02-12-25 - BR - WED - Turns Out Brady's Peeing Out His Kidney - Google's VDay Stats - Workers Seeking Sexual Wellness Days - Republican Wants To Rename Greenland

Summary

Holmberg's Morning Sickness - Arizona
Episode Summary: February 12, 2025
Host: John Holmberg with Brady Bogen, Bret Vesely, and Dick Toledo
Release Date: February 12, 2025

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1. Introduction

In this episode of Holmberg's Morning Sickness on Arizona's #1 morning radio show, host John Holmberg, alongside Brady Bogen, Bret Vesely, and Dick Toledo, delves into a mix of humorous banter, personal health updates, and a variety of topical discussions. The show aims to entertain, question, and disturb its listeners with its unique blend of content.

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2. Brady’s Health Concerns

A significant portion of the episode revolves around Brady Bogen’s ongoing health issues, specifically concerning his kidneys and potential blood cancer. The hosts engage in a mix of serious discussion and comedic relief while addressing Brady’s condition.

• Discussion on Kidney Issues:

  • Brett Vesely describes the medical situation:
    "[02:25] Brett: Lot of protein in the urine."
  • Brady Bogen humorously interprets the medical jargon:
    "[03:27] Brady: And that's the tumor."
    "[03:41] Brett: Potentially."

• Notable Quotes:

  • Brett Vesely explains the seriousness:
    "[04:04] Brett: It means he's gonna fight that."
  • John Holmberg adds a dark humor twist:
    "[22:12] John: You say that me saying it right there made me uncomfortable."
    "[22:27] John: I'm fine."

• Comedic Relief:

  • Brady Bogen jokes about replacing kidneys:
    "[23:12] Brady: Well, yeah, I think so. I think that's."

The hosts balance the gravity of Brady’s health situation with light-hearted jokes and camaraderie, providing both support and entertainment.

---

3. Google’s Valentine’s Day Statistics

The show transitions into a discussion of Google's latest Valentine's Day data, highlighting trends and societal attitudes toward the holiday.

• Key Statistics Presented:

  • Brett Vesely shares:
    "[10:17] Brett: Google just released some of the fresh Valentine's Day stats."
    "63% women celebrating at home, 55% of men agreed, 62% overall prefer home-cooked meals over fancy restaurants."

• Hosts’ Reactions:

  • Brady Bogen emphasizes the idea beyond just Valentine's Day:
    "[10:49] Brady: Valentine's Day is a. It should be. You should, you know, have that kind of stuff all the time."
  • Brett Vesely comments on proposals being overrated:
    "[10:56] Brett: 52% of women think Valentine's Day proposals are overrated."
    "Google says the top trending Valentine's Day date this year is hitting up an arcade."

The hosts discuss the shift in how people choose to celebrate Valentine's Day, noting a preference for more personal and casual activities over traditional romantic gestures.

---

4. Workplace Sexual Wellness Days

Brett introduces a quirky new workplace trend centered around sexual wellness.

• Overview:

  • Brett Vesely explains:
    "[12:41] Brett: A new report says that workplaces may start providing special days for sexual wellness. Oh, sex days."
    "52% of employees support the idea of paid days dedicated to intimacy and related needs."

• Hosts’ Commentary:

  • Brady Bogen sarcastically remarks:
    "[13:14] Brady: That's a little arrogant. Like you're running a marathon. You're going to be gone for 20 minutes."
    "And a survey. More than three in five employees support the idea of aid."

The conversation highlights the absurdity and humor in the notion of formalizing sexual wellness days within corporate settings.

---

5. Worst Drivers by Vehicle Brand

The show presents a humorous yet critical analysis of the worst-performing vehicle brands based on traffic incidents.

• Key Findings:

  • Brett Vesely shares the report:
    "[14:00] Brett: A new report analyzed data from insurance companies and accident reports. Worst drivers by vehicle brand: Tesla, Ram, Subaru."

• Hosts’ Reactions:

  • Brady Bogen chimes in about his Jeep:
    "[14:17] Brett: The worst drivers in the brand of vehicle number one was Tesla Ram number two, Subaru third."
    "[14:50] Brady: Yeah, it's a box. My Jeep is a box. It's cool, but I don't like driving the Jeep very fast."

The hosts discuss the implications of these statistics, poking fun at the vehicles and the drivers associated with them.

---

6. Buddy Carter’s Proposal to Rename Greenland

A political discussion ensues as the hosts talk about a Republican congressman’s controversial proposal.

• Overview of the Proposal:

  • Brett Vesely introduces the topic:
    "[15:12] Brett: There's a Republican congressman from Georgia named Buddy Carter. He wants to change the name of Greenland to Red, White and Blue Land."

• Hosts’ Reactions and Analysis:

  • Brady Bogen questions the feasibility:
    "[16:11] Brett: Buddy Carter introduced the bill. Red, white, and Blue Land Act of 2025."
    "[16:31] Brady: And Bezos… [continues with humorous skepticism]."
  • Christian, another co-host, humorously renames regions:
    "[17:15] Christian: Oh, Bob Marika. I might rename the United States Bob Rossland."

• Notable Quotes:

  • Brady Bogen on the absurdity:
    "[16:14] Brady: The dude lost his mind over Gulf of America."
  • Dick Toledo comments on the continuity of absurd ideas:
    "[19:28] Dick Toledo: Didn't think they had fat people, but they don't."

The discussion satirizes the proposal, highlighting its impracticality and the humorous reactions it garners from the hosts.

---

7. Additional Topics

George Washington’s Dentures

• Brett Vesely shares an amusing historical fact:
  "[06:34] Brett: George Washington's dentures were partially made from hippo tusks."

• Hosts’ Reactions:

  • Brady Bogen:
    "[06:44] Brady: I never heard the ivory."

Westminster Dog Show

• Brett Vesely reports on a giant schnauzer’s achievement:
  "[08:31] Brett: A giant schnauzer named Monty won Best in Show at the Westminster Dog Show."

• Hosts’ Commentary:

  • Brady Bogen expresses enthusiasm:
    "[09:02] Brady: Cute dog, too."

