and mutilating other children? Yeah. I'm not saying it hasn't happened. I'm saying in this day and age, nearly impossible to go to death row with all the cameras and DNA and all that testing, is impossible to go to death row. Have an entire jury say, yep, you're the guy. Have all the evidence stack against you, and you had nothing to do with it. You're too close. You can't go to death row nowadays. Probably in the last 20 years. In the last 20 years, you're not going to death row unless you were way too close to actual. And you know something? Like, the worst thing is if you're that close that you actually got convicted of that you know something.

[Brady]

No, not necessarily.

[Homburg]

Yes, you do, Brad. Now, I'm not listening to you. You're just always fun when you get in a courtroom. It isn't fake news. That's true.

[Brady]

What if you went.

[Homburg]

You would rat so fast if you were going to death. Death row. You don't tell. If you go to death row and.

[Brady]

You'Re innocent, just get killed in the. In there.

[Dale Hellistra]

So you're at that movie.

[Homburg]

You. That is d. You go to death row and you had nothing to do with it.

[Brady]

But if it's death row. But I'm not talking about if you're putting in five years. If you're getting convicted for five.

[Homburg]

You sit for five years on something you didn't do.

[Brady]

You get taken care of when you get out, man.

[Homburg]

You get taken care of when you get in.

[Dale Hellistra]

What if it's. What if it's not being taken care of?

[Homburg]

Yeah, what a brain wouldn't.

[Dale Hellistra]

It's just general. Just ratting on the person that you knew that did it.

[Homburg]

So you. If Brady did something horrible, you take the fall for it and you get a 70.

[Brady]

No, because Brady would rat on me, so, you know, I would.

[Homburg]

I wouldn't.

[Brady]

I would rat on him.

[Homburg]

Me too. I'd rat on you.

[Brady]

Well, yeah.

[Homburg]

No problem with that. I'm not going to jail for you. Nobody's taking care of me when I get out.

[Dale Hellistra]

Stallone wasn't taken care of and Tulsa King.

[Homburg]

Okay, that's. I haven't got that far yet. It's very confused. Not on the same episode. This was a great one yesterday, before Dale comes up and he's probably in his car being annoyed.

[Brady]

He's gonna be best.

[Homburg]

We were talking. I was talking to somebody online about hygiene and the feet thing and people like, you're so dirty and stuff. Like, you've had moments where that. And Melissa even text and said, why do you say that? Women just want slaves. They have to pay for it to have their feet washed. Like, that's the only thing that kind of keeps white women upset about the whole pedicure thing. Is that the slavery still at the end, there's an exchange of money. We're back in the olden days, you just left. And they probably, in the olden days, dropped off a couple of coins or whatever for the slip. But biblically, that's what that's about. Like, they washing feet is the most humble you can be. It brings you down to the level of the other person. It puts that rise to other people above. That's when Jesus washed their feet. It's like he's beneath very humble. So that's what white women love, feeling above foreigners. And that's why all the pedicure shops are Asian ladies who are demure and attentive to your needs. So white women can scream and yell at them. And unfortunately, because there are laws against it, they pay. If they didn't have to, those ladies in Paradise Valley would not pay those Asian ladies at all. They'd walk in, wash my feet, Quanley, and she would make her wash them, and she'd make phone calls the whole time. Wouldn't even talk to her. Don't ask how her day's going because she probably doesn't speak English. That's the way she likes it. And then at the end, she throws a sawbuck her way and bails out for $20. And that's the other thing white women look for pricing. All those rich ladies in Paradise Valley, they pay extra for gym memberships, and they want to be part of the exclusive Pilates club. But when it comes to pedicures, they try to find the lowest price because that's the least amount they have to pay their slave. And that makes them happy.

[Brady]

But they're still not going over, like, 59th Avenue in an Indian store or something, you know, because it's going to be cheaper.

