02-13-26 - Wondering Why James Van Der Beek Needs A 2Mil GoFundMe And If Everyone Gets That When They Die - For Valentines Day DJ Easy Dick From KISS 1230 Comes In And Reads Emails And Give Advice

Summary

Holmberg's Morning Sickness: Feb 13, 2026 — Summary

Main Theme & Episode Overview

This episode of Holmberg's Morning Sickness (98KUPD) blends irreverent banter on pop culture and social trends—centered especially on the surprising $2M GoFundMe for actor James Van Der Beek's family after his hypothetical death—with a raucous, comedic Valentine's segment. The show's trademark is the cast's satirical commentary, with host John Holmberg, Brady Bogen, Brett Vesely, and "DJ Eazy Dick" dissecting celebrity entitlement, the pitfalls of charity for the well-off, and the cultural double standards around public sympathy. The episode later switches tones with DJ Eazy Dick’s wild and raunchy Valentine's Day "Loveline," responding to unfiltered listener emails with deliberately over-the-top faux radio advice.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. GoFundMe for James Van Der Beek: Celebrity Charity or Absurdity?

The crew opens with incredulity and skepticism regarding the idea of a multimillion-dollar GoFundMe for James Van Der Beek, lampooning the shift from "celebrities could die broke" to "even mid-tier celebrities get windfalls when they die." Holmberg questions why the rich get mass sympathy and how the average person would never receive such support.

Major discussion highlights:

• Questioning the Precedent: Why do celebrities now get massive GoFundMes when they die? What happened to simply being broke and forgotten?

  "What happens to us, those normals, when we die? We don't get $2 million for James Vanderbeek." — John Holmberg (02:59)

• Van Der Beek's Wealth & Lifestyle: Jokes about selling the ranch, the supposed hardship of losing a wealthy lifestyle, and double standards for celebrity children.

  "It's not my fault you had six kids and you can't afford them. What about all those Mexicans that die? ... They have car washes." — John Holmberg (06:41)

• Big Name Donors: Steven Spielberg dropped $25K and is called out for the performativity of public donations.

  "He went on the GoFundMe and said, look, me too. This is all about the people donating. It has nothing to do with love or caring." — John Holmberg (26:16)

• Comparisons to Everyday Struggle: The hosts highlight how everyday people must sell their homes, hold car washes, and "show their snooches" on OnlyFans instead of receiving sympathy windfalls.

  "Nobody raised $2 million for Arnold Drummond Jackson." — John Holmberg (37:59)

• Cynicism About Grifting: The crew lampoons the line between need and opportunism, suggesting the situation is more about social signaling ("look who donated") than genuine support.

  "That's grifting. That used to be called grifting. Why is this rich guy getting tons of money now?" — John Holmberg (17:29)

Notable Quotes

• On the randomness of public charity:

  "The internet randomly picks and chooses weird things to get money and pile it and give it to families. The next guy that doesn't get any, I'm going to be curious as to why." — John Holmberg (24:32)

• On celebrity mismanagement:

  "If he was worth $3 million at the end and didn't have health insurance or. Or life insurance and he had six kids, that's just a mismanaged situation." — John Holmberg (08:41)

• On the implications for the average Joe:

  "Everybody's got debt... I could get run into a wall right now and company could tell me all your insurance doesn't cover that and I'd be in trouble. Guess what I'd have to do? Sell all my stuff." — John Holmberg (27:51)

Key Timestamps

• [02:29-06:28]: General outrage, comparisons to non-celebrity funerals, jokes about car washes.
• [06:40-14:56]: Commentary on the hypocrisy and performativity of GoFundMe, rich vs. poor, celebrity grifting.
• [16:45-21:30]: More philosophical skepticism, grifting, middle-America’s struggles, and the "Van Der Beek effect."
• [26:00-27:45]: Critique of Spielberg’s donation and the spotlighting of donors.

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2. Cynical Takes on Modern Charity and Success

The cast draws biting parallels between Generous America for celebrities and the rough realities of the less fortunate—suggesting survival for regular folks involves hustle, not sympathy.

Memorable Riffs:

• Stripping/OnlyFans as the “Real” American Hustle: Extended comedic bit asserting the "true" way to survive hardship is via desperate work, not sympathy ventures.

  "The women who really need this money that are upside down are those OnlyFans broads. That's where America used to live. Goddammit." — John Holmberg (33:38)

• Stripper Anecdotes & Hypothetical Advice: Repeatedly (and facetiously) suggests women in financial distress "show their snooch" instead of starting a GoFundMe.

  "That's how it's supposed to work. You talk to Ronnie later today. Just tell her, I'm tired of being in debt." — John Holmberg (40:55)

• Mocking “Hero” Donors vs. OnlyFans Supporters:

  "You're a hero if you donate to a rich dude's GoFundMe, but if you support a single mom's OnlyFans, you're a pig. What happened to America?" — John Holmberg (32:37)

Key Timestamps

• [33:38-38:07]: Extended, tongue-in-cheek rants about American grit and real hardship.
• [39:04-41:08]: Meditations on pride, debt, and the virtue of earning vs. receiving sympathy.

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3. Valentine's Day Loveline: “KISS 1230” with DJ Eazy Dick

Concept

For Valentine's Day, the show pivots into a mock radio love advice hour. DJ Eazy Dick (Holmberg’s alter ego) reads wild listener emails, offering deliberately outrageous, bawdy "advice" over R&B slow jams.

Segment Highlights

• Reading Stephanie’s Email: A plea from a woman who's been caught cheating and wants her ex back, leading to a rant about women who can't "keep things out of their mouth" and ribald jokes.

  "The only thing missing from that letter was what you're sorry for, which was sucking on d*** too often." — DJ Eazy Dick (43:39)

• Advice to Josh Trying to Date a Black Coworker: Sarcastic encouragement to “go for it” with musical dedications, while riffing on office romance and racial stereotypes (in a parody, intentionally hacky way).

  "You take that white weasel and you bury it in that dark hole. I want you to do something where Stephen Hawking would even say, I have not seen gravitational pull on a black hole..." — DJ Eazy Dick (45:57)

• Over-40 Wives and Roasted Chickens: A listener asks what to do with an “expired” over-40 wife on Valentine’s; advice is to do an “early bird special” with rotisserie chicken, likened (offensively) to aging women’s bodies.
• Valentine’s Excuses: Advice on how to get out of an unwanted Valentine’s date post-"jerk," and dealing with a date with an autistic coworker—handled as a dark, tasteless joke involving candy and R-rated suggestions.
• Running Gags: “Show your snooch” as the path to solvency; OnlyFans and stripping as "the America I grew up in"; “this is the circle of tragic whore’s life.”

Notable Quotes

• "Buttholes can't be autistic... The butthole is as healthy as anything else on her body." — DJ Eazy Dick (59:18)

• "If you're lonely, the fish never fight back. That's an interesting thought. I guess he must be watching the movie Splash this weekend." — DJ Eazy Dick (51:03)

• "No, that's stealing. You have to earn this." — DJ Eazy Dick on GoFundMe vs. working for your money (40:53)

Key Timestamps

• [41:58-46:29]: Stephanie’s plea, Josh’s black co-worker, DJ Eazy Dick in full form.
• [53:03-59:45]: Over-40 Valentine scenario, post-jerk regret, dating with autism jokes, and more explicit Loveline emails.

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4. Memorable Moments & Comedic Tension

• Regularly, the show teeters between caustic social commentary and outrageous, transgressive humor—often intentionally crossing lines to lampoon both celebrity culture and prudish sensibilities.
  • “America I love is when you had two kids and couldn’t pay the bills, you had to show your snooch and hope it didn’t disgust anyone.” (35:06)
  • “No stripper would ever get away with this. And they’re doing the work of thousands of men.” (36:09)
• Holmberg and the crew maintain a self-aware, sometimes meta tone, often commenting on their own offensiveness:

  "Sorry for the Vander beaks, I really am, but this is ridiculous." — John Holmberg (39:04)

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Conclusion & Utility

This episode delivers classic HMS irreverence: the Van Der Beek GoFundMe topic gets a thorough skeptical (and satirical) fisking, using humor to highlight the hypocrisy and randomness of celebrity charity. The second half’s Loveline parody provides raunchy, over-the-top advice, mocking both radio tropes and listener dilemmas.

Those seeking a linear “discussion” or decorum won’t find it here. The episode is best appreciated for its sharp, sardonic takes, memorable quotes, and roasting of modern sympathy culture, laced with unapologetic, often off-color parody.

