02-12-25 - Teacher In Australia Identifies As A Cat Making Us Glad We're Not Tolerant Of That Anymore - Mom Sentenced For Keeping Her Kid Sick To Get Make A Wish Trip

Summary

Holmberg's Morning Sickness - Arizona Episode Released: February 12, 2025

Host: John Holmberg
Co-Hosts: Brady Bogen, Bret Vesely, Dick Toledo
Broadcast: 98KUPD | Hubbard Radio
Episode Title: Teacher In Australia Identifies As A Cat Making Us Glad We're Not Tolerant Of That Anymore - Mom Sentenced For Keeping Her Kid Sick To Get Make A Wish Trip

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1. Controversial Teacher Identifying as a Cat in Australia (00:39 - 06:00)

John Holmberg kicks off the episode by discussing a bizarre incident involving a teacher in Queensland, Australia, who identifies as a cat. Holmberg expresses relief that such extreme forms of self-identification aren't widely accepted in the United States anymore.

Key Points:

• Ms. Purr: A male teacher demands to be called "Ms. Purr," wears cat ears, licks his hands, and uses cat-like behaviors in the classroom.
• Parental Concerns: Multiple parents have voiced their displeasure on social media, citing disruptions and inappropriate behavior.
• School's Response: Contrary to Australian norms, the school hasn't taken action, leading Holmberg to question their tolerance levels.

Notable Quote:

"There's a teacher in Queensland, Australia, who hisses at the students, wears cat ears and licks his hands, identifies as a cat..." — John Holmberg [00:39]

2. Comparison with Similar Cases and Hypothetical Scenarios (06:00 - 09:00)

Holmberg and his co-hosts delve into similar instances where students or other teachers have identified as animals, particularly cats. They humorously speculate on the potential consequences if more individuals embraced such identities.

Key Points:

• Student Identifications: References to students identifying as cats, including one who required a scratching post and a napping bed.
• Hypothetical Scenarios: Holmberg jokes about identifying as a Great Dane to demand more substantial accommodations like a couch and access to furniture.
• School Policies: Discussion on how schools might handle increasing numbers of students identifying as various animals, leading to potential disruptions.

Notable Quote:

"I would just have a scratching post up and a little nap bed next to the thing. Because cats." — John Holmberg [03:25]

3. Societal Acceptance and Mental Health Implications (09:00 - 11:00)

The conversation shifts to the broader societal implications of accepting unconventional identities. Holmberg criticizes the current trends, suggesting a need to "call weirdos weirdos" and reduce over-tolerance.

Key Points:

• Mental Health Concerns: The hosts discuss the importance of addressing genuine mental health issues rather than accommodating outlandish claims.
• Educational Challenges: Challenges faced by educators in maintaining classroom order amidst such extreme identity assertions.
• Cultural Shifts: Observations on how societal norms are shifting towards greater acceptance, sometimes at the expense of rationality.

Notable Quote:

"There's a box, too. You know, if you let them hide in corners or stuff them under things, it doesn't add up." — John Holmberg [07:36]

4. Critique of Environmental Policies: The Paper Straw Ban (11:00 - 15:00)

Holmberg transitions to environmental topics, specifically criticizing the ban on paper straws. He argues that the initiative was illogical and ineffective, calling for better alternatives.

Key Points:

• Ineffectiveness of Paper Straws: Holmberg shares personal experiences with paper straws dissolving in drinks, rendering them impractical.
• Economic Impact: Mentions companies like Rah Rah Rum benefiting from alternative straw materials derived from agave plants.
• Call for Practical Solutions: Advocates for innovative solutions that balance environmental concerns without compromising functionality.

Notable Quote:

"It took the president to say, 'Enough of this nonsense.' So logic is coming back in its own weird way." — John Holmberg [14:32]

5. Make a Wish Scam: Mother Sentenced for Faking Her Child's Illness (17:00 - 21:00)

Holmberg narrates a troubling case where a mother was sentenced for faking her child’s illness to secure a Make a Wish trip to Disney World. The discussion highlights the lengths to which some parents might go for personal gain.

Key Points:

• The Scam: A mother falsely claimed her six-year-old daughter had an irregular heartbeat and seizures to obtain a Disneyland trip through Make a Wish.
• Legal Consequences: She was caught and sentenced for orchestrating the deception.
• Ethical Implications: The hosts condemn the act, emphasizing the importance of genuine need-based assistance programs.

Notable Quote:

"She tried to keep the kid sick just for a Make a Wish trip to Disneyland." — John Holmberg [17:15]

6. Humor and Irreverent Discussions: Fart Videos and OnlyFans (21:00 - 27:00)

The conversation takes a comedic turn as Holmberg and his co-hosts discuss unconventional money-making schemes like branded fart videos on OnlyFans. They mock the absurdity of such platforms becoming legitimate income sources.

