02-16-26 - Brady Report MIX - 7x - The Band Train Is More Streamed Than Most More Famous Bands - BO

Summary

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Episode Overview

Theme:
This episode of Holmberg's Morning Sickness revolves around surprising pop culture stats, offbeat news stories, and classic banter among John Holmberg, Brady Bogen, Bret Vesely, and Dick Toledo. The standout topic is the unexpected streaming dominance of the band Train, which launches the crew into analysis, incredulity, and plenty of comedic riffs. Regular segments return—quirky news, oddball crimes, culinary debates, and digressions on everything from karaoke meltdowns to historical road trips.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Train Surpasses Legendary Bands on Spotify

• Brady's Fun Fact: The band Train has more monthly Spotify listeners than icons like Led Zeppelin, The Eagles, Van Halen, Tom Petty, U2, REM, Pearl Jam, and Elvis.
  • Quote (Brady, 02:21): “Train has more monthly listeners on Spotify than Led Zeppelin, the Eagles, Van Halen, Tom Petty, U2, REM, Pearl Jam, and Elvis.”
• The group is shocked, initially thinking it was a sum (all the bands combined), then clarifying it's each band individually (02:37).
• Discussion on Train’s wedding staples (“Marry Me”, “Hey, Soul Sister”) and speculation these are driven by women and wedding DJs.
  • Quote (John, 03:05): “The one that no man listens to. It's the Taylor Swift of music.”
• Actual streaming numbers:
  • “Hey, Soul Sister” – over 1.7 billion listens
  • “Drops of Jupiter” – over a billion
  • “Drive By” – 857 million (05:10, 05:25)
  • Quote (John, 05:17): "I don't understand this at all."

2. Music Stats and Industry Oddities

• Recounting bands whose sophomore albums sold more than debuts; mention of Def Leppard as an unlikely member (06:26).

3. Brain-Chip “Severance” Technology Thought Experiment

• With inspiration from the “Severance” TV show, the group wonders if they'd erase workday memories if technology allowed it.
  • 10% of Americans said they'd do it, 4% would “definitely” (06:50–07:03).
• John jokes that aging naturally erases work memories anyway (07:13).
  • Quote (John, 07:13): "You just forget it on naturally. Just everybody ends up getting old enough to where you forget your workday no matter what."

4. Hot Pot Restaurant Pee Incident

• Chinese teens film themselves urinating in their personal restaurant hot pot; confusion over whether it affected others.
  • Company only discovered it four days later; 4,000 customers got refunds (08:12–09:54).
• Debate about whether washing the pot is sufficient, and detour into Mongolian BBQ food hacks (11:01).
  • Quote (John, 11:13): “Brady gives his bowl to the cook and his hand drops like he handed him a bowling ball.”

5. Karaoke Disasters: Gunfire Over Cranberries

• Florida man arrested after pulling a gun in a bar because the karaoke machine was broken and he couldn't sing “Linger” by The Cranberries.
  • Quote (Brady, 14:58): "He was upset at the OverTime Sports Bar 2:30 am because the karaoke machine wasn't working."
• The team riffs at length on how absurd (and relatable) this is, even performing bits of the song (17:01–21:05).
  • Memorable moment: The group sing-alongs to “Linger," weaving in mock threats and fake bar patter.

6. Weird Crime Stories

• Another Florida story: Man punches a woman while living out of a car; odd twist that he thought they were dating, but she didn’t (21:41–22:17).
• The old “guess the crime” routine around race and expectation, with humor and running gags (22:25–23:32).

7. American Cheese’s Identity Crisis

• Sargento launches a new “real” American cheese that qualifies as actual cheese (not just “cheese food”).
  • Heated debate on what counts as real cheese, melting characteristics, and grilled cheese best practices.
  • Quote (Brady, 24:03): "Sargento just released a new type of American cheese that actually qualifies as cheese."
• John lampoons the notion that the world needs a new processed cheese now (24:46–25:42).
  • Quote (John, 26:17): “I just love that there's finally, like, an exhale from fat world. Oh, finally. No more of those awkward, strange, inconvenient grilled cheese sandwiches I’ve been struggling with my whole life.”

8. Historical Digression: Wagons West, Gender, and Murder

• The group riffs on wagon train journeys, hypothesizing tongue-in-cheek that men arranged for Indian attacks to rid themselves of family on tough journeys (29:01–31:41).
  • Memorable Exchange: Joking about manifest destiny and the “OK” hand signal’s origins.

