02-17-26 - Brady Report - MIX - 6x - Chief Groundhog Sausage - Female Arsonist - Slut TShirt - BO

Summary

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Podcast Summary: Holmberg's Morning Sickness – “Brady Report - MIX - 6x - Chief Groundhog Sausage - Female Arsonist - Slut TShirt - BO”

Episode Date: February 17, 2026
Hosts: John Holmberg, Brady Bogen, Bret Vesely, Dick Toledo
Station: 98KUPD, Arizona

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Episode Overview

This episode of Holmberg’s Morning Sickness serves up another round of the irreverent, rapid-fire banter the show is known for. The team covers an array of offbeat news stories—ranging from a bizarre historical reference to “Chief Groundhog Sausage,” to a mug shot involving a questionable novelty T-shirt, the saga of a female arsonist, a nearly $1 billion divorce check, playful jabs at reincarnation, miracle survival stories, and a tiny working handgun.

The tone is sarcastic, playful, and edgy, with the hosts riffing on absurdities in the day's oddest news, American culture, and each other’s quirks.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Chief Groundhog Sausage & Bizarre Historical “Facts”

• [01:29] The show kicks off with Brady citing a dubious “fact”: Cherokee Indian Chief Groundhog Sausage who supposedly sold Kentucky to the Transylvania Land Company in 1755 for $50,000.
• Hosts immediately trash the veracity of the story, joking that the odd name is probably a botched translation by “some a-hole racist white guy.”
  • Quote: "That's what I got out of it. I know your language better than you. Hey, Billy. Gonna ruin everything." – Bret Vesely [02:58]
• The group riffs on white historical record keepers naming chiefs things like “Groundhog Sausage” and mockingly invents alternate Chief names.

2. Mug Shot of the Day: “She’s Kinda a Slut” T-shirt

• [03:32] Eric reads about Michael Wolfer, arrested for domestic violence while wearing a “She’s Kinda a Slut” shirt in his mug shot.
• The hosts riff on the pure bad luck of being caught in such a shirt.
  • Quote: "At least ask the cops if you could change the shirt. This is just an awful coincidence." – Bret Vesely [04:00]
• They riff on the idea of judging people by their T-shirts, equating the shirt to a red flag for trouble.

3. Monster Jam Interviews: Redneck Love & CMT Reporting

• [05:10] Byron and a guest woman (interview audio from a Georgia monster truck event) share a tangled story about family, love, and monster trucks.
• The guest casually reveals she and her man dated each other's cousins before getting together, leading to comical confusion and jokes about Georgia family trees.
  • Quote: “We banged each other's others. They don't know who we are.” – Guest Woman [06:29]
• The hosts note the woman could have been quite attractive before the “meth did its damage.”

4. Pastor Brags About Punching a Kid in Church

• [07:26] An audio clip of a New Jersey Baptist pastor is played, in which he claims to have “punched a smartass kid in the chest” for not taking God seriously, boasting it led the kid to Jesus.
  • Quote: "I punched him in the chest as hard as I— I crumpled the kid. I just crumpled him. And I said, 'Part of God’s plan.'" – Pastor Bob [08:17]
• The hosts lampoon old-school, violent methods of religious conversion, imagining the “biblical way” as physically striking atheists.

5. Miracle Survival: Boy Rescued After 15 Minutes Underwater

• [11:00] A 14-year-old in Missouri survives being submerged for 15 minutes; his heart restarts after his mother prays.
• The conversation pivots from awe to skepticism: hosts question why God wouldn’t just prevent the incident entirely.
  • Quote: “God got involved there and fixed him instead of just making the ice more sturdy.” – Brett Vesely [11:21]
• Playfully debate which “G” (God, Allah, Galileo) the parent actually prayed to, leading to banter on prayer, miracles, and organized religion.

6. Female Arsonist Named McBurney Burns Down Apartment

• [14:11] A woman named McBurney (yes, like “burn”) attempts arson twice in 10 hours, succeeding the second time.
• The hosts point out the irony of her name and criticize the lack of follow-up after the first fire.

7. $974 Million Divorce Check Rejected

• [16:53] CEO Harold Ham’s divorce: he offers nearly $1 billion to his ex, Sue Ann (now Arnall), who refuses, holding out for more.
• Hosts debate how one could turn down a check for almost a billion dollars, speculate about motives, and riff on “magic numbers” for settlement sizes.
• Quote: “That’s a tough check to say no to.” – Bret Vesely [18:17]
• They joke about gas pricing psychology and suggest rounding up to $1B just to make it look better.

