02-12-26 - James Van Der Beek Has Died But Still Might Not Convince Us To Get Colonoscopies - Couple Sets Record For Oldest Cockatiel - Story Of 1900s Experiment On 9mo Old Little Albert Proves Today's Kids Are Soft

Summary

Episode Overview

Theme:
This episode of "Holmberg's Morning Sickness" is classic irreverence and banter from the 98KUPD crew. The cast tackles topics ranging from James Van Der Beek’s passing and the culture around colonoscopy and cancer screening, to record-setting cockatiels, and the notorious 1900s "Little Albert" psychological experiment. There’s skepticism, dark humor, playful self-mockery, and a thread of questioning “how things are done”—exactly what fans expect from this Arizona morning radio staple.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. James Van Der Beek’s Death, Colonoscopies, and GoFundMe Culture

• Initial Reaction: The crew opens with a report of James Van Der Beek’s death (02:34). They reflect on his persona, legacy ("vanilla man," "just a good dude"), and how not every celebrity leaves a large cultural impact.
• Cancer Screening Reluctance: They lampoon the necessity to get screened for prostate/colorectal cancer, focusing especially on discomfort with digital rectal exams.
  • John Holmberg jokingly claims expertise in examining his own prostate (04:03):

    "I’ve checked out my own prostate on the reg. It’s fine. … I know exactly where the almond is, and I keep an eye on changes."

• Medical Technology and Skepticism: The group debates blood tests (“PSA”) and less invasive scans as alternatives to the dreaded finger (05:31).
• GoFundMe Scrutiny:
  • Surprised that Van Der Beek’s family is raising $1.3 million on GoFundMe, despite his apparent financial security.
  • Suggest all that money would be better spent on advancing medical technology.
  • Scepticism about medical costs ("A million? On a ranch? C’mon...").
  • Memorable Quote (05:45, John Holberg):

    "I say we take all that money and put it towards technology to keep fingers out of our asses at the doctor’s office."

• Apprehension and Humor around Colonoscopies and Rectal Exams:
  • Recounting personal or second-hand awkward doctor stories.
  • (“Done a pretty good job my whole life keeping men's fingers out of my ass.” – 07:31, John Holberg)
  • (Re: female proctologists: “I think there’s like eight in the United States.” – 12:14, John Holberg)
  • Ongoing jokes about self-exams, questionable home colonoscopy devices, and “DIY” approaches (13:49).
  • General consensus: technological advances are preferable to any more “fingers in butts.”
• Underlying Concern about Mortality: There’s an undercurrent of the hosts reflecting on aging and illness as celebrities their age or younger pass away.

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Key Segment #1

“James Van Der Beek, Colonoscopies, and Fundraisers”
[02:34–19:53]

• 02:34–07:39 – Van Der Beek’s passing, prostate vs. colon cancer confusion, resistance toward screening, and dark humor about doctor interactions.
• 07:40–17:15 – Banter about blood tests, family GoFundMe, proctology banter with sex-related asides, colonoscopy alternatives.
• 17:15–19:53 – Extended jokes about procedure details, anesthesia, and the deeper fear of getting bad news at the doctor rather than the procedure itself (“I’m not afraid of the thing in my ass. I’m afraid of them finding something.” – 18:20, John Holberg).

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2. Record-Setting Cockatiel and Skepticism of Guinness World Records

• Mocking Record Claims: A seemingly “33-year-old cockatiel” is the new world record holder. The hosts cast doubt on these records’ legitimacy, suggesting pet owners just swap birds and fake ages (20:41).
  • Notable Commentary (21:31, John Holberg):

    “Somewhere along the lines, dad and mom found the bird dead... and they replaced it. Classic parenting strategy.”

• General Disdain for Pet Record Obsession:
  • Questioning: “What are you getting out of it?” (23:29)
  • Jokes about faking records for the Guinness “plaque and some money”—only to discover Guinness doesn't pay for records: (24:17) “They don’t pay.”
• Further Bird Humor – Teaching parrots to say phrases to “prove” their age; idea that records are just ego-fodder at this point.

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Key Segment #2

“Guinness Book Bird Records, Parental Lies, and the Pointlessness of Plaques”
[19:53–24:27]

• 19:53–24:27 – The oldest cockatiel's legitimacy debated, with broader reflection on why anyone would care or bother to set such records.

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3. Little Albert: The 1900s Child Trauma Experiment

• Recounting the Story: John tells the story of “Little Albert,” the 9-month-old subjected to psychological experiments to instill a phobia of white rats via paired loud noises (25:00).
• Purpose: Used as a jumping-off point to argue that modern kids have it far easier than past generations.
  • “It is easier to be alive today than it has ever been. No question. Especially for your kids.” (25:18, John Holmberg)
• Public Reaction and Ethical Outrage: The staff is shocked at the inhumanity of early 20th-century science.
  • Dick Toledo (32:19):

    “Jesus, Holmberg. I thought this was recent… Thank god it was in the 20s.”

• Humor about Lack of Consent and Follow-up on Little Albert: Attempts at serious follow-up dissolve into jokes about possible serial killer development and untraceable trauma.
  • “Can we make a baby afraid? Yes.” (34:13, John Holberg)
  • On the likely fate of “Little Albert”: “I’m gonna go with the first Douglas one. Says he died when he was six.” (35:36, John Holmberg)

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Key Segment #3

“Little Albert, Child Experimentation, and Life Was Tougher Before”
[24:27–35:58]

• 24:27–34:48 – The full arc of the Little Albert experiment told, with the hosts riffing on how much tougher things used to be for kids, and marveling at the ethical abyss of early psychology.
• 34:48–35:58 – Considering trauma leftovers from childhood injuries and 1970s–80s-style childrearing.

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4. Modern Parenting, Society, and Kids’ Fortitude

• Contrast with Past Generations: Recounting their own childhood injuries and how parenting, medical care, and social intervention have changed ("I broke my leg at two... my grandpa just kept walking me around in circles on a broken leg.” – 38:10, John Holberg).
• Mocking Today’s Youth and Safety Culture:
  • Stories of being forced to “walk it off,” rides in cages hanging from city windows, and the over-protection of today’s kids versus past generations’ haphazard care.
  • Sarcasm at today's "Teen Dating Violence Month" and kids' supposed hardships:

    "All the kids do is just grab iPads and DoorDash food to each other. That’s a date." (31:44, John Holberg)

• Listener Stories: Quick asides from texts sharing traumatic but humorous childhood memories (37:50).

