02-10-26 - FULL SHOW - TUESDAY - Holmbergs Morning Sickness 98 KUPD

Summary

Holmberg’s Morning Sickness – Arizona

Podcast: 98KUPD | Hubbard Radio

Episode: 02-10-26 – FULL SHOW – TUESDAY
Date: February 10, 2026

Overview

This episode jumps into the chaotic and humorous world of Holmberg’s Morning Sickness, steered by John Holmberg and his cast: Brady Bogen, Bret Vesely, Dick Toledo, Byron, and Lisa. The crew delivers banter that zigzags from the Winter Olympics and questionable Olympic medals, to the hazards of collectible obsession, gender roles, conspiracy theories, AI in music, and peculiar news stories. As always, expect wild tangents, sarcasm, crude laughs, and Arizona-specific flavor.

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Key Discussion Points and Insights

1. Olympics, Crappy Medals, and Eye Candy

• 00:53–13:35

• Olympic Fails: John opens with a rant about the poor quality of Olympic medals and venues in Italy. Podium collapses, medals breaking—“That's some low-level third world crap right there.” (John, 01:50)
• Eileen Gu Lovefest: Much time is spent ogling over skier Eileen Gu—her mixed heritage, model looks, and athletic feats. John admits he would "go full on Marxism" if Gu asked.
  • “If China produced more of that, I'd be a communist tomorrow.” (John, 07:04)
• Olympics Nostalgia: The team laments the loss of classic, un-curated Olympic TV, replaced by apps and subscriptions, and complains about constantly switching between obscure events.
• Skiing Skills: Gu's ability to ski backwards and execute gravity-defying tricks has the crew in awe, mocking traditional ski jumps as obsolete by comparison.

2. Collectibles, Obsession, and Red Flags

• 16:14–38:06

• Stranger Things Superfan: News of an Arizona man, Joey Avalos, who owns a world record 2,301 Stranger Things collectibles becomes a recurring punchline.
  • “You have just checked your dick out of the game from normal broads.” (John, 18:34)
  • “It's a red flag to every normal girl if you show a girl you just met...your Stranger Things memorabilia room.” (John, 19:23)
• Woman’s Stuff = Creepy Too: Recalling a woman who decorated her house entirely with Disney, John concludes obsessive collecting is a red flag regardless of gender.
• What's Socially Acceptable to Collect?: The crew debates the acceptability of sports memorabilia collections (“adds value to the home!”), but draws the line at pop culture shrines.
• Gender Reversal: The group notes men will often tolerate a woman’s odd collecting if she’s attractive; women’s tolerance inversely correlates with display level.

3. Currency, Gender, and Dating Realities

• 41:14–58:25

• Brutal Honesty on Dating: John facetiously breaks down why “vagina is currency”—emphasizing how men will date broke women if they’re attractive, but women rarely date broke men.
  • “A man's currency is currency. We have to have money ... to be valuable.” (John, 41:14)
• Email Debate and Confessions: A listener, Sarah, protests the idea that "vagina is currency," leading to several emails with the hosts defending the assertion in classic, over-the-top fashion.
• Rich Old Men and Power: The discussion shifts to how money transcends physical/age gaps for men, referencing Robert Kraft and “Fifty Shades of Grey”.

4. Conspiracy Corner

• 58:25–66:11

• Royal Family Theories: John predicts Prince Andrew will be killed off by the royal family to cover up for lingering Epstein-related scandals.
  • Consensus: “They gotta kill this dude and they know it.” (John, 64:27)
• Moon Landing & Princess Diana: Brady derails the talk into moon landing conspiracies; John claims growing skepticism. Princess Diana’s death = “most elaborate murder of my lifetime.” (John, 65:04)
• Michael Jackson’s Death: The crew wonders if even Michael Jackson was “Epstein’d.”

5. House Sitting Horror Stories

• 71:31–81:45

• Condom Catastrophe: The team reads a Slate advice column where a couple’s used condom left in a friend’s trash nearly caused a divorce—emphasizing the unspoken rules of house-sitting.
  • “You flush it. Or you put it in a baggie and you take it to your house. You don't leave it there.” (John, 72:18)
• Personal Confessions: Several at the table admit to “hazing” houses they were trusted to watch in their youth.

6. AI & Creativity: Music Gets the Robo Treatment

• 111:11–137:33

• AI Song Creation: The crew demonstrates how AI tools like Suno can take a goofy original (“Piss Ball Pete”) or impromptu lyrics (“No Blacks, No Blacks...”) and generate entire ragtime or punk-style songs.
  • “I can go back in and correct the time signature. I can go back in and make it the lyrics’ frenetic.” (Ronnie, 131:52)
• Prompt Hilarity: The team laughs over AI’s literal, sometimes offensive lyric interpretation. Wildly catchy 1930s-esque AI song samples are played on air.
• Playdio Impact: Some concern that next year’s music competitions will be flooded with AI-generated entries. “The ones and zeros are coming for us.” (John, 134:17)

7. Weird News Roundup & Bizarre Perps

• 95:53–110:51

• Fun Facts from Brady: Includes trivia about llama law in Georgia, origin of instant replay, Darth Vader’s breath sound trademark, and the oddest traffic laws.
• Pee Crimes & Mooning: Story of a paramedic urinating everywhere at work—including in chili, coffee creamer, and on a supervisor’s keyboard.
  • “He urinated into the ice and then used the scoop to mix the urine throughout the ice maker.” (Byron, 107:06)
• Teen Mooner: 47-year-old man moons teens in McDonald's after argument.
• User-Generated AI Caricatures: Listeners and hosts discuss using AI to generate funeral illustrations and caricatures, devolving into a spree of tasteless funeral jokes.

8. Trash TV, Comfort Shows & Media Culture

• 166:14–170:14

• Comfort TV: Show lists the nation’s favorite "background noise" comfort shows: Malcolm in the Middle, Fresh Prince, The Office, Simpsons, Friends, etc.
• Timothee Chalamet’s Arrogance: Hot take on Chalamet declaring he “works harder than almost anyone I know,” earning the crew’s eye roll.
• Breaking Bad House Sold: Bought by a Twitch streamer – speculation abounds about future use (Airbnb? Party house?).

9. Notable Comedy, Quotes & Moments

• On Eileen Gu's impact: “If China produced more of that, I’d be a communist tomorrow.” – John (07:05)
• Collections as celibacy: “When the news calls [about your Stranger Things collection]… you have just checked your dick out of the game from normal broads.” – John (18:34)
• Vagina as currency: “If we had that weapon, we'd use it.” – John (46:25)
• On moon landing skepticism: “I’m getting to that point now where it's almost like they're trying to send us stuff that makes us go: just know it didn't happen.” – John (61:14)
• On cleaning up as a house guest: “Leave no evidence. Be like Native Americans: leave only footprints and take memories.” – John (79:51)

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Notable Timestamps

- 00:53: John opens with Olympics and gas conspiracy
- 02:15: Union shaming over Italian medal quality
- 06:41: Gu-mania, Olympic ski trick awe
- 16:51: Joey Avalos and the perils of collecting
- 22:32: Funko Pops vs. relationships
- 41:14: Gender dynamics – "currency" and dating
- 58:25: Conspiracy tangent: Royals, Diana, and moon landing
- 71:31: Condom trash confessions
- 111:11: AI music generator demos (Piss Ball Pete, “No Blacks” song)
- 131:39: John marvels at AI inventiveness
- 143:03: Ice skating, masculinity, and Olympics hilarity
- 166:14: Ranker.com’s TV comfort show list

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Tone & Style

• Raucously irreverent, often venturing into politically incorrect and NSFW territory.
• Self-mocking and meta-aware, often laughing at their own off-color jokes and failures.
• Arizona-centric, peppered with local references, radio station plugs, and giveaway teases.
• Hyperbolic, Physically Comedic Vocabulary, for both affection (Eileen Gu rants) and disdain (collections = incel doom).

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Final Thoughts

This episode is a full-throttle ride: from trashing Olympics antics, to lampooning obsessive fandoms, to exploring taboos about gender, money, and even bodily fluids. It stands out for its recurring callbacks (Stranger Things guy), wild speculation (“the royal family’s gonna kill Andrew!”), open-ended, off-the-rails tangents, and a gleefully unfiltered willingness to “entertain, question, and disturb” as many listeners as possible—all handled by one of Arizona’s top-rated, rowdiest morning shows. If you missed it live, there’s plenty of rock, roll, and raucous stupidity to go around.

Transcript

[Brett Vesely]

You're listening to the HMS Podcast, brought to you by MMP Guns.com, your most trusted online marketplace for firearms, ammunition, and accessories. Hey, it's Brett Vesely, and I'm here with Byron from MMP Guns. Look, Byron, I have a friend wanting to sell some guns he inherited. What's the best way for him to do that?

[Byron]

Brett, the last thing you want to do is sell the gun to someone who can't legally own one. Tell him not to put himself at risk and come into M and P Guns where he'll get a fair offer.

[John Holmberg]

And he can rest easy knowing it's.

[Byron]

Not getting into the wrong hands.

[Brett Vesely]

Okay, but what if he lives out of state?

[John Holmberg]

Easy.

[Byron]

Legalgunbuyer.com and he can do it online.

[John Holmberg]

It really that simple.

[Brett Vesely]

There you have it. MMP Guns or legalgunbuyer.com the safe and legal way to sell your firearms.

[John Holmberg]

Morning sickness. You've been deceived by an agent of Satan himself. Good morning, everybody. Hello there. Welcome. Hold on.

[Byron]

Nice.

[John Holmberg]

I was fine. Come in this building, I start hacking it up.

[Brett Vesely]

They're gas.

[John Holmberg]

And I said something, man, there's something going on. We're getting gas.

[Byron]

Yeah, we are.

[Brett Vesely]

Podcast is a little too successful for them.

[John Holmberg]

I think maybe the other stations are gassing us. I'm dying. And I was absolutely fine driving in this morning. Like, God, I'm finally. I got no snot, no nothing. I walk in this building, and now that it's flooding down my throat, I can't. Anyway, for now, before the gas kicks in, my name's John. There's Brady, there's Brett. Big dick Toledo. We're off and running. And I think the same people that built this building did all the work over there in Ital. The Olympics, because I don't know if you're paying attention to what's going on over there, but the medals are breaking. And then there was a podium and the team ice skating thing that just collapsed. Oh, I don't know what you're talking about. Union job these guys have.

[Byron]

I'm just wondering who decided to, you know, let's save some money.

[John Holmberg]

I don't know if it's.

[Byron]

And they decided on the medals.

[John Holmberg]

It's teemu. They went through teemu. They. Everything is, dude, when a podium breaks. I've never seen that before. That's. That's. That's some low level third world crap right there. That's hilarious.

[Brett Vesely]

You know, you didn't pay the unions.

[John Holmberg]

You got to pay the people.

[Byron]

You know, I'm talking about things Happen.

[John Holmberg]

You come over to Italy, you know, we'll build it, but you know you're not going to pay for it. It ain't going to be great quality. We get the Chinese to do it. Temu metals, they're next.

[Byron]

We're going to want. They'll start on fire.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, just start bursting into flames. Oh, looks like your ice ring's burning.

[Brett Vesely]

It happens.

[John Holmberg]

I don't know why you didn't pay your insurance payments to the right people. Yeah, Italy is. I mean there was a guy jumping up and down with a medal the other day and it bounced off his chest and shattered like it was made of. It's temu, it's gold. The whole point of remember he owe somebody sample. He'd bite it like he couldn't get. There's no. It's just blowing up another one. They're just. Just give them gold chocolates and give them promissory notes that they own. Now, however many ounces of gold a gold medal would be, I think people would rather have. It's five grand an ounce right now. So give me seven, eight ounces of gold. That's a pretty nice deal. Put it on a. On a certificate and then it's like a shopping thing spree at temu. How about that?

[Ronnie]

Let me get this straight. You're advocating for guilt?

[John Holmberg]

Yes, I'm advocating for Gelto's right. Gelt are a nice promissory though. I don't know what these people. I would rather have the. The promise now give me some paperwork instead of this chunky pile of garbage. Hey, maybe I am advocating for it, but I think so were all the athletes that thought they just won a gold medal and found out they've got some, you know, tin plated thing.

[Byron]

They want to make it look, you know, bigger. You just go smaller and pin it like you're getting in a military award. Yeah, make it a solid gold medal.

[John Holmberg]

What happened? You ever watched the old Olympics in like the 60s? It was just. It was about the size of a silver dollar. What they're putting in these things. These guys are getting, you know, belt buckles from rodeo event.

[Brett Vesely]

Look like Flavor Flav walking out there and stuff.

[John Holmberg]

At least his works. Hilarious. Anyway, so yeah, the Olympics, it's kind of hard to watch them. Except for that Eileen Goo. Oh man. Chinese snowboard superstar. No, ski skis is a freestyle skier. They do all sorts of jumps. But she's from America. I think her mom or whatever's Chinese and she's a model on top of it all. Eileen Goo Gu man, oh, man. Goo is the right thing. She's gorgeous.

[Byron]

Just got to know when the lineup. Like when things are happening.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, I don't care. I just. I turn it on and let the.

[Byron]

I like, when can we catch Eileen Goo?

[John Holmberg]

I guess she was on last night. You just got. It's crapshoot. Yeah, it's what I.

[Byron]

What?

[John Holmberg]

The Olympics. As I was growing up, I didn't have the a la carte Olympics. You turned on the TV and Jim McKay would say, now we're going to go watch people jump. And like, okay. And whatever they sent you to, you did. Now it's like, you want to go to Peacock, you got to pay for that. You know that. Oh, you get a free subscription if you sign up for this. That. I'm like, wait a minute. What? Just turn it to channel 12. And what do you got? Now jump back and forth and, you know, you go to curling. And then Eileen Goo. Eileen Goo is smoking hot. Like, so in her like little snowboarding thing, just her eyes show.

[Byron]

Oh, she's like a tail.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. She's like a Disney princess. She got those. They're not like, she's not. I don't know. This sounds bad. She's not like American looking, but she's also not full out Chinese, you know, with that pull her up, Brett, face off pie. You know, she's not. It's a. You know what I'm talking about. You guys get it?

[Byron]

Oh, yeah.

[John Holmberg]

You know what I'm saying? Like, when you look over and you're like, oh, look at that Chinese person. And Brett, you loved it last night. All they kept doing is going, talking about her, the slope and stuff that she had to go down.

[Byron]

That's why I don't watch it.

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, my God, I get in trouble. Eileen Goo. And she. She. She wrestles for China, but she's from San Francisco. She goes to Stanford. She's full out American. This lady is stunning. And I mean like in all sorts of holy crap, girl next door plus model ways. And she's beautiful. She's out there skating around and her.

[Byron]

Skis and she's gonna medal.

[John Holmberg]

She got a silver. She fell down twice. She had a great first run. And then there's some girl from Switzerland or something that was. Had a body on her, but her head was goofy. Yeah. Eileen Goo. And then Eileen Goo's like, oh, my God. I had such a day. The gondola ride to the top of the mountain was an hour. So I studied for my stuff at Stanford and then I Went and I did my Olympic practices and then I shot for the COVID of Vogue. And I'm like, oh, man. She's. She's lived more in that day than I have my whole life.

[Brett Vesely]

She has her vagina journal.

[John Holmberg]

No, she's got journals. She handwrites journals.

[Byron]

The process.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, she's. Man, it's hard not to watch her, though. She's getting that little ski outfit and stuff. And she's very pretty.

[Byron]

The goo's a superstar.

[John Holmberg]

I don't like her. She's an American and she's. She's skiing for China.

[Byron]

Why?

[John Holmberg]

And she does. She's got this thing for. For China, but I'd root for her to win a gold medal.

[Brett Vesely]

And was she born there or here?

[John Holmberg]

I don't know. Her parents. Something about. Her mom and dad were Chinese, but they moved over to San Francisco, which I guess you keep. I mean, every picture of her is in America. Like, she's. She's loving the life of America, but if China produced more of that, I'd be a communist tomorrow.

[Brett Vesely]

So she's a snow scare.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brett Vesely]

She does all sorts of tricksboarding or.

[John Holmberg]

They do know, like, skis, but she does, like, amazing stuff that you can't even like. She skis backwards at 100 miles an hour and then does jumps. It's. It's. Her event is freestyle. I don't know what you call it. Is it freestyle? It is crazy.

[Brett Vesely]

So she did good on the slopes.

[John Holmberg]

Stop. Yes. What? Come on. I knew I couldn't talk to you about this like an adult. Don't. Don't trip. Giggle on it. Yeah. Yeah. I couldn't believe what I was looking at last night. And. And then she gets tall. She is. And then she gives you that side eye when she. She. She had. The Swiss girl did a great run. Like, she was fantastic. They're like doing like six flips. They're hitting these ramps and like doing six or seven flips in the air. I mean, you think that ski jump thing is neat? You know, when people just go straight down and then go and fly for a while and then land for distance? These. These chicks were. Oh, yeah. They were going six, seven spins and flips on one jump, landing backwards, and then hitting the next ramp backwards. And I'm like, well, cancel the ski jump because that's the dumbest thing I've ever seen compared to this.

[Byron]

You see the.

[John Holmberg]

Look at her.

[Byron]

One dude did a 2340.

[John Holmberg]

I don't even know what that means, Brady.

[Byron]

That's how many 360s it was like 73 60s or something like that.

[John Holmberg]

Maybe that's why she's Chinese. She can do that kind of math. I can't. 23, 40, I don't know. And then you got to grab a skier. It doesn't count. You gotta. Oof. But the girl that went before her ran up like a ridiculous. Look at this. Like, the way they do. This is it. And that's little stuff. They start off.

[Brett Vesely]

That's not a big slope.

[John Holmberg]

And yeah, they land on like rails and, and handrails and then get back on the slopes. But she is. She's special. She's kind of my Chinese dua lipa. You know, if she came over and.

[Lisa]

Said, you know, xing jing ping ping.

[John Holmberg]

Ping has a lot of good ideas, I'd be like, yeah, I think so too. I'm all in on that whole communism thing. Yeah, I would definitely simp for that.

[Lisa]

Will you go get me a donut?

[John Holmberg]

Yes.

[Lisa]

Ah, the closest donut place is 150 miles away.

[John Holmberg]

Okay, I'll be walking. I'll be back tomorrow. No problem. Your donut. Because I love you. I think. Whoops. Was that out loud? I'll be back.

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah. She is tall.

[John Holmberg]

She's tall. Leggy, supermodel, 22. It's bad. It's, you know, perverted. But man, she's got. Got something. All these Chinese athletes wandering around going, oh, holy crap. Like, they love we going on team. Holy crap. I think I heard that last night a lot.

[Lisa]

She on team.

[John Holmberg]

Holy crap. Oh, my. Go Stanford. All of the Chinese team goes to Stan every. That's what the Chinese say to her all the time.

[Lisa]

Herogo.

[Byron]

Man.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, I can't get enough of.

[Brett Vesely]

I look Asian.

[John Holmberg]

That's the.

[Brett Vesely]

She doesn't. I mean, like, literally.

[John Holmberg]

I think I made that. I know.

[Brett Vesely]

If you'd have told me that she was skiing for them, I'd be.

[John Holmberg]

No, them. Yeah, the other those people. You told me she's a filthy communist. I slapped you right in the mouth.

[Brett Vesely]

Exactly.

[John Holmberg]

She's everything Kid Rock was singing for the other night. Turns out. Yeah, I would go full on Marxism, like, whatever. Like, I would. I'd tape my eyes down, see, for what.

[Brett Vesely]

Giving me static about that.

[John Holmberg]

I'd take my eyes down. I don't call them them. I want to be one. You're fighting everything of their existence. I'm trying to join the tribe.

[Brett Vesely]

Nope, not at all.

[John Holmberg]

I would look like Buddha. I would have my. My bald head, my eyes taped back and sitting there going, Irene goo. I would do the thing nobody would Be mad we moved to Toronto just because it's fun to say to Toronto. What do you want me to say? That's all I would say to her.

[Lisa]

I love you.

[John Holmberg]

What else do you want me to say?

[Lisa]

Just keep that up. I love that accent.

[John Holmberg]

You are the only one.

[Byron]

Do you want me to say Constant T.

[John Holmberg]

Awesome. Constant T. Also a good, like, folk band name. Oh, what else do you want me to say? Oringu, please. To Toronto. We'll move up there and we'll just be like, why?

[Brett Vesely]

Some of these guys know more about her than you guys.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, yeah. Oh, she's a. Look, trust me, she's throwing it out there.

[Brett Vesely]

5, 9. She's born in the U. S. Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

She'S a U. S. Citizen but wrestles for China. And I'm sure they got a couple.

[Byron]

Of tear jerking video montages for the Olympics for her.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, no, it's jerking montages but not tears. And yeah, she's a special one. Can't. I'm watching last night, just turned it on. I love that, I love that about tv. I don't like, I don't want to come home and program a network. That's been a thing for me for a while. I do like the idea of being able to pick what I want, but I tend to just watch stuff I've already seen when I pick it. So I don't watch TV like I used to and I'm a big TV fan, but I can't go home and just go, I'm going to program eight hours of television today. It needs to come to me. I like when TV came to me. That's why I like live events. So I turned it on last night and I'm like, what do the Olympics have to offer? First thing I see is everything good. And I'm like, I'll watch this for a little bit. And like an hour that went by and I'm like, man, I could watch these there. And also, by the way, hot or otherwise. And that wouldn't. That did. It actually helped.

