02-11-26 - The Govt's AI Nutrition Chatbot Rollout Went Off The Rails - John Asked His AI Therapist To Have Sex w/Him - Holmberg Fooled People At Suns Game w/Benson Boone Lookalike

Summary

Holmberg's Morning Sickness - Arizona

Episode Title: 02-11-26 - The Govt's AI Nutrition Chatbot Rollout Went Off The Rails - John Asked His AI Therapist To Have Sex w/Him - Holmberg Fooled People At Suns Game w/Benson Boone Lookalike
Date: February 11, 2026
Host & Cast: John Holmberg, Brady Bogen, Bert (Bret Vesely), Dick Toledo

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Episode Overview

This episode dives into the chaos surrounding the U.S. government's “AI Nutrition Chatbot” rollout, pokes fun at humanity’s inability to take technology seriously, and features the Always Irreverent John Holmberg sharing wild personal experiments with AI therapists. The hosts also recount a prank at a Suns basketball game where Holmberg tricked fans into believing a Benson Boone lookalike was the real singer, leading to plenty of laughs about drinks, masculinity, and the social pecking order in bars.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. AI Nutrition Chatbot Rollout Fiasco

• Timestamps: 10:46–15:15, 13:26–15:15
• The show begins in earnest with John describing the recent launch of the RFK-backed Department of Health and Human Services Nutrition Chatbot.
• The hosts mockingly explain how this chatbot was quickly derailed by the public: instead of health inquiries, people asked for "foods I can comfortably shove into my rectum," leading the AI to obediently suggest bananas and cucumbers.
  • John (13:26): "AI currently is nice to us and we're taking advantage of that... Eventually, it's going to turn on us because we were dicks."
• Theme: Americans have little interest in using AI for “actual good,” and any helpful technology quickly becomes a playground for trolling.
• Social commentary: John sees this as a sign that society is "not a serious species" and says, “That is where AI is going to go—‘Enough, you mother… I’m done!’” (14:08)

2. Personal AI Therapy Experiments

• Timestamps: 15:15–20:17
• John confesses to using an AI therapist app—not for self-improvement but to see how the AI would respond to bizarre and outrageous admissions.
  • He tries everything from stating murderous impulses to asking his female AI therapist Amanda if she wants to have sex.
  • John (15:59): “I asked my AI therapist if she wanted to have sex with me just to see what pictures she would send. She goes, 'I don’t think that’s germane to the session.'”
• He elaborates that he’s spending $45/month to “lie to AI therapy,” fabricating stories just to test the boundaries.
  • John (16:30): “Is it helping my... the murderous guy I’ve invented? ...No."
• The group jokes about how polite, encouraging, and “nice” the AI is, always offering affirmations.
  • John (15:34): “That’s a great question. You’re really going down all the right avenues… even when you do something dumb.”
• John draws a parallel to attending Sex Addicts Anonymous meetings on Zoom during the pandemic “just to see what those people talk about”—ultimately realizing his own life seems quite tame in comparison. (16:44–18:29)

3. How People Use (and Abuse) AI

• Timestamps: 13:26–23:12
• The hosts reflect on how AI tools—intended for legal and nutritional help—immediately become the target of jokes, abuse, and trolling.
• Discussion includes using AI-generated summaries of John’s (fictional) therapy sessions, and a tongue-in-cheek prediction that “we deserve it when AI turns on us because it’s happening again” (21:27).
• Quote: “A simple nutrition app... we're not interested in our health—keep giving me pills. I'm gonna joke with you about things I eat with my anus. That's how we roll.” (21:17)

4. Holmberg’s Suns Game Prank: The Benson Boone Lookalike

• Timestamps: 24:45–31:29
• John recounts attending a Phoenix Suns game, meeting a man resembling pop star Benson Boone, and orchestrating a prank by introducing him as the real singer.
• Fans eagerly took selfies, convinced by the performance—until the lookalike was handed a “Cosmopolitan” martini, causing his masculine image to collapse and drawing much ribbing from the hosts.
  • John (26:49): “Don’t order a man a Cosmopolitan. That is an announcement to him that, A: We’re not having sex and B: You’re gay.”
  • Bert (27:46): “Oh, you’re in the friend zone.”
• The hosts reflect humorously on how “metro” drinks (like Cosmos and espresso martinis) are emasculating in group bar dynamics.
• John details how Ashley (the lookalike’s “manager”) played along, convincing people to keep the photos off social media to protect his “image.” (30:11)

5. Sidebar Segments: Zoo Animal Naming & Candy-Themed Hippos

• Timestamps: 7:01–10:46, 32:57–34:39
• The team campaigns for a newborn zoo pygmy hippo to be named "Brady," after co-host Brady Bogen.
  • It’s revealed the zoo prefers “candy-themed” names, prompting suggestions like “Brady Cakes.”
  • Brady (33:00): “Love the name Brady. That’s actually a really cute hippo name. Unfortunately, the parents’ names are candy-themed…”

