02-13-26 - BR - FRI - Most Canned Pumpkin Comes From Town In ILL - Sci News On Chins, Ski Jump Suits And Human Feces - Huge Pickleball Fight At Country Club

Summary

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Holmberg’s Morning Sickness - Arizona

Episode: 02-13-26 - BR - FRI - Most Canned Pumpkin Comes From Town In ILL - Sci News On Chins, Ski Jump Suits And Human Feces - Huge Pickleball Fight At Country Club
Date: February 13, 2026
Hosts: John Holmberg (D), Brady Bogen (E), Bret Vesely (B), Dick Toledo (A)

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Overview

In this lively Friday episode, Holmberg and the crew dive into quirky news and scientific oddities, centering on fun facts about canned pumpkin, a heated country club pickleball brawl, and head-turning scientific studies (from the evolutionary pointlessness of chins to ancient Romans' use of human feces in medicine). The team delivers their trademark rowdy banter and irreverence, making for a show that is equal parts bizarre trivia, raunchy humor, and razor-sharp commentary.

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Key Segments & Highlights

1. Baseless Fun Facts & Canned Pumpkin

[04:15 – 07:19]

• Morton, Illinois produces 80% of America’s canned pumpkin. ("Libby is the most popular brand of canned pumpkin." – Brady, 04:15)
• Holmberg derails the segment by comparing canned pumpkin consistency to zoo orangutan poop, suggesting their similarity is "exactly the same."
  • “It’s diarrhea. But it’s not soft yet. It’s soft diarrhea. It’s not hard like vanilla soft serve only diarrhea.” – Holmberg, 05:14
• Mockery about food origins, with Holmberg slamming the idea that “food ain’t food till it comes from a can.”

Notable exchange:

• Holmberg: “Why would you say that? Why would... I said diarrhea and you wanted a cake.” (05:44)
• Brady: "You got against pumpkin pie?"
• Toledo: "It's not pumpkin pie if it doesn't come from a can." (07:07)

2. Stat-Rich Rapid Fire: Nightmares, Wealth, and Gen Z Sex Habits

[06:29 – 08:39]

• Blind people have four times more nightmares than those with sight.
• The poorest 5% of Americans are richer than 68% of the world, leading John to rib Toledo about his “canned pumpkin” preferences.
• On Valentine’s Day, a majority plan to buy themselves chocolate; after V-Day, deal-hunting spikes.
• Notably, 35% of Gen Z college students admit to using their phones during sex, and over 20% say they’ve had sex with a roommate in the room.

Notable quote:

• Holmberg: “That has to stop. That’s dirty. That’s dirty talk, Brady. Take that back.” (08:39)

3. Aphrodisiac Foods and Valentine's Trends

[08:49 – 10:00]

• Instacart data reveals spikes in condom, lubricant, and aphrodisiac (oysters, pomegranates) sales, with Scottsdale, AZ & Colorado Springs topping the list.
• Holmberg encourages men to embrace vibrators:
  • “I look at vibrators like your neighbor coming over while you’re mowing the lawn... This’ll be done faster. And get some sleep.” (09:18)

4. Office Hijinks: Roses on Valentine’s Day

[10:03 – 11:47]

• The new team member, Jacqueline, gives out roses, prompting a playful, competitive exchange between the hosts over floral favoritism and message cards.
  • “Thank you, Jacqueline. This means nothing to me.” – Holmberg, (10:30)
  • “She even scrolled a message. She aced the interview.” – Brady, (11:18)

5. Science News: Chins, Ski Jumpers, and Ancient Poop Medicine

[12:46 – 17:41]

Chins: Pointless or Attractive?

• Humans evolved chins by accident; other primates (and Neanderthals) lack them.
• Holmberg counters: “The reason we still have chins is because it’s attractive. Women like guys with chins more than guys without.” (14:18)

Ski Jump “Penisgate”

• Viral interest in whether padding or a bigger package results in superior ski jump performance.
• “They found an extra inch of material down there can make you fly 20 feet further.” – Brady, (15:03)
• Banter ensues on racial stereotypes and uniform standards in ski-jumping.