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Notable Quotes & Moments (with Timestamps)

• Train’s Popularity

  • “Say that again.” (John, 02:35)
  • “Train has more monthly listeners…” (Brady, 02:37)
  • “It’s the Taylor Swift of music.” (John, 03:05)

• Spotify Stats

  • “This one’s got 290 million… that one’s got a billion.” (A, 05:04)
  • “Hey, Soul Sister… over a 1.7 billion listens?” (John, 05:12)

• Work-Erasing Brain Chips

  • “You just forget it on naturally…” (John, 07:13)

• Hot Pot Incident

  • “A couple of 17-year-old teens posted a little video of them peeing in their hot pot.” (Brady, 08:12)
  • “They pissed on their own food? So who cares?” (John, 09:25)

• Mongolian BBQ Bowl Trick

  • “He just starts taking food and smashing it into the bottom of the bowl and making it like paper thin…” (John, 10:54)
  • “Brady gives his bowl to the cook and his hand drops like he handed him a bowling ball.” (John, 11:13)

• Karaoke Gun Incident

  • “[He] pulled a gun out of his waistband, pointed at the other man, shouted, ‘I don’t effing care.’” (Brady, 17:20)
  • Singalong: The crew belts out “Linger” interwoven with fake threats and comedic asides (17:01–21:05).

• Cheese Debate

  • “Sargento just released a new type of American cheese that is actually—it qualifies as cheese.” (Brady, 24:03)
  • “It’s fake cheese that tastes real.” (John, 24:34)

• Wagons West Sidetrack

  • “No way that it was all disease, famine, and Indians that were killing all those ladies as they tried to, you know, manifest destiny.” (John, 30:40)

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• Train surpasses legendary bands on Spotify: 02:21–05:31
• Def Leppard and album stats: 06:26
• ‘Severance’ brain-chip poll: 06:35–07:26
• Chinese hot pot incident: 07:52–09:54
• Mongolian BBQ bowl hack: 10:48–12:03
• Karaoke gun incident ("Linger" debacle): 14:58–21:05
• Odd crimes—living-in-car conflict: 21:41–23:32
• Sargento “real” American cheese & grilled cheese debate: 24:03–27:08
• Wagon train historical riff: 29:01–31:41

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Overall Tone & Style

The tone is irreverent, playful, and rapid-fire with plenty of group laughter, silly voices, and tangents. The chemistry between hosts is the star, driven by fast ad-libs and the kind of inside jokes only years of radio can foster. Pop culture, true crime, and snack food all get the full HMS treatment.

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For listeners:
This episode is a wild ride through pop stats, culinary quirks, and true crime oddities. If you like your news with a heavy side of sarcasm and sideshow-style tangents, this is classic Holmberg’s Morning Sickness.

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Transcript

[A]

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[B]

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[A]

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[C]

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[A]

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[C]

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[A]

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[D]

It's the last of Homburg's Morning Sickness. I'm 98 KUPD. It's time for Brady to give you all the news that only Brady knows. We call this the Brady Report, and it's brought to you by our friends at All Pro Shade. If you want to get on over there and shade up a portion of your backyard, front yard, side yard, whatever. You got windows, you want to put blinds up, you want to put blockers out, you want to make them look good. And you've got sun just infiltrating a part of your house you don't want there anymore. Darn it all. Like Toledo's dad. Get rid of that sun and just get it done properly so it looks like it's supposed to be part of the house. It adds property value and makes everything better. The motorized shades that they put out there disappear in this windy weather like this, probably up to like 20, 25 miles an hour right now and suck itself back in so you don't have a big mess or something broken in your backyard. They are Sensitive to the wind and to the weather, which is great. And when they want to make that back patio of yours a living space, darn it all, they're ready. They're ready for you. It's a beautiful thing. And like I said to you last week, the number one thing people look for when they're looking for a house now is outdoor living space in Phoenix. That is a huge selling point. Make it so you've got that and do it right. All prochade.com that's where you go. Brady reported.

[E]

Good Monday morning to you, Phoenix. Hello, world.

[D]

Hi.

[E]

Got a couple of basis fun facts. The band Train has more monthly listeners on Spotify than Led Zeppelin, the Eagles, Van halen, Tom Petty, U2 REM, Pearl Jam and Elvis.

[D]

Say that again.

[E]

Train has more monthly listeners.

[D]

Train, yeah. Drops of Jupiter.

[E]

Yes. On Spotify. Than those bands that I've just combined. No. Okay.

[D]

I was gonna say.

[E]

I thought you said each band individual.

[D]

When you hit me with two, I'm like, oh my God.

[E]

Well, I find it.

[D]

I find it amazing the Drops of Jupiter's that popular anyway. Is there a girl song they have that I don't know about? What else does Train have?

[A]

That marry you song that gets played at every wedding.

[D]

The one that no man listens to. It's the Taylor Swift of music. Yes, I see. Well, that makes sense now because Desperate.