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Key Segment #4

“Generational Hardship: Childhood Then vs. Now”
[35:58–41:34]

• 35:58–40:10 – Further anecdotes about severe or dubious childhood medical care, CPS interventions, and the normalization of what would now be considered negligence.
• 40:10–41:34 – Reflections on how memories of injury embed themselves, directly linking back to the Little Albert topic.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments (with Timestamps)

• On Colonoscopies and Reluctance:

  • “I go to a doctor, first time he’s feeling it — I can tell him all the subtle nuances and nooks and crannies of that thing. I know exactly where the almond is, and I keep an eye on changes.” (04:03) — John Holmberg
  • “Done a pretty good job my whole life keeping men's fingers out of my ass.” (07:31) — John Holberg

• On GoFundMe Disparity:

  • “What’s my GoFundMe raise? I wasn’t on Dawson’s Creek.” (10:35) — John Holberg

• About Breaking Cockatiel Records:

  • “Somewhere along the lines, dad and mom found the bird dead... and they replaced it.” (21:31) — John Holberg
  • “Now it's just an ego thing.” (24:25) — John Holberg

• Summing Up Modern Parenting:

  • “You want to be real old... teach your cockatiel to say crazy stuff and call Guinness and go, this thing’s 40.” (22:15) — John Holmberg

• On the “Little Albert” Experiment:

  • “Can we make a baby afraid? Yes.” (34:13) — John Holberg
  • “Think about that, it was only a hundred years ago. They’re like: do we have any babies no one loves?” (32:24) — John Holberg
  • “Give me your 20-year olds and your children, I’ll do some work.” (41:15) — John Holberg, tongue-in-cheek as always.

• On Growing Up the "Old School" Way:

  • “I broke my leg at two... and my grandpa just kept walking me around in circles on a broken leg.” (38:10) — John Holberg
  • “Walk it off, you’re fine.” (39:48) — John Holberg

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Timestamps for Major Segments

• 02:34–19:53: James Van Der Beek's passing, colonoscopy chat, fundraising, and doctor avoidance
• 19:53–24:27: Oldest cockatiel record, skepticism about Guinness records
• 24:27–35:58: Recounting the Little Albert experiment and riffing on how easy life is for modern kids compared to the past
• 35:58–41:34: Storytime about childhood injuries and the trauma, lack of oversight, and lax medical care of the past
• 41:34–44:00: Music wrap-up and final jokes about song selection and OnlyFans Christians

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Tone and Style

• Irreverent, Sarcastic, and Self-Deprecating: The crew blends dark humor with genuine skepticism and a willingness to poke fun at themselves, the audience, and societal institutions.
• Conversational and Unapologetic: No topic is off-limits, but the humor is ultimately more about camaraderie and catharsis than outright mockery or disrespect—classic talk radio for grown-ups.

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Summary Takeaway

This episode delivers everything "Holmberg's Morning Sickness" listeners expect: sardonic wit, skeptical social commentary, and a willingness to say out loud what others may only think. Whether it’s confronting medical taboos, mocking media-fueled sympathy, or reflecting on the psychological traumas of both modern and past upbringings, the crew keeps the pace fast, the banter sharp, and the laughs honest. If you want relatable, unfiltered real talk about mortality, medicine, and the inanity of human nature—with a heavy dose of Arizona flavor—you’ll find it all here.

Transcript

[John Holmberg]

You're listening to the HMS Podcast, brought to you by mmpguns.com, your most trusted online marketplace for firearms, ammunition and accessories.

[Dick Toledo]

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[John Holberg]

It's John Holmberg here from the morning sickness for lifechangerloan.com I got a little note from Shane O', Grady, the head cheese over at Life Change Alone. He said, this week three wonderful listeners all made the move to Life Changer loan and each of them will be paying off their homes in under four years. That's right. And that's normal, too. So many people try to refinance. Go to lifechangerloan.com and see if it's right for you. Maybe you like paying debt off for 30 years and spending $200,000 extra interest. I don't. I know a better way. And it's not magic. It's just math. Lifechangerloan.com Sickness, you've been deceived by an agent of Satan himself. Thank you, Thomas James, Very kind gentleman Thomas James with our theme song for the year. Somebody said to put the theme song in to the AI app. Whoa, you're right.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, I hit my ring when I was pulling the mic over.

[John Holberg]

Pinky ring incident.

[John Holmberg]

Well, we end up surprised.

[John Holberg]

It doesn't happens. How you doing?

[Dick Toledo]

I'll do that.

[John Holberg]

Yeah. Put in there and add some more to our theme song.

[Dick Toledo]

Yep, I can do that.

[John Holberg]

I like that. Evidently people have seen the clip of Nicole Curtis from rehab.

[Dick Toledo]

I know.

[John Holberg]

I don't know, but somebody said she actually used. She said fart and then the. The N bomb and. Yeah, that's the thing. The apology is where the wheels came off. That's not in my vocabulary. If in fact she said fart, it's in. Not only is it in your vocabulary, you've made it a playful game for yourself. To make it silly. What you say is. Oh, boy. It just fell out of my mouth. I was Mad and I yelled something and I Tourette's myself. And I am an idiot. But yes, I do occasionally say terrible things. People would be like, all right, well, there's no fighting somebody. But you say.

[John Holmberg]

I always say terrible things.

[John Holberg]

But, you know, same. That is not in my vocabulary. James Vanderbeek passed away yesterday. Everybody was the Dawson's Creek guy in Varsity Blues. The world famous forever and ever whipped cream bikini scene from Varsity Blues. And Vanderbeek was seemingly one of those dudes just as nice as can be. Doesn't it? Didn't he seem like. I didn't like Dawson's Creek? I didn't care.

[Dick Toledo]

I didn't like Varsity Blues. Other than the whipped cream bikini, not a great movie.

[John Holberg]

But, you know, we can be heroes, be entertaining. Yeah, it was good. It was fine. And he was. That. He was one of those dudes that's not gonna. He's not an Academy Award winner by any stretch. He's not gonna be one of those guys that's gonna change your world. But every time you saw him, Van Der Beek seemed like just a good dude.

[Dick Toledo]

Was.

[John Holmberg]

There was no reason to hate on him or anything like that. He was just there.

[John Holberg]

Vanilla man.

[John Holmberg]

Right. Exactly.

[John Holberg]

And then he gets the prostate cancer and it gets him. And that's a shame. It's.

[John Holmberg]

Did he catch it late?

[John Holberg]

I don't know. There. There's. Well, no. Everybody keeps saying, like, oh, he's a perfect example of why men need to get checked. And you do. I'm not going to until they, you know. And evidently, there's no more fingering. My, My, my, my beef with that. So.

[John Holmberg]

You back in?

[John Holberg]

Well, do it. If there's no fingering again. MRIs, ultrasounds, nobody has to get fingered for anything. And it's just some power play doctors are keeping over us to, you know, to puppeteer us for a second. Just. I've checked out my own prostate on the reg. It's fine. Look, if anybody's gonna notice a difference, it's gonna be me. I go to a doctor, first time he's feeling it, I can tell him all the subtle nuances and nooks and crannies of that thing. I know exactly where the almond is, and I keep an eye on changes.

[John Holmberg]

Just don't Nicole Curtis it.

[John Holberg]

Yeah, well, yeah, you don't want to start dropping that bomb while you're giving yourself a prostate exam.

[John Holmberg]

Doctor.

[John Holberg]

You. I look at it the same as. Oh, yeah, no, there's a chance that N word will come out if a doctor goes in Dry. You try to. That. I. I'm allowed that. Pass.

