02-13-26 - KISS 1230s DJ Easy Dick Takes Final Calls From Listener Named Bacon And Others

Summary

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Episode Overview

Podcast: Holmberg's Morning Sickness – Arizona
Episode Title: KISS 1230s DJ Easy Dick Takes Final Calls From Listener Named Bacon And Others
Date: February 13, 2026
Host(s): John Holmberg, with Brady Bogen, Bret Vesely, and Dick Toledo

In this playful, irreverent episode, John Holmberg and the crew revive the character of DJ Easy Dick, taking calls from listeners to riff on their Valentine’s Day plans. The segment is heavy on tongue-in-cheek humor, rapid-fire improvisation, and the kind of offbeat banter that regularly marks HMS. The team interacts with listeners “Cory,” “Josh,” “Cranston,” and notable caller “Bacon,” spinning their romantic plans into comedic set-pieces.

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Key Discussion Points and Insights

1. Corey’s Solo Valentine’s Days ([02:00]–[04:44])

• Holmberg interviews longtime listener Corey about his (lack of) Valentine’s Day plans. The bit playfully pokes fun at romantic misadventures, awkward dates, and low-key loneliness.
  • Corey's last dates:
    • Solo last year and this year; two years ago was just a “movie day.”
    • Cory admits, “It didn’t really pan out.”
    • Memorable past date: Olive Garden, with Holmberg razzing: “The tour of Italy. Nothing fancy at all. I wonder why he didn't get a second Valentine's Day.” ([03:16])
  • Holmberg takes running comedic shots about Corey's pace (“By the time he finally got to the driver’s seat, she had died. They cooked her inside the car.” [04:13])
  • Corey jokes: “They usually get tired of waiting halfway through,” when asked if he opens the car door for dates. ([04:05])

2. Listener Call: Josh aka “Bacon” and Seema Bacon ([04:58]–[08:47])

• Josh/Bacon shares his plan to take long-term partner Seema Bacon to Fogo de Chao, prompting a wide-ranging, bawdy roast about love, meat, and lengthy relationships.
  • Holmberg on the buffet: “You gotta take a girl to a buffet and get her belly full so you can hear that moving around when you're pumping her from behind…Try to ignore the tears.” ([05:23])
  • Seema Bacon’s name provides ample comedic fuel:
    • “When you put it that way, it makes her vagina, like, turn gray immediately?” ([06:19])
  • Bacon discusses their long-term relationship (25 years). Tension between gentle roasting and affectionate ribbing is a running theme.
  • Cory provides unsolicited advice: “Every 30 pounds gets you an extra inch, by the way.” ([07:20])
    • Holmberg: “Brady, you could have a 40 inch dick by the end of the year. That’s pretty impressive.” ([07:29])
  • Bacon recalls meeting Seema at Trails department store while in college ([07:43]).

3. Playful Banter on Valentine’s Plans ([08:47]–[11:16])

• Brief check-in with Brady, who admits he bought his partner Grater’s ice cream for Valentine’s.
  • Holmberg: “Brady. Are you dressed like a woman in the mirror, handing yourself a present?” ([09:41])
• Cranston calls in, describing a sunset cruise with his girlfriend on the Dolly Steamboat and deadpans about "abandoning her" to trade up for a younger partner ([10:13]–[10:57]).

4. DJ Easy Dick's Sendoff and Final Antics ([11:16]–[13:35])

• Holmberg continues with tongue-in-cheek radio DJ stereotypes, riffing on possible events:
  • “For the easy, easy fee. Get me a K Momo gift card and some raisin canes and you're gonna have yourself a weekend with Thriller.” ([11:46])
  • Reference to a “Valentine’s Day super special for couples” and local events, with a quick plug for a fictional Magic Johnson theater.
• Corey’s family gets a mention, with playful shots about his parent’s reproductive timeline:
  • “Four months from now you’ll have a brother.”
  • “The gestation period of Cory’s mother is about six months. It’s a little bit less than a baseball season.” ([12:53])

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Holmberg: “Did she swallow them whole?”
  Corey: “No, she's not a pelican.”
  Holmberg: “Well, she would have been a better date if she was.” ([03:37])