Bob Ross Painting Segment

• Brady Bogen critiques his own painting attempts:
  "[11:13] Brett: Then couple spas, a paint and sip party."
  "[11:25] Brady: I never again. I painted it black."

The hosts share light-hearted anecdotes about their personal hobbies and interests, adding depth to their on-air personas.

---

8. Violent Video Clips Commentary

The hosts watch and comment on various violent and bizarre video clips, providing running commentary filled with humor and shock.

• Notable Clips Discussed:

  • Motorcycle Grand Prix Accident: "[27:03] Brett: Look at all."
    "[27:38] Brady: You know what the more impressive thing was?"

  • Assassin in Hospital Waiting Room: "[28:32] Brady: Guy walks into a waiting room."

  • Asian Woman with Enlarged Nipples: "[34:34] Brady: Are you ready to show the world your gift?"

• Hosts’ Reactions:

  • Brady Bogen:
    "[35:35] Brady: You still got suicidal going back there somewhere."
    "[36:52] Brady: That can't be a thing."

The commentary provides a mix of humor, disbelief, and casual conversation about disturbing and unusual content.

---

9. Conclusion

As the episode wraps up, the hosts continue their humorous exchanges, blending ongoing discussions about Brady’s health with their trademark banter and commentary on various topics.

• Final Remarks:
  • Brady Bogen signs off with a humorous note:
    "[33:28] Brady: Whatever country this is."
    "[27:05] Brady: Oh, well, no, you're not allowed to do that."

The episode concludes with the hosts maintaining their light-hearted and entertaining dynamic, leaving listeners both amused and engaged.

---

Notable Quotes with Timestamps

• Brett Vesely on Protein in Urine:
  "[02:25] Brett: Lot of protein in the urine."

• Brady Bogen on Tumor Interpretation:
  "[03:27] Brady: And that's the tumor."

• Brett Vesely on Fighting Health Issues:
  "[04:04] Brett: It means he's gonna fight that."

• Brady Bogen’s Kidney Replacement Joke:
  "[23:12] Brady: Well, yeah, I think so."

• Brett Vesely on Valentine’s Day Statistics:
  "[10:17] Brett: Google just released some of the fresh Valentine's Day stats."

• Brady Bogen on Sexual Wellness Days:
  "[13:14] Brady: That's a little arrogant."

• Brett Vesely on Renaming Greenland:
  "[15:12] Brett: There's a Republican congressman from Georgia named Buddy Carter."

• Brady Bogen on George Washington’s Dentures:
  "[06:44] Brady: I never heard the ivory."

• Brady Bogen on Painting Failures:
  "[11:25] Brady: I never again. I painted it black."

• Brett Vesely on Dog Show Winner:
  "[08:31] Brett: A giant schnauzer named Monty won Best in Show."

---

This episode of Holmberg's Morning Sickness delivers a blend of personal health discussions, humorous takes on current events, and light-hearted banter among the hosts, ensuring an engaging and entertaining experience for listeners.

Transcript

[Dick Toledo]

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[Brady]

It's time for Brady to give you all that news that only Brady knows. We call this the Brady Report. And we say Brady Report it.

[Brett]

Good Wednesday morning to you, Phoenix.

[Brady]

Hello, world. Hi.

[Brett]

Happy National Hug Day.

[Brady]

Oh, I'd hug you, Brady. I don't want to catch that Cancer. People asking, getting up a little later. What happened with Brady's cancer?

[Brett]

Cancer?

[Brady]

Well, you can't say for sure it is.

[Brett]

It's not for sure cancer.

[Brady]

He has a spotty ultrasound. Never good. And the machine that he was in wasn't fortified enough so he couldn't get in it. So they have to. They built him a new one. So for those of you asking, your appointment was canceled yesterday for today. Oh, I thought it was for yesterday. I thought you said.

[Brett]

No, yesterday I went to a follow up meeting with the nephrologist.

[Brady]

So you've had two doctor's appointments in two days. Dr. Lynn, something horrible is happening to you. So you went to a doctor before.

[Brett]

Then I went to a specialist.

[Brady]

And then yesterday you went again.

[Brett]

The follow up with the specialist.

[Brady]

And the follow up with the specialist was for. I thought yesterday was the day you got in the tube.

[Brett]

Working on getting the blood pressure meds to see what's going on there.

[Brady]

Okay.

[Brett]

Because your blood pressure labs today. Yeah, but if it is the adrenal gland. Yeah, that could be causing the blood pressure problems, not the medication.

[Brady]

You said you have to go get tests today.

[Brett]

Labs.

[Brady]

You have to go get more blood today.

[Brett]

Yeah.

[Brady]

Jesus Christ, Brett. There's too many doctors visits.

[Ladonna]

Yeah, I don't know.

[Brady]

Something terrible happening.

[Ladonna]

Better call Ladonna.

[Brady]

Yeah, look at Ladonna on standby. And. And so you were supposed to have that other thing today too. And now that's next week.

[Brett]

Lot of. Lot of protein in the urine.

[Brady]

Oh, is that. I don't know what that means.

[Ladonna]

Not enough vegetables.

[Brady]

Oh, no.

[Brett]

It means he's gonna fight that.

[John]

That's not it at all, doctor.

[Brett]

It could mean a couple of things. One, it could mean that some. Your. Your kidney is coming out of. The protein is the kidney particle.

[Brady]

You're peeing out, you're chunking out kidneys.

[Brett]

It's like there is a. There could be a pressure washer from the blood pressure on to your kidney, which applies a ton of pressure on your kidney, which causes. Then he gave an example. The nephrologist took a tissue, and he says, if I hold this tissue up and I spray water, if I blow air on it, what happens? It just. It filters it.

[Christian]

Right?

[Brady]

What is.

[Brett]

He goes, but if I took an air compressor to that tissue, what happens?

[Brady]

Where's that coming from?

[Brett]

The pressure from the adrenal gland, so it's just swollen, could be up against there, and it would cause that pressure. So basically you're.

[Brady]

And that's the tumor.

[Brett]

That's the particles of the kidney.

