02-11-25 - FULL SHOW - TUESDAY - Holmbergs Morning Sickness 98 KUPD

Summary

Summary of "Holmberg's Morning Sickness - Arizona" Podcast Episode (02-11-25)

Introduction On February 11, 2025, "Holmberg's Morning Sickness" aired its Tuesday episode on Arizona's #1 Morning Radio Show, hosted by John Holmberg alongside Brady Bogen, Brett Vesely, and Dick Toledo. The episode delved into a mix of local news, personal anecdotes, and humorous exchanges, all delivered with the show's signature irreverent style.

1. Aviation Disaster Coverage The episode kicked off with a discussion about a recent aviation incident in Arizona involving Vince Neil's plane.

• John Holmberg (00:39): Introduced the topic, expressing skepticism about the media's portrayal of the event as a major disaster.

  "Now they're calling it the eighth aviation disaster in the last three or four weeks... This is not an aviation disaster." (01:20)

• Brett Vesely (01:32): Questioned whether this was indicative of a trend in commercial airlines.

• John Holmberg (02:03): Shared a personal anecdote about a past small plane crash, emphasizing that such incidents are sporadic and not necessarily indicative of systemic issues.

The hosts debated the media's role in amplifying the perception of frequent aviation disasters, suggesting that the ubiquity of video footage makes these events seem more common than they are.

2. Washable Adult Diapers/Pants Discussion A significant portion of the episode was dedicated to mocking a new commercial for washable adult diapers, branded as "Ware Ever."

• John Holmberg (11:13): Criticized the product's design and practicality, ridiculing the concept of reusable diapers for the elderly.

  "Disgusting. The grossest invention ever." (12:06)

• Brett Vesely (12:05): Joined in the ridicule, further downplaying the product's appeal and necessity.

The hosts used this segment to highlight their disdain for products aimed at addressing incontinence, employing crude humor and derogatory language.

3. Listener Breakup Stories and Host Interactions The show featured a segment where listeners shared their experiences with breakups, which the hosts humorously categorized as "wins" and "losses."

• John Holmberg (26:15): Shared his own traumatic experience of a flight-related incident where he witnessed a passenger's death, intertwining it with relationship woes.

• Brady Bogen (38:16): Discussed his breakup story, feeling overshadowed by his friends' experiences and expressing a lack of personal losses in relationships.

• Dick Toledo (57:10): Introduced a listener's email apologizing for previous derogatory remarks, sparking a heated exchange.

  "You tried to ruin my life, you piece of... Go yourself right back into the liquor store." (27:10)

The interactions became increasingly confrontational, especially when addressing a listener who sought forgiveness for past offensive comments. The hosts' responses were harsh and unapologetic, reflecting the show's edgy tone.

4. Super Bowl Commercials Ranking The hosts reviewed and ranked the top Super Bowl commercials, adding their humorous takes on each.

• Brett Vesely (84:16): Detailed the rankings, highlighting favorites like Budweiser's heartwarming puppy ad and critiquing others for lack of creativity.

• John Holmberg (89:33): Made sarcastic remarks about the commercials, referencing their repetitive and formulaic nature.

This segment combined humor with pop culture commentary, aligning with the show's entertaining and informal atmosphere.

5. Self-Healing Asphalt and Other News Bits The podcast briefly touched upon innovative topics like self-healing asphalt, blending scientific advancements with the hosts' characteristic humor.

• John Holmberg (113:43): Expressed skepticism about the practicality and functionality of self-healing asphalt, using exaggerated metaphors to illustrate his doubts.

Additionally, the hosts shared various local news snippets, including road incidents, public safety concerns, and odd occurrences, always infused with their trademark sardonic humor.

6. Alcoholism and Personal Struggles A recurring theme was the discussion of alcoholism, personal struggles, and the challenges of overcoming addiction.

• John Holmberg (100:13): Critiqued Alcoholics Anonymous, citing a low success rate and expressing frustration with the program's effectiveness.

• Brady Bogen (139:43): Opened up about his upcoming urology appointment, hinting at personal health issues potentially related to alcohol use.

The hosts engaged in a candid and often insensitive dialogue about addiction, blending serious topics with irreverent banter.

7. Host Confrontations and Sexual Humor Throughout the episode, the hosts engaged in provocative and explicit conversations, often crossing into offensive territory.

• John Holmberg (127:20): Used derogatory language and made offensive remarks about listeners, intertwining sexual humor with insults.

• Dick Toledo (123:58): Joined in the crude exchanges, further escalating the confrontational atmosphere.

The content frequently veered into inappropriate and offensive humor, reflecting the show's boundary-pushing style.

8. Final Segments and Wrap-Up As the episode concluded, the hosts continued their humorous and irreverent exchange, touching upon various topics like self-healing roads, Valentine's Day traditions, and more absurd news stories. They maintained a high-energy and confrontational tone until the very end.

Notable Quotes:

• John Holmberg (01:20):

  "This is not an aviation disaster."

• Dick Toledo (27:10):

  "You tried to ruin my life, you piece of... Go yourself right back into the liquor store."

• John Holmberg (12:06):

  "Disgusting. The grossest invention ever."

• John Holmberg (113:43):

  "If the road crack heals, it doesn't have DNA. It doesn't know when to stop."

Conclusion This episode of "Holmberg's Morning Sickness" was a rollercoaster of controversial discussions, personal anecdotes, and boundary-pushing humor. The hosts navigated through topics ranging from aviation disasters and innovative products to personal struggles and humiliating listener stories, all while maintaining a confrontational and irreverent dynamic. The episode exemplified the show's commitment to entertaining its audience through a mix of humor, sarcasm, and edgy commentary.

Disclaimer: The podcast contains offensive language and sensitive topics. Listener discretion is advised.

Transcript

[Dick Toledo]

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[John Holmberg]

Good morning everybody. Hello there. Welcome to Tuesday. It is 5:45. This is the morning sickness. My name's John Holmberg. How are you? There's Brady, there's Brett, there's big Dick Toledo. Off we go for a day where Arizona is back in the headlines. And for odd reasons. Vince Neil's plane crashed up against another plane. And everybody's like, you know, I think the news, this is proof. The news just tries to scare the hell out of you constantly. Now they're calling it a, the eighth aviation disaster in the last three or four weeks. And I'm like, yeah, we've had a couple of, couple of big boys. There.

[Brady]

Was all over.

[John Holmberg]

I don't want to, I don't want to dismiss the fact that people were hurt and someone was killed. But this, this happens at small airports once in a while. I'm not gonna say all the time, but once in a while. This is not an aviation disaster.

[Brett]

This is a, is it a trend in commercial airlines?

[John Holmberg]

I don't know that it's that different. I think we had a, you know, we're all hyper focused because the one in Washington happened and we had video of it. I think videotape is the thing that's making us feel like things are happening a whole lot more than they were before. You'd hear about a big plane crash. You'd never hear about the little ones because they didn't have cameras right away to show you the, you know, the planes that were on the, on the Runway or whatever. You know, you just heard about it. It was on the, in a newspaper. It was on the news for a.

[Brett]

Second landing on the freeway or.

[John Holmberg]

Right. Those things, they used to happen quite a bit. And it was kind of a, you know, you know, a minor incident at Deer Valley Airport where one person was hurt. I had my, the old owner of the restaurant I used to work at his Small plane crashed into. I remember if it was Four Peaks or what mountain it was out there. But he. He died. And it wasn't like this aviation disaster was a small plane incident. Planes. Planes don't stay. Not every day, but it's a lot.

[Brady]

But they got video of it.

[John Holmberg]

Well, that's the reason why they're like, well, what do we do? Yeah, it's very strange because the landing gear didn't. It. It broke, I guess, and just kind of flopped off. And then the plane was out of control and ran into a parked plane, which is ironic because if you've ever flown out of Scottsdale, and I have, because, damn it, JSX is there. And so was set Jet. Long live such a. I still have my membership. I still have my membership card. I'm just walking by there one of these days, going, do I still get one flight on this? That was right after I signed up that the investors pulled. Oh. Anyway, I used to wonder while we were landing. I'm like, God, there's a lot of just. It's like landing in a parking lot of planes. They're around, and they're like, anything left, right, or otherwise that might go sideways, you're gonna ram into. When you land at sky harbor, you're not really landing by the planes, although they are kind of parked, waiting their turn. But not just parked and abandoned like they are at Scottsdale, because that's where you park them. Especially after the Phoenix Open. The whole side of that thing, it's just a slew of parked planes. But everybody's losing their minds because also, it's Vince Neil's plane from Motley Crue, and he wasn't on it, but his girlfriend was, and someone passed away, and I don't know who it was or what they are, but Vince Neil is now.

[Brett]

She has five broken ribs. Her friend she was traveling with was hospitalized. Some dogs were traveling with him, and they survived the crash.

[John Holmberg]

That's good.

[Brett]

No word on the identity.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, if it was a big deal, we'd know. I'm not. Well, you know what I mean? If it was like, a famous person, we'd already know by now. But it's. Yeah, everybody's losing their minds over it. And I got texts last night from people in Chicago. Vince Steel's plane crashed in Arizona. What do you guys know about, like. Yeah, we all gathered around as Arizonans and just started. We. We know what you know. We know exactly the same things, you know?

[Brady]

Well, that's the thing. Well, I'm from Phoenix. Oh, well, so do you know my friend John Smith, Right, Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, he lives out there. Yeah, he flew in Vince Neil's plane once. But Vince Neil now part of another tragic crash. Crash. Yeah, he's done this before and it's like a crazy. Like, that's just nuts, man. That.

[Brett]

Well, the don't ride with this.

[John Holmberg]

No. He offers you a free ride. Yeah, yeah, I'll Uber.

[Brady]

I'm good.

[John Holmberg]

I got this, Vince. Thanks, but no thanks.

[Brett]

The Gulf Stream company will probably have a lawsuit on its hands.

[John Holmberg]

Well, sure. You gotta sue. You can't not sue you.

[Brett]

Failure of landing gear. They're gonna figure out, you know, now.

[John Holmberg]

The plane will be to blame and it won't be pilots or anything else. Were the pilots okay?

[Brady]

They haven't said.

[John Holmberg]

They said who the person was. They would have. I would have assumed they'd have said the pilots weren't it, but anyway, I.

[Brett]

Saw one picture where it showed. It looked like the front two wheels, that thing was completely.

[John Holmberg]

It just dumped down. Well, that's what they, you know, you can kind of see it.

[Brett]

Yep.

[John Holmberg]

Drop. So then they show the wheels are thrown to the side. I don't know. I also found it weird that the news was like, Vince Neil wasn't on board. So it's not as important as we thought. It's like, yes, yeah.

[Brady]

It just kind of. When that happened, it was just kind of like, yeah, yeah, whatever.

[John Holmberg]

Found out was Vince Neil's plane. Wouldn't it be great if he was on there? It's a celebrity. You guys would lose your minds. It's like, I was. It's nobody. A bunch of nobodies on the plane. So. Rachel Maddow, I just happened to have that on yesterday, flipping through and she said it's Trump's fault. And I'm like, good lord, how in the world she did. She's like, what? What do we do now? This. Under this administration, we've had eight tragic plane crash. I'm like, come on, you know, you can't do that. But again, well, the whole thing is designed to make tribes tribal.

[Brady]

He didn't cut funding to Gulf Stream.

[John Holmberg]

It's because he said that the first one was because of dei. So they're playing the same game back. And unfortunately, it's just an incident that you. It's the risk you take flying. Now, my theory of wait for a plane to crash before you fly next time, it is getting a little tight, like, but like, it seems that used to be like, hey, you have a little plane crash in the news, you're safe. To fly for at least a year. Not anymore. And that one that crashed in Alaska that they're going on. Ten people died in that. It was in Nome in February. I assume those things fall out of the sky like wounded birds. I would never get on a plane in Alaska in Nome in February with nine other dudes. That thing looked like it was made of canvas. Not doing it. So we all have our boundaries. And those people out there. When I was in Juneau, I'm like, how do you guys get out? It's the only state capital. This is its claim to fame. Only state capital in the United States. It doesn't have a road to it. You can't. You can't drive to Juneau.

[Brady]

What?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brady]

No, I didn't know.

[John Holmberg]

It's blocked by a mountain and by the water. So you have to fly in. And there's no airport. There's the. The bay.

[Brett]

You drop them on the beaver plane.

[John Holmberg]

It sucks. And when I asked the dude, I'm like, this place is gorgeous. And he goes, live here for a minute. And he was. By the way, he was the first person to greet us off the boat. He got the boat. I'm like, my God, this place is beautiful. Live here for a minute. Well, thank you. What do you do? You had a chamber of commerce. Nice job. And I said, why do you say that? And he said, it's like a prison. That wall keeps me in, that water keeps me in. I'm stuck here.

[Brady]

Oh, man.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. All right, then. Well, it's beautiful, still lovely. And I. I plan on being here for a day because I just got off that hotel boat.

[Brett]

You get on one of those boats, too?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, yeah. You're. You're capable of. You're mobile. You're ambulatory. Walk. But, yeah, he was. He was sitting. Literally sitting next to a sign that said, welcome to Juneau. And he was taking, like, your name and stuff and pointing in the direction of whatever excursion you'd signed up for. And he told me, this is the worst place in the world. All right. Anyway, so Scottsdale is. You know, people are going to be acting like, you know, the World Trade Centers fell over there in Scottsdale. And not to diminish, you know, the size of an accident when somebody dies, but it wasn't that big. That's kind of the risk we have. I had a lady die on me on a plane. Same amount of people died on one of my flights and died on the one yesterday, and it never made the news. That was the creepiest day of my Life. It always will be. Always. And I unfortunately had to find out she was dead. I thought she would. Her face melted onto me. The sweatiest thing I've ever seen. Her head landed on my shoulder. Husband started hitting her, which was crazy because he was on Spirit now, or.

[Brady]

What is it?

[John Holmberg]

No, this was on America west back in the day, right before America west made the swaparoo. Old ladies sitting next to me put her head on my shoulder, and I just kept, like, kind of ignoring her. I think I was reading the In Flight magazine. You're.

[Brett]

You're deep into Sky Mall, whatever.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, I was gonna buy that little gnome dog that you keep your key in. And her head hit me, and I didn't think anything of it. I gave it. Sadly enough, though, I gave it two shimmies, too, to try to get her to wake up and get her head off my shoulder and give a little quick bump on nothing. And then her husband goes, oh, my God. Oh, my God, oh, my God. And he just starts smacking her in the face. And then I had to move. Well, a dentist, I think was the only doctor on board, tried to revive her, and then they shuttled her off the plane. We were halfway between Albuquerque and Phoenix. I was coming back from Dallas. Like, we got two options. We can go back to Albuquerque, we can go to Phoenix. Like, keep going. And she just laid there in the middle of the thing in the aisle, right? Oh, yeah. They tried to keep her in the seats, and for some reason, they put her in the aisle. And her husband. Her husband was, like, in the chair, and they lost. Was weird.

[Brady]

So he's slapping the hell out of his wife, and you're going, God damn, I wish you could do that to my wife once.

[John Holmberg]

Right? Get this off my shoulder. That's right. Well, you do. And you don't know this guy. Who the hell is this? You. Who are. You're always putting your head in some other guy's lap. Here we go again, sir. I'm not interested. Of course you're not interested. She's a dead lay. It's been enough time. We can joke. Yeah. Hey, for Christ's sake, it was an America West Point, she'd probably be dead by now anyway. I'm sure he is. Yeah. I mean, he was. He was hitting her like it wasn't. And my shoulders underneath it and these wax were, like, hard. Like, he's been through this before. Out she went. My friend's brother worked at America West Airlines. And I'm like, I need to ask questions. Like, what. What happened? On this flight. And he goes, oh, if you only knew how many dead people we towed off planes. I'm like, I don't even know what that means. And he said that happens a lot. And then he looked into it and we lost her. We lost her, Jim. Nothing I could do about it. I didn't kill her. It's horrifying.

[Brett]

So grandmas and grandpas coming out to visit.

[John Holmberg]

Oh yeah. The air gets a little weird and probably lungs aren't so great. I don't. And the worst part is is like she was just so peacefully dead. She was still breathing. She was still alive when they took her off the plane. I know that she was peacefully dead. It wasn't one of those.

[Brett]

Not a violent death.

[John Holmberg]

No, no. Like pukes and poops. Yeah, there's violent death. You'll find out soon enough. Keep it up. The weird stroke, you live for three or four days. No, it was just she went to sleep on my shoulder. It wasn't anything like she didn't bleed out, she didn't poop, she didn't do anything. Kept it together. Speaking of old people and pooping, I was watching TV last night and there's a new commercial on for wear ever washable diapers for elderly folk. So it's on the heels of, you know, wears. You know who I blame here? You ladies who are too lazy to just use feminine hygiene products. You try to scare yourself again. That's a Rachel Maddow thing. You try to scare yourself into thinking every time you clean yourself you're going to get toxic shock. So instead you get those Nick's panties and just bleed out. Shove them in the wash with everything.

[Brett]

Flash it right on there.

[John Holmberg]

Disgusting. The grossest invention ever. That's going back to the pre hygiene days of just wearing bloody pants. So now they got these ones called the oh it's so gross. Wherever washable. And this old lady walks and goes. You just wear the adult diaper like their underwear. It's great. And they show these puffy weird. Like this poor old lady looks like she's got a sack and so she's walking around like look, everything's fine.

[Brady]

What do they call again?

[John Holmberg]

Ware ever W e a r ever. And then the big selling point, good for up to 200 washes.

[Brett]

Wow, that's.

[John Holmberg]

I'm saying this, that's a long time old lady p. Those last 25 washes are questionable whether or not they're still good. You get me up to 150 pissed pants underwear.

[Brett]

But now it's up to the discretion of the lady to say she's time to wash.

[John Holmberg]

Right. Well, she can wash them every day, 200 times. But I'm saying if you piss your pants, you piss your pants too. You don't think old people wash their clothes every day?

[Brett]

No.

[John Holmberg]

You don't think she's washing her underwear every day?

[Brett]

No.

[John Holmberg]

Pissed pants. Really? Why?

[Brett]

I think some of these, they're dried.

[John Holmberg]

You think she's got the wherewithal to wear diapers and cleaning them is just optional?

[Brady]

What a pig I wear.

[John Holmberg]

I want your theory on this.

[Brett]

Well, if she's soiling them, she'll wash them. But that's what I'm saying. But she didn't soil.

[John Holmberg]

You don't think old people. You think the old people go multiple days in a row with their drawers?

[Brett]

Yes.

[John Holmberg]

No kidding. And this is based on what? Just a hunch that no one.

[Brett]

Old people.

[John Holmberg]

You know, old people, like.

[Brett]

They don't shower every day.

[John Holmberg]

Right. But you don't think that they. They reuse their disgusting, dirty. Maybe dudes, but old ladies, definitely dudes.

[Brett]

More than the old man?

[John Holmberg]

No, I think deranged old ladies piss themselves and leave them on because that's why they smell like ammonia sometimes. But these things, you can get the.

[Brady]

Lovely lacy panties for 18.99. There is no reason to have lovely lacy his panties, his pants, because you're not. You're not getting any.

[John Holmberg]

Come on. Let me just peel these off real quick.

[Larry]

Oh, yeah, man.

[John Holmberg]

Okay, we're gonna go ahead and call a timeout. Did you just take off sexy piss panties? It's a song. Yeah. So she's doing this sold out for Valentine's day, but okay, 200 washes. I have T shirts that don't have 200 washes in them. And they never had a promise that they did, but because they'll get parakeet armpits if I'm working out in them, which essentially what piss panties are. You're doing a heavy let's push this to the limits kind of test to your piss panties and 200 washes, I'm guessing after, with old lady urine. 10, and they start to kind of decompose a little bit. 20. If you get all the way to 200 pisses or washes. And if you're wearing piss panties, you're pissing them every day.

[Brady]

Hush, hush. Seamless panty.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, yeah. They try to make them sound sexy. They want to make it seem like nobody knows. You know how I know It's. You know how I know everybody like the lady walking in the commercial. So proud of them. But you know how I know she knows? It's a prideless moment, is that she's like. And no one will know. Like, the big thing was discretion. Like, you can't even see lines. There's no puffy front. There's the. Like, you're embarrassed by this and you're trying to find ways to not have to. You want to piss your pants, but you don't want anybody to know you're doing it.

[Brett]

Is that a piss pillow below that?

[Brady]

No, that is. That is the travel bag so you can carry extras with.

[John Holmberg]

And, well, and so they don't touch your other clothes because they stink like ammonia. And like a poodle getting a PERM799 for that pouch, we have to discourage. Now, look, modern science has done a lot of great things. One of them should be to button it up for the old folk, especially old ladies. Old ladies. You know, I had four children, and now every time I sneeze, okay, yuck.

[Larry]

I gotta wear piss panties.

[John Holmberg]

You know what you shouldn't do? Advertise it. Disgusting is keep it down. Put, you know, throw wads of cotton in there, some sort of absorbent thing, and throw it away. What kind of decent human being wants to hang on to pants they've urinated in multiple with the intention? Like, if I had a pair of jeans, oops, I peed my pants, I'd wash them by themselves. I would not immediately go, these are my piss pants from here on out. These are the ones I piss in every time. It's never gonna be my intent to have a pair of pants I urinate in regularly.

[Brett]

Today feels like a day I might pee myself.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, I'm not getting up there with anybody. I'm gonna put my piss jeans on. I've often said that. I used to say that a long time ago, if men had periods, jokingly, we would have our period weak pants. And you'd see, like, Brady walk in with these tie dyed horrible. Like, ah, that time of the month, huh, buddy?

[Larry]

Yeah, you know, it put my period pants back.

[Brett]

These are my favorites.

[Larry]

Got a tough one. Today's heavy flow.