[E]

Ringless just pound Matt over and over.

[D]

We'll just put it on a loop. That and that Bruno Mars marry me thing. What's the. Oh, do you have Riding oh Toledo's thing? You have it?

[B]

I'm sorry, Riding the bus with.

[D]

Oh, no, we had that Bert brought up. Yeah. Rosie O' Donnell is a. Mentally. People were asking Andy McDowell and yes, Brady did say Sam I am. That's Dr. Seuss. I am. Sam was the movie he was thinking of. He was hungry for ham, so he said the wrong thing.

[B]

I'm just gonna isolate it.

[D]

He was thinking about green eggs and ham and it's breakfast. So he didn't think of Sean Penn.

[A]

Oh, yeah. Hey, soul sister. Drops of Juvenile.

[D]

Hey, soul sister. But still more than Pearl Jam. And who else have you this.

[E]

Led Zeppelin, the Eagles, Van Halen.

[D]

That's ridiculous. Then again, you think about it. Those are the. Nobody's Spotifying that like they're a little more like 25 year old girl 10 years ago when SP first got going.

[E]

That's true.

[D]

So it makes sense that they would have that in the loop for 10 years. So it's been going for. And here's that this is a pretty good song. How many.

[B]

How many listens does that have? Are you on the Spotify or whatever?

[A]

Yeah. Let's see here.

[D]

This is the Marry Me song.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

This one's got to be.

[D]

And you play this at weddings at your dj?

[A]

Unfortunately, I try to talk him out.

[D]

So many tears. What do you try to talk them into?

[A]

Anything but this. This slash your wrist. Why would you want to marry anybody who wants to listen to this crap?

[D]

Brett is also a marriage counselor. Absolutely. He'll DJ and life coach you right through your first few days of nuptial bliss.

[A]

Well, here's the thing. Here's the train numbers on Spotify.

[D]

It's ridiculous. Just from what Brady said, I'm blown away.

[A]

This one's got 290 million, 91 million.

[D]

That one's got a billion list.

[A]

Hey, Soul Sister and Drops Jupiter are over a.

[D]

Is that 1.7 billion listens to hey, soul Sister?

[F]

Yeah. Damn.

[D]

I don't understand this at all.

[A]

I don't know. Drive by and that's got 857 million.

[B]

Oh, I remember this. On the other side of the street I knew.

[D]

I remember this girl that looked like you. I guess that's Dej. Train is a lot better than I thought. No kidding. That's a bet I'd have lost. There used to be that old stat. Oh, yeah. I didn't think it was that big. The old one that was like bands whose second albums. I forget what it was. They sold a. A bajillion copies on their first album. And then their second one actually outsold it. There's only five. And one of them was Def Leppard. And it was always like the Eagles. You know, the ACDC had all this stuff that kind of had this sophomore album and their second album just exploded on their. And yeah. And they had to hit like platinum stats. I forget what the stat was, but Def Leppard was in it. They didn't belong like, they're good, but it was like, no way.

[F]

Well, yeah.

[A]

Because that Def Leppard, the first albums that on through the night that had nothing and then high and dry was.

[D]

After that just a massive. Yeah. Follow.

[E]

The season finale severances tonight. But if you could get a brain implant that made you forget your entire workday, would you do it? That was the question they asked.

[D]

Probably not.

[E]

2,000Americans, if that technology existed. And 10% of Americans said they probably.

[D]

Would to try to do they're that miserable that day to day they want to forget their work.

[E]

Yeah. 4% said definitely.

[D]

Huh?

[F]

No.

[D]

Well, you're on your way, Brady. You just forget it on naturally. Just everybody ends up getting old enough to where you forget your workday no matter what. Yeah. As you get older, you just start forgetting your workday as you go.

[E]

No chip needed, need any sort of surgery.

[D]

Just don't pay attention. Just go through the motions and go home and go. I don't even know what happened today. That sucks though. Again, not having a job. Having a job you don't like has got to suck. It has to absolutely suck. It's about like a career.

[E]

You don't have an option.

[D]

Right. Like you're kind of trapped in a job you don't want to be. That's got to stink. I can't imagine it. Luckily haven't had it, but this company.

[E]

In China are the. They own over a thousand Chinese hot pot restaurants. It's Hadaleo is the name of the company. And a couple of 17 year old teens posted a little video of them peeing in their hot pot at the restaurant.

[D]

Come on.

[E]

Well, the company didn't figure out until four days later after investigation where. Because there's a thousand locations.

[B]

Good man. Isn't the hot pot just your dish at the table or is it like a communal dish?

[E]

So it's basically this one's like you. They give you the equipment. Almost like the Korean barbecue where you make at the table. They give you a hot pot and you put your broth in it and everything.