[Brady]

So it's pushing your kidney so hard, your kidneys disintegrating through your urine, more or less. Okay, we've got maybe four weeks, if that. If you're pissing out your kidneys.

[Brett]

Potentially.

[Brady]

Yeah, you're melting.

[Brett]

And he goes, then maybe we take the adrenal gland out and they pop that out.

[Brady]

Yeah, and then you have no adrenaline.

[Brett]

You have two of those.

[Brady]

Oh, you'll have to. Adrenaline.

[Brett]

Because I asked him that. What happens there? He goes, well, you have two of them. You know, take one of them out.

[Brady]

So you just get rid of one.

[Dick Toledo]

Yeah.

[Brady]

And you'll be a little lazy. I don't think you'll get really juiced up for much.

[Brett]

I don't know about that. He didn't say. I go, how's that on lifestyle? You know?

[Brady]

And he looked at. He said, you'll be fine. What are you running? Mountains? You're good, right? How much adrenaline do you need, Evil Knievel? You're good. So you won't have. You don't have an adrenal gland. Best case scenario.

[Brett]

That would be a good. Yeah, if that's the case. And then. Then because he goes, then your blood pressure meds that you're taking, you might. It has nothing to do with that. That's because of the pressure of that man. But if not, he left it this way. This is always good. No, no, he goes, get that lab work done, you know, and if you hear from me. Oh, you do not want to hear from me. But if you hear from me. Oh, no, that means it's. We got to get you in we.

[Brady]

Got the big C. I don't know.

[Brett]

About that, but he's like, something's on there that has to need immediate attention.

[Brady]

I'm going to change the music for your.

[Brett]

You don't want to hear my voice. I'm like, that's nice, Doc.

[Brady]

Probably. All right, this is Brady's new news theme. We're just going to go with this the whole way.

[Brett]

Anything else? No news is good news.

[Brady]

Keep. Then you can keep ignoring whatever the hell's going on. That's brilliant doctrine right there. I would want to hear from him saying everything's okay. So he's just not going to call you back if everything's all right?

[Brett]

He goes, if you hear from anyone else, it's okay. Like an assistant or if I call you again, but if you hear from me, you're dying. It's business time.

[John]

All right, I'm gonna go grab a pie. You wanna join me?

[Brady]

This is exactly what I'm talking about. Nah.

[Ladonna]

You know what's gonna happen? New phone.

[Brady]

Who dis. Yeah.

[Brett]

All right.

[Brady]

Well, we'll have a. Do you wanna have a memorial show before you die? For sure, yeah. Should.

[Brett]

Why?

[Brady]

Why celebrate Brady afterwards?

[Brett]

You brought that up years ago.

[Brady]

What?

[Brett]

People should do it.

[Brady]

I think so. I think a big a funeral for you as you're alive. Larry David took my idea and put it on Curb your enthusiasm. I was at Albert Brooks, but they did a whole episode of like, I want to be at my own funeral. And I'm going to watch it through like a closed circuit television. But for sure, we'll do that for you. And I do think, though. All right, let me try it again. Here's all the news. Only Brady knows we call this the Brady report. Brady report it.

[Brett]

Hello, my friends.

[Brady]

It's over, man.

[Brett]

A couple of baseless fun facts.

[Brady]

I don't think it'll work the whole way, though. All right.

[Brett]

George Washington's dentures were partially made from hippo tusks. I'd always heard wood and ivory.

[Brady]

I never heard the ivory.

[Brett]

I heard the ivory part, too, but I makes sense now where they got the ivory.

[Brady]

Here's some fun stuff for you, Brady. People are always so helpful. Tell Brady the protein spillage in your urine is something to have a lot of concern about. That's how they found out about my blood cancer. Tell him to check his emails. I've emailed you a whole bunch about this. I've got it.

[Brett]

Yeah, he did email me.

[Brady]

Did you email him back?

[Dick Toledo]

Yeah, he says you miss this.

[Brett]

Oh, no, he said for you.

[Brady]

Because you check your email and respond. Brady doesn't.

[Ladonna]

Man. What a prayer.

[Brett]

Because I read that one to you.

[John]

Yeah, I'm not gonna respond to me. I'm probably not gonna be around much longer.

[Brett]

Usually put a happy emoji on the happy face. Yeah.

[John]

Sorry about your tanish blood.

[Brett]

Thanks for the update.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[Brett]

That's one of the things we're looking at.

[Brady]

Yeah. Is that you got blood cancer.

[Christian]

Jesus.

[Brady]

You don't seem at all concerned. I need some of those rose colored glasses this man wears. I'm more concerned for you.

[Ladonna]

Your meta Ray Ban's got nothing on your throws.

[Brady]

My meta Ray Bans would be whispering in my ear. You know you're gonna die. Like, stop, meta. Stop with the bad news.

[Brett]

Tom Hanks brother Jim does the voice of Woody and everything except the Toy Story movies. I didn't know that. He handles video games, the dolls, and.

[Brady]

He was the specials body double in a lot of stuff. From behind, he looks. I don't know if he does anymore because I think he shaves his head now. But he puts a wig on. And for. I think it was Forrest Gump. He's a lot of the scenes of force just walking away.

[Brett]

Her brother Mr. T's original set of gold chains came from people who lost them or left them after fights when he worked as a nightclub bouncer.

[Brady]

That club sounds horrible. That's. He's got like 400 south side of Chicago.

[Ladonna]

Of course it does.

[Brady]

Fight two or three guys a day and swipe their chains.

[Brett]

A giant schnauzer named Monty won the best in show last night in the Westminster Dog show in New York. It was the third year in a row he'd made the final. It's the first time a dog from a working group has won since 2004. And he's the first giant schnauzer to ever win.

[Brady]

Cute dog, too.

[Dick Toledo]

Also, spoiler alert for those of you who have it taped.

[Brady]

Me, thanks a lot. But I'm fine with that. Giant schnauzers are awesome. I watch that Westminster thing every year. I've had so many dogs in my life that I can relate to, like 15 different breeds.

[Dick Toledo]

Do you try and find new breeds that you'd like to interact with?

[Brady]

There's a couple. Yeah.

