02-12-26 - BR - THU - w/Bret - It's Natl Plum Pudding Day Reminding John Of What Plums Are Like - Study Says Valentines Day Costs Are Generally Higher This Year

Summary

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Holmberg's Morning Sickness – Arizona

Episode Summary: “It’s National Plum Pudding Day… and Valentine’s Costs Are Up!”

Date: February 12, 2026
Hosts: John Holmberg, Bret Vesely, Dick Toledo
Special Note: Brady Bogen is out sick.

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Overview

This lively episode of Holmberg’s Morning Sickness keeps listeners entertained with humor, irreverent commentary, and offbeat news. The crew covers quirky food holidays (like National Plum Pudding Day), digs into stats on how expensive dating and Valentine’s Day have become, riffs on local Arizona oddities, and delivers their trademark banter on everything from fruits to Olympic sports and viral internet trends.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Technical Difficulties and Brady’s Absence (01:11–03:33)

• The team starts amid technical issues—the app is down, but the hosts continue undeterred.
• Brady is out sick (not kidneys, “just a sinus infection”), and this leads to John and Bret filling in on news duties.
  • “A lot of people ask, is Brady dead? It's a reasonable question...” — John Holmberg (02:52)

2. National Days and Food Rants (04:15–07:13)

• National Lost Penny Day and National Plum Pudding Day spark jokes about discontinued pennies and questionable desserts.
• John launches into comedic food analogies:
  • “A plum is just like… if you could carve out a bruise and eat it.” — John (04:44)
  • “Don’t get me started on coconut, because you might as well just lick a barber shop floor.” — John (05:11)
  • On Almond Joys: “Almond Joy is of Satan. That is a joke candy.” — John (05:32)
  • Continues with irreverent takes on strawberries and coconut, comparing eating strawberries to biting into a homeless man’s nose.

3. Fun Arizona & Random Facts (07:13–09:36)

• There’s a 60-mile stretch of I-19 in Arizona where all the signs are in kilometers—a relic from Carter’s push for the metric system.
• Gun silencers don’t really make guns silent; still as loud as a police siren.
• Physical trivia: You’re about half an inch taller in the morning.

4. Historic Sports Oddity (09:42–10:30)

• The most lopsided college football game ever: Georgia Tech beat Cumberland College 222–0 in 1916.
  • “They should [have killed themselves]. Well, you lose by 222 points…” — John (10:18)

5. Valentine’s Day: Costs, Attitudes & Trends (10:30–19:04)

• Average date cost: $189, up 12.5% from last year.
• Americans spent over $2,300 on dates last year. Millennials spend the most—$252 per date.
• 65% of couples try to split costs evenly; nearly half of Gen Z and Millennials say dating is getting unaffordable.
• Gift-giving stats:
  • 83% plan to buy a gift for Valentine’s.
  • 58% buy gifts for family, 35% for pets.
  • “If you need a day to remind you that everybody around you needs attention, then you’re not paying attention.” — John (12:05)
  • “No first dates this week; cancel—fake a seizure.” — John (14:19)

Notable Relationship Anecdotes:

• Listeners and hosts joke about strategic breakups to avoid buying gifts.
  • “I dumped my girlfriend last week so I don’t have to get anything. I’m gonna try to get back together with her next Monday.” — Listener Gabriel, read by John (17:37)

6. Viral & Bizarre Trends (18:12–20:05)

• Ace Hardware stores go viral on TikTok for selling frozen pies—$19, 20+ flavors.
  • “Apparently the moon is getting a little played out for Elon Musk, because he’s shifting focus to Mars.” — John (20:05)

7. Local Perspective & Moon Mania (19:13–21:13)

• 1 in 5 Americans want to live on the moon; the crew riffs about Arizona suburbs (Gilbert/Chandler) being as far as Mars.
  • “I’d actually rather go to Mars than drive to Chandler or Gilbert for just like a meal...” — John (20:33)

8. Winter Olympics: Most-Googled Questions (21:13–24:51)

• Why do ice skaters wear gloves? (“Part of the costume and for falls.”)
• Speed skaters wear glasses for wind/ice chip protection.
• Curling is explained as “bocce on ice.”
  • “Curling is the only time we’re ever interested—as the Olympics. And I am.” — John (23:42)
• Skeleton racing leads to enthusiastic, humorous commentary on athletes’ physiques:
  • “Their butts are jiggling around because they’re going 300 miles an hour… There is something erotic about that.” — John (24:09, 24:13)