• Holmberg to Bacon: “You had sex with this elderly beast…Was she aware of it?” ([06:34]–[06:38])

• Holmberg: “Every 30 pounds gets you an extra inch.”
  Corey: “You lose 30 and you gain an inch back.”
  Holmberg: “Thank you, Cory. Brady, you could have a 40 inch dick by the end of the year.” ([07:23]–[07:29])

• Holmberg riffing on relationships: “Nobody wants to see a vagina age for 25 years…put that [meat] outside for 25 years and see what you think of it when it’s done.” ([08:59]–[09:09])

• Holmberg, parodying DJ signoffs: “I don’t wanna be on you. No, you can be right on top of me. I’ll cuck from underneath.” ([11:51])

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• [02:00] – Corey discusses his single Valentine’s Days and awkward dates
• [04:58] – Josh ("Bacon") calls in, introducing the Seema Bacon saga
• [07:43] – The story of how Bacon and Seema met at Trails department store
• [09:30] – Brady reveals his Valentine’s gift: Grater’s ice cream
• [10:13] – Cranston’s “sunset cruise” plans and jokes about dumping his aging partner
• [11:34] – Holmberg/DJ Easy Dick’s DJ antics and humorous event suggestions

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Tone and Style Highlights

• Irreverent & spontaneous: The humor is edgy, not for the easily offended, with plenty of raunchy, sarcastic playfulness.
• Conversational: The banter among hosts and callers is fast, sometimes overlapping, and always veering into unpredictable jokes.
• Loose radio bit: Plenty of breaking character, meta-commentary, and mock DJ radio tropes.

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Summary

This episode of Holmberg’s Morning Sickness leans into its hallmark brand of brash, freewheeling comedy, using Valentine’s Day as a theme to riff on the quirks and foibles of relationships—be they new, old, or nonexistent. Corey's lonely tales set the tone, Josh/Bacon’s long-term love and its “gray” realities get the full roast, and callers like Cranston serve up additional setups for the panel’s delightfully outlandish punchlines. DJ Easy Dick’s segment is a reminder that sometimes, the best way to celebrate love is to laugh at it—loudly, and together.

Transcript

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[A]

Converg's morning sickness.

[D]

You've been deceived by an agent of Satan himself.

[A]

98. All right. We are so late. It is just not even fair to continue. Cory, we're not gonna be able to get a square's end for you.

[E]

I think that happens sometimes.

[A]

It does. We're gonna give away some Nine Inch Nails tickets. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. DJ Eazy did come back in. Get him in here for that. All right, it's back on. How y' all doing? Dj DJ Eazy day. I'm losing my own mind. I don't know where Corey, it's nice to see you.

[E]

Good to see you.

[A]

How you doing, man? I know who it is, Brady. I take a man by his name. First name.

[E]

I know who Michael Jackson is.

[A]

I know. Yeah, he. Please. Thank you. Thank you, Corey, for standing up to me. And when I say standing up to me, I mean leaning against the. I was in the middle of a joke. God damn it. When I say standing up, I mean, of course, leaning against the structure and making sure you don't fall. Yeah, that would have been if you just shut up.

[F]

Yeah.

[A]

Now, here we go. Cory, what you doing for Valentine's Day?

[E]

I'm going solo this year. Like, nothing planned.

[A]

What did you do last year?

[E]

Solo last year as well.

[A]

What about the year before that, Cory?

[E]

Just movie day. Nothing special.

[A]

Movie day two years ago. What happened with her?

[E]

Eh, it didn't really pan out.

[A]

Did she pass away? No. Okay. Most women with terminal illnesses do. So she's still alive? Yeah. Does she haunt you at night?

[E]

No.

[A]

Do you want anything to do with her?

[E]

Not really.

[A]

Is she legally allowed to mingle amongst the crowd?

[F]

Yes.

[E]

Yes.

[A]

Normal. When you were out on the date with her. Yeah. Did the government helper that assigned to her try to stop you from touching her boobies?

[F]

Just another one that got away.