[John Holmberg]

And then he's just got these pants that just. We ruined for a week. Yeah. And then. And then you dip them in the pool when you get home, put them on a line, and then wait 20 days and do it again.

[Brett]

And at Christmas you get a new pair.

[John Holmberg]

Hey, hey. New period pants. Oh, they'll destroy these just in time. By the way. Heavy flow on the way. I'm a five and If Brady had a period, he'd be a four or five based on female build. A girl like your size or your look.

[Brett]

Super Soaker.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, that thing is a four or five for sure. She doubles down every once in a while, but yeah. This is not advancement. This is not medicine. Needs to get on the idea of finding a thing that tightens it up. And right now, ladies, if you're listening, Kegel up. Because it's. It's. It's worse than when dudes like Brett's not allowed to wear sweatpants. Like, Matthias says, no sweatpants in public because she don't want you dressing like Polly Walnuts.

[Brady]

Well, no tracksuits. I'm not wearing the gray sweatpants.

[John Holmberg]

Okay, right. But you're not allowed to track suit out of the house for dinners and stuff. I know, but we'll see. Okay, so you're fair to be fair to her.

[Brady]

No choice.

[John Holmberg]

Your rule is no piss panties. Absolutely. The second you quit on her and go, no, I'm going full tracksuits for comfort, she can go, all right, well, I'm not going to try anymore either. This is the most. This is the ultimate giving up moment.

[Brett]

Those two different trying.

[John Holmberg]

No, no. No one's. It's quitting either way. It's quitting on relationship. It's quitting on yourself. It's like, well, I'm no longer a relevant member of society. I'll go ahead and wear pants I piss in because I could control it. But, yeah, why should I when I've got a pair of panties that'll catch all. No, no. And don't say it's society's fault. And it's like, you know, the beauty standards too high. No, we don't piss our pants until we're like 80, and then we wear big diapers that you buy at the store. And the beginning of it said, are you worried about spending hundreds of dollars a month on adult diapers? And I'm like, how often are you doing that?

[Brady]

Absolutely not.

[John Holmberg]

How many times are you going through the piss panties? Do you double down every once in a while.

[Brett]

And so these are for younger people, not the older people. The piss panty thing here?

[John Holmberg]

No, they're. Well, they're for anybody. They're for anybody who wants to piss their pants and wash them. So I guess, yeah, but I'm. It's. It's mostly older folks. You're looking at me like this is something I shouldn't talk about. Are you. Are you currently wearing those?

[Brett]

Yes, I am.

[John Holmberg]

It's a look on his Face like, back off.

[Larry]

That's the big deal.

[Brett]

They're comfortable.

[Larry]

Selfish prick.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Any woman that tells. Tells you it's, you know, every time I sneeze, I pee. All right, well, you're gonna get. That's a doctor's visit. That's not a funny postino's talk. That's. You shouldn't, like, look for common people to go, hey, that's me too. That's a visit to one medical. And you sit down and you say, hey, string, rope. What do I put on, like, a. One of those Japanese dough ball things in there? What do I. What do I do to stop. Every time I sneeze? I pee from being my laugh line.

[Brett]

Just need to cauterize it.

[John Holmberg]

You think burn it down? Yeah. Are you saying welder shut?

[Brett]

Yep.

[John Holmberg]

That's not good. You got to have an outlet. She'll die. But again, maybe piss panties. Maybe that's God's way I say this. I'm with Brett. If you piss yourself because you giggle, and I mean, like, you know, not just a dribble, like, you pee, you'll go, oh, no, I have to wear pants that catch everything. Maybe Brett's right. Maybe it's time to go. Maybe, you know, a one off. But if you're changing your piss panties into different piss panties in the same day and you're just swapping back and forth, or if you have, like you said, you got a bag of them.

[Brady]

Yeah. If you need the travel bag, you.

[John Holmberg]

Need to travel bag. You're pretty much done here as far as I'm concerned. What more are you bringing to the. You're not. You're not gonna make OpenAI better. You're not coming up with any new ideas.

[Brett]

Travel bag. You on the sidelines of a football game. Use a smelling sauce.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, man. My grandma, she wore adult diapers, and every once in a while, I'd have to tap her on the shoulder and go, shirley. Yep, I'll be right there, Dennis. John, thanks.

[Brady]

Do you and Dan have that. That deal as well?

[John Holmberg]

We had a couple. I'm gonna text him today.

[Brady]

It's pillow over the face.

[John Holmberg]

I don't think men have as big a problem like, when men are pissing them themselves, like Joe Biden clearly was, it's. You see that it's time to just keep them indoors. But, you know, when dudes pee themselves, it's like, let's get these on you and just wait for the end. No. Guy's like, I've got to get to work. Where are my piss panties? You're pretty much done working. You don't want to go to postinos with the ladies and you don't, you know, you know, you're not golfing in your diaper. You're done.

[Brett]

You know, two minute warning has already sounded.

[John Holmberg]

You're in the hurry up. You're in the hurry up and you're losing. You know, if you're pissing yourself this, you're. Yeah. Mortality has a 28 point lead and you're for some reason still running pass plays. It's no good wherever.

[Larry]

My mother pisses her pants four times a day, you son of a bitch.

[John Holmberg]

Right? And all I'm saying is start sizing her for the box. That's enough. There's no reason to keep that around. No reason for her want to be around. I've got to go. I've pissed myself again. Oh, Jesus Christ. We tried to take you out for Olive Garden twice and you peed two times. I will say though, a lazy day around the house if I lived alone. You're a bachelor. You throw those things on there. I still don't think I could do it. I have. I'm not gonna lie. I think we all have. I can't pee in the pool. Like just letting my body pee where it's not supposed to pee is very much like a lockdown situation for like there's whatever the two generals inside my bladder are that have to turn the key at the same time. They're very hyper aware of when I'm doing it the right way. Which is just free in the desert or woods or a bathroom. But never like just with pants on especially. I think that's because the two key guys that go running turn all right, ignition. And then they flip the keys at the same time. They allow me to go. If I'm wearing pants in a pool, my brain like, you're gonna pee your pants. It's all right. We're in water. I don't think it's all right. And we don't want to get used to this. My brain tells me we don't want this to become habit. Like we want to always have that safety on of you're wearing pants. It's our job to keep this in. And they've done a great job, by the way. I don't think I've. I think the last time I pissed my pants was first grade. I peed my pants in first grade because I wouldn't use the bathroom. Those gross, disgusting. Jesse poofed in there right before me and his poop was like orange. And it was everywhere. And I went in there and I'm like, I'm not doing this. So I held it as best I could and couldn't anymore because I was only, you know, five or six. And I peed. And Mrs. Corns told me it was a kindergarten because Mrs. Corns told me. She said, are you okay? And I'm like, yeah, I'm fine. And she goes. And it was only like 10 minutes left because. Had to be kindergarten because it was a half day. And I just sat there in my own piss until my mom came and got me.

[Brett]

Got cold.

[John Holmberg]

Did get cold. It was Indiana. Indiana days. I do remember what I was wearing too. It's just an odd pair of brown pants and a Steeler shirt. And then my mom dressed me pretty much like I was an R word from jump. And that has stuck forever. I still kind of dress that way. I was made fun of by Shane, his wife from Life Change Alone. Yeah, On Friday at the. At the tournament because I. I've had, you know, lunch and dinner and stuff with him. And I always say, sorry, I dress like I'm 12. And they were all dressed nice. Walked in and I had a pair of really nice shoes on. They were tennis shoes, but they were super expensive ones. And then just pair of jeans and a shirt. And she goes, jesus, you're not kidding. You do dress like you're 12. I'm like, what's wrong with this? Like, these shoes are worth more than your whole outfit. Yeah, but nobody can tell. I guess that's true. And then I said, well, I curse you to piss yourself someday and have nobody know but you. And then the husband. Stick around. That is something in the commercial I didn't see. There was no husband with like a golf bag or tennis racket patting her on the butt. Let's go, honey. Off to the. Off to dinner where you can piss yourself freely. I guess the good side, if you're looking for a silver lining, is she can sit on the inside of the booth now. She don't have to move every five seconds for her to get up to the peace. She's gonna stay in the booth the entire time she's not up and down. She'll find a reason to go in there and then she'll touch the front. I'm soaked like a baby and I don't want her doing my laundry. And put those things in there with my clothes.

[Brett]

Little mix match.

[John Holmberg]

That's a deal breaker. I think that's it. Oh, man.

[Larry]

Look at some young girl.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, they don't piss themselves and they're not proud of it. No man's looking at a beautiful young lady who pisses herself and has great pride in that. Why would we do that at any age?

[Larry]

I piss myself because I gave you children.

[John Holmberg]

I didn't ask for those. I don't want those. If you want to put those somewhere else, we can just long go get that thing fixed. I mean think about it from a man's perspective. If you just started going, did I just piss myself? You're going to the doctor like that day. That isn't something you go and find absorbent underpants for. You just go to the doctor. What's the problem here? I seemingly I'm pissing myself with no notice.

[Brady]

What do you mean what's the problem?

[John Holmberg]

And if his. If as a doctor, I give you these. What are these? What are these? Underwear? Yeah. Just pissing them. This isn't a solution. This is a. This is a band aid.

[Brett]

Good set of payment plans.

[John Holmberg]

Drill into me, man. Get the scalpel and let's figure out what's going on. Turn the works back on. I'm afraid you'll never know when you're gonna have to pee again. Well then that's it. This is my last day ever. In your life. Will you ever know that you've gotta pee? Done. See ya. Or you could wear these big puffy pants, wander around smelling of urine. Nope. I'm no good to society anymore. Let's. It's time to go. Bye now. And if you're currently out there right now wearing those underpants, go. That's just garbage. I'm not wrong, am I?

[Brett]

It do seem to be.

[Brady]

Absolutely not.

[John Holmberg]

Thank you.

[Brett]

Companies popping up more with. With these options.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brett]

So does that mean it's an increase that's happening? Could be.

[John Holmberg]

No, I think it's. I think it's a thing where people no longer have any pride to where they're trying to do something about it rather than piss themselves. Adult diapers are a thing, but let's not get the. That's something you throw out. That's something you get rid of. I remember I had friends who had babies years ago and they wanted to go with the earth safe, no diaper thing. And they. So they got those cloth baby diapers and babies just non stop and it's like mud. And their house kind of smelled funny. After they had a kid and it wasn't. And within a week the husband who was Mr. Eco, everything was like no. And they had Pampers and everything. You could imagine they were killing the earth as fast as they could. Cause he's like, every time I walked into that room, we had a special, like, bucket with a lid on it that would occasionally, you know, we didn't have time. Just go wash them right away. And you'd throw a giant rag in there that you're gonna wash in your washer.

[Brett]

In the Diaper Genie.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Then you put it in your washing machine. And then you have to walk. You have to run your washing machine empty a couple of times. Oh, man. High five, Brett. None of that. But yeah, these people were like Greta Thunberg. They were worried about the Earth. This was 20 years ago. Worried about the Earth. In fact, longer than that. It was my ex wife's friends.

[Brady]

The hell's the Diaper Genie?

[John Holmberg]

And within. Within a week. Diaper Genie is for diapers, not disposable, reusable stuff disposal. I'm all for whatever you want to do for disposable diapers.

[Brady]

Not have kids.

[John Holmberg]

You throw them out. That's the other thing. There's another disposable in that I'm not going to throw at you. But to keep them just. You think you're saving the Earth because you're not throwing diapers away?

[Brett]

Brett, don't skimp on the diaper. Jean never got to worry about that.

[John Holmberg]

His name was Scott.

[Brady]

I did him suing Dr. Lynn.

[John Holmberg]

I teased you. Oh, my God. I teased him for no end. Not at all. Just constantly like, hey, hippie, you still using those cruddy diapers? No, we switch. Shut up. And I'm like, yeah, you don't Just one person. You're not gonna ruin the earth. By the way, he also had a huge SUV back in, like, 1999 that was. Just loved every second of it. But then he'd blame everybody else for why the earth wasn't right. And I laughed and laughed and laughed when he went from those cloth diapers and he and his wife just couldn't handle it anymore. And now there's a good chance she's, you know, I have that baby and.

[Larry]

Now I've quit on life and my husband. I wear diapers.

[John Holmberg]

Some of it makes me think it's so dudes don't touch him anymore. Because ladies, when they get to a certain age just laugh and say ew at the idea of even at the Phoenix Open. There were a couple ladies in our thing on Friday and said something about one of the husbands, said, well, if she does that, that's blowjobs for a year. And they both went yeah, right? Yuck. And I'm like, oh, you guys. Don't you look at it like eating liver now. It's like, this is. I see.

[Brett]

Tag it liver and onions.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. None of them ever. That's a deal. Like, women never say. Women ruin everything with sex by the time they're a certain age, and I don't know what that age is yet, but they. When they start. Because I see it, nobody ever says, no woman has ever said, if he.

[Larry]

Does that, that's cunnilingus for a month.

[John Holmberg]

Like, it just doesn't pop out of their mouths. They never make a bet with, like, you're gonna be down there every day because we won't leave them alone. But they all, all three of the ladies were like, ew, gross. Like, oh, I see. You think it's gross to want to go down there or it's a laugh line to sit and go, ha, ha ha ha. Yeah, sex with my husband. Like, that's a thing. It's just such this. It's a big chore to these women. And I think that's a deal breaker too, because those ladies are probably a week or two away from a diaper.

[Brady]

Hello, Cordell and Cordell.

[John Holmberg]

Exactly. Cordell and Cordell. What's the problem? What's the reason for divorce? Oh, I made a joke that we could have pleasure together at one point or another, and she laughed and said, ew. So I think that's a. If I ever did that to her, she'd break down in tears.

[Brady]

Anything else? Yes, Piss panties.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, she's wearing piss panties. Oh, we have a special. We have a. We have a quick form for that. It's a one sheet.

[Brady]

It's like the taxes, the 1040.

[John Holmberg]

Easy, easy. There you go. It's the divorce. Easy. I'll have you out of this marriage. And by 5 o'clock she'll only be allowed to piss herself one more time on your watch, sir. Yeah, I really appreciate that. That's nice. She's quit completely. Every once in a while she touches her front, but. And then sees if she's wet. And I'm. I can't do this anymore. Yeah, no, it's just. Sign here, sign here. Put your name on the line. We'll fill out the details later. She's getting nothing. The judge is like, wait a minute. What? She does what now? She wears panties that she pees in and then she washes them every day. Judgment is for the man. He gets everything.

[Larry]

Just because I pissed myself.

[John Holmberg]

Did you hear your. Did you hear what you Said. Did you hear yourself?

[Brady]

You just incriminate.

[Larry]

All this because I piss myself regularly and then wash with his clothes the same piss pants.

[John Holmberg]

All right, ma'am, you're not making. In fact, I'm gonna find you pay him.

[Larry]

I don't have anything.

[John Holmberg]

Well, go get a job and give him the check because this is ridiculous. You put him through enough just today.

[Larry]

All because I pissed myself?

[John Holmberg]

Yes, you're an adult.

[Larry]

I wear the wherevers.

[John Holmberg]

Worse. Worse. All right, the only thing I'm going to say is that the husband in this particular case has to buy her a coffin. And hopefully she gets the hint.

[Larry]

So now because I pissed myself, I'm no longer a functioning member of society and I should die.

[John Holmberg]

Well, finally you've said something reasonable. Well, you said it to me. Finally you've come around our way of thinking. Jesus Christ, she does have logic.

[Brett]

You're a dream.

[John Holmberg]

You guys are jerks.

[Larry]

We can't help it.

[John Holmberg]

Yes, you can. There's gotta be some medical procedure beyond just wearing dirty panties. That's disgusting.

[Brett]

We deal with it. Couple extra taps, right?

[John Holmberg]

And sometimes I've been complaining about it since about 45. You gotta stand there a little longer because you don't know when you're done peeing, you put it back and you're like, what? What's going. But that's just, you know. But as a man, I'm not. Well, looks like I should wear some absorbent jeans now. No. Yeah.

[Brett]

Cause I can just let it go.

[John Holmberg]

Then you're just gonna get lazier and lazier with it. There's times when ladies in piss panties, these wherevers that get the tingle and go, I gotta pee. But luckily I'm wearing my trucker drawers. So I'll just piss here at the table at Phoenix City Grill and hope no one notices. And then I'll slosh around in my wet for a while. Well, I guzzle more Pino anyway. It's a societal problem. I'd rather have a lady that just goes, ah, pull over. What? I gotta get out of the car and pee. You can do it on the side of the road. It's better than pissing my pants. Suppose that's true. You're a keeper.

[Brett]

Hand me the bottle.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, yeah, you're done with that Gatorade. There's a sip or two left. Get rid of it and get it.

[Brett]

You always have five or six bottles empty in the toot.

[John Holmberg]

Sweet. Make that thing fast. I got a squirt anyway. Where evers if you see. And dudes, I don't Know that we would have known without your. Your me, the narrator of life, if you were in your wife's closet there and saw wherever's. If you see that logo.

[Brett]

We need to talk.

[John Holmberg]

We need to. Yeah, it's done. Get some sticky pads and start putting them around the house on things you want versus what she's gonna get. It's time to go.

[Brady]

If it shows up at the boxes next to your Amazon deliveries out.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. And wherever you should not be, it should not be discreet. There should be a huge wherever logo on whatever the Amazon box is. For sure. It should. And you have to have your own washer and dryer for that. You're not washing that with my stuff, honey. I. My pants. Just throw those in there with the rest of the wash. I've got most of the chunks out.

[Brett]

What's wrong? There's a box of Wherever's and Lume in the front door.

[John Holmberg]

She's completely given up. She's wearing my T shirts. Pair of sweats. I don't know where those came from. I think the Reagan administration. And yeah, wherever's in Lume is. That's how she's getting by. Her shower floor has been dry for two months, but her pants haven't. Yeah. Keep Cordell and Cordell on speed. Die. If you've got wherever. They've got an EZ form. It's true. 620. That's what I see when I watch TV. I'm like, oh, come on. There's no market for this. There's prideless weirdos. Let's get a wake up song, shall we? A good one. And we'll scream it together. It's 98 Kup Wake Up. Arizona's most powerful rock. It's out of control now. 98 K U P D Morning sickness. Morning sickness. 98 U P T. I think Katie and the Hobbs might be my favorite one. Might be. Might be. It's up there. Our wake up songs of the years gone by. Or our theme songs. I should say. Solid stuff. Thank you. Miles to nowhere. I don't even call them Katie and the Hobbs anymore. They've earned it.

[Brady]

Old habits die hard.

[John Holmberg]

Old habits die hard. Bert, yesterday I get emails from people. I got a great one. About to read. I was just thumbing through my yesterday emails and about 6:08pm last night. You guys are gonna like this. I'll get to it in just a second. I feel like a real winner because this person's life went right into the crapper after he started messing around with me. Oh, you Know, like when you get a. You have a girlfriend and then you get. You break up and you win the breakup by like a few years later, you see that she's in a condo in Tucson, living alone for 85 grand. She bought it last year. Housing price was through the moon. But she can. And that's a true story on my situation. It's like, well, should have been better to me, baby. You wouldn't be in that S hole down there. You weren't dragging me down. True story. By the way, do you have any wins and breakups.

[Brady]

They're all wins to me.

[John Holmberg]

That's right. But have you. Have you, like, won any of them? Like, you all win for personal reasons? You win every. Sorry, Brett. Every loser says that. Have you ever actually won one? Yeah, I'd say because I've lost one. I lost the divorce. I thought that was. She went off and married some multi super millionaire. In fact, a friend of mine pointed out that when my ex wife bought a house with her husband, they announced it in the paper, what name buys the blank blank blank mansion estate. And I'm like, all right, well, good on you. I'll take the L on that. I did. It was a good fight. I put up a good fight, but she won that. She got rid of me and clearly moved on to a better thing. Like she's visiting the world and. Yeah, she was. She won that. And I'm fine with that. You're not gonna win them all.

[Brett]

I have one of those kind.

[John Holmberg]

You have one that took off on you and you're the. Yeah.

[Brett]

And it was a. Yeah. I mean, it. It looked like it was going that direction, and it didn't.

[John Holmberg]

What do you mean? Well, it's ambiguous, Brady. This is. Let's just start.

[Brady]

Here we go.

[John Holmberg]

Here we go. Go ahead.

[Brett]

No, I lost out.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, but what were you saying? What was going what direction?

[Brett]

Well, we didn't get married, but you were going direction.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, that direction.

[Brett]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, that's the. That's what got me work. So you guys were heading down the path. Look like you're maybe going to get hitched.

[Brett]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Then you didn't.

[Brett]

Right.

[John Holmberg]

Because this is new to me, I think. 25 years every day.

[Brett]

Too young. Too young.

[John Holmberg]

That's why you decided not to get married. You didn't do that. You'd have gotten.

[Brett]

No, it was more, you know.

[John Holmberg]

She broke up with you.

[Brady]

How old were you?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, yeah. She dumped you.

[Brady]

How old were you?

[Brett]

Probably, let's see. 30, 35.

[John Holmberg]

That's too young that you were 35.

[Brett]

I wasn't.

[John Holmberg]

She was probably a little older than you. How old were you?

[Brett]

Yeah, I mean, I was younger than that. I had to be just under 30, I guess.

[John Holmberg]

So you're late 20s. She's in her mid-30s.

[Brett]

No, no, she was younger.

[John Holmberg]

35.

[Brett]

What? Then I gotta remember the timeline was when I first.

[John Holmberg]

Sounds like he's not over it quite.

[Brett]

Well because I can't do the math that quick. 90, 95, 96.

[John Holmberg]

Okay. 30 years ago.

[Brett]

30 years ago.

[John Holmberg]

So you were. Put me 30.

[Brett]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

And she was younger or older than you?

[Brett]

Younger.

