02-13-26 - CONDENSED SHORT SHOW - FRIDAY - Holmbergs Morning Sickness 98 KUPD

Summary

Podcast Summary: Holmberg's Morning Sickness – Condensed Short Show, Feb 13, 2026

Podcast: Holmberg's Morning Sickness – Arizona (98KUPD)
Hosts: John Holmberg, Brady Bogen, Brett Vesely, Dick Toledo, DJ EazyDick
Date: February 13, 2026
Episode: 02-13-26 - CONDENSED SHORT SHOW – FRIDAY

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Main Theme & Purpose

This condensed Friday episode continues Holmberg’s signature blend of edgy banter, satirical commentary, and raunchy humor. The crew roasts celebrity GoFundMe campaigns, riffs on Valentine’s Day and relationships, welcomes guest comedians, and delivers comedic “love line” segments as “KISS 1230.” The show swings between irreverent pop-culture skewering and absurd listener interactions—delivered in an unfiltered, rapid-fire style.

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Segment Breakdown

1. Comedy in the Valley (00:38)

• Promos: The team highlights upcoming comedy shows in the Phoenix area: Moshe Kasher, Ari Maddie, Josh Wolf, Tommy Brennan, and Sam J. Venues include Stand Up Live, Desert Ridge Improv, and Tempe Improv.

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2. Celebrity GoFundMe Rant: James Van Der Beek (01:16–07:45)

• Discussion: John rails against the modern trend of massive GoFundMe campaigns when celebrities die, spotlighting James Van Der Beek’s $2 million+ campaign.
• Commentary: They mock the idea that “average” people don’t get similar windfalls and skewer perceived entitlement.

Notable Quotes:

• “I’ve been busy the entire time, just kind of rooting for someone I care about to die so I can sort of GoFundMe. I didn’t know you could do that.” – John (01:16)

• “He’s on a ranch. Sell the ranch... It’s not a divorce, you’re supposed to sustain his life.” – John (01:59)

• “What happens to us, those normals, when we die? We don’t get $2 million.” – John (01:37)

• “Where does this line—where does this stop?” – John (04:30)

• “No offense to the Van Der Beek family, but this is not our problem.” – John (03:17)

• Spielberg’s Donation: The team notes Steven Spielberg’s large GoFundMe contribution, questioning its necessity.

• Comparison with Ordinary People: John notes regular folks “do car washes for funeral expenses” and don’t get celebrity-sized donations.

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3. Strippers, GoFundMe, and Valentine’s Day Relationships (08:54–15:08)

• Satirical Commentary: John and DJ EazyDick joke about women “showing their snooches for money,” with darkly comic references to stripping as survival.
• Bit: “Circle of a tragic whore’s life” and running gags about earning versus begging for money.
• Valentine’s Special Launch: The team introduces a “KISS 1230 Loveline” spoof, inviting relationship dedications and requests—a twist for V-Day.

Quote:

• “You had three kids and nobody stuck around to raise them. You have got to get in shape and start showing that butthole to people in order to feed your children.” – John (09:55)

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4. KISS 1230 Loveline: Listener Letters & Relationship Advice (11:07–16:58)

• Email Segment: Listeners write in with over-the-top, confessional letters.
  • One woman (“Stephanie”) begs her ex back after he caught her texting a guy she’d gone down on.
• On-Air Roast: DJ EazyDick breaks down the email with mock empathy, sexual innuendos, and dedicates ‘Suck My Kiss’ to the couple.

Quote: “Oh yeah, Josh wants a little...Let’s play a little Al Green for Josh…Hopefully, they’re at work sitting there and you can make a little chocolate milk in those panties sitting next to you.” – DJ EazyDick (15:10)

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5. Callers Join the Loveline (21:51–30:13)

Caller: "Gutsy" for "Sin"/Cynthia

• Professes love for Cynthia (“Sin”), details a relationship, gets gently roasted for accent, being stabbed by an ex, for tattoos (Virgin Mary), and more.
• DJ EazyDick playfully stereotypes, teases about her weight, “truck stop scale,” and tattoos.

Caller: Rick

• Wishes daughter a happy birthday (and V-Day)—turns awkward as Rick is grilled about being single and his deceased wife.
• The segment shifts from comedic to unexpectedly touching/dark.

Quote:

• “It’s supposed to be about sex. Dirty. Dirty anal. And you keep bringing in your children. That’s—you’re the grossest man I’ve ever spoken to.” – DJ EazyDick (28:42)

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6. Science News with Brady (30:38–35:45)

• Do Humans Need Chins?: Apparently not—evolutionary quirk discussed with comedic confusion.
• Ski Jumpers’ “Penisgate”: Extra fabric in ski suits can allegedly boost jump length, leading to jokes about Black athletes dominating if it’s true.
• Gross Fact: Ancient Romans used human feces in medicine.

Quotes:

• “How do you put a pillowcase on without a chin?” – John (30:53)
• “When you start seeing Uganda win ski jumping, you’ll know that’s a true story.” – John (33:57)

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7. Odd News: Pickleball Fight in Florida (35:51–38:09)

• A senior citizen pickleball game erupts in violence—paddles swing, insults fly, someone gets called the C-word, and even a 70-year-old woman is pushed.
• The team acts out the likely Italian-American argument, lampooning family squabbles.

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8. Comedian Interview/Banter (39:02–45:55)

• Guest Comic: Shares memories of a spoiled childhood, caring for a mother with dementia, and New York winters.
• Winter Weather: Talk about snow in NYC versus Arizona—ticketing and “buried” cars after plowing.
• Football Chat: Discussing the Super Bowl, halftime shows, and a funny riff about halftime performers playing in the game.
• Savannah Bananas/Comedy Theme Park: Brainstorming a “hack comedy” amusement park for failed comics—“Haunted Hack House,” etc.

Quotes: “Don’t you think the halftime entertainment should also have to play in the game? Because I do.” – Guest Comedian (42:49)

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9. Listener Mail: Valentine’s Sex Advice (46:00–49:13)

• Question: How do you tell your wife of 20 years she’s bad at oral sex?
• Advice: DJ EazyDick spins it comically dark—suggests infidelity, “not finishing,” and metaphorical “eating soup” with jokes about teeth.
• Ladies’ Advice: “If you’re bad at blowjobs, knock it off, it’s really not that hard.”

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Memorable/Notable Quotes

• “It’s the circle of a tragic whore’s life.” – John (09:55)
• “Bitch, if you bleed, you walk the city streets.” – DJ EazyDick on the biblical menstruation taboo (19:40)
• “If you’re bad at blowjobs, knock it off. It’s really not that hard. It’s like being bad at eating.” – DJ EazyDick (48:42)

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Highlighted Timestamps by Topic

| Time | Topic | |:--------:|:---------------------------------------------------:| | 00:38 | Local comedy scene promo | | 01:16 | Celebrity GoFundMe rant: James Van Der Beek | | 08:54 | Strip club/sex work and “earning it” | | 11:07 | “KISS 1230” comedy Loveline segment launch | | 15:10 | Al Green request: Josh + office romance story | | 21:51 | Caller “Gutsy”–Valentine’s shout-out (Cynthia) | | 26:09 | Caller Rick wishes daughter happy birthday/V-Day | | 30:38 | Science news: chins, ski jumpers, Roman medicine | | 35:51 | Pickleball fight story | | 39:02 | Guest comic: childhood, dementia, NYC snow, football| | 46:00 | Valentine’s Day sex advice: oral, relationships |

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Summary & Tone Notes

The episode is classic “Morning Sickness”—irreverent, raw, and heavy on “mock the world” energy, balancing dark social commentary with blue-collar, local humor. It moves quickly from topic to topic, with a heavy dose of irony, crass jokes, playful insults, and mating advice. Guest comedians and listeners are drawn into the chaos—no sacred cows, as the hosts gleefully roast everything from celebrity culture to suburban Valentine’s plans and Arizona life.

