02-06-25 - FULL SHOW - THURSDAY - Holmbergs Morning Sickness 98 KUPD

Summary

Holmberg's Morning Sickness - Arizona Episode: 02-06-25 - FULL SHOW - THURSDAY Release Date: February 6, 2025 Host: John Holmberg Co-Hosts: Brady Bogen, Brett Vesely, Dick Toledo

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1. Introduction and Local Traffic Updates

The show kicks off with John Holmberg welcoming listeners to another episode of Arizona's #1 Morning Radio Show. Early discussions focus on the persistent issue of shootings in the West Valley, specifically along 67th Avenue and 35th Avenue. Holmberg emphasizes the importance of having alternate routes for commuters, highlighting a recent tragic incident on Elliott and the I-10 freeway where a fatal shooting occurred ([01:21]).

Notable Quote:

• John Holmberg [01:23]: "Do you not have three or four routes to work?"

2. Phoenix Open and Local Sports Commentary

The conversation shifts to the kickoff of the Phoenix Open, a major golf tournament attracting both sports enthusiasts and protesters. Holmberg and his team discuss the logistical challenges, including traffic congestion and security measures. They humorously critique the behavior of attendees, particularly the level of drunkenness and the changes in event setup, such as the replacement of traditional vendors with a large tented restaurant bar ([05:34] - [10:02]).

Notable Quote:

• John Holmberg [08:12]: "The worst thing you could possibly do. They did another story...but alcohol will cause more deaths in college than the boner pills."

3. Technology and Privacy: Phone Security Discussion

A significant segment delves into emerging technology aimed at securing personal devices. The co-hosts discuss a new system where smartphones and tablets are programmed to lock automatically if the user's pulse stops, effectively rendering the device inaccessible upon death ([14:26] - [15:09]). This sparks a debate about privacy, digital legacy, and the implications for users' personal data.

Notable Quote:

• John Holmberg [14:51]: "It's almost like a will and trust for your phone."

4. AVN Awards Satire and Porn Industry Discussion

Holmberg and his team critique the AVN (Adult Video News) Awards, mocking the lack of originality in adult film storylines and the culture surrounding the industry. They humorously invent scenarios for award-winning scenes, highlighting perceived clichés and promoting their disdain for the repetitive nature of adult content ([24:03] - [35:24]).

Notable Quote:

• John Holmberg [30:03]: "It's basically... there's no original idea. But see, if my... that's wrong, is it?"

5. Personal Interactions and Being Perceived as Creepy

The show takes a personal turn as Holmberg shares experiences of being perceived as "creepy" by strangers. He recounts incidents where individuals accuse him of being a threat based solely on his appearance, leading to uncomfortable interactions. This segment underscores the challenges of public perception and personal identity ([37:26] - [85:40]).

Notable Quote:

• John Holmberg [83:17]: "I'm the guy that says, get away from that creep."

6. Sports Franchise Management: Suns Ownership and Player Trades

A heated discussion arises around the management of the Phoenix Suns, criticizing the team's owner, Matt Ishbia, for his handling of player trades and team strategy. The hosts argue that retaining star players like Devin Booker without achieving championships reflects poor management. They compare the Suns' approach unfavorably to other franchises that make tough decisions for long-term success ([49:12] - [57:52]).

Notable Quote:

• John Holmberg [55:29]: "When it comes to sports, stop having crushes. We're all guilty of it a little bit."

7. Hygiene and Personal Health Anecdotes

Holmberg shares personal anecdotes related to hygiene, specifically addressing issues like internal hemorrhoids and the importance of thorough cleaning. The discussion, laced with humor, serves as a lighthearted take on personal health concerns ([75:24] - [165:58]).

Notable Quote:

• John Holmberg [157:25]: "If you think I'm going to kill you or nab your children, keep it a little bit less obvious than grabbing them by the neck of their shirt."

8. Listener Interactions and Advice

Throughout the episode, listeners contribute via emails and calls, prompting the hosts to offer advice on various topics, from dealing with unexpected health issues to navigating social interactions. These segments highlight the show's interactive nature and the hosts' willingness to engage with their audience's concerns ([73:25] - [175:27]).

Notable Quote:

• John Holmberg [74:18]: "If you're like me and you're a little bit neurotic... it's over."

9. Entertainment and Break Segments

Interspersed between discussions are entertainment segments featuring humorous skits, advertisements, and playful banter among the hosts. These moments provide comic relief and maintain the show's engaging atmosphere ([176:11] - [187:00]).

Notable Quote:

• Dale Hellestray [176:53]: "You're my boy."

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Conclusions and Takeaways

This episode of "Holmberg's Morning Sickness" offers a mix of local news commentary, satirical takes on the entertainment industry, personal anecdotes, and spirited debates on sports management. The hosts employ humor and candid discussions to engage listeners, addressing both serious topics like public safety and technology, as well as lighter subjects centered around personal experiences and interactions.

Overall Tone: The show maintains an irreverent and humorous tone, often employing satire and blunt commentary. The hosts do not shy away from controversial topics, using them as opportunities to provoke thought and entertain their audience.

Recommendations for Non-Attendees: For those who haven't listened to the episode, "Holmberg's Morning Sickness" provides an unfiltered look into local Arizona issues, sports dynamics, and the hosts' unique perspectives. The blend of humor and candid discussions makes it a compelling listen for those interested in a mix of entertainment and commentary.

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Note: This summary reflects the content and tone of the original transcript, which includes humor and language that some may find offensive. Listener discretion is advised.

Transcript

[Dick Toledo]

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[John Holmberg]

Still streaming Homberg's Morning Sickness online at 98kupd.com Good morning, everybody. Hello there. Welcome to Thursday. Wow. It's 5:45. This is the morning sickness. My name's John. There's Brady, there's Brett, there's Toledo. Off we go. Another one. Another great one. And it's quick news. It's the only reason this kind of resonates with me. I'm sorry. To the West Valley. I have to apologize because every time I hear or see when I get here, I kind of check to see that the world hasn't exploded. What's going on to start the day. And pretty much every day, you know, I say I can see the word 67th Avenue or 35th Avenue, and there's been a shooting and it closes something.

[Brady]

David ends in Y.

[John Holmberg]

We never mention it.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

It's just because. Yeah. You know why.

[Brady]

Right.

[John Holmberg]

You should expect it and have an alternate route planned at all times if you use those two things to get to work. But this morning I heard that there was one on elliott and the i10 where we used to work. And it was nine years ago, but we used to work over in Guadalupe where KUPD used to be. And they have shut down the northbound. Which is the. Well, they call it westbound. Westbound i10, but it's really. You're heading north to the city, completely shut down at Warner because evidently people were shooting each other on the freeway. And they pulled over at the cobblestone car wash on Elliot and basically Elliott and Freeway. It's right there close by. And the lady in the car evidently died. So that whole thing's gonna be a catastrophe. So you're gonna start your day out there. Iwatuki, Chandler, all you people miss. But I thought about it. I'm like, oh, that's terrible. I should bring that up on the radio. And then I thought, I never do that. When I say 67th Avenue in Olive or 35th Avenue and Buckeye, I'm like, yeah, why would I even. Why do I have to burden you people with information every single day? Do you not have three or four routes to work? If you use. If you use 35th or 27th Avenue at any given time, anticipate a shooting and just have an alternate route at hand.

[Brady]

If you're west of the 17, just. Yeah, that's just every day.

[John Holmberg]

Have a couple. You know how when you go to Google Maps and you asked for somebody says, here's. Here's three routes you could take. You should always have that. If you have to use 27th Avenue or 35th Avenue, it's a little surprising at Elliot and Guadalupe. Although there's Guadalupe.

[Brady]

I think if you're that far out, Google Maps actually gives you like six or seven.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. If you're on 35th Avenue just says, let's try something else. So anyway, just thought I'd kick the day off letting you know.

[Brady]

It just says, move.

[John Holmberg]

What are you doing? Go the other way.

[Brady]

Live in a different area.

[John Holmberg]

Run, mother. That's what my Google Maps say. So anyway, 35th and 27th Avenue. I know people living off of it. I'm sorry, but, you know, it's not like I'm telling you something you don't know. Don't get mad at me. You live on 35th Avenue and you wake up every day going, this is Shangri La. You're crazy. You're out of your mind.

[Brett]

They're better at dealing with it.

[John Holmberg]

They're better at dealing with it, but habits more often. Yeah, that's why we don't have to mention it. It's like. But when there is something like the i10 out there in Ahwatuki, you need an alternate route today. Highly recommend taking that weird. That strange 202 that goes around the mountain, like, kind of sneaks into the city from the other way. Try that one. Anyway. Try to throw that. Brett brought something up right before we went on the air. Oh, by the way, before we get to that. Once again, good job, protesters. The Phoenix Open begins today. Already got a text from someone back in Indiana. Watch a little of that golf tournament to the pro. My God, What a. It's 12 degrees where he is snowing. Ice. Misery. They just got through some sort of. I'd forgotten what those were. But ice sheet storms where it just rains, and immediately it's frozen on the ground. They can't leave because the entire ground is a sheet of ice. You can ice Skate in the road when you're a kid, you think that's awesome. I forgot about that. We were kids. I lived on Navajo Trail. I don't even know if they're allowed to call it that anymore, but I lived on Navajo Trail and it would rain really hard and then freeze that night. And the next morning you could actually ice skate or play. I wasn't allowed to be on skates because I was like four. But I go out and get around out there and play hockey on your road. And it was the whole road when you're 4, 5, 6 years old. That's awesome. When you're an adult and you've got to go to work, you're living in hell. So those people all saw that yesterday. And I told Cross, quickly, change the subject. And like, yeah, it's great weather, but we can't go outside because there's Mexicans on every road with their flags, furious about immigration. Oh, is that a problem down there? Watch the news. Little upset at last night's turnout as my. The light completely was like maybe 40 people. And they were marching on Washington and like downtown Washington. They went from 15th Avenue. There was nobody there. It was just an industrial ghost town. You're marching at night where nobody drives. Everybody's gone home. You're not doing anything there. Quit it. Go Mexicans. Go to the waste management open.

[Brady]

You'll get more attention there.

[John Holmberg]

Gays, trans, where are you? Where are you in this? Get your ass up to that open and start screaming about stuff and make people in other cities know that we're. We're a disaster. Come on. 40 people marching on Washington at 7 at night. They didn't run into a single human being on their march till they got to 7th Avenue and had to stop for the light rail, which. Come on, it's not a march. It's a waste of time. You can't march around on Washington at night before the city downtown. Sure. Get over there by Chico Malo. Start dancing around down in that area by the arena. You know, nervous white people get. I was downtown and Peso Pluma had a concert at Footprint Center. I didn't know it. And the place was just covered with people speaking not English. And I was at the potbelly and I got scared. I was like, this is an invasion. I got to get back home.

[Brett]

What's with the curly toed cowboy boots?

[John Holmberg]

There was some of those. A lot of hats, A lot of weird hats. The curly turtle. Not the crazy ones, but some people had some great big boots on.

[Brady]

Did you order Some more chips and salsa just to fit in a little bit better.

[John Holmberg]

Not a pot belly. I got my turkey sub and I got the hell out of there. I was like, I'm not fitting in. I those fish out of water. That's how you make white people nervous in other cities. So get on it. 40 people marching on Washington at 7:30 at night. If we're going to make our city look crazy, let's do it right. Jesus Christ. Do I have to do everything around here? I need a white guy to do your stupid marches. Still haven't heard it, but I need to. Because when that girl. And they send this Mexican girl out on Channel three to all the marches, she's there. Like she's the one that's keeping an eye on everything. Because they're not sending Ian Schwartz over there. The gay Jew is not gonna be hanging out at those marches and get anything done though.

[Brett]

He's at the open.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, he probably. He is actually. I've texted me. So you go on. What day is you going? They're not sending this girl, but, well, she's reporting. I need it right in the background, somebody. And then start drifting.

[Brady]

He's just happy Hanukkah's over with. He's like, oh, time off.

[John Holmberg]

So many latkes. He had to eat to show us how delicious they are for the holidays. I text him every time. I'm like, huh, you got the Jew blue stories, didn't you? I didn't notice that until you told me two years ago. And now I know every Hanukkah I'm doing all those, I'm like, yep, because you're the only one over there I think does a good job. But he fills up on those lockies around Christmas or his Christmas. Anyway, so get your marches ready. Waste management Open starts today. If I'm already getting texts on the Pro Am from my golf crazy uncle, I count on it.

[Brett]

They. They've changed it up this year.

[John Holmberg]

You're watching this year.

[Brett]

What about the entrance? It's no longer all the vendors and stuff. Yeah, they've changed into a. A big. It's called the 19th Hole Restaurant Bar.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, that big giant tent that you.

[Brett]

Walk through, it's gone now. You come in, right to a giant bar.

[John Holmberg]

You just start eating the second you get there. Why? That's a dumb thing. It's people.

[Brett]

It's just there. Easier, I guess.

[John Holmberg]

How do you feed in easier when you're stopping people cold to eat again?

[Brett]

I was told this by a guy who went out there yesterday or Tuesday And Wednesday.

[John Holmberg]

And I can't imagine they would get rid of all the vending that you walk by. That thing was a zoo of purchases. They probably just added restaurants.

[Brett]

They have the big PGA store out there.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, well, here's the thing. That's just the fun part is that they made it a softer target if they slowed down getting in. So there's 75. If you're a crazy person, let me just tell you, 75,000 people standing there before security not knowing what to do. So I don't want to give you any ideas. You probably didn't already have their nut bags. But this security measure that they've got all these cops and stuff. You don't need to get into the open to cause trouble. And you know, one of these days, that airport's going to play a part. Those jets going over the top of this thing, looking down, going, you know what? I hate my wife. And the next thing you know, we got one landed on the 16th. I'm not a paranoid person, but I do look at soft targets and man, oh, man, I've never seen one softer than this. It is. And cops. I'm sorry to say it out loud because I know you guys are rolling your eyes. Talk to a cop about the Phoenix Open, all they do is roll their eyes. Because all we think is they got to deal with drunks all the time. No, they don't. They're sitting there looking around going, where's the nut bag that's going to just ice this group of people standing in one spot, not paying attention.

[Brady]

Well, you're really selling me.

[John Holmberg]

Trust me. The last thing I want to do is be part of the entrance of the Phoenix Open. That is nutmegs of America. Listen, if you want to. If you want to make a name for yourself, that's the place. Now I'm telling the cops are going to have to do it. They need to secure that so much. Last year, I swear to God, there were 75,000 people standing still before security to go through security to make sure none of them had guns or weapons. So they all just stood in this place. And we'd been walking down a road together for a mile because the buses that drop you off can't get closer than a mile. So you got to walk all that. Ah, it's crazy what we tolerate to just go get drunk. It is a fun drunk, though. Once you're in, it's good times.

[Brett]

You want to get plastered once you survive the journey.

[John Holmberg]

I don't know why anybody who doesn't drink goes I don't know why you like you. I know. I don't know why you would go. And there's no golf to watch. It's just for people to get plastered and, I don't know, just stand in the tent. You know how many good places you drive by to not get drunk, to go stand through that rigmarole just to not drink. Oh, I don't. I don't. I don't get it. And the one year you went with me, you did drink quite a bit, which was great. Yelled at a guy in a wheelchair. Brady started a pick fight. Pretty cool.

[Brady]

I wish I'd have been there.

[Brett]

Oh, there's food there, too, John.

[John Holmberg]

We didn't. I don't remember spending a lot of time there. I remember asking a guy in a wheelchair to get the F out of your way. That was pretty great move, Kovacs. That was the best. Shane from Life Changer Loan. I forgotten he was with us. And he said, I remember going to the Open with you, but I'm like, oh, yeah. And he said, the year Brady went nuts. And he goes, yeah. We were laughing so hard because he was. You said he was yelling at guys in wheelchairs. Yeah. And I said he was dizzy and like, we were doing that thing to women that would walk by or with. Damn. Every girl that walked by. And Brady was doing it to everyone. It was pretty fun. Drunk Brady was a blast. I'm like, this is a good Phoenix Open, Brady. Since then, I don't think you've ever gotten plastered at it again. But I don't get why you'd go without wanting to get drunk. My friend texted me last night from. He was out there for his company, and he was drunk. I could tell. I was like, that's the only reason to go. I might. I've been to the Phoenix Open a lot. I've seen seven total golf shots. Total, maybe seven. I'm not. And that's me probably overshooting it a little bit that I paid attention to the entire shot. I watched the guy swing a club. Don't care where the ball goes. And I. And I go do more drinking and go.

[Brett]

Out of all the times that I've gone, I mean, there's one time I. Twice I've done 18 walk and following. That's because in 19 holes, 97. Yeah. Followed Jones.

[John Holmberg]

Well, back then, it wasn't what it is. I mean, it was okay. It was not like now this is.

[Brett]

But you never think about going.

[John Holmberg]

You're.

[Brett]

Have you ever seen all 18 holes on TBC? If you're not playing it.

[John Holmberg]

No idea. The last thing I want to do is walk a golf course without golfing. No, thanks. That. You talk about wanting to get drunk at something, I better have one waiting for me at every tee box if I gotta sit and follow golfers.

[Brady]

Are there people that actually do do that?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah, look. Yeah.

[Brady]

Nightmare.

[John Holmberg]

You could watch it on tv. Or you can just go to a golf course any day of the week. Say, who's good? That guy's pretty good. Or I'll just follow him around.

[Brett]

There's, you know, there's still a couple of places on the course that the. Their backyard is. You can see.

[Brady]

Oh, no kidding.

[Brett]

Course right there, you know, on a par three or.

[John Holmberg]

Those are some good ones. But yeah, it's. It's a. It's an S show. So prepare yourselves because it's here and it's ready to go, and your family back east is watching. So again, I implore you. And if you trans people could get out there and act crazy. And again. Mesa, where are your confederate flags? You promised. You promised. What happened? Slowing down a little bit. Where's my Mesa? Where's my Mesa? Where are you guys? Come on, Step up, low class Phoenicians. We need you more than ever to keep the population lower. Brett just found an article. We talked about this a little bit ago, and it's got my brain spinning about how your phone, you know, holds your history and all the stuff you got in there. It's not necessarily even that you're hiding anything, but when you're incapacitated, the last thing you want is somebody going through your phone. New technology says that if your pulse stops. I guess.

[Brady]

Yeah. This guy Kiefer sent me the article a couple days ago after he was listening on a podcast. So it's put it up in the screen here. It's basically a case for your iPad and stuff that reads your pulse. Either you wear like a bracelet.

[Brett]

That ring.

[Brady]

Or like a ring.

[Brett]

Yeah.

[Brady]

And basically, if it stops, it bricks your iPhone, your iPad.

[John Holmberg]

Nobody can get it, can't get in. It's done. So if your pulse stops, your phone dies, too.

[Brady]

That's what they're saying. I'm still doing research here. It is, 1500 bucks. What it's going to cost you, but it's gonna save your family a lot of embarrassment.

[John Holmberg]

Exactly. And also, it's almost like a will and trust for your phone. Everything you've built up in your phone over the years doesn't need to be in a hand. It's like probate for your search history.

[Brady]

Yeah. Now I'm still trying to see if there's an iPhone version. I know there's definitely an iPad version here.

[Brett]

And so the only ones that could potentially open it back up is family or someone that you put on there. Because I could tell you, you know, you know. And previous Ronnie's aunt passed away a couple of weeks ago.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brett]

And we have the laptop. There's information you got to get in there. And that's a prime example of why you need to.

[John Holmberg]

But it's get a will and trust because you don't have people digging through your iPads and you're trying to figure out where the money is because that's what family does after someone dies. Oh, that's so sad. Where's the money? Probably in her laptop. What's her password? Like the, the. The love dies fast when you're trying to figure out where everything's going to go over.

[Brett]

And above that it's who's paying the next bill. House. And we have a 30 day window.

[John Holmberg]

The money fight starts. I'm not paying it. It's not in that you can't pay.

[Brett]

It because it's not your account.

[John Holmberg]

There's truth to that too. Yeah.

[Brett]

You can't just go to drop.

[John Holmberg]

We could write one of her checks. Just keep writing in the dead. There's people. There's people for that. They're called trailer trash. You can go over there and go, how do you guys pay for each other's stuff? Like how do you have your dead grandma's checks keep coming? They can figure it out. But yeah, this is great because then you could have again go to Trajan, get your will, your estate plan done. So nobody's digging through your computer to find everything out because I spent an inordinate amount of time the other day trying to figure out how if that girl was actually 15 or 30 that we looked at for hot releases and she's very 15. And then I saw a video of her that they showed that she won some award for like best Christmas song in England. And she's dancing. She's 14 at the time. She looks like she's about 35. And she's dancing around in just a sweater waiting for some guy that she wants to come home and lay under the tree with her. Like, well, 14 year olds want toys. Like she should want like a video game or something. No, she didn't want some dude to come over and spoon with her under the tree. Where are your parents? So I started, I watched that video a couple times, and I sent it to you guys just so I didn't feel. So then it.

[Brady]

Yeah, just bring us down into your house.

[John Holmberg]

Exactly. Because that's what you have to do when you feel like you want the.

[Brady]

List a little bit bigger.

[John Holmberg]

Little shady, but I would definitely do that. My friend who had a stroke a couple years ago had his phone taken away from him. And one of the bigger things. He's normal now, but he's like, I hated the idea of that. When I kind of started to come around. Where's my phone? It's like, you can't. You don't. You don't even know how to use it. And he didn't. He didn't like his thumbs would he think he's typing stuff. And he. It was just gibberish. And he's like, we didn't do it. And he was worried somebody go through there and see. Like, he's. If you've got some sort of weird fetish or you're searching stuff on point, you don't want people to know. That's like. So it's a little control after you die. But I want one that if you're incapacitated, your phone just goes into sleep for a little while. Like, if I have a stroke, it knows nobody's getting in here for a little bit. Nobody. Nobody's touching this for a while. I like that. 1500 bucks, your phone dies when you die.

[Brady]

It's iPad. Right now. I'm not sure if they have a phone version. I'm. I just found it, so I'm just reading up on it, but I like.

[John Holmberg]

That a lot, man.

[Brady]

It's. It's kind of cool. It's.

[Brett]

Or you simplify there.

[John Holmberg]

There's.

[Brett]

You have the burner, bro. Because Ronnie's aunt had basically a simple phone text, and.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, but you don't want to go through why she had a second phone.

[Brett]

I don't know if she did.

[Brady]

Don't look in that way.

[John Holmberg]

Right.

[Brady]

Don't wind up on some list.

[John Holmberg]

Don't look at a burner phone. You're gonna be wrapped up in some only reason burner phones exist. Prostitutes, drugs, otherwise, or, you know, you're lying to your spouse. That's the only reason that burner phones are a thing.

[Brady]

Basically, their selling point is peace of mind, so you can rest in peace.

[John Holmberg]

That's right. Your dad's brilliant. And your family. It's more for your family.

[Brady]

Absolutely. Yeah. You're dead. Who cares?