[John Holmberg]

Okay.

[Brett]

Probably 25, 24.

[John Holmberg]

All right.

[Brett]

Everything was headless white.

[John Holmberg]

And you look like you're gonna get married.

[Brett]

Yeah, I was pretty close. Took her to my brother's wedding, you know.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, that's your brother getting married. So then you guys, you're pretty close, you're living together. No, we don't know this story first and then, you see. Brought it up. So I gotta ask the questions. You were. You lost this breakup?

[Brett]

There was. Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

She dumps you.

[Brett]

Yeah. And there was a certain, you know. And some could say crime involved. Unfortunate. Because she definitely wanted a certain lifestyle. This. You live a certain level.

[John Holmberg]

She was. She had expectations. High bars. Did she have goals for you or for herself?

[Brett]

I was in it for a year and a half.

[John Holmberg]

Maybe what I'm saying is, like, is she like. Her goals were like, I'm gonna be wealthy and successful, and if you're not right next to me doing the same thing, you're out. Or was it, you're gonna be wealthy and successful and I'm gonna coattail them this and I won't accept anything else.

[Brett]

A combo of both.

[John Holmberg]

So she wanted to coattail off of your success and also have a little bit of her own. Yeah.

[Brett]

There's a level that you can.

[John Holmberg]

Still not sure why you've gotten so quiet on this. You brought it up. How did she dump you? And why is it. Why did you lose. This is the point.

[Brett]

Well, I. I started.

[John Holmberg]

No, actually, I mean, either.

[Brett]

That's what I was asking a guy that made bagels.

[Larry]

What?

[Brett]

This guy had a company, a Jewish guy.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, oh, like a serious bagel.

[Brady]

You lost Einstein?

[John Holmberg]

You lost one of the Einstein brothers?

[Brett]

No, no.

[Brady]

Brugers.

[Brett]

No.

[Brady]

Chomp down the line.

[John Holmberg]

Chompies. If you're gonna start in with the. I had one of those once. You're gonna get questions and now you're pulling back. Share your life. It's 30 years ago.

[Brett]

She didn't end up with bagel boy. She ended up with another guy.

[John Holmberg]

All right, who was bagel boy then?

[Brett]

That guy has a bat cave.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, that guy?

[Brett]

Yes.

[John Holmberg]

The charity guy. Yes. That has the bat cave and the car.

[Brett]

Yes.

[John Holmberg]

He bought the bat car. He's got the bat cave. I'd marry this guy.

[Brett]

Yeah, she made a good choice.

[Brady]

So you really didn't lose. I mean, you can't compete with that.

[John Holmberg]

You just shake his hand and go, you're better in every area.

[Brett]

Yeah, congratulations.

[John Holmberg]

Who was the bagel guy? She dumped you for the bagel. She's already halved him. Yeah. And he still has the cave.

[Brett]

And off over the rainbow bridge.

[John Holmberg]

She's dead.

[Brett]

No, she's alive.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, Jesus Christ. He killed her. Bread at the end.

[Brady]

I would too. She took my bat cave in my dad car.

[John Holmberg]

That was a very Nora Ephron moment there. Everything was going well as she's dead in the road. Who's the bagel guy? Why can't we. It's 30 years ago. And he dumped her.

[Brett]

I don't. I can't remember his name.

[John Holmberg]

Did she leave you for the bagel man?

[Brett]

More or less.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, so she. It wasn't a breakup. It was.

[Brady]

She was just stepping up every time.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. So you were together, you thought, things are great.

[Brett]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Next thing you know, the house smells a little like baked bread and you're like, what's going on? And she's out.

[Brett]

Yeah. This guy went public.

[John Holmberg]

They overlap.

[Brett]

It was. It was a hawk to like having the bitcoin. He went public and it went through the roof. And then.

[John Holmberg]

You don't remember the company?

[Brett]

Yeah, it was called Chompies. No, it was New York Bagels and Beyond or something.

[John Holmberg]

Okay.

[Brett]

There is a New York that's different company. There's two of them. One on Scottsdale. That's a different New York.

[John Holmberg]

So not only did you lose this breakup like the next day, she was in a better spot for sure. No kidding. So she was. It was an overlap and she's like. It was you or him and bagel guys.

[Brett]

Well, we were, you know, we were going through that what's happening here? Kind of situation.

[John Holmberg]

Right. Because she was having sex with the bagel guy. Be asking the same questions. Wow. Well, thanks for sharing that. I had no idea. And then the bat cave guy. I've done work with that dude.

[Brett]

Yeah. I was a nice guy.

[John Holmberg]

Wonderful man.

[Brett]

Yep.

[John Holmberg]

I shook hands with him and I'm like, I wanna. His name's Chuck or something like that.

[Brett]

Charles.

[John Holmberg]

Charles. Charles, that's right. I called him Chuck because we got so tight. I actually tried to blow him once I wanted to ride right in the Batmobile. It's like, you got to be sick to ride in the Batmobile.

[Brett]

He might be on his yacht in San Diego right now. I don't know.

[John Holmberg]

He's friends with Bruce?

[Brett]

Yep.

[John Holmberg]

That's how I met him. Wayne St. James.

[Brady]

Oh, okay.

[John Holmberg]

And a half. Mine says Bruce turned below the guy. So can I get your boat? Well, I would. I would, too.

[Brady]

A Batcave. And the Batmobile.

[John Holmberg]

The original Batmobile. I mean, they had a bunch of them. He's got one of them. And he takes Diane kids on rides through the Batcave. And then at the end, they get. And the kids.

[Brett]

I got to drive it.

[John Holmberg]

The kids are better.

[Brett]

Yeah.

[Brady]

Well, wow. That was a good trade, then.

[John Holmberg]

So you've driven a couple of his rides. Yeah. You've been behind the wheel of a couple of things he's got. All right, I didn't know that. So she dumped you for the bagel guy. That's a big win because she reaped the benefits. Married him.

[Brett]

Didn't marry the bagel guy.

[John Holmberg]

Okay, so didn't get any of his.

[Brett]

Broken off of the bagel guy and then moved on to Charles in charge.

[John Holmberg]

So was there. There's no.

[Brady]

Like.

[John Holmberg]

I just. This isn't working out. She just tells you, hey, I'm moving on to this guy.

[Brett]

No, not specifically.

[John Holmberg]

But you knew.

[Brett]

I kind of did.

[John Holmberg]

You know about bagel guy while you were with her? Like he was looming at all?

[Brett]

Oh, no. There was no crossover with the bagel.

[John Holmberg]

We.

[Brett]

We kind of broke it up, but it happened quick. They. They met.

[John Holmberg]

All right, well, that's a pretty good one. Thank you. Kenny Loggins brings you Brady's life.

[Brett]

I still had to work with her, too.

[John Holmberg]

You worked together? Yes. Where? I've worked with you for what? How come I didn't.

[Brett]

Did I know her just before. Jesus Christ.

[John Holmberg]

This is the mystery man. I. I got there in 96.

[Brett]

It was like, maybe the year after you. You had gotten there.

[John Holmberg]

She left. Yeah, I worked weird. I wasn't with people for the first 10 months. Yeah, there might be middle of the night stuff. Brett might understand.

[Brett]

You're a night out.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. The lifestyle was not exactly, you know, it didn't lend itself to being one of the crew.

[Brady]

Your social calendar was pretty open at that point. Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Let's just say bagels weren't on the menu because they weren't open by the time I was leaving at three in the morning. So she was there, and I. Wow. All right, so she wasn't all that Successful. She was a radio salesperson.

[Brett]

Yep. Did pretty well on that. And then went into national sales and.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, how about that?

[Brett]

Found her suitor.

[Brady]

And then have them.

[John Holmberg]

She moved to Bridgerton. What do you mean? She found her suitor. All right. And then have the guy and now where is she? You know, you keep. You got to keep tabs on somebody that kicked your ass like this. I know. Cabs are the ones I won.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[Brett]

You know, the last I. I know, she remarried.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brett]

It's tough living in the Biltmore area.

[John Holmberg]

Okay, so she's still around here.

[Brett]

I believe so.

[John Holmberg]

Okay. When you're a lifelong prick, your friends tend to be also. So they'll remind me when the ex wife does something monumental, just as I do to them. For instance, my friend Colin, who only dated a girl once and it's still like the biggest failure of his life because she married into the Kansas City Chiefs hunt family.

[Brett]

Right.

[John Holmberg]

And it's. It's every time they do anything, he's. It's great. What about you? There's nothing on that. You've never been.

[Brady]

I got nothing here. And I move on because I got nothing compared.

[John Holmberg]

Have you lost a few as an overnight guy, you've lost nothing. Are you not willing to admit.

[Brady]

No, no, I would admit it. I got, you know, no shame in my game with that. No, I. I can't think of any that I've really lost.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, I know.

[Brady]

I've won, you know.

[John Holmberg]

You won one? Oh, yeah, big time.

[Brady]

Yeah. I got a newspaper article sent to me from one of my buddies with her mug shot in Oklahoma or something like that. That she was writing scripts and all kinds of stuff. That's what mine was doing.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, the same thing.

[Brady]

Stole a pad and.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, yeah, I got a letter.

[Brady]

Looking at the picture, you're like, oh, Christ, I dodged one.

[John Holmberg]

Maybe the best day of my life, honestly, next to the birth of my non. Children and all that stuff. I got a call from somebody I used to know years earlier. It was actually an email first that said, I'd love to talk to you. I've got something going on. A friend of ours is in trouble. And this is. God, 18 or 19 years after that was even longer than that. Like after the whole breakup and all that, whatever. I didn't really know what happened. I knew she went into the world of medicine and stuff and get a call that says, and I don't know if this is true or not, but this was how it's presented since me. It's all been just downhill.

[Brady]

It makes you Feel good.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, I felt so good. I think the other person on the phone thought I was going to be like, oh, that's terrible. Well, I've always wished the best for her, which isn't true. Like, I was miserable for, like, I was. I thought this was going to be something good, and glad it wasn't. In the end, I'm like, this is great. But, yeah, started writing scripts, lost every, like, license that. And then gave me the number and said, if you call, maybe you can help. Well, that didn't go over at all because I called just to say, hey, I'm just reaching out, seeing how you doing. It's been a long time. Hope you're all right, you know, being a nice guy, but also, deep down, a little bit of like, yeah, things are going great over here. I just want to throw that. I don't know what you're dealing with. I hear it's not good. I. Everything's great. I'm just sitting by the pool. I'm talking to you. It's like, you know, it's really good. She didn't answer. And then she sends a text to the person that reached out to me. That's basically what the. Is Homeberg calling me for. I don't need this right now. And I go, yeah, well, that's a huge win. Huge win. Nothing but trouble. And then I got. Somebody sent me your address right after Zillow started. And I valued her existence. And.

[Brady]

Like, even Hopkins is like, I.

[John Holmberg]

Ain'T got five grand for that.

[Brady]

No, I'm good.

[John Holmberg]

Doug would give her five grand, and he'd overpay for the house. The $5,000 guarantee is 3,000 too much for where she's living. And, you know, look, all the best to you, but there is human humanity is like, you know, I hope you don't fail too badly, but I hope you don't do better than me. Lost one badly. Won one.

[Brady]

Yeah. I'm not saying I didn't lose one. I just can't think of one offhand, especially after hearing Brady's story.

[John Holmberg]

I got Brady's, not strange man. Brady's lady couldn't wait to get out. She was combing through the Fortune 500 to get out of the Brady relationship. I don't remember why I was talking about that, but I. Oh. Because that guy that emailed me. You'll see. You'll see, because it's a great. It's a good one. I'm happy he did it. And he also recognized. Well, you'll see.

[Brady]

Got us on the Edge of our seats here.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, I know. Good radio prep. That's what we do. We tease. That's coming up at 7:14 on the 14s. Maybe the dumbest thing radio executives have ever done. We're gonna do stuff on the sixes. Nobody does anything on sixes, you dumbass. What are we in Europe? It says. This one says, I think it would be a great idea going back to the piss pants. This email says, if you guys plan tomorrow to have future piss pants in your lives, we just start. Wet Wednesdays. Give us a. Give us fans. The show of the show. An idea of what it would be like if you just soiled yourself and tried to continue doing a radio show. Wet Wednesdays for KUPD listeners. Where we all, all us men piss ourselves and then go home to our ladies and go. I thought this was. I'm watching the commercials. All the ladies. You all seem smiley and happy.

[Larry]

Get those off. You're not putting those in the wash with my clothes.

[John Holmberg]

I thought this was a product you guys looked forward to. Look at all the people in the commercial. Smile. Not a man. No man. This guy says, I took my 84 year old mother to lunch last Friday at the new Casino on 303 in Waddell. Food was good, but I didn't like the atmosphere for gambling. Whatever. Like a big huge video arcade. My point is, the middle of lunch, my mom leans in and says, I'm wearing Depends. When your mom says that, she might as well lean in. Whisper in your. I don't have any panties on. Needless to say, it ruined my lunch. I was having a salad, not tacos. That would have changed everything. I thought the memory was erased until your show this morning. Now I'm wondering if they're washable. I'm thinking about my mother's underwear. Too much.

[Brady]

They got to left her there.

[John Holmberg]

Justin has the line of the day. It says, dear God, don't let there be an edible pair of those someday. Edible piss panties. Hilarious. John says Brady's sad because the breakup ruined bagels for him. He's mourning the loss. All those free bagels. He needed to keep it together with that girl. That's true, my friend. Dr. Jordan's wondering if you're all right. He says Brady having a stroke. He sounded a little helpless during that story. This story clearly still stings.

[Brett]

Jordan, I wasn't sure if I wanted to open up on this story. You know.

[John Holmberg]

Brady, you've won one breakup that we all know about. When Porkopolis closed, so many other people lost out. That's Nice. Signed, all the gastrointestinal doctors in the valley. That's true. There's a lot. It was a big business hit for you Said, I just saw the commercial for that piss underwear, John. And every woman who orders it gets an I hate Monday's Garfield the Cat coffee mug and an absorbable blanket. Yeah. When does it end? It's like, I don't wear my piss painting, so I got to put on, I gotta have a blanket that absorbs urine. It's just time to live alone, enjoy the cats. Because your house smells like that already.

[Brett]

All right, here we go.

[John Holmberg]

Before we get to this, couple more things to talk about. By the way, they've already said that the Super Bowl Sunday is the number two most watched television event in history behind the moon landing. And it eked out last year's super bowl for number two, like, three million. Yeah. And that's before streaming and all the other stuff. It's the most viewed television event in history. That's incredible. That's flat. Amazing.

[Brett]

So 28 million.

[John Holmberg]

It's. It's importance and relevance to us is right on par as far as, you know, being part of it as watching a man walk on the moon for the very first time.

[Brady]

And the crazy part is, most people you talk to about the super bowl, kind of like, yeah, whatever, I'm just watching it.

[John Holmberg]

But you got to.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Because there's nothing else to talk about. Otherwise, the next day, you're dead. Yeah, it's. That's pretty. That's pretty awesome. And I did see something made me very happy yesterday. Dr. Jordan, who's listening? I was. Same for you. Good. Good amount of fires and destruction in Philadelphia. And anything that makes that town burn down, I'm thrilled with. Don't understand it. But there was a gaggle of people pulling down street lights and laughing and having. And kicking them out. Like, they. I didn't know the streetlights still work when they're laying on the side of the road. So the light's red and it flashes to yellow, and then everybody starts stomping it out like, what did this? Why are you guys doing this? And then they lit things on fire, like toilet paper all over the center of the intersections. And they just light that on fire and like, come on, classy place. Let's take down Philly.

[Brett]

Saw two guys in Eagles jerseys. One. One. One in Eagle jersey, other in an Eagle hoodie, and they had stolen the police horse. Two horses.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Brady]

Nothing but class.

[John Holmberg]

It's Philadelphia. That's. It's a dump. I Mean, even back in the late 1700s, our founding father said, we gotta get out of here. We've made a mistake. All right, here we go. This is. Well, before we get to that, I also want to say I'm sorry to Brady, he's also got another thing to worry about. Not only is bagel bat cave lady still floating around the city, and that's probably bugging you. Bothers me a little bit. My ex wife and her charitable endeavors and the Bruce in Geneva by the blah, blah, blah state in glorious Texas. And there's pictures of. It's in the news packet. It was a news story in the, I think, Austin area. Look at this. Remember that giant mansion over there? Well, these two just bought it. I was married to her for a minute. God damn it.

[Brett]

She's doing fantastic.

[John Holmberg]

Why didn't I meet him before her? I'd be having gay sex in a negative edge pool with a millionaire. There's also. Oh, this one says, I dated a girl while I was in the navy, wanted to marry her, but we broke up just before I proposed. Fast forward five years. I googled just because we do that. She was arrested in Branson, Missouri for kidnapping a man and holding him hostage in a hotel room and torturing him because he owed her heroin money. Dodge that one. Still got the dub, though. Nice job, Brad. Well done, Toledo. You have any wins?

[Dick Toledo]

Yeah, the obvious one.

[John Holmberg]

No, that's a loss. Prison. That's true.

[Dick Toledo]

Dodged charges from the attorney general.

[John Holmberg]

You do have. All right, you're the champion. Play. We are the chain. That's right. Yeah. I didn't even think about how great. Because it's. She's still around and I like her. She's a nice person. I haven't talked to her in ages, so maybe she isn't anymore.

[Dick Toledo]

She's a crazy one. On the way to Brett's house.

[John Holmberg]

I do, but ditching, like, ditching crazy and then having her go on and win is the worst. Yes. So I don't. Do you know what happened to the crazy girl that you got rid of.

[Dick Toledo]

That was just spiraled down.

[John Holmberg]

No kidding. She's a mess. Oh, yeah. The one that left her kids at your house.

[Dick Toledo]

Oh, that one is. Yeah, she's.

[Brady]

Can't keep them straight.

[Dick Toledo]

That's a third one.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Dick Toledo]

She's on drugs up in Flagstaff.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, right. Toledo's dick leads you straight to heroin. It's a gateway. Gay or hero or lesbianism. Like the first wife. Outstanding wins. So she's. Yeah. And the one that you. Your first. The wife that's what I was talking about. The big win. You know, that's. That may be untoppable in the room. I mean the only person that's had it worse than her is Brady. Obviously terrible what happened to him, but the. Yeah. So she. Actually, she is a. The best part is I've had multiple real estate people say. Do you realize that Toledo's ex wife is a cautionary tale on the real estate test? It's like named after her.

[Brady]

Yep.

[John Holmberg]

The thing she did wrong. And then she went to the who scout for a couple years.

[Dick Toledo]

Quick update. She's almost paid off.

[John Holmberg]

No kidding. Well, that's.

[Brett]

How about that?

[John Holmberg]

Good on her, right? Win that seemed like an insurmountable mountain. Oh God. Yeah, because she was.

[Dick Toledo]

She's renting a 500 apartment in Mesa.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. And you were just ceiling beaming. But the bad thing is you had to drop your son off there every once in a while and realize.

[Dick Toledo]

No, she, she. I mean I dropped him off there so they could go to lunch, but we weren't.

[John Holmberg]

Never stayed at the $500 a month.

[Dick Toledo]

They're in custody at that point.

[Brett]

He was staying at a hotel.

[John Holmberg]

He was with me down on Main street in Mesa. The Lost Dutchman. That's what she was living in the Lost Dutchman for a minute. That is a huge win. Good on you, man. Before we get into anything like, you know, I hate to break another thing. Brady's heart's clearly shattered and he's trying to put pieces.

[Brett]

No, I can had a win. I would have been able to afford that.

[Dick Toledo]

Didn't sound like it.

[John Holmberg]

Right. Those are some rose colored glasses, my friend. It wasn't about you being able to afford that. I mean she moved on because you can't. She left you knowing exactly your potential.

[Brett]

Move on.

[John Holmberg]

This is pathetic.

[Dick Toledo]

Why do you do this to yourself?

[John Holmberg]

Why do you do just take the l don't sort of rose this up. You got your ass kicked on that one. We've all got one except him. Toledo's managed to, you know, date drug addicts the whole time. And jailbirds.

[Dick Toledo]

Is Pop Pop the only one in the room whose ex didn't end up with a mug shot after they got separated.

[John Holmberg]

I don't have any mug shots.

[Dick Toledo]

You don't have any mug shots?

[Brady]

I did.

[Dick Toledo]

You sure?

[John Holmberg]

Maybe I don't see mine. I bet you did. I bet I did too.

[Brady]

She got busted for scripts.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, I bet you're right. Yeah, well she got. Yeah, you're probably right. I don't know that she ever. Maybe she did. Look it up. You know names.

[Dick Toledo]

Oh, you know this person?

[John Holmberg]

Well, doesn't know.

[Brady]

I met her one time.

[John Holmberg]

She was a nurse when he. Yeah, she's still allowed to do that.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Not for much longer, though. And she introduced herself as, like, my former fiance. Yes. Yeah. And Brett goes. Met your fiance? And I'm like, huh? And he. Yeah, he broke that down.

[Brady]

Fix this broad. I want to get the hell out of here.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Your. Your lady was busted. Yes. And my mine got busted, and mine found gold. And yours. Yeah. And you sit back and go, that's.

[Larry]

Good, because I could have never kept.

[John Holmberg]

Up not realizing that she said, this guy's got no potential. I'm leaving.

[Dick Toledo]

Brady, I'd like to thank you for scarring my brain this morning, because I actually pictured you in the Robin outfit.

[John Holmberg]

Riding around in the Batmobile. If Robin's in it and he's dressed and Brady's dressed as Robin. It rhymes with Batmobile, but it's not. I think maybe you should get out here, Robin. The mileage is going down at an unreasonable rate.

[Brett]

Holy mpg.

[John Holmberg]

We're gonna have to jettison some weight here.

[Brett]

Launch the bat anchor.