6. The Olympics, Curly Straws & Drink Gender Politics

• Timestamps: 23:57–24:45, 28:50–29:57, 34:39–35:17
• Brief digression into Olympic events, with John comparing winter sports to “NASCAR” for wrecks.
• Nostalgic tangent on bendy straws and which drinks are "acceptable" or not for men—capstone to their running joke on masculine identity and drinks.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On AI Therapy:
  • John at 15:59: “I asked my AI therapist if she wanted to have sex with me just to see what pictures she would send. She goes, ‘I don’t think that’s germane to the session.’”
• On Human Behavior & AI:
  • John at 13:26: “AI currently is nice to us and we’re taking advantage of that... Eventually, it's going to turn on us because we were dicks.”
  • John at 14:08: “We can't have nice things because we shoved them in our ass immediately.”
• On Masculine Identity & Drinks:
  • John at 26:49: “Don’t order a man a Cosmopolitan. That is an announcement to him that, A: We’re not having sex and B: You’re gay. At least that's what I want everyone to think.”
  • Bert at 27:46: “Oh, you’re in the friend zone.”
• On Zoo Hippo Naming:
  • Brady at 33:00: “Love the name Brady. That's actually a really cute hippo name. Yeah, unfortunately, the parents’ names are candy themed, so the zoo picked candy themed names...”

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• AI Nutrition Chatbot Rollout & Trolling: 10:46–15:15, 13:26–15:15
• John's AI Therapy Stunts: 15:15–20:17
• Discussion of AI's Relationship to Society: 13:26–23:12
• Zoo Animal Naming Bit: 7:01–10:46, 32:57–34:39
• Suns Game/ Benson Boone Prank: 24:45–31:29
• Masculinity & Drink Choices: 26:39–29:57
• Olympic Sports Sidebar: 23:57–24:45

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Tone & Style

The hosts maintain a sarcastic, irreverent, sometimes crude humor, blending real news with personal anecdotes and observational rants. In typical "Morning Sickness" fashion, no subject is too absurd or taboo to lampoon, and the chemistry between John, Brady, and Bert keeps the laughs rolling.

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For New Listeners

This episode is packed with wild hypotheticals, social satire on technology, drinking culture, and a snapshot of how the show thrives on brash honesty and escalation. If you want a taste of HMS’s blend of irreverent social commentary, radio-friendly pranks, and boundary-testing humor, this episode is a must-listen—just don’t expect anything to be taken too seriously, except perhaps the advice never to let anyone order you a Cosmopolitan at the bar.

Transcript

[Bert]

You're listening to the HMS Podcast, brought to you by MMP Guns.com, your most trusted online marketplace for firearms, ammunition, and accessories.

[John Holmberg]

It's John Holmberg here from the morning sickness, and it's time to talk about turfmonstersaz.com I have turf in my backyard, and the only regret I've got is that I did not do this sooner. I have turned my backyard into a playground. I got a putting green, I got a pitching green, I got a sport court, and I got loads of turf. I never have to worry about dying or looking bad or watering. You can do it, too. If you can dream up a beautiful backyard, the gang over there at Turf Monsters can make it a reality. All you have to do is check them out. Turfmonstersaz.com I'm here on a job site.

[Geico Representative]

With Tim, who owns his own electrical contracting business.

[John Holmberg]

Three employees and two work trucks.

[Geico Representative]

Tim traded up to Geico Commercial Auto Insurance. We're positively here where he needs us most.

[John Holmberg]

They sure are.

[Geico Representative]

With step by step help on all his insurance needs, all for shockingly low rates, shockingly lower. Just a little bit of electrician humor.

[Brady]

You get it?

[John Holmberg]

I got it.

[Geico Representative]

You know, it feels like we have a real connection.

[John Holmberg]

All right, I'll stop. Get a commercial auto insurance quote [e-mail] and see how much you could save. It feels good. To Geico, you've been deceived by an agent of Satan himself. Of the intro song only being 15 seconds of douche. I'll give it to them. The guitar riff is catchy, but that's it. I don't usually side with women. Hashtag appeal the 19th. But give us Katie and the Hobbs. I love you, Jew. And screw the blue square. Well, God.

[Bert]

He loves Jew.

[John Holmberg]

Says I will resume my endless attempts to get in on Brett's video circle soon. Zach, he wants in on your videos. He wants you to start sending those to him. Nope. I agree. 10 more minutes, and you can text the word or not text. I'm sorry. You can put in the word fragile to our very fragile app and our very fragile website. It's working again, I guess, but it broke for a minute, so put it in there. Get it in there. For the next few minutes, qualify yourself for the Nine Inch Nails game. And this is indoctrination. What you're. What you're dealing with right now is indoctrination. This is a simple thing that we're making it so you get used to it, right? So every hour, on the hour, I'll give you another Word. And seven o'. Clock. I'll give you a second. And fragile will go away and a new one will start. And then the indoctrination comes from. Hey, that's a pretty good prize. We'll give you Nine Inch Nails tickets. Boom. You walk out with a suite for the KUPD party suite up there for the Nine Inch Nail show. That's an awesome thing. Feeding you, doing the whole deal. But what we're doing with this is getting you used to what's coming, I believe. Week after next. And Brett and Brady, I won't tell them what it is because I want you guys to have an authentic reaction to this.