For non-listeners: This summary captures the spirit and major storylines, blending timestamps, quotes, and topical highlights to reflect the group’s comedic intent and attitude. Skip the commercials—this is all about the unfiltered talk.

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[End of Summary]

Transcript

[Brett]

You're listening to the HMS Podcast, brought to you by mmpguns.com, your most trusted online marketplace for firearms, ammunition and accessories this President's Day.

[Commercial Announcer]

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[John Holmberg]

All right, HMS Podcast, time again to let you know where to go for.

[DJ EazyDick]

Some great comedy in the Valley this week. Downtown at Stand Up Live, get out and see the comedy of Moshe Kasher.

[John Holmberg]

And the up and coming Ari Maddie. Up north at Desert Ridge, you'll get Josh Wolf and SNL's Tommy Brennan.

[DJ EazyDick]

And Eastside at the Tempe Improv. Don't miss the very funny Sam J.

[John Holmberg]

And more Josh Wolfe.

[DJ EazyDick]

For the complete lineups, tickets go to standuplive.com desertridgeimprov.com and tempeimprov.com sickness you've been.

[Caller]

Deceived by an agent of Satan himself.

[DJ EazyDick]

Mediate to ev.

[John Holmberg]

I've been busy the entire time, just kind of rooting for someone I care about to die so I can sort of go fund me. I didn't know you could do that. What happened when celebrities used to die? They used to die and just be broke, right? James Vanderbeek's now over $2 million in a GoFundMe.

[DJ EazyDick]

It's worth.

[John Holmberg]

Was worth it.

[Brady]

Six kids. They need a little help.

[John Holmberg]

They're fine. Where's his money? He has a ranch. What happens to us, those normals, when we die? We don't get $2 million for James Vanderbeek. You get a decent celebrity that dies, and you're gonna make a fortune.

[Brett]

He's got to have Varsity Blues money still laying around somewhere. I mean, Jesus.

[John Holmberg]

I mean.

[Brady]

Yeah, but when you live, you're living that level. Okay. He must have been on a ranch.

[John Holmberg]

He's on a ranch. Sell the ranch. It's not about. It's not a divorce. You're supposed to sustain his life.

[Brady]

They want to just keep their life.

[John Holmberg]

In Beverly Hills or anything. No, it used to not happen. Celebrities used to die, and you'd be like, oh, that's tragic. Oh, well, nobody. I mean, imagine if. If what's her name, Selena, got shot on the porch today. It'd be like $50 million in the. In somebody's pocket.

[Brady]

Selena, dare I say we need more Mickey Rourke's. He gave the money back.

[John Holmberg]

Yes.

[Brady]

Mickey, stop it.

[John Holmberg]

He was in a.

[Brady]

Knock it off. It's back to everyone who donated, right?

[DJ EazyDick]

He.

[Brady]

I'm gonna figure it out.

[John Holmberg]

Other people gave the money saying, Mickey Rourke needs help. He's like, I'm just living in a one bedroom hotel. I'll figure this out. But I don't need your don't. I need to know somebody good who dies and be the person that picks up on this. I'm gonna kill Kelly Enda. Been friends with him a long time. Start doing a podcast with him again, and the next thing you know, Frank's not feeling so well all the time. And it isn't because I'm poison his drink. That's not it at all. Don't even ask that question. That's stupid. And I'm gonna start to go fund me and be like, yeah, his family needs this. One of his three houses. We couldn't.

[DJ EazyDick]

We're not selling those.

[John Holmberg]

Why should the kids suffer anymore and lose their playhouse and their other fun house and then place in Wisconsin? I mean, that would be ridiculous to try to pay our own bills.

[DJ EazyDick]

You do it.

[John Holmberg]

No offense to the Vanderbeek family, but this is not our problem.

[Brett]

Did they set it up or did somebody set it up for a point?

[John Holmberg]

I don't know. Where does it go? And like, I'm gonna start that. I'm gonna start that company, wait for a celebrity to die, start a GoFundMe. Then they just keep it like, what's it going to? Oh, he had health cost issue. We all do.

[Brady]

And go fund me's like, okay, just take our figure. Million.

[John Holmberg]

Of course, GoFundMe doesn't care if it's crooked or straight or anything else, but not as much as the family getting all we had some medical bills. You guys want to kick in on that? And now the story's like, he barely got anything for Dawson's Creek. Just Dawson's Creek. Wasn't that great. It was okay. It was on for a while, but it wasn't like some sort of cash cow. It was. It was good, but I didn't expect him to retire on Dawson Creek money.

[Brett]

Yeah, keep working, pal.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, I'm sorry for the. I'm sorry for your loss, but, I mean, when Super Celebrities died, Marvin Gaye's dad just Went up, shot him in the head on a porch, and nobody ever started. Let's give money to the people who were still hanging around him. I want that. I want that in my life.

[Brady]

Maybe he spent a lot of money on medical. I don't know.

[John Holmberg]

Well, so what?

[Brett]

Any insurance?

[John Holmberg]

Nobody yet.

[Brady]

Help the beak out, man.

[John Holmberg]

But okay, then where does this line. Where does this stop?

[Brady]

It does.

[John Holmberg]

It doesn't. I mean, he's a good man. I liked the beak.

[Brett]

Somebody dropped 30 grand.

[John Holmberg]

Well, Steven Spielberg went in there and dumped a huge amount in there. It's $2.129 million, and there's no way his medical bills got that high.

[Brett]

There's. There's Spielberg. 25K. Somebody knocked out Spielberg.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. All right, Steven. I'll see now. It's just about who can be the most philanthropic towards the beak Guardian Health. They're getting a discount on his bills.

[Brady]

And Spielberg only put in half of that, Brett, because his wife.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Guest Comedian]

Oh, yeah.

[Brett]

Let me tell you, so much time.

[John Holmberg]

Out on the whole deal. James Vanderbeek wasn't getting, like $2 million for a movie role. Why is he getting too many now? His family gets it.

[DJ EazyDick]

Come on.

[Brady]

You know what? I'm happy for him.

[John Holmberg]

It was like Brady dying, and everybody's like, let's give him like eight or nine million dollars. He's not making that money. Why would we do that?

[Guest Comedian]

Why wouldn't.

[John Holmberg]

We've overshot it? I mean, who. Why? He wasn't claiming poverty. He's got a beautiful. He's got acreage. And look, it's not my fault you had six kids and you can't afford them. What about all those Mexicans that die? You got kids laying all over the place, and nobody's gofundme. They have car washes. Like, they stand on the side and make three or four hundred dollars just to get a box to put them in. I've seen it. I've driven through the west valley on a Saturday. There's car washes for all sorts of dead people.

[Brett]

Should add a car wash for mocks out there. You know, him and Billy Bob and.

[John Holmberg]

Lance harbor bring out a knockout.

[Brett]

Three of our city.

[John Holmberg]

That's true. Billy Bob is like, we had him.

[DJ EazyDick]

Out there, and we're just.

[John Holmberg]

We're not real sure why.

[DJ EazyDick]

But why can't I just give you.

[John Holmberg]

A couple hundred thousand dollars and bury.

[DJ EazyDick]

Him and then pay a bill?

[Brett]

Coach John Voight could have showed up.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, Billy Bob was in the movie.

[Brett]

Yeah, he was the fat guy that was in the movie.

[John Holmberg]

Billy.

[Brett]

Billy Bob.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, Billy Bob. I'm thinking Billy Bob Ford because I confused him. What was the Billy Bob football movie? That was Friday Night Lights and then it became Friday Night Lights thing. Very similar again. This is your career, Vanderbeek. I'm confusing you with other football movies. It wasn't that great. I'm fine with him like, oh, geez, that's terrible. What a tragic loss. But $2 million and was like, this is great.