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Key Segment Timestamps

• Van Der Beek GoFundMe Outrage:
  02:29–15:06, 16:45–27:45, continued throughout
• Performer Donors & Grifting Commentary:
  26:00–30:00
• OnlyFans America Rant:
  33:38–38:07
• KISS 1230 / DJ Eazy Dick Loveline:
  41:58–61:08

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Table of Notable Quotes

| Timestamp | Speaker | Quote | |-----------|-------------------|----------------------------------------------------------------------------------| | 02:59 | John Holmberg | "What happens to us, those normals, when we die? We don't get $2 million for James Vanderbeek." | | 06:41 | John Holmberg | "It's not my fault you had six kids and you can't afford them. What about all those Mexicans that die?... They have car washes." | | 17:29 | John Holmberg | "That's grifting. That used to be called grifting. Why is this rich guy getting tons of money now?" | | 24:32 | John Holmberg | "The internet randomly picks and chooses weird things to get money and pile it and give it to families..." | | 26:16 | John Holmberg | "He went on the GoFundMe and said, look, me too. This is all about the people donating. It has nothing to do with love or caring." | | 33:38 | John Holmberg | "The women who really need this money that are upside down are those OnlyFans broads. That's where America used to live. Goddammit." | | 40:55 | John Holmberg | "That's how it's supposed to work. You talk to Ronnie later today. Just tell her, I'm tired of being in debt." | | 41:46 | DJ Eazy Dick | "DJ EazyDick coming home. Back to you. Hello Phoenix..." | | 45:57 | DJ Eazy Dick | "You take that white weasel and you bury it in that dark hole... Stephen Hawking would even say, I have not seen gravitational pull on a black hole..." | | 53:20 | John Holmberg | "Stephanie is a whore. You're not wrong about that." | | 59:18 | DJ Eazy Dick | "Buttholes can't be autistic... The butthole is as healthy as anything else on her body." |

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Note: This summary preserves the irreverence and unfiltered humor of HMS while providing a structured overview for listeners who may have missed the original broadcast.

Transcript

[Brett Vesely]

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[John Holmberg]

It's John Holmberg here from the morning sickness to tell you about the Core Institute. People who met me found out that I've had four major operations in the last four years. They're blown away. I've had both shoulders replaced and both hips replaced because I was an absolute disaster before my surgeries. I was in pain. Now no one knows I've had any issues. People who hear multiple surgeries assume they'll never be the same again. It's just not true. I'm better than I've been in 20 years. Stop quitting the things you love and get back to being the pain free you. You love the core institute.com.

[DJ EazyDick]

Sickness.

[John Holmberg]

You've been deceived by an agent of Satan himself. 98 Kill ye the PT Good morning everybody. Hello there. Welcome to Friday, Friday the 13th.

[DJ EazyDick]

The love weekend.

[John Holmberg]

It is. It's 5:45.

[DJ EazyDick]

My name's John.

[John Holmberg]

Look who's back.

[DJ EazyDick]

Siggy boy.

[John Holmberg]

Brady's back. Brady. Nice job to have Brady back. Brett's here and Big Dick Toledo's around here somewhere. We're ready to go for a beautiful Friday morning.

[Brady]

Technically the evil Galentine's day.

[John Holmberg]

I know this is the one bad.

[Brady]

Luck one since the Friday 13th.

[John Holmberg]

Well, Friday the 13th. Galentine's Day. Galentine's Day's bad luck. If you get to.

[DJ EazyDick]

If you have to go sit through.

[John Holmberg]

That in the first place. A bunch of. Bunch of chicks just talking a bunch of heat about dudes the whole time and drinking.

[Brady]

Well, you know there'll be a wreck because you think it's unlucky.

[Brett Vesely]

We should go to Postino's for lunch today just to laugh at these. Well, it's already.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, we should go wreck Valentine's Day and just loudly talk about football. Oh, just the noise. That's what I'm talking about. They ruin Everything. We'll see. Galentine's day. Yeah. And one dude rolls into Galentine's day and it's over. Like, he comes in and they're talking about, I don't want a man. They're lifting their drinks and clanking glasses. And he goes, but if one catches you, I'm going to leave you bitches for that. Right?

[DJ EazyDick]

I'm going to go hang out with.

[John Holmberg]

That fun guy over there because I don't want to listen to any more complaining. Galentine's Day. Yeesh. Anyway, enjoy it. I've been busy the entire time, just kind of rooting for someone I care about to die so I can sort of go fund me. I didn't know you could do that. What happened when celebrities used to die? They used to die and just be broke, right? James Vanderbeek's now over $2 million in a GoFundMe. It's worth. Was worth it.

[Brady]

Six kids, they need a little help.

[John Holmberg]

They're fine. Where's his money? He has a ra. What happens to us, those normals, when we die? We don't get $2 million for James Vanderbeek. You get a decent celebrity that dies and you're gonna make a fortune.

[Brett Vesely]

He's gotta have Varsity Blues money still laying around somewhere. I mean, Jesus.

[John Holmberg]

I mean.

[Brady]

Yeah, but when you live. You're living that level. He must have been on a ranch.

[John Holmberg]

He's on a ranch. Sell the ranch. It's not about. It's not a divorce. You're not staying his lifestyle.

[Brady]

They want to just keep their life.

[Brett Vesely]

Not in Beverly Hills or anything.

[John Holmberg]

No. It used to not happen. Celebrities used to die. And you'd be like, oh, that's tragic. Oh, well, nobody. I mean, imagine if. If what's her name, Selena, got shot on the porch today. It'd be like $50 million in the. In somebody's pocket.

[Brady]

Dare I say we need more Mickey Rourkes. He gave the money back.

[John Holmberg]

Yes. Mickey Rourke's work.

[Brady]

Stop it.

[John Holmberg]

It was in a.

[Brady]

Knock it off. It's going back to everyone who donated. Right?

[DJ EazyDick]

He.

[Brady]

I'm gonna figure it out.

[John Holmberg]

Other people gave the money saying, mickey Rourke needs help. And he's like, I'm just living in a one bedroom hotel. I'll figure this out. But I don't need your. And don't. I need to know somebody good who dies and be the person that picks up on this. I'm gonna kill Calienda. I've been friends with him a long time. I start doing a podcast with him again and the next thing you know, Frank's not feeling so well all the time. And it isn't because I'm poisoning his drink. That's not it at all. Don't even ask that question. That's stupid. And I'm gonna start to go fund me and be like, his family needs this one of his three houses. We couldn't.

[DJ EazyDick]

We're not selling those.

[John Holmberg]

Why should the kids suffer anymore and lose their. Their playhouse and their other fun house and then place in Wisconsin? I mean, that would be ridiculous to try to pay our own bills. You do it. No offense to the Vanderbeek family, but this is not our problem.

[Brett Vesely]

Did they set it up, or did.

[John Holmberg]

Somebody set it up for a while? I don't know. Where does it go? And, like, I'm gonna start that. I'm gonna start that company, wait for a celebrity to die, start a GoFundMe. Then they just keep it, like, what's it going to. Oh, he had health cost issues. We all do.

[Brady]

And go fund me's like, okay, just take our million.

[John Holmberg]

Of course, GoFundMe doesn't care if it's crooked or straight or anything else. But not as much as the family getting all. We had some medical bills. You guys want to kick in on that? And now the story's like, he barely got anything for Dawson's Creek. Just Dawson's Creek. Wasn't that great? It was okay. It was on for a while, but it wasn't like some sort of cash cow. He was. It was good, but I didn't expect him to retire on Dawson Creek. Money.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[Brett Vesely]

Keep working, pal.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, I'm sorry for the. I'm sorry for your loss, but, I mean, when super celebrities died, Marvin Gaye's dad just went up, shot him in the head on a porch. And nobody ever started. Let's give money to people who are still hanging around him. I want that. I want that in my life.

[Brady]

Maybe he spent a lot of money on medical. I don't know.

[John Holmberg]

Well, so what?

[Brett Vesely]

Any insurance?

[John Holmberg]

Nobody.

[Brady]

Yeah, help the beak out, man.

[John Holmberg]

But. Okay, then where does this line. Where does this stop?

[Brady]

It doesn't.

[John Holmberg]

It doesn't. I mean, he's a good man. I liked the beak.

[Brett Vesely]

Somebody dropped 30 grand.

[John Holmberg]

Well, Steven Spielberg went in there and dumped a huge amount in there. It's $2.129 million. And there's no way his medical bills got that high.

[Brett Vesely]

There's Spielberg, 25K. Somebody knocked out Spielberg on there.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. All right, Steven. I'll see now. It's just about who can be the most philanthropic towards the beat Guardian health. They're going to discount on his bills.

[Brady]

And Spielberg only put in half of that. Brett.

[Brett Vesely]

Because his wife so much since Indiana Jones.

[John Holmberg]

Time out on the whole deal. James Vanderbeek wasn't getting like $2 million for a movie role. Why is he getting too many now? His family gets it. Come on.

[Brady]

You know what? I'm happy for him.