[A]

So it's like the melting pot type thing.

[E]

Yeah.

[D]

Okay.

[E]

All right. So they finally, four days later, they figured out the location where it happened. And then they contacted people they. They're estimating, basically they took it in there. They did it in their own hot pot. That was one of the chefs. No, the customer. The customers. Yeah, the boys were the customers.

[D]

They knew someone peed in it. They didn't know where it was.

[E]

They knew the video was put up. Yeah. Because they didn't know the exact location where it happened.

[D]

How do you get the video of something these guys.

[E]

Because it's almost like.

[D]

So it's their Instagram page.

[E]

It's their Instagram.

[D]

Okay. Yep, got it. I thought this restaurant had video and like we don't.

[E]

And the good news is they were able to please track down the two 17 year old boys that did it.

[D]

I peed in their own.

[E]

Yeah, they. While they were peeing in the hot pot that they're making. Right.

[D]

So who cares?

[A]

The guys that work there were.

[E]

The problem is they were saying you still got to wash the pots and stuff. And they didn't. So people were a little disturbed. Like, did they disinfect?

[D]

They didn't wash them.

[E]

They did. Oh, but they're still giving. They figured 4, 000 people went through the doors of that restaurant.

[D]

But you got a time pissed on their own food.

[E]

Yeah.

[D]

And then gave the plot.

[E]

It got washed. Yeah. Well, yeah.

[D]

This seems to be a non factor.

[E]

If it was. They're thinking. They're saying they should have shut down.

[D]

The restaurant because he's too peed in their food.

[E]

Yeah. But they did.

[A]

Pot was washed.

[D]

Who disagree?

[A]

It is what it is.

[E]

4000 customers got 10 times the price of what they paid that night.

[D]

Oh, if they had their receipt.

[E]

Yeah.

[D]

If you're going to get a 10x on that, that's pretty good.

[E]

Wow.

[D]

I'd have pretended to eat Mongolian barbecue for. What was that? Probably 14 bucks. That's $140 I'd have gotten back.

[B]

The only thing I remember that is you teaching me how to cram food.

[D]

Oh, my God. You've never seen any Harry Potter. Harry Potter didn't. Harry Potter's teachers.

[B]

There's no room for sauce.

[D]

Weren't as wizardly as Brady was. When you go to Mongo, barbecue is his. It was the never ending. You got to go to Mongolian barbecue with him. All right.

[A]

Yeah, let's do it.

[D]

Don't eat the food.

[B]

Even the cook picks it up and goes, whoa.

[D]

Yeah.

[F]

Yeah.

[D]

The guy was shocked. They give you a normal human bowl, right?

[E]

Okay.

[A]

Yeah. Like a cereal bowl type thing.

[D]

And Brady gets it and he just laughing like he's like he's figured something out. Crack the code. Watch this. And he just starts taking food and smashing it into the bottom of the bowl and making it like paper thin. All of it. And then could you build it yourself? And then you give it to a cook and he pours it out.

[E]

Magic sticks.

[D]

And Brady gives his bowl to the cook and his hand drops like he handed him a bowling ball. The guy goes, wow. Turns it over.

[E]

Good bowl, bro.

[D]

And Brady's like, overflow. He was excited that his bowl is going to be like a cornucopia of Mongolian.

[B]

The guy had to clean off the whole platter.

[D]

Yeah. It was just for Brady.

[E]

Cooking platter.

[D]

Good. Two pounds of whatever's in there at least. And it's like salad mixing. He had so much food in there. And I'm doing it too, like, oh, it must disappear on the grill or something. No, it grows. It got huge. He needed like a plate and a bowl and Everybody there was impressed. And then I ate it and I'm like, what is this? Mongolian barbecue? Oh, God, this is horrible. Yeah, but he got eight pounds of it.

[F]

So.

[D]

Yeah, he was just happy at volume. It could have been deep fried socks at that point. He just. He'd won something. Yeah. Have him take you to one of those. Method is pure madness, John.

[B]

I for one would pay. Can we force Brady to sign this contract and get Severance Brady? Because I would love to see severance Brady in action. We'd get awesome news every morning, comb through the entire Internet instead of the top 10 fish sandwiches like last week.

[D]

But he would do the fish sandwiches story like every day. He forgot he did it yesterday. So you'd hear that story a lot.

[B]

And keep in mind, AI Brady would be an amalgamation of all Brady's, so it would be more fish sandwich news.

[D]

We would want Brady to remember yesterday so he doesn't do that Texas story again tomorrow.

[B]

We have to recycle through the groundhog.

[D]

You did this one yesterday. No, I didn't. Come on, you're the one who said to get your brain replaced every day. Leave it to me. I know what you did.

