Podcast Summary: Holmberg's Morning Sickness – “Brady Report - MIX - 6x - Chief Groundhog Sausage - Female Arsonist - Slut TShirt - BO”

Episode Date: February 17, 2026
Hosts: John Holmberg, Brady Bogen, Bret Vesely, Dick Toledo
Station: 98KUPD, Arizona

Episode Overview

This episode of Holmberg’s Morning Sickness serves up another round of the irreverent, rapid-fire banter the show is known for. The team covers an array of offbeat news stories—ranging from a bizarre historical reference to “Chief Groundhog Sausage,” to a mug shot involving a questionable novelty T-shirt, the saga of a female arsonist, a nearly $1 billion divorce check, playful jabs at reincarnation, miracle survival stories, and a tiny working handgun.

The tone is sarcastic, playful, and edgy, with the hosts riffing on absurdities in the day's oddest news, American culture, and each other’s quirks.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Chief Groundhog Sausage & Bizarre Historical “Facts”

• [01:29] The show kicks off with Brady citing a dubious “fact”: Cherokee Indian Chief Groundhog Sausage who supposedly sold Kentucky to the Transylvania Land Company in 1755 for $50,000.
• Hosts immediately trash the veracity of the story, joking that the odd name is probably a botched translation by “some a-hole racist white guy.”
  • Quote: "That's what I got out of it. I know your language better than you. Hey, Billy. Gonna ruin everything." – Bret Vesely [02:58]
• The group riffs on white historical record keepers naming chiefs things like “Groundhog Sausage” and mockingly invents alternate Chief names.

2. Mug Shot of the Day: “She’s Kinda a Slut” T-shirt

• [03:32] Eric reads about Michael Wolfer, arrested for domestic violence while wearing a “She’s Kinda a Slut” shirt in his mug shot.
• The hosts riff on the pure bad luck of being caught in such a shirt.
  • Quote: "At least ask the cops if you could change the shirt. This is just an awful coincidence." – Bret Vesely [04:00]
• They riff on the idea of judging people by their T-shirts, equating the shirt to a red flag for trouble.

3. Monster Jam Interviews: Redneck Love & CMT Reporting

• [05:10] Byron and a guest woman (interview audio from a Georgia monster truck event) share a tangled story about family, love, and monster trucks.
• The guest casually reveals she and her man dated each other's cousins before getting together, leading to comical confusion and jokes about Georgia family trees.
  • Quote: “We banged each other's others. They don't know who we are.” – Guest Woman [06:29]
• The hosts note the woman could have been quite attractive before the “meth did its damage.”

4. Pastor Brags About Punching a Kid in Church

• [07:26] An audio clip of a New Jersey Baptist pastor is played, in which he claims to have “punched a smartass kid in the chest” for not taking God seriously, boasting it led the kid to Jesus.
  • Quote: "I punched him in the chest as hard as I— I crumpled the kid. I just crumpled him. And I said, 'Part of God’s plan.'" – Pastor Bob [08:17]
• The hosts lampoon old-school, violent methods of religious conversion, imagining the “biblical way” as physically striking atheists.

5. Miracle Survival: Boy Rescued After 15 Minutes Underwater

• [11:00] A 14-year-old in Missouri survives being submerged for 15 minutes; his heart restarts after his mother prays.
• The conversation pivots from awe to skepticism: hosts question why God wouldn’t just prevent the incident entirely.
  • Quote: “God got involved there and fixed him instead of just making the ice more sturdy.” – Brett Vesely [11:21]
• Playfully debate which “G” (God, Allah, Galileo) the parent actually prayed to, leading to banter on prayer, miracles, and organized religion.

6. Female Arsonist Named McBurney Burns Down Apartment

• [14:11] A woman named McBurney (yes, like “burn”) attempts arson twice in 10 hours, succeeding the second time.
• The hosts point out the irony of her name and criticize the lack of follow-up after the first fire.

7. $974 Million Divorce Check Rejected

• [16:53] CEO Harold Ham’s divorce: he offers nearly $1 billion to his ex, Sue Ann (now Arnall), who refuses, holding out for more.
• Hosts debate how one could turn down a check for almost a billion dollars, speculate about motives, and riff on “magic numbers” for settlement sizes.
• Quote: “That’s a tough check to say no to.” – Bret Vesely [18:17]
• They joke about gas pricing psychology and suggest rounding up to $1B just to make it look better.

8. Reincarnation Machine Nonsense & Previous Lives

• [21:38] Light-hearted goofing on a website claiming it can reveal your past lives—major historical figures, sometimes as animals or even inanimate objects.
• The group alternates between being emperors or “just toast” in a past life; everyone wants a prestigious former life, poking fun at the randomness of such generators.

9. World’s Smallest Working Gun

• [24:36] A mention of a working 2.34mm “world’s smallest handgun”—the hosts quip about its actual usefulness, imagining it causing foes to “stop it, guys!” from the sheer cuteness.

Memorable Quotes & Moments

• Chief Groundhog Sausage:
  “Stuck because whitey had the pen. You have written his name incorrectly again.” – Brady [02:51]
• Judging by T-shirt:
  “‘She’s kinda a slut’ is a funny shirt, but immediately, you know something, right? With this dude, he’s gonna hit her.” – Brett Vesely [04:14]
• Southern Monster Jam Story:
  “We banged each other's others. They don't know who we are.” – Guest Woman [06:31]
  “She's not that bad looking. No, the meth is doing the damage right now. But about five years ago that girl was going to get out of…” – Brett Vesely [06:56]
• Pastor Violence:
  “That’s the biblical way to do it... Punch folks who start questioning your belief system. That’s the way God intended it. Read the book.” – Brett Vesely [09:47]
• Miracles & Divine Timing:
  “God got involved there and fixed him instead of just making the ice more sturdy.” – Brett Vesely [11:21]
• Divorce Windfall:
  “Imagine writing that, somebody’s telling her you can get at least $3 billion… She’s already gotten $20 mil checks. Amazing.” – Brett Vesely [18:27]
• Reincarnation Calculator:
  “Everyone you are, other than when they tell you you were a centipede, is someone of note, right? ... You were always people after I.” – Bret Vesely [22:35, 29:07]

Timestamps for Major Segments

• Chief Groundhog Sausage: [01:29–03:12]
• Mug Shot & “Slut” T-shirt: [03:32–04:25]
• Monster Truck Woman Interview: [05:10–07:12]
• Pastor Punches Kid: [07:26–10:42]
• Miracle Survival: [11:00–14:00]
• Female Arsonist McBurney Story: [14:11–15:06]
• Divorce Check Refusal: [16:53–20:44]
• Reincarnation Machine: [21:47–30:07]
• World's Smallest Gun: [24:36–25:14]

Tone and Style

• Snarky, ironic, quick-witted banter
• Reluctant awe at miracle stories and open mockery of pseudoscience
• Unfiltered jabs at mainstream news, odd names, and each other’s quirks

Takeaway

This episode highlights the HMS crew’s signature style: rapid detours through absurd news, off-the-cuff cultural commentary, and relentless ridicule of both the serious and the ridiculous. Sacred cows are torched, oddballs are celebrated, and no one—least of all the hosts—is safe from a roast. Whether they're mocking historical records, imagining violent pastors, or calculating past lives as household objects, Holmberg's Morning Sickness proves why it occupies its unique niche in Arizona radio.