[A]

That's right. Did you drive or did the government dial? Ride. Drive.

[E]

No, I drove.

[A]

Were you a gentleman and you put her back in the chair when everything was over? Was she a gentleman and put you back in the chair when everything was over?

[E]

Oh, no, it was very normal.

[A]

Did you take her out for a nice walk that took way too long and then some field goal attempts.

[E]

Super simple dinner and a movie.

[F]

The ramp, champ.

[A]

Where did you take her? What? Dinner?

[E]

Well, it was initially supposed to be more casual, so it was like. I think Olive garden is what we did.

[A]

Oh, the Olive Garden.

[E]

Nothing fancy.

[A]

The tour of Italy. Nothing fancy at all. I wonder why he didn't get a second Valentine's Day.

[F]

Oh, no.

[E]

It's like we both, like, oh, this might work. And we both realized halfway through, like, no, there's nothing here.

[A]

How many breadsticks did this pig eat? Too many, I think.

[B]

Four.

[A]

She had four breadsticks on a first date?

[B]

One bite each.

[A]

Man. Did she. Did she swallow them whole?

[E]

No, she's not a pelican.

[A]

Well, she would have been a better date if she was. You need to get yourself a pelican.

[F]

Go signal.

[A]

If you had a date right now, where would you take this lovely lady?

[E]

Probably, you know, fill it out with some arrogant butcher.

[F]

Probably.

[A]

Oh, an arrogant butcher night. That sounds very nice.

[E]

And then we'll see how it feels from there.

[A]

Yeah. You would walk her over to the car? Yeah. Do you open the door for your date, or does it take too long after you close it to get all the way over to the driver's seat?

[E]

They usually get tired of waiting halfway through.

[A]

Corey actually had a date in the summertime last year. Opened a door for his date, shut the door, and by the time he finally got to the driver's seat, she had died. They cooked her inside the car.

[F]

Oh, no, man, that was rough.

[A]

Oh, it was rough. Brady was rough. Getting the smell out of that car was nearly impossible. You can't do it. You just got to get the body out and hope for the best.

[E]

Oh, man.

[A]

Started the date, and the sun was up by the time Cory got In the car. It was tomorrow. We missed it. We missed Fourth of July. We missed the fireworks and everything. You wandered around the car for half an hour. Well, Cory, I think that's nice. Are you gonna masturbate to anything special for Valentine's Day this year?

[E]

We'll see what comes up.

[A]

Yes, we will. That sounds nice. Well, I think we can take a couple calls if we want, if you'd like to grab one and talk to DJ EazyDick on the phone real quick about your Valentine specials. And Cory will join us. Hi there. Who's this?

[D]

Josh.

[A]

Josh, are you. Would you like to talk to us about your Valentine special with a woman named Seema Bacon? Because that is what you. You have Seema Bacon as your ID on the phone, that is.

[D]

I will be taking her to Fogo to chow so we can start off.

[E]

With a lot of meat in her mouth.

[A]

Oh, you're gonna take her to Fogo to chow so she can green light putting things in her mouth. I like that. Very smart.

[E]

You're going for a buffet then.

[A]

Yeah, you gotta take a girl to a buffet and get her belly full so you can hear that moving around when you're pumping her from behind. Nothing better than hearing a woman.

[D]

We've been together 25 years.

[A]

Yeah. Oh, yeah. You don't want to have sex with that. That's disgusting. Yeah, just shove someone else's meat in her mouth. That's a good move. Fogo de Chao, you handle the meat in the mouth. Nothing better than a woman's belly full of wine and meat sloshing about while you lay on top of her. Try to ignore the tears.

[F]

Was that her request?

[D]

Yes, absolutely.

[A]

She wanted to go to Fogo de Chao.

[D]

She wants the meat.

[A]

Yeah, she wanted meat. She wanted lots of it. Copious amounts of Brazilian meat. Yes. That's a good thing for this. All right, well, you take her over there, and how many times do you. What is your limit? Before you know, sex is not a thing. Three, four trips from the guy cutting all the meat.

[F]

That flag never goes down.

