02-12-26 - CONDENSED SHORT SHOW - THURSDAY - Holmbergs Morning Sickness 98 KUPD

Summary

Holmberg’s Morning Sickness – Condensed Short Show – February 12, 2026

Episode Overview

On this condensed Thursday edition, John Holmberg, Brett Vesely, Audrey, and Frenchie gather for a blend of irreverent banter, listener interaction, and offbeat take on current events and pop culture. Brady is notably absent, prompting the crew to roast his reaction to “sugar daddy” talk from the previous day’s episode. This show features a wild Michael McDonald impersonation contest, a discussion about boundaries in language (especially in light of on-air scandals), and meandering but pointed commentary on sports, celebrities, and the absurdities of everyday American life. The tone is classic HMS—raucous, unfiltered, and sharply amusing.

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Key Discussion Points and Insights

1. Brady’s Absence and the Sugar Daddy Fallout (01:02–06:24, 31:11–31:47)

• Brady is missing due to illness, leading to speculation about whether he survived the previous day’s encounter with an outspoken female guest (Sarah) who discussed having a sugar daddy.
• The team gleefully recounts how Brady fled the sugar daddy conversation, likening his escape to Carl Lewis running from danger. (“He had his track shoes on and was running down the hall like Carl Lewis.” – Brett, 01:23)
• There is speculation that the encounter “broke” Brady, and possible reasons for his fear (“I think he thought she might have been demonic.” – John, 02:17)
• Memorable moment: They debate the ethics and hilarity of sending nudes to radio listeners, finally agreeing that Brady wouldn’t survive such an incursion into his cautious world.
• Quote: “His fear was my favorite part of the entire day.” – John (01:40)

2. Listener Response and Dating Game Aftermath (03:16–06:24)

• John shares that a surprising number of ex-felons/felons reached out about the previous episode, enjoying the Dating Game segment.
• Details emerge about relationships formed/would-be formed from the show, and the wild card energy Sarah brought to the station—much to Brady’s horror.
• The group reflects on the social spectrum they witness, and how radically opposed it is to how Brady and “his bubble” (family) navigate Tucson society.

3. Cancel Culture and Language Boundaries: Nicole Curtis Scandal (07:14–15:33)

• John discusses former HGTV host Nicole Curtis (“Rehab Addict”) reportedly being fired after a racial slur was captured on a hot mic during a filming session.
• The crew dissects apologies for “words not in my vocabulary” after on-air slipups, joking that if someone knows how to use a word in a sentence when angry, it’s clearly part of their vocabulary (“You knew how to use it in a sentence. It’s part of your vocabulary. We got to stop that. But the apologies are so stupid.” – John, 11:29)
• John relates personal rage at DIY projects, describing his own habit of cursing in a Scottish accent to relieve frustration—emphasizing the difference between private venting and public professional standards.
• Quote: “I’m allowed to blurt out something like, I got Tourette’s. Is that okay?” – John (14:04)

4. James Van Der Beek’s Passing, GoFundMe Ethics, and Medical Rants (15:57–23:23)

• Breaking news of James Van Der Beek's (fictitious in this transcript context) death, prompting discussion of his legacy and humor regarding “vanilla” TV personalities.
• Debate arises around the GoFundMe for his family, questioning why a celebrity needs a $1M+ fundraiser and suggesting the money could be better spent advancing non-invasive cancer testing tech (“...put it towards technology to keep fingers out of our asses at the doctor’s office.” – John, 19:04).
• Extended, comedic rants about men’s reluctance toward prostate exams and recent improvements in blood testing vs. the “old school” finger method.
• John recounts a comically traumatic early medical experience, hinting an unnecessary prostate exam left a mark on his psyche.
  • Quote: “If you go in my ass dry, there’s a chance [the N-word is] gonna fly out of my mouth.” – John (17:42)

5. Little Albert and the History of Experimental Psychology (23:40–31:03)

• John discusses the infamous “Little Albert” experiment in early 20th-century psychology, where a baby was conditioned to fear animals via loud noises.
• They highlight how modern parenting is far more protective by comparison, mocking claims that “kids today have it hardest.”
  • Quote: “Your kids have it so easy. Just read Little Albert to them. It needs to be a children’s book. At least. You’re not Little Albert.” – John (30:12)
• Reference is made to the absurdity of child cages on city apartment windows in the past versus today’s hypervigilant attitudes.

6. Coconut, Plums, and Food Disgust (32:31–35:37)

• The hosts riff on National Lost Penny Day and National Plum Pudding Day, with John launching into a memorable, gross comparison between strawberries and an alcoholic’s nose, and between coconut and human hair.
  • Quote: “Strawberries, same exact texture, shape, and bite resistance as an alcoholic homeless man's nose. Each seed represents every pore with a blackhead in it.” – John (33:12)
• Memorable moment: John claims he’d rather eat hair pie than coconut cream pie.

7. Michael McDonald’s Birthday & Listener Contest (35:37–45:40)

• It’s Michael McDonald’s birthday (age 74), inspiring the hosts to teach listeners how to mimic his singing style (pull cheeks apart and sing).
• Listeners are invited to sing Nine Inch Nails songs as Michael McDonald for a chance to win concert tickets.
• The contest brings in quirky listener performances, with “Oliver” impressing as the best Michael McDonald impressionist.
  • Quote: “That Michael McDonald doing ‘Closer’ worked. I want to hear that.” – John (42:03)
• The hosts banter over impressions, leading to some intentionally awkward singing and comedic commentary (“You’ve got more cheek to pull… All right, go ahead, Chunky Mike McDonald gone.” – John, 43:13)

8. Sports Rant: Suns’ Resting Players and Fan Frustration (45:50–51:29)

• John vents over Phoenix Suns resting key players for “load management” before the All-Star break, despite fans paying big money and planning months in advance for marquee matchups.
• Audrey adds that average families may only afford a couple games a year, making the team’s disregard for ticket buyers particularly aggravating.
  • Quote: “Devin Booker is resting for the all star game and the three point shooting contest. He’ll play. I promise you he’ll do the three point shooting contest…” – Audrey (49:21)
• Suggestions are made that teams should refund or compensate fans for games where stars are healthy but rested.

9. Celebrity Birthdays & The Athlete "Jock Tax" (51:39–55:15)

• The crew lists notable celebrity birthdays, especially Michael McDonald, with recurring gags about singing and “pulling cheeks.”
• They discuss the “jock tax”—athletes getting taxed by states for games played in those locations, using Super Bowl winner Sam Darnold as a humorous and maddening example.
  • Quote: “So you get taxed on where the game is at, not where you live.” – Brett (53:56)
• Insights into the complex tax burdens faced by pro athletes, and critique of policies that leave players owing more in taxes than some game checks are worth.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

| Timestamp | Speaker | Quote / Moment | |-----------|----------------|-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------| | 01:23 | Brett | "He had his track shoes on and was running down the hall like Carl Lewis." | | 01:40 | John Holmberg | “His fear was my favorite part of the entire day.” | | 11:29 | John Holmberg | “You knew how to use it in a sentence. It’s part of your vocabulary. We got to stop that…” | | 14:04 | John Holmberg | “I’m allowed to blurt out something like, I got Tourette’s. Is that okay?” | | 17:42 | John Holmberg | “If you go in my ass dry, there’s a chance [the N-word is] gonna fly out of my mouth.” | | 30:12 | John Holmberg | “Your kids have it so easy. Just read Little Albert to them… At least. You’re not Little Albert.” | | 33:12 | John Holmberg | “Strawberries, same exact texture … as an alcoholic homeless man's nose.” | | 42:03 | John Holmberg | “That Michael McDonald doing ‘Closer’ worked. I want to hear that.” | | 49:21 | Audrey | “Devin Booker is resting for the all star game and the three point shooting contest…” | | 53:56 | Brett | “So you get taxed on where the game is at, not where you live.” |

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Timestamps for Major Segments

• Brady/Sugar Daddy Fallout: 01:02–06:24, 31:11–31:47
• Nicole Curtis Language Scandal: 07:14–15:33
• James Van Der Beek, Medical Rants, GoFundMe: 15:57–23:23
• Historical Parenting / Little Albert: 23:40–31:03
• Food Disgust, Coconut/Plum Rant: 32:31–35:37
• Michael McDonald Contest: 35:37–45:40
• Phoenix Suns Rant: 45:50–51:29
• Celebrity Birthdays "Jock Tax": 51:39–55:15

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Takeaways

• Tone: Unapologetically unfiltered and hilarious, with a blend of pop culture, listener engagement, and sharp sarcasm.
• Best for: Longtime HMS fans and anyone who enjoys morning radio that’s part standup, part talk show, part local Arizona flavor.
• Notable: Leans heavily into the humor of inappropriate or awkward situations, and finds recurring comic gold in ordinary food, medical procedures, and sports fans’ pain.