Ancient Romans & Human Feces in Medicine

• Archaeologists discover evidence that ancient Romans used human feces mixed with thyme and olive oil medicinally.
  • “They were eating it.” – Holmberg, (17:29)

6. Pickleball Pandemonium: Senior Brawl

[18:07 – 20:19]

• In Port Orange, Florida, a massive pickleball court fight breaks out, when an argument over the "kitchen" rule escalates. 63-year-old Anthony Sapienza and his wife Julianne both arrested.
  • “At least some of them were seniors.” – Brady, (18:07)
  • “He accused another player of stepping in the kitchen...then after the match, Anthony called the other guy’s wife the C word.” – Brady, (18:48)
• The team riffs in full “Goodfellas go to the suburbs” mode, imagining the Sapienzas as “the Italian Underhills” (19:51).

7. Video/Game Reviews: Gross-Outs, Tank Tricks, and Adult Content

[21:13 – 27:41]

• The science news segues into a series of “radio videos” with the team reacting to:
  • A massive, bullet-sized earwax removal.
  • A tank crushing a car at high speed—“Why don’t we make cars out of those things?!” – Holmberg, (22:52)
  • Italian crane-game for prosciuttin sausages.
  • Extreme/grotesque clips involving naked cleaning, accidental decapitations, ball-crushing superheroics, graphic defecation ("making canned pumpkin"), and bizarre milk/fingernail/vegetable stunts.

Notable quote:

• “She’s making that canned pumpkin. And now little—oh, it’s on the camera lens, too...” – Holmberg, (25:57)
• “That’s a lot of greens put in there, man. That’s how the Jolly Green Giant...I’m surprised that thing in the end didn’t go: ho ho ho.” – Holmberg, (27:49)

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Notable Quotes

• Holmberg: “It’s not food unless it comes from a can. Said Salisbury steak over here and pancakes in a cup.” (06:45)
• Holmberg (on chins): “Women like guys with chins more than guys without. So chinless dudes were less likely to reproduce than lantern jawed, chinned men...” (14:18)
• Brady (on ancient medicine): “They found traces of it [feces] in some sort of medicine where they mixed [it] with thyme and olive oil.” (17:13)
• Holmberg (on the pickleball fight): “You, you, you the baddest mother ever out here in pickleball...Get inside and make me something. Give me some sapiens.” (20:10)
• Holmberg (on vibrators): "I look at vibrators like your neighbor coming over while you’re mowing the lawn... This’ll be done faster. And get some sleep.” (09:18)

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• Canned Pumpkin and Orangutan Comparison: 04:15 – 05:56
• Gen Z Sexual Habits: 08:05 – 08:39
• Valentine’s Aphrodisiac Data: 08:49 – 10:00
• Science News: Chins/Ski Jumpers/Ancient Feces: 12:46 – 17:41
• Pickleball Brawl: 18:07 – 20:19
• Grotesque Video Review Segment: 21:13 – 27:41

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Tone & Language

The hosts maintain their raucous, irreverent tone, with quick-witted sarcasm, playful insults, and graphic humor. Their banter blends local flavor, crude observations, and sardonic pop culture references, giving listeners both fun facts and wildly offbeat takes on news and science stories.

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For listeners who missed it: This episode packs a chaotic mix of trivia, science, and over-the-top video reactions, brought to life with the team’s signature snark and energy. If you’re after weird news, off-color jokes, and a comedic spin on everything from pumpkins to pickleball fights, this one’s a must.

Transcript

[A]

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[B]

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[C]

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[D]

You've been deceived by an agent of Satan himself. That's a perfect time for me to give you guys another chance at the nine Inch Nail stuff. Eight o' clock. Word is minimal. Minimal. That easy? Minimal fired off on our app. Tap the app, throw it in there, and you hit on the sweet that feeds. Put the word minimal in there. Do it on our website, 98kupd.com you can get that as well. And while you're on the website, don't forget to go over to the Lost, our home pick of the litter from our friends at turf monsters az.com and check them out. Carbone. We did Carbone about two months ago, and I had some takers, and then they were like, he's a little big for the kids and this and that. So he's been in a couple houses, and everybody loves Carbone. He's the dog I told you about. For a while, I was just dumb. He's. He's a dumb dog, but not in like, a harmful dumb way. He's that dog.