[John Holmberg]

It's like Brady dying, and everybody's like, let's give him like eight or nine million dollars. He's not making that money. Why would we do that? Why would we've overshot it? I mean, who. Why? He wasn't claiming poverty. He's got a beautiful. He's got acreage. And look, it's not my fault you had six kids and you can't afford them. What about all those Mexicans that die? You got kids laying all over the place and nobody's gofundme. They have car washes. Like, they stand on the side and make three or four hundred dollars just to get a box to put them in. I've seen it. I've driven through the west valley on a Saturday. There's car washes for all sorts of dead people.

[Brett Vesely]

They should have had a car wash for mox out there. You know, him and Billy Bob and Lance harbor bring out all three of our.

[John Holmberg]

That's true. Billy Bob is like, we had him.

[DJ EazyDick]

Out there and we're just.

[John Holmberg]

We're not real sure why. But why can't I just give you a couple hundred thousand dollars and bury him and then pay a bill?

[Brett Vesely]

Coach John Voight could have showed up.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, John Voight.

[DJ EazyDick]

It was.

[John Holmberg]

Billy Bob was in the movie.

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah, he was the fat guy that was in the movie.

[John Holmberg]

Billy.

[Brett Vesely]

Billy Bob.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, Billy Bob. I'm thinking Billy Bob Thornton because I confused him. What was the Billy Bob football movie? That was Friday night lights, and then it became Friday night lights thing. Very similar again. This is your career, Vanderbeek. I'm confusing you with other football mov movies. It wasn't that great. I'm fine with him like, oh, geez, that's terrible. What a tragic loss. But $2 million and was like, this is great.

[Brett Vesely]

Trying to think what else he for what besides that.

[Brady]

People like the beak.

[John Holmberg]

You can like the beak. This doesn't make sense. People have liked dead celebrities forever. Why is he getting $2 million for dying? Why? It doesn't make any sense. Who's next?

[Brett Vesely]

I don't know. Look, he's almost.

[Brady]

You wouldn't.

[John Holmberg]

Catherine o' Hara.

[Brady]

Because public life people find out, oh, he's burnt through his money or whatever.

[John Holmberg]

That's not our fault. We don't have to. Why are we giving them $2 million? It's worth dying.

[Brett Vesely]

He's almost doubled his net worth. He was. He was valued at 3 million before all this, right up there.

[John Holmberg]

Then he's fine. Stop. This is worse than when Old Lady Ranch. No, this is it. You sell your rich. This is when old ladies sell their. Their. Their lives to some guy they've never met before and they like, I gave him $400,000 and I sold my house. Why? If he was worth $3 million at the end and didn't have health insurance or. Or life insurance and he had six kids, that's just a mismanaged situation.

[Brady]

How are the kids now?

[John Holmberg]

Who. How old or how are.

[Brady]

How. How old are they?

[John Holmberg]

None of this mattered if they pull together. Let me ask you this. If you didn't care how old his kids were while he was dying, why are they so suddenly? They're. Well, we got to give them some money. Where does this end? Now it's worth it. Now it's like, oh, you know.

[Brady]

So you'd be fine if it was a car wash? Look, if you.

[John Holmberg]

If the Vander Beaks need to raise money and they're worth $3 million, I don't think. I don't think Vanderbeek was rolling in, you know, great Hollywood roles anyway. So go get a job, sell your stuff. That's what normal people have to do. And if you have a gofundme, it can't exceed your estimated net value by double just because you're dead.

[Brady]

It's amazing.

[John Holmberg]

It's stupid. We're stupid. And all it is is just people going, I donate it. It's that Alzheimer's challenge. It's not for Van Der Beek. It's for you to say, look, there's his house. He's beautiful.

[Brett Vesely]

That's the barn.

[John Holmberg]

That's just the barn. It's better than anything I own.

[Brady]

That is nice.

[John Holmberg]

That's the barn. I would buy that and move into it with cows and pigs in it. It's nicer than my house. We don't want to move. Well, you should have thought. It's not like he surprised you with this. I don't want to come across as callous, but this is stupid. I don't think I can help but come across as callous. Stop giving that dead man money.

[DJ EazyDick]

I don't get it.

[John Holmberg]

Now, it'd be great if they Went and turned and gave it all the cancer research or something. That changes everything, but I don't think that's why people are giving it.

[Brett Vesely]

Oh, man. Is that him at the end?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, he wasn't.

[DJ EazyDick]

He.

[John Holmberg]

It got him.

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah, it did.

[John Holmberg]

But, like, in the. You know, what happens if. Yeah, this guy makes a good point. What happens if in a few months somebody comes out and says, I don't want to talk Yellow of the dead. But Vanderbie me too'd me at work once, and it turns out he was like. He sexually harassed someone.

[Brady]

Always in the files.

[John Holmberg]

We'd turn on him in a heartbeat. We'd turn on him in a heartbeat. I'm reading this thing and I just don't get it. People fake being nice with you.

[Brady]

Find out on Epstein's island, there's Vanderbeek Cove.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, it could be. Yeah. He, like. He, like, funded some of it. And all this money goes right back to restoring it. Yeah. $2 million for him to just. It doesn't make any sense to me. And only because I'm. You know. This one says, dude, I had to beg my sister for $800 to cremate my mother.

[DJ EazyDick]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Andre's not going online going. It was a tragic situation for the family, and they're not going to raise 10 times the value of mom. Dawson's Creek.

[DJ EazyDick]

This is.

[John Holmberg]

This is insanity. Because you know what's going to happen now? There's going to be other celebrities, like, oh, we haven't heard. Oh, that's a great one. Like, if Katie Holmes dies from Dawson's Creek and she got mistreated by.

[Brady]

She wrote hypnotic Tom Cruise.

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

The next. Well, of course you did. That's what you do when people die. You write nice letters, you say nice things. You don't hand over two and a half million to the family and go, you guys are going to be better off. Your lives are better now.

[Brady]

She could have kicked in, too.

[John Holmberg]

She's got some cruise here's his ranch that they won't sell. But we got to pay for everything. We don't have to, but people have chosen. It's beautiful. You see the kitchen? Jesus Christ, that's gorgeous. That's a restaurant.

[Brady]

Well, you got.

[John Holmberg]

Why are we giving this full capacity.

[Brady]

Every day in that restaurant?

[John Holmberg]

Why are you giving this family money views? Why? Look at. He's on 70 acres of glorious Montana ranch land. There's a river in it. He doesn't need it. What are we doing? Look at that pool. It's spectacular. Is that house for sale?

[Brett Vesely]

I Don't know. It's in Texas.

[Brady]

He bought it. What? For one point Something.

[Brett Vesely]

Yes.

[Brady]

And what's it worth?

[John Holmberg]

Well, it's nothing. It's paying for Medical. He's got $75 billion in medical bills. You know what? I'd sue the doctors if I spent all that money on medical bills and still died.

[Brett Vesely]

Find out where Spice went.

[John Holmberg]

It's not the Vanderbilt. That's.

[Brady]

That's not the one they're in now, is it?

[DJ EazyDick]

I don't know what they are.

[Brady]

I thought he was in California.

[John Holmberg]

No. Maybe he's got a couple ranches. Oh, that even makes it worse. Yeah. It's like Vanderbeek's death is a divorce from all the Dawson Creek fans.

[DJ EazyDick]

We've got a.

[John Holmberg]

You know. Well, he's used to this lifestyle, so we got to uphold that alimony. You're paying death alimony? The hell's going on out there? I understand, like, initially. I'll go fund me Page. They raised like a hundred grand for vanderbieken's family to pay some bills that were unexpected. It's a little weird because it. Dawson's like, Nobody should but $2 million and Spielberg's throwing it on. How bad were they managing their finances?

[Brady]

Maybe that's. Maybe it's just to help. To pay for the funeral. He had this elaborate funeral plan.

[John Holmberg]

Okay. The answer's no. When Joanie died from Happy Days, they buried her in like a pine box. They didn't even have, like a good. Nobody from the show even kicked in.

[Brett Vesely]

Chachi didn't kick in.

[John Holmberg]

I'm sure Chad, you know, he's like, looks.

[Brett Vesely]

He was getting a little bit of.

[John Holmberg]

If Chachi died, would we do this? It's Chachi levels. In fact, he's less than Chachi levels.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Scott Bale croaked Right. Now would we go? Charles in Charge was pretty awesome, too. And there was Happy Days. And then he was on Arrested Development. He's blah, blah, blah.

[Brett Vesely]

You don't think the Fonz and Richie would kick in?

[John Holmberg]

That's the thing.

[Brady]

That depends political views and.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, he became a right wing lunatic, so nobody's going to give him any money. I don't know anything.

[Brett Vesely]

Isn't Katie Holmes kicking down for Dawson here?

[John Holmberg]

I mean, all she did was write a letter. That's all she did so far. She's going to get guilted in the hand of that family. The best. I'm going to say it. The best thing ever happened to that Vanderbi family is that guy died. They're going to be great.

