Episode Overview

Podcast: Holmberg's Morning Sickness - Arizona
Episode: 02-12-26 - Entertainment Drill - THU - w/Bret And Dale Hellestrae
Date: February 12, 2026
Theme:
A lively, jokey, and occasionally touching conversation featuring John Holmberg, Doug Hopkins, Dale Hellestrae, and Bret. The crew riffs on parental responsibilities, Michael McDonald's birthday, music and movie trivia, memorable country love songs, and, most substantively, how pro athletes are taxed based on the states and cities where they play. The episode is peppered with playful antagonism, impressions, and trademark irreverent banter.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Difficulties of Parental Care and Dignity

• Jokes about caring for aging parents:
  Doug and Dale debate the limits of what children owe their parents, especially regarding undignified caretaking.

  • Doug sets a funny but clear boundary:

    "If I ever have to wipe my dad's thighs, yes, he's lost his dignity." (03:00, Doug Hopkins)

  • He humorously calculates a “five-wipe punchcard” based on his own childhood.

• Dog/parent comparison:
  Doug notes how putting down a pet doesn't freak him out, but wiping a parent is emotionally different.

  • "The dog didn't do that. Like, if your dad's, like, crying, 'don't look at me, wipe my thighs.' I'm like, oh, God, shut up." (03:51, Doug Hopkins)

• Step-parent boundaries:
  Doug draws a line with his stepmom:

  • "Real mom, stepmom. I'm not touching her. No. My dad's the only one allowed back there. He married her. He can wipe her." (03:14, Doug Hopkins)

Memorable Moment:
Dale jokes about issuing his daughters "the pill" for if they ever have to care for him in that way. (04:33)

2. Michael McDonald’s Birthday and Impromptu Singing Lesson

• Michael McDonald turns 74:
  The crew celebrates the soul legend’s birthday (07:05) by attempting to sing in his famously unique style.

  • Doug tries to get Dale to "sing like Michael McDonald," using cheek-pulling techniques.
  • Dale feigns ignorance:

    "I don't know the words." (07:35, Dale)

• Running “cheek jokes”:
  High school memories, face-pulling, and confusion about which “cheeks” to pull, leading to rapid-fire innuendo.

  • "Why is everybody—I said take your fingers and grab your face cheeks. I even said face cheeks." (07:23, Doug Hopkins)

• Impressions spill into other impersonations:
  Jerry Jones impression comes out as they joke about needing help with hygiene in old age. (09:23)

3. Entertainment Drill: Birthdays and Pop-Culture Trivia

• Celebrity birthdays segment:
  Speed rounds with commentary on various celebrities turning a year older (08:10):

  • Josh Brolin, Arsenio Hall, Joanna Kerns, RG3
  • “She used to be a looker.” (08:24, Dale on Joanna Kerns)

• Music history:
  Al Green’s “Let’s Stay Together” hit #1 on Valentine’s Day, 54 years ago, sparking more impressions and jokes.

  • Dale attempts “Let’s Stay Together” in Michael McDonald voice (09:08)

• Notable Quote:

  "Loving you." (09:11, John Holmer, channeling Al Green/McDonald)

4. Top Underrated Movies of the 90s

[10:27–12:32]

• List from Looper.com gives the guys a chance to showcase their pop-culture knowledge:

  • Notable picks:
    • "Go" (#10)
    • "Jackie Brown" (#7)
    • "That Thing You Do" (#5)
    • "LA Story" (#4)
    • "Barton Fink" (#3)
    • "Darkman" (#2)
    • "Pump Up the Volume" (#1)
  • Dale is briefly stunned by Doug’s deep recall:

    "This blows Dale's mind that I actually know things." (11:33, Doug Hopkins)

• Doug and Dale riff on “LA Story” vs. “LA Confidential,” and the era’s film stars.

