02-09-26 - CONDENSED SHORT SHOW - MONDAY - Holmbergs Morning Sickness 98 KUPD

Summary

Podcast Summary: Holmberg's Morning Sickness – Condensed Short Show (02-09-26)

Podcast: Holmberg's Morning Sickness (98KUPD, Arizona)
Hosts: John Holmberg, Brady Bogen, Bret Vesely, Dick Toledo
Air Date: February 9, 2026
Episode: Condensed Short Show - Monday

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Overview

This fast-paced, condensed edition of "Holmberg’s Morning Sickness" centers on the hosts' signature irreverent banter about pop culture, the Super Bowl halftime show, commercial critiques, ongoing societal trends, and candid discussions on relationships. The show blends biting humor with Arizona-centric observations, audience interactions, and reflections on current events.

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Key Discussion Points and Insights

1. Super Bowl Halftime Show with Bad Bunny (01:10–05:55)

• Initial Reaction:
  Hosts discuss the controversial Bad Bunny halftime performance, noting some perceive criticism as racially tinged due to his performing in Spanish, but John clarifies it’s a matter of accessibility and cultural reach, not bigotry.
• Audience Reception:
  John recounts, “I watched the whole thing... It's an awful lot to ask 90% of America to enjoy a foreign language film, which is essentially what they threw in front of us, without subtitles.” (01:29)
  The crowd at his Super Bowl party was disengaged unless they were Spanish speakers, highlighting cultural divides in mainstream entertainment.
• Wider Context:
  The NFL’s push for international audiences is discussed, focusing on potential expansion into Mexico City and Brazil, contrasting America's monolingual arrogance and international aspirations.

2. NFL Globalization & American Attitudes (04:07–05:55)

• Conversation on Language and Perception:
  America’s tendency to expect all entertainment to be in English and the condescending attitude toward non-native speakers are critiqued: “We are condescending jerks about you not speaking our language.” (04:34)
• Host Comment:
  “Telemundo probably had a through the moon night,” John jokes about the divide in audience enjoyment (05:51).

3. Viral News: Savannah Guthrie Kidnapping Plea vs. Movie Script (07:06–14:40)

• John's “Alex Jones” Rant:
  John launches into a tongue-in-cheek conspiracy over Savannah Guthrie’s TV plea for her missing mother, claiming her statements eerily mirror the senator’s script from Silence of the Lambs (07:49–09:31).
  Notable Quote: “We're robbing movies to have emotional pleas to kidnappers.” (08:44)
• Hosts Compare Line Delivery:
  John plays both Guthrie’s plea and the film clip, mocking the simulation-like repetition and referencing Hollywood templates for real-life tragedies.
• Discussion of Sincerity and Media Tropes:
  “Does that not make you guys go, wait a minute? ... You can't have template FBI talk. Because then it's just like... they're working with the FBI.” (10:31)
  The hosts riff on the idea that real events are increasingly staged or borrowed from pop culture, blurring authenticity.

4. Super Bowl Commercials Recap (17:04–27:30)

• Overview and Favorites:
  • Jurassic Park internet spoof (“if they had better Internet, it never would have gone sideways” – John, 17:04)
  • State Farm/Jon Bon Jovi ad
  • AI-powered Dunkin’ Donuts/Goodwill Hunting spot (creeped some out due to uncanny valley effects)
  • Manscaped (grossed out the group, but memorable)
• Humor on Prostate Exam & Medical Ads:
  Candid, absurd talk on ads about men’s health, including honest confessions of trauma and skepticism about medical exams:
  “It’s a medical conspiracy to have doctors have one last piece of power over you... It is. It’s rape, is what it is.” (18:56)
• Patriotism and Ad Demographics:
  Discussion of the Budweiser Clydesdale & eagle ad, tied to "redneck culture" and how symbolism speaks primarily to “overweight white people,” with John humorously cautioning not to get upset over generalizations.

5. Listener Letters: Sexless Marriage and Infidelity Dilemma (29:36–39:36)

• Reader Email on Sexless Marriage:
  A man describes his “pretty sexless” marriage, being caught using a hooker, and asks for advice.
• Hosts' Advice:
  • Brady: “Cash only.” (30:11)
  • John: “If Brady’s telling you how to pay hookers, you’re bad at getting hookers.” (30:14)
  • John & team debate whether to stay for money or cut losses and pay the “millions” in divorce (31:15–32:51).
  • Advice includes getting creative with finances, considering emotional realities (she doesn’t like you), and referencing pop culture (Stella got her groove back...not with the guy she left, but a new fling).
• Broader Reflection:
  John empathizes with women eventually becoming uninterested in sex, humorously applying the same logic to himself: “You see me walking around with my shirt off. Ew. He looks like E.T.” (36:54)

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Notable and Memorable Quotes

• On cultural accessibility and the halftime show:
  “It's an awful lot to ask 90% of America to enjoy a foreign language film, which is essentially what they threw in front of us, you know, without subtitles.” – John Holmberg (01:29)
• Mocking politics/media borrowing movies:
  “The simulation is broken. We're robbing movies to have emotional pleas to kidnappers.” – John Holmberg (08:44)
• Medical skepticism:
  “It’s a medical conspiracy to have doctors have one last piece of power over you... It is. It’s rape, is what it is.” – John Holmberg (18:56)
• Relationships:
  “She doesn't like you. She hates you. Otherwise, she'd try. And her attempts to try don't outweigh how much she doesn’t want to do it.” – John Holmberg (34:36)
• On male “shelf life” in marriage:
  “Would you look at you and go, yeah, that's a good 20 years’ worth of awesome blow jobs? I'd quit on you, too.” – John Holmberg (35:32)
• Pop culture as a coping mechanism:
  Joking about Savannah Guthrie: “Talk to her and you'll see. And once she hit that line, I'm like, well, that's the senator. Then my brain goes, ‘Toughens the nipple, like, can't. I can't be empathetic and think of Hannibal Lecter.’” – John Holmberg (12:40)