[DJ EazyDick]

Good Christmas.

[Brady]

Thank you Papa.

[Brett Vesely]

There's an article. It says the Van Der Beek's family at risk of losing their home over medical debts.

[DJ EazyDick]

Visit Holmberg's morning sickness [e-mail] well, it's.

[Byron]

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[Brett Vesely]

Hey, it's Brett Vesely and I'm here with Byron from MMP Guns. Look Byron, I have a friend wanting to sell some guns he inherited. What's the best way for him to do that?

[John Holmberg]

Brett, the last thing you want to do is sell the gun to someone who can't legally own one. Tell him not to put himself at risk and come into M and P Guns where he'll get a fair offer and he can rest easy knowing it's not getting into the wrong hands. Okay, but what if he lives out of state, easy legal and he can do it all online? It's really that simple.

[Brett Vesely]

There you have it. MMP Guns or legalgunbuyer.com the safe and legal way to sell your firearms.

[DJ EazyDick]

Homeburg's morning sickness.

[Brett Vesely]

That's what the fundraiser saying.

[John Holmberg]

There you go, Brady. You seem to act like this is normal. There you go. If you were about to lose your. Your, your house because of your kidneys. Yeah, you're losing your house pretty much. It happens to normal people all the time. Send this to normal people to hear about Brett's cousin. He's gonna lose his house.

[Brady]

You hear about these deals that are settling medical bills for, like, nothing.

[John Holmberg]

Well, also $2 million.

[Brady]

Who was it? Colbert? Did like, $3,000 worth. Got rid of 30 million.

[John Holmberg]

And, yeah, you can negotiate it down. And there's plenty of people who have lost their asses because of medical bills, and I don't remember any.

[DJ EazyDick]

I don't know.

[John Holmberg]

Being famous is awesome. And we all need to get this right. Go to Trajan Wells and take care of yourself. What? What Vanderbeek's story sounds like he. It was a mess.

[Brady]

I wanna. I wanna know how many homes the hospitals have, or I guess the banks would get the home.

[John Holmberg]

I don't know how that works. All I know, leveraged out of there. I've got nothing. That's your. That's your stuff. Yeah, when you. When you get upside down, you have to sell your stuff when you're normal. Van Der Beek. Who's thought of Vanderbeek in the last 15 years? It's a sad story, but that's where it ends. Clean it up, people. Your hearts are pumping too hard. Nobody's gonna do this for you. We raise money for Brady's kidney mice. For even. I'm like, you're all right. We've got, like, good insurance. What are you asking people for money? That's grifting. That used to be called grifting. Why is this rich guy getting tons of money now? Well, he might lose his house. Well, this happens every day to someone. Yeah, but. I know, but he wasn't on Dawson's Creek.

[Brady]

I paid for my C section.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, you paid for yours. You went out of pocket. You didn't start going. This is rough, Kirby. School's expensive, and now I gotta kick in. I don't really want to do that. Why don't you guys pay for it? It's smart in its own way, but anyway, I don't get it.

[Brady]

It also didn't go over the limit. I understand. People get into it like, oh, well, you have a $2 million limit, then you got to pay.

[DJ EazyDick]

That's.

[John Holmberg]

Then you weren't planning ahead when you got diagnosed, and there was always a pre. Exist. Okay. Then you got a ranch to sell. It's. Sorry. I hate to be a dick about it, but sorry. That's called your assets. And you pay your bills with your assets.

[Brady]

Kind of family vote, kids. What do you think?

[John Holmberg]

What do you think, dad?

[Brady]

We're pulling the plug.

[John Holmberg]

If daddy's dies, we're gonna triple our value.

[DJ EazyDick]

So this is.

[John Holmberg]

And he ain't getting any Dawson's Creek reunion gigs. So crazy. Six o' clock word is teeth. I've been reading this thing and it shouldn't make me mad, but it's. It's confusing because prior to stuff actually. Huh.

[Brett Vesely]

He's been in a lot of stuff.

[Brady]

He's done.

[John Holmberg]

He's done good. Good friend he's got. Every time he does something, he gets more medical insurance from sag.

[Brady]

You know why? I think it's even more confusing for you or. And some other people. It's. Majority of people, I would say. Like in that crate.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. No, I don't get it. Great. Yeah. Yeah. Meanwhile, you'll HEAR A story.

[Brady]

$2 million for Vanderbilt.

[John Holmberg]

You'll hear a story that somebody had medical bills and lost their house, you know?

[DJ EazyDick]

Well, I don't know.

[John Holmberg]

They weren't on Dawson's Creek, so what?

[Brett Vesely]

Or Varsity Blues.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. They didn't do the bikini scene. The whipped cream bikini scenes. Craziness. Bananas.

[DJ EazyDick]

Anyway, how are we talking about all of a sudden big love weekend?

[John Holmberg]

Come on now. The six o' clock word for the Nine Inch Nails thing today is teeth. T E, E, T, H. Yeah. I just don't get it. I just don't know where that. Look, fine, you've sent your money.

[DJ EazyDick]

You're up. It's up to you.

[John Holmberg]

Go ahead and do it. But what's next? Like, who has. When do we draw that line? If Jack Nicholson dies and he's like, turns out he had bad insurance. Are we going to give him money too? And the dude probably made $500 million through his. Well, I mismanaged pretty much all of it on whores and cocaine.

[Brady]

He outlived it.

[DJ EazyDick]

Yeah, sorry about that.

[John Holmberg]

You should probably keep my family in riches.

[DJ EazyDick]

I didn't do it. But.

[John Holmberg]

I wouldn't. It's his if his life celebrity.

[Brady]

Would you kick in?

[John Holmberg]

None. This should be fun. Nobody should kick in for me.

[Brady]

Brett.

[Brett Vesely]

What?

[Brady]

Pesci.

[John Holmberg]

You're gonna send Pesci money? If he's like, turns out I was pretty bad with money. And like, oh, that's your fault.

[Brett Vesely]

No, he should have as many movies as he's been in.

[John Holmberg]

No, nobody should kick in for me. Oops. I. I'm sick and I'm getting killed. I don't want to sell my house. You guys want to pay for my bills for me? Well, did you not. Yeah, I know it's pretty rough on me, but the house. Wouldn't you mind paying for that for me? Everybody like, what's wrong with you? That's grifting, you deadbeat. Sell your house, pay your bills. Says 2 million for Beacon. 100,000 for the missing 84 year old lady. That's true. They raised 100 grand down there in Tucson for a woman that might still be alive. Tick tock, tick tock, Young Catherine. Oh, eight. So I don't get it. I don't get. I don't get you. I don't get you guys anymore.

[Brady]

Your Bethany Frankel's theory. No. That a news personality in Arizona is the one who wrote.

[John Holmberg]

I don't think any of it's real. I think the whole thing has been calculated on television.

[Brett Vesely]

Ian Schwartz, man.

[DJ EazyDick]

Schwartz would do.

[John Holmberg]

That's exactly what Schwartz would do.

[Brady]

She thinks it's one of the ones. Because Savannah did work at a station here. Not in Phoenix. I don't know, maybe.

[John Holmberg]

Probably Tucson. So she was down in Tucson working for a little bit and then disgruntled. Thirty years later, some guy's like, no, I'm gonna get her.

[Brady]

Hey.

[DJ EazyDick]

Bag.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. I don't know. Anyway. Yeah, that thing's all weird. The Vanderbeek thing doesn't make any sense to me. All I want. All I care about Javier saying he.

[Brett Vesely]

Obviously faked his death and collecting it all.

[John Holmberg]

That's what I'm gonna. I'm thinking Mickey Rourke is going to pretend dead and somebody. Somebody's going to get all that money and they're going to go live in Barbados. I don't get. I don't get the world anymore. I don't get these donations to. It doesn't make sense. Take care of. Keep your own money. What if it turns out later you need it? You're like, I should have never given Vanderbie 10 grand. Now I'm upside down. I gotta sell my house. Maybe I could start it. Nobody's gonna go to your gofundme, Dawson's. That's my point. Dawson's Creek just wasn't that good. It was okay. It wasn't good enough to be like losing your mind over whether or not his family keeps the house. I'm sorry.

[Brady]

I feel bad now. I never watched an episode.

[John Holmberg]

Right, well, you should give money for that.

[DJ EazyDick]

You blew it.

[Brett Vesely]

I never watched that either. Chick show.

[John Holmberg]

Katie Holmes was cute.

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah, but it was a girl show.

