02-06-25 - Low Turnout And Odd Location For Protesters Last Night - New Device Will Brick Your IPad When You Flatline - Fight At AVN's Over Stolen Ideas And Plagiarism

Summary

Holmberg's Morning Sickness - Arizona Episode Summary: February 6, 2025 Host: John Holmberg Co-Hosts: Brady Bogen, Brett Vesely, Dick Toledo

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I. Low Turnout and Odd Locations for Protests

The episode kicks off with John Holmberg expressing his frustration over the consistently low turnout at local protests. He recounts a recent event on Elliott Street and the I-10 freeway where a shooting led to the shutdown of a major traffic artery.

John Holmberg [01:21]: "If you're west of the 17, just... Have a couple of alternate routes."

Holmberg emphasizes the importance of having backup plans when navigating areas prone to violence, especially for commuters relying on major avenues like 27th or 35th.

John Holmberg [02:39]: "You should always have that. If you have to use 27th Avenue or 35th Avenue, anticipate a shooting and just have an alternate route at hand."

Brady chimes in to highlight the predictability of such incidents, suggesting residents live in safer areas if possible.

Brady [02:40]: "Yeah, yeah. It's just every day..."

II. Changes and Issues at the Phoenix Open

Transitioning to sports, the hosts delve into the Phoenix Open, discussing recent changes to the event's structure and their implications.

John Holmberg [05:34]: "It's 12 degrees where he is snowing. Ice Misery."

Holmberg reminisces about childhood experiences frozen roads, contrasting them with adult inconveniences like icy conditions preventing outdoor activities. The conversation shifts to the Phoenix Open's new setup, moving from a traditional vendor entrance to a centralized bar known as the "19th Hole Restaurant Bar."

Brett [08:12]: "They've changed it up this year."

The hosts critique the decision, arguing that it creates a softer target for potential disturbances and complicates security measures.

John Holmberg [10:02]: "The last thing I want to do is be part of the entrance of the Phoenix open. That is nutmegs of America."

They also reminisce about past experiences at the Open, sharing humorous anecdotes about drunken antics and minimal golf engagement.

III. New Device to Brick iPads/Phones Upon Flatlining

A significant portion of the episode is dedicated to discussing innovative technology aimed at privacy and posthumous control of personal devices. The hosts explore a device that can render an iPad or iPhone inoperable if the user's pulse stops, effectively protecting personal data after death or incapacitation.

Brett [13:12]: "It's made by Zugu. It's... I believe it's called the death case."

John Holmberg [15:00]: "It's almost like a will and trust for your phone."

Holmberg and Brady debate the merits and implications of such technology, considering scenarios where personal data could otherwise be exposed unintentionally. They touch upon the emotional and ethical aspects of controlling digital legacies.

John Holmberg [16:03]: "The money fight starts. I'm not paying it. It's not in that... You try to avoid it."

IV. AVN's Fist Fight over Plagiarism in Porn

The conversation takes a sharp turn towards the adult entertainment industry, specifically focusing on a recent altercation at the AVN Awards in Las Vegas. Holmberg recounts a physical fight between two porn producers—Jay Play Hard and Kendra Cox's husband—over accusations of idea theft and plagiarism.

John Holmberg [24:35]: "They started scuffling over at the Virgin Hotel, which is ironic in itself."

The hosts humorously dissect the lack of originality in pornographic storytelling, mocking the repetitive themes centered around "fat white women" and predictable plotlines.

John Holmberg [27:00]: "There's never a stepbrother that's, like, not into banging that fat white lady."

Brady and Brett join in crafting satirical movie pitches based on the clichés they’ve identified, highlighting the absurdity and lack of innovation within the genre.

Brady [35:08]: "Instead of a door."

John Holmberg [35:37]: "They're just gonna stick to it. He doesn't care about the integrity of the story."

V. Light-Hearted Banter and Personal Anecdotes

Throughout the episode, the hosts engage in playful banter, sharing personal stories and teasing each other about their quirks and past behaviors. This segment adds a relatable and humorous layer to the discussion, balancing the more serious topics.

John Holmberg [21:08]: "There's nothing else that worries me. It's pretty basic."

Brett [27:20]: "That's your daughter?"

John Holmberg [34:22]: "Yes, it is."

They also touch upon the challenges of modern technology and personal privacy, blending in jokes about burner phones and embarrassing digital histories.

John Holmberg [21:44]: "I took a picture of my own anus... And I got quickly erased it."

Conclusion

The episode of Holmberg's Morning Sickness offers a diverse array of topics, from local protests and sporting event critiques to cutting-edge privacy technology and the mishaps within the adult film industry. Through a blend of insightful commentary and humorous exchanges, John Holmberg and his co-hosts deliver an engaging and thought-provoking morning show experience.

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For more episodes and updates, tune in to 98 KUPD (97.9 FM), the 98 KUPD app, or visit www.98kupd.com. Join us weekdays from 5:30 AM to 10:00 AM.