8. Reincarnation Machine Nonsense & Previous Lives

• [21:38] Light-hearted goofing on a website claiming it can reveal your past lives—major historical figures, sometimes as animals or even inanimate objects.
• The group alternates between being emperors or “just toast” in a past life; everyone wants a prestigious former life, poking fun at the randomness of such generators.

9. World’s Smallest Working Gun

• [24:36] A mention of a working 2.34mm “world’s smallest handgun”—the hosts quip about its actual usefulness, imagining it causing foes to “stop it, guys!” from the sheer cuteness.

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Memorable Quotes & Moments

• Chief Groundhog Sausage:
  “Stuck because whitey had the pen. You have written his name incorrectly again.” – Brady [02:51]
• Judging by T-shirt:
  “‘She’s kinda a slut’ is a funny shirt, but immediately, you know something, right? With this dude, he’s gonna hit her.” – Brett Vesely [04:14]
• Southern Monster Jam Story:
  “We banged each other's others. They don't know who we are.” – Guest Woman [06:31]
  “She's not that bad looking. No, the meth is doing the damage right now. But about five years ago that girl was going to get out of…” – Brett Vesely [06:56]
• Pastor Violence:
  “That’s the biblical way to do it... Punch folks who start questioning your belief system. That’s the way God intended it. Read the book.” – Brett Vesely [09:47]
• Miracles & Divine Timing:
  “God got involved there and fixed him instead of just making the ice more sturdy.” – Brett Vesely [11:21]
• Divorce Windfall:
  “Imagine writing that, somebody’s telling her you can get at least $3 billion… She’s already gotten $20 mil checks. Amazing.” – Brett Vesely [18:27]
• Reincarnation Calculator:
  “Everyone you are, other than when they tell you you were a centipede, is someone of note, right? ... You were always people after I.” – Bret Vesely [22:35, 29:07]

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Timestamps for Major Segments

• Chief Groundhog Sausage: [01:29–03:12]
• Mug Shot & “Slut” T-shirt: [03:32–04:25]
• Monster Truck Woman Interview: [05:10–07:12]
• Pastor Punches Kid: [07:26–10:42]
• Miracle Survival: [11:00–14:00]
• Female Arsonist McBurney Story: [14:11–15:06]
• Divorce Check Refusal: [16:53–20:44]
• Reincarnation Machine: [21:47–30:07]
• World's Smallest Gun: [24:36–25:14]

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Tone and Style

• Snarky, ironic, quick-witted banter
• Reluctant awe at miracle stories and open mockery of pseudoscience
• Unfiltered jabs at mainstream news, odd names, and each other’s quirks

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Takeaway

This episode highlights the HMS crew’s signature style: rapid detours through absurd news, off-the-cuff cultural commentary, and relentless ridicule of both the serious and the ridiculous. Sacred cows are torched, oddballs are celebrated, and no one—least of all the hosts—is safe from a roast. Whether they're mocking historical records, imagining violent pastors, or calculating past lives as household objects, Holmberg's Morning Sickness proves why it occupies its unique niche in Arizona radio.

Transcript

[Brett Vesely]

You're listening to the HMS Podcast, brought.

[Byron]

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[Brett Vesely]

Hey, it's Brett Vesely and I'm here.

[Byron]

With Byron from MMP Guns. Look, Byron, I have a friend wanting to sell some guns he inherited. What's the best way for him to do that?

[Eric]

Brett, the last thing you want to do is sell the gun to someone who can't legally own one. Tell him not to put himself at risk and come into MMP Guns where he'll get a fair offer and he can rest easy knowing it's not getting into the wrong hands.

[Brett Vesely]

Okay, but what if he lives out of state?

[Eric]

Easy. Legalgunbuyer.com and he can do it all online. It's really that simple.

[Brett Vesely]

There you have it.

[Byron]

MMP Guns or legalgunbuyer.com the safe and legal way to sell your firearms.

[Brett Vesely]

It's the last of Homburg's morning sickness. I'm 98k upd. It's time now for Brady To Brady. It's on you to do the Sorry Brady Report, brought to you by our friends at All Pro Shade. They make shade. Ask them about it. AllProChade.com Brady Report it.