[Brady]

Holy bagels, Batman.

[John Holmberg]

We're veering to the right. The Joker's getting away.

[Larry]

Maybe if I just jumped out.

[John Holmberg]

I could have caught you, you harlequin hooligan. But I was carrying a little extra weight that day. We've got Robin on a treadmill. Anyway, Domino's is now doing something. It's just not fair. All these people on Ozempic. Everybody's trying to lose weight, even with poisons in their body. And whatever they can put in there to do it without any repercussions known to man, they're shoving it in there. Good on you if it works. But keep your fingers crossed that your bones don't disintegrate. But Domino's ain't making it easier. This year, they're launching pepperoni perfume. America has spoken.

[Brett]

We're not gonna get it.

[John Holmberg]

What?

[Brett]

Only in the uk Is that right? Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Ah, he already looked into it. Of course. He did research. Yeah, his order already. Information research.

[Brett]

I got my sources.

[Brady]

Can I import this?

[John Holmberg]

Well, of course. Your algorithm brought you that news. I had to search for that. And Brady's like, oh, my God. Terrible American news.

[Brett]

It's happening. Pepperoni cologne.

[John Holmberg]

Brady, we're going to try as hard as we can to get that to you. I'm so sorry.

[Brett]

Thank you.

[John Holmberg]

We're going to make America great again. And have all the ladies reek of pepperoni. And when they walk by you're gonna say, that's America. And I love it. I love it. I really do. A woman that smells like a sausage. There's nothing better. Nothing quite as good. That is delightful. A lot of people say, I don't want my lady to smell like a sausage. But in America, we say, yes, we do. We want everything to smell like sausages. A sign of success, a sign of prosperity. You know who doesn't smell like sausage? The ladies of Africa. Not one of them. But I bet you if you wandered one of our thick white American broads across the African continent smelling of pepperoni, well, there's no doubt you'd be pregnant. USA Pepperoni smelling ladies. And I don't know who that's worse. The husbands that want their wives to smell like pepperoni. Or a guy who thinks that's good. Or the woman who goes, I know how to get a man. And she squirts on a little Domino's pepperoni and trolls for D. I think.

[Brett]

I just fell in love.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, she doesn't. Brady. She'd be good. She's not gonna go running off with some bagel guy. You're exactly her standard.

[Larry]

I have low expectations for your future.

[Brady]

He'd be out there with a boombox and everything, like Cusack.

[Brett]

I know if I call her, she'll be at my place in less than 30 minutes.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Have you ever lost a breakup, Rich? You've got three super sized wins.

[Dick Toledo]

Fourth one. I forgot about the paternity test.

[John Holmberg]

Jesus Christ. I did too. This guy just hit me. And wasn't she a mess too? Oh, yeah. The paternity test was between you and eight.

[Dick Toledo]

Yeah, I had a type, John.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Classless. Although I like that.

[Dick Toledo]

I'm sure I lost. I'm sure I lost.

[Brady]

He's definitely a champion. I mean, he's huge. Four.

[John Holmberg]

Like four and oh, in like drubbing. This is the 92 USA Olympic basketball team. You are not even in close games like this is. It's not fair. We're going to the bench and dragging out Christian Laitner every once in a while. And he's putting up 20.

[Brett]

You three peated.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, that's cr. You don't have any losses at all.

[Dick Toledo]

I'm sure I do. I'm sure I do.

[John Holmberg]

Because you kept it smart. Yeah. You found trash. You stayed with trash. That way you can't lose. That's brilliant.

[Dick Toledo]

I'll go through the Rolodex here in a little bit.

[John Holmberg]

Brady's running around the country club trying to drag ladies out. Meanwhile, she's side eyeing.

[Larry]

Come on, remember me.

[John Holmberg]

Side eyeing the Jew with the bakery.

[Larry]

Who's that?

[John Holmberg]

Shlomo?

[Larry]

Yeah, he's nothing. Anyway, don't you think you should rub this pepperoni on your body and have a different smell in your eyes?

[John Holmberg]

That's brutal. Morning sickness.

[Brett]

Hear the words you say sometimes. I mean, who talks like that?

[John Holmberg]

98 KUPD. Holmberg's Morning Sickness. Yeah. What are you, the noid? For God's sakes, You want your lady to smell like pepperoni? All right, here's the letter from. This is good stuff. And again, it's on the heels of winning and losing a battle. And sometimes you win and lose with relationships or with just this. I love and saleet. I'm gonna have to have you go back and find it because I couldn't. I actually looked.

[Dick Toledo]

Okay.

[John Holmberg]

It says I'm not including my name. I'm sure after you read oh, this is so good. I'm sure after you read it, you can probably go back in your archives and find me. It will then be up to you whether or not you flame me more or if you let this go. I'll leave that up to you. But this is something I have to do. Little over a year ago, during the Gilbert goons hysteria, I got a little wrapped up in the entirety of the situation. I realized I was fairly reactionary and maybe doing and saying things I should not have or at least should have thought about before hitting the send. In fact, without having done this, I would have never listened to your show. And after I did write you the letter to refresh, I'm the man who called you a poor man's Howard Stern. Now he's the one who started the whole liberal Jew. He was calling me all sorts of names and stuff. Remember, it was a. He said that I was a. Something like all I was a poor man's Howard Stern. And as far as he could tell from one listen, all I had was the Biden loving liberal cuck Juno's part down or something like that. Still hilarious. Liberal Jew cuck. Something big. No, he insulted me. But you know that. He said, I'm the man who called you the poor man Towers turn. I believe I disparaged your Jewish faith and also accused you of being a liberal Biden supporter. I was also, at the time, way too far political and tribal and I've since amended those heirs. This said, I'm also on my mayor Culpa tour thanks to the program. I was abusing alcohol and it was making me an irrational person. And I did hear you flame me on the radio after my letter, and then someone maybe you did a spot on impression of Howard Stern, whom I loathe. That's beside the point. I am emailing to apologize and tell you that in order for me to advance as a human, I have to do this to the people I have wronged. You embarrassed me completely as a racist and illogical person by name, and you weren't wrong. I apologize and I hope you can let it go as well. I really want to include my name, but I don't think I'm there yet. Thank you for your time. Please accept my apology. No. Not a big enough person, you drunky. I hope you end up in a gutter.

[Brett]

What I didn't like is I have to.

[John Holmberg]

Well, no, that is part of the program. I know that's true.

[Brett]

Yeah, that's good. You want to throw that in like, you know, they tell me I should do this, and I want to do.

[John Holmberg]

Then Brady May, you may have caught it. He's not going to work. This program's not going to work. He'll be back on the bottle by noon. And. And let me just say this real quick as a poor man's Howard Stern look, listen, boozy. Look. The 5% success rate of Alcoholics Anonymous is what you need to focus on, because you're going to be back in the bottom before you know it. Once an asshole, always an asshole, I say. Isn't that right, Red Robin?

[Brett]

Yum.

[John Holmberg]

Brittle juice. Yeah. Yay, Bubba. Bastard.

[Brett]

Yes.

[John Holmberg]

All I think is that you emailed in because you feel terrible about what an asshole you were last year, how wrong you were, and how right I ended up being. That's what's bothering you? I win the breakup, as we say. I moved on, and you hit the Jack Daniels. I mean, that's essentially. We made a great character out of your nonsense, and you became a character and wandered around the streets asking for nickels for booze now in that letter, and hopefully we do find you name, because I'll use it. In that letter, you didn't include how many times you had to blow guys to associate your need for alcohol. Maybe a goon. Maybe you found a Gilbert Goon and you jerked them off in a parking lot at the. You know, the in and out. Oh, great joy. When I saw that this morning on the emails, I'm like 6:08am Boom. Good luck on your journey.

[Brady]

You're like Toledo, just winning.

[John Holmberg]

Back to the bottle. The old poor man's Howard Stern wins again. Let me have a sip of my Non alcoholic Coca Cola because I can control myself. Ah, that tasted like success, that sip. And look, I'm still sober and my thirst has been quenched.

[Brett]

Caught up in the goonery.

[John Holmberg]

Yep. And who said it? You're overreacting, you goon nuts. If I recall correctly, that dude threw out, like, all like. He was. He tried to be. If I remember the letter right, it was all flower. This one was a little too, like, flowery and well written. Like he was like Louisa May Alcott or something. It turns out, you know, he's just 1990s Robert Downey Jr. Talk about the time you dressed up as Wonder Woman and. And trick you had to blow strangers and homeless guys for a sip of their math Dog. And then. And then you managed to go over to a public library, find the Internet, and email me and tell me what an asshole I am. In other words, you were drunk. No, look, seriously, I hope you get better. And I will for sure pitch pennies out of my incredibly expensive car as I drive by and leave them in the gutter for you when you end up there again. Isn't that right, Red Robin?

[Brett]

Yum.

[John Holmberg]

Red Robin. I. I also understand that the lady that left you is married to this booze hound now. So you win again. Nice job. She went from bagels to bat caves to drunks. Oh, and remember. Remember in the letter how he said, oh, this is like when the Grinch's heart changed mine feels three times bigger than it did before. Reading it on the air was even better than reading it quietly in the. In the office next to you. It was so hard for me not to go. I forgot what I was gonna say.

[Brett]

I was just so happy you're reading that letter.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brett]

Relishing the fact.

[John Holmberg]

No, prior to that, I had something else, but it just. It doesn't matter. Oh, he said that. He goes. Maybe he. Remember how he. He. He went on and on about, like. Because I was saying, basically the Gilbert Goons thing is just Gilbert losing their minds over a crime, a terrible crime. But you had one politicians run and win on. We only had one crime last year, and they had town halls and they were on tv and the media was milking it, and it was pitchforks and torches and the teen violence problem. And I'm like, Maryvale. Even went on TV and said, hey, guys, happens every day where we are. And we're like, shut up. Not in Gilbert. And Gilbert lost their minds and the moms were on TV and they. And they dressed up and on the comments on the things it was all about. Killer boots. Love that shirt. Had nothing to do with the topic. And then I said something like, look, you want to be a big time city Gilbert. You want us. You want bars and you want activities and you want people. With. With more and more people comes more and more trouble. It's just the way cities work. So you've graduated from trying to be a burb to wanting to be Scottsdale. And guess what happens every once in a while? Trouble. Because you bring a troubled element and you bring it out. And so I said, that's just the way it's going to be for you from now on. And he emailed back, maybe in neighborhoods you choose to live in, you allow that kind of behavior because basically you're trash and you live in trash areas. We care about our neighborhoods and who's there. Yeah, that's what your neighbors used to say. Drunky.

[Brett]

Interesting you bring out the point about the growth, because I was talking to someone yesterday and they said they'll see the growth. Like in Gilbert.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Brady, this isn't about Gilbert right now. If you're going to go down the road.

[Brett]

No. They're building so many apartments. But as far as the growth part.

[John Holmberg]

Good. You know what? He's going to need one because he probably lost his house because he spent all his money on alcohol.

[Brett]

Can't afford that first and last time.

[John Holmberg]

Ah, golly, this is fun. I sure would like to have a list of people you're apologizing to. And the fact that I made the list, I admire. I do. I think that's great. Mainly because it made me feel great about myself. Sure. I got problems. Everybody's got problems.

[Brett]

My question.

[John Holmberg]

I got 99 of them. But you know what? One of them isn't drinking. I can do it tonight and then come back just fine. I'll make it to work in the morning.

[Dick Toledo]

So making amends, I get that. That's part of the program.

[Brett]

Yeah.

[Dick Toledo]

But how are you supposed to take it if, like what you're doing, if the person you're supposed to apologize to says f you still are, you supposed to just suck it up and go, okay, that was.

[John Holmberg]

You did your part. Yeah. Right.

[Dick Toledo]

You can't get mad at it. Right.

[John Holmberg]

I don't know this prick. And it's not my problem that he had a drinking issue. And it certainly isn't my problem that while he had a drinking issue, he decides to point me, call our advertisers, try to get them to get me fired, and now he wants me to accept his apology. Go yourself right back into the liquor store don't care. Oh, you know what? Next time I see you, drinks on me. Because you're water. You're free. It won't cost me anything. That's the Jew part of me. Remember when you were making fun of all the Jews and Kanye? Please accept my apology. It was alcohol. No, I'm glad you're not going to drink anymore. Are you still an asshole? Because it wasn't because of the alcohol. It's just making you a little louder. You go over and fire off that email disparaging the entire Jewish faith, tell me I'm a piece of trash. Call advertisers trying to get us kicked off the air. You wanted me. You wanted my life to be as bad as yours is now, and you wanted to be responsible for it. And you want me to go. That's okay. Hope you're doing well. No get hit by a bus later today, too. You drink up, buttercup. Yeah, guzzle it out and then stagger into the freeway. I don't care about you at all. You tried. You tried to ruin lives.

[Brett]

I'm sorry. Here's letter. Go.

[John Holmberg]

End of story. You tried to ruin lives. Calling advertisers. I got calls from friends who are advertised. This guy's making a mockery thing. He's got a couple other ladies doing it, too. They put a list on the website of people to call to try to ruin Brett's life for no reason. They didn't like me. But Brett had to go. You had to go. Salespeople downstairs would have lost their jobs. People in 20, 30 people die of employment because you decided you didn't like me. For one comment, it's because you were drunk. Loser.

[Brett]

Asking to boycott business.

[John Holmberg]

Boycott this business. Yeah, and. And then trying to wreck lives that just happen to know me. He's good friends with Doug Hopkins. Never used Doug. He's good friends with Eric Bryan. Never used Precision. Never used New ac. Went on and on calling them. And I got that email from one of them, and it said, hey, we got this guy kind of flaming you on that. I'm like, yeah, that'll happen. What are you gonna do? He wants everyone in this building to suffer and not have jobs because he's a miserable drunk. Now that we know that before he was just a dick. Now he's a dick with a bottle. And then he. Then he went off and went all racist and stuff with the Jewish thing. Probably an Irishman. I would never do such a thing.

[Brett]

Not the Irish.

[John Holmberg]

Anyway. I paid my dues. Too soon to sing this.

[Brady]

Not at all.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, you got it for me? Oh, yeah. This is for you, boozy. This is my theme song. Every time you think of me, I want this to run your mouth. And I'll do it as poor man's Howard Stern, too. But I've committed no crimes. That's right. In other words, I've made mistakes and bad mistakes. Yeah, I've made a few of those. Yeah, no doubt. Isn't that right, Bretel juice? Oh, this is for. From me to you, drunky. Going to the rah rah room tonight. I'm gonna drink a little bit with a couple friends. Cause I can handle it. I'm allowed. I am the champion. Poor man's Howard Stern. Oh, yeah. And you back into a bottle like a genie. Anyway, am I going on too long about this? I'm so happy about it. Brady's texting.

[Larry]

I gotta get a new job.

[Brett]

No, I just heard from a guy.

[Larry]

That listen, hey, Beth, I want to be a friend. This guy's out of control.

[John Holmberg]

Celebrates. That's great song. Who was. What you were texting?

[Brett]

I just think the same guy. He's fired off to you was in a defamation suit. And at. I think it's the same crew. And good.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, banging into people over there in Gilbert.

[Brett]

Not only was he sending letters to us, he was, you know, like, calling out other businesses and personally attacking one of my friends.

[John Holmberg]

Ah, see? Well, he's gonna try to use alcohol as an excuse. And I don't. I don't accept why.

[Brett]

I was like, oh, this is interesting.

[John Holmberg]

I don't accept it. That's a. Alcoholism isn't a choice. But the decisions you make while you are one are. You weren't out of control completely. And I appreciate you, you know, the mea culpa. But I am rooting against your success because you tried to get fired. Pull that with me once. Bye. Bye. Do you have any empathy for the man?

[Brady]

No.

[John Holmberg]

No. I just went over the Rolodex. Like you know anything. No. Thanks for the email. And you were smart not to bring your name up. And I won't do that because then he's. He sounds Suey. He sounds like Drake. Basically. I'm petty, like Kendrick.

[Brady]

Go, Kendrick.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. If this guy's ex girlfriend shows up, she's gonna be dancing on our website just like Serena Williams or which. Whichever one. And I. I. You know, I don't wish like this on a lot of people, but I want to take you out for a Long island iced tea and just watch you devolve into the mess you were about four months ago. The great thing is, is that you're gonna waste most of the money that you're not spending on alcohol on your 28 day programs that you're gonna have to keep going back to. Who else did you email? I wonder who else is on the list. Cause maybe it is your guy. Oh, I sure hope so. That doesn't go for all you people in the program. Some of you have legitimate problems and. And tried to fix yourself. But the ones that tried to get me fired. Welcome back. I hope you're in a halfway house. And the best part is he was bragging about where he lived, that there's no crime. He was the one. He was the one no one wanted to live by. Staggering around, probably in his underpants. All right, Ryan, we're gonna get you back in the house again. I've had it with that poor man's Howard Stern making fun of our neighborhood. They're not helping. Best thing your neighbors ever saw with my friend Doug Hopkins coming and giving you a cash offer for your home. So you get the hell out of there.

[Brady]

They kicked in too.

[John Holmberg]

Five. I'll double that. We'll guarantee Doug five more if he gets them out here tomorrow. Hey, sorry about that whole letter thing about your friend Stern the Jew.

[Brett]

You sound better.

[John Holmberg]

Had somehow stuck up. Cause now I live in Maryville with all the criminals.

[Brady]

I remember the last time I seen you this happy.

[John Holmberg]

It's been a while, man.

[Brett]

Today was a good day.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, it's been a minute. Yeah, this is. This tirade you're throwing is the equivalent of the beepers going off in the enemy pockets. And down there in Gaza. Yeah, this is my beeper revenge. This guy says, you are such an asshole to that goon. And we the people love it. Thanks for making today great. You bet, citizens. Anyway, this one says, f that guy. Get sober. Welcome to the real world that we responsible adults have always been a part of. Glad you have remorse. And hopefully you develop into a full human being. Until then, you. Not only that, you tried to ruin all these people's lives by taking away their favorite Morning Bob.

[Brett]

It's gonna take a little time.

[John Holmberg]

It's not taking time with me. Decision made. Pour some cement on it. You know what I'm gonna do today? Later, It'll piss him off even more. I'm gonna tip out a little alcohol to my homies. Oh, he hates when you waste that stuff. He'll probably lick up the grass where I drop it in my yard, which he no longer probably anywho I love it. Congratulations to me, Brett. Thank you, Brady. We win. That's a big win. I didn't realize how happy it was going to make me to do that. I just thought I'd read the letter and go, hey, how about that? But then really the joy came out and I said, why not just. Let's just light this on fire. Sorry. Anybody have a cigarette?

[Brett]

Was it you yesterday, Brad? I've heard that they're doing a documentary.

[John Holmberg]

On this guy, on the Goons.

[Brady]

Oh, no, I didn't. I haven't heard that one.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Dick Toledo]

No, I think Channel 12 is.

[John Holmberg]

Doing their own kind of trying to recap.

[Dick Toledo]

Dive into it, cuz.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, I'm sorry. I just got real excited about everything. Try to reset and have a normal day, but I don't know if I can because I'm bouncing off the walls. I want to celebrate. How would he celebrate? Oh, I'm going to do the same thing, only I'm not going to lose everything. Hey, my ex girlfriend lives in an $85,000 condo in Tucson. She might be looking for a roommate. Toledo's son's making some money, at least more than you. And he's under control. Go help him out anyway. Love it. Yeah, I'm sorry. I just had to finish that up a little bit. This guy says, does this not know any better than to sharpen your tongue with wit? Your only competition is the daily drive to perfect your craft. I agree with you completely, bw. I actually felt the punch of your response. I hope this isn't somebody, you know, pseudonym and you actually run into them. Oh, well, hopefully doesn't become unhinged and stagger towards me and it'll be a pretty easy fight because you just go when Boozy hits the dirt. They taught me that in tactical black. Of course, he's tactical Johnny Walker Black, so it's easy to knock him. Anyway. I'm sorry. Brett, what do you have on the big board of celebratory songs today?

[Brady]

Yes. All right, Wake Up Song brought to you by Action Ride Shop. Of course, Josh has got the new store going on over there at Power McDowell open right now, but the big round opening going on February 22nd. We're going to both be out there. He's going to be giving away a couple bikes and all kinds of stuff. So it's all happening action rideshop.com but in the meantime, you can go into the OG store right there on Gilbert Road and Southern. They're going to get you all dialed in with everything you need to get up on the. On the trails, on the mountains, whatever. They got you covered. Actionrideshop.com.

[John Holmberg]

So, Brett Brittlejuice, remember a couple years ago when I let Mad Dog off the hook for his bet? Dancing Mad Dog just emailed the company and said, how come this guy's bailing on us? Let us off the hook again. Mad Dog keeps getting hurt in this deal. In this case, Mad Dog 2020 habit needs to be revisited. Don't let Mad Dog off the hook like I did. Oh, I mean. Listen, listen, listen, anonymous weirdo. Wouldn't that sweet, sweet elixir of Mad Dog on your tongue right now be the greatest thing in the world? I think right now, when you're going through this and you're getting flamed on the air and you know who you are and it hurts deep down, the thing that could fix it is just the sweet, sweet taste of alcohol on your tongue. I think that would be a nice thing. Maybe take a big swig just for memories. I think that's a great idea. You know, I think the Tap Dragon's open at 6. You should wander over there and just say, you know what? A water and a chaser of Mad Dog. The only thing that fixes your misery right now is the sweet, sweet taste of a beer. That cold beer in your hand with a condensation on the outside. And you take a little sip and you're like that. You got me good. And then that. You know what? I'm feeling a little better. With each sip, you'll feel a little bit more like yourself. A drunk asshole. How you like me now? Poor man's Howard Stern now. What? You can't hear me because of all the noise with that crank in your mouth while you blow guys for cash, huh? I'll wait till you're done.