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Important Timestamps

| Timestamp | Segment/Topic | |------------|-------------------------------------------------| | 01:10 | Super Bowl halftime, Bad Bunny debate | | 04:07 | NFL global ambitions, language culture | | 07:06 | Savannah Guthrie “kidnapping plea” analysis | | 17:04 | Super Bowl 2026 ad critique | | 29:36 | Listener letter: Sexless marriage dilemma | | 36:29 | Real talk: “Shelf life” of intimacy in marriage | | 38:49 | “Takeaway” advice & closing jokes |

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Tone & Style

• Original Language/Tone:
  Sarcastic, edgy, self-deprecating, unscripted, and quick-witted. The humor is sometimes crude, with host John Holmberg playfully pushing boundaries and relying heavily on cultural references, impersonations, and audience participation.

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Summary for New Listeners

If you missed the show, you’ll get their quintessential razor-sharp, sometimes shocking takes on pop culture and personal relationships. Expect offbeat perspectives on current events, the American psyche, and honest (if humorously bleak) relationship advice—all delivered with the comic camaraderie that’s made Holmberg's Morning Sickness Arizona’s top-rated morning show.

Transcript

[Brett Vesely]

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[Comedy Announcer]

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[John Holmberg]

Sickness. You've been deceived by an agent of Satan himself. Fun to watch. And then, of course, everybody's screaming and yelling about the halftime show, which I think everybody made up their mind before they saw it. And there will be people who will pretend you're racist, and some of you are that didn't want Bad Bunny to perform because he's not going to sing in English. It could have been entertaining. Look, I watched the whole thing. I thought to myself, this might be good, but it's an awful lot to ask 90% of America to enjoy a foreign language film, which is essentially what they threw in front of us, you know, without subtitles. So you're like, maybe this is good, maybe this isn't. I don't understand. You know, I'm Swedish, right? So if they put a Swedish Life. If Per Korkaku was up there singing in Swedish, I'd be like, it's my heritage. But I don't know what they're doing. I don't. Everybody sat quietly. I got texts from people who were at the game like just kind of scanning across while Bad Bunny was singing and the music's going in the background. Nobody's kind of like, I don't know what this is. It doesn't make you racist to hate it. It just makes you. You're watching a foreign language film and try to. Try to find excitement in that.

[Brady]

With most people, not one per. There's probably six people in the room at our place, at our party.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brady]

But I think it was one of the. His first time that halftime that I heard he. He better do this song.

[John Holmberg]

No one ever again. You were. And he's a wildly successful performer. The dude has got, you know, and. And evidently it, you know, if it's not what you listen to. I don't listen. I sing along to songs I. I like. I can't like. I don't like Rammstein. Like the German ones. I skip them for the most part. A couple of them I'll go through because I just find them hysterical. But I. I don't know Bad Bunny's songs. And I don't know that they're mass. Mass appeal enough to have people bouncing in their chairs. It looked like a fun thing. The wedding was a cool idea.

[Brady]

It was real.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brady]

And he signed the marriage.

[John Holmberg]

The cool part about that was they invited him to the wedding. And he said, how about this? They just goof said, we'll just send an invite to Bad Bunny. He got it. And he said, what if I do this for you? So he actually did get married on the field, which is a neat idea. And it seemed, you know what, it seemed light hearted. It seemed kind of fun. I think people were angry going in. So they're gonna hate it right away.

[Brady]

It was cool the way they kind of filmed it.

[John Holmberg]

It was. Yeah. But again, we were at the. We were downtown at Copper Blues and no one dancing, bobbing their heads, nothing. Just kind of staring. There was a table of people who clearly spoke Spanish. Really enjoying it. I'm like, okay, if that's the target audience, you've accidentally politicized this with half of the country thinking that it's against them. And I think that was the big thing. I think people saw the Bad Bunny thing as being against them rather than, you know, pro America. Puerto Rico, it's America, but it's the.

[Brady]

Language a lot of people don't realize too is. I mean, Goodell during, you know, some of the interviews talked again, talked about the expansion.

[John Holmberg]

Right. He wants to be international.

[Brady]

Yep.

[John Holmberg]

And Mexico is a target. And that is a huge target. It's a great big 20 million person city that they're looking at Mexico City, saying there's a ton of money down here.

[Brady]

Wouldn't be that hard to get games down there. You know, throwing it off. I mean, we're doing.

[John Holmberg]

No.

[Brady]

How many? Three or four or two.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, you get a couple down to Brazil. I mean they're trying to get everything. And I, you know, I get it, I get it. But America is not. We're kind of notorious for we speak slowly to people who speak multiple languages as if they're stupid when they're trying to learn English. We're like, listen to me. Oh. Like we, we are condescending jerks about you not speaking our language. But it is our language and we, you know, so I see why people like, well, listen, I'm just not even going to try. It makes you feel kind of dumb and out of touch and people want to make it about, you know, the trans thing. That's, that's you making up your mind way before. He didn't do anything like that. And fairness to Bad Bunny, he didn't. I didn't. I did not see politics. They tried to say that that little boy, which I found was hysterical, was the five year old detained by ICE a couple weeks ago. And like, no, the news had to like stop it. Everybody online. No, that's not because they wanted it to be political. Like there's a whole faction of people going get them and a whole bunch of them saying he's gonna do this. It was meh all the way around. I just thought it was kind of remember the, the, you know, I mean that was one of the best super bowl halftime shows ever. But Dr. Dre and Snoop and that how the room just bounced.