[Eric]

Good Tuesday morning to you, Phoenix. Hello, world. Well, again, every year we remind you, 259 years ago in 1755, the famous Cherokee Indian chief groundhog sausage.

[Brett Vesely]

What?

[Eric]

Sold what would have been the state of Kentucky to the Transylvania land Company for 50 grand.

[Brett Vesely]

What do you suppose he was known for?

[Eric]

Think about that.

[Brett Vesely]

It's a vegetarian.

[Brady]

Is that just maybe like a translation that got screwed up?

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah, and bounced back to three times. I am Green Eagle Warrior, known as Eagle Talent.

[Eric]

And you're going the whole way. It's been modified. Eric, the interpretation. Everyone thinks it's like, oh, he's known for making something I know for little.

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah, it was the same guy. The same guy that was translating Obama's speech at Mandela's funeral. Did he just say the man is groundhog sausage? Yeah, he says, God bless you all. Happy St. Patrick's Day. From Groundhog Sausage.

[Brady]

That's some a hole racist white guy translating that.

[Brett Vesely]

There's no way.

[Eric]

And it's still.

[Brady]

Yeah, there is no way that's groundhog. His name was Groundhog Sauce, but it.

[Brett Vesely]

Stuck because whitey had the pen. You have written his name incorrectly again.

[Brady]

They're great, Chief Groundhog Sausage.

[Brett Vesely]

We tell you, Chief Great Eagle Talon is not named Groundhog Sausage. That's what I got out of it. I know your language better than you. Hey, Billy. Gonna ruin everything.

[Eric]

Every British king or queen has a second birthday assigned to them.

[Brett Vesely]

That's the first time, by the way, that you heard on the trip. I need a drink. That's when it started. When it started.

[Eric]

259 years.

[Brett Vesely]

I need a drink. Groundhog sausage. What a dick.

[Eric]

Mug shot of the day belongs to Michael Wolfer of Hermiston, Oregon. He was arrested after allegedly punching and choking his wife in front of three children. When the cops arrested him, he was wearing a T shirt that said, she's kind of a. It's tough to have $11,000 bond your.

[Brett Vesely]

Novelty joke tea in your mug shot of when you just slugged your wife.

[Eric]

All right, that's enough. The shot.

[Brett Vesely]

At least ask the cops if you could change the shirt. This is just an awful coincidence.

[Brady]

Yeah, right.

[Brett Vesely]

Look, I know the shirt's hilarious. If I'm not hitting a chick.

[Brady]

Well, it goes back to your theory.

[Brett Vesely]

Just judge them on a. Oh, judge him immediately. By appearance, she's kind of a sluts of funny shirt, but immediately. You know something, right? With this dude, he's gonna hit her.

[Eric]

Monster Jam's coming into town, and maybe if you get a chance to win tickets or you buy some tickets.

[Brett Vesely]

Now, keep in mind, if this turns back into an analingus story, we're in trouble.

[Eric]

No, you might run into this. This happened at the monster truck rally in Georgia. Guy was out there doing some reporting for cmt, runs into this. Reporting? Yeah, CMT runs into this lovely lady at the monster truck.

[Brett Vesely]

No, CMT reporter Cletus something or other. What are we doing a video?

[Eric]

It's a radio video.

[Brett Vesely]

Oh, he didn't tell me. I was like, I was waiting for the of Waiting for the end of this. I was getting excited. All right, here we go. CMT reporter at a Monster Jam runs.

[Eric]

Into a lady there enjoying the event.

[Byron]

Why is monster truck racing such a good time?

[Guest Woman]

Because it's bad, honey. I have a Man who has five kids together.

[Byron]

You have five kids?

[Guest Woman]

Well, I don't, but me and man together do. And he has a dad truck and his dad truck is a mushroom truck at home.

[Brett Vesely]

Mushroom.

[Byron]

Your guy's monster truck at home?

[Guest Woman]

Oh, yes. Right here in Georgia. We monster truck it up.

[Byron]

And how is that how he got you? He showed you his monster truck?

[Guest Woman]

Oh, no, I got him. I said I'll do right here in front of everybody.

[Eric]

What? What?

[Byron]

How did you hook up your man the first time?

[Guest Woman]

Well, funn.