[Brett]

A bottle of Manischewitz.

[John Holmberg]

That's what I'm gonna send over. Does that have alcohol in it? I don't even know. It's a Juan. Yeah, it's okay. Just making sure. I don't know. I don't know, Jewel. I like the good stuff. And you know who I would turn to on that? You know what, Brady? You got that friend Billy. Let's send him a gift card to Billy's Total Wine Stores and see if you know what. That's a good idea. Thank you. I appreciate the apology. And here's a little gift on my end for being a little rude to you. A lifetime supply of anything you want from Total Wine. It's on me. Take me deep. I have these. Euphoria and this is just great. What a day. Sorry. Go ahead, Brad.

[Brady]

All right, on the list, Metallica, Motley Crue for Vince Slipknot, Bullet for My Valentine. I Prevail, Pantera, Velvet Revolver, Winger, Three Days Grace, Orbit Culture, and then System of a Down, the Pizza Pie song for Brady and his Domino's perfume, and Ice Cube. It was a good day for you.

[John Holmberg]

So your friend Brady emailed or texted you just now and said I think the same dude. Did he email and apologize to him?

[Brett]

That's what I was checking.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brett]

Have you gotten anything yet? But the case went away.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, well, so he actually had a lawsuit against somebody. He was not even involved in this.

[Brett]

No, but he was defaming my basically.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, your friend sued him. Yeah, because he was calling the media and said, here's a name. Here's a name. Gotcha.

[Brett]

I don't have anything to do with it.

[John Holmberg]

Right.

[Brett]

Business has nothing to do with it.

[John Holmberg]

Throw my name out there one more time. Yeah, H. Great stuff. Ah, anyway, you pick one. It was a Good Day by Cube.

[Brady]

It was for you.

[John Holmberg]

I know that ain't bad.

[Brady]

I like the System of Down for Brady's pepperoni perfume from Domino's.

[Dick Toledo]

I found the email.

[John Holmberg]

Not bad. You did? You found an email or his name or the. The audio? The audio. I'm not going to use his name because he's sui. Not even a little bit.

[Dick Toledo]

Well, I don't know if he said. If you said his name when you were reading.

[John Holmberg]

I don't remember.

[Brady]

Get ready for the dumb.

[John Holmberg]

But no, I'm not gonna do it. We won't replay it. We've had our celebration. If you want to listen to it, run it Saturday on the best stuff.

[Dick Toledo]

No, if you're looking to go back on the podcast is from January 23rd.

[John Holmberg]

And find out the guy's name. Yep. If we use his full name. Leave him alone. That's all I'll ask.

[Dick Toledo]

I don't think you did, because you. You even said the email is from a made up G man. So he wouldn't have given you his real name.

[John Holmberg]

Well, yeah, that's probably true. All right, well, then we'll never know who he is. But he actually acted like he did give me his name last time. He doesn't remember.

[Dick Toledo]

He's blackout.

[John Holmberg]

The alcohol blacked his brain. You know what he would love to hear right now? A little Ice cube, but not the singer in the bottom of a glass right before he pours in. Stir it and then stir it up like little scotch. Maybe some Cezrac. This guy goes for it. I'm sorry. No, you're not. No, you're right. I'm sorry to you guys that I'm enjoying it too. I'm sorry that I'm having the greatest day ever and you can't relate. I, I, I hope someday an alcoholic apologizes to you and you don't, you don't forgive him. It's a great feeling. Goes back.

[Dick Toledo]

What have you been doing 20 years now? Love to hate.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Hate brings us together. I mean, think of the, look at the joy that came from this. He hated me. Even this guy.

[Brett]

Even the drunk guy.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, he hated me to start it. I didn't hate him. I don't know him. He started the hate, so I'm hating him back. And look at what it's done. It's brought great joy to the wonderful. He would have celebrated like this had I been fired a year ago. Yeah, he'd have been tap dancing right in there with Mark Curtis and Troy Hayden going, I got him. He'd have been thrilled, still hitting the bottom, saying, I'm the petty one. Yeah. And it would have. And he probably would have been, that might have been the end of him.

[Dick Toledo]

Have his own party bus.

[John Holmberg]

He'd have been just as petty and miserable as I'm being right now towards him had he gotten his way last year. Now I want to thank Brady because I know I didn't do it. For praying to God and making this guy's life fall apart. Excellent work, Brady.

[Brett]

Dear Lord Jesus, however you worded it, he answers prayers.

[John Holmberg]

Now I may believe if you told.

[Larry]

Me right now I prayed that guy's de evolution into existence, I would be.

[John Holmberg]

Like, you know what? I'm going to church with you on Sunday. I was wrong about this whole atheist thing. If you can pray people's lives into the gutter.

[Larry]

And bless Kirby and Ronnie on the refrigerator and keep it running. And also if you could wreck that jackass's life called John a Jew, I'd appreciate it, like, in any way possible, too. Substance abuse, I don't know, some sort of std. His wife gives him anything. I'll leave that dealer's choice up there.

[Brett]

Lord all Jesus, and thank you for getting rid of that bagel business.

[Larry]

And thanks for the bagel business turning.

[Dick Toledo]

On its side, which is an odd thing because on one side he's for your Semite and on the other side.

[John Holmberg]

He'S in the Semite. If that, if the bagel guy sometime prayed to his dear Hanukkah, now that my bagel business is gone. Could it? So that tub of goo over there and Chandler loses his ass on porkop.

[Dick Toledo]

I still want to see that.

[John Holmberg]

Karma just. Brady prayed the bagel away, and this guy prayed the pork away. It's basically the Middle east and two restaurants. Ting, ting, ting. Oh, there's a nice fresh glass of ice. What do we use? Water? Coke? I have an idea what you're going to use. Anything. Rubbing alcohol, hairspray. Get on it.

[Dick Toledo]

John, can you give me a top five of your hate tree now? Did this guy jump into the top five? The hate.

[Brett]

No tree has grown.

[John Holmberg]

He's not. Oh, the hate tree is. It's a. It's got forest. It's a national forest now. There's. There's no logging allowed. It's protected land. I don't have, like, a list. They, they, they. They reveal themselves. I didn't know I hated this guy till I got that letter last night. But I'm enjoying the hell out of that. Anyway, you don't have any other radio stations in town wishing death on a listener? That's where we're different. I don't want him to get, like, murdered. I want it to be his fault. Oh, man. I think we all agree. You know what, Toledo? Go get me a beer out of the fridge. I'm gonna celebrate. I'm gonna celebrate.

[Dick Toledo]

But this guy said, how come acdc. Have a drink on me.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, there it is. Play. Have a drink on me.

[Brady]

All right.

[John Holmberg]

That work? That's going out to the Gilbert, former Gilbert resident from your good friend, poor man's Howard Stern, the Jew Biden loving cuckoo. Oh, it's a good morning. Anyway, I'd like to hear from his wife. I hope she's out there. This guy says this morning is just fantastic. Your response to that drunk jackass proves why you're an asshole. But you're the people's asshole. Everyone gets hit equally. If you're a dick, you'll be treated like a dick. F that guy, agreed. I hope. Really deep down, I hope you cure your drinking problem from eating. And then seek years and years of therapy and try to cure being an asshole, because I don't think you can do it. That's a lifelong journey. Anyway, this one's for you. Tap Dragon's running specials this morning. I'm thinking about buying the swizzle in free drinks for that guy forever. It's AC DC it's 98 KUPD. We win. It's out of control now. Morning sickness. Morning sickness. Brett and I have cracked open a couple brus. Cuz we're drinking at work. Salute. In honor of that drunk who probably did the same thing. Only we can do it out loud. He had to go hide in the bathroom.

[Dick Toledo]

You'll like this one. I am loving this Gilbert White version of Kendrick and Drake this morning.

[John Holmberg]

It is only. At least Drake has hits, right? This shoe probably only hits as well. Thank you. Thank you. We'll be here. All we get, we hit the bottle, that's for sure. We got bottles of homburg bound.

[Brady]

Yes.

[John Holmberg]

Brett and I have cracked open this morning because we're responsible adults who can handle our drink. And it's available at four Peaks for all you other responsible adults right now. And it helps out the beautiful people at the Humane society. So not only are we able to drink and have fun, we're able to do it for charity.

[Brady]

My wife's got it on tap at her bar too.

[John Holmberg]

Oh yeah, you guys have it. Legends in Mesa. Local legends.

[Dick Toledo]

You like this one?

[Brett]

Hey.

[John Holmberg]

Hey.

[Dick Toledo]

It's good to see that Gary's wife landed in a soft spot and found somebody new.

[John Holmberg]

Kyle says, I went back already and listened to that email from January. We did too. Yeah, Toledo. Found it. It's not as lengthy or as bad as I remember.

[Dick Toledo]

Yeah, it's like two minutes. You read an email.

[John Holmberg]

He said, you're right. He did it anonymously then too. But man, if you listen to it, he's even more racist than we are giving him credit. Yeah, it stems from the statement that he makes about not caring if Gilbert is diverse. He said he moved to Gilbert because it was quote, safe. Read as mostly white.

[Dick Toledo]

Yes.

[John Holmberg]

Now he's upset because it's become a quote, crime covered mess. Just like the area you probably live in. Talking to you, John Read as too many people that don't need sunscreen. I'm surprised this drunken douche didn't try to lead a pitchfork wielding witch hunt throughout downtown Gilbert. Looking for p. OCS that's people of color.

[Brett]

Yes.

[John Holmberg]

No, no question.

[Brady]

I can find Gilbert.

[John Holmberg]

Jake says, John, I'm joining the morning a little late. I had no idea who you're talking about, but I already hate him. Oh, let's reset then I'll talk about this some more.

[Dick Toledo]

Like a texture said, can we do this at the top of every hour?

[John Holmberg]

We need everybody who joins in to, you know. Top of the hour will reset the news. Today's top stories list.

[Dick Toledo]

Kara again. We'll go down the whole list of all everybody.

[John Holmberg]

We'll bring in Ladonna.

[Brady]

Oh, man.

[John Holmberg]

I'm Ladonna Harvey. And here's today's headlines. You're drunk, asshole. Step away from the computer before you hurt someone. And off KTAR news. Jim, it's time for your vagina to say things. Thanks, ladonna. This guy said I had to make the same nine step amendments. Never blamed the drugs or alcohol though. Took ownership of everything. Even the horrible email I sent to the number one rated radio show in Arizona. But luckily, at the time, Beth McDonald was a lot more forgiving than you have been, Sean. That's right. Sometimes. Oh, now people are sending me pictures. Is this your racist listener? I gotta see this one. Hang on. My emails have been holding. It's Otis from substance.

[Dick Toledo]

Guys are in. You know, this is only the fourth step from aa. He's not gonna make it through the next six.

[John Holmberg]

And here's the thing, people from aa, you can tell me this and look, I'm a big proponent of you trying to get better, but I also am a realist. And I've seen the numbers on AA. 5% success rate. Recidivism is 94. There's like a 1% group. Don't make it your length. Look, whatever some people get out of there addiction, that's how bad it is, is that 5% success rate. And it's a thriving business that nobody else has that. So it is one of those things. But I also understand that you, you can't be bitter when you go through the 12 steps and you don't get your way. Yes. You know what I mean?

[Dick Toledo]

That's what I think the expectation is. People think that they do the steps and that absolves them of everything.

[John Holmberg]

Right. I'm supposed to go in there and tell somebody I treated you like garbage. And it's your job now to be forgiving to me because I had a problem and it's like, well, you caused problems in my. Your problem that you're blaming. And that's one thing somebody said you never, like Sean even said it. You don't ever blame the alcohol. You email, you do whatever you're supposed to do. A face to face part. Understand? But you say, I'm sorry, I was going through some stuff, I'm trying to make amends with people I feel I've wronged and I apologize to you. You never say, I was drunk, the alcohol made me, blah, blah, blah. It's never the alcohol's fault. You still take responsibility for your actions as a human being.

[Brett]

But that 5% success rate is a little deceiving because it is a program that's done. It's just like dieting. That will work. It's up to the individual.

[John Holmberg]

Right.

[Brett]

But continue it again. If it's the addiction part of it.

[Dick Toledo]

If it's a disease and addiction, you need to off of it.

[John Holmberg]

And that's very true. The program doesn't make you, you know, not just because you go through it, but you. Yeah. There is a very low success rate with it. And, you know, not to sound like a complete jerk, there's a whole bunch of people running those things that are taking advantage of the addiction.

[Dick Toledo]

Absolutely.

[John Holmberg]

And making sure that it's like, do your thing.

[Brett]

That got busted just before our break. That the guy was counseling and selling.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Dick Toledo]

Well, that and then the whole halfway house controversy in this state, too.

[John Holmberg]

You know, you don't get. He's not allowed to do this during the weather, but Ian Schwartz just texted and said it's a Jew here checking in at the top of the hour. That guy. Yeah. Go back and listen to our podcast. I will reset it again if you're interested.

[Dick Toledo]

Again, January 23, 2024. The.

[Brett]

The.

[Dick Toledo]

That whole morning is us responding.

[John Holmberg]

We'll put it back up there for today.

[Dick Toledo]

No, it's up there.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, you already did it.

[Dick Toledo]

Yeah, it's up there.

[John Holmberg]

That's his initial contact with me last year during the Gilbert Goon, following the whole.

[Dick Toledo]

Like the week before was when all of that news came out where the Gilbert moms would perform their Facebook group. We talked about that. And then they talked about doing the town hall, which was that weekend.

[John Holmberg]

Well, the lady that. Remember I just remembered this just now. The lady that started that whole thread on Reddit and something else.

[Dick Toledo]

The Facebook page.

[John Holmberg]

And Facebook is attacking me, throwing the advertisers on there, saying that I want kids to be beaten.

[Brett]

Yes.

[John Holmberg]

Like, totally making me Satan and not using one ounce of truth. And by the way, just because I disagreed with the way they were handling the Gilbert Goons thing. By being reactionary.

[Dick Toledo]

Exactly.

[John Holmberg]

And then they had their town hall and I said, I guarantee. I remember saying, I guarantee you they won't go on there in a ponytail and sweat. They're gonna doll it up. They're gonna. The one lady that was mad at me used a ring light and had her hair done and everything. And she was shouting down at this John Hollenbacher like, okay, that's great. You can't read. My name's everywhere in this. You gotta make it seem like you can't say my name right, Idiot. So she put that ring light on and then started to say Flamin Flame. And that's where the guy found out about me. Right?

[Dick Toledo]

And you also pointed that out because below that, when she posted that, there was four moms who said, you look great, Girl couldn't believe your hair.

[Brett]

Well, that was from the town hall.

[John Holmberg]

That was the town hall. The girl had boots. Fierce shoes. Love those boots. And I'm like, this is exactly what I'm talking about.

[Brett]

I know, right?

[John Holmberg]

This was what I was talking about. This is going to lose all its credibility the second they go on there and they're dolled up and looking like a Gilbert mom, which is all about perception. And she looked great, whoever that lady was. But the comments also included, great job, love those shoes. It was all about how you're being seen, how people are looking at you and you are patting yourself on the back. I quote Ian schwartz of channel three. You gonna be 66 degrees today. Chance of rain later this week. Also you. Anyway, I love it. This guy says, as a former drunk, we don't claim him. All right, thanks, Jacob. I appreciate that. Wow, you've been awesome. Even the drunks don't want you around anymore. You should probably turn to heroin. Hey, Brad, I'm almost done with my beer.

[Brady]

Oh, we'll just get another one then.

[John Holmberg]

I'm at work.

[Brady]

Why not?

[John Holmberg]

Responsibility in a bottle. I'm the one who says, drink responsibly in the bottle. I read that and I take it seriously. Thanks, Waymo. Ah. Anyway, Brady, it's time for you to give us all the news that only you know on this glorious Tuesday morning. That's just a gift from God. Brady's God. It's step nine. Brian says the apology thing. I thought it was four. I think I said it was four.

[Dick Toledo]

This guy said four, too.

[Brett]

We're jumping all over the place.

[John Holmberg]

Well, it's like the twelve days of Christmas. Who knows?

[Dick Toledo]

Ask George Costanza. Step nine.

[John Holmberg]

Well, that's a great episode when he gets an apology he doesn't like and he goes back and makes the drunk do it again. At the Baskin Robbins, it's James Spader. It's time for Brady to give you all the news only Brady knows. We call it the Brady Report. Brady Report.

[Brett]

Good Tuesday morning to you, Phoenix. Hello, world. Happy National Guitar Day. Oh, good couple of basis fun facts. The highest number counted to out loud was 1 million.

[John Holmberg]

A dude counted from 0 to 1.

[Brett]

Million and then took the guy 89 days, with each day averaging just over 11,200 numbers per day. So he spent 16 hours a day. The guy's name's Jeremy Harper. Harper lives in Alabama. He did it. And he got a plaque started June 8th of 2007.

[Brady]

Just hang yourself. Nothing better to do with your life.

[John Holmberg]

Melissa just said please reset the morning. I haven't a clue what you're talking about. You know what we should do? What other radio shows do? The 9 o'clock hour this morning. We'll just replay the first hour.

[Brady]

On the fives.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. And then Brett and I can go drink some more.

[Brady]

Yeah, all right.

[Brett]

Day drinking.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, man, I wish I could. I wish I could keep you all in the loop. But you're not. You got to join in in the morning and follow along. I hate to make you have to get up earlier just for this, but you missed quite a bit of fun.

[Brett]

The female blanket octopus is over 70 times larger than the male. She's 6ft feet. He's less than an inch. So for mating, he basically swims in that love cavern, breaks his junk off inside of her and takes off the love grenade.

[Larry]

That's exactly how I make blanket.

[John Holmberg]

It is a love grenade. Nine seconds later, there's a baby in her. The Tracy Morgan of the sea.

[Dick Toledo]

Decent band name. Love grenade.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, it's a good one. Put it on the list.

[Brett]

The first.

[John Holmberg]

I got eight arms and legs and I'm gonna stuff my dick in you and bust it in half. Half. And you're gonna have yourself a baby. I'm Tracy Morgan. Puss, Here I come. You're pregnant. I just inked you. I ain't you. I use black ink. That's right. You heard me, Brett. I'm an octopus. Shoots black ink inside of a octopus. And then they get pregnant with like eight octopus that she has. Eight at a time. I'll never know. I leave. I'm the ultimate black man of the sea. I busted and I break my dick off and leave. I never see her again.

[Dick Toledo]

Tracy. You ever have to apologize for that?

[John Holmberg]

Sometimes. But I don't know. I ain't done it. I'm not on that step.

[Brett]

The first number one.

[John Holmberg]

I want to keep doing this, Brady. I like octopus. Tracy Morgan, Octo Tracy. How you doing? Bitch, you twice my size. Watch this. You got a dick in you. Goodbye.

[Dick Toledo]

Can you impregnate eight women?

[John Holmberg]

I can do whatever I want. I don't know how many dicks an octopus come with, but I guess 8. October. She octopus. I'm an octo dick. Sorry.

[Brett]

The first number one single by an Asian American.

[John Holmberg]

Gangham style. Oh, he wasn't American.

[Brady]

Bangs.

[John Holmberg]

He's not American.

[Brett]

Like a G6 by the far East. Movement.

[Brady]

Wow.

[John Holmberg]

He's an American. That's what I was gonna say.

[Brett]

Because Asian American. Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Gangham style. And your guy, William Hung. William Hung weren't actually American. Well, maybe William Hung.

[Brady]

William was.

[John Holmberg]

He was an American Idol. Maybe not.

[Brady]

I don't know.

[John Holmberg]

You have. Do you have to be a citizen to be an American Idol?

[Brady]

I wouldn't think so.

[John Holmberg]

I wonder.

[Brett]

And that was the first number one single by anyone of Asian descent since Caillou Sakamoto's song Sukiyaki. So hold on.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, any Asian? Caillou Sugomati. So he's an Asian who had a number one song. This is an American Asian.

[Brett]

Yeah.

[Brady]

And no, Carl Douglas was not Asian.

[John Holmberg]

No, no. Carl Douglas looked a little more like me. Carl Douglas said kung fu fighting and stick your dick and break it off. You have babies with Carl Douglas. Little Kung Fu baby. That joke is only for if you do that to people of a certain age, it is impossible not to. If you just walked up to a guy who's like 50, went, he's gonna go.

[Brett]

And a new poll, 39 of Americans said they plan to celebrate Valentine's day this year. 45% do not.

[John Holmberg]

It's too hard.

[Brett]

16% aren't sure.

[John Holmberg]

We're not sure. If we don't know what to do. When is is too hard.

[Brady]

That's a no.

[Brett]

Yeah. There's some food related products. Valentine's Day, you got the heart shaped candy coming out of New York. Got heart shaped bagels in North Carolina.

[Brady]

Oh, Brady.

[John Holmberg]

Oh sorry Brady. Too soon.

[Brett]

Heart shaped waffles in Idaho.

[John Holmberg]

Have you ever seen me happier by the way?

[Brett]

No, I don't think so.

[John Holmberg]

It was just a joyful moment.

[Brett]

It's up there. It's up there.

[John Holmberg]

I'm peeking.

[Brett]

Home decor. There's a heart shaped furniture popular in a few states. Michigan likes heart shaped candles. Virginia's, they're googling for harp shaped tubs.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, bathtubs.

[Brett]

Yeah, like a bathtub.

[John Holmberg]

Like backyard tubs.

[Brett]

Montana is looking for heart shaped inflatable pools.

[John Holmberg]

Montana does.

[Brett]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Brady]

Toledo.

[John Holmberg]

I'm in. I didn't look for it.

[Dick Toledo]

We got our own inflatable hot tub.

[John Holmberg]

If you're from Montana and you want to get in a heart shaped inflatable pool with me, I'm going to have a hard time walking away from that. Of course you are. I want to know what happens next. I want to know a who's blown.