[Brett Vesely]

Dancing, singing along.

[John Holmberg]

Place was going crazy. And that's what we kind of look for with those mass shows. And nobody was singing. Everybody was kind of there. Telemundo probably had a through the moon night. Visit Homebird's morning sickness [e-mail] well, it's.

[Dick Toledo]

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[John Holmberg]

Holmberg's Morning Sickness. We can get into the. Well, let's get into the Savannah Guthrie thing for a second, because I am. Here we go. Here's my Alex Jones turning bright red. I'm getting a little fat. I don't know what. I'll eat your ass.

[Comedy Announcer]

We just offer our children up to the system with the fluoride, the water and the gmo.

[John Holmberg]

I've been saying it for a little bit.

[Comedy Announcer]

Let fat perverts grab them at the airport to train them for the pedophile government.

[John Holmberg]

Thank you, Alex. I've been saying the Savannah Guthrie thing doesn't pass the smell test for a while. And I don't know what it is. I don't know where I'm right and where I'm wrong with this. Here is Savannah Guthrie's plea to the kidnappers on TV the other day. Are you ready?

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Here's her plea. Now, this is sad. Her mother's missing. This is not, you know. Here's her plea.

[Savannah Guthrie]

She is full of kindness and knowledge. Talk to her and you'll see.

[John Holmberg]

All right. Here's the senator from Silence of the Lambs in 1991 talking about her daughter in the. Well.

[Savannah Guthrie]

Catherine is very gentle and kind. Talk to her and you'll see.

[Brady]

Wow.

[Brett Vesely]

What the.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, yeah, real quick.

[Brady]

Those are common lines.

[John Holmberg]

Okay, real quick.

[Savannah Guthrie]

She is full of kindness and knowledge. Talk to her and you'll see.

[John Holmberg]

Senator love the city.

[Savannah Guthrie]

Catherine is very gentle and kind. Talk to her, and you'll see it's.

[John Holmberg]

Delivered the same way.

[Brady]

Oh, yeah.

[John Holmberg]

The simulation is broken. We're. We're robbing movies to have emotional pleas to kidnappers. And I know Savannah Guthrie's going through a thing.

[Brady]

I'm watching it. Okay. I like that line.

[John Holmberg]

That's the thing that's, like, just so weird.

[Brady]

That is Weird.

[John Holmberg]

Did you breastfeed your babies? Toughens the nipples. I mean, what are we doing? This one got me. When I saw this, I was. I'm a Silence of the Lamb super fan. I know the whole movie front to back. And when she said it, I'm like.

[Savannah Guthrie]

Oh, she is full of kindness and knowledge. Talk to her and you'll see. Catherine is very gentle and kind.

[John Holmberg]

It's so weird.

[Savannah Guthrie]

Talk to her and you'll see.

[John Holmberg]

It's just so weird. Does that not make you guys go, wait a minute. Maybe it's just me. Maybe I'm turning bright red and getting fat and figured everything's fake. I can't imagine that someone, if I figured it out, someone didn't sit back and say, hey, a little tight. With the Silence of the Lamb's plea to jame gum to let the little heirs out of the well.

[Brady]

I mean, now, in the movie, was the senator coached to say that by the.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, they had a thing. Of course. Yes.

[Brady]

That's what I'm saying.

[John Holmberg]

So come on. But come on. It's like saying, hi, ho, Silver. It might be the first time you're saying it's popular, but we know where it comes from. You can't quote something and act like some people aren't going to pick that up. You have to deviate and be original. You can't have template FBI talk. Because then it's just like, okay, they're working with the FBI. I mean, if I'm telling you this works, if I'm a kidnapper, I'm like, oh, this was from Silence of the Lambs. They're going, this isn't an emotional plea. This is a script.

[Brady]

They're gonna hit you with a script.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, they're gonna hit you with a script. It doesn't matter to them. Don't worry about it.

[Brett Vesely]

First, Hollywood's out of ideas. Now the politics are out of ideas, too.

[John Holmberg]

And the key. Yeah, the guy said they even made Savannah sort of look like her from the movie. Yeah, they gave her, like, the. And then I got all you people. John, you're starting to see it. I know. I don't necessarily want to go down that road. That's where it is, where all the fluorides are. It's where the chemtrails. I found that.

[Brady]

That is spot on.

[John Holmberg]

It's weird. And maybe it is a template, but that makes it worse because then it's not emotional or personal or anything else. And then after that is said in the movie, they cut to the girls of the FBI and she Goes, ah, Making it personal. That's smart. Making her a human. Like you're doing the same exact thing. You're hoping that the kidnapper see her as a human being and not just a product. Starting to see it now. They're starting to steal from movies. Everything is a movie. They're wagging the dog.

[Brady]

You got one by me. I mean, I didn't put the two and two together.

[John Holmberg]

Well, no, not a lot of people would. But I happen to be a super fan of that movie to where, if you give me a line from it, I'm gonna give you the next three. Like, I have that thing memorized. I love that movie. And that's Senator Harris. And she's an impassioned plea for what we then found out was Jane Gumm keeping her in a well. Senator. Love the soup. Yeah, his name is Lewis. Friend stands about 5, 11 inches tall. Said he was from Philadelphia, but he could have lied. Yeah, it's. It's a weird thing to me that that exists. And maybe it's a coincidence, maybe it's not, but it sure did look awfully choreographed, and not in a creative way.