[John Holmberg]

The last thing you want is your mom going through looking like What Brady's doing. Looking for like how to pay a bill. And you see that Brady was just a dong champion. All he did was look at big donks. And then. Yeah, and then. And then there's pictures Brady took of himself. Like drawing dongs on his body. And like you just don't even know. Got a secret photo thing of all the goofy weird stuff he was into. And that becomes your legacy. That becomes your legacy. Yeah.

[Brett]

Unloading Brussels sprouts.

[John Holmberg]

Brady's got his ass wide open. Jellies one of Britt's videos and he's pouring cereal on his butt. He's got like an 8 year old Asian boy eating Cheerios out of his ass. You don't want people to know that if that's what you've hidden and done such a good job your entire life to hide. I don't have anything like that in my phone that I'm real worried about. That's. Yeah, I don't too intrusive. I don't want you going through my stuff like that. I really don't have anything that worries me. Trying to look even. No, nothing. Just, you know, just the porn stuff. It's pretty basic.

[Brady]

Which Meghan already knows about everybody.

[John Holmberg]

I don't care. She's not. She's at least to my concern. No, I mean, it's just basically that, you know, I don't care what you know about my porn. I just don't want you in my stuff.

[Brady]

Dan would probably be proud.

[John Holmberg]

Oh really?

[Brady]

It's.

[John Holmberg]

It's. Oh my God. God. Straight porn. I'm gonna miss him. Finally. Yeah, Dan would be. It would be. I should have gotten to know him. I. I avoided him because of the queer stuff. I'm not gay. All right. Whatever. Even dead, I'm kind of wondering. You're probably buried ass up anyway. My dad would ask that too. How are we putting him in the ground? Face down. That's probably what he would have wanted it that way. He's not gay. Yeah, that's what he wanted you to think. No, I wouldn't want to go. And I wouldn't want to go through my dad's phone. No, just. That's done. So. Yeah, I like that. The attachment.

[Brett]

I don't know how much Bunny went through my dad's phone. He had a smartphone. But I don't think he really knew how to dive into it.

[John Holmberg]

There was a day that I took a picture of my own anus to see if there was something wrong. If I'd have dropped dead right there, that would have Been the last photo I took. And by the way, there was nothing wrong. So it just looked like a picture of my butt. And I got quickly erased it. But you don't want people like have a heart attack drop on the floor right there and then, like, what was he doing? Let's look in his phone. And the very last thing I did was photographing my B hole. My dad would be like, bad. Figures. He's probably doing measurements to see if he could get his own in. Yeah, I gotta. I gotta sit down. So. Yeah. What's that thing called?

[Brady]

It's made by Zugu. It's. I believe it's called the death case. Actually, the in case of death case. Here it is.

[John Holmberg]

In case of death case. I mean, it's more so for people up to something, I would think. I'm not really too concerned about you going through my phone.

[Brady]

Sure, Gary Glitter has one on his and you know.

[John Holmberg]

But I say that right now. Later today, I might stumble into something weird and have that on my history for a minute and be like, oh, great, I did look at that for an hour and a half. Where's all this finance stuff? And it's just porn. Porn. Weird porn. Anyway, this one says, boy, this is telling Brett looking up pulse reading technology. That's true. It's kind of a weird doing my research. You have different algorithms than me.

[Brady]

It was sent to me.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. What if you find out, Brady, that your. Your aunt has Unlimited subscription to Black.com? and you're like, she was into that. You're like, that's changing my perception of her. You just want your perception that you've built to be intact. You know, who knows? Yeah, I'm just. I'm going through mine right now. Really? I've been playing a lot of Mahjong. I think that would surprise people. Outside of that, I gently used Duolingo. Yeah, you can go through if I die today. My phone is good, I think. See the last porn I looked at. Let's take a look. Probably. It's been a minute. I didn't dabble yesterday. Last afternoon, when it's doing let's go Tuesday. Like, oh, here's the last one I was in. Oh, Jesus. It's not this good. I gotta close off this. Oh, it's bad.

[Brady]

Did you delete Grinder off there?

[John Holmberg]

No.

[Brady]

Oh, there you go.

[John Holmberg]

Stop, stop.

[Brady]

Here's the commercial. It's just a Instagram post.

[John Holmberg]

Well, like, you like the people that have all those death videos and stuff.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. My last porn's not that big a Deal. It says Ultra Film's legendary stunning and heavily arise aroused Ava Elfie in her hardest f ever. Nobody's gonna think anything about that up on the screen.

[Brady]

I want to see that.

[John Holmberg]

It's pretty good stuff. Ava Elfie's an interesting one because I think they call her that because she's got kind of elf ears. The body spectacular. Look into it. New fan Ava Elfie. The Avns are going on in Vegas right now, and there was a fight. There was a fist fight. The cops had to break up between two porn. One porn producer and his wife fought another guy. I. I knew the names. I wrote.

[Brett]

Comedian, host.

[John Holmberg]

I don't know who's hosting this year. Usually it used to be Aries Spears. And then something else that Ava's got a. She's really good, but when her hair's back, she's got elf ears. She kind of looks elfie. Anyway. I don't care about their faces. Yeah, she's put together. Really. Is she at the awards right now? Is that a picture for her?

[Brett]

That's 2024.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Last year's awards, maybe, anyway. But yeah, these porn people started fighting and wait until you hear why. Which is hilarious. For J. Play Hard as a producer, and I know him, he started arguing with porn star Kendrick Cox's husband.

[Brady]

Of course.

[John Holmberg]

Names Stay Ready. So Stay Ready. And Jay Play Hard started getting back and forth, and you're like, oh, boy. Like there's some sort of battle over sex and stuff. Nope. Jay Play Hard is accusing Kendra Cox and Stay Ready of stealing his ideas. Every porn I watch is the same. There is no. Like, I've never once had thought to myself, hey, this is the same. Who wrote this? This is plagiarism.

[Brett]

I want to have a. The president of the company officer and the hot secretary come in.

[John Holmberg]

Right. That idea. I want the stepsister. This is my story. Stepsister goes into the room, seduces step. This is my story. The. The claim of their defamation case between 20 and 23. They drug his name through the mud as a plagiarist. The. The cops had to go in there and start fighting away. These two guys started to scuffle over at the Virgin Hotel, which is ironic in itself.

[Brady]

Come on. Really?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. He came in the intention of stealing our business and ruining my wife's name. I have to protect that. You can't have.

[Brady]

What's her name?

[John Holmberg]

Her name is Kendra Cox.

[Brady]

Kendra Cox. Let's look her up.

[John Holmberg]

Little too big for my liking. She's thick. I'd skip over her videos.

[Brady]

There's A lot of Biggins.

[John Holmberg]

There's a bunch of Kendra Cox's that are large. Even her name's not original, but, yeah, you can't claim that. You know, they stole your story ideas and porn. That's not her, is it? I don't know.

[Brady]

That's what it says.

[John Holmberg]

Good God. That's not what she looks like here.

[Brady]

Christ, they're ruining her name. Don't worry about the name.

[John Holmberg]

Don't worry about the name. Worry about the box springs. This lady's huge. Anything getting ruined in that is. Oh, God. Oh, she's massive. Ah. Steal all the ideas you want.

[Brady]

Jesus.

[John Holmberg]

Good Lord. Yeah. The picture I have of her, she's not that bad. She's big, but not that big. Look.

[Brady]

Yeah, that's her, though.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, that's not terrible. It is her.

[Brady]

That's a good picture.

[John Holmberg]

This is a really good picture of her. Ugh.

[Brady]

There's a shot.

[John Holmberg]

See? Now, if you had a shocking pose, if this is. Yeah, she's just right. A fat blonde lady blowing a black guy with Rico. Yeah. I mean, come on. We all knew that is not stealing an idea that is culturally appropriate, if you ask me. You get a big, fat white woman, I know who her partner's gonna be, and there's no stepbrother stepsister situation going on. Usually it's. There's like, he's got a few friends over there listening to his new rap album, and then they take care of business on her. That's not a new idea. But see, if my. If this. If this was in my phone.

[Brady]

Yeah, $1,500 worth it.

[John Holmberg]

If you found out I was into this, that would be too embarrassing for me to. If I was dead, I'd be like, oh, they're gonna find all my fat girl porn. Nobody can know this.

[Brady]

Her videos. You're not getting the.

[John Holmberg]

What, you. Yeah. You don't get that? Yes. Well, mom and dad aren't home. Hey, now, come on, let's do this. There's never a stepbrother that's, like, not into banging that fat white lady. I just thought maybe we could.

[Dale Hellestray]

Yeah, we should probably.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, my God. I was gonna suggest we have lunch. No, let's. Mom and dad won't be home for 20 minutes, and I always laugh because they're, like, in their 30s. Mom and dad won't be home for a while. I know, but you're my stepbrother. I don't care less. You're fat, you're blonde, I'm hard. This works. It changes everything about the white teenage. What we shouldn't be doing this. They try to make the. The white kid all moral and he still does it anyway, so keep your eyes open for that stuff. There's fighting going on at that AVN over plagiarism, so you're going to see a lot more unique storytelling. Should have been over the buffet porn. Nobody in the porn. You know, read through is like, hey, I've seen this scenario before. This is basically. I've been in a movie with almost the same exact story. This is wrong. I've been stuck in dryers. This isn't an original idea. I would like to keep the theme, however, of fat white ladies involved in the storytelling. He comes back, I got a new idea for a movie. I walk into a room where there's a fat white woman. Well, we did that seven times last year. All right, whatever. Anyway, I walk in, there's a big, fat white woman. He's just gonna stick to it. He doesn't care about the integrity of the story. Anyway, fat white woman says something to me, and I go, damn. And the next thing you know, I am deep in that fat white woman. We don't even have talking action, just.

[Brett]

Straight from the couch. Yeah, we don't need any pre scene. Let's just get to it.

[John Holmberg]

I get off a city bus and my pants fall off a windstorm or something. And I run in to get help, and inside the store I get help from. There's a big, fat white woman. Oh, Jesus, here we go.

[Brady]

Look, I'm all about reality. I'm in this bitch.

[Dale Hellestray]

Come on now.

[John Holmberg]

People want the real truth. I go pants shopping, and the lady sell me pants. Let's see. She's a big, fat white woman. All right, all right. Maybe I see where you're going. What a unique beginning. Yeah, I just need some new pants. And so the big fat white woman comes over, says, you need some pants? I'm like, not when I'm with you, bitch. And then I her. And then I leave with no new pants.

[Brett]

And in the background, you hear, that's my idea. Hey, wait a minute.

[John Holmberg]

I had that one already. All right, all right. New scenario. New scenario.

[Brady]

I'm looking for a pair of Air Jordans.

[John Holmberg]

How about this one? You're at the water park. Ain't nobody gonna believe that. Hold on. Hear me out. Have some integrity. Hear me out, God damn it. There's a big, fat white woman. All right, I'm back. I'm listening.

[Brett]

It's early in the morning.

[John Holmberg]

You try to go swimming. It's very early in the Morning. You want to get some laps in before work? You going crazy? Now, hold on.

[Brady]

Look, I'm not about fantasy in this bitch.

[John Holmberg]

You start to drown and you climb on a big fat white woman as a raft. All right, all right. This start to make some sense again.

[Brett]

That's my idea.

[John Holmberg]

I like that one.

[Brett]

It's black Titanic.

[John Holmberg]

I like that too. That's right. Black Tanic. I like that. Instead of a door hanging on, how about this one? I'm a pizza delivery man. I ring the doorbell. Just picture it. A big fat white woman opens the door. I put my wiener in the hole I keep in the pizza box. Just in case. I'm gonna have to say I'm gonna object. We tried this once before. A white woman ate the pizza and the penis. It was terrifying. No, hey, that's probably true. She would devour both in ghastly ways.

[Brett]

Okay, It's a sub sandwich.

[John Holmberg]

I like that. Run with this. I'm hunky. I walk into a subway behind the counter. Big fat white wolf. We have to keep them away from the food. Always results in a lawsuit. Porn ideas. I want to be. I want to be at a porn pitch table. Black Tanic is Black Tanic's goal.

[Brady]

We need to do that one.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, we definitely need to do that. You're right.

[Brady]

We need the white guys directing this one.

[John Holmberg]

The alarm clock goes off, you smile. Why the hell would I do that? Six in the morning. It's time for your day to begin. This is crazy. What sort of Willy Wonka fantasy is this? Anyway, off to work you go. You want to be on time.

[Brett]

You're just slathering her in mayonnaise.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. My God, this is the greatest idea ever. Mayonnaise. A mayonnaise covered, fat white woman. I'll try it. And then you get the other side. All right, You're a fat white lady. You walk into a room where there's a white guy. Where's she going? She just left. She doesn't want to have sexual or white actors. Racist. So the AVNs are going on. There isn't a whole lot of people that I know that are normal that can watch all of the adult video awards show. It is. It becomes at a certain point a sadness you can't explain when they're up there taking awards for best anal scene. And that's a real award. And then you think, where are they putting that in their house? Christmas, family's over. And they thank their parents for being supportive. And that just makes you feel horrible. I just want to thank my mom and dad for really supporting my career. Mike, you just won best anal. Don't thank your mom and dad. Just don't thank your partner. Thank your team.

[Brett]

That's where the trophies are at the parents house.

[John Holmberg]

It must be. There's my little angel here.

[Brett]

That's your daughter?

[John Holmberg]

Yes, it is. Oh, I know her. Kendra Cox. She was in black tanic. That guy was trying to swim and she was the lifeboat. There's the AVNs. Is that Kendra Cox at the AVNs?

[Brady]

No, that is Vanna Bardot and Maximo Garcia because they both won best anal scene in 2024.

[John Holmberg]

Two women won best anal. That's hard to do.

[Brady]

I don't know how they're tie.

[John Holmberg]

There is math involved in that.

[Brady]

I'd play it. I just don't know how their acceptance speech is going to be.

[John Holmberg]

None of them can get through a sentence without saying something horrible. Play it.

[Brady]

Hang on, is this.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, you got Rico coming here.

[Brady]

All right, hang on, hang on. Here, we'll play this here.

[John Holmberg]

How about we have black tanic is dry docked. When you want to mix it up, anal sex is there to fill the gape. I think you mean fill the gap. Well, if you're doing it right, there's.

[Dale Hellestray]

Definitely a gape to fill.

[John Holmberg]

And these performers did it very right here. They did it very. And the nominee for best anal. Good morning Phoenix, by the way. Whoa. Alrighty. And the winner is.

[Brady]

Who won in 24? Let's see.

[John Holmberg]

God, who did win this? Vanna Bardot and Maximo. Oh, oh, Vanna, Gordo and Maximo. Maximo's a boy. That's right. I knew that. Oh, my God, we've won. Can you believe it?

[Brady]

Come on, let's do this again.

[John Holmberg]

Can't wait for the sequel.

[Brett]

She got five that night.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Justin says, we have a new idea for you, Rico. All right, all right, all right. What you got? What you got? Pitch me this idea. All right, you're in your whoopty and you're driving through an area in the air. Well, let's start here. You see a big fat white woman. Oh, yeah. All right, I'm signing up. No, no, no. Here we. Hang on, I'm in. She's walking down the street and she's got a broken heel because she's fat and her heels don't work right. Most fat ladies leave the house in heels, come home in flats. All right, all right.

[Dale Hellestray]

You.

[John Holmberg]

You ask her to. If you get in the car, she says, but for what? And you bring her to a cookout. Oh, my God. This is the greatest movie idea of all time. The cookout is you and 13 of your best friends. And I get to bring a fat white lady to that. Precisely. Then what? Let's just see how it unfolds. How about we just roll cameras?

[Brett]

The minute she puts an apple in her mouth, the rest of the guys get in.

[John Holmberg]

Then you and your friend spit roast the fat white woman. How does it end? Oh my God. How does it end? She drowns.

[Brett]

Basting. Lots of basting.

[John Holmberg]

She drowns. You just got yourself a lead actor. Yeah, I would like to go to that. Anyway, porn awards. Try not to watch. And those three ladies you just heard from. Actresses. And you could tell by the way they were delivering those amazing lines. Kills the gate. All right. Right. Let's get a wake up song. 585-855-9800. A good one. And we'll scream it together. It's 98 KUPD. Wake up. Arizona's most powerful rock radio station. He said fully erect. 98KUPD still streaming Homburg's Morning Sickness online at 98KUPD.com it is miles to nowhere. There you go. An email. Guy named Justin says homework. I'm convinced someday we're going to hear your story about being a chomo. Too much interest in the youth. The comments you make about them after the fact gets suspicious. Look, all I do is admit it. I struggle when the record companies put and Disney to put those and they dress them up like they're 30 years old. And I'm like, I don't know how old that person is. And then I. Then I get on crusades. It's like Pete Townsend. Like, doesn't anybody else see this? Where are the parents?

[Brady]

Johnny Glitter?

[John Holmberg]

I have no interest in that. Which is exactly what a chomo would say. You can't win that argument. I think you're a chomo. I don't like the kids. It's exactly what a chomo. That thing that you were talking about guys with the erase your phone says that old saying. If anything happens to me, erase my web browser. Definitely a point. You've said definitely a point. Somebody you trust. If that's even possible. You got to have the executor of your phone when you die. Has got to be a trusted friend.

[Brady]

We kind of made all that kind of agreement in terms.

[John Holmberg]

Absolutely. You find me naked, put some pants on me and then destroy my phone because God knows what. I don't know what's in there. That might be like, oh yeah, you don't want any of that. Currently, today, if I died, no worries.

[Brady]

As far as you know.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, I mean, I'm not even a concern, to be honest with you. Strange. Andre emails and says, man, I was laughing, but it's savage. Andre's one of our black listeners. Fat black women. Dude, we can swim, bro. All right, all right, let's change the scenario then. You're at a water park because we know you're a swimmer. But just imagine you're at the water park and you're not wearing a T shirt. Oh man, this is unrealistic. I'm thinking about it. Then a fat white lady walks in. All right, I'm back. It's a thing. Big time. We also. There's the news last night. Did it again. We talked about this a couple months ago. That. That. That boner honey pill stuff they sell at Circle Ks and quick trips and stuff.

[Brady]

I still have that. That listener brought it to us comedy.

[John Holmberg]

Show last night at the. Yeah, that was in December.

[Brady]

Haven't used it right. Still got it.

[John Holmberg]

The. They're trying to scare people away now and saying that it is causing deaths. There's been zero deaths reported, but they just basically said that it is. The honey packets are now very dangerous and can cause death. It is a study they're doing right here at Arizona State University. Again, I remind you that these honey packets that they're talking about, the more you talk about how amazing the sex is and that it could cause you to die, you might die having sex. And finally it makes sense to have that he died doing what he loved. Sentence. I hate so much. Stop telling people about this stuff. Killing it. Your boner is so strong, it's so powerful, you might actually die. I'm gonna risk that. That's something that is. I'm gonna risk that the orgasm is monumental. Don't do it. The worst thing you could possibly do. They did another story. It says they found that the packets contain pharmaceutical drugs. They told us this back in November or whenever it was.

[Brady]

And legal. Yes.

[John Holmberg]

Yes. Too many blood pressure spikes. Now you're telling a 19 year old blood pressure spikes and chest pains, maybe even vision changes and potentially heart attacks. You're at ASU, you're 19 and you're actually getting laid. That probably means you're in decent shape. You're gonna be okay. No heart attacks, Your vision will be fine. You got a blood pressure spike your body can handle. You're 20, you're gonna be okay. So if you are running a Circle K or a thing. The news did the story again this morning on These things raise the prices of those because they're gonna be flying off the shelves. Best advertisement in the world. A boner so strong it might kill you. It also might not. Is it worth it? Yes. I can't imagine taking one of those when I was 19. I think you just walk around like the Tin Man. Every party would be stiff. Doesn't.

[Brett]

I mean, I thought that it lowers the blood pressure at the time.

[John Holmberg]

No. Well, the. Like Viagra is a blood pressure lower.

[Dale Hellestray]

Oh.

[John Holmberg]

I thought it raises it, but it can cause a spike. If you're a normal blood pressure person, you don't have to deal with that. Then when it wears off, you can get spikes. You can get, you know, erratic blood pressure is what it should say. But it's dangerous. Says dangerous. New sex trend on college campuses. Doctors warn young men are at risk of death. So far. However, as a real reasonable member of the media, I can tell you through the slight bit of research I've done on those honey packets of boner pills for kids, the youth. I say no deaths. Absolutely no death. So far, zero. I don't know why they're telling you you might die.

[Brett]

You're not going to like energy drinks if you £30 of them, right.

[John Holmberg]

You abuse it. Yeah, yeah. That's called a drug overdose. There's a. There's a thing on the side says don't take more than this.

[Brett]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Alcohol will cause more deaths in college than the boner pills, but the news is very worried about that. Incredible.

[Brady]

Who's paying for this study? Is it the makers of Viagra or what?

[John Holmberg]

I mean, that's a good question. Like, who's trying to stop this?

[Brady]

Yeah, that's not. Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Who's threatening death as the option there? I don't know. I got an email again to follow.

[Brett]

Up on competing honey.

[Dale Hellestray]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Another. Yeah. Another boner honey. Yeah, yeah. Like the honey bear. Like, just try regular honey again. It doesn't have to get you hard. The lady who was married to Ken that emailed. Oh, yeah. Ken's friend has emailed back and said that she's making it up. That wasn't a very good email, but it was basically the same. She's making up. If you weren't with us. Ken was. Has given hep C to his wife, evidently, according to her. And she's flaming him on the air. She said we're his favorite morning show. And then she's the one who called him the homo. F word, N word.

[Brett]

Which triple whammy.

[John Holmberg]

I mean, you're pounding three.

[Brett]

It was three in A row, huh?

[John Holmberg]

No, it was homo F word. N word. Just in the deal.

[Brett]

I thought she said like mother effort.

[John Holmberg]

No, no. Homo F word. N word. And yeah, she said he used me as the best years of my life. I. I took notes. And then a friend of his said that she had hepatitis before.

[Brady]

Oh.

[John Holmberg]

And she's leaving him and she's flaming him with everybody. She's right now. So it's the same as that one we had before that lady showed up at that guy's work, remember?

[Brady]

Yeah, she was gonna bang everybody.

[John Holmberg]

Bang everybody at work because I don't remember why that one was. Was because he'd done something or. No, he wasn't performing.

[Brady]

Yeah, he wasn't performing up to standards.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. And she went to work in a bikini.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

And then his co workers emailed us that this, this bitch is insane. So I think we might have another one of those. But. But the reason can. According to her now that I don't know. The co worker didn't bring this up. Whether or not his admission of being a homosexual for the last 16 years of their marriage or longer. I don't. He didn't say anything about that being real or not. But. So evidently this is not over yet. And hopefully that crazy woman emails again because it's, it's out there and it's floating above us. And if you are gay and getting side piece of manass and you're what, you're coming home to your wife at night? Maybe today's the day skull in and go, you know what? We've been, we've been redlining this relationship for a long time. And before I give you any fecally born illnesses, let me just tell you something. I have sex with dudes.

[Brady]

And the best anal scene goes to.