[Brett]

Trying to think what else he was besides that.

[Brady]

People like the beak.

[John Holmberg]

You can like the beak. This doesn't make sense. People have liked dead celebrities forever. Why is he getting $2 million for dying? Why? It doesn't make any sense.

[DJ EazyDick]

Who's next?

[Brett]

I don't know. Look, he's almost.

[Brady]

You wouldn't.

[John Holmberg]

Catherine o' Hara.

[Brady]

Because public life people find out, oh, he's burnt through his money or whatever.

[John Holmberg]

That's not our fault. We don't have to. So why are we giving them $2 million? It's worth dying.

[Brett]

He's almost doubled his net worth. He was. He was valued at 3 million before all this. Right up there.

[John Holmberg]

Then he's fine.

[DJ EazyDick]

Stop.

[John Holmberg]

This is worse than when old ladies the ranch. No, this is if you sell your rich. This is when old ladies sell their. Their, their lives to some guy they've never met before and they like, I gave him $400,000 and I sold my house. Why? If he was worth $3 million at the end and didn't have health insurance or life insurance and he had six kids, that's just a mismanaged situation.

[DJ EazyDick]

Visit Homeburg's morning sickness online at 98kupd.com.

[Ranch House Grill Announcer]

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[John Holmberg]

Comfort food is your next meal.

[Ranch House Grill Announcer]

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[John Holmberg]

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[DJ EazyDick]

Work hard.

[John Holmberg]

Play hard. Drive harder.

[DJ EazyDick]

Homburg's morning sickness.

[John Holmberg]

Kyle says, I have a dream. One day, poor black women and poor white women will show their snooches for money without the chains of a GoFundMe holding them down, live and in person. I told the stripper years ago, we weren't allowed to see them with their bottoms off. And she was bent over on the stage. And I told my friend Steve, I.

[DJ EazyDick]

Said, hey, her butthole's showing. We got yelled at for that. It wasn't our fault.

[John Holmberg]

And he tapped her on the shoulder.

[DJ EazyDick]

And said, excuse me, ma', am. Your butthole is out.

[John Holmberg]

You guys are assholes.

[DJ EazyDick]

No, no. That's what we're talking about with you right now.

[John Holmberg]

And she had to swallow her pride and scoot her thong back over her wagon wheel so we all didn't get yelled at for looking at it. And then Steve got in trouble for tapping her on the shoulder.

[DJ EazyDick]

Don't touch the girls, okay?

[John Holmberg]

We've got a problem here. Nobody's keeping an eye on the fact that wagon wheels are loose. And we gave her money for that.

[DJ EazyDick]

And she fed her baby with it, and it was beautiful.

[Brett]

That's America.

[Brady]

Circle of life.

[John Holmberg]

That's right. It's the circle of a tragic whore's life. I'm sorry. You had three kids and nobody stuck around to raise them. You have got to get in shape and start showing that butthole to people in order to feed your children.

[Brady]

I can start to go.

[DJ EazyDick]

Fund me. No, that's.

[John Holmberg]

That's stealing.

[DJ EazyDick]

You have to earn this.

[John Holmberg]

That's how it's supposed to work. You talk to Ronnie later today. Just tell her I'm tired of being in debt. What are we doing here? You got all this currency in there and you're not using it before your Galentine's. Before you go out and complain about.

[DJ EazyDick]

Me with the ladies, you get a couple of snapshots of this cavern.

[John Holmberg]

You can see [e-mail]. just endless pictures.

[DJ EazyDick]

That's the world I want to live in.

[John Holmberg]

I have two emails I want to get to in seconds, but it's going to start off our Valentine super special today. Just for a little while for Valentine's Day. Based on these emails, we're gonna. We're gonna start. We're gonna bring back kiss 12:30, the rhythm of the city. And we're gonna allow you guys to do Love love requests this morning.

[Brady]

Post it to your love.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[DJ EazyDick]

And you can have.

[John Holmberg]

We're not gonna play post it or.

[DJ EazyDick]

It's not a game.

[John Holmberg]

It's just definitely. These emails are hilarious. And they start like yesterday. Fire it up. We'll do a little still test it out.

[Brett]

Hang on one second.

[DJ EazyDick]

Kiss 1230. DJ EazyDick from Kiss 1230 coming home. Back to you. Hello, Phoenix. How's it going out there? DJ EazyDick waking you up 6:23. You know what we was up to last night, baby? We woke up in that tender embrace. Your skin was sort of stuck to mine in that weird. We didn't wipe it all off way. But we also kind of liked being stuck together for a little bit. So long as nobody's hair got pulled out from their chest. And sometimes. Ladies, we know that's you. How about this one here? It says, Dear DJ Easy Dig at KISS 1230, the rhythm of the city. I know you don't do this, but I desperately want to win in my ex back. And he's a big fan of the show and I know he's listening. He caught me in September on my phone. You see, I went down on a guy a long time ago and he resurfaced and started texting me. And my boyfriend at the time thought I was still involved with him, which I am not. Everything is just a huge misunderstanding. And I know he will listen to your show and hear your reasoning. Please, for God's sakes. He won't answer my texts or calls, but he will hear you. Please tell Kevin Burner that I need him and I miss him and I'm so sorry. Stephanie. Stephanie. The only thing missing from that letter was what you're sorry for, which was sucking on too often. Let's just break this down a little bit on the old kiss 12:30 love. You know, she didn't say what she was with Kevin Burner while she was out there sucking. All didn't belong to Kevin. She just said she went down on a guy. And who can blame her for that? Sounds like a good woman to me. Kevin, if you're out there listening right now and you haven't found anybody to suck on your since Stephanie decided to whore her mouth out for free.

[Brady]

Why.

[DJ EazyDick]

Don'T you call Stephanie up today and pound her through the floor for Valentine's. Unless of course, she's fat and sucking on chili dogs all day. You're lucky to get away from her. I need a photograph of Stephanie. Cause maybe she just likes having hot dog shaped items in her mouth on a regular basis and can't control it. The Kiss 1230 love line is incomplete with Stephanie's letter. We should dedicate a song to Stephanie and Kevin. Suck my Kiss, Kevin. If you're interested, Stephanie's still in and she's probably all out of dick. She sucked her way back to you.

[John Holmberg]

You got to suck your way back.

[DJ EazyDick]

Thanks, Easy D. You're welcome, Phoenix Kiss 1230 Loveline. If you've got any questions, you can email [e-mail] with your Loveline request. This one I had to dig for, but it was very funny. Yesterday we Britt and I was talking about this says hey. It starts off says hey, Holmberg. But it should say, hey, DJ Easy Dick. Will you please play Al Green a lot today? I'm trying to have sex with a black girl that sits next to me at the office. Oh yeah, when you talked about it yesterday, she walked by and said, now that's the smartest thing that show's ever said. I listened to you at my desk. Help me fulfill the fever. Gosh. Oh yeah. Josh wants a little. Let's play a little Al Green for Josh. Let's kick it off a little Al Green, the DJ Loveline.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, we'll do a little Al Green.

[DJ EazyDick]

Hopefully they're at work sitting there and you can make a little chocolate milk. And those panties sitting next to you.

[Brady]

The closer.