[Brady]

Good delivery.

[John Holmberg]

Watch this thing and say the same stuff. This is a great. This movie's fantastic. What, do they just sit down and watch Silence of the Lambs while they're waiting for Savannah's mom? Oh, we should do that. That's a good idea. Talk to her and you'll see. And once it. Once she hit that line, I'm like, well, that's the senator. Then my brain goes. Toughens the nipple, like, can't. I can't be. I can't be empathetic and think of Hannibal Lecter. Or as Trump calls him, the great Hannibal Lecter. It's just a man. It's weird. And, no, I don't want to just be part of this, but I don't want it to be fake. I don't want it to be something. I'm like, oh, what's this? It's just that seven o'. Clock. Got to give you another word. Raw R A W. You go onto our app, you find that little suite that feeds thing for the Nine Inch Nails concert. We'll give you raw for the seven o' clock hour. We're going to keep doing this every hour of the day, and then we're gonna give away suite tickets. I think we got six of them. Six pairs. Yeah, we're gonna fill that suite with KUPD listeners. Six pairs, and we'll give those away. That'd be great. David Vasquez. Says, I'm with you, John. Big booty to legal immigrants can stay. Everyone else get the out. That's from David Vasquez. That's a Mexican guy. That's not just me. I mean, if we have a standard for who can stay and who can't, it's them. Big booty. According to David Voska, he ain't rock crazy. Yeah, the world's just not normal. Did you watch the end? Scott ain't said, did you watch the end of the tape? When she looks into the camera and says, give me back my son. Like, oh, my God, it's the Mel Gibson movie. And then later she did one says, gotta get these snakes off this mother plane. Just quoting movies to try to get your mom back. It seems so insincere. Anyway, they got a five million dollar bounty that comes due tonight. The ransom is due tonight or else. And we don't know what the or.

[Brady]

Else one that they think is.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, the legit one. They say there's a time that will pass. How many ransom notes did they find? That's another thing. It's like we've got a couple that aren't real. Where were they? And how quick did somebody dick around and get a ransom note? It was pretty fast.

[Brady]

Didn't one go to a radio station and do something?

[John Holmberg]

I don't know, maybe, I don't know. But they're like, yeah, this one. The time will pass on that. Who knows?

[Brady]

Might have been a news station too.

[John Holmberg]

I, I, I hope that they find the lady and everybody's back in normal again. But this is just strange.

[Brett Vesely]

They went to Larry Mack in Tucson and Yeah.

[Larry Mack]

You get this to the authorities and. Okay, okay, okay.

[John Holmberg]

We can.

[Larry Mack]

Okay, it's kfmla. We're not stationed. It's Larry Mack down here. Tucson. Okay.

[John Holmberg]

All you people who are not familiar, go to Tucson and listen. That's dead on. We all do it. Okay.

[Larry Mack]

You've got a ransom. You're gonna kill somebody gets his mom. If you for four clock here at kfmoa, I'm gonna play a little wow. We're gonna play a little White Zombie. And then we're gonna see if we can get this ransom note taken care of.

[John Holmberg]

Okay? All right. On my jocks.

[Larry Mack]

I'm gonna need you to do something. We're gonna have to stop the Nine Inch Nails promotion. We're gonna do a little ransom note step.

[John Holmberg]

Okay.

[Larry Mack]

It's one of those really good ones too. Okay. With the, you know, letters, kind of a magazine.

[Brett Vesely]

Okay.

[Brady]

Good to have you back, partner.

[Larry Mack]

Hey, it's good to be here. That was Brady for a little while.

[John Holmberg]

Okay.

[Larry Mack]

John was gone. I filled in. Okay.

[John Holmberg]

Okay. Said her speech for the mom just made the kidnappers tuck their dicks between their legs and tell everybody they'd F themselves. Yeah, they're just recreating the movie. I don't want to be this cynical, but, man, you can't help it when it's put right in front of you. Like, we're not even trying anymore. Visit Holmberg's morning sickness [e-mail] Holmberg's Morning Sickness. Yeah. So you got. All right, let's get to the commercials thing yesterday with. With Louie not coming in, we can kind of go through our little list, and essentially, with a bad football game, you get bad ads. And it's not the ads fault. It's just people are bored while they go on and they're ranking the top 10. There were some that I enjoyed and some that I didn't care about. The one I liked the most was the Jurassic park one. I think that one kind of popped.

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Well, they basically said if they had better Internet, it never would have gone sideways, and it would have been a fun park that just would have been awesome for everyone. But you'd have never had the fences go down, the dinosaurs, which I find great.

[Brady]

And that was directed by Watiti.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, it was pretty good. That was a good one. And then you got the State Farm one, which was the Jon Bon Jovi thing at the end there, and picked everybody up.

[Brady]

And did you like the Goodwill hunting one?

[John Holmberg]

That creeped me out with all. With how great AI is. The Dunkin Donuts ad with all the thing, like, Sam Malone came out and it looked like Red Dead Redemption. Like, his eyes weren't.

[Brady]

Yeah, there was a couple of weird AI.

[John Holmberg]

I didn't like that.

[Brady]

Although I did like the ending when Aniston put Tom Brady's face against women.

[John Holmberg]

I guess I don't like to see him either. That's the one I don't.

