Holmberg’s Morning Sickness - Arizona

Episode: 02-13-26 - BR - FRI - Most Canned Pumpkin Comes From Town In ILL - Sci News On Chins, Ski Jump Suits And Human Feces - Huge Pickleball Fight At Country Club
Date: February 13, 2026
Hosts: John Holmberg (D), Brady Bogen (E), Bret Vesely (B), Dick Toledo (A)

Overview

In this lively Friday episode, Holmberg and the crew dive into quirky news and scientific oddities, centering on fun facts about canned pumpkin, a heated country club pickleball brawl, and head-turning scientific studies (from the evolutionary pointlessness of chins to ancient Romans' use of human feces in medicine). The team delivers their trademark rowdy banter and irreverence, making for a show that is equal parts bizarre trivia, raunchy humor, and razor-sharp commentary.

Key Segments & Highlights

1. Baseless Fun Facts & Canned Pumpkin

[04:15 – 07:19]

• Morton, Illinois produces 80% of America’s canned pumpkin. ("Libby is the most popular brand of canned pumpkin." – Brady, 04:15)
• Holmberg derails the segment by comparing canned pumpkin consistency to zoo orangutan poop, suggesting their similarity is "exactly the same."
  • “It’s diarrhea. But it’s not soft yet. It’s soft diarrhea. It’s not hard like vanilla soft serve only diarrhea.” – Holmberg, 05:14
• Mockery about food origins, with Holmberg slamming the idea that “food ain’t food till it comes from a can.”

Notable exchange:

• Holmberg: “Why would you say that? Why would... I said diarrhea and you wanted a cake.” (05:44)
• Brady: "You got against pumpkin pie?"
• Toledo: "It's not pumpkin pie if it doesn't come from a can." (07:07)

2. Stat-Rich Rapid Fire: Nightmares, Wealth, and Gen Z Sex Habits

[06:29 – 08:39]

• Blind people have four times more nightmares than those with sight.
• The poorest 5% of Americans are richer than 68% of the world, leading John to rib Toledo about his “canned pumpkin” preferences.
• On Valentine’s Day, a majority plan to buy themselves chocolate; after V-Day, deal-hunting spikes.
• Notably, 35% of Gen Z college students admit to using their phones during sex, and over 20% say they’ve had sex with a roommate in the room.

Notable quote:

• Holmberg: “That has to stop. That’s dirty. That’s dirty talk, Brady. Take that back.” (08:39)

3. Aphrodisiac Foods and Valentine's Trends

[08:49 – 10:00]

• Instacart data reveals spikes in condom, lubricant, and aphrodisiac (oysters, pomegranates) sales, with Scottsdale, AZ & Colorado Springs topping the list.
• Holmberg encourages men to embrace vibrators:
  • “I look at vibrators like your neighbor coming over while you’re mowing the lawn... This’ll be done faster. And get some sleep.” (09:18)

4. Office Hijinks: Roses on Valentine’s Day

[10:03 – 11:47]

• The new team member, Jacqueline, gives out roses, prompting a playful, competitive exchange between the hosts over floral favoritism and message cards.
  • “Thank you, Jacqueline. This means nothing to me.” – Holmberg, (10:30)
  • “She even scrolled a message. She aced the interview.” – Brady, (11:18)

5. Science News: Chins, Ski Jumpers, and Ancient Poop Medicine

[12:46 – 17:41]

Chins: Pointless or Attractive?

• Humans evolved chins by accident; other primates (and Neanderthals) lack them.
• Holmberg counters: “The reason we still have chins is because it’s attractive. Women like guys with chins more than guys without.” (14:18)

Ski Jump “Penisgate”

• Viral interest in whether padding or a bigger package results in superior ski jump performance.
• “They found an extra inch of material down there can make you fly 20 feet further.” – Brady, (15:03)
• Banter ensues on racial stereotypes and uniform standards in ski-jumping.

Ancient Romans & Human Feces in Medicine

• Archaeologists discover evidence that ancient Romans used human feces mixed with thyme and olive oil medicinally.
  • “They were eating it.” – Holmberg, (17:29)

6. Pickleball Pandemonium: Senior Brawl

[18:07 – 20:19]

• In Port Orange, Florida, a massive pickleball court fight breaks out, when an argument over the "kitchen" rule escalates. 63-year-old Anthony Sapienza and his wife Julianne both arrested.
  • “At least some of them were seniors.” – Brady, (18:07)
  • “He accused another player of stepping in the kitchen...then after the match, Anthony called the other guy’s wife the C word.” – Brady, (18:48)
• The team riffs in full “Goodfellas go to the suburbs” mode, imagining the Sapienzas as “the Italian Underhills” (19:51).

7. Video/Game Reviews: Gross-Outs, Tank Tricks, and Adult Content

[21:13 – 27:41]

• The science news segues into a series of “radio videos” with the team reacting to:
  • A massive, bullet-sized earwax removal.
  • A tank crushing a car at high speed—“Why don’t we make cars out of those things?!” – Holmberg, (22:52)
  • Italian crane-game for prosciuttin sausages.
  • Extreme/grotesque clips involving naked cleaning, accidental decapitations, ball-crushing superheroics, graphic defecation ("making canned pumpkin"), and bizarre milk/fingernail/vegetable stunts.

Notable quote:

• “She’s making that canned pumpkin. And now little—oh, it’s on the camera lens, too...” – Holmberg, (25:57)
• “That’s a lot of greens put in there, man. That’s how the Jolly Green Giant...I’m surprised that thing in the end didn’t go: ho ho ho.” – Holmberg, (27:49)

Notable Quotes

• Holmberg: “It’s not food unless it comes from a can. Said Salisbury steak over here and pancakes in a cup.” (06:45)
• Holmberg (on chins): “Women like guys with chins more than guys without. So chinless dudes were less likely to reproduce than lantern jawed, chinned men...” (14:18)
• Brady (on ancient medicine): “They found traces of it [feces] in some sort of medicine where they mixed [it] with thyme and olive oil.” (17:13)
• Holmberg (on the pickleball fight): “You, you, you the baddest mother ever out here in pickleball...Get inside and make me something. Give me some sapiens.” (20:10)
• Holmberg (on vibrators): "I look at vibrators like your neighbor coming over while you’re mowing the lawn... This’ll be done faster. And get some sleep.” (09:18)

Timestamps for Key Segments

• Canned Pumpkin and Orangutan Comparison: 04:15 – 05:56
• Gen Z Sexual Habits: 08:05 – 08:39
• Valentine’s Aphrodisiac Data: 08:49 – 10:00
• Science News: Chins/Ski Jumpers/Ancient Feces: 12:46 – 17:41
• Pickleball Brawl: 18:07 – 20:19
• Grotesque Video Review Segment: 21:13 – 27:41

Tone & Language

The hosts maintain their raucous, irreverent tone, with quick-witted sarcasm, playful insults, and graphic humor. Their banter blends local flavor, crude observations, and sardonic pop culture references, giving listeners both fun facts and wildly offbeat takes on news and science stories.

For listeners who missed it: This episode packs a chaotic mix of trivia, science, and over-the-top video reactions, brought to life with the team’s signature snark and energy. If you’re after weird news, off-color jokes, and a comedic spin on everything from pumpkins to pickleball fights, this one’s a must.