[Dick Toledo]

Up that pool so to speak.

[John Holmberg]

Is it pre blown up? Are we in Montana? Cuz it's probably cold and what's next? Cuz I assume if you've got an inflatable heart shot shaped pool, I'm not going to have to do a whole lot of work to bang you. This is going to be easy.

[Brett]

I'm going to bring it inside.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, you're a romantic. I just. The thing about inflatable heart shaped pool, just fill it with like slippery ky or something. You don't put water in there? No, you just make it like a wrestling rink.

[Brett]

We had that, but it wasn't hard shape.

[John Holmberg]

Who did?

[Brett]

We had that wrestling match with the pool.

[Brady]

Huh.

[John Holmberg]

What are you talking about?

[Brett]

When we as a station.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, I thought you and Ronnie had a Valentine's Day celebration.

[Brett]

That was a different one.

[John Holmberg]

You and bagel girl? Yeah, an inflatable bagel he got in the middle oven.

[Brett]

Police in Wisconsin arrested a 22 year old woman named Kaylee Brantner after she stabbed her boyfriend in the neck during an argument about their wedding venue. The boyfriend claims Kaylee was the aggressor and she got out of control when the conversation got heated. He was trying to leave out the back door when he felt the pain in his neck. Kaylee claims it was self defense. Said she picked up the knife because she was scared. She said the stabbing happened when he put her. She put her hands up and then he started coming towards her. No indication that the boyfriend's injury was life threatening, but sounds like the police have to decipher which story is accurate.

[John Holmberg]

I'm gonna do my impression of that Gilbert guy. Ready? Shh. Me throwing an empty in the trash. My next impression will be opening a box bottle. But I'm already too late for the impression to be good. He'd have done it already.

[Brett]

We had a road rage incident happen in Kitsap County, Washington.

[John Holmberg]

Nice. Nice job.

[Brett]

This guy was in a Dodge truck, began following this lady. Somehow she either cut him off, but he didn't fire a gun. He lit up a Roman candle and started firing that at her.

[Brady]

That's impressive.

[John Holmberg]

To have any sort of accuracy with that is kind of impressive.

[Brady]

Well, it's multiple shots, so I mean, it's like, you know, hey, he had.

[John Holmberg]

A few loaded up.

[Brady]

Think about that.

[John Holmberg]

Brett has not thought of killing a man that way. No, it's a new one. Put it on the list.

[Dick Toledo]

Bulb moment for Brett.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, maybe Brett goes home and spins a wheel. Great idea. Roman candle death today. This will be fun.

[Brett]

Press researchers have developed a self healing asphalt that repairs cracks and potholes from happening. So when the cracks start to happen on the asphalt, we've been drinking.

[Brady]

Not enough.

[Brett]

It basically self healing. It's designed with similarity. Like biological.

[John Holmberg]

Like with venom. Like the character of venom. Seems to be something that would. I want you to explain this to me. How does the asphalt heal itself?

[Brett]

They develop the self healing asphalt by combining materials science with advanced modeling techniques. The key innovation close is a blend of natural spore microcapsules and waste based rejuvenators.

[John Holmberg]

Is it a live brain?

[Brett]

Kind of.

[Dick Toledo]

I heard about that rejuvenation.

[John Holmberg]

The road has love.

[Dick Toledo]

I'm sticking to it.

[Larry]

Yeah, maybe it is. God damn right the road has feelings.

[Brett]

In laboratory experiments, researchers demonstrated that this new asphalt material could heal a micro crack in less than an hour.

[John Holmberg]

I don't like that they're using the word heal. Repair like flex seal never says they heal the.

[Brett]

So the mixture incorporates tiny plant spores filled with recycled oils.

[John Holmberg]

That's kind of alive.

[Brett]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

So the road will grow until it. How does it know when to stop itself heals. Yeah, but how does it know when to stop?

[Brett]

They're figuring that out.

[John Holmberg]

Eventually. What you've just said is the blob is real.

[Brett]

Yes, eventually it cracked the blob and it healed itself in an hour.

[John Holmberg]

But that's the thing. It's like if the road crack heals. It doesn't. It's not DNA. It doesn't know when to stop.

[Brett]

They're figuring it out to seal the gap.

[John Holmberg]

If you're saying that it's. That it's a growth organism of plant and oil. How does it know when the cracks. When the job's all done. That's like stencil.

[Brett]

When they're bonded together. When they lock hands together. The microcapsule.

[John Holmberg]

The living micro capsules. Right. So they do. So they have an arrangement and cognitive function.

[Brett]

Thought they said that the.

[John Holmberg]

Oh my God. He's drunker than we are.

[Larry]

I need another beer.

[John Holmberg]

Brady, did you email me last night.

[Brett]

The researchers used a machine learning algorithms to analyze organic molecules.

[John Holmberg]

But no one had the question that I simply have is how does it know when it's done? Or have we created roadblock?

[Brett]

The scientist says it just knows.

[John Holmberg]

It doesn't have an answer, John. It's never enough. It just knows. It knows when. It knows when it's enough is enough. Unlike the guy in Gilbert. It knows when to stop. It knows when to call it quits. I don't think that's gonna work, man.

[Brady]

I'm empty.

[Brett]

It's gonna be exciting.

[John Holmberg]

Me too. Bert, go get a couple more. All right. We're celebrating. Brady. I knew this Story was bunko when you called it materials of science. Materials.

[Brett]

Scientists use the science materials.

[Larry]

The materials of science, of course, would be used. They get that at Joanne, do they?

[Dick Toledo]

Is that one of the aisles in the back?

[Larry]

Some of your print patterns, your paisleys and your materials of science. And a lab at Joanne. This one grows road.

[John Holmberg]

Well, if that's real, why do we pave roads? Just put that stuff out there and say, well, we're getting. They're trying to just have the road grow on it. Yeah.

[Brett]

So it won't crack.

[John Holmberg]

No, no, no, that's not why. You'd have to still pave out where you want to pour the asphalt.

[Brett]

You lay it down and that over the time, you know, over a year or two, it starts to crack, seals it back up.

[John Holmberg]

If the road, they lock hands. Okay, let me ask you this then.

[Brett]

Here we go.

[John Holmberg]

Here we go. Bill Nye question. Question for me. You're saying that it heals its own cracks?

[Brett]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Why does it crack?

[Brett]

Yeah, sometimes it's just like your skin, it gets dry and you got to put lotion on it.

[John Holmberg]

Okay. You got to lube the roads up every once in a while.

[Brett]

It's self lubing.

[John Holmberg]

So then it would never crack.

[Brett]

No, it has to it eventually the areas will dry out.

[John Holmberg]

You said it's so crack and then up.

[Brett]

We need lube over here, aisle four.

[John Holmberg]

This is your materials of science.

[Dick Toledo]

John is Eddie Murphy in a fat suit on some video showing this to Brady.

[John Holmberg]

Professor Clump is helping him out. Oh no, that was. Was that flubber? Did he do flubber too?

[Dick Toledo]

No, that was Robin Williams Flubber.

[John Holmberg]

Originally it was the dad for my three sons.

[Brett]

The Texas based chip company called Save this Life went under and apparently didn't tell anyone. So if your dog has a one of the chips microchip, it won't be linked to anything anymore. There's a case that some of the chips that you have, so you need to check them out. The American Animal Hospital association keeps a central database of all the chip numbers. But pets registered through Save this Life aren't there anymore.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, no.

[Brett]

Good news is your microchip is still good. Yeah, you just have to re register it through another company. And a few do it for free. Others charge around 20 bucks.

[John Holmberg]

Any chance you get as a dog lover, I'll throw this. This is a the more you know moment a psa Go. If you go to the vet for a checkup or do anything for your dog and you have a chip, have the vet scan for it. Yeah, because it moves sometimes in their body, it starts to move. You can't find it. And sometimes the information disappears, or you need to. You got to update it. Yeah, but sometimes it just is. Like, it's in there, but it's not telling us anything. The point of the chip is to make sure that you're still in there. So every year or so, make sure that you blip them.

[Brett]

Scan the chip. If you. And sometimes you can write down the number, too, and you can check it [e-mail].

[John Holmberg]

Okay, that's good stuff.

[Brett]

But all the bad chips start with one of these two numbers, either 991.

[John Holmberg]

But you can't see the chip, so you don't know unless you have the paperwork.

[Brett]

Yes, you have to have it. Wrote it down. If you still have the registration, by.

[John Holmberg]

The way, if you have all that and you know where it is, I. More power to you. I. I don't know how anybody's that organized. I find stuff from dogs that have been passed in my life for 15 years. I still have files on Chili, and she's been gone for a while.

[Brett]

I got a couple quick videos. All right, first one's on a swing set. Playground, kids. Swing set. No, it's a adult.

[John Holmberg]

Adults on a swing set?

[Brett]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

On a kid swing set.

[Brett]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Those are tight. Have you sat in a swing ever as an adult?

[Brett]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, my God.

[Brett]

It's not working.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, it hurts. It just grabs your hips. I think that's. Yeah.

[Brett]

If they have those old. Cool. The old school. Just the strap.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brett]

Seat.

[John Holmberg]

Those still get.

[Brett]

And those still are tight to get.

[John Holmberg]

The ones where your legs go in the thing.

[Dick Toledo]

Oh, don't do that.

[John Holmberg]

I've done that. Remember that? It's been a minute, barely. But I was sitting on the back of it. I think I got into the knees, and I was like, that's as far as I can start to push them.

[Brett]

This is kind of the one because it's strapped up. You put the thing in the.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, this goes around it. There's like, a bb. Oh, this is a big plastic one, too. Oh. Oh, it broke. It completely gave way. Is that a woman? Yes. Oh, she got scorpion, and then her face hit the earth.

[Brett]

Scorpion and a face scrape.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, man. And her friends just laughing.

[Dick Toledo]

Yep.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, she's never gonna date again.

[Dick Toledo]

Not with a face like that.

[John Holmberg]

She's Phantom of the playground.

[Brett]

Next one's fun with fire. I think they put a little. A Sobey bomb. That's what it says up there.

[John Holmberg]

What's that?

[Brett]

I don't know.

[Dick Toledo]

This is a Glamis.

[John Holmberg]

So be like this happens all the time at Glamis. So they just had a. It's a nice little pitchfork. It looks like. Whoa. It looked like Kylo Ren' lightsaber, but it just flew up. There was a dude sitting right next to me. You know what, though? Credit to him. Stop. Dropped and rolled right in the.

[Brady]

Listen to Dick Van Djk back in the day.

[Brett]

Yeah, exactly.

[John Holmberg]

I remember.

[Brett]

That's exactly what I was thinking.

[John Holmberg]

You have to get lower than the fire. If you don't get lower than the fire, you'll breath in all that smoke.

[Dick Toledo]

Sitting in a nylon camping chair, watch that chair go up.

[John Holmberg]

Wow. That explosion. That's a big fire. And then it just blows up. I don't know.

[Brett]

Imagine the heat. Heat.

[John Holmberg]

Sobe the drink.

[Brett]

I don't know. It said they just.

[Dick Toledo]

That just means that sobe bottle filled.

[John Holmberg]

It with gas, put it in fire. So it was just sponsored by. So yes, it's the perfect size bottle.

[Dick Toledo]

Is Sobe even still around?

[John Holmberg]

I don't know. That's all I know. Yeah. I only know that as the drink. All right, Bert.

[Brady]

Come on. There we go.

[John Holmberg]

That, by the way, that Holmberg bound is fantastic. Anytime we should have another one, I'm not against it, but they're over at Four Peaks and the Humane Society can benefit from that. And again, on the heels of that, getting your chip checked out. Humane Society probably does. I don't know if they do it for free or not. I would assume they might, but you bring them in. Just go, can I get my chip checked? I think you do it at any vet. And here's the thing. I do go to a vet you don't normally go to and lie and say, I just found this dog, dog. Can you see if the chip's good? And they'll give you the information like, oh, I know that guy. And then just leave. It's you. So just don't tell him it's you.

[Brett]

That guy owes me money.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Oh, it's my neighbor. Okay, good.

[Brady]

All right, we'll start off with this little police chase.

[John Holmberg]

This guy's filming out of his side view mirror.

[Brady]

Have we seen this one?

[John Holmberg]

He's passing. He's passing a cop. There's a guy on a horse riding by a bunch of police officers. Oh. And he hits it. He gets clotheslined by a sign, mile marker. Oh, the mile marker took him right off. Or the horse did that. The horse stopped him. And he's riding along and the cops are kind of escorting this horse rider. And he hits the yeah. He hits the sign that says, what. What road you're on? Which looked like Texas 79.

[Brett]

Wow.

[Brady]

Go with this one Asian guy sitting.

[John Holmberg]

There on the patio on his own. A van shoots into the business right next to him. And he doesn't seem to mind that that happened. He gets up, puts a smoke out. Because all Asians have to be smoking.

[Dick Toledo]

Put it out.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, he just tapped. He tapped the asshed.

[Brett]

It.

[John Holmberg]

He walks over to the van that's crashed into the business he was sitting next to.

[Brady]

There's not much there.

[John Holmberg]

And that's it. Oh, okay. I thought.

[Brady]

Sorry, that was. Thought it was a different video.

[John Holmberg]

He's wearing dunks. I thought the Yakuza was. Well, those are.

[Brett]

Knock came through the window.

[Dick Toledo]

He made him.

[John Holmberg]

That's what my point was, maybe.

[Brady]

All right, here's a little motorcycle action.

[John Holmberg]

Okay.

[Brady]

He may need an ambulance after this.

[John Holmberg]

It's nighttime. We've got a spotlight on the motorcyclist trying to outrun somebody. They're racing. There's three more. Oh, here comes the ambulance.

[Brady]

He got his ambulance.

[John Holmberg]

The ambulance coming the other way. Lights on. And he goes under the ambulance into oncoming traffic. That's the best thing to get hit by at 18 miles an hour. Yeah.

[Brett]

Oh, guys, we got another passenger.

[John Holmberg]

Boy, oh, boy, oh, boy. Yeah. Don't. Yeah. Throw your bike away immediately. Don't do that on your bike. You don't do that.

[Brady]

No, I don't do that.

[John Holmberg]

Stupid.

[Brady]

All right, here's for Brady.

[John Holmberg]

The lady sitting on a toilet. She's nude. Well, there's a man's head in the toilet. I just saw that. There's another lady standing behind him. There's a woman gashing out. He's got. She's got his head. She's farting on top of a man. Oh, now we're in the bed room, and he's got his farting right onto his face. She's eating at Porkopolis. Oh, now. Now it's into his mouth. Right into his open mouth. It looks like Kurt War.

[Brett]

Wow.

[Brady]

Okay, then we'll just.

[John Holmberg]

And everybody's like, bougie. A Gerard room. Yeah, this ain't happening. You guys stay poor and do that from a newcomer. Hey, by the way, that's the Gilbert emailer. That's how he. He earned a bottle that day.

[Brady]

And this is. This was from a. A newbie sending this one in. He says Brady will say it's fake, but this is. This is what peak male performance looks like. Brady.

[Brett]

Okay.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, no. Whoa, whoa. It's a guy with A butt plug in.

[Brady]

And he's.

[John Holmberg]

That's a girl. Okay. I just kind of got what I'm looking at.

[Brett]

All right, She's.

[John Holmberg]

She's. She's a transvestite.

[Brett]

Gotcha.

[John Holmberg]

So it's a man who's trying to be a woman with great hair. By the way, I'm not into bangs too much, but that's pretty good stuff. That's. That she's very pretty. The. The makeup is very good, and she is just about to. Oh, man. Tapping on the butt plug while stroking her own wiener onto her face in a kind of a potato bug kind of position.

[Dick Toledo]

You and your liberal use of pronouns.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, well, you know, I'm growing. That's right. She's feeding the baby bird, nourishing herself. It's like. That's literally like the mom bird just puking in her own mouth and swallowing it. She's folded up like a potato bug. It's a he from the waist down. It's a centaur, and it's a woman from the neck up. It's a woman from the neck up, and she's fake. She's flexible enough. Yikes. By the way, soapy drinks used to come in glass bottles. So soapy bombs are when you fill the bottle with gas and make a tiny pinhole in the lid, which explodes when you throw it in a fire. Sobey changed their bottles to plastic, which. This is signed by someone named Redneck Annie, which. So I'm taking this as more science than what Brady threw out of Redneck Annie. Explain to me how Rhodes healed himself, tested and researched. All right. Is that it, Brett?

[Brady]

That's it.

[John Holmberg]

All right. Of all the times we've watched the videos, never seen a tranny finish, give herself a new one. Give themself a money shot.

[Dick Toledo]

Okay, so. So they all run together.

[John Holmberg]

Society advances one step. It's like Candyland of transvestites. There's another thing. We can move forward. We're almost finished. All right, that's enough. There goes your Brady report. It's 98. It's out of control now. 98K. You PD Tuesday flying by. People are emailing like crazy. Please help me know what you're talking about. Uh, what's happening? I. I have to reset this morning. We were having a great time this morning. You have to. Look, you have to listen to the whole thing to follow all of it. That's why it's available on the [e-mail] and our app, and, I don't know, however else you get it. I don't care. It's out there.

[Brett]

We'll fax you a transaction.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Yeah. I never understood that. Did anyone ever do it when Oprah would say, for transcripts of today's show, who ever got the script? But basically it started early this morning. Talking about winning and losing a breakup or in a relationship. Not like one of those radio things. Tell us the last time. Kind of an organic conversation where we found out Brady has his heart broken by a Bagelman and then by a local Batman. Ready? You had no chance there.

[Brett]

Still crime fighter.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. And so you were low man on the totem and she left you for much better. Said she won by leaving you.

[Brett]

She upgraded.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Big time. Couple times. You and the bagel man were her steps to the top. And who knows where she is now, but that was pretty good. Brett, A couple moments with some drug addicts. You've won most years. Toledo's won almost all his breakups. I'm. I'm. I'm 50. Fitting pity. I'm, you know, I'm a punching Judy hitter. But I'll give you some good defense. I'm not. I'm not. I've lost a. I lost the divorce. Although, you know, I'll take it. And again, it's always a win. But I lost it. Like, she ended up doing better without me than she did with me. And I, you know, it was a good battle. Like I said, I think I went the distance, but it went to the judges and it was a pretty clear cut fight. This guy won, therefore there was no.

[Brady]

Way on that one. I mean, come on.

[John Holmberg]

Look.

[Brady]

Can't compete with that.

[John Holmberg]

No, this dude was. He was good.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Toledo, though. Killer. So we're talking about that. And then this guy says, my big win was I broke up with a girl and then looked her up a few months later and she looked like she had eaten herself. Makes you feel good, Phil. That's true. When they put on tons of weight and they don't look good anymore and you'd never even consider them. That's champion. This one said I had an. This is great. Zeb says I had an ex breakup with me. She said I was boring. Then she married a guy and like, within a year, he had multiple sclerosis, got divorced from him and died of cancer. Is that a win? You're still here, so. Yeah, but then we got the email and. I don't know, should I reread this thing again just for joy?

[Brady]

We need another beer if we're going to do that.

[John Holmberg]

Do you want to Go grab a couple. Go crack a couple. A couple more just to celebrate. Celebrate again. Maybe Richard can play the initial story of what caused today's euphoria and that could be good. Will you play last year's thing? Just. We'll just do it. This is last January during the Gilbert Goonery nonsense that people were attacking. My take on them being overreactionary to the goon problem that you guys had a little problem there but you acted like you had. No one had ever had teen violence ever in the history of man and Gilbert had lost their minds. Brady has a friend who was drugged through the mud just for knowing somebody who knew somebody who knew somebody. And it was just. It was out of control. Pitchforks and the fire is what was going on. And I was kind of a voice of reason. I thought because the media was also feeding into it going we've got a problem with teen violence. The Gilbert Goons. KTAR was awful at that time. Losing their mind.

[Brett]

Still pretty relentless.

[John Holmberg]

Oh they want it to be bigger than it actually is. So I kind of said everybody calm down. This is a problem album but it's not that bad. You had a couple of incidents and it seems to be launched out. So this group of ladies who I was kind of making fun of, the Gilbert moms started a Reddit page against me and encouraged people to call advertisers and try to get make it so I could never work again.

[Dick Toledo]

And I that whole thread is still up on the East Valley Moms Against Teen Violence Facebook page. That thread is there. If you go back, it's still there.

[John Holmberg]

Go back and read about it and then realize how right I was. Yeah because you'll read their comments and that I don't like to be the Colin coward of local radio. I was right.

[Dick Toledo]

I know I don't like loving the girls boots on the yeah, because I was right.