[Dick Toledo]

Yeah.

[Brady]

That common door has my attention. They're pretty neat. Yeah, Common doors are cool. And then. Yeah, they look like giant Rastafarians.

[Dick Toledo]

Oh, that with the.

[Brady]

But they've got, like, thick dreads. Evidently they're waterproof. I'd put that to the test the.

[Brett]

First day I saw a different. A new breed. I think it was like a sheltie in a husky, a shusky. Because they showed me a picture of it. This person said, this is my dog.

[Brady]

I'm like, it's a Shelty husky.

[Brett]

Yeah.

[Brady]

So it's.

[Brett]

But it looks like a miniature husky because, you know, so it's like Lassie.

[Brady]

And Call of the Wild in one.

[Brett]

Dog, but smaller than Lassie because Lassie's a collie.

[Brady]

Yeah, that's true. I thought Lassie was a sheltie. Was she a collie? Officially, yeah.

[Brett]

Google just released some of the fresh Valentine's Day stats.

[Brady]

I'm sorry, Brady. Everybody's worried about you. I've got multiple people sending me little memes of them pouring out their 40s for Brady.

[Brett]

Most women would rather stay in. 63% women celebrating at home sounds a lot more fun than going out. 55% of men agreed. 62% overall think a home cooked meal is more romantic than a fancy restaurant.

[Brady]

Valentine's Day is a. It should be. You should, you know, have that kind of stuff all the time. It shouldn't be just one off.

[Brett]

52% of women think Valentine's Day proposals are overrated.

[Brady]

Kind of stupid.

[Brett]

Google says the top trending Valentine's Day date this year is hitting up an arcade. Zoos are next.

[Dick Toledo]

Not bad.

[Brett]

Then couple spas, a paint and sip party. Maybe those were over.

[Brady]

What?

[John]

Paint and sips.

[Brady]

I've done that in the past. Never again.

[Dick Toledo]

Yeah, you used to say you just.

[Brady]

I painted. I can't do it.

[Dick Toledo]

You black out your whole canvas.

[Brady]

Brady's golfed with me. He realizes that when I have a bad shot, stuff's getting broken. So I go to that paint and sip thing and Dina, the lady that runs the place, always, john, don't do it. Don't ruin it. And I'm like, well, it's not good, but it's. Why it's just your effort. Well, this is like a. Like this. Like a parent of a retarded boy wouldn't put this on their fridge. I'm painting it black. And then I just end with a black canvas. And at the end, the whole class has to show their work and they take a picture and I'm not allowed in the picture because I look like Satan. I've got this weird. I had a couple of exclusive look. I've got a couple of them. Art is in the eye of the beholder. Maybe that's what I saw, but I had a couple of them I've done that were great. And then once it started to become a thing where I didn't understand the thickness of the brush and I was making trees really fat and weird and then I couldn't fix it. And every time you try to fix something when you're painting, it gets 10 times worse. Bob Ross is wrong. I need to fix this right here. Little fixer upper here. And he'd just carve off a little edge of that tree.

[Brett]

He was magic.

[Brady]

I tried to do it and the next thing you know, I've got this blob trunk. I'm making a redwood in the middle of this. It looks terrible. So I just paint over it.

[Brett]

A new report says that workplaces may start providing special days for sexual wellness. Oh, sex days. On top of six sick days.

[Brady]

That you can take the day off for sex.

[Brett]

Their sex days. It would be dedicated for time off for intimacy, health and related needs.

[Brady]

That's a little arrogant. Like you're running a marathon. You're going to be gone for 20 minutes.

[Brett]

And a survey. More than three in five employees support the idea of aid.

[Brady]

Of course, I'd take a paid, not go to work.

[Brett]

Who are the two roots?

[Brady]

Yeah, who are the two holding? I'll get it down at lunch. That's what it used to be called. Lunch with the secretary.

[Brett]

Half of employees have taken a sex day.

[Dick Toledo]

Unofficially, yeah. Hear the words you say sometimes.

[Brett]

I mean, who talks like that?

[Brady]

98 PD home. Bloomberg's Morning sickness. Oh, no. Just got an email from Brady's. Doctor says got your results, Mr. Bogan. Your cheeto levels are alarming. And it's not evening out with your cool ranch levels. Signed your doctor chest, Archie. Ta. So I don't really necessarily think you're going to a legitimate doctor day.

[Brett]

A new report analyzed actual data from insurance companies and accident reports to come up with a definitive list of the best and worst drivers by vehicle brand. Here are the results.

[Brady]

Megan. Any vehicle.

[Brett]

The worst drivers in the brand of vehicle number one was Tesla Ram number two, Subaru third.

[Ladonna]

That's all that traffic around the Mercury game.

[Brett]

Tesla drivers had nearly 37 incidents per 1,000 drivers throughout 2024. And includes accidents, DUI, speeding and citations on the other end. Like your. Your Jeep is at the bottom. It's 11th through.

[Christian]

Well, there's not a lot of speeding in a Jeep.

[Brady]

Yeah, it's a box. My Jeep is a box. It's cool, but it doesn't. I can get it going pretty good, but I'm not speeding.

[Dick Toledo]

Not that type of high performance vehicle.

[Brady]

I. I'll cook around 85 a lot.

[Brett]

Yeah. But it's comfortable.

[Brady]

But other than that, I'm starting to get a little wobbly at 90. I don't like driving the Jeep very fast.

[Brett]

There's a Republican congressman from Georgia named Buddy Carter. He wants to change the name of Greenland to Red, White and Blue Land.

[Brady]

My Google Maps changed Gulf of Mexico, by the way. It says Gulf of America.

[Ladonna]

Apple did too.

[Brady]

Did it do it on Apple? It did it on mine. It's like, only for us in America. But I. Yeah.

[Brett]

And I heard there's a buddy that I know in many in Minneapolis who basically he's on Instagram every once in a while. This is the one that put him over. He's never posted political things.

[Dick Toledo]

The one that put him over that.

[Brett]

Now it's called he's mad of America. Really?

[Brady]

He's mad about it.

[Dick Toledo]

Oh, that was the straw for him.