Transcript

[Dick Toledo]

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[John Holmberg]

Still streaming Homburg's Morning Sickness online at 98kupd.com Good morning, everybody. Hello there. Welcome to Thursday. Wow, it's 5:45. This is the morning sickness. My name's John. There's Brady, there's Brett, there's Toledo. Off we go. Another one. Another great one. And it's quick news. It's the only reason this kind of resonates with me. I'm sorry. To the West Valley. I have to apologize because every time I hear or see when I get here, I kind of check to see that the world hasn't exploded. What's going on to start the day. And pretty much every day, you know, I say I can see the word 67th Avenue or 35th Avenue, and there's been a shooting. And it closes something.

[Brady]

David. Ends in Y.

[John Holmberg]

We never mention it.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

It's just because. Yeah. You know why?

[Brady]

Right.

[John Holmberg]

You should expect it and have an alternate route planned at all times if you use those two things to get to work. But this morning I heard that there was one on Elliot and the i10 where we used to work. And it was nine years ago, but we used to work over in Guadalupe where cup used to be. And they have shut down the northbound. Which is the. Well, they call it westbound. Westbound i10, but it's really. You're heading north to the city, completely shut down at Warner because evidently people were shooting each other on the freeway. And they pulled over at the cobblestone car wash on Elliot and basically Elliott and Freeway. It's right there close by. And the lady in the car evidently died. So that whole thing's gonna be a catastrophe. So you're gonna start your day out there. Iwatuki, Chandler, all you people. But I thought about it. I'm like, oh, that's terrible. I should bring that up on the radio. And then I thought, I never do that when I say 67th Avenue in Olive or 35th Avenue and Buckeye. I'm like, yeah, why would I even. Why do I have to burden you people with information every single day? Do you not have three or four routes to work? If you'd use. If you use 35th or 27th Avenue at any given time, anticipate a shooting and just have an alternate route at hand.

[Brady]

If you're west of the 17, just.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, yeah. It's just every day, have a couple. You know how when you go to Google Maps and you asked for somebody says, here's. Here's three routes you could take. You should always have that. If you have to use 27th Avenue or 35th Avenue, it's a little surprising at Elliott and Guadalupe. Although there's Guadalupe.

[Brady]

I think if you're that far out, Google Maps actually gives you like six or seven.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. If you're on 35th Avenue, it just says, let's try something else. So anyway, just thought I'd kick the day off letting you know.

[Brady]

It just says, move.

[John Holmberg]

What are you doing? Go the other way.

[Brady]

Live in a different area.

[John Holmberg]

Run, mother. That's what my Google Maps say. So anyway, 35th and 27th Avenue. I know people living off of it. I'm sorry, but, you know, it's not like I'm telling you something you don't know. Don't get mad at me. You live on 35th Avenue and you wake up every day going, this is Shangri La. You're crazy. You're out of your mind.

[Brett]

They're better at dealing with it.

[John Holmberg]

They're better at dealing with it, but habits more often. Yeah, that's why we don't have to mention it. It's like. But when there is something like the i10 out there in Ahwatuki, you need an alternate route today. Highly recommend taking that weird. That strange 202 that goes around the mountain, like, kind of sneaks into the city from the other way. Try that one anyway. Try to throw that. Brett brought something up right before we went on the air. Oh, by the way, before we get to that, once again, good job, protesters. The Phoenix Open begins today. Already got a text from someone back in Indiana. Watch a little of that golf tournament to the pro. My God, What a. It's 12 degrees where he is snowing. Ice Misery. They just got through some sort of. I've forgotten what those were, but ice sheet storms where it just rains, and immediately it's frozen on the ground. They can't leave because the entire ground is a sheet of ice. You can ice skate in the road when you're a kid. You think that's awesome. I forgot about that. When we were kids, my. I lived on Navajo Trail. I don't even know if they're allowed to call it that anymore, but I lived on Navajo Trail and it would rain really hard and then freeze that night. And the next morning you could actually ice skate or play. I wasn't allowed to be on skates because I was like four. But I go out and get around out there and play hockey on your road. And it was the whole road when you're 4, 5, 6 years old. That's awesome. When you're an adult and you've got to go to work, you're living in hell. So those people all saw that yesterday and I told. Quickly changed the subject and like, yeah, it's great weather, but we can't go outside because there's Mexicans on every road with their flags. Furious about immigration. Oh, is that a problem down there? Watch the news. Little upset at last night's turnout as my. The light completely was like maybe 40 people. And they were marching on Washington and like downtown Washington. They went from 15th Avenue. There was nobody there. It was just an industrial. The ghost town. You're marching at night where nobody drives. Everybody's gone home. They're not doing anything there. Quit it. Go Mexicans. Go to the waste management open.

[Brady]

You'll get more attention there.