Key Points:

• Fart Videos: Reference to individuals earning money through recording and selling fart videos online.
• OnlyFans Exploitation: Discussion on how people might exploit platforms like OnlyFans for dubious gains instead of conventional methods.
• Satirical Suggestions: Holmberg jokes about creating entertaining yet gross content to capitalize on trending online behaviors.

Notable Quote:

"There's a guy in England... doing fart videos and he's making 1500 bucks a month on the side." — John Holmberg [19:26]

7. Allegations Against Patrick Mahomes and Media Sensationalism (27:00 - 34:10)

In the final segment, Holmberg addresses a claim that NFL star Patrick Mahomes sought comfort from an OnlyFans model after a Super Bowl loss. The discussion critiques the spread of such sensational rumors and their impact on public perception.

Key Points:

• Alleged Affair: Holmberg talks about an email alleging that Mahomes engaged with an OnlyFans model named I Chloe Bear post-Super Bowl.
• Rumor Control: He questions the credibility of the claim, suggesting it might be trolling or unfounded.
• Impact on Fans: Reflects on how such rumors can affect team morale and fan loyalty, particularly referencing Chiefs fans.

Notable Quote:

"It's awesome for her. But if it's true... she's pretty hot." — John Holmberg [31:22]

Conclusion

John Holmberg's episode of "Holmberg's Morning Sickness" delves into a mix of controversial societal issues, humorous anecdotes, and critiques of current trends. From questioning extreme identity claims in educational settings to mocking irrational environmental policies and sensational media rumors, the show offers a blend of satire and serious commentary. Holmberg's candid and often irreverent approach encourages listeners to reflect on the evolving cultural landscape while maintaining a humorous undertone.

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Notable Omissions:

• Advertisements and promotional segments, including those by Dick Toledo and local businesses.
• Introductory and concluding remarks not related to content discussions.

Useful Links:

• Listen Live or Visit: 98KUPD.com
• Download the 98KUPD App: Available on major mobile platforms.

Tune In: Catch "Holmberg's Morning Sickness" on weekdays from 5:30 AM to 10:00 AM on 97.9 FM or via the 98KUPD app.

Transcript

[Dick Toledo]

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[John Holmberg]

Few My email is getting a little dark over here. You guys apologizing to me? Look, you need to fess up on your own. This isn't yikes. Some guy swap, like swiped 10 grand from a roommate once and hasn't talked to him since. I'm like, well, hey, you drunk or otherwise? You need to go back and say you're sorry or get to Mexico. That guy's probably looking for you. You get a big bounty on your head. That's no good. Yikes. I was reading a story last night before I went to sleep in and I'm kind of glad America's we've kind of had this kind of reset. Not everybody, but the little blink. Like, okay, we were getting a little out of hand with the whole everybody can be whatever they want. I'm all, I'm all in on whatever you want to do. But when you identify as cats and stuff, I got, I have there has to be a line drawn somewhere. And I'm fine if you're like, I don't feel like I'm in the right bot and you stayed human. You know, if you don't feel like you're in the right body, but you're keeping it in our species, I'm good with that. There's a teacher in Queensland, Australia, who hisses at the students, wears cat ears and licks his hands, identifies as a cat, and he demands the parents do the same. Australia has not turned a corner yet about that, so they're still accepting it. It's like parents have expressed their concern. At this high school, the teacher calls, wants to be called Ms. Purr. All right, Ms. Purr. Multiple parents claimed on social media that it's getting in the way. The teacher will wear cat ears, headbands, lanyard that said the word purr on the front of the and then while they teach class and it's a guy so Guy wants to be Miss Purse. Not only is he identifying as a cat, it's a girl cat's forcing the children to call her Ms. Purr. And the cat screeches and growls when they don't listen. Sits in the class and licks her hands. It's just gross. Something has to be done. And then Ms. Purr is saying, well, it's not all true. And then another student said, no, it's very true. She also forces us to call her Ms. Purr. And when she screeches and you don't listen, she'll come over and, like, put her claws in your face.

[Brett]

Like to hiss.

[John Holmberg]

How are you not fired? I mean, how do you not get fired for that? How are we in a world where there are people afraid? And I'm glad we've kind of turned that, like, right now. I don't think maybe a couple years ago, when everybody was kind of on eggshells about like. Well, my kids. Teachers half cat. Remember that little. That one kid, Was it Toledo?

[Brett]

There was another one there was identified as a cat.

[John Holmberg]

And they had. That was the student. And they had to have a bed next to their desk to nap him, like, to ball up in. They didn't like sitting in chairs because it was a cat. So they gave it a scratching post. And the school was like, yeah, just do it.

[Ted]

And there's a box, too.