[Brett Vesely]

It was everything.

[John Holmberg]

It was pretty much everything. But their athleticism for what they're pulling off is it's gotta be the most amazing thing that's going on on those slopes. Stop it. See, I mean that's. It's remarkable how they're, what they're doing and just landing. And I've never seen anybody ski backwards, like at 70 miles an hour and look over their shoulder and hit a ramp and then do like seven or eight more flips that they. I would be so dizzy but it looks. It's so effortless, it's almost boring. Like what they're doing is just not human. So, yeah, I am an Irene Goo super fan, big time.

[Brett Vesely]

Now people are center of their Olympians.

[John Holmberg]

There's a lot of good ones.

[Brett Vesely]

You see Jake, Paul's girl?

[John Holmberg]

Oh yeah, skater. Yeah.

[Byron]

Set a record.

[John Holmberg]

She's Dutch, right?

[Byron]

Yeah, yeah, I think she did an Olympic record yesterday.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, her ass is not human. Yes, she's.

[Byron]

Do you see him crying when she cries?

[John Holmberg]

I would too. I'd cry every time I'd ask him in the room. Imagine she knows where her butter's broke. Her butter's throat.

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah, that too.

[John Holmberg]

Her butter's broke.

[Brett Vesely]

Looking at that ass.

[John Holmberg]

Sorry, I'm a little confused. Your mouth is not going to work while you look at those photos. What's her name? Ellen. Yeah, she's. Jake did well there and the two of them are kind of a power couple. But yeah, I've seen a lot of pictures of her. She's. And she. Yeah, she set some sort of record and she's a legitimate Olympian. She's. And those speed skating legs. I tell you what, that's getting it done. All those ladies out there. I've had two kids get on the ice. You'll be fine. Like give it an hour or two and you'll be in great shape. Evidently that makes you go, I gotta raise.

[Lisa]

I got a 15 year old and an 18 year old. Let's see what she looks like after two kids.

[John Holmberg]

You've had 15 years to get better and you're still complaining. Get on the ice. Little rollerblades. How about that? We don't have a lot of ice. She was on those big roller blades. That evidently gets it done. All right, well then stop complaining that your 15 year old made you fat two decades ago. By the way, I was reading a story this morning. Speak. Oh wait, it's six o'. Clock. Six o'.

[Byron]

Clock.

[John Holmberg]

Let's give away a code word so you guys can try to qualify yourselves for the Nine Inch Nails, the suite that feeds. We're going to give you tickets in a suite to Nine Inch Nails over there at Desert Diamond arena on March 6th. And the 6am word that you can go to 98kupd.com or go to the KUPD app and click on that and you'll see right there it says sweet, that feeds. It gives you all the times of the day. 6:00am Write the word spiral. S, P I, R, A L. Put spiral in that code for 6am You've got one hour. And you put that in there, and you'll get yourself qualified. Then we do a drawing. We're putting six couples. You can be gay, straight, friends, doesn't matter. But six twosomes will be in our suite. Pretty solid. I saw an article today that it was six years ago today that we started to wonder if Covid was here. It's been six years. Like, it was the 10th of February. We're like, wait a minute. We think we might have.

[Byron]

We got a wave coming.

[John Holmberg]

We got something happening here. And this was when we were all, like, birds. We've been through this before. No big deal. And so it was kind of the first announcement. It wasn't out loud crazy yet, but it was kind of a. Keep your eyes on this sneaky little thing. It might. It might slide over to us. And then a couple weeks later, we had our cases. Then we had 10. They were 12. And in March, we canceled March Madness. Remember all that? It was so. It was about a month from now when it all completely went haywire. But end of February is when we were like, no, this is happening. This guy says, who the hell's talking about Olympics? Talk about something relevant.

[Byron]

What?

[John Holmberg]

Nate. Nate, Your finger may not be on the pulse completely. What's relevant? I want Nate to say, what's your topic of the day? Who the hell is watching the Olympics? Eileen Goo, my friend. I. The Olympics are on. Watch it. I'm going to watch curling. I'm going to. I'm going to watch the turning point.

[Byron]

Got 6.1 million views.

[John Holmberg]

Did you see Gutfeld last night? All right, calm down. Calm down. I'm trying to avoid all that. Yeah, dude, trust me on this one. Eileen Goo is relevant. I don't want to watch Hot Chicks. I don't want to. He's like that guy I saw on the news last night that I actually felt bad for. He's from Chandler, and he's on national news. They said an Arizona man has broken a record. And I'm like, oh, hey, I'm interested. And then it was for his Stranger Things collection. He's got 2000. He's got 2301 items. And I'm like, oh, God, let him be Tucson. Come on. There's a no Chandler. Like, he's one of us. His name is Joey Avalos, and he was on the news last night. I thought to myself, hey, guys, it was good. Joey. Joey Avalos has 2,301 Stranger Things items. And he's the record holder by, I'm guessing, 2,300 because who else is collecting that? And to Joey, I say, hey, love what you love, right? Collect what you collect. But when the news calls and you're like, oh, boy, you have basically just checked your dick out of the game from normal broads. You are now.

[Byron]

He was ready to commit.

[John Holmberg]

Nope. It's sad.

[Byron]

Let's go ahead. Let's announce it.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. He's like, you know what? Here's what I also want to be for the rest of my life. Celibate. I'm going to go for this. He's got his own strange. It's not even, like, a great show. It's good, but it's not a collect. Like, you can have a few things. Here's what you need to do if you're a friend of Joey's is just go, hey, this is neat, man.

[Lisa]

Let's keep this, I don't know, in.

[John Holmberg]

A storage shed or garage or basement or. Well, let's not go crazy wasting a whole room of your house, which will. It's a red flag to every normal girl if you showed a girl that you just met around your house, like, oh, this is the living room. I just got all the furniture. It's nice, I think. And then here's the dining room. And you just have dining in her kitchen. Let's go into my special I'm gonna kill you room, which is just nothing but Stranger Things memorabilia.

[Lisa]

Oh, okay, Vecna, that's. I'm leaving.

[John Holmberg]

And then you're just gonna. And she's gone. Visit homebirds morning sickness [e-mail] Holmberg's morning sickness.

[Byron]

So I should stop my Landman collection right now, right?

[John Holmberg]

If you. Look, let me tell you right now, if you've got 10 items or more of Landman, you own the record. Calm down. 2300 is way overkill on this.

[Brett Vesely]

What do you think the last time he got laid was? Oh, season one.

[John Holmberg]

That's right. It's been a minute. And then he's.

[Byron]

You know what?

[John Holmberg]

My guess is he's tied some sort of special relationship with a girl. Two stranger things. And it was probably 10 years ago when the thing started where he's like, she likes it too. So we wanted to impress her, and then he got weird about it, she bails, and he's like, well, that's the type of gal I like. You can't. We have our own John Gordon here who has a full room at his house of Star wars collectibles, right? Yeah, he did. Like, he dedicated a guest room. It's creepy.

[Byron]

Didn't he start that as a kid, though, or.

[John Holmberg]

Yes.

[Brett Vesely]

Doesn't matter.

[Byron]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Thank you, Brad.

[Brett Vesely]

He's continuing.

[John Holmberg]

What you need to do is what Ronnie made you or you made it to what, 37, 38. Before you got married. It was those beer cans that was the. They walked in the house.

[Byron]

Well, they didn't come over here. That they were up in the attic.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. All right. Because everybody. Because you had friends brought them out and. And then it slowed some stuff down 50. It slowed some things down. That back home is like, no girls. You go, you have a house filled with collectible anything. Chicks are either gonna show up and go, I like him so much that I'm gonna ruin this. What Ronnie did. We're not putting these anywhere in the house. You can have us. And she was right. You can't do it. You can have. You have to build on a room for it. And then one room even still.

[Byron]

That's been in the garage for years.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. And that's where they belong, in the garage. Or a trash can or garbage was opened. Old cans of beer. And you keep the good ones and you sell them and you try to make some money and you just not for display purposes. 2301 Stranger Things items is. Is overkill. You're way ahead. Stop. This is vecna from season three. He was going after 11 in this particular. Oh, wow. So can you still get a hard on or were you like, cursed with some sort of weird early onset impotence? This room to Stranger Things. You're never getting laid with this. And what is going to try and you is disturbingly bad. I'm just looking for a gal who's into it like me. Oh, you guys are going to have the weirdest kids. Like, damn. I want to be a friend to you. Congratulations. I really like your collection. Hide it from public. Don't let the news film you. It's awful. You might as well have gone on the news going, this guy's got more herpes than anyone in the world. I got 2,301 bumps. I'm a world record holder for herpes. Like, hey, guess who's never gonna try to touch your dick? And then on the news he's like, I used to collect a lot of Funko Pops. I'm like, do you hate your dick? Like your dick is. Your dick is filing for separation.

[Brett Vesely]

We know a couple of those people. Rooms of Funko Pops.

[John Holmberg]

And. And what's. What's missing from their hands? Well, what's in there was in their hands. They keep their Own. Yeah, their hands are in permanent kung fu grip.

[Byron]

They're full.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, they're not. Yeah, don't do that. Don't do that. You know what women never do? Like, I remember I. I knew a girl once who. I'm not interested in her at all. But I worked with her and we went to her house and she had started to turn her own home into a salute to Disney. And it was, it was weird. Like she seemed normal. You go over to her house and her kitchen, all Disney. Then the hallway, no pictures of anything except Disney. And then a room that you just opened up and it's like, oh, she's insane. It was like, you know, even to the point where it was that princess, the, the one in New Orleans, the black princess one. And they're like, who's that? And she'd tell you the whole story, but I'm like, okay, we gots to go. She's got bodies in the basement. So to you, how'd she look though? Not good. Chandler resident Joey Avalos. Guinness came by and gave you your award. Now scrap it, box it up, put the award on the wall and then go about being a man again because I'm worried about you. And evidently you don't have any friends.

[Brett Vesely]

I don't know. Do you even put that award on the wall?

[John Holmberg]

Yes.

[Brett Vesely]

Like when, you know, comes over and.

[John Holmberg]

Goes, oh, what'd you get that for?

[Brett Vesely]

And then you tell her, no extent Sahara.

[John Holmberg]

That's nothing happening. Yeah, no, you're gonna see sand fall out of her like she's an hourglass. Yeah, she's gonna look like the beginning of Days of Our Lives. So much dirt falling out of that thing. And what you'd have to do is get that Guinness plaque and then take it over to a friend who's good with computers and I'm guessing Joey is. And you change that world record holder into longest marathon sex with one person ever. Kind of. And then put that on the wall. I started collecting right after the show came out, but there wasn't a lot of merch, so I started collecting Funko Pops. Like, oh geez, I felt terrible for him. He was just announcing celibacy to the world.

[Brett Vesely]

Brandon brings up a good point. Sounds, sounds like you're talking about the 40 year old virgin. When they go into Steve Carell's statement.

[John Holmberg]

It was, it was a, it was a laugh line in there. And he had to go sell it all at ebay to get laid. Remember?

[Brett Vesely]

What do you live in Neverland Ranch?

[John Holmberg]

Right. It's that. It's it's yuck. Yeah. See, this guy's just bored. Brady hands me another one. Guinness gave a guy he folded 250 functional paper airplanes in an hour. At least it's only an hour of his day, and it's a bit of a skill. And then you just throw it all out. It's not like his house is a tribute to the world, Speed. Yeah. If it's like, I've got more paper airplanes in my whole home than anyone in the world, I'm like, I would assume that number is, like, six. Who's collecting paper airplanes?

[Brett Vesely]

Xavier wants to know how much gay Steelers crap do you have.

[John Holmberg]

All right. Steelers are different. It's a live sporting event, and I built a whole room in the back, and it's a bar, and we get drunk. If he had a bar dedicated to Stranger Things and they reenacted it, what's worse? Going and watching the Steelers play in a sports bar. They don't have, like, a Stranger Things bar. People get. They have sports bars all over the place. One is okay. And I do have a lot of Steelers memorabilia. One is okay. Adds value to the home. People aren't going to come to my house and go, wow, this guy's. It's. It's. He's never going to have sex with anything in his life. Chicks actually dig the bar. They would not.

[Byron]

Look what happened to the Breaking Bad house.

[John Holmberg]

Exactly. They would not. That's different. That's actually a part of the show.

[Byron]

I know, but it started out at four miles.

[John Holmberg]

Right. But if you went into my home and said, cool sports bar, but I'm like, yeah, it's Stranger Things themed. Oh, not a sports bar. It's Vecna's Den. You'd be like, I gotta go. So you can sit and try your comps out there, jackass. But one is an awesome thing. One is clearly a crazy person's thing.

[Byron]

Well, there's. I don't know.

[John Holmberg]

No. One is an awesome thing. One is a crazy person.

[Byron]

Say, there's more stealers. Elections.

[John Holmberg]

Let me tell you this. There is zero argument to this. You'd sit there and act like. That's like, well, the Flying Spaghetti Monster is just as much validity as like. Okay, calm down.

[Byron]

That's my point. There are way more Steeler. Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Because it's.

[Byron]

Than there are stranger things.

[John Holmberg]

I'm not saying all this is where nobody knows how to have discussions anymore. I'm not saying all collectibles are stupid. I'm saying the stupid ones are obvious. And when I. If I told Brad I'm like, come over to my house. You're gonna love my Stranger Things den. You come over and look at it. So I could laugh at it. Exactly. You wouldn't get. If I say, hey, built a sports bar on my house for watching football and hanging out with the guys and doing a thing, you'd be like, oh, that's kind of cool. Nobody, and I mean nobody, has a Stranger things bar that 25 people show up for every Sunday to watch Stranger Things. And by the way, it's over. If the NFL just ended and I kept this alive and still tried to watch TV with my friends on Sundays in there, it would be gay.

[Brett Vesely]

Dave says, I have 9,000 Hot Wheels, but only 50 are on display. The rest are stored away.

[John Holmberg]

That's fine, right? That's fine. Because a lot of them have no value, right? And even 50 hot wheels displayed as a girl, red flag. You have to do that after you're married when sex doesn't matter anymore. You're like, he didn't say if he was single.

[Brett Vesely]

Check. I'm sure he's probably not.

[John Holmberg]

You're not rolling out the 50 Hot Wheels and having any girl come to your house with any sort of value. A high value target.

[Brett Vesely]

Eileen Goo's not gonna be coming to your house anytime soon.

[John Holmberg]

Eileen Goo's not going.

[Lisa]

I've got gold medals and silver medals.

[John Holmberg]

What do you have? I'm a hot Wheel guy. I got 50 of them on display and I built the shelf for him.

[Byron]

Get lottery. She collects them, too.

[Lisa]

Are they still in the packages?

[John Holmberg]

Course of some of the packages, you dumb bitch. What am I doing? Think I'm crazy good? 2300 of them in the garage, taking up space.

[Lisa]

Well, at least you're smart enough not to display them all.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, I had a wall for a while, but I realized that it was the saltpeter. My dick would never get hard again. So it is a red flag. So you can't comp sports stuff to a Stranger Things Death kill den. You just can't. It's weird. And I'm telling you, Joe, you might be a great guy, but you went on the news last night and told every woman in the city of Phoenix, not interested. I'll take the craziest one out there if you want to come by. It's like, oh, boy.

[Byron]

Interested for a feature story?

[John Holmberg]

And then he had to, like, people had to know, hey, this lunatic over here's got more. And again, the number is crazy high. You shouldn't have done that.

[Brett Vesely]

So you're basically saying he's like Patrick Bateman from American History X.

[John Holmberg]

No, it was from. That's from American Psycho. Yeah. Yes. Yeah.

[Brett Vesely]

American Psycho.

[John Holmberg]

His knowledge of Huey Lewis was. That's a red flag. Red flags. I even go back to what, you know, broads loved that 50 shades of gray. But I'll tell you right now, on any date, you take a girl over to you, he had a billion dollars, so he was allowed to do what he wanted. He could be. That's called you're eccentric. When you have a billion dollars and you have a Stranger Things room.

[Lisa]

Oh, my God. He's a collector. He's eccentric.

[John Holmberg]

But also, if you had a billion dollars, you just have the girl that played 11 in your house all the time on display. So it's different than just action figures. Yeah, it's weird. But you go into that 50 shades of gray house, even a billion dollars, and he's like, want to see the spare room?

[Byron]

Sure.

[Lisa]

Your house is beautiful.

[John Holmberg]

And he opens up that dungeon. That's how you know. You know, again, you show a woman a picture of a man in a suit who's incredibly handsome and show that same man in a Burger King outfit, she's going to be like, man in a suit's better. I want him. You show a man Eileen Goo in a dress and Eileen Goo in a Burger King outfit, we'd be like, they're both hot. They place value on what they see as success. They perceive success beyond looks. So if you're a billionaire and you got a sex Dungeon, the $900 million that was made by the 50 Shades series kind of let you know they'll tolerate an awful lot. If you've got money, Ask Jeffrey Epstein. Ask them all. Ask Robert Kraft's girlfriend is 38 years younger than him and he's 88 or something like that. She doesn't want to have sex with all the 88 year olds. That's not her wheelhouse. But one with all that money she can tolerate.

[Byron]

One will qualify.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, there are qualifiers. But if Robert Kraft was 88 and worked at Burger King, she is not in love with him.

[Brett Vesely]

Belichick, Same thing.

[John Holmberg]

I. And I have no problem with that. Ladies. You think I'm complaining?

[Lisa]

I'm not.

[John Holmberg]

You should. If I had that power, that's what I would do. For sure. If you're my. I would admit out loud my vagina is currency. It is what I lead with and it is. It is my value. And I do other stuff, too, but it's gonna get me. You know, it's gonna. It's gonna find me a better life.

[Byron]

Stranger things collection.

[John Holmberg]

Stranger things guy is not gonna get in there. Yeah, it used to be virtuous. Now it's like, all right, this thing is my. It's a credit card. And you're wise to use it as such. No problem with that. But maniffits, if you take that thing in, you're like, look, you got a billion dollars. You get a Stranger things room and a sex dungeon. But you've got a billion dollars. Like I said, we're. We're good here. Go over to Brett's house. You got a Stranger things collection and a sex dungeon. He's a rapist. It's.

[Byron]

It's.

[John Holmberg]

It's. It's the same thing. It goes back to my awesome idea for a show. I shouldn't pitch it. I'm giving this out for free. But you tell a gorgeous woman that we're going to make you run 10 errands for us today. And somebody you run into today is a billionaire looking for love. One of the people you run into today, and you won't know who, and we'll dress up a billionaire, like undercover boss, and we'll have him be, like, a busboy or a bus driver or a worker, a discount tire or whatever. And watch her behavior when she thinks to herself, someone I meet today on one of these errands is a billionaire.

[Byron]

She'll treat every one of them.

[John Holmberg]

It's gonna be so different on how she would treat everybody than if you told them, all right, Nobody is. She's so sweet to the kid behind discount. Tired. She's gonna be extra, and I would, too.

[Lisa]

Not everybody's in it for money.

[John Holmberg]

Well, yes, they are. Why do you go to work? It's crazy. But stranger things guy, you need a. You need a buddy like me to go, cool. Great collection. Now let's clean this room up. What are you doing? I want to put it on display for my friends. Your friends are worse than you because they're not. They think this is cool, too. And then we'd sit down, we'd watch 40 Year Old Virgin, like, that's you. Well, it's a cool room. Exactly. It's Rick from Geico's trying to tell the people not to turn into their parents. You need the one friend that goes through and goes, we got to help these guys out. You got it. You can Matchbox car guy. You get the valuable ones. You can put those up Brady in your beer cans. Ronnie did the right thing, and he messaged.

[Brett Vesely]

He's 63 and his wife buys them for him. So he's, you know, he's. He's good. He's not out looking for poon.

[John Holmberg]

Dead.

[Brett Vesely]

He's good.

[John Holmberg]

He's been dead for years. Yeah. He's got a thing for Matchbox cars, which is cool.

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

And the wife's like, if I keep him in Matchbox cars, he leaves me alone. I don't want this guy rolling around on me. This one says, same thing happened to me about 11 years ago ago. I got a studio apartment. Walked in, and the whole room was wwe. The hallway, the kitchen had towels, potholders. That was a chick.

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah, that's. I was like, what kind of hillbillies.

[John Holmberg]

Are you after you walked into a WWE dedicated broad's house.

[Byron]

What kind of hillbillies you after?

[John Holmberg]

She's got. Yeah, he's right. He can say it to him because that's a language he speaks. Robert. He's right.

[Lisa]

I got me a studio apartment. All my towels have Arn Anderson on them.

[John Holmberg]

Why is Doug Hopkins pictures all over this house?

[Lisa]

That's Arn Anderson, you son bitch.