[John Holmberg]

That's a good porn. That's a really good. That's a story. They don't. They don't. We need to pitch that one too. This guy says don't worry about being a chomo John. I think most guys are the same. You see an attractive girl. Woman, female. And notice their beauty first and then realize, oh, I don't know how old she is. Like it's not the one that they're presenting to us with that I forgot her name something Sky. They did it. All of Disney did it. And that dude got in trouble for it. Remember the whole. The fat Dan Blunden from Freya.

[Brett]

Freya style.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Whatever it was. But yeah, when they said that they were. Remember when they were making Ariana Grande eat cucumbers and stuff on and they did the whole documentary about how Nickelodeon was selling these kids as it started with Shirley Temple. Oh, Shirley Temple was a prostitute in two movies. She was seven. And that's. I'm always on high alert, like, oh, like I said when we were watching the video, I don't know if she's 15 or 30 because of the way they're presenting her. And that's dangerous. I'm not worried about that at all. I am, however, worried about. I think it's time we had a talk about Sun's owner, Matt Ishbia. I think our hate for the owner of the Suns before Robert Sarver has blinded the fact that Matt Ishbia might be insane. We all like Matt Ishbia because he wasn't Robert Sarver. We needed a change, we needed something new. And then he shows up and you're like, this is great because it's not Sarver. And he's got a lot of energy and he's fun. And it's like, this dude's gonna change. It comes in and makes some changes right off. And the things are gonna be great with championships here and there. And then you know what's going on is going on. Recently he had said that there are 28 teams in the league that would trade for the entire Suns roster. We're lucky to have who we have. And I'm like, oh, no, you're crazy. We're dating a crazy person. And it's time the media, the honeymoon's over is what I'm saying. We have to dismantle the entire team. Last night they played the Oklahoma City Thunder and I made. I have not done this since. I've, you know, kind of rejoined my son's fandom, which was massive. Back in the 90s. It went passive after the strike and then kind of paid attention. Got right back into it. During COVID when basketball was in the bubble and I was loving basketball again. I made a bet Last night on FanDuel and I made my own point spread and I had Oklahoma City winning by 25 and it was only plus 270. I mean, betting, wow. I know. Giving. And that's when I'm like, wait a second, it's not that far fetched to believe this will be. It ended up being like 32 point win. I got the money. So it was a, you know, a couple hundred bucks for $100 bet. And it's. That's where you have to draw everything. We have to make it loud. Everything about this team needs to go away. And there's just nothing enjoyable about go 30 point losses to both the Cleveland Cavaliers, the best team in the east and now a 30 point loss to the Oklahoma City Thunder, best in the west. And then have him say, no, we're going to stand pat. You're going to get everybody fired immediately.

[Brady]

Today's the deadline, right?

[John Holmberg]

Today's the deadline. So expect hope for, I mean cross your fingers and hope that they just dismantle the entire operation.

[Brady]

See and I heard rumors they're holding KD out just for possibly trades.

[John Holmberg]

He does have a twisted ankle but yeah, you would sit him down and say that's Katie's probably the one that would go first. Take what you can get. And I know people I don't understand. I don't understand this city's mentality of hanging on to guys who have done nothing for you outside of just been likable. Larry Fitzgerald, Shane Doane and now Devin Booker. What are you, what are you holding on to? Tell me what it is that you're like, well, we have to keep them. All those championships just kept rolling in because of them. What are you holding on to? Devin Booker is now the all time lead. Last night Tom Chambers even said they spent the whole time. I was a little upset at my friend Kevin Ray and I know he can't do anything about this but I watched the pregame show, the game itself and all they talked about and did tribute after tribute to Devin Booker breaking the all time leading scoring record and you know, they had, you know, video tributes from other players and I'm like they lost the game. Celebrate this at the end of the year. This is, this is a team in turmoil. We're not celebrating anything right now. In fact, Devin Booker should say it's an honor, I'm proud of it. But right now I change all these points in for a championship. I would turn everything over to have this team in a better spot. Is. And they, after the, after they lost the game in the locker room they showed this big presentation to them, the whole team celebrating, laughing, having fun. You just lost again.

[Brady]

I couldn't believe this when I heard they're 25, they're 500, they're hanging. They really couldn't believe they went on.

[John Holmberg]

An 8 and 1 run there a week ago against really bad teams. So they're, they, it's a padded record. They can't beat anybody good. They just can't.

[Brett]

And maybe ISHB statement is the opposite. Like when he comes out and says something like that means he's flaming the tea.

[John Holmberg]

Maybe Trying to trade the whole bunch. I don't know. But I think it's time we all started to look at Ishbia a little bit and say, I loved the guy when he first came in. And I'm starting to realize that I just liked him because he wasn't Robert Sarver. You know when you break up with a girl and the first one you end up boning right after is everything the last one wasn't. And usually that's just a whore who talks to you. Like that's the problem. Like she's. I don't.

[Brady]

I understand.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. It's like you reason you usually break up is because you. You didn't talk that much anymore about anything. You argued about dumb stuff, you weren't having sex, something broke it. And then you just go on this rampage afterwards. And the first one you end up with is like, it feels perfect. Like she's all about sex. And then you start seeing, oh, she's a really damaged human being, that of course she jumped right in with me. She's starved for affection. Something's wrong with her. I think that's how we are with Ishbia. I think we screwed up and we jumped in bed with him right away. Like, this is going to be. This is amazing. Like, you left your ex that you hated for someone that seemed right at the time. And now over time you're like, oh, wait a minute, I love bombed this. I made this more than it was. Matt Ishbian needs a microscope over the. He needs to be looked at as an owner. Unless he completely does something today that just cleans house. We as a sports city suck. And I know people email because of people like you that you won't, you know, support. I don't think my support is going to turn it around for. For a city that seemingly will not get rid of its superstars because of some weird emotional attachment. Devin Booker is not going to help this team win a championship at all unless you trade him today. That's the only way the Suns get closer to a championship at all is if Devin Booker leaves and you get seven or eight different pieces for it. That's the only way. I don't know what they're thinking, that they can piecemeal something together and start competing. It's not going to happen. It isn't. And I love the Rah Rah, but I'll be damned if I'm going to spend that kind of cash to go to games of a team that sucks regularly. I'll watch it on tv. Why am I going to give my hard earned money away to a group of people that are in some sort of a strange love relationship realizing, well, I love them more than I love titles. They don't. And the reason why is because they've never won a championship. I think the biggest reason is when your team hasn't won a championship, you just grab hold of the thing that you feel like is the best you've seen. Larry Fitzgerald was the best example of that. Now he got into the finals, the super bowl, just same way Devin did with the Suns and became someone you just will always. Mr. Sun. He's never going to leave Mr. Cardinal. Larry Fitzgerald should have been traded eight times in his last three or four years. There were plenty of people that would have taken him. You could have gotten some draft. Nope, gotta hold on to him. It makes us look like we're not loyal. I'm like, what are you loyal to? Winning or people?

[Brett]

And he wouldn't have lost his Cardinal allegiance.

[John Holmberg]

No.

[Brett]

He was forever a Cardinal comeback.

[John Holmberg]

Yep, Forever a Cardinal. Shane Doane, who I blame as the jinx and the reason the Coyotes were so bad. One thing that was sure, Shane Doane was there for all 20 years. All 20 years, nothing, absolutely nothing. And I'm like, well, there's one common link to all this losing and it's the guy that's our favorite, very nice guy, good at hockey, but maybe just a bad thing. We hook into these unhealthy relationships with athletes and it's gotten you nowhere. You look at the diagram, trying to.

[Brett]

Build it around him, basically.

[John Holmberg]

No, it's just they're so afraid that the fans will abandon them if you get rid of the face of the franchise. But what they don't realize is the old sons that used to win and they never got a championship, jettisoned everybody. They didn't care who you loved and who you didn't. They all left. There was nobody they hung on to for, you know, any sort of emotional reasons at all.

[Brady]

Colangelo's got no time for this whole, you need that.

[John Holmberg]

And Ishbi, I don't know if he's Italian, but he needs to get into that Colangelo mentality a little bit. Cotton Fitzsimmons, the old coach and GM of the Suns, the day Barkley got here, said, I'm glad you're here and I hope someday to trade you. That was it. He just pointed to the ceiling of the arena and said, we just built this brand new arena. You know, what is we did this without you. We didn't need you for this. What we need you for is to fill that ceiling with banners. Three years time he had, there were no banners. It was looking like it was going the wrong way. Everybody was out. That's the way you have to run vast. That's why you have to run sports. You get in love with the Larry Fitzgerald. Who's that yesterday at the Pro Am. Oh, Cardinal legend like that dude is like a fat 50 year old white woman. No rings on his hands. That's just the way he lives his life. No rings and no chance of rings. Because she stayed locked to a bad relationship forever. Got fat, bitter and mean and now nobody wants her. Good for you, Matt Ishbia. You own a team now. It's been three years. When you bought it, they were an NBA, NBA finalist. Now you've got a team that's maybe not gonna make the playoffs and spent more money on what you got on the floor now than was there three years ago. And I'm all for the Kevin Durant trade. Still think that you take that big swing every time. Cause they weren't gonna win any championships with what they had. And that was the mentality I liked. I'm like, he recognizes this is a second round knockout team. There's nobody good here. Bring in Kevin Durant. Let's see. And now it's not working. So launch him. Give me something for the future. And Devin Booker. You're great. Go be great somewhere else. Go get rings. You're not getting one here. We need to have ISHB on Michelle. I don't understand that. There's a. And the Steelers did it. My Steelers did it with Ben Roethlisberger. Should have trade. Should have just cut them the last two years. The Patriots were smart enough even though it hasn't worked out for him yet. They hung onto to Tom Brady probably one year too long and he went off and won a championship somewhere else. But the way it was going in New England, it was like, we need to go forward here. They got rid of Tom Brady, the 49ers got rid of Joe Montana. Teams like that win titles and know how to build back. They don't get emotionally attached to players when they're no longer useful to them.

[Brady]

So much I hate to say it. The packers got rid of Favre.

[John Holmberg]

Packers got rid of Favre.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

And Aaron Rodgers. Aaron Rodgers off an MVP season. But essentially he didn't win it. But he could have. And look at it worked. They were right. When the. I mean, you see the. The Cowboys told Emmett Smith that's enough. It's like, if anything, you hang on to that. It's just. He's already giving you three trophies. Let him stand on the side. Nope. I gotta go. He was a Cardinal, for God's sakes. That's embarrassing. Emmett Smith was a Cardinal. Tony Dorsett was a Bronco. Franco Harris was a Seahawk.

[Dale Hellestray]

O.J.

[John Holmberg]

Simpson was a murderer. But that's different. People forget Joe Namath down there in Los Angeles. Johnny Unitis was a Charger. These teams that understand how to win say goodbye to players that are like, hey, it's over. Our franchise has to go another way. We're sorry. We'd love to have you, but keeping you means we stay stagnant for a little longer. You've got to. You got to.

[Brett]

Shaq was the Sons.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Shaq played for everyone. Boston, Cleveland, Phoenix. Go through the list. Sometimes you see Shaq in uniform. Like, is that like a. Was that a joke night? I don't even remember him going. He played for everyone.

[Brady]

He played in Boston.

[John Holmberg]

He played in Boston.

[Brady]

I remember that.

[John Holmberg]

Wow. He barely moved. Big fetch. Shaq was a Celtic because the Lakers were right. We're not paying you this. Just can't do it. The Suns grabbed him. We got a center. It's like, no, you don't. This is a bad idea. But there it was. The Orange Diesel shacked us. I'm gonna go down to Phoenix. I'm gonna do some dominating. No, you're not. You can barely move. This city has to get out of that mentality and start thinking more like the way championship cities think. You know, there's, there's certain, certain cities that do really well and they don't. Walter Payton got his super bowl. Barely didn't get a touchdown in the super bowl, but that dude was about to hamstring that franchise. Had they not gotten that he was no longer the viable guy and they were willing to, as tons of them, tons of great teams part with their good players when it's time. It'll be weird someday if the Chiefs continue their well managed franchise to see Patrick Mahomes as a Dolphin. It'll just be weird. But they'll be right. He gave us what he could during his prime. He wants to maybe, maybe. But if they're on the downslide, they'll recognize it and say, he's not helping us get better. We have to move on. We have to have tough years and maybe not. Maybe trading Patrick Mahomes at the right time, they can recycle. The way the packers have you drafted, you Got. They've done it twice now. Three quarterbacks in 30 years. That's pretty good.

[Brady]

I hate it.

[John Holmberg]

Good.

[Brady]

They're amazing with that.

[John Holmberg]

Ah, sports. I like the Diamondbacks. Colangelo would look at people like, we're trading Randy Johnson. Like, why? I don't think he's got it. Everybody went. Two years after they won the World Series, Brenley's fired, everybody's gone.

[Brett]

Well, there's pressures too, to unload, sure. But they put it all on the line. They rolled the dice.

[John Holmberg]

You could have been. You could have been. It was a business. They always say, it's a business. It's a business. It's a business. And then they hang on to a guy, they fall in love with the baseball team. Colangelo, yeah, it's a business. And he had that amazing team that won a world championship. And within a year, it's like, we don't want any of these guys anymore. Got to get rid of all of them. Why? Because they're not going to help you win anything in the future. And they fired everybody. That's how you. That's how sports is supposed to work. You have got to do it the right way. The Lions, Lions fan, just email. Matthew Stafford is their all time leading, great, everything. Hey, he's not gonna win here. He's making us. We're paying for one guy. We like the rest of the team. We gotta get rid of him, start over. Look at him. I mean, they blew it in the playoffs, but still this guy says, look, John, I'm not disagreeing with anything you're saying. I feel like Katie's the problem. Katie's a phenomenal basketball player, but he doesn't have a dog in him anymore. Katie is a Pippin. He's not a Jordan. He's not. He's not going to take you anywhere. He's going to facilitate and make your team great. If you've got a guy like. Booker's not a Jordan. Booker's a Pippin. He needs. He needs the big guy. Charles Barkley's. You go back and look at that roster and tell me why they won anything. Charles Barkley. Jeff Hornacek was gone because he went to Philly. But you had Charles Barkley, Kevin Johnson, Richard Dumas, Marley, Oliver Miller, Dan Marley and Mark West. Tell me that's a championship roster. Only reason is because of Charles Barkley. He could grab that team, put him on his back and carry him. Had some support players, but he didn't have anything amazing at all. I mean, it's there you need that a player. We don't. The Suns don't have everybody's. Oh, but Devin Booker's and women. He's cute. He said they traded Sophie Cunningham, for God's sakes. That's the most egregious. At least the Mercury are running the thing without emotion. Get a bunch of lesbians in there. Like we don't need emotion. We need championships. They traded the only one they could actually reasonably masturbate to because they'd rather have championships than a crush. Rather have. Rather have. Rather have banners and ships. Rather have a fleet of yachts. A bunch of ships. Then you would a crush on one player. And that's what we've got. We've got a crush on Devin Booker and it's time we broke up.

[Brady]

So you say they're running the Mercury better than the run the Sun.

[John Holmberg]

I'm saying right now the Mercury are a better run organization. And same guy. But lesbian pressure is what. Maybe that's what I'm saying. Lesbian pressure needs to be put on the Suns because those people don't get crushes on their players. All they. They demand ships and they get them squeeze. We need to. We need the lesbian squeeze to bleed over from the Mercury. And that's proof that the Mercury. Look, the fans of the Mercury aren't in it for the basketball. My personal opinion, and I can back this up with some science. The fans of the Mercury are there for the puss. They don't show up to Suns games. Basketball isn't known as like some lesbian super sport. They show up for the girls basketball because of the. They don't go to boys basketball. It's gross Holmberg's morning sickness. But they do put the proper pressure on their franchise to say, hey, this team's no good. They got rid of Brittney Griner, which I'm fine with. They hung onto that Taurasi a little long. I think that's a little bit of a crush. But they realize we're not going to win anything. And the Sophie Cunningham isn't great. She's good, but we're keeping her around because she's a face, she's pretty, she's a represent. A representative of the team outside of just our fan base. And they said that's not enough. Where's the championship come from in that? And they bounced her.

[Brett]

This upcoming rookie class is going to be big. You know that one girl.

[John Holmberg]

Oh yeah. They got the ones that they'll be drafting from college. The girls. Yeah. Some of those Lady Gamecocks will Be coming in here when the lady cocks roll in. You got to watch out. Huskies and that tall one and then the other one. Forget it. That roster is loaded. But I'm just saying the crush we have on Devin Booker needs to end the crush. You learn your lesson, Phoenix sports fans. Larry Fitzgerald was a crush. That's it. You couldn't let go. It was a toxic relationship, and you couldn't let go when you had Larry Fitzgerald, who you supposedly loved standing there catching passes from John Skelton. You had to realize we're not in love with Larry Fitzgerald.

[Brett]

Those rare opportunities.

[John Holmberg]

He is a woobie for us. He's a security blanket that makes us feel okay. When John Skelton is throwing passes to Larry Fitzgerald and you still are like, God, Larry's good. You're not doing Larry any favors. You don't really care about him. You just liked that he made you feel okay that you had a good player. He's got to go. Devin Booker's got to go. I've been saying it for a year and a half. His team was not going to a championship with what was on the floor. And if that's truly what you're after, you got to start measuring what you can get for your only value, your only leverage. I go crazy with this guy. The Lions. Lions fan has chimed back in. They didn't blow it, Dick. Yeah, they did. They ran out of gas. They had 16 dudes on IR. Look, are you going to watch the super bowl with Lions players? And it. Then they blew it. Everybody's got injuries. We were using dudes from the usfl. Should have had a better strength and conditioning coach. God damn it. It's true. You got that many injuries. Something's going on in the locker room. That's a. That's a training issue. Takes a village. You know, Kansas City's had injuries all year. They're in the championship again. They've had injuries. What, have they been there for the last five years? They've had some injured. No excuses.

[Brett]

Anyway, Holmes was missing a leg. The one.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. He had his ankle torn off in the playoffs. Won a Super bowl, almost lost to the Browns. They beat the Browns in the playoffs with their backup quarterback. It was Chase Daniel, wasn't it? Because Mahomes rolled his ankle and they had to. They. And the Browns were like, we might beat him. It's the only way to beat them. So all I'm saying is, when it comes to sports, stop having crushes. We're all guilty of it a little bit. But a good Franchise will say we're breaking up for you. Matt Ishbia. I'll be the only one that says it's the Suns. The Suns broadcast team isn't going to do it. And certainly the folks over there at the sports station aren't going to do it because they want to be friends with the players rather than win titles. Trade them all. I'll be shocked if they didn't. This guy says, I don't watch basketball. But from what you're saying, it sounds like the Suns would rather Booker than Sophie Cunningham. Yeah, that's what it seems like. Could have kept Sophie around just for her walk in jean shorts. Go to Sophie's Instagram and tell me that you wouldn't rather have her wandering around and lose championships than Devin Booker. Come on. But yeah, my theory about the wnba, they're not there for the basketball at all. Pu. That's it. You go to the Suns games? Nah, we pretty much just hover down here to Merc games. Check out. Check out the lady ball. Really? You feel like you love basketball? Oh, I love the game. You don't go to any of the NBA? No. Huh. Well, you're here for a different reason than basketball. And it's true even because every time they have an event where there's no basketball, but the girls will walk around and meet. The place is just as full. A lesbian show up. Just talk to him.

[Brett]

They're making threes and layups like crazy.

[John Holmberg]

I'm just a layup girl. I'm a gal who likes to lay up those dunks.

[Brett]

Remove the dunk.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brett]

In the NBA, what happens?

[John Holmberg]

Oh, nobody goes. You kind of have because of damn three point shooting. And it's when people are.

[Brett]

And that's.

[John Holmberg]

The ratings are terrible. Yeah. Anyway, off my soapbox about that, but it's driving me nuts. Oh, there my buddy Brian just text over. Reggie Jackson was a Baltimore Oriole. Wow. Well, that was after the Oakland A's. The Oak. He'd won three championships to the Oakland A's are like, you're. We're done with you. And he became an Oriole and then a Yankee and then the Yankees are like Angel Angels. Yep. And he was still good, but it just wasn't viable to keep him. You can't have crushes on your superstars. It is weird to see great players in the wrong uniform. Just weird. Baseball's a little different. Basketball's gotten different because everybody like you see like, you know, Joe Montana as a chief is weird. That's just weird.

[Brady]

Ken Griffey Jr. Was a white sock Awkward. Yeah. I mean, it just doesn't make sense.

[Brett]

No, but with Reggie the whole time, we still had Reggie vision the entire time.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, well, of course, the Reggie bar. You forget Reggie was only a Yankee from like 77 to 82. Wasn't that long. But you picture Reggie. He's a Yankee. And he was in a. Before it was Oakland. He was Oakland's guy first. He was that good. Just bouncing around, helping teams win. It's just. Yeah. Devin in another uniform is gonna make people's pee pees hurt for a couple of days. But you'll get over it. You'll get over it. There's very few that stay the whole way. Larry Bird stayed with the Celtics a little too long. Franchise fell apart. You can't hang on to those people.

[Brett]

When potential dip in merchandise.

[John Holmberg]

Well, maybe you'll get. Look, somebody exciting could pop up out of this thing. To quote the great Sting, if you love someone, set them free. Arizona Sports 98 KUPD Fact no one ever believes me when I talk about this stuff, but it's true. Two times in the last two weeks, I've been completely fine. And people will ask me what's wrong based on my face.

[Brady]

Here we go.

[John Holmberg]

It happened again. So a couple weeks ago, I sit down with a friend, and he goes, well, did you just wake up? I'm like, no, I've been up all day. Oh. And I know what the answer is, so I don't even say it. Then a lady at the QT about a week ago at the. At the counter looks at me and goes, not getting a lot of sleep, huh? Like, no, just ugly. And then she goes, yeah, and didn't. Didn't combat any of it. And I say this to Megan, because that didn't happen. It happens all the time. Yesterday, different qt. I go up. I'm walking in to get some water to go fight it. The tactical black, right? So I forgot some stuff. So I go and grab a water after, and I pull up and I'm walking through the parking lot. Now I'm in a pair of black sweatpants and a black sweatshirt. That's it. Nothing more, nothing less. I don't look crazy. I don't look different. I. Pair of black sweats, black sweatshirt. And on the sweatshirt, I believe it just was a son's logo. Nice sweatshirt. Didn't look crazy. Didn't look homeless. Clean. Couldn't smell me yet, which I could have had the smell of the gym on me. Don't believe I did. I'm Walking out of the car and a woman walking towards me on the sidewalk, towards the door. Now I'm thinking to myself, here's me. I'm thinking to myself, I'm going to open the door for this lady. She's got two young kids, eight, maybe nine, 10 years old. And I go to try to reach. And as I'm reaching for the door because I'm a few feet ahead of them, she grabs the kids by the backs of their shirts and pulls and said, stay away from him.

[Brett]

What?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, I'm the. I'm the creepy rapist, middle of the head.

[Brett]

She didn't know who you were?

[Dale Hellestray]

No.