[DJ EazyDick]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

John Evans is the devil. Says the money is for Beak's wife's vagina restoration surgery. After pushing out six kids, she's back on the market. Needs to tighten that thing up. That's even. Even as for that, as I am, it's not gonna cost $2 million. Tighten that back up. I swap it out for Savannahs, swap it out for Nancy Guthrie. Talk about medical expenses, Although they are saving right now. Switch that out. Let's give 100 grand to tighten up Mrs. Beak and then give 2 million to the Guthrie family as they continue their search for ransoms and stuff. I just don't. I don't. I don't think it's. I just don't think it's beautiful or it's so lovely. I'm like, why are we doing that for him? Who else gets this? I don't know. The Internet randomly picks and chooses weird things to get money and pile it and give it to families. The next guy that doesn't get any, I'm going to be curious as to why Kevin Spacey almost lost his house and cried on tv. He's like, I got to sell all my stuff because I'm broke. Fighting legal battles is something that evidently he was cleared for. Nobody gave him any money to save his house in Baltimore.

[Brett Vesely]

Jonathan says, I owe over three grand to Banner Health. Can somebody donate to my poor ass?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. No, because you screwed something up at Banner Health. You didn't have good insurance, or you went in there and you shouldn't have her. I don't know. We all run that risk. I got my fingers crossed it doesn't happen to me, but I'm gonna start handing money to my favorite 90s TV show just in case I need that later. And what kind of desperate and sad mid-30s woman is still like, oh, my.

[DJ EazyDick]

God, I got a thing for Vanderpeek. I better give him some cash.

[Brett Vesely]

Well, this guy says, well, nobody gave any money to Matthew Perry. What's going on here? He was 90, you know?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, he was upside down, right in the pool. I mean, at least sort of go fund me to. To drain the spa. Clean it out.

[Brady]

The addiction thing just doesn't pay off.

[DJ EazyDick]

Doesn't pay off.

[John Holmberg]

I guess we knew the Beak. I liked Van Der Beek. He's a nice guy, but even he.

[Brady]

Would be like this now if that money came in. You were in debt?

[DJ EazyDick]

Me?

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. It's called grifting.

[Brady]

But someone offered to say, hey, I want. I'd like to.

[John Holmberg]

Brady, the majority of the United States is in debt. Almost everybody has some debt.

[Brett Vesely]

I think it's one thing if Steven Spielberg rolls up and says, here you go. Here's some money. I'll hook this up, not go on a GoFundMe and make it public for the average Joe blows like you and I exactly.

[Brady]

Could maybe throw.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brett Vesely]

Just step in. Here you go. Yeah.

[Brady]

Without any wanted.

[Brett Vesely]

But without any rah rahs around it. It's like, here you go. Just take this. If you care that much.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

You can send.

[Brady]

That's how much he cared.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brett Vesely]

That he had put his name up there. Instead of anonymous hitting on what.

[Brady]

I'm with you. I would have put my name.

[John Holmberg]

I think that's what's bugging me.

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Is that Spielberg just got props. He could have done that privately. Right. And you're right. He went on the GoFundMe and said, look, me too. This is all about the people donating. It has nothing to do with love or caring. My cynicism is reaming at this. And people. People don't like talking about topics like this because it's a little uncomfortable. But I'm not wrong. Like, there's. That's a hundred percent accurate what Brett just said.

[Brady]

If you can put your name up there, put it up for the 2 mil.

[John Holmberg]

And people. People.

[Brady]

You know what?

[Brett Vesely]

Exactly. It's not. Spielberg can't afford it.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Spielberg, 25K.

[Brett Vesely]

That's nothing.

[John Holmberg]

Guys, knock this weird, grifting Internet nonsense off. I'm gonna give them money. They're covered. They're covered. And take all your money back. There's no reason for this. None. That's 100% it.

[DJ EazyDick]

You nailed it.

[John Holmberg]

Is that when I started to see people like, ooh, look who donated? It's like, this isn't about a dead yet. It's dismissive to the beak. I almost killed William Shatner back in November. I didn't reach into my pocket and start stuffing it here just in case.

[Brett Vesely]

You and Frank didn't start up a GoFundMe.

[John Holmberg]

Well, we would have, because we've known. Like, that was pretty traumatizing to Frank and I when he dropped in front of us, like, maybe. Maybe we could get some cash out of this. It's disgusting. It's. It's seedy and gross is what I'm seeing. Because 100% across the board now, celebrities will be like, oh, Spielberg gay. Look at all the attention and things he's getting. TMZ talking about, I should probably give to the beak. Next thing you know, they've got, like, $25 million and, like, wife's sitting there going, I wonder.

[DJ EazyDick]

Dad died a long time ago.

[John Holmberg]

This is great.

[DJ EazyDick]

Terrible.

[John Holmberg]

Everybody's got debt. You have debt. You know, if you're out paid, you got debt. I got Debt. Brett's got debt. We all have it. I might not be upside down in life, but I have debt. I still gotta pay for stuff. I could get run into a wall right now and company could tell me all your insurance doesn't cover that and I'd be in trouble. Guess what I'd have to do? Sell all my stuff. I'm not gonna. The last thing is a good, proud individual man. I would do is say, hey, I. I got a big problem on my hands and I'm not willing to part with any of my stuff. You guys pay me and help me stay afloat. I would want to sell my things. I would want to get all my stuff and take care of my life. That's called pride. You get a little help now and again.

[DJ EazyDick]

This is ridiculous.

[Brady]

That's three quarters of the reason why you try to invest or save money.

[John Holmberg]

Why you to pay. Stockpile some cash for a rainy day. It's what it's called anyway. I don't even know how that works. God just said. What about taxes and stuff? Does he have to pay taxes? I'm like, I don't even know how. Go fund and probably gifting tax. I have no idea. Is it a write off? Does Spielberg get to write that office? It's not a 501. It's not a real charity donation.

[DJ EazyDick]

I have no idea.

[John Holmberg]

No clue, man. This one says, tell Brady to STFU and quit trying to find a good.

[DJ EazyDick]

Reason for the grifting.

[John Holmberg]

Donate to Kirby's college fund if he cares that much. Yeah. Yeah. That's it. Kids need to go to college and dad can't afford it.

[Brett Vesely]

No, I think he's saying. No, I think he's saying donate Kirby's. Oh, donate.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. That's true.

[Brett Vesely]

Care that much.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Yeah. Brady, you're not gonna do that.

[Brady]

Is that what he's picking up?

[John Holmberg]

That's right. You get on board with us.

[Brady]

You've been looking to donate.

[John Holmberg]

You've been pretty goddamn mouthy about it. Since we're gonna throw.

[Brett Vesely]

You're going MCC now. Sorry.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. She's going back towards the money.

[DJ EazyDick]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

The beat gets our cash.

[Brett Vesely]

Sorry.

[John Holmberg]

He's in trouble. Gotta help the beak. But Daddy's dead. I know. And he had six kids in a ranch that needs a lot of work. That's not fair.

[Brett Vesely]

GoFundMes are not tax deductible.

[John Holmberg]

So meanwhile, there's this dude in Maryville. A kid got shot in the front yard two years ago and they stopped even trying to investigate. He goes the news every once in A while. Go. Can somebody please help out? No.

[Brady]

That'll be another GoFundMe. He'll pay for the tax.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, yeah, it would be real moves. We really appreciate it, but this tax.

[DJ EazyDick]

Bill'S coming and we really don't want.

[John Holmberg]

To dip into that money you guys gave us. So if you could, let's double down on this. That'll pay for the taxes because we really don't want to sacrifice anything. We've been through enough. Don't you think we're the only people who've ever had someone in our family die before? So we don't really think when they ask celebrities that are pregnant, what's it.

[DJ EazyDick]

Like being a mom?

[John Holmberg]

Look, look, everybody knows that, that this isn't. They're not different of being oh, it's so exciting. And you know, the nannies and like, you don't ask people, oh, my God. Are you excited to be a mother? No one's ever said no.

[DJ EazyDick]

I kind of hope it dies of.

[John Holmberg]

The answer is the same, no matter if you're poor or rich. Crazy people. I, I, I, personally, I don't think I could do it.

[Brett Vesely]

What? Donate.

[John Holmberg]

Just start to go fund me because I, I'm, it's desperate. You take the easy way out when you're like, oh, man, we're. You do the Bill Haywood. You're like, we're wildly upside down and we're not healthy.

[DJ EazyDick]

We should go rent a room at.

[John Holmberg]

A hotel and make Consuela clean up our brains.

[DJ EazyDick]

This is exactly what Heywood did.

[John Holmberg]

Former radio personality Bill Heywood, he went out with a little pride, took his sick wife over the hospital the days in or wherever he went. Said, we don't have any cash and I can't pay for your medical stuff.

[DJ EazyDick]

And I'm not begging, so.

[John Holmberg]

And some. It's romantic. That was a Valentine's Day gesture, really.

[Brett Vesely]

Whenever Pratt donated, I mean, I'm sure the beak was on the show all the time.

[DJ EazyDick]

Visit Holmberg's morning sickness [e-mail] it's John.