5. The Most Memorable Country Love Songs

[12:32–13:39]

• Debating and joking about which country song is the “best love song of the century.”
  • Doug’s quips:

    "My dog's anus is tight." (12:35, Doug Hopkins, as a parody country lyric) "My fingers smell like fish and I don't eat sushi. I remember that one." (13:28, Doug Hopkins)

  • Genuine picks mentioned:
    • "Amazed" by Lonestar (#5)
    • "Speechless" by Dan & Shay (#4)
    • "Tennessee Whiskey" (#3)
    • "Remember When" (#1)

6. The Return of Loudness, the Japanese Metal Band

[13:39–14:15]

• John announces the Japanese metal band Loudness is going on a world tour.
• Doug offers campy commentary on their accent and stage presence.

  • "They couldn't say L's, so their name was Loudness, but they called themselves Roudness." (13:49, Doug Hopkins)

  • The guys mimic and mock their song “Crazy Nights.”

7. In-Depth Segment: Athlete "Jock Tax" and Super Bowl Winnings

[14:30–16:30] (Primary Insight Section)

• Sam Darnold's Super Bowl story:
  Former NFL player Sam Darnold makes $178,000 for winning the Super Bowl, but because the game is in California, state taxes and the "jock tax" take a huge bite.

  • "Sam Darnold will pay more in taxes for the Super Bowl than he made playing in the game." (14:35, Dale)

  • He gets taxed on salary, not just winnings, leading to a tax bill of about $225,000.

    "Yeah, you get taxed more. So he's gonna have to pay about $225,000 in taxes." (15:03, Dale)

  • John sums up the issue:

    "So you get taxed on where the game is at, not where you live." (15:03, John Holmer)

• Historical background:

  • Philadelphia was the first city to implement this (15:21).
  • Expanding to multiple states, players could end up with 10+ tax forms per season (16:05).

• Potential pushback from NFLPA:
  Dale notes the Players Association might resist future Super Bowls in California due to the tax consequences.

  • "It'll be interesting to see if the NFLPA comes to the rescue and says no more Super Bowls in California." (16:30, Dale)

• Humorous take on loser parties:
  Dale never had to attend a "Super Bowl loser party," and the guys debate the misery of celebrating second place:

  • "There's a guy by my house who in his garage hangs an Arizona Cardinals, 2008 NFC Champions banner. And I'm like, 'Go Steelers.' It's second place, second place." (17:03, Doug Hopkins)

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On parental care:

  "If I ever have to wipe my dad's thighs, yes, he's lost his dignity." (03:00, Doug Hopkins)
  "I got a punch card ready. Space for one more?" (04:20, Doug Hopkins)

• On singing like Michael McDonald:

  "Why is everybody—I said take your fingers and grab your face cheeks. I even said face cheeks." (07:23, Doug Hopkins)

• On “Jock Tax”:

  "Sam Darnold will pay more in taxes for the Super Bowl than he made playing in the game." (14:35, Dale)
  "So you get taxed on where the game is at, not where you live." (15:03, John Holmer)
  "I literally had eight away games...and then by other tax, you had 10 state tax forms." (16:00, Dale)

• On the misery of “almost winning”:

  "There's a guy by my house who...hangs an Arizona Cardinals, 2008 NFC Champions banner. And I'm like, 'Go Steelers.' It's second place." (17:03, Doug Hopkins)

Timestamps by Segment

• [01:24–04:25] – Parental care, dignity, and boundaries
• [07:05–09:14] – Michael McDonald’s birthday, impersonations, and singing antics
• [10:27–12:32] – Underrated 90s movies list and commentary
• [12:32–13:39] – Greatest country love songs discussion/joking
• [13:39–14:15] – Loudness band, metal nostalgia
• [14:30–16:30] – Athlete taxes, “jock tax” explanation, real salary impacts
• [16:30–17:59] – Super Bowl losers, silver medal syndrome, and parties

Summary

This episode exemplifies Holmberg’s Morning Sickness' blend of irreverence, nostalgia, and real-life insight. The conversation darts from the absurd and affectionate debate about parental care to pop-culture favorites, with the highlight being Dale Hellestrae's insider commentary on the tax nightmares pro athletes face in championship games. Laughter, impressions, ridiculous song parodies, and genuine camaraderie make this episode a fun ride, even as it delivers informative takes on little-known realities in professional sports.

Perfect for:
Listeners who enjoy sports, pop culture, and sharp, unfiltered humor with genuine moments of insight.