[Homburg]

That's why the Asians are so smart to open one of those chop shops. They open them up close to the rich ladies. They know we can charge them 20 bucks, and they think that's the closest they'll ever be to slave ownership. They love it. They love it. There's no reason you can't wash your own feet. None. Morning sickness medicate KU PD Holmberg's morning sickness. Outside of just wanting a slave, there's no reason. And that massage they give you, there's no training for that. I could do that after watching them. Once they rub up and down your calf, they scrub. And they're all white women. Oh, massage is the best part. They're so well trained, right? And the one time I went there, the guy who rubbed my feet and calves had just gotten done changing the light bulbs. He was in A flannel shirt and jeans. There's no training. He's just the extra hand.

[Brady]

So you had Quan Cobain doing your pedicure or what?

[Homburg]

He was the owner. He was the main. Like he was in charge of all of them. And they don't speak English, but they hear you. And the women don't talk to them. They never once. I was there a week or so before Thanksgiving a couple years ago, and the white ladies were talking to each other. Never once asked the lady, washing their feet, what are you doing for Thanksgiving? Oh, but they couldn't stop talking to each other. Just meant, hi, my name is Marie. I live over here in the estates of blah blah blah. Oh yeah, I live over there. That's great. What are you doing for Thanksgiving? Having a lot of people. And they go back and forth with meanwhile two people on their knees scrubbing their feet. Not one question for them because you know why? They're servants. And that's the way whitey likes it. Deep down, white people, we have to admit that we do like that big.

[Dale Hellistra]

Part, you know, that's why a big part. Ronnie and her clients, it's one on one coffee talk.

[Homburg]

Yeah. She's taking it on to where they can chit chat about the other ladies. But the way they don't like other people, that's the good thing.

[Dale Hellistra]

Oh, yeah, absolutely.

[Homburg]

It's just that's.

[Dale Hellistra]

And they can go there, you know, almost like it's a bartender factor.

[Homburg]

Right? It's two women in a room are going to sit and talk about the one woman that's not there and they're trash anyway. So that's that. So. Yeah. And that's what she started bringing up, the cleanliness factor. This, that the other day, this is the first that's ever happened to me. The very first time this ever happened. I don't know if you guys have ever had it either, but I'm going to. This is a public service announcement for all the people out there. As you know, I am an adamant washer of the back area. After each movement I have, I hop into the shower, clean myself and notice that a couple days ago in the shower as I scrubbed up with my cucumber mint rinse that on my hands as I go back to the bar of soap to wash my hands after diving into the area, there was a smell of rotting fish. Like, what in the world? So washed my hands, cleaned them, smelled them again. Now they smell like soap. And I'm like, smelled the soap. Soap smells good. I'm like the only thing that could have been was my back area. So did that Chattahoochee canal thing with my ass cheeks bent over, rinsed it out, and went right back in there and gave myself a little dabble do you feeling, you know, brought it up close to the old schnoz. Yep, that's me. The nose knows that fish smell is me. And I mean, it isn't nice at all. Go back in there with the soap, give it a good scrub, and I keep doing this until the smell is gone immediately. Once I dry my hands out of the shower, grab the phone. I am a man, and my anus smells of fish. Reddit has thousands of pages about this. Turns out it's an internal hemorrhoid. And the way they let you know before they start bugging if they ever do that, they're in there is a very unique smell that is very fishy. So currently I got a hemi under the hood. Yeah. And if Michael and I gotta go over to Michael and Troy's and ask them what the realities are, they'll know.

[Dale Hellistra]

They have a stick to go.

[Homburg]

How do I get rid of this toot? Sweet. So I gotta figure that out two.

[Brady]

Days ago, Bring your ass to Cobblestone. Have them clean that thing out of there.

[Homburg]

So later in the day, I took my pants off and I threw my legs up in the air and I just started to do that hand waft to see if it's. To see if it's outer or in. No, you gotta. You gotta dive in.

[Dale Hellistra]

It's too in.

[Homburg]

Yeah, it's too. You gotta be part of it. So just letting you know, if you're like me, don't be alarmed. It's probably just a hemorrhoid.

[Dale Hellistra]

Now, did you say what causes an internal hemi?

