02-11-26 - Longtime Listener Sarah Comes In To Let Us Help Her Find A Date And True Love As We Take Calls From Interested Guys

Summary

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Podcast Summary: Holmberg's Morning Sickness – 02-11-26

Episode Theme:
Helping Longtime Listener Sarah Find a Date for Valentine’s Day (aka “Human Trafficking”) on Air – Wacky, Wild, and Honest Talk About Dating, Love, and Listener Shenanigans on Arizona’s Most Unfiltered Morning Show.

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Main Purpose & Overview

On this special Valentine’s Day-themed episode, John Holmberg and the Morning Sickness crew (Brady Bogen, Bret Vesely, Dick Toledo) welcome longtime listener Sarah into the studio. She’s volunteered herself for a live, on-air “date auction,” inviting single male listeners from across Arizona to call in and put their best game forward in the hopes of sparking true love—or, at the very least, an entertaining date. The episode dives into Sarah’s wild personal history, her dating non-negotiables, internet adventures (including OnlyFans), conservative worldview, and her hope to finally “settle down.” The team and callers pepper her with probing, hilarious, and sometimes borderline-inappropriate questions, blending unfiltered banter with surprising revelations.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

Sarah’s Introduction and Backstory

[03:20–08:10]

• Holmberg sets the scene with a tongue-in-cheek “human trafficking” intro:

  “We’re auctioning off a woman here for Valentine’s Day…She’s been in our parking lot for 25 minutes…This is why she’s alone and auctioning herself off.” – John [01:17]

• Sarah explains her motivation:

  “I have been single for quite some time. I have never been in love. I think I’m ready to make that next step. I’m ready to be faithful.” – Sarah [04:41]

• She’s been married (“He was a really good guy, part of me wishes I should’ve stuck around.”), has two daughters (20 and 10), but has “never been in love.”
• Education & work: Graduated early; degree in education but never taught long, bar-tends in Coolidge (“I run it…and I make a lot of money there”), and has experience in finance.

Physical & Personal Details

[06:43–08:35]

• Hilarious, direct Q&A about her specs: 5’5”, 125lbs, “in great shape, I don’t work out, I have really good genes.”
• Tatted up (“Lots of tattoos—legs, back, side”), plays guitar, “breaking through” to singing, struggles with stage fright.
• OnlyFans username: GuitarPrincess (formerly NovemberRain), where she’s both taught guitar and, at one point, filmed NSFW content:

  “I had sex with a guy on the internet…on OnlyFans for money.” – Sarah [14:08]
  “That’s growth.” – John, when she says she’s moved on from that [15:24]

Beliefs, Preferences, and Dealbreakers

[08:46–11:30]

• Self-described “fucking Christian”—says she “loves Jesus” but is “an effing Christian.”
• Political outlook:

  “I am a Republican. Strong, strong Republican. Just an adorable deplorable.” – Sarah [09:45–09:51]
  Would “prefer tall, tatted up white boys,” but “not discriminating” (except for liberals—“No liberals.”).

• She’s sought after by guys but wanted to do the show “because I love you guys.” [07:15]
• Substance history: open about a past prescription med problem (Oxy, Xanax, Adderall); sober for 12 years (apart from weed, which is “for Jesus”). [11:41–12:15]
• Not looking for a man with kids and doesn’t want more children herself, unless there’s “a full-time nanny.”

Dating History, Sexual Openness, and Online Revelations

[13:09–16:18]

• Nonjudgmental about her own “wild twenties”—calls for a partner without kids.
• Admits to bringing another woman into a relationship but says those days are “done” (“I’m trying to be a good Christian girl now.” [24:14]).
• Addresses rumors: No STDs, no herpes, all her teeth are real.
• Direct about what attracts her: “Attracted to attractive people,” sense of humor, not into “fat guys,” avoids guys fresh off a breakup.

Live On-Air “Date Auditions” — Callers Step Up and Get Graded

[18:21–50:33]

• First wave of callers:

  • Mike — sympathetic guy, recently divorced (“wife left before Christmas”); Sarah immediately identifies “too soon for him,” friend-zones him. [18:21–20:28]
  • Eric — “white guy covered in tattoos,” big on the outdoors, boating, trailers, quads; candid about jail time (aggravated assault, “I got my rights back”). Sparks fly—Sarah responds:

    “I like what I hear. I can think of a million questions.” – Sarah [34:50–34:52]

  • Jeff — six-foot, loves the Jeep/outdoors, maintenance supervisor, jailed for assault (defending a woman at a bar); upbeat, but less chemistry.
  • Brady — more lighthearted; DUI in his past, suggests bowling and mini-golf.
  • Edward — nerdy, 5’8”, 210lbs, big on Ninja Turtles collectibles, gentle and a bit shy, but Sarah finds him “safe”:

    “Would you like to go out with the nerd Edward?” — John
    “Yes, I mean…he seems safe.” — Sarah [48:25]

• Notable interchange:

  • Female caller “Banji” phones in, suspicious Sarah slept with her man. Sarah totally denies it (“He’s disgusting. I would never.”) [41:00–42:41], providing some juicy drama.
  • Playful, at times shockingly frank host questions about Sarah’s sex history, drug use, credit score, and even breastfed nipple resilience (“My nipples are pretty intact.” – Sarah [32:25]).

Listener Submissions & Final Sifting

[26:37–32:42], [44:49–51:23]

• Sarah reviews listener photos and bios (“Body looks good…but he’s got a can of Raid in the background—automatic no.” [26:37])
• She’s outspoken, funny, but picky (“I do like nerds. Okay, I’m gonna say…” [49:57])
• Final “auction winner” is Edward, the gentle, nerdy Ninja Turtle fan, who offers a PF Chang’s first date and is a safe bet after an episode full of wildcards and felons.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “If you get her on the date, she don’t drive you. Show ends at ten. We can’t human traffic in five minutes. I suppose we could.” – John [01:47]
• “Jesus…I’m trying to be a good Christian girl.” – Sarah [24:14]
• “Would you like to go out with the nerd Edward?” – John [48:25]
• “I think you have an orgasm in a room filled with Ninja Turtles?” – John [47:51]
• “Congratulations! Sarah has a date—we’ve trafficked a woman right here live on the air and we’re happy with it.” – John [51:33]

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Key Timestamps

• 03:20–08:10: Sarah’s introduction, life and dating background
• 08:46–12:15: Beliefs, values, political preferences, substance use history
• 13:09–16:18: Sex and relationship transparency, OnlyFans, swinging, adult Q&A
• 18:21–51:23: The “Date Auction”—live, unscreened callers compete for Sarah’s hand, plus in-studio critique and antics
• 41:00–42:41: Drama call: “Banji” alleges Sarah slept with her boyfriend; Sarah’s full denial

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Tone & Highlights

The episode is classic Holmberg’s Morning Sickness: edgy, abrasively funny, irreverent, and shockingly candid. Sarah proves both thick-skinned and game for whatever the hosts (and Arizona’s single men) can throw her way. The show runs rough but warm, flipping shamelessness into entertainment gold.
The “date” with Edward the Ninja Turtle nerd closes the show—unlikely, sweet, and somehow fitting after an hour of lawbreakers and raunch.

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Conclusion

If you missed the live broadcast, this episode was a whirlwind of confessions, hilarious inappropriate banter, sincere (sometimes strange) attempts at connection, and a healthy dose of Arizona weirdness. Sarah’s search for love was both a spectacle and sincerely revealing—fitting for the most outlandish Valentine’s radio dating event imaginable.

Final romantic summary:

“She’s going to blow a nerd with Ninja Turtles. It was a pleasure having you for our Valentine’s trafficking show.” – John [51:14]

Transcript

[A]

You're listening to the HMS Podcast, brought to you by MMP Guns.com, your most trusted online marketplace for firearms, ammunition and accessories. All right, HMS Podcast, time again to let you know where to go for some great comedy in the Valley this week. Downtown and stand up live. Get out and see the comedy of Moshe Casher and the up and coming Ari Maddie. Up north at Desert Ridge, you'll get Josh Wolf and SNL's Tommy Brennan. And Eastside at the Tempe Improv, don't miss the very funny Sam J. And more Josh Wolf. For the complete. And for Tickets, go to standuplive.com desertridgeimprov.com and tempeimprov.com hey, it's Larry McFeely here with my friend Wayne from AMCO. Wayne, it's Tax time. You filed and your refunds burn in.