[John Holmberg]

Why is there a bed in the middle of the room?

[Lisa]

It's a studio.

[John Holmberg]

Are these rock sheets? Yes. Do you have hot rod pajamas? You're. What is this place?

[Byron]

Iron sheet dining chairs.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Now, a dude would tolerate it. You go to a girl's house, and if she's hot enough and she opens up a door and it's. It's just nothing but Stranger Things memorabilia. You think she's nuts, you're still gonna put it through her. But you're not. She's cute. She has to be so hot. And hot girls aren't gonna collect Stranger Things stuff. Then you just look at them in that wild eye.

[Brett Vesely]

Hot girls aren't collecting no WWE stuff either.

[John Holmberg]

No. I'm guarantee you the WWE girl in the studio apartment, that must have been.

[Brett Vesely]

The 2am brought at the bar.

[John Holmberg]

She wasn't getting stopped at a lot of places going. Are you a model?

[Byron]

There's just one room for Jericho.

[Lisa]

I read in an article once in Vanity Fair that Jericho digs chicks with small places. So I got this dump.

[Byron]

She's.

[John Holmberg]

She's got a studio apartment, but she's probably got 20 or $30,000 worth of WWE stuff.

[Lisa]

I just stopped focusing on my finances. Buy me things I enjoy.

[Byron]

License plate.

[Brett Vesely]

I.

[John Holmberg]

Did you just wave your hand in front of your cooch and say, you can't see me. I'm leaving. Don't do that.

[Lisa]

Oh, man. You really. You really shot off that turnbuckle and gave me oh.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, no.

[Lisa]

Suplex me.

[John Holmberg]

Okay. We're not having sex. You're weird. Can you smell what the Rock is cooking? I may be cooking rocks in the.

[Lisa]

Kitchen, but that's beside the point.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, my God.

[Lisa]

All right, jabroni, stick it in.

[John Holmberg]

Here we go. Every day, dear Hornswoggle, Hornswoggles under the bed. You get to put your shoes on. You see the little guy under the bed. It's like, ow.

[Lisa]

That's Hornswoggle.

[John Holmberg]

Is it real?

[Lisa]

No, it's just a little. It's a mannequin I painted up as Hornswoggle.

[John Holmberg]

Jesus Christ, lady. What raised you? How big were your uncle's fingers that made your brain go so crazy? How'd you know about my uncle? He was a wrestling fan, wasn't he? Yeah, he fingered. He fingered the crazy into you.

[Lisa]

Ah, you always guessing, right.

[John Holmberg]

He fingered the crazy into you is a pretty great phrase. You should use it around the house.

[Brett Vesely]

Good album title.

[John Holmberg]

It is a good album title. Yeah. Iron Maidens. He fingered the crazy into you is one of my favorite. Like, they released it in Japan. Spiral is the word for the sweet that feeds. Sorry, I didn't mean to do it by name, but you went on the news last night, kid. So let's calm her down over there with your 2300. You had the record at, like, eight. Nobody has more than eight stranger things things. And even if you had nine or ten on a shelf, I'd be like, that's a lot.

[Ronnie]

That's.

[John Holmberg]

Nice job. 2300 is overkill. Spiral is the word that you want to put in there for the app this morning. 98KUpD Calm. And we'll get you in the suite that feeds. Throw Spiral out there and make that a thing. In the meantime, let's get a wake up song, shall we? Maybe something for Jacob 6 or 5. 8 5-9800. That's the number. You tell us what you want to hear, we play it next. That's your wake up song. It's 98 KUPD. Wake up. It's not weird.

[Byron]

It's pretty cool, actually. No membership fee.

[John Holmberg]

I've heard enough of this. Morning sickness. You've been deceived by an agent of Satan himself. 98. The ye repeat, final contestant of the.

[Lisa]

Day here on the Price is Right. Nicole, slap down.

[John Holmberg]

Still fun. This is John, that Stranger Things guy. I don't know if you knew this. Also in the story they did on him, he has to announce that he has the record for Stranger Things memorabilia. Door to door in his neighborhood when he moves in but we all know what he's really telling everybody. That's very true. A lot of people emailing about that. There's, there's no, no ability to talk to people without saying, yeah, that's a. That's a dumb collection. What about your collection? No, not all collections are dumb. It's an SAT question. Not all collections are dumb. Some collections are really stupid. This guy's said, your disclosure of non impressive assemblies has forced me to see the light. No wonder I've never been married. I have nine Patrick Nagel framed and matted female images adorning the master bedroom walls. You are a. You are master. Continue to be dusted every week. Retirement looms. Is there hope for me? Nope. Yeah, keep the Nagels up. At this point, if you're. If you're thinking about retiring and you're dusting Nagels, those of you who don't know what those are, those are those weird paintings, black and white most of the time with red lips of outlines of naked ladies. And in the 80s, in the 80s, people like girls especially, really enjoyed the. Again, Patrick Bateman from American Psycho was big on that. This guy's like, John, you have had to laugh at your take on overly nerdy junk as a serious red flag. I'm in that situation. I just display stuff that holds value. I have a Mark Hamill autograph Star Wars New Hope movie poster and Undertaker autographed replica WWE championship belt on display. A bunch of autographed Funkos, including one from Tobias Forge of Ghost. Now my guess is, Alexander, that you either live by yourself or you have a roommate that you have to ask to take a shower every once. Come on, dude. You gotta get in the shower. Like he's. What? What? I've been working like. You haven't showered in days. The whole place smells like you. Can I wear the championship belt? Take a shower and then maybe. You're talking about, man, it's like Seth.

[Brett Vesely]

Rogen and four year old. You have an Asia poster. Who frames that?

[John Holmberg]

What did you do here? An Asia poster? Yeah, it's bad. So. And a lot of people. And then a lady asked and I wrote it down because it's a long thing says, what do you mean our vagina is our currency? Look. But if you pretend like it's not real, you reveal yourself as a Looney Tune. It is your currency. A man's currency is currency. We have to have money and stuff to be valuable. We can be great looking and poor, maybe get laid. But it's after fooling you into Thinking that we've got stuff. I wouldn't know. I'm not great looking. But if you've got money as a man, you're gonna. You're gonna do okay. A woman doesn't have to have it. Here's my comparison. If I as a man. We'll start with Brett's comp. If Thriller was alive in 1983 with that limp and that walk, and he saw on TV that they were having auditions for zombies in a video for Michael Jackson, and he didn't go down there, we'd be like, what are you doing? You're armed for? This is exactly what you should be shooting at.

[Brett Vesely]

This is you.

[John Holmberg]

It's you. We'd be upset if you ever met a seven foot dude who tells you he hates basketball. Takes you about four or five days to like, stop hating him. How you're armed for it.

[Brett Vesely]

I got a buddy at 6, 9, 6 10, he's, oh, I hate basketball. I'm like, well, you're a moron.

[John Holmberg]

You're a moron. And you know why he hates it? Cause he never got good at it. It's his life's biggest failure. You were gifted to at least put it out there, right?

[Brett Vesely]

I even told him, even if you suck and you're a bench player, you're still gonna make the league minimums better than what you're doing now.

[John Holmberg]

What does he do?

[Brett Vesely]

Construction? It was a mechanic.

[John Holmberg]

You might as well just put stars on Christmas trees. He's a bumble. If I had a pickaxe for a dick and a metal detector for a right arm, and I told you I didn't like looking for gold, you'd think I was an idiot. Like, well, that's what your body. Your body gave you this gift. Yeah, I don't want to. I don't want to dig for gold. I've got a. I want to sew. I've got a pickaxe and a Edward Scissorhands made the most out of it. Ladies, stop acting like that's not something you can use as money. It is now. You don't abuse it, you're gonna confuse it. It's gonna go strawman again. I'm not saying that's all you've got, but I'm saying it's a weapon you have and don't act like you don't use it. Somebody sent me a picture of Eileen goo working at McDonald's. It's a McDonald's that men would visit regularly. The homeless girl that was on 52nd street in McDowell had dudes driving around in circles for her. Has there ever been a hot one of her?

[Byron]

First couple of weeks she was rushing.

[John Holmberg]

It and we weren't giving her money and hoping she got back on her feet. Dudes were giving her money hoping she'd get in a car. I'm gonna save this little angel. When's the last time a group of good looking women went to Postino's, got into the Range Rover and drove down the road and saw a good looking homeless man and said oh my God. And then circled him and then went back days later with new friends. That's what dudes do. That's the power of it. You act like you don't have it.

[Lisa]

What do you mean?

[John Holmberg]

Currency. Stop it. You know what I mean. Currency. Come on. And this guy says the Stranger Things collection is the only thing acceptable to do. Any remaking of Stranger Things is if it's porn related. Otherwise you're a homosexual. I agree with that guy completely.

[Lisa]

We don't have this. Not currency. Is that all we are to you?

[John Holmberg]

No, but if we had that weapon, we'd use it. You don't have to do anything if you keep it. If you keep it. Good. Now if you have a studio apartment decorated with nothing but WWE stuff, you're gonna need some money. Nobody's paying for you.

[Byron]

The tough stuff.

[John Holmberg]

We will, we will love a poor person. Men are just better that way. We will love a poor person if she's good looking, good looking and poor. We'll take that. A woman won't.

[Brett Vesely]

Well, he's taken for a night or two.

[John Holmberg]

A woman doesn't outwardly love a poor. She might end up with a poor person she doesn't like. Seek out a poor guy.

[Brett Vesely]

See, musicians are still hope out there.

[John Holmberg]

Exactly. You can get off again. The old joke. What do you call a drummer whose girlfriend just left him homeless? Yeah, and that's. Those are girls that are smart. They get on the ones that are like, this guy's got potential. He's poor now, so he might end up with a poor guy. But stop acting like you don't have that current we. It's disrespectful. It's. It's the game, you know, it's like saying we don't play baseball with bats. You do. We know the equipment, we understand it. But don't act like it's not a thing, lady. Her name was Sarah. Don't email me that. Sarah.

[Lisa]

I would never use it as currency.

[John Holmberg]

Okay, not saying you have to. I'm saying you have it. That's what you are as a vagina Jew. You're real, you're real stingy with it.

[Brett Vesely]

That's a bad name.

[John Holmberg]

Vagina. We call that vijuna. There's one when you're, when you're stingy with it, you're like, well, I'm not.

[Lisa]

Going to use it as currency. That means you're just saving.

[John Holmberg]

You're just got a savings account. You're going to use it when it matters though. When it starts to go, all right, I'm going to give this to something special now.

[Lisa]

It's just currency.

[John Holmberg]

You're just, you're just. You're shopping a little bit more frugally.

[Byron]

That'S all, trying to create value.

[John Holmberg]

And then Christopher says, maybe hers isn't currency. Maybe it's beat up and it's bankrupt. Chapter 11 vagina. Well, maybe she might be bitter about that, but that means she recognized it as currency and gambled it away.

[Brett Vesely]

Text next step to 5, 3, 3, 4.

[John Holmberg]

Exactly. If your vagina looks like a big Montana text next step to 5, 4, 4, 3, 2. And just talk to the folks over at Fanduel and see what they say.

[Lisa]

It's not so much a gambling problem, but I took some risks.

[John Holmberg]

Tell me about that.

[Lisa]

I got hogged out on a blacked.com.

[John Holmberg]

Video and now what the hell? Did you bet on it?

[Lisa]

Oh, did I ever. I thought it would pay off. One of the guys said he played for many parlays. One of the guys said he played for the pistons and I believed him. It turned out to be a lie. I thought I'd hit the jackpot. Turned out it was just a bunch of poor tall blacks.

[John Holmberg]

And now you've got a big Arby's.

[Lisa]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Big. Yeah. That's going to be trouble for you, I'm afraid. You're going to be poor for a long time. Are you beautiful?

[Lisa]

I'm a six out of ten.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, yeah, you're going to be poor. And then the Eileen goo thing comes in. And I think the most offensive email, without actually using any offensive words has come through from my friend Cranston about Eileen Gu, the Chinese skier. The only thing Chinese she has in her is the sushi she eats, and that is just not correct in any direction. Sushi's Japanese. It's really great. That's good racism right there. That's good old fashioned bigotry and not knowing your systems. She ain't got no Chinese in her unless you count the sushi. All right, high five right here. Nutshell kinda. I mean, you're in the same hemisphere. That one got me. All right, 6:56. That means spiral is good for four more minutes. And then at 7:00', clock, you're going to want to put the word intense into the app. Little game we got there, the suite that feeds the Nine Inch Nails thing every hour on the era. I'll give you another word. Intense is the seven o' clock word. You can do it on the app. You can do [e-mail] as you listen to the podcast recording live on the radio.

[Brett Vesely]

Ryan's calling you out.

[John Holmberg]

Brian is. All right, let's see. All right, this guy remembers a lot of my story. All right, well, recap this. We'll still love you if you're poor. That's what I said, quote to quote.

[Brett Vesely]

Right?

[John Holmberg]

Then he says, false. Exhibit a LA Guy. Now let's refresh. First off, I regret that. Second, not hot enough and too poor.

[Brett Vesely]

Well, you said she was pretty hot, though.

[John Holmberg]

She was cute. She was good enough for me at the time, especially high school.

[Byron]

But W2s came in again.

[John Holmberg]

Well, I don't know that she has for the family. I'm guessing more so.

[Byron]

Or lack thereof.

[John Holmberg]

They thought I was rich and I was a busboy. There were a lot of red flags. I had a car which threw. And they all showed up in a van. This girl liked me because I had LA Gear shoes on, and she called me LA Guy.

[Lisa]

Oh, there's LA Guy.

[John Holmberg]

She liked me way too much. Now, keep in mind, these were the LA gears that when you walked, there was a little light on the back of the heel that went off. Yeah, they were terrible. Yeah. I thought I'd made a really sound decision purchasing these because Karl Malone was the LA Gear spokesperson. Like, this is gonna take off. Like, this is gonna. I'm gonna be ahead of the game. This is the new British Knights or Reeboks, when they, you know, I'm gonna be the LA Gear guy. And she loved it. And she showed up at my work in a van full of her family and, like, started to, like, hang out outside and introduced me to her van. Family.

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

And she was.

[Byron]

Jethro.

[John Holmberg]

She was very poor, but her lineage was also insanely poor. And she wasn't fighting to get out of it. She was looking to me to save her. I saw red flags beyond being. Now, if I'd have just had. She never brought the family over. There's a chance I'd have taken her to the Olive Garden and she might have passed out.

[Lisa]

I'd never seen Such fancy pants. These people bring us the food. Why is the floor not dirt?

[John Holmberg]

She was easy to impress.

[Byron]

Look, if she lived in a cave and had this. Eat dirt. And she's beautiful. You still fall in love with her.

[John Holmberg]

Except for the how she presented the whole family. I realized early on the whole family was going to be involved in this. And also I had a very good read on girls who recognize affection as love. And this was going to get into stabby territory. Was she cute? Yes. Had she been a little more normal, there's a chance I'd have taken her on my. My busboy adventures.

[Brett Vesely]

Taking her to Bill Johnson's. The sawdust on the. On the floor would have. She'd have fit right in.

[Lisa]

I can't stop orgasming.

[Byron]

That's a formal date.

[Lisa]

This is unbelievable. Should I wear a mom?

[John Holmberg]

She. Yeah, she'd address like one of those gypsies. Like way overdone. I'm like, what'd you do here?

[Lisa]

We're going out on the town.

[John Holmberg]

Okay.

[Lisa]

Can my parents drive us in the van of family?

[John Holmberg]

There were way too many people in there, so. Yes, there are. Of course there's boundaries.

[Byron]

Wedding night, father in law comes up to you. Got you a night to Kon Tiki.

[John Holmberg]

I'm telling you right now, for your honeymoon. I'm gonna have to ask you for a loan though since you've got one of them highfalutin busboy jobs. And then I'll pay you back for this gift I want to give you while you impregnate my 16 year old daughter with your busboy seed.

[Brett Vesely]

Were they out there serenading in the parking lot with a washboard and a.

[John Holmberg]

Brown jug and we're so excited for her and I'm like, get out of here. What are you doing? People are gonna see you. I can't be seen with this kind of porn. It's like you're the. You've got goddamn clampets. Get grandma off the roof and drive home.

[Byron]

Can you get some of that toilet paper at work?

[John Holmberg]

We are gonna be washing our asses better than ever. Now we got that busboy LA guy.

[Byron]

Isn't that silverware?

[John Holmberg]

I don't know.

[Brett Vesely]

He gets unlimited wet wipes if that's a fair comp.

[John Holmberg]

Because she can be poor and hot. We give her a chance. But the second the family's in the van and you're like, you can get her pregnant right in front of us. In fact, here, here's some extra seeds from her brother. Let's just add that to the mix. And like Knock it off. They were extra poor. There's a boundary, remember?

[Byron]

If anyone forgets them to goes, you keep them.

[John Holmberg]

Had she been raised better, and I betting she landed somebody who had a job. She was ambitious towards anybody who had sort of a job. I guess she had never seen such a thing. Daddy never had one for a long period of time. Here I was on a stretch of two years as a busboy, and I was only 17. I was this dude. I might as well have gotten a Rolex from the, you know. Wow, two years. How'd you pull that off? John D. Rockefeller over there. You go after him, honey, with all your might. Listen here, mijo. I want you to impregnate my daughter in front of us. It's a tradition in our family because we only have one room. So, yes, there are examples that will backfire on that. But had she presented herself a little different, I'd have probably knocked up that weird little hillbilly. And the next thing you know, my life would have been ruined. I was also highly aware, thanks to Dan Holmberg, that pregnancy happens if you look at him wrong. So he had me scared to death of every girl in high school. You get pregnant, your life is. It's over. I'm like, you're talking to your son. At one point, my mom came to you and said, we're having a baby. And you make pregnancy. It's the worst thing that you can ever hear a woman go, look at you and look at me. Do I look happy? And that's because your mom came to me at one point and said, I'm pregnant. And then she did it again. I'm twice cursed. Do not put one in a woman, ever. All it is, is trouble is that.

[Brett Vesely]

When he was hoping you were gay.

[John Holmberg]

I don't think he hoped I was gay. I thought he hoped I was sterile. I'm positive of that. You look at. You get it. You're gonna get him pregnant. You're gonna get one pregnant, like, good. You even talking to him like a girl would call.

[Lisa]

It's John there.

[John Holmberg]

Hang on. John, there's a girl on the line. Is she pregnant? No. All right, don't talk for more than five minutes because they can get pregnant on the phone now. He was worried about it all, and he was right. Get me out of those situations. You don't put it in there. I was trying still, but I was scared of him. That hillbillies. That's one thing you got to know about poor women, too. Their eggs. They're super. They're fertile like A Vietnamese rice field like you can't. Like they're the ones that they warn you about in school that says even if you don't penetrate, just getting some on them can get in there. The poor ones are the one they're talking about because they don't wash for a few days. Your sperm's just dying there on a labia, just flopping around like you know, I'm going inside and then it just starts swimming in there. It's like the one, dude, I didn't.

[Lisa]

Wash it off because I loved you so much.

[John Holmberg]

That's what poor girls get pregnant off of. Just contact. Poor girls are the ones you have to worry about about that whole pre soak thing. Any, anything that's if your pee pee is wet at all, they'll get pregnant. They should tell you that in school. It's the poor ones, they get pregnant real fast. So. Yes, but men are still romantic enough to see a lady working at the Chick Fil A and think she's beautiful. And a billionaire would drive all the way around take you out. I'd like to ask you to dinner.

[Lisa]

Are you kidding? Did I just hit the lottery?

[John Holmberg]

You sure did, darling.

[Lisa]

My vagina is currency, isn't it?

[John Holmberg]

You're learning early. It's good stuff. Tell me it's not currency. When I see only fans, I see Instagram. I see Jesus. That Bonnie Blue broke her own record for sex and it's a big news story where she had 400 sex partners without protection that she allowed in her delicious. It sounds wonderful. Really classy broad. I watch what's going on? You guys know the Kardashians? That's not. They didn't profit from it. I'm just saying if I had a football commercial of I know, she admits it. I have my full current vagina poison and it's the thing that keeps me in money. If my right arm was a jugs machine and I don't want to play football, you'd be like, what are you doing? That's your ticket. Just be smart with it. That's all. I got an email from a guy who's like, I can find that one. It was great. And he's not wrong because I'm bright red and I want to gain weight, turn into a conspiracy theorist. Because all conspiracy theorists are bright red and a little bit chubby. Look a little pregnant. This one says hey John. Or yeah, it's from Glenn. Says hey John, now that you're going insane and you think everything's a conspiracy, turn red for me. And get fat about Princess Diana. You're getting requests for what? I think, oh, they killed her. That's easy. But here's what Brady and I were talking about yesterday. Here's what you're not paying attention to. They're plotting a plan to kill Prince Andrew. That dude's got to go. So don't be surprised.

[Byron]

Like, I thought he was gone for a while, but it just keeps.

[John Holmberg]

I want to start predicting the conspiracies before they happen. You know, I want to have those moments where, you know. Alex. Alex Jones. Where is it? There it is. I'll eat your ass. Alex Jones pops up before. We're like the. We're like the Nostradamus of conspiracies. They are. They are.

