02-11-26 - BR - WED - Taking Roadkill Is Only Illegal In Texas As Brady Thinks It's Because Of Armadillos - Poll Asks Opinions On Pun People - Science Has Created Smart Underwear

Summary

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Holmberg's Morning Sickness - Arizona

Episode: 02-11-26 - BR - WED
Date: February 11, 2026
Theme: Human Auction, Weird Laws, Puns, Science Innovations, and Viral Videos

Overview

In this energetic and irreverent episode, John Holmberg and his co-hosts (Brady Bogen, Bret Vesely, Dick Toledo) riff on everything from a tongue-in-cheek “human auction” for Valentine’s Day, quirky U.S. laws about roadkill, science’s latest in smart underwear, to viral video reactions and the ever-divisive debate about puns. As always, the gang's tone is playful, occasionally crass, and sharply observational—a blend aimed to entertain, unsettle, and provoke giggles.

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Key Discussion Points

1. The "Human Auction" for Valentine’s Day

[01:17 – 03:56, 05:46 – 06:26]

• The team jokes about hosting a radio “auction” to set up a woman named Sarah with a listener for Valentine's Day.
• Holmberg frames the segment facetiously as “human trafficking” on-air (“No, totally. I don't think you're allowed to do it to like Human Traffic live on the air. We're doing it; this podcast, Human Traffics its listeners, if they ask.” - John Holmberg, 01:45).
• The crew jokes about first rights of refusal and references listeners like Winston in the “bidding.” Playful banter emerges around dating preferences and snow analogies (white/black women jokes).

2. Fun Facts & Roadkill Laws

[06:28 – 10:16]

• Brady’s “report” shares quirky trivia:
  • Roadkill is legal to take home everywhere except Texas. Brady wonders if it’s due to armadillos (“I thought maybe it might have something to do with like armadillo.” – Brady, 07:11).
  • The group riffs on armadillo meat potentially causing leprosy. They verify it live via Google and are genuinely surprised by the fact.
  • Other trivia: All button mushrooms used to be brown before a Pennsylvania farmer found white ones in 1926; Calvin and Hobbes’ comic damage value calculated at nearly $16K.
• Key Quotes:
  • “Don’t eat armadillos. Brady just saved lives.” – John Holmberg, 08:15
  • “Can you catch it from pygmies? They look slimy and weird like an armadillo.” – John Holmberg, 08:36

3. Pun Polls and Mealtime Habits

[12:34 – 14:22]

• A poll about puns is discussed; most people neither love nor hate them—Holmberg calls BS, believing real-life distaste is hidden by the results (“Nobody's pun friendly...This is a poll of pun people.” – John Holmberg, 12:53).
• Another survey: average dinner is at 6:44pm, duration 27 minutes. 4% admit to eating dinner in bed; Gen Z is more likely to partake in bed dining.

4. Science Advances: Smart Underwear

[14:28 – 17:36]

• Smart Underwear: Scientists have developed wearable underwear sensors to monitor gut bacteria by detecting hydrogen gas in flatulence.
• The crew cracks up debating daily fart numbers, making juvenile and honest admissions:
  • "Goal is to monitor gut bacteria activity by measuring hydrogen gas in your flatulence. Fartsmart.” – Brady, 14:44
  • “I'd probably put you in the high 30s, 30 a day you're up there.” – John Holmberg to Brady, 17:00

5. Memorable Confession: Olympic Biathlete

[17:55 – 19:36]

• Discussion about a Norwegian biathlete, Sturla Holm Lægreid, who, after winning bronze, publicly confessed infidelity during an interview; he admits to cheating and describes his regret on live TV.
• Holmberg and crew react:
  • “He actually had the gold medal in life.” – Brady, 18:42
  • “Infidelity confessions on the podium are not exactly...We just want the anthem and move on.” – John Holmberg, 19:29

6. AI Note-taking Pitfalls

[19:36 – 20:48]

• AI note-taking apps inadvertently capture post-meeting gossip, causing workplace drama.
• Reflections on pandemic-era Zoom meetings and "Irish goodbye" exits.

