Holmberg's Morning Sickness - "Guadalupe Squares: Super Bowl Edition" (02-06-26)
Podcast: Holmberg’s Morning Sickness - 98KUPD | Hubbard Radio
Airdate: February 6, 2026

Overview

This special “Guadalupe Squares: Super Bowl Edition” of Holmberg’s Morning Sickness is packed with the show’s signature blend of biting satire, celebrity impressions, and irreverent banter. The hosts—John Holmberg, Brady Bogen, Bret Vesely, and Dick Toledo—lead a rowdy round of their recurring celebrity-impersonation tic-tac-toe game with squares featuring parodic versions of Bernie Sanders, Morgan Freeman, Donald Trump, Patrick Mahomes, Colonel Brady with Cleaner Rodney, Shannon Sharpe, OJ Simpson, and others. The conversation veers from parody politics to Super Bowl predictions, riffing on sports, race, social topics, and pop culture, laced with rapid-fire jokes and edgy humor.

Key Segments & Discussion Points

1. Bernie Sanders’ Orgasmatron Monologue

(02:20 – 06:00)

• An exaggerated, comedic Bernie extols the virtues of his fictional invention, the “Orgasmatron.”
• Embellishes his prowess with sexual innuendo and wild analogies linking Vermont maple syrup, ejaculate, and socialism.
• Notable riff: Jokes about being 80% ejaculate, painting lurid word-pictures (e.g., “shooting Silly String all over everyone”).
• Repeated callback to “dehydration” jokes and the absurd imagery of a dried-out Bernie Sanders like “SpongeBob out of the water.”

Quote:

“The rivers of ejaculate that I can create in your life is unbelievable... 80% of me, not water—ejaculate.”
— Bernie Sanders (04:40)

2. Morgan Freeman & The Satirical Plantation Debate

(06:05 – 08:24)

• The Morgan Freeman character lightly mocks Brady for his stories, which always “end up back in slave time.”
• Highlights tongue-in-cheek race humor: Brady admits having a cleaner inside while he sits in the sun—prompting Morgan to riff on “the glory days.”
• Hints of satirical Southern ‘heritage’ jokes, Barbecue, and Tiki torches.

Quote:

“Who would have ever known? They starred at plantations in Gilbert, soaking up the sun while a man of color inside his house cleans, breaks his back.”
— Morgan Freeman (07:07)

3. Donald Trump’s Unapologetic Bravado

(08:34 – 11:10)

• A parodic Trump monologue: Brags about scandalous behavior and social media videos involving himself as a lion and the Obamas as monkeys—a reference to a controversial viral moment.
• Brazenly jokes about legal troubles, referencing Epstein and various allegations.
• Switches to boasting about bombing Iran and effectiveness at distraction.

Quote:

“I did it right there, and then I watched Melania and I pooped the front of them. It was all over my thighs, Corey.”
— Donald Trump (09:14)

4. Patrick Mahomes Skewers His Own Family & Sports Takes

(11:30 – 14:54)

• Patrick Mahomes shamelessly ribs his dad’s repeated legal troubles, including DUI and jail time.
• Pokes fun at former Cardinals’ great Larry Fitzgerald and Arizona’s Hall of Fame “ringless” curse.
• Picks the Patriots (erroneously, since they’re not playing), and riffs about Taylor Swift and Travis Kelce wedding rumors.

Quote:

“He [Larry Fitzgerald] was very kind in sacrificing his career for us. He’s like the Jesus of football ... Wasted 17 years of his life doing nothing—catching a bunch of footballs from Max Hall.”
— Patrick Mahomes (13:44)

5. Colonel Brady & Cleaner Rodney / Racial Satire

(15:07 – 18:32)

• Colonel Brady (Brady’s alter-ego) interacts with Rodney, his African-American cleaner, for an extended bit of meta-commentary on race, servitude, and cleaning products—heavy Southern stereotype humor.
• Absurd product puns: “12 Mirrors a Slave,” “Brillo Pads,” and “Emancipation Consolation.”
• Rodney is asked to replace “Armin MC Hammer” (a pun on Arm & Hammer) and is handed “Emancipation Consolation” labeled Pine-Sol.