[Brett]

Yep.

[Dick Toledo]

Okay.

[Brett]

It surprised me. He's like just. Yeah, he is worked up and he's posting about it. Yeah.

[Brady]

I don't understand the posting of political stuff. You're just shouting to people that agree with you and picking fights with people who don't.

[Brett]

Right.

[Brady]

So I don't understand why you. I guess it's just to document your feelings at a certain time and you.

[Brett]

Think you know somebody. But of all the ones I would think that would be.

[Brady]

The dude lost his mind over Gulf of America. I didn't think it was, like, necessary until I found out why he did it. Like, to drill. Because the law said you're not allowed to do new drilling in Gulf of Mexico. So we changed the name.

[Dick Toledo]

Drill baby drill.

[Brady]

Right. But Biden passed that thing before, so you can't do that in the Gulf of Mexico. He's like, okay, I have an idea. Love or hate it, that's pretty clever and bold. It's gonna change the earth's map, John.

[Christian]

I'm a great idea. Gulf of America. Drill, baby, drill. And red, white and blue land coming soon.

[Dick Toledo]

John, I've been listening to the show for 20 years on now. You've said some effed up stuff, my man.

[Brady]

Yep.

[Dick Toledo]

But this morning you just said Bob Ross was wrong and that's a line too far. That man is the same.

[Brady]

I agree with you that that was a. It's a controversial stance.

[Christian]

Let's get back to renaming things. Bob Ross was a. Was a goddamn angel. But I'm good at the 51st state.

[Brady]

I'm signing. No, he's fine.

[Christian]

Oh, Bob Marika. I might rename the United States Bob Rossland, but I'm gonna start. It starts today. Our 51st state, Amerida, up there in the north. We've changed Canada to Amerida. It's now ours. All that stuff. All those trees.

[Brady]

Good stuff.

[Christian]

A lot of people said I wouldn't.

[Brady]

Do it, but I did it.

[Brett]

Big fan of sir.

[Christian]

I welcome them all to the old It's a boot time.

[Brett]

I say they'll change that.

[Christian]

We're gonna change it. So you can't say a boot anymore. You're American now. It's about you can't wear boots. Or it's about, no, listen. A boot is the way they said.

[Brady]

They're wrong.

[Christian]

We're also gonna drop a lot of use from lettuce. Flavor doesn't be the U. Spell it like an American color. Color. I don't know what they're doing. Not right.

[Dick Toledo]

Velour.

[Christian]

I don't know if they do it. Not a lot of people wearing velour. You and your grandfather can talk about that later.

[Brett]

Toques.

[Christian]

Toques are called ski caps now.

[Brett]

Well, Buddy Carter introduced the bill. Red, white, and Blueland act of 2025.

[Brady]

I love it.

[Brett]

If it passes, it would also give President Trump congressional approval to negotiate with Denmark and buy Greenland. He claims it's important. America's national security.

[Brady]

Wait, we can just.

[Ladonna]

Who do you buy it from?

[Brady]

Yeah, Denmark owns it. But that's the thing. We rename it, and then Denmark's got to go. Ah, nuts. Now we have to. We can call it whatever we want. Denmark would still be like. You can name it, name it whatever.

[Ladonna]

You want, or send Hopkins over there and get this handle.

[Brady]

Like somebody can name my house their house. Right. Well, doesn't mean I have to negotiate.

[Dick Toledo]

It's called title fraud.

[Brady]

Right. I think it's called squatting and also fraud.

[Brett]

Not sure if Denmark is too keen on selling it.

[Dick Toledo]

They're not.

[Brady]

They've said so.

[Brett]

Yeah, someone will. Someone there launched a jokey online petition making fun of it and calling on Denmark to buy California.

[Christian]

They don't have any money, Brady. They're Denmark.

[Brett]

We do.

[Christian]

They don't.

[Dick Toledo]

I don't know. There's a lot of mills over there.

[Christian]

That's right. You know, they've got that one thing. The. They're the. They're the people who invented Ozempic. So they've got that.

[Dick Toledo]

Is that where it started?

[Christian]

Pretty sure. They got that whole thing over there. So maybe a little Ozempic money.

[Dick Toledo]

Didn't think they had fat people, but they don't.

[Christian]

They.

[Brady]

We do.

[Christian]

And that's why we need Them.

[Ladonna]

How do you figure out the price of like a country or something? Or continent? I mean, there's no comps in the neighborhood or anything for that. I mean, you know.

[Brady]

Yeah. What did Nova Scotia just go for? Right? You know, and plus it's huge. And there's only like 60,000 total people there on that giant ice block. But we want it because China's gonna start running shipping lanes once that stuff starts melting to the point where we can get over the top of the world and the minerals are get right up on top of us.

[Dick Toledo]

I don't know.

[Brady]

Red, white and blue land. I don't know what kind of nuthouse I'm living in in this simulation, but I'm liking it.

[Brett]

Game wardens in East Texas busted a deer hu. They caught him hunting from a porta potty he set up on someone's property. Spray painted camo cut holes on the sides for his guns. It was like a makeshift deer blind. Sat there while he waited for the deer to show up. The fact that it was a porta Potty wasn't really the issue. That's fine, but apparently he just said it on private property. He didn't ask.

[Dick Toledo]

Yeah, that's bad.

[Brett]

Officials found out about a year ago, set up cameras. They caught him when he came back in November, first day of deer season. But they just shared the photo this week. He also had to remove the porta potty. They didn't say if that was functioning or not, or did he modify it so much. But there's the porta potty.

[Brady]

What's wrong with that? Well, how's that different than a tree blind?

[Brett]

Well, you didn't watch. They're okay with that. It's just. You got it. You didn't get permission on the private property.

[Brady]

Oh, well, that's less to do about the porta potty than it did just squatting. Yeah. Do you guys ever do this? You go to the Google maps and you squeeze out to just earth and then spin it backwards as fast as you can, thinking maybe someday you'll spin it so fast you'll change time. And doing the Superman. I can't help it.

[Dick Toledo]

You got to get better at that.

[Brady]

Well, I don't say. I. I don't. The astronomical speed you would have to actually affect the earth.