[John Holmberg]

Holmberg here from the morning sickness. And I'm absolutely thrilled to tell you about my [e-mail] youm've heard me mention Kevin Costner, Trey McBride, other countless celebrities and pro athletes and how they chose lifted trucks. But that doesn't mean it's only for actors and pro athletes. It's for oll everybody who loves a cool adventure. So if you're a huge celebrity like me or just an average Joe who wants the best truck available, head on over to lifted trucks. They live up to being the number one custom truck dealer for over 30 years. 10,000 five star reviews. Can't be wrong. Liftedtrucks.com work hard, play hard, drive harder.

[DJ EazyDick]

Holmberg's morning sickness.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, Pratt and the beak were good.

[DJ EazyDick]

Yeah, check his.

[John Holmberg]

I gave a billion dollars to the beak baby. Anyway, that's not what I wanted to.

[DJ EazyDick]

Talk about this long this morning. But it is a.

[John Holmberg]

It is a frustratingly strange world we live in when you see that kind of stuff and then everybody out there is bitching about the rich having too much and the poor and the billionaires do this and the class. And then we give Vanderbie a couple million dollars so he can keep his ranch. You people are all over the road. I can't keep up with your silly brains. And we get a little consistency in there where we used to just see, oh my God, did you hear that? Celebrity died and he was broken. And then like an hour later, I'm just having a burger and not caring about it anymore because I never knew them. Hey, Joobird. You're telling me that if you donate to a Rich Dudes Go Fund me or that if I donate to a Rich Dudes go Fund me, I'm a hero, but if I donate to a single mom's only fans page, I'm a pig. What happened to America? That's so true. The women who need. The people who really need this money that are upside down are those only fans. Broads. That's where America used to live. Goddammit. Strippers trying to get through college and raise two kids.

[Brett Vesely]

I'm going to Sonny's today and donating.

[John Holmberg]

So wave the flag. I'm gonna help out this girl, that girl that we had in the other Sarah who was in here whoring herself out for a date, telling us that she had some dude that would show up every Friday and hose her for $1,000 and she's still barely making it. Don't start a GoFundMe for that. You ask what's in it for me? Do I get to bone Vanderbeek's wife? No. Then it's not the old America. I know.

[Brett Vesely]

Brainy.

[John Holmberg]

No kings. I might start a march.

[Brett Vesely]

Are we gonna march?

[John Holmberg]

I might start a march. Onlyfans girls are the only ones who deserve your cash. Literally. I had her put syrup on her feet, try to stick to a wall. Give her 50 bucks. She didn't even do it right. Didn't care. I know that baby ate that night. That's how I Feel good about myself. Those tramps over there that had unprotected sex a couple of times with dudes who aren't around anymore and they need money. Gotta flash their snooches on the Internet just to make some Gerbers happen.

[Brady]

That's working.

[John Holmberg]

But I get you. I bet. I guarantee you she's selling clothes and jewelry every once in a while when times get tight, because that's the only thing tight on her. Nobody wants to pay for that Arby's sandwich she flashes in front of the screen now and again. You want to see it again? I'm actually going to pay you not.

[DJ EazyDick]

To show me that again.

[John Holmberg]

Here's 50 bucks to put that away. Put the buns back on it. What's that, horsey sauce? Exactly, Brady. That's the America we used to know and love in America. I love when you had two kids and you couldn't afford your bills, you had to show people your snooch on a Friday night and hope that it didn't disgust them.

[Brett Vesely]

Make America great again.

[John Holmberg]

And the America I loved, Brett, you were upside down in your bills, wander down there and you'd dry hump some dude from the Middle east in sweatpants for an hour, and he'd give you $1,000. And you made things happen. You'd try to stick your foot in your mouth or something on tv. He'll give you money. What do I have to do?

[DJ EazyDick]

I don't know.

[John Holmberg]

Do you have a fireplace poker?

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

All right, I'll give you 100 bucks. Oh, my God. Okay. You put your pride aside. You're not keeping your ranch. No stripper would ever get away with this. And they're doing the work of thousands of men.

[DJ EazyDick]

This is the America I love.

[John Holmberg]

Not go fund me.

[DJ EazyDick]

Go me and save the. Save the ranch. I don't get it.

[John Holmberg]

There's plenty of single moms on polls with six kids saving their apartment. For God's sakes.

[Brady]

Get those butt calipers and start eating cereal out of it.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, exactly. They can't even call their parents anymore and go, I can't make rent. I got. Well, you know what, honey? That's enough. You have to stand on your own two feet.

[Brett Vesely]

Can you shoot nerf balls out of your ass?

[John Holmberg]

Do you have ping pong balls at all? Your dad's asking for a friend. I'll go get more. That's the. That's gotta be the most prideless moment in a poor woman's life is going over to, like, big five and going, where are the ping pong balls. What do you like, the white ones or the orange ones?

[DJ EazyDick]

I'm gonna go with both.

[Brett Vesely]

Doesn't matter.

[John Holmberg]

Also, I don't have any money, so I'm gonna have to blow the guy behind the counter for ping pong balls. I'll give you free access to my page for a day. You can watch me shoot these all over. Cause I've got a Chinese guy that follows me, and he wants me to play ping pong against a wall with my.

[Brady]

You know, two months later, the guy, big five's like, hey, she's back. She wants many soccer balls.

[DJ EazyDick]

Yeah, she's.

[John Holmberg]

The ping pong balls weren't cutting it. That's the America I grew up in. Dana Plato was dead broke from Diff'rent Strokes. Remember that? Dead broken in Winnebago. What'd she do? Woman playboy. Hugh Hefner's like, I'll give you $150,000, but it ain't free. I gotta see that.

[DJ EazyDick]

Gotta see your.

[John Holmberg]

Your Kimberly Drummond snooch that everybody was aiming at for years.

[Brett Vesely]

Hey, Mr. Drummond didn't even kick down on that one.

[DJ EazyDick]

Thank you.

[John Holmberg]

Gary Coleman, you know of Gary Coleman, got pushed down the stairs.

[DJ EazyDick]

And kidney disease and diabetes and everything.

[John Holmberg]

Else, and a girlfriend pushed him down the stairs. You know what he got.

[DJ EazyDick]

Everybody was laughing.

[John Holmberg]

He was upside down and everything.

[DJ EazyDick]

But.

[John Holmberg]

Nobody raised $2 million for Arnold Drummond Jackson.

[DJ EazyDick]

The America.

[John Holmberg]

I know when you're in trouble, someone close to you has to show their snooch to other people, strangers. Then you can keep your ranch.

[DJ EazyDick]

That's what you do. Right now.

[John Holmberg]

If you were gonna lose that, all your stuff, you turn to Matthiah and go. There is one more option before we start bed, you have to have a.

[Brady]

Heart to heart with Ronnie.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, Ronnie, I know things are not looking good. This kidney stuff really set us back. We're gonna lose the house.

[DJ EazyDick]

But.

[John Holmberg]

If you start showing that sweet honeyhole to strangers on the Internet, maybe Russians even, you'll never run into these people.

[DJ EazyDick]

Kirby can still go to Gilbert Christian.

[John Holmberg]

It's 12 grand a pull.

[DJ EazyDick]

Carry your weight.

[John Holmberg]

My kidneys hurt. Anyway, good luck, America. You're making. You're confusing the hell out of me. Sorry for the Vander beaks, I really.

[DJ EazyDick]

Am, but this is ridiculous.

[John Holmberg]

And the Spielberg thing is.

[Brady]

Well, this will cushion the blow to the family.

[John Holmberg]

So many families getting blown right now with no cushion. John, what happened to your Jew nose? Something happened to the beak. I heard the beak. Is it a fundraiser for you or Vanderbeek? Oh, he thought I broke my nose.

[DJ EazyDick]

Because I say we need to raise.

[John Holmberg]

Money for my beak because I got a big nose. Kyle says, I have a dream one day, poor black women and poor white women will show their snooches for money without the chains of a GoFundMe holding them down, live and in person. I told the stripper years ago, we weren't allowed to see them with their bottoms off. And she was bent over on the stage, and I told my friend Steve.

[DJ EazyDick]

I said, hey, your butthole showing? We got yelled at for that.

[John Holmberg]

It wasn't our fault. And he tapped her on the shoulder.

[DJ EazyDick]

And said, excuse me, ma', am, your butthole is out.

[John Holmberg]

You guys are assholes. No, no.

[DJ EazyDick]

That's what we're talking about with you right now.

[John Holmberg]

And she had to swallow her pride and scoot her thong back over her wagon wheel. So we all didn't get yelled at for looking at her. And then Steve got in trouble for tapping her on the shoulder.

[DJ EazyDick]

Don't touch the girl, okay?

[John Holmberg]

We've got a problem here. Nobody's keeping an eye on the fact that wagon wheels are loose. And we gave her money for that.

[DJ EazyDick]

And she fed her baby with it, and it was beautiful.