[DJ EazyDick]

Oh yeah, we're gonna close it up for you, Josh. Now don't screw this up. You take that white weasel and you bury it in that dark hole. I want you to do something where Stephen Hawking would even say, I have not seen gravitational pull on a black hol in my life as strong as what I'm watching. When Josh goes inside that black co worker and I need you to do it with a little Al Green going to the back room. Hit it. Al Green coming at you for the delicious Negro. And Josh Kiss 1230 Loveline Valentine Special. Take it Al. Visit Homeburg's Morning Sickness online at 98kupd.com Holmberg's Morning Sickness. Here's Al taking it home now. Kiss 1230. The rhythm of the city. DJ Eazy, Dick, along with Brady and Brett, making your day go right into Valentine's. Which is how we all say it in the urban world. Valentine's Day is tomorrow. Galentine's tonight if you want to go hit a fat, desperate broad. Postino's is running specials all night long for them in gaggles. Groups of five, most likely, all bitching about the last time they had sex. Now they don't need no man. All I want to say thank you out there. Real quick hit to the people listening to Kiss. 12:30 this morning. Andrew Krieger has come in with a suggestion for Stephanie. You know, she's the one with that jaw that dislodges too often, and she starts blowing people that don't belong to her anyhow. Andrew says, you know how you could fix it. Thank you very much for loudly coming back in with that. Scared me to death.

[Brett]

Sorry I had to give you your music back.

[DJ EazyDick]

God damn, that was a little loud. But you know what? I'm never complaining when Lou Rawls comes at you in a hot way.

[John Holmberg]

Coming in hot.

[DJ EazyDick]

Lou Rawls. Hey, by the way, we're starting to go fund me for Lou Rawls. I think he's dead and might as well raise a little money. Here. We're gonna have a car wash for Lou. Andrew says hey for Stephanie and Joss. If she really wants to get them back, why doesn't she offer up her difficult brown? Unless, of course, she's got texts from people who are in that, too. All we care about right now is that Josh is dipping that peanut butter sticking to that chocolate broad at his office. We're over Stephanie and Josh. But that's a good piece of advice to all you ladies out there who are losing your man. That butthole. It goes a long way in making a man forget what you've done wrong. You could actually be blowing a guy, and he's like, what's this? And you come into the room, it's like, don't worry about it. There's another one for you back there. Second story. Oh, the kiss 12:30 love line is gonna make me happy. All day long, they were taking phone calls on the loveline request line, 585-9800. If you want to talk about your relationship at all with DJ Ezydick, he's here for you. You're not gonna miss anybody's loving this weekend. It's gonna be all right. And the sadness of a man who's thinking he's gonna spend his time alone this weekend. Just remember, there's a lot of whores out there that'll take money for you so you don't have to Be lonely. Strippers, streetwalkers. For God's sakes. The Internet is filled with women that will on Valentine's Day, no strings attached. You don't have to worry about periods or anything because usually they don't go online that week. They shut it down. They go dark. As they should. Like the Bible says when you're on your period, you should just walk around the city limits and never touch anything that has to be burned. If you do. I'm not a religious man, but the Bible nailed that one. Oh, is that time of the month? You got cramps? Here's your packed suitcase. I know it's.

[John Holmberg]

Maybe that's it. I just figured something out.

[Brady]

Brett.

[Guest Comedian]

Sorry.

[DJ EazyDick]

DJ Easy Dick. I gotta interrupt DJ Easy Dick for a second.

[John Holmberg]

Where's my music, DJ EazyDick? Don't you suppose that that's why women are Pavlovian? Every time you go on a vacation, they start a period. It's because back in the Bible's days when they had their period that somebody had a bag packed for em.

[DJ EazyDick]

That's a very interesting and astute observation. Full suitcases.

[John Holmberg]

Well, then make a woman's tomato patch start to run. Irons 57 my.

[DJ EazyDick]

But it's biblical. The Bible says, bitch, if you bleed, you walk the city streets, you go somewhere else, and they just can't get that out of their system. After years and years and years of breeding it out, they bleed, they ruin. You pack a suitcase for them and it's gonna happen. That's amazing.

[John Holmberg]

Hey, you know, I'm just here to help.

[DJ EazyDick]

All right, that's enough. These days are dictating all. Also, we got a suggestion from somebody called B. Vogan that says if you're lone, the fish never fight back. That's an interesting thought. I guess he must be watching the movie Splash this weekend.

[Brady]

I love you, Madison.

[DJ EazyDick]

That's a very good thing. I love this one. I want to dedicate. Oh, we're gonna do this for sure. It's ecstasy when you lay down next to me. Can we hear a little berry white this morning on kiss12? The goddamn right weekend. Speaking of white, has Josh gotten inside that black?

[Brady]

It should be well over.

[DJ EazyDick]

Yeah, we should be over by now. Every time you get into the black stuff, it happens. She's probably already three months pregnant. Black girl hates hearing gotta get milk. Because usually that means she's gonna be a single mother for a while. But when we're talking about Josh, his milk is different because it comes from the white cow. Josh not probably not gonna be around much for that mocha baby you two just made in the office place. But at least the bills will be paid and your child will grow up with a functioning fire detector. It's the best thing about a white man. No beeps. Visit Homeburg's Morning Sickness online at 98kupd.comberg's Morning Sickness, huh? Oh, man. Brett, what do we got there? You want me to take a call? Yeah. Easy. Easy, D. Welcome to Kiss 1230. I'm DJ Easy. Dick slapping you crush your fat ass. Who's this?

[Caller]

This is Dusty.

[DJ EazyDick]

Dusty, how are you this morning? Welcome to Kiss 1230. Can I help you?

[Caller]

Yeah. I like to profess my love to sin. For the good times, the bad times, for all the fun times I get.

[DJ EazyDick]

What's her name?

[Caller]

S. Sin.

[DJ EazyDick]

Her name is Sin. Or you're just doing it to the actual sin from the Bible?

[Caller]

Well, I'm not Cynthia, but I feel you both.

[DJ EazyDick]

Okay, her name is Cynthia. Cynthia. Describe Cynthia to us.

[Caller]

Oh, man. I got. I got to say, she's perfect for me.

[DJ EazyDick]

Is she? I noticed from the accent you've probably been stabbed a couple of times. Is Cynthia one of those types?

[Caller]

No, that was the ex.

[DJ EazyDick]

The ex stabbed you? Where did she stab you?

[Caller]

You in the arms and in the belly.

[DJ EazyDick]

I could tell by your accent. Do you know that the Mexican accent isn't regional? It just means you've been stabbed and then it already happens.

[Caller]

Yes. Yes.

[DJ EazyDick]

What are you going to do if your Raiders make it to the super bowl next February?

[Caller]

It's all about Cardinals, baby.

[DJ EazyDick]

You're a Cardinal fan. Okay, well, they're not. You don't have to worry about that. You've got Super Bowl Sunday free, my friend. You can make your plans today to hit the soldiering cruise. You can do it always. You can walk starting today. And miss the entire season? If you feel like it. What was your name again? I've. I've skipped it.

[Caller]

Gutsy.

[DJ EazyDick]

Gutsy?

[Caller]

Yes, sir.

[DJ EazyDick]

Your name is Gutsy?

[Caller]

Yes, sir.

[Brady]

It's because of the jab.

[DJ EazyDick]

Is that a. Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Well, yeah.

[DJ EazyDick]

Now, hold on a second. Is that. Yeah. Is that where you get stabbed most often, or is it just Gutsy to date a woman?

[John Holmberg]

Date?

[Caller]

I dodge more stats. Just the X cop.

[DJ EazyDick]

Good Lord. Gutsy. Let me ask you a question. Cynthia sounds like a special woman. Now, can you weigh her on a traditional bathroom scale or do you have to take her to a truck stop?

[Caller]

No, she's not good on a scale.

[DJ EazyDick]

She looks good on a scale. About what does she weigh? Approximately? Around 170170 is a little thick. She's about five three if I'm guessing by gutsy standards.

[Caller]

Five five.

[DJ EazyDick]

That was close. Where is the tattoo of the Virgin Mary on her body? I knew it. You know what, DJ Z? Dick's been around the block a few times. Gutsy.

[John Holmberg]

Gutsy.