[Dick Toledo]

High likelihood.

[John Holberg]

I'm. I don't care even what the doctor looks like. If you go in my ass dry, there's a chance that gonna fly out of my mouth.

[Dick Toledo]

I can be on board with that.

[John Holberg]

Yeah. If you try finger me. And then Dr. Like, hey, hey, hey, hey. You don't have to do this. In fact, I can probably pretty accurately, with a blindfold on, draw my prostate. Oh, yeah, I know where it is. I wash it. It's not even for pleasure. Get up there and I scrub it. I treat that thing like, you know, the way Brett would if he had, like, a gto. He'd have mirrors under just to show you how clean the bottom part is. So I don't need any doctor telling me what's wrong with it. I'll be like, what do you know? That's your first time. I know what's going on in there, but you should go get checked. But they say that you don't have to get fingered anymore. What I'm confused about is James Vanderbeek's family asked for a GoFundMe, and it's over a million dollars now. And I'm like, he lives on a.

[Dick Toledo]

Ranch and has six kids.

[John Holberg]

Yeah. Even if he ran into a little financial trouble from this, this didn't cost $1 million.

[Dick Toledo]

No. He was an advocate for it. You'd think that they were giving him some kind of spokesman privileges.

[John Holberg]

I mean, $1 million and still growing. It was, actually. Right now, it's at a million three in donations from fans. It was on Dancing with the Stars. The, you know, people are dropping thousands of dollars each on his GoFundMe page. And I think that you're right. Like, he's got a ranch and all this other. The family's like, oh, it didn't cost you. I know costs for healthcare are high, but he's not a million dollars behind. What are you gonna do with that money? That doesn't make any sense. I say we take all that money and we put it towards technology to keep fingers out of our asses. At the doctor's office, Clint said, no, no, John, they're still fingering. The blood test just tells you if they need to or not. Well, then I'm not going.

[Dick Toledo]

That's fair. I. I just had that. The blood test.

[John Holberg]

Did you. And everything's kosher.

[Dick Toledo]

The next step is to go to my primary. And he looks at the blood and goes, no finger.

[John Holberg]

Oh. It says that he had colorectal cancer. Not prostate.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. So then you get the tube up the ass.

[John Holberg]

That's a tube?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, yeah. That's a camera and stuff?

[John Holberg]

Yeah, yeah. Have you had that done?

[Dick Toledo]

The tube?

[John Holberg]

No, they go in and they haven't done any.

[Dick Toledo]

Haven't had anything done.

[John Holmberg]

No, I haven't.

[John Holberg]

None of us.

[John Holmberg]

They keep telling me to, and I'm like, yeah, I'll get to that.

[John Holberg]

Yeah. Who? Michael and Troy keep telling me to.

[John Holmberg]

Also.

[John Holberg]

It's not gay. It's life saving. I'm with you if you want to do it. That's up to you. But you can't get. You can't shame people anymore for saying, I don't want to get fingers. And I also don't want to find out anything's wrong. I've said that for years. The doctor goes, oh, I don't want to hear, oh, with a finger in my ass. I just don't want to hear that. Oh, this is no good. Like, what is it?

[Dick Toledo]

Well, you don't want to hear the long pause.

[John Holberg]

No, I don't want to go back every two weeks to have him check it again. I'm just.

[Dick Toledo]

No.

[John Holberg]

Done a pretty good job my whole life keeping men's fingers out of my ass. I got one.

[Dick Toledo]

Oh, yeah.

[John Holberg]

Doctor. That got me back when I was like 21.

[Dick Toledo]

That's a shocking thing when you don't think about your story right away. Wait a minute. You had a.

[John Holberg]

No, I had a guy do it. Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

He was grooming you.

[John Holberg]

Boy, was he. And now. And after watching that Ohio State documentary, I realized he was. It was an unnecessary exam. And there I was on my side in a gown, and all I told him was, it hurts to pee. Are you sexually active? I'm like, well, I guess so. I guess you call it active. She didn't. I mean, I wasn't just laying there.

[Dick Toledo]

I was.

[John Holberg]

Oh, yeah. I did about eight attempted high fives with this guy. He didn't want one. And then he fingered me and I finished. And now I'm never going back again because that was horrifying. And by the way, I've tried to do that myself since that day. And I've never been able to accomplish what that man did, ever. I've never been able to make that.

[Dick Toledo]

Button for lack of trying.

[John Holberg]

Never hit the button right again. I think you drained it. I think he broke it and it drained it.

[John Holmberg]

You think?

[Dick Toledo]

It was a one time only thing.

[John Holberg]

There's like a, like scorpion venom. Once it's out, it's out.

[Dick Toledo]

Like those New Year's poppers.

[John Holberg]

Yeah, you can't pack that back up. That's it now. Oh, that's all right. That'll happen. I'm like, it will first and only time. Try to make that happen every day. Then nothing. The girl I. My girlfriend back. Tony Roma's her ex boyfriend liked that. And that's what. She would try that with me.

[John Holmberg]

What exams?

[John Holberg]

Yeah, not the exams, but like, yeah, he liked her to exam. But I've done it. But I don't need that. But Vanderbeek, it didn't cost over a million dollars for that. And I think you should. Yeah, it should go to. It should go immediately to technology to keep doctor's fingers out of us. End of story. I don't think doctors want to do it right.

[Dick Toledo]

Not since the PSA test has come out.

[John Holberg]

Yeah, doctors are like, they should be on the fast track to not doing that. Like, if I was at proctology convention, I'd be like, all right, how do we stop seeing it? Like, let's make it so it's like, a, the blood test is good. B, those ultrasounds seem about right. Rub it across my ass. You don't have to go in.

[John Holmberg]

Is that the one where you crap in a box or something beforehand?

[John Holberg]

No, that's. There's that, too. Okay.

[Dick Toledo]

Cologne.

[John Holberg]

Yeah.

[Dick Toledo]

And then you mail it. That just feels off.

[John Holberg]

Yeah. James says they sound worse than they are. The prep is the worst part. Drink the stuff that cleans you out a day before there's no fecal matter to block the camera. You drop like five pounds in that day. Go get scoped, boys. Maybe you could make a show out of all of you going getting a colonoscopy.

[John Holmberg]

Pervert.

[James]

James.

[John Holberg]

Jesus. You want us all to just take one in the ass on the air? No, they do that every day over at Katie kb. There's a place for that. I'll gladly pass it on. No, I know it's immature and I know it's stupid to not want to get the checkout, but I don't. Yeah, I just don't want to find out. It's bad. And then I'm at the doctor every Tuesday. Like, this is going to be another weird day, but I don't know can kill me. My biggest beef there is if I started to die. What's my GoFundMe raise? I wasn't on Dawson's Creek. I just have this cruddy little show. So if I ran into. All right here, I don't think I'm going to get into the millions. Maybe raise 40 or 50 grand. Right. So it all depends on your status. Like if Tom Cruise.

[Dick Toledo]

Local artists, you know, flood the page.