[E]

A big dumb.

[D]

You want to play ball? Yeah. You want to play ball? Yeah.

[A]

You goofy dog.

[E]

Yeah.

[D]

You got to go get the ball, Carbon.

[E]

Huh?

[D]

The ball. You want to play ball, you got to go get a ball. Oh, I got. We're playing ball. Yeah. You just asked me if you. Okay, I'll be right back. And then he runs off and he, like, gets in flowers and forgets where is he's dug from up. That's his eyes.

[E]

He looks some guy.

[D]

He's just a squirrel and. But he is absolutely no and he does everything. He's one of those dogs of just a dog. I can sit. I can lay down. It just not. He's just not thinking for himself too often. So what do you want me to do? He's one of those and he's awesome. We. We had Carbone in my lap yesterday for he's a big boy. He's a big block headed lab. Sweet. Carbone needs a house. Let's get him out of that shelter immediately because he's too sweet to be in it for sure. So check that [e-mail] while you're playing in the suite that feeds and trying to get yourself some Nine Inch Nails tickets, let's get the news Brady has. It's called the Brady Report and it's brought to you by our friends right over [e-mail] saw their trucks go into another house just the other day. All Pro Shade is ready to get you going. You can take care of your backyard space. Get some shade on that patio. Get some shade on that tv. What's the deal they got going right now?

[E]

Today's the last day. It's the last all. It's shade week.

[D]

That's right.

[E]

So all the stuff that was overstock or ordered and the people just was taken back.

[D]

Stuff they ordered and they came back.

[E]

Up to 50% off on great deals.

[D]

So go on allprochade.com and take care of. Take care of that because you got some. Some stuff that was pre ordered or over ordered or not being used. And they're like we got to get this out of the warehouse. That's a. That is a half off deal. If it works for you, they'll make it right. It looks good.

[E]

Kind of a good way to do the open house to the new place too.

[D]

Sure.

[E]

People can check it out.

[D]

All Pro Shade.

[E]

There's a little festival going on.

[D]

Oh you mean their house, not your open house.

[E]

Yeah. The open house of the new All Pro Shade facility.

[D]

Okay.

[E]

From 12 to 2 today, prizes on Bell and i17. Okay.

[D]

There you go. Well, I don't have to. I didn't know about that. That's a good one. Head up there. Check it all out. Allprochade.com Brady report it good Friday morning to Phoenix.

[E]

Hello world.

[D]

Hi Sick.

[E]

Brady, We've made it.

[D]

Yeah.

[E]

Couple of baseless fun facts. The town of Morton in Central Illinois creates 80% of all the canned pumpkin we eat. Libby is the most popular brand of canned pumpkin.

[D]

If they produce zero cans, it would be all the canned pumpkin that I eat.

[E]

And they do all their harvesting and canning and Morton.

[D]

I've ruined strawberries. I've ruined plums. Brady, you missed plums yesterday because I said if you melon ball out a bruise and eat it, it's a plum. So the same thing if you had a big enough hematoma and you got one of those ice cream scoops and tore it out of your thigh, arm, wherever it was and then just took a bite of it. Same exact texture and. And probably flavor as a plum. But I'm gonna wreck you for pumpkin juice coming out of a can. You ever watch an orangutan poop at the zoo?

[E]

I have not.

[D]

I have. It's the exact same thing as that canned pumpkin. Exactly the same. And you know how I know it might actually be the same is because the gorillas too. They can't keep their hands off of it and they eat it themselves. So I think they crap the product. We call it pumpkin. There's nothing to do with pumpkins. That stuff is. It's. It's not wet. It's. I don't know how to explain it. It's sort. It's diarrhea. But it's not soft yet. It's soft diarrhea. It's not hard like. Like vanilla soft serve only diarrhea.

[E]

Maybe someone ought to try to make a pie or a cheesecake.

[D]

Why would you say that? Why would you're that addicted to food that I said diarrhea and you wanted a cake.

[E]

You got against pumpkin pie?

[D]

I don't have anything against pumpkin pie. I'm talking about the stuff that's inside those cans. That orange diarrhea muck.

[E]

Do you think it becomes pumpkin pie?