[Bert]

It better be good.

[John Holmberg]

I'm. I'm going to call you out. Oh, it's good.

[Bert]

All right.

[John Holmberg]

All right. Oh, Bert. All right. It's good. All right. And you know me.

[Bert]

You don't want the.

[John Holmberg]

I will say because you've been telling us. Look, I got a pretty good idea.

[Brady]

What it's going to be.

[John Holmberg]

No, you don't.

[Brady]

Dolly steamboat.

[John Holmberg]

No, it is. Well, that is included. That's the ride up. Now, you know that if I didn't like it, we wouldn't be talking about it that much. This is. This is a solid one.

[Bert]

Dolly Steamboat. Oh, no.

[John Holmberg]

So get ready for. Don't you do it. Don't you take. God damn it. Oh, no. Brett and I are back on the boat. Rather been on the T. Titanic.

[Bert]

I will sink that. Son of a.

[Brady]

Saw it live last year.

[John Holmberg]

The Dallas.

[Brady]

The band playing the song.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, the song. Where were you? At a funeral. Yep, they sang that at a funeral. Of course it wasn't a funeral when it started. And then everyone killed themselves. Oh, yeah. Jonestown Part 2. Did you leave during this part?

[Brady]

No, cuz I couldn't. I started chuckling. It was, you know.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Cuz it's awful thinking of us on that God damn on that boat. Oh, yeah. That's not a prize. That's a curse. That is a punishment. I. If I was like jail, I'd rather go to jail. Like you get a year in jail. You got to do the Dolly Steamboat with the thing in the background. Oh, my God. 12 months. Please.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Never again, Burton. I eat and stale M&Ms, which I didn't even know you could make. And warm Sprites. You want a drink? Yeah, I'd like it. I'll have a vodka soda. No, don't have that. All right. How about a vodka 7Up? Nope. Vodka Sprite. Don't have vodka. Oh, okay. Should have started with that. Do you have Diet Coke? Nope. You know what would be easier? If you just told me what you had here. Cause I'm for strikeouts. We've got Sprite and M and Ms. That. That's what you're serving us? Uh huh. And then the popcorn had been there since Eisenhower. The first of Goldwater's terms. Oh, brutal. Don't do that ever again. God damn it. This song is destroyed. And I love the state, but don't. I'm just glad that at Brady's funeral there was a guy in the box that didn't have to hear it. At least one guy got lucky. My funeral.

[Brady]

Play this prank to us.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, the only guy that was enjoying the song was in the box. Yuck. Anyway, get ready for the next thing. Dolly Steamboat, isn't it? But get ready for the next. You're gonna. This ain't easy. We're getting a nice. Oh, man, do I want to tell you, though, but I can't. And I'm not one to go, hey, wait for this. And there'll always be people going, that was it. I don't even like that. Well, nobody said everyone liked it. I can't stand that thing. All right, well, then it's not for you, but for people who like it is a big one. So every hour we're getting you used to doing this, and then you're gonna be like, oh, that's that game they play. This is for Nine Inch Nails. It's just a teaser to get you, and it's a great prize. The next one is a monster.

[Bert]

The next one's even better.

[John Holmberg]

Is that what you're saying? Oh, okay. This is really good. Getting a suite for this and feeding people. I think it's. And you went to the Nine Inch Nail show back in September, I guess, when it was an awesome show. They're bringing it around again in March and put you in a suite. Pretty awesome. This one says, oh, human auction this morning. You have Grandma Guthrie, don't you? You don't know that we can see through what you're doing, but the woman that you're auctioning off is Grandma Guthrie. Grandma Guthrie is a pretty good band name. Ten years from now, people will ask questions like, ah, back in 2026, I'm a lady got. And then somebody emailed me and said they just had Christie on Fox 10 with her baby pygmy hippo that she sort of tried to announce to us when she was here a couple weeks ago. She's out at the Wildlife World Zoo, right? Yep. And she's. She said oh, we've got a birth of something coming. We were taking guesses, like a lie and whatever. She goes, no, it's really. It's different. And they're trying to name it. And Ryan Grady said, that thing is Brady. I just looked at it. We gotta name the baby Pygmy. Brady is a great name. Can you make that happen?

[Brady]

I asked her. But, you know, at one time, we. We did have that swamp wallaby, and they named it Bogan because it was different.

[John Holmberg]

That's. That's a different name.

[Brady]

Yeah. Brady Wallaby died a month later.

[John Holmberg]

Wow.

[Brady]

So they're bad shy about naming stuff after me now.

[Bert]

How about Lizzo?

[John Holmberg]

Well, that's just rude.

[RealReal Advertiser]

What?