[B]

A hole in your pocket.

[A]

That's right, Larry. Before you book a trip or buy something shiny, please remember your car. Tax time's the best time to take care of all the car repairs you've been putting off. Sure, because nothing kills a tax refund buzz faster than a surprise car breakdown.

[C]

I'll say.

[A]

If your car's been acting up, now's the time to handle it. Should we wait for our refund before getting repairs? No way. Amco payment plans let you get repairs now and pay when you get your check.

[B]

Google AMCO for nearest location.

[A]

That's AMCO double A MCO transmissions and a whole lot more.

[D]

You've been deceived by an agent of Satan himself.

[A]

We're auctioning off a woman here for Valentine's Day someday. Her. She volunteered for this. She's supposed to be her at 8. She's been in the parking lot. We've been looking out the window watching this loony bitch for the last 30 minutes trying to get out of her own car, and it's been nearly impossible. She's just now making way to the door. But no joke, she's been sitting in our parking lot for 25 minutes.

[B]

She Getting her socials all dialed in?

[A]

She didn't get ready at home. She drove here and got ready in the car, and it took forever. Typical bra. This is why she's alone and auctioning herself off.

[B]

What would you think if you're meeting a girl and she has a sweatshirt on says dump him?

[A]

Don't know, but we're gonna find out. Poor Tripp was just pulling in. He almost had to walk in with his lunatic. What the hell is this? Yeah, I'm gonna Go ahead and ask you to go home. We don't human traffic here anymore. Anymore. Not since we got rid of Marcus, anyway. Well, good luck getting her in the door because that first door was a struggle. And she also parks like an asshole. So if you get her on the date, she don't drive you. Show ends at 10. Yeah. Yeah. We get five minutes with her. We can't human traffic in five minutes. I suppose we could. All right, we're going to have this girl named Sarah come in. She's volunteered herself to one of you for Valentine's Day. Now that doesn't mean you can get handsy and all Harvey Weinstein unless she says she wants that. And that's up to her. It's the woman's choice. But she's here now. And we'll bring her in and we'll see if she's any good. She might be annoying, she might be awesome. And then we're going to leave it up to you guys to put your best foot forward. If you're a single fellow, if you're not. For Valentine's Day. We haven't ever human trafficked on the show before and today we will. And I think I'm good at it. I think I can do it. As we determined about a week ago, I human trafficked all the time over at Tony Romis with the Chris Valenzuela's I was moving them from. We were human trafficking like crazy, bringing in people from Mexico, guaranteeing jobs. I was. I was the original Zips. They think that's a good idea. We had that figured out long time ago. So we'll talk to Sarah.

[B]

She's here.

[A]

The victim who's wandering in right now. There she is. Have a seat on the couch, Sarah. We'll get to you in a second. Sarah will be Human trafficked on 98 KUPD. Next visit, Holmberg's Morning Sickness online at 98KUPD.com Holmberg's Morning Sickness. No cussing. Okay, put your headphones on. Here we go. Everybody. Look at this. How about that theme song for you can't hear it. You can't. Oh, you gotta turn it up. She'll figure it out. She can't get out of a car. She don't have volume.

[D]

Okay.

[A]

No. Any more volume? You good? You know this song? Yeah.

[C]

I can feel you watching.

[A]

What's the matter with her? She's broken.

[B]

I don't know.

[A]

Plug her into another shot. Oh, it's fine. It sounds loud and now it's too loud. All right, you're Just a problem. Right off, broads. This is why we don't have women on the show. She's been here for five minutes. She's complained about everything. So there's your theme song. Welcome, everybody, our human traffic victim, Sarah.

[D]

Hi, guys.

[A]

How are you?

[D]

I'm doing well.

[C]

All right, good.

[A]

Get up on that mic like you love it.

[D]

Okay.

[A]

And. And let's hear about you. I want to know first off, Sarah, we're going to need to know the basics eventually, but tell us what you told me initially on why you wanted to do this.

[D]

So I have been single for quite some time. I have never been in love. And I think that I'm ready to make that next step. I'm ready to be faithful. I've just dated a lot. I've done a lot. I've had the life, and now I'm.

[A]

Done with it, and you're done with life. So it's time for.

[B]

I'm done with.

[D]

I'm done with my old life is what I mean.

[A]

Right. All right. The.

[B]

The.

[A]

The. The fun one is over. Let's sink down and ruin someone else's life. That's exactly. Okay.

[D]

My future ex husband.

[A]

That's exactly what we should be looking for. So you have. You said you've never been in love, but you've been married.

[D]

I have.

[A]

And you knew that was not love.

[D]

Yeah. He was a really good guy. Honestly, a part of me still wishes I probably should have stuck around.

[A]

No kidding. Where's he?

[D]

He's in Mesa.

[A]

Do you think he'll call us? What if he called? He hates me. He hates you? What'd you do? Yeah, what'd you do?

[D]

I left him. I mean, we were.

[A]

For another guy?

[D]

No, for. Well, for every guy, you know.

[A]

Oh, that's true. For the whole world. That's true. It was. It was the world versus him, right? He's got Pilgrim.

[D]

I was young, you know, it is.

[A]

What it is, so. Yeah, because you had a kid.

[D]

I had a child.

[A]

When you guys were 20?

[D]

Yes.

[A]

And you get married.

[D]

Yes.

[A]

And he's a good dude.

[D]

Yes.

[A]

And then a year later or so.

[D]

You'Re like, I was going to acu. I graduated from ac.

[A]

Okay. That's good. Oh, no kidding. Yeah.

[D]

Yeah. You're a bright race. I graduated high school year early. I was like, 15, half my senior year. Yeah.

[A]

What do you do for money?

[D]

I bartended. Serve.

[A]

What happened to all this? Smart.

[D]

I know. Well, you know, you would actually be shocked at how much servers make.

[A]

Oh, I know how much they make, but I'm just saying, like you Magnum laudies.

[D]

Okay, my education or my. My degree was in education.

[A]

Oh, there's no money in that.

[D]

Exactly.

[A]

You made a terrible mistake.

[D]

It was just an easy degree to get.

[A]

Yeah, it's terrible.

[D]

Really easy degree to get.

[A]

And you were the smartest one of the people who did it.

[D]

Yeah, and then I got out and.

[A]

Did you teach for a while?

[D]

I taught first semester, third grade and then screw this.

[A]

And then.

[D]

Yeah. Well, I was working at a brokerage firm throughout my college career and I. They offered me a full time job as soon as I graduated.

[B]

That made it easy and offered me more money.

[A]

Let's get to the brass tacks of what everybody's going to want to know. How tall are you?

[D]

Five' five.

[A]

Five' five. How much do you weigh?

[D]

125.

[A]

125. You work out, you're in good shape?

[D]

I'm in great shape. I don't work out, but I have really good jeans.

[A]

Okay, you don't work out, but you, you don't. You have good metabolism.

[D]

Good metabolism. I get toned really fast. I'm blessed.

[B]

And why do you think Just like Sydney Sweeney.

[A]

That's exactly. Why do you think you can't find someone other than pouring on the radio?

[D]

It is not that I can't find anybody. I just really wanted to meet you guys.

[A]

Oh, so this is more of just a fangirl show?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

All right, well, we'll take advantage of.

[D]

That and then why not, you know, have like a cute little segment for Valentine's Day?

[A]

Sure.

[D]

But this was definitely because I love you guys.

[A]

Because you love us and you'd like someone loves us as well to join forces. So like, this immediately will be the link between you and the man that you could possibly be with.

[D]

Because I can never be with anybody who is like not who. Who doesn't appreciate you guys.

[A]

Well, that's sweet. Bra size. Can I guess?

[D]

Yeah, go ahead and guess.

[A]

You're a 34B.

[D]

Yes. Correct.

[B]

Nice.

[D]

Spot on.

[A]

It's a gift.

[B]

No plushie for you.

[D]

I do have a lot of tattoos.

[A]

You are tatted up. Legs, back, leg, side. Oh, side of you. Okay.

[C]

All right.

[D]

Everything my right.

[A]

All right. And you are.

[B]

Any theme in particular or just a variety music?

[D]

I play the guitar.

[A]

Okay.

[D]

I do. I have. Well, I'm attempting to sing. I kind of broke through that barrier of how to sing actually just a few weeks ago. Cuz you, you. You know how to sing. But you're. I mean, you're in a band. You know how your voice How? There's just a. A, A way to do it that I just now got.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

You feel more comfortable doing it, right?