9. The “WAP News” Video Segment (25:02–30:01)

• A series of bizarre, viral, and sometimes risqué videos:
  • Woman gets stuck in a porta-potty that's lifted by a forklift.
    • “We're not lifting that thing down again. We already put it up there.” — Bret (26:06)
  • Fetish video: plus-sized woman crushing food by sitting on it.
    • “This is a fetish. Some dudes… Like, women sitting on food. Big fat women.” — John (27:02)
  • Muscular female bodybuilder photo: humor about body proportions.
  • The most bizarre: a Clockwork Orange-style “finishing in your eye” video.
    • “Still rather do that than eat coconut? I would, actually.” — John (28:56)
  • Skeleton event butts again: “Face down, ass up… And you’re going 80 miles an hour. It’s a challenge to catch her.” — John (29:40)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• ”A plum is just like… if you could carve out a bruise and eat it.” — John Holmberg (04:44)
• “Don’t get me started on coconut, because you might as well just lick a barber shop floor.” — John (05:11)
• ”I dumped my girlfriend last week so I don't have to get anything. I’m gonna try to get back together with her next Monday.” — Gabriel via John (17:37)
• “If you need a day to remind you that everybody around you needs attention, then you’re not paying attention.” — John (12:05)
• “Still rather do that than eat coconut? I would, actually.” — John on bizarre punishment options (28:56)
• “Face down, ass up… and you’re going 80 miles an hour. It’s a challenge to catch her.” — John on the skeleton event (29:40)

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• Tech/App issues & Brady news: 01:11–03:33
• National food days & plum pudding riff: 04:15–07:13
• Arizona trivia & random facts: 07:13–09:36
• Historic football blowout: 09:42–10:30
• Valentine’s Day costs, stats, and relationship advice: 10:30–19:04
• Ace Hardware pies & moon talk: 18:12–21:13
• Winter Olympics questions & skeleton event talk: 21:13–24:51
• TikTok, viral fetishes, and “WAP News” videos: 25:02–30:01

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Tone & Style

As always, the show’s tone is irreverent, sarcastic, and blunt—a blend of locker room humor, local pride, and unfiltered opinions. The hosts riff off each other with quick banter, playful jabs, and colorful (sometimes borderline) metaphors, making for an engaging and often outrageous listening experience.

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Useful For:

• Fans who missed the episode
• Anyone wanting insight into trends in dating, pop culture, and Arizona weirdness
• Listeners who enjoy a dose of uncensored, genuinely funny morning radio

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Transcript

[A]

You're listening to the HMS podcast brought to you by MMP Guns.com, your most trusted online marketplace for firearms, ammunition and accessories.

[B]

It's John Holmberg here from the morning sickness to tell you about the Core Institute. People who met me found out that I've had four major operations in the last four years. They're blown away. I've had both shoulders replaced and both hips replaced because I was an absolute disaster before my surgeries. I was in pain. Now no one knows I've had any issues. People who hear multiple surgeries assume they'll never be the same again. It's just not true. I'm better than I've been in 2020. Stop quitting the things you love and get back to being the pain free you you love. The Core institute dot com.

[A]

Hey, it's Brett Vesely and I'm here with Byron from MMP Guns. Look, Byron, I have a friend wanting to sell some guns he inherited. What's the best way for him to do that?

[C]

Brett, the last thing you want to do is sell the gun to someone who can't legally own one. Tell him not to put himself at risk and come into MMP Guns where he'll get a fair offer and he can rest easy knowing it's not getting into the wrong hands.

[A]

Okay, but what if he lives out of state?

[C]

Easy legalgunbuyer.com and he can do it all online. It's really that simple.

[A]

There you have it. MMP gun guns or legalgunbuyer.com the safe and legal way to sell your firearms.

[B]

You've been deceived by an agent of Satan himself. 98 so go slim biscuit right there. The app's down. Everything's broken.

[A]

But we'll go on.

[B]

We don't care. We are just going to continue.

[A]

Just.

[B]

I guess Bentley just jerking off or over here. It's nobody. It's not.

[A]

You know, there's no other way to hear us.

[B]

Yeah, there's.

[A]

There's that one thing, ironically.

[B]

Yeah, well, you could run the radio again. This podcast.

[A]

Good luck finding that.

[B]

The word was broken. And then everything broke. And then seven o' clock it was distortion. And then everything got distorted. The good News is at 8 o' clock the word is orchestral. So it'll all come back in a beautiful fashion.

[A]

Good luck spelling that one.

[B]

But currently we're. I mean, I guess we're on the or. Like a woman on a vacation, wearing that diaper of despair. Ruined. Ruined it all.

[A]

I'm broken again.

[D]

Broken.