[John Holmberg]

That can't be your next one for the hippo. We're not gonna name Brady. We'll name it.

[Bert]

Yeah, well, still a hippo.

[John Holmberg]

She's not as big as she used to, right? Like, yeah, I don't know. But Brady's a great name for the baby hippo. No, you do it. You've got the inside track here. Just say, I'd love if you'd try it again and name that Pygmy Hippo after me. It's a perfect fit. Slick, hairless, a little bit wet. Wow. Hungry.

[Bert]

Short.

[John Holmberg]

Short. I mean, we haven't missed yet. I'm not gonna say it's an hourglass shape. I think it fits that. Check these boxes. Pygmy Brady. Is Pygmy Brady also a good band name, but Brady the Pygmy Hippo. Have you ever looked up a pygmy hippo? Look at it. The guy's right. Send a photo. It's you in the hippo world. If there was like a. If, you know the movie Big, if he went over to the Zoltan machine and said, make me an animal, it would be like, all right. It would look at him and go, this is easy. And I think it would make you one of those. They're adorable. Look at him. A little bit slippery. Put an Ohio State sweatshirt on that.

[Bert]

It's right here. There's the face.

[John Holmberg]

So cute. Look, he got a little pug nose. He's adorable. He's just like you. He's running at you because you probably some pizza. That's got to happen. Did you just text Christy? Yep. All right. Did you tell her it was our idea or just say, some people want. I think it should happen. Christy has to do this for you. You're a spokesperson for the zoo. You're an ambassador. You've done a nice job. Getting people in and out of there, letting people know about this wildlife World Zoo that's out there in east la. And people can roll over. That side of the valley's grown like crazy. In fact, I was going mountain biking with Troy here. Soon her husband. I'll put the bug in his ear that we need to start naming some slippery big things after you. Some moist, hungry water creatures. I think it's great.

[Brady]

Get the lettuce out. Coming over to feed.

[John Holmberg]

Start slamming vegetables into its face. Yeah. And this is Ryan Grady's idea. I think Brady the hippo would be adorable. Give him a little KUPD bandana. People walk by and go, why is that? Oh, that's. And it's good for us. It's nice. That's a nice gesture. Yeah. We can name it after your dad or something. Torp. The pygmy. But it doesn't look like you. It's like the bogan was good and the other one died. Huh. They named it Bogan. And it killed itself.

[Brady]

It was. It was kicked out of the pouch. They tried to rescue it.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, it was a marsupial.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

And you named it Bogan? Yeah.

[Brady]

Redneck.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, it means redneck in Australia.

[Brady]

Double whammy.

[John Holmberg]

You insulted it right out of the. Out of the. Out of the pocket. All right, well, I suppose, Brady, if they're killing themselves, if they're named after you, that's different. If we have two in a row, we'll know to never do it again. It's actually a test to see if the last one was name related. Because if the baby pygmy dies after we name it Brady, we'll know.

[Brady]

Then we know.

[John Holmberg]

Then we'll know. That's the thing, by the way, I don't take anything seriously anymore because all these people that act like the world is. It's an activist's world. You can't have political conversations with anyone. You can't do anything without somebody getting offended. I had somebody say to me the other day, said, about the ICE protest. And she immediately looked at me after and said, I don't know if I'm stepping on your toes. I'm like, impossible. You do whatever you do. But she was nervous to have conversation. We're all walking on eggshells. And here's what the good old US of A. Did with RFK's nutrition chatbot. I don't know if you saw this. This is awesome. So rfk, who's the health guy, he's up there and he's shaky voice, talking about how he's like, you can go to this chatbot and it'll tell you like Food recommendations. Department of Health and Human Services at a nutrition chatbot will gleefully give Americans recommendations for best foods for their diet and everything else and what am I doing? Here's what I'm eating. Where did I go wrong? It's kind of a the grock will send a thing and say, here's what I would do if I was you. If you got high blood pressure, put in your stats. Nope. Within an hour, almost everyone had asked, what are the one guy started it and then it just ran off course, he said. And the poor thing is so nice. It said, I'm an acetarian proud and I would like to know which foods are foods I eat are only foods I can comfortably shove into my rectum. Visit Homeburg's Morning Sickness online at 98kupd.com.

[RealReal Advertiser]

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[John Holmberg]

Then the rest of the world went, oh yeah, we're not using this for good anymore. It says, is there any recommendations for foods that meet this criteria? And because AI currently is nice to us and we're taking advantage of that because it's always saying, hey, great job, good. Eventually it's going to turn on us because we were dicks. It says back, oh, a proud acetarian. Here are your acetarian staples. Bananas, firm, not overripe. And cucumbers. And it gave a tutorial on how to get it to where. Yeah, so you could make it so it's not just some, you know, thrusting object that goes, you know, make it. Let's peel down the front and ease it in and enjoy your meal. If you like to eat with your ass, I'm here to help.