[D]

And I. And I feel more comfortable doing it in front of people because I used to have stage fright. Really bad. But this is how I know I still suck at the guitar. Whenever I play in front of somebody, people boo. They will know. They're like, every time, they're like, well, you're better than I am.

[A]

Well, that's not.

[D]

And I'm like, well, you can't even fucking play.

[A]

So there we go. The first F word. We knew it. I'm good with my potty mouth.

[B]

I. Over under was.

[A]

All right. And then let's get into how you told us that you loved Jesus before we got into this. I'm a Christian and an effing Christian, Brady.

[C]

You believe it?

[B]

That's good news.

[D]

Shadow of the Cross. For my sins, I sin all I want.

[A]

See, that's not what he did it for.

[D]

Oh, yes, it was.

[A]

All right, so you're a Jesus fan?

[D]

Yeah, I'm a J.

[A]

And you would prefer a man who likes Jesus? Yes. Do you have a color preference?

[D]

Like, color of the man?

[A]

Yes.

[D]

Well, I mean, I prefer tall, tatted up white boys.

[A]

Okay, so you like. I mean, they racist.

[D]

I.

[B]

But a giant brother is nothing like you.

[D]

Hey, man, if there's. If there's a brother out there who is fine. Yeah, like, you know what I mean?

[A]

Okay, you don't. You're not discriminating.

[D]

I'm not discriminating.

[A]

All right, let's get into politics.

[D]

No, illegal.

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

You can't have an illegal. Just send them home. Right?

[B]

That's a good point.

[A]

Yeah. That's why you date ICE guys. You want them out of here.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

All right. And as far as I think I can guess this after that last answer, but your politics is that important to you?

[D]

I am a Republican.

[A]

You are a Republican.

[D]

Strong, strong Republican.

[A]

Heavy. Do you have a Trump flag in the House? Anywhere?

[D]

I'm just an adorable, deplorable.

[A]

Oh, I like it. Okay.

[D]

My parents are. Are really. My dad's a pretty radical.

[A]

He's pretty far right. Like Storm the castle, January. Yeah, I like that. All right.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

He hunts anything.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

Okay. I like it.

[D]

Literally anything.

[A]

So you. You don't want anyone who doesn't align there?

[D]

No, I don't think that.

[B]

I probably won't work.

[D]

I. Yeah, I don't think so.

[A]

Like, if. Mom. Donnie.

[D]

Who?

[A]

The mayor of New York.

[B]

Oh, just the name alone.

[A]

Yeah. You're not gonna yeah, that's true. It sounded like she. Yeah, she. Immediate the towel off my head, the disdain. So no liberals?

[D]

No liberals.

[A]

You don't like them at all?

[D]

They would have to be really, really.

[B]

Cute or really, really fine rich rich.

[A]

Or okay, sexy or rich liberal for.

[D]

Me to overlook that.

[A]

Okay.

[D]

And they have to know that my parents will probably hate them forever.

[A]

That doesn't bother a lot of guys. All right, let's. All right, let's say. And. And. And. So. All right. So far so good. I've got a few people emailing me right now. Where do you send pictures to? Yeah.

[D]

How do they know what I look like?

[A]

They don't. That's why you're winning them over right now. Where do you bartend?

[D]

So I bartend at. I worked at Uncle Bears for a very long time. I actually just quit there and works at. I work at a bar in Coolidge. That sounds terrible.

[A]

Yes, it does.

[D]

But it's not as bad as you think it is because I'm like. Only I. I run it. Like.

[A]

Okay.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

You want to do a shout out or you're keeping that off?

[D]

It's El Grotto.

[B]

Okay.

[D]

It's whatever. It's. It's kind of just a part time gig because I have something else going on right now.

[A]

What's that mean? Well, I mean that sound like drug.

[B]

Like you can take it public, but it's cool.

[A]

Yeah, it's cool. You're definitely selling it.

[D]

I've had some IPOs coming up. Yeah.

[A]

Have you. Have you ever. Have you ever had a drug issue? I.

[D]

Of course. Yes.

[A]

Yeah, I can tell by your voice. Really? Yeah.

[D]

No kidding.

[A]

Yeah, there's some sort of a. Like a tone in it that says I used to have a drug.

[D]

Well, I was actually prescribed Oxycodone, Xanax and Adderall for a long time. My mom took the doctor to the medical bird, actually.

[A]

No kidding. Because you had too much of that.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

So you're into prescription meds?

[D]

Yes.

[A]

And you're over that?

[D]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

You're sure?

[D]

Yes.

[B]

How long's it been?

[D]

Well, I mean, I smoke weed, but.

[A]

Okay, so you like to smoke weed.

[D]

All right.

[A]

For Jesus.

[D]

Yes.

[A]

Okay. That's what I think. He put it on this earth for her. Yeah, that's right. That's why he planted it.

[B]

How long's it been?

[D]

Oh, it's been 12 years. Oh, yeah.

[A]

Rehab or just jumped it?

[D]

Rehab.

[A]

You went to rehab? Okay, you see, you got stories. This is interesting. That's a good thing.

[B]

She's lived It.

[D]

She's lived it.

[A]

Donovan says I can't call, but is she into 6 foot, 7 inch, broke dick, combat veteran whites whose wife's recently cheated on him. I'm asking for a friend.

[D]

Sounds desperate.

[A]

Sounds? Well, I mean, you're the one on the radio.

[D]

I mean, I mean, like I said, this is all just. I just wanted to meet you guys.

[A]

All right, we're gonna. Human trafficker. You can't start calling these guys desperate.

[B]

Not the best way to start off.

[A]

No, no, no.

[D]

Well, I don't want to be on rebound if I'm looking for love.

[A]

Yeah, that's a good point.

[D]

That sounds ridiculous.

[A]

Yeah. This one says John, here's the problem I have with these single broads. They spend their whole twenties whoring around and taking any swinging D they can find. They get into their 30s, they want to settle down. No respectable man wants this. She's got kids from someone and that's going to be a problem.

[D]

I know, and I do prefer somebody childless.

[B]

Who?

[D]

Childless?

[A]

You want a childless man? Right age range? What are we looking at?

[D]

Well, I have a 20 year old daughter. And I have a 10 year old daughter.

[A]

So you got to keep dudes away from her.

[B]

What about a dude that wants to have another kid?

[D]

I'm pretty sure that's probably not going to happen. Well, unless we had a nanny. Full time nanny. Then I'd be okay with that.

[A]

All right, rich liberal guy. Rich liberal guy. All right, let's traffic this woman. This guy wants to know what her onlyfans page is. Yeah. Do you have an OnlyFans page?

[D]

It's guitar Princess.

[A]

Oh my God. Guitar Princess. And what is the worst thing you've done for money on that? On that. So.

[D]

So that is. That's my new account that I'm actually just rebuilding. It was November rain and the worst thing I've done is the typical.

[A]

What typical?

[D]

I have. I had sex with a guy on Internet.

[A]

On the. On the only fans. You my boy?

[D]

Yeah, My boyfriend at the time.

[A]

But you banged a guy on Only Fans for money?

[D]

On Only Fans for Money, Yeah.

[A]

Nice. What's the link?

[B]

That was November Rain started.

[D]

You know how it started was that he's my tattoo artist and he was giving me a tattoo and one thing led to another.

[A]

Where was the tattoo? Oh, you had it mapped out. Well, I know.

[D]

I never finished it. It was behind.

[A]

Oh yeah. But he finished. So you had it planned that you were gonna film your tattoo and the next thing you know.

[D]

Well, yeah, I was planned out, but.

[A]

You guys mapped this out for your only fans. How many views? How many views did that? I don't even remember what you remember exactly. How many views? Sarah, do not lie to me. I.

[D]

I don't know, like, 722 or something, so.

[A]

And what were the. What was the most painful comment?

[D]

You know what? There was a lot of painful comments about him.

[A]

Really? What's wrong with him?

[D]

He just was acting too much nervous in front of the camera.

[A]

Oh, he was a little shaky.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

He didn't like it. Did you talk him in?

[B]

You're a natural.

[D]

I don't know. Maybe I am for, you know, maybe I'm not, but.

[A]

Would you do that again with the guy we set up? I think.

[D]

I think I'm past that.

[A]

You're done?

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

Horn on the Internet. Okay.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

Well, that's nice. That's growth.

[D]

Well, I mean, I did.