[D]

It doesn't become poor people. Does it come from a can? No, it doesn't. No. That is a trailer trash sentence if I've ever heard it. Food ain't food till it comes from a can. It's got to come from a pumpkin. Dumbass.

[A]

People want to know if Brady's going to be at the open house or is he already recorded his phone call acting like.

[D]

Hey it's Brady live at the the all pro state open house. I'll be here from. From 9 to noon. I'm back in his portal. It's time traveling portal.

[E]

Blind people have four times more nightmares than people with sight.

[D]

Good thing they can't see Those.

[E]

The poorest 5% of people in the US are still richer than 68 of the people in the world.

[D]

So quit your bitching and enjoy your canned pumpkin Toledo. It's not food unless it comes from a can. Said Salisbury steak over here and pancakes in a cup. Yeah, pancakes in a cup. Or his. That's a staple in his diet and he's arguing the benefits of pumpkin in a can. You know what you're talking about?

[B]

No, what I said was, it's not pumpkin pie if it doesn't come from a can.

[D]

Even. That's what starts even. Guy Fieri looked at you and went, dude, you don't know what you're doing.

[E]

Here's a couple of quick, quick hits. On Valentine's Day, 36% of people plan to buy chocolate for themselves on Valentine's Day.

[D]

Get themselves a little drink.

[E]

61 say they want chocolate felt for Valentine's regardless of their relationship status.

[D]

Where do they want it from?

[A]

Because those big broads know no one's gonna buy it for them, so they go buy their own.

[D]

Gonna go get this myself.

[E]

And 60% admit their deal hunters. When it comes to buying chocolate, a lot of people get it the day after Valentine's Day. It's not guilt.

[D]

I didn't say that.

[E]

A new survey of a hundred thousand college students found that 35% of Gen Z adults admit they've texted or scrolled social media during sex.

[D]

Oh, my God. Jesus. That's hard to do.

[E]

23% of the gen zers admit to having sex with a roommate in the room. And 8% did it with their roommate. Was awake.

[D]

Wow. And they are scrolling their Instagram while they're having sex.

[E]

Got into that wormhole.

[D]

That has to stop. That's dirty. That's dirty talk, Brady. Take that back. That's not what we call a woman's vagina.

[E]

And if you're looking for some deals on Valentine's Day, check out USA Today.

[D]

Okay.

[E]

Flowers are obviously one of the big deals. Condoms. There's a jump 62% on Instacart for condoms. 60%. And personal lubricants and vibrators are 74% up. Mm.

[D]

And guys have to get over that a girl wants to use a vibrator in front of you. That's great. It doesn't. It doesn't. It does actually mean you're not getting it done, but it also means that she wants to have fun. And it's a guarantee it's less work for you. I look at vibrators like your neighbor coming over while you're Mowing the lawn. And he brings his mower and doesn't say a thing. He just starts helping. You're like, I'm good. This will be done faster. And get some sleep.

[E]

Instacart also looked at which cities order the most aphrodisiac foods in the lead up to Valentine's Day. Stuff like oysters, pomegranates, supposedly put you in the mood. Colorado Springs and Scottsdale, Arizona. Lead.

[D]

Lead the list of aphrodisiac sales.

[E]

Yeah.

[A]

Really?

[D]

Did you bring us roses?

[E]

Oh, my God.

[D]

Jack. The new girl, Jacqueline, has brought us.

[E]

They look better.

[D]

Thank you. Calm down, Brady. There's no reason to make it a me too moment. Thank you. Jacqueline.

[E]

Look better?

[D]

Yeah.

[E]

Way better than me having a white rose in my hand. That's a compliment.

[D]

Well, no, you smell. You sprayed perfume on these. I'm calling HR this is a move. That's very sweet of her.

[E]

Thank you.

[D]

Are you giving them to the other morning shows? This means nothing to me, Jacqueline. This means nothing to me. There you go. Oh, sure.

[E]

What a pro.

[D]

I bet you say that to your side shows. The second or the first show that you've visited. Are we the first one? Okay. And then you're gonna go spend some time with the other ones. Get on the mic. This is our new girl, Jacqueline. What? What I was gonna say was some of the roses are a little messed up.