[Dick Toledo]

John. I'm a big fan of whiskey. So when I go, I've asked my family to pour out a little liquor for me in my honor. So when Brady goes, since he's not a teetotaling drinker, I figure we gotta drop A slice for him, right?

[Brady]

Like an old slice. Coca Cola?

[Dick Toledo]

No, like a piece of.

[Christian]

Oh, a slice of pie.

[Brady]

Oh, I thought you meant like a slice. Like those bad sprites that are now called starry or something. Starry? Yeah, like drinks from Grand Theft auto.

[Dick Toledo]

It's just gonna be a pile of pizza slices on the ground.

[Brady]

You spit a little out for bread. Here, take a pepperoni off the top and you drop it.

[Dick Toledo]

There you go.

[Brady]

Just the pepperoni. This one's out for my homie.

[John]

Can't have that anymore. Cause I'm pissing out my kidneys.

[Brady]

You say that me saying it right there made me uncomfortable.

[John]

Yeah, it turns out I'm pissing out most of my shedding, sloughed up kidneys.

[Dick Toledo]

What?

[John]

Anyway, it's gone.

[Brady]

Everything okay in there?

[John]

Yeah, I'm fine.

[Dick Toledo]

You gonna steal one at Kirby's?

[Brady]

Yeah. Do you get.

[Brett]

No.

[Brady]

You wouldn't take Kirby's kidneys.

[Brett]

I can just get a pig's kidney.

[Brady]

That's true. You know where to get that?

[Brett]

Yeah.

[Ladonna]

Well, why let the kidney go to waste?

[Brady]

Except for bacon and lamb chop. Brady's like an Indian when it comes to pigs.

[John]

I use all of it. Sometimes I even make their organs mine.

[Brady]

If a doctor told me. So basically what's happening is your insides are coming out of your urethra every time you pee.

[John]

Okey doke.

[Brady]

How do you walk out of there and not like, oh, we need to fix this right now.

[Brett]

It could be one of the.

[Brady]

Even still, that's all I would think about.

[Dick Toledo]

Shouldn't Brady be able to pick out his replacement?

[Brady]

Well, yeah, I think so. I think that's. I hope he's been thinking about it, but he doesn't think about these things. The future scares him, so he ignores it. He acts like everything's fine, even though every time he pees, a little more kidney comes out. A little less kidney inside, little more outside. Don't like my kidneys on the outside. That's first. That's. I'm 52 years in on keeping those things internal. It's been pretty successful.

[Dick Toledo]

Yeah, I think that's a good plan.

[Brady]

Yeah. This one said, Brady, if things get worse, and let's be honest, that's how it looks, I'm here for you. Like all the rest of us, I have extensive experience and willing to work with you in your own home. I'm trained. I've been known to give extra special care to my patients. And I'd love to share some of that care.

[Brett]

My man, Christian.

[Brady]

Rapper Nathan Sutherland.

[Dick Toledo]

Grady. I never Heard if you're actually a big fan of ranch. So do we pour out ranch or would you rather have the pizza?

[Brady]

What would you when you finally die of this kidney problem, like us to dump out in your honor. You don't want us wasting ranch. I don't think. Although I'm not a big ranch fan, I'd rather have something huge.

[Brett]

I don't mind ranch, but I'm not a. An addict.

[Dick Toledo]

Ranches out.

[Brady]

So it'll just be dropping. Dropping pep mush.

[Brett]

Pep mush would be drop a topping. Yeah.

[John]

Drop a top for pop pop.

[Brady]

That's what we'll call it. Take one of your toppings, drop it, eat it. No, throw it on the floor. That's for you. That's what you do when you pour it out for your home is you're giving your boys a sip.

[Dick Toledo]

Is that true? That fire up in Prescott is called the Brady fire.

[Brady]

Mm. And the one in his urethra is also. Does it burn when it pees? When you piss out your kidney? Not at all. Don't even.

[Brett]

The flow is fine.

[Brady]

Just. You've lost feelings so much.

[Brett]

Yeah. There's no blood in the urine.

[Brady]

Do you occasionally have to push it back in like a rosebud? Your kidney falls out of your penis.

[Brett]

Yes. Oops. Gotta get you back home, mini beehive.

[John]

You get back in there, you rapscallion kidney.

[Dick Toledo]

I would love to see you, Brett.

[Brett]

You'll have a video.

[Ladonna]

I'm sure I will.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John]

Ronnie, I need a wooden spoon. I gotta jam my kidney back up through my wee wee.

[Dick Toledo]

Oops.

[John]

Is your kidney out again?

[Brett]

Wouldn't you know it?

[John]

Yep.

[Dick Toledo]

Every time I pee, bloop guy says I have the answer We've been looking for something to do with that 5 year old Brady sauce.

[John]

Now every time I pee, I put a cowboy hat on the end of my penis when I pee. Cause it looks like the Hubba Bubba man blowing bubbles.

[Brett]

Ow. This. Would it be a bubble?

[John]

My kidney. Get that back in there. You're an inside kidney, not an outside kidney. Stop. We've talked about this, dummy.

[Brett]

Got a couple of Brady videos.

[Brady]

God, I'm gonna miss you soon. For the record, we really soon. I speak for everyone when I say. Okay, that very soon. On his birthday. I was joking around. It was his last one. I didn't know.

[Dick Toledo]

Oh, you can't make those kind of jokes. You will it into.

[Brady]

Sure I can. Please spit that into the ether. So Brady's last birthday and we had a toast and all that. Little did I know.

[John]

Bubble.

[Brady]

Get around the world in 80 days. Coming out of his urethra.

[Dick Toledo]

How many times do you get up from the table?

[Brett]

Gotta go.

[Dick Toledo]

Get.

[John]

I gotta pee.

[Brady]

Brady, you look like you're bleeding.

[John]

No, I spilled some tomato sauce. I gotta go.

[Dick Toledo]

Different tomato pants.

[Brady]

Morning sickness.

[Brett]

Hear the words you say sometimes. I mean, who talks like that?