[Byron]

There will be an accident.

[John Holmberg]

They can't run him over again because then. Then it's the dead giveaway that they did it to Princess Diana. But he's gonna fall off a cliff or out a window. Something weird's gonna happen.

[Byron]

Heart attack.

[John Holmberg]

It could be too natural. And then. Because then you gotta poison him and stuff, and that'll get caught. Like, you need an accident to happen. Like a weird, like. Like he. Like a, you know, plane, maybe. Could be a plane crash. That would be big. Like. But he is. He's getting that Epstein file again. And he's laying on top of a chick in the pictures. And this dude's been denying that. Remember the first one when he had the arm around the girl that turned out she was like, 15. And he's like, well, that's just an angle. Look, I. If you ask me, that's a perception of the photograph. She's far away from me, but in the photograph, it just looks as though I'm embracing her. I was never in that. And then the new ones come out, and he's literally on top of a girl. I don't even know.

[Byron]

That could be the angle again.

[Lisa]

Camera angles.

[John Holmberg]

It's two dimensional. This could very well be a reflection off a mirror. I remember once skydiving in that very position, and there was a. But the reflection of the. They're going to kill me, aren't they? They have to get rid of this dude. He's nothing but trouble for the. So he's the one. So you asked me about Princess Diana. Yes. I mean, there's no question that they were. They were going through some stuff with Diana. And that was a very elaborate way to unload her, by the way, just.

[Byron]

Out of the blue, the. I mean, that moon thing is just more traction. The Moon conspiracy.

[John Holmberg]

The landing oh, trust me, we'll get into that another time. Don't bring that up. We're in the middle of something El. Weird. Yeah, all right, well, calm down because we'll get into something else. Jesus, talk about the diversion police.

[Byron]

Yeah, but I was one yesterday.

[John Holmberg]

I know what you were, Andrew.

[Brett Vesely]

There.

[John Holmberg]

No, no. Well, nobody cares about credit. It's all right. We just gotta focus.

[Byron]

I'm just saying the same thing. It's like.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, no, I know you're not wrong. And he was laying on top of abroad. Now I have to talk about the moon. See what he did. Jesus Christ. You're not wrong, though. But on this moon thing, Brady sent over a video yesterday of Buzz Aldrin's moon boots. And then the moon print. Neil Armstrong, or Neil Armstrong, whoever it was. But it's the moon print of the preserved suit from the moon landing. And then the boots don't match the print. That's the picture. And it's all. There's. That's all a mess. I'm pretty convinced now the moon didn't occur. I'm getting to that point now where it's almost like they're trying to send us stuff that makes us go, just. Just know it didn't happen.

[Brett Vesely]

So you think we've never been there or just not when we said that.

[John Holmberg]

We were getting mighty close to thinking it never happened. And I think they're doing that because these new guys are going to shoot up there. Oh, here we go. Bright red John again. The new group that's got to go up there might blow up in the Van Allen belts and stuff like that and they'll. And it'll be a dead giveaway that we've never done it. So I think they're just in case in us, like, start to question that first moon landing because I think we're going to actually try this time. And if it doesn't go well, then we'll know the first one was fake. So let's just make the first one fake now so when the other one blows up, we'll get it back. Yeah, don't get me off on the. Princess Diana's thing was the most elaborate murder of all time. That is a. Because you're taking chances. She lives. But that was unbelievable how they. They just mangled that car up. That thing is. It was like made of a tin can. Prince Andrew's gotta go. The royal family, good at killing people. They're the Clintons of England and they just haven't come up with a way to get away with it. Yet. But that guy's. They've kind of banished him from the kingdom. He keeps coming up and, you know, look, the first time was like, you're just not allowed to be here anymore. Get out. And if anything else comes out, you're in big trouble. And then this new one, all this new stuff's coming out when he's like, he's bad. The guy was banging a lot of chicks at Epstein Island. A lot. He had nothing else to do. Didn't have a job. He's Prince Andrew.

[Brett Vesely]

What do you do as a prince? Nothing.

[Lisa]

Right.

[John Holmberg]

Cut ribbons. And you speak out against landmines. It's an easy job.

[Byron]

I just don't think you're third or fourth in line.

[John Holmberg]

Landmines are bad. I believe we should eliminate landmines. Thank you. Oh, he's brilliant. I'm against children's illiteracy. Oh, wow. What a brave branch to go out on there. Wow. Now all those people that are for that.

[Lisa]

I fight for children to be able to read.

[Byron]

Stop by a couple of hospitals.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Look around.

[Brett Vesely]

The opening of a Safeway.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. They had to keep away from the children's hospitals, though, because he'd mount them.

[Byron]

No, he owe it to the juvie.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. I now declare this Safeway open for business. Thank you.

[Lisa]

Thank you very much.

[Brett Vesely]

Thy Safeway.

[John Holmberg]

There he goes. Fourth in line for the throne. Prince Andrew opening up the Safeway here in Liverpool. Pop up on thump. Visit Holmberg's morning sickness online at 98k aubd.com Holmberg's Morning Sickness.

[Byron]

The Queen's like, we have a high school that. I'll take that, Mom.

[John Holmberg]

I'll do that one, Mom.

[Lisa]

There's a high school graduation, Andrew. Yes.

[John Holmberg]

And all of you can read, which.

[Lisa]

Is my literacy program.

[John Holmberg]

Huh? Have a lovely.

[Lisa]

I'll shake hands with each of you.

[Byron]

I shall sponsor prom.

[Lisa]

And it's like, don't have anything to do do this weekend.

[John Holmberg]

Mummy.

[Lisa]

Why don't you go to your friend's island again? Don't get photographed.

[Byron]

Right.

[Lisa]

Oh, I'll lay on top of these kids. It'll be funny.

[John Holmberg]

They gotta kill this dude and they know it. I'm not saying anything from what I expect. I just know they're gonna kill him and they're gonna. It's gonna be one of the.

[Lisa]

Oh, my.

[John Holmberg]

Prince Andrew's fallen from a second floor, hasn't he?

[Brett Vesely]

He's always clumsy.

[John Holmberg]

He's such a clumsy prince. It is our great regret that we have lost my brother, Prince Andrew, to a tumble from a window at Castle Windsor.

[Lisa]

Oh, what happened?

[John Holmberg]

He was so close to the window and took a misstep and out he went. Paramedics did all they could.

[Byron]

Radio fell in the bathtub.

[John Holmberg]

Sadly he also fell on one of mum's corgis. So we've lost two beloved members of the family today. That corgi knew too much. Anyway, they're killing that guy. So prepare yourself for that next conspiracy because that's a good one. And the royal family will of course get away with it, but it can't be as clumsy as the Princess Diana thing. So you ask Glenn. What do I think of the Princess Diana thing? Most elaborate murder in my lifetime. I mean that is a. What a plan.

[Lisa]

Then get the car up to breakneck speeds and smash it into the side of the tunnel. Please, her side first.

[John Holmberg]

What if the other people in the car die, love?

[Lisa]

Well then so be it. As long as that goes away.

[John Holmberg]

Prince Andrew's laying on top of a child.

[Lisa]

We'll get to that in another day. Right now we're focused on killing my former daughter in law.

[Brett Vesely]

Oh, your Dave Nashes are coming out. Wait until you find out why Michael Jackson was murdered.

[John Holmberg]

There's a guy in jail for it. So it wasn't that he wasn't murdered. I don't think Michael was too against his murder. I think he was really enjoying the pills and the propofol and he's a big one. I wouldn't be surprised they killed him too. You think Michael was going to spill the beans?

[Brett Vesely]

Maybe diddled the wrong kid or something?

[Lisa]

Yeah, but wouldn't that kid.

[John Holmberg]

Wouldn't they kill the kid?

[Brett Vesely]

Probably the parent. Probably.

[John Holmberg]

Oh yeah. Pulled together and said they pulled some.

[Byron]

Money with the doctor.

[John Holmberg]

Why don't you load him up? He's gonna get away with this again so let's just.

[Lisa]

Hi guys. What's going on? I just really want to be asleep for a little while. Do you have anything?

[John Holmberg]

That was my chance. Sure, Michael. I got tons of stuff for him.

[Lisa]

Just load me up. Is Prince here?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, he's outside. He's singing songs in the studio. He's. He, he. Is Daddy awake yet? What's going on in there? By the way? It's Prince, not Michael. I'm the spitting image of my father. Biological fella. I call him Biop.

[Brett Vesely]

Debbie.

[Lisa]

Prince, Come on in here. Your daddy's sleepy.

[John Holmberg]

Daddy, why are you always so tired?

[Lisa]

Oh Prince, you were just a chip off the old block.

[John Holmberg]

Should I try some sleepy juice too, Daddy? Hey mut dummy. Sleepy juice.

[Lisa]

No Prince, stay away from the sleepy juice.

[Byron]

I switched bottles last minute.

[John Holmberg]

Daddy, I have to talk to you about something.

[Lisa]

What is it?

[John Holmberg]

Oppression. It's hard to be a black man in America.

[Lisa]

I know. And you're gonna get called lots of things, like cracker and whitey.

[John Holmberg]

What? Why? He's David Johnson. I don't understand.

[Lisa]

Show Daddy your new dad. Oh, my God, you move like an angel.

[John Holmberg]

Anyway, Daddy, a boy called me the N word and then laughed. What do I do?

[Lisa]

Oh, no, Prince, you're experiencing oppression.

[John Holmberg]

It's so hard. I don't think I can get a job.

[Byron]

A ride on the carousel will solve everything.

[John Holmberg]

I'm gonna go outside and play with those random kids you keep around.

[Lisa]

That's a good idea. Bring pictures back.

[John Holmberg]

Moonwalked out of the room.

[Byron]

Don't matter if I'm tough.

[Brett Vesely]

Being a black man, in a way.

[John Holmberg]

I gotta get the out of la. The cops always hassling me. I got berries flashing their high beams behind me. Being Prince Jackson is difficult. Don't you murder my daddy. It's just another black man getting killed by the man. Yeah, no, I'm all in on the. On the conspiracy that they're killing those royals. But that Andrew guys got to go. So they've noticed something. John, every time you start talking about Epstein, Brady changes the subject. And this time he went to the moon. I didn't notice that. That's true. Oh, yeah, I forgot about that. That Kaitlyn trip's getting a little more curious, isn't it? Anyway, it's a weird thing, but yeah, if you're asking about Princess Diana, I will tell you right away. I am a firm believer it's 1.

[Byron]

1. One person a day is getting basically impacted by the Epstein thing.

[John Holmberg]

What do you mean?

[Byron]

Today's a read about an agent. Hollywood.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, yeah.

[Byron]

Well, it's Chapel Roan's guy.

[John Holmberg]

She just dumped him because he dumped him.

[Byron]

And he represents a Imagine Dragons a ton of.

[John Holmberg]

Wasn't he also Weinstein related? And Epstein, like, this dude had a strike against him to begin with, and then this hit him too. And yeah, Chapel Roan just dumped her agency and all that. And there's all sorts of weird stuff going on with that, but, you know, they pulled the sweater thread. You're going to find out a bunch of things, but I don't know. Everybody's yelling at Sarah, the girl that said her vagina is not currency. Donovan says, yes, Sarah, everyone's so nice to you because you get such a great personality. That's why. That's why dudes will tolerate you yelling at him or spitting Very true. Oh, my God. Now everybody's sending me pictures of Eileen Gu, the Chinese skier. Stop that. I got an email from a guy that said, john, do you ever read these? And it's a. It's a sex advice column on some. On Slate. And the answer to back was no, but it was a letter somebody wrote and you kind of pigs are you? Says we were house sitting for some friends who had been away on a vacation internationally. And I'm afraid we've created a mess for my friend Alex and his wife. My husband and I had sex the time we stayed at Alex and Amy's. The condom we used, we threw in the trash in the bathroom of their bedroom. We didn't think anything of it. Right there. What a couple of pigs.

[Brett Vesely]

Oh, yeah.

[John Holmberg]

It says, the trouble is Amy came home and spotted it when she was dumping the garbage several days after they came back. She and Alex don't use condoms, so now she thinks Alex is cheating on her. My husband and I came to the house and said, amy, we did that. We pigged out in your house and did that. She thinks we're trying to cover for him because we've been friends with Alex since college. Now Alex is living with us and Amy's contemplating divorce. Is there anything we can do short of a lie detector test to prove his innocence? And then they signed it condom cluster F. First off, your friends trusted you to watch their home. You're adults. You don't go over there and bone. And if you do, the evidence is not left in their trash.

[Brett Vesely]

Flush it.

[John Holmberg]

You flush it. Or you put it in a baggie and you take it to your house. You want to. You left. Believe anything, especially a used rubber. You have a used rubber and you're like, just put that in the trash. Amy will get to it when she got. And then you forget about it. You just left it there. That is disgusting. When I was.

[Byron]

Oh, by the way. And yeah, everything's good in the house. And the kitchen waste can is full, too.

[John Holmberg]

I was dropping. I didn't run the sink, but I poured most of the contents into that. So if it looks like there's a lot of lotion dried up there, that's me.

[Brett Vesely]

Now the question is too, did they wash the sheets?

[John Holmberg]

Exactly.

[Brett Vesely]

Or those pigs just leave it.

[John Holmberg]

They hogged out on their bed.

[Byron]

See that sheets are in the laundry room and the dishes are dirty.

[John Holmberg]

You just. They're just pigs. Now, each of us in this room, save for Brady, has had sex in someone's house when they've watched it for Them. There's no question about that. I, in fact, used to watch my best friend's mom place when she'd go out of town. And she'd go out of town quite a bit. And that was when I had a girlfriend. And not only did I have sex in her bed, I never cleaned up after. I was a teenage boy. You had entrusted to watch your home. What did you expect?

[Brett Vesely]

Get what you pay for?

[John Holmberg]

Exactly. She had one of those motionless waterbeds. And the girl I was into was just thought that was the coolest thing in the world. So I gave her the goods on that a lot. Never once did I think we should peel these back. And everything had to be just covered in evidence. And I told my friend's mom recently that I used to do that. And she said. And the conversation ended. Oh, I know. But she kept asking me to watch her house and her dogs, Buffy and Winnie. She would continually ask me to do that.

[Byron]

It was a smoking deal.

[John Holmberg]

For it was. I got a free place to stay for a couple of days to hose my girlfriend and I.

[Byron]

You're responsible enough that no damage would happen to the house.

[John Holmberg]

Well, I mean, define. Define damage.

[Brett Vesely]

Yes.

[John Holmberg]

Defined damage. Because there was definitely gross or stuff leaving the house. Oh, I wouldn't steal. Lord not. I was raised almost properly. We tried the guest room. You know, it had.

[Byron]

Not the same.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, we gave it a good go. I mean, it was multiples in there. The couch, the kitchen. And then the girlfriend discovered the big, giant, like, waveless waterbed. And once she got on that, she's like, this thing's weird. And I'm like, yeah. And then I just saw the twinkle in her eye, and I just. We just. Just hammered that duvet. And then we slept in it. Like, we stayed in that bed because it was the most comfortable one. And then it just became habit.

[Brett Vesely]

But then you're sleeping in somebody else's.

[John Holmberg]

And that I never thought of at the time because my brain was so focused on one.

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah, you're 17 years old.

[John Holmberg]

I didn't care.

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah, it didn't matter.

[Byron]

Could have been a sleeping bed.

[John Holmberg]

It could have been an alley. It didn't matter. I was gonna do this. This was a girl that was willing to let me lay on her. I was gonna take advantage of that for as long as it lasts. Lasted a couple years, but you can be a pig. Adults. When you trust Brett to come to my house and I come home and there's rubbers in the. Brett might lose his job that I might actually come to go, hey, Brett. That's no, we can't even be deserve to. And you would. Yes, absolutely. I.

[Byron]

As far as her. You know, unless this guy, the husband has I guess gone outside the marriage numerous times. You'd think between the couple and he wholeheartedly denying that this didn't happen. This isn't me.

[John Holmberg]

But if it's.

[Byron]

I think she'd be able to get over that factor. Believe him.

[John Holmberg]

Maybe there could be some trust issues.

[Byron]

Yeah. However, beforehand then that's a tough one to.

[John Holmberg]

There's a rubber in the bathroom and it's like six days after.

[Byron]

Exactly.

[John Holmberg]

I mean it seems like something you could talk yourself out of. The guys. The guy made mistakes on the initial confrontation with the wife of going huh, what? I didn't do anything. He probably. What are you up my ass for? He probably got angry, which is a. Like a sign instead of going. I don't know anything about that. DNA tested and that's what you have to do. You got a DNA test that rubber.

[Brett Vesely]

John, this just proves the point. Nothing good has ever come from using a condom.

[John Holmberg]

I totally agree. Totally agree. They got that plan B pill now. Condoms are pointless and it's hard to catch STDs. Tell that to your kids. It's like the percentage. It is hard to catch them. I was reading about that the other day. It's like this dude was like, AIDS is cured. It's nearly impossible to get HIV unless you're doing it with like intravenous drug using homosexuals. The odds are a lot higher there. If you're just doing it with a regular brush it.

[Byron]

Just ask her.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, the hep C, you homo. You know, you wouldn't ask the girl. Your odds are not increasing with a female homosexual that you're having heterosexual sex.

[Byron]

Look, I want to get everything out of the table.

[John Holmberg]

If you're having anal sex with a female homosexual intravenous drug user, you're. You're rolling dice. Anyway, now switch it up to homosexual sex with a gay on gay. And then, you know, you, you can get mad that it's like a stereotype, but it is statistically proven by the CDC that you're. The chances go through the roof.

[Brett Vesely]

Brian wants to know what's worse at your house. If somebody drops a deuce at your house or leaves a condom in the trash.

[John Holmberg]

Oh man. I mean that's just. You're really just. You know what's worse? Eating poop or eating cat poop? I mean, it's. If you dropped a condom in the trash.

[Byron]

If you dropped a deuce and Left it.

[Brett Vesely]

No, but just. Just like. Like when the. Like when captain. Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

And yeah, it Right. If I'm home and you take a dump at my house, you're out for good. Right. If I trust you to watch my house and you poop while I'm not there, that's okay.

[Brett Vesely]

So out of sight, out of mind. Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

If I don't know. And there's no, like, evidence of like, you.

[Byron]

You're supposed to be living there.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. I've given you the 24 hours a day kind of watch my dogs and things. Like. Yeah, I'm fine with you dropping a dime and loading up on that. Now if the toilet overflows and you leave it, you know, you're buying me a new toilet and you're going to pay for some plumbing and some. I'm going to have to retile that room and paint the condom in the. And again, you know, got a dog sitter for a while there. And then on the cameras her boyfriend would come in and they'd smoke weed constantly in there. But they were great with the dogs. You know, I loved her. She was awesome. And I'm like, I assumed they were in the guest room and he was just putting it to her. And sometimes I'd go back when I'd come home and the guest room bed was off the wall, you know, like he'd rocked her to where the bed actually scooted across the tile a little bit. So it was like a foot and a half away from where it normally be.

[Byron]

Like, oh, right.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, he's giving it to her good. And I was okay with that. Just not in my bed. I try not to get it on the couch. Dane says, can't you just taste the condom and know the difference? A good woman would. A good woman would be able to do that.

[Lisa]

This isn't your brew.

[John Holmberg]

Who's gulp?

[Brett Vesely]

I had asparagus for lunch. Been in there for a week.

[Lisa]

We'll just add a little water and it comes back to life like sea monkeys.

[Brett Vesely]

Did we give 7:00 clock word out?

[John Holmberg]

Yes, we did. It is intense. I N T E N S e intense. Put that 7 o' clock word in there on the app. So, yeah, if you're gonna do that at somebody else's house, for God's sakes, clean up after yourself. Leave no evidence. Be like, you know, that's why you should always have Native Americans watch your house. They leave only footprints and they take memory is they clean up after themselves is what I'm saying. You're going to be out a lot Of Budweiser. But at least the trash goes out. They're not going to leave it just laying around. That is a filthy human being that condoms up your trash can and leaves it there. That house should look exactly the same way when the people come home as it did when they left. I mean, the trash should be empty. Everything should be cleaned the same way they gave it to you. Should be given back. Like when somebody lets you borrow their car, you. You give it back with that same amount of gas in it. Exactly the same.

[Byron]

And I'm okay for whatever amount of like, food that was in the pantry or the refrigerator.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, yeah, I left it. I left it for you. That's fine. But you give it back the way you got it and we.

[Byron]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Let you know, hey, everything in the fridge is fair game. You don't have to replace that. But don't leave it laying around. Only plates and stuff all over the place.

[Brett Vesely]

You don't want to walk in the house and be like iron Eyes Cody and just have the tear coming down. Stuff like that.

[John Holmberg]

Drunk Indian and beer cans that are like, what the hell? Kushkosh. I trusted you. I had jerked off in your bed. Oh, no. So, yeah, be decent to each other, for God's sakes. If I watch. If I asked you to watch the house, that's all you gotta do. Make sure the dogs don't. And if you're gonna do something, clean up, have some class.