[John Holmberg]

Gays, trans, where are you? Where are you in this? Get your ass up to that open and start screaming about stuff and make people in other cities know that we're. We're a disaster. Come on. 40 people marching on Washington at 7 at night. They didn't run into a single human being on their march till they got to 7th Avenue and had to stop for the light rail, which. Come on, it's not a march. It's a waste of time. You can't march around on Washington at night before the city downtown. Sure. Get over there by Chico Malo. Start dancing around down in that area by the arena. You know, nervous white people get. I was downtown and Peso Pluma had a concert at Footprint Center. I didn't know it. And the place was just covered with people speaking not English. And I was at the potbelly and I got scared. I was like, this is an invasion. I got to get back home.

[Brett]

What's with the curly toed cowboy boots?

[John Holmberg]

There was some of those. A lot of hats, A lot of weird hats. The curly turtle. Not the crazy ones, but some people had some great big Boots on.

[Brady]

Did you order some more chips and salsa just to fit in a little.

[John Holmberg]

Bit better, Not a pot belly. I got my turkey sub and I got the hell out of there. I was like, I'm not fitting in. I. Those fish out of water. That's how you make white people nervous in other cities. So get on it. 40 people marching on Washington at 7:30 at night. If we're going to make our city look crazy, let's do it right. Jesus Christ. Do I have to do everything around here? I need a white guy to do your stupid marches. Still haven't heard it, but I need to. Because when that girl. And they send this Mexican girl out on Channel three to all the marches, she's there. Like she's the one that's keeping an eye on everything. Because they're not sending Ian Schwartz over there. The gay Jew is not gonna be hanging out at those marches and get anything done. They'll.

[Brett]

He's at the open.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, he probably. He is actually. I've texted me. So you go on what days you going? They're not sending this girl, but. Well, she's reporting. I need it right in the background. Somebody. And then start drifting.

[Brady]

He's just happy Hanukkah's over with. He's like, oh, time off.

[John Holmberg]

So many latkes. He had to eat to show us how delicious they are for the holidays. I text him every time. I'm like, huh, you got the Jew blue stories, didn't you? I didn't notice that until you told me two years ago. And now I know every Hanukkah I'm doing all those, I'm like, yep, because you're the only one over there I think does a good job. But he fills up on those lockies around Christmas or his Christmas, anyway. So get your marches ready. Waste management Open starts today. If I'm already getting texts on the Pro Am from my golf crazy uncle, count on it.

[Brett]

They. They've changed it up this year.

[John Holmberg]

You're watching this year.

[Brett]

What about the entrance? It's no longer. All the vendors and stuff. Yeah, they've changed into a. A big. It's called the 19th Hole Restaurant Bar.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, that big giant tent that you walked through.

[Brett]

It's gone now. You come in, right to a giant bar.

[John Holmberg]

You just start eating the second you get there. Why? That's a dumb thing. It's people.

[Brett]

It's just there. Easier, I guess.

[John Holmberg]

How do you feed in easier when you're stopping people cold to eat Again?

[Brett]

I was told this by a guy who went out there yesterday or Tuesday and Wednesday.

[John Holmberg]

And I can't imagine they would get rid of all the vending that you walk by. That thing was a zoo of purchases. They probably just added restaurants.

[Brett]

They have the big PGA store out there.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, well, here's the thing. That's just the fun part, is that they made it a softer target if they slowed down getting in. So there's 75. If you're a crazy person, let me just tell you, 75,000 people standing there before security not knowing what to do. So I don't want to give you any ideas. You probably didn't already have their nut bags, but this security measure that they've got all these cops and stuff, you don't need to get into the open to cause trouble. And you know, one of these days, that airport's going to play a part. Those jets going over the top of this thing, looking down, going, you know what? I hate my wife. And the next thing you know, we got one landed on the 16th. I'm not a paranoid person, but I do look at soft targets, and man, oh, man, I've never seen one softer than this. It is. And cops. I'm sorry to say it out loud because I know you guys are rolling your eyes. Talk to a cop about the phoenix open, all they do is roll their eyes. Because all we think is they got to deal with drunks all the time. No, they don't. They're sitting there looking around going, where's the nut bag that's going to just ice this group of people standing in one spot, not paying attention.

[Brady]

Well, you're really selling me.

[John Holmberg]

Trust me. The last thing I want to do is be part of the entrance of the Phoenix open. That is nutmegs of America. Listen, if you want to. If you want to make a name for yourself, that's the place. Now, I'm telling the cops are going to have to. They need to secure that so much. Last year, I swear to God, there were 75,000 people standing still before security to go through security to make sure none of them had guns or weapons. So they all just stood in this place. And we'd been walking down a road together for a mile because the buses that drop you off can't get closer than a mile. So you got to walk all. It's crazy what we tolerate to just go get drunk. It is a fun drunk, though. Once you're in good times, you want to get plastered.

[Brett]

Once you survive the journey, I don't.

[John Holmberg]

Know why anybody who doesn't drink goes, I don't know why you like you. I know. I don't know why you would go. And there's no golf to watch. It's just for people to get plastered and, I don't know, just stand in the tent. You know how many good places you drive by to not get drunk, to go stand through that rigmarole just to not drink. Oh, I don't. I don't. I don't get it. And the one year you went with me, you did drink quite a bit, which was great. Yelled at a guy in a wheelchair. Brady started a pick fight. Pretty cool.