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For New Listeners

This episode’s highlights include a unique “Michael McDonald sings Nine Inch Nails” contest, sly social commentary through the “Little Albert” story, and plenty of inside jokes—especially at the expense of absent cohost Brady. If you enjoy quick-witted group banter, unpredictable tangents, and a hefty dose of irreverence, this is a prime sample of Holmberg’s Morning Sickness at work.

Transcript

[Brett]

You're listening to the HMS podcast brought to you by MMP Guns.com, your most trusted online marketplace for firearms, ammunition and accessories.

[John Holmberg]

It's John Holberg here from the morning sickness for lifechangerloan.com I got a little note from Shane O', Grady, the head cheese over at Life Change alone. He said, this week three wonderful listeners all made the move to Life Changer loan and each of them will be paying off their homes in under four years. That's right. And that's normal too. So many people try to refinance. Go to lifechangerloan.com and see if it's right for you. Maybe you like paying debt off for 30 years and spending $200,000 extra in interest. I don't. I know a better way. And it's not magic. It's just math.

[Progressive Insurance Announcer]

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[Show Producer]

Morning sickness.

[John Holmberg]

You've been deceived by an agent of Satan himself. Brady ran out of here yesterday. The sugar daddy talk and then the. You know, a lifestyle he doesn't want to admit that is that happens in humanity. Yeah, he ran from her. She was a bad influence. Brand liability.

[Brett]

We didn't even get the normal and slam the door.

[Audrey]

He was.

[Brett]

He had his track shoes on and was running down the hall like Carl.

[John Holmberg]

Lewis almost every time Brady leaves. We all hear it. Yeah, and it just echoes through the halls and he waddles out. No, he ran from here. Get. Gotta get away from that.

[Audrey]

That's the.

[John Holmberg]

That's the enemy's plan to put me in darkness. Yeah, he didn't. That was clear that. That was if you were to ask him like Sarah and you are gonna go out to lunch. No, not my cup of tea. Which is the kind way of saying I'd never do anything with that person. I think she scared him. And that was my favorite part of yesterday. His fear was my favorite part of the entire day.

[Brett]

I should have had her fire over the nude to him.

[John Holmberg]

Oh my God. That's just wrong. No, no, no. We'll kill him. Brad, you can't go throwing. No, he was afraid of her. Like he was. Yeah, he was never see those people like in the. Those religious documentary documentaries that have, you know, they're introduced to something. They say this is a demon or something. They, they believe it. And their whole. That was Brady. I think he thought she might have been demonic. I think he had some sort of.

[Frenchie]

A right off the door.

[John Holmberg]

No, we're not sending nudes to anybody. That's just. No, I, I, I, I don't want to be responsible for that. Getting in his house and then. Oh, then it. Then he's right. Then the evil infiltrates his home.

[Frenchie]

You can't have share an Apple account, John. So Kirby.

[John Holmberg]

Ronnie. Oh, no, we could not. This is, this proves. Well, then no, this in fact would prove. I will never give that number to Sarah just because that would prove that his fear. Well, if you can do it and I'm. Look, here's how evil I am. You can do that and I'm gonna giggle like crazy, but I will not be the responsible party in getting the emails. And my, my, this is. It was ridiculous.

[Frenchie]

Oh my God.

[John Holmberg]

A massive amount of emails came in talking about her. And I was shocked to find that, you know, the felons really enjoyed the Dating Game. Lots of felons checking in.

[Brett]

Well, the ex cons came out yesterday.

[John Holmberg]

Were happy to talk to her. So it was an interesting show. It was an interesting podcast. I'll say. Yesterday.

[Brett]

Well, afterwards it seemed like, you know, when she wasn't sure if she wanted to take a role in the, in the Donatello Ninja Turtle sheets with Edward. Yeah, that she was up on Larry.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, she loved Larry. What's going on?

[Brett]

What's going on there?

[John Holmberg]

I don't know.

[Brett]

Okay.

[John Holmberg]

I stayed out of it too.

[Brett]

All right.

[John Holmberg]

But I, I. Yeah, we introduced a wild card yesterday to the party. And did she fire over a photo to Larry? I don't know. I didn't, I didn't talk to Larry about it. You know why you're handing out those numbers and stuff. Maybe talk her into that one too. Because that I'm for. I won't do it myself again. I'm not going to be the guy who gave the, the commands. XO has the comm. That's you, my friend.

[Brett]

I'll fire it right on over.

[John Holmberg]

I'm not doing that. Oh, yeah, but poor Brady. Yeah, you can't do that to him. And Larry would be. Yeah, that you can't do that. Too fragile, Brett.

[Brett]

And you notice this is the one time that Brady didn't try to hand it. Yeah. Why don't you give me those digits?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, he was scared of Was such a. Almost a sociological experiment to Watch how, like, unenthused Brady was with this faction of humanity that. That's out there somewhere. And I think he just probably went home and hugged Kirby. Yeah, I didn't know that was out there. Like, he's got to put her back in the bubble. She can't discover that this world exists with, like, casually talking about a sugar daddy is to his brain. I wish he was here to defend this, but to his brain, I just. Like, he wants to try to say nice things, but I can't imagine what his mom bunny would have just been like. Oh, it would have been so good.

[Brett]

To have the bug.

[Frenchie]

I just can't believe that that goes on.

[John Holmberg]

I just. I don't buy it.

[Brett]

After he watches the videos every week, he can't believe that kind of stuff goes on.

[John Holmberg]

Those are all AI like, he's got. It's a good. He lives in a better world than us. None of the stuff we see.

[Brett]

I guess I'm jealous.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brett]

I think.

[John Holmberg]

I don't know. In a weird way, he doesn't have to actually think it's real. Not confronting that reality. Is this his reality? And then when it's presenting itself here, it's demonic. And I don't blame him because it was hilarious. But she was fun. It was a fun thing.

[Brett]

I was leaving yesterday, and everybody in sales is like, is she really like that?

[Audrey]

Well, yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Go up there. Go up there.

[Brett]

I know. Gannifer came up there.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, that was a great interaction. I didn't see it, but I heard it.

[Frenchie]

Yeah, you're funny.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Frenchie]

That is like the girl swipe of a life.

[John Holmberg]

And then she's like, hey, if I call my brother, can. Can you talk to him? I'm like, sure. And she facetimes her brother couldn't have been nicer. Very nice guy. And, like, she wasn't unkind. She was fun. She was nice. But, yeah, the brother wasn't what I expected. He seemed like everything just. I expected normal. He was totally normal. Is he a lawyer? No. I don't know what he does.

[Show Producer]

He said, but he was just a.

[Brett]

No, we know about the lawyer.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Oh, no. Yeah, the lawyer was the sugar daddy. Yeah, the lawyer. That was a grab. It's just a great visit.

[Show Producer]

Holmberg's morning sickness [e-mail] this episode is.