[Byron]

Your 600 worth of fish don't die.

[John Holmberg]

You had that happen.

[Byron]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Would you rather have come home to a buckets of condoms? It was a lot cheaper. Right, but still, you're never gonna let that guy watch your house again. More than likely the fish died because he was banging in the house and not paying attention to your fish. Wasn't he young too?

[Byron]

Yeah.

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

So you hired a teenager to do well?

[Byron]

No, he was, you know, 20, but.

[John Holmberg]

He was a little bit retarded, if I remember who it is. Right. Also a thief. Yeah, yeah, he's known to Steve. He was known around the building as this. He stole things. And I would scream out, he's stealing. And everybody be like, no, he's not. He's like, he went three for four.

[Byron]

I mean, he washed my house like four times.

[John Holmberg]

And you caught him once. That's basically what you're saying, man. Yeah.

[Brett Vesely]

Which time did you catch? Was that the last time when all the fish.

[Byron]

And he's like, bro, the heat went out, the AC went off and this fish.

[John Holmberg]

All Brady's tropical fish partners boiled up.

[Brett Vesely]

Oh, man.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, I think. To be honest with you, I think that Brady's fish had to go four days without Brady feeding him a special brew. Because that was when Brady used to give his fish the.

[Byron]

They're turning pale.

[John Holmberg]

The semen diet. They seem to be just like, dying to eat something that I don't know how to provide.

[Lisa]

Okay, go in the freezer.

[Byron]

I swear, the one talks.

[Lisa]

There's a package with a skull and crossbones on it. Looks like mayonnaise. Pour it in the fish tank. Don't ask any questions.

[Byron]

Half a scoop only.

[Lisa]

There's some air freshener next to the thing. Cause the house is about to smell like frozen bleach. Don't ask questions.

[John Holmberg]

What is it, Brady?

[Lisa]

It's 10cc's of love for fish.

[Byron]

Do fish like bleach?

[Lisa]

This is bleach, bro. It is not bleach. I repeat, it is not bleach.

[John Holmberg]

It says do not eat.

[Lisa]

I know, but that's be. Just put it in there, the fish.

[John Holmberg]

Will come back to life.

[Lisa]

I give you life.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, that was. That was my theory. But he also hired a convicted thief to watch his. That kid was in liar. Like he was hosing all over that house. Hookers, all sorts of terrible things. Fact. No reason for this. Jason says you had sex and never washed that woman's sheets. You dirty Jew. All right, we just had a commercial about this.

[Byron]

I got you, bro.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. No, that was Prince Jackson. I've got you, bro. Us brothers have to stick together. What do you got on the big board of musical Treats there, Bert?

[Brett Vesely]

Wake up. Song time. Lots of stuff up here. Some Nine Inch Nails. Concerning the contest. We're running Nickelback Electric Call Boy, Static X, Thrice Corn Benny. Mardona's into the Night for Prince Andrew. Also, it would have been Cliff Burton's 62nd birthday, I believe. Yeah, so we got Leper Messiah and Calla Cthulhu.

[John Holmberg]

We do it for Cliff every year, it seems so. We should do it again. All right. I don't care which one you want to go with. Cthulhu is a great baseline. Both of them are actually.

[Byron]

It went 64.

[Brett Vesely]

64?

[John Holmberg]

4 years old. That's wild. We'll do Call of cthulhu. Although it's 8.

[Byron]

9.

[John Holmberg]

All right. It's a long song. Awfully long.

[Brett Vesely]

Almost the Metallica songs with Clifford.

[Byron]

How about this?

[John Holmberg]

Very true.

[Byron]

48 years ago, on this day, Van Halen's self titled debut album released today.

[John Holmberg]

Is Van Halen one.

[Byron]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

48 years. Double shot, man. All right, scratch the Metallica. We're going with a little Van Halen. Let's do something we don't normally do off that record. Record.

[Brett Vesely]

It's probably not in the system then. Here, I'll pull them up.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, you get.

[Byron]

Ain't talking about love. Running with the Devil. Jamie's crying.

[John Holmberg]

Those are the heads. Let's do Atomic Punk.

[Brett Vesely]

That might be the system.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, Atomic Punk is great. We'll do that one. That's the closer to the whole thing too. 10. Atomic Punk is such a great. So that's 48 years old. Oh, my God. That's banana us. So let's do the math in John's head, shall we? 48 years ago, of course, was 1978. Is that right? Yep. Yep. 48 years prior to that. Oh, my God. 40. No, no, 19.

[Byron]

So I'm sorry, 20. Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

No, 30. 1930. Were there any songs in 1930 that were popular in 1978 or would be hits in 1978? And the answer to that is clearly no blacks. No blacks, no blacks. In 1978, that wouldn't have been a thing.

[Brett Vesely]

Look at this first album.

[Byron]

Ridiculous.

[John Holmberg]

I know. Eruption. Well, it starts with Running with the Devil. Eruption. You really got me. Ain't talking about love. Oh, I'm the one. That's what we're gonna play. I haven't heard that. That's a great one.

[Brett Vesely]

All right.

[John Holmberg]

And this is. If you release this today. Amazing. Back in 1930, which was 48 years before this. I'm gonna go outside right now in the sunshine Nevada pattern. No blacks, no blacks, no blacks, no blacks.

[Lisa]

It's springtime in Germany and nothing can go wrong.

[John Holmberg]

Germany is my favorite place. No blacks, no blacks, no blacks. Nothing in 1978 from 1930 would work. Jesus, like Mormonism was like five years old in 1930. And that is the same amount of time that has passed since this album. My God, people are requesting that one now. Could you play that 1930s hit?

[Lisa]

I'm walking through the field with the.

[John Holmberg]

Penguins and the trees and no blacks around me. No blacks, no blacks, no blacks, no blacks, no blacks in 1930. Go to the speakeasy. It's tough time since the stock market crash, but at least there's no black. I could write songs from the 30s, man, for hours. It's easy. It's low hanging fruit, man.

[Lisa]

I ran into a guy and he was brown.

[John Holmberg]

I said, I'm right back out of my hometown. No blacks, no browns, no blacks, no browns.

[Byron]

It's five o'. Clock.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Crazy. Yeah. That's what they would sing about. Sundown Town. It's five o' clock and there aren't any blacks around. We don't drop the black blacks. My blacks. Think about that time gap, 1930 to 1978. We went from that. What I'm singing. They're huge hits. Huge hits that I'm bringing back to I'm the One by Van halen. And then 48 years since then has passed and this would still be a hit. Although I think maybe what I've created might also get cleaned up by AI and be a hit as well. Let's do it. I'm the One. There's a badass rock song right here. Timeless 98. It's not weird.

[Byron]

It's pretty cool, actually. No membership fee.

[John Holmberg]

I have heard enough of this. Morning sickness. You've been deceived by an agent of Satan himself. 98 means we're a minute away from letting you know that ambient is the next word to put in the app for this contest to get you in the sweet that feeds with nine inch nails. Their concert coming up March 6th. We're giving away the suite KPD party suite up there full of you guys. Ambient. Ambi nt. Ambient is the eight o' clock word on the app and through the website only. As this podcast is doing you a favor, as you. You were the only recipients that can do this. When people listen to the actual podcast later, they won't have the benefit of being part of this live recording of the podcast that gets broadcast through traditional radio. Oh, it's great being on this podcast. Before we get on to the next thing, a guy named Christian says, I'm not one to judge, John, but you were talking about guys who have collectibles and women who do too. I'm about to hook up with a blonde haired, blue eyed lady who tells me she collects WW2 Nazi stuff. And you know, I will have a kaiser helmet on while I am pounding that ass. That's right. Because guys will adapt and adjust accordingly. And it doesn't mean we mean it. It's just like the phrase I love you. It doesn't mean we mean it.

[Byron]

Enjoy the company of that Aryan woman.

[John Holmberg]

That's right. She's a nice. She's a nice girl. She's got some things she likes to talk about. They're a little office. They call that a skew. But aren't we all into diversity? Isn't that the whole goal? Try to find other people's views. She's a monster in the bedroom. You put that kaiser helmet on for a couple hours. Get it done and then giggle. You got a good story later. And this guy says, john, you were talking about poor girls. I had a girlfriend in college who didn't realize how poor she was. And she used to come over before she'd leave, whether we did it or not. She'd take a shower, which I found weird. It turned out she didn't have hot water. And when her family met me, it was like meeting the people from the Hills have Eyes. She was so pretty, but I just couldn't keep going. I worked at an engineering firm and made okay money. And her family had never seen anything like what I was bringing in. She didn't have hot water, so she used his place. You marry that girl, but that's how poor she was. And once you meet the Hills have Eyes family, it does change it. But a guy will take a chance on a poor woman. And I know there's gonna be outliers, but it is very rare, statistically true, that a woman will not seek out a poor. Just cuz he's great looking and nice. It ain't happening. He's a deadbeat.

[Byron]

His band has a chance of making it.

[John Holmberg]

He's a deadbeat. Look, girl's dating a guy, dead poor, right? She goes to Postino's and starts telling him, well, I pay his bills and I'm supporting him. And he's, he's not really doing anything, but he's good around the house and stuff. And all of her friends would say, you need to get out of this, he's a loser. Now bunch of us go to like cold beers and cheeseburgers and like this chick, like, she's poor as dirt, but she's so hot. And then I show you one picture and all the guys at the table are like, oh, awesome, she's gonna love you. Like we immediately. Nobody calls her a deadbeat or a loser. Just, she doesn't have a job, she's got no possibilities.

[Byron]

She's. And it seems like most of the time when the woman is doing that and it's like investing in this guy, of course there's potentially going to be a return.

[John Holmberg]

And because she's using her currency, she's leading with what she has to offer. She's buying her. Her currency is her. Men don't care. Guy sees a poor girl, she's a wealthy girl, we see them the same.

[Brett Vesely]

Way, except LA guy.

[John Holmberg]

And then again you meet the family, well, they can still ruin it. It doesn't mean it's 100% across the board. They could still wreck it. Probably a reason why she's poor and not doing too well. She takes the next step before we get to the Brady report. Also, gotta say, tip out those. Those cookies and hugs to your packs at home for my friend Ryan's dog Mickey. Mickey passed away last night in the yard. Had like a heart attack or something. One of those. And that's never fun. I've never had that. Fortunately. I've always had. I know it sounds terrible. I've always had the ability to call it. To throw in the towel and ease the suffering. I've never had to find my dog that way. I can't imagine both are very difficult. I'm still in the throes of Frankie from last Thursday. I think about it sometimes and still well up, so. And also another email that came in earlier for Chloe. Extra cookies, extra hugs for all of our furry buddies for Chloe and for Mickey. Dropping like flies out there. There's plenty of dogs who need you in the shelters. Lost our home. That humane society, I don't care which one you go to. Charity has no boundaries. These people are doing good work. My friend over at Incredible Stella Erica, who runs an amazing operation up there. Look into all of them. And I know it hurts when you first lose one. But you got to start thinking of the little guys that need that chance, that are waiting. Little homeless fellas sitting over there waiting for you to give them a chance. Like you did Chloe. Like you did Mickey. Like I did. Frankie. Get on the ball. Help him out. I talked to Eric Brian yesterday from Precision Air, and he's lost his dog. And he's like, man, Mike. Yeah, but you're a good dog guy. Another one needs you. The pain's there, but you can. Can make that right for another one.

[Byron]

And give dog bed was still in the back of his car.

[John Holmberg]

He was showing me that yesterday. It's crazy. I think he's still got other dogs. Yeah, he's still. Man. It was. It's not easy. It's time now for Brady to give you all the news that only Brady knows. We call this the Brady Report. It's brought to you by our [e-mail] All Pro shade available all the time to shade your yard. We just had to drop some shades here in the studio. Cause it's getting a little warm when that sun creeps up over the papago, goes right through the window and starts burning up Brett's back and getting in Brady's eyes because we've got a lot of sun and you have a lot of space. To sit in your backyard you're not using because you don't have shade. All Pro Shade will fix that in a second. Make that TV on your back patio a possibility. Make dining outdoors a possibility without all that glare and nonsense. You can have a room. Room outdoors. And we live in a place where being outside is awesome, especially right now. And it's going to stay that way for another month. So call our friends at All Pro Shade and get it done. Allprochade.com Brady report it.

[Byron]

Good Tuesday morning to you, Phoenix. Hello, world.

[John Holmberg]

Hi.

[Byron]

A couple of basis fun facts. And it's also National Flannel Day.

[Brett Vesely]

Wearing one right now.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, you are? Yeah, I'm not.

[Byron]

Llamas are. Are no fault in Georgia. According to Georgia law, anyone injured or killed by a llama or when working with llamas is not allowed to sue because they have assumed all the risk.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, llamas are assholes. You go and it's, you know, standing in the freeway and what are the odds a llama kills you? Right?

[Byron]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

You have to do something really dumb. I like that law. It's the stupid hiking law.

[Byron]

Basically.

[John Holmberg]

It's like, you're gonna mess around with llamas, there's a chance it's gonna hurt you.

[Brett Vesely]

So died by llama, bro.

[John Holmberg]

I've never embarrassed. Yeah, of course. I wouldn't sue anybody. Be like, all right, just scratch him off the ledger. He never existed. 0 Brett died. He was training a llama. He was what? Yeah, he decided to be a llama trainer for a minute, and a llama killed him.

[Lisa]

How?

[John Holmberg]

We don't know. They got into a fight.

[Byron]

He got into a slap fight.

[John Holmberg]

You'd have to really screw up to have a llama kill you.

[Byron]

Instant replay started at the 1960 Winter Olympics in Squaw Valley, California. Judges asked CBS if they could review the tape of the event to see if a skier had missed a gate on the slalom.

[John Holmberg]

Cool.

[Byron]

And that gave CV CBS the idea to show replays.

[John Holmberg]

That's a great thing.

[Byron]

The sound of Darth vader breathing is trademarked 2009. Lucasfilm applied for the US patent and trademark office for the sound mark.

[John Holmberg]

Anybody can do it, though.

[Byron]

Yeah.

[Brett Vesely]

Surprise Gene Simmons didn't beat him to it.

[John Holmberg]

I did for a little while. I owned Darth Vader's lungs for just a bit. We had them. We called them Kiss lungs. And they were amazing. Toledo's taking a great photo with all the comparisons of Brady turning into Winnie the Pooh over the last few days. And it's very noticeable that as he ages, he softens into Pooh Bear. I bought Brady a honey pot. It's a beehive with honey in it.

[Byron]

And it's the actual.

[John Holmberg]

It's the, It's Winnie the Pooh. Yeah, it's from the Hundred Acre Woods. It's, it's, it's Winnie's actual honey pot. I had a choice. I was gonna get the really big one, but it would take up too much space. I got you the medium sized honey pot. And it will sit.

[Byron]

Official Disney wear.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, it was good. I, I didn't skimp. This is not a team.

[Byron]

Maybe you made it yourself at one of those.

[John Holmberg]

I did. I did try three attempts and none of them came out right. So I just decided to, to order up. But Brady now sits in his Pooh Bear shape next to his honey pot. And eventually he will grow ears on top of his head and we'll all be happy.

[Byron]

People driving below the speed limit are more likely to get into an accident than people driving above the speed limit.

[John Holmberg]

Completely true. Slow people are much more dangerous. So I don't ride with Megan on this day, ride my bike in history.

[Byron]

180 years ago, on this day in 1846, the Mormons began their long bike ride from Illinois to Utah.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Joseph Smith was murdered along the way for being a swindling jackass. Multiple places, philanderer. Oh, I don't even care about that. He just rolled into town and stole money. And then they had that. They got kicked out of every town they were in. And then finally somebody said, ohio, just kill that guy. And they did. And then Brigham Young down the river, Brigham Young grabs the flag and starts running. Just stops at Salt Lake.

[Byron]

163 years ago.

[John Holmberg]

Not a beautiful story, by the way. The Mormon story, that walk. Not a beautiful story. You guys try to dress that up. This, this flim flam man comes snake oiling all the way through every city and then gets killed for it. And, and they still like, oh, what a, what a sacrifice. Like, no, that's not a sacrifice. He was. He deserved it.

[Ronnie]

Brush up on that story.

[John Holmberg]

Deserved it.

[Ronnie]

Think differently.

[Lisa]

He was spreading the word.

[John Holmberg]

He was stealing. His wife didn't believe him. Read the book.

[Byron]

In 1863, P.T. barnum staged the wedding of General Tom Thumb to Mercy Lavinia Warren. Happened in New York City. The tiny couple stood on a piano to greet their guests.

[John Holmberg]

Pictures legendary.

[Byron]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Tom thumb was like two feet tall. And somehow another. He towered over that broad.

[Byron]

34 years ago in 1992, Mike Tyson was convicted of Raping. Desiree Washington didn't do it. Desiree, the Miss Black America contestant served three years for. I forgot it was that.

[John Holmberg]

That he performed oral sex on her. That's not a rape.

[Byron]

And 33 years ago in 1993, was when Michael Jackson did that interview with.

[John Holmberg]

Oprah about his penis.

[Byron]

About everything. About the.

[John Holmberg]

He's crying disorder.

[Byron]

Having the.

[Lisa]

Yeah, dad, they took pictures of my penis.

[John Holmberg]

And Oprah's face was like, ah, this is a. It's above my pay grade. I didn't want to talk about that.

[Byron]

90 million people tuned in, making the program the fourth most watched show in America, excluding Super Bowl.

[Lisa]

I couldn't believe what was happening. They took me in another room and they photographed my penis.

[John Holmberg]

All right, we'll be right back. Jesus Christ, Mike. Talk about writing bad.

[Byron]

Oh.

[Lisa]

All right.

[Byron]

29 years ago, 1997, blur released self titled fifth album song number two.

[John Holmberg]

Daddy, is Oprah keeping it real?

[Lisa]

Everything's okay, Oprah. I know you had trouble thinking that the man in the mirror just popped in. That's not me. That's my son. Did you. Could you tell the difference? I thought maybe you thought we were gonna play a trick on you. And I was gonna have Prince sit here and see how long the interview would go before you noticed.

[John Holmberg]

Wouldn't it have been hilarious? Oprah, He. Anyway, next time I'll put on the outfit and the glove and I'll sit where Daddy sits.

[Lisa]

That's right. No one would know he's my biological son.

[Byron]

It's Red Tuesday, the day of the year you're most likely to get dumped. That's the claim, anyway.

[John Holmberg]

It's this late? The 10th.

[Byron]

It's always the Tuesday before Valentine's Day.

[John Holmberg]

I'd have figured it would have been a couple weeks ago. Today's the day you get iced. Four days before that. Seems a little late. Yeah.

[Brett Vesely]

Just get up in there before Valentine's Day.

[John Holmberg]

You're good. Yeah, I'll give you that.

[Byron]

The site illicit encounters got the term trending. In 2015, a survey found around one in four people have broken up with someone the week before Valentine's Day.

[John Holmberg]

The guy just emailed me. Because you're full of crap about Joseph Smith. Come on. Dude was like, jump out of every town. You got to admit that. He was getting chased out of a lot of towns. And he got murdered. Yeah. Did he not get murdered? And Brigham Young's like, I got this. I read most of what you wrote.

[Byron]

New report analyzed the average price of a dozen roses throughout 50 states. What? You're Going to pay right now. Overall, Americans can expect to pay $93 per dozen. Jesus. That's up 16% from just three years ago. Arizona will pay right at it that well. About $73. Most expensive is Hawaii 127 for a dozen. Got another website that surveyed thousands of NFL fans across the league and asked them their relationship status, from single and dating to married and divorced or living with a partner. Atlanta Falcons fans are the most single in the NFL. 38% reporting they're unattached heading into Valentine's Day. And it's the Texans. Giants are tied for second.

[John Holmberg]

Ain't that a.

[Byron]

Raiders and Vikings are next.

[John Holmberg]

Well.

[Byron]

The bottom would be the Chargers. They're the most partnered. Followed by Browns.

[John Holmberg]

They're the most partnered. Yeah, the Browns.

[Byron]

The Browns and Chargers and Cardinals are.

[John Holmberg]

Wait, they're the ones that are most likely to have a girlfriend. I guess that's your Sunday's free.

[Byron]

Yeah. They got. They're married or have partner.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Because Cleveland, while you're wasting time watching football, Cardinals, same. Chargers, a little confusing.

[Byron]

Bills, Green Bay packers and Seattle.

[John Holmberg]

Those are the places where Cincinnati Bengal.

[Byron]

Fans have the highest divorce percentage.

[John Holmberg]

They make nothing but bad choices. And they live in Cincinnati.

[Brett Vesely]

Well, same with the Browns, though.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Would you. Would you want to live with a man who wears a Bengals jersey anywhere? I don't know.

[Brett Vesely]

Let's ask Ronnie.

[John Holmberg]

He looks like. Yeah, no, she does. There's no way she likes her around me.

[Ronnie]

Do you even have it Jersey? I know you've got T shirts.

[Byron]

Yeah, too. I got one that says big food on it.

[Ronnie]

Oh, that was Bon Jovi.