[A]

It's 75. And she gets the salad bar as well. Is she even gonna f. With that, or is she just gonna ignore that disgusting greenery?

[D]

Hopefully, she walks by.

[A]

Yeah, hopefully she gets right past that. That's disgusting. That's disgusting. When's the last time you had sex with this woman that you've been with for a quarter of a century? And when you put it that way, it makes her vagina, like, turn gray immediately?

[D]

About three days ago.

[F]

Nice.

[A]

Three days ago. You had sex with this elderly beast.

[E]

Was she aware of it?

[A]

Is she in the car with you or can she hear you?

[D]

No, she can't.

[A]

What is her name?

[D]

You nailed it with the beginning.

[A]

Seema. Oh, that's right, it's Seema. Is her name really Seema Bacon?

[D]

It is true.

[F]

That is amazing.

[D]

On Caucasian together. And that's what you get.

[A]

Sema Bacon. And get a what with a Caucasian Indian?

[D]

With a Caucasian Indian they name an.

[A]

Indian and a Caucasian will name their child Seema Bacon. And when's the last time she actually saw your bacon? When's the last time you saw your bacon? I'm imagining you've got quite a belly.

[D]

It's been some time.

[A]

It's been a while since you can look down and see your bacon. Isn't that right?

[E]

Every 30 pounds gets you an extra inch, by the way.

[A]

Is that true? Yes. Lose takes away an extra inch.

[E]

You lose 30 and you gain an inch back.

[A]

Is that right?

[E]

Yes.

[A]

Well, that's some really good information. Thank you, Cory Brady. You could have a 40 inch ditch by the end of the year. That's pretty impressive. All right, well, it's nice Talking to you, Mr. Bacon. Where did you meet this. This young squaw?

[D]

You know, we met many years ago at Trails department stores.

[A]

No, at the department store. Was she working? Was she working or were you guys just. Was she. Was she sleeping out front?

[D]

You know, we were both working, going to college at the same time.

[A]

No kidding. And then you impregnated her? Yep. Yep, that's exactly what happened. That's what most people do with a Caucasian Indian.

[D]

Absolutely.

[A]

Twice. Do you ever role play every once in a while and just steal her from her bedroom and move her somewhere else?

[B]

Okay.

[A]

That's fun, isn't it? That's a fun Indian game to play. Just put Budweiser in the kitchen and she'll find it yourself. You won't get blamed.

[D]

She never knows what blanket to use.

[A]

Yeah, I was gonna say, does she trust you when it's cold? Does she trust you in your Caucasian blankets? All right, well, it's nice to talk to you, Bacon. F and big plans for the weekend, of course, to mount this elderly woman and then take her to Fogo de chow and fill her belly with meat. That's beautiful. Happy Valentine's Day, Mr. Bacon. Thank you, sir. All right, there you go. DJ Ezy Dick making love to the city this morning. I guess 12:30.

[E]

Need to take some notes. He had a plan, man. He was set.

[A]

Yeah, that's a smart plan.

[F]

To do surrounded by gauchos serving meat.

[A]

Gaucho's cutting meat and shoving it into his wife so he doesn't have to.

[B]

About 25 years.

[A]

That's too long. Nobody wants to see a vagina age for 25 years. That's like. Speaking of meat, you put that outside for 25 years and see what you think of it when it's done.

[E]

At what point is it dry?

[A]

Aged vagina is not like a Twinkie. They don't last forever. Something starts happening to them, and then 25 years later, you're like, I remember her. She's still alive. Anyway, no plans for you, Brady. You're sick. So you're not gonna do anything?

[F]

Just a little gift form.

[A]

Oh, that's very sweet. Can we ask what you got? Yeah, what you get? Well, I'll formally do it then. What did you get her?

[F]

I got her some grater's ice cream.

[A]

No, that's for you. Brady. Are you dressed like a. Like a woman in the mirror, handing yourself a present? Do you dress up as your own Valentine's and get her ice cream? You got some ice cream. That sounds nice.

[F]

Airdrop tonight.

[A]

Today you can airdrop ice cream.

[E]

Well, they're sending it over just today.

[F]

Just fly it over.