[E]

Driver in Switzerland was fined nearly $110,000 for driving too close to the vehicle in front of them tailgating. The reason it works this way in Switzerland is your tickets when you're speeding or tailgating are based upon your income. Your income. So this guy was making some dough. He's fighting the $110,000 ticket because. And the reason why they base it on your income, they want you to.

[D]

Feel, well, a few years ago they had that rich guy that was speeding around all the time. He didn't care that the ticket was like 80 bucks. So it didn't stop him. So they changed some stuff to say, well, if you make this much money, it's now a percentage of your income.

[E]

Well, the guy fought it in court. The ticket was upheld, but it was suspended. A suspended fine meaning he won't have to pay the fine, but he cannot commit any other offense for the next two years. This is beating or, you know, that's.

[D]

What insurance is supposed to do.

[E]

But he spent 14,500 bucks fighting it in court. That sounds smart.

[D]

It's better than 100 grand.

[A]

Yeah, no kidding.

[D]

A speeding ticket should just be a speeding ticket. The whole thing is based off of what the city makes off of those things, not trying to destroy you. And that's what insurance is supposed to do. You get too many of those, they make it so it's too expensive to drive.

[E]

We got a 34 year old Florida man, Clearwater, Florida named Aaron Jablowski. He was hey would you blow me? No, sorry, it's Jablonski. He placed a call. He's upset at the overTime Sports Bar 2:30am because the karaoke machine wasn't working.

[D]

He want to sing more train songs.

[E]

He stormed out. He actually wanted to sing Linger, the Cranberries, Patty's day, Close her down. Maybe.

[D]

The words you say sometimes.

[B]

I mean who talks like that? Well, it's now the NBA's time to shine. For us Suns fans, that means fast breaks and buzzer beaters are front and center. It's Dick Toledo for Underdog the app where picking the NBA can score you 5,000 times your money. And playing on Underdog so easy. Just pick if players will go higher or lower on their stats. And here's a sneaky good play I like. Take Grayson Allen higher on three point attempts and Mark Williams higher on rebounds. But whatever the stat you like, Underdog's got it. So play on Underdog with me and download the app today and use promo code HMS to score $75 in bonus entries when you play your first $5 underdog make picks win money must be 18 +, 19 in Alabama and Nebraska, 19+ in Colorado for some games, 21+ in Arizona, Massachusetts and Virginia and present in a state where underdog fantasy operates. Terms apply. Concerned with your 1-800-My-Reset or visit www.ncpgambling.org Arizona 1-800-Next Step 1-800-639-8783 or text Next Step to 53342 New York, call the 24.7Hope line at 1-877-8-HOPE NY or text Hope NY to 467369.

[G]

All right, HMS Podcast time again to let you know where to go for some great comedy in the Valley this week. Downtown and stand up live. Get out and see the comedy of Moshe Casher and the up and coming Ari Maddie. Up north at Desert Ridge, you'll get Josh Wolf and snl' Brennan and east side of the Tempe Improv. Don't miss the very funny Sam J. And more Josh Wolf. For the complete lineups and for tickets go to standuplive.com Desert Ridge, improv.com and.

[D]

Tempyimprov.Com Holmberg's Morning Sickness. You know what's fun to do?

[E]

Whipped out a gun.

[D]

Change the word linger to ginger because it's just one letter difference or dinger.

[H]

You have to let it dinger it's just.

[D]

It's for the Colorado Rocky fan and all.

[H]

You have to have to let it Dinger.

[A]

Oh, that's a concert I'd go to.

[D]

I would too. She started this thing.

[H]

We changed the words to all of our songs to celebrate the mascot of the Colorado Rockies.

[E]

He stormed out. And that's when another karaoke fan tried to get him to cool down. Aaron was not in the mood. He pulled a gun out of his waistband. They pointed at the other man, shouted, I don't effing care. Someone called the cops. And when they showed up, Aaron still had the gun. Witness say they saw him waving it around. He fired off around.

[D]

God damn it. I'm singing Linger whether they play it or not. Play it. Give me the karaoke. Mother.

[B]

Didn't take a bullet.

[E]

No, no one got hit.

[D]

You gotta go home. I'm singing Linger. No, you're not. Turn on the machine if I'm not. Fine. Forget it. Listen, I'm doing it.

[H]

If you could return.

[D]

You guys.

[H]

Don't let it burn. Don't let it fade.

[D]

All right, just let him finish.

[E]

He was arrested on two felonies. Aggravated assault, possession of a firearm by a felon, rap shooting. He also got a dui. Disorderly conduct.

[D]

Did you get this thing Linger at all? In the car on the drive to the baby.

[B]

Man, he missed jail a lot.