7. Viral Video Commentary & “Brady Report Live”

[20:48 – 29:55]

• Bike Accident Videos: Reacting to footage of people crashing, both in the U.S. and possibly Russia.
• Bizarre Factory Accident: Guy in a coat gets caught in machinery (“look at his legs are on top of his head now…” – John, 25:41).
• MMA Fight Gone Wrong: Fighter has his ear bitten off, crowd erupts in violence – “That's a full, like, rottweiler bite. Oh. Now the crowd's chucking chairs…” – John, 27:44.
• Santa Lap Incident: “Black guy just kicked Santa in the balls…This isn’t helping the angry black stereotype.” – John, 28:25
• Whipped Cream Video: Ends with a viral clip of a woman expelling whipped cream from her derriere, spawning a debate about what’s safe to put up your ass (“Stop it. Especially if it's for our entertainment through video.” – John, 30:15)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Armadillos and Leprosy:
  “Don't eat armadillos. Brady just saved lives.” – John Holmberg (08:15)
• On “Human Auction” Bit:
  “Will the Only—The only radio station in America giving away a girl. That's amazing.” – John Holmberg (01:45)
• On Smart Underwear:
  “Goal is to monitor gut bacteria activity by measuring hydrogen gas in your flatulence. Fartsmart.” – Brady (14:44)
• On Pun Polls:
  “Nobody's pun friendly...This is a poll of pun people.” – John Holmberg (12:53)
• On Dinner in Bed:
  “The 4% are the ones that are on those TLC shows can't get out of bed. That person brings them like stack of pancakes and 40 pieces of bacon.” – John Holmberg (13:58)
• On Olympic Confession:
  “He actually had the gold medal in life.” – Brady (18:42)

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Important Segment Timestamps

• Human Auction Setup: 01:17–03:56, 05:46–06:26
• Roadkill/Law Trivia & Leprosy: 06:28–10:16
• Puns & Mealtime Polls: 12:34–14:22
• Smart Underwear: 14:28–17:36
• Olympic Infidelity Confession: 17:55–19:36
• AI Note-Taking/Zoom: 19:36–20:48
• Viral Video Reactions: 20:48–29:55

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Summary

This episode of Holmberg’s Morning Sickness leans into the show’s hallmark mix of sarcasm, crude humor, and off-the-cuff news commentary. With everything from fake radio “human trafficking,” obscure but true armadillo facts, to reactions over ridiculous viral videos and bodily function science, Holmberg and co. offer a high-tempo, raucous take on the weird, wild, and awkward. If you enjoy smart-aleck laughs, random trivia, and aren’t easily offended, this one’s worth the listen—or at least the read.

Transcript

[A]

You're listening to the HMS Podcast, brought to you by MMP Guns.com, your most trusted online marketplace for firearms, ammunition and accessories.

[B]

All right, HMS Podcast, time again to let you know where to go for some great comedy in the Valley this week. Downtown and stand up live. Get out and see the comedy of Moshe Casher and the up and coming Ari Maddie. Up north at Desert Ridge, you'll get Josh Wolf and SNL's Tommy Brennan. And Eastside at the Tempe Improv, don't miss the very funny Sam J. And more Josh Wolf for the complete. And for Tickets, go to standuplive.com desertridgeimprov.com.

[C]

And tempeimprov.com hey, it's Larry McFeely here with my friend Wayne from AMCO. Wayne, it's Tax time. You filed and your refunds burn in a hole in your pocket.

[D]

That's right, Larry. Before you book a trip or buy something shiny, please remember your car. Tax time's the best time to take care of all the car repairs you've been putting off.

[C]

Sure, because nothing kills a tax refund buzz faster than a surprise car breakdown. I'll say.

[D]

If your car's been acting up, now's the time to handle it.

[C]

Should we wait for our refund before getting repairs?

[D]

No way. Amco payment plans let you get repairs now and pay when you get your check.

[C]

Google AMCO for nearest location. That's AMCO double A MCO transmissions and a whole lot more.

[E]

You've been deceived by an agent of Satan himself.

[F]

Our human trafficking victim is on the way. I've gotten a lot of emails. She says she's. She's driving all the way over here from, like, Superior or. So I don't know where this girl lives. It's a long haul, cuz. About an hour ago she said, My GPS says I'll be there a little after 8.

[C]

You left already?

[F]

It's like, Jesus. That's 45 minutes. So she's out there in the East Valley. Keep in mind, boys, this one's for you and ladies who are interested. We're auctioning off a girl who says she would like to be auctioned off to one of our listeners. We'll get to know her. She's been begging us. She really just wants to be on the radio. And we'll see if she's annoying. If she's annoying, she's not going to get any good dates. But she'd like to pimp herself. And for Valentine's Day, will the Only ra, The only radio station in America giving away a girl. That's amazing. No, totally. I don't think you're allowed to do it to like Human Traffic live on the air. We're doing it this podcast, Human Traffics its listeners, if they ask.

[G]

Listener was texted in yesterday, may have been this morning, and said, hey, John, you know, I've been listening for a while. Would you say that this is Arizona's longest running podcast?

[F]

Yes, it is. Yeah. Been on for. We've been podcasting for way before there was podcasting.