[Brett Vesely]

There wasn't any that, like, without looking at the list that I'm like, oh, yeah, that was a great one.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, Pepsi was good there. The Ubereats ones are kind of funny. I like that they're doing that with, you know, that it's all about food.

[Brady]

The manscaped one grossed me out when the.

[John Holmberg]

When the pubes were talking to us. Yeah, that one got me too. But it. But you know what? I remembered it and I thought to myself at the end, oh, that one's gonna get me? Because it's. It grossed me out to the point where I'm like, manscape had a commercial. Like, I'll remember their name.

[Dick Toledo]

Did the loosen your tight end hit me because it's that age.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, I did watch that. It was the closest I'll ever get to having a prostate exam. When they did the loosen your tight end, it was funny. I'm still never going to do it because I think that that's a doctor's plan to finger me.

[Dick Toledo]

You don't have to.

[John Holmberg]

I know.

[Brady]

That's what the whole point of the commercial.

[John Holmberg]

Yes, you do. They want you to loosen your tight end. You're supposed to get fingered. And with all the technology we've got to look inside my body, you still have to finger me to find out if I'm sick.

[Dick Toledo]

It's a medical conspiracy to keep proct.

[John Holmberg]

It's a medical conspiracy to have doctors have one last piece of power over you, to just. It is. It's. It's. It's rape is what it is. And it's. It's unnecessary anymore.

[Dick Toledo]

Do they still cup your balls like.

[John Holmberg]

When we were a kid and you got the. If yes nicely.

[Dick Toledo]

Yeah, yeah.

[John Holmberg]

When you had to get your.

[Dick Toledo]

That's Robert Crab physical.

[John Holmberg]

I don't.

[Brady]

Turn your head and cough.

[John Holmberg]

I think they probably squeeze your nuts or something for a physical. I haven't had one for a while.

[Dick Toledo]

Has it been proven that it's effective?

[Brady]

Kenny?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, that. That is always looking. What do my balls do? I coughed and just like. Does one go balls like. Oh, you've got a herniated nut. I would have never known that. I've never had anybody go, I got a physical when I cough. Maybe, like, you feel a BB on your balls. But I feel my balls all the time, always on those things. So I'll notice a difference if there's something different. I'm going in. I don't want you to go digging around, Doctor. Bend over. I'm gonna finger you like. And I had a trauma with that. You know, I'm like one of those people who, like when they. Their kids, they had a traumatic experience and they fell under some ice when they were. And then they're afraid of water forever. That doctor, when I was 20, fingered me so hard, I shot out onto the table. I'm not going back for that.

[Brady]

Thought that was a good experience.

[John Holmberg]

Well, it was. Mentally, it was not. It was the Ohio State guy. And I'm like, I don't know.

[Brady]

That was a thorough physical.

[John Holmberg]

Necessary exam. All I told you was it hurts to pee. I had a UTI and he fingered me. Jim Jordan was your doctor until I. And I'm like, ah. And he goes, that'll happen. I'm like that. To me, it's never happened. That's the first. I mean, you're essentially that you just took my ass flower, so I don't want to go back and have that embarrassing thing again. I'm triggered so Ron Wolfley can yell at me all I want. Put the dress on. No, I'm not doing it. No. If my ass breaks, it stays broken. I'm doing all right. Everything keeps flowing. Your prostate might be a problem. I don't think so. My prostate is worn out. My prostate doesn't have time to get cancer. It's. It's being abused.

[Dick Toledo]

Taking breaths.

[John Holmberg]

My prostate is lucky. My prostate is like a. Like a professional wrestler. If you pulled it out and put it up, next time it would just be standing there like a little action figure. Like I am. Worked regularly. There's an apple.

[Dick Toledo]

You had one of those apple fitness trackers on your.

[John Holmberg]

That thing would be humming 10,000 steps. Yeah. They rank everybody on tonal. Like, there's thousands and tens of thousands of people on tunnel. And you can look and see where you stand. Like, how my workouts are doing. Like, how many I've done. I'd be in the top three with the prostate tonal. I think I'm like 14,000th place on tonal. I'd be third if it was for prostate work. Because, man, and sometimes during a workout, I'm like, let's put the prostate in on this for half of the. And then I'll get back to working out. Can't help it. I'm in soft shorts and starts rubbing around. Like, I gotta do something about this. Prostate is fine. My doctor would probably finger me and hit the prostate. Oh, my finger would break his finger. What is that in there? Told you not to touch it. It's angry. So, yeah, I'm not doing that. But that was the closest I've come from these handcuffs. Oh, yeah. Oh, no. It'll grab. It'll bite. It'll break your finger, right? And have she comes back in the bones. Told you, man.

[Geico Announcer]

Letting me go.

[John Holmberg]

Dude's a monster. I wouldn't mess with him. But that was as close as I've come to a prostate exam. I'm with you on that.

[Byron]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

There was the manscape. One was gross. There was a couple others.

[Brady]

Bud light keg rolling. Deal with.

[John Holmberg]

I skipped it.

[Brady]

And then I didn't see I saw it beforehand. But the Budweiser ad where the Clydesdale.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. And the Eagle. That was awesome. That was so redneck. Cool.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Like there was something so incredibly.

[Brady]

That's amazing. Merc.

[John Holmberg]

White trash. Awesome. About a Bud Heavy Heaven and Clydesdales come over and rescue baby Eagle. It's like, my God, Pegasus. Is him off of his bag. Like, oh, my God. An eagle riding a horse. I am in heaven. That was so cool.