[A]

Yeah, the cops are like, oh, Christ, just drop him off.

[D]

Just, you know, let him go. How long's the ride to the police station, Mother? There's about eight minutes. Perfect. That's two Lingers. We're doing it. Stop singing Linger.

[E]

Hey, Siri Flav.

[C]

Cranberries.

[D]

Don't do that. My phone's gonna get cranberries.

[B]

I found info on the Borg. It's called Blackout Rage Gallon. Yeah, it holds 700 like you.

[D]

Yeah, yeah. Don't acknowledge like. Oh, yeah, that makes tons of sense to a guy like me. You acknowledge that like it was yours.

[E]

That's what I said.

[D]

No. God. You know what? Screw you guys. I'm tired of you idiots. The man at 2:30 in the morning should be allowed to sing a cranberry song anytime you want. Mother. I spend a lot of money in here. Shut up and listen. I'm gonna hit the high notes. I'm doing it too. It's a long intro. I forgot how long the intro. I was. Maybe you guys are right. Yeah.

[A]

Damn.

[D]

There we go. Hit it, Dolores. It's a beautiful song. I want to dedicate it to my beautiful wife who I haven't talked to. In three years. But she'll be back with my kids.

[E]

All right.

[D]

Please step off the stage. No goddamn way.

[H]

If you. If you could return. Don't let it burn Put your gun.

[D]

Down don't let it fade I'll kill you, mother.

[H]

Not a use, but it's just your idea.

[D]

By the way, when you look like me and you go to a karaoke bar and you do that, it stops the route.

[E]

Wait a minute, you've done.

[D]

Yeah, I love those types of characters because people see it. And you'll hear the audible groan at the grapevine. And we got John coming up here. And then on the screen it says cranberries Linger or Alanis Morissette. One of her slow songs, like thank you and I always grab things. Hey, folks, thanks. I hope you're having a great night tonight. Today everybody's having a good time.

[H]

I'm such a fool.

[D]

For years, like that big bald cancer guy is gay.

[E]

Gender flu.

[A]

Oh my God, you guys can do that. At night of singing Dead, we did.

[D]

Oh, yeah, we talked about that. I think we did Linger. Well, we did the. The rock version. That was the year that my in ear blew up and my ear started bleeding. It was the worst start to a show ever. Oh, so that was so painful. I had to get through Alice in Chains and Linger and Linkin park. With my ear bleeding. I thought I'd blow up my eardrum. It was bleeding internally. I could taste it.

[A]

Did it just linger in there?

[D]

It had to. I had to let it. This is a mandatory thing. That girl that started singing lines to us last night should have done this for me.

[E]

Your voice smells like farts.

[H]

Your voice just smells like farts. My husband Scott has a problem. He says it's medical. His ass lets out. All of the gas comes right out his ass.

[D]

It's a good song. You can't help it. Once it's in your head, you'll sing.

[E]

Zombies better, but got another dude. A Florida man, Daniel Morello. He was arrested for battery after an argument with a woman. It turned violent. He punched a 24 year old woman in the head.

[D]

Can't do that.

[E]

They were traveling together, but their car broke down. They ran out of money.

[D]

Yeah, take that, Gabby.

[E]

So they've been living in the vehicle and things got tense.

[D]

Inevitable. Someone's gonna kill someone if you're in a car with them too long.

[E]

Daniel claims that he'd been dating her for a few months, but the woman denied the intimate relationship.

[D]

You punched her in the head? She might not remember.

[E]

He got arrested. He Was wearing a shirt that says, I never argue.

[D]

I love him. We'd play what colors? This is so white. It's ridiculous.

[E]

Okay?

[D]

Really? Daniel Murillo, get out of here. He's black. I never would have guessed it. This is a white crime.

[A]

He was adopted.

[D]

He was raised by whites. There's no question. Otherwise, he'd have just left. If he just said, the guy just pulled over and got out and he never was seen from again. I'm like, well, that's a black guy. But he punched her in the head and then tried to stick around. That's a white guy. I am wrong about Daniel Morell, man. You know what? We're a melting pot. Anything's possible. But, yeah, you can't just watch the Gabby Petito documentary and tell me that. If you said, hey, you know, it'd be a great idea, us tooling around the country in a car for weeks on end, never living anywhere. If someone's gonna die, you can't do it. You might start off in love. I give you till Utah from Florida. And that's exactly how long they lasted before you start wanting to strangle each other.

[A]

Utah. That's a long way.

[D]

Look, you can do it.

[A]

It's a long way.

[D]

You could. The first two weeks are fun. It's all like, oh, my God, we.

[F]

Do kind of stink.