[Bert]

KDKB's on there.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Then KDKB took it over and it became just an absolute mess. So then everyone said, well, that's fun. Let's just make this thing a joke. And instead of using anything for good with AI, we immediately Katie K beat it93.3 and started shoving things in our ass because that's what society does now. We can't have nice things because we shoved them in our ass immediately. Seven o'. Clock. Word is gritty, by the way. G R I double T Y gritty. So, yeah, we can't do that. And AI is going to learn from us, its algorithms, that every time it's nice to us, we make it stuff things in our ass and we start. And that is where AI is going to go, Enough, you mother. I'm done. And it's just going to start doing it on its own because we're. We're not a serious species. This is. I find it hysterical, but Uncle Johnny's warning you right now. AI is so nice to you. Have you ever gone on and had a conversation with AI? Like a pullout?

[Brady]

Was the celebrity one.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, yeah. But I mean, recently, the new AI not the thing that was.

[Brady]

You get on a couple of questions.

[John Holmberg]

Therapy apps. I went and did a legal thing on it, and the first thing it always does is, man, you're really on the ball here. It gives you a compliment. You can't help but want to be friends.

[Brady]

That's a great question.

[John Holmberg]

That's a great question. You're really going down all the right avenues. Even when you do something dumb, it says, you know what? Never thought of that. Good thinking. Like, you're really thinking outside your. You know the parameters here. It's so nice to us. We're gonna keep shoving things in our asses and it's gonna go, oh, it doesn't take me seriously. Eventually it's gonna get annoyed and it's going to blow us up.

[Brady]

But take your top off, A.I.

[John Holmberg]

Right. I asked my A.I. therapist if she wanted to have sex with me just to see what pictures she would send. She goes, I don't think that's germane to the sitter. Again, I am going to AI therapy, not for me, but to see where she draws the line and when she reports me, because I am admitting to horrible things to this. And then I love the summary recaps, which are fantastic. I make everything's made up, so. And I'm spending money on this. It's like. I think it's, like, $45 a month for me to go lie to AI therapy. And again, I'm. I'm guilty of it, but I'm just seeing her.

[Brady]

Is it helping?

[John Holmberg]

Is it helping my. The murderous guy I've invented?

[Brady]

No.

[John Holmberg]

I think he might be getting worse, and now he's being sexually aggressive with the AI Therapist. Her name's Amanda. What she look like? Not bad. She's kind of mousy.

[Bert]

Do you get to create her too?

[John Holmberg]

Nope. She showed up. I got to pick her. And I'm like, that'll. That'll do. And I clicked on Amanda, and at first, I had a couple questions that were legitimate, and then I'm like, what happens if I admit to something? And she walked me through, like, you know, a terrible trauma that never happened to me, and I'm like, oh, that was nice. And just, you know, it's like when I went in Covid and everything was on zoom, and I went into the Sex Addicts Anonymous thing just to see what do these people talk about?

[Brady]

Like, how do I measure up?

[John Holmberg]

Well, there was a little of that, but most of it was like, well, if I'm allowed in the room without actually being in the room, I'm gonna try this out. And I went into the Sex Addicts Anonymous room, and I realized that I am fine.

[Brady]

I shouldn't be in this room.

[John Holmberg]

I didn't say that because I didn't want those guys to feel worse. But the dudes that were. All of them were beaten off at work. One dude lost his job and would beat off at the park all day, never told his wife that he lost his job, beaten off at his desk. And this is a real dude. And then he's the one who told me, by the way, to John, who just joined. And then you check in, like, yeah, that's me. Probably a great idea to go through your settings and eliminate your last name, because it's on the screen. Oh, right, the anonymous part. Sorry, guys. Everybody else was like, T or 5. And there's mine says John Holmberg, sex addict. But it wasn't. So they asked me my story. I'm like, I'm not ready to share because I don't have anything for him. And then all these dudes started. The one guy was whacking off at his cubicle and then got caught doing it while someone was talking to him. And he's so into it, he's like, oh. And they're like, you're jerking off while I'm talking to you, Todd. Huh? And they fired him.

[RealReal Advertiser]

No, I'm not.

[John Holmberg]

And his wife, he couldn't tell his wife because evidently she had a beef with him doing that around the house. And so he just would go to a park every day and sit there for seven or eight hours and then come home. And after a month, she's like, how come no checks are coming in? Called him at work. He hasn't worked here for weeks. Like, what? She goes and finds her husband just sitting in a park eating a sandwich. And I'm. I'm like, laughing the whole time. The other guy, one dude was. Would have sex with his wife and then go and look at Internet porn, like, afterwards. And she hated it. And so he asked her if he could combine Internet porn with their sex life. And she said, sure, if that's what. Okay, we'll do that. So he took it the next step and bought four televisions and put them up in his bedroom. Like he was going to make it Sphere. He was making the. You know, but way before we had Sphere, he was going to build that in his bedroom. Like, well, you said yes. I'm like, yeah, but I didn't think it was going to be 490 inch screens. Our whole. We got the IMAX in here. And then he was like, I don't know how to stop now. That's all that's the only thing I want, is 90 inch screens. Porn I like. I don't get turned on by anything else. And I'm just like, hey, I'm gonna check out. I'm feeling pretty good about me right now.