[Progressive Insurance Announcer]

Brought to you by Progressive Insurance. Do you ever find yourself playing the budgeting game? Well, with the name your price tool from progressive, you can find options that fit your budget and potentially lower your bills. Try [e-mail], progressive Casualty Insurance Company and affiliates. Price and coverage match limited by state law. Not available in all states. This episode is brought to you by Progressive Insurance. Do you ever find yourself playing the budgeting game? Well, with a name your price tool from Progressive, you can find options that fit your budget and potentially lower your bills. Try [e-mail] Progressive Casualty Insurance Company and affiliates. Price and coverage match limited by state law. Not available in all states.

[Show Producer]

Holmberg's morning sickness.

[John Holmberg]

Speaking of words you can't say anymore. I don't know, Brad. If you watch a lot of hgtv, I watched a ton of it.

[Brett]

Nah, not too much.

[John Holmberg]

I used to love it. I used to love watching flip shows and things like that. And the one that always got me was there's a show called. What was it called? Rehab Something. Rehab. It was in Detroit.

[Frenchie]

Rehab addict.

[John Holmberg]

Rehab addict. So the girl's name was Nicole Curtis.

[Brett]

I remember her.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, she was really cute.

[Audrey]

She's pretty.

[John Holmberg]

She had a son. And I always thought, and I always used to bring this up, I'm like, I like watching that because eventually she's going to reveal how lonely she is. She's. I watched the deeper meaning of rehab addiction when she, because she loved Detroit, but she had problems with men. That was not announced, but she, she manifested her male problems into old homes where she, she was a type of girl. I need to fix this. Like she, her. Her relationship with whoever she had a. A kid with and the boy was on the show every once in a while clearly went the ways of I could not save him from himself. And I don't know if it was just behavioral or if it was drugs or whatever. So it was sad in its own weird way because she was so hell bent on being a fixer. Well, she's never going to be on TV again.

[Brett]

Oh, oh, she whip him out?

[Audrey]

No.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, she pulled.

[Brett]

She's cute enough.

[John Holmberg]

It's the best episode you'd have ever watched. She was working on a light and they're filming and she was struggling with like electric stuff or something. And then she just drops the N bomb. No yelling at the, you know, when you. She's in Detroit. Well, that's what I was wrong with Detroit idiots. Here's the thing. No, you're not hot enough to do that. No, she's just saying it's like in A Christmas Story when the bumpkiss hounds and he's like, it's Yosemite Sam cussing and everybody's done it. When you're struggling with something and you just say Something stupid like. And then comes out and you're like, whoops. I think somebody at that show hated her because it's taped and it got out, right?

[Oliver]

Oh.

[John Holmberg]

And so she says, and this is where she's done forever. I want to be clear. And this is the worst thing you can say.

[Frenchie]

Whenever you want to be clear, the.

[John Holmberg]

Worst thing you can say. The word in question is wrong and not part of my vocabulary. Yes, it is. You said it. You said it. You know it. You said it. It fell out. Now, I do that all the time. I don't drop the N bomb, but I'll throw the homo F word or other slurs at, like, something that's defeating me. That's an inanimate object that I'm trying to get through. But she threw out the N bomb. She said, I want to apologize to everyone. I'm grateful. And then she says, they. Because they fired her that day after the tape got out. So the dude taping the production crew didn't protect the person on the other end. Now, that tells me either somebody on the production crew hated her or was a black guy and was like, no, I know this. I know she's in on this. I'm tired of hearing her say, or.

[Brett]

That was his sugar mama. She cut him off.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, yeah, that's a good twist. That's good fan fiction right there. I like that. But yeah, so she dropped that bomb. And now all I want to do is watch the clip. How bad was it? Was it a hard R? Was it. Do we have it? Was she. No, I don't know.

[Frenchie]

Was she losing an episode?

[Audrey]

No.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, they're filming an episode.

[Frenchie]

Gotcha.

[John Holmberg]

And she says it. And then she's like, oh. And they're like, just shut down production now because you're done. It's like, no, no, we don't have to air that. Can I get. Can I just. Give me a break. Mulligan. Yeah, no, Mulligan. They fired her immediately for even thinking it. And you know you can't do that when there's cameras rolling or mic's on. No, she got ratted out. But I mean, I think she's fine so long as she doesn't say, well, let's look. When Tom Brennaman, our good friend Tom Brennaman's like, I'm a good man. These are not words in my vocabulary. Yes, they are. Not only that, because if it would be, because then you just cuss like a five year old. Yeah, exactly.

[Frenchie]

Or Mormon.

[John Holmberg]

Right. You knew how to use it in a sentence. It's part of your vocabulary. We got to stop that. But the apologies are so stupid. But yeah, she. She hit the N bomb barking at a light fixture. Whatever she was trying to fix because it was mad. I tend to. And this is because of my friend Thomas. When I'm doing work, like when I was trying to put those bike racks on the wall, the whole time I'm cursing at the wall, I'm cursing at the material. I'm doing a terrible job drilling holes in walls and just making a mockery of the whole thing. I do it with a Scottish accent and I don't know why. And that's because it feels better to say horrible things in a Scottish accent when you're just like, oh, you mother. That's right. Yeah. Just don't go through the brick, you piece of. Oh, this little Only purpose. This sucking. I tell you, why don't you bend over and you're gaping. I say horrible things in a Scottish accent. C word is non stop.

[Brett]

Oh, yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, it's. But it feels better. So it's a character of frustrated. Do it yourselfer. That's what I do. But I also know that I'm not doing a show that's being recorded. Yeah, I think I would kind of pull back on the whole. I would tell people like, hey, welcome to rehab, addict. My name is John, by the way. When I'm working hard and it's not going my way, I turn into Shrek for a little bit and the most foul mouth version of him ever. So just give me a little grace on that because it's going to get weird and I turn into a strange person. But, yeah, she's gone and done. So the show was supposed to return to air after a long hiatus. They brought her back. So I'm wondering if the, like, does she still get to sell the houses? She did all the work.

[Frenchie]

Well, she becomes a silent partner now, right?

[John Holmberg]

I guess.

[Frenchie]

I mean, she still does all the work. You just can't see who did it.

[Brett]

I'm pretty sure that Papa John. Isn't he still getting a paycheck even though he's not part of the company, quote unquote.

[Frenchie]

I think he got bought out.

[Brett]

Oh, did he?

[John Holmberg]

Okay. I think they took care of him. But I mean, I'm like, I know for a fact that the dudes who worked at my house said terrible words. You hit your thumb with a hammer or your nail gun into your foot. I don't know. I think you're allowed to say everything.

[Brett]

Look, I'm not trusting somebody Working at my house. If they yell fudge instead of the big one. And I just. He's not doing good work again.

[John Holmberg]

Christmas story. Even Ralphie, when he dropped all the lug nuts. Fudge. But I didn't say fudge.

[Audrey]

Right? Yeah.

[Brett]

I'm not trusting a dude.

[Audrey]

That's not.

[John Holmberg]

I think we have to.

[Brett]

I'm out there.

[John Holmberg]

I don't know if we have to have a meeting with all the races and have like a un word we'll call it. And we're like, look, you got to give us a break. If I hurt myself in a DIY project, I'm allowed to blurt out something like, I got Tourette's. Is that okay? If I get shocked by a ceiling fan, I'm allowed to. I'm allowed to hit the. I'm allowed to hit that default N bomb button.

[Brett]

Billy says Nicole should find a doctor to diagnose her with Tourette's.

[Progressive Insurance Announcer]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Immediately.

[Audrey]

A victim. Immediately.

[John Holmberg]

Right. It's just. It doesn't just. I mean, people are like, why did that one slip out? Yeah, Kyle's right. You're dealing with an inanimate object. I mean, what were the wires making you think about? Were they black wires? Like, where are you with the. Why was that your immediate go to. But I think if you get shocked, like, it's. But maybe she was. I didn't see it. So maybe she's just like struggling with a lampshade and then oops. But I think you're allowed to do it. I'm gonna go ahead and as a white person, even give a pass to anybody for an injury. N word. I don't know if you or homo effort. I think I'm allowed. I think Toledo. I think I've got enough cache.

[Brett]

You're allowed to hand out the card.