[DJ EazyDick]

What did you get your. Your lady Sin for her Valentine special?

[John Holmberg]

Oh, I.

[DJ EazyDick]

Nothing yet.

[Guest Comedian]

All right.

[DJ EazyDick]

That's all right, Gutsy. You'll get to it.

[Brady]

Kind of hard. How does her husband feel about it?

[DJ EazyDick]

Let me tell you right now, some Starbucks. That sounds nice. Yeah. Keep her flowing in the back door. Get us some coffee. So that opens up back there. It's better than the Metamucil smell that sometimes happens. Also Gutsy, I understand that for people like you guys, Raven's Crest is having a 50% off all nines. Maybe you can get her a tattoo of Joseph or Jesus mother on the other arm as well.

[Caller]

Maybe. Maybe.

[John Holmberg]

Let me ask you this.

[DJ EazyDick]

Is your last name tattooed on your chest or back?

[Caller]

The back.

[DJ EazyDick]

That's what I thought. All right. Gusi, you're a special man. Thank you for calling and thanks for being part of Kiss 1230s Valentine special for sin. We love you, Gutsy.

[John Holmberg]

Loves you Sin.

[DJ EazyDick]

Thank you, Gutsy.

[Brady]

You think it's Gutsy on the back?

[DJ EazyDick]

No, I think it's a. It's a. Well, I know what it is. It's that old English writing. It's probably Gutierrez because that's what a Gutsy would call himself. There's too many Gutierrez in here, so they just call him Gutsy. Or the tattoo artist didn't have enough ink, so they just stopped at gut said. We'll just add an sy if you don't mind.

[Brady]

The last part would be tiny letters to fit it in.

[DJ EazyDick]

Yeah, I'm pretty goddamn impressed with myself though. The Virgin Mary tattoo, the stabbings, the height, the weight. Earth is a simulation. And if you're paying attention, it's a very easy place to live. All right, I'll be right back. It's not like I was Nostradamus there, right?

[John Holmberg]

Where's the Virgin Mary tattoo on a.

[DJ EazyDick]

5 foot 5 inch, 170 pound one?

[John Holmberg]

Hey, she's got one.

[DJ EazyDick]

Visit Holmberg's Morning Sickness online at 98kupd.com Holmberg's Morning Sickness. Who's this?

[Brett]

This would be Rick.

[DJ EazyDick]

Rick, are you there?

[Caller]

Yes. How you doing, Olme?

[DJ EazyDick]

Doing quite well. Good morning. Welcome to DJ EZ Dick's Kiss 1230 Valentine Special. Go right ahead, my friend, and tell me about your lady what you're going to do for the Valentine's.

[Caller]

Actually, it is my daughter's birthday. On Valentine's Day.

[DJ EazyDick]

That's disgusting. I don't want to talk about your daughter. We're going to take that sweet angel. Wear a condom. This is disgusting.

[Caller]

She actually has to work. She is in the medical field. So I'm just saying happy birthday to her and happy Valentine's Day because we can't spend and her birthday's together because of work.

[DJ EazyDick]

Well, that's a beautiful thing. Do you have a lady of your own or are you just keeping dibs on your daughter?

[Caller]

Just keeping dibs. I'm my daughter. No, I'm single at the moment.

[DJ EazyDick]

Single. So what are you gonna do for Valentine's Day as a single man?

[Caller]

I'm gonna go to a local bar, hang out, play some pool, interact with some people, and just get socializing.

[DJ EazyDick]

Yeah, you're gonna try to get some very sad, bitter squish that hangs out at the bar by itself as well. Could you name the bar? Maybe we could send over some prostitute.

[Caller]

Groggies.

[DJ EazyDick]

Groggies. Oh, that's a nice bar to go to on Valentine's Day. They have the drink at Groggy's called the Bill Cosby. That'll be very helpful on Valentine's Day for some of those. You got it. But at Groggies. I'll tell you what. At Groggy's highly recommend the Bill Cosby method. But you got to drop 2 in because most of the ladies at Groggy's stay awake from the regular dosage. Gotta up that.

[Caller]

So you think three's too many?

[DJ EazyDick]

Yeah, I think three would be plenty enough if you wanted to drop three in her beverage and drop it down. It's gonna be tough to lift her up. She's dead weight. So make sure you get her in a chair with wheels on it.

[Caller]

I got a forklift.

[Brett]

We'd be good.

[DJ EazyDick]

Tell me. I'd like to see if you're the only one who's ever done this. You ever pull some wool out of Groggy's? No. I think that's pretty much the standard answer for every patron of Groggy's. Man, I get laid every time I go to Groggy's. Pretty much means you've been raped a lot.

[Caller]

Now it can't be raped because it's willing.

[DJ EazyDick]

That's true. That is true. Unless it's pegging, and that's a whole different situation. We don't have time for this.

[Brady]

Those strips don't Work at Groggy's?

[Guest Comedian]

Yeah.

[DJ EazyDick]

So you're gonna go to Groggy's all by yourself, wander in there and then say, see if some boys want to play pool? No. You gonna sit at the end of the bar by yourself, play some pool? Yeah. You and all the other lonely gentlemen thinking of their family members at work.

[Caller]

Hey, I'm okay with that. I got a lovely daughter that I'm happy with.

[John Holmberg]

And I got great grandkids.

[DJ EazyDick]

Oh, that's fantastic. This is all disgusting for Valentine's Day. It's supposed to be about sex. Dirty. Dirty anal. And you keep bringing in your children. That's. You're the grossest man I've ever spoken to.

[Caller]

Oh, quit it.

[DJ EazyDick]

Where's grandpa?

[John Holmberg]

Oh, of course he's at Groggy.

[DJ EazyDick]

Where'd grandpa at? It's like you're like Savannah Guthrie's family if they looked. We know where he is. Don't worry about it. Don't call the news. We'll just go to Groggy and pick him up. Up.

[Caller]

I guarantee you leave.

[Brady]

Gagi.

[John Holmberg]

When you walk into garage, do they.

[DJ EazyDick]

Say, hey, grandpa, do they know who you are? Are you a Grog's regular, is what I'm asking? Oh, Rick.

[Caller]

No, not very regular.

[DJ EazyDick]

No.

[Caller]

You're very much of a bar person.

[John Holmberg]

No, you're not just going to.

[DJ EazyDick]

You're taking it up for this Valentine's Day just as a special little treat for Rick.

[Caller]

Yep.

[DJ EazyDick]

That's out loving.

[Caller]

That's right.

[DJ EazyDick]

And do you think at any time. Yeah. You think you're going to sit at the end of the bar at any time during the night, realize you've had one too many and. And kind of recognize the fact that you're crying.

[Guest Comedian]

I'm crying already.

[DJ EazyDick]

I know. Hey, tell me why you don't have a woman in your life. You had at one point. You did, and it was. You made a beautiful daughter out of it.

[Caller]

She passed away during COVID Good Christ.

[DJ EazyDick]

Oh, my God. The saddest man on Valentine's Day. Well, hopefully. Hopefully you find a live one this weekend at Crowded. I'm sorry for your loss. And I'm sorry for your absolutely horrible weekend plans. All right, thank you, Rick, for calling us this weekend. It's wonderful. Good luck to you. Happy Valentine's Day. We love you. Thanks for calling KISS 1230 with the most depressing thing I've ever heard.

[Brady]

That was gonna be the answer.

[DJ EazyDick]

Hey, remember when I said Brady? Remember when I knew I did, too? Remember when I said call us with your love stories and he's like, grandkids, daughter, dead wife, crawgies. It's like, oh, this is. At one point he heard me ask for a call and said, I'll do it. It.

[John Holmberg]

I have a story.

[DJ EazyDick]

Visit Holmberg's Morning Sickness online at 98kupd.com Holmberg's Morning Sickness.