[A]

Oh, I thought you meant through the phone. Airdrops of my screen. All right. God damn it. Welcome to Kiss 1230. Cranston, how are you?

[D]

I am living the dream.

[A]

That's right, Cranston. Tell me how your Valentine's weekend is going to map out.

[D]

I have a great event planned, D.J. easy day.

[A]

Okay, go ahead, tell me about it. Mr. Market.

[D]

I am gonna take my girl out on a sunset cruise on the Dolly steamboat.

[A]

All right, all right. Are you gonna throw overboard? No one will ever look. No. Will ever, ever, ever. Take the time to look at that. Because no one's gonna do that trip twice. Even investigators. By chance, is your girlfriend's name Ms. Guthrie? Absolutely. I just want to make sure if Nancy Guthrie's got it there in age. Yeah.

[D]

So it's time to abandon there in age. So I figured I got to get a new one.

[A]

Yeah, that's smart. That's smart. That's exactly what Seema Bacon should be thinking about after 25 years. All right, so you're. Are you gonna. Then you're gonna come back alone? That's always the best way to leave the Dolly steamboat. You go in as a twosome, you come back single. Smart move. Yes, absolutely. All right. Cool. You have yourself a wonderful Valentine's Day, Cranston. We're very happy with you.

[D]

You too, D.J.

[A]

I see it. There you go. There's Kran. I went to high school with grits. Hey, they said what? That's not my music. Now, come on. We all don't. I'm gonna go. That's enough of that. Oh, you want more of that? Well, yeah. Oh, even the white men are begging for more. Never mind.

[E]

You give very good advice.

[A]

I think you're right. Here's one of my brothers named Andre. Okay, can we prostitute Thriller for the weekend? Yes, we can. For the easy, easy fee. Get me a K Momo gift card and some raisin canes and you're gonna have yourself a weekend with Thriller.

[F]

On me.

[E]

Uh, wait. On you?

[A]

I don't wanna be on you. No, you can be right on top of me. I'll cuck from underneath. All right, that's it.

[B]

Take the job fair.

[A]

Take you to the job fair from 2 to 5 tomorrow with Heywood Nelson from What's happening. Hey, Raj. Hey, Raj. Hey, hey, hey. Also, we're gonna have my Valentine's Day super special for couples as we do a that's My Mama marathon over at the Hawkins Theaters. Actually, it's not a Harkins theater. It's Magic Johnson Theaters. Nobody even knows about it, but we got one. All right, I'm gonna go now. Throw the Happy Valentine's.

[E]

Well, happy Valentine's Day to you.

[A]

Good luck to you. And you. What's your mother gonna do this? Is she gonna. Is your father gonna spelunk?

[E]

Probably, if I had to guess. That's what I'm trying, but they've never said anything like huge. Probably have, like, a nice dinner or whatever.

[A]

Well, they better have huge plans. Cause you fell out of a tumbling machine. I was like, coming out of a dryer. So I know there's gonna need to be huge.

[B]

I know you have no concept, but time.

[A]

Time. No, I'm very late all the time. It's okay.

[F]

I'm late.

[A]

Being late is okay. Come on. Yeah, yeah. She's in a rock tumbler. He better be here. Well, I hope your parents don't procreate again. No, no, because four months from now, you'll have a brother.

[E]

A long time ago.

[A]

He looks good.

[F]

He's finally polished.

[A]

Yeah. The gestation period of Cory's mother is about six months. It's a little bit less than a baseball season. Oh, I know exactly what happened. All right, goodbye, everybody. He's done. Happy Valentine's Day, everybody. That's enough. We're done. David Tell was here Valentine's. Brady was here. Brett, Corey, me. Toledo's over here. We're done. You guys have yourselves to go. The 10 o' clock word that's coming up is electronic. That's Larry's first word for ten o'. Clock. For the suite that feeds. Good luck with that. Have a great Valentine's Day. If we don't catch a Monday for President's Day, we'll see you Tuesday right here in the morning. Sickness Solo. Hey, it's not weird. It's pretty cool, actually.

[B]

No membership fees.

[A]

I have heard enough of this.