[Eric]

Sorry.

[Guest Woman]

We dated cousins in Raven County, Georgia.

[Byron]

We dated each other's cousins?

[Guest Woman]

Yes, we dated each other's cousins.

[Brett Vesely]

No difference.

[Guest Woman]

I thought it's a cutie pie. Obviously we were in delusional. You know, everyone has their moment in love. No, we weren't love then.

[Eric]

No.

[Guest Woman]

We didn't even know each other then. We got like. And I'm on TV right now. I'm telling him our whole story. We banged each other, but not each other. We banged each other's others. They don't know who we are.

[Byron]

How did you finally know you love this man?

[Guest Woman]

Because he's just like me. He accepts what I do and I love his butt.

[Brett Vesely]

We. We what? Cmt, we do everything. We have a baby. We have all the Montana log homes on these.

[Byron]

This is all.

[Guest Woman]

Your interview is mine.

[Brett Vesely]

Okay.

[Brady]

What's really odd about it is she's attracted.

[Brett Vesely]

She's not that bad looking. No, the meth is doing the damage right now. But about five years ago that girl was going to get out of.

[Eric]

She's got a good training program going right now.

[Brett Vesely]

I'm going to leave Holler Georgia someday.

[Brady]

My God, how messed up was she?

[Brett Vesely]

Try this pill. This is awesome. I'm staying in Holler.

[Eric]

The second radio video.

[Brady]

There's a second?

[Eric]

Yeah. At Monster Jam.

[Brett Vesely]

How is that the lead one?

[Eric]

This is a pastor at a Baptist church.

[Brett Vesely]

This better be a squirrel doing cartwheels in front of Jesus.

[Eric]

And Hasbrouck Heights, New Jersey.

[Brett Vesely]

Okay.

[Eric]

He's in trouble over a recent sermon where he bragged about that he once assaulted a kid. He says the kid was being a smart ass and not taking God seriously.

[Brett Vesely]

So he's beaten for it.

[Eric]

So he punched him in the chest. Now here's the thing. They play the part of the sermon. The guy does come back and say they didn't finish the rest of the sermon where I said, right.

[Brett Vesely]

The best part is.

[Eric]

But listen to when he tells the story at first.

[Pastor Bob]

Man in Calvary. His name was Ben. And I was running a youth group. I was There for a few years. And he was just. He was a nice kid, but he was one of those kids that was always just. He's a real smart.

[Brett Vesely]

Alec was just.

[Eric]

Was.

[Pastor Bob]

Was a bright kid, which didn't help things. Right? Made him more dangerous. And we were outside one day youth group and he was just. Just trying to push my buttons. And he was just, you know, kind of not taking the Lord serious. And I walked over to him and I went, bam. I punched him in the chest as hard as I. I crumpled the kid. I just crumpled him. And I said, part of God's plan. I leaned over and I said, ben, when are you going to stop playing games with God? I led that man to the Lord right there.

[Brett Vesely]

There's three, dude. You beat it into him. Good Lord, I'd listen to you. I'd listen to you for a couple more hours.

[Eric]

He left out the part. If you want more broken ribs, better accept the Lord Jesus. Right?

[Brett Vesely]

I love the. Part of God's plan is to get knocked out by a pastor.

[Brady]

You should bring that up at the Seastone, Brady. Maybe they could try that.

[Brett Vesely]

Hey, this guy's not taking God seriously. Can I put one through his chest? Yes, brother, go. By all means. Hey, jackass. Spit on him first and then you hit him there. The God is in you now. Shut up.

[Brady]

That's old school there.

[Brett Vesely]

That's. You know, that is the way it used to be. I'll tell you right now, that's the biblical way to do it. And I'm. I admire that more than this. Sorry, Brady. The Seastone way of having pie throwing cornerstones.

[Eric]

John.

[Brett Vesely]

That's right. And celebrities and pie throwing contests and Michael Irvin getting $25,000. Come tell everybody how awesome he is.

[Brady]

Pick up your swords again.

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah. Punch folks who start questioning your belief system. That's the way God intended it. Read the book.

[Brady]

Crusades part.

[Brett Vesely]

Anyone who denies me shall be killed. Old school. Any kid who's screwing around with me should be punched in the heart, in the solar plexus, thereby losing air for just a few seconds by my plan.