[John Holberg]

Yeah.

[Dick Toledo]

And then.

[John Holberg]

And then they're gonna. Then it's gonna drop. People bring it back. We have, like, school teachers and people in Queen Creek and all this other, like, dropping down. They might actually end up owing them money after my. I try to get some money for my healthcare. I just don't know why that's a deal anyway. That's a sad one, though. Cause James Vanderbeek seemed to be a. A nice man. And, I don't know, you don't like to say 47. That's a tough one. We've had that guy, the guy from three doors down.

[John Holmberg]

He was 47 as well.

[Dick Toledo]

So is that.

[John Holmberg]

That's the two.

[John Holberg]

Well, that's two.

[John Holmberg]

Is there another one?

[John Holberg]

Well, you're looking for a third.

[John Holmberg]

No, not necessarily that. The stars and the threes.

[John Holberg]

We'll go with those two right now. But that's a tough one. And then you start getting to the age where people younger than you are dying of, like, really serious stuff. Not accidents. Or you're like, oh, my God, I'm older than that guy. He said, john, what if we had a reasonably attractive female practitioner who would finger you? And. Well, yeah, that's a better idea. You get to choose. You know, it's like a massage therapist. When they ask, do you want a male or a female? I'm like, yeah, I like that.

[Dick Toledo]

If you're an attractive woman interested in medicine, is that you're not getting a proctology. Nope, That's a good point.

[John Holberg]

How many female proctologists are there?

[Dick Toledo]

I'd venture to guess less than one half.

[John Holberg]

I'm not even gonna throw a percentage. I think it's less than eight people total. I think there's like eight in the United States.

[Dick Toledo]

In the United States, maybe.

[John Holberg]

Yeah. I'm gonna go with eight female proctologists. That. Why would they ever want to do that?

[John Holmberg]

Oh, I mean, it's. Why would anybody want to do that? Male or female?

[John Holberg]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Why do you want to look at a holes all day long?

[John Holberg]

Fascinated.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, that's true.

[John Holberg]

You go to school and you get to pick all that. Like, podiatry would be like feet.

[John Holmberg]

That's another one.

[John Holberg]

Go to feet. I know it's gross, but it's better than buttholes. Like you. It's almost like they go to medical school and then you reach into a fishbowl. Ah, I got proctology.

[John Holmberg]

Plastic surgery.

[John Holberg]

Yeah. There.

[John Holmberg]

Create some nice cans every so often.

[John Holberg]

Don't think about the feet.

[John Holmberg]

You're an artist.

[Dick Toledo]

How about this?

[John Holberg]

You have to fix. Like. Talk about rehab addict.

[Dick Toledo]

Guys, I just turned 25. It takes 15 minutes. Please get it done. Had mine done. They removed two polyps, came back negative for cancer. You do drop a quick five, but it's pretty cool.

[John Holberg]

Yeah.

[Dick Toledo]

Talking about the colonoscopy, that is. I didn't get the finger, just the camera. That's how I found mine.

[John Holberg]

Mine's good. I'm in there a lot digging around.

[Dick Toledo]

I don't know if you're in there up high enough.

[John Holberg]

Sure I am, man.

[John Holmberg]

You better break out the Nikon.

[Dick Toledo]

You do have long.

[John Holberg]

We're in there.

[Dick Toledo]

No, we got that thing the. Didn't we get the thing with.

[John Holberg]

Oh, yeah, I got that thing for. It is for your butt, too. Well, no, it isn't.

[John Holmberg]

It was your wax, wasn't it?

[Dick Toledo]

No, no, no. That one is on the pen. The one we had has like a snake.

[John Holberg]

It's got a snake. Was it for butts? I think.

[Dick Toledo]

I think it could be.

[John Holberg]

Well, I'll do it myself.

[Dick Toledo]

There you go again.

[John Holberg]

I'll DIY this project.

[Dick Toledo]

And then you got Facebook Live that for everybody, then with AI.

[John Holberg]

Ask AI. How's this camera analyze these.

[Dick Toledo]

These photos for polyps?

[John Holberg]

I mean, is it like Asian haircuts? Do all.

[Dick Toledo]

Excuse me.

[John Holberg]

Yeah, do all colons and prostates look alike?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, they all got the Chinaman.

[John Holberg]

Visit Homeburg's morning sickness [e-mail] all right, HMS podcast.

[James]

Time again to let you know where to go for some great comedy in the valley this week downtown at Stand Up Live. Get out and see the comedy of Moshe Casher and the up and coming Ari Maddie. Up north at Desert Ridge, you'll get Josh Wolf and SNL's Tommy Brennan and Eastside of the Tempe Improv. Don't miss the very funny Sam J. Josh Wolf. For the complete lineups and for tickets, go to standuplive.com desertridgeimprov.com and tempeimprov.com it's.

[John Holberg]

John Holberg here from the morning sickness. Time to talk about TV's Doug Hopkins of My Home Group and Doug Hopkins dot com. Another satisfied listener called TV's Doug Hopkins and sold her home for cash. She reached out, her name's Ashley. And Doug wants to make it simple. Buy your house for cash as is. You don't have to do anything. Just like Ashley, no strings attached. If he moves that price, you get $5,000. Want to sell that place start the process@doug hopkins.com or grab the phone and sing Hopkins 1, 800, now Holmberg's Morning Sickness.

[Dick Toledo]

Anyway, guys, you're forgetting Catherine O' Hara was a third.

[John Holberg]

Oh, there's one.

[Dick Toledo]

Colorectal cancer.

[John Holberg]

Oh, she had that and died of, like, a lung. Like, an aneurysm in her lung. It blew up. That's what got her. But she had the cancer, too. Anyway, but she's not getting a GoFundMe. Like, why do people think, James, the family comes out and says, we can't afford this. I'm like, all right, Well, I hate to be a.

[Dick Toledo]

Did the family do that?

[John Holberg]

Yeah, but just sell the house, Sell the ranch? Yeah.

[Dick Toledo]

They live on a ranch.

[John Holberg]

And I know that. Well, we can't disrupt the kids. Like, well, you can't afford. Like, this is not a normal thing.

[Dick Toledo]

Because it's a parcel of the ranch.

[John Holberg]

If I have that, I can't afford to pay my medical bills. I gotta sell my house. Like, nobody's gonna say, oh, just keep it. Like, Dawson's Creek and Dawson's Creek to be a dick. Wasn't that good? That's not good enough to part with your money to. You might need that money for your rectum someday. Am I wrong?

[Dick Toledo]

No, you're 100% right.

[John Holmberg]

His residuals weren't good for his rectum.

[John Holberg]

Yeah. I mean, yeah. Anybody else on the planet has a family member pass away and you start to go fund me, it's not going to get to a million, too. If you've got a branch of acreage and animals and, like, you sell the ranch.

[Dick Toledo]

Varsity Blues is still playing. And.

[Progressive Insurance Announcer]

Yeah, he gets.