[John Holmberg]

That's what I. I mean. I mean, I'm being fair, boy. You know what I would like to identify as a cat. Just take a few dumps in a box at work. I think it'd be hilarious. But I do like the idea that we. Look, we're kind of done with that. You can identify. You can dress up however you want, but we're not going to treat you like an actual cat and get you things. However, if I was a teacher or I was like a principal at the school, I just want it off my desk. It's like this kid thinks it's a cat. What do we got to do? We got to put a scratching post up and a little nap bed next to the thing. Because cats. So he can ball up and. Yeah, all right. I'd be like, fine, whatever. I'm not going to fight this because I know I'm going to have parents yelling at me in a second, but then every kid's going to do it. I mean, if I was in school and I watched some kid get a napping bed, what's the fastest way I get one of those? I'm bored to tears in this room. I would love a napping bed.

[Brett]

It would turn into more a trend.

[John Holmberg]

See, I would. I would identify as like a Great Dane, and I would. I would demand a couch. Not gonna get a little bed. I want to sleep on the couch. I'm allowed on the furniture.

[Brett]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

And I'm just gonna lay out. Yeah. Oh, it would. Are you kidding? You wouldn't. If you saw some kid that identified as a cat and he got a bed and a thing to play with, you'd be like, I want that. If you were a kid, I'd do it in a heartbeat.

[Brett]

I don't know if I could pull it off.

[John Holmberg]

I could.

[Brett]

You got to go. You got to go all in.

[John Holmberg]

I would. I would. I'd commit 100% to the whole napping situation at school.

[Brett]

Okay. I'm not believing this Great Dane thing anymore.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, I'll bite you. I'll show you. I'm going to get. I'm going to have to be muzzled.

[Brett]

See, I just. I think that's. You're bringing on more work than what you're required to do to begin.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, that's fine. I mean, as long as I get my couch. Those chairs were horrible. Designed to keep you awake. The school chair to bend your back. Yeah. Designed to keep you up. It was so uncomfortable. And still managed to sleep in.

[Brett]

Those surely didn't have that option.

[John Holmberg]

No.

[Brett]

In. In school.

[John Holmberg]

I if try that when I was in school. Hey, by the way, I think it might be a cat. And I'd like a couch and like, a scratching post for when you're talking about history and stuff.

[Brett]

Okay. Go talk to the principal.

[John Holmberg]

If somebody said that to my teacher like you said, what, now you think you're a cat? Like, yeah, I'm pretty sure I'm a cat. They'd have just opened the door and let me go. Go into the garbage cat. Prove it. Prove it. It's lunchtime. Cats don't eat lunch with the people.

[Brett]

And they would have parents. You need to come home and you need to pick up your kid.

[John Holmberg]

Yep.

[Brett]

You need to call somebody. Psychiatrist.

[John Holmberg]

Even better. If I was a teacher and a kid identified as a cat, I'd be all in on it. Oh, good. And I'd get a bottle of squirt. Bottle of water. And every time that kid sat down on a chair, get off the furniture and have him running around hiding in corners. Get out of the bed where you go and stuff them under things.

[Brett]

It's just crazy, the fact that it seems like, you know, what if they want to be a Cat. No, they can.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brett]

Yeah, you're right. You know, we should let them do that.

[John Holmberg]

Now.

[Brett]

Is it wrong to say you're not a cat? No, it should. You should be able to be able to say that.

[John Holmberg]

Well, yeah. You shouldn't have to coddle somebody being a cat. We.

[Brett]

You're just not understanding.

[John Holmberg]

I think we're done. The good news is it's in Australia and they're a little bit behind us. When I was in Australia, it was literally 20 years behind. Even in Sydney, like, spending time in Sydney and stuff. And my buddy Chuck moved there, and I told him, I said, when you're there, you're going to know. It feels like 20 years ago all the time. It's weird. And he's. He said when he came back, it was exactly as you said it was 20 years. But I'm like, yeah, exactly that. It's a strange place. So they're going to catch up to this whole thing now. They're just. They're basically like eight or nine years ago with the whole identifying his stuff and being alone or whatever. You should be allowed without fear of losing your job or being in the paper of saying, I don't accept you as a cat, sir.

[Brett]

You understand it's gonna be tough kids without being a distraction.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, it doesn't. It doesn't add up.

[Brett]

You could ruin that whole class. Every parent, the kid would. Just Bringing in catnip.

[John Holmberg]

It should be. Yeah. Oh, yeah. There should be an immediate, like, fireable offense to start showing up dressed as a cat. A little bit like Trip. I can't imagine what Trip would do. Tripp's a liberal fella. He's understanding. He gets it. But if you, you know, if, like, Jennifer downstairs started dressing as a cat and laying on the ground and scratching stuff up, you'd be like, you're fired. Like, you've gone crazy. Do you realize that You've gone crazy? And it's just. Yeah. There's certain things you just have to.

[Brett]

She's up on the desk.

[John Holmberg]

Dumping in a box over by the bathroom. It's not right. But if you identify as a cat and I see you at the Spaghetti Factory eating lasagna like you're Gar. I'll know. Because if I identify as a cat, I'm not paying for anything. I'm gonna run away. They're scavengers. They're Ms. Purr. You're fired. It's a good thing it's a mental illness.