[John Holmberg]

I'm 100% right of what happened played out exactly as I'd guessed and I'm wrong a lot too. But that was one I nailed. So through that thread this dude emails in last year mid January. Listen to this dude didn't leave his name again. Keyboard nut up. Yeah the email is a made up Gmail on the spot sir. It starts I do not know your show. I've never heard of you but I will be taking action for the things you're saying about harming kids. How does he know which I'm. Well I'm sure it went on that website. The lady told him I've been talking about beating up kids Which I never have. I moved to Gilbert years ago because it was safe and now it's a crime covered mess just like the area you probably live in and think is great. We don't want big city issues here. We don't care if our area is diverted. You seem to think kids being beaten up regularly is part of life. Just get used to it. Let me say it isn't and that's why we're standing up protecting our area from the unwanted elements. So take this is what I got a couple to take your Biden loving liberal this is white privilege comments and keep them to yourself. I read here on this thread that you're a stern wannabe. Ready now right there I'm like okay guys, got an opinion. He thinks I didn't say certain things he's missed. He's been misled. But that's fine. I understand you want to stand up for your and you want to make sure you don't have crime anymore. This is where these people always lose me right there. I was fine with them up to this next line. You know, let me turn this up so I can get my beep right. It says here I I read here that you're a stern wannabe and from the sounds of it you've nailed the liberal Jew piece of part. Bravo sir. Going on a mile of garbage. You know what I'm more offended by? Oh, you think I'm a Biden supporter. That guy's an idiot. I like the, I like that Brett had his in the back when the gu a Jew and so then, so then that was a year ago. Yep, this guy went on some time. Oh by the way. Well, not yet. Right? Damn it. I kind of let the air out of mine so emails back today. Now this was a problem last year I had advertisers calling. What's going on? I got this group of people calling trying to get us to cancel ads and not be part of anything on this and I'm like he's nuts. There's some nutty people out there that think that what I said about my contrary my contradictory opinion about the Gilbert goons thing has fired up this group of moms and I made fun of them and they're mad because I'm kind of right and I think, I think I'm shining a light on them being too self important for the. They're bigger than the problem. They want to be the problems solution. They want to be the face of it and not actually solve it. So this morning, actually last night, 6:08pm I get this and I've read it this morning, so bear with me. All you people who enjoyed it already this morning, just try to wipe away your tears. Yeah, know, and I really, I'm not going to celebrate like I did earlier. Listen to the podcast but says I'm not including my name. I'm sure after you read it, you can probably go back in your archives and find it. It will then be up to you whether or not you flame me or let it go. But this is something I have to do. A little over a year ago, during the Gilbert Goons hysteria, I got wrapped up in the entirety of the situation. I realized I was pretty reactionary and maybe doing it saying things I shouldn't have or at least should have thought about before hitting end. In fact, without having done this, I would have never listened to your show after I did write the letter to refresh. I'm the man who called you a poor man's Howard Stern. I believe I disparaged your Jewish faith and also called you a liberal Biden supporter. I was also far too political and tribal at the time and since then have tried to mend those heirs. This said, I am also on my mea culpa tour thanks to the program. I was abusing alcohol and it was making me irrational. I did hear you flame me on the radio after my letter and then someone, someone, maybe you did a spot on impression of Howard Stern, whom I love. Beside the point. I'm emailing you to apologize and tell you that in order for me to advance, I need to do this to people I have wronged. You embarrassed me completely as a racist and an illogical person. And frankly, you weren't wrong. I apologize and hope you can let it go. I really want to include my name, but I don't think I'm there yet. Thank you for your time. Please accept my apology. So this morning, for those of you who are like, what's going on? That's the guy. That's the drunk that tried to get us fired. And no, I did not accept his apology. Brett, crack it. All right, so Brett and I have been drinking all morning. Salute in honor of this jackass. And again, if you want some real fun, click on that podcast and find, find the initial reaction. My euphoria was grand. Somewhere around 7 this morning. It's still riding high, but it's not where it was. I mean, I mean, it kind of is. I still think that Brett and I cracking drinks in the morning in honor of that drunken boozy's program. Run Brady you should drink too. Just for fun. In honor of crushing. I can have one of those. Was it a.

[Brady]

It's an ipa.

[John Holmberg]

Ipa. It's nice. Yeah. No, you're not gonna.

[Brett]

All right, I'll try.

[John Holmberg]

No, you don't have to. I don't want to. I don't want to pressure you. You're not an alcoholic jerk who emails me. If you were, I would definitely force you to have it. It's just a beer, Brady. It's not like.

[Brett]

Yeah, I know, but I. I've got a meeting with urologist at 12:45. I don't know if that'll affect it.

[Brady]

Doctor. Understand. You're fine.

[John Holmberg]

Wait, Dr. Lynn, I went to the dentist after going to a spring train or a fall league game covered in alcohol. You can go to a urologist. You're not going to pee on him? Yeah, he's not gonna know there's.

[Brett]

Yeah, yeah, he's into that.

[John Holmberg]

He doesn't break through.

[Brett]

It's not Dr. Lynn. It's another specialist.

[John Holmberg]

What's going on?

[Brett]

Just a follow up from him.

[John Holmberg]

What happened? Everything all right?

[Brett]

I will find out what was going.

[John Holmberg]

On that needed a multiple urologist visit.

[Brett]

Checking on the kidneys for stones. Yeah, all that stuff.

[John Holmberg]

So you got one check in another. You got to go back again.

[Brett]

Yeah, I gotta get.

[John Holmberg]

Something wasn't right the first time.

[Brett]

No, there. There is one on an ultrasound. A thing in there that's not a stone.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, check out. You might have a tumor. Why doesn't he teach us any of these things? Brady, Tell us this. We're concerned.

[Brett]

No concern yet.

[John Holmberg]

Well, sure there's something on the ultrasound and you got to keep going back. That's concern.

[Brett]

It's probably a hangnail.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, Jesus. Rose colored glasses has cancer and he won't talk about it. Don't ruin my day with your cancer. For God's sake. I was having fun.

[Brady]

I'll drink the can.

[John Holmberg]

And now my little buddy might have. I'll drink the Brady's case. Let's get rid of it. Brady, you have some water. Plus I noticed you would drink a lot more of those big bottles. There's something going on.

[Brett]

Gotta drink water.

[John Holmberg]

Everything's okay day, though. You sure? Are you just.

[Brett]

Well, we'll find that following up.

[John Holmberg]

Are you worried?

[Brett]

No.

[John Holmberg]

All right. Doesn't mean it's not a thing.

[Brett]

Lived a good life.

[John Holmberg]

All right. This is one of those. Jesus. Well, remember we were having so much fun this morning. And then he goes, Debbie Downer over here.

[Larry]

My kidneys have tumors in them. I can't have drinks.

[Brady]

Drag the room down.

[John Holmberg]

Jesus.

[Brett]

You know what? I'm gonna have one.

[John Holmberg]

All right, let's do it.

[Larry]

Doctor says I'll explode like one of those Sobey bottles if I drink too much.

[John Holmberg]

Were you drinking at the Phoenix Open? I didn't notice. There's Brady.

[Brett]

Look at Brady. Sure was.

[John Holmberg]

Why not? Did you have any kind? Walked around with a full one all day. Just keep people guessing I had a Peroni. Okay, well, then this isn't going to hurt you. You're always won't care. Celebrate with us that this alcohol. Had to email in an apology letter this morning. Anyway, just wanted to reset for the people asking what the hell happened. And then I. And then I get an email from a guy that says, of all the fun and frivolity of hate this morning, somehow you've topped it with Octopus Tracy Morgan. Is there no end to your genius? I don't know. Where does the boundary. Unlike that organic road Brady talks about. I don't know when I'm done. You heal, I heal and then grow. Yeah, Octopus Tracy Morgan might be one of my favorites too. And it kind of got drowned out by all of these glorious hatred towards this alcoholic who I wish the worst on. And again, the reason I was wishing the worst on him was because a year ago at this time, it would have been two weeks.

[Brett]

It's 54 weeks from anniversary.

[John Holmberg]

Yes, it's pretty much. He was the 23rd, I think Toledo said, of January. Here we are, 54 weeks later. Later. And had that guy got in his way and advertisers pulled the plug, and people thought I was wrong enough to take me off the air. Brett loses his job, Brady loses his job. Toledo loses his job. I lose my job. Larry probably loses his job. The show goes away. God knows what happens to kupd because it's kind of all hinging on. There's no plan for that. So it disrupts many, many, many lives. And he would have celebrated every second of that. Of my. My downfall, of my despair. That dude would have done it.

[Brett]

He'd be doing what we're doing right now.

[John Holmberg]

Exactly. So him. Him emailing it. No, I'm getting fired up again. Here we go again. Him texting me and emailing me this morning, been saying, you know, please forgive me, I was in a bad spot. No, you. You tried to ruin my life, you piece of. And you're an anti Semite. That's not the ipa.

[Brett]

That was the beer.

[John Holmberg]

That's not the beer. I've had plenty of beer, and I've Never gone. You know who to be. Blame the Jews. I that kid at the Phoenix Open did I never done a Heil Hitler. After drinking that's in you before you drink. The drinking just makes it come out. No Gibson Jr. And he can't have a job anymore. So no, I don't forgive you and I never will. You tried to wreck lives because you disagreed with someone. Here I go again. And so what if I'm a poor man's Howard Stern? That's a fantastic compliment. The most successful man in media. Let me tell you something. I'm gonna do it again, Bernie. I'm going down the road. I tell you this. In other words, what you're saying is I would have loved you to die in a gutter while I felt bad about myself. But now that I'm feeling okay, you need to forgive me. Well, I say you I am not in a gutter. You put me there. I got out of it because I'm healthy. You laid in the gutter and now you lost your house. See in Tolleson. I know you hate what you said in your email was unwanted elements, also known as blacks. And that's now where you have to live. And that's fine by me. I hope the way Mel Gibson said you get attacked. I'm not gonna use the words Mel used, but everybody remembers the phrase. And yeah, I wish that on you, boozy. You jerk. Poor man's Howard stirring up your ass. See how easy it is to fire me up again? And look at again, I'm beaming. It's like I've had two wedding day. I'm like a blushing bride twice today. So yes, you're in the program. One of the steps is apologizing for all the things you've done wrong. I'm not in any program. And to quote Corey Taylor, I'm not Jesus. I will not forgive you. Sorry I tried to ruin your life last year. The IPA talking.

[Brady]

Anyway, Jew cocktails.

[John Holmberg]

You and the rest of your Jew friends can all rot in hell when I'm drunk. But when I'm sober, I realize I shouldn't be do that.

[Brett]

Did I say that?

[John Holmberg]

And you, you're a decent person if you let me off the hook. You're a jerk if you don't. Because I've got a problem. I don't respect you at all. Oh, my goodness.

[Brett]

Oh, your counselor will tell you that some people might not forgive you.

[John Holmberg]

I don't give a counselor tells them that or not. I'm telling them that I hope you have to go to a meeting Later. And go. Hey, my name's Roger and in service, Dave. I had a problem with a radio host I disparaged last year and tried to ruin lives. Oh, yeah, you sound like a real. I hope they say that to you in AA today.

[Brett]

You're not the guy from Gilbert, are you? Other people in the meeting.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, I heard that this morning. You're that. Yeah, you're that dick. Hey. Get out. And by the way, Brady's friend at Total Wine has offered up a million dollar policy for you. Any. Anytime you want to drink, drop your name and say poor man's Howard Stern. And then show your ID and Billy will get you free alcohol for the rest of your life. Because what you need is a drink. That's what you need more than anything in the world. I think that's right. Oops, I broke the machine. Damn it. No, that's a fact. That's not the. That was not the sound effect.

[Brady]

Don't worry. He's drunk. He didn't understand which one it was. Anyway, it's kicking in.

[John Holmberg]

He's not away. And by the way, don't confuse your meetings later today. You have AA at 4 and your clan meetings at 5:30. So don't go in there and say the wrong things in the wrong time or wear the wrong outfit. Anyway, that's why we were so happy this morning. It was a great thing. And that's why Brett and I are drinking. Because we can't. Salute.

[Brady]

Salute.

[John Holmberg]

This is the best.

[Brady]

Brady's drinking, too.

[John Holmberg]

We didn't really want to talk to you anymore. You're kind of a down counter, you know, with all the cancer. Now here's where my empathy kicks in. True feelings. When you said that you have to go to the urologist to make sure, because I know you well enough to know that you bottle things up and stuff it way down. So when the doctor told you you've got tumors in your kidneys, you just.

[Larry]

Went, yeah, nobody needs to know about that. I'll just keep coming to the doctor.

[Brett]

Doctor didn't say that.

[John Holmberg]

And it leaks out in little ways.

[Larry]

Got another urology appointment.

[John Holmberg]

Well, I know multiple urology urology appointments aren't good, so the good news is you've already lost your hair, so it's all gonna look the same. Yeah, I mean, it might be a nice weight loss program.

[Brett]

Got that looking forward to.

[John Holmberg]

Well, I'm hoping it's all right. What time is your urologist?

[Brett]

1245.

[John Holmberg]

And he's gonna just check your pee and do another ultrasound.

[Brett]

This is a follow up to see.

[John Holmberg]

If there's shade on the thing still.

[Brett]

CAT scan on.

[John Holmberg]

Jesus. This is real.

[Brett]

Real Thursday, Brady.

[John Holmberg]

This is a real thing. They don't give you CAT scans.

[Brett]

Come on, people get them all the time.

[John Holmberg]

Brett, go give our friend a hug. I don't want to catch it.

[Brady]

Come here, little buddy.

[John Holmberg]

Whatever's swimming around in him, I'm good. Anyway. Wow. That's not good. This guy says. Did you notice in the guy's follow up email, John, he apparently didn't apologize for saying you're a Jew even though you're not. He must have googled and saw your nose. All right, well, that's just as bad as what he wrote.

[Brett]

Kyle, I can't understand where he's coming.

[John Holmberg]

He does definitely look Jew. Either that or he's the spokesman for Fruit Loops. I'm not sure what he is. Well, screw you anyway. Anyway. Well, I hope Brady doesn't die and I hope this guy does. And that's just where I live. Why does Brady get the tumors in his cancer and not Boozy McBoo? Why do we have to lose Brady? Why does this guy get to walk the earth and Brady clearly only has a couple weeks to live? Why in the world world is you still think there's a God? It's unfair. You might get some letters today. That's voicemails and a voicemail. And maybe a lawyer will call, but I don't care. I am vindicated. We got the hot releases coming up a little bit, which Brady will do with the urologist later. It's 98 KUPD. It's out of control now. 98. Can you beat it? That guy's right. I think one of my favorite characters that we've had in a long time is Octopus Tracy Morgan. I don't know where it goes from there, but I'll have to say it. We don't say it too often. Aside from Brady's cancer diagnosis, what a show this morning. We're all talking about it off here. Can I get an urologist to email me and say. Say if we ask you to come back for a third visit, it's not good. I'm hoping Brady's rose colored glasses are right, but it's for. Brett's not gonna be on the show for a minute because Mike is here. Rit guy says Brady isn't concerned about dying from kidney cancer because he realizes he lives in a racist, alcoholic, mom filled city that serves gutter pie and Gilbert goons influencing his daughter to be a bong ripping hippocr gutter pie is my favorite. That's a band name right there. Gutter pie, Gilbert. Gutter pie.

[Larry]

Apple pie.

[John Holmberg]

Think about it, Brady. That might be the last time you judge one of those pie contests. You had to choke down that dumb bitch's apple pie. Basic. The Taylor Swift of the gutter pies.

[Brett]

Don't ever do that again.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, don't make apple pie ever again for Brady. You never know when it's going to be a better than one.

[Larry]

Blueberry cobbler. Peach something.

[Brett]

Now you're talking.

[Larry]

Now we got.

[John Holmberg]

I'll eat all of it.

[Dick Toledo]

Was it bad enough to turn you off of this fall's contest?

[John Holmberg]

No, no. Let me ask this. I knew the answer before. Would you be. Would you be a judge at an all gutter apple pie concert? Because if people ask him, like, why are you calling it gutter? Because Brady does this in a storm drain every year in the green belt.

[Dick Toledo]

Can we do our own pie contest and make Brady.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, that's a good idea. Storm drain apple pie contest.

[Dick Toledo]

Listener pie.

[John Holmberg]

I won't do that. He's going through enough. We got to.

[Brett]

My kidney can't handle that kidney pie.

[Brady]

Oh, thanks.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, we'll have a kidney pie eating contest.

[Brady]

Is it apple pie or is it just her apple?

[John Holmberg]

Oh, yeah, it was her apple pie. I've seen him apple pie against the.

[Brett]

Other ones that were.

[John Holmberg]

That's her apple pie.

[Brady]

I've seen tap dance.

[John Holmberg]

Stop.

[Brady]

That's a tap dance.

[John Holmberg]

I have seen you eat apple pieces.

[Brett]

Yeah, I like apple pie.

[John Holmberg]

But compared to these, it was ejaculous. The worst one you can see I was at.

[Brett]

It wasn't as good as the other pies.

[John Holmberg]

Blt. An apple pie with a little ice cream on top showed up and it wasn't blt. Torp was with us. I don't remember where he ate. And you and Torp hit that.

[Brett]

He's a pie man.

[John Holmberg]

You hit those things with two spoons.

[Dick Toledo]

It was gone quick.

[Brett]

Like sharks and piranhas.

[John Holmberg]

The feeding over there at Bass pro shops. They looked incredible going. We need to pay.

[Brett]

That had to been an apple crisp.

[John Holmberg]

It was whatever. I don't know the difference to the.

[Brett]

Listen to the clarific Boery tell you funny crisp.

[John Holmberg]

You know what I'm thinking right now happened? The way you prayed that guy into alcoholism and sadness. That Gilbert that made that apple pie pray to Moroni that you got spots on your kidneys and look what's going on. It's God fights willed into existence. This. Anyway, well, I'm rooting for. I'm that scares me. I'm worried for a pal. I'm worried for my little buddy.

[Dick Toledo]

For me cuz I'm four years behind you.

[John Holmberg]

Jesus, how selfish is that, right? You worry about Brady's got shadows on his Is that by the time ultrasound.

[Brett]

Turn there something like that will happen.

[John Holmberg]

Jesus, what a selfish like. You're worse than the dude that emailed this morning.

[Larry]

Guys, I got an announcement. I got some shadows in my ultrasound.

[John Holmberg]

Oh geez. What about me? What does this mean for me?

[Brady]

Yeah, things happen.

[John Holmberg]

I am surrounded by pricks. Brady. I'm the most caring guy in the room and I wish the guy to die this morning.

[Dick Toledo]

Yeah, that's 100 true though.

[John Holmberg]

I'm the only one that has any sort of thought and love for a little bogan over.

[Brady]

This is a first.

[John Holmberg]

No it's not. Toledo says what about me? And you're like bad things happen to a lot of people. I'm the only loving and caring individual in the room.

[Brady]

I'm saying that's a first.

[John Holmberg]

No, it's not. I love and care.

[Brady]

Yeah, it's drunky and Gilbert.

[John Holmberg]

Well, that guy can eat a bunch of dick. Damn it. You're gonna make me do it.

[Brady]

Let's drink again.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Dear Brady's God, please transfer Brady's weird shadow cancers over to that drunken Gilbert. He deserves it more than Brad Brady. There's no reason for Brady to get sick.

[Brett]

He's live.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, I wish cancer on that guy. Hold on. Sorry God. My bad. Some kind of supposed to be quiet.

[Brett]

The man is at peace with God.

[John Holmberg]

That's right. I'm in a moment with the Savior. This sorry Lord.

[Dick Toledo]

Anyway, can I invest?

[John Holmberg]

I'm in the middle of a prayer. What is wrong with you two? Brady's the only one who's got his head bowed. You guys should pay attention.

[Brett]

Close your eyes.

[John Holmberg]

I'm sorry about all the rule rude and horrible people in the room. Let me get back to my message. Could you give cancer to that guy and Gilbert and take it away from my friend Brady in the ultrasound today? Can you just have Dr. Lin touch it with his magic wand and send it over there in some sort of eastern medicine thing? Thanks. God dominate.

[Brady]

He's gonna do it like a G6.

[John Holmberg]

Common a east wreck. We.

[Brett]

Listen.

[John Holmberg]

Does he listen to T.C.

[Brett]

Yeah, well, he's good.

[John Holmberg]

In my G stick. Hey Brady, your kidney more shadow than kidney. You're gonna take so much prednisone you get moon faced. You look like Jerry Lewis last days.

[Larry]

Whatever.

[Dick Toledo]

John is shadows on my ultrasound a decent Band name?

[John Holmberg]

No, it's more of an album name.

[Dick Toledo]

Oh, there you go. Yeah. And then this guy.

[Brady]

That's the box set.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Dick Toledo]

Guys, can I invest in an alternate podcast with you guys? I really love this bitter bizarro version of Homburg's morning.

[John Holmberg]

It's the same as. It's the same show as every day. This one just had a little steroid fuel.

[Dick Toledo]

Sorry, guys, but all I had was Natty Light. But guess what? I just popped in honor of you guys.

[John Holmberg]

Homeberg Bound. Yeah.

[Brady]

Salute.

[John Holmberg]

Cheers. We're not even drinking it anymore. I still have. I'm still staying brand loyal with Four Peaks, but we're out of Homeburg Bound in the building.

[Dick Toledo]

Hey, Brady, prepare yourself. It's probably a renal cyst.

[John Holmberg]

Geez.

[Brady]

Wow.

[Brett]

I've got those. Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Hey, and all this cancer talk for Brady dying and this guy over there and Gilbert that I want to walk into the freeway. Eleanor emails and says, I recall rolling my eyes at that guy's email last year. I had no idea he went for your heads. And then she sends a picture that says effing loser. And it's Shorzy from Letterkenny. But after then it says, P.S. by the way, Larry turned me down for a date a couple months ago. You think I should make another run at him? Yes, sure. I want Brady to see Larry happy. And Brady doesn't have much time, so ladies, please. Where's a moon face? Well, I'm hoping this is nothing. Brady, please come in and give us more tomorrow. We didn't know you were making all these documents.

[Brett]

Well, tomorrow the cascade's not tomorrow or not today.

[John Holmberg]

You're going today for something else. Yeah.

[Dick Toledo]

You'Ve got too many appointments.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, too many appointments to not be horrible.

[Brett]

Two different guys, but same thing.

[John Holmberg]

Kidney then. This is terrible. Terrible. Oncologist is the word. Oncologist involved?

[Brett]

No, nephrologist is the one I'm going to.

[John Holmberg]

What's that mean? I don't know what that is.

[Brett]

Kidney specialist.

[John Holmberg]

So they're worried?

[Brett]

No. So this meeting is a follow up because the blood pressure medicine had to. It wasn't.

[Dick Toledo]

It wasn't working.

[Brett]

Yeah, I was running a little high. I was running a little high.