[John Holberg]

He's. You know, he's not. He was on Dancing with the Stars. And I know medical bills get up there, but, I mean, come on. This one says, last time I got checked, because the blood test PSA was high, the proctologist was female, and she said, are you cool with me doing this, or would you rather have a man? And I said, you. You've got small girl fingers. Smart move, Donovan. I would rather take those tiny little fingers all day.

[Dick Toledo]

Yes. And textures, like, three in a row are like dudes. It's a routine part of the colonoscopy of the finger. No, we understand that.

[John Holberg]

No, that's what I'm saying.

[Dick Toledo]

We're opting out.

[John Holberg]

I don't want that.

[Dick Toledo]

Just give me the camera. I'll do. I might accept the camera over a finger. Yeah.

[John Holberg]

No, it's pencil. Yeah. No, they knock you out for a reason.

[Dick Toledo]

Wait a minute. They Knock you out to do.

[John Holberg]

Oh, yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, yeah.

[Dick Toledo]

I didn't know that.

[John Holberg]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Dick Toledo]

Well, why do they knock you?

[John Holberg]

Do some research and keep you away for a reason. Otherwise you just sound silly. Because it's because you got a camera up your ass.

[Dick Toledo]

I don't want anybody fishing around in my butt while I'm out.

[John Holberg]

That's exactly right. This is a game the doctors are playing.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, but if you're gonna do it, you might as well be out. You just. Out of sight, out of mind.

[Dick Toledo]

I guess you don't want an accident like what John had, you see, with.

[John Holberg]

The people in the sleep and in the buttholes.

[John Holmberg]

Out of sight, out of mind.

[John Holberg]

At that point, Dr. Huxtable has be that. This one says, I'm guessing you didn't have life insurance. Okay, fine. But I mean, tons of people don't. I don't know. This one says, drop your pride and get the tube. It's easy, it's painless, it'll save your life.

[Dick Toledo]

Now Toledo, get it done. You're in and out in 30 minutes. It's not. Wait, if they knock you out and you're out in 30 minutes.

[John Holberg]

I'm not. It's people. People misunderstand that. I'm not. I'm not afraid of the thing in my ass. I'm afraid of them finding something.

[Dick Toledo]

And this also isn't a selling point. And the nurses are usually hot.

[John Holberg]

Yeah, this one's a medical. She's an oncologist. You got to have the cancer to get to her. I'm not interested in those people. People send me pictures of their doctors who are pretty. Pretty fingers. Not interested in that. So, yeah, it's sad and do your thing, but I just don't want to look. I'm one of those weirdos that's not afraid of dying. I don't want to suffer, but I don't want to go to the doctor and find things. Like, I'm not searching. I'm fine until it hurts. I'm not going into. If I feel great and come out of there. And like, oh, you got all sorts of problems. I feel terrible, and so I don't want to know.

[Dick Toledo]

I don't want to go like Dave Nash on this, but I do kind of prescribe to that. Like, if you go to the doctor, they're finding something they want to.

[John Holberg]

You're asking them to, right?

[Dick Toledo]

You're asking them to do their job.

[John Holberg]

See, in a month or so. Yeah. Why? Well, I'm not done. Right.

[John Holmberg]

The Toledo, the camera, seven inches long. Do you really want to be awake for that.

[Dick Toledo]

Seven inches.

[John Holberg]

Seven inches. It's a lot of camera.

[Dick Toledo]

All right, knock me out.

[John Holberg]

I'll take them. I'll take. Well, yeah, it's, that's, it's. I like the Toledo, which is longer than this. Yeah, he went to his. He went to his hand. Yeah, Your phone's about 7 inches.

[Dick Toledo]

That's not 7. That's like 5.

[John Holberg]

That's about 7. Let me see yours. I know exactly how long mine is. Oh, we have the same one. Okay, there's six. It's. It's almost six full inches. Yeah, if you stick out an inch, another inch.

[John Holmberg]

Okay.

[John Holberg]

I use this to measure me to make sure I'm still. Use your phone to measure me. I'm going to send you parakeet accident. There's another story that I also laugh at. Again, I'm in this mode where nothing. I'm blinded by the idea that nothing makes sense. There's a family in Illinois that just made it into the Guinness Book of World Records because they're liars. Oh, seven o' clock word, by the way, is distortion. Distortion is the word for seven. And you could do this at home. If you've got a. If you've got a parakeet or a minor bird or a cockatiel or something like that, call Guinness and say, I have the oldest cockatiel in the world. And they're like, oh yeah, how old? I don't know what's the oldest one currently on record? It's like 32. Mine's 33. These people say, I've got a 32 year old. Almost 33 year old cockatiel. Yeah.

[Dick Toledo]

What are they, carbon dating?

[John Holberg]

Who has a birth certificate and who like you. Okay, I've got some pictures. What do you just. You teach your cocktail the cockatiel to say stuff like, oh, J did it or Lewinsky, like, see, he's been around since the 90s. And the 33 year old bird, and it's the oldest one they say it was, he moved in with the family in 1993.

[John Holmberg]

He moved in, right?

[John Holberg]

Yeah, he just stayed at his bags and he knocked on the door. Hello, my baby, hello, my honey hey. This brand new bird. And they didn't know how old it was when they got it. And it didn't live with them in 19. Somebody replaced it. Here's the thing I think happened with the 33 year old cockatiel. Somewhere along the lines, dad and mom found the bird dead. And I'm guessing that was somewhere around 2009. And the kids couldn't handle it if the cockatiel wasn't there. So they went and bought another one and they replaced it.

[Dick Toledo]

Classic parenting strategy.

[John Holberg]

They don't have the heart to tell the family that they pulled a fast one. So now the kids called Guinness and the kids are probably 30 now that cockatiel's been around since I was 4. Like uh huh, yep, same cockatiel, no question there. And then they called Guinness and said the kids did it. Now the parents are in there. No 33 year old caged cockatiel living with some and evidently it got mush mouth and can't do anything anymore. Oh gee, did it turn it to friends, I hate Frasier. Teach it those phrases and then call Guinness and go, this thing's 40. Sam Malone's hilarious Thursdays at 8. Cheers. Like, oh, it's just copying what it heard on tv. But when I was a kid, turn on Matlock.

[John Holmberg]

You want to be real old.

[John Holberg]

The Rockford file starts at seven like this. It's an 80 year old bird. Just teach it crazy stuff and then there's nobody, nobody's going to ever question it. You're not going to get some carbon date analyst to come out and do a thing on your dying cockatiel. And by the way, you got a cockatiel that is 30, you start poking around, you don't wait to go 30. So they just made it up.

[Dick Toledo]

What do you mean poking around?

[John Holberg]

Look, I gotta, I'm telling you, like if right now I'm like, hey, that cockatiel of mine is 30, you gotta suppose that's the record, right? And then you go and find out, no, it's 32. I'm like, let's lie, no one's gonna know. And then the Guinness book people come and I think it's like 12 or 1300 bucks from Guinness if you're getting the book. So if you've got a bird right now that's kind of a little ragged, a little rough around the edges, you know, and it can't got the bird Alzheimer's or whatever it's got, Call up Guinness, make up a look up what kind of bird you have, find out exactly what the oldest one is and trumpet before you know it. Like 5 years would be like 200 year old cockatiel lives at somebody's house.