[Brady]

And now it's time for some science news.

[John Holmberg]

All right.

[Brady]

Hello, my friends. Professional Brady Bogan here with your science news. A study found humans don't really need chins.

[John Holmberg]

What about pillowcases?

[DJ EazyDick]

Cases.

[Brady]

They just sort of happened accidentally.

[John Holmberg]

How do you put a pillowcase on without a chin?

[Brady]

As our skulls evolved. So evolutionary. So there's an evolutionary quirk. Other primates, Primates like chimps, don't have chins. Neanderthals didn't have them.

[John Holmberg]

But they don't have pillows.

[Brady]

I know.

[Brett]

I mean, there's Jay Leno just killed himself.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, he's got extra for everybody. And if I don't need a chin. I mean, you need a chin. I can put pillow. I can put two pillowcases on at once. Yeah, you can't. You gotta have a chin. What happens when you're like, your hands are full and you're trying to get your keys out of your pocket and you put whatever one under your chin, it holds things. I feel terrible for people without chin.

[Commercial Announcer]

Yeah. I would argue we've evolved because of the reasons.

[Brady]

How do you think China feels about that?

[DJ EazyDick]

Okay.

[Brady]

Anyway, we're a great crowd.

[DJ EazyDick]

Did you just do a phone book joke?

[Brady]

Yeah.

[Brett]

Ed said, damn straight. I'm bringing teddy bears. You guys deserve it.

[John Holmberg]

Thank you.

[Brady]

A graphic went viral that explains ski jumpers. Penis gate.

[John Holmberg]

I have to also go back to the chin thing. The reason we still have chins is because it's attractive. Women like guys with chins more than guys without. So chinless dudes were less likely to reproduce than lantern jawed, chinned men like Bill. Cower.

[DJ EazyDick]

The chin. Let's get out there, get that chin. Make sure that you're hitting the lady's.

[John Holmberg]

Bottom when you're down there.

[DJ EazyDick]

Bernie.

[John Holmberg]

When you're down on a girl and you gotta.

[DJ EazyDick]

That chin goes in the B hole.

[John Holmberg]

Makes me emotional. Ghost dealers. You and your wife. My wife is gone. Oh, God, I'm sorry.

[Brady]

My new wifey. So they did a little research on saying if the junk is bigger if you're a ski jumper.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Brady]

And they found that an extra inch of material down there can make you fly 20ft further.

[John Holmberg]

Why do you have more material for your penis?

[Brady]

Well, if you Tight.

[Commercial Announcer]

It catches more air.

[John Holmberg]

I understand that, but it's just this one inch.

[Brady]

Just in that one area.

[John Holmberg]

That's not the material.

[DJ EazyDick]

That's your dick.

[John Holmberg]

They're not making.

[Brady]

Yeah, because if that was a case and you know. So the skin of Falcon should be a ski J. Right.

[John Holmberg]

But don't they just wear tights that smash them down no matter how big they are?

[Commercial Announcer]

No, that's what they're saying is that they put more. More fabric in that area.

[Brady]

Oh, and they've built it up or they.

[John Holmberg]

Shouldn't there just be.

[Commercial Announcer]

Well, they did that before when they're measured.

[John Holmberg]

But shouldn't there just be a uniform that you smash down your wiener with? Like tight.

[Commercial Announcer]

But it has to fit the athlete, right?

[John Holmberg]

Right?

[DJ EazyDick]

No, not really.

[Commercial Announcer]

You gotta get measured.

[John Holmberg]

But you stay soft and you can smash down a big one or a small one. It doesn't matter. It's like you're flying around with a rudder. Like, I could have a big penis and you can have a small penis. And we put on tights and it's just mindset.

[Commercial Announcer]

But it's not tights. They're saying it's a little bit loose, depending on the fit.

[Brett]

Imagine if Lex Steel starts ski jumping.

[John Holmberg]

Like I said, the blacks are gonna take over ski jumping and we're never gonna. There'll never be a white record holder again. When you start seeing Uganda win ski jumping, you'll know that that's a true story.

[Brady]

He's cheating material. Nope. It's all natural.

[DJ EazyDick]

Uganda builds ski jumps like we are.

[John Holmberg]

Guaranteed gold medals in the Winter Games. Asad Digger Eboi, General. Naked General but naked. What do you think about my grand ski jump?

[Brady]

Archaeologists in Turkey found the first physical. Physical evidence that ancient Romans used human feces and medicine.

[John Holmberg]

I'm sorry, but you guys stuck in the mud on that F. You were spinning. That feces took a long time to come out.

[Brady]

They found traces of it in some sort of medicine.

[John Holmberg]

No, don't test it. Let them go. No reason for you to grant it. There it is.

[Brady]

They found it mixed with thyme and olive oil.

[DJ EazyDick]

They were eating it.

[John Holmberg]

By the way. Winston just texted up and said, see.

[DJ EazyDick]

I'm about to be an elite ski jumper. Do it.

[Brady]

It.

[John Holmberg]

He's got two sons. Quit making him baseball players and get him on the. Get him on the slopes.

[Brady]

That's your science news.

[DJ EazyDick]

Yeah, that is going to be.

[John Holmberg]

I don't necessarily believe that. Stat. I think that's just hype for the Olympics. They wouldn't. They were talking about. So it's a funny story to get like Olympic banter going. They could have done this in July. They knew this theory in July, but they did it right as the Olympics are going. Now you're going to watch the ski.

[DJ EazyDick]

Jump just to see and you know.

[John Holmberg]

That the winner has a huge hog.

[Brady]

We had a pickleball throwdown happen on Sunday. Florida couples facing charges after they got into a huge pickleball fight happened at a club in Port Orange near Daytona beach. Someone called 911 and said 20 people were in a physical fight on a pickleball court. At least some of them were seniors. 63 year old Anthony Sapienzo, he got arrested. Apparently started a fight over rules violation. He accused another player of stepping in the kitchen.

[DJ EazyDick]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, that's, that's a big move. You can't do that. Yeah, it's a rule.

[Brady]

According to the police, they had words. Then after the match, Anthony called the other guy, the other guy's wife. The C word. Well, it happens.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, she needed to be in the kitchen too.

[Brady]

And that guy defended her. Then Anthony punched him in the face, man. Hit him with a pickleball paddle. Paramedics does a guy in the hospital. Cut over his eye.

[DJ EazyDick]

Oh, he sided him with the paddle.

[Brady]

Yep.

[Commercial Announcer]

Oh, he hatcheted him.

[DJ EazyDick]

Yeah. Swing.

[Brady]

Cops say Anthony also punched another guy in the nose and punched a 70 year old woman to the push. Sorry.

[Guest Comedian]

Okay.

[Brady]

Pushed a 70 year old woman to the ground. And his 51 year old wife Julianne apparently got in on it too.

[John Holmberg]

You. You, you the baddest mother ever out here in pickleball.

[Brady]

She's facing felony charge, battery for person 65 years and older.

[John Holmberg]

Hey, Happy Valentine's day.

[Brady]

Got a mug shot of both of them.

[Commercial Announcer]

Oh, they're the Underhills. They're the Italian Underhills.

[John Holmberg]

Is it a country club or is.

[DJ EazyDick]

It a old folks area?

[Brady]

Yeah, it's this country club. Yeah, Anthony and Julianne Sapienza, the Sapienzas.

[John Holmberg]

You don't mess with him on a pickleball court. What are you doing in a kitchen? If I wanted something in the kitchen, it wouldn't be out here in pickleball. Get your. Get inside and make me some. Give me, give me some Sapiens. Yeah, that's exactly what I pictured. Whatever. Whatever you're picturing is the Sapienzas.

[DJ EazyDick]

Trust me, you nailed it.