[B]

Yeah, so's Our app. What are you gonna do? Says my app. Yeah, we know. Anyway, we'll try to get it fixed. Eight o'. Clock. Orchestral. If you can hear us now, I'm not gonna waste time like waiting for the times. If this stuff can't stay together. It's not. It's above my pay grade. I do enough around here. I don't have to worry about fixing stuff and then take the heat for it when it drops. That's on somebody else. Somebody get their ass out of bed and come fix this. If the app's broken, who fixes it? Who do you text?

[D]

Apparently it's Mike.

[B]

Mike see her?

[D]

I don't think so. They had. They had to contact him.

[B]

Is he on vacation?

[A]

Maybe he's broken too.

[B]

He's broke? Yeah, he's wearing. He too is wearing the diaper of embarrassment.

[A]

Can axes.

[B]

All right, it's back. A guy said. Scott just says it's back. We'll run with that. Brady is broken as well. Brady's not here today. He's very ill. And it's not his kidneys. A lot of people ask, is Brady dead? It's a reasonable question, you know.

[A]

It is. It is.

[B]

It is a reasonable question. Look, you look at him and you're like, oh, tick tock. But come on. He's been doing really well. He just caught something. He thinks he's got a sinus infection. I don't know how it works.

[A]

Confession from yesterday.

[B]

Oh, that's.

[A]

That's what's happening.

[B]

He's taking a break from being in the same room with Ceres. Cleansing. The power of Christ compelled him, so he's gonna fix all this. But he's not here today, so I guess we have to do it this way. It's time for the guinea news.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

It'S time for Brett to give you all the news that only Brett knows. It's the guinea report, and it's brought to you by our friends at All Pro Shade. Get your shades ready. Get that outdoor space outdoorsy and make it so you guys can have a part of your house. Be outside, inside, outside. They have that style. Every real estate agent will tell you you got outdoor living space. You just. You basically added square footage to your house. And that's what all Prochet does. They make it look good. I saw one they had on their website over a cabana by a pool, and it's gorgeous. It's amazing. They have top notch stuff. Don't make it look like you did it yourself. Get the pros involved. They've been at it for over 20 years for a reason. And they are great. All pro shade.com Brett reported.

[A]

How you doing, everybody? Here we go. Let's start off with. Apparently, today is National Lost Penny day, which should be for everybody, because didn't they discontinue them?

[B]

They stopped. Yeah, yeah. There's no more pennies.

[A]

Do anything with pennies. And in honor of Brady, apparently today is recognized as National Plum Pudding Day.

[B]

Yuck.

[A]

Yeah, it sounds terrible.

[B]

Yeah, I used to love plums. I don't know what happened.

[A]

I don't mind plums, but plum pudding.

[B]

I don't even know what plum pudding. It's been a long time. And I ate it, and I was like, no, this. You know why? Because it tastes like a. Like again. I'm going to do the thing I did with strawberries. A plum is just like. If you could carve out a bruise and eat it.

[A]

There'S somebody on their way to work.

[B]

It looks like a bruise. It has that bruise feeling. And if you could just, like, melon ball out a bruise and put it in your mouth, I think it's a plum. And again, for those of you who don't know strawberries, same exact texture, shape, and bite resistance as an alcoholic homeless man's nose. And each seed represents every pore with a blackhead in it. Enjoy your strawberries this morning. Don't get me started on coconut, because you might as well just lick a barber shop floor. It's the same exact. The feeling in your mouth's the same when you eat shredded coconut as if you just took a handful of hair.

[A]

So you're not eating an Almond Joy anytime soon.

[B]

Almond Joy is of Satan. That is a joke candy. And some people like in. They don't tell you it looks like a little. They don't tell you right away they need to put coconut on top. You can't hide it inside, because if you take a bite of an Almond Joy and you're just thinking, oh, this is going to be a great chunk of chocolate, it's probably something delicious. And then there's hair in it, because that's what it is.

[A]

What about a coconut cream pie?

[B]

No.

[A]

Is it the texture or is it the taste, too?

[B]

Brett, if you covered it in hair, I wouldn't know the difference. Coconut cream pie and hair cream pie.

[A]

Stop it.

[B]

I'd rather. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I would rather eat a real hair pie than a coconut pie. Put me to the test. Take those two little tins of pies and fill one with coconut and whipped cream and one with Hair and whipped cream. Blindfold me. And I bet you I finished the heroin first because I take one bite of coconut and I'm spitting strawberries. Take a bite of a strawberry right now. That's right. You're adorable. You got your hair done. You look fantastic this morning. You're gonna have your little healthy strawberries. Take a bite of a strawberry, but close your eyes and picture the last giant alcoholic red nosed homeless. And just think of every seed popping in your mouth the same way the blackhead's off his nose. And that noise it would make is exactly. It's exactly the same. Hang on. I can find makes that same kind. Oh, oh, wait. I think it's this. Hold on. Ah.