[John Holmberg]

Or get a life.

[John Holberg]

I don't buy into this. Well yeah, you can get a life.

[John Holmberg]

If you gotta call Guinness because your cockatiel is the oldest one, what are you getting out of it?

[John Holberg]

A plaque you get a plaque and some money. They pay a little.

[John Holmberg]

What are they paying?

[John Holberg]

I was like 1200 bucks. I think they give you. I know, I know. Look, I do. I think they give. I think they give you a nice chunk. Yeah. And you look like a jerk off.

[Dick Toledo]

What happens if somebody beats you? A record? You have to give the money back.

[John Holberg]

No, I think you get it because you held it for a time. The, the cockatiel that it whistled the theme to the Bridge over the River Kwai and Andy Griffith. But don't parrots live to be like 70? You have to will those things to people.

[Dick Toledo]

Yeah, well, the parrot I had, the.

[John Holberg]

Cursing parrot, the Nicole Curtis parrot, somewhere in Mesa.

[Dick Toledo]

Nico is still out there.

[John Holberg]

He's out there. Yeah. But anyway, it's unethical.

[John Holmberg]

It says they don't pay.

[John Holberg]

They don't pay.

[John Holmberg]

Guinness World Records does not pay money to record holders or for breaking or setting records.

[John Holberg]

Well, then you're right.

[John Holmberg]

Exactly. What a waste of time.

[John Holberg]

Now you're just. Now it's just an ego thing. By the way, I, I do this so you don't have to. I did a deep dive of the most amazing thing I've ever seen on the heels of Pavlov's dogs. You know that where they just, they associated feeding with a bell. And then every time. And then they took the food away. But every time the bell rang, the dogs would start to like and drool. They're like, oh. It caused the bell became representative of food at that same. This is when, you know, everybody that says, kids are having it tough nowadays and it's harder to be. I've said it, I'll say it every day that I'm alive. It is easier to be alive today than it has ever been ever. No question. Especially for your kids. Your kids have got it. Every generation has it easier than the last one. And that's called technology. And generationally we look at it as, oh my God, it's so difficult because we don't understand it. But they're fine. And here's how I know it. After, like, this was probably the most amazing thing that was ever volunteered for after the Pavlov's dog thing, where they're like, well, we can make dogs associate sounds with other things and have their bodies actually react to those sounds. They're like, what about a baby? And they, they kept a baby for nine months, a nine month old baby. They kept him in conditions where they would just. They all they tried to do every single minute of every day was make him afraid of Animals. He's an infant. He's nine months old. So he sat in this cage, like. Like a baby that was going to be adopted. Like, who cares about this one?

[Dick Toledo]

What country did this?

[John Holberg]

United States of America. And so they would say, oh, they wanted to see if they could condition the infant to be afraid of certain animals. And they'd show the baby various things like a rabbit, a monkey, a white rat, and then burning newspapers or something like, you know. And so when the rat was shown, they played a super loud noise. And Little Albert was his name. And the tale of Little Albert is amazing. And they said he would associate the white rat with that sound. And then eventually they could just show him the white rat, and then he'd react to the gong noise without it actually going off. Like he. And so then after a while, they. They started to introduce real rats to Little Albert's cage. This is a person. And they shoved it in there. And then he'd be like. He'd just be waiting for that noise. And then he was just terrified of white rats. And it was. They managed to make him cry every day, multiple times a day, with scary sounds or images that made him hate animals. So they got the white rat, like, that's it. Every time we play that gong, he starts looking for a rat. And he's like, of course. So they recorded another session where they had. The rat would like, if even saw, like, a hint of the rat. He'd start to whimper a little, just waiting for that horrible sound. Your kids are so. It's so easy for them. Then he was subjected to five instances of the scary noises and the rat. And when they showed the little boy the rat again, he just lost it, started pissing himself, rolled over into the corner.

[John Holmberg]

Crazy lab is.

[John Holberg]

Yeah, this is. Then a month later, they bring him back from the orphanage, and Little Albert's there, and we're not done with you yet. And then they started to show him scary stuff again. And they'd shoot the rat across because it's been a month since they'd done it. And he's like, no, he's still scared of the rat. Good job, everybody. And then he had a mother, and then she took him out of the hospital. So there were no more deconda. They promised the families, like, look, we're gonna do this, and then we're gonna reverse it.

[John Holmberg]

And get dinner at Rodigio Steakhouse or something for all.

[John Holberg]

Exactly. Little Albert was. It was taken away by his mom. Like, you're not doing this anymore. It was Appalachian State University. And they had another kid. They just got some nurse. It's like, well, you're a single mom here in the 1930s. We're going to take your baby. It's a waste of time. It doesn't have a father. And then they would start to do that with, with stuff. They would have, like, they blind him with things and stuff like that. Your kids have it so easy. Visit Homeburg's morning sickness [e-mail] it's John Holmer here from the morning sickness and it's time to talk about Doug Hopkins of my home group and Doug hopkins.com let's talk about the people who make claims. For instance, a company out there saying they'll get you 100% of market value for your home. And a lot of times Mr. 100% getting that inspection and says, oh, 100% just dropped because you've got a few more problems. Don't play around with these people. Trust me when I say you can trust TV's Doug Hopkins. He won't play with the offer at all. If he does, he'll give you $5,000 guaranteed. You can start process@doug hopkins.com or grab that phone and sing.

[Progressive Insurance Announcer]

This episode is brought to you by Progressive Insurance. Do you ever find yourself playing the budgeting game? Well, with a name your price tool from Progressive, you can find options that fit your budget and potentially lower your bills. Try [e-mail], progressive Casualty Insurance Company and affiliates. Price and coverage match limited by state law. Not available in all states.

[John Holberg]

Holmberg's morning sickness. Google search. Little Albert. Poor little Albert. The baby experiment. James Vanderbeek's getting a million two for not having. Not being able to sell his ranch. Where's the money for little Albert's family?

[Dick Toledo]

Did I miss what? Like, how recent is this thing?

[John Holberg]

This was this year. Oh, no, no, no. Yeah. No, can't do it. Now. This was. I mean, the pictures look pretty early 1900s.

[Dick Toledo]

Okay.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, I thought you were talking. This is recent.

[John Holberg]

Oh, no, no.

[Dick Toledo]

Well, that was my point 10 years ago.

[John Holberg]

No, my point is today your kids can't even like, get close to a bike store without wearing a helmet. Little Albert was. It was totally reasonable.

[Dick Toledo]

It's not exactly related, but you saw those, like, people that lived in cities used to have little cages that would hang out out the side of the building. Their kids would sit in cages.

[John Holmberg]

The good old days.

[John Holberg]

That's what I'm saying.

[Dick Toledo]

Like a kid kennel.

[John Holberg]

That to me, those pictures in New York were like, the kid could sit Outside, but in a fence cage.