[John Holmberg]

Matching necks. You believe this guy? Hey, you were in the kitchen. I wasn't in the kitchen. Let's just keep playing, Vinny. I'm not gonna keep playing. You're a Cheating piece of. Am I wrong now? Be quiet. That's my husband.

[Guest Comedian]

Nobody talking to you.

[John Holmberg]

Why don't you quiet down your beast. Your dog's barking. Put a leash on it. Who's next? Who's ass? Who's insure filled Ass. Do I have to kick down here next to the pickleball court.

[Brady]

Got a couple of videos.

[John Holmberg]

What are you up next? Metamucil, Centrum, Silver. We're lose him that feces thing.

[DJ EazyDick]

And then now the dizziness.

[Brady]

I've got it.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, we know you've got everything. We think HIV and all radio videos. Got something.

[DJ EazyDick]

Visit Homeburg's morning sickness [e-mail] Holmberg's Morning Sickness.

[John Holmberg]

Were you and were you a normal kid?

[Guest Comedian]

Ah, no.

[John Holmberg]

Terrible question.

[Guest Comedian]

No, it's really funny because I feel like I'm the most spoiled. Like, you know, growing up, like we had toys.

[DJ EazyDick]

Yeah.

[Guest Comedian]

And you know, like we went on vacations and like I meet all these people in comedy. That was the good thing about comedy. You get to meet people like all over.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Guest Comedian]

It's like. Yeah. Like. No, we went there when I was a kid on vacation. It's like you had a vacation. You had a. You know, you had a father. Like that kind of stuff. So, you know.

[Caller]

Know.

[Guest Comedian]

Yeah. I feel like a very spoiled. You know, I do all that stuff with my mom. She has dementia. I think we talked about it.

[DJ EazyDick]

Yeah.

[Guest Comedian]

Like, when was it? See, now I have it eight years, 12 years ago. So.

[DJ EazyDick]

Yeah.

[Guest Comedian]

But New Year's she had an incident and like, it was. It was like really stressful. Me and my sister, like, do all the care. Pretty much. I have people in there doing it. You know, I pay him, but sure. But the, you know, it was like real. She had to go to hospital and everything. And I'm like the worst day. Thank you. You like, you know how hard it is. I'm in New York City doing shows. You know how hard it is to get out. Get out? Out of the city on New Year's Eve. It's like a drunk driving festival and everything. Like, thanks. You couldn't pick President's Day, you know.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. I gotta come back in on New Year's Eve. Yeah. Yeah. That selfish dementia is what I call it.

[Guest Comedian]

That's what I. Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

She could have waited till tomorrow. She's still gonna have.

[Guest Comedian]

Exactly. New Year's Day. Nothing's going on.

[DJ EazyDick]

Yeah. Everybody can get in to and fro.

[John Holmberg]

To your dementia patient.

[DJ EazyDick]

Yeah.

[VRBoCare Announcer]

Yeah.

[Guest Comedian]

And I'm excited about these shows and I'll tell you why go. First off, I'm out of New York. New York is freezing right now. Talking about it in. In the. It was, like, below zero, whatever. It was three degrees, something like that. And we almost hit our record of, like, sad, cold days there. Then we actually got snow, which is such a rarity. And I don't know. You guys never get snow here, dude.

[John Holmberg]

Not really.

[Guest Comedian]

Okay. You got to go in the high mountains. Yeah, yeah, something like that. Okay. Anyway, when they. When they shut. When they plow. They plow people. Like, they plowed against people's cars, and they're, like, kind of stuck in there. So, like, it's kind of weird when you see these cars. They're like, just basically, like, they can't use the car.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Guest Comedian]

Like, until they can.

[Brady]

Buried.

[Guest Comedian]

Yeah, they're buried, basically. And, like, you know, I'm wondering, like, if they're getting ticketed because you got.

[DJ EazyDick]

To make four hours.

[Guest Comedian]

Yeah. So it's like, almost a plan for the city to make money.

[John Holmberg]

You know, the snow makes it so.

[Brady]

They can get the ticket on the car sometimes.

[DJ EazyDick]

Yeah.

[Guest Comedian]

Well, I figure out here, everybody's so, like, you know, like, mountainy that they would be able to get the car out.

[DJ EazyDick]

Right. We'd figure it out.

[Guest Comedian]

You'd have another friend with, like, a truck.

[Brady]

And there's a lot of lifted cars out here, too.

[Guest Comedian]

More so then they would just go and get a. A better car.

[John Holmberg]

We'll just have landscapers go by with the leaf blowers, and that's something.

[Guest Comedian]

Yeah, we don't have.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, you guys don't have that? Not anymore.

[DJ EazyDick]

You got rid of those?

[Guest Comedian]

Yeah, we don't do it.

[John Holmberg]

You don't do it.

[Guest Comedian]

It's just nothing but leads and talk about it, really.

[John Holmberg]

It's not a thing.

[DJ EazyDick]

We can't even mention it. It's too painful.

[Guest Comedian]

Too soon, you know, I don't know if you guys. We were talking. You don't like the cold at all, right?

[DJ EazyDick]

I.

[John Holmberg]

You know what? I'm done with it. There's no reason for it.

[Guest Comedian]

What about.

[Brady]

It's okay visiting.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. There's just no reason for it.

[Guest Comedian]

So this is not your Olympics, then? The Winter Olympics?

[John Holmberg]

I like watching other people who are cold while I'm warm. I have no. People say that, like, oh, this is football weather. And I'm like, yeah, because it's 75. We're watching it on TV.

[Guest Comedian]

That was quite a. That was quite a game, wasn't it?

[DJ EazyDick]

Oh, yeah.

[John Holmberg]

It was fun, right?

[Guest Comedian]

My gosh.

[Brett]

A lot of.

[John Holmberg]

A lot of excitement there, you know?

[Guest Comedian]

I. To be honest, I think it was a love letter to punting. You know what I'm saying?

[John Holmberg]

It was.

[Guest Comedian]

Never gets enough props, and now, you know, he saved the day.

[Brady]

That was good punting.

[Guest Comedian]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

It would be like if they took a porn and edited it and put it on tnt. It was like. It was like, all right, everything I don't want from this is happening over and over. Where's the action? There was nothing. Are you a football guy?

[Guest Comedian]

Not really, but I would say that halftime, you know, you had to check.

[DJ EazyDick]

It out, had to watch.

[John Holmberg]

What'd you think?

[Guest Comedian]

I didn't watch it.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, okay.

[Guest Comedian]

No, I thought it was. Was kind of long and hard to understand, but what do I know?

[John Holmberg]

Because it was in Spanish. You were 100% correct. No, no, I thought.

[DJ EazyDick]

I thought it was just one of.

[John Holmberg]

Those deals where they run everything backwards like old Beatles or Aussie records and make everybody guess the message.

[Guest Comedian]

Don't you think that the halftime entertainment should also have to play in the game? Because I do. I mean, I think that would be great.

[John Holmberg]

If you get hired, you got to team. Yeah. Just watch Bad bunny. Take one for each team. He's got to suit up for each.

[DJ EazyDick]

One in each half.

[Guest Comedian]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

First half, he's a Patriot. Second half, he's rolling out there as a Seahawk return.

[Brady]

A punt, that would be.

[Guest Comedian]

Oh, see, in the banana games.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Baseball, Savannah bananas.

[Guest Comedian]

Yeah. They would do their own halftime. If they did.

[DJ EazyDick]

Yeah. They would have made bad money.

[Guest Comedian]

Play. Those guys are. Those guys. They got, like, a 20 hour day.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Guest Comedian]

They get there, they're, like, signing autographs. They're out front. They're tailgating with crazy.

[John Holmberg]

They're drinking and goofing with you.

[Guest Comedian]

Yeah, exactly. And they're all like, you know, if I only. You know. I guess some of them love it, right? Yeah, but they're entertainers.