[B]

So the new page is retooled 2.0.

[D]

I have a new page. Guitar princess. But that's me teaching the guitar to men.

[A]

Okay. And then you get through, like Teddy bear's picnic, and then you're blowing them.

[D]

Well, no, because they're not. They're.

[A]

They're.

[D]

They're watching me on. They're watching me.

[A]

Oh.

[D]

It'll be like, hey, who wants to learn?

[A]

Do you do.

[B]

It'll be a very special venue with Esteban comes.

[A]

Yeah, but you're topless with the guitar teaching.

[D]

That depends on how much is that, though.

[A]

That's what we're doing. We're naked. You're naked with a guitar in front of the nipples.

[D]

Naked right off the rip.

[A]

But you will take your clothes off and play them songs. And you think you're teaching guys guitar.

[B]

That's.

[A]

Well, that they're strumming.

[B]

It's a double whammy.

[D]

Here's the thing. Here's the thing is that. And my brother's listening right now, too. Oh, my gosh. What's up, bro? Anyway, I just lost my train of thought.

[A]

Yeah, that's all right. That'll happen.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

That's the oxycodone. All right, here we go. Let's go to the phones. We're going to allow anybody who wants to call and ask you questions and maybe you guys can get together. Right? How about that? 5, 8, 5, 9. It hurt. A lot of people are. They said we should do the morning sickness trafficking report. I like this insight into the female mind and dating world and educate women how they have completely effed up their futures and now they have to beg on the radio.

[D]

I'm not begging on the radio. I wanted to meet my hero.

[A]

I want. I know that's a beautiful thing, and we appreciate that, but that's not going to end here. You've met us. That's over, right? Right now it's a matter of taking one of these.

[B]

Hopefully you weren't disappointed.

[A]

Yeah, no, it's fast.

[D]

You guys are all just. Just very handsome, gentleman, and I love.

[A]

That's so true. Boy, you. You know, YouTube, even Toledo, she said the live cup. You would never date him.

[D]

Well, well, hey, Toledo.

[A]

That's true. He does have that going for him to clout. That's a big dick Toledo. He's carrying that Toledo cloud around. Doesn't matter that he doesn't know Kings marches every Saturday, but, oh, look at her face.

[D]

I already know. I already know. When I said that, the first time I said it, I was like, oh, wait, where is he at?

[A]

Yeah, but we keep in the other room.

[D]

My dad was the first. My dad.

[A]

Talk to the microphone. I can't hear you.

[D]

When they did the protesting in. In Santan, Queen Creek, my dad was the first Republican to show up. The very first one to cause trouble. And then, yeah, you know, Jesus is my only king sign.

[A]

Oh, boy.

[D]

And then all the. All the, you know, lefts came, and he was, like, the only one there for. For quite some time.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

All right. So. All right. We're human trafficking. Sarah Winston is out. Our black friend has just said that's horrible. Naked topless guitar playing sounds like a liberal Jenny Gump behavior.

[D]

Oh, ouch.

[A]

It is sort of Jenny Gump.

[D]

I don't think he wants to learn how to play the guitar.

[A]

Obviously, he's a drum.

[B]

All right.

[A]

Or bass player. All right, we're gonna go to the phones. Grab the first one. I just want to go right. Should I go blind? Yeah. I think the first one is here. Right. And introduce themselves to Sarah Hyder. Who's this? Hi, there.

[C]

This is Mike.

[A]

Mike, how are you doing? Good. How are you doing? Good. You like what you're hearing with Sarah and you'd like to put your best foot forward and try to have a relationship with her?

[C]

Yes, absolutely. Man, she. She seems, like, really chill.

[A]

Okay. There you go.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

All right. Do you have any questions for her?

[C]

I mean, obviously you like rock music and everything. Who's your favorite band?

[D]

Ooh, great question. Honestly. So I would say that I have quite a few. I used to be a grunge head. Total grunge head for a long time. I would say faith no more is one of my top fans.

[A]

No more.

[D]

No more. Oh, God, yes.

[C]

All right.

[A]

Does that get into. What do you weigh, sir?

[C]

I weigh about 150, so.

[A]

150. So you're about five, seven, tattoos or no tattoos?

[C]

Five, nine, but yeah.

[A]

All right, everybody who says they're five' nine is five' seven. I work with Brady. All right, five' nine is five' seven dot It's. And it's like every woman that says she's 140 is 155. And so are you tatted up? Are you a tatted up white boy? She likes that.

[C]

I actually have a perfectly clean body, so.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

No tattoos, no nothing.

[A]

Why aren't you in a relationship and how old are you?

[C]

I am 38. My wife left in December, right before Christmas.

[A]

All right. No, let's run now. You two are match made in heaven. All right. Your wife left you in December right before Christmas.

[C]

Why right before Christmas? Well, before then, she was just, you know, yelling all the time and everything, and, you know, she just wasn't happy.

[A]

She didn't like it.

[C]

Exactly.

[A]

Yeah. Sarah has checked out completely on this one.

[B]

She's really concerned about the December thing.

[D]

I mean, you just left.

[B]

It's a rebound.

[A]

It's too soon. Rebound? Yeah. You'd be a rebound. Would she be a rebound? Or have you gotten on anyone else in the meantime?

[D]

Either way too soon.

[C]

I've been busy. I've been busy.

[A]

Okay, so he's been banging away. You're not interested, right? Sarah's cutting you off now. She has no interest in you and your problems at home.

[C]

Hey, no worries. Good luck, Sarah.

[A]

Thanks. A nice guy. I think you gave up on a good one.

[B]

That was nice of her to cut it off.

[A]

No, I think she quit on a good one.

[D]

Yeah, he was respectful. You know, maybe show me his Facebook.

[A]

No, you have to win this way. This is a personality challenge.

[D]

No, that he.

[A]

What?

[D]

That was actually really.

[A]

He's calling not knowing what you look like.

[D]

Yeah, I know.

[A]

You're right. Yeah.

[D]

Oh, you didn't tell him my Facebook?

[A]

No.

[D]

Oh, okay.

[A]

This is all on you to sell you. You came here to human trafficking.

[D]

You're not gonna bring some 800?

[A]

You could be. You volunteered. You.

[B]

Do you have a weight limit?

[A]

Yeah. Do you? Yeah.

[D]

Well, I'm gonna say I definitely. I don't really. I'm really bad with guys. Weight.

[A]

Fat guys are in or out. Ow. You don't like fat guys?

[D]

Well, I mean, no. I mean, not particularly.

[A]

Okay. You're not attracted to a fat. Well, yeah, I mean, she's narrowing it down.

[D]

Attracted to attractive people.

[A]

That's right. Not traditionally attractive men.

[D]

Right.

[A]

All right, good. All right. The phone just dropped himself. Give me this one.

[D]

Honestly, Humorous.

[A]

Of course it is. You gotta like that. All right, this is a guy named Brady.

[D]

Oh, I love it already.

[A]

Brady, are you there?

[C]

Yeah, I'm ready. Yeah, I'm here.

[A]

Oh, my God. With everyone with the cussing. Brady, calm down over there, all right? Brady. I got rid of him already. Yeah, we're gonna take a break. We're gonna have to screen these idiots in a second. All right, Sarah, you have. You have the world captured. You have captured some people's hearts. There's guys sending me emails, and I really got tons of them. Where would you like to go on your date?

[D]

Let's see.

[A]

By the way, Donovan, the 6 foot 7 inch guy that you called desperate has emailed back and said onlyfans sex girl just called me desperate. I'm gonna hang myself.

[D]

Oh, hey, that's for money, bro. That ain't a desperation. That's just for some extra money.

[A]

Jesus. With you, I mean.

[D]

Crap.

[A]

Yeah. Stop it.

[D]

I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

[A]

You get one more and then we're gonna traffic you out of here.

[D]

All right, fair enough.

[A]

This guy says he's married, but he'll give you a run.

[D]

Oh, yeah, won't they all?

[A]

No, the whole reason you're here. All right, we're gonna take a break here. We're gonna get some calls. If you want to date Sarah for Valentine's Day, she's put her best foot forward. We'll see if any of these guys can do it. I like the first caller right there. Brett, Chris is on line. Not yet. No.

[B]

No.

[A]

Okay. All right. No, no. He's out. That guy's down. You killed it. You started doing shots and stopped listening.

[B]

A little regret.