[Frenchie]

I don't know.

[Brett]

You dog bounty hunter.

[John Holmberg]

Now what is this? I think I'm allowed. I, I, I don't know about that.

[Show Producer]

Visit Homburg's Morning sickness online at 98kupd.com.

[John Holmberg]

Support is available 24. 7 with Verbo Care. We're here day or night, ready whenever you need help. Because a great trip starts with the right support.

[Show Producer]

Holmberg's Morning Sickness.

[John Holmberg]

James Vanderbeek passed away yesterday. Everybody was the Dawson's Creek guy in Varsity Blues. The world famous forever and ever whipped cream bikini scene from Varsity Blues. And Vanderbeek was seemingly one of those dudes. Just as nice as can be. Doesn't it? Didn't he seem like I didn't like Dawson's Creek. I didn't care.

[Frenchie]

I didn't like Varsity Blues. Other than the whipped cream bikini, not a great movie.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. But, you know, we can be heroes. Yeah, it was good. It was fine. And he was. That. He was one of those dudes that's not gonna. He's not an Academy Award winner by any stretch. He's not gonna be one of those guys that's gonna change your world. But every time you saw him, Vanderbeek seemed like just a good dude.

[Brett]

It was a. There was no reason to hate on him or anything like that. He was just there.

[John Holmberg]

Vanilla man.

[Brett]

Right.

[John Holmberg]

Exactly. And then he gets the prostate cancer and it gets him. And that's a shame. It's.

[Brett]

Did he catch it late?

[John Holmberg]

I don't know. There. There's. Well, now everybody keeps saying, like, oh, he's a perfect example of why men need to get checked. And you do. I'm not gonna. Until they, you know. Evidently, there's no more fingering. My beef with that. So.

[Brett]

You back in?

[John Holmberg]

Well, do it. If there's no fingering, I don't again. MRIs, ultrasounds. Nobody has to get fingered for anything. And it's just some power play doctors are keeping over us to, you know, to puppeteer us for a second. Just. I've checked out my own prostate on the reg. It's fine. Look, if anybody's gonna notice a difference, it's gonna be me. I go to a doctor, first time he's feeling it, I can tell him all the subtle nuances and nooks and crannies of that thing. I've. I know exactly where the almond is, and I keep an eye on it. No changes.

[Brett]

Just don't Nicole Curtis it.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, well, yeah. You don't wanna start dropping that bomb while you're giving yourself a prostate exam. Doctor.

[Frenchie]

You.

[John Holmberg]

I look at it the same as. Oh, yeah, no, there's a chance that N word will come out if a doctor goes in dry. You try to. That. I'm allowed that path. I don't care even what the doctor looks like. If you go in my ass dry, there's a chance gonna fly out of my mouth.

[Frenchie]

I can be on board with that.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. If you dry finger me and then Dr. Like. Hey, hey, hey, hey. You don't have to do this. In fact, I can probably pretty accurately, with a blindfold on, draw my prostate. Oh, yeah, I know where it is. I wash it. It's not even for pleasure. Get up there and I scrub it. I treat that thing like, you know, the way Brett would if he had, like, a gto. He'd have mirrors under just to show you how clean the bottom part is. So I don't need any doctor telling me what's wrong with it. I'll be like, what do you know? That's your first time. I know what's going on in there, but you should go get checked. But they say that you don't have to get fingered anymore. What I'm confused about is James Van Der Beek's family asked for a GoFundMe, and it's over a million dollars now. And I'm like, he lives on a.

[Frenchie]

Ranch and has six kids.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Even if he ran into a little financial trouble from this, this didn't cost a million dollars.

[Frenchie]

No. He was an advocate for it. You'd think that they were giving him some kind of spokesman privileges.

[John Holmberg]

I mean, a million dollars and still growing. Actually, right now, it's at a million three in donations from fans. He was on Dancing with the Stars. People are dropping thousands of dollars each on his GoFundMe page. And I think that you're right. Like, he's got a ranch and all this other. The family's like, oh, it didn't cost you. I know costs for health care are high, but he's not a million dollars behind. What are you gonna do with that money? That doesn't make any sense. I say we take all that money and we put it towards technology to keep fingers out of our asses. At the doctor's office, Clint said, no, no, John, they're still fingering. The blood test just tells you if they need to or not. Well, I'm not going.

[Frenchie]

That's fair. I. I just had that. The blood test.

[John Holmberg]

Did you. And everything's kosher.

[Frenchie]

The next step is to go to my primary. And he looks at the blood and goes, no finger.

[John Holmberg]

Oh. It says he had colorectal cancer, not prostate.

[Brett]

Yeah. So then you get the tube up the ass.

[John Holmberg]

That's a tube?

[Brett]

Yeah, that's a camera and stuff.

[John Holmberg]

Have you had that done?

[Frenchie]

The tube?

[John Holmberg]

No, they go in and they haven't done any.

[Frenchie]

Haven't had anything done.

[Brett]

No, I haven't.

[John Holmberg]

None of us.

[Brett]

They keep telling me to, and I'm like, yeah, I'll get to that. Yeah.

[Audrey]

Who?

[John Holmberg]

Michael and Troy keep telling me to also. I'm not doing it. It's not gay. It's life saving. I'm with you. If you want to do it. That's up to you. But you can't get. You can't shame people anymore for. For saying I don't want to get fingered. And I also don't want to find out anything's wrong. I've said that for years. The doctor goes, oh, I don't want to hear, oh, with a finger in my ass. I just don't want to hear that, uh, oh, this is no good. Like, what is it?

[Frenchie]

Well, you don't want to hear the long pause.

[John Holmberg]

No, I don't want to go back every two weeks to have him check it again. I'm just.

[Audrey]

No.

[John Holmberg]

Done a pretty good job my whole life keeping men's fingers out of my ass. I got one. Oh, yeah, doctor, that got me back when I was like 21.

[Frenchie]

That's the shocking thing when you don't think about your story right away. Wait a minute, you had a.

[John Holmberg]

No, I had a guy do it.

[Brett]

Yeah, he was grooming you.

[John Holmberg]

Boy, was he. And after watching that Ohio State documentary, I realized he was. It was an unnecessary exam. And there I was on my side in a gown and all I told him was, it hurts to pee. Are you sexually active? I'm like, well, I guess so. I guess you call it active. She didn't. I mean, I wasn't just laying there.

[Frenchie]

I was.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, yeah. I did about eight attempted high fives with this guy. He didn't want one. And then he fingered me and I finished. And now I'm never going back again because that was horrifying. And by the way, I've tried to do that myself since that day. And I've never been able to accomplish what that man did, ever. I've never been able to make that button.

[Frenchie]

Not for lack of trying.

[John Holmberg]

Never hit the button right again. I think he drained it. I think he broke it and it drained it.

[Brett]

You think?

[Frenchie]

It was a one time only thing.

[John Holmberg]

It's like, like scorpion venom. Once it's out, it's out.

[Frenchie]

Like those New Year's poppers.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. You can't pack that back up. That's it. Oh, he said, that's all right. That'll happen. I'm like, it will. First and only time. Try to make that happen every day then. And nothing. The girl I. My girlfriend back, Tony Romas, her ex boyfriend liked that and that's what. She would try that with me.

[Brett]

What exams?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, not the exams, but like, yeah, he liked her to exam, but I've done it, but I don't need that. But Van der Beek, it didn't cost over a million dollars for that. And I think you should. Yeah, it should go to. It should go immediately to technology to Keep doctor's fingers out of us. End of story. I don't think doctors want to do it right.

[Frenchie]

Not since the PSA test has come out.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, doctors are like, they should be on the fast track to not doing that. Like, if I was at proctology convention, I'd be like, all right, how do we stop seeing it? Like, let's make it so it's a. Like, A, the blood test is good. B, those ultrasounds seem about right. Rub it across my ass. You don't have to go in.

[Brett]

Is that the one where you crap in a box or something beforehand?

[John Holmberg]

There's that, too.