[Dick Toledo]

What about the waste of money Coinbase did.

[John Holmberg]

Which one was that?

[Brady]

It was just.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, yeah, it was the Backstreet Boys karaoke.

[Dick Toledo]

Brett and I were like, is the DJ doing this?

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah.

[Brady]

Until at the end, you're like, what?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, I didn't. I didn't get that one. Brett pointed out the Cliff Booth movie from Once Upon a Time in Hollywood. The trailer for that looked like that was the thing that. I'm probably walking away going. That has my attention more than all the rest. There was a couple.

[Brady]

I thought the Mandalorian. I think it's Netflix, was like a. Is that a joke?

[John Holmberg]

It's a movie, right?

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Movie too. Yeah. I, you know, I've got a few. The meta glasses, I wrote them down. A meta glasses was good. The exploding head energy drink from Liquid Death was like, all right, that's clever. But I didn't think it was super bowl great. Visit Homeburg's morning sickness [e-mail] Holmberg's Morning Sickness. It's time for. Oh, by the way, I got this email before we get going. It says, john, FYI, because of what I said about the eagle flying on that. The most redneck awesome thing I've ever seen. FYI, patriotism shouldn't be tied to white trash and the military. Some of the black and Latino soldiers were the most patriotic. And they loved that commercial with the eagle on the back. Just FYI, liberal media wants you to think white patriotic equals racist. Back to the fart jokes. All right, jl, I agree that that's true. But let's be realistic here and tell me right now what race is buying the T shirt with a horse as an eagle riding it. It's going to be white people in Alabama and it's a funny shirt. It's going to be sold at Walmart. It's going to. And there will be a few. Look, if you can't hear the example, as the averages have outliers on either end. So if you know a guy who goes against the trend, that's what an average is. There's people on this Side. There's people on this side, but the majority meet in the middle. Most people with a horse on their shirt and an eagle's riding a horse. Found overweight white people. And that's fine. I think it's redneck. Awesome. If I saw a fat dude who had a horse with an eagle riding it on his shirt, I could pretty much describe it. We play that. What color is it? Yeah, yeah, come on. He was spotted. If they're looking for a missing person and they said, not real sure the details of him, but he was last seen with a Clydesdale Horse had an eagle on its back. Like, it's a fat white guy. There's no. There's nobody out there. And would be surprising, albeit possible that it would be a Latino or a black guy. But the odds are really stacked against you there. If I'm fandueling or Vegas odd in that it is 2 to 1. It's a fat white, But I'm gonna throw odds out there that it's possible it's 10 to 1 that a brother put on the Clydesdale Budweiser heavy shirt with an eagle flying on it. And come on. That touched my inner white in a big way. I mean, it's very possible that old English forties could have done a commercial with a horse with an eagle on its back. And white people would have been like, I don't like that beer. But God damn, is that the coolest. Still wouldn't have targeted that audience properly. It's the reason why Billy Dee Williams did colt 45 and not horses and eagles.

[Brady]

They grew up together.

[John Holmberg]

John, it was beautiful. Oh, it was touching. It got me. I didn't know that was an eagle. When the little. When the little cult found like, oh, little bird fell and he's standing in the rain. Oh, oh, that little guy. He's out there. Oh, poor fellow. And then the horse went and stood over him like, I'm gonna protect this foundational member of American society, this representation of freedom. And the horse saved it. And the eagle was grateful and taught him to fly. It was the best part. He didn't have a mother, put it on his back, said, I'll run, you jump off and flap. Like, the horse knew the horse mud. The horse knew your job is to fly. Eagle. And then that majestic shot of him jumping that. Oh, my God, My inner hillbilly went bananas. Budweiser. Like, I lost it. And I gotta give Native Americans. They would wear that shirt too. Ironically, a Budweiser shirt with a horse and an eagle on it. That's that is, that's what you wear when you lose all your clothes and you have to go to the truck stop to buy stuff.

[Brady]

Clydesdale chewed up that chipmunk and fed the eagle. It was.

[John Holmberg]

I didn't see that part. I missed that part.

[Brady]

They cut it. Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Good. But yeah, the. If you, yeah, if you, if your luggage is lost and like, well, there's a Walmart down the street, you're gonna come out of there with one of those shirts and a pair of red shorts and then you gotta wait for your luggage to get found. But don't yell at me about. I know black people and Latinos can be patriotic towards hillbilly stuff too, but the majority of people are fat whites that like that. When I watch OP Live next and they're in Arkansas, the odds of a fat white guy getting out of that Honda that smells like weed and Hazen are going to walk towards the cops camera and you're going to see that shirt. Not happening. So don't yell at me about the outliers. We get it. That's what averages are. I know a guy who's got. All right, you know one guy. That's an average. That's. Of course they're, they're out there. Doesn't make the, doesn't make the average change. That argument drives me nuts. Visit Holmberg's Morning sickness online at 98kupd.comberg's Morning Sickness. You're gonna like this one. Says, can you solve my problem? Brady? My wife and I have been pretty sexless for about a year. I say pretty sexless because on Christmas I got a don't care BJ and a bent over sex doll. She barely moved. I asked her at the end, I said, were you satisfied? Did you finish? And she said, I don't even know if I can do that anymore. So she's clearly not interested and she controls the sex in this life completely. So frustrated. I got caught last month because I paid a girl $300 for sex and she was beautiful. Stripper. I've never done it before, but here's the mistake I made. I charged it. What an idiot. My wife has control of the bills and stuff and noticed the charge and it was pretty clear she made contact, asked the girl what she did, found out my wife has a part time job. I have completely provided for her for years. I'm not mad at her for not wanting to have sex, but she's mad at me for wanting it elsewhere. And now she says that she'll never sleep with me. Again, because I have hep C, which I don't. She's just assuming that because of my sex worker. What do I do to fix this mess? I cannot divorce her. It will cost me millions. That's no joke. And I know I'm not alone. Solve this problem for all men. Signed Yarborough. All right, dummy, you're caught again. Your name is Yarborough. You're the only one. You charged the. You charged the hook.