[Brett Vesely]

That's America.

[Brady]

Circle of life.

[DJ EazyDick]

That's right.

[John Holmberg]

It's the circle of a tragic whore's life. I'm sorry. You had three kids and nobody stuck around to raise them. You have got to get in shape and start showing that butthole to people in order to feed your children. I can start a GoFundMe.

[DJ EazyDick]

No, that's.

[John Holmberg]

That's stealing.

[DJ EazyDick]

You have to earn this.

[John Holmberg]

That's how it's supposed to work. You talk to Ronnie later today. Just tell her, I'm tired of being in debt.

[DJ EazyDick]

What are we doing here?

[John Holmberg]

You got all this currency in there and you're not using it before your Galentines?

[DJ EazyDick]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Before you go out and complain about.

[DJ EazyDick]

Me with the ladies, you get a couple of snapshots of this cavern.

[John Holmberg]

You can see [e-mail]. just endless pictures.

[DJ EazyDick]

That's the world I want to live in.

[John Holmberg]

I have two emails I want to get to in seconds. But it's going to start off our Valentine super special today, just for a little while for Valentine's Day. Based on these emails, we're gonna. We're gonna start. We're gonna bring back kiss 12:30, the rhythm of the city. And we're gonna allow you guys to do Love Love requests this morning.

[Brady]

Post it to your love.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. And you can have. We're not gonna play. Post it or it's Not a game, it's just definitely. These emails are hilarious. And they start like yesterday. Fire it up. We'll do a little still test it out.

[Brett Vesely]

Hang on one second.

[DJ EazyDick]

Kiss 1230. DJ EazyDig from Kiss 1230 coming home. Back to you. Hello Phoenix. How's it going out there? DJ eazyDick waking you up 6:20 with that weird saying. You know what we was up to last night, baby? We woke up in that tender embrace. Your skin was sort of stuck to mine in that weird we didn't wipe it all off way.

[John Holmberg]

But we also kind of like being.

[DJ EazyDick]

Stuck together for a little bit. So long as nobody's hair got pulled out from their chest. And sometimes. Ladies, we know that you. How about this one here says Dear DJ Easy Dick at KISS 1230, the rhythm of the city. I know you don't do this, but I desperately want to win my ex back and he's a big fan of the show and I know he's listening. He caught me in September on my phone. You see, I went down on a guy a long time ago and he resurfaced and started texting me. And my boyfriend at the time thought I was still involved with him, which I am not. Everything is just a huge misunderstanding. And I know he will listen to your show and hear your reasoning. Please, for God's sakes. He won't answer my texts or calls, but he will hear you. Please tell Kevin Burner that I need him and I miss him and I'm so sorry. Stephanie. Stephanie. The only thing missing from that letter was what you're sorry for, which was sucking on too often. Let's just break this down a little bit on the old kiss 1230 love line.

[John Holmberg]

Little ad she didn't.

[DJ EazyDick]

She didn't say when she was with Kevin Burner while she was out there sucking on didn't belong to Kevin. She just said she went down on a guy. And who can blame her for that? Sounds like a good woman to me. Kevin, if you're out there listening right now and you haven't found anybody to suck on your since Stephanie decided to whore her mouth out for free.

[John Holmberg]

Why.

[DJ EazyDick]

Don'T you call Stephanie up today and pound her through the floor for Valentine's. Unless of course she's fat and sucking on chili dogs all day, you're lucky to get away from her. I need a photograph of Stephanie cuz maybe she just likes having hot dog shaped items in her mouth on a regular basis and can't control it. The Kiss 1230 love line is incomplete with Stephanie's letter. We should dedicate a song to Stephanie and Kevin. Suck my Kiss.

[John Holmberg]

Kevin.

[DJ EazyDick]

If you're interested, Stephanie's still in and she's probably all out of dick. She sucked her way back to you.

[John Holmberg]

You got to suck your way back.

[DJ EazyDick]

Thanks, Easy D. You're Welcome. Phoenix Kiss 1230 Love Line. If you've got any questions, you can email holmberg.com with your loveline request. This one I had to dig for, but it was very funny. Yesterday was Britt and I was talking about this says hey. It starts off says hey, Holg, but it should say, hey, DJ Easy Dick. Will you please play Al Green a lot today? I'm trying to have sex with a black girl that sits next to me at the office.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, yeah.

[DJ EazyDick]

When you talked about it yesterday, she walked by and said, now that's the smartest thing that show's ever said. I listen to you at my desk. Help me fulfill the fever. Oh, yeah. Josh wants a little. Let's play a little Al Green for Josh. Let's kick it off a little Al Green, the DJ Loveline.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, we'll do a little Al Green.

[DJ EazyDick]

Hopefully they're at work sitting there and you can make a little chocolate milk. And those panties sitting next to you.

[Brady]

The closer.

[DJ EazyDick]

Oh, yeah, we're gonna close it up for you, Josh. Now don't screw this up. You take that white weasel and you bury it in that dark hole. I want you to do something where Stephen Hawking would even say, I have not seen gravitational pull on a black hole in my life as strong as what I'm watching. When Josh goes inside that black co worker and I need you to do it with a little Al Green going to the back room. Hit it. Al Green coming at you for that delicious negro.

[John Holmberg]

And Josh.

[DJ EazyDick]

Kiss 1230 Loveline Valentine Special. Take it Al. Visit Homeburg's Morning Sickness online at 98kupd.com Holmberg's Morning Sickness. Al taking it home now. Kiss 12:30. The rhythm of the city. DJ Eazy, Dick, along with Brady and.

[John Holmberg]

Brett.

[DJ EazyDick]

Making your day go right into Valentine's, which is how we all say it in the urban world. Valentine's Day is tomorrow. Galentine's tonight if you want to go hit a fat, desperate broad. Postinos is running specials all night long for them in gaggles. Groups of five, most likely all bitching about the last time they had sex. And now they don't need no man. All right. And want to say thank you out there real quick hit to the people listening to Kiss 1230 this morning, Andrew Krieger has come in with a suggestion for Stephanie. You know, she's the one with that jaw that dislodges too often, and she starts blowing people that don't belong to her. Anyhow, Andrew says, you know how you could fix it? Thank you very much for loudly coming back in with that. Scared me to death.

[Brett Vesely]

Sorry I had to give you your music back.

[DJ EazyDick]

God damn, that was a little loud. But you know what? I'm never complaining when Lou Rawls comes at you in a hot way.

[John Holmberg]

Coming in hot.

[DJ EazyDick]

Lou Rawls. Hey, by the way, we're starting to go fund me for Lou Rawls. I think he's dead and might as well raise a little money here. We're gonna have a car wash for Louis. Andrew says, hey, for Stephanie and Joss.

[John Holmberg]

If she really wants to get them.

[DJ EazyDick]

Back, why doesn't she offer up her difficult brown? Unless, of course, she's got texts from people who are in that too. All we care about right now is that Josh is dipping that peanut butter stick into that chocolate broad at his office. We're over Stephanie and Josh. But that's a good piece of advice to all you ladies out there who are losing your man. That butthole. It goes a long way in making a man forget what you've done wrong. You could actually be blowing a guy and he's like, what's this? And you come into the room, it's like, don't worry about it. There's another one for you back there. Second story. Oh, the kiss 12:30 love line is gonna make me happy all day long. Hey, we're taking phone calls on the loveline request line, 585-9800. If you wanna talk about your relationship at all with DJ EazyDick, he's here for you. You're not gonna miss anybody's loving this weekend. It's gonna be all right. And the sadness of a man who's thinking he's gonna spend his time alone this weekend. Just remember, there's a lot of whores out there that'll take money for you so you don't have to be lonely strippers, street walkers, for God's sakes. The Internet is filled with women that will get filled by you on Valentine. Valentine's Day, no strings attached. You don't have to worry about periods or anything because usually they don't go online that week. They shut it down. They go dark. As they should. Like the Bible says when you're on your period, you should just walk around the city limits and never touch Anything that has to be burned if you do. I'm not a religious man, but the Bible nailed that one. Oh, is that time of the month? You got cramps? Here's your packed suitcase. I know it. Maybe that's it.

[John Holmberg]

I just figured something out.

[Brett Vesely]

Brad.

[DJ EazyDick]

Sorry, DJ. I gotta interrupt DJ EazyDick for a second.

[John Holmberg]

Where's my music, DJ EazyDick? Don't you suppose that that's why women are Pavlovian? Every time you go on a vacation, they start a period. It's because back in the Bible's days when they had their period that somebody had a bag packed for them.

[DJ EazyDick]

That's a very interesting and astute observation. Full suitcases.

[John Holmberg]

Well, then make a woman's tomato patch start to run.

[DJ EazyDick]

My God, it's biblical. The Bible says, bitch if you bleed, you walk the city streets, you go somewhere else. And they just can't get that out of their system. After years and years and years of breeding it out, they bleed, they ruin. You pack a suitcase for them and it's gonna happen. That's amazing.