[John Holmberg]

Then I got a dumb.

[Byron]

A white one with the. You know, the zebra one. Yeah, I don't wear that one. No. Because mixing.

[John Holmberg]

They're terrible stains on it. And you don't even play there anymore.

[Byron]

I know.

[John Holmberg]

It's just. Yeah. That's. That is any wife that sees her husband wandering around in that ugly ass 1970s Atlanta throw rug of a jersey looks like every bad like pimp's house rug under the coffee table. It's the worst uniform in Florida. Yeah, right. You said single pride.

[Byron]

In Towson, Maryland, we got a paramedic that's facing nearly two dozen criminal charges.

[John Holmberg]

You know the only thing that looks worse in a Bengals uniform than a dude. A girl. But they don't make them big enough for Bengals fans. Plans.

[Byron]

Christopher Carroll is accused of urinating in various places in his workplace, including a refrigerator and a pot of chili.

[John Holmberg]

Ew.

[Byron]

And everyone working there wants to know why. His lawyer says I don't have the ability to answer that question right now. A 36 year old suspended paramedic is accused of filming himself at work while in uniform, purposely leaving his bodily fluids, including urine, all over the workplace. In fact, there's one. Well, he's got videos of him urinating on the supervisor's keyboard. Man, this guy in the refrigerator, the communal refrigerator.

[John Holmberg]

He's a bad dog.

[Byron]

He unloaded some in a coffee creamer canister, did an oj.

[John Holmberg]

Nobody caught him.

[Byron]

How about this one? He urinated into the ice, wiped on a scoop and then use the scoop to mix the urine throughout the ice maker.

[John Holmberg]

What do you mean wiped on a.

[Byron]

Scoop before making the thumbs up gesture to the camera.

[John Holmberg]

Hold on. What is wiped on a. I guess.

[Byron]

To the cracker of his ass or.

[John Holmberg]

Just wiped his wiener with it?

[Brett Vesely]

Either way.

[John Holmberg]

Either way. And then he's looking at Cam. Nobody looked at the surveillance cameras till after.

[Byron]

While he's filming it. I think he was.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, I see.

[Brett Vesely]

Firing squad immediately.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, that. That guy's not coming back.

[Byron]

Can contaminating. I said that. Carton of oj, the hand soap dispenser in the bathroom. Someone's chapstick. Oh, cans of vegetable. Took a whiz in the air conditioner.

[John Holmberg]

Vent with this dude. He's drinking a ton of iced tea that day. How much peace.

[Byron]

What do you think he looks like?

[John Holmberg]

Christopher Carroll is white.

[Byron]

Okay.

[John Holmberg]

He is. I think he looks like Jim from the office.

[Ronnie]

I think he looks like Dwight.

[John Holmberg]

Okay.

[Brett Vesely]

Think he's an IT guy looking nerd.

[John Holmberg]

Okay.

[Byron]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Kind of a gym from the office with a beard. Kind of everything we described in one. He's an amalgamation of all of our descriptions. Visit Holmberg's morning sickness online at 98kupd.com Holmberg's morning sickness.

[Byron]

All right, next perp. 47 year old man named William Heath got into an argument with some teenager. Teenagers at a McDonald's on Saturday night. It's unclear what started it, but William was so mad that he heaved a Dr. Pepper at the teens and then dropped his pants and mooned them.

[Brett Vesely]

Okay, that's a white guy.

[John Holmberg]

That's a white guy.

[Byron]

Didn't flash him, he just smacked his backside.

[John Holmberg]

That's a white guy.

[Byron]

Yeah, rubbed his butt. Left buck. Butt cheek.

[John Holmberg]

Okay, 47 year old, just completely white, little overweight.

[Byron]

Okay. Any other features?

[John Holmberg]

Tooth problem. Like one or two teeth? I say teeth. Teeth. There's an issue. He's got a huge beard. Yeah, that's exactly it. Yeah. He's eating hairline yeah. He's the long ZZ Top beard and young white guy hair. He looks like Osama bin Laden if he grew up in Omaha.

[Byron]

A lot of people are jumping on this right now. Have you ever asked Chat GPT caricature to draw you and you have various forms.

[John Holmberg]

You have.

[Byron]

And it's a trend.

[Brett Vesely]

Oh, no.

[Ronnie]

Lisa's done. Her and her team have done it.

[Byron]

Yeah. You need to upload a photo first. Don't have ones in. A standard prompt everyone's using is create a caricature of. Caricature of me and my job based on everything you know.

[John Holmberg]

Okay. Huh.

[Byron]

It's blowing up. I.

[John Holmberg]

You did it. It of you. Was it you skydiving or something? Oh, look at you. Put you in a suit. What you're.

[Byron]

You have.

[John Holmberg]

You have a force between your body.

[Byron]

Well, it's a caricature.

[John Holmberg]

Brady, that is going to look amazing on the easel at your funeral. I am definitely going to put that on the easel. The Christmas tree in the background is the clincher. And you and that weird. It is. That's the easel Funeral. We're here. We're here to say goodbye celebration of life to this cartoon turd. That is the funny. I gotta keep this because it's got that. You're in that suit. You'd never wear your. Your country club crest on the breast pocket. I love that picture.

[Byron]

I'm picking that suit up today.

[John Holmberg]

Do you have that suit? Is that an actual photo of you in that or added the outfit?

[Byron]

No, they. They put that in and you said.

[Ronnie]

So you had to upload the olin Mills.

[Byron]

I just uploaded a picture. I was in a jacket. It was. It. It was in. At someone's funeral.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, no kidding.

[Byron]

That was the only thing I had.

[John Holmberg]

Those are fun pictures.

[Byron]

Yeah.

[Brett Vesely]

That's the only thing you have.

[John Holmberg]

The only photo you have of yourself is another guy.

[Byron]

I wanted to see what they. Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

And you didn't add in. I do radio. You just said I love Christmas.

[Byron]

I just. I just sent that photo in there and it said it gives you five types of caricatures you want.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, okay.

[Byron]

Like animated said.

[John Holmberg]

Sure.

[Byron]

This one said caricature of animated. Classy.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, all right. Yeah.

[Ronnie]

Because it's supposed to know. So you're not supposed to give it a bunch of information. You're just.

[Byron]

That's one of the reasons.

[Ronnie]

Based on what you know about me.

[Brett Vesely]

Oh, we need to do this.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, yeah. Mine's just gonna be whacking off.

[Byron]

All right.

[John Holmberg]

Porn in the background. Brady's suit on the Ground.

[Ronnie]

All right, let me see if I have the app.

[John Holmberg]

We'll start doing it.

[Byron]

You can give him that info.

[John Holmberg]

I will. Oh, I will. Larry and I have taken. You know what you can do now. I forgot the app. But we were. Yesterday. Larry's like, you know this. He. I forget it. But we had. God damn it. What's the name of that app? You can take songs that you like and load them in, right? What's it called? What's the app? We were playing with Suno. And you take a song that you know, like, if you want to take Atomic Punk and you load it in there and it'll do it. I took. Listen to this. I don't think you can take other people. Oh, you can't. It has to be your own. So we took my. My band when we wrote One More Lie and had just said, what would you do with this? It redid it and it's. Listen to this. It's awesome. It's so clean. And it added a new beginning. The words, it doesn't get them all.

[Byron]

Right.

[John Holmberg]

But it's got, like, a different song. And at the. It did a full cross up of the. That's awesome. It doesn't know the words, But it cleans everything up. It took any production mistakes out as far as, like, cloudiness or compression.

[Byron]

And.

[John Holmberg]

It made me sound clean. I think it sounds great. Sa. About that. And that was just putting it in there, saying, hey, AI, would you reproduce this for us? Four minutes later, it had two copies. We have two different ones. And the end of it is outstanding, like, stuff. I sent it to Marty, who's in the thing, and I'm like, listen to this. And he goes, I gotta tell you, first off, the ones and zeros are coming to kill us. And he said, but the end of that was such a creative way to bring back the first verse into the chorus. And they overlap. And it like. We're like, yeah, we missed that now.

[Byron]

Could they turn that into a 70s funk?

[John Holmberg]

Probably, yeah. All we did was just like plug.

[Byron]

It in or whatever genre.

[John Holmberg]

Because the production we had for it was a little cloudy. It wasn't perfect. This cleaned it. Like, it's. It's ready now. It was so cool. And the other one is. I don't know. I remember the other one had more of a seven dust pipe. I told Toledo, put them in there. It's so weird. And you know, what's the funny part? Both versions cut out the first lines and just went right to the. To the chorus for the verse. No, there's a whole thing. Get on your knees. And it just went. This is more of a chunky guitar version. It's so neat. And if you've got music of your own and you throw it into. Larry did one where he did a. He did a song that a girl sang for him and. What was the name of yours? Your song. It turned into this techno awesome club. It was amazing. The interesting part is I wonder how much of Playo this last year came from.

[Brett Vesely]

Good.

[John Holmberg]

Embrace it.

[Brett Vesely]

Next year is gonna be better.

[John Holmberg]

Embrace it.

[Ronnie]

Well, we know that.

[John Holmberg]

You still have to sing it live. And even more amazing. I mean, like, you could have taken that remix that you just got right there. Yeah. And downloaded the stems from it. It'll extract the stems. It'll break. That's right. I read that yesterday. I didn't talk. Turn it right back around. And so you can take out each individual instrument. Yeah.

[Byron]

Incredible.

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. It's. The ones and zeros are coming for us. They're winning. So that AI thing, when it's drawing pictures of Brady and suits and stuff. Just the beginning. Although if you need an easel photo for the funeral, that seems to be the one that is the most. Funeral easel.

[Byron]

Get a whole series of them.

[John Holmberg]

A funeral easel photo.

[Byron]

No. Yeah. Maybe a collage.

[John Holmberg]

Nobody ever. Those are the one. The thing you just showed me is so perfect.

[Byron]

The thing is, I'm just standing there. They put the.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, yeah, yeah.

[Byron]

But they put the cocktail in there.

[John Holmberg]

It became.

[Byron]

And the Christmas tree.

[John Holmberg]

Awesome. That's hilarious. Yeah. People are asking like crazy. It's called Suno. Get on Suno.

[Ronnie]

It's the big one.

[John Holmberg]

And you can. I mean, you can take a lot of things and just pop them in there. And you'd be blown away. How it cleans up what you did or gives you a new idea. Idea. It's like a great producer. Because at the end of that song we had. And I always liked the way it ended. Like. Oh, Jesus. They took the first verse and put it in the chorus at the end and then dovetailed it. And it's flawless. It sounds so cool. So kind of.

[Byron]

That's the picture.

[John Holmberg]

That's the picture.

[Byron]

Let's have a Christmas tree in the background. I didn't.

[Brett Vesely]

You were the happiest guy at a funeral I've ever seen.

[John Holmberg]

Sort of under dress.

[Byron]

That's Benny Nitschke. I haven't seen her in years.

[Ronnie]

What a way to get together.

[John Holmberg]

Who died at Disneyland? Who died at Disneyland at Christmas time for you guys to have a funeral There.

[Byron]

Basically the community center of the church.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, okay.

[Byron]

So they have it.

[Brett Vesely]

Continue your thought, which is to your ex girlfriend's funeral.

[Byron]

No.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, no.

[Byron]

But her mom was there.

[Ronnie]

Whose funeral was it?

[Byron]

Philip Markwood.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Byron]

And he was friends. She was friends with the family.

[John Holmberg]

So that girl got around.

[Ronnie]

Just me and Alex in Thailand.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brett Vesely]

Those are lady boys.

[John Holmberg]

Lady boys.

[Ronnie]

Put them in there.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. That looks awful. It even looks like.

[Byron]

I thought about sending this one for a. Yeah, sure.

[John Holmberg]

Well, you don't need to Winnie the Pooh. Brady is.

[Brett Vesely]

Somebody wants us to put Piss Ball Pete in the.

[John Holmberg]

Do it.

[Byron]

All right. To make it a full song.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, Make Piss Ball Pizza. A minute and a half long song. Oh, yes, we'll do it. Toledo. Get on that immediately.

[Byron]

I got two radio videos.

[John Holmberg]

What?

[Byron]

Boom.

[Ronnie]

What is.

[Byron]

Okay, first one's death one. We might. I don't know, we might have done this one. This could have been a crandall.

[John Holmberg]

Doesn't matter.

[Byron]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Let's see.

[Byron]

It's a triple.

[Ronnie]

We've seen so much death.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, we have. Look, revisiting. It's fine.

[Byron]

That's on motorcycles.

[John Holmberg]

No reason to even worry about if we've seen it before. Let's watch again.

[Byron]

Again.

[John Holmberg]

I've watched plenty of episodes of Cheers multiple times.

[Byron]

Triple. Triple. On the motorcycle.

[John Holmberg]

We got three people riding on a motorcycle in the middle of a cruddy country where people do that. Piled up three deep on a bike. And it's like a 150. God knows what they're riding here. And then they just get taken out by a fan. The only.

[Brett Vesely]

Vehicle with four tires in that country.

[John Holmberg]

It was. That's like the.

[Ronnie]

There's not many. There's not many.

[John Holmberg]

The delivery traffic truck of Toledo going to the resort.

[Ronnie]

Yeah, that's it. They're not passenger vehicles. They're all delivery trucks.

[John Holmberg]

Yep. There goes a truck to go. Clean up. They just.

[Byron]

Did you see him? He had a can. They emptied the can or something before they get on the motorcycle.

[John Holmberg]

Well, I like that. No one stops.

[Byron]

Watch the beginning. Guy gets off.

[John Holmberg]

Absolutely no one stops. Another car goes by later with people strewn all over the road like he's late for work. Wow, that's lovely.

[Byron]

Next one's a work accident. Or maybe on purpose. I think the guy just wanted to get out of his shift early.

[John Holmberg]

We're in one of these spinning rooms. Everything in there is rolling.

[Byron]

That's the stupidest move ever.

[John Holmberg]

They're loading up some fabric into some spinning.

[Byron]

I'll just put it around my neck.

[John Holmberg]

An electric loom. Yeah. This guy's gonna get hung. He put the loom around his neck. Now he's going up into the machine. Boy, Brady went dark yesterday on this. Yeah.

[Ronnie]

Sheesh.

[Byron]

That was this morning.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Byron]

Yeah.

[Ronnie]

Don't. Don't sully me. I wasn't doing this last night.

[Lisa]

I didn't do it all night. I woke up to it. I went strong death right off the bat to start the day.

[John Holmberg]

All right, Brett, what do you got?

[Brett Vesely]

All right, this one coming in from. From Los Hermanos Cerveza.

[John Holmberg]

The beer brothers.

[Brett Vesely]

Yes. All right, just a couple walking down the street.

[John Holmberg]

And we're in a surveillance scammer of another cruddy country's very narrow road.

[Byron]

Rogue tire.

[John Holmberg]

And there's people and their legs are now in the thing. They're just walking down the road here. And here comes something out of the. Oh, a woman jumped out of the building above them and almost landed on him. They get out of the way, but she just jumped for her life.

[Byron]

Like the date's over for her.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, she's done. Here's the aftermath of her laying on the cobblestone. Wow, look at that. I'll just move her around. That's the best thing you can do to somebody who's fallen out of a window. Aches. She's still breathing. She's.

[Brett Vesely]

Or is that the death girdle?

[John Holmberg]

She's flinching around. She ain't going to make it.

[Byron]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Somebody get her portrait up for the easel.

[Byron]

Save that picture. I'll. I'll get it done.

[John Holmberg]

Have her standing next to Brady at Markwood's funeral. Oh, that's weird. You're just walking along and somebody comes. Clapton, baby. Out of a window above you, and you almost get rained down on by human.

[Ronnie]

No, I'd sidestep that the same way.

[John Holmberg]

That's how fragile life is. Here's a guy who has a flap top. He's got a weird belt around his penis. And then somebody's hitting his nuts with a spiked hammer.

[Byron]

What happens?

[John Holmberg]

Or a shoe that's a spiked.

[Brett Vesely]

Oh, it's like Gene Simmons boot or something.

[John Holmberg]

This gets a kiss. Boot with spikes on it. He's getting kicked in the balls with. Listen to that tire. Shoes. Oh, my God.

[Byron]

Oh.

[John Holmberg]

How do you find out? You like this?

[Ronnie]

He's got, like, cheerleader.

[John Holmberg]

He's got some calf high.

[Byron]

Girl.

[John Holmberg]

Huh? Looks like a girl. Pretty sure the dick and balls confused me back into being a Merlin. Yeah.

[Byron]

What do you see?

[Ronnie]

What are you seeing?

[John Holmberg]

Girl?

[Byron]

The legs and the. Is like a girl.

[John Holmberg]

The penis is a dead.

[Ronnie]

Giveaway Right.

[John Holmberg]

The dick and balls makes it so. I think your argument is moot.

[Ronnie]

What?

[Byron]

Unfortunately, it's a.

[John Holmberg]

What are you thinking, girl? About. It took you 35 seconds.

[Byron]

His. His limbs are. Is Larry. Feminine.

[John Holmberg]

But the thing that isn't is his penis and testicles. Like, you can't start. There's no question here. I don't think maybe he's.

[Ronnie]

His voice.

[John Holmberg]

Maybe a thin man.

[Ronnie]

That voice is feminine.

[Byron]

That could be the guy. Kick him.

[John Holmberg]

Okay. He's still. Wow. You're still questioning that one. Man. You know, that's a dude. Thanks, Sexual Horizon. Thanks for coming around on that one.

[Brett Vesely]

How about some fighting?

[John Holmberg]

All right. There's a naked Chinaman, Bobby Lee. Middle of the road with a black guy. And then. Oh, he just punches the wrong Chinaman. The one. And they all do look alike. But you can tell the difference between these two because one's nude and one's in underwear. Now the black guy's going after the totally naked one. And he's always on his bike.

[Byron]

Bike.

[John Holmberg]

He's moving around. He's letting. And the Chinaman is chasing. Never chase the fight. That's the rule. Chinaman. Oh, now he's been thrown into traffic. The naked Chinese guy. And he's not done yet. He's up. He's still fighting. God knows where these Chinese people's clothes went. But it's always fun to watch him.

[Byron]

Out of the day spa or something.

[John Holmberg]

Two new Chinamen fighting. Kimbo slice.

[Ronnie]

That might have been in his awesome village.

[John Holmberg]

That is awesome.

[Ronnie]

It didn't look like one of my country.

[John Holmberg]

No, that was New York. All right, here we are. More fighting in the octagon. Now the guy takes a right to the face. Can get kicked right. Oh, he's out cold. Twice.

[Ronnie]

Kick is illegal.

[John Holmberg]

Wow. On his way down, he gets kicked in the head. Wow, that's an. And he gets the win because he got kicked when he was down on his knees.

[Ronnie]

Illegal kick.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Wow. All right, here's another one, hillbillies. Some people having sex and dirty liquid water. Hillbillies. Big fat one pushing back on a fellow while he waves. While he waves to the camera.

[Ronnie]

Oh, yeah, that could be something.

[John Holmberg]

Drinking a topo cheese Rico. But man, that lady's ass is huge.

[Ronnie]

Slide rock.

[John Holmberg]

Whatever it is that ass is. She's a hippopotamus. She's. She belongs in that water. She's gonna dung fling after this and go under for an hour. Man. That's a fat lady. And the only way she can have sex is in water. So she remains buoyant we'll end with some shots. All right. Okay. Here's a guy peeing in shot glasses. There's six shot glasses across a table. The guy's. Oh, now he's just gonna pee right on the. Who are waiting for the shots. They're very attractive women, and they're taking pee. He's all done peeing now. And now it's their job to finish off the shots. One buyers. Shot number one, down the hatch. Shot number two. Each one, these naked ladies down the hatch. Two shots of pee. Not to mention what they had just before. That's a classy.

[Brett Vesely]

Got some great cans.

[John Holmberg]

They're very pretty. The one on the right is. She'd fool you. Yeah, I might start peeing on her.

[Lisa]

Here's what I like.

[John Holmberg]

All right. Geez. Important storm. You don't want her to leave when her shirt's off. You're like, what does she need me to do?

[Lisa]

Will you praise Hitler and pee on me?

[John Holmberg]

Good stink. Heil, baby. Let's do this.

[Lisa]

Oh, I love it.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Those cans. I gotta take a look at those for an hour, and then I gotta figure out a way to dodge you for the rest of my life. Loon. You know when a girl drinks your cup o pee that you ain't first. I don't care how much she faints.

[Lisa]

I've never tried this before.

[John Holmberg]

If she's willing to go to the glass, she's done it a lot. No decent girl drinks it out of the cup the first time. She might find out via accident that she might have a thing for it. But if you first meet her and she's drinking your pee, she's interesting.

[Byron]

Ask, can we do some shots?

[John Holmberg]

I don't think you ask. I think she's like, pee.

[Lisa]

Pee.

[Ronnie]

No, I think it's more. Oh, geez, I'm sorry. I just.