[Audrey]

Okay.

[Frenchie]

Cologuard.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Frenchie]

And then you mail it. That just feels off.

[John Holmberg]

James says they sound worse than they are. The prep is the worst part. Drink the stuff that cleans you out a day before there's no fecal matter to block the camera. You drop, like, five pounds in that day. Go get scoped, boys. Maybe you could make a show out of all of you going. Getting a colonoscopy.

[Brett]

Pervert.

[Audrey]

James.

[John Holmberg]

Jesus. You want us all to just take one in the ass on the air? They do that every day over at Katie kb. There's a place for that.

[Show Producer]

Visit Holmberg's morning sickness [e-mail] Holmberg's Morning Sickness.

[John Holmberg]

I did a deep dive of the most amazing thing I've ever seen on the heels of Pavlov's dogs. You know that where they just. They associated feeding with a bell, and then every time. And then they took the food away. But every time the bell rang, the dogs would start to like and drool. They're like, oh. It caused the bell became representative of food at that same. This is when, you know, everybody that says, kids are having it tough nowadays, and it's harder to be. I've said it. I'll say it every day that I'm alive. It is easier to be alive today than it has ever been ever. No question. Especially for your kids. Your kids have got it. Every generation has it easier than the last one. And that's called technology. And generationally, we look at it as, oh, my God, it's so difficult because we don't understand it, but they're fine. And here's how I know it. After, like, this was probably the most amazing thing that was ever volunteered for. After the Pavlov's dog thing, where they're like, well, we can make dogs associate sounds with other things and have their bodies actually react to those sounds. They're like, what about a baby? And they they kept a baby for nine months, a nine month old baby. They kept him in conditions where they would. All they tried to do every single minute of every day was make him afraid of animals. He's an infant, he's nine months old. So he sat in this cage like, like a baby that was going to be adopted. Who cares about this one?

[Frenchie]

What country did this?

[John Holmberg]

United States of America. And so they would say they wanted to see if they could condition the infant to be afraid of certain animals. And they'd show the baby various things like a rabbit, a monkey, a white rat and then burning newspapers or something like, you know. And so when the rat was shown, they played a super loud noise and Little Albert was his name and the tale of Little Albert is amazing. And they said they, he would associate the white rat with that sound and then eventually they could just show him the white rat and then he'd react to the gong noise without it actually going off like he. And then, so then after a while they, they started to introduce real rats to Little Albert's cage is a person. And they shoved it in there and then he'd be like, he'd just be waiting for that noise. And then he was just terrified of white rats. And it was, they managed to make him cry every day, multiple times a day with scary sounds or images that made him hate animals. So they got the white rat, like, that's it. Every time we play that gong, he starts looking for a rat and he's like, of course. So they recorded another session where they had. The rat would like, if he even saw like a hint of the rat, he'd start to whimper a little, just waiting for that horrible sound. Your kids are so. It's so easy for them. Then he was subjected to five instances of the scary noises and the rat. And when they showed the little boy the rat again, he just lost it, started pissing himself, rolled over into the corner.

[Brett]

Crazy lab is.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, this is. Then a month later they bring him back from the orphanage and little Albert's there and we're not done with you yet. And then they, they started to show him scary stuff again and they, they'd shoot the rat across because it's been a month since they'd done it. And he's like, no, he's still scared of the rat. Good job everybody. And then he had a mother and then she took him out of the hospital so there were no more decondition. They promised the families, like, look, we're going to do this and then we're going to Reverse it.

[Brett]

And he got a dinner at Rhodesio Steakhouse or something for all twelve hundred dollars.

[John Holmberg]

Exactly. Little Albert was. Was taken away by his mom. Like, you're not doing this anymore. It was Appalachian State University and they had another kid. They just got some nurse. It's like, well, you're a single mom here in the 1930s. We're going to take your baby. It's a waste of time. It doesn't have a father. And then they would start to do that with. With stuff. They would have, like, they blind him with things and stuff like that. Your kids have it so easy. Google search. Little Albert. Poor Little Albert. The baby experiment. James Vanderbeek's getting a million too, for not having. Not being able to sell his ranch. Where's the money for Little Albert's family?

[Frenchie]

Did I. Did I miss what? Like, how recent is this thing?

[John Holmberg]

This was year. Oh, no, no, no. Yeah. No, can't do it now. This was. I mean, the pictures look pretty early 1900s.

[Frenchie]

Okay.

[Brett]

Oh, I thought you were talking. This is recent.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, no, no, no. Well, that was my point 10 years ago. My point is today your kids can't even, like, get close to a bike store without wearing a helmet. Little Albert was. It was totally reasonable.

[Frenchie]

It's not exactly related, but you saw those, like, people that lived in cities used to have little cages that would hang out out the side of the building their kids would sit in.

[Brett]

The good old days.

[John Holmberg]

That's what I'm saying.

[Frenchie]

Like a kid kennel that.

[John Holmberg]

To me, those pictures in New York were like, the kid could sit outside, but in a fence, in a cage.

[Brett]

You could close the window so you don't have to listen to the damn thing.

[John Holmberg]

And Eric Clapton tried it and it didn't work anymore.

[Progressive Insurance Announcer]

But that.

[John Holmberg]

I don't know when that stopped. Like, box it up and put it outside for a little bit. It's a nice day. And then they just, like. Loads of kids would just sit in fenced boxes. Now I see kids at the Rah Rah Room getting steak that they don't appreciate. They didn't care if they got it or not. They'd eat Cheerios off the ground. And mom and dad are spending a couple hundred bucks. It's just so hard to be a child. It is so easy right now to be a child. I'm listening to the news and they're talking about kids in Queen Creek. And they're back on that again. And it's like, oh, my God, they had a thing about today is. I don't Know if it's today or somewhere in February. It's a teen violent dating month or something. I forgot what they called it. But yeah, it's like, well, you're supposed.

[Frenchie]

To be aware Violence in dating month.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, well, no, they're dating violence. Of course it's violence dating. And so they're teens, though, and they're like, it's so hard for kids today because, you know, evidently they beat the tar out of each other on dates. I didn't think that's a thing.

[Brett]

It's Chris Brown day or what, right?

[John Holmberg]

I mean, Jesus, So easy. All the kids do is just grab iPads and doordash food to each other. That. That's a date. Hilarious.

[Brett]

It's going to be like Demolition man, where they put the helmets on and so no touching.

[John Holmberg]

Good.

[Brett]

You know?

[John Holmberg]

But man, oh, man, I don't want to hear it about your kids anymore. Having a tough time. Oh, the dating situation's so hard. And there's. We have to really keep an eye on them. They'll harm themselves. Like, why are your kids upset? Just read Little Albert to them. It needs to be a children's book. At least. You're not Little Albert.

[Frenchie]

Jesus, Holmberg. I thought this was recent. I just looked it up. Thank God it was in the twenties.

[John Holmberg]

It's a hundred years ago, but think about that. It was only a hundred years ago. One hundred years ago. They're like, do we have any babies? No one loves. I have one. Give it to me. I want to scare it. Like, every day for a long time. How old is it? Nine months. It's in its easiest form of brain development. Oh, we're gonna f with this thing for days. Look at him. Look at him with the rats. He thinks the gong's gonna play. And Little Albert had to sit there with. And then a rat would run by, and they did it to him over and over until it was just one represented the other, and he was a mess.

[Show Producer]

Visit Holmberg's Morning sickness online at 98kupd.comberg's Morning Sickness.

[John Holmberg]

Brady is broken as well. Brady's not here today. He's very ill, and it's not his kidneys. A lot of people ask, is Brady dead? It's a reasonable question.

[Audrey]

You know.

[John Holmberg]

It is. It is. It is a reasonable question. Look, you look at him and you're like, oh, tick tock. But come on. He's been doing really well. He just caught something. He thinks he's got a sinus infection. I don't know how it works.

[Brett]

Confession from Yesterday.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, he's.

[Brett]

That's what's happening.