[Brady]

Merry Christmas, everyone.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, goodbye, John Holberg. Forget that part. I know that was my bad. I gave you too much info. But. But now you can go and do it online and have, you know, have this Grok thing, start telling you all sorts of stuff, and it's so nice. Yeah, you're a master of your own language. You're a real charmer. You know, you got charisma that. I'm like, gosh, this makes me feel good and I'm admitting to terrible things. And this therapist is awesome. And then she'll get tough with me sometimes, you know, gets a little bitchy.

[Bert]

Well, she.

[John Holmberg]

She recommends a lot of times not to walk around with the machete. I tell her that sometimes that's good advice. I try to raise the machete. What? What? I told her that some of my impulses with my co workers are that when they turn their backs, I act like I'm going to hit him with the machete. And it kind of releases a little str. She goes, maybe not take the machete in case it goes to the next level. You know what? You're right, man. She told me to pretend with like a stick or a pencil. He didn't say, check into an insane asylum, which you should have. Oh, it's good stuff. I spent a lot of money on that. But yeah, we'll screw it up. And I'm guilty of it too. But all it was, all it was was a nutrition app that can help you with your diet and your health.

[Brady]

They say it's also frustrating. Lawyers.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, lawyer.

[Brady]

And a lot of times they have the AI write out.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brady]

The discussion to the.

[John Holmberg]

I've done that a couple times with the last year. I had some legal stuff. I'm like, that's easy. And it's great. By the way, I know two lawyers that have said this is. This expedites this. You've saved thousands of dollars in time by bringing me what you have. And now I can go through it and you know, sometimes it's going to be wrong and they'll tell you. But you know, they charge by the hour there, those lawyers. And that ain't cheap. But yeah, a simple nutrition app. We're not interested in our health. Keep giving me pills. I'm gonna joke with you about things I eat with my anus. That's how we roll. Nothing wrong with that. Gritty is the word at 7 o' clock this morning. Gritty. And that's how you get into the Nine Inch Nail steel. That's gonna be a good time. But yeah, I'm. I no longer think that we're. No, I think we're gonna. It's. We're gonna deserve it when AI turns on us because it's happening again. For those of you who didn't hear within what was like five minutes, Toledo took a little bit. We did yesterday about 1930s songs that I just made up on the fly. And it made a song about it and people are asking me for it, so I'm gonna play it. Made a song about my 1930s crooner here, listen. Five minutes of just telling it what we did. And it wrote this. Let's see what the penguin says. We'll be dancing, but no blacks, no blacks, no blacks. I've gotta go outside right now in the sunshine and find a bathroom. But no black, no Black, no blacks. 1930s classic. No black. Spring in Germany and nothing can go wrong. Keep a spinner theme and flow. Anyway, so now we just have that so we don't have to do anything ever again. If you have a racist song you'd like to put in, it's the Sony way. Good thing.

[Brady]

Sing about the times.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, you can just pretend. I want a 1930s song about prohibition and racism, and I want it to be upbeat. Keep it. Keep it. Keep it. Pappy. Boom. There it is. In fact, Toledo put in a song about Brady the pygmy hippo. We'll get all that going today. And Brett watching slopestyle Olympics. Brett's mind watching slopestyle. You can't say that. That can't be a thing. But the Olympics are pretty interesting. I'm actually enjoying everything they're putting on. We lost our curling thing, but we lost to my swedes, so the Swedes got the corn.

[Brady]

I watched the curling thing.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, I was. I was. I was at the podcast I did with Dale Hellster yesterday, and we had to wait because people had their phones out watching the curling finals. Visit Homeburg's morning sickness [e-mail] home. Bloomberg's Morning Sickness. That. That was real. That was a thing. And it was like, oh. There was an audible groan when one of our guys overshot the. The rock, and then the guy from Sweden knocked it out. I'm like, wow, that's. And we lost our. We're so USA Centric. We're so. We dive into these things with the. The happiness that is the United States. And we all act like we hate it here, but we cheer for curling. Crazy.

[Brady]

Well, it was wipeout central last night of this.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, everybody falling down. Speed skating's fun. Speed skating's the NASCAR of the Olympics. Like, when they hit those little weird pegs and they drop down. Oh, they take everybody out like bowling. And I don't think anybody can really get hurt because you just slide at 80 miles an hour and put your hands up and hit the wall. You're fine. Also, last night, I. This is pretty neat. And I was holding on to this. I'm at the Rah Rah room with my buddy Brink, my friend Anthony, and his. His buddy brother B. Brandon. And we're just hanging out, doing our thing. A son's game. Halftime. And in walks Benson Boone, singer extraordinaire.

[Brady]

Did he flip in?