[Brett]

It would really mess up your sleep schedule, too.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. And we would have definitely had that. You know, Josh from Ireland said if this. If this kind of mental illness was on display when I was a lady, we'd have definitely called her Mr. Pussy and then been in bigger trouble. So it's probably just a design to get the kids in trouble. I don't know. Yeah. If he's a real cat, the school should provide his lunch of dead mice and birds. Watch how fast that kid or that teacher doesn't want to be a cat anymore. No, no, no, no. You're a cat. You eat this poorly prepared chicken and this dead bird we brought you.

[Brett]

All right, no more dead birds.

[Ted]

We'll just.

[Brett]

Out of the can.

[John Holmberg]

Hilarious.

[Brett]

Meow Mix.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, that's it. You get some kibble if you. I'm. That should be the rule. If you. If you say it, you're 100% in. That's not how it works. That's convenience.

[Brett]

Well, then if you can't survive on that, you're not a cat.

[John Holmberg]

Exactly. If you need a steak now and again, you're not a cat.

[Ted]

Ted says, spay and neuter the cat and see how fast the problem goes away.

[John Holmberg]

Not a bad idea there. And then put a chip in it so we know where it is at all times. So crazy doesn't come over. I like that.

[Brett]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Wanna be a cat or sterilize them?

[Ted]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Okay. You're a cat now. You're sterile. Hope you don't change your mind. So that's going on in the world, and I'm kind of happy. Like, it made me feel like, you know what? This was a story in the United States a couple years ago, maybe even three, four, five years. We've been dealing with this whole, like, I don't know how to deal with the identify ass thing now. And it is because of Trump and the Trump mentality of, like, that's silly. Knock it off. There's some logic now. Does it mean it's not real that some people can't figure out if they're cats or people? Sure. But it's okay to call it crazy again. This show. I've been saying that for years. We need to bring crazy back. We weren't doing it in schools. The crazy kid classes were my favorite ones to walk by. It made me feel better than anybody to have that crazy kid class. That was the ultimate punishment. Crazy kid class was a threat. You want to go to special ed with them? Oh, good God, no. I've been in that. I know I'll be better. I'm sorry. You start dicking around, they Put you in that weird room in the middle of the school that didn't have a ceiling. Remember the one at Rhodes? It didn't have. It just had four walls they built.

[Ted]

You can move the walls if they need to.

[John Holmberg]

And there was no ceiling. And you could kind of hear a ruckus going on in there every time you walk by.

[Ted]

No doors.

[John Holmberg]

Crazy kids. I didn't even know they had a teacher, to be honest with you. They just put. Yeah. No doors. There was no.

[Ted]

There wasn't any.

[John Holmberg]

It was a strange gap.

[Ted]

Yeah.

[Brett]

Like a pen.

[John Holmberg]

It was a pen. Basically. We kept them. And it was right by the library.

[Ted]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Like you'd walk by the library and there are these. Just four walls and kind of a gap where they snuck in the crazies. And they just locked them in there all day long. And inside you'd hear every once in a while one of them would go nuts and they let him loose for lunch. But they all like had to stand in the same place. And that was the threat. Like, you want to live in there? That's solitary confinement. You want to be a distraction and an okay, we've got a spot for you. Hol's morning sickness.

[Brett]

Hear the words you say sometimes. I mean, who talks like that?

[John Holmberg]

98 KUPD. Holg's Morning Sickness. This one says easy solution on that one. If you identify as an animal. Animals don't really have any human rights. So lock that dumb ass in a cage and put it in the janitor's closet until there's people that's. You know. But then you gotta. They got a teaching shortage. I can't imagine acting like I had to. I have. Having to pretend that's normal. I would again, but we have to call weirdos weirdos again. And that's what I think we're doing. Yesterday I watched Trump and Elon Musk in the Oval Office talking. And Elon's kid is a goofball too. And he's climbing all over Elon. And they're sitting there. I'm like, these two are weird. We get a couple of strange birds there running this show. But they're making sense with like, thank Christ Donald. Look, I'll say this out loud and liberals will hate it. Thank Christ Donald Trump is president cuz he just banned paper straws. It took the president to ban. If there's anything that's ever been logical about straws being paper, those are the worst. I don't know whose idea that was and who thought it was working. Cause it wasn't it's never in Vegas. When I went to Vegas that time, and I'm like, can I get a better straw? No, we have to use paper now. And the aria was all in. Halfway through my drink, it had dissolved, and I'm, like, getting chunks of paper in my mouth. I hated it. And they've made them a little bit. They still have them at the Rah Rah Rum, the paper straws. And last night the guy next to me is like, hey, they banned these. Like, well, we gotta get rid of them still. We gotta get rid of the. We'll order the new plastic ones soon. But it took the prep. That's how illogical we became as a society is. It took the president to say, all right, enough of this nonsense. We all like who's for paper straws? Even if you want the environment to be the company.