[G]

17 years.

[F]

Well, at least prior to that, we were just recording everything and giving it to you somehow or another. So that's the same thing. This one says, leave it to a human trafficked woman to be late. Shocker. Yeah, she's not even on time for her own human trafficking. Ridiculous. The seven o' clock word for our Nine Inch Nail suite that feeds is gritty. You can throw that in on the.

[G]

App or at like the Justin Jefferson gritty.

[F]

No, that's D's, I think. Don't confuse them, Richard. No questions. Gritty. G, R, I, T, T, Y. Like sandpaper gritty. And you get on that 7 o', clock, you got like 10 or 15 minutes to get that together. We'll give you another one at 8 o' clock and let you know how you can qualify yourself for those awesome tickets to go see Nine Inch Nails in a party suite that KUPD's throwing right there at the Desert diamond arena, which used to be Gila river arena, which used to be where the Coyotes played, which used to be. You know what I'm talking about. It's the West Valley. It'll take Sarah at least four hours to get to that. If she qualifies for it, maybe we'll. You know what maybe we'll do if it's a love match. Well, no, that's too far down the road. I want these two to get together this weekend and then report back. I was going to give them tickets to Nine Inch Nails. No, it's March 6th. It's not that far away. But Hunter says, John, I just tuned over to Katie kb. They're auctioning off a boy. Well, they do that all the time. That's different. That's what they do.

[A]

The data ends in Y over there.

[F]

I think that's called the afternoon show, Boy Auction. If I was a consultant, I'd be like, look, you guys have really embraced the gay. Your afternoon show is called Boy Auction. And you're gonna. It is going to be a perfect band Boy auction should be all over that state. They should be headlining every. What do they call those things? The ice cream socials they run every once in a while. Boy auction. Oh, they got all something old sessions. That's the thing.

[A]

Same thing.

[F]

Boy auctions.

[G]

I wasn't disagreeing.

[F]

The boy auction at alt sessions.

[H]

Ooh.

[F]

Anyway, it's time now for Brady to give you all the news that only Brady knows. We call this the Brady Report and it's brought to you by our [e-mail] if you got to get well. Look, it's hot. We skipped winter. Got a couple days coming up here aren't bad. But sitting outside right now is about as good as it gets, especially in the daytime. And you need a little shade because the sun will start getting you a little and again make outdoor living space in your home. I talked to Hopkins about it. He told me that that is one of the top three things people now want when they look for a home and is quality outdoor living space and not that old fashioned thing that the old people do, which is build those weird screen rooms. And they're sunrooms. Horrible looking prisons that used to exist here. And people like no. All pro shade's great. They can do anything. They can find an area by your pool. They can do all sorts. I didn't even think of that. If you got a spot by your pool, you can put a little. They'll do a freestanding one out there. It's great stuff. They've got a plan for pretty much anywhere. You've got too much sun and you want to use some shade and sit comfortably outside in this beautiful weather. We've got all prochet.com that's where you go. Brady reported.

[H]

Good Wednesday morning to you, Phoenix. Hello, world.

[F]

Hi.

[H]

Happy National Make a Friend Day.

[G]

That's what we're doing.

[H]

National Guitar Day and National Latte Day.

[F]

Toledo's right. What are the odds on Make a Friend Day? We auction off a human being to another one and maybe it blossoms into beautiful things.

[A]

You're welcome.

[G]

Take that, Bob's.

[F]

Winston just said, do I get first right of refusal for this auction? You know what? Yes, Winston, you're our first contestant. We'll have Winston be the first one to see if. Although I do know Winston well enough to know that he don't play in the white snow.

[H]

Yeah, that's what he said.

[F]

Yeah. They're the devil. And there's no arguing that. That ain't racist. He's right.

[H]

Maybe he'll change things up.

[F]

Maybe I don't think.

[H]

I don't think.

[F]

Stay out of the white snow. He's right.

[H]

Couple of basis fun facts. Roadkill is legal to take in every US state except Texas.

[G]

Too much.

[H]

Many states have various roadkill rules and restrictions, but in Texas it's outright prohibited.

[F]

Really?

[H]

Mostly because of anti poaching. Some people intentionally.

[F]

They try to hit stuff and keep it.

[H]

Yep. Without shooting it. And then secondly, the traffic safety.

[F]

Oh, they're shooting from like windows and stuff. I mean like poaching. Like. Yeah.

[H]

Instead of doing that, you can do it with your car.

[F]

Yeah, but I mean if you can do it with your car, you deserve it.

[H]

It's big enough. That's. I. I thought maybe it might have something to do with like armadillo.