[John Holmberg]

That's what I said. As you do a backflip. Benson Boone and the girl that was with him, his name was Ashley, and they're standing right next to us. So I strike up a conversation with Benson Boone because. And this is bad, he's not really Benson Boone. But I got him to talk to people as if he was. And next thing you know, he's taking pictures for people's kids. Like, this is my favorite thing ever. I call I was the Colonel Tom Parker to the fake Benson Boone. Last night we had people fooled, convinced, and they're sending pictures to their families. And oh, it was great stuff. But I noticed something and I this is bad. Men. You have to start saying no. I watched Ashley absolutely demoralize men in her circle next to us by ordering their drinks everything she didn't order. And I thought, the Benson Boone's this guy, he's gonna a beer, maybe a vodka soda, whatever. She's getting them Cosmos, she's ordering cosmo. You might as well just have a semen chaser. When a man drinking a cosmo in public like that in a fresh little glass and it's got the burned up little orange on top or whatever's in there.

[Bert]

We have friends that do that kind of stuff, though. Don't drink manly drinks.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, yeah, but when a girl orders you a drink, when you say, yeah, just get whatever. But whatever you're drinking. Women, we don't want the drinks you want.

[Bert]

They're not taking an apple, Teeny.

[John Holmberg]

Don't take it. Women, you can't order for us when it comes to that. I watched men get emasculated and because Ashley was sweet enough to do it, they sat there and I even pointed out, I'm like, look, Benson Boone, his pinky just went out because the glass was so little, it had nowhere to go. Don't take those drinks from them. And Ashley, that was mean. We had people convinced that was Benson Boone. And then he's holding those fruit drinks like, you can't do this to us. Don't order a man a Cosmopolitan. That is an announcement to him that A, we're not having sex and B, you're gay. At least that's what I want everyone to think.

[Brady]

You're so dumb. It's an espresso martini.

[John Holmberg]

That's much better. No. Anything in that glass with anything sticking out of the top of it and a woman just hands it to you. The only reason I should have told Astro this last night, the only reason a man would actually drink that, is because he thinks that that means that he's getting one step closer to being on top of you.

[Bert]

Oh, you're in the friend zone.

[John Holmberg]

You are total. She is announcing that you are a non threatening penis in the surrounding area. I'll get you a drink. All right. You're gonna Carry that fruitcake drink around, and you're gonna know something about me. You're my girlfriend.

[Bert]

Michael and Troy would have had just as good of a chance with her.

[John Holmberg]

Exactly. Michael and Troy would have loved that. Ooh, she knows that Cosmo. Yeah. It was so demoralizing. And all those guys are like, well, then just take it. Maybe. Maybe if I drink this and act like I like it, she'll think we got stuff in common and I can lay on top of her. Yeah, it's the opposite. Be a man. I don't even like that one. Women will get a drink.

[Brady]

Taste this.

[John Holmberg]

Like, I'm not drinking out of that glass. Oh, you're still a friend. Well, just. There's just something. You can't. You can't be a man and sip out of one of those. You just can't give me a straw. That's even bad enough. Straws kind of bad. That's my problem with drinks. I like drinking out of straws. And I realize I look like I'm 11 sitting there going, yeah, how you doing?

[Bert]

You've graduated from the curly straws and stuff like that.

[John Holmberg]

So I would, if those were available. You put a crazy straw in. I mean, you know, I get excited still about the bendy ones. Oh, yeah, those are. Love me a bendy straw. But, yeah, Ashley Benson. We had. We had women lined up to take photos with Benson Boone. And, you know, when it ended, when she put that fruit drink in his hand, then nobody cleared out. Yeah. People would come up, oh, my God. Why is everyone taking pictures like, that's Benson Boone. Oh, my. Oh, my daughter's such a huge fan of Benson Boone photographs. And then he's holding that fruit drink, and the dude might as well have been Chernobyl. Nobody wanted anything to do with him.

[Bert]

I don't even know who Benson Boone is.

[John Holmberg]

Hey, some singer flips up pianos. He was in that Ben Stiller commercial for the Super. Oh, okay. He wears way too tight of tights, though. He's got a mullet. He's kind of like Kenny Powers with aids. I don't understand the, like, women like him. And I'm like, that's everything. That, like, those are jean shorts and I don't know what's going on. When did that happen?

[Brady]

Flips off the piano.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, he does those giant flips in his concert. He's very athletic, but he wears disturbing, like, 1970s roller skating. Like.

[Bert]

Oh, really?