[Brett]

Strawberry makes them.

[John Holmberg]

Okay.

[Ted]

That's the paper company.

[Brett]

They're like, man, business is booming.

[John Holmberg]

Sure, they're killing it. They had. You know when you dupe an entire society into thinking they're. You're not doing any good with that. Aren't we cutting down trees or something like that? The guy that runs the Rah Rah room last night, we were talking and he said there's a. The agave plant that they're recycling that, like, stuff from when they make tequila. Making those straws are, like, waxier. I'm like, that's not bad. I'm all for a better solution. This wasn't it. If plastic straws are getting stuck in turtle noses, and I'm not sure that was ever, like, a real problem. Maybe one or two. If that was a problem and we had to fix it, sure, great. But let's get something as good or better and not throw the baby out with the bathwater and start just saying, well, paper straws are the only way. Because they didn't work. They were horrible. Horrible.

[Brett]

You're gonna finish your drink within two minutes. Right?

[John Holmberg]

Right. You have to.

[Brett]

Straws, good.

[John Holmberg]

Suck it through fast. And you know that guy in Gilbert became an alcoholic because of paper straws. He was drinking too fast, too much. He couldn't keep up. But, yeah, the paper straw thing. It took the leader of the world to sign a paper saying, enough of this. So logic is coming back in its own weird way. I think that pendulum will swing back. We're going to feel good for a while, and then it's going to go the other way. Too far. That's my thoughts on this. Being a guy in the middle, that doesn't really Side with either party. I'm watching it go.

[Brett]

All right, we got to be extreme.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, yeah. We got goofy. And bringing her on home feels good. Let's get back to the center and normal. Normal stuff like that straw thing and not letting people pretend to be cats. And then. But eventually it's gonna go the other way and it's gonna turn crazy that way. So, you know, the thing has to swing back and forth. And right now, I think we're somewhere in between middle and crazy. And when it gets back to middle, we're all gonna be happy for a little bit. It'll be nice. And then. And then it's gonna go nuts the other way. And it's gotta come back to people wanting to be cats again. Just the way we live. But you people, if you identify as a cat and you wanna argue with me, I don't even. I'm not doing that. I don't even wanna. It's just stupid. And if you feel like that, go ahead, email away. You're probably not gonna get a response before I. I just tell you to get. Go get help. Go get some help mentally. How's about that? I also got an email from a guy that I don't understand. Evidently, somewhere in my Wikipedia page, said, I lost a child in 2022. And I got an email from someone who doesn't live here anymore that evidently did some wiki work on me. And it says, I'm dead. If you click on who are John Holmberg's family members? It says, John is survived by his wife, Wilma Ann Becker. Mary. I would never marry a Wilma. Children were Kathleen, Janet, and James and Ronald. My daughter Patricia evidently died in March of 2022. And some guy said, oh, my God. I used to listen to the show. I haven't lived there for a long time. Emails me to tell me that he feels terrible for my passing. If you read it, it's my obituary. It's not on the Wikipedia page. But if you click on.

[Ted]

I just looked at Wikipedia.

[John Holmberg]

Who were John Holmberg's family members? It says that I'm dead. It's a different John Holmberg. And I looked. It's John Joseph Holmberg, not me.

[Brett]

Your personal life on Wikipedia.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Is not a lot going on there.

[Brett]

Holmberg graduated from Dobson High School in Mesa, Arizona.

[John Holmberg]

That's right. Yeah.

[Ted]

That's it.

[John Holmberg]

That was. That's very personal. I don't know how that got leaked. Yeah, it doesn't mention anything for real, but evidently I passed away a few years ago, and my wife Wilma is just all torn up about it.

[Ted]

That's rough.

[John Holmberg]

And all my kids and evidently, yeah. Look different me. So somebody checked in with me saying I read this and I just don't want it to be true. I didn't know you'd lost a child. Are you still there? I'm like, yes, I'm right here. Wilma. You got to be 100 years old to have a wife named Wilma. Are there any young people named Wilma?

[Ted]

Yeah, I don't know.

[John Holmberg]

I don't think so. But that's it. No. So all those people that are reading it that. And it also says I'm five nine. And I did try to fix that. I'm not five nine. I'm a robust six feet even. Shut up. Right on the money. But yeah, Wilma. Ask Wilma, she'll tell you I'm six feet. That's how it works. And then another one that I really enjoyed yesterday was the lady. She's maybe. I don't know. Is she. It's Fort Wayne, Indiana. But this. The lady got sentenced the other day for the Make a Wish scam that she tried to pull. She tried to pretend her kid was super sick to get a Make a Wish trip to Disney World and she's. She took her six year old daughter to the hospital in 2022 saying that the kid had an irregular heartbeat and ongoing seizures. They didn't know what to do. That this. That she goes. It's just so they couldn't figure it out. So she contacted Make a Wish, tried to get a trip to Disney World and they busted her and she got sentenced, which is great. There was all sorts of. She would take them to doctors and stuff and they were worried that she was causing problems. So she was trying to keep the kids sick evidently just for a Make a Wish trip to Disneyland.