[A]

Yeah. Maybe a little rigor, like her first husband that she bailed out too early. I hope her husband comes. We got hundreds of thousands of listeners. We'll find her. This is a good question. How old were you when you first contracted herpes?

[D]

I actually don't have it.

[A]

You don't have any herpes? I don't anything that we need to worry about.

[D]

One in or. Actually, I think they said three and five people, like, have it or something.

[A]

Yeah, I don't know about that. Let's go to. Let's get to the bedroom.

[D]

Nope. I have no.

[A]

You don't have anything to reveal?

[D]

No.

[A]

When the dude's about to go down there, you swing.

[D]

Not.

[A]

Not Regularly or. I mean.

[D]

No. No, I'm just gonna.

[A]

That wasn't. That wasn't a good no. You're not selling it.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

You're not. You swing.

[D]

No.

[A]

You will. Have you.

[B]

Have you?

[A]

Yes. There you go. How many men have been in the room with you with erections at one time?

[D]

Oh, I've only actually been with one guy at once.

[A]

No kidding. You never doubled down?

[D]

No, I haven't.

[A]

So what was with the whole. No. You've swapped partners.

[D]

I've. Well, been with another girl.

[A]

Oh, so you've brought other women in.

[D]

Right.

[A]

And that's a regular thing? It's not a regular thing, but it would be.

[D]

No.

[A]

If a guy wanted a girl to come in with you, would you say yes? Are you done with that, too?

[D]

I'm pretty much done with that.

[A]

Geez. You're just. You're.

[D]

I'm trying to be a good Christian girl.

[A]

Yeah. But the old fun you is somebody we could sell. This is brutal.

[D]

I know.

[A]

I got Joel Osteen star.

[B]

Here's November Rain.

[A]

Yeah. What happened to November rain? Where is November rain? Where's our only fans? What happened to the we were promised Jesus loves you and you're going to make dudes work too hard?

[D]

I know, I know. That's the point, right?

[A]

Yeah. I mean, you said it yourself. The Lord died for you. Just throw it out there.

[D]

I know. And he did. And I.

[B]

And I got a buddy that's driving up the Flagstaff right now, and he's infatuated. He's like, I got to.

[A]

He wants the boner.

[B]

Yeah, he's loaded, too.

[A]

Really? Yeah.

[D]

Well, then.

[B]

But he's. He's a Democrat.

[D]

Oh, Brady, why don't you leave?

[B]

But loaded. That might.

[A]

He's a rich Democrat who will. Yeah.

[D]

How?

[B]

Democrat is pretty solid.

[D]

Will he let me, like, have a.

[A]

Gun in the House? I don't know if that's a great idea, considering something like that you want to use or if he starts getting lippy about Trump. All right.

[B]

What would you do if you saw him making a no king?

[A]

Yeah, you'd shoot him with that, Gunny. He was nice enough to let you have. All right.

[D]

Yeah, I just probably have to watch.

[A]

This is unintentional, but the word for nine o' clock is damaged. I clarified by saying we didn't do this on purpose. Damaged is the 9:00 clock word this morning to throw on the app and on the website. All right. Sarah's here for Valentine's Day. We're trying to give her away. She is Today's prize. I'm going to go through some questions. We're going to get you online. 5859 800. If you want to try to take Sarah out and treat her like a, like a beautiful woman, like a gentleman would, we'll allow it. And Larry's late. He's the one that we're really need.

[D]

To put on Larry too.

[A]

See, there you go. It's 9 o'. Clock. Sarah is up for grabs. Next visit. Holmberg's morning sickness [e-mail] Holmberg's Morning Sickness. That's a band right there called Reckless Eden. We're happy to give that a push here on the air because that's our friend Sanjay Looney. Sarah is in the room right now and she's hanging out with us. And by the way, who was that guy's name? Just sent a picture of himself shirtless. Ryan. Ryan, you're in great shape. You look good. But I'm unfortunately gonna have to point something out in this picture. You're trying to win Sarah over with. You've included a can of raid roach spray in the photo and that's an automatic. Oh, what's wrong with your.

[B]

I did upsell him a little bit with her. I go, do you like sour cream onion chips?

[A]

Because he's got those bag. She's like, oh, but you know who else likes those chips? The roaches in his house that he just leaves chips. Yeah, you can't have.

[D]

And they're on top of the fridge and not even in the cabinet.

[A]

I know. I don't know that he has a cabinet. That looks a little like a cell to me. All right, you're here. Yeah. You look like he's in great shape.

[D]

Body.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, he looks out. But he also looks like he might have been in a prison yard. Scrapper too, right? Here's what I'm getting an email, Sarah, as we try to pimp you out and we're about to go to the phones. This one says, I'm in on Sarah. His name's John. I would take Sarah out and I'd be a gentleman. I'm six two, 190 pounds. I do homework workouts four days a week. I'm in finance. I have a decent income. Two vehicles, both paid off white, disease free, God fearing Christian conservative, voted for president Trump. I'm also socially liberal. I have some sons in their 20s. I don't know what that means. And a daughter in her teens. I do not want any more kids. I pick her. If I pick her today and it doesn't pan out. And she likes what she sees. Here, slide. Or my number. And that's from a guy named John.

[D]

I love it.

[A]

All right, so you can hang on to that one. His number's there. Here's another one I got that kind of is the opposite. This girl take miles of dick in her personal life, but I want to come on the radio and find a respectable guy. But she just told us that she's found one before. And we all got to watch them have sex. Go ahead and hook her up with the biggest black dude you can find and have him wreck.

[D]

Well, for starters, the respectable guy wasn't the one I had sex with online.

[B]

Sure.

[A]

That was disrespectful the whole way.

[D]

No, that was just another guy that wasn't the guy who I actually like.

[A]

This one says, oh, here's one says, I'm Ben and I'm laid back. I enjoy trying new things. I live in the Gilbert area. Passionate outdoor enthusiast. Likes embracing nature, hiking, scenic trails. Enjoy a beach day. When I'm not exploring, you can find me indulging in my favorite food. Sushi tacos, ultimate go tos. I have a knack for discovering craft cocktails. There's a photo of him. Interested?

[D]

I do like to hike. I'm a very big nature kind of girl. What did he say?

[A]

He said sushi he likes. He's a handsome young man. Look at that. Not so bad. Nope, you're out. Never mind. What's wrong with him? First reactions.

[B]

Let's see, Ben.

[A]

They sell a lot.

[D]

The mustache.

[A]

He didn't like his mustache.

[D]

I like mustaches.

[A]

It's a whole goatee, though.

[D]

Oh, it is?

[A]

Yeah, kind of.

[C]

Let me see.

[A]

Take a look. Come on. You're so picky.

[D]

Oh, he's cute.

[A]

That's what.

[B]

These are.

[D]

The same guy?

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

Oh, he's adorable.

[A]

All right, so put him in your pocket. And before we go to the phones, let me fix this. Oh, yeah. Jeremy says turning Point concert or Bad Bunny halftime. What'd you watch?

[D]

Turning Point. Thank you very much.

[A]

I had a feeling about that. Didn't even look at Bad Bunny, right?

[D]

Nope.

[A]

Because he's foreign.

[D]

Turning Point.

[A]

Yeah. All right, I'm with you on that. This is it. Here's our crazy lady. Screening questions.

[D]

Okay.

[A]

How's your relationship with your dad? Great. Okay. And it's recently recovered, I'm guessing.

[D]

Yes.

[A]

You went through a spell.

[D]

I went through a spell, but it's been recovered for quite some time.

[A]

Okay. All right. How many times have you Cheated in a relationship. Oh, boy. There was a face. Whoa. Lots. Wow.

[D]

Well, I've never been in love.

[A]

Well, yeah. So it's their fault. All right. How are you with money? Great credit score.

[D]

Credit score is amazing.

[A]

What is it?

[D]

Well, it's not amazing.

[A]

It's 7 10, 67 10's good.

[D]

That's what I mean. I'm actually extremely good. I worked at a brokerage firm for a long time. My aunt is actually was in the Wall Street Journal for the top 10.

[A]

Yeah. This doesn't matter. We're not trying to bang your business.

[D]

Women and doesn't mean it filtered down.

[A]

She sounds great. It doesn't mean anything. Believe me.

[D]

She gave me some tips. I so I know how to invest.

[B]

Brady's dad, you don't have to report those tips sometimes.

[A]

That's right.

[D]

I know.

[A]

Thanks. Brady's dad cooked Cuba. Daddy T is now in charge.