[Eric]

So you don't believe in God? Hey, look over there.

[Brett Vesely]

What happened? An atheist, eh? That's not air trying to get out of you. That's demons. Quit it.

[Brady]

That'll make atheists think twice when they walk by the church.

[Brett Vesely]

God bless you, my son. Oh, I don't believe in him. Knocking the wind out of you for.

[Eric]

The Lord.

[Brett Vesely]

Just punched me. Part of God's plan. Pastor Bob's gonna hit you.

[Eric]

Meet our new form. Our new Pastor George Foreman.

[Brett Vesely]

He's a powerful hard punch of a God. I have a buddy to my house for hamburgers.

[Eric]

14 year old kid in Missouri spent 15 minutes underwater after he fell through the ice. So he was on a lake. The doctors did CPR for 45 minutes before they called his mom into the room to say goodbye. She started praying. A few seconds later, his heart started beating again.

[Byron]

Miracle hypothermia.

[Eric]

And he didn't even suffer brain damage.

[Byron]

Wow.

[Brett Vesely]

So God got involved there and fixed him instead of just making the ice more sturdy.

[Pastor Bob]

Cold water did it.

[Byron]

Seen this?

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah. It slows your way down, right?

[Eric]

Slowed him down, but he was underwater for 15 minutes. That's pretty amazing.

[Brady]

Propaganda.

[Brett Vesely]

It is propaganda because I don't, I don't fall for it blindly. I ask why wasn't he there when the ice broke? Why didn't he just. If he was going to save him eventual anyway, why not just lift him out magically and put him back on.

[Byron]

Land and then make him float to the top?

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah, exactly.

[Brady]

And who did the. Who did she pray to? Brady?

[Brett Vesely]

You didn't. Which one exactly?

[Pastor Bob]

More than.

[Brett Vesely]

What if it was Allah? Oh my God.

[Eric]

Joyce started praying and yelling, God, please don't take my son. So I'm going to assume it's the.

[Brett Vesely]

Allah you were going to say.

[Brady]

The only one. The big G. The big G?

[Brett Vesely]

What, Galileo?

[Eric]

Right. If that's your big G, then not.

[Brett Vesely]

My big G. I think we. I think the guy before was fooling around with a big G and he ended up in jail.

[Eric]

No, that was a little G. Oh, okay.

[Byron]

What happens if he gets multiple calls?

[Brett Vesely]

Oh man, he's got a multitask. Thanks for calling out. Please hold.

[Eric]

Thanks for calling. Yeah.

[Brett Vesely]

Then why isn't everyone always safe for prayers?

[Eric]

Guys? You know, you keep questioning it, you should try it sometimes. Try and go jump in the lake.

[Brett Vesely]

Okay, yeah. See that Toledo?

[Eric]

Yeah, that would be a good idea.

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah. All right boys, we're going to test out the God theory today. And here we go.

[Byron]

Everybody pray.

[Eric]

Not working.

[Brett Vesely]

There he goes. Look how deep he's getting.

[Eric]

When does it happen?

[Brett Vesely]

When is he supposed to get out?

[Eric]

Relax.

[Brett Vesely]

As long as there's bubbles, we're fine.

[Eric]

Uh oh, no more bubbles. Danny says they'll soon be a book.

[Byron]

And a movie coming out. I survived the ice and saw heaven.

[Brady]

Yeah, Allah is the Arabic word for God.

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah, Arabic word for God.

[Eric]

That's the Arabic. Arabic G. Yeah, it's the same God.

[Brady]

So it could have been Allah.

[Byron]

Don't you say that we're going to get now.

[Brett Vesely]

No kidding. Don't do that. You might as well have just drawn a picture of Muhammad or. What is his name?

[Eric]

Allah.

[Brett Vesely]

Is that the one? You can't.

[Eric]

Charlie Hebdo.

[Byron]

I'm going to start calling you that.

[Eric]

Yeah.

[Brady]

You can't draw Muhammad.

[Brett Vesely]

And don't ever suggest that again. I'll punch you in the face so much. Try it, for God's sakes. No, I'm not getting any ice cold water.

[Eric]

Another lady who's an arsonist set fire to an apartment complex. The fire engines came out, put the fire out. Ten hours later, she set it back on fire. This time it worked. She burnt the complex down. It leaves 12 people looking for new digs.