Quote:

“Oh, it’s a black dust pan. We call it the Black Dust Panther. That’s enough of this.”
— Brady (17:50)

6. Shannon Sharpe’s Super Bowl Prophecies

(18:54 – 21:20)

• Hyperactive Shannon Sharpe impression, full of “Yep, yep, yep!” catchphrase energy.
• Wildly incorrect Super Bowl prediction (“Patriots 35–7!”), bets, and picking the winner using “sugar cubes.”
• Promotes his own Club Shay Shay and talks about betting odds on the Super Bowl.

Quote:

“I’m gonna put that on Club Shay Shay today... Put two sugar cubes out, pick which I lick, and that’s who wins the Super Bowl.”
— Shannon Sharpe (20:20)

7. O.J. Simpson on Marriage, Murder & the Seahawks

(22:18 – 25:00)

• O.J. jokes about marriage ending in “a bloodbath,” and needing Zero Res to clean up the evidence.
• Glibly references his own infamous past and murder trial.
• Selects the Seahawks for the Super Bowl, noting their “slashing style” and advising to “step on the throat.”

Quote:

“From my experience [marriage], it starts out fine and then you gotta get Zero Res at your house cleaning up that patio because it is covered with blood.”
— O.J. Simpson (23:04)

8. Game Show Banter & Notable Improv Moments

(25:10 – 31:00)

• The tic-tac-toe game proceeds as callers Courtney and James try to claim squares by answering trivia posed by the impersonated celebrities.
• At (27:40), a riff on “impossible to sneeze in your sleep” leads to penis “sneezing” jokes.
• The Mahomes square (29:11): digresses into jokes about “The Muppet Show” and banjo-playing in Kansas City.

Quote:

“Sometimes my penis sneezes in its sleep.”
— Bernie Sanders (27:54)

9. Closing & Aftermath (Bonus Bernie and Trump Banter)

(31:05 – End)

• Bernie returns with lewd “riddled with STDs” jokes (one for each state, “plus Puerto Rico for Bad Bunny”).
• Bitter rants about the Super Bowl halftime show with Bad Bunny, dreams of deportation, and mocking Puerto Rico.
• Trump and Bernie trade barbs about Epstein’s island, “young islands,” and being able to get away with anything as a celebrity.
• Final send-off with mentions of upcoming giveaways and thanks to sponsors and listeners.

Quote:

“I’ve got 50 STDs—plus Puerto Rico. That’s for Bad Bunny. Bad Bunny’s gonna ruin the Super Bowl, by the way.”
— Bernie Sanders (31:38)

Notable Quotes

• Bernie Sanders:
  “Tap my wood, and white syrup flows out all over your wife’s pancakes.” (05:02)
• Morgan Freeman:
  “Every story you had ended up back in slave time—the golden years!” (07:24)
• Donald Trump:
  “I can get away with everything now. It's amazing. I'm gonna go do more Jungle Book videos with the Obama.” (33:10)
• O.J. Simpson:
  “Marriage—in my experience, it ends terribly. It's a bloodbath, really.” (23:04)

Timestamps for Key Moments

• Bernie’s Orgasmatron: 02:20 – 06:00
• Morgan/Brady Race Banter: 06:05 – 08:24
• Trump’s Tirade: 08:34 – 11:10
• Mahomes Family & Super Bowl bits: 11:30 – 14:54
• Colonel Brady & Rodney: 15:07 – 18:32
• Shannon Sharpe Riffs: 18:54 – 21:20
• O.J. Simpson’s Advice: 22:18 – 25:00
• Game Show Banter & Trivia: 25:10 – 31:00
• Bernie and Trump Closing Bits: 31:05 – End

Tone & Takeaway

The episode is a rapid-fire, R-rated roast blending sports satire, gallows humor, and parodic social commentary. The show treads the line between edgy and outrageous, relying on the established chemistry of the hosts and their willingness to lampoon sensitive topics in the guise of celebrity impressions. The overall energy is unfiltered and rambunctious—listeners who enjoy shock comedy, irreverent parody, and inside jokes about sports and politics will find this episode particularly packed.

Listen for:

• Clever parody and improvisation
• Super Bowl prognostications gone absurd
• Edgy takes on race, politics, and celebrity culture
• Outlandish game show trivia and banter

Warning:
Content is highly irreverent and not for the easily offended!