[John Holmberg]

Hey, you know, I'm just here to help.

[DJ EazyDick]

All right, that's enough. DJs are dick taking all. Also, we got a suggestion from somebody called B. Vogan that says if you're lonely, the fish never fight back. That's an interesting thought. I guess he must be watching the movie Splash this weekend.

[Brady]

I love you, Madison.

[DJ EazyDick]

That's a very good thing.

[John Holmberg]

I love this one.

[DJ EazyDick]

I want to dedicate. Oh, we're gonna do this for sure. It's ecstasy when you lay down next to me. Can we hear a little Berry White this morning on kiss 12th? You're goddamn right, weekend.

[John Holmberg]

Speaking of white, has Josh gotten inside.

[DJ EazyDick]

That black girl yet?

[Brady]

It should be well over.

[DJ EazyDick]

Yeah, we should be over by now. Every time you get into the black stuff, it happens. She's probably already three months pregnant. Black girl hates hearing, gotta get milk. Because usually that means she's gonna be a single mother for a while. But when we're talking about Josh, his milk is different. Cuz it comes from the white cow. Josh not probably not gonna be around much for that mocha baby you two just made in the office place. But at least the bills will be.

[John Holmberg]

Paid.

[DJ EazyDick]

And your child will grow up with a functioning fire detector. That's the best thing about a white man. No beeps.

[John Holmberg]

I can't see it.

[DJ EazyDick]

Oh my God.

[John Holmberg]

Brady's.

[DJ EazyDick]

I forgot about the big kiss. 12:30, Valentine's Day, Hellcat Car Wash tomorrow. Sorry, DJ. Dick's going too far. I don't know what just happened there, DJ Easy Dick, but when you called it a woman's tomato patch, it made me throw up. Hopefully it made you throw up in your pants, because that's the goal for this week.

[Brady]

Beef steak.

[DJ EazyDick]

All right, we'll be back a little later with more Kiss 1230 Loveline. If you're interested in talking about Your Love [e-mail] There we go.

[John Holmberg]

Thank you. Easy Dick. He's smooth.

[Brady]

Keeping couples together, uniting couples.

[DJ EazyDick]

I just. Hold on. I just got this email. I think people have confused the situation with that slack jawed blowjob queen and the dude who wants to bang the. The co worker. You got your colors mixed up, John. It says Stephanie is a whore. You're not wrong about that.

[John Holmberg]

She had no business texting that.

[DJ EazyDick]

Oh, I misread it. I thought it said that dude black. It says dude back. She's not upset that she blew that guy. She's just sorry she got caught. Everybody's sorry they got caught. That's a stupid thing to say. Nobody's happy they got caught. Nobody's deep inside their side.

[John Holmberg]

Squish.

[DJ EazyDick]

They can't wait till my wife hears about this. She's gonna go crazy. I have a question for the Kiss 12:30 love line. Dear DJ Easy Dick, what am I supposed to do on Valentine's Day with my expired wife? She's over 40. Oh, my, that is tough and sounds disgusting. An over 40 wife and you're still taking her out for Valentine's Day? I guess you get her to the early bird special. Do they still have piccadillies? Maybe even go over to the Safeway and grab one of those pre cooked roasted chickens and toss it on a plate. Look at the back of the chicken and say, does that remind you of anything? Because it's super familiar to me. And when she says, what do you mean? Pull her pants down and put it next to it and do a side by side. Destroy her confidence deep down inside. She'll never leave you once she realizes that she's got a roasted chicken. Now, I know that excites a lot of the Kiss 1230 audience to think of a roasted chicken, but. Alfie, stop it. Anyway, we'll be right back. Yeah, we got a lot of work.

[John Holmberg]

To do over here. The roasted chicken suggestion for. That's nice for Valentine's Day, I think.

[Brady]

Delicious rotisserie chicken.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, my God, look. It's basically sex in a bag. When I smell. When that cracks open and you smell that in the house, man, I tells you, teeth is the word for six o'.

[Brady]

Clock.

[DJ EazyDick]

Highly against those. If you want a good Valentine's Day, ladies, let's not use any of the code word for six o', clock, all right? Want to be nice and smooth. Kind of like horse's lips, only with none of those gigantic choppers getting involved. One says DJ Eazy. Dick, can you please put the song from R. Kelly Feeling on your booty for my wife? Cause I just love that bitch. God damn, you're gonna make me cry, DJ EazyDick. Gotta take a break. I got tears in my eyes.

[John Holmberg]

I'm not crying.

[DJ EazyDick]

You're crying. I have allergies. There's something in the air. There's dust. Anyway, did you hear those beautiful words?

[John Holmberg]

Do you write for Hallmark, sir?

[DJ EazyDick]

No woman wouldn't mind hearing that car come her way today. I'd love to feel on your booty, R. Kelly style. I just love you, bitch. God damn. You're not gonna miss any of that. How do I get a. Oh, this is good. This is a good question for DJ Eazy. Dick says DJ ez Dick, how do I get out of a date I made while before jerking it post jerk? I wanted nothing to do with this bitch. I wasn't thinking with clarity. I was thinking with a full sack. Get me out of this and get me out of it fast. Start talking dirty about her bottom on the first date, she's gonna run from you. That'll make it so you don't have to have her hanging around.

[Brady]

It's also the flu going around.

[DJ EazyDick]

That's a good idea. Stop picking your nose. Make her hate you.

[John Holmberg]

Or watch porn.

[DJ EazyDick]

Build it up and she'll be attractive again. Fill the bag, my friend. Fill the bag. Cause unless she's over 40 or overweight, ain't no getting over her.

[Brady]

What was I thinking?

[DJ EazyDick]

God damn it. This has backfired. There's too many emails now. I expected maybe three, but. D. E.J. sorry, D.J. easy, Dick. I got a chance to bang this chick at work. Pretty nice, Pretty lady, nice body, goes to the gym. She even asked me out for Valentine's Day. Oh, I love a desperate bitch. I love a desperate bitch that just show up at your house at 9 o' clock and start knocking because you forgot you locked her out like a house cat. Anyway, here's the deal. She's autistic. Oh, my. Now she works full time. How much on the scale are we talking? Is one or both eyes? Yeah, look, she's got a job. I mean, she works full time. She can Drive. Well, that's a low bar you're setting. Capable of getting a driver's license. License is not necessarily a partner in life. Anyway, she lives by herself and she's functional. Well, these are things that you have really said. She must be very, very sexy. I think I saw her at Kurt Warner's Treasure House mopping up. Anyway, DJ Easy Dick. I feel like banging her would be like playing the game on Easy Mode. I need advice. What should I do? Sign Jimmy Batts? Do you have to ask a state employed helper to take her out on a date? Do you have to get permission from someone that's commissioned to look after her?

[John Holmberg]

As long as she's out on her own saying yes and no to things.

[DJ EazyDick]

Well, then, damn it all, I think she's up for grabs. So my suggestion to you is to go over to the Safeway, buy that roasted chicken once again. Never, ever get through the Safeway without a roasted chicken. You're gonna need that $4.99. Hit that jelly bean aisle and watch her eyes roll back in her head like nobody's autistic business. And then buy her some paints and an easel and put that autistic bitch to work. If she's autistic, prove it.

[Brady]

Coloring books are good too.

[DJ EazyDick]

They love to color. Put Dora the Explorer on lightly in the background and say mira. Mira Aki. And maybe even write the word jelly bean on the side of your penis. And watch her devour that like there's no tomorrow. As far as I know. If she's high on the spectrum, she loves jelly beans. Maybe have some tap shoes nearby because to distract her with weird noises for a little while. Here's what I've learned about the ladies. None of their brains work properly. The autistic ones are just a little bit louder about it. But buttholes can't be autistic. And that's the message I like to send to everybody. She doesn't poop autistic. She doesn't take it autistic. The butthole is as healthy as anything else on her body. The butthole only has two thoughts. Yes or no. Open or closed. Avierto Sabado. Now just remember to make enough room in the driveway when the ramp lowers down and her van drops her off. That's enough. DJ eazyDicks tried to leave three times.

[John Holmberg]

Quit it. Get out. That is sexy when a girl ramps into your house when you have to kind of back her up.

[Brady]

That's why I draw the line.

[John Holmberg]

Back her up over the porch steps.

[DJ EazyDick]

All right.

[John Holmberg]

Stop it. We'll have more Kiss 1230 stories later.

[DJ EazyDick]

I'm sure of it.

[John Holmberg]

We played all the Wake up songs we need. There you go. You're off. To start, you needed Valentine's Day rolling away right here. We'll get to the Brady report in seconds. It's not weird. It's pretty cool, actually. No membership fee.

[DJ EazyDick]

I have heard enough of this.