[Homburg]

Well, hemorrhoids are hemorrhoids. You know, straining anything doing any weights or biking could be biking with cucumber mint. No, no, no, no, no, no. You worry about washing ass too much. That's a very clean thing. You think it's dangerous to do that? And think of Michael and Troy across, you think they're doing. So fellas less than me just washing my anus.

[Dale Hellistra]

You worry about washing a strain a lot then?

[Homburg]

No, I ride my bike. I'm doing a lot of stuff. I'm bouncing around on a bike seat. There's a good chance that I took a. A punishing blow to the anus on the trail. 100. You don't know. Brett's been there. He had his nuts shoot up into his throat once. That Bike seat hit him. So feel it. So, yeah, probably that. That's my guess. But it has nothing to. Don't listen to Brady, the man who's so afraid of his own anus. Wash your ass. And don't be afraid that you're gonna wreck it just by penetrating a little. You gotta get in there and scoop out the edges. Uranus is a lot like a wine glass with lipstick on it. You gotta scrub the rim. Yeah. Inside and out. No, you're not.

[Dale Hellistra]

No, but you're talking about like I thought you were talking about actually going inside with them.

[Brady]

That's what he's talking about.

[Homburg]

What I just say, inside and out.

[Dale Hellistra]

He said to the rim area.

[Brady]

And then I said, well, the inner rim, too.

[Homburg]

Do you wash. When you wash a glass with lipstick on it, do you just wash the outside? No, thank you. The rim, you only wash the outer edge. The inside of you is gross. You are a chocolate LeBaron. You're waiting to happen. You're the. Yep. Yes, you are. You admit it by not. You got to go in there and tear some of that out of there. That's what a good hooker does. That's what gays do. You get some Metamucil. You go in there and you sweat.

[Dale Hellistra]

Bidet water does that.

[Homburg]

No, you don't. You don't. You got rust bump.

[Dale Hellistra]

Don't.

[Homburg]

You gotta go in there and clean the bidet. Just moistens it up again. If you had a handful of crap and you just watered it, are you clean?

[Dale Hellistra]

Jet clean.

[Homburg]

Okay. If you took a hose and just washed it off and you not go back in there with soap and a little bit and make sure you get everything.

[Brady]

Are you going to dig into that bag of Doritos after that?

[Homburg]

You know what his problem is? And Brett, you can relate to me on this is he's never been with a girl where he's had poop flakes. No. And that's when you realize, oh, no matter how much washing there is, you get the poop flakes.

[Brady]

Oh, yeah.

[Homburg]

And you never forget them. Well, they had poop flakes twice. One of them was 30 years ago. And I'll never forget the look. I ran to the shower. It's horrifying. It looked like a fruity pebble stuck to the side of the bowl. Ah. So stop yelling at me about how I wash my ass. I'm clean. And get in there a little bit. Just start a little bit. Don't be so afraid of it. In fact, Ronnie should be in there a lot more often. And once she's in there and you discover the glory of that. You'll start washing the inside of your ass more. You're too afraid of that thing. A lot of pleasure back in that. We get in there. Don't use your thumbs, though. You'll rupture. Anyway, back to what I was saying before Brady so rudely ruined.

[Dale Hellistra]

Thanks for the advice.

[Homburg]

I'm telling you, that's good advice. Dale will come in here and tell you the same. Dale loves ass play. He'll talk about that until he's blue in the face. It's true. However, just to let everybody know. Now, you see you've wasted a lot of Dave. Dale. Dale. This one's on Brace Toledo. Should have gotten him already. Brought him up during that.

[Brady]

Come on, John.

[Homburg]

If you have a fishy smell. Although if there's blood and some sort of a discharge involved, you've got a weird infection.

[Brady]

So, basically, if you smell like you're going in one of those markets in downtown Mesa.

[Homburg]

Yep.

[Brady]

Okay.

[Homburg]

If you close your eyes and you feel like you're at where the old Tri City Mall was. It's probably just the hemorrhoid. Dale's coming up next. It's 98, Arizona's most powerful rock radio station. He said fully erect. 98.