[E]

I. I.

[D]

Here. No, no, I don't want your secondary. That's Dave Farah's rose. I don't want that one.

[B]

Wow.

[D]

I feel like a celebrity right now. But you gave me your flower first. We appreciate your support. Oh, thank you. Thank you. To our personality. Oh, stop it. Go be a salesperson.

[E]

That was excellent.

[D]

Thank you, Jacqueline. Got it.

[E]

She even scrolled a message. She aced the interview.

[D]

She wrote it. She says you're. Well, this is. And she was going to. Here's what I know, that this message wasn't personal because I showed her that the rose she just gave me is kind of torn up on the side, and she was just going to give me another one. So this message that says, you're a diamond, shine bright, and have a happy Valentine's Day.

[E]

Mine says, you're funny. Have a great summer.

[D]

Keep in touch.

[E]

Thank you. Thank you.

[D]

Very sweet of her. Now, all those other sales broads have been here a hundred years. I feel the pressure. The new girl just brought us.

[A]

Are we gonna walk downstairs?

[D]

Oh, are we ever. Are we ever.

[E]

What's going on, Jill?

[A]

Look at this.

[D]

Oh, look at that. Jill, I've known you for 20 years. I get a Valentine's rose from you, and she'll say you got me a Nikki and Elsa. I hadn't get Jacqueline anything either, but.

[B]

It'S a dead on voice.

[A]

It's perfect.

[D]

It sounds just like she was here. Why you the Shunpur.

[A]

You know, Ed's pulling over right now with one of those plushie stands at the gas station, buying us all.

[D]

Another one. You got two. It says, here's a good rose. F yourself.

[E]

Chat GPT rules.

[D]

Thank you. Chat GPT rules. I love you. Well, that's very sweet. That was very nice. Yeah, Ed's gonna come in with teddy bears that say me.

[E]

Quarters.

[D]

That's very sweet. I'll give this to Davitel.

[E]

This is.

[D]

Is very nice.

[E]

And now it's time for some science news.

[D]

All right.

[E]

Hello, my friends. Professional Rady Bogan here with your science news. A study found humans don't really need chins.

[D]

What about pillowcases?

[E]

They just sort of happened accidentally.

[D]

How do you put a pillowcase on without a chin?

[E]

As our skulls evolved. So evolutionary. So there's an evolutionary quirk. Other primates, Primates like chimps, don't have chins. Neanderthals didn't have them.

[D]

But they don't have pillows.

[E]

I know.

[A]

I mean, there's Jay Leno just killed himself.

[D]

Yeah. I just got extra for everybody. But if I don't need a chin, I mean, you need a chin.

[E]

I can put pillow.

[D]

I can put two pillowcases on at once.

[E]

Yeah, you can't.

[D]

You gotta have a chin. What happens when you're like, your hands are full and you're trying to get your keys out of your pocket and you put whatever one under your chin, it holds things. I feel terrible for people without chin.

[B]

Yeah. I would argue we've evolved because of the reasons.

[E]

How do you think China feels about that?

[D]

Okay.

[E]

Anyway, you're a great crowd.

[D]

Did you just do a phone book joke?

[A]

Yeah, Ed said, damn straight. I'm bringing teddy bears.

[D]

You guys. Thank you. Visit Holmberg's morning sickness [e-mail] Holmberg's Morning Sickness.

[E]

A graphic went viral that explains ski jumpers. Penis gate.

[D]

I have to also go back to the chin thing. The reason we still have chins is because it's attractive. Women like guys with chins more than guys without. So chinless dudes were less likely to reproduce than lantern jawed, chinned men like Bill Cower. The chin. Let's get out there. Gotta get that chin. Make sure that you're hitting the lady's bottom when you're down there, Bernie. When you're down on a girl and you gotta. That chin goes in the B hole. Makes me emotional. Ghost dealers.

[E]

You and your wife.

[D]

My wife is gone. Oh, God, I'm sorry.

[E]

My new wifey. So they did a little research on saying if the junk is bigger if you're a ski jumper.

[D]

Oh yeah, yeah, yeah.

[E]

And they found that an extra inch of material down there can make you fly 20ft further.