[B]

All right.

[A]

Do you have a psychiatrist?

[D]

No.

[A]

Okay. Have you ever been diagnosed with a personality disorder? No, not diagnosed.

[D]

Not diagnosed.

[A]

Okay. There's restraining orders. What was all the Adderall and stuff for?

[D]

That was because I took it and I liked it. And it was easy to get at the time.

[A]

Okay. All right.

[D]

Back in 20. What? 2012. When it was all the rage.

[A]

Oh, yeah. When everybody was. Yeah. How many guys have you been with at the same general time period? Like your roster.

[D]

What do you mean?

[A]

Like you kind of got three or four going. Nobody's serious. What's the most you've ever been taken at one period of your life? Oh, like how many cranks you have spinning. How many. Yeah, yeah. How many cranks are you juggling? Oh, do you gotta. You gotta call the Red Panda.

[D]

It's. I go in spells, I guess, but.

[A]

You got a go to call right now.

[D]

I can't. I.

[C]

Sure.

[D]

Yeah, I have. Yeah.

[A]

Any self harm in your history?

[D]

No.

[A]

Suicide attempt? No, never. All right.

[B]

Jail.

[D]

Only nine Chanels in the dark closet when I'm depressed. I'm just kidding.

[A]

That's weird. All right. Good Lord. That turns ugly. Jail time.

[B]

Time.

[D]

Yes, I did go to jail back in the day. Four for shoplifting.

[A]

Oh. What'd you take?

[D]

I don't even remember.

[A]

You do too.

[D]

Walmart. No, it was something.

[A]

Shoplifting for Walmart. You stole. You stole a horse. No, it was a horse with an eagle riding its back.

[D]

It was quite some time ago.

[B]

Self checkout.

[A]

It was a great value purse. Let me start. Sarah. You remember what you stole?

[D]

I know. Well, I mean, I'd have to think about it.

[B]

It was Enough to do jail time, probably.

[D]

Like a bag. A backpack.

[B]

That was my gift, okay?

[D]

A backpack.

[A]

It doesn't matter where. You're guessing. She's guessing.

[D]

It was makeup.

[A]

You stole makeup.

[D]

Okay, makeup.

[A]

Finally.

[D]

Yes.

[A]

Jesus Christ. All right, let's go to the phones and see who's ready to question. Yeah, go ahead. So the guy that's in the rotation right now, why isn't he on? The possibility of love? Yeah.

[D]

There are no guys on the rotation, okay?

[A]

You're out of the rotation. I won't waste Sarah's time bargaining for petty privileges. Did your nipples get tougher during breastfeeding?

[D]

My nipples are pretty intact.

[A]

They're pretty intact. They didn't get wrecked at all.

[D]

I have not one stretch mark.

[A]

This one says you're bartending. And Coolidge, how many teeth do you have that are yours?

[D]

All of them.

[A]

All of them are yours. They're nice teeth. You've very nice teeth. Okay, that's surprising.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

A lot of people bashing Coolidge, saying you're from Coolidge, and you think you can be picky.

[D]

No. No, I'm not from Coolidge. Let me just get this straight. I'm only working there because, like, I. Because I run it. Because I'm the only one that can be there. And so that I make a lot of money there. And I only do certain events there.

[A]

All right. Joey says he likes you because he thinks you're the type of girl I could take to Texas Grill on a first date. Is that right?

[D]

To Texas?

[A]

No, no. Texas Grill, home of the chicken fried steak.

[B]

16Th Street, Bethany Hill.

[A]

Not a very good first day. All right, let's go to the phone, see these guys and see if anybody can win you over for Valentine's Day. We'll start off with Eric. He's 632-406-3240. Eric, are you there? Yes, sir. All right, say hi to Sarah and put your best foot forward. Go get him, Eric.

[D]

Hi, Eric.

[C]

Oh, man. What's going on, Sarah? How you doing?

[D]

I'm doing okay. How are you?

[C]

Not too bad. Not too bad. So we'll get. We're gonna get straight to the point here. You like heavy metal? I like heavy metal. Do you like white guys? Tattoos? I'm a white guy covered in tattoos. You like the outdoors? I got a boat. I got a captain trailer. I got quads, dirt bikes. I do all that stuff, man. Structure foreman. I mean, I do pretty good for myself.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

I'm just trying to kick back and have a good time on the water, man. Boating season's about to start up and we're ready to hit it.

[D]

I like that.

[A]

And you'd like to take Sarah out on your boat and show her a good time.

[D]

Have you ever been incarcerated?

[A]

You ever been to jail like Sarah?

[C]

Ah, no.

[A]

You weren't there. Yeah, three days. Hey, he's got jail time, too. You guys a lot in common. What'd you do? What'd you do to get in jail?

[C]

A couple aggravated.

[A]

But, you know, I got my right back.

[C]

I got guns. I can vote.

[A]

Oh, yeah, you know, you vote.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

You can vote for Trump.

[C]

I don't really. I don't really vote for anybody. I got my own opinions and.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

I just keep it to myself because if I let it out, I let it out, I get in trouble, right?

[A]

So. Yeah, yeah, no, that's true. You start with another aggravated assault, we don't need that. Hey, man, what's your credit?

[C]

Sometimes we got to push the envelope.

[A]

Goddamn right. 760. The two buy a pretty decent car. All right, Sarah, do you have any questions for him?

[D]

No, I like what I hear.

[C]

Yeah.

[D]

Yeah, I do.

[B]

All right, that's got potential.

[D]

I mean, I can think of a million questions right now.

[A]

All right, does anything stand out? Do you have a normal sized penis?

[D]

I like the.

[B]

How about when's the last relationship?

[C]

Two years ago.

[A]

Okay, When's the last time you had sex with someone?

[C]

Oh, hey, man, we don't want to talk about that. I got a couple things on the roster.

[A]

But you know what?

[C]

That don't matter.

[D]

That's okay.

[B]

Gotta have a roster.

[A]

Hold on. So, yes, yesterday is your answer.

[C]

I'm snipped, so we ain't got to worry about none of that bs, all right?

[A]

Cream pies a glory holes, all that? Oh, God, yeah. All right, we'll get a boat.

[B]

We talking about bass tracker.

[A]

Calm down, Brady. I'll handle this. Don't distract. We're onto the cream pies now and not the oatmeal ones. All right, so you would like to. All right, you guys think you. I like this. I think this is a good match.

[D]

I like you too.

[A]

Are you. I asked you before, you didn't answer. Are you an average size man down south? She prefers large.

[C]

I've never had any complaints.

[A]

Okay?

[C]

I mean, I put in work. I can fold you up like a pretzel and we can go get a beer afterwards, you know?

[A]

Good lord. I mean, who said that, Keats or Shelly? I can't remember which poet came up with that line. All right, I like this. This is A. It was a good one. Sarah, are you feeling any vibes with this?

[D]

I'm feeling vibes.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

Yeah, we'll put them on the list.

[A]

Is there anything about a girl that is a deal breaker for you?

[C]

I mean, she's got all of her teeth. She sounds pretty.

[A]

Pretty.

[C]

Pretty much like the type I would go for. I mean, you know, a little. Little crazy, little. Little fun, little. Little freaking mysterious.

[A]

Are you a Christian, man?

[C]

I mean, I was baptized Christian.

[D]

Okay.

[A]

You love the Lord.

[D]

I can work with that.

[A]

All right. Yeah, it's a start. I mean, she's been on only fan. She can't really, you know, start throwing the Jesus around too much.

[B]

Absolutely no juice.

[A]

Yeah. Oh, yeah. Jews are out. You know, we're not dating any of them. That would be off. All right, all right, all right.

[C]

Hold on.

[A]

We're going to get him on hold. You put him on hold. I like this one. I think we might have just human traffic. All right, we got Jeff. He's 6 foot, 210. 6, 210. That's. That's a right around where I'm at. I'm 6ft 205, so Jeff's about my size. Just get a visual on that.

[D]

Okay.

[A]

Jeff, are you there? I'm here. All right, Jeff, put your best foot forward and win over our human traffic victim.

[C]

Well, like you said, I'm six foot. I like. I like the outdoors. I have a Jeep that I like to take off with my friends and go on trails, rock climbing, all that kind of stuff.

[A]

Fun.

[C]

I have two jobs. I'm a maintenance supervisor for one, and I haul propane on the. On the weekends.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

For extra money.

[A]

Okay. Worker. You ever been to jail?