[Ted]

Sixth sense now or what?

[John Holmberg]

And to me, I'm thinking to myself if this isn't. Yeah. If this is in your brain. Have you not heard of OnlyFans? I mean instead of making your kid sick and trying to do Make a Wish, flash your beef to some perv strangers and start stockpiling some traveling money like a decent woman would.

[Ted]

Depends on what she looks like too.

[John Holmberg]

Well, just be a mug shot.

[Ted]

I'm not paying for that.

[John Holmberg]

Well, no, you're not but there's somebody out there that would.

[Ted]

Desperation.

[John Holmberg]

Look you can people pay for feet.

[Ted]

That's disgusting.

[John Holmberg]

You know to you. There's a guy in England I saw.

[Ted]

Want some Circle K feet that does.

[John Holmberg]

Fart videos and he's making 1500 bucks a month on the side. He's doing fart videos. Just fartin. And he eats on purpose. He eats really high protein, you know, beans and hummus and stuff just to go into his room. And when he's got a fart, he turns a camera on and he records it. He's making 1500 bucks a month.

[Brett]

Fiverr.

[John Holmberg]

And it's, you know, just because. And he's not dragging his kid to the hospital to get records. So Make a wish will take him to Disney World. You do it. You do it the new way. You sell a body part online, you make a couple bucks. I'm all for that. Not an Instagram page. Everybody's got those. Go on. Only fans. And you want to take your kid to Disney World, you do it the old fashioned way. You fart on camera. Maybe if. Look, Brett, I don't know if this is out there. I'm guessing it might be, but a strange lady who front farts a lot would probably make a pretty penny. You know, you don't even have to show your face and your face just said it all. Brad slow blinked that. Oh God. But if you've got a little Speed Buggy up front.

[Ted]

What the hell?

[John Holmberg]

And the world's coming to an end. But still, if you've got Speed Buggy sitting up front, there only takes a few thousand people. Yeah, get a few people giving you seven bucks, you've got. Not only are you going to Disney World, you're getting a suite, you're getting a nice room. What the hell is this world coming to, Brett? It's been going this way for quite a while and it's horrifying, but yeah.

[Ted]

Come on out of here.

[John Holmberg]

If I could speed buggy on command, I'd throw that out there for onlyfans. I might even get one of those air pumps for a bike tire load up. Nobody needs to see the process and then just roll cameras and start doing it. Sure it's gross, but Spade Buggy. That's me. Let's have this going the whole time. Sp. That's me. I don't know why I like that so much, but I do.

[Brett]

So anyway, give out the Do Butler award. Award. Is that who did the voice?

[John Holmberg]

I don't know if you did Speed Buggy the voice. I don't know if he was Speed Buggy, but I just remember the I. I paid for that.

[Ted]

We ever get an update from him from Speed Buggy? Not from.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, that's right. That was. Oh, I forgot about the original stories. That lady from Alaska.

[Ted]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

That had had front butt problems.

[Ted]

Yeah.

[Brett]

Hear the words you say sometimes. I mean, who talks like that?

[John Holmberg]

Holmberg's morning sickness. It wasn't. Yeah, he was from Ireland or. No, she was moved to Alaska. Moved him down here. She moved him down here.

[Ted]

And he won Jack, too. She. She had money.

[John Holmberg]

Got money. But then finally. And he was in love with her online and moved her in before he.

[Brett]

Found.

[John Holmberg]

She had the speed buggy front.

[Brett]

Mel Blank did speed.

[John Holmberg]

Did he. He speed buggy too? Either way, if you've got a speed buggy lady, I mean, that's the reason why you should always. That's the reason that whole premarital sex thing is such a terrible idea from the Lord Jesus. You should definitely have sex with somebody before you marry them, just in case.

[Ted]

Oh, 100%.

[John Holmberg]

There are pockets of air and it just. It's disturbing. That guy made the mistake of falling in love online and then having her move in the minute he met her. Because they had fallen in love over the Internet. He didn't realize that it was a thunderstorm every time they started doing stuff.

[Ted]

It's his own fault. He bought a car without test driving.

[John Holmberg]

That's exactly right, Brett. And the real Jesus would have said that you don't want to pay somebody, that after you've already committed to it. You don't. You don't buy milk if you don't know what it tastes like. Get a sample. Walmart will tell you that. You go over there, you go to Costco, they're going to give you a sample before you buy. Sample the goods, ladies. That's true of you, too. What if the dude stinks? He's not an ass washer or something. He would be horrified. And then you're locked in.