[A]

Right.

[B]

Exactly my nose. Strawberries are so gross.

[A]

All right, here's some basically fun facts for you guys. There's a 60 mile. And I'm sure a lot of you guys know if you've been past Tucson, but there's a 60 mile stretch of Interstate 19, Arizona where all the signs are only in kilometers. Yes. It's a relic from the Carter administration when they were trying to get the US to convert over to the metric system. And I guess there's been a push for it lately to get it changed. And the locals like, nope, you keep them kilometers right where they're at.

[B]

Yeah. I don't know why that was a. They tested it here in Arizona when Carter wanted to go metric.

[A]

Tucson, they're like, yeah, just try it.

[D]

19, the newest freeway.

[B]

Could be.

[A]

I think that's. Isn't that the one? It's between Nogales and Tucson. Or is that. Yeah, I don't know.

[D]

I don't.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Okay. Yes.

[B]

I'd have to go to Tucson first with the goal of getting to Mexico or Sierra Vista.

[A]

That's a goal.

[B]

Yeah. It ain't happening. You very rarely see anybody heading south. Like, I can't wait to sneak into Mexico. It's not a thing. They don't have a problem with it.

[A]

All right. In real life, gun silencers don't really work like they do in the movies. The guns. Gun silencer still makes a noise about as loud as a police siren, which.

[B]

Is that real?

[A]

No, it's not that.

[B]

You got a suppressor.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And it just. It just kind of makes it. You hear it, but it's not an explosion.

[A]

No, it's. I don't know why they're comparing it with police sirens, but that's about 100 times quieter than a gun without a silencer. But it's still pretty loud.

[B]

Apparently, Kyle Said he was going to try to, you know, be funny and follow up. And he just googled hair cream pie. And he goes, good lord, the things I've seen. Yeah, he did it for you. So you.

[A]

I'm sure I'll have some of those in the videos in a while. You're about a half an inch taller in the morning than you are at night because the discs in your spine have been relaxed all night.

[B]

And then the misery of over the day.

[A]

Yeah. They squash down a little bit and do gravity and physical. Or lack of physical activity in some people's cases.

[B]

What if you didn't sleep the night before and you were like.

[A]

If you're like a tweaker, you just.

[B]

Like you're just humping or something all night long. And does your spine get. Do you wake up shorter? That'd be interesting if you look at it.

[A]

I know. Because they don't relax. Especially if you're. If you're banging away all night.

[B]

That's exactly right.

[A]

We'll have to ask Edward and Sarah next time.

[B]

I wonder if you get shorter after a night of vigorous dry humping.

[A]

Huh?

[B]

Vigorous. Vigorous dry humping is a great band name.

[A]

All right. The most lopsided game in college football history was in 1916. We all remember the good old days.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

When Georgia Tech won 222 to 0 over Harvard or something over a school from Tennessee called Cumberland College. I'm sure they're not around any.

[B]

Maybe Cumberland Gap in Tennessee probably all.

[A]

Killed themselves after that loss. 222.

[D]

Right.

[B]

You're dark.

[A]

Just. Just put the defense. Brady wouldn't got a firing squad.

[B]

All a Cumberland kill themselves.

[A]

They should.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Well, you lose by 222 points.

[B]

Imagine if you're a guy before the game's like, I don't know, I just put a bet down. I'm given 225 and a half. And you lose by the hook.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

All right.

[A]

Valentine's Day, I guess it's getting a little bit more costly every year. Like with everything but an average date now costs $189 on Valentine's Day.

[B]

Or generally.

[A]

Generally. But the Valentine's Day is bringing that. Bringing those numbers up a little bit.

[B]

But each person is 189 bucks. That's a little heavy. The whole date itself is 190. Yeah.

[A]

Basically 190, which is 12 and a half percent higher than it was last year.

[B]

Wow.

[A]

You know, dinner, drinks and all the activity. Seen a movie, you know, top golf or whatever. Everything's, you know, up in Price.

[B]

All right.

[A]

The average American spent more than $2,300 in dates last year. Last year. And 65% of people in serious relationships try to divide the dating costs evenly. So kind of going Dutch.

[B]

She got to pay for half of this.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I get blowjobs from you in March. I don't have to do Extra in February.

[A]

50% of Gen Zers and 40% of millennials say the. The cost of dating is getting way out of reach for their financial goals. And especially millennials who spend more than anyone else at $252 a date.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So they're not being cheap.