[F]

Yeah, but what are you hitting with your car on purpose that you didn't deserve to keep? Like if you can manage to knock an elk out on purpose.

[G]

And also there's enough of a market for armadillo nuggets in Texas for you.

[H]

That and they're. You can get leprosy from.

[F]

You can.

[H]

Yeah.

[F]

No kidding.

[G]

Yeah, that's what I'm saying.

[H]

I wonder.

[F]

Wait, you're not saying that he said you're going to get leprosy from an armadillo?

[H]

Yeah, it's possible.

[F]

Oh, man. I got to wonder if that's just a ruse to keep you from eating armadillo. Is that real? Why do you know that?

[H]

I just. I remember hearing that and I've never.

[F]

Was it somebody who tried to get you out of the road? Stop eating that. It'll give you leprosy. Was it one of those warnings that.

[G]

Second most popular. Can you catch leprosy from armadillo?

[F]

I'm not even convinced these days.

[G]

Yes, it is possible to contract leprosy, also known as Hansen's disease, from contact with nine banded armadillos.

[F]

No kidding.

[G]

Which are natural carriers of the bacterium. While rare, transmission occurs through handling, hunting or eating armadillo meat.

[F]

Don't eat armadillos. Brady just saved lives.

[G]

Avoid direct contact. They are known zoo. No logic source.

[F]

How about that? Pygmy Brady has little pig.

[H]

Brady cakes.

[F]

Brady cakes. The baby pygmy just taught you. Can you catch it from pygmies? They look slimy and weird like an armadillo.

[H]

No, not leopard. Leprosy.

[F]

What else can you catch leprosy from other than lepers? Don't be a smart ass.

[H]

There might be another species of armadillo. Like. Well, sure. Nine banded. Might be a seven banded. I don't know.

[F]

I have no idea. Well, it's like just. What is that rank? You're like. You're an admiral. Okay.

[G]

Leprosy, also known as Hanson's disease, is caught through long term close contact with an untreated person, likely by breathing in respiratory from their coughs.

[F]

I get that.

[G]

Sneezes.

[F]

I'm not hanging around where lepers are.

[G]

Oh, I thought you said.

[F]

No, but that's what I said. Other than lepers. Oh, other like armadillos and what else? That's news to me. Brady saved lives.

[H]

All button mushrooms used.

[F]

Winston just texted that white women can give it to you.

[H]

All button mushrooms used to be Brown until 1926, when a mushroom farmer in Pennsylvania found a cluster of white buttons growing in his beds. He cloned them and began selling them as a new variety. A Calvin and Hobbes fan calculated the dollar value of all the damage Calvin caused over the course of the comic strip. Comes out to $15,955.50.

[G]

That's it.

[F]

No kidding.

[G]

Since you asked, yeah.

[F]

I had to.

[G]

Naturally occurring infections have also been reported in wild chimpanzees.

[F]

Okay.

[G]

Sooty manga bays.

[F]

I don't know what that is.

[G]

And red squirrels in other parts of the world.

[F]

No kidding. Give you leprosy. Brady didn't know that. What'd we learn here?

[G]

Don't touch a chimpanzee.

[F]

Don't handle a red squirrel. Touch the cute red squirrel or manganese or whatever. Whatever that middle thing was. And also the chimpanzees can give you leprosy.

[G]

Isn't the red squirrel that they made that Disney movie out of?

[F]

I don't know.

[G]

With the girl going through the change.

[F]

They didn't call her Perry the Red Squirrel.

[G]

No, no, no. They made that movie.

[F]

You highlighted it. Did the red squirrel represent her menstruation? Is that what we're getting at here?

[H]

Yes.

[G]

You brought that up.

[F]

I don't remember everything.

[H]

We have a ginger squirrel. It's called a fox squirrel here.

[F]

Is this about menstruation still or.

[H]

No.

[F]

What's he talking about? The red squirrel Minstrel Disney movie. They did make a movie about a girl having a period. I remember that.

[G]

And they made one in 1946 called the Story of Menstruation.

[F]

Well, that's pretty blatant. They're coming at you pretty hot there. That's a heavy hand.

[H]

They used red squirrel for that?

[G]

Trying to find it. Somebody will text it in.

[H]

A new study found the average American's commute is worth 8,158 bucks a year. That's not including gas. Just how much the average worker would get if they were paid for all the time commuting. 37 bucks an hour times 223 hours a year.

[F]

Just hoofing it. If you got paid for your drive, you're getting shorted 10 grand just going to and fro.

[G]

Turning red.

[F]

Is that was the red panda.

[G]

Oh, red panda. That's okay.

[F]

No, wait. Isn't the red panda the lady who flips balls on her head?

[H]

Yeah, that's red.