[D]

Why do you have more material for your penis?

[E]

Well, it's like a tight. It catches your air.

[D]

No, no, I understand that, but it's.

[E]

Just the same one inch. Just in that one area.

[D]

That's not the material. That's your dick. They're not making.

[E]

Yeah, because if that was the case and you know. So the skin of falcon should be a skijer, Right?

[D]

But don't they just wear tights that smash them down no matter how big they are?

[B]

No, that's what they're saying is that they put more. More fabric in that area and they've.

[E]

Built it up or they inject it.

[D]

But shouldn't there just be.

[B]

Well, they did that before when they're measured.

[D]

But shouldn't there just be a uniform that you smash down your wiener with? Like tights.

[B]

But it has to fit the athlete, right?

[E]

Right? No, not really.

[B]

You got to get measured.

[D]

But you stay soft and you can smash down a big one or a small one, it doesn't matter. It's like you're flying around with a rudder. Like I could have a big penis and you can have a small penis and we put on tights and it's just mine.

[B]

But it's not tights. They're saying it's a little bit loose depending on the fit.

[A]

Edge of Lex Steel starts ski jumping.

[D]

Like I said, the blacks are going to take over ski jumping and we're never going to never be a white record holder again. When you start seeing Uganda win ski jumping, you'll know that that's a true story.

[E]

He's cheating material. Nope, it's all natural.

[D]

Uganda builds ski jumps. Like we are guaranteed gold medals in the Winter Games. Assad Diga IBOI General Naked General Butt naked. What do you think about my grand ski jump?

[E]

Archaeologists in Turkey found the first physical physical evidence that ancient Romans used human feces and medicine.

[D]

I'm sorry, but you guys stuck in the mud on that f you were spinning. That feces took a long time to come out.

[E]

They found traces of it in some sort of medicine where they mixed.

[D]

No, no, test it. Let him go. No reason for you to grant it. There it is.

[E]

They found it mixed with thyme and olive oil.

[D]

They were eating it. By the way, Winston just text up and said, see, I'm about to be an elite ski jumper. Do it. He's got two sons. Quit making him baseball players and get him on the. Get him on the slopes.

[E]

Winston, that's your science news.

[D]

Yeah, that is going to be. I don't necessarily believe that stat. I think that's just hype for the Olympics that they wouldn't. They were talking about. So it's a funny story to get like Olympic banter going. They could have done this in July. They knew this theory in July. But they did it right as the Olympics are going. Now you're going to watch the ski jump just to see and you know that the winner has a huge hog.

[E]

We had a pickleball throwdown happen on Sunday. Florida couples facing charges after they got into a huge pickleball fight. Happened at a club in Port Orange near Daytona beach. Someone called 911 and said 20 people were in a physical fight on a pickleball court. At least some of them were seniors. 63 year old Anthony Sapienzo, he got arrested. Apparently started a fight over rules violation. He accused another player of stepping in the kitchen.

[D]

Yeah. Oh, that's, that's a big move. You can't do that. Yeah, it's a rule.

[E]

According to the police. They had words. Then after the match, Anthony called the other guy, the other guy's wife. The C word. Well, it happens.

[D]

Well, she needed to be in the kitchen too.

[E]

And that guy defended her. Then Anthony punched him in the face, man. Hit him with a pickleball paddle. Paramedics does a guy in the hospital cut over his eye.

[D]

Oh, he sided him with the paddle.

[E]

Yeah.

[B]

Oh, he hatcheted him.

[D]

Yeah. Swing.

[E]

Cops say Anthony also punched another guy in the nose and punched a 70 year old woman to the push. Sorry.

[D]

Okay.

[E]

Pushed a 70 year old woman to the ground. And his 51 year old wife Julianne apparently got in on it too.

[D]

You, you, you the baddest mother ever out here in pickleball.

[E]

She's facing felony charge, battery for person 65 years and older.

[D]

Hey, Happy Valentine's Day.

[E]

Got a mug shot of both of them.

[B]

Oh, they're the Underhills. They're the Italian Underhills.

[D]

Is it a country club or is it a old folks area?

[E]

Yeah, it's this country club.

[D]

Yeah.