[Brett Vesely]

She started a small fire. And they put that out?

[Eric]

Yeah, they put it out. She went back again, started again. This time succeeded. Just the reason why she's in her name. Her Last name is McBurney.

[Brett Vesely]

But is that. But she starts Jackie McBurney. So she starts a small fire. They put it out. All right, that's enough. No investigation necessary. Put it right back.

[Eric]

Minor damages.

[Brett Vesely]

And they stuff her right back in there and she does it again.

[Eric]

Well, they don't catch her the first time. They just put out the fire. There's a small fire. They put it out.

[Brett Vesely]

But nobody looked into it.

[Eric]

It was just. No, could have been, you know, started by the trash can or. Oh.

[Brett Vesely]

But that. You know how you'd know that is if you had an investigation of why the apartment building caught on fire now you would.

[Eric]

Yeah, but they. They have her. She's currently in the Andra Scoggin County Jail.

[Brett Vesely]

Morning sickness. Hear the words you say sometimes.

[Byron]

I mean, who talks like that?

[Brett Vesely]

98. It's John Holmberg here from the morning sickness to tell you about the Core Institute. People who met me found out that I've had four major operations in the last four years. They're blown away. I've had both shoulders replaced and both hips replaced because I was an absolute disaster. Before my surgeries, I was in pain. Now no one knows I've had any issues. People who hear multiple surgeries assume they'll never be the same again. It's just not true. I'm better than I've been in 20 years. Stop quitting the things you love and get back to being the pain free you you love. The Core Institute dot com.

[Byron]

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[Brett Vesely]

Holmberg's Morning Sickness. Names very important. If you're a McBurney and you're treated poorly, you're gonna show people how McBurney you are.

[Eric]

Harold Ham is the chief executive.

[Brett Vesely]

Harry Ham.

[Eric]

Harry Ham.

[Byron]

This.

[Brady]

This whole brayer plugs.

[Brett Vesely]

McBurney. And not making this one up.

[Eric]

He's the CEO of an oil drilling company, Continental Resources. He's got a bitter divorce going on. He's trying to close this deal. Let's get on. All right. It's not working out. His ex wife, Sue Ann Ham. Sue Ann Ham. But she's taking her maiden name back. Arnold. It's Sue Ann Arnall. He wrote her a check. Clear it up. Let's just, you know, here's what you're gonna get, Right? Here's your check. Wrote her check for 900 and almost 75 million dollars. Here's a copy of the check. She denied it.

[Brett Vesely]

She doesn't want this.

[Eric]

Once more. Oh, yeah.

[Brett Vesely]

974,790,317 to sue Ann. 77 cents.

[Eric]

Here's Harry. There's a picture of Harry Ham.

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah.

[Eric]

And the ex wife. He's the CEO of the company. She's like, that's not enough. What?

[Brett Vesely]

How much does he.

[Eric]

Because 18 billion.

[Brett Vesely]

Oh, that's not enough.

[Eric]

They've been married for 26 years.

[Brady]

I don't know, though. I'd have a hard time.

[Brett Vesely]

It's a tough check to say no. Yeah, because you just.

[Brady]

Then you don't have to deal with the court.

[Eric]

Harry already paid his former wife more than 20 million during the proceedings.

[Brett Vesely]

So she's already gotten 20 mil checks. Amazing. It's from the Harry Ham Trust and the Harry Ham trustees.

[Brady]

Yeah, I think I just take that they're gonna.

[Brett Vesely]

It's a tough check to say no to.

[Eric]

I know.

[Brett Vesely]

Of course you can get. Imagine writing that somebody's telling her you can get at least 3 billion.

[Brady]

Yeah, but I know there's so much.

[Eric]

She's got some lawyers, and if the lawyers see, you know, imagine their cut. There's like. That's pretty good. Yeah, but imagine our cut on 3 billion or 9 billion.

[Brett Vesely]

Well, she's not going to get half of 18 billion. She might.

[Eric]

There's no.

[Brett Vesely]

That's a tough one.

[Eric]

Not nupped.

[Brett Vesely]

I don't think if he's on nupties, an idiot oil man, Harry Ham is going to pay 9 billion to get rid of a woman.

[Brady]

Like in. In real estate, you. When you sell a house, you always try to go like, at a certain number where it pops up in certain magic number.