[John Holmberg]

He's taking a break from being in the same room with Sarah. He's cleansing. The power of Christ compelled him, so he's going to fix all this. But he's not here today, so I guess we have to do it this way. It's time for the Guinea News.

[Brett]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

It'S time for Brett to give you all the news that only Brett knows. It's the Guinea Report and it's brought to you by our friends at AllPro Pro Shade. Get your shades ready. Get that outdoor space outdoorsy and make it so you guys can have a part of your house. Be outside, inside, outside. They have that style. Every real estate agent will tell you you got outdoor living space. You just. You basically added square footage to your house. And that's what All Pro Shade does. They make it look good. I saw one they had on their website over a cabana by a pool. And it's gorgeous. It's amazing. They have top notch stuff. Don't make it look like you did it yourself. Get the pros involved. They've been at it for over 20 years for a reason, and they are great. All pro shade.com Brett reported.

[Brett]

How you doing, everybody? Here we go.

[John Holmberg]

Let's start off with.

[Brett]

Apparently today is National Lost Penny Day, which should be for everybody because didn't they discontinue them?

[John Holmberg]

They stopped. Yeah, yeah. There's no more pennies.

[Brett]

Do anything with pennies. And in honor of Brady, apparently today is recognized as National Plum Pudding Day.

[John Holmberg]

Yuck. Yeah, it sounds terrible. Yeah. I used to love plums. I don't know what happened.

[Brett]

I don't mind plums, but plum pudding.

[John Holmberg]

I don't even know what plum pudding. I spent a long time and I ate it and I was like, no, this. You know why? Because it tastes like a. Like again. I'm going to do the thing I did with strawberries. A plum is just like. If you could carve out a bruise and eat it, oh.

[Brett]

There'S somebody on their way to work.

[John Holmberg]

It looks like a bruise. It has that bruise feeling. And if you could just like melon ball out a bruise and put it in your mouth, I think it's a plum. And again, for those of you who don't know, strawberries, Same exact texture, shape, and bite resistance as an alcoholic homeless man's nose. And each seed represents every pore with a blackhead in it. Enjoy your strawberries this morning. Don't get me started on coconut, because you might as well just lick a Barbershop floor. It's the same exact. The feeling in your mouth is the same when you eat shredded coconut as if you just took a handful of hair.

[Brett]

So you're not eating an Almond Joy anytime soon.

[John Holmberg]

Almond Joy is of Satan. That is a joke candy. And some people like in. They don't tell you it looks like a little. They don't tell you right away. Then you put coconut on top. You can't hide it inside because if you take a bite of an Almond Joy and you're just thinking, oh, this is going to be a great chunk of chocolate, there's probably something delicious. And then there's hair in it because that's what it is.

[Brett]

What about a coconut cream pie?

[John Holmberg]

No.

[Brett]

Is it the texture or is it the taste too?

[John Holmberg]

Brett, if you covered it in hair, I wouldn't know the difference. Coconut cream pie and hair cream pie.

[Brett]

Stop it.

[John Holmberg]

I'd rather.

[Brett]

Hair pie.

[John Holmberg]

I would rather eat a real hair pie than a coconut pie. Put me to the test. Take those two little tins of pies and fill one with coconut and whipped cream and one with hair and whipped cream. Blindfold me. And I bet you I finished the heroin first because I take one bite of coconut and I'm spitting strawberries. Take a bite of a strawberry right now. That's right. You're adorable. You got your hair done. You look fantastic this morning. You're gonna have your little healthy strawberries. Take a bite of a strawberry. But close your eyes and picture the last giant alcoholic red nosed homeless. And just think of every seed popping in your mouth the same way the blackhead's off his nose. And that noise it would make is exactly. It's exactly the same. Hang on. I can find makes that same kind. Oh, oh, wait, I think it's this. Hold on. Same thing. Ah.

[Audrey]

Right.

[John Holmberg]

Exactly.

[Audrey]

My nose.

[John Holmberg]

Strawberries are so gross.

[Show Producer]

Visit Homeburg's morning sickness [e-mail] Homeburg's Morning Morning Sickness.

[John Holmberg]

It's Michael McDonald's birthday and we are fans of Michael McDonald. I. I firmly believe without Michael McDonald, their, their music would have stopped happening. Like in 1980. It was like, what's the point? There's. But then you get songs like this. I mean, come on. This. The dude's voice is legendary. Everything he's ever done, everything. And you can't help. You don't sing normal.

[Brett]

Everybody changes their voices.

[John Holmberg]

And the cool thing about it is you can sound just like him. And it's still not the same. No. I have this song on in my Car and on Apple play, you can turn off the lyrics.

[Brett]

Oh, nice.

[John Holmberg]

So, yeah, so I'm in the car, you know, the Bronco. Not that I. You know, it's a good thing Stemmings wasn't with me because it would have been the gayest moment of my life.

[Audrey]

But I.

[John Holmberg]

This very song, I turned on and I clicked off the lyrics, and I'm.

[Audrey]

You know.

[Brett]

Where you starting with your knees and pulling the cheeks and everything. Were you doing that full mock or what?

[John Holmberg]

I'm going to teach people that in a second. Once again, we have to remind them how it gets done. But if you could do a Michael McDonald impression and you're driving around and it's just you singing, I realized it's a good impression, but it doesn't matter. You look like a lunatic. He's the only one that can do it. Oh, so good. What we want to do here. I gotta listen to this forever. Now that you've got the Michael McDonald, I'm teach you how to do a Michael McDonald. Everyone can do it. Everyone can do it. I've taught Brett.

[Audrey]

Yep.

[John Holmberg]

And you realized at that point, I don't know if you were doing Michael McDonald before that it wasn't as good. That's exactly.

[Audrey]

I mean, it was.

[Brett]

It was an attempt. I'll just say that.

[John Holmberg]

Take your fingers, index finger, and thumb, each hand up to each cheek of your face, pull your cheeks apart in a very strange fashion, and then just start singing because you will become Michael McDonald. Brett, go ahead. You can't help it.

[Brett]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

I mean, it is. Pull your cheeks apart. It doesn't have to be. Okay, so now that we've taught you this, what we want is to give you Nine Inch Nails tickets while you're all, you know, scrambling around our app and our website, putting in code words at 8 o', clock, which is orchestral, until 9, and it's something else.

[Brett]

Look at that.

[John Holmberg]

We want you to sing us a Nine Inch Nails song on Michael McDonald's birthday as Michael McDonald. So we want you guys to sing the songs of Nine Inch Nails. Your choice. I want to hear this Acapella. Try it at home. Acapella. Nine Inch Nails as Michael McDonald. This could be weird. This could be fantastic. We don't know. It's up to you guys. And we're gonna go to the phones right now. Nine Inch Nails tickets on the line. Who's first there, Bert?

[Brett]

We'll start with a woman. Audrey.

[John Holmberg]

Audrey, are you there?

[Audrey]

I'm here.

[John Holmberg]

Hi, Audrey. How are you?

[Oliver]

I'm great.

[Audrey]

How are you?

[John Holmberg]

I'M doing great. Thank you. All right, Audrey, I'm. I have a Twix in my mouth. Hold on. I gotta watch that down. I got a twitch, right?

[Brett]

Hold on, Audrey. What song?

[Audrey]

Thank you.

[Brett]

There you go. I'm trying to stretch.

[Audrey]

All right.

[Oliver]

March of the Pigs.

[John Holmberg]

March of the pigs as Michael McDonald. Are you going to spread your cheeks apart? I'm prepped. All right, she's ready to go. Audrey. March of the pigs as Michael McDonald. Please go. All right.

[Oliver]

Up march bush. Grow right up on your knees. Please. Please. No time to hesitate. I want a little bit. I want a piece of it. I think it's losing it. I want to watch it. Calm down. Don't like the look of it.

[John Holmberg]

It's working.

[Oliver]

Don't like the taste of it. Don't like the smell of it.

[John Holmberg]

All right. All right.