[Brady]

I wish I'd have been there.

[Brett]

Oh, there's food there, too, John.

[John Holmberg]

We didn't. I don't remember spending a lot of time there. I remember asking a guy in a wheelchair to get the F out of your way. That was pretty great move, Kovacs. That was the best. Shane from Life Changer Loan. I forgotten he was with us. And he said, I remember going to the Open with you, but I'm like, oh, yeah. And he said, the year Brady went nuts. And he goes, yeah. We were laughing so hard because he was. You said he was yelling at guys in wheelchairs. Yeah. And I said he was dizzy and like, we were doing that thing to women that would walk by or with. Damn. Every girl that walked by, man. And Brady was doing it to everyone. It was pretty fun. Drunk Brady was a blast. I'm like, this is a good Phoenix Open, Brady. Since then, I don't think you've ever gotten plastered at it again. But I don't get why you'd go without wanting to get drunk. My friend texted me last night from. He was out there for his company, and he was drunk. I could tell. I was like, that's the only reason to go. I might. I've been to the Phoenix Open a lot. I've seen seven total golf shots. Total, maybe seven. I'm. And that's me probably overshooting it a little bit that I paid attention to the entire shot. I watched the guy swing a club. Don't care where the ball goes. And I. And I go do more drinking.

[Brett]

Out of all the times that I've gone, I mean, there's one time I. Twice I've done 18 walk and following. That's because in 19 holes, 97. Yeah. Followed Jones.

[John Holmberg]

Well, back then, it wasn't what it is. I mean, it was okay. It was big. But it's not like now. This is.

[Brett]

But you never think about going.

[John Holmberg]

You're.

[Brett]

Have you ever seen all 18 holes on TBC if you're not playing it.

[John Holmberg]

No, I do. PD Holmberg's morning sickness. The last thing I want to do is walk a golf course without golfing. No, thanks. That. You talk about wanting to get drunk at something, I better have one waiting for me at every tee box. If I got to sit and follow golfers.

[Brady]

Are there people that actually do do that?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Look, you could watch it on tv, or you can just go to a golf course any day of the week. Say, who's good? That guy's pretty good. Or I'll just follow him around.

[Brett]

There's, you know, there's still a couple of places on the course that the. Their backyard is. You can see.

[Brady]

Oh, no kidding.

[Brett]

Course right there. You know, on a par three or.

[John Holmberg]

Those are some good ones. But, yeah, it's. It's a. It's an S show. So prepare yourselves, because it's here and it's ready to go, and your. Your family back east is watching. So again, I implore you, and if you trans people could get out there and act crazy and. And again. Mesa, where are your confederate flags? You promised. You promised. What happened? Slowing down a little bit. Where's my Mesa? Where's my Mesa? Horn? Where are you guys? Come on. Step up, low class Phoenicians. We need you more than ever to keep the population lower. Brett just found an article. We talked about this a little bit ago, and it's got my brain spinning about how your phone, you know, holds your history and all the stuff you got in there. It's not necessarily even that you're hiding anything, but when you're incapacitated, the last thing you want is somebody going through your phone. New technology says that if your pulse stops. I guess.

[Brady]

Yeah. This guy Kiefer sent me the article a couple days ago after he was listening on a podcast. So it's. Let me put it up on the screen here. It's basically a case for your iPad and stuff that reads your pulse. Either you wear like, a bracelet or like a ring.

[Brett]

Yeah.

[Brady]

And basically, if it stops, it bricks your iPhone, your iPad.

[John Holmberg]

Nobody can get in.

[Brady]

You can't get in. It's done.

[John Holmberg]

So if your pulse stops, your phone dies, too.

[Brady]

That's what they're saying. I'm still doing research here it is. 1500 bucks is what it's going to cost you, but it's going to save your family a lot of embarrassment.

[John Holmberg]

Exactly. And also, it's almost like a will and trust for your phone. Everything you've built up in your phone over the years doesn't need to be in the hand. It's like probate for your search history.

[Brady]

Yeah. Now I'm still trying to see if there's an iPhone version. I know there's definitely an iPad version here.

[Brett]

And so the only ones that could potentially open it back up as family or someone that you put on there. Because I could tell you, you know, you know, and previous Ronnie's aunt passed away a couple of weeks ago and we have the laptop. There's information you got to get in. Prime example of why you need to.

[John Holmberg]

Get a will and trust. Because you don't have people digging through your iPads and you're, you're trying to figure out where the money is because that's what family does after someone dies. Oh, that's so sad. Where's the money? Probably in her laptop. What's her password? Like the. The love dies fast. When you're trying to figure out where everything's going to go over and above.

[Brett]

That it's who's paying the next bill. She has a house and we have a 30 day window.

[John Holmberg]

The money fight starts. I'm not paying it. It's not in that you try to avoid it.

[Brett]

You can't pay it because it's not your account.

[John Holmberg]

There's truth to that too. Yeah.