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah.

[Byron]

Like.

[Brady]

And like instead of, you know, 149 or 150,000, you do 149. Right, right. So why wouldn't he just go 1.

[Brett Vesely]

Billion or 9, 9, 9, 9, 9,.

[Brady]

Well, that would, like you go to the 1 billion you have. Because it looks big.

[Brett Vesely]

It does look big.

[Brady]

Billion after. Instead of the 9 million 700.

[Brett Vesely]

Gas stations do. Gas is $2, 19 and 9, 10 cents. Because they don't want to put a 20 up there.

[Pastor Bob]

Right.

[Eric]

So.

[Brady]

Well, I mean, he offered 974 million. Just go to the billion.

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah, just give her a billion. You're right.

[Brady]

Because you got 18 billion, you got.

[Brett Vesely]

Another 25 million in your pocket. Throw it on there. Eric's right. You go 1 billion. But that's a tough check to turn down.

[Brady]

I'm thinking 1 billion is a lot harder.

[Brett Vesely]

I'm thinking about seeing that by writing.

[Eric]

That check that way, that means he's done a formula, he's worked it out. And this is what I think is a fair deal for you.

[Brett Vesely]

Right. Which means that the formula is based upon my.

[Eric]

Because she doesn't know necessarily. You know, there's rumors saying that he's got to be worth at least 18 billion, but you don't have that on.

[Brett Vesely]

I just see him writing that chick and 77 cents. Ham has spoken.

[Brady]

Maybe that 77 cents is what broke the deal. Like she wanted 80 cents.

[Eric]

Yeah. Rounded up.

[Brett Vesely]

Why is she back at my door again. Oh, Harry Ham ain't happy with this.

[Eric]

Me?

[Brett Vesely]

What's she doing here?

[Eric]

This is Ham Hawk. Why?

[Brett Vesely]

Hey. Ham is giving her a check for nearly a billion dollars. She got to go.

[Eric]

Hey.

[Brett Vesely]

I'm going crazy. Oh, My name is Harry Ham. Things have not worked out as I planned. Even with 18 billion, it's still tough names. I can see him leading.

[Eric]

There's always like nine or 10 people following hairy Ham. Just like a javelina. There's always one coming out.

[Brett Vesely]

More Hams. Yeah, more little piggies. All right, children, gather around. Your father has to write your mother check. It's gonna be uncomfortable around here.

[Eric]

Well, you decide. I'm gonna root around here.

[Brett Vesely]

We're gonna have to cut back in the Ham household. $18 billion and he's still just Harry Hamilton and Sue Ham.

[Eric]

There's a website called called the Reincarnation Machine. Helps you figure out who you might have been in past. In the past life.

[Brady]

You must hate this.

[Eric]

You enter your birthday and it finds a prominent person who died right before you and before you were born. So if you.

[Brett Vesely]

Brady, why do we do these stories? Really? It's God.

[Eric]

By the way, I put my birthday in.

[Brett Vesely]

Oh, it's just an Internet thing that says who you are. You were Constantine Murray.

[Eric]

It goes all the way back. And then you know, you're a rabbit for 30 days. Then you were someone else.

[Brett Vesely]

Hippolyte.

[Brady]

30 days is all you had, huh?

[Byron]

So you.

[Eric]

Well, then it said I might have been a centipede for three days. Then I was another person.

[Brett Vesely]

I like that. At one point, Brady, you were Anthony Van Dyck.

[Brady]

I think that's about right.

[Brett Vesely]

Everyone you are. Other than when they tell you you were a centipede.

[Eric]

Yeah.

[Brett Vesely]

Is someone of note, right? Because you gotta find the Internet and.

[Eric]

I think it must go.

[Brett Vesely]

Anna of Saxony.

[Eric]

I was eventually emperor.

[Brett Vesely]

Court of Nevers, man. Thomas Fitz Allen.

[Guest Woman]

Oh.

[Brady]

It was never just random dude.

[Brett Vesely]

The sixth. No, you can't be random dude. It's got to find it on the Internet. Random dude doesn't exist unless they just go through Facebook to all the people have passed away.

[Brady]

You are homeless guy.

[Brett Vesely]

John Doe Otto, the first Holy Roman Emperor.

[Brady]

That sounds about right.

[Brett Vesely]

Leo the Six the Wise. And Rock