[F]

Oh, that's not right, is it?

[G]

So that can't be the. Is that what that is?

[F]

I don't know. I don't watch. That's what Disney period movies.

[H]

That looks like. It's not there.

[F]

Not exactly targeted at me. I'm certainly not going to learn about one. All I need to know is if it's happening or not. I don't care what's sloughing off inside you. I'm out for a week.

[A]

You got a trip planned.

[F]

You know what's coming, right? Yeah. Oh, yeah. If you're going to fly out somewhere, it's going to happen no matter what.

[H]

Guess what.

[A]

Oh, crap.

[F]

Women after menopause can't go and like, we're going on vacation. And guess what happened. It came back like, Jesus Christ, this thing is an intruder.

[H]

A random new poll asks people, how do you feel about other people making puns?

[F]

Brady?

[H]

14% of the people say they love it, 27% like it, 37% are neutral, 5% dislike it. Dislike it, and 3% hate it.

[F]

This is inaccurate. Yep.

[H]

15 aren't sure.

[F]

This is a. This is a poll of pun people. Wanting a poll to represent no one likes puns. That is. The only people interviewed were in old folks. No, it's not Kirby and Ronnie. Yeah, Kirby and Ronnie have to. And they made that clear. And then Everybody else in 55 plus communities are like, we all love them. Put a poll out where you don't ask anybody who hates them and make it seem like they're good. Nobody's pun friendly. They'll happen. You'll go.

[H]

According to another survey of 30,000 people worldwide, the average time everyone eats dinner is at 6:44pm and we usually spend about 27 minutes eating at that time. 44% eat at the kitchen table, 34 eat at the dining room table, 25 eat at a table in their living room, 18 on a couch, 4% in.

[F]

Bed eats dinner in bed. The 4% of the ones that are on those TLC shows can't get out of bed. That person brings them like stack of pancakes and 40 pieces of bacon.

[H]

If you're thinking they're saying, you know, if it's just bedridden grandparents or something. Nope. Gen zers are about twice as likely to say they eat in their bed.

[F]

Done that before not dinner.

[H]

Scientists have developed smart underwear wearable sensor.

[F]

There we go. Can I make a prediction?

[G]

Yeah, go ahead.

[F]

This is going to be fart smart, isn't it? You're gonna. This is why you're telling the story.

[A]

Sort of.

[F]

That's 100% taking a shot here.

[H]

Goal is to monitor gut bacteria activity by measuring hydrogen gas in your flatulence fartsmart. And it can even do this on the go. A battery charge can last up to a week. Researchers say the device detects dietary changes with a 95% accuracy. It's revealed that the average person passes gas 32 times a day. Far more than the 10 to 20 times a day.

[G]

Did you just tell people that with smart underwear they don't have to change their week once a week?

[F]

Yeah, but what do you need a week's charge in your. You need a day max Visit homeworks morning sickness [e-mail] this episode is brought.

[I]

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[E]

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[F]

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[F]

Holmberg's Morning Sickness.

[H]

They say a person might fart as a little as four times and others can pass up to 60 times in one day.

[F]

Good Christ.

[H]

What are you.

[F]

Diets will do it for you.

[G]

What's your number, Brady?

[F]

I'm guessing they don't make fart pants for people who make 60 a day. They're not big enough. That's Ralphie May underwear.

[H]

I don't know what my number would be. I would say you got to be the highest though.

[G]

No way.

[H]

Maybe just in the morning.

[G]

In the morning?

[F]

He breaks one out in the morning.

[G]

Four or five in the morning, maybe.

[F]

I'd probably put you in the high 30s, 30 a day you're up there. No, I don't do it a lot.

[G]

You do the gas.

[F]

I do one in the morning, same as you. I drop one on Brady in the morning, just for laughs. And then, yeah, maybe, maybe. I don't know, once an hour.

[H]

It fluctuates.

[F]

Yeah, I'd say I'm a pretty quiet week this week. I'm mid-20s. I'd say low-20s, maybe, because I'll go, like hours without. And then, like, just spend a few seconds just going, where's this coming from? And I don't know when one ends. Like, I guess when you clip it off and then start a new one. That's two.

[A]

It's like a Kenny G sack.

[I]

Yeah.

[F]

Oh, it gets. No, it's. It's more of a song. Bass. I gotta. I got heavy bass. I don't bring up the Toledo does the brass section. I'm percussion.

[G]

I'm extended.

[F]

Yeah.

[H]

Sturla Holm lagreed from Norway, won a bronze medal in the biathlon. Did you see this interview? Instead of celebrating, he made a crazy confession in front of the entire world being interviewed about winning the bronze medal. He said, there's someone I wanted to share this with who might not be watching today. Six months ago, I met the love of my life, the most beautiful and kindest person in the world. And three months ago, I made a mistake. The biggest mistake of my life. I was unfaithful.