[Brady]

98 KUPD. Holmberg's Morning Sickness.

[John]

It looks like it's gonna say something in a cartoon, but it's not. Gotta quiet you down. Get back in thought. Get back in there.

[Dick Toledo]

Thought bubble asks if Brady's doctor can be Dr. Hibbert. Can you do that?

[Brady]

Oh, well, no, you're not allowed to do that. I'm white.

[Dick Toledo]

Oh, is that right? Do it again.

[Brady]

I won't even expose you to the horrors of the Three Stooges. Boy, Brady, it looks like your kidneys. It's coming out of your. Wee wee.

[Brett]

First one's a little motorcycle grand Prix racing.

[Brady]

Jesus. This. This is a horrible accident. Just to start. One man's down another guy. Oh, my God. He hit the bike and it exploded. Look at them all just spinning. Wow.

[John]

Look at all.

[Brady]

You know what the more impressive thing was? Every other rider dodging all the stuff there is standing. Wow.

[Brett]

Other dude's not.

[Dick Toledo]

Oh, yeah, he's not.

[Brady]

Is one of the dudes done? No, the one that blows up.

[Brett]

Look at the bottom right here. He hits it pretty hard.

[Brady]

Yeah. Oh. And then the bike hits him. Half of it, at least. Wow. That's scary. Yuck.

[Dick Toledo]

Yikes.

[Brady]

Ugh.

[Brett]

Next one's the quickest way to get your own park bench.

[Brady]

Okay. We're sitting on the park bench. It's like a terrible country. Anyway. Oh. Guy just walks up and hits the dude in the park bench from behind. Pull out wax to the back of the head to a dude resting comfortably on a park bench. Not anymore. That is a quick way to get a park bench. Hit someone. Oops. I'm sorry. Wild American, you.

[Brett]

Last one. I like the fact they call it a miracle. This is horrible. This guy comes in as an assassin in a hospital.

[Brady]

Guy walks into a waiting room. Oh, just start shooting, people.

[Brett]

Watch. Here's the miracle. Wow.

[John]

Oh, my God.

[Brett]

She's fully recovered.

[Brady]

Jesus.

[Brett]

Look at how quick some dude comes.

[Brady]

In and starts shooting up a hospital waiting room lady in a wheelchair. A lady in a wheelchair is just barely alive. She hears those gunshots. She's got both her adrenaline glands. She gets up and runs from. It's like Stephen Hawking getting out of Miracle. Everyone be shot in the head. There's no way. Watch this. He shot out of that or she shot out of that chair.

[Ladonna]

Benny Hinn couldn't even get her out of the wheelchair. And this guy just did it right now.

[Brady]

Oh my God. This guy says, I truly feel bad for what's going on with Brady and his bubbling urethra of kidney problems. But part of me can't wait to hear Brady and Ralphie come down to do bits together. Yeah, that'll be fun.

[John]

Brady and I'll be a comedy team up there in heaven.

[Dick Toledo]

Brady, for the record, I've been throwing mushrooms off my pizza for years now. Every time I do it I'll say, there you go, Brady for you, boy.

[Brady]

The guy with blood cancer says it doesn't hurt. John, you just notice your pee when you pee directly in the toilet is foamy. That's protein. This is why I emailed Brady yesterday and asked if he was going to lose weight. Do you have foamy urine?

[Brett]

No.

[Brady]

Then it's cancer.

[Ladonna]

So it's like an Orange Julia Sin or what?

[Brady]

Evidently I haven't seen an Orange Julius in a while, but you made me, remember? And it's kind of orange and foamy. Yeah.

[Dick Toledo]

Did you just give Brady a kidney abortion? John, get him Sprite and graham crackers.

[Brady]

He's gonna need a slice. Well, yeah, he's got a. Well, yeah. She's just carry around a hanger all the time. And put that thing back. I'm passing a kidney stone.

[John]

No, a kidney.

[Brady]

Poor bastard.

[Dick Toledo]

Yikes. John, I have terminal cancer and I wish I could get buried in a condiment bottle. Not a little one, but a full size casket. The shape and painted like a bottle of ketchup. Has Brady had this thought also? I figured he might have had the same thoughts since he's now my cancer brother.

[Brady]

Oh man, terminal cancer guy is coming on to you. You're one of the brethren. We should start talking about him like he's not here just to get used to it.

[Dick Toledo]

John, will you sing in Brady's honor at night of the Living Dead or.

[Brady]

Singing Dead and not a singing dead. Well, if Brady's not here in October, I think he'll still be here in October. Who knows? We'll wheel him up there for one last run.

[Ladonna]

Of Mick Mars.

[Dick Toledo]

The Allman Brothers.

[Brett]

Yeah, for a year.

[Brady]

Yeah, they had that one around. One of the almond. Was it an almond brother? It was a Leonard Skynyrd. And was it? They took their dead brother and they had him in a casket and they popped him up on stage for a year.

[Brett]

I don't know how long but it.

[Brady]

Was a long time. It's gross. Anyway. Anyway, I hope you're okay. I'm worried about you, Burt. What do you got over there? All right, I'm not alone. All these people are.

[Dick Toledo]

No, you're definitely concerned about Brady.

[Brady]

Brady, you're in our thoughts. And then just. Well, that's one he'd appreciate. One of his final dad jokes.

[Ladonna]

Start off with this terrible country.

[Brady]

This is a dump of a country. I can tell by the streets and the motorcycles. There's one guy pulling a motorcycle out. Everybody's got sticks, like, big bamboo sticks. And one guy's trying to pull.

[Brett]

Table for one.

[Brady]

And now he's pulling, like, all the motorcycles. Oh, they're blocking the road. For what? For this. Oh, to beat this. And then a truck comes through. They clobber a guy, so they block the roads.

[Dick Toledo]

Where's the second guy from?

[Brady]

Other motorcycles back here? Yeah, they're trying to.

[Brett]

Is that Indian Bert Crasher?

[Brady]

The machine is there. They're blocking the block in the sidewalk from, like, other motorcycles with motorcycles. And it's no match for that truck.

[Ladonna]

Don't protest in that country.

[Brady]

Yeah, well, don't live in that country. Protest that. You live there by moving out. That's crazy.