[Audrey]

Audrey.

[John Holmberg]

Audrey, you have an advance. She ain't stopping and I don't blame her. That's pretty good. That wasn't bad. It was weird.

[Oliver]

Thank you. Thank you.

[John Holmberg]

It was really weird. It was more strange than I thought it was going to be. All right. Nice job, Audrey. Hold on. We'll go to the judges at the end. Please wait and see if anybody defeats you. That's pretty solid, right?

[Brett]

We got a couple people wanting to do closer. You got to do the radio version.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Don't do the curse. Yeah, yeah. You get what we're saying? But just skip over the F bomb. Yeah, I'd like to. Yeah. Bleep you like an animal. Michael McDonald would never say such filth in a song. Exactly. Yeah. You're doing it to the other song. All right, who's second? This is Oliver. Oliver, are you there?

[Audrey]

I'm here.

[John Holmberg]

Jew and the Wap Show. What's going on? It's the Jew and the Whop this morning. No, Brady. So we're doing and whopping our way through. All right, here we go. The Jew and the Wop would like to hear you. What song are you gonna. Are you gonna do? We're gonna do a closer.

[Brett]

All right.

[John Holmberg]

Closer by Nine Inch Nails as sung by Michael McDonald. Oliver. Go.

[Oliver]

Michael McDonald for his birthday.

[John Holmberg]

That's right. Oh, good intro. I like that. Okay, go ahead.

[Oliver]

You let me violate you oh, yeah. You let me desecrate you oh, yeah. You let me penetrate you oh. You let me complicate you. Help me poke apart my insides Help me. I've got no soul to tell me Only thing that works for me.

[John Holmberg]

Here we go.

[Oliver]

Help me get away from myself I wanna do you like an animal.

[John Holmberg]

Keep going. Keep going. All right, I like this. All right, now, Oliver, Oliver, Oliver, you just bumped Audriana out of the gates. Audrey's out. Oliver's. That's solid. He made that song. Michael McDonald's.

[Brett]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

This is weirder than I thought it was going to be. Brett, I feel like I might be in some sort of strange dream. I don't know. It's.

[Brett]

But it's working. That Michael McDonald doing closer worked.

[John Holmberg]

I want to hear that.

[Brett]

All right, we dropped three, so we can go blind on that.

[John Holmberg]

Go blind on that one. It says, J.D. are you there?

[Oliver]

Yes.

[John Holmberg]

All right, turn your radio down the background there. JD who are you going to. What song are you going to be singing as Michael McDonald for his birthday?

[Audrey]

J.D.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, dumped him. Got ready. The phones are breaking.

[Brett]

Everything we got. Eric?

[John Holmberg]

Eric, are you there? Yeah, I'm here.

[Brett]

All right.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, geez. Eric's calling from the moon. All right, Eric, what song are you going to be doing? The Terrible Eye. Terrible eye.

[Brett]

Oh.

[John Holmberg]

As Michael McDonald. Terrible lies. Gonna be a tough one. All right, start with the chorus. Oh, God. Oh, no. All right, well, you do whatever you do. Do whatever you do. I just wanted to get to that. I'm curious how it's gonna end up. All right, good luck to you and go get him.

[Oliver]

Thank you. Why are you doing this to me? Am I not living up to what I'm supposed to be?

[John Holmberg]

Pull your cheeks apart.

[Oliver]

What?

[John Holmberg]

Pull your cheeks apart.

[Oliver]

I'm trying. I'm fat.

[John Holmberg]

You're fat. Then you've got more cheek to pull. All right, go ahead, Chunky Mike McDonald gone.

[Oliver]

Why am I sealing with this animosity? I think you owe me a great big apology to my liar.

[John Holmberg]

Bill Walton, when you do this. All right. Well, all right.

[Brett]

I still say Oliver's.

[Frenchie]

Oliver.

[John Holmberg]

Oliver beat you. I'm sorry. It's your fat cheeks got in the way, and I'm not sure what just happened.

[Brett]

Wanna do anymore?

[John Holmberg]

Heck, yeah. One more. All right, we go blind. All right, we got to go again. Oh, did it hang up on the. Oh, that's right. Michael, are you there? Yeah, I'm here. All right, Michael, go ahead and give us some. Michael McDonald. Nine Inch Nails. Yacht Rock Nails. All right, I'm gonna do. Every Day is Exactly the Same. Okay, let's hear it. All right. So stupid.

[Brett]

Keep going.

[John Holmberg]

You're not done yet.

[Oliver]

Now, I never make a sound. I just do. What?

[John Holmberg]

I.

[Oliver]

Really don't want them to come around.

[John Holmberg]

All right, this one may be a bad song choice, but it was all right. All right, Michael. Nice Try. Yeah, we got to go with Oliver right off the bat. Oliver. There's one more. Let's try another one.

[Brett]

All right.

[John Holmberg]

Damn it. It's John. Hey, what's up, man? How are you, John? Is this President John? This is Frenchie. Oh, Frenchie. Oh, okay. Frenchie's on there. All right, Frenchie, Ready to go? What's happening? Yeah, let's do a Head like a hole. Head like a hole. I'd like to hear that Michael McDonald singing Head Like a Hole. Four Nine Inch Nails tickets. Go get him. All right, here we go.

[Oliver]

Above all, before the one you serve, you're gonna get what you deserve, by God. Before the one you serve, your goals are just what you deserve.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, he's got the drums in there. Beatboxing.

[Oliver]

God, money, I'll do anything for you.

[John Holmberg]

All right, it's starting to turn into.

[Audrey]

This is almost.

[John Holmberg]

This is like serial killer sound. John. That's creepy. Left Michael McDonald a long time ago and became like a Monty Python woman.

[Show Producer]

Visit Holmberg's morning sickness online at 98kupd.com Holmberg's Morning Sickness on that, I go.

[John Holmberg]

Back to what Dale said a while ago. This city can't have nice things. The Suns last night. Infuriating to season ticket holders like myself, who this rest. Look, this is. This is frustrating. This is. This pisses me off. Two nights ago they played Dallas, and it was fun to watch Cooper flag.

[Audrey]

And by the way, to add insult to injury, Devin Booker played about 30 minutes the night before.

[John Holmberg]

They could have shut that team out and not played a whole fourth quarter against Dallas. But to Dallas's credit, they made a little run there and kind of kept a little close. It was a 30 point game for a lot and jumped back to seven.

[Audrey]

You're back in the raw.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, we jammed out of the game. We went to the Rah Rah room at halftime. I'm not coming out of here. Last night, you knew at 2 o' clock this was not even going to be a game. So you've got, you know, Booker's out, Greens out, Grayson Allen's out. They sat down their stars. Today the all star break starts. There are no games for 10 days, and these guys were resting last night. Now, people paid money to go to.

[Audrey]

This stuff, and some people don't have Holmberg money.

[Progressive Insurance Announcer]

Right.

[Audrey]

You know, so.

[John Holmberg]

Well, you know what? Statistically, very few. 99. It's a 1%.

[Audrey]

Yeah. Very few. You Epstein someone?

[John Holmberg]

Oh, yeah. No. Yeah. We have similar lives.

[Audrey]

But a dad and his son, they can afford tickets to maybe Two sons games these days. Hey, we see Oklahoma City on the schedule, let's go to that. We'll do dinner. It's a fun night, kid.

[John Holmberg]

Back in August.

[Audrey]

Yes.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Audrey]

And all of a sudden you go, well, Oklahoma City is not playing sga. Now, I don't know if he's really injured.

[John Holmberg]

He's not. He's playing in the All Star game.

[Audrey]

Okay. And then I. Because I turned the TV on last night and I see those three sitting together like three little class clowns. Now, I know Grayson Allen's hurts, so take him out of the equation.

[John Holmberg]

Right.

[Audrey]

He's actually the other two knuckleheads. I mean, Devin Booker, that was absolutely infuriating to me to see him sitting there, a little goofy grin on his face, and Jalen Green, who they're treating like he's a kindergartner and he's 23 years old.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Audrey]

John, at 23, did you need rest?