[John Holmberg]

They could close the window so you don't have to listen to the damn thing.

[John Holberg]

And Eric Clapton tried it, and it didn't work anymore. But that. I don't know when that stopped. Like, box it up and put it outside for a little bit. It's a nice day. And then they just. Like, loads of kids would just sit in fenced boxes. Now I see kids at the Rah Rah Room getting steak that they don't appreciate. They didn't care if they got it or not. They'd eat Cheerios off the ground. And mom and dad are spending a couple hundred bucks. It's just so hard to be a child. It is so easy right now to be a child. I'm listening to the news, and they're talking about kids in Queen Creek. And they're back on that again. It's like, oh, my God, they had a thing about today is. I don't know if it's today or somewhere in February. It's Teen Violent Dating Month or something. I forgot what they called it. But, yeah, it's like, well, you're supposed to be aware.

[Dick Toledo]

Violence in Dating Month.

[John Holberg]

Yeah. Well, no, they're dating violence. Of course it's violence dating. And so they're teens, though, and they're like, it's so hard for kids today because, you know, evidently they just beat the tar out of each other on dates. I didn't think that's a thing.

[John Holmberg]

It's Chris Brown Day or what, right?

[John Holberg]

I mean, Jesus, So easy. All the kids do is just grab iPads and doordash food to each other. That. That's a date. Hilarious.

[John Holmberg]

It's gonna be like Demolition man, where they put the helmets on and said, no touching.

[John Holberg]

Good.

[John Holmberg]

You know?

[John Holberg]

But, man, oh, man, I want to hear it about your kids anymore having a tough time with a dating situation. So hard and this. We have to really keep an eye on them. They'll harm themselves. Like, why are your kids upset that just read Little Albert to them. It needs to be a children's book. At least you're not Little Albert.

[Dick Toledo]

Jesus, Holmberg. I thought this was recent. I just looked it up. Thank God it was in the 20s.

[John Holberg]

Yeah.

[Dick Toledo]

Moved on.

[John Holberg]

It's a hundred years ago. But think about that. It was only a hundred years ago. One hundred years ago. They're like, do we have any babies? No one loves. I have one. Give it to me. I want to scare it. Like, every day for a long time. How old is it? Nine months. It's in its easiest form of brain development. Oh, we're gonna f with this thing for days. Look at him. Look at him with the rats. He thinks the gong's gonna play. And little Albert had to sit there with. And then a rat would run by, and they did it to him over and over until it was just one represented the other, and it was a mess. Even play a gong next to a kid now. I tried to give money to a teenager working, or probably early 20s person working at a QT, and I could see the neurodivergence. And I had 20 bucks in my hand, and I aimed it at her like you're supposed to. I aimed at her hands went up like I was robbing the place. Put your hands down. You're gonna get me killed.

[Dick Toledo]

Yeah, don't be on video.

[John Holberg]

I don't know what you're doing. I'm like, I'm paying for a diet Coke here. Put it down. Like, ah.

[John Holmberg]

Did you call Curtis or something?

[Dick Toledo]

No.

[John Holmberg]

Did she freak out so bad?

[John Holberg]

Cause she's. She's got autism.

[Dick Toledo]

She's never handled cash because she's Little Albert.

[John Holberg]

No, I was. I guess I was coming in hot. She's never seen anybody hand or anything, and her hands went up like. I was like, give me all the.

[Dick Toledo]

Money in the john. I've learned from your show that I'm not into protests. I don't think that they do anything, but when you mentioned little Albert, I was ready to put my sign together and start protesting.

[John Holberg]

Oh, it's just. Come on. It's just. Knock it off. Give me a nine month old. I want to scare the crap out of it. How long? I don't know. A year or so. We're going to science and. Yeah, it's a. They want to see if they condition him to become afraid of things and then associate it with other things. And then the end game was, can we make a baby afraid? Yes.

[Dick Toledo]

This guy says no. I think that class at Appalachian State University was part of a new degree program. How to create a serial killer.

[John Holberg]

Yeah, I don't know what happened to little Albert after.

[Dick Toledo]

That's what you need to follow up on.

[John Holberg]

Find him. But Mom's like, okay, of course the baby's afraid of gongs and rats. So am I, by the way. If a rat went by right now and then a Chinaman hammered a gong, my whole body would shudder. I'd probably piss. What were the. What. What did you expect? The baby just be like, what else you got?

[Dick Toledo]

Come on.

[John Holberg]

Rats don't bother me. And gongs are cool. Going Next. So the results of the study have been questioned over time. Little Albert, being nine months old and stuff, couldn't really give consent to the experiment, so they say. As for what happened to Little Albert, unclear. Subsequent researchers tried to identify. Identify him, and they found candidates. They think his name is Douglas Merritt. He was the son of a wet nurse who worked at John Hopkins University. And sadly, the boy. That kid had water on the brain. So they couldn't. They couldn't ask him any questions. They think it's also possibly Albert Barger, who lived a long, happy life and died in 2007. But I'm guessing that a Little Albert. I'm gonna go with the first Douglas one.

[John Holmberg]

Says he died when he was six. After all those nightmares, there's no way that he died. 2000.

[John Holberg]

Yeah. Again, give that a go for me. Rat runs by. I'm losing my mind. Anyway, no one likes a rat. Nobody. It's 7:17. Everybody says the app crashed. You guys might have wrecked the app. I'm not sure if that's real.

[John Holmberg]

There's a shocker.

[John Holberg]

We're working on it.

[Dick Toledo]

Yeah, we're working on it. The. The property or proper people have been notified.

[John Holberg]

Don't count on it. So distortion only works at 98kUpd. But it's not even going to work. There is a voice.

[Dick Toledo]

No, they're separate.

[John Holberg]

Oh, if you go to the website.

[Dick Toledo]

And put it in. Yeah.

[John Holberg]

Good.

[John Holmberg]

DJ says podcast not playing on the app right now. So I had to switch to this.

[John Holberg]

Thing called a radio. I don't even know what those are anymore. I hear the Bobs up north talk about that all the time.

[Dick Toledo]

Guess what? We're gonna hear from the Bobs at 10am Your radio numbers really spiked.

[John Holberg]

No, what we'll hear from the Bobs is what happened to the contest. The numbers really fell off at 7. Everything you guys did do is broken. Huh. And then they just ignore that. Well, you know, you could have just brought them over to radio. Yeah, I know. You guys making it so hard for everybody. We're 45 different things. Pick a lane. Bob's. God, these douchebags have ruined the whole thing. So sorry about that, folks. Not our fault, but evidently the app took a dump. If you do still have access to a computer and you're on the radio, distortion is the seven o' clock word.

[John Holmberg]

Top men have been aware of this.