[Brady]

Maybe that's why we saying that.

[John Holmberg]

Yes. Maybe it's a fake name.

[Brady]

Yeah, but not knowing how I got.

[John Holmberg]

Caught, you're not the most discreet person, Yarborough.

[Brady]

Yes, I can fix it. Cash only.

[John Holmberg]

Well, yeah, get your prostitutes and cash Brady's. If Brady's telling you how to pay hookers, you're bad at getting hookers.

[Brady]

That's a tough one because if he says, how can I fix this thing? And she's threatening not to give him sex, I think that's. I think that one that boat has left.

[John Holmberg]

You're not getting it doesn't matter. I think you have to pay. You have to pay the millions and get out of it.

[Brett Vesely]

Cordone. Cordone.

[Brady]

Yeah, Sounds like that she's hanging in there and saying, I'm fine with the way the situation is.

[Brett Vesely]

That's what she's doing.

[John Holmberg]

That's up to you. How about this? Find out. He says you got a part time job, so she's working a little bit. Find out what she can't afford and stop paying for it. Just say, I don't want to do that anymore. I don't think I do that anymore. You know, like, I don't know, maybe she's got some sort of. Like, maybe she gets her hair done every week for a few hundred bucks or something like that. You know, Take away something that you provide to her because obviously it's not the D. Right? Yeah, because she doesn't want that anymore. But she's happy with you giving her all this lifestyle.

[Brady]

Well, that won't matter. I mean, why he's. Because he's the one that does not want the divorce because the financial.

[John Holmberg]

No, I know, but if she's taking something away from him that she's supposed to provide and that's a controlling, manipulative thing, then you do the same back and say, well, I don't pay for hair and makeup anymore. What? Yeah, that charges over. Or if you've got her name on a credit card, go, nah, this one's mine now, and you go get your own.

[Brett Vesely]

But they're married, though.

[John Holmberg]

I know. I know, but it's going to be a tough one.

[Byron]

But you.

[Dick Toledo]

Here's something away.

[Brady]

Yeah, you could do that. But one. Once you figure out why everything is shut down to begin with, at least.

[John Holmberg]

Find out, like, if you fall out love.

[Brady]

Are we.

[Brett Vesely]

Does it matter?

[Brady]

Are we done? Sure. If you want to stay together or if you don't. You know, I mean, do you want to stay together?

[John Holmberg]

She's basically holding him hostage for the money.

[Brett Vesely]

It's like, why did the Titanic sink? It doesn't matter. It's down there.

[John Holmberg]

Who cares, right?

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Once you solve that two pieces.

[Brett Vesely]

Well, there you go.

[John Holmberg]

He's gonna get half. Get split in half.

[Brady]

Split.

[John Holmberg]

Titanic is the ultimate divorce.

[Brett Vesely]

Amara says start moving those assets to other people or shell companies. Start now.

[John Holmberg]

Start manipulating the cash. Yeah, all right. I don't know if that's a thing. Yeah, that's a tough one.

[Brady]

It is a tough one because I.

[John Holmberg]

Think a lot of dudes are in that spot. Or you just. You know what? Just be fair. Say you don't like me, I don't like you, and cut the check.

[Brett Vesely]

Might as well.

[John Holmberg]

That's a tough one.

[Brady]

Look, we're gonna be floating in August anyway when we have that.

[John Holmberg]

That's a good point. You only got a couple months till. And plus Elon Musk said we don't even need money in a few years. You're good. Or like Brady said, if you're happy with or otherwise and everything's going well and you're not mad, maybe find out.

[Brady]

The problem with it.

[John Holmberg]

Prostitutes. Ah, you know what? It's not worth it. Embarking up there and then you got spend more money going to I don't know what.

[Brady]

Well, the problem is he's got the. He got caught.

[John Holmberg]

This guy said. Pretty simple for this guy. She can divorce him without his. Anyway, it's gonna happen now that you're making time to start selling stocks on the down low and putting money on the side while you're married. You can do that and act like the money was lost in Vegas or something. Start lying and protecting Yarborough. That's right. Yarborough. Can you get this dude to send a contact for that hep c free hooker he's been using, asking for a friend. Yeah, it's expensive. But you know what? Find out how those people took Nancy Guthrie and see if maybe we combine the email before and get her abducted. Yeah, run one of those scams. I don't know. I watch a lot of dateline episodes and dudes who get into these pickles Usually do something real stupid.

[Brady]

His wife, it's like, I think about, what does she plan on doing in the future? Finance.

[John Holmberg]

Well, that's the thing.

[Brady]

When you.

[John Holmberg]

When you dish her, she's gonna become a sex fiend for the next.

[Brady]

She's gonna get back on the horse in order to.