[D]

You take a bath in a stream, and it's cute the first time. Next thing you know, everybody smells like hot flaming corn. Nuts. There's farting going on in the car. It's dirty. Now it's no more fun. You're in Utah. You're looking at each other like one more diner with her. And I'm finishing this.

[E]

This is spectacular news. Sargento just released a new type of American cheese that is actually. It qualifies as cheese.

[B]

Wait a minute. American cheese doesn't qualify as.

[H]

Shut up, Toledo.

[F]

Let the man talk.

[E]

This is important for you.

[F]

It is important. Now you shut your mouth. Shut your gob. They've cracked the code on how to make fake cheese. Real cheese.

[E]

Yeah.

[F]

God damn it. It's cheese. I love Elon Musk.

[E]

It's natural American cheese. It only has five ingredients. Meanwhile, the other types have nine or more.

[F]

What other types? The real cheese.

[E]

They say the process is similar to making Colby Jack. The ingredients are milk, cheese culture, salt, and.

[D]

Don't give us a recipe. It's just cheese. It's fake cheese that tastes real. And they're now saying might be real.

[E]

Surprise if they're on the shelves right now. I already got A pack.

[D]

I don't understand this.

[B]

I don't either.

[A]

Mr. Sargento probably called him and sent him one.

[D]

Why in the world do you need artificial cheese to replace your cheese?

[A]

Hold on.

[D]

Shut up. Artificial cheese to replace your real cheese? Let them answer this and then we'll get to you.

[E]

Okay, so when you're making a grilled cheese or whatever, you usually use like an American cheese or. But because it's not real cheese, I never would get it. I usually do cheddar or whatever.

[D]

Now you use cheese.

[E]

The other day I saw it on the shelf. Real American cheese. That was what you melch better.

[B]

Wait a minute. You're pre buying things for your stories.

[E]

No, I did. I did realize that you just rolled out.

[D]

I had to sit the other day. That's why it's his story is because in his phone he looks. Is this a scam? If I reach for this, it'll be a trap. He thought his hand would chop off like he's a rat. I reach for this cheese that's luring me in. And then it became worse. But I'm still struggling with. It's just for melting a cheese slice.

[E]

Some people like.

[A]

So it's like Velveeta.

[E]

Velveeta, okay.

[D]

Yeah, but what's okay then why not use Velveeta?

[E]

Why not get an all natural American cheese that's really.

[D]

You care about what's natural cheese food. I watch you eat orange.

[E]

I like Velveeta. Don't get me wrong.

[D]

Yeah, you.

[C]

You eat.

[E]

We know.

[A]

We were not questioning that at all.

[D]

I've never once looked at you with a handful of Cheeto dust going. It's all natural. Like when do you care?

[E]

I wanted to try it, see if it was different.

[D]

Well, sure, trying it's one thing, but the like trying to sell me that. It's like this is finally what we've been waiting for. For Velveeta's been getting it done.

[E]

I might have been exaggerating a little bit. You know what we waited for?

[D]

Little Christ. So the cheese. I don't know this. I'm asking you the expert. Bitter. The cheese that I would buy doesn't melt right. As a grilled cheese.

[E]

It melts differently.

[D]

Yeah, but it's still a good grilled cheese in the end, I think.

[E]

Well, because I think, you know, like if you're using a Colby or a cheddar sometimes and people might like that when you bite the grilled cheese and it strings out a long time.

[D]

Yeah.

[E]

American won't do that.

[B]

They like Playing with. Oh, American doesn't string.

[E]

Nope.

[F]

It all goes in your mouth at the same time. You don't go messing around like it's a piece of chewed gum. Brady's right. When you want to bite, you want to bite. God damn it. You don't want to fight a Navarro.

[B]

My question is.

[E]

Thank you, Ralph.

[F]

Nothing worse than watching your mouth. Ouch. And have that delicious angelic ambrosia in your mouth. And then you pull the sandwich away and realize that half of it's about to fall on the floor.

[E]

No. So it's about waste.

[F]

No, it's about floor food. I'm not eating that. We talked about that yesterday. It goes in your mouth, gets in your belly. That's where it belongs. It doesn't belong hanging out in the air, getting cold. It's not Jacob's ladder, for Christ's sake. I want it in my mouth. I don't need some show.

[B]

My question was Sargento. Aren't you offended? As an Italian making real American cheese?

[D]

No. I don't even know what that is.

[A]

Yeah, I don't either.

[E]

They're out of Wisconsin.

[B]

Oh, they're not Italian.

[E]

Okay.

[B]

All right.

[F]

Tell them about the factory tour, Brady.

[E]

It's amazing.

[F]

They had to kick us out. We were like those Palestinian protesters. After a while, they just, like, close it down. They're making us scared.

[E]

I got a couple of radio videos.