[C]

I have.

[A]

All right, tell us why. Assault. Got in fight with the last guy.

[B]

Sarah said you're gassy.

[D]

No, no, no.

[B]

From the propane.

[A]

Brady, calm down. No puns, Brady. I'm gonna turn you off.

[B]

Come on.

[A]

All right, hold on. You went to jail for aggravated assault? Yeah.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

I saw a guy hit his girlfriend at a bar and I punched him.

[A]

Okay. And he. And protecting. Yeah, and usually what happens there is the girl doesn't press charges against you, she protects the boyfriend. Let that be a lesson. Yeah. Visit Holmberg's Morning sickness online at 98kupd.comberg's Morning Sickness. That's almost always how that happens when you involve yourself, anyway. Yeah, yeah. Captain Save a Ho. Almost always end up behind bars. How long did you sit down?

[C]

About six months while I went through trial. I tried to fight it.

[A]

Yeah. All Right. And it didn't work out. So can you vote?

[C]

No.

[A]

But if you did, I would have voted for Trump. See, there you go. All right. And is there anything, Sarah, you have to ask our caller?

[D]

F6s or F4s? I mean, what kind of felonies are we dealing with? Why can't you vote?

[C]

I fled out to. I pled out to 1F4.

[A]

These are not dating profiles. Felony 4.

[B]

I thought she was asking about trucks.

[A]

Yeah. No, no, no, no. Yeah, you can own the gun, but he can't be. He can't have that.

[B]

It sounds like a jeep term.

[A]

Like if he's in his Jeep and you bring your gun and then you leave and he gets. He's going to jail again. Okay, well, do you mind that Sarah packs heat? That. Do you need that around?

[D]

I'll keep it at home.

[C]

I don't mind at all. I'm planning on getting my rights back.

[A]

That's right. You're going to carry a gun, too, in case that aggravated assault starts and they leave no stories. That's what I think. All right. Do you want to keep him on, Sarah?

[D]

We'll keep him on.

[A]

All right. She likes him, too. I think she's going to bone everybody. Then there's a guy named Brady back. Brady is back. He cost last time. 5, 9, 182. Okay, Brady is. Oh, you're a little rotund, but that's not so bad. Pretty good shape, but how are you, Brady? That's. Yeah, don't worry about it.

[C]

Hey, what's up, guys?

[A]

All right, Brady. Yep, we can hear you. Go right ahead.

[C]

Yeah. What's up? Hey, what's up, Sarah? Good morning.

[D]

Good morning.

[C]

How are you doing today?

[D]

I'm doing super duper well.

[A]

All right, Brady, let's just cut to the chase. How long were you in jail for aggravated assault? Fault.

[C]

Never have been. But I've been to jail for a dui.

[A]

All right, big deal. The other two guys, I'm not.

[C]

I'm not aggressive. I'm just stupid.

[A]

That's nice. Where would you take Sarah on a date, Brady?

[C]

I would take her bowling, probably.

[A]

Do you like to bowl and miniature golf? He's 12 years old.

[C]

Maybe.

[D]

Maybe. Yeah. The arcade.

[A]

Yeah, go to the arcade. Maybe wrestle in a playground or something. Brady.

[C]

Sorry. I'm sorry.

[A]

Oh, my God. And Brady's out. That strike three on Brady. This is the opposite of our Brady.

[B]

This guy.

[A]

Now we got Patrick. 6, 2, 200. Patrick. Oh. Oh. Just hung up on him. The phones are breaking.

[B]

Why is it so effing hard.

[A]

Why can't you people just calm yourself? All right. Between these last two guys, I think we got something here.

[D]

Okay, sure.

[A]

Yeah, I think so. Let's try this last one here. It's ringing right now. Just take it live. This person. Hi there. Who's this?

[C]

Hi, I'm trying to ask if Sarah ever.

[D]

My man.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

All right. Did you ever F that woman's man?

[D]

Probably not.

[A]

Hey, clean it up. Don't cuss. What are you asking?

[D]

Don't cuss if Sarah ever had sex with my man.

[C]

This is Angie, Andy.

[A]

Do you have Angie's. Did you ever have sex with someone named Angie's Man?

[B]

Man.

[A]

Why do you ask that? Angie? Keep it clean.

[D]

Just.

[C]

Just questions.

[D]

Because every time she comes around, it seems like they have some type of tension or some.

[C]

Something went on between them. I don't know.

[A]

Do you know this woman?

[D]

No.

[A]

She says she doesn't know you.

[D]

Oh, yeah, the girl who called before.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

That's her friend. Oh, that's your friend, dad.

[D]

So I thought.

[A]

Yeah, and then she calls on the air and says you're banging her boyfriend.

[D]

Well, definitely not.

[A]

All right, well, I think you just lost a friend, Banshee.

[D]

Okay, well, just was wondering because they had some.

[C]

His intention. I don't know. I don't know. Just wondering.

[A]

You feel tension? You think your boyfriend wants to have sex with Sarah?

[C]

Yes, for sure. And I feel like they've had done stuff before.

[A]

Sarah, is that true? You can confess now. It would be awesome for radio. All right. She says it's on her babies. That she has my babies on your guy.

[B]

Banji, would you like to have sex with one of the candidates we had this morning?

[A]

Banji, we've got guys lined up. Do you want to take the runner up up?

[C]

No, I was just wondering.

[A]

What an interesting phone call, Banshee. Thank you. Thanks for calling. Thanks, Banshee. That was in her. You could have asked her at home. But no, it was a good opportunity. You know what I wish, though, Banji, is that she actually did have sex with your boy. Would have been. Is he gross?

[D]

He's disgusting.

[B]

He is.

[A]

He's.

[D]

I would never.

[B]

So that pretty much.

[A]

All right. This is crazy. And I had a feeling that we went East Valley crazy with this. And we'll have Larry get close, but there's a lot of drama surrounding you now, apparently. Yeah, who knew?

[D]

I have a lot of haters.

[A]

All right, let's go one last question with the first guys. Kevin is the name. No, that was Eric. Eric. So we're going back to the top guy number one. Yeah. Go to line one. This is Eric. Yes, Eric, are you there?

[C]

Yes, sir.

[A]

All right. Where would you take Sarah on a date?

[C]

We'll go to the lake, man. Can Banjo go pick up a case of pick up, pick up a case of brewskis. Go listen to some music right there in Lake Pleasant.

[A]

New rock. You already talked about that. Are you.

[C]

Yeah. Not no Faith. Not no Faith no more. We'll probably like some Lamb of God or some Slayer.

[A]

Oh, he's going crazy. Are you an Indian? Are you Native? Yeah.

[C]

Some Alice in Chains. I mean, no, I'm a white man.

[D]

Okay, Just check Lamb of God, Metallica or cry.

[A]

All right. You're not Banji's boyfriend, are you? Just making sure. Just clearing it up right there. All right, all right. Hold on a second there. I don't think you won her over by telling her her favorite band is awful. Next guy was not a good lead. No, it was bad. What was the other guy's name? This is Jeff. Jeff, are you there?

[B]

Yeah, I'm here.

[A]

All right, Jeff, tell Sarah what you would do to her on a first date. And don't hold back.

[C]

Well, we'd probably go get dinner. Maybe Rhodesio Grill.

[A]

Oh, nice.

[D]

Okay.

[A]

Yeah. Big spender.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

New Vision. Auto Glass. Fix this window. He's not gonna spend any money on. He already got. And use that check that New Vision gets you, too. And buy her a nice thing of rose.

[D]

Maybe a new windshield, too.

[A]

There you go. All right, That's a good one. What else will you take at Rhodes Grill? Fill her up full of meats, Brazilian steak. And then what?

[C]

Then we would find a trail on my Jeep. Might take her to the observatory. The view at the top is amazing.

[A]

And then you would make your move.

[C]

I would.

[A]

What is your first move? What is your move? Yeah. Fingers.

[C]

Well, first I. I'd start with. Well, are we talking like, first move or, like, first move, first move? Well, start kissing her and see where it goes from there.

[A]

All right. All right.

[D]

Once I caught a fish.

[A]

Yeah. Are you? Yeah. She's pretty happy with it. Like, you seem okay with it. No. You don't like him anymore.

[D]

Well, the Rochester Grill, that's a good thing. No, that's a good thing. It's. If he didn't just get his windshield.