[B]

Yeah, millennials are throwing. Throwing down 50 on a date.

[A]

Throwing down some jack.

[B]

That's nice. That's a good place. You're taking somebody to a nice place there.

[A]

Yeah. And with Valentine's Day coming up, they're saying that 83% of people plan to buy a gift for their significant other. You guys in on that? You guys got to do that?

[B]

Look, if you need a day to remind you that everybody around you needs attention, then you're not paying attention.

[A]

At least.

[D]

Pretty good value.

[B]

It's for people who aren't.

[D]

Your anniversary's tomorrow.

[B]

Those things are silly. You just go and like, look, It's Friday the 13th. That says everything. But the 14th is, you know, if you're. I remember my friend's girlfriend, like, Valentine's Day. She didn't tell him what she wanted, but it had to hit certain. I had to check boxes for her, and if he didn't misery that he.

[A]

Wasn'T going to check the box.

[B]

And so he's like, I hate Valentine's Day. This is a test for me. And I'm like, you're with a crazy person. Like, if Valentine's Day means something to them, that means that, you know, other days they could be doing nice things. They should do something nice all the time. Every day should be Valentine's Day. You shouldn't be. Have. Have to have a day to go, oh, yeah, I got to be nice to you today.

[A]

When I first hooked up with Matthia, you know, first Valentine's Day comes around, and I'm like, what? What are we doing? And she's like, nothing. Don't waste your money or time. And I'm like, even the day before my. Are you sure? Because you're not getting anything, and I don't want to hear it. And we still better be getting something.

[B]

That's what my buddy's girlfriend used to do. It was like, you don't want to get Me anything. Don't. That's fine. We'll do that this year. And then he would follow through. And she's like, I can't believe you.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And those are the crazy ones. But, yeah, you don't need that stuff. Valentine's Day is. And basically what Matthia was telling you was, I don't want to buy you anything. So don't make this weird.

[A]

58% of people will buy other family members, like kids, parents, or siblings, something for Valentine's Day. 35% will buy stuff for their dogs.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Or pets, you know, cats and stuff like that as well. 33% will buy for their friends. I don't get that at all.

[B]

Yeah, I don't get that.

[A]

That's weird. It must be broads at Postino gallantine. Yeah. And 27% will be buying stuff for their children's classmates and teachers.

[B]

Here's a. Here's a rule. If you just. What was the thing? Yesterday's the day to break up with somebody so you don't have to buy them anything. What if you had, like. And also no first dates on this week, Valentine's Day? Oh, no. This whole, like, I guess, February. You just stay out of that, right? No.

[D]

Starts on Sunday.

[B]

You can start dating again Sunday.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

But you don't up to, like, if you just. Look, if you were. No first dates. Like, if you got one plan tonight, cancel. Like, fake a seizure. Because it's too much.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I mean, because then you got to dodge each other on Valentine's Day because it's too gay.

[A]

If you're a single dude, that's the time to go to the bars on Valentine's Day because those. Those broads sitting there by themselves, Easy pickings. Think about it. Think about it. Yeah.

[B]

All right, but do you want a girl who goes and treats herself alone on Valentine's Day? She might be for the night.

[A]

Well, not might be for the night. I'm not saying it's relationship.

[B]

She's gonna bring a toothbrush and plant it at your house.

[A]

No, you don't go to your house.

[B]

She's going to find it and move in on her own. While you're at work, she's going to move in. You're gonna have new furniture by now.

[A]

Be cheap. Get a hotel room. She'll never know where you live.

[B]

Visit Homebird's morning sickness [e-mail].

[D]

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[B]

Holmberg's Morning Sickness.

[A]

82% of Americans say Valentine's Day is a trick just to make you spend more money.

[B]

It is?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Good Christ. Anyway.

[A]

Yeah. 40% of people admit to having a Valentine's Day budget. 48% of people would not marry someone with bad budgeting habits. And as a matter of fact, 60% say irresponsible spending is a bigger turnoff than bad breath.

[B]

Really? I think I'd rather have somebody who can curb their spending then.

[A]

So. So you'll trade in. You'll trade in credit score for. For better breath.

[B]

No, because that's bad spending credit.

[D]

Oh, no, no.

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

Oh, yeah. No, if her credit is bad. Yeah, you can't. Can't. You just can't deal with that. Got to have good credit. If you can have good credit and bad breath, I can give you some gum and get some gum. Yeah, it's a good point, Brett.

[A]

There's some Colgate.

[B]

It's eight o'. Clock. By the way, orchestral is the word for eight o'.

[D]

Clock. Good luck with that one.

[B]

Yeah, I'm not helping you with that. There's not a K in it. Most of Phoenix Orchestral.