[Brett]

That's why you trust in the Lord, John.

[John Holmberg]

I don't trust in the Lord at all, but I trust in you. Know why I don't trust him? Because he created the front farts. And I'm not interested in finding out the hard way that she's got an issue with it. It's his fault. Those happen. Please heal. Yeah, a decent creator wouldn't have included that in the package. That would have been. That wouldn't have been an option in the showroom. Ah, praise Jesus that you let me into your house. Oh, Christ. I didn't know you were one of those. Why have you forsaken me? Do you want to make love? Yes. I've been waiting for this, for the years we've waited. And now that we are husband and wife, I would love to finally bed you and make this marriage concrete.

[Dick Toledo]

Okay.

[John Holmberg]

What's going down there, Mr. Ed? What do you got? What the hell is this? I'm sorry. I have no idea. What the hell?

[Brett]

I'm torn because I liked this cartoon growing up.

[John Holmberg]

You're ruining Speed Buggy. I can never ride my Kawasaki again. And you can't get divorced because you're already so religious that you waited in the first place. Justin says I'm gonna have my girl. Speed Buggy. She signs up for only fans today. Goodbye to meat. Hello, Ribeye. That's right. If you've got a lady who does it, you got to talk her into that. There's some weirdos. And by the way, evidently there was a follow up. We forgot she left him and went back home.

[Ted]

Oh, okay. I remember that.

[John Holmberg]

And didn't she stink too? Wasn't it? Yeah, it's like she had a certain odor about her. Like just generally. Oh, her breath. She had rotten teeth. She had a dead tooth in the back she didn't tell him about. That's right. That's all coming back anyway. What are you gonna do? Brett, what's in the big board of musical treats today? All right.

[Ted]

Wake Up Song brought to you by Action Ride Shop. And the new store is open. Check it out. I actually went there yesterday. Yeah, how is it they got everything there? I mean, on the bike side, doesn't matter if you're into mountain bikes or you're one of the roadie guys. You want to ride the road bikes, they got you covered over there at power Road and McDowell. Big grand opening happening on February 22nd. We're going to be out there. They're giving away a new bike as well as the new pivots will be debuted there and you can demo them there and check out the Hawes Trail with them. And of course you guys know the. The OG store is open right there at Gilbert Road in Southern. So go check them out. ActionRide shop.com. and on the list, no apologies for Nirvana. I apologize from Five Finger Hate from Drowning Pool. Last chance to make amends from Ice 9 kills Slayer, Apocalyptica. I'm Not Jesus. Hate, Breed, Destroy everything. Balls at a wall.

[John Holmberg]

Tool.

[Ted]

Vicarious for this morning's conversation.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Ted]

Iron Maiden, Suicidal Tendencies. I'll hate you better for Drunky from yesterday for John God Smack. I effing hate you. And White Zombie.

[John Holmberg]

I do hate that guy.

[Brett]

Something missing up there.

[John Holmberg]

What?

[Brett]

Michael McDonald's.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, it's Michael McDonald's birthday. That's true. But it's Maybe we'll get that in later.

[Ted]

We definitely got to play some.

[John Holmberg]

By the way, there is a lady on Only fans just found out her. I don't like that word at all. But if you replace the word queen with an F and then say queen again, that's what she is. If you want to get on Instagram and find her, she evidently already does front farts on the Instagram and she does them for free on Insta. Yeah, I don't know if you're allowed.

[Ted]

It's gonna be a radio video today.

[John Holmberg]

Gross. That is not something. That's a. That is one of the. Like some guy told me the other day, we were talking and he said, you and I are different, man. I'm like, in what way? And he goes, I don't know how any man can call himself heterosexual and not be into the camel toe. And I'm like, ew, this is gross. But he likes it. And I'm like, I'm not. I just think it's. I think it's disgusting, man. I love it. And I'm like, all right, we can't. I don't know that we can be friends. I just find it gross. And I, you know, since spoken a few guys. There are people out there who evidently get into the speed buggy. I know, gross. And it's happened to everybody. But we just ignore it. Like Brady's cancer and we want it done. Yeah. We just go on like that didn't happen. The doctor said something about cancer.

[Brett]

Best thing to do.

[John Holmberg]

The best thing to do is just stuff that down and. And wait for it to just go away in your thoughts. It's never going to come back. Ignore it. It will go away. There's nothing worse than that flip over speed buggy moment that we've all had. And God forbid the girl goes hoops. Just don't. Didn't happen. None of this happened. We're all going to move on. Can't have it. There's also speaking to Instagram and I've seen this. Somebody just emailed again. I was going to bring it up. Patrick Mahomes evidently slid into somebody's DMs after the Super Bowl. This Instagram model and started to seek a little comfort from her. And she's exposed. Yeah. Right after the game. Evidently late that night he started to dumb.

[Brett]

Can you.