[F]

Oh, my goodness.

[H]

I told her. I told her about it a week ago. It's been the worst week of my life.

[F]

And he won a medal.

[H]

Yep.

[F]

And he told everybody he cheated.

[H]

He said, I actually had the gold medal in life.

[F]

And I'm sure she wasn't that great.

[H]

People who will see things differently.

[A]

Unbelievable.

[H]

He's crying. Oh, yeah.

[F]

He's being like the most sincere man alive.

[H]

And shooting.

[F]

Yeah, he's doing that. That's a great event. Every target was a heart.

[H]

Jesus Christ.

[F]

By the way, who watches the medal ceremony for the biathlon anyway? That dude told four people and she wasn't watching. She hates it. Maybe the ex. Maybe the side piece was on there going, I'm nailing that.

[G]

I just let Mike Tirico tell me who won.

[F]

Yeah, I'll go with highlights, but I don't think NBC is going to jump all over the hole.

[H]

They weren't because it was. You couldn't understand.

[F]

No, he was another language infidelity confessions on the podium are not exactly. We just want the anthem and move on.

[H]

The last story is about AI Note keeping. The AI Note keeping apps are getting employees in trouble with HR.

[F]

For a.

[H]

Few people to stick around on Zoom and keep chatting. When the meeting ends, the AI is still taking notes. Oh, boy. So it picks up all the gossiping.

[F]

Oh, don't do this. The ones and the zeros are taking over. I didn't even think of that. You got the AI Bot going. All right, you keep talking, I'll keep recording.

[H]

I remember our Zooms during COVID Oh, God.

[F]

Yeah. We had our little.

[A]

We had our half crew get together.

[H]

That's right.

[F]

And you knew it was over when you'd see Trip. Trip, Irish goodbye, Zoom meeting. Like, I don't know how. Like, it was like, 18 of us, and, like, Trip's gone. Like, how did they never announce? Yeah, you guys are all great. This is a really neat thing. And anyway, cheers, everyone. Like, hey, Tripp, thanks. Wait, where does this square go? Hey, Irish goodbye to our Zoom happy hour. Which seems like a good idea until you just realize, I'm alone. I'm drinking alone.

[G]

Right.

[F]

I'm just in a room drinking alone. And I'm gonna do that with or without this Zoom meeting.

[G]

So that's all we're being social, I suppose.

[H]

I got a couple of quick brain videos. First one's a chick on a bike enjoying. Enjoying the day riding her bike through the campgrounds.

[F]

Okay. Oh, she's just got one of those cameras that follows on the bike in front of her.

[H]

She's trying to protest.

[F]

Afterwards, she's riding along the side of the road with one of those cameras that chases. It's in front of you. One of those neat cameras. Oh, she just hit a wire. She's down. The camera's hot at all. What does she hit?

[H]

It's like a speed bump. Like, maybe there's a cable running across.

[G]

The road just watching the sky, not.

[F]

Paying any attention, Driving. Yeah.

[I]

All right.

[F]

There was no reason for that, but. Oh, that was awesome.

[H]

This guy come up. It came up with an invention for his bike so he could do full loops.

[F]

This is a stolen BMX from a child that a grown up is.

[A]

This guy's got a DUI and he's.

[F]

Yeah, and he's got a. He built a. A pipe.

[H]

Well, the gang's all together.

[F]

Well, he can hit the brakes and do a full circle. That's what he's done. That's. Oh, and he lost Control of it.

[H]

That's a.

[F]

A really neat idea. If you watch south park, they built a car that looked like this. That was a circle, and it was. And it could go 250 miles an hour. But you had to do. You had to blow a thing, have something in your ass, and do two hand gestures to make it go. But it was still better than flying. It's almost a thing.

[H]

He.

[F]

Almost wider.

[A]

It would have been.

[F]

Yeah. I think if he makes the track on top, he's made his whole bike a circle. And you can roll. Yeah. If that gets a little wire. Once that back tire hits, he bounces too. He might have been coming in a little hot.

[H]

Does he keep practicing?

[F]

Oh, you keep going. Yeah. Do you think the Wright brothers stopped at one crash? Hell, no. This guy's invented something pretty amazing. And I want to see these going down the road. I want to see.

[G]

Does it have a seat?

[F]

Where was he? Yeah, he's on the seat. But I mean, that's the other problem. He's buckled in. He's buckled in.

[G]

That's what it was. He's buckled in.

[F]

He's got a little buckle.