[John Holmberg]

No, it's okay. Or you're in the shower or something, and you start peeing and laughing. I had a girl do that to me in a bathtub years and years and years ago. Same girl that Brian Adams brought. And she got up out of the bathtub and started peeing on me. And I'm like, hey, what's going on here? And she's laughing, and I'm like, oh, all right. She's into it. She's naked, so she wins. And.

[Byron]

Hey.

[John Holmberg]

Well, I was sitting in a bathtub. I was enjoying. Was enjoying the tub. And then she stood over me, and it was a good view. And then I realized that that wasn't just tub water falling off of her. And she started to giggle. I'm like, hold on a sec. You're peeing on me. Yeah. All right. If you weren't naked, that would have been trouble. And I gave her what for. Did you start it? You son of a. And then I peed on her once in the shower. Neither of us are eating it, though. Classy. There was a couple pages about that. Yeah. The vagina. Her. The tribute to her vagina book. There's probably a.

[Byron]

That's at least four pages.

[John Holmberg]

There was a couple poems about the. The Pete. The pee bath.

[Byron]

I'm talking about Lemonade Monday.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, we had fun. You test some things out. You know. Know. But that was a weird one. But that's how you accidentally find out. Now, if it hit me in the face and be like, hey, that is. Then I'm gonna not.

[Brett Vesely]

What?

[John Holmberg]

I thought that's how it would start. And then the next thing you know, she's with a guy 10 years later, drinking out of a cup, going, I've.

[Lisa]

Never done this before.

[John Holmberg]

That's all she's done. She loves it. Girls. Don't take it out of the cup first. There you go. The word for eight o' clock is ambient. Ambient. On the app on 98kupd.com you can get into that suite, the KUPD party suite for nine snails. Coming up March 6th. There goes your Brady Report. It's not weird.

[Byron]

It's pretty cool, actually. No membership fees.

[John Holmberg]

I've heard enough of this. Morning sickness. You've been deceived by an agent of Satan himself. 98, 9 o'. Clock. I'll give you another word. And that word. You still got five minutes with ambience. But at 9 o', clock, it turns into souls. Souls is the next one. There's a picture of Brady holding this honey jar. We're having too much fun with AI. Now AI's coming for you. So those commercials during the super bowl, it got that way weird. We'll get into the thing with. Let's do it right now. How about this? You asked for it. We gave it to you. The Piss Ball Pete song, which was a smash hit. 19 second song for 17. Oh, wow. It was even shorter than I thought. 17 second song for a Palladio this year sounded a little something like this and became an instant classic. Let me tell you a story.

[Lisa]

A man named Piss Ball. Peter's dick so small, he pissed on his ball.

[John Holmberg]

All right, so that was the original version, Right.

[Ronnie]

So the first thing I did with Suno is I just put the song in and it extended it. That instrumental version. The third one there.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Ronnie]

This is the first thing it spit back. It was in a little extended version.

[John Holmberg]

Came back just an instrumental.

[Byron]

Yep.

[John Holmberg]

So, Suno, we said, plug it in, do what you want with this. And AI brought back Piss Ball Pete. Hey, The guitar is doing the lead. I like it. All right. It's like a theme song to King of the Hill.

[Ronnie]

Now then the. The other version it did. The second one is version one there. The. The first one left.

[John Holmberg]

Okay.

[Ronnie]

And this is. I didn't tell it to do anything else.

[John Holmberg]

Just said, go crazy with this. This. Suno. AI did this to the Piss Ball pizza. Why does it want it to be so fast?

[Ronnie]

Gets to the lyrics a little bit later in.

[John Holmberg]

It's like Bad Bunny. I like it, but I don't know what he's saying. Right. Like, I must have Drop Kick Murphy's or something. It's clever.

[Ronnie]

All right, now the middle version there, I typed out the lyrics, which are sentences. And I said, be creative. Along these same lines.

[John Holmberg]

Let me spin.

[Lisa]

The tail of pistol peaks Whose trousers always cling to his feet With a flatter so full and a tricky feet.

[John Holmberg]

His aim was off and it's probably.

[Lisa]

Too neat he would laugh and dance in the moonlight with gleaming shoes and spirits bright but when colors turn to grace he finally.

[John Holmberg]

Shoes.

[Lisa]

So don't want a 10?

[John Holmberg]

This is ridiculous.

[Ronnie]

10 minutes.

[Lisa]

A legend in town. No, not by intent. This Ball Pete's aim was slightly bent. A curious case with no retreat forever.

[John Holmberg]

Trench from head to defeat get out of here. That's all from this? Hold on. That's all from me.

[Lisa]

Tell you a story A man named his dick so small he pissed on.

[John Holmberg]

And it made a whole thing about his twisting feet.

[Ronnie]

I. I didn't.

[John Holmberg]

Wow.

[Ronnie]

I can go back in and correct the time signature. I can go back in and make it the lyrics frenetic.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, yeah, you can. And again, like, you can give it.

[Ronnie]

One sentence and it'll complete the whole thing.

[John Holmberg]

You can pull the stems too. You can pull each instrument out on track one after the next. And it's clean. It doesn't have the bass overlapping. It's not even in the back, the background, each stem, like you recorded each thing in a regular recording room where each one's on its own track. It is unbelievable. Just based off of that little 17 second song. It made three Dropkick Murphy songs that have all the Dropkick Murphy songs.

[Byron]

Those songs yourself, I mean, because like, a guy puts together an album. I know a couple people.

[Ronnie]

So the App.

[John Holmberg]

When you.

[Ronnie]

When you do create it at, it asks if you own the track. And so, I mean, we. We went ahead and did it. I lied. But then when you complete. When you have it mixed down and you go to download it, it asks you if you need rights to it, and it'll walk you through that part or it asks you if you want to download it anyway.

[John Holmberg]

So that's pretty awesome. All right.

[Ronnie]

But, yeah, Dan dar's next. The 1968 or whatever.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, 1978. Let's have some fun. Make this one about a guy roller skating for the first time.

[Ronnie]

I'll just use the clip. I won't use the full song.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, perfect. Crazy Nuts into an opera. Yeah, we could do them all. We could do the play, do opera clips of all of them. Make a big opera out of all of it. It's insane. It is.

[Ronnie]

And now you see where what's her name did so well with. With fire and freedom.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Ronnie]

She had the voice. She uploaded the song and. And the. The AI tool helped her create a great song.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. I talked to a girl who does a YouTube channel of relaxing songs, and I asked her, I said, what? You do all the instruments on this? She goes, no, I came up with the idea. And then I put in an AI generator. It's awesome. It's like, really good, like, ambient sound. It's really neat. But she. So when you just let AI fix.

[Byron]

It, you can register or basically trademark.

[John Holmberg]

It, or if it's yours, get it right.

[Ronnie]

I mean, we'd have that fight with the guys in Piss Ball Pete.

[Byron]

Yeah.

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

If we started making money.

[Ronnie]

Right?

[John Holmberg]

Neat. That thing's just flat interesting to me. And again, I absolutely embrace the Overlord.

[Ronnie]

But like you said, and I texted you one, that's the worst it will ever be.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Tomorrow it will be better. Every day you hear AI is the worst version it will ever be. Going forward, it's not going to take a dip tomorrow. Tomorrow it gets better. The day after that, it gets better every day. The technology of AI is the worst it will ever be going. Think of that. Tomorrow whatever we just did will seem silly because it's got new stuff that it just taught itself to be a year from now.

[Byron]

But I wonder if it'll get to the point where it's better for AI to AI and it loses the US on the human side of it.

[John Holmberg]

It already has music.

[Byron]

I'm just saying, like, oh, we don't like. We don't like that style now. This is better for you're.

[Ronnie]

Check the difference. Like if we put that. If that piss ball Pete came in for play do. Yeah.

[Byron]

We'd be all over.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Also, it writes on its own without prompt.

[Byron]

That's what I'm saying.

[John Holmberg]

It's writing on its own. It already is 50,000 songs a day. And I don't. That probably has grown since we found.

[Byron]

That advance itself so much where all of a sudden it loses our interest.

[John Holmberg]

What do you mean? Oh, it just starts writing for. I don't understand.

[Byron]

The AI is to a different level.

[John Holmberg]

It's too. It's beyond us.

[Byron]

Yeah. It goes to the next level, whatever that would be.

[Ronnie]

I can't envision what the scenario you're talking about where we are able to.

[John Holmberg]

Just keep inventing its own things until we don't get it only sounds that.

[Byron]

We aren't familiar with.

[John Holmberg]

Neat.

[Ronnie]

But in that case, you'd think we'd be more interested.

[John Holmberg]

All I know is we're going to lose to it.

[Ronnie]

What Marty say the ones and zeros.

[John Holmberg]

The ones and zeros are coming together.

[Byron]

Killer.

[John Holmberg]

Yep. And it isn't about us dying. It's about becoming subservient to it, which has already kind of happened. Man. It's neat. And again, this is the fun time. We're in the honeymoon when it starts getting serious about the relationship. It's going to start doing stuff. You're like, oh, we learned that. Didn't we all learn that from war games? It was fun. It wanted to play chess. Seems like we want to play global thermonuclear war. Yes, I do do. And then you find out, oh, the Whopper and I are playing. And this is AI decided to communicate with the real deal. And now I'm started a war. Don't worry about it.

[Ronnie]

A lot of texters saying, you guys are going to have to come up with some AI rules for Palladio. Well, the biggest rule, like Brett said, is you got to play live.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Byron]

You got to produce a song.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Produce a song and then play it live. Yeah.

[Byron]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

I don't care if it's fake so long as you pull it off, man. Incredible. I'm still convinced Tyler Sheridan is AI. Like, that's all he uses.

[Brett Vesely]

Well, think about that Marilyn Manson song we found.

[John Holmberg]

Amazing.

[Byron]

I even asked guys, why would they put it under Marilyn Manson?

[John Holmberg]

Because it's Marilyn Manson. It's clearly him.

[Byron]

Oh, they're using his.

[John Holmberg]

And I mean, yeah. I mean, I told Larry, I'm like, we adding that Marilyn Manson thing. He goes, I don't even know what is allowed. I'm like, it's a smash hit. It makes our station better. And he goes, I don't know know how to do it. Like, I don't know how to add that and put it in, like, a test or what. Impossible to be part of it.

[Byron]

He's out of the office. Let's play it.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, we can do it anytime we want. We can. But I mean, if he wanted to put it in the rotation, I mean, we can always claim goof and whatever, get a cease and desist. But if he added it in, he's got to report it to the. To the. You know, the R and R and.

[Ronnie]

Two times we played it is already reported. And they're like, who does this guy?

[John Holmberg]

As Cap's got to figure out what to do. And I just can't start doing that a lot. I love it. I like that it's disrupting everything. And I also like convenience. And that's going to make things easier eventually. The ones and zeros makes you want.

[Byron]

To come up with a hook and then say, put a.

[John Holmberg]

Sure.

[Byron]

Make a song.

[John Holmberg]

Well, nothing's stopping you. Yeah, you got a cool phrase. Like, every once in a while I say something like, oh, that was a good one there. You know, like last Friday when I came up with white women saying that they feel white powerful when they help people of color. And that was very funny. Like the line. I'm like, that's a good line. I don't know. That would be a song, but could write a whole. I've written, like, TV shows with friends goofing around, like, my buddy Colin and I. Or let's do it an AI TV show and give it this prompt and it'll come back with like 12 episodes. Like, it wrote the whole. It has a story arc. We can't do that. You know, much time and energy it takes for a story arc to happen in your brain. And you're like, here's what I want to happen, and here's how I think it'll end. It'll write in, add characters. Like, I gotta have a secondary here. It's like, Jesus, nine o'. Clock. The word is soul. Oh, yeah, Souls. Nine o'.

[Brett Vesely]

Clock.

[John Holmberg]

Souls. S O U L S. That is the word you put in to the app. [e-mail] also, we have to stop doing this kind of stuff. And this is why I like AI more than people. I, um. Hey, everybody, quick note. Get over the bad bunny thing, especially if you're in politics. There's a guy from Tennessee who's a representative and he's calling for a congressional investigation in FCC action against NFL NBC and all the broadcast rights of the Bad Bunny thing. Because it was pure smut. I. I watched it twice.

[Ronnie]

I didn't see any smut.

[John Holmberg]

I mean, unless you got hard over those hot Latina act asses, and that's on you. Yeah.

[Ronnie]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

I didn't think it was dirty. Did you? No.

[Byron]

He said grabbing his crotch.

[John Holmberg]

Well, he said it. He demands an energy. Oh, he's in charge of the House Energy and Commerce Committee, and he said they got to investigate this performance. It contained explicit displays of gay sex acts. Like, I think you were looking for that. I didn't see. That was it.

[Ronnie]

I watched. I watched Kendricks after. After saying. I went back, and I'm like, I want to compare the two. There's a lot of the same stuff. Kendrick's.

[John Holmberg]

What is an explicit. Like, to me, an explicit gay sex act is penetration of mouth or bottom. Yeah, right. Time out, Time out. Time out. Two dudes rubbing into each other was the entire super bowl. Fair point. Tapping each other on the butt, you know? So if Bad Bunny had clothes on and he's rubbing into another fella, that's what we just got done watching a half of, and we're planning on watching another half of it and piles of men. So if you thought the Bad Bunny thing was so gay. It was explicit. You're gay. Like, you're thinking gay thoughts.

[Byron]

I didn't see the grass, the tall grass doing anything either.

[John Holmberg]

No, I didn't reach around, but I didn't see any. Anything that made me go, whoa, that's an explicit homosexual act. Unless I was gay. Gay and looking for that.

[Byron]

It's your typical, you know, hip thrusting, crotch grabbing, which is pretty standard.

[John Holmberg]

Is that gay? Because I see a lot of that during the game, too. I see a lot of dudes during the game.

[Byron]

Man on man action. But maybe. Or woman on woman.

[Brett Vesely]

Something. If it was something that he said in Spanish and none of us understood. But if he's just talking about the visuals.

[John Holmberg]

Well, he called it. Explicit displays of gay sexual action. Inappropriate, provocative, dancing, unsafe for television. You're gay, if that's what you saw. There's not once that I think, well, those dudes are really getting it on. I know there's some. Look, I'm watching dancers at a halftime show. It's gay already.

[Byron]

Does that bother him now? Even if they're not dancing that they're gay, they shouldn't be on tv?

[John Holmberg]

Well, I mean, I'm sure for the congressman, probably probably on that page.

[Ronnie]

Tennessee.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, but it's like going to Broadway, going gay. Yeah, it's gay. You're watching dudes dance. That's gay to start with. Anytime I watch a dude start dancing by himself, I'm like, that guy's being gay.

[Byron]

But if people see that, they'll convert.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, I don't know what they'll think. Kids can't watch that. He says it's all the criticism to have bad punch. And they know that it was going to be the woke.

[Brett Vesely]

Bull.

[John Holmberg]

You're going to push the gay on us? I don't know. All it did to me was make me think about Latin butts. There's a lot of hot, big, fat. I believe they called them tortas. We learned that yesterday. Thick Mexican girls, Puerto Rican girls, they got thick Latina butts. I was looking at that. So straight guys noticed all the hot asses. This dude noticed all the gay stuff. So guess what, Tennessee, you're gay.

[Ronnie]

Is he also gonna investigate the Olympics? Cause I watched some ice dancing yesterday.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, my God, look. I feel gay watching it. Those dudes are gay. That little Japanese dude.

[Byron]

Amazing that ice stays frozen. So flaming.

[John Holmberg]

There is a lot of homosexuality. And you know what? God damn it. Good. They're great at that thing. The one dude we've got, the blonde, the quad God, they call him the backflip. Ilya, I am a little disturbed at his pants because I saw Corona. He's skating out there, spinning around those brown pants he had on. I'm like, that dude's dick is out. And I'm like, all right, this better be pretty good. I don't know what quad God means, but he better impress me. Did a backflip. I'm like, I don't care that I saw his dick. That was amazing. Good for you. Gay, I said. And then I got up and I ate meat tubes. Tubes of it. Just swallowed it whole. That was influenced by all the gay that I was watching. But it's gay. And then I watched a little of the couple's ice dancing last night. And any wipeouts? Didn't see any wipeouts. But the American team was like a kind of a hot sort of Asian girl. And her partner was homosexual, clearly. Because he's an ice skater. Because he's an ice skateboard. Yeah. If you choose the dancing over hockey, you choose men, and that's okay. But there aren't any straight. All of them have dabbled. I think you have to take pipe to be good at it. Like, you can't do a salchow or a quad axle without at least once having a eaten d. I think that just that's a prerequisite. And then they don't. And that's why nobody believed that he did ride rivalry show. Those dudes wouldn't have been hockey players. They'd have been dancing.

[Byron]

But maybe that'll be next season. God bless the skates for hockey.

[John Holmberg]

Yep. And they start ice dance and as a couple. And they win the first homosexual. Yeah, it's like blades of glory. It's God bless them though, because I don't think straight dudes can do what they do out there on the ice. That is some precision. It's a combination that can't be met. Matched loads of man on man ass play and a pair of figure skates. You're going to win a medal. And Andy ogles can't watch bad bunny without getting dirty thoughts about men. I didn't see that. I just saw some hot latina broads and Ricky Martin. Ricky Martin, by the way, looks great. Yeah, he's like what, 85, 90 years old? He looks phenomenal. In fact. You want to talk about gay? I watched the halftime show again yesterday to see maybe I gave it, you know, maybe, maybe, just maybe with my mood watching, it's the exact same feeling. At the end I'm like, it's a foreign language film. I get good for them. But at the end of watching, I'm like, God damn, Ricky Martin. And I started to google what face creams Ricky Martin uses, because I like that stuff now. And how much did you buy? I didn't buy anything yet, but I did find a couple of things that he's endorsed and what kind of facial.

[Brett Vesely]

Cream you think he's using. That's Ricky Martin.

[John Holmberg]

That's good point, Brett. You know, you know what? That, that was lost on me until just now. I.

[Byron]

You're gonna have a collection, you're gonna have baskets.

[John Holmberg]

Just the only question I now, well, I'm not product. I'm not against, oh, I've already got drawers full. I just, I pick and choose which ones I like most. Currently, again, the Ellen DeGeneres product seems to be working the best. However, Brett brings up an interesting point that now that I'm into my facial creams and the way Ricky Martin uses his is does it have to be someone else's? Is the question, can I use my own?

[Ronnie]

Save some money, certain kind of peptide.

[John Holmberg]

Can I use my own because my stomach is wrinkle free, no wrinkles. I have nothing. No, I don't have Pringle belly. You put bread out of conversation. Clean tummy. And that's from years and years of product. So I wonder if I just did a little snow scoop with my hand. Yeah. And gave myself the Ricky Martin I call it. Because Brett brought this to my attention. I wonder if my own. If I come in here and my skin like, super. And you guys are like, geez, John looks young. I guarantee you.

[Byron]

Silky.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. But I have to wonder if your own batch works or if it's the Ricky Martin thing where you need your boyfriend to do it.

[Byron]

You need Ricky's.

[John Holmberg]

I'd take Ricky's if it works. I'm just saying I wonder. It has to be another guy's. Like your own doesn't have any. Like, it's already in there. So it doesn't. You need the properties of another. Anyway, I'm not going to find that out. But Ricky's face looked good. And I looked up. But Brett's right. I didn't. That was as I searched Ricky Martin face creams that didn't come up. And in my brain, I didn't. But you're right. We know what he's doing. Never mind. Brett kind of wrecked that for me.

[Brett Vesely]

Sorry.

[John Holmberg]

Sorry.

[Brett Vesely]

Not for you, kid.

[John Holmberg]

I'm gonna go home and watch that thing again and look for gay now. I didn't see outside of Ricky Martin. Let's get ourselves ready for the hot releases. They're coming up next. It's not weird.

[Byron]

It's pretty cool, actually. No membership fee.

[John Holmberg]

I have heard enough of this. You P.D. hornberg's morning sickness. You've been deceived by an agent of Satan himself. 98, can you. I'm late again. It's what I do. I'm like a teenage girl. Scary every day. Because I'm a little bit late. I gotta fix that. So I'm gonna fix it now.

[Brett Vesely]

There's a smoke alarm.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. I'm getting played every day. Souls is the word you're typing into the app right now. Souls. You can put it in the app or you can do [e-mail] that's for the Nine Inch Nails super sweet. We're giving away the sweet that feed on March 6th. But for those of you who still want to go, Brett's gonna give you tickets right now. 10th caller, 5859-800. The number 10 caller will get seats to Nine Inch Nails right now. So that way you don't have to worry about winning. Otherwise, you can get them right now. And then, you know the suite that Feeds will be something maybe down the road, but at least you got tickets to the show. Tenth caller wants to go see Nine Inch Nails right now. 585-9800. We'll give those away. We're coming back with hot releases after this visit home Birds, morning sickness online. Holmberg's morning sickness. All right, is it. Is it risky? No. Who's the winner of the tickets there, Brett, before we get to the next thing?

[Brett Vesely]

Brandon Wiley.

[John Holmberg]

All right, you call, you get ready.

[Brett Vesely]

Or Willie.

[John Holmberg]

All right, ready. There's the pistol. Is it on the same page as the piss ball peach ones?