[A]

Apparently the average person falls passionately in love only twice in their life. And 14% of single adults said they've never experienced it at all. Love. Well, passionate.

[D]

Passionate love.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Gabriel just said, I dumped my girlfriend last week so I don't have to get anything I'm gonna try to get back together with her next Monday.

[D]

Smart.

[B]

He's broke.

[A]

What a cheap prick. But I love the move. Love the move.

[B]

I don't know y. Very nice. This guy said 189 bucks for a date. John, you haven't been on a date in a long time. It's 130 for ax throwing in the smash place. Add in food, you're going. You're going to 200 bucks fast. It's a good first day to go chuck axes at a wall.

[A]

Well, think how much. Does it go to a ball game or something like that now, too?

[B]

Oh, yeah, it's insane.

[A]

$14 beers.

[B]

And yeah.

[A]

Here's one for Brady. According to TikTok, the new favorite food is pie from Ace Hardware.

[D]

What?

[A]

Yeah. Apparently some Ace Hardware locations out west are selling frozen pies and they're going viral on TikTok. The pies cost $19, like it says, and come in many different flavors.

[D]

It says Ace Hardware.

[A]

Yeah. Oh, yeah, Yeah. I don't know.

[B]

Wow. So Brady would eat that?

[A]

Oh, 100%.

[B]

They're good.

[A]

They come in 20 different flavors, including apricot, boysenberry, rhubarb, peach, blueberry, and man, somebody put it on tick tock and they got 3 million views of hardware watching people eat. Hardware store pie, huh? Sounds like a pretty good band name, too. I think we've talked about something similar to this before. One in five Americans would like to live on the moon.

[B]

And I want to live.

[A]

You in or out?

[B]

I would visit the moon. I don't want to live there.

[D]

Yeah, I don't want to just like.

[A]

A weekend's like going to the Aria or something like that. Just spend.

[B]

Yeah. If you put a nice resort up there, I just don't. You know, they got to get to work on that. I don't have a whole lot of time left. And we're still not even. We're still even. The planning phase. We're just now pretending we've been there before and we're going to try again next year is the first time we're going back, evidently. And I don't think they're building like a pool or anything.

[A]

Is that the Ace pies?

[B]

Ace Hardware pies. They're just. Just a sticker, right? Interesting.

[A]

I thought it was gonna be like a Dolly Madison pie or something. Like, you know, a little rapper said.

[D]

Mixed berries, strawberries, rhubarb, apple, peach.

[B]

Yeah. At all of the Ace Hardwares just.

[A]

Out west, it says so Apricot. Never had apricot Pie neither.

[B]

That's gross.

[D]

Doesn't sound good.

[A]

But apparently the moon is getting a little. A little played out for Elon Musk because he's shifting his focus from base on the moon to Mars. He still wants a. Still wants to go to Mars and build a city up there. He says the moon's. You know, it's a lot easier right now, so we'll head over there for now. But the long, the long game is going to be Mars.

[B]

Yeah, I don't know. It just. I don't like driving to Gilbert. I'm not going to go in a.

[A]

That's like Mars.

[B]

Well, yeah, that's. I'd rather. I'd actually rather go to Mars than drive to Chandler or Gilbert for just like a meal or a sit down. I better have some serious money at the end of that. Like, there better be a treasure.

[A]

Well, it's like you always say, there's. There's 37 restaurants from my house to.

[B]

From my house to Gilbert and Chandler. If you're like, hey, we'll have dinner by my place, and it's Chandler, I'm like, well, I gotta pass. 80,000 great restaurants to go to. The one you want to go. Let's just meet in the middle. I don't want to drive all the way out there. It's too far. But I would go to Mars before that.

[A]

But I don't want to sit on a Gilbert.

[B]

Well, I don't want to sit in a pod for eight months or however long it takes to get there. Yeah, then I'd rather do that than go to Gilbert. At least there's a payoff at Mars.

[A]

Otherwise, I'm at Gilbert, and, you know, the Winter Olympics are around. And, you know, there's, there's five questions that people are Googling like crazy about the Winter Olympics.

[B]

Eileen.

[A]

Goo. That's a good question.

[B]

Is she on there?

[A]

No, she's not.

[B]

Google search.

[A]

Why do ice skaters wear gloves? Is one of the questions.

[B]

Why do they.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I don't know.

[A]

It's obviously the, the one answer is to keep their hands warm, but it's also to protect their hands from falls or sometimes they're just part of the costume.

[B]

Oh, so.

[A]

And you got the, you got the twink ice skaters out there. It's got to go with the outfit. Well, sure, yeah.