[John Holmberg]

They'd rather be in the pros, right? Yeah. In a weird way, all their smiles are artificial. Like, nobody's really that happy on the bananas because their lives didn't work out or they wouldn't be dressed like that.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[Guest Comedian]

It's like when you go to, like, a. A theme park and you meet, like, you know.

[DJ EazyDick]

Yeah.

[Guest Comedian]

Whoever that is, they don't want to be.

[John Holmberg]

They don't want to be me.

[Guest Comedian]

They don't want to be a wizard. They're actors.

[John Holmberg]

It's not working, and they have to plaster a smile on it for your memories forever.

[Guest Comedian]

Well, that's why Nate, who's the best comic in the country?

[DJ EazyDick]

Nate.

[Guest Comedian]

Yeah, He's.

[DJ EazyDick]

He The.

[Guest Comedian]

His idea of opening a theme park. You know, he wants to open, like, an amusement park that's like, one of his things. And he's, like, the hardest sell out there right now. Like, that guy could sell tickets. He's great. He's just a great guy. Like, I want to get a job at that theme park as a davitel. Yeah. Like, and you know, like, you know how they have that, like, museum, you know, like the. What is that, like, haunted house in Disney World? Like. Oh, yeah, yeah. The haunted comedy club. Old hack.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[DJ EazyDick]

It'S live.

[John Holmberg]

It's live comedy inside. The hack drops.

[Guest Comedian]

But it's just all the haunted hack house.

[DJ EazyDick]

Yeah.

[Guest Comedian]

What's up? You know, we're doing the catchphrases. Where you from?

[John Holmberg]

Don't you hate socks?

[DJ EazyDick]

Women be shopping.

[John Holmberg]

Like, it's a whole. It's a comedy fun park where you guys are the mascots and there isn't anybody dressed as Dave Attell. It's actually us.

[Guest Comedian]

Yeah, we're also available, too. What a great. He should open it, like, right outside of that Brantford, Missouri place.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, yeah.

[Guest Comedian]

So it'd be like one of those things, like, for the people to get the old alt version.

[DJ EazyDick]

Yeah, yeah.

[John Holmberg]

You Janine Garofalo?

[Brady]

No.

[Guest Comedian]

She's great.

[John Holmberg]

Geechy guy.

[DJ EazyDick]

Is he still alive?

[John Holmberg]

I don't even know.

[Guest Comedian]

I don't know.

[John Holmberg]

But all the Star Search people. And then you'd be, like, the headliner.

[Guest Comedian]

That would be. I don't even have to be that. I'd be the door guy.

[DJ EazyDick]

You just let us in.

[Guest Comedian]

Yeah, the guy who gives the rules. I don't even have to be funny at that point.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, my God, Dave, this is a great idea.

[Guest Comedian]

I think. Yeah, he should definitely do, like, a live interaction or, like, you know, like in those, you know, where they practice, like, shooting in the house. I could do one of those things.

[John Holmberg]

Like the domestic violence museum. What are you talking about? Who practices shooting in the house?

[Guest Comedian]

They go into the meet when they have a special name for it, like the. The kill chamber or something, and they have, like, regular people, and then they have the.

[Brady]

Innocent.

[Guest Comedian]

Hey, fellas, how's it going? And, you know, shooting around me.

[John Holmberg]

There's a cat stuff. Steal cat that pops up in the window.

[DJ EazyDick]

Visit Homework's morning sickness online at 98kupd.com Holmberg's morning sickness. If you've recently maybe slept with a 98kupd listener and you're like, I want to like what he likes. So you downloaded the I don't know what I'm talking about. It's Valentine's Day.

[Brett]

Easy. Dick's coming out.

[DJ EazyDick]

Hey, look, he's back again. Brad, he's home and ready. If you've been. You've recently taken the partially erect penis of a probably inebriated KUPD listener and you wanted to get on his page, so you downloaded the app. You can pound that app, baby. Pound it right in the app. Put in the word market for the 9 o' clock block. Oh, yeah, DJ Az Dick here in the house. I did get an email from somebody. I've taken a little break off listening to this show. Love, the Davitel. Happy Valentine's Day to all of you. Valentine's Day, of course, at KISS. 12:30 starts at noon because we're not getting up for that. That's ridiculous. I got a. I got an email from a guy that says, hey. Dear DJ EZ, Dick, how do you tell your wife of 20 years that she actually doesn't give DJs very good. It's killing me because I used to love them, but because I used to date women that could do it. Help me. Oh, help me, dj. Easy, Dick. Well, the best way to tell your wife that she's not good at blowjobs is to get caught with your side piece getting one. She'll get the message right away. Oh, I must not be very good at blowjobs anymore. That's right. Perhaps even talk to a dentist and say, is there anything we can do with a file and some, I don't know, sleepy time pills? The best thing to do is not finish. That's the fastest way to let your wife know that she's no good at it. You know you've got it right. When she's like, how come you never finished that? You say, well, the same reason I don't do hiking in ice skates. It's just terrible not getting to the top of the mountain that way, are we, sister? I didn't think so. So the fastest thing to do is tell you why she's not good at it. And she probably hates it, which is why she's bad at it in the first place. So the best thing you can do about that then is say, I'm gonna give you a break. Those are no longer part of your duties. I'm gonna farm that out. I hope I've helped. And ladies who are bad. Ladies who are bad at blowjobs, knock it off. It's really not that hard. It's like being bad at eating. Sometimes you.

[John Holmberg]

It's like eating soup.

[DJ EazyDick]

Wrong. You don't use your teeth, open your gob, put it in and swallow. Even the chunky parts. And sometimes when you're eating a soup, metaphorically, of course, tickle the bottom of the bowl. Maybe even shove your finger in the salt. Happy Valentine's Day from DJ Eazy, Dick and your friends at KISS 1230. The rhythm of the City. Thanks for your questions, man.

[Brett]

He got his smoke detector fixed, apparently.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, I didn't even hear it once back there.

[DJ EazyDick]

Don't be a dick, Brad. You know what you're gonna. Cause now you did it, didn't you? You jinxed it. God damn it. Still a GoFundMe page for Desmond Wilson from Sanford and Son. Not doing nearly as well as James Vanderby. We just got a hundred dollar gift card from K Momo. I'm not sure that's gonna help anyway. Knock it off, Brett.

[John Holmberg]

It's 9.

[DJ EazyDick]

21. Stop it.

[Brett]

Wonder who's gonna do the job fairs now?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, it's gonna be.

[DJ EazyDick]

Oh, Brett. That's right. Desmond Wilson can no longer be appearing at the job fairs. But we have quickly shifted. We've pivoted. If it was. Oh, yeah. Come meet Haywood Nelson from what's Happening. He's gonna be out there. You remember, it was. Which one? Roger.

[John Holmberg]

I think it was Roger.

[DJ EazyDick]

No, Roger was the other guy. He was Dwayne. That's right. Dwayne.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[DJ EazyDick]

Hey, hey, hey, Roger. That's who's going to do the job for us. Do you have any more questions or can I leave now? All right, I'm moving on up. I'll talk to y' all later.

[Caller]

Moving on up.

[DJ EazyDick]

Stop it.

[Brett]

Is he coming back for the squares?

[John Holmberg]

He might be in this. Okay, good.

[Caller]

Maybe it's not weird.

[Guest Comedian]

It's pretty cool, actually.

[John Holmberg]

No membership fee ever.

[DJ EazyDick]

Enough of this.

[VRBoCare Announcer]

Day or night. VRBoCare is here 24. 7 to help make every part of your stay seamless. If anything comes up or you simply need a little guidance, Support is ready whenever you reach out. From the moment you book to the moment you head home. We're here to help things run smoothly. Because a great trip starts with the right support. And, hey, a good playlist doesn't hurt either.