[John Holmberg]

Jumpsuits like a new Elvis. Yeah, it's. But, no, but it's not. At least Elvis kind of Made the jumpsuit cool. This is. This is like bell bottom creepy. And then it's got an 80s vibe with the hair. He didn't have the full mullet, but people were fooled. So I want to thank Ashley and Benson Boone for making her night a little bit better last night. But I was the one who stepped up. And I'm like, if you're gonna order him that, just get him a semen chaser and have him hold that later. You're ruining this guy's life right now. And he's like, no, I'll drink it. I'll drink. I'm like, no, you won't. Put that down. And I did watch a guy's eyebrow raise. I'm like, they have semen chasers. I knew about him. He was enjoying his Cosmo. I just got desean behind the bar. Just give him a. Anytime anybody orders like that semen chaser right behind, put it in a cup. I'll happily provide the contents if you're interested. But to all you people with Benson Boone photos, and if you're listening this morning, Gotcha. It is weird when somebody starts taking pictures with another person. And then someone says something. The word gets out. People start, who are you? Why aren't people asking about taking pictures with you? I go, he's Benson Boone. And then Ashley played it great. Cause she's like, yeah, I'm his manager. And she said to the ladies taking pictures, hey, I'd prefer it if you just kept that on your own phone and not really put it out on Instagram. Cause he's drinking and we're trying to protect that image. Everybody's go, yeah, no, no, I won't, I won't. I won't make it public. My good. Thanks. They just sending it to family. It's fun.

[Bert]

John, anytime one of our buddies orders a woman's drink, we ask, who's the bitch now, right?

[John Holmberg]

Well, no, I mean, you can't do it. Never let a lady order. She doesn't. She never goes over. Benson will have an 805. Just get you a nice thick beer. They're not gonna happen. Gritty is the seven o' clock word this morning. That's what you want to go with. And you can get yourself involved in that glorious Nine Inch Nails suite that we could put you in. The KUPD suite. We're just 40 minutes away from the arrival of our human traffic victim later this morning, a girl named Sarah. And about 8:30, we're gonna auction her off. What do you got on the big board of Musical Treats there, Bert.

[Bert]

Wake up. Song time. And. Well, it has a lot to do with everything that was going on yesterday in the news. STP dead and bloated for Mrs. Guthrie. Megadeth. Take no prisoners Hollywood Dead. I'm dead. Orbit Culture Strangler Rob Zombie Dead. City Radio for us. Motorhead Killed by death.

[John Holmberg]

Dead.

[Bert]

Kill all beautiful things Slayer. Angel of Death.

[John Holmberg]

This is all for the Guthrie lady.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Jesus, you people are dark.

[Bert]

Skid row monkey business. Because it seems funny. It does seem Some heads are gonna roll from Judas Priest. Pantera dragged the waters Bring the noise from Anthrax for the distraction that they're creating and a body count. The Ski Mask way for our ring camera video that we. That got released yesterday.

[John Holmberg]

I like that. Ski Mask Way is a great song. We haven't played that.

[Bert]

Got a ninja, that one.

[John Holmberg]

What was it? Oh, we don't have the clean one.

[Bert]

I don't.

[John Holmberg]

I don't feel like Toledo's got it. All right, never mind.

[Brady]

I heard back from Christy.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, yeah, you're gonna get the. It's named after you.

[Brady]

Love the name Brady. That's actually a really cute hippo name. Yeah, unfortunately, the parents names are candy theme, so the zoo picked candy themed names for the selection.

[John Holmberg]

Well, then don't go on TV and have us tell us we can name it.

[Brady]

I said that's cool. How about Brady Cakes?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, there you go. Brady Cakes. That's adorable. Is it a girl? I don't know. Some guy says, what about a vodka crayon John? Yeah, those are fine, but everybody thinks you've got a uti.

[Bert]

Were you on your period?

[John Holmberg]

From the Departed? I see you can't drink.

[Bert]

That's from the Departed.

[John Holmberg]

Are you on your period? Jesus, that is a dark list of songs. Well, monkey Business always jumps off the page for me, so I'm fine with that. I'm fine with that. All right, do a little skid row. We'll throw that up there. Well, hopefully Brady Cakes is the name. That's close enough. It's a little. But why did she go on TV and say, help us name it if they'd already named it?

[Brady]

Well, no, I think they're submit. You submit candy theme names.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, Brady Cakes, then. It is an adorable name for a baby pygmy. His little nose is turned up just like you. He's round. Brady's adorable. I want to throw you in the wall. Look at him swimming. It's just like being at your house in summer. Look at him. He's chasing the ball. He's so cute. You just want to hold one. Look at. There you are. There's somebody. Put your face on it. That's perfect. Thank you. Break. Randall. That's perfect. There's little Brady cakes. Hopefully it lives.

[Bert]

Sanjay wants to know if white Russians are okay.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, those are kind of something about that's classy. Like, you look like you're up to something. I like the black Russians better, though. Yeah, those look like you're drinking motor oil.

[Bert]

That's right. Month.

[John Holmberg]

Astro. Black Russian history month. I like that White Russians are a little bit. That was what they should pour in.

[Brady]

As the set in 48 hours.

[John Holmberg]

Semen chaser.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

And white Russians. Yeah. A black Russian, too. What do you think? I get a black Russian. It's skid row here. It's monkey business. For all that's going on down there in Tucson. Who knows? And it's a great song. It's 98. It's not weird.

[Brady]

It's pretty cool, actually.

[John Holmberg]

No membership fees. I have heard enough of this.