[B]

But also, if they fall, it keeps them from. I don't know.

[A]

These are dumb questions too.

[B]

It's like this is what people Google.

[A]

About the Winter Olympics.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And then why do speed skaters wear glasses? Mainly to Protect their eyes from the wind or ice chips flying up the skater in front of them. Which means you're not trying hard enough. You got to get in front.

[B]

That's right. You're in second. Exactly. Oh, did you see all those Chinese guys yesterday in the speed skating? They kept clipping the dudes in front of them.

[A]

Oh, really?

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

They were checking them.

[B]

Well, no, it was only the Chinese just tipping their. Tipping their skates on the. Because they have to do a thing where they switch lanes and cross each other.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

And they would drag a little bit on the cross.

[B]

Chinese people were like, clipping, like, you know, doing little trips because apparently there's.

[D]

A right of way, like between the skaters when you switch.

[B]

Yeah. It was kind of neat.

[A]

Like the roads around here.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

They can't drive behind the wheel. Yeah. How do you steer the loose with your toes? Mostly with your calves, shoulders. And it's basically just shifting your weight around. How fast do snowboarders go in Big air?

[D]

Is that the competition?

[B]

No, Big air is the one where they do the pipe. They. I don't know. They have to be going like 30 or 40 miles an hour.

[A]

Close 50.

[B]

Yeah. They're. That's cooking amazing. If you're going to snowboard 40 or think about that on a bicycle at 40 miles an hour. Your car at 40 miles an hour is fast.

[A]

And this is one I didn't know. The big. The big thing now is everybody's into curling.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And people are just want to know how it's scored. It's basically bocce on ice.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Bocce ball.

[B]

Oh, it's an Italian thing.

[A]

Exactly.

[D]

Similar shuffleboard, too. You gotta get in the center and.

[B]

Knock the other guys out.

[A]

Yeah. Only one team scores each round. The closest stone to the center gets the point. Yeah. If you have the two closest stones, it's two points.

[B]

Yeah. It's. Curling is the only time we're ever interested as the Olympics. And I am.

[A]

I don't know that. The. The. That skeleton thing we were watching the other day.

[D]

That's pretty fun about the double skeleton.

[B]

Oh, that's the double. Yeah. When they lay people head first.

[D]

That's right.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

I forgot about that one.

[A]

The asses. The women's and the women's skeletons. Oh, my God.

[B]

Yeah. They're in that prone position, laying on their tummies and their butts are jiggling around because they're going 300 miles an hour.

[A]

Yeah. And somebody sent me. Somebody sent videos of. Of it in slow motion, too.

[B]

I never knew that. Until Brett started to show that video. And I'm like, well, that is kind of hot for some reason. It is.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

It kind of. It's got that. It's got that bounce, too. Like. Like a nice. Like, you bounce a quarter off of it. Oh, I don't know how.

[A]

Some of them.

[B]

Yeah, I didn't see any bad ones.

[A]

No, no, Absolutely not.

[B]

The suit does a lot of work. The loose suit, the skeleton suit. And I'll look at. But you can't help it. Once you. And then. This is the thing, guys, by the way, if you're gonna go Google this, you're gonna be like, oh, no. And then you're gonna notice that Brett wasn't wrong.

[A]

Yeah. But it's not like seeing some fatty and their Lululemons where the threads are screaming. These things are pretty well put together.

[B]

Because they do a lot of running. So.

[A]

All right, let's get into the videos here. I haven't even. We're gonna. We're flying blind on these because I didn't have time to go look. This will be interesting.

[D]

All right.

[B]

Birch videos. I don't have any Brady. People ask, where's Brady? Brady's not. Brady is sick. Very sick. Today.

[A]

He's a confession.

[B]

And, yeah, he's sick because Sarah. He caught a lot of Sarah's morals yesterday.

[A]

And this one, I guess, is some broad getting stuck in a porta Potty.

[B]

Okay, let me get the.

[C]

Some broad.

[B]

I like the WAP news calls people names. He said twink and broad and Chinese people can't drive. It's a different. It's a different approach.

[A]

Nobody argued with me about it.

[B]

All right, all right. There's a porta potty. Somebody's in that Porta John.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

And they're lifting it up with the. The forklift to get it off the back of the truck. But somebody's in it, and they didn't.

[D]

Know that she been in there.

[B]

It was a woman. They were. They were.

[A]

It's like a homeless or something.

[B]

They had already packed it up on the back of the truck by the time she came out.

[A]

She didn't realize the forklift lifting it onto the trailer.

[B]

Wow, man.

[A]

I just love the music, too.