[F]

No more cheese stores. Y' all done.

[E]

That's it.

[D]

All right.

[F]

See you later.

[E]

Sure. Thanks, Ralphie. Stretch.

[B]

I gotta get the system back up.

[D]

Stretch. Like that cheese, Brady hate.

[A]

Yeah, let's talk about that.

[E]

It's first.

[D]

I just love that there's a finally, like, an exhale from fat world. Oh, finally. No more of those awkward, strange, inconvenient grilled cheese sandwiches I've been struggling with my whole life.

[B]

Forty years ago, when I made first.

[D]

Grilled cheese, I think that's one of the first things they teach kids to make because they don't screw up now. Oh, here you go, you rotund little hog.

[E]

Stepped up the game.

[D]

Is it too excited? You gotta call me up now.

[F]

Oh, my God.

[D]

And you saw it in the store. And what's the cell on the package say? Hey, Brady.

[B]

All natural, little neon sign.

[D]

Hey, Brady.

[E]

Look says, hey, boss.

[D]

Yeah, you're gonna want this, chief. Going back to that cross country thing, I got to thinking. Well, Brady was making no sense over there with that story. Remember when they'd crossed the nation in those Conestoga wagons? And then the stories are always like, the women and children didn't make it. You know why they were getting killed. You were in wagons. So back then, they were a little more tolerant of time spent together. So you could make it from Oklahoma. You get to Nevada, you're not getting all the way to the gold rush with the family. The wives, oh, they got sick or. I think they paid a lot of Indians to kill the family.

[E]

And then watch that 1883, the Tyler Sheridan.

[D]

The dudes get through. And you know what else? The other thing.

[E]

Oh, you know, it was Grift City.

[D]

Everybody was killing the women and children. And also, the thing was, like, the men would go ahead. I think that's. We've.

[E]

They would. They would hire people.

[D]

Look, we've romanticized something here. These guys would get up to, like, oh, there's a mountain range, huh? Women and children. You stay here. We'll be right back. And then they'd leave, and they're like, well, they're gonna think we're dead. We're just gonna go to California without them. I can't take it anymore. And then they leave them to fend for themselves.

[B]

Watch that American primeval.

[D]

And then they come up exactly what you're talking about.

[B]

And then.

[D]

Yeah. Yeah, they just leave the ladies behind all the time. You got this, right?

[B]

Come back and they're slaughtered.

[D]

And the weakest man that they're tired of, like, this guy won't shut up. And the two dudes go, we'll go to California together. And then maybe on their way back.

[E]

Like, 14 guys will say, 100 bucks a wagon. I'll get you across.

[D]

Yeah.

[E]

Like, by the way, we'll be here.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

Then they'd kill all the ladies because it was just. Don't think it wasn't the guy driving the wagon. Like, I paid these guys to help us out. Everyone should be comfortable. And then he'd give them that okay sign. I bet you that's where the okay sign came from.

[E]

From.

[D]

You got it, boy. Yep. We'll kill everybody here. No way that it was all disease, famine, and Indians that were killing all those ladies as they tried to, you know, manifest destiny. Lewis and Clark did it. They were picking up broads on the way, knocking down mailbox.

[E]

They lost a few.

[D]

Lewis and Clark lost guides. Two of them were going to be just fine. A couple ladies died. It had some prostitutes somewhere in, I don't know, the Dakotas. I don't know where they're.

[B]

And they had an in with Sagajua. She was leading the way.

[D]

And they were banging the life on that whole. We romanticized that whole trip west. Oh, just like some guy pointing and everybody following in their dresses. No, they were sick of the Women by Oklahoma.

[B]

The women historical story can have Chris.

[D]

Farley in the movie Wagons east is not that was. That was John Candy, wasn't it?

[B]

No, Chris Farley and Wagons Ho.

[D]

I remember Wagons east was Chris was a John Candy. And oh, they did the other one. I don't and that was one where he died during that pretty close because John Candy died during Wagons East. Either way, everybody wanted to kill each other. It's the same in cars. We just. It's actually they were a lot more tolerant back then and luckily they had savage Indians along the way they could rely on to kill the family. So they didn't get blamed for murder.

[B]

It's out of control now. 98k youpd the winter olympics have begun. And you want to know why? Betting the Winter Games on FanDuel just makes sense. It's Dick Toledo from Holmberg's morning sickness. And from game lines to medal counts to finding your angle on the events you care about most, FanDuel gives you more ways to stay connected to the action. That's right, the Winner Games are on. And there's no better way to follow them than with a little wager on FanDuel. The winner games and FanDuel. Play your game 21 in President Arizona. Gambling problem call 1-800-next-step or text next step to 53342.

[D]

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