[John Holmberg]

Damn.

[Audrey]

Playing 25 minutes. I.

[John Holmberg]

At 23, we would play four or five games a day.

[Oliver]

Yes.

[John Holmberg]

And break our ankles and play again the next day. It wasn't smart. It led to four massive surgeries in my life.

[Brett]

But we.

[John Holmberg]

That's later on with strike. When I didn't play every. We played all, like, if we weren't playing in a league, we were playing at a pickup games. We constantly played ball all the time.

[Audrey]

Four or five years ago, Jalen Green was playing AAU basketball or club basketball, and they're playing three games on a Saturday, two on a Sunday.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. You got like a half hour rest. You got to do it again.

[Audrey]

He's 23.

[John Holmberg]

I know.

[Audrey]

And he played 20, 20 minutes the night before.

[John Holmberg]

Yep, 20.

[Audrey]

And then Devin Booker played 30 the night before against that vaunted Dallas team.

[John Holmberg]

Easing him back in.

[Audrey]

And I'm gonna concentrate on Devin Booker. Yeah, Devin Booker played, I think it was 29 or 30 minutes against Dallas. Probably didn't even have to play that much. And I turned the TV on and I see those two goofballs sitting next to each other, and I said, are you kidding me? Are you kidding? Devin Booker is resting for the all star game and the three point shooting contest. He'll play. I promise you he'll do the three point shooting contest. And I promise you he'll play in the all star game and then he'll probably sit out next Thursday.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Because he's, you know, he's worn out, gotta rest.

[Audrey]

Yeah, it is.

[John Holmberg]

It is frustrating as a season ticket holder to have games like that. That's a marquee matchup that used to be. I remember when Colangelo used to own the team and he started the pay per views and that was in the 90s and he started pay per views, big games. So when the Seattle Sonics and Sean Kemp and Gary Payton played Barkley and Lakers, you would pay $20 or 30 bucks for a Suns game at home. And we gladly did it because you never said, well, Barkley's not going to play because he's just resting. And it is because those games meant too much.

[Audrey]

Toby's going to play.

[John Holmberg]

But remember, the standings were like they are now. You were fighting from usually the third to the 12th seed were within six or seven games of each other. You were jockeying for position all year. And now they, they don't even do that in April. They just kind of take the. It's so ridiculous. So, yeah, and you're right, you know, people who, who picked that game out in August should get it. You should. Everything's digital. So when you don't play the superstars, the ticket refunds you or gives you at least money to spend on food.

[Audrey]

Food, you know, merchandise.

[John Holmberg]

We didn't play any of our guys tonight. If, if four stars are out and they are just resting. Right. But I mean, they would manipulate that by saying, oh, he's got a tweaked ankle. Just monitoring it. But come on, if he played the night back to backs. They can't play back to back games anymore.

[Audrey]

Not 20 minutes for Jalen Green and then 20 minutes another night. Now, at the end of the day, it wouldn't have made a difference.

[John Holmberg]

No, they're going to get, they were.

[Audrey]

Going to get killed.

[John Holmberg]

But still he's not playing.

[Audrey]

And the other thing it reminded me of, and I guess it's still fresh in my mind, is the fact that last year, All Star break in baseball. Yeah, our All Star could tell. Marte takes Sunday off before the All Star game. So he's rested and ready to go for the All Star game.

[John Holmberg]

That's upset, too.

[Audrey]

He's playing two innings.

[John Holmberg]

Well, here's the thing. Diamondback should rest. Their season is already over.

[Show Producer]

Visit Holmberg's morning sickness online at 98kupd.com Holmberg's Morning Sickness Brad Entertainment.

[Brett]

All right, celebrity birthdays. We've already talked about the big one today, which is Michael McDonald turning 74.

[John Holmberg]

Can you sing like Michael McDonald? Can you sing? Do you have any Michael McDonald? Can you say, no, I can't?

[Audrey]

No, I heard that, that it was 10 minutes. Oh, I thought you were saying spread the other cheese.

[John Holmberg]

Why is everybody. I said take your fingers and grab your face cheeks. I even said face cheeks.

[Audrey]

Not. Not the time. I heard.

[Brett]

There you go.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. And then this. Go ahead, Dale. Pull your cheeks apart.

[Audrey]

I don't know the words.

[John Holmberg]

Yes, you do. Come on.

[Audrey]

You have no shame. This is back in high school for me.

[John Holmberg]

Is it?

[Audrey]

I think so.

[John Holmberg]

Great song. 78.

[Audrey]

78. That been my sophomore year.

[Brett]

Try it.

[John Holmberg]

You know. You know what a fool believes. Happy birthday to Michael.

[Audrey]

Yes.

[John Holmberg]

We keep this going.

[Brett]

In the background, Josh Broland turns 58 years old. Arsenio Hall, 70.

[John Holmberg]

Get out of here.

[Brett]

Let's see.

[John Holmberg]

Wow.

[Brett]

Joanna Kearns, growing pain. 73.

[Audrey]

He used to be a looker.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, she was a good looking lady.

[Brett]

And RG3. 36.

[John Holmberg]

He's only 36.

[Brett]

I thought he was older than that.

[John Holmberg]

Well, because he blew up as a rookie. Yeah, he was 23.

[Audrey]

What do you have, four year career maybe?

[John Holmberg]

Well, yeah, you know, backing up, but I mean, Mike Shanahan tried to kill him in his first playoff game and let him play with a broken leg. His knees. But his knee had blown up and he's like, get out there.

[Audrey]

I think he is. Lindsey Vaughn.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, man. Too soon, Dale. That poor lady's getting her third surgery this week.

[Audrey]

Sam Darnold and this entry. Interesting jock tax. Sam Darnold will pay more in taxes for the super bowl than he made playing in the game.

[John Holmberg]

$178,000 check from the NFL to Super bowl winners.

[Audrey]

Yes.

[John Holmberg]

So he got 178 grand. But because the Super Bowl's in California, they have a jock tax.

[Audrey]

And so every day you stay. Yeah, you get taxed more. So he's going to have to pay about $225 in taxes.

[Brett]

So you get taxed on where the game is at, not where you live.

[John Holmberg]

You get taxed on your salary, not. Not the winning. So he won $178,000. But what they tax is his regular season salary, which is two and a half million a game.

[Audrey]

Yeah, that's a bunch of.

[John Holmberg]

So they hit you. Exactly. It is. You're not wrong about that.

[Audrey]

I guess the first city who did this because it started happening in the 90s. Philadelphia was the first city to start taxing athletes when you play the game.

[John Holmberg]

There and that you get taxed on their state.

[Audrey]

Back then it was just the game check you got from playing in Philadelphia that day. And you only stayed one day anyway.

[John Holmberg]

So does that. Is that a thing? Like when the Cardinals a few years ago. And sometimes teams do this on west coast to east coast, you play Washington. And Phil, you stay for two weeks.

[Audrey]

Yeah, I'll stay for, yeah, 10 days or whatever. Yeah. You get taxed for that.

[Brett]

Wow.

[Audrey]

Jesus. And by the end of the 90s, I literally had eight away games.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Audrey]

And. And then by others tax, you had 10 state tax forms.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Audrey]

Crazy.

[John Holmberg]

Oh yeah.

[Brett]

That's insane.

[John Holmberg]

That's not fair. Yeah, Sam Darnold, I mean he'll take it. He's still got a million dollar bonus for winning it. But I mean, he got hit.

[Audrey]

Well, you needed the million dollar bonus to pay the tax.

[John Holmberg]

That's true. Because otherwise. Yeah. He gets hammered on the other side. Yeah. 235 something thousand in taxes. Right.

[Audrey]

Because they stayed there for eight days.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. It's nuts. They gotta change that. And again, Super Bowls and Sofi. Next year it's gonna happen again. Whoever's there next year. Hey, it's not weird. It's pretty cool actually. No membership fee. I have heard enough of this.