[E]

Anthony and Julianne Sapienza, the Sepienzas.

[D]

You don't mess with him on a pickleball court. What are you doing in the kitchen? If I wanted something in the kitchen, it wouldn't be out here in pickleball. Get your. Get inside and make me something. Give me.

[E]

Give me some sapiens.

[D]

Yeah, that's exactly what I pictured. Whatever. Whatever you're picturing is the sapienzas. Trust me. You nailed it. Matching necks. You believe this guy? Hey, you were in the kitchen. I wasn't in the kitchen. Let's just keep playing, Vinny. I'm not gonna keep playing. You're a cheating piece of. Am I wrong now? Be quiet. That's my husband. Nobody talking to you. Well, why don't you quiet down your beast? Your dog's barking. Put a leash on it. Who's next? Who's ass. Who's in shore filled ass. Do I have to kick down here next to the pickleball court?

[E]

Got a couple of radio videos.

[D]

What are you up next? Metamucil, Centrum? Silver. We're going to lose him. He's that feces thing. And then now the dizziness.

[E]

I've got it.

[D]

Yeah, we know. You've got everything. We think HIV and all. Radio videos. Got something. All right, go ahead.

[E]

First one's a reminder to clean your ears.

[D]

Oh, no. They're gonna pull something out of some Taiwanese guy's ear, aren't they?

[E]

I don't think he's not sure. Not sure. Might be race or It's.

[D]

It's one of those gross countries over there. Okay. Yeah. We can't see a face, but we're going in with a camera in the ear. A lot of hair. Here's a wad of something. It's gonna open its eyes or move, isn't it? There's a wad of something in the guys here canal.

[B]

Look like it's got fur.

[D]

It's.

[E]

It does look like.

[D]

All right, there's attachment going in now. It's like a pokey. They're prying out the thing in his ear.

[E]

The mini scoop?

[D]

Yeah, the scoop is going deeper now. There's something behind the thing we initially saw. Is that Sabrina Carpenter playing? Sounds like it's cute. No, it is, Ophelia, you're right. Here comes. What is that? A pencil? What's in his ear?

[E]

A cigarette of it and it kind of starts sucking back in.

[D]

Oh, no, no, no, no, no.

[E]

It's.

[D]

He's pulled out the camera is now opening up this strange yellow wax worm. Oh, my God. I don't think it's like a caterpillar. Look at this thing. Oh, it's got to be £4 of earwax. It looks like a monarch. Before it becomes. You know, when it's still in the chrysalis. Then pupil. Oh, man.

[E]

I can hear.

[D]

Oh, it's the size of a bullet within his ear. That is the grossest piece. Piece of wax I've ever seen. Thank you, Brady.

[E]

This next one's a tank. Full speed running over. If you had your Prius parked in the road. And here comes a military tank. About 40 miles per hour, this is what it would look like.

[D]

Tank is running in high speeds across the desert. There's a car parked in the intersection. There's been Sears. What a tank would do to your car. Everything. Oh, my God. Why don't we make cars out of those things? Oh, my God, that's awesome. Where did those hillbill get a tank to play with? Because that isn't military. That's. Those are guys.

[B]

I would have said that's Ukraine until.

[E]

They started laughing because that looks like a military.

[B]

That's exactly right.

[D]

These dude found keys they shouldn't have and started dicking around with a tank. All right, that's enough of that. Dude. I think these start the tank. We're not supposed to play with the tank. Remember? The guy said don't. Don't play with the tank, dude. He wouldn't have left the keys if he didn't want us to.

[E]

Last one's a quick one for Brett.

[D]

Oh, God. All right. Italians at a. All right, this is dumb. It's Italians at a. One of those claw games, only they're picking up prosciuttin sausages. That's dumb. All right, Brett, go ahead. All right, Go get him. Friday videos ready to go. Valentine special.

[A]

Now I know why Brady hired Rodney for a house cleaner. Because he could have wound up with something like this.

[D]

Okay, we got a house cleaner. Big fat. Oh, my God. It's a naked. What is that? Is that a vagina or is that a used football helmet?

[E]

Can't be real.