[Ronnie]

Yeah, it's at the bottom.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, I see red. All right. Yeah. Oh my God.

[Ronnie]

The first two are what you like it? It translated what you said or what it thought you said? The third one is a totally new creation based on what it thinks your L work.

[John Holmberg]

Okay, so earlier this morning we were making fun of the fact that the Van Halen One came out 48 years ago, which is 1978, right. Which is a great rock album that no one denies is in the top five of all time rock albums. It's incredible. Then I always do the. Well, 48 years have passed and we still look at this in great reverence in 1978. 48 years earlier was 1930. Is there anything from 1930 that was relevant in 1978 musically? And the answer was no, because it was all that, you know, you know that. Do you have the original version? So anyway, I was making fun of like the way it sounded on the paper, on the watch, on the streets, and I forgot a penguin island. And there's no blacks. No blacks. No blacks, no blacks. It was just a throwback to the time when they were like, you know, we're all broke from the stock market, but at least there's no blacks. There's no blacks. Everything was racist and awful. And that's her grandparents parents. So I told Toledo, put that in the AI and see if it'll make.

[Brett Vesely]

Oh, I'm taking my headphones off cuz I'm going to get fired. I'm going to get fired. No way.

[John Holmberg]

Which one should I play first? The first. First one on the left to right. Yeah, left to right. This is what AI did to my improv. No blacks. 1930s smash hit called Penguins and no blacks. All right, here we go. No. Is it using my voice? No. Oh, okay. Let's see what the penguin says. We'll be dancing, but no blacks. No blacks, no blacks.

[Lisa]

I've got to go outside right now.

[John Holmberg]

In the sunshine and find A bathroom but no black, no black, no blacks.

[Lisa]

It'S been spring in Germany and nothing can go wrong Keep a spinner theme.

[John Holmberg]

And flow so the first time I tried to give it prompts and I missed that one.

[Byron]

They kept it in there.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, my God. I mean, this feels like Mel Brooks. I know. Oh, my God. It did it exactly the same. It just. It goes back to the chorus, I'm guessing.

[Ronnie]

I don't know if it does again or not.

[Lisa]

It was just a nervous instrumental tap.

[John Holmberg]

And we're having a tap dance right there, ironically. Fifteen seconds. And I like that. Am I for. Yeah, no, it's gonna have that. All right. And then I did another one for 30 seconds, right? Yeah.

[Ronnie]

And then the middle. Now, the middle one is the second try at it.

[John Holmberg]

The middle one is the second try. All right, so this is what it did next. Oh, my God.

[Lisa]

Let's see what the penguin says.

[John Holmberg]

We'll be dancing, but no blacks, no.

[Lisa]

Black, no blacks I gotta go outside right now in the sunshine and find a bathroom but no black, no blacks, no blacks it's been spring in Germany and nothing can go wrong Keep a.

[John Holmberg]

Similar theme and flow Insane change Keep.

[Byron]

A similar scene It.

[John Holmberg]

All right. And then the last one is just its own creation. Its own creation of what I was talking about or what it thinks. I don't remember saying the words. That was thinking about a penguin. And then I got to find a bath. It's just things I think people in the 30s would. Is that a penguin? Where's the bathroom? They didn't have bathrooms back then. Here we go. This is the third one. I love this, So it might not be as pretty. Let's see what the penguin says. Tiffany's had our way Sidewalk shine on.

[Lisa]

A Saturday we're all ready to play Bow tie, crooked shoes all bridy Shuffling.

[John Holmberg]

Down the lane says, kid, you bring your best Tonight we're gonna shake this town again how are the penguins?

[Lisa]

Said we're gonna follow that fool all.

[John Holmberg]

Night he says jump, we jump he.

[Lisa]

Says swing, we swing just right Spin that room till the walls turn blue Laugh so hard we lose our blues we'll be dancing till the break of day Doing just what the penguin said.

[John Holmberg]

What did I say? Cherry popping down here Did I say something about what penguin? I just got the penguins. I guess I said penguins.

[Ronnie]

Sounds kind of like the Penguins.

[John Holmberg]

Let's go back to the original. The best ones by far. I'm going to play it again. I'm sorry. Here's your hot releases for today. Unless you got Something frozen. Nothing will top this. Let's see what the penguin says.

[Lisa]

We'll be dancing, but no blacks, no blacks, no blacks. I've gotta go outside right now in the sunshine and find a bathroom.

[John Holmberg]

But no blacks, no blacks, no blacks.

[Lisa]

It's been spring in Germany and nothing can go wrong.

[John Holmberg]

Keep a spinner theme and flow. Then it just closes out with that. I like that. Okay, that's. That's spectacular. Thank you.

[Brett Vesely]

That's the hot release for this week.

[John Holmberg]

That's all you need.

[Byron]

Catchy tune.

[Brett Vesely]

Thanks, Momoney Pawn.

[Byron]

God damn it. This podcast is gold.

[Ronnie]

Jerry.

[John Holmberg]

Says you have a hit.

[Ronnie]

Oh, Christ.

[John Holmberg]

Literally all I used to do and now I don't have to anymore. Better time. Go outside and look for the bathroom. My girlfriend's fat. No blacks, no blacks, no blacks, no blacks. Everything 1930s. Just in your head you say, I don't know what penguins got involved. That's picture everybody dressed in tuxedos.

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Listen. What the penguin says, it picked up off. What did that penguin say? Oh, my goodness. I enjoy that too much. And now it's going to take over my life. We'll have those available for a $19 a download. Oh, yeah, those are originals. They're awesome. Do you have anything to just quick announce for hot releases? Any good ones?

[Brett Vesely]

Nothing. I can't wait till next week.

[John Holmberg]

All right, beautiful. Those are your hot releases, everybody. That is. Yeah. And that's the thing. It's 86 years old, right. And that's halfway to Van Halen. To us.

[Ronnie]

And I'm still learning the prompt, so.

[John Holmberg]

I like it better. Keep a similar theme and flow. And it goes well. All right, I'll sing that then.

[Ronnie]

Because I did that with Piss Ball Pete and it did it keep us.

[John Holmberg]

Similar theme and flow.

[Byron]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

No idea why that is, but Sunshiny day in Germany and nothing can go wrong. Everything 96 years ago, just to dance into my brain is to let you know when I was singing that song, I'm thinking like 30s headlines like, Germany is okay.

[Byron]

I guess we'd be touring speakeasies right now.

[John Holmberg]

We didn't speak. Easies would be Prohibition. I was gonna. That gets hard to throw into a song. And then everybody's dressed in tuxedos and of course there's no blacks. Yeah. That was 1930. And then 48 years later, Van Halen 1 came out. And that has been 48 years since Sense. You want to talk about us feeling like time's gone too fast? Imagine the 48 year old in 1978 going, what in the hell Is a Van Halen. This is what I grew up on. It's 9:47.

[Byron]

Believe Germans are back.

[John Holmberg]

We're. Yeah. Germany seems good again. I don't think anything's going to go wrong there for a long, long time time. This Adolf character seems to have it all figured out. It would do the entertainment drill next. It's 98. It's not weird.

[Byron]

It's pretty cool, actually. No membership fees.

[John Holmberg]

I have heard enough of this. You P's morning sickness. You've been deceived by an agent of Satan himself. 98. There it is. Stabbing Westward. Man, was I wrong about them. I thought that thing was gonna explode going over to Boston's.

[Lisa]

Dude, it's gonna be the greatest band ever.

[John Holmberg]

Just some young boy with a dream thinking Stabbing Westward was gonna tear it up. My buddy Brian Rendle was with me too, so these guys are gonna be incredible. Yeah, that didn't work out like I'd hoped, but man, I love that song. It's 9:59. The 10 o' clock word is Trent. That's a fitting one for Nine Inch Nails. Trent is the word you would put in for the app contest there. Tap the app, the suite that feeds. Or you can go to 98kupd.com and do that. Before we move on to the entertainment drill, I got emails from people going, I got out of my car. Everything seemed normal. I got into my car and there's penguins and no blacks. No. What the hell was that? Well, if you weren't listening and a guy said, I hate this podcast live because I can't rewind it. I know. Well, you're listening to the recording of the podcast. You're the live studio audience, audience of the later on distributed podcast. I see it. And so that's what I mean. You know, you're gonna see all the flaws, you're gonna see the bloopers, and then, you know, you gotta come back. You can't rewind the live podcast, but later you can listen. But for those of you who didn't know what was going on earlier this morning, we improvised a 1930s hit. And I think it sounded a little something like this. No blacks, no blacks, no blacks. I'm gonna go outside right now in.

[Lisa]

The sunshine Nevada pattern.

[John Holmberg]

No blacks, no blacks, no blacks, no black.

[Lisa]

It's springtime in Germany and nothing can go wrong.

[John Holmberg]

Germany is my favorite place. No blacks, no blacks. Now, see that? We're joking around about what songs in the 30s sound like that led into the AI version of that song, which magically created it. And is a smash hit. People want me to send it to them, and the answer is no. And he goes, and thanks a lot. I've just walked down the hallway at my work going, no blacks. No blacks. No do it in your 30s voice. Just confuse everyone. At York, if you can get a little tiny megaphone.

[Lisa]

I just got walking down the street.

[John Holmberg]

I'm looking around at my office. No blacks, no blacks. 1930s guy is a blast. Become him. Also saw something yesterday that I'm thinking about maybe doing on a regular basis. It was on Instagram. There is a dude, and he's not local, but you can get him. Who is Austin Powers? He is Austin Powers. Like, he has embodied the character of Austin Powers and you can hire him for parties and stuff, but this one dude just hired him for himself. And they spent the afternoon together watching tv. The guy never breaks. He's hilarious. It's. He comes in, hey, baby, what's going on? He comes in the room. He's like, right, baby, right? Behave. And the guy just sits down and he's got his. He's got meta glasses on. So he's filming the whole thing through his glasses, and they're just watching tv. And he looks over at the couch and there's a dude in full Austin Powers gear just watching. And then he'll look at him and go, ha, ha ha, baby. Like it is to have him just by himself in your home. It is brilliant. And he is so committed and he's so good at it. His name's Chase Hoffer, and I want to get him here so bad. But the. The dude that. The. The more brilliant one is the guy who said, I'm just going to hire him for me today. He's like, so do you like football or. Or like soccer like that? Soccer? Baby, I barely know. Yeah, he just. He's fully committed to the whole thing. And it's just some dude in his house with Austin Power. This is a. Which one is this?

[Ronnie]

It says, hiring a magician for just myself.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, this. This is the. The genius of this guy, is that he just hires these people who do parties and he just has them come over for him. Oh, okay. And so the magician shows up, not knowing it's not a party or a social gathering. It's just some guy who wants company. And the magician. Creepy Zephyr. Yes. Come on in. Happy birthday. Thanks. Anyone else coming? No, just me. And then he just sits down and films him with the meta glasses. It's the name you were thinking of. Ah, Cole. Wow. He did it. Wow. Not Bad Literally wrote that down. And this poor party magician is just gonna take the money for the full pull and hang around the house with this. It's. The Austin Powers guy is awesome. Click on that. I mean, you must be chased, baby. Welcome.

[Lisa]

Oh, what a grip you have.

[John Holmberg]

You must live alone.

[Byron]

You want me to do, like, what.

[John Holmberg]

I would do with a party? Sure. Do you see music play? You know the song? Yes.

[Lisa]

And I come in and say, oh, yeah, man. Yeah. So how's everybody today, man? This is great. It's so good.

[John Holmberg]

Oh. Oh, behave. He's got no one to talk to. Over again.

[Lisa]

You go, oh, you make a lovely couple.

[John Holmberg]

And then he points to their boobs that there's nobody there to do it to.

[Brett Vesely]

It's a.

[John Holmberg]

It's a boo, you know? Yeah, yeah. Different time. No. Yeah, I don't think that would. But, but, but I understand it. Did you watch the Super Bowl? They're just sitting on the couch with. You watch the Super Bowl? The.

[Lisa]

Oh, yeah, yeah, I'm sure I did. Yeah.

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Are you more of like a soccer guy since you have so much, like, uk? I don't even know. That's pretty good. It would be. And then they just watch TV and stuff.

[Brett Vesely]

Just in this Maricopa apartment.

[John Holmberg]

I mean, just. And it's just so awesome as a dude in the velour Austin Power suit on the couch. Just. Just hanging with the guy because it would be like if Austin Powers was a real guy, it would be. That would be like a day where they had nothing to do. Oh, that's genius. Genius. So that's what. I kind of want to hire those dudes. I think that's awesome. Just have them hanging around. Just be Austin Powers. We'll go to lunch and don't bother other tables. I don't want you talking to other people. Just us. Hey, baby.

[Byron]

Excuse me, but you look a lot like Austin Powers.

[Lisa]

Come on, baby.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, and then he just has to be that until I barely eat downtime.

[Byron]

Where it's just quiet.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. That's the thing I would love the most, is when he's actually eating and occasionally you just stare at him and he's got to look at you, go, yeah, great chickpeas, baby. Like, yeah, you don't have to do that. Enjoy the meal.

[Byron]

What else? You bring it to the table? Some soup.

[John Holmberg]

Love a nice soup. And a sandwich. Yeah.

[Byron]

How deep can he go into the character?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. How long can he go until he goes, guys, I gotta go home, man. This is killing. I'll give you another 500 bucks to stay for two more hours. Behave. Yeah, baby. And then I'll sit across from the entire time and we'll just play. It looks awesome. That guy's a genius. Anyway, it's time for the entertainment drill. The word for 10 o' clock is. Trent. Put that in there. The entertainment drills brought to you by friends at Schwartz Laser Eye Center. Dr. Jay Schwartz awaits you. You know what I found out recently again, is that I've always said, like you said, to leave something about readers. You know, with age, the reader thing's a thing. They can fix that now. Like, they can.

[Lisa]

I had no idea.

[John Holmberg]

Like, yeah, I know. They can start getting you better with readers. And I always thought readers was the one thing you can't avoid.

[Lisa]

Nope.

[John Holmberg]

These new lenses that they stick in there can be adapted for that, too.

[Ronnie]

Trying to tell Lisa that because now she's. She's got old lady readers. She had contacts for years, and now it's like she reaches over. I'm like, don't you have contacts?

[John Holmberg]

It's hard to bang the lady on the box of the old maid card. Yeah, yeah. She got those halves.

[Byron]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, man. Anyway, yeah, so you get on over there. They can do that, too. So if you're. If you're looking at readers or you've got something, you can't see medicine bottles anymore. Brady, probably. Have you ever seen the printer medicine bottle? We're supposed to read that. Can't do it, but they can fix it. Jay Schwartz can get you where you need to be no matter what your site's like right now. He'll have a plan for you that'll make it so much better than it is currently. No more squinting, no more dirty glasses, no more contacts in your eyes. No more drops. No more nonsense. Get you all fired up and seeing beautifully. And all you have to do is contact them. Teamidoc.com get your consultation all lined up and see what the Schwartz Laser Eye center has for you. Brady Entertainment.

[Byron]

Ranker.com just did a list of our favorite comfort TV shows. In other words, you put it on in the background and do other activities.

[John Holmberg]

I got loads of them.

[Byron]

Seinfeld, the top 10. Malcolm in the middle. Number 10.

[Lisa]

No kidding.

[John Holmberg]

No, it's 10th.

[Brett Vesely]

I never go to that, though.

[John Holmberg]

It's good, but, yeah, I'd never click on it.

[Byron]

Number nine was Brooklyn. Nine.

[John Holmberg]

Nine. Yeah. A lot of people like that.

[Byron]

Number eight. The Fresh Prince of Bel Air. Seven. I Love Lucy.

[John Holmberg]

Wow.

[Byron]

Six. The Office. Five. The Golden Girl.

[Ronnie]

Four.

[Byron]

Parks and Recreation. Three. The Simpsons. Two. The Big Bang Theory number one.

[John Holmberg]

I'd say Friends are Seinfeld, Schitt's Creek. Oh, all right.

[Byron]

Yeah. I'm surprised those weren't on the list. Friends.

[John Holmberg]

And I don't know if people background them.

[Byron]

Yeah. Because they maybe focus.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Byron]

Friends. You could.

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah, there's not much.

[John Holmberg]

Well, I backgrounded that when it was on. I. I did not. I. One of the weird ones. I just thought Friends was awful. I didn't like any of the characters.

[Byron]

Timothy Chalamet's catching some heat for a recent interview he did in. At a French radio station, and he did it in French. So they. He says, I know it's not normal to talk about yourself like this, but I knew I had a pretty unique talent, and I knew that I work honestly. Honestly, I work harder than almost everyone I know.

[John Holmberg]

He's got a lot of confidence.

[Byron]

I really have an athlete's mindset on how I work. People can make fun of it, they can laugh, but I don't care.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Byron]

I'm the one doing it, and it works.

[John Holmberg]

He did that Golden Globes thing when he won a few years ago for something, and the Bob Dylan thing, and he basically said, I'm. I'm. I'm one of the best there is. And I'm not afraid to say that. And I'm gonna get better. Better. Like, my goal is to be the best there ever. And good for him. It comes across a little arrogant when you say that. It's. But you know what? Back it up, because right now, that kid's on a roll, and he gets to. To get on top of Kylie Jenner on a regular basis. So I'm not going to disparage anything his brain's telling him to do. It seems to be working out really well. If I got to get on top of Kylie Jenner every night, I think I'd come in here, kind of be a dick to you guys now and again. Like, you know, I'm the greatest person you guys know. Right. Like, I would kind of feel that way.

[Lisa]

We get it, John.

[John Holmberg]

No, I don't think you do. Like, I'm. I'm the best in the room.

[Lisa]

All right, all right.

[Byron]

A TR Twitch streamer. Aiden Ross. He bought the Breaking Bad house. No word on what he's planning on doing with it.

[John Holmberg]

Who bought it?

[Byron]

This Twitch streamer.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, a Twitch switch guy.

[Brett Vesely]

Sure. It's Airbnb.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, Airbnb it. Just redo the inside completely, like the whites, and Airbnb it.

[Byron]

Someone asked Sebastian Bach if he's worried about being an old rock star. He's 57 years old, and he.

[John Holmberg]

No, I'm not.

[Byron]

Because he's not a rock star. Paul McCartney and Rob Halford and Willie Nelson are still out there doing stuff.

[John Holmberg]

Young, apparently wouldn't comp my body of work.

[Byron]

I'm young and I'm beautiful.

[John Holmberg]

Still, if I was the skid row lead singer. I'm not comping my body of work to. To the Beatles and Paul McCartney's solo work. Just gonna basically say you can get old and still enjoy it. But.

[Brett Vesely]

Jimmy Buffett was doing.

[Byron]

He's not done, bro.

[Brett Vesely]

He's better than Buffett.

[John Holmberg]

Yes, He.

[Brett Vesely]

He's.

[John Holmberg]

It's been a minute. All those other guys kept coming up with stuff. Good, better. Otherwise, I don't think Buffett.

[Brett Vesely]

I thought he was just living off those idiots. And Tommy Bomb.

[John Holmberg]

He's a bad example because what the.

[Byron]

Billionaire that was kids books?

[John Holmberg]

He was an ultimate glitch in the Matrix that I like. You want to talk about. That's like one of the radio executives, like, doing something great. You're like, oh, you completely stumbled into that. You're too dumb and talented to have done this. Well, he's. I don't get. But again, tip your cap rolled into billions with minimal talents says I'm an artist. No, he was minimally.

[Byron]

Pay me to play guitar.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, Well, I mean. And just sing. Absolute nonsense. Hey, I don't get the Buffett thing. And everybody run into his restaurant. I bought one of his margarita machines, which. Just a blend.

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah, I remember you had that. It didn't do anything.

[John Holmberg]

Anything. The best line ever about the Margaritaville is when south park made fun of it and they came up with the salsa like it was a salsa machine. Like, here's how it works. Pour your favorite salsa in the top, and it comes out the bottom. And it's exactly what the Margaritaville was. You put ice on the top, it blended it, and then you made a margarita in the blender. You didn't need it. $300. You still have that blended ice? No, I think I burned it anyway. Oh, no. I gave it to Goodwill.

[Brett Vesely]

Oh, okay.

[John Holmberg]

There's a Mexican family right now going, this thing doesn't do anything. Jimmy Buffett was a dick. You hear that Every time you drive by. You guys know Jimmy Buffett? No. Well, anyway, he was a dick.

[Lisa]

Who is he?

[John Holmberg]

Is that the guy that works over there at the Food City and. No, no, no, man. He's a singer, but he was a dick. He invented a blender, got bilked, then it just goes around the community. Jimmy Buffett invented the blender.

[Lisa]

Is that right?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, man.

[Byron]

You will parrot on your head.

[John Holmberg]

I heard he was a dick. That's it. Larry's next. Use the word Trent and get yourself qualified for the Nine Inch Nails show. We'll see you guys tomorrow. So. Oh, we're gonna pimp a girl out tomorrow. Keep that in mind. See ya. Hey. It' that weird?

[Byron]

It's pretty cool actually. No membership fee.

[John Holmberg]

I have heard enough of this.