[John Holmberg]

She has to.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

She don't want to be with you. That's the problem. She doesn't like you. She does not like you. You gotta drill that through your head. She likes what you provide her. She likes the life. She doesn't like you. She hates you. Otherwise, she'd try. And her attempts to try don't outweigh how much she doesn't want to do it. Yarborough's screwed big time. Since I know a couple homeboys in Maryville. Take a white woman. We're not gonna get this lady kidnapped. This is. This is where Dateline kicks in. This is what a man's brain goes to. And it's one of the first five thoughts. I wonder if I can get her kidnapped or killed. No, no. Don't Dateline this. You know, it's a sad thing. If I was a woman, I think.

[Brady]

After a certain time. Learn from Tim Lambesis. It doesn't work.

[John Holmberg]

Doesn't work.

[Brady]

Right.

[John Holmberg]

Think about it, Brady. You look in the mirror every. Every morning. I look in the mirror every morning. Brett, you look in the mirror every morning. What do you think the shelf life is for a person who has to blow us before they're sick of it? Think of it like, would you look at you and go, yeah, that's a good 20 years worth of awesome blow jobs. I. I'd quit on you, too. I wouldn't want to do that. Last thing I want from you after 20 years of knowing you, you laying on me. Get off of me. Is that. What was that?

[Brett Vesely]

That's me.

[John Holmberg]

The British kidney failed, so I can't blame women for looking at us eventually going, that's about enough of that. Revel says, this guy needs to take the OJ route. Cut that bitch in half before she does it to you. You guys are horrible. Yeah. I look at you and I'm like, maybe the first year or two, you're fun, but after a while, you getting on top of me is just awful. And I. I feel the same way about me. I can't imagine anybody wanting me on top of them. It's horrifying.

[Brady]

This Belichick's girl, you know, that'll kick in eventually.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, yeah. I mean, come on. But again, she's got her own dough.

[Brady]

Now she's done. All right?

[John Holmberg]

Eventually, she's gonna get tired of blowing Bill Belichick. You know, there's a certain time, and it's mostly women. They look at you just go, I'm not. That's gross. You're gross. Brett.

[Brett Vesely]

I'm not questioning. I'm just rolling with the punches.

[John Holmberg]

I don't think ma want you to roll over on top of her. Probably get something out of it still. But they all. They're all that way eventually. It's like, I can't imagine Ronnie's 20 years old. Megan, 20. It's like, gross. You see me walking around with my shirt off. Ew. He looks like E.T. and they'd say they're not visual creatures, but they are. You're disgusting, and so am I. I don't blame you ladies. But you can't blame us either for throwing three Benji's down on some prostitute without AJFC and saying, I gotta get this off my system. Think of it as a gift. Yarborough say, look, I know you don't want me rolling around on top of ya, so I'm. I'm kicking in. I'm spending 300 bucks to make it so you don't have to do that. It's just doing the jobs you won't do. And then it goes back to that honesty thing again. They don't really want you to be honest. You're like, hey, you're not having sex with me, so I'm gonna hire someone to do that. Just like having a maid. You don't want to clean the house, so we have a girl do that same thing. How dare you? Like, no, it's not. How dare you? You've taken it away. So I'm gonna go ahead and bang this hooker. Is that okay?

[Brett Vesely]

Mark said. He said she's already running the finances for the house. Guess what? She pulling money to the side, and it's only a matter of time before she leaves your ass.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Starts having sex with somebody she wants.

[Brady]

I think she. You know, I don't know if he can control that situation or make it better.

[John Holmberg]

That's done. You're done, Yarbrough. You're done.

[Brett Vesely]

Or take her on a romantic cruise. People fall off those boats all the time.

[John Holmberg]

They fall in love, they say, and they can cry on TV and stuff. And then all that sympathy poon starts with rolling in. Don't kill her, but, you know, put her in some precarious situations. Let's go hiking. Let's. Let's go off trail. It's 9:35.

[Brady]

Sometimes the takeaway could work.

[John Holmberg]

What do you mean?

[Brady]

Like we're not working out.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, well, then she'll try hard. But that's just a temporary.

[Brady]

Temporary.

[John Holmberg]

Or I suppose then you'd have to keep going back to that. She doesn't like you. You know that. Stella gets her groove back. It's not with the dude she was with that goes stagnant. She acts like it's your fault. A year later she's in Jamaica taking d like nobody's business. Even though a year ago she was like, I don't think I like this anymore. She didn't like you. Your name is yarborough. You know how hard that is to scream during an orgasm? Yarborough? Choking. Are you alright? I hope you got a nickname. There you go, everybody. That is what Brady did and you kind of fixed it. Except for yarborough. He's screwed. There's nothing we can do.

[Brady]

She's like eating at the Y.

[John Holmberg]

What? Oh, she's gonna be a lesbian.

[Brady]

No, Yarborough.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, Jesus Christ. Yeah, I was closing it up. All right, that's enough. We're done. It's not weird.

[Brady]

It's pretty cool, actually.

[John Holmberg]

No membership fee. I have heard enough of this.

[Geico Announcer]

I'm here on the job site with Dale, who's a framing contractor.

[John Holmberg]

Hey, good morning.

[Geico Announcer]

Dale traded up to geico commercial auto insurance for all his business vehicles. We're here where he needs us most.

[John Holmberg]

Yep, they sure are.

[Geico Announcer]

We make it easy for him to save on all his insurance needs. All in one place with coverage that fits his business and bottom line. Oh, I shouldn't have looked down.

[Brett Vesely]

It's all right.

[Geico Announcer]

We're so far up here.

[John Holmberg]

Look at me. Take a deep breath. I'm good.

[Geico Announcer]

Good.

[John Holmberg]

So good. Get a commercial auto insurance quote [e-mail] and see how much you could save. It feels good. To geico.