[G]

No seat.

[F]

It doesn't hold. He's got to stand up through that spinning. Those homeless people that steal bikes trying to ride away with that thing. I would watch that for hours.

[H]

The last one is Puka Nakua getting a haircut.

[F]

Is this real or it just looks like Pukinakua.

[H]

It looks like.

[F]

Is it a woman, though? Oh, they're doing a adrenal cutting. Oh, a ponytail got caught and took the skull. They scalped Fuk Nua. Why are you cutting his hair with a dremel? Oh, my God. That's bigger.

[G]

That's a.

[F]

That's a skill Saw Grinders.

[H]

The guy's wrist didn't break.

[A]

Better go to Harbor Freight and get a new one.

[F]

Yeah.

[G]

Yeah.

[F]

This is the barber shop Toledo's going to go to for his next vacation in Boyland. Toledo goes to lady Boyland. Anybody who starts a sentence with that better not have a power tool by my head because.

[H]

Welcome to Grinder Hut.

[F]

Yeah, we cut hair, like, very fast delight. Give me 10 bar to cut up all your heel. 10 bottle, dude, that's a deal.

[G]

And the hot's too expensive.

[F]

People are a little. Little lost on the whole Disney period movie.

[A]

Yeah, I'm lost in the period parts.

[F]

Yeah, nobody wants that. But I don't know why Toledo remembered that. Brady should have known it. He's got a daughter, and she could have shown it to Brady and explained how periods work was it for again? Yuck. You're still alive. That shouldn't be happening. Put a cork in it. All right, Brett, what do you got? All right, before we auction off this.

[H]

Girl.

[A]

Start off with a little car accident here.

[F]

Freeway dash cams going by. A car wreck.

[I]

Oh, geez.

[H]

We just Bodies.

[F]

Oh, man. Bodies flew all over. So it's cars that already stopped. And then a car that doesn't stop for the wreck goes right through the accident and smashes into everyone standing in the wreck. My God.

[H]

Not much damage on the car.

[F]

How'd you know? Well, it didn't hit. Well, everyone standing in the freeway got hit. Just trying to. Wow, this is a bad day on the road.

[H]

Just don't tailgate on the free John.

[F]

Oh, man. Let's go to John. Roller in the traffic center and eulogize everyone in that city.

[A]

Another factory accident.

[F]

Here we go with one of them spinning factories. We gotta eliminate all these spinning things. Everything's spinning. This guy just walking through. The big spinning machines are all on. He's gonna catch a coat and one of these things. He's got like a little dumpster bucket on wheels. He's walking around, he's backing up. Coat's gonna catch something any second now. There it goes. Got his coat. He's spinning. He's spinning. All done.

[H]

Wallet, phone.

[F]

Yep, that's him. Look at his legs are on top of his head now. And. Yeah, you can't be in one of those spinny factories and wear big coats.

[G]

Wow.

[F]

I don't know why they don't make people wear like, Blue man group outfits in those places. Like, no. Why are you wearing big coats?

[G]

To drive, like one of those razors, you got to have like a kill switch tied to your.

[F]

Your wrist. Yeah, there you go. So like a treadmill. Yeah, you should be having. You should have one at all times.

[G]

Have a kill switch on there.

[F]

Jesus.

[A]

All right, guys messing around here.

[F]

He's in a sort of weird dungeon in the Middle East. There's a lot of bullet holes in the walls. Oh, my God. He threw something into the ceiling and the whole building collapsed on him. That is a structurally unsound facility. I guess a trillion billet bullet holes will break down one of those load bearing walls pretty easily. Wow.

[A]

There's some guy that wrecked on his bike and then some bystander trying to help him.

[F]

Oh, he's down on the road. Bikes down, guys laying. Oh, and then he picks the bike up and drops it on the hu. Person on completely already broken legs. He's trying to hold the bike up. Oh, now he just starts it and starts driving. Now he's broken his legs trying to move the bike. Oh, my God. He's bent over backwards with definitely a dislocated hip and possibly a broken leg as he. And now the person who. That's a woman.

[H]

He's so mad at him.

[F]

The guy trying to help with the bike was. The girl got up and started to kick him. She was fine.

[A]

All right, here's a. Here's a fight here. But at the end of it, you got to watch the crowd.

[F]

All right?

[H]

Oh.

[F]

Sort of Russian UFC thing. They're down on the ground. Oh, the guy got kicked in the head. Oh, he got his ear bit off. Oh, he got his ear completely bitten off. He pulled it. Oh, my God, you're dead. The guy's looking at him, pointing at him. You're dead. Not only did he bite his ear off, he chunked out a bunch of his head. That's a full, like, rottweiler bite. Oh. Now the crowd's chucking chairs at the fighters. This dude's head has been. That's a vampire.