[B]

Yeah, because you're the dumbest woman in the world. That's crazy. Yeah. They had it all loaded up, and they had to. She must have been knocked.

[A]

I just told her to jump. We're not lifting that thing down again. We already put it up there.

[B]

Where's the stuff? Like, I didn't realize that they just I thought they drained them before they put them up on the thing.

[D]

They probably did. It's. That one's probably.

[B]

Well, she was in it.

[D]

Got to be re cleaned now.

[A]

Oh, dropped a deuce after the.

[D]

Okay, well, she went in there because it was clean. It's pristine.

[A]

And this one's titled. She should have been a mascot for Porkopolis. Again, I'm flying blind. So we'll look at it together.

[B]

Oh, this is not gonna go well.

[D]

This is a Brady joke.

[B]

All right, here we go. Very fat woman in a thong. And she just sat down on. What was that, an apple?

[A]

Yeah. That's the first time she's ever seen an apple that wasn't in a pie. Look at this.

[B]

I mean, she is ralph.

[A]

That's tomato.

[B]

That's a tomato.

[A]

Tomato, yeah.

[B]

Oh, she sits on food. This is a fetish.

[A]

Oh, it's a panini.

[B]

Look at that. She's gonna press the panini.

[D]

This is a fetish.

[B]

It's a fetish. Some dudes, everything's. Some guys. Like, women sitting on food. Big fat women. This was on Maury a long time ago.

[A]

Your kid?

[B]

Yeah. We had a big fat lady, and she'd come by and sit down on. On food and smash it with. I mean, this is a big woman, though. This was much bigger than the one on Maury. She's humongous.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

What is she? Hundred?

[A]

Oh, at least.

[B]

And she's plopping down on a tomato to start, like. And this is the thing that guys would say, I want you to sit on lasagna. And then she would sit on a. Like a Stouffers, like one of those lasagnas.

[A]

She's had a few Stouffers in her life. Look at that thing. Oh, what a beast.

[D]

There's a normal human skeleton in there somewhere.

[B]

It's way in there, way deep in there. Bird.

[D]

What is this?

[B]

All right, this is a female bodybuilder, and she is ripped, but she's got her top off. Her arms are huge. I am jealous of her arms. And her stomach muscles are ridiculous. I'm jealous of that. Her vagina is surprised. Surprisingly proportionate and unused. I'm not a big button, but the. Oh, no. Nobody's gonna get it. That is Hulk Hogan with breast implants.

[D]

She's gotta be.

[A]

Look at the hair.

[B]

Yeah, she's got Hulk Hogan's hair, too.

[D]

She gotta be with somebody at least her size.

[B]

Yeah, some dude who's into himself. She's overdone it. There's no turning back.

[D]

Nobody in this Room can be with that. Break you off.

[A]

No, no.

[B]

Would want to. All right.

[A]

And we'll end with this one. Apparently, this is becoming a new trend.

[B]

Okay, eyeballs. That's a girl with her. She's got a Clockwork Orange clamp on her eyes. And there's a guy about the one drop. There's a guy finishing in her eye. Wow.

[D]

Ball with her.

[B]

Come on.

[D]

She's trying to close her eyes.

[B]

Thank you very much, Brett. That's right. There you go. All right. Then he just. It's like pouring. It's like pouring a glass of milk in someone's eyeball. Still rather do that than eat coconut? I would. I would, actually. That's true. You give me a say. You have to finish this whole coconut pie, or this guy gets to gunk in your eye. I'd be like, all right, go get the clamps. I'm not eating coconut. Yeah, Not Toledo's. On the skeleton. Yeah. Do yourself a favor and Google search those skeleton things, because those girls laying down, shaking all the way down. There is something erotic about that. I think it's because they're in such a vulnerable position and their asses are up. And I think, as a man, you can't help.

[A]

Well, you know, face down, ass up.

[B]

Face down, ass up. And you're going 80 miles an hour. It's a challenge to catch her. I mean, look at that. They've all got some background. You don't see. You don't see a lot of.

[A]

And even uggos because they're wearing helmets. So it's like, all right, good. I don't have to waste my time. See that ass?

[D]

All right.

[B]

Thank you, Brett.

[A]

Sure.

[B]

Well done, Brett. Taking over for the Brady Report today with the very aggressive WAP news. The word for 8 o' clock is orchestral. Orchestral for the Nine Inch Nail Suite that feeds. That's coming up in March. We'll get you in the suite. The KUPD party suite's gonna be unbelievable. We're gonna look at skeleton racing for a minute. There goes your WAP News Brady report. It's 98. It's not weird. It's pretty cool, actually. No membership fees. I have heard enough of this.

[A]

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