[John Holmberg]

Maybe. But she would have said, I hate you, Holmberg. That would have happened after. No, just purely on looks. I'm the guy that says, get away from that creep. I don't know what's going on. I don't understand it. I'm not going to hurt you. Get away from that guy. They weren't even close to you. Close to me? Now I've said that about other people who. I don't like to look at this guy. Let's go over here. I've never been that guy. Or at least never heard that I was that guy. I was insulted, but it was also quite sad. I don't mind you calling me ugly, but I can't be, you know, sloth. I can't scare your children.

[Brett]

Next time that happens, you just gotta react.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, I don't know what I was supposed to do with that. And then I just walked into the QT well, lumbered and slunk and drugged my greasy slime body. And like that shouldn't happen, there it was. I'm the guy. That lady was so worried about my physical appearance, her kids couldn't walk take another step towards me now. Maybe she'd been beaten about the house.

[Brady]

Maybe she thought you were Benny Mardona's or something.

[Brett]

I don't know.

[John Holmberg]

Damn it, Brett, they weren't even 16 combined. I was singing this, though, to be fair, I can't look at that video. No, I don't think she thought I was rapey. I thought she thought I was gonna kill her. Great song. Benny's still going down the road to go kidnap that girl. I don't look like him. Like you could see Benny Mardonis on the screen. Like he looks like a guy. You can't. What is going on? I see that dude's face and I think, okay, let's cross the street.

[Brett]

Your 27 year old boyfriend.

[John Holmberg]

Honey, when the dad has to answer the door. Well, she's just 60. Don't even say hello.

[Brady]

Maybe he's afraid you're gonna go peeping in the windows. Like.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, yeah.

[Brett]

Just right around the corner.

[Brady]

Yeah, right there.

[John Holmberg]

This guy said, john, don't you think it's a good thing, though? Because people are idiots and we don't want to deal with idiots. Yeah, but you still don't want to hear that. If you think I'm going to kill you or nab your children, keep it a little bit less obvious than grabbing them by the neck of their shirt and pulling them back on. Stay away from him. Why? That's weird. It's weird, but it's happening too often. Not that so much, but people just noticing that I'm a physical pariah just walking that lady. It started a couple years ago when that lady asked me how long it took me to recover from Bell's palsy. Never had it. That one stings. Oh, wow. Okay. My husband has Bell's palsy. I'm like, why is she telling me this? How long did it take for you to recover from what? Bell's palsy. I never had Bell's palsy. Oh, I'm sorry. What are you. What the wrong with you?

[Brady]

When does the recovery actually start?

[John Holmberg]

Is it always gonna be this bad for him? What are you talking out. I don't have it.

[Brady]

I see what you're going through.

[John Holmberg]

You don't have it. You never have had it. No. My God, you poor best.

[Brett]

You're in complete denial right now.

[John Holmberg]

I'm not. I didn't. You weren't diagnosed, lady. I don't have Bells. I never did. So you've recovered on your own. I don't understand.

[Brett]

Sure.

[John Holmberg]

Are you. Do you have the beginning of it now? I think you've got Bell's palsy. Today you go to the hospital. It's happening too often. Strangers are being too open about me being grotesque in some sort of way that I just don't think I see that bad. I'm not real pleased with the whole physical nature of me from. Especially from the neck up, but I don't think it should scare the children. I don't think I'm there yet. Right.

[Brett]

I'm not seeing it.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brett]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

But I don't want to take your word for it because you think you're good looking. So that scares me in its own way. If you're my support system, they're right. But I don't think I should scared the. The kids. I didn't like. I assessed everything. Like I Just my shoes matched. I looked. I didn't look insane. They were brand. Like, my shoes were new. Like, I didn't have the typical, like, fiend look that would necessitate someone pulling their children away from me, saying, stay away from him. And I could hear that.

[Brett]

You have to clarify it more than ever, like, stopping. I was in the green belt about a week ago, walking the dogs, and two kids were on their electric bikes in the greenbelt. They're pretty young, so they're. There was a tyke, Electric bikes, and they stopped, and they're like, hey, mister, can we pat your dog? Sure. Then he starts asking me a question about the dogs. Both of them?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brett]

And his buddies over there. And they're asking questions. The father comes over. He's on top of the green belt about 200 yards away.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brett]

And sees me immediately. You think, oh, this guy's grooming kids.

[John Holmberg]

Right.

[Brett]

You know, and so I went over there.

[John Holmberg]

Hey. And told him, you're not. Well, that's what. That's what a groomer would say.

[Brett]

I know who you are.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, you're a kid groomer. Well, your story makes me glad. That lady pulled the kids back. The last thing I wanted was to start a conversation with them. I was trying to hold the door. Kids come up and want to. Hey, want to talk for a little bit? Absolutely not.

[Brett]

It's like, if a kid stops to talk to you, you immediately run as an adult.

[John Holmberg]

Maybe, you know, maybe you've changed me on this, Brady. So my grotesque, very Frankensteinish nature Don't stick around. But, yeah, maybe I should be the one going, get away from me. I don't have my porn stash. That was one thing that somebody emailed. I don't. I. I trimmed it back a little bit. It's gonna. It's coming back, but I want to even it out. Says, tired eyes in a porn stash. Come on home, bro. You know what's going on here? I don't get it. Not tired. Feeling very energized lately. My new schedule is awesome, man.

[Brett]

Yeah, you're happier.

[John Holmberg]

He's a creep. Yeah, it's been great. Stay away from that creep. I just trying to hold the door for you. This guy says you should have doubled down right there. This would have been a good one. Taylor. I didn't think of it. I was too depressed when it happened. Said. Said. Oh, I'm sorry. I'm with a hidden game show camera in this car. Camera in that car. First person that let me hold the door open for them and their kids. Was gonna win a million dollars, but your mom is a judgmental whore. That leaves you kids with nothing today would have made. Still, I got my piece. Get away from him. He's creepy. I don't see creepy. I don't. I see ugly. I get that.

[Brett]

They.

[John Holmberg]

I don't see creepy.

[Brett]

She didn't say that.

[John Holmberg]

She said, get away from him. Which is essentially saying he's creepy. You don't say get away from him unless you think creepy. Am I wrong?

[Brett]

It wasn't get out of his way.

[John Holmberg]

No, that would have been move for this fine gentleman. Stay away from him is not nice. You stay away from him. I looked at him like, what's up? Oh, all right. It was weird. Next time, John, just start talking like Sling Blade. Tell her thank you for keeping your kids away. Just to see your reaction. You made the proper choice, ma'am. I was probably gonna nab one of those little angels and take them home with me. You made a good decision.

[Brett]

Kids, stand back. He's going in to buy honey products.

[John Holmberg]

He's definitely gonna try to get a boner in the qt. That make me harder than a couple of kids walking my direction. I get to hold the door for.

[Brett]

Yeah, that's what you gotta immediately go into.

[John Holmberg]

Unfortunately, I see it. I see the Fetterman. Fetterman and Sling Blade had a baby. It would be me. But I don't see it as threatening. I don't see creepy. I see blech, but I don't see creepy. I don't see anything that would necessitate keeping your kids away. I don't know. In a weird way, talking about it has helped because it made me realize that if I am creepy to the kids, there'll be less kids around me. And then they will start like. Like they won't even get close.

[Brett]

Did you have a shirt on with any statement or any sons?

[John Holmberg]

In fact, maybe she hates Indians because it was the Sun's Native American tribute. It was a black sweatshirt with the blue basketball and the Sun's logo.

[Brady]

Maybe she thought you were Mr. Orange.

[John Holmberg]

Okay, well, there you go.

[Brett]

I mean, that could make sense.

[John Holmberg]

It could be Mr. Orange. Even though he's all. He's dressed in all black. I know what you're doing, Mr. Orange. Incognito.

[Brady]

I knew it.

[John Holmberg]

Dressed in all black like that. Mr. Orange.

[Dale Hellestray]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Now, the only thing that was weird was I. We were wearing shin pads to kick at the. And so from my knees down there was. It was wet, but in black sweats. You couldn't see that unless you got pretty close in the car. I looked. I'm like, that's really the only odd thing about me right now is that for some reason, from my knees to my feet, I'm soaked. But that shouldn't scare children or mothers. These helicopter parents. I tells you what I don't know. He says, because you're part of that 3am sideshow night walker crowd now, John, welcome to the club. It's your new sleep. They see it. Everybody thinks you're a vampire. Have you thought about pre registration? This way people can look you up. Which they would anyway. See if you've committed any felonies yet. Yeah, it's kind of the minority report of creeps. Yeah. I've never had. Stay away from that creepy. That creepy fella. It happened.

[Brett]

Were you wearing your meta glasses?

[John Holmberg]

No, I had a pair of nice Ray Bans on my forehead. I didn't even have them on my eyes because there's no reason I was in shade. Yeah. It wasn't. I was not giving off the gonna kill your kids vibe. I don't think I really. I was just gonna hold the door for him. She's got. I'm gonna have to blame her. She's got issues with bald whites. That's the only thing that. That could be like that. Some reason I triggered her. Maybe she thinks I'm a proud boy. I don't know. I had the gayest shoes I've ever. I had a pair of turquoise Kyrie Irvin shoes on to match the turquoise on my shirt. I looked like a boy band.

[Brett]

That was it.

[Brady]

There you go.

[John Holmberg]

It wasn't gay, though. Like I looked.

[Brady]

The turquoise shoes are not so much that.

[Brett]

It's just.

[John Holmberg]

I look like I was in the.

[Brady]

Like I was with Ben Said too.

[John Holmberg]

That's a good point. Strong point. So she hates gays. Yeah. She's the problem.

[Brady]

We'll go with that.

[John Holmberg]

She's the problem here.

[Brady]

HMS Solving the world's Problems.

[John Holmberg]

You're right. Brett's right, bitch. Gay people have every right to walk around in this city. You bitch. We're not all kidnappers. Some of them are, but not all of them.

[Brett]

It'll rub off. Off. Kids, stay away.

[John Holmberg]

Don't get close. You'll catch the gay. Stay away from him. And it wasn't so much. Stay away from him. My kids. Leave that man alone. She grabbed him by their shirts, yanked him back towards her. The kids were like, what? So now they're going to have an unhealthy fear of unattractive bald men. This is John they didn't think you were scary. Come on now. That big ass Jew nose and a black sweatshirt and that mustache. She just didn't want all that gay all over her kids.

[Brady]

See, there you go.

[John Holmberg]

She hates gays and Jews. That's right. She's a racist. Maybe it was that Carl lady that called a couple years ago. She hates blacks and gays and Jews. She hated all of them.

[Brady]

That's why she yelled at Larry.

[John Holmberg]

That's right. Anyway, yeah, she was mad at me and yelled at Larry because he was the closest Jew to scream at. Anyway, thought I'd share that and thank you guys for hearing me out. Nice, John. It happens both ways. I was at Walmart with my wife and this 80 year old cashier says to my wife, why doesn't he have his shirt on today? The one that says, with a body like this, who needs hair? And she leans over to me and says, I got a joke for you with the egg. What did the egg say? Before it got thrown in boiling water? I can't get hard because I just got laid this morning. And then I laughed. And the same time I was like, what is happening? This old lady's coming on to me. Yeah, well, at least you got that. At least run away from her post and say, stay away from that guy.

[Brett]

Gay guy dressed like a fifth grader. Stay away from him. Right.

[John Holmberg]

Also, yeah, quit wearing joke shirts on the Walmart. This guy says, hey, Chancellor, the broomhead interview you did a while ago came up on my YouTube recently. I listened to morning sickness on my phone, and as much as I was interested to see, I couldn't watch it. The face is rough, though. Thanks. Thanks a lot. Yeah, thanks. No, people, just feel free to. People feel free to say that regularly. I hear this too often, man, and I don't disagree, but they don't say that to human beings. Whoa. Did you just wake up? I've been away for hours. Just ugly. Okay. 555, please. All right, thanks. What a great interaction that was. QT employee.

[Brett]

You only say that to friends.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, you tell friends you're a good friend. I told Paul, after all this stuff, I'm like, all right, Chunks, we're done pretending like this lifestyle you've decided is gonna be good for you. Just got out of the hospital and almost died. I'm gonna walk Paul around this building like he's my dog. And I told him, I said, I'm gonna be hard on you. We got staircases all over this place. You're gonna climb them at least three times. A day before I leave. Stuff's gonna change around here with embolisms in your lungs. And it's time that friends treat friends the way they should by being honest with them. You're killing yourself. Stay away from that guy. John, don't worry about it. No question in my mind that girl had a bald uncle growing up. You have big thumbs. A couple big thumbs and a bald uncle. It might have triggered her. Anyway. It's not easy being ugly and knowing it. But I don't need to be reminded. And I'm not gonna hurt your children. But that's what a guy who would hurt your children would say. So there's not a lot you can do. Bert, what do you got on the big board of musical treats? Hang on.

[Brady]

I'm adding this last one here.

[John Holmberg]

No, for me. I'm sure this will be lovely.

[Brady]

Wake Up Song brought to you guys by Action Ride Shop, of course. And the boys are working on the new store right now. The soft opening is happening right now over there at McDowell and Power Road. So if you guys are heading to Hawes, make sure you hit up the boys over there. Check out the new store grand opening. Gonna be the official grand opening February 22nd. But in the meantime, don't forget, the HQ is still open right there on Gilbert Road and Southern for all your snow and trail needs.

[John Holmberg]

Actionrideshop.com Taylor says, I got it figured out and I'm on her side. They were in the car before they went into the QT and mom turned to the kids and said, Here's $5 for each of you. Get whatever you want. With cash fresh in their pockets. They started to walk up to the door and she saw you standing there with that big Jew news and assumed you could smell their money. Stay away from him. He knows where the money is. Thank you, Taylor. Perhaps, but I don't think so. Okay? And this is the dumbest joke ever. Rex, you got a face for radio. All right, that's 80 years.

[Brady]

Never heard that one.

[John Holmberg]

Everybody on radio has heard that thing. Nothing about that is funny ever.

[Brady]

Dope on the list. My darkest Days. Metallica, the Cult. Velvet Revolver. God, Smack. Keep away for that lady with you. Typo. Negative for John. I don't want to be me falling in reverse. Hell, yeah. Gnr, Pantera, Ozzy, Soil Ministry, AC dc, Static X. Somewhat Stupid for Ken's wife.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Oh, I want that. I want those emails to keep rolling in. I can't control it. That's the bad thing. I tried to email her back and it was like A burner Gmail account, so I can't get hold of her. And it was one of those things that said, like, ARF 137501 exclamation point at Gmail. And I'm like, well, this isn't a real one. Yeah. Scott has emailed in and he's kind of. Remember yesterday we were debating whether or not Ken from the email after being called the homo F word, N word, was a black guy or not, and his wife was trying to be mean or she was just saying horrible things. And he said, we've determined here at headquarters that Ken is not black because a co worker emailed in the next day.

[Brady]

Oh.

[John Holmberg]

So I guess that was his way of saying, Ken's co worker proves he's white. Hilarious.

[Brady]

Anyway, did he confirm he's a homo F word or no?

[John Holmberg]

Well, no, he confirmed that.

[Brady]

Okay.

[John Holmberg]

Well, no, the co worker didn't.

[Brady]

Okay.

[John Holmberg]

But she's saying that he confessed in the email. But again, she. He's saying she's crazy.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

This. This has so many layers. Now, Donovan said, man, I thought since we were friends that I could tell you what everybody says, you know, that we could be close because he's the one who just said I was ugly. He said, it's all in good fun and I'm always going to be a fan, but only as long as I just have to listen. That's right. We'll never put it on screen for you. It's true. It's okay. Said maybe that lady had a bad run in with Johnny Sins on porn, right? That could be. People have told me I look like Johnny Sins if I were healthy. That's an exact quote. You look like that porn star Johnny Sins if he. If he were sick and you were healthy. Yeah, thanks. That's a compliment. That's worse than. You look good for your age. Why the caveat? You look like Johnny Sins if he were dying. It's static X here. That's a good one for I'm with stupid. For Ken and for that lady and her kids. Your mom's stupid kid. She's judgmental whore. I didn't see a cross around her neck, but I would imagine. And she's probably one of those. They're the most judgmental ones. I'm going to throw that bomb at her. What would Jesus think of you? It's. I'm with stupid. This is a great one. It's 98 KUPD, Arizona's most powerful rock radio station. He said fully erect. 98 KU PT still streaming. Morning sickness online at 98kupd.com cruising along traffic already cruddy, I guess out there. I just got an email from a guy says I am locked up in Scottsdale. Jenna, who is one of the Ackerman clan up there at Tactical Black, she used to live in apartments right off of where you walk to get into Phoenix Open. And she said that they'd have to give the residents passes to go home. And I don't even think about those people that live in that apartment complex that's right there on the park. It's gonna be miserable to try to.

[Brett]

Get streets, even the houses in that area.

[John Holmberg]

Terrible.

[Brett]

It's. You have to have that pass in.

[John Holmberg]

Order to get back, get home.

[Brett]

And if they have guests come over.

[John Holmberg]

They have to have their stuff. Yeah, that's horrible.

[Brady]

If that. I'm Airbnb in that house.

[Brett]

That's.

[John Holmberg]

What if she said that. That they would do it. The apartment complex would rent out the empty apartments to strange weirdos from. That's what I would do too. I'd get out of there. I wouldn't live. That golf course would be a deterrent for me. I don't care how much I love that house. I'm like, wait a minute. What? Just for one week of this nightmare. No, thanks. That's the only bad thing about airbnb is you gotta move all your stuff out.

[Brady]

Right?

[John Holmberg]

It's like moving, but my God. Yeah. People saying it already. That mucking stuff up out there. It should be. They should be teeing off. They should be now. Anyway, no protest so far. I'm watching the news, you guys. Mexicans, trans people. None of you taking my advice and making it look like we've got crazy people all over. This place sure would be nice. Because this weather. Look at the sky on tv, on the highlights. People are sending over me at the quick trip. You're post that the mother and her crying child screaming, oh, my God, stay away. Is that Batman? You son of a. Even that picture. I don't look like I'm gonna hurt your kids. I don't know. I mean, he put me on a body of US of a killer. It's just my head. That head doesn't scream, I'm going to hurt your children unless you're thinking about it.

[Dick Toledo]

And that shirt you're wearing today, you put that face on.

[John Holmberg]

I have a black shirt on. I know.

[Brett]

That's what I'm saying.

[John Holmberg]

What's wrong with my T Shir? Al Franken at KSLX wears black T shirts every day. Nobody keeps kids Away from me.

[Brady]

I didn't get the notice today.

[Dick Toledo]

You don't know that.

[John Holmberg]

What did you get one?

[Brady]

The black T shirt. Dave. With you and Frank.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Well, it's a thing because you got to pay your quarterly dues.

[Dick Toledo]

Guess what's out of his closet now.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Oh, I'm fine with that. Look, he's not owning black T shirts.

[Brady]

He's going back to Cabana Wear just because.

[John Holmberg]

Dude, no, I'm not doing that either. The other guy wrecked that. Yeah, he did. Hawaiian shirts and black T shirts forever ruined. But yeah, you can't have. Black T shirts are mine just because you wear one every day. Pratt's done that. He wears black T shirts every day, too. And he does it in case there's film to edit. How arrogant are you? I get to wear the same thing every day just in case I'm in some screen and, you know, got to edit it with yesterday's stuff. Like. That's weird editing purpose.

[Brett]

You got it from Bill Haywood back in the day.

[John Holmberg]

That's too soon. Brady. Yeah. Bill's no longer Lamb of God. Sorry, Bill. It's 8:07. It's time for Brady to give you all the news that only Brady knows. We call this the Brady Report. Brady reporter.

[Brett]

Good Thursday morning to you, Phoenix.

[John Holmberg]

Hello, world. Hi.

[Brett]

Happy National Chopsticks Day and National Frozen Yogurt Day.

[John Holmberg]

Don't try to eat that together.

[Dale Hellestray]

You.

[John Holmberg]

Chopsticks and yogurt. You're going to be there forever.

[Dick Toledo]

You've never been to Asia. They're like champs.

[Brett]

Gotta eat it fast.

[Brady]

Yogurt never will.

[John Holmberg]

They're not using chopsticks for, well, frozen yogurt. Yeah, but yogurt.

[Brett]

Yogurt, yogurt, yogurt.

[John Holmberg]

I'm still not eating ice cream with chopsticks. How committed am I to cultural appropriation that I just won't get a spoon? That's why they don't have Japanese ice cream stores. Nobody can go to that.

[Brett]

What do you think? Yogurt? How old do you think yogurt is?

[John Holmberg]

What? The one in your fridge?

[Brett]

Just in general. Yeah. 4,000.

[John Holmberg]

I'll be one of your fridges since you've been alive. So I'd say Dan and tried to stuff one in your fridge. Yogurt probably started in like the 1300s because it's just fermented dairy for that.

[Brett]

Is it 4, 000 years old?

[John Holmberg]

No kidding.

[Brett]

In the Middle East? In India.

[Brady]

Good call.

[Brett]

Slowly made its way across the world.

[John Holmberg]

It's gross.

[Brady]

A couple of.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, I'm with Brady. On that one. I like the one I'm like, we freeze it. You pour Hershey's chocolate sauce on top. That's just. That's a sundae. Yogurt.

[Brett]

Healthy couple of basis fun facts. There's enough cash in circulation in the US that every single person in America, adults and kids, could carry at least $6,500 on them.

[John Holmberg]

That circulating cash.

[Brett]

Yep.

[John Holmberg]

Wow. It's not very lofty goal. It's a decent amount of money for like a day's walking around money. But if that's all everybody has, we're all broke.

[Dick Toledo]

John, after listening to you guys for the last half hour in your previous break, is this why you don't do Facebook live streams?

[John Holmberg]

Absolutely.

[Dick Toledo]

The children and it's bad for ratings.

[John Holmberg]

I can't look at my. I. I understand. Ugly people are like, how come you don't ever want to take a picture? Because I'm in. Depresses me. That's why. Like, why don't you have a Facebook page? Because my face would be on it. Your Facebook page is fine. My Facebook page is awful. So. Yes. And we don't have cameras in here for two reasons. A, we'd last a day and B, my face.

[Dick Toledo]

John, this will tell you how old I am, but to me, you maybe look like a Gerald McCraney.

[John Holmberg]

Major dad. Right. Everybody always throws in the with AIDS. I'm 6ft 218 pounds right now. I don't look AIDSy, but somehow I do. I'm a healthy specimen of AIDS. And I look like Major Dad. Well, wait. Simon and Simon. Gerald McCraney or Major Dad? Gerald McCraney.

[Dick Toledo]

Was that him and Simon?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Oh, yeah, Simon. Simon's a great show.

[Brett]

In ancient Persia, people debated ideas twice. Once when they are sober and once when they're drunk. The idea had to sound good in both states before they'd start acting on it.

[John Holmberg]

Huh.

[Brett]

The Slurpee capital of the world for more than 20 years in a row has been in Winnipeg, Manitoba, Canada. Their 7 11s there have the highest sales of Slurpees per store.

[John Holmberg]

They drink Slurpees? Everybody guess in Canada.

[Brett]

Yeah. Winnipeg.

[John Holmberg]

Just where you can go outside and scoop a Slurpee off the ground. Most of the year they go in and.

[Dick Toledo]

Actually, I think they'd get that. Hawaiian syrup or whatever.

[John Holmberg]

You got ice everywhere.

[Brady]

Shaved icing. Yeah.

[Brett]

According to the study.

[John Holmberg]

Maybe I could sell ice to an Eskimo.

[Brett]

Mornings are actually the happiest time of day when people are happier and more satisfied. Less downbeat. You ready for this?

[John Holmberg]

No, they're not.

[Brett]

Experts analyzed data from almost 50,000 adults throughout two years and found that regardless of the day a person wakes up in a good mood.

[John Holmberg]

Mood. What.

[Brett]

Where are.

[John Holmberg]

What Scientology study is this. Nobody wakes up.

[Brett]

That is the best they're going to feel all day.

[John Holmberg]

That's the. That is the worst part of my day. Every day.

[Brett]

I said it's a bit of a roller coaster after that with a big dip around 10:30. But there's another surge of happiness around 6pm People are getting off work, having dinner.

[John Holmberg]

You're free.

[Brett]

There's a downturn throughout the evening.

[John Holmberg]

Catch that Happiness had something to do with getting dinner.

[Brett]

And the least happy time is midnight.

[John Holmberg]

Did you throw in the dinner? Was it written on that? Okay.

[Brett]

Getting off work and having dinner.

[John Holmberg]

It's highlighted.

[Dick Toledo]

Well, that's late yesterday. Mouth hugs in the morning.

[John Holmberg]

6:00Pm that's really second dinner. It's almost bedtime.

[Brett]

They didn't address morning people versus night owls or any other factors.

[John Holmberg]

Since I've switched my schedule and I've had to go. This week's been tough because I've got Phoenix open stuff and some things to do in the daytime. So I've had to kind of adjust to get sleep in at night again. And I have had an alarm wake me a couple times. Having no alarm wake you, being in control of your sleep and having it changes your sleep completely. If you're a person like me, if you're what Brady's talking about and these people who love waking up up. But if you're like me and an alarm clock might as well be a sledgehammer. I've eliminated the alarm clock from my life. And it is. It's a game changer, man. It's when I sleep, I don't have to worry about when I wake up. I just wake up when I'm done sleeping. And sometimes it's only like three hours because I sleep so comfortably knowing that I can't miss anything. It's amazing. Of course, then again, evidently, it makes me look like a predator. But.

[Brett]

More dinner talk. Survey found 63% of Americans watch TV while eating dinner. Now 41% talk to their people that they're having dinner with.

[John Holmberg]

Well, 41% are eating. Are eating. Brady's girlfriend.

[Brett]

28% use their phone. 16% listen music. 8% read.

[John Holmberg]

People read and eat at the same time. That's like juggling. Well, I'd say that 61%. This is just at home.

[Brett]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brett]

During dinner.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Everybody watches TV during dinner.

[Brett]

Yeah. Sometimes it's TVs on. That's right.

[John Holmberg]

We created great rooms for that reason. So the kitchen was part of the TV room.

[Dick Toledo]

Lisa went through a big phase where the TV was off when we had.

[John Holmberg]

The boys on, and then it stopped. Because you realized that people have nothing.

[Dick Toledo]

To say to each other 100%.

[John Holmberg]

Right. Forcing conversation in a family is the worst thing you can do. It is going to end in a fight.

[Dick Toledo]

When the boys were out of the house, first time, first dinner Lisa and I had, we were sitting at the table, TV's off, almost dead quiet. And she looks at me and she goes, so this is how it's gonna.

[John Holmberg]

This is it for good.

[Dick Toledo]

And I said, yup.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, you have to have natural conversation. Usually TV sparks that. Yep.

[Dick Toledo]

Well, I can't have it on now because all it is is trump this, trump that.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, in your house. That's terrible. Oh, is that right? Oh, she goes crazy. Has she gone crazy?

[Dick Toledo]

Yeah, she's beside herself.

[John Holmberg]

We've lost her.

[Brett]

Yeah, she gone.

[John Holmberg]

Is she deranged or is she logical?

[Dick Toledo]

Not quite deranged, but not quite logical either.

[John Holmberg]

Are you get on board or get out.

[Dick Toledo]

No, I just said, look, look, relax.

[Brady]

What is.

[Dick Toledo]

What is about our lives right now?

[John Holmberg]

She's gonna kill.

[Dick Toledo]

Yeah, but what about all these DEI stuff?

[John Holmberg]

And I'm like.

[Brett]

Like, it was there before.

[Dick Toledo]

The same argument we had on this show. It was there before.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Dick Toledo]

You're just getting rid of a policy.

[John Holmberg]

People aren't saying they don't want diversity at work. They're saying they don't want to be forced to have diversity at work. I think that's the best way to put it. Like, I want all sorts of different people at my work, but I don't want to have, like, geez, Toledo sure is qualified for this job, but we've already got a bunch of white guys, and I have to hire someone I don't really want to hire because of a thing that my work's making me do. That's all that is.

[Dick Toledo]

Well, I told you guys, like, her sister, who's a millennial, called her. She lives in Minnesota, works for a big company, and she said, I've just had the worst day of my life. And she said, why? And she goes, well, we just announced we got rid of DEI policies. I'm like, that's your worst day.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. You all right? Yeah, but I don't get to work next to people who look different.

[Dick Toledo]

Yeah, you do. They're still there.

[John Holmberg]

They're still there. You should have to hire someone with a feather boa. Just because you're told to. Maybe he will be the best for the job.

[Dick Toledo]

Well, I told her, I said maybe glam it up a little bit. Maybe become that person.

[John Holmberg]

And like I always say to people who are in the DEI thing. All right, well, I'm gonna fire Toledo. Like you just tell her John fired me to go home and say the DEI thing. You're right. John fired me today. And just to. He brought in a homosexual.

[Dick Toledo]

All of them, Every letter.

[John Holmberg]

African. Like everything you can imagine. Just Swiss African. They're really good. They taste like cocoa. Yeah. And I. And I replaced you with somebody.

[Brett]

Yeah, don't do that.

[John Holmberg]

I replaced you with somebody that checks all the boxes. Right. And then I sent you home unemployed and see if she's still into the DEI thing. Yeah. If she still supports it. Yeah. Or her job.

[Dick Toledo]

I mean, she's right.

[John Holmberg]

Well, she should want to get fired from that.

[Brett]

Police are praising the heroic actions of a local pilot who confronted and stopped a 15 year old who entered a Texarkana Regional Airport in Arkansas on Tuesday morning. Brandishing a couple of guns. The kid walked up to the front counter, had a high powered rifle and a handgun and demanded a plane. Person at the front counter. After the kid basically put one in the chamber pointed at him, ran out and into the back office, was able to get out way. The kid didn't fire shot, but he alerted the police. That's when the kid went out on the tarmac, basically. And a local pilot retrieved his firearm from his truck, confronted the teen as he breached security onto the airfield.

[John Holmberg]

Can't do that. He's going down.

[Brett]

Ordering him to get on the ground. The teen complied.

[John Holmberg]

Well, yeah, don't go running around airports with guns. Just a. That's a good rule.

[Brett]

I also went to his car, shotgun was all common sense to me, and.

[John Holmberg]

Say, well, that's missing.

[Brett]

Well, but usually the kid's going in there and, you know, luckily the kid. You know what? Didn't want to fire.

[Dick Toledo]

Your heritage makes you more firearms aware, Brett.

[John Holmberg]

Well, yes, but still, yeah, I don't trust this guy.

[Brady]

Seems pretty common sense to me.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, it is.

[Brett]

An Italian doctor has been placed under investigation.

[Dale Hellestray]

Oh.

[Brett]

After giving his cat a CAT scan at a hospital before performing a life saving operation.

[John Holmberg]

It's gotta be a joke on the cat. Yeah.

[Dick Toledo]

Here it comes.

[Brett]

Gianluca Finelli took the animal called Athena to the Umberto Perini Hospital in northern Italy. And so the cat fell from a building six stories. Dude went in there. Gianluca put the cat in the CAT scan to look it over and then performed surgery on the cat. Saved its life. It was a life or death thing, according to him.

[John Holmberg]

That's a great.

[Brett]

But the reason why he's under investigation. He's using taxpayer money and could be basically preventing humans to use that machine at that time. His argument back is it was after hours. The facility was closed. He's the manager of the facility. He was able to open it up and, you know, turn everything on.

[John Holmberg]

Why can't you just pay him? If they're like, hey, this should have cost you a certain amount. Just pay him.

[Brett]

Well, they're putting him under investigation where they should suspend his license or.

[John Holmberg]

But his cat's alive.

[Brett]

Look, money. Money solves that whole thing, right?

[John Holmberg]

It's Italy.

[Brady]

Damn right.

[John Holmberg]

Don't get too mouthy. They'll cover. Doesn't seem like such a bad thing if I had life saving skills and I. And my pet was.

[Brett]

Knew what to do.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, definitely.

[Brett]

Luann Hahn attended a Miami Marlins matchup against the divisional foe Atlanta Braves. This happened last. Last season and the Marlins had a promotion going. Bark in the park.

[John Holmberg]

They bring it a lot. They do.

[Brett]

Well, it turned into a slip in the park. She says one of the pups took a tinkle at the ballpark. No one cleaned it up and she slipped on it. Now she's suing the Marlins.

[John Holmberg]

She owns the Marlins.

[Brett]

Well, they won't have to worry about owning or she owning because she's asking for $50,000.

[John Holmberg]

That's it. Just give it to her. Would you sue your favorite sports franchise for that kind of thing?

[Brady]

No. That's a bitch move.

[John Holmberg]

It is a move.

[Brady]

Yeah. No, no, absolutely not.

[John Holmberg]

Like if the Suns had a puddle on the floor and I slipped and fell and broke my leg or something. I'm not dipping into their money for that.

[Brady]

No.

[Brett]

Well, there's people that. I mean like a. A spill on the floor.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brett]

Or. Or a dog piece of mah.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Piso Mahado.

[Brett]

Most of the time they always put that.

[Dick Toledo]

If that's not there.

[John Holmberg]

Sure. But if it's not there.

[Brett]

But I'm not blaming the.

[John Holmberg]

But if I'm not going to sue the suns for like $10 million and make it so they have some financial barriers they have to get. I'm. They're my boys. Steelers. Not suing the Steelers because it's a badge of honor to have broken my leg at Hines Field and that for sure.

[Dick Toledo]

Changes come in and you've got guardrails everywhere and you're.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, you wreck it for everyone else. Keep your feet.

[Brett]

What if you're in a coma, then.

[John Holmberg]

I'm not saying anybody, anyway.

[Brett]

Well, no. The family. You want the family said. No, don't.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, I might call Kent at Trajan today and say that if I ever fall at a Steelers game or anything like that, my family's fine on the fall.

[Brett]

You're paraplegic.

[John Holmberg]

Clumsy ass. Should have probably watched out for that puddle, I suppose, huh? Real steel. All the other Steeler fans stayed upright. Sounds like a me problem. If I'm the only one. If there was like 80 of us that fell down and broke our spines and we're in comas. Steelers have some culpability if it's just me. Sounds like I'm a clumsy C word. Now, if I do that in the Raiders stadium, that's mine.

[Brady]

Well, now, yeah, back in the day, it's kind of like I'm gonna try.

[John Holmberg]

To break the Raiders if I fall at the Cardinal Stadium, that's mine. But I'm not suing my own.

[Brett]

Got an update.

[John Holmberg]

Would you sue Ohio State if you were the only one who fell down and got hurt?

[Brett]

Initially, I would say. I wouldn't think so. I mean, I wouldn't. I feel if, you know, if it was something that was. Oh, it wasn't a fixed deal. It should have been fixed, right? Like if the roof was leaking.

[Brady]

Negligence.

[John Holmberg]

But you're the only one. Bunch of other fans.

[Brett]

But I'm the only one that.

[John Holmberg]

You're the only one broke something. Then it's. Then it's you, my man. Hey, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. I'm suing Ryan Day.

[Brett]

That's it.

[John Holmberg]

That's it. It's the Ohio State. Brady eyes. I'm gonna own this bitch. Yeah, if it's just a line of people, one after another after another. Somebody should do something about this. We're losing a lot of fans. Come on. Well, somebody mopped that spot already. What if it's just you? You're a clumsy. Don't wreck it for everyone else.

[Brett]

Little update on the war in Ukraine. Drones are now launching drones to attack other drones.

[John Holmberg]

We have drone launching drones. That's Pablo's old joke. I build robot that builds a robot. His robot built robots for him. Wow. Drones that launched smaller drones. It's the Russian nesting drones to attract.

[Brett]

To attack other drones.

[John Holmberg]

But why can't the big one attack.

[Brett]

In the drone wars?

[John Holmberg]

It's. It is the drone wars. That's pretty cool. How will we know who wins wars in the future? Just. I guess we're just out of them.

[Dick Toledo]

Yeah, whoever's got down to our last.

[John Holmberg]

Last drone standing wins. You could lose to a really tiny Asian country.

[Dick Toledo]

And then do we get to go out?

[Brett]

Probably will.

[John Holmberg]

Like Indonesia. Indonesia and places that Toledo travels.

[Dick Toledo]

Cambodia.

[John Holmberg]

They're going to run the world with their tiny little hands, those drone building hands. We're too fat. Our fingers are too fat to build drones fast enough to keep up with those Indonesians.

[Brady]

Think how fast they build Air Jordans. I mean, how fast they can get those drones out there.

[John Holmberg]

That's the most correct racist statement I've ever heard in my life. Think of how fast those people build our Air Jordan. How can we win a war? That's right. Tell me I'm wrong. No, it's correct. And also wildly insensitive, so you know it's right.

[Brett]

A judge in upstate New York was just forced to resign. He had tried to get out of jury duty by insisting that he couldn't be impartial because he believed that all defendants are guilty. Anyone that enters my court is guilty. Yep. Because if you end up in my court, the only reason you are because you feel guilty.

[John Holmberg]

I agree with that. That'll teach you a lesson not to be close to the illegal activities. I've always said that. I don't think anybody on death row doesn't deserve to be there. Maybe they didn't commit the crime, but they were way too close to it.

[Brady]

I don't know.

[John Holmberg]

It's. I almost started to argue with him. Like, you're right. He's right. If you went to jail for a murder and then you said, I didn't do it, I'd be like, yeah, but where were you? Oh, the guy next to me started, like, you were too close to it. Like, Satriale, he's. What do you want me to do? Listen, we were having some gabagool. I had projute on the way. The next thing you know, places a bloodbath. You're too close to the murder. Like, nobody. Brady will never be arrested for, you know, a murder that comes with a death sentence. You just won't. You have to be involved at least in some sort of a one degree removed situation to be that close where the cops are, like, he did this. I don't think you're just completely 100% innocent and get arrested for. Especially nowadays with DNA. No, I think. I think that people get arrested for crimes didn't actually commit. But they were close. They were so close that the evidence and a jury and everybody said, yeah, you. I don't think. I think. Yeah, I. I don't think you can go to death row as a. I was just minding my own business.

[Brett]

Next thing you know, railroading in court like this guy.

[John Holmberg]

I've never really believed that anyway. At least for white guys. What white guys? White guys were never railroaded. If you're white and on death row, you did something terrible. You might not have done the crime you're in there for, but you were so close to it that you deserve probably to be there. Nobody Brady's never just walked down the road like you. You're going to jail for capital murder. And they, hey, I was nowhere near it. Then you go to court.

[Brett]

I've been a clown for 50 years.

[John Holmberg]

Somehow or another, all the evidence stacks up against you. Even though you were completely innocent, the jury sees it that way. You get the death penalty from the judge. You did something almost as bad by being like, not having an alibi to death sentence. It's never gonna happen to me or Toledo.

[Brady]

Why'd you skip over me?

[John Holmberg]

I could kind of see a scenario or two.

[Brady]

No, no, no, no.

[Brett]

The CEO Anheuser Busch wants you to stop calling their beer a domestic and start calling it American beer.

[John Holmberg]

That's what domestic means.

[Brett]

Budweiser already uses the slogan Great American Lager, but he wants stores and restaurants to stop using domestic. For any beer made in the U.S. that's fine.

[John Holmberg]

We know what domestic. It's too hard for people to understand what it means. You know, it was hilarious. Last night, I was watching the news, and there was a lady with a very thick Spanish accent on. On. And she was. And I. And I thought of you Indians because she's like, what is going on in this country? She's a Rosie. Rosie Perez. What's going on in this country is terrible, Billy. We're a nation of immigrants. And I just thought the Indians had to hear that accent say that and go, ain't this a. Now they're saying it. It's a garbage. That thing, you know, the black. So say it. They have to sit back and suck that phrase in every time one of us. And anybody who's not an Indian is who I'm talking to, says, we're a nation of immigrants at that. Right? I guess we are a nation of immigrants, not a bunch of people who crossed the border illegally and took our time. I think Indians are laughing right now at the immigration problem. It sucks, doesn't it? They have got to be watching this, going, yep, that's what happens. We better stop that. Because I'm the. I'm the lesson learned.

[Brett]

Really got a couple of radio videos. I think this first one, I'm not sure. Brett, you might have done this one. All right. But it's a dude working in the factory. Looks like he's working on a boiler or something.

[Dick Toledo]

We've done it, but it's a good reminder.

[Brett]

It's a.

[John Holmberg]

Stay away from boilers.

[Brett]

Vaporization.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, a full deletion. Brett, turn away from this just in case this gives you some ideas. You can vaporize people.

[Dick Toledo]

Think about what he hasn't seen.

[John Holmberg]

But vaporizing a man might. Might become a habit.

[Dick Toledo]

Come on now.

[John Holmberg]

Make it work, Richard.

[Dick Toledo]

Authenticating. Authenticating.

[John Holmberg]

See, he could have done this before.

[Dick Toledo]

I know.

[John Holmberg]

The waiting part should have been. We'll cut this out in the final edit. Cut it in post all this part could have been done.

[Brady]

Stretch prepared, go back to Rosie.

[John Holmberg]

Maybe I will hire a dea. What are you doing over there, Billy? People want the videos, Billy. All right, guys, working around. It's like a big, big old tank of steam. You say?

[Brett]

No, it's.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, Jesus. It just erupted and shot him in his face.

[Brett]

There's nothing but manfetti.

[John Holmberg]

It is raining, man. Not like the gay one.

[Brady]

Where's the weather girls at?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, it is, man. One dude and whatever he's standing on blows up in where he's standing only and shoots daylight through his ass.

[Brady]

Almost looks like a laser.

[John Holmberg]

And then quick, it's.

[Brett]

Yeah, it's him.

[John Holmberg]

Like torn paper. Like.

[Dick Toledo]

I think I counted seven.

[John Holmberg]

Oh my God.

[Brady]

And that's pretty cool it.

[John Holmberg]

Brett, I'm gonna go with you on this. See, I told you it was an accident. Why? Just where he's standing and I'm. It's just some sort of a little portal into whatever he's working on. Wow, that's pretty amazing. I didn't know your body could be blown up into confetti like that.

[Brett]

Next one is a wow. Pedicure or hillbilly chewing. Now it's the third. Oh, you got the self shoeing.

[John Holmberg]

This isn't that. This is people with a shop vac and three hillbillies. Yeah, that's the last one with a shop vac.

[Dick Toledo]

The last one.

[Brett]

Yeah.

[Dick Toledo]

Well, let's do this one since it's okay.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, there's no particular order here. So they're shooting gas onto a fire.

[Brett]

Fire with a shot back to blow the gas.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. And they're on fire.

[Brady]

That's me filming.

[John Holmberg]

And then of course, the wise hillbilly grabbed the gas can next to the giant fire and to go with your.

[Dick Toledo]

Was it your airplane argument. Don't wear nylon Clothing.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Don't have anything. It'll burn onto you. Well, how about that, though? These Indiana knobs with I Love Hot Mom's tank tops on are on fire. And the guy filming and it's still laughing.

[Brady]

That would be me.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Nobody is calling the police.

[Brett]

Here's the pedicure. Oh, this is heel shaving.

[John Holmberg]

Okay. What country is this? Do we know? Oh, my God. They're using a paring knife to cut deep massive calluses on this Indian woman's foot. Mexican. Never mind.

[Brady]

That's Circle K Fe.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, my God. That it is. It's like carving up prime rib, only it's a human. It's a human toy.

[Brett]

It is.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Why is Rosie Perez doing the play by play? Everyone asked during the Paul Tyson fight. More so on that. Look at the chunks. That's like a half inch cut foot cheese. And that's just from walking around barefoot all the time. What is issos piestos? Nada. Que verb me.

[Brady]

I know, but Indian Rosie Perez is killing me. I heard Cincos 5 in there somewhere.

[John Holmberg]

5 toes Zappas is feet, isn't it? Or shoes.

[Brady]

Think of Zappos.

[John Holmberg]

I think he might be right again. I quit duolingo after apple.

[Brett]

Last one's guy on a rope swing trying to swing into the water. He's midway up this little platform. Cool.

[John Holmberg]

Like ladder. It's like a fireman's ladder over a lake. And evidently, you get to the top and just leap in. But he's halfway up and he's got pants on, doesn't he? Or he's just that one.

[Brett]

He's got pants.

[John Holmberg]

No, he doesn't. Those are shorts. And then he hangs himself. Did he scream, I did this for you? Oh. He lets go of the rope on his way back to the ground. He missed the whole lake.

[Brett]

Yeah.

[Brady]

Like, how do you.

[John Holmberg]

This is harder to do than.

[Brett]

He's at Clooney's place in Lake.

[John Holmberg]

Lake Como. Yeah. And then he swings back. That's his body not hitting one water. And there was an abundance of water to hit. I don't know how he missed it. That is a big lake that he. And I don't know how you missed that, sir. You deserved that. You can't sue the Steelers over that. That's your fault.

[Brett]

That's the Slide Rock of Italy.

[John Holmberg]

Besides that, going back to that argument, Art Rooney would come to my hospital bed, Esther, I wake up from my coma. And he would say, sorry that this happened to you. And I said, don't you worry about it. You're my boy. Runes. I'm not suing you. And he would hand me a check anyway.

[Brett]

But you couldn't do that.

[John Holmberg]

Decent franchise.

[Brett]

You couldn't do that. Pat on the chest.

[John Holmberg]

Maybe not. Someone has to do it. Yeah. Brady's talking about my visual that I gave him a heart pound. Yeah, you're right. Maybe I'd have to just kind of wink or.

[Brett]

You're my boy.

[John Holmberg]

Beep it out. Yeah, the computer would have to read out. Don't worry, they won't sue you. You're my boy. Blue. They run. And it's all right that I can just get season tickets. And he would hand me a check because he's decent. Ohio State. Ryan. They would come into your hot. Their hospital bed, put a pillow over your face to not talk about the scandal.

[Brett]

I have something for you.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. No college would be loyal to you. They would kill you. They don't give up money. Cardinals would kill you. HP likes throwing money around. He. If you slipped and fell there, you wouldn't have to sue them. He'd. He'd come with a check before the lawsuits. Bears would kill you. Oh, yeah. Seahawks might give a check. Yeah, that's a good organization.

[Dick Toledo]

Definitely. When Paul Allen was still alive, Diamondbacks would kill you.

[John Holmberg]

Diamondbacks? Oh, yeah. They get rid of stuff. Really?

[Brady]

Cubs.

[John Holmberg]

Cubs would kill you before you fell down the A's. Before you even hit the ground.

[Brett]

They would.

[John Holmberg]

They'd sue you for mucking up Wrigley Field. For. How dare you. You made a. You screwed up Wrigley Field for an hour. This place is a cathedral. What are you laying down for? Yeah, besides, you just blend in with all the drunk, fat Chicagoans that are at the game in the first place. On the ground. Brett, what do you got?

[Brady]

All right. Yeah, We're a little light today, so we'll start off with some horseshoeing.

[John Holmberg]

Horseshoeing Horse. Oh, I didn't know we had to shoot our horse.

[Brady]

She's not that big.

[John Holmberg]

Okay. It's a baby. It's. It isn't a Shetland, but it's a. It's a cult, I believe. Horse is turning around. Ladies faces behind the horse. Last place you want to be is behind the horse. Only two things can happen here. It's gonna. Oh, and that's the one I was most worried about. A double kick to the forehead because she was too dumb to move. Move.

[Brett]

Yeah. But still had to touch it.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, she reached out to touch its butt and it said, I told you not to do that. In its own way. And that's a Baby.

[Brady]

Now this one.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, my God. Okay, this guy's chipping fired golf balls.

[Brady]

I don't know if this is fake or what, because it just.

[John Holmberg]

It's real. These are hillbillies.

[Brady]

But then.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, no, that's. Yeah. All right. This hillbilly was chipping flaming golf balls into a small pile of compost. And then. Oh, geez, sorry.

[Brett]

Pine trees.

[John Holmberg]

Into the compost. And then the compost lights on fire. And then it cuts to a forest fire like. But that's exactly what would happen when hillbilly's chipped flaming golf balls. Flaming golf balls. Pretty good band name.

[Brady]

There's some truck stop mishaps.

[John Holmberg]

All right.

[Dick Toledo]

That'S a dragging.

[John Holmberg]

This is a full on drag of blood from entire tracks. And we're looking at about a tenth of a mile so far.

[Brett]

What is it?

[John Holmberg]

A lot of blood, a lot of chunks. We're walking towards a truck. I'm seeing denim chunks are getting a little thicker as we get closer to the truck. There's some intestines there. This looks like a big chunk of man coming up at us here. This is. Now we're looking at that looks to be a lot of skin, a lot of blood, and there's just giggling. There's just. Just two legs hanging out from under the back. Two tires of an 18 wheeler. And on the other side of those tires is a head and an arm. Yeah. And there's no real.

[Dale Hellestray]

Back it up.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

We don't need to be too hasty on getting the authorities down there for this one. It's just a. A power washer in a bucket.

[Brady]

You should like this one. This is to kind of go along with the podiatry video from earlier.

[John Holmberg]

The foot. She's having her big toes removed. Look at my pretty view. And she's in a doctor's office. I guess it looks like maybe a holistic. Oh, big toenails.

[Dick Toledo]

Oh, this is what Alex had done.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, I've watched this on that toast that toe show. Does he spin them off? So he's carving off this lady's big toenail from the base up. And it is not a delicate operation here. What was wrong with her toenails were all fungus. Just ripped it off. Wash your feet, slut. Yeah, I'll take a piece off. We do have to horseshoe. Oh, he is. Case.

[Dick Toledo]

It was a hangnail.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, digging this thing out with a knife. Okay. Yeah. She doesn't feel anything.

[Brady]

Well, they numb it.

[Dick Toledo]

Oh, they localize it.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Kind of hurt a little bit. Look at all the blood where her toenail was.

[Brett]

I'll just put a band aid on her.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, it's just. And that's it, guys. No, I. I got questions. Sharon, why you had that in the first place? Why do you have your whole seemingly okay, painted toenail ripped off going to a chop shop? Yeah. Pedicure.

[Brett]

Yep. I hear it.

[Brady]

Walk around bare feet all the time. Get those circle K feet.

[Brett]

You'll lose a toenail.

[John Holmberg]

No, you won't. You have to do some serious knot washing to lose a toenail. Toenail. If your toenail, you get an effect infection because you're not clean. You can get an infection. That person has to package you up. Yeah, yeah. They have to do some damage to make that bad. And then once you get it, just put your toe in some peroxide for a half an hour. If you start. If your toes starts hurting, figure it out. You get your toenail ripped off.

[Brett]

You don't know, man.

[John Holmberg]

I do know, because I've got all 10 toenails, never lost one, and I've cut my feet.

[Brett]

Why you've never gone to a chop shop.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, Brady's. Brady's been indoctrinated by his wife into thinking that anywhere she doesn't work is a chop shop. I've had that conversation with her several times. Like, I went up to this place on 32nd street and like, a chop shop. I'm like, 32nd Lincoln. The place is packed. Like, chop chop. Why? What does that mean? Are they doing car parts in the back? What am I missing?

[Brady]

If you said 59th Avenue in Indian schools. I know. Okay, maybe, but.

[John Holmberg]

And then you'd ask me, what are you doing over there? Why are your shoes off in that area? I deserve muckfoot if I'm walking around my feet off in 59th Avenue in.

[Brady]

Indian school because you're trying to throw your shoes over the electric wires up there.

[John Holmberg]

Chop, chop. Oh, Jesus Christ. But I have not had that problem at 32nd street in Lincoln, kid.

[Brett]

You'll see, all right?

[John Holmberg]

One of these days, someone will get it and it'll be proven right. You don't hear about it too often. As often as Ronnie will scream that at you. I don't hear about a lot of those places getting shut down. There are an awful lot of Asian women.

[Dick Toledo]

They just go away, don't they?

[John Holmberg]

Don't. There's just a lot of Asian women that float over here to be foot washers. Yes, a lot. What do you think?

[Dick Toledo]

Do you think they teach young girls over there?

[John Holmberg]

I think it's just because it's so simple. Well, I've said this before.

[Dick Toledo]

Well, you're right.

[John Holmberg]

I'm right. Anyone can just start. You have to have a license. All right. Go prove you can trim someone's house.

[Brett]

Then you're in a chop shop.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, you, Earl. Shib a little pain on there.

[Dick Toledo]

What's that? Policy. You fill out a form online and submit it to the. To the city.

[John Holmberg]

It's not hard. And also, you go through training. Come on. Ronnie did. I'm saying you don't have to. You can open up.

[Dick Toledo]

So there's a box on the. On the application that says, have you been trained?

[John Holmberg]

Check. Check. Do you have your certificate? Got it at Party City yesterday. Check. And then you have to pretend to not speak English, trim toes, and then scrape with a cheese grater the bottom of somebody's foot. And a white woman will pay you to be her biblical slave for 40 minutes.

[Dick Toledo]

Is that what you're studying on? Duolingo so you can go to the.

[John Holmberg]

No.

[Dick Toledo]

Nail shops?

[John Holmberg]

No, I. No. I wanted to learn Spanish, but it got hard. That's too hard. Takes up too much time.

[Dick Toledo]

Yeah, like my son with Japanese.

[John Holmberg]

Trim your own toenails, paint your own toenails. And if you don't, just admit you like having a slave at your feet. Washing your feet. That's all it is. I felt horrible for those little Asian ladies on their knees, but just scrubbing my feet, and I'm like, look, this is too much to ask any other human to do. Oh, I. I want to. Nobody wants to wash my effing feet. Oh, no. I come here for this reason. I left being a doctor for this. Yep, that's right. This is ex. This isn't for women in Paradise Valley to feel like they still got slaves.

[Brett]

You told me the first time you walked into that place, the lady in the front desk said, stay away from him.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. No, the kids weren't allowed in there. Like, I want my feet clean. And they ran like I was Godzilla. Yeah, that's. That's all that stuff is. Thousands of Asian people. Think of it. All of California and here, and every one of them Asians.

[Brett]

Albuquerque, cleaning feet.

[John Holmberg]

All their.

[Brett]

Rubbing you up.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Their nails shops are all Asians. They came over here from Chiquan.

[Brett]

Please.

[John Holmberg]

Landed in Albuquerque and started washing the feet of the Albuquerque. And just because they realized that no matter where you are in America, there's a group of white women that want slaves. Period. End of story. That's it. There you go, everybody. That is your Brady Report. It's 98 KUPD. Arizona's most powerful rock radio station this Head Fully Erect. Still streaming Homberg's morning sickness [e-mail] man, that show that's going on in England in July, look that up. Black Sabbath's last show ever. July 5th. We talked about it yesterday, got announced yesterday. Is just unreal. And evidently more and more people are now rescheduling their summers, you know, performers and stuff, to go be part of that. The list of people that are already showing up unreal. The people who will end up showing up. That's it. And I don't know if Black Sabbath's last show ever. We've heard Ozzy say this before, but this time I have to kind of believe it. Eventually it's going to be their last show for real. But this thing's gonna be so big that I can't believe they wouldn't go, all right, one more in America and we'll be done. This is too much money for everybody. But all these American artists are flying over. Look it up. What's it? It's just Sabbath, right? I don't even know what it's called. Yeah, it had a name.

[Brady]

Back to. Not Back to the Future, Back to the Beginning, I think, or something like that. Hang on.

[John Holmberg]

I think I have it because that's where they started. Back to the Beginning. Back to the Beginning. Beginning. Yeah. Well, maybe if that's the case, it's that full circle thing. They're not going to do it anywhere else.

[Brett]

But it'd be hard to do Back to the Beginning, too.

[John Holmberg]

Right? But back to the American beginning.

[Brett]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. It's just a tough one.

[Brady]

Which.

[Brett]

Then they do it in the first. You know what. What state did they perform in first?

[John Holmberg]

They don't remember. Nobody knows. They could tell you anything.

[Brett]

Every one of them has a different state.

[John Holmberg]

Show up in New Hampshire somewhere and be like, yeah, this is it. They'll go to where the people are. Guy emailed, said. Just listening to the earlier part of the podcast, you should put your looks to the test. Now, if you weren't listening earlier yesterday at the Q T, as I walked in, a woman grabbed her children and pulled them away and said, stay away from him. I don't know when this happened, but this is my new face, says Homeburg. You should put your looks to the test by going to any of those grocery stores where Girl Scouts are outside selling cookies and see how long it takes for the cops to show up. That's a great idea. That is a great idea. Me, Brady, Dale Hellistra, and you're not allowed to be all friendly and chatty, which you'll have a problem with. Hey, how's it going? Like you. You just have to stand silent adjacent to the table, but 18 to 25ft away and just stand.

[Brett]

All three of us are gonna get.

[John Holmberg]

Calls, but who's first? Who gets it the fastest? Fastest. You know everybody's going to get a call.

[Brett]

Dale.

[John Holmberg]

Dale is. I think he stands out the most. Yeah, I think so too. That's a good thing to see. And if you're really good looking, you're gonna be able to stand there all day. Oh my God. That guy's just watching us.

[Brett]

He's so after three, two hours, you'll.

[John Holmberg]

Get a call if you're great looking.

[Brett]

Yeah, I think it'll matter who.

[John Holmberg]

They'll walk by, you all packed up, have a great day. They'll leave before you. What?

[Brett]

What is the response if they ask you?

[John Holmberg]

Nothing. There isn't one.

[Brett]

So you're just silent.

[John Holmberg]

How you doing?

[Brett]

Yeah, that good looking guy won't last.

[John Holmberg]

Siri would. Why not? And you can't fiddle around with your phone, act like you're doing something. Just stand there with your hands. You're at your center. Just watching the goings on of the Girl Scout cookies sales. See how fast the police come. That's a good idea. That is from Rick Brand. I actually like that quite a bit. Rick, well done. I was telling the boys about. Oh, and Melissa and I are going back and forth talking about being railroaded and framed into death row. And she goes, why do you think that can happen? She goes, what about the West Memphis three minors convicted of a killing and mutilating other children? Yeah. I'm not saying it hasn't happened. I'm saying in this day and age, nearly impossible to go to death row with all the cameras and DNA and all that testing, is impossible to go to death row. Have an entire jury say, yep, you're the guy. Have all the evidence stack against you and you had nothing to do with it. You're too close. You can't go to death row nowadays. Probably in the last 20 years. In the last 20 years, you're not going to death row unless you were way too close to actual. And you know something? Like the worst thing is if you're that close that you actually got convicted of that, you know something.

[Brady]

No, not necessarily.

[John Holmberg]

Yes, you do, Brad. Now I'm not listening to you. You're just always fun when you get in a courtroom. It isn't fakeness. That's true.

[Brady]

What if you went.

[John Holmberg]

You would rat so fast if you were going to death row. You don't tell. If you go to death row and.

[Brady]

You'Re innocent, just get killed in. In there.

[John Holmberg]

So you're at that movie dumb. You go to death row and you had nothing to do with it.

[Brady]

But I mean, if it's death row. But I'm not talking about if you're putting in five years. If you're getting convicted for five years.

[John Holmberg]

You sit for five years on something you didn't do.

[Brady]

Yeah. You get taken care of when you get out, man.

[John Holmberg]

You get taken care of when you get in.

[Brett]

What if it's not. What if it's not being taken care of?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, what Brady wouldn't.

[Brett]

It's just general. Just ratting on the person that you knew that did it.

[John Holmberg]

So you. If Brady did something horrible, you take the fall for it and you get a seven.

[Brady]

No, because Brady would rat on me. So, you know, I would.

[John Holmberg]

I would. I would rat on him. I'd rat on you. Well, yeah, Got no problem with that. I'm not going to jail for you. Nobody's taking care of me when I get out.

[Brett]

Stallone wasn't taken care of in Tulsa. King.

[John Holmberg]

Okay, that's nice.

[Brady]

I haven't got that far yet.

[John Holmberg]

It's very confused. Not on the same episode. This was a great one yesterday. Before Dale comes up and he's probably in his car being annoyed.

[Brady]

He's going to be best.

[John Holmberg]

We were talking. I was talking to somebody online about hygiene and the feet thing and people like, you're so dirty and stuff. Like you've had moments where that. And Melissa even text and said, why do you say that? Women just want slaves. They have to pay for it to have their feet washed. Like that's the only thing that kind of keeps white women upset about the whole pedicure thing is that the slavery still at the end, there's an exchange of money. We're back in the olden days. You just left and they probably in the olden days dropped off a couple of coins or whatever for the slave. But biblically, that's what that's about. Like they washing feet is the most humble you can be. It brings you down to the level of the other person. It puts them rises of the people. But that's when Jesus washed their feet. It's like he's beneath very humble. So that's what white women love, feeling above foreigners. And that's why all the pedicure shops are Asian ladies who are demure and attentive. To your needs. So white women can scream and yell at them. And unfortunately, because there are laws against it, they pay. If they didn't have to, those ladies in Paradise Valley would not pay those Asian ladies at all. They'd walk in, wash my feet, Quan Lee, and she would make her wash them. And she'd make phone calls the whole time. Wouldn't even talk to her. Don't ask how her day's going, cuz she probably doesn't speak English. That's the way she likes it. And then at the end, she throws a sawbuck her way and bails out for $20. And that's the other thing white women look for pricing. All those rich ladies in Paradise Valley, they pay extra for gym memberships and they want to be part of the exclusive Pilates club. But when it comes to pedicures, they try to find the lowest price because that's the least amount they have to pay their slave. And that makes them happy.

[Brady]

But they're still not going over like 59th Avenue, an Indian school or something, you know, because it's going to be cheaper.

[John Holmberg]

That's why the Asians are so smart.

[Brady]

To open one of those chop shops.

[John Holmberg]

They open them up close to the rich ladies. They know we can charge them 20 bucks and they think that's the closest they'll ever be to slave ownership. They love it. They love it. There's no reason you can't wash your own feet. None. Outside of just wanting a slave, there's no reason. And that massage they give you, there's no training for that. I could do that after watching them. Once they rub up and down your calf, they scrub. And they're all white women. Oh, massage is the best part. They're so well trained, right? And the one time I went there, the guy who rubbed my feet and calves had just gotten done changing the light bulbs. He was in a flannel shirt and jeans. There's no training. He's just the extra hand.

[Brady]

So you had Quan Cobain doing your pedicure or what?

[John Holmberg]

He was the owner. He was the main. Like he was charge of all of them. And they don't speak English, but they hear you. And women don't talk to them. They never once. I was there a week or so before Thanksgiving a couple years ago, and the white ladies were talking to each other. Never once asked the lady, washing their feet, what are you doing for Thanksgiving? Oh, but they couldn't stop talking to each other. Just meant, hi, my name is Marie. I live over here in the estates of Blah Blah, blah. Oh yeah, I live here. That's great. What are you doing for Thanksgiving? Having a lot of people and they go back and forth. Meanwhile, two people on their knees scrubbing their feet. Not one question for them because you know why? They're servants and that's the way whitey likes it. Deep down, white people, we have to admit that we do like that part.

[Brett]

You know, that's why it's a big part. Ronnie and her clients, it's one on one coffee talk.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. She's taking it on to where they can chit chat about the other ladies. But the way they don't like other people, that's the good thing.

[Brett]

Oh yeah, absolutely. It's just that's they can go there, you know, almost like it's a bartender factory.

[John Holmberg]

Right. It's two women in a room are going to sit and talk about the one woman that's not there and they're going to trash anyway. So that's that. So yeah. And that's what she started. Bring up the cleanliness factor. This, that the other day, this is the first that's ever happened to me. The very first time this ever happened. I don't know if you guys have ever had it either, but I'm going to. This is a public service announcement for all the people out there. As you know, I am an adamant washer of the back area. After each movement I have, I hop into the shower, clean myself and noticed that a couple days ago in the shower as I scrubbed up with my cucumber mint, rinse that on my hands. As I go back to the bar of soap to wash my hands after diving into the area, there was a smell of rotting fish. Like what in the world? So washed my hands, cleaned them, smelled them again. They're now they smell like soap. And I'm like smelled the soap. Soap smells good. I'm like the only thing that could have been was my back area. So did that Chattahoochee canal thing with my ass cheeks bent over, rinsed it out and went right back in there and gave myself a little dabble do you feeling, you know, brought it up close to the old schnauz. Yep, that's me. That fish smell is me. And I mean it isn't nice at all. Go back in there with the soap, give it a good scrub and I keep doing this until the smell is gone immediately. Once I dry my hands out of the shower, grab the phone, I am a man and my anus smells of fish. Reddit has thousands of pages about this Turns out it's an internal hemorrhoid. And the way they let you know before they start bugging you, if they ever do that, they're in. There is a very unique smell that is very fishy. So currently, I got a hemi under the hood. Yeah. And if Michael and I gotta go over to Michael and Troy's and ask them what the realities are, they'll know.

[Brett]

They have a stick to go.

[John Holmberg]

How do I get rid of this tootsweet. So I gotta figure that out two days ago.

[Brady]

And it doesn't turn your ass to cobblestone. Have them clean that thing out.

[John Holmberg]

So later in the day, I took my pants off and I threw my legs up in the air, and I just started to do that hand waft to see if it's. To see if it's outer or inner. No, you gotta. You gotta dive in.

[Brett]

It's too in.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, it's too. You gotta be part of it. So just letting you know, if you're like me, don't be alarmed. It's probably just a hemorrhoid. Now, it.

[Brett]

Did you say what causes an internal hemi?

[John Holmberg]

Well, hemorrhoids. Hemorrhoids, you know, straining, anything. Doing any weights or biking. Could be biking with cucumber mint. No, no, no, no, no, no. You worry about washing ass too much. That's a very clean thing. You think it's dangerous to do that. And think of Michael and Troy across. You think they're doing stuff. Fellas Less than me. Just washing my anus. You worry about washing.

[Brett]

So you must strain a lot, then.

[John Holmberg]

No, I ride my bike. I'm doing a lot of stuff. Or bouncing around on a bike seat. There's a good chance that I took a. A punishing blow to the anus on the trail. 100. You don't know. Brett's been there. He had his nuts shoot up into his throat once that bike seat hit him.

[Brady]

So feel it.

[John Holmberg]

So, yeah, probably that. That's my guess. But it has nothing to. Don't listen to Brady. A man who's so afraid of his own anus. You wash your ass and don't be afraid that you're gonna wreck it just by penetrating a little. You gotta get in there and scoop out the edges. Uranus is a lot like a wine glass with lipstick on it. You got to scrub the rim. Yeah. Inside and out. No, you're not doing it.

[Brett]

No, but you were talking about. Like, I thought you were talking about actually going inside with the.

[Brady]

That's what he's talking about.

[John Holmberg]

What I just say inside and out.

[Brett]

He said to the rim area.

[John Holmberg]

And then I said, well, the inner rim too. Do you wash. When you wash a glass with lipstick on it, do you just wash the outside? No, thank you. The rim, you only wash the outer edge. The inside of you is gross. You are a chocolate LeBaron. You're waiting to happen. You're the. Yep. Yes, you are. You. You admit it by not. You got to go in there and tear some of that out of there. That's what a good hooker does. That's what gays do. You get some Metamucil. You go in there.

[Brett]

Water does that.

[John Holmberg]

No, you don't. You don't. You got rust bump.

[Brett]

Don't.

[John Holmberg]

You gotta go in there and clean the bidet. Just moistens it up again. If you had a handful of crap and you. You just watered it, are you clean?

[Brett]

Jet clean.

[John Holmberg]

Okay. If you took a hose and just washed it off and you not go back in there with soap and a little bit and make sure you got.

[Brady]

Everything, are you going to dig into that bag of Doritos after that?

[John Holmberg]

You know what his problem is? And Brett, you can relate to me on this is he's never been with a girl where he's had poop flakes.

[Brady]

No.

[John Holmberg]

And that's when you realize, oh, no matter how much washing there is, you get the poop flakes.

[Brady]

Oh, yeah.

[John Holmberg]

And you never forget them. Only had poop flakes twice. One of them was 30 years ago. And I'll never forget the look. I ran to the shower. It's horrifying. It looked like a fruity pebble stuck to the side of the bowl. Ah. So stop yelling at me about how I wash my ass. I'm clean. And get in there a little bit. Just start a little bit. Don't be so afraid of it. In fact, Ronnie should be in there a lot more often. And once she's in there and you discover the glory of that, you'll start washing the inside of your ass more. You're too afraid of that. A lot of pleasure back in that. We get in there. Don't use your thumbs, though. You'll rupture. Anyway, back to what I was saying before Brady so rudely ruined.

[Brett]

Thanks for the advice.

[John Holmberg]

I'm telling you, that's good advice. Dale will come in here and tell you the same. Dale loves ass play. He'll talk about that until he's blue in the face. It's true. However, just to let everybody know, now you see, Wasted a lot of Dave. Dale, Dale this one's unversed. Toledo should have gotten him all. Brought him up during this.

[Brady]

Come on, John.

[John Holmberg]

If you have a fishy smell, don't worry. Although if there's blood and some sort of a discharge involved, you've got a weird infection.

[Brady]

So basically, if you smell like you're going in one of those markets in downtown Mesa.

[John Holmberg]

Yep.

[Brady]

Okay.

[John Holmberg]

If you close your eyes and you feel like you're at where the old Tri City mall was, it's probably just the hemorrhoid. Dale's coming up next. It's 98, Arizona's most powerful rock media station. He said fully erect. 98 easy. Still streaming Hberg's Morning Sickness online at 98kupd.com oh, my goodness. Watch this, ladies and gentlemen. Three time Super bowl champion. Shut up. I'm doing something for you. Jeez. Recognize Jesuit. Recognize. Three time super bowl champion. Sixteen year NFL veteran intro.

[Dale Hellestray]

Seventeen.

[John Holmberg]

We're not counting that last year. That thing with the Ravens was a joke. That didn't count as football.

[Dale Hellestray]

It's not a joke on my pension.

[John Holmberg]

That's true. You did get that extra. All right.

[Brett]

Gets a hoodie every year.

[John Holmberg]

17 * Years as an NFL veteran. Dale Hallistray joining us once again on Thursdays, brought to you by Prestige Billiards. Prestige is having a spring cleaning special selling their overstocked items. Use the code meathead98 for 10% discount online or in one of their three stores. Scottdale, Mesa, or now Glendale Prestige Billiards. Az.com welcome Wonderful, Dale. Hell astray.

[Dale Hellestray]

Thank you, Jill. Thank you. Jill. What? Jill got something done. Took six months.

[John Holmberg]

I had to make the phone call to make this happen.

[Dale Hellestray]

Jeez Louise.

[John Holmberg]

I put the screws to each.

[Dale Hellestray]

Everybody's friendly with me now. Johnny, I know.

[John Holmberg]

I saw everybody. People who hate you in this building talked to you as you walk down the hall. We noticed that.

[Dale Hellestray]

Hey, it's hard not to like you're an earner. It's hard not to like you are an earner.

[John Holmberg]

You're no longer. You're on your way to being bottom now. You're like the pimps in the building are recognizing that you deliver. You brought some cash. The envelopes.

[Brady]

That's right. Goddamn right.

[John Holmberg]

His envelope is no longer light.

[Brady]

Yep.

[Dale Hellestray]

I mean, Brett's a hard egg to crack over here. And he's never been very friendly towards you. But he likes me. You can't help but like me. You know what I'm saying?

[John Holmberg]

You don't know that.

[Dale Hellestray]

Yeah, I. I've never, ever, ever had somebody Say, keep their kids away from me.

[John Holmberg]

I know. That's terrible. Me neither.

[Dale Hellestray]

That's the first time you're kind of. You got yourself so like, shaved up and everything.

[John Holmberg]

I missed a big patch. I noticed that.

[Brady]

I'm sure that's not the reason.

[John Holmberg]

Okay, no, because I didn't shave. I shaved when I got home. So I was a little bit bushy. I had a full, you know, whatever. I've done.

[Dale Hellestray]

Have that dance.

[John Holmberg]

No, no, no. The mustache was shaved back.

[Dale Hellestray]

Okay.

[John Holmberg]

So I hadn't had my pedal mustache. Everything was on the up and up. And I don't know why that lady did that. And I'm telling you, look, I've got no argument to the upper ugly.

[Dale Hellestray]

Right.

[John Holmberg]

You do. I don't know why you and I should be on the same page here. We'll get into Brady's ass in a second. Well, Dale's first sentence was dead on, as I expected. But yeah. So I've got that lady about 18 months ago asked me how long it took for me to fully recover from Bell's palsy. And I was like, what are you talking about? My husband has it and I want to know how long it takes to. And like, I don't have Bell's palsy.

[Dale Hellestray]

Can you tell me what Bell's people have?

[John Holmberg]

Their half. Their face melts.

[Dale Hellestray]

Okay.

[John Holmberg]

She thought I was on the comeback train.

[Dale Hellestray]

Really?

[John Holmberg]

Nope. And I just. Look, I just, I'm just not good looking.

[Dale Hellestray]

You're a miracle. You're a walking miracle.

[John Holmberg]

Evidently I had. She was like adamant that I had. Had it.

[Dale Hellestray]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Thank you. Thank you.

[Dale Hellestray]

Now see, I, I, I would have thought you were maybe a chromosome away from down syndrome about. No. Yeah, the big head. The big head syndrome.

[John Holmberg]

Dale syndrome.

[Dale Hellestray]

No, the big Toledo syndrome.

[John Holmberg]

Toledo syndrome. Oh, man.

[Brett]

Monolith.

[John Holmberg]

No, don't help him. Let's. Let's see how long this takes.

[Dale Hellestray]

Monolith.

[John Holmberg]

Mongo.

[Dale Hellestray]

Yeah. It seems like you're. You're about X or a Y. CRO being a mongo.

[John Holmberg]

You know what's better than that insult was the fact that he was too stupid to remember the name.

[Dale Hellestray]

I had it this morning. It better come on them on them.

[John Holmberg]

On them on us anyway. Monorail. No, no, I'm not. Monolith is the big Easter island heads. He actually. Yeah, he actually thought of something smarter than you. Give him a fist and you can fist pound Brady. Because you know his hands don't have anything. No, he's never touched his.

[Dale Hellestray]

Take care of himself.

[John Holmberg]

That's exactly right. Now you're on my Page with the ass washing.

[Dale Hellestray]

You got to be clean down there.

[John Holmberg]

Got to be clean. And you want it to be reciprocal with your female partner.

[Dale Hellestray]

Yes.

[John Holmberg]

Because if she's doing male. Well, gross, but okay. You're right, dad. Yeah. Yeah, you're right. I'm sure. Michael and Troy are my neighbors. Are, are spotless back.

[Dale Hellestray]

Good friends too.

[John Holmberg]

I like them. Very good friends. Michael and Troy, my neighbors. No, they're my neighbors.

[Dale Hellestray]

Okay.

[John Holmberg]

I always introduce people that Dale's upset that he doesn't have a title.

[Dale Hellestray]

No, I joke on my very best friend Mark.

[John Holmberg]

I don't say that. I say my friend Mark just so people don't think mark who then I just say my friend Mark. Because there's several marks in the building and there used to be.

[Dale Hellestray]

Okay?

[John Holmberg]

So when I say my friend Mark, I'm not talking about anybody here. Although the mark is here. It's no longer a thing. But you get upset that I don't go. My buddy Dale.

[Dale Hellestray]

Yeah, my buddy Dale and I went to the Sun's game.

[John Holmberg]

But you're a unique individual. All I have to say is Dale, Dale. And they're like, oh yeah, Dale, that's the guy. You have never once had somebody like, say something to you in that regard where like, they were worried for their lives or like you threatened them and you didn't realize why they were afraid?

[Dale Hellestray]

No, not unless I meant to.

[John Holmberg]

Really? Because Susan down the hall doesn't like it.

[Dale Hellestray]

Yeah, well, she does now.

[Brady]

She does now.

[John Holmberg]

Earner. He's an earner.

[Dale Hellestray]

Yeah, I'm hearing people. You know, I'm not cluttering up the stairs and takes me.

[John Holmberg]

People are saying, yeah, it's weird.

[Dale Hellestray]

Yeah.

[Brett]

Before I heard her say last week, my buddy Dale, hell is tr.

[Dale Hellestray]

Yeah, see, I, I, I think you've been lying to me for all these years.

[John Holmberg]

Teach Brady the proper way to wash ass for talking about Super Bowl.

[Dale Hellestray]

Well, Brady, come on.

[John Holmberg]

Obviously you, you even Brett was in on it. You don't just hose off the outside of your car.

[Brady]

Gotta clean the interior.

[John Holmberg]

Gotta clean the interior.

[Dale Hellestray]

Right. And again, you, you, I don't understand why you don't keep yourself clean down there just for the.

[John Holmberg]

I.

[Brett]

Keep yourself clean down there and you.

[Dale Hellestray]

Don'T just cuz the paper.

[Brett]

So outside I consider is the cheeks.

[Dale Hellestray]

The cheeks.

[Brett]

What are you getting inside the crack and stuff is interior?

[John Holmberg]

No, that's the exterior. You ask a doctor where the outside of your anus is.

[Brett]

The whole rim. And let me ask you this.

[John Holmberg]

Okay, time out. Time out. So then is it penetration just to be Between.

[Brett]

No, I'm not throwing a digit.

[John Holmberg]

I just asked a simple question. Based.

[Brett]

That's what I'm doing.

[John Holmberg]

Based on your science, is it penetration to go between the cheeks?

[Brett]

No.

[John Holmberg]

Then you're still on the exterior.

[Dale Hellestray]

Yeah. No. Your butt cheeks. Do you wipe your butt cheeks?

[John Holmberg]

What's going on? Your butt? Yeah, if you're on the exterior. Otherwise you're penetrating. So if you're saying that the ass crack is interior, that's penetration down around the.

[Brett]

You down in the leather. Cheerio.

[John Holmberg]

I'm not asking anything. He's gotta have a cute name for it. Can't be a grown up. I'm not asking about that. Answer my question though. That, that is. You said that's interior.

[Brett]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

So then that would then by definition be penetration?

[Brett]

Well, I consider penetration going all the.

[John Holmberg]

Way in from the exterior to the interior. Interior, I don't know. No, it is a tomato. Tomato? No, not tomato. Tomato.

[Dale Hellestray]

He's talking about spreading his butt cheeks.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Dale Hellestray]

And then now he's penetrating.

[John Holmberg]

But it's all on the outside.

[Dale Hellestray]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. There's no interior to your ass cheeks.

[Dale Hellestray]

And just because your toilet paper is clean after wiping.

[John Holmberg]

That's right.

[Dale Hellestray]

However many times you wipe and. Yeah, everybody take it twice.

[Brett]

So what you're saying is you don't clean his crack.

[John Holmberg]

He's like the. The owl from the carrier.

[Brett]

You got a good 8 inches of crack before you even down to the. Where the.

[John Holmberg]

What are you doing up there?

[Dale Hellestray]

Where's the poop come from?

[Brett]

It needs to all be clean. That hilarious.

[John Holmberg]

You wipe from the top of the crack down. What is going on in there?

[Brett]

No, but when I'm cleaning in a shower.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, but we're not talking.

[Brady]

Talking after a dump.

[John Holmberg]

Right, Talking after a dump. You go and just. You just spread a dry towel over it, hose it off a little bit and then put a pants back.

[Brett]

Hose it off first. Even worse, pallet. Check the paper.

[John Holmberg]

Right.

[Brett]

Hose again, clean.

[John Holmberg]

And the exterior has been clean. Now go to Bradston. Is the inside clean?

[Brett]

The inside is clean.

[Brady]

How do you know it's not clean?

[Brett]

Because that's where the jets go on around there. Then you wipe.

[Brady]

Yeah, it's going around there. It's going around there.

[John Holmberg]

I wasn't even going to jump into.

[Brady]

This whole thing and I'm sitting here listening.

[John Holmberg]

So what about wipes? Well, that's the thing we, Dale and I talk about. First for plumbing. Wifey's is terrible. Ask a plumber.

[Brady]

Well, for plumbing.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Right. Wipes still do a decent job on the exterior. On the Exterior. But I mean, like, if you're like me and you're a little bit neurotic.

[Dale Hellestray]

Yeah. You can see you're wiping and wiping.

[John Holmberg]

And wiping and wiping. The exterior's clean, but the interior is not.

[Dale Hellestray]

Yeah, but you. You can take the wifey and get.

[Brady]

So Larry's not detailing his interior.

[John Holmberg]

You're doing what he's doing.

[Brady]

That's what I'm saying.

[John Holmberg]

You go in a little bit with that. Okay, so you're going in a little. Yeah, yeah.

[Brady]

So you're getting the interior, like, 10 until the.

[John Holmberg]

To the point where I shouldn't be wiping anymore. You're spinning with your finger. Yeah, right.

[Brady]

I mean, like.

[John Holmberg]

Like, this isn't even a. But not Brady. Not Brady interior. Like. No, he's living human.

[Dale Hellestray]

This is a butt crack.

[John Holmberg]

He's got a lot of butt crack.

[Brett]

I said you have 8 inches of butt crack.

[John Holmberg]

Because otherwise, isolate that phrase. Because for some reason. That's hilarious. No, I said you. That had to be corrected. You have 8 inches. Inches of.

[Dale Hellestray]

What I was gonna say is you can wipe, wipe, wipe, wipe, wipe. And if you get a wipey, a moist wipey, and you. And then you go again, there's always gonna be a little more on there.

[John Holmberg]

Yep.

[Dale Hellestray]

There's always a little more on.

[John Holmberg]

If you go in a little bit, there's. Yeah, always a little bit. That's not being tamed. You know, the toilet paper is not.

[Dale Hellestray]

Taken care of until you see blood.

[John Holmberg]

Until you are crying and bleeding.

[Dale Hellestray]

That. Or you smell fish.

[John Holmberg]

Right. Or the fish thing is weird. Trust me, when that happens and I'm very clean back there, I'm like, this is odd. Turns out, just a little. If it's a hemorrhoid, it can leave that. Yeah. And then I did it again later. It's gone. So maybe it popped. I don't know how those things work.

[Dale Hellestray]

What, did you bleed out of your.

[John Holmberg]

No, but I have done that before. Where? I've popped one. I did it with my fingers because I thought it was a zit or something. I didn't know. Blew it up on my mom's white carpet. I was about 20 years old, and I was laying down late at night. I'm like, something hurts back there. So I was alone, pulled my basketball shorts down. I'm like, there's something there. Gave it a squeeze and the thing let loose. And I cried. I screamed like somebody was scalping me.

[Dale Hellestray]

Did you bleed on the couch?

[John Holmberg]

All over the carpet. I was on the floor. I was laying on the floor, and I gave a squeeze And I mean, it was like. It was like.

[Dale Hellestray]

How'd you get that clean like a dead body?

[John Holmberg]

Well, I learned something at a vet's office. Once that peroxide gets blood out immediately.

[Dale Hellestray]

Oh really?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Dale Hellestray]

So.

[John Holmberg]

Especially if it's just brand new blood. So you just poured peroxide over the white carpet. What's the harm? Brand new blood. I got it. My mom came down downstairs. There's a scream. There's a woman downstairs. Being in the.

[Dale Hellestray]

Is when you're limited.

[John Holmberg]

Your probably 20. Yeah. Yeah.

[Dale Hellestray]

You're getting a hemorrhoid.

[John Holmberg]

I did something brutal back there.

[Brett]

It was just watching Saved by the Bell.

[John Holmberg]

I remember there was an incident and it was. It was a lot. It was some dry. You got. You got to. I learned my lesson and I did.

[Dale Hellestray]

I did. Okay, so. So to change sub real quick, I did hear you guys talk about. About go stand by Girl scout cookies.

[John Holmberg]

Yes. How long would it take till the cops are called with you just standing?

[Dale Hellestray]

They would probably come and give me a box of cookies and I could stand there for a couple hours and.

[John Holmberg]

Then stay there and eat.

[Dale Hellestray]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

And that's even weirder. Why they give you cookies and you just stay there and eat.

[Brett]

Why would you think someone. A guy standing there watching, we all hands him.

[Dale Hellestray]

Oh, I think we'd all have a. Yeah. I mean everybody would. If it's more intense. Who's first?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Dale Hellestray]

Brett.

[John Holmberg]

We said you.

[Brett]

You know why.

[John Holmberg]

You stand out the most. He's. I'm curious why he's there.

[Dale Hellestray]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Brett's making me nervous.

[Dale Hellestray]

No, he looks like he's troublemaker.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Me, I don't know.

[Brady]

I do.

[Dale Hellestray]

You're scary.

[John Holmberg]

I look like I'm just waiting for a cat.

[Brady]

Wait for Chris Hansen to come out. How you doing?

[John Holmberg]

Brady's just there. And he would have a hard time not chatting with everybody, so I don't think he could participate. He'd be the longest one. Talk.

[Dale Hellestray]

You can't talk.

[John Holmberg]

Can't say a word.

[Brady]

He'd be okay because they keep handing him cookies. He keep dying. So he's good.

[John Holmberg]

But he would talk. He couldn't. You couldn't get ready to stand in. No. Be the weirdo. Without saying. I'll just play it around. Ladies.

[Brett]

There's my address.

[Brady]

Here's another box of thin mints.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. And you'd be buying cookies. Like I don't.

[Brett]

I'd start dancing.

[John Holmberg]

You couldn't do it. Yeah. You. You'd make a joke or funny face.

[Dale Hellestray]

I would say the order would be phone calls would be Brett. Brett first, you second. Me third.

[Brady]

No way.

[Dale Hellestray]

Brady Ford, you're first.

[Brady]

First.

[John Holmberg]

I like that too. You Brett?

[Dale Hellestray]

No. No.

[John Holmberg]

Yes, I think so too.

[Dale Hellestray]

You're just saying because of my size.

[John Holmberg]

But look at me.

[Dale Hellestray]

My face. Right there's nothing but innocence and sweetness.

[Brady]

The villagers will be showing up with pitchforks and stuff if you're just standing there.

[John Holmberg]

Come on.

[Dale Hellestray]

Anything in six months.

[John Holmberg]

What now?

[Dale Hellestray]

It's not. He's taking shots.

[John Holmberg]

What? You started it all. You said he'd get arrested first. He doesn't like that.

[Brady]

So game on.

[John Holmberg]

Would you rat someone out? Out? If you were going to go to jail and you didn't do it. But you know who did?

[Dale Hellestray]

In a heartbeat.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, me too.

[Dale Hellestray]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

The Brett would not. Brett would go for five years. Sit down.

[Dale Hellestray]

Yeah, I did hear that.

[Brady]

Unless it's somebody I know is going to snitch like Brady, I would tell on right away.

[John Holmberg]

So all three of us. We're telling you.

[Brady]

I'm telling you too.

[John Holmberg]

I'm doing it too.

[Dale Hellestray]

Because you said you're going to get taken care of when you get out.

[John Holmberg]

Take care of what?

[Dale Hellestray]

About getting taken care of when you're in there?

[Brady]

Are you taking care of when you're in.

[John Holmberg]

That's what I'm saying. Not that way.

[Dale Hellestray]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[John Holmberg]

You're going to get.

[Dale Hellestray]

You're going to get taken care of.

[John Holmberg]

You're going to be the one selling cookies.

[Brady]

Even if I did, I would be clean. So it doesn't matter.

[John Holmberg]

Good point.

[Dale Hellestray]

No, they don't have baby wipes in jail.

[John Holmberg]

Still got showers.

[Brett]

Still got showers.

[John Holmberg]

That's it.

[Dale Hellestray]

Yeah. You're bed and the S bar.

[John Holmberg]

Back to that. Explain to Brady why it's so great to have a clean edge. Go ahead.

[Dale Hellestray]

That's not my forte.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, it is your forte. You have mentioned in a few discussions that you.

[Dale Hellestray]

That's off the air.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, I see that you enjoy butts. Yeah. It's not just off the air. It's okay. It's a beautiful thing between a man and a woman.

[Dale Hellestray]

Don't understand Brady's approach to like. But why his? Why he's never dabbled out of just normal touching. Yeah. Just normal.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. The basics.

[Dale Hellestray]

Yeah. Probably middle Ohio.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Dale Hellestray]

Missionary is really all you do.

[John Holmberg]

The upbringing.

[Dale Hellestray]

Yeah.

[Brett]

And what's that?

[Dale Hellestray]

And you've done it.

[John Holmberg]

I have a sheet.

[Dale Hellestray]

Because you have a daughter, right?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. He's done it once. We know.

[Brett]

At least once.

[John Holmberg]

We're pretty sure that that actually wasn't a test tube situation. Although wouldn't surprise me.

[Brett]

It was weird. Dale.

[Dale Hellestray]

Really?

[Brett]

The One time.

[John Holmberg]

This is a real question. Did it take you a while to like, want to try strange stuff?

[Dale Hellestray]

Have you ever.

[Brett]

What do you consider strange?

[John Holmberg]

I mean, you know, like, you know, like what Dale's talking about. Somebody goes and touches the butt. You touching a butt, you putting a finger somewhere it shouldn't be. That kind of stuff. Where, as you find out that's strange, where you used to think it shouldn't be, or like, you know, the wheelbarrow or, you know, hitting her.

[Brett]

I've never been in a situation where I feel I've been uncomfortable.

[John Holmberg]

No.

[Brett]

Or.

[John Holmberg]

Well, that's what I'm saying. Are there things you're just like, I won't do that because that would make me uncomfortable.

[Brett]

Like that, you know, or it doesn't appeal to me.

[John Holmberg]

Right. Like.

[Brett]

Yeah, yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Handcuffs, tying someone up, taking a swing at someone.

[Dale Hellestray]

Now that's a good question. Would you. Have you ever been tied up?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, it's. It's. It's overrated. But I. You try everything, so. Yeah.

[Dale Hellestray]

Oh, I've never.

[John Holmberg]

You've never done that one.

[Dale Hellestray]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

But you've done some time.

[Dale Hellestray]

I would get. I would get close, claustrophobic, and I'd get a little panicky.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Dale Hellestray]

Because of the Seinfeld episode where you get left behind.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Or George got tied to the thing. But that's a hooker. You don't. You don't do it with a stranger. You can't only do tie ups with trustworthy. That's a wife or a long term girlfriend thing.

[Dale Hellestray]

You gotta leave the key right by me.

[John Holmberg]

Well, I made a mistake once in about 15, 16 years. Well, it was longer than that. Put handcuffs on Megan in the driveway, joking around. And I took the key and I went, ah. And I threw it and it went into the grass. It went ting ta ding. I thought we'd find in the driveway. It shoots into the grass. And it was nearly impossible to find. It was a tiny little.

[Brett]

She's in tears.

[John Holmberg]

Tears. Sobbing really. Calls her mom like she was in jail. I've been handcuffed by a madman. Don't get the kids near him. So I found it. We got unlocked. I'm like, you overreact a little bit. It was horrible.

[Brett]

It's scary.

[John Holmberg]

That's the whole point.

[Dale Hellestray]

Have you ever been in.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Dale Hellestray]

Helpless situation, though?

[John Holmberg]

Helpless. Yes.

[Dale Hellestray]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Dale Hellestray]

Okay.

[John Holmberg]

A couple of times.

[Dale Hellestray]

And that. I don't. I wouldn't want that.

[John Holmberg]

It was early when you first start exploring, you know, the college age, and you're starting to figure stuff out and you're like, really? Is this a thing? Like, really? I didn't even know why she owned the rack, but I meant, why am I in this. This way? Yeah.

[Dale Hellestray]

My head barely fits through.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. They had to build a new. It's been a couple of spots, but it's not like. I wouldn't say helpless is the thing. What about you?

[Brett]

You pegged?

[Dale Hellestray]

No, I've been pegged.

[John Holmberg]

Well, with what, like a peg? Well, no, you don't. Like, a peg is like. If pegging is multiple things, so. Yes.

[Brett]

Okay.

[John Holmberg]

But not with a. Like an item. Because the same thing, if somebody just starts firing their hands in there, that's considered pegging. Sure. To me.

[Dale Hellestray]

Ready?

[John Holmberg]

No, we'll pay for it.

[Dale Hellestray]

Brett, you ever bagged?

[John Holmberg]

You been pegged already? Brett's on video.

[Brady]

No, I'm finding something for us.

[Dale Hellestray]

What is it?

[Brady]

There is.

[Dale Hellestray]

No, don't put it.

[Brady]

No, no, no, it's not. No. This is Cardi B explaining how to wipe your ass.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, okay, Cardi B.

[Brady]

Here we go. Yes. That's what I was trying to.

[John Holmberg]

She's an accident. Means when your mom says to you. When your mom says to you. Like. Like, you young. You don't even know how to wash your ass yet. And it's true, y'all. Little young don't know how to wash your ass. Because the proper way to wash your ass is spread your butt cheeks. Take one butt cheek, spread it, and then put your half of your finger inside your ass. That's right. Cardi B is right. I'm disgusting.

[Brady]

She even shows you how far to go right here.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, she does.

[Brady]

But be careful with the one with those.

[John Holmberg]

I was worried about.

[Dale Hellestray]

Okay.

[Brady]

Right to.

[John Holmberg]

There she goes. To the second nut.

[Brady]

Got a scoop.

[John Holmberg]

That's right. That's exactly it, Brady. If Cardi B should teach you one thing. That's it. All right. We gotta. We'll take a break. Good sports talk so far.

[Dale Hellestray]

Yeah. What's going on this weekend?

[John Holmberg]

Nothing. Dale is brought to you by Prestige. You can't get this anywhere else. In prestige billiards. Az.com meathead98. You get a 10 discount in one of their three stores or online if you use it. Prestige billiards, Az. And get yourself a game room. That's how that works. We'll chat with Dale and do the entertainment drill Next.

[Brett]

You have eight inches of butt crack.

[John Holmberg]

Still streaming. Morning sickness [e-mail]. All right, away we go. Dale Hellestre is here on Thursday, as he is always. Sports talk is what we're supposed to Be doing? Yeah.

[Dale Hellestray]

Let's go to sports.

[John Holmberg]

You got a little event going on this week. You got the Phoenix open here in town.

[Dale Hellestray]

Yes.

[John Holmberg]

Over New Orleans, there's the super bowl. And of course, the Suns are here back at home. And you're upset about Super Bowl. Oh, why?

[Dale Hellestray]

Well, it's, well, what's the lesser two evils?

[John Holmberg]

I don't, I, I don't see the Chiefs as evil.

[Dale Hellestray]

I don't hate any team in the National Football League except for the Philadelphia Eagles.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, well, that's true. You're right.

[Dale Hellestray]

I, I, I hate their fans. I hate the city.

[John Holmberg]

It's dirty there.

[Dale Hellestray]

There's a, there's a ton of funeral homes. There's more funeral homes than there are restaurants. I, I played there 12 years, never saw the sun. The fans are ridiculous.

[John Holmberg]

They're just. It's an awful city.

[Dale Hellestray]

Yes.

[John Holmberg]

Kansas City is not a great place. But it isn't that.

[Dale Hellestray]

But here's the reason that, and I don't dislike Kansas City. It's just the fact that I'm hoping that they don't win three in a row because.

[John Holmberg]

Because it screws you guys. Yeah. You got your two in a row. Steelers have two in a row. Patriots have two in a row.

[Dale Hellestray]

Nobody. Packers.

[John Holmberg]

Nobody's been there three times.

[Dale Hellestray]

No. Well, I think New England did. I think the Giants game were.

[John Holmberg]

Was that three in a row?

[Dale Hellestray]

I think that was three in a row.

[John Holmberg]

Well, it wasn't it one of three. They've been there three times in a row. But they already came in one and one.

[Dale Hellestray]

It might have been.

[John Holmberg]

Nobody's been two and zero and gone a third time. Right, right.

[Dale Hellestray]

And, and Kansas City has that chance and.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Dale Hellestray]

You know, a little pride in that. That nobody's done it.

[John Holmberg]

But don't you. Aren't those records, Isn't it supposed to happen?

[Dale Hellestray]

All my scoring records, Sean. Yeah, they are. They're all meant to be, bro.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. You're snapping records. How many times did you.

[Dale Hellestray]

They didn't.

[John Holmberg]

The Cowboys didn't even punt in any of the Super Bowls.

[Dale Hellestray]

You did a lot of extra points. Scary thing. Okay, okay. First super bowl out in Pasadena. It was supposed to be here.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Dale Hellestray]

Then the Margaret's a King Day holiday. I'm like, you know, childhood dream.

[John Holmberg]

You don't get to go home.

[Dale Hellestray]

Wasn't even a dream because there's no NFL team here. So. Not even a shot at a Super Bowl.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, because the Cardinals moved while you were in bustle. You were already in the league. Yeah.

[Dale Hellestray]

And, and, and so supposed to be out Here gets moved to the Pasadena. What they don't tell you. So I go out, we're three and out. First drive from our 10 yard line. And what they don't tell you is the first hundred plays of every super bowl, there's a new ball used, taken.

[John Holmberg]

Right out of first 100 plays.

[Dale Hellestray]

And then they auction them off and they give them away. Game use, every play has a new ball. Game use, super bowl football balls. And so I go, and you know what if what a ball feels like coming straight out of the box?

[John Holmberg]

Nice.

[Dale Hellestray]

Yeah. And so I go out there, we're snapping for the 10 yard line and I just go to, to move it like I like it and it like squirts out of my hand.

[John Holmberg]

I'm like, this thing's what the.

[Dale Hellestray]

My first super bowl snap. And I'm like, oh my. I, I tried to get a grip on the ball and I'm like, oh my. Please, knees.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, you're a nerd. So it's in your head immediately.

[Dale Hellestray]

Yes, immediately. As soon as it squirted out of my hand, I'm like, oh my. And, and they rushed it. Steve Tasker actually got a hand on it. It went about 25, 30 yards. Because he, because the punt. Yeah, the punt did. Because our first round pick didn't block it, buddy.

[John Holmberg]

Who's the first round?

[Dale Hellestray]

Robert Jones. Oh, Robert Jones, first round middle linebacker. Didn't want to play special teams, was lazy and he missed.

[John Holmberg]

Steve Task, hall of Famer.

[Dale Hellestray]

Yeah. And so that was my introduction into Super Bowls. So, so obviously in the, in the next couple we went to, if you practice with them a little bit. Okay. But usually back then there wasn't a.

[John Holmberg]

Kick, so they don't tell you that. So there is that moment where a team that's been there before has that little advantage.

[Dale Hellestray]

Yes. You know that.

[John Holmberg]

No kidding.

[Dale Hellestray]

Yes.

[John Holmberg]

How about that? Yeah, that's the thing.

[Dale Hellestray]

I mean, for about eight seconds there, my sphincter was, was like Brady. Yeah, like Brady.

[John Holmberg]

Nothing getting in dirty.

[Dale Hellestray]

Hey, it was clean as a thistle.

[John Holmberg]

You know what that means? And Bronco fans are mad. Broncos did two in a row too. All right, all right.

[Dale Hellestray]

Oh, okay. All right.

[John Holmberg]

This one's for John Helicopter. A little harder.

[Dale Hellestray]

So. No, if you're asking me who I'm gonna cheer for, it's hard.

[John Holmberg]

I'm not asking you, just that. I'm asking you to pick a final score because that's going to be your fanduel bet for the, for the Super Bowl. A final score.

[Dale Hellestray]

See, I see. I, I, I see. Barkley go. Saquon going off.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. You think Saquon makes. This is a Philly game.

[Dale Hellestray]

I think, I think, I think.

[John Holmberg]

Sorry, Philly fans.

[Dale Hellestray]

I think Philly again. It pains me. I've been hitting the helmet with a battery from that veteran stadium from some of those idiots and.

[Brady]

Oh, you got hit with one.

[Dale Hellestray]

Oh, yeah.

[John Holmberg]

They chucked that many batteries that they even took it out on the long snap.

[Dale Hellestray]

They just threw it into the crowd.

[John Holmberg]

Hey, we hadn't hit that one yet.

[Dale Hellestray]

But, but the thing is.

[Brett]

Frankenstein.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, that'll end it.

[Dale Hellestray]

Oh, that's how you're gonna pop off. Go back to your phone.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Brady's texting. Somebody's texting somebody. He's dismissed himself from the conversation until that moment where he could kick you in the neck. Wow. Yeah.

[Dale Hellestray]

Nobody. But we have to go the whole game with our helmet on. And that's uncomfortable.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Dale Hellestray]

Yeah. Cause you just never know when a battery is going to come at you. So.

[John Holmberg]

Final score. I think you're right about Saquon. I think this Philly team's offensive line will win the game for.

[Dale Hellestray]

Yeah, I, I do too.

[John Holmberg]

And it pains me that now that you're on the same page as me, how wrong I must be. But the. Yeah, I think that line is too good. It's seven deep. Everybody's 330.

[Dale Hellestray]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

There's a 26 pound advantage at every position on their line. That's insane.

[Dale Hellestray]

Their tackles are absolute huge.

[John Holmberg]

And when the dude went out in the championship game, they replaced him with an exact replica. The guy was 6, 5, 3, 31. And I'm like, you can't. And now he's fresh.

[Dale Hellestray]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Like, maybe he's a little quicker with his feet, but this is an insane line. And that's where Super Bowls get one.

[Dale Hellestray]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

In games, you're trying to keep the ball away from the other team's offense. I think Philly's got the advantage.

[Dale Hellestray]

And Saquon Barku will break a couple long runs. They just, just, we saw it against Washington. I mean, first play of the game, you know, Saquon's getting the ball. You know they're gonna give the Saquon.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Dale Hellestray]

And yet, bam. The left tackle took out three dudes.

[John Holmberg]

It's all on the line. So what's the final. Do you think it, do you think it gets out of hand or you think they keep.

[Dale Hellestray]

No, no, no. I, I, I can, I can see. How about a 31 down? 3127.

[John Holmberg]

3127. Eagles.

[Dale Hellestray]

Yes.

[John Holmberg]

And I will put $100 on that. On FanDuel that picking the. The exact score should be probably the over 20,000. No. Yeah.

[Dale Hellestray]

Well, I think over is 46.

[John Holmberg]

I think everybody thinks that it's going well. The Chiefs weren't lighting up the scoreboard, and the Eagles goal is to keep the ball the 48 and a half. The clock has got to be ticking. So I would probably. I'd probably put it like 24, 20. I'd say the Eagles will win it that way. And it won't be that close because the Eagles beat team. Well, they can run you up, though. They did it to the Redskins.

[Dale Hellestray]

Well, they. They can, but Kansas City ain't gonna allow that to happen. And I there. They'll have a chance at the end and. Well, that's all right.

[John Holmberg]

Well, there it is. And then the Phoenix Open. You're going to that.

[Dale Hellestray]

Yeah. And I'm gonna be hanging out the KPD suite for a little bit now.

[John Holmberg]

Are you gonna pop up there, you think now that you're an earner?

[Dale Hellestray]

Yeah.

[Brady]

Maybe we'll get you in the sweetie invite now.

[John Holmberg]

I don't think we have a wristband for you. We can get a beach towel and write Phoenix Open on it. See if we can wrap it around your arm. Yeah. Well, there you go. And Meathead, who owns Prestige Billiards, has asked me if you would do something for him on your first day. Can you get dale to say prestigebilliardsaz.com and then do an evil empire laugh? He wants to use it in a commercial. Here we go.

[Dale Hellestray]

Who's the evil empire?

[John Holmberg]

I don't. Just like one of those kind of laughs.

[Dale Hellestray]

Okay. That's a lot of words to say.

[John Holmberg]

It's three, actually. It's three. Well, it's not even words, commas and a word word.

[Brett]

It's.

[John Holmberg]

It's two words. Az and then dot com.

[Dale Hellestray]

Prestige.

[John Holmberg]

Prestige Billiards. Az dot com. That's all he needs you to do. And then laugh. Right? Right. Three, two, one.

[Dale Hellestray]

Don't interrupt my commercial. Prestige Billiards, AZ.com.

[John Holmberg]

That'S it. There you go, Meathead.

[Dale Hellestray]

See? One take I want.

[John Holmberg]

It was pretty good. I don't know that that was one take. It was an awful lot of rehearsal. It's an awful lot going on in between that. Brady, do you have another insult for Dale before we invite you back in?

[Dale Hellestray]

So many Frankenstein. That's not even your own. You're copying mongoloid over there.

[John Holmberg]

Hey, remember the word.

[Dale Hellestray]

Yes.

[John Holmberg]

Brady, it's time now for the entertainment drill. It's brought to you by our [e-mail], the home of tactical black self defense. I was out there last year. Look at this, Dale. Look at these arms.

[Dale Hellestray]

I see that.

[John Holmberg]

All busted up. We had a great thing. We did crowd work because I'm going to the Phoenix Open. So what we did was put me in a crowd of people and somebody go, hey, you're Hallberg from kupd. I'm like, hey, how are you? And then there's four or five other guys that'll start getting a little close. My job is to like, basically kind of assess who's got a weapon.

[Dale Hellestray]

Okay.

[John Holmberg]

Because one of them would. And what do you do when you're surrounded and somebody decides to go crazy? So I didn't know which one would have a bat, an axe, a knife, or anything like that until.

[Dale Hellestray]

A bat or an axe in the Phoenix Open.

[John Holmberg]

Before you get in that whole pile of people that's standing outside, Softest target in all of America.

[Dale Hellestray]

Okay?

[John Holmberg]

There's 75,000 people standing and outside to go through security, okay? So then they'd start. We'd start swinging. And I'm like, that's the guy I gotta fight. And then it was a blast. But it was crowd work, basically saying if something were to go wrong and you are basically pinned in between other people, the worst thing you got to worry about is stampedes and all that stuff. And then you got to recognize where.

[Dale Hellestray]

You'Re got to keep your balance, keep.

[John Holmberg]

Your balance, stay up, do everything you don't want.

[Dale Hellestray]

Do anything but go down.

[John Holmberg]

And the best phrase I know in my life, thanks to these guys, destroy the operation. Whoever's got that thing that's making a mess, he needs. He needs to do the one that goes down. Oh, we had a great time yesterday.

[Dale Hellestray]

A lot of you.

[John Holmberg]

And this is good because this means I was defending properly.

[Dale Hellestray]

Really.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, yeah, because you're breaking bones with yours. Oh, it was a blast. We had a great time yesterday. So you got to get out there. Reactdefense.com it is the place to go. Teaches you all that stuff. You get into situations and in fact, they had just recently a cop come in with a scenario, said, this just happened at work. We need to figure something, something out. And you work around, you know, the guns and that one. I had that shotgun to my head. And you try to figure it out from the ground. Amazing scenarios, and they have them from true life events. You're not going to get this training anywhere else. 199 bucks for two months. You are not getting that price Anywhere else. And all you got to do is go to reactdefense.com. it's the home of Tactical Black Brady and Dale. Entertain me.

[Brett]

Howie Mandel used his Tuesday's podcast episode to apologize to Bill Burr.

[John Holmberg]

No, no kidding.

[Brett]

Says, I feel horrible. I'm sorry. I only tried to do something good. I legitimately thought I was doing something nice. I swear to you, I thought was funny.

[John Holmberg]

No. Larry McFeely's sneaking in.

[Dale Hellestray]

I was gonna say, look at that evil smile.

[John Holmberg]

I am just. I'm so happy that that whole thing happened. What, that Brady washed his ass? Yes. Yeah. Finally, everybody, that the Bill Burr. Oh, Billy Corgan thing happened because, you.

[Brady]

Know, Billy Corgan is kind of an ass.

[John Holmberg]

Well, Bill Bird did not like it. I. I know. At all. Oh, you're happy that it happened that way? Yeah.

[Brett]

You know, like, Billy Corgan walks in.

[John Holmberg]

And he looks at him, he goes, you're an. Yeah. Why did you do.

[Brett]

This is great.

[John Holmberg]

This is great. Yeah. I love the line, though, that is that they're supposedly from the same father and they look quite a bit alike.

[Brett]

But neither will the dad.

[John Holmberg]

Named them both Bill. Now.

[Brady]

What a hillbilly.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. It's like, once Billy wants Bill, who cares? Like, he just didn't care. It's crazy. And Bill Burr was basically like, yeah, you're a jerk for even bringing this up. It was a good. It's a good podcast if you like a little tension because it was there.

[Brett]

Tom Brady says he wouldn't mind if the Chiefs win the super bowl just because it's nice to see someone else get all the hate. But then he said, you know, to be in this country and not to cheer for excellence is beyond me.

[John Holmberg]

I understand that.

[Brett]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

And that's the thing that bothers me about the Patriots and the Chiefs. I like the Chiefs not as like, a fan, but I like what they're doing because I think a real dynasty comes along every 12, 15 years. The Patriots dynasty. The first 10 years tainted when they kept going for another 10, you're like, they didn't need all that help. But all the stuff that they did early made them the enemy the Cowboys were. Everybody hated the Cowboys. Who didn't love the Cowboys, but you still recognized is a great football team.

[Dale Hellestray]

Right.

[John Holmberg]

And they're not doing anything shady. The Lakers, same thing. Hated Magic Johnson for years. Hated Kareem. But you. The reason you hated him was because you couldn't beat them. They were that good. The. The 49ers, the Steelers, all those dynasties that happened were just unbeatable teams. The Patriots were cheating, and they got caught cheating a couple times. It's hard not to put them in that category of like, you're not legitimate.

[Dale Hellestray]

What I would tell you about the Kansas Chiefs is obviously this entire week's been talked about, the officiating and how Mahomes gets favorable calls and all that. And I was thinking Back to the night 90s.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Dale Hellestray]

So Michael Iver played for the Cowboys from 88 to 97 or something. 88, 89. 90, 91. Nobody ever said anything about his pass routes. And.

[John Holmberg]

Right.

[Dale Hellestray]

All of a sudden we start winning in 92. And now. Well, now he pushes off every time. And once you start having once, you can't being.

[John Holmberg]

You're. You're not getting stopped. You have an excuse as to why.

[Dale Hellestray]

Right.

[John Holmberg]

And you're just getting beat.

[Dale Hellestray]

And the one thing about Mahomes is I would always say this. He does something now as an official, I wouldn't reward him for that. Bubbles. There have been a lot of focus on it.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, I don't disagree with that.

[Brett]

Dale has some more Brady news.

[John Holmberg]

All right.

[Dale Hellestray]

Yeah, well, kind of a bi partisan crowd.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Dale Hellestray]

Giselle Bunching.

[John Holmberg]

You don't know that's Tom Brady's?

[Dale Hellestray]

No, I know that. I just didn't know how to pronounce her last name. I call her Giselle Brady. And then once you're married to him.

[John Holmberg]

You didn't even give her the right to keep her last name.

[Dale Hellestray]

No. You get married, you take the husband's name.

[John Holmberg]

No kidding?

[Dale Hellestray]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Wow.

[Dale Hellestray]

But. So she's a mom, but we don't know much more than that. There's no word yet on the actual birth date or the sex of the baby. What we do know is that this is Giselle's first child or first sexual experience with Joaquin Valente.

[John Holmberg]

The taekwondo instructor.

[Dale Hellestray]

Is that who it is?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, the one that she was.

[Brady]

Her sexual experience.

[John Holmberg]

Well, I don't think that's. I think Dale might have read the guy.

[Dale Hellestray]

She has two other kids with ex husband Tom Brady. 15 year old and a 12 year old. Just sells. 44 years old and pushing out babies at 44. But she doesn't look 44, just like. I don't look 62.

[John Holmberg]

Look at her again. Just like John, look at her face.

[Dale Hellestray]

You think she looks 44? She looks.

[John Holmberg]

She's got a little bit of my nose.

[Dale Hellestray]

No, I will never be able to look at her the same.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, I know. I'm gonna wreck it for you. She turns to the side, you're gonna see a little of Me? Yeah. Got a little bit of homeburg nose.

[Dale Hellestray]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Sideways. Don't be fooled by the smoke and mirror face on.

[Dale Hellestray]

Sure.

[John Holmberg]

Turn her sideways, Brett. Turn her sideways. Let's get. The reason that she doesn't take a lot of pictures with that beak to the side is because it looks like mine. It's true.

[Brett]

I don't think you'll find it.

[Dale Hellestray]

There's one in those pictures.

[John Holmberg]

Look at the size of that schnoz.

[Dale Hellestray]

There's nothing in those pictures that reminds me of John Holmberg.

[Brett]

There it is.

[Dale Hellestray]

Oh, that is not.

[John Holmberg]

No big ass. No, that's a good picture, but I think that's been photoshopped.

[Brett]

She's not gonna let it just.

[John Holmberg]

Even in South Park. I've been saying this about her for years, but in south park they're like Tom Brady was married to a supermodel who kind of looks like a dude.

[Brady]

You can kind of tell it right here. Look at even straight on there.

[John Holmberg]

She's got a big nose.

[Brett]

She does the backstroke.

[Dale Hellestray]

It looks like 5 11. I mean, she's as tall as you are, right?

[John Holmberg]

She's got the same size nose. You're basically describing me. I'm 6ft. She's 5 11. You are pretty much the same. I am 6ft.

[Brady]

Oh, here we go.

[John Holmberg]

There's. There. Look at the second picture. Big ass nose on her. She looks like me.

[Dale Hellestray]

Wow. You guys are. You guys are harsh.

[John Holmberg]

I have high standards. I only. I only salute excellence. I mean, like Tom Brady said, three.

[Dale Hellestray]

Ugliest guys I know and you're casting the spurs.

[John Holmberg]

Look at her, Dale.

[Brady]

Look at that.

[John Holmberg]

That one's not bad. That's Photoshopped too. But that's still a big honker. Oh, you know that.

[Dale Hellestray]

That's photoshopped. That's her birthday.

[John Holmberg]

I like that one. That makes me want Froot Loops. Anyway, Dale Hellray, star of the Dale and Dale show. Who's the other guy again? Carl Withers. Carl. Is that who it was?

[Brady]

Impressed.

[Dale Hellestray]

Steve McCol, Dobson High School Mustang. He came. He's. He's younger than you on I walked in your footsteps.

[John Holmberg]

That's right.

[Dale Hellestray]

It's still mad at a couple coaches there for kicking them off certain places.

[John Holmberg]

Who isn't? WTVVTV.

[Dale Hellestray]

WTSM.

[John Holmberg]

That's the one. Oh, WTSNTV.com. yeah. Okay. And you can listen to that every day.

[Dale Hellestray]

Yeah. He said you invited him on. You said, hey, you should come down here.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, he can come down.

[Dale Hellestray]

Yeah, sure. Would you give him a microphone? Like, would you.

[John Holmberg]

No, no, he'd sit and watch. He can come Cuff the Dale interview. I don't need more Mustangs in here. It's already sl. We're done. Larry's coming up next. You guys have yourselves a great Thursday. We'll see you tomorrow on the morning Sickness.

[Brett]

You have eight inches of butt crack.