[John Holberg]

Oh, yeah, yeah. The bigwigs are in charge of it. You know what? They do too. They stare at it and then come down here and tell us. Yeah, it's down well, we told you that. Yeah, yeah, and I agree with Kyle, who just says the app sucks. The podcast is going to hell. I agree. It's not our fault. Blame all the knobs that run this place. I just read that Little Albert changed his name to Adolf and moved to Germany. Yeah, that would be pretty reasonable. I just don't care for rats. I could scare your baby right now, scientifically, with a gong and a white rat, and for about a year. That kid's not gonna like either.

[Dick Toledo]

Listen to what JD Just texted in his opener. Hey, Juno's okay. One of my earliest memories was when I had my tonsils out. I was about three years old, 1966. They put me in a caged bed, waiting in the hallway for them to.

[John Holberg]

Knock me out because you were gonna lose your mind.

[Dick Toledo]

Put him in a caged bed.

[John Holberg]

That's pretty awesome. It's like a crib. Good crib in a cage. Better. The same thing. I. My earliest memory. My earliest memory. I broke my leg when I was two at Hook's Drugstore in Lowell, Indiana, And I remember it. And it was on a wet floor. We should have sued him, but my grandpa just kept going, you're fine. And he kept walking me around. That's my earliest memory. And to this day, if I see somebody mopping up at a drugstore, I like carpeted drugstores, like CVS and what they've got. Johnny, if I see anybody. Oh, it screws you up. And it's a. It's because I was 2.

[Dick Toledo]

Have we talked to our friend Jeff who ripped his kid's arm out of his socket?

[John Holberg]

Yeah, I don't know. I have, actually. They came to my house for a Steelers game this year, and little Nicholas is, like, 30 now, but. Oh, my God. But his. I don't know. If he tried to pick him up by his arm, he'd probably start screaming because his arm came out of. In a grocery store. Nicholas was. Was losing his mind. And Jeff grabbed his arm and yanked him. Well, he knocked him down, and then he went. And so he had, like. He ended up bumping his face. He had a bloody nose. And then Jeff grabbed his arm and pulled him up. And when he pulled him up, he didn't realize he'd ripped it out of its socket. And the kid's just. He's like, shut up. Nothing's wrong. You're just being a jerk. And he didn't realize he'd ripped his son's arm out of the socket.

[Progressive Insurance Announcer]

That happens.

[John Holberg]

And so he had to take this kid with his arm ripped out of his socket and blood on his shirt. And I happened to be wearing because at the time it wasn't cool, but almost. You were wearing one of those gas station shirts with your name patch on it.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, my God.

[John Holberg]

So he just looked full white tray. Something wrong with this thing. And it's arms dangling like it's got polio and he's got blood on his shirt. And they immediately CPS the whole thing.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, sir, which trailer park do you live in?

[John Holberg]

But that's what my grandpa did when I broke my leg at the thing. We went out in the snow in the parking lot and he made me walk around in circles on a broken leg going, you're fine. Walk it off, you're fine. And my dad was like, yeah, you're fine. I remember the whole day.

[Dick Toledo]

But this day and age, like, I don't know how Jeff didn't have this happen to him. When Alex did his dive off the balcony, the cops showed up at the emergency room.

[John Holberg]

Oh, I think that happened to Jeff.

[Dick Toledo]

Oh, it did.

[Progressive Insurance Announcer]

Okay.

[John Holberg]

I think that happened too. In my case. No cops.

[Dick Toledo]

I knew as soon as they walked in, I knew what was going on.

[John Holberg]

My grandpa and dad took me home and said, he won't stop crying. Something's wrong with it. And my mom's like, what'd you do? Oh, he fell down at the, at the drugstore. Then what'd you do? Well, we walked him around and he was fine and. But I was walked on a broken leg. I had a broken leg. And my grandpa, well, because I was in the snow thing, so you couldn't see that my leg was like swollen low leg, upper leg, lower leg.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[John Holberg]

And I remember the whole day and then my mom's like, oh, jackasses. Like, she looked at my dad, you idiots. I'm crying my eyes out. And they took me to the hospital and I just remember people hovering above me. And then I got this weird big cast put on with a rubber stopper in the bottom because I was brand new to walking. But if I see you mopping a floor, you might as. It's like, I might as well be the scarecrow around fire. I hate it. So I can understand with little Albert a little bit, but it's pretty easy to make a kid scared of rats and gongs. Look, give me a kid right now and I'll wreck him for rats and gongs in a half hour. I give me a 20 year old and I can do it in probably a day anyway. Give me your 20 year olds and your Children. I'll do some work. It's 7:23. If you're still looking to get that app. The name is. Or the word is distortion. Brad, what do you got it through? What do you get in the big yellow? I don't care. Good luck. Good luck to you. It's not my problem anymore. What do you got on the big board there?

[John Holmberg]

All right. Wake up song time. And first one on the list for Brady. Killed by Death for Motorhead. Faith no More. The kids aren't all right. Warning Sick in this moment. Horror for well, yesterday. Five Finger Death, Punch, Mud Vein, Corn, Fear Factory, Pantera Rise, Van Halen. Pound Cake for Edward, the guy that won Sarah yesterday.

[Dick Toledo]

Nice.

[John Holmberg]

And System of a Down.

[Dick Toledo]

And then texters are saying, rats by.

[John Holberg]

Ghost for Young for Little Albert, Little Rats. Then I have a gong song today. You know what? I want to hear some Pound Cake by Van Halen.

[John Holmberg]

All right.

[John Holberg]

Mainly because it is exactly what Edward's gonna do to our. Our. Our prize. She's gonna hurt Edward. He's in for it. There was another guy. She got the email and she's. She's working on a couple of them. But, yeah. I mean, we may be responsible for, like, the spread of STDs, but it's not our fault.

[John Holmberg]

What are you gonna do?

[John Holberg]

Wrap it up. Edward. You heard her yesterday when Sarah said it. I was wearing a condom. It's like he's not even in the room. Like. That is the worst great logic I've ever heard in my life. Life. And this song is underrated. It's as old as that bird, though. Coming out of 1991. How about that? Since 35. Pound cake. This didn't come. This wasn't in a movie.

[John Holmberg]

No, it.

[John Holberg]

Humans.

[John Holmberg]

That was. That's one.

[John Holberg]

It was in Twister. But yeah, Pound Cake was just. This was when they kind of tried with Sammy Hagar to be cool. Double entendre cool. This is about a vagina or butt. Is it a butt or a vagina? What would the pound cake represent?

[Dick Toledo]

Either way, I think Brett's right.

[John Holmberg]

Pounding away. It doesn't matter.

[Dick Toledo]

Whatever your preference is.

[John Holberg]

All right.

[John Holmberg]

But she doesn't do the butt stuff, so. Edward, be careful where you go with that. Yeah, don't screw that from yesterday.

[John Holberg]

Sarah's butt stuff. She's not into that. And I don't know what kind of only fans Christian turns down the butt. That's. I'm an only fans Christian, which is a great band name also. You can get on that. Yeah. This song is underrated. This has some stuff to it. It's Pound Cake from van Halen. It's 98K upd.

[Dick Toledo]

It's not weird. It's pretty cool actually.

[John Holberg]

No membership fees. I have heard enough of this.

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