[D]

I don't know what that is. She's a naked house cleaner. She's scrubbing the floor. She's naked. She bends over, and I swear to God, it looks like the inside of a leather helmet. One of those 1890s leather football helmets. I. I would put my head in that, thinking it would protect me from a car accident.

[E]

Talked her into that.

[D]

Oh, who's filming it? Who's. The guy's like, I'm getting this on and I'M sending it to the world.

[A]

Roadhead, anybody?

[D]

Oh, there's just a decapitated guy. That's. Oh, my God. A guy's head's just in the road and there's a body, like, 40ft away. Oh, my God. That came off dead clean. Yeah, another one of those Toledo vacation spots. I like that. There's horns. Yeah, it's like, move. Move the head. All right, here's a lady dressed up as some sort of weird superhero cardi b. And a guy's got his legs spread, and he's got. Oh, she does a hammer kick down onto his balls. Say goodbye to having kids. Oh, she.

[E]

What historical house is she doing?

[D]

Yeah, that does look like they're doing it in a tea.

[E]

Yeah, in between.

[D]

Between the opening. All right, we'll do the ball kicking at 1150. And at 1205, the high tee. All right. Gotta go.

[E]

You gotta go.

[D]

This is a person and medium heels pulling up her skirt. And it looks like she's in a. She's in, like, a room with bruise. Like a janitor's room. Pants are coming off. She's going to crap. Oh, she's. She's making that canned pumpkin.

[A]

Watch the screams.

[D]

She's making canned pumpkin. And now little. Oh, it's on the camera lens, too. Hit the camera that.

[E]

Give her some yogurt.

[D]

Why doesn't she just sit down? She's standing up and crapping all over the floor. Well, the good news is it's a cleaning room. There's, like, a janitor's supply right behind her. Somebody gotta clean that up. At least they don't have to walk far. All right, that's enough. Yeah, that's a Asian lady shooting pumpkin. Oh, the world. Ah, the world. Here's a guy with a. He's siphoning milk into a woman's. Is that a vagina? Yeah, it's been pried open by one of those machines we don't know the name of, but it's a milk. Oh, it's in her urethra. He put it in the. Oh, yeah. So he's poured milk into that. I don't know what kind of contraption they built for that, but that's definitely gonna cause it. She got no right to complain to the doctor later because she did it to herself. Good Christ. All right, next one is we got an Asian lady with really long nails, really long fingernails.

[E]

Oh.

[D]

Then she shoved one of them right in a guy's pee hole. The putting her whole pinky in a man's wiener. Yeah. Oh, he's finished. How did that happen? How did that happen? He evidently enjoyed that, apparently. Pulled her finger out and the whole world came out with it like a party. Surprised there wasn't a at the end of that.

[A]

And Brady, we know how you're. You know, you got to change your diet up a little bit. A little more vegetables for you.

[D]

Oh, here's somebody crapping spinach and Brussels fiber. All right. Somebody pushed half a salad. Whole entire salad bar up somebody's butt. Now they're pushing it out. Come on. What is this? Is that Popeye?

[E]

That's spinach.

[D]

Or that's how I think salad tastes, anyway. Like it came out of somebody's butt.

[E]

That's some iron, man.

[D]

That's a lot of greens put in there, man. That's how the Jolly Green Giant. I'm surprised that thing in the end just didn't go, ho, ho, ho. What in the world happens to her bottom at the end of that? Once all the greens are out, it starts whistling like it's going to do the Andy Griffith theme.

[E]

I wonder if those two last little leaves got sucked in on that. Last.

[D]

I wasn't wondering that at all. That's the last thing I was thinking.

[E]

Wow. Okay.

[D]

I was just wondering what her uncle did to her. And I'm sure he's a vegetarian.

[E]

She's.

[D]

The way she treats vegetables. My God. Well, there you go. All right. Well, for Valentine's Day, we got you a very romantic gift. David Tell is going to be here. Legend, comic legend, human legend. David Attell will join us in just moments. He's a genius. Just can't prove that with any paperwork or documentation or testing.

[E]

He might.

[D]

Maybe he's brilliant. David Tells coming in here next. We'll talk to him. There goes your Brady Report. It's not weird. It's pretty cool, actually.

[E]

No membership fees.

[D]

I have heard enough of this.