[A]

Wow.

[F]

And then the crowd. Okay, the guy who bit the ear off is now trying to get out of the arena, and the crowd's not letting him. They're beating the crap on him. And no security here. It's an elaborate setup. I don't know where this is. It looks like it's, like, Russia or something. Now he's running. He's gotten back on the ramp.

[H]

He's safe.

[F]

Dude who had his head bitten off is smiling. He won the fight. At least rematch.

[D]

Oh, yeah.

[F]

You gotta. Gotta go back in there with that guy.

[A]

Here's Santa Claus in Maryville.

[F]

Been a good boy.

[H]

Sit on Santa's lap and tell him.

[F]

What you want for Christmas.

[H]

You wanna sit on my lap and.

[F]

Tell him what you want for Christmas?

[H]

Hey, man, where the y' all coming from with this?

[F]

Oh, geez. The black guy just kicked Santa in the balls trying to get him to sit on his lap. He's gonna beat up the El.

[G]

James Harrison.

[F]

Oh, man. Yeah, this isn't helping. The angry, angry black stereotype. He beat up an elf in Santa Claus.

[G]

He was not playing well.

[F]

It was a little off. Merry Christmas. A folding chair. Asking James Harrison to sit on your lap is probably going to end.

[A]

We'll end with this.

[F]

I don't know what this is, lady. It looks like she's got a lot of whipped cream in her butt all coming out. It's like the end of the ready Whip. Is that a dude?

[H]

No.

[G]

She got that smart underwear.

[H]

Brady.

[F]

Yeah.

[H]

The battery pack is out.

[F]

She's gassing out all that whipped cream. She acts like it's sexy. She's giving us sexy eyes. And that's just. Let me see that again for Katie KB's sake. Hold on. Is it whipped cream? Is that what I'm seeing?

[A]

Or shaving cream? That's got to be whipped cream.

[F]

Shaving cream.

[H]

Is that safe shaving cream.

[F]

Though?

[A]

We've seen other stuff up there. It doesn't matter if it's safe or not.

[F]

Did you guys hear that? Brady goes, I wouldn't do shaving cream. That's ridiculous. What would you do? There are a whole nation of stuffing things in our asses. I can't imagine that Papal chick and Mama Baboo, Brady's grandparents, ever did all this ass play that's going on here in today's world. Asses aplenty and just loading them up with food and condiments.

[H]

Asses.

[G]

A plea.

[F]

It's constant. There's no way. Alvar and Isabel were like, do you hear about the Johnsons down the road? Yeah. Pear got something stuck up his ass. That didn't happen. Wasn't worth the risk to being in the paper. What's the word?

[A]

You bird.

[F]

Oh, sorry about that. It's eight o'. Clock. It is cinematic. Cinematic is the eight o' clock word for the Nine Inch Nails. Nice job. If you got whipped cream in your ass, stop it. Especially if it's for our entertainment through video. I don't know anybody getting out of that. You put a little whipped cream on Brady's ass at home and play. But it's not for me to watch my time. Yeah. Not don't do shaving cream though. Brady's right. That'll burn. Or would it? I think maybe it's safer to have shaving cream in there than it would be whipped cream, dairy and sugar.

[I]

And.

[H]

Yeah, I would both need to make sure. I may have to agree with that completely. Out.

[F]

You can absorb all that sugar and maybe even hurt yourself, which I think I'll try later today.

[H]

Chemicals. Shaving cream will get in your system.

[F]

It would be funny though to just stand there in your bathroom and crap out a bunch of whipped cream just for your own laughs.

[H]

Butt lip it.

[F]

Yeah, but put some sprinkles in it. Make it entertaining. There's Pygmy Brady. Another AI picture. We got a song about it coming up in a little bit. AIs written a song about Pygmy baby pygmy Brady at the Wildlife World Zoo trying to get them named Brady. Dude, your face fits perfectly. It's adorable, huh? Yeah. There's a candy bar called the Brady, so it fits. Our girl to auction off is here, so we will go get her in just moments, and we will start to prep you guys. She'll put her best foot forward as we do the Valentine's Day turn a out game, or the dating Game, as it's called. And she's ready to go. Sarah is here? I guess. I don't know. But she's outside, and we're gonna get her in here. Any eligible bachelors or ineligible bachelors, you know that want to try to get away with one? There you go. You're more than welcome to give us a try. Let's introduce Sarah to the people next. There goes your Brady report.

[H]

Hey, it's not weird. It's pretty cool, actually.

[F]

No membership fees. I have heard enough of this.