[Ladonna]

So you.

[Brady]

Nobody's helping the dude that got run over.

[Brett]

What's with the moving of the table in the first place?

[Brady]

They're just. I don't know. They're just going about their business like that's an everyday thing.

[Dick Toledo]

Yeah, it happens enough that it's not a thing.

[Brady]

Whatever dump that is.

[Ladonna]

Now you're kind of a sneaker head, so this one's for you.

[Brady]

Okay. No, that's the same one. Brad. I gotta watch that guy die again. Do you have nice shoes? Was he wearing Travis Scott's? I didn't hear you. There he is again.

[Dick Toledo]

Still got him up.

[Ladonna]

Still got. We got video problems here.

[Brady]

Hang on. Oh, click out. Click in. I think that's. I think you're trapped in this video. You're forever lost.

[Ladonna]

Video.

[Brady]

Whatever country this is. Oh, Jesus Christ. It was an abrupt. Oh, guy stuffing a shoe in a woman's body.

[Brett]

Kind of wish it was stuck in there.

[Ladonna]

He's going in there.

[Brady]

Oh, he's got his. He's got a shoe in her butt and a fist in her front hole. And she's in a wall that's got. That's a Converse. That's a Chuck Taylor low. I am not a sneaker head when it comes to that. Those are $19 at Target. They're nice shoes, but they're for lawn work. That was disgusting. How do you know? Like, what's next if you can put a shoe in your butt? When do you get bored with that?

[Brett]

What?

[Brady]

They're trying working up cowboy boots and eventually, like a bichon freeze.

[Ladonna]

There's a little tactical black on the hockey floor.

[Brady]

Little Letterkenny action here. Oh, oh. Just a full out, not looking sucker punch. And he ends him.

[John]

Give your balls a tug. Down you go.

[Ladonna]

Wow. The whole helmet's strapped on and everything.

[John]

F you, Jonesy.

[Ladonna]

And we'll just end with this one.

[Brady]

Okay, It's a Asian woman staring directly into the camera.

[Brett]

One of your favorites.

[Brady]

Are you ready to show the world your gift? Yes. This is quite bizarre. And she says. I know. I said, let's begin your bizarre activity. Now she's got. Holy Moses. Her nipples are bigger than my wiener. It looks like a dairy cow, says one of the Asians. No, it's definitely human. Says the other. They've got them. Okay, so the Asians are talking about having sex with her nipples. And there's a hole in the end of the nipples big enough for their unpixelated Japanese penises to Jesus. She's got a lot going on there. Now there's four. She can open her nipples. What am I looking at? This isn't human. Her nipples are so big.

[Brett]

Not real. Not real.

[Brady]

You still got suicidal going back there somewhere. So what in the world? Can I see that again? Just for science reasons.

[Brett]

My stepmom blew me away the other day.

[Brady]

Turn off suicidal real quick. Yeah, I. I can't. I'm trying to do my job and explain this to you. Her nipples, I can't. Like, they're the size of teeth. Oh, yeah. But like an utter. But it's almost different. It almost looks like a big cigar. Like, if you take. Like. Because it's bigger than teats, it's humongous. And then these Japanese dudes show up in the room. I mean, they're just. I didn't know nipples opened up like that. Is that everybody's. I'm gonna go home and try that. They smell it. Like that's. She's actually very pretty outside of this thing she's got going on. That can't be real. Brady's. Yeah, that contraption. Wieners go in the nipple. Okay, but still, look, she's making use.

[Ladonna]

Of her hands on the other two guys.

[Brady]

That can't be a thing. I had a girlfriend who had split ones, so it was like she had. There's a clean out. All right. There she opens it up and drains it.

[Ladonna]

That'll definitely be in the videos for man.

[Brady]

You know what that is? It's nuclear mutations.

[Dick Toledo]

Ah. I'll go with that.

[Brady]

Generational. She must be from Nagasaki or something. Like, I was in the water the whole time and she became a mutant. Yeah. A girl I first, like, had a serious, like, thing with. Had split. And I. I never knew that. But they were almost cut down the middle. Like if you took a hot dog and cut the end of it and it split. Like, forked.

[Dick Toledo]

Yeah.

[Brady]

And I think I could. But I didn't know it was open its own navel. Yeah. But I didn't know if you opened it up, there'd, like, be a breach. Like, there's a hole there.

[Christian]

Blech.

[Brady]

The human body.

[Brett]

There's gotta be a medical condition.

[Brady]

Here's something a guy emailed for you. Brady. It says, why doesn't Brady eat bacon anymore? And I said, I don't know. Because Brady is dead. Like, my God, let's not do that. Not yet.

[Christian]

Come on.

[Brady]

He can still have some. Some swine. Let the man have a swine. Anyway, it's 8. 28. That's one of the more disturbing ones. It wasn't gross, and it wasn't over the top, but it was just weird.

[Ladonna]

Get any different?

[Brady]

Yeah.

[Ladonna]

Did we just come up with. Last time it was snorting.

[Brady]

That can't be real.

[Brett]

Yeah, that's got to be because they.

[Brady]

Brady. Right now.

[Brett]

I don't think that's a leather stuff around. I think they're disguising it a little bit.

[Brady]

Yeah, that. It was an outfit, but her boobs. It looked pretty good.

[Brett]

It's good.

[Ladonna]

Give your glasses back to Brady.

[Brady]

Yeah, no, I'm gonna. I don't. I. I don't care if it's real or not, but I have to imagine that's not. Or some. We'd have run into that along the way.

[Ladonna]

This guy wants to know if we're going to be sending Ronnie pizzas and Brady dies too.

[Brady]

No, but Kirby will definitely. Don't do it to the wife. You do it to the friends in the.

[Brett]

Anyway, the coolest shredding truck just pulled up.

[Brady]

Okay, see, now maybe you should die if you're. If you're thinking shredding sharks.

[Dick Toledo]

It says Brady on the side.

[Brett]

A dragon on the side of it.

[Brady]

Okay, that's enough. There you go. That is your Brady report. The countdown is on. It's 98. KUPD. It's out of control now.