[John Holmberg]

Well, that is pretty stupid. And evidently she's like trying to expose it. His dad's fighting John Rocker and they're. They. It's. The whole world's coming to crazy I was impressed.

[Brett]

Rocker's been working out.

[John Holmberg]

Rocker's huge. He's always been a big dude. But he's gonna kill Patrick Mahomes senior. And I think, actually, I think the guy, we're just gonna nickname him Patrick Mahomes Senior. The guy in Gilbert who emailed me that drunk. Because you know why this. The Chief didn't win the Super Bowl. It's the first time in a Patrick Mahomes super bowl that they've won. The last time they lost to the Buccaneers. Patrick Mahomes senior didn't get a DUI before the game the last two years he has. This year he didn't. And they lost again. So it's not that Patrick Mahomes is so great. It's that Patrick Mahomes senior gets a DUI somewhere in the host city hours before the game. And then Patrick has to play better to make people forget that his dad's in jail again.

[Brett]

Unfortunately, with New Orleans, everything's walking distance.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, that's true. He didn't have a chance to get on a horse or steal a buggy or something. Yeah, he wasn't driving enough. He was walking around. So that's why the Chiefs lost. Dynasty ends. Because Pat Mahomes senior has the magic pills to get behind the wheel. Cause a championship for his son. But if Patrick Jr.

[E]

I just. I'm gonna get out there and get that girl that number. You know, I just. I felt bad and had half a heart on, so I gave her a.

[John Holmberg]

Call, gotten to her Instagram. She hasn't released any of the Instagram as far as I've seen yet. But she said, hey, Patrick Mahomes was seeking comfort in my Instagrams and I. I can prove it. And if he did it, he's prove it.

[Ted]

Well, it's just his account, you know, that's what's happening. That's exactly what's gonna happen.

[E]

I got hacked. It wasn't me. I was busy with my three kids, my beautiful wife Brittany. So please ignore that.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Or they prove it. Would that. How much does that tarnish great exposure.

[Brett]

For her to get?

[John Holmberg]

Well, it's awesome for her. But if it's true. Yeah, it says Patrick Mahomes allegedly sought comfort from an only fans girl named AT I, Chloe Bear, after losing in the Super Bowl. She's pretty hot. But could it be somebody trolling Patrick Mahomes trying to ruin him? Because people hate the Chiefs now. And I didn't realize I was going to take such pleasure in my Chiefs fans struggling like my buddy Jordan Text me yesterday and said something about. He's always like, you live in the past. Steelers live in the past. I'm like, oh, okay. Well, guess what? You're gonna have to start doing starting now because your dynasty's dead. It's over.

[Brett]

They're number three on the, like, the favorites for next year.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, the Eagles have to be first because that line is going everywhere.

[Brett]

Number one for repeating.

[John Holmberg]

Did you find I Chloe Bear? I'm looking at I, Chloe Bear. She's an only fans girl too. And he's.

[E]

I just want to see her boobs. I thought maybe she'd do a little front fart. Me and Travis like that, getting in that locker room do front farts.

[John Holmberg]

I don't know. I didn't want, you know, as a Steeler fan even, I don't want Patrick Mahomes to be a bad guy. I kind of like him.

[Brett]

He's too smart to do that, is he?

[John Holmberg]

He was raised by that dad of his data. That's not exactly the. The quality parent you would expect. There's some stuff in Patrick we don't know. He's polished up pretty good.

[Brett]

It's I, Chloe Bear, right?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. I Chloe Bear. B E A R. And she looks pretty good in the picture, but. And I don't know how true it is. I've seen it in a couple of spots and I'm like, I'm not sure. It's actually. I don't know if that counts. Oh. At I Chloe Bear. But I hope Patrick, you know, I'm rooting for him. You gotta find this quick. Brett, what was the song we're gonna do? I gotta load it up.

[Ted]

We didn't hear.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, you gotta pick it.

[Brett]

C H L O I. Oh, yeah.

[John Holmberg]

We do the I Hate youe Better by Suicidal. We gotta get that one in there. I Hate youe Better is a great song, but hopefully Patrick didn't do it. And actually, in a weird way, kind of hopefully he did because it adds interest in the off season because now that football's over, I got nothing. Sun suck. It's all bad. You have it suicidal.

[Ted]

I can get it.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, get it for me. Toledo's not listening. We'll get a little I hate you better in for that guy. I'm sure you have that on speed dial.

[Ted]

Oh, yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Suicidal tendencies. Has to be a thing. And yeah, a lady. A guy just emailed me, said, I am one who loves the camel toe and the front noise. And so I'm gonna need your address. I'm gonna send the police over to your house immediately because you're a serial killer.

[Ted]

Got it?

[John Holmberg]

Nobody likes it. No, you got it. Here we go. All right, load it up. It's suicidal tendencies for that guy in Gilbert, who I call Patrick Mahomes. Senior. Senior. It's out of control now. 98, can you PD?