[A]

Well, we're not sure. He was just throwing that out there. Yeah. Take her to dinner. And then would you like to go four wheeling with him and then get sexually assaulted in the woods?

[D]

I mean, I like, go four Wheeling. I'd bring a friend, maybe.

[C]

All right.

[B]

Chaperone.

[A]

Oh, you'd bring a friend first?

[D]

Well, if we're gonna go out in.

[A]

The woods and he's got a history. Yeah. Would you be all right if her friend showed up?

[D]

If.

[C]

Yeah, I'd be fine.

[A]

All right, we'll stuff Banji in the back of the car, and she'll keep an eye on everything for you. Sarah, would you like to take this man out? I think he's our guy.

[D]

I'm thinking, like, the first one.

[A]

You want the other one.

[B]

The boat.

[A]

All right, Faith, no more. Sorry about that.

[D]

No, not that guy. The other guy.

[A]

No, he's gone. You shut him down. You did. That's gone. We got two other ones if you want to try. We'll try another. Kill these two. You don't want either of these guys. This is taking too long.

[B]

Yeah. With the guy with the boat was a. Faith, no more.

[A]

Yeah, he told him. So kill him. John Chavez wants to know, thumbs in or thumbs out?

[D]

Oh, I don't know what that means.

[A]

I think it's butt play. Yeah, I don't know what I mean. You into buttplay stuff? Not into butt stuff. No, butt stuff. Sorry.

[D]

John, who was the guy that you said you liked? Remember, you're like, oh, I like this.

[A]

Guy you hung up on. Hung up on that. That was the first guy. Stop, stop. They're got this covered. All right, we'll take one more. And this is the guy you're going out with. I don't even care. What's his name? Get line three. Yeah, this is it. It's taking too long. You're too picky, and you came here, and we want to traffic you, and it's not working. Edward, are you there?

[C]

I'm here.

[A]

All right, Edward, sell yourself to Sarah real quick.

[C]

I'm Eddie. I'm Five Eight. I'm £210. I got tattoos and a nice beard.

[A]

Oh, that's nice. You like a beard?

[D]

I like. I prefer the five o' clock shadow.

[A]

Like, is it a thick beard? Like, long ones that.

[C]

No, it's not super long, but it's. It's thick.

[A]

Okay.

[D]

I just don't like the.

[A]

When you. If you.

[D]

When you kiss a guy, like the. Like the. The mustache battle through the grid. I don't like that.

[A]

Yeah, you know, that's how we feel about you. We don't want five o' clock shadow either. Rub it up against our lips.

[D]

No, I do like the five o' clock shadow. I just.

[A]

Did you see that? Our Our listener, Aiden, is wondering if they have a shot. Would you like to date the trans guy?

[D]

Oh, no.

[A]

Our trans listener would like to take you out. Just the best of both worlds. I'm okay on that, but would you like Edward to. Where would you take her on a date? Edward? Edward.

[C]

Oh, where would she prefer? Maybe, like, PF Changs or something?

[A]

PF Changs. You like that?

[B]

Sure.

[A]

All right. Pf Chang sounds nice.

[B]

What's your favorite move?

[A]

Yeah. What's your first move?

[C]

Oh, I don't know.

[A]

I'm.

[C]

I'm. I'm a bit of a nerd, so.

[A]

I'm a little shy. You're a little shy? What makes you a nerd? Do you have, like, a collection of Stranger Things stuff?

[C]

Ninja Turtles.

[D]

Okay. I like. I like the Ninja Turtles.

[A]

Do you think you could have an orgasm in a room filled with Ninja Turtles?

[D]

Maybe.

[A]

Edward, do you think she could maybe. I don't know.

[C]

I mean, we could play with them.

[A]

Edward, have you ever brought a woman to orgasm or any of the turtles?

[C]

Oh, definitely not the turtles.

[A]

Okay. But a woman has had pleasure with you. Yeah. Do you think of a splinter when you're trying not to orgasm yourself?

[C]

Definitely. Shredder.

[A]

You think of Shredder? I don't know which one's what.

[C]

All right.

[A]

Okay. That's cool. All right. Would you like to go out with the nerd Edward if.

[D]

Yes.

[A]

Yes. I mean. I mean, he seems safe. I think you can beat Edward up. Well.

[D]

And I don't. And I definitely want a guy that I can't beat up.

[A]

Yeah, no, no. But I think he would take it. I think he could physically dominate you, but I think if you started swinging, he'd allow it. You have an F4 or F6 under your belt or anything like that. How long are you in jail for stealing Ninja Turtles?

[C]

Turtles never went to jail.

[A]

This is amazing.

[B]

This is gold. He's an Eagle Scout.

[A]

Yeah. And you have a good credit score.

[C]

You said no.

[A]

Why? Is your credit bad?

[C]

I didn't say that. Oh, well, I got a expensive addiction. I buy all these Ninja Turtles.

[A]

Oh, the Ninja Turtles. Keep it so you can't get a house.

[D]

Okay. I buy a lot of Beanie Babies.

[C]

All right.

[A]

Well, yeah.

[C]

All right.

[A]

Edward, I like you. I think you have. You've come in here and brought a little normalcy back to the felony parade that was walking through Sarah's life. Do you mind that Sarah's been to jail?

[C]

No.

[A]

Would your parents. It's still jail, Sarah. Okay.

[C]

I don't think so.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

All Right. My parents are divorced, so they do way worse. Probably.

[A]

Okay. Have you ever dated a wackadoo before? Because I think you're walking down that road.

[C]

Oh, my goodness. That's the only ones I date.

[A]

That's right. They're the fun ones. That's right. Edward, hold on a second. We're gonna get you a date with Sarah, and you two are gonna be a Valentine's love story. Oh, that's right. Congratulations to Edward. That's nice.

[B]

That worked out.

[A]

You get some nerd with Ninja Turtles.

[B]

All the way down to the wire.

[A]

Do you love nerds? I think you like guys who might burn the house down.

[D]

I love nerds. Okay, I'm gonna say, what, do you.

[B]

Think he dropped a Ninja Turtles.

[A]

I'm not asking that. All right, Sarah, that was interesting. I liked human trafficking. And I think he's gonna take you to a PF Chang's. Is that where he said he was gonna go? I don't remember if that was him or.

[B]

Go back to it.

[A]

No, that's. He's gonna. Edward, where are you taking her to dinner.

[C]

What does she like to eat?

[A]

No, no, make it. Just say, be a man. Be a man.

[B]

Thank you.

[C]

All right.

[A]

All right. Yeah.

[C]

PF Changs it is.

[A]

All right.

[D]

Okay. Lettuce wraps.

[A]

All right. She likes the lettuce. All right, hold on a second. There you go. I see. I like Edward. I think you guys are gonna make it. I think this is gonna work.

[D]

Okay, we'll do it.

[A]

You have to promise to have sex with one of the first things. This is an hour of airtime you got. Aiden just wrote in, says, hey, broad, you don't know what you're missing out on. Yeah, yeah.

[D]

A chick with a.

[A]

That's right. Doesn't sound so bad when you say it.

[B]

That bring your guitar, too.

[A]

What do you think your trump loving family would do if Aiden was the one you chose?

[D]

Probably my dad would shoot him on side.

[A]

Okay, that's murder. I don't think that's a good friends in the family. Those F4s and F6s. Oh, my.

[D]

Hey, Sarah.

[A]

We don't know what anyone looks like, but we're very excited that you and Edward will go out and hopefully this weekend. Very close. Quickly. Okay. Are you okay with this? You seem a little bit off.

[D]

No, I'm okay.

[A]

All right. I'm good with it.

[D]

I'm good with it.

[A]

All right.

[B]

She can handle it.

[A]

She's going to blow a nerd with Ninja turtles. It was a pleasure having you for our Valentine's trafficking show. We like to traffic you.

[C]

Traffic me?

[A]

And I hope he takes you across state lines.

[D]

I mean, I don't, but, yeah.

[A]

I hope you end up in New Mexico or something crazy like a hatch.

[D]

Chili or maybe even in Mexico.

[A]

Oh, maybe. Yeah. We could go down there and find Ms. Guthrie. All right. Congratulations. Sarah has a date. We've trafficked a woman right here live on the air, and we're happy with it. Sarah, excellent job. Thank you for offering your services to the city. And I didn't realize we had that many felons listening. This is a very, very powerful audience. It's the morning signals. It's not weird.

[B]

It's pretty cool, actually. No membership fee.

[A]

I have heard enough of this.