[John Holmberg]

Jesus Christ. What else is wrong? Can I see?

[Brett]

We've got it under control now.

[John Holmberg]

Are you carrying your chart? May I see your chart?

[Dick Toledo]

But last time you had it under control, what was it? 200?

[John Holmberg]

220 over. 220.

[Brett]

That was a little hot.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, the fire department admitted him for a struck.

[Brett]

Yeah, I was 141. I was red lined. I was red lined. A little high.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. I was 131 over 92. And the doctor's like, that's a little high for you. You all right? I'm fine. I've seen. I've seen the devil, and it's okay. Those are low numbers. Literally witnessed a man die in front of me, and he's. And he walked out of the room.

[Brady]

Those are rookie numbers.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. His mom was equally as crazy because we were at that firehouse that one time. I'm like, take her blood pressure. 182 over 105. Shut up. But that's just because I had a pie. They all think it's because of their last meal. Brady was holding pizza and blamed it. That's a truth. I remember you saying that in my.

[Brett]

Hospital room, pizza was in my lap.

[Dick Toledo]

Two pizzas, right?

[John Holmberg]

He brought two in, holding two pizzas. I had had back surgery, and Brady bought a large and a medium. A medium for Megan and I, a large for himself. And he was gonna come visit me and took my blood pressure, which was perfect. 119 over 68. And I'm like, take his. And the nurse said out loud, if I wasn't looking right at you, I'd admit you for a stroke. Are you feeling okay?

[Larry]

I'm fine. I'm holding pizza.

[Brett]

What you talking about?

[John Holmberg]

So he blamed his blood pressure spike and the fact that pizza was a. Jason, hot blood.

[Larry]

I got it in my lap. You understand what that does to my blood pressure?

[John Holmberg]

I think you were, like, 140 over 105 or something. Was it higher than that? Actually, it was higher. It was 160.

[Brett]

160 over 90.

[John Holmberg]

I think 90 might be generous. I think you were higher. I think you were triple digits on both ends because she wanted to put you in another room.

[Brett]

I. I'd admit you to the icu.

[John Holmberg]

She said if I embrace this big.

[Brett]

Smile, I would say, go to the ER right now.

[John Holmberg]

She said, I. If I wasn't looking at you when I saw these numbers, I would admit you for a stroke right now.

[Brady]

Oh, man.

[Brett]

I feel like you're the fifth person told me that. Will you stop?

[John Holmberg]

All right, Stop it already.

[Larry]

I'm going to try to say fiduciary three times, and if I knock it out of the yard, you got to leave me alone.

[Brett]

You're tough. I run it at 220.

[Larry]

Fadushi Fiduci. Fiduci.

[John Holmberg]

Get out of.

[Larry]

I'm like an electric socket.

[John Holmberg]

All right, we're late. This is your fault. It's your fault for wrecking fun. Happy Gilbert drunk day. No, I'm going to do my impression of that guy again. Another can in the trash.

[Dick Toledo]

I just noticed the trail behind Larry's gonna be cleaning.

[John Holmberg]

That was a little bit of a. Yeah, Larry's gonna come in here.

[Dick Toledo]

Let's just go with Brett then. I've got some stuff, but not important.

[John Holmberg]

Brett, give us some music for the hot release. Hold on. Brought to you by new AC unit doc. Save thousands, save time. Buy online new AC unit.com and still throw Holmberg in that promo code and take another grand off the top of the deal. That is a great price. Summer is close. We're gonna have a nice couple weeks of cool again, which I like. But we are inevitably going to smash into the hot temperature. So once we do that, get your heart shaped inflatable Montana swim swimming pool soaking. Soaking that because your air conditioner doesn't work or get your air conditioner replaced. New ac unit dot com. Save thousands, save same time. Buy online newac unit dot com.

[Brady]

All right, new stuff here from Lacuna Coil. This is gravity.

[John Holmberg]

Did you listen yet? No, I just pulled it 50. 50 on the. You. You like the entire.

[Dick Toledo]

Actually, they did one of our shows, didn't they? Like, early.

[Brady]

No, I think you're thinking of Mall Bucket. Oh.

[John Holmberg]

That's how we did otep one year. But we also had. What was the one with ma Paw Bucket? The one that was the. She had the little Halloween. Oh.

[Brady]

In this moment, I tried to get.

[John Holmberg]

Lacuna Coil to ride bikes with me, essentially. Well, no, not. Not for real. In my ears.

[Brett]

Oh, okay.

[John Holmberg]

Oh. And I was skipping songs so much that the ones I don't like, I hate. The ones I like, I like a lot me down. And it's because it's formulaic to that girl's wood.

[Brady]

Yeah, but that's. That's a lot of women in the. In the, you know, rock metal scene.

[John Holmberg]

It's that ethereal baseline like they come.

[Brady]

You know, the Evanescence. And you know, she.

[John Holmberg]

By the way, she has a beautiful voice, but I just don't.

[Brett]

I'm gonna do some DND to that 5050.

[Brady]

This probably short one. This is the luminaires. So long.

[John Holmberg]

By the way, I just got a diagnosis from somebody says unless you're losing weight, Brady, which by the way, the guys are acting, but I doubt you shouldn't have anything to worry about with the shadows on your ultrasound. Most likely it's a kidney issue. That's probably an anomaly. Just like you. Yeah. Brady Is kind of an anomaly. 220. 220 over 185 is an anomaly. All right, Sorry, Brett, go ahead.

[Brady]

This is the luminaires. So long. You know what you're getting.

[Dick Toledo]

You know who I heard introing this song on all TZ this week?

[John Holmberg]

Dustin.

[Dick Toledo]

Sounded great, by the way.

[John Holmberg]

Thriller does a great job.

[Brady]

Why is he not on our airwaves other than one day awake?

[Dick Toledo]

Cuz he'd outshine the love.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, don't start that. Taking a swing at our weekenders, man. All right. Lumineers. Luminous. They are what they are fine.

[Brady]

Here's Margaret Cho singing.

[John Holmberg]

What?

[Brady]

I guess this is lucky gift.

[John Holmberg]

She's going for that record Brady was talking about as an Asian American. Have a number one song.

[Brady]

Well, she got pissed off at the G6.

[John Holmberg]

Guys. There's only been one. And your bees. Hello. Gun shots are bad, but you miss someone. A lot of comedians want to sing. She's good. Eddie Murphy was the first one. This is a little 90s, but it's not bad.

[Brady]

Never gonna listen to it.

[John Holmberg]

But if I didn't know that Margaret Cho, I. I think I just missed a song from.

[Brett]

Maybe it's a different Margaret show.

[John Holmberg]

Wow. That's. They do share a lot. Surnames are plentiful. She looks like Margaret Cho, but that doesn't mean anything either.

[Brett]

Yeah. Descrit.

[John Holmberg]

She's five four, haircut like Mo from the Three Stooges. And she's got kind of. She looks sleepy.

[Brady]

How about sexy Red and Bruno Mars? This is fat, juicy and wet.

[John Holmberg]

Great song. Have you heard this yet? Yeah, this is.

[Brady]

It's been for a minute.

[John Holmberg]

G. And sexy Red's got everything happening. I don't think. Holding a cat like dog. Yeah, Definitely talking about she likes cats. Yeah. I love this song. I didn't realize it had said that that often. Sexy Red.

[Brady]

Let's just jump to. Let's just jump to it.

[John Holmberg]

All right.

[Brady]

Since the super bowl just happened, we all heard the song edited, so let's do Kendrick Lamar.

[John Holmberg]

Did I win last week?

[Brady]

I remember.

[Brett]

Yes, you did.

[John Holmberg]

It's friendly. N word. The dude says it constantly.

[Dick Toledo]

No, Brady won last week.

[John Holmberg]

Okay, sorry.

[Dick Toledo]

Last week. Sorry, sorry.

[Brett]

I'm gonna have to go with friendly. N word.

[John Holmberg]

Smart move. Shoot. All right, I go angry. N word.

[Dick Toledo]

Damn it. All right, I'll take out any of the F words.

[John Holmberg]

All right, here we go. Hold on. Okay, good. We're good.

[Brady]

Ready?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Friendly.

[Brett]

Is that friendly? Friendly?

[Brady]

I don't know. I mean.

[John Holmberg]

Well, now, wait a minute. Look at it, Debo.

[Brady]

Any Rap.

[John Holmberg]

He free throw.

[Brady]

Man. Calm down. And amber lights tell him breathe, bro.

[John Holmberg]

I don't know. Is that friendly? Can I tell you? Neutral.

[Larry]

He's giving him advice.

[John Holmberg]

Here's a problem that a middle aged white guy may have experienced late last night just watching Kendrick Lamar again. I'm like, I like those pants and they're all the rage. You order those big belts, just see what they look like. How many pairs you're. Because you always double checked.

[Brady]

Are you sure?

[John Holmberg]

$83. I'm gonna try some of those flare. But I like jeans, so I don't think that's more of a keeping up. He's 40, so it's not like I'm.

[Brett]

You'll look good. CB4.

[John Holmberg]

I'm fine with that. Well, that is racist. And also out of touch, man. Here I am wishing that your is not. And now you're making me kind of wonder.

[Brady]

They are low cash.

[John Holmberg]

Those aren't black pants. Anyway, those are your hot releases. We got the entertainment drill coming up in just moments. It's 98. It's out of control now. 98K. You PD all birds. Morning slippery. Morning sickness. 28. Well, Brett, I guess we're gonna have to take this to a bar now.

[Brady]

Let's do it.

[John Holmberg]

Damn it.

[Brady]

All right, off to Four Peaks we go for lunch.

[John Holmberg]

You know what? That's a great idea. We got a couple things I gotta do first. Four Peaks action.

[Brady]

Let's do it.

[John Holmberg]

I got nothing after that. I have stayed up all night, so this might end sooner than you think. We can't take Brady because nobody can pick him up when his kidneys fail. The boss man just text and he said maybe we should. Oh, he said, what a mess. You have no forgiveness in your heart this morning. And Brady's insides are worse than that. Jeez, that's right crazy. Anyway, yeah. Maybe we should go over there and be fun.

[Brady]

I'm done.

[John Holmberg]

Could be it. I'm emotional. Here you go, everybody. It's the final entertainment show. It's brought to you by our friends at React Defense. As much as I love the [e-mail] there's no defense for what's Gillen Brady yet. Can't fight from the inside out.

[Dick Toledo]

Yeah, I guess that's true.

[John Holmberg]

Any marauder that comes at you, sure you can push them away. But the one that lives inside of you, what do you do with that?

[Brett]

I'm gonna eat some of that self healing aspirin.

[John Holmberg]

Get some of that and grow some of your new road inside. Reactdefense.com. They can help you through almost any situation. Right now they've got a special. It's not even a special. It's just the way it works now. Two months, 199 bucks. Personal training in your hands from the best in the world. And I don't say that with hyperbole. I mean it. I have been in this thing. It's amazing. On and off with surgeries and stuff. I've been part of this thing since 2018. Granted, I've taken gaps of time away and it is perishable stuff. When we were doing gun and knife stuff the other day, I used to be pretty good at that. And I haven't done it for a minute. And it is something you need to refresh. It's. It's very strange how it kind of had all disappeared. My instincts are still there, but proper technique and everything else is there. But one thing you need to remember. Remember when you're. There is there is no actual, like, way to do it right. There is a way to think and make sure that you're safe. And that's the key. They teach you that. They just put it in your brain over and over and over. Hey, make yourself and the people around you safer. Here's some hints, here's some clues how to do that. And while you're doing it, you're going to get in great shape. You're learning from the masters, the people who have been doing this for a long time. It's been in the valley for over 24 years and it's going to keep going. And all this instructors, hundreds of years of experience. Experience are there to help you. It's amazing. I'm. I say it over and over. I can't tell you how much it changes your mindset and it does. So head on up there and find out what you're made of. Start being a sheepdog. Stop being a sheep. Reactdefense.com the home of tactical Black, sponsoring this final entertainment drill with Brady. Brady, go ahead. Tomorrow Larry does the entertainment drill.

[Brady]

Wow.

[Brett]

Really?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. I know that didn't seem like you. Are you upset with the replacement?

[Brett]

Yeah. Who would you like?

[Brady]

Who would you like to who.

[John Holmberg]

Because you're gonna. No, I don't want to tell you. Who would you like to replace you? Maybe we should start that coda, Trajan, and pass your job down to somebody.

[Brady]

Kent will come in and do it.

[John Holmberg]

That's right. Oh, these shadows.

[Brett]

Put that in there. USA Today did their annual Ad meter poll to rank the best super bowl commercial commercials. It's Interesting because. What do you think number one was first of all?

[John Holmberg]

The number. Well, usually those things go with the feel good one, so I'd wonder if it was the cancer one.

[Brett]

It's the one called First Delivery. The Budweiser.

[John Holmberg]

Oh. With the baby pony. That was kind of cute. Okay. It's. It's puppies. I didn't even think of ponies. Puppies. Ponies and fields. Good.

[Brady]

They use that all the time, though. Isn't there always like.

[Larry]

Yeah, I felt like I thought so too.

[John Holmberg]

I remember seeing that when it happened and we didn't talk about it with Louis yesterday. It kind of felt like this is Budweiser's kind of.

[Brady]

It's like a rehash catch all.

[John Holmberg]

It's the. It's the one that they go to when they don't know. Acute Clydesdale. The one that I forgot to talk about yesterday that I remember and I started laughing about it on my way home.

[Brett]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Don't eat the lava. The Reese's lava. That made me literally chuckle out loud, which I don't do that much anymore. But I was like giggling at the TV when that guy was trying to keep. People just heard the word lava and realized they thought that was within the Reese's. That was very funny.

[Brett]

Did not make the top 20 because.

[John Holmberg]

It was on in the fourth quarter.

[Brett]

Yeah. The one that I mentioned. Goldilocks and the three trucks with Glenn Powell. It's the Ram truck one.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brett]

That was 19. The Pfizer knockout was a top 10.

[John Holmberg]

That's the cancer one.

[Dick Toledo]

Where you go.

[John Holmberg]

Yep.

[Brett]

When Harry Met Hellman's.

[John Holmberg]

Good.

[Brett]

That was number nine. Century of cravings. That's the McConaughey, Kevin Bacon, Martha Stewart. The.

[Dick Toledo]

The Uber Eats.

[Brett]

Uber eats one. Yep. That was number eight. Big men on the cul de sac. That's Post Malone, Shane Gillis, Peyton Manning and Peyton Manning. That was number seven.

[John Holmberg]

That was a neat thing that they were. They drugged that giant cooler Bud Light around on that.

[Brett]

What's interesting. Flag 50. The NFL won the flag for. Oh, that number six.

[Brady]

Of course it was.

[John Holmberg]

Was. That is the worst one of the bunch. Because you can't. It's the flag football girl who suddenly is challenged by all these athletes. Miles Garrett's in it as a nerd. I don't want to. And it's just a bunch of men pulling back. It's. It's not that it isn't an empowering thing for women to want to play flag football and sports, but stop saying it's because you just haven't had a chance. And you would beat all the guys if you could. Because the girl that at the end can't be caught by anyone. She should be playing in the pros.

[Brett]

The other number five was somebody. The NFL spot. The other NFL spot, number four was Dave. And Dave. That's the David Beckham. Matt Damon commercial for Stella Artois. The ultra hustle. That's the Willem Dafoe and Catherine.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, that was fun.

[Brett]

That was number three. Little. The little farmer was number two.

[John Holmberg]

I don't know that anyone days anyone young knows who Willem Dafoe is. Right. Catherine O'Harris from Schitt's Creek. So that works. But. And I love that they gave us even.

[Dick Toledo]

Even him in spider man was 20 years ago.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. And I know he's doing stuff, but he doesn't have the. The juice. He had, like, born on the fourth of July and, like, all that. No, he wasn't born on the 4th of July. Wasn't he?

[Dick Toledo]

No, he was in the Vietnam one with Charlie Sheen.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, he was born on 4th of July too. He was also. Wasn't he also born on the fourth July when they were down in Mexico together and he was crawling around. Teach him how to do oral sex. I thought so.

[Brett]

Coming in last.

[John Holmberg]

He's into everything. For a little while was tubies.

[Brett]

Z suite. The tubi commercial.

[Dick Toledo]

The hats. The cowboy hat one.

[Brett]

Yeah.

[Dick Toledo]

Skin hats.

[John Holmberg]

Gross.

[Brett]

Kanye's easy ad wasn't included in the roundup.

[John Holmberg]

Right. Because of Nazis.

[Brett]

Well, it didn't air nationally.

[John Holmberg]

That's right.

[Brett]

Not every single.

[John Holmberg]

On account of. I didn't.

[Dick Toledo]

I didn't see.

[John Holmberg]

See that one. Good.

[Dick Toledo]

On account of Nazi.

[John Holmberg]

On account of the Nazi.

[Brett]

I think people were asking about the Super Bowls. What happened? What's up with Tom Cruise's face?

[John Holmberg]

Well, that's been going on for a while. You haven't been paying attention.

[Brett]

But the plastic surgeons have chimed in. They said they don't believe anything under the knife.

[John Holmberg]

It's massive. Botox and fillers. Yeah, he's puffy, but he's smooth.

[Brett]

Cheek filler, Botox, laser skin resurfacing.

[John Holmberg]

Totally not against it. Although it does make him look like he's in a dead skin mask sometimes. I overdid the Botox on my forehead for the first time. It was hilarious because you can't move your eyebrows. It's. It's an intense feel. The first couple days is just. You're frozen.

[Brett]

We got another allegation against Diddy. This was now from a street performer.

[John Holmberg]

What?

[Brett]

He was orally raped by Diddy the.

[John Holmberg]

Dirty robot in Vegas.

[Brett]

I don't know if it's the dirty robot. Pot Superman by John Doe claims Diddy orally raped him and sexually assaulted him anally after spiky his drink.

[John Holmberg]

First off, oral rape needs a qualification, because right now, Brady decided to orally rape me. I'd let it happen. That's. I'm not. But now face making me do it to him, that's oral rape. My favorite thing in the Diddy story is he got dizzy because Diddy poisoned him.

[Brett]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

He walks into another room and Diddy breaks over with the comment, the worst man comment ever. Have you ever sucked a before? And the guy's like, no. And Diddy had his out. And he goes, you should try it. Bruce buffered him. It's hard. And he did it. I don't think the words no, no. After the question, have you ever sucked a before? Make it so I want one, because now it's going into a wood chipper of unqualified and incredibly terrible sucking ability.

[Brett]

Kid Rock was a special guest at a birthday party show Nashville on Saturday. And it was for David Brad Brian, who's Bon Jovi's at Bon Jovi's Bar. He's the keyboard player in Bon Jovi's band.

[John Holmberg]

It was in. In Nashville.

[Brett]

It was in Nashville because Kid Rock's got over there. The birthday party. And Kid Rock got up on stage, perform with him. Another girl. He started singing Proud Mary.

[John Holmberg]

Yep.

[Brett]

And evidently people weren't clacking, clapping enough or singing along. He just says, f this, Drops a mic and leaves.

[John Holmberg]

He stops because the audience wasn't doing that.

[Brett]

Because I want you to clap, not too fast and sing along with me. And he's, you know, Proud Mary's not.

[John Holmberg]

A song you clap to.

[Brett]

Not really. He had him, and he wanted him to go along and then sing along. They're not doing it at this guy's birthday party. Drops the mic.

[John Holmberg]

I guess you can do this. But he says, not too fast, which is this. If you're trying to clap and keep it safe. Slow.

[Brady]

Did he shake like Tina Turner at the end of it or what?

[Brett]

He had a girl singing with him, too.

[John Holmberg]

Not an orally oral rape, more of a dental thing.

[Brett]

The Brian Adams show in Australia was cancelled Sunday night because of a fatberg.

[John Holmberg]

A what?

[Brett]

A fatberg. It's wet wipes and plumbing thing. Yeah. And it balled up in the system and shut down the sewage, which ended up affecting the venue.

[Dick Toledo]

Same with your kidneys.

[John Holmberg]

That's right. Might be a fat, fat burger. And rogue tampons and toilet paper jammed up in your kidneys. Yuck. I got to hand it to John Gordon this morning. I haven't seen one of these ever in my life. But I think a Fleetwood Mac concert shirt might be the coolest thing I've seen in a long time. Look at that. The other one that I liked the most was when Will Farrell wore the Pablo Cruz one in stepbrother. My Benny Mordonis is up there, but it's novelty.

[Dick Toledo]

How have you not ordered a Pablo Cruz?

[John Holmberg]

That's legit. They're hard to find. He had another one. He had the Judds one too, which made me laugh, but that was too obvious. Pablo Cruz. You might. Somebody might not know and think that's.

[Brady]

In a Bozkaz one too.

[John Holmberg]

Boss Gags. Yeah, those are good.

[Dick Toledo]

Anyway, Brady, we'll get you a Kenny Lo.

[Brett]

What you going to do?

[John Holmberg]

What time's your appointment?

[Brett]

12:45.

[John Holmberg]

Should we go with or is like there?

[Brady]

Just check in with us. We'll be at Four Peaks.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, you know what?

[Brett]

You don't need to. It's at a tough shed.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, man.

[Brady]

Anyway, Abuela is going to be.

[Brett]

Yeah.

[Brady]

Checking you out.

[John Holmberg]

Tripp says good luck. Gosh, buddy, who knew? But just looking at you, and I'm not a doctor. I'm gonna miss you. Well, Brady's going in for his kidney scans that he kind of hit us over the head with on happiest day ever. But at least we still got Larry. Better brush up for the entertainment, Joe. We might need him sooner than we think. Larry's coming up next. You guys have yourselves a great Tuesday. We'll see you tomorrow. Right here in the morning sickness. So it's out of control now. 98.

[Brett]

Okay.

[John Holmberg]

You PD.