[Brett]

You can't just go to drop.

[John Holmberg]

We could write one of her checks. Just keep writing in the dead. There's people, there's people for that. They're called trailer trash. You can go over there and go, how do you guys pay for each other's stuff? Like how do you have your dead grandma's checks keep coming? They can figure it out. But yeah, the, this is great because then you could have again go to Trajan, get your will, your estate plan done. So nobody's digging through your computer to find everything out because I spent an inordinate amount of time the other day trying to figure out how if that girl was actually 15 or 30 that we looked at for hot releases and she's very 15. And then I saw a video of her that they showed that she won some awards for like best Christmas song in England. And she's dancing. She's 14 at the time. She looks like she's about 35. And she's dancing around in just a sweater waiting for some guy that she wants to come home and lay under the tree with her. Like, well, 14 year olds want toys, but she should want like a video game or something. No, she didn't want some dude to come over and spoon with her under the tree. Where are your parents? So I started. I watched that video a couple times, and I sent it to you guys just so I didn't feel. So then it.

[Brady]

You said, just bring us down into your house.

[John Holmberg]

Exactly. Because that's what you have to do when you feel like you want the.

[Brady]

List a little bit bigger, a little.

[John Holmberg]

Shady, but I would definitely do that. My friend who had a stroke a couple years ago had his phone taken away from him. And one of the bigger things, he's normal now, but he's like, I hated the idea of that when I kind of started to come around. Where's my phone? It's like, you can't. You don't. You don't even know how to use it. And he didn't. He didn't like his thumbs. Would he think he's typing stuff. And he. It was just gibberish. And he's like, we didn't do it. And he was worried. Somebody go through there and see. Like, he's. If you've got some sort of weird fetish or you're searching stuff on porn you don't want people to know, that's like. So it's a little control after you die. But I want one that if you're incapacitated, your phone just goes into sleep for a little while. Like, if I have a stroke, it knows. Nobody's getting in here for a little bit. Nobody. Nobody's touching this for a while. I like that. 1500 bucks. Your phone dies when you die.

[Brady]

It's iPad. Right now. I'm not sure if they have a phone version. I'm. I just found it. So I'm just reading up on it. But I like that a lot, man. It's. It's kind of cool. It's.

[Brett]

Or you simplify.

[Brady]

There, There's.

[Brett]

You have the burner, bro. Because Ronnie's aunt had basically a simple phone texting.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, but you don't want to go through why she had a second phone. I don't.

[Brett]

I don't know if she didn't look in that one.

[John Holmberg]

Right.

[Brady]

Don't wind up on some list.

[John Holmberg]

Don't look at a burner phone. You're going to be wrapped up in some only reason burner phones exist. Prostitutes, drugs, otherwise, or, you know, you're lying to your spouse. That's the only reason that burner phones are a thing.

[Brady]

Basically, their selling point is peace of mind. So you can rest in peace.

[John Holmberg]

That's right. You're dead brilliant. And your family. It's more for your family.

[Brady]

Absolutely. Yeah, you're dead. Who cares?

[John Holmberg]

The last thing you want is your mom going through looking like what Brady's doing. Looking for like how to pay a bill. And you see that Brady was just a dong champion. All he did was look at big donks. And then. Yeah, and then. And then there's pictures Brady took of himself like drawing dongs on his body. And like you just don't even know. Got a secret photo thing of all the goofy weird stuff he was into. And that becomes your legacy. That becomes your leg. Yeah.

[Brett]

Unloading Brussels sprouts.

[John Holmberg]

Brady's got his ass wide open.

[Brett]

Jellies.

[John Holmberg]

One of Britt's videos and he's pouring cereal in his butt. He's got like an 8 year old Asian boy eating Cheerios out of his ass. You don't want people to know that if that's what you've hidden and done such a good job your entire life to hide. I don't have anything like that in my phone that I'm real worried about. That's. Yeah, I don't too intrusive. I don't want you going through my stuff like that. I really don't have anything that worries me. Trying to look even. No, nothing. Just, you know, just the porn stuff. It's pretty basic.

[Brady]

Which Meghan already knows about everybody.

[John Holmberg]

I don't care. She's not. She's the least of my concern. No, I mean it's just basically that, you know, I don't care what you know about my porn. I just don't want you in my stuff.

[Brady]

Dan would probably be proud.

[John Holmberg]

Oh really?

[Brady]

It's. It's.

[John Holmberg]

Oh my God. God. Straight porn. I'm gonna miss him. Finally. Yeah, Dan would be. It would be. I should have gotten to know him. I. I avoided him because of the queer stuff. I'm not gay. All right. Whatever. Even dead, I'm kind of wondering. You're probably buried ass up anyway. My dad would ask that too. How are we putting him in the ground? Face down. That's probably what he would have wanted it that way. He's not gay. Yeah, that's what he wanted you to think. No, I wouldn't want to go. And I wouldn't want to go through my dad's phone. No, just. That's done. So. Yeah, I like that. The attachment.

[Brett]

I don't know how much Bunny went through my dad's phone. He had a smartphone. But I don't think he really knew how to dive into it.

[John Holmberg]

There was a day that I took a picture of my own anus. To see if there was something wrong. If I'd have dropped dead right there, that would have been the last photo I took. And by the way, there was nothing wrong. So it just looked like a picture of my butt. And I got quickly erased it. But you don't want people like, I have a heart attack drop on the floor right there and then like, what was he doing? Let's look in his phone. And the very last thing I did was photographing my B hole. My dad would be like, yeah, bad. Figures. He's probably doing measurements to see if he could get his own in. Yeah, I gotta. I gotta sit down. So. Yeah. What's that thing called?

[Brady]

It's made by Zugu. It's. I believe it's called the death case. Actually, the in case of death case. Here it is.

[John Holmberg]

In case of death case. I mean, it's more so for people up to something, I would think. I'm not really too concerned about you going through my phone.

[Brady]

Sure, Gary Glitter has one on his.

[John Holmberg]

And you know, but I say that right now. Later today, I might stumble into something weird and have that on my history for a minute and be like, oh, great, I did look at that for an hour and a half. And where's all this finance stuff? And it's just porn. Porn. Weird porn. Anyway, this one says, boy, this is telling Brett looking up pulse reading technology. That's true. It's kind of a weird doing my research. You have different algorithms than me.

[Brady]

It was sent to me.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. What if you find out, Brady, that your. Your aunt has unlimited subscription to Black dot com? And you're like, she was into that. You're like, that's changing my perception of her. You just want your perception that you've built to be intact, you know, who knows? Yeah, I'm just. I'm going through mine right now. Really? I've been playing a lot of mahjong. I think that would surprise people. Outside of that, I gently used duolingo. Yeah, you can go through if I die today. My phone is good, I think. See the last porn I looked at. Let's take a look. Probably. It's been a minute. I didn't dabble yesterday. Last afternoon, when it's doing let's go Tuesday. Like, oh, here's the last one I was in. Oh, Jesus. It's not this good. I gotta close off this. Oh, it's bad.

[Brady]

Did you delete Grindr off there?

[John Holmberg]

No.

[Brady]

Oh, there you go. Stop, stop. Here's the commercial. It's just a Instagram post.

[John Holmberg]

Well, like you like the people that have all those death videos and stuff.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. My last porn's not that big a deal. It says ultra Film's legendary. Stunning and heavily arise aroused Ava Elfie in her hardest f ever. Nobody's gonna think anything about it.

[Brady]

Put that up on the screen. I want to see that.

[John Holmberg]

It's pretty good stuff. Ava Elfie's an interesting one because I think they call her that because she's got kind of elf ears. The body spectacular. Look into it. New fan ava elfie. The AVNs are going on in Vegas right now, and there was a fight. There was a fist fight. The cops had to break up between two porn. One porn producer and his wife fought another guy. I knew the names. I wrote.

[Brett]

Comedian, host.

[John Holmberg]

I don't know who's hosting this year. Usually it used to be Aries Spears. And then something else. Ava's got a. She's really good, but when her hair's back, she's got elf ears. She kind of looks elfie. Anyway. I don't care about their faces. Yeah, she's put together. Really. Is she at the awards right now? Is that a picture from her?

[Brett]

That's 2024.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, last year's awards, maybe. Anyway, home. Bloomberg's morning sickness. But yeah, these porn people started fighting. And wait until you hear why. Which is hilarious. For Jay Play Hard as a producer, and I know him, he started arguing with porn star Kendrick Cox's husband. Of course, names Stay Ready. So Stay Ready. And Jay Play Hard started getting back and forth, and you're like, oh, boy. Like there's some sort of battle over sex and stuff. Nope. J. Play Hard is accusing Kendra Cox and Stay Ready of stealing his ideas. Every porn I watch is the same. There is no. Like, I've never once had thought to myself, hey, this is the same. Who wrote this? This is plagiarism.

[Brett]

I want to have a. The president of the company officer and the hot secretary come in, Right?

[John Holmberg]

Wait a minute. I can't remember that idea. I want the stepsister. I'm like, this is my story. Stepsister goes into the room, seduces step. This is my story. The. The claim of their defamation case between 20 and 23. They drug his name through the mud as a plagiarist. The. The cops had to go in there and start fighting away. But these two guys started to scuffle over at the Virgin Hotel, which is ironic in itself.

[Brady]

Come on. Really?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. He came to the intention of stealing our business and ruining my wife's name. I have to protect that. You can't have.

[Brady]

What's her name?

[John Holmberg]

Her name is Kendra Cox.

[Brady]

Kendra Cox. Let's look her up.

[John Holmberg]

Little too big for my liking. She's thick. I'd skip over her videos.

[Brady]

There's a lot of Biggins named.

[John Holmberg]

There's a bunch of Kendra Cox's that are large. Even her name's not original. But yeah, you can't claim that, you know, they stole your story ideas and porn. That's not her, is it?

[Brady]

I don't know. That's what it says.

[John Holmberg]

Good God. That's not what she looks like here.

[Brady]

Christ. Ruining her name. Don't worry about the name.

[John Holmberg]

Don't worry about the name. Worry about the box springs. This lady's huge. Anything getting ruined in that is.

[Brady]

Oh, God.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, she's massive. Ah. Steal all the ideas you want.

[Brady]

Jesus.

[John Holmberg]

Good Lord. Yeah. The picture I have of her, she's not that bad. She's big, but not that big. Look.

[Brady]

Yeah, that's her, though.

[John Holmberg]

And that's not terrible. It is her.

[Brady]

That's a good picture.

[John Holmberg]

This is a really good picture of her. Ugh. There's a shocking, shocking pose if this is. Yeah, she's just right. A fat blonde lady blowing a black guy with Rico. Yeah, I mean, come on. We all knew that is not stealing an idea that is culturally appropriate, if you ask me. You get a big, fat white woman, I know who her partner's gonna be. And there's no stepbrother stepsister situation going on. Usually it's. There's like he's got a few friends over there listening to his new rap album, and then they take care of business on her. That's not a new idea. Let's see if my. If this. This was in my phone. Yeah, I won't.

[Brady]

$1,500 worth it.

[John Holmberg]

If you found out I was into this, that would be too embarrassing for me to. If I was dead, I'd be like, oh, they're gonna find all my fat girl porn. Nobody can know this.

[Brady]

Her videos. You're not getting the.

[John Holmberg]

What you're getting.

[Brady]

Ew.

[John Holmberg]

Ew. Yeah, you don't get that. Well, mom and dad aren't home. Hey, now, come on, let's do this. There's never a stepbrother that's, like, not into banging that fat white lady. I just thought maybe we could. Yeah, we should probably. Oh, my God. I was gonna suggest we have lunch. Nah, let's. Mom and dad won't be home for 20 minutes, and I always laugh because they're, like, in their 30s. Mom and dad won't be home for a while. I know, but you're my stepbrother. I don't care less. You're fat. You blonde. I'm hard. This works. Yeah, it changes everything about the white teenager. What? We shouldn't be doing this. They try to make the the white kid all moral and he still does it anyway. So keep your eyes open for that stuff. There's fighting going on at that avnot over plagiarism. So you're gonna see a lot more unique storytelling. Should have been over the buffet porn. Nobody in the porn. You know, read through is like, hey, I've seen this scenario before. This is basically. I've been in a movie with almost the same exact story. This is wrong. I've been stuck in dryers. This isn't an original idea. I would like to keep the theme, however, of fat white ladies involved in this storytelling. He comes back. I got a new idea for a movie. I walk into a room where there's a fat white woman. Well, we did that seven times last year. All right, whatever. Anyway, I walk in, there's a big fat white woman. He's just gonna stick to it. He doesn't care about the integrity of the story. Anyway, fat white woman says something to me, and I go, damn. And the next thing you know, I am deep in that fat white woman. We don't even have talking action, just.

[Brett]

Straight from the couch. Yeah, we don't need any pre scene. Let's just get to it.

[John Holmberg]

I get off a city bus and my pants fall off. A windstorm or something. And I run in to get help. And inside the store, I get help from. There's a big fat white woman. Oh, Jesus, here we go.

[Brady]

Look, I'm all about reality. I'm in this bitch. Come on now.

[John Holmberg]

People want the real truth. I go pants shopping and the lady sell me pants. Let's see. She's a big, fat white woman. All right, all right. Maybe I see where you're going. What a unique beginning. Yeah, I just need some new pants. And so the big fat white woman comes over, says, you need some pants? I'm like, not when I'm with you, bitch. And then I her. And then I leave with no new pants.

[Brett]

And in the background, you hear, that's my idea. Hey, wait a minute.

[John Holmberg]

I had that one already. All right, all right, new scenario, new scenario.

[Brady]

I'm looking for a pair of Air Jordans.

[John Holmberg]

How about this one? You're at the water park. Ain't nobody gonna believe that. Hold on. Hear me out. Have some integrity. Hear Me out. God damn it. There's a big fat white woman. All right, I'm back. I'm listening.

[Brett]

It's early in the morning.

[John Holmberg]

You try to go swimming. It's very early in the morning. You want to get some. Some laps in before work? You going crazy now, hold on.

[Brady]

Look, I'm not about fantasy in this bitch.

[John Holmberg]

You start to drown. And you climb on a big fat white woman as a raft.

[Brady]

All right, all right.

[John Holmberg]

This started to make some sense again.

[Brett]

That's my idea.

[John Holmberg]

I like that one.

[Brady]

It's black Titanic.

[John Holmberg]

I like that, too. That's right. Black Tannic. I like that.

[Brady]

Instead of a door.

[John Holmberg]

Hang on. How about this one? I'm a pizza delivery man. I ring the doorbell. Just picture it. A big fat white woman opens the door. I put my wiener in the hole I keep in the pizza box. Just in case I'm gonna have to say I'm gonna object. We tried this once before. A white woman ate the pizza and the penis. It was terrifying. No, and that's probably true. She would devour both in ghastly ways.

[Brett]

Okay, It's a sub sandwich.

[John Holmberg]

I like that. Run with this. I'm hungry. I walk into a Subway behind the counter. Big fat white whoop. We have to keep them away from the food. Always results in a lawsuit. Porn ideas. I want to be. I want to be at a porn pitch table. Black Tanic is Black Tanic's goal.

[Brady]

We need to do that one.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, we definitely need to do that. You're right.

[Brady]

We need the white guys directing this one.

[John Holmberg]

The alarm clock goes off, you smile. Why the hell would I do that? Six in the morning. It's time for your day to begin. This is crazy. What sort of Willy Wonka fantasy is this? Anyway, off to work you go. You want to be on time.

[Brett]

You're just slathering her in mayonnaise.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. My God, this is the greatest idea ever.

[Brady]

Mayonnaise.

[John Holmberg]

A mayonnaise covered, fat white woman.

[Brady]

I'll try it.

[John Holmberg]

And then you get the other side. All right, You're a fat white lady. You walk into a room where there's a white guy. Where's she going? She's. She just left. She doesn't want to have sexual or white actors. Racist. So the AVNs are going on. There isn't a whole lot of people that I know that are normal that can watch all of the adult video awards show. It is. It becomes at a certain point a sadness you can't explain when they're up there taking awards for best anal scene. And that's a real award. And then you think, where are they putting that in their house? Christmas family's over and they thank their parents for being supportive and that just makes you feel horrible. I just want to thank my mom and dad for really supporting my career. Mike, you just won best anal. Don't thank your mom and dad. Just don't thank your partner. Thank your team.

[Brett]

That's where the trophies are at the parents house.

[John Holmberg]

It must be. There's my little angel here.

[Brett]

That's your daughter?

[John Holmberg]

Yes, it is. Oh, I know her. Kendra Cox. She was in black tanic. That guy was trying to swim and she was the lifeboat. There's the AVNs. Is that Kendra Cox at the AVNs?

[Brady]

No, that is Vanna Bardot and Maximo Garcia. Because they both won best anal scene in 2024.

[John Holmberg]

Two women won best anal. That's hard to do.

[Brady]

I don't know how.

[Brett]

It's a tie.

[John Holmberg]

There is math involved in that.

[Brady]

I'd play it. I just don't know how their acceptance speech is going to be.

[John Holmberg]

None of them can get through a sentence without saying something horrible. Play it. Go ahead.

[Brady]

Hang on.

[John Holmberg]

Is this. Oh, you got Rico.

[Brady]

Oh, yeah, Rico. Hang on. Here, we'll play this here.

[John Holmberg]

How about we have black tanic is dry docked.

[Brady]

When you want to mix it up, anal sex is there to fill the gape.

[John Holmberg]

I think you mean fill the gap. Well, if you're doing it right, there's definitely a gape to fill. And these performers did it very right. Here are the they did it very of the nominees and the nominee for best analing, Phoenix, by the way.

[Brady]

Whoa.

[John Holmberg]

Alrighty. And the winner is.

[Brady]

Who won in 24? Let's see.

[John Holmberg]

God. Who did win this? Vanna Bardot and Maximo. Oh, oh, Vanna, Gordo and Maximo. Maximo's a boy. That's right. I knew that. Oh my God, we've won. Can you believe it?

[Brady]

Come on, let's do this again.

[John Holmberg]

Can't wait for the sequel.

[Brett]

She got five that night.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Justin says we have a new idea for you, Rico. All right, all right, all right. What you got? What you got? Pitch me this idea. All right. You're in your whoopty and you're driving through an area and in the air. Well, let's start here. You see a big fat white woman. Oh, yeah. All right, I'm signing up. No, no, no. Here we go. Hang on, I'm in. She's walking down the street and she's got a broken heel because she's fat. And her heels don't work right. Most fat ladies leave the house in heels, come home in flats. All right, all right. You ask her to. If you get in the car, she says, but for what? And you bring her to a cookout. Oh, my God. This is the greatest movie idea of all time. The cookout is you and 13 of your best friends. And I get to bring a fat white lady to that? Precisely. Then what? Let's just see how it unfolds. How about we just roll cameras?

[Brett]

The minute she puts an apple in her mouth, the rest of the guys.

[John Holmberg]

Then you and your friends spit roast the fat white woman. How does it end? Oh, my God. How does it end? She drowns.

[Brett]

Basting. Lots of basting.

[John Holmberg]

She drowns. You just got yourself a lead actor. Yeah, I would like to go to that. Anyway, porn awards, try not to watch. And those three ladies you just heard from. Actresses. And you could tell by the way they were delivering those amazing lines. Kills the gape. All right, let's get a Wake up song. 585 9800. A good one. And we'll scream it together. It's 98 KUPD. Wake Up. Arizona's most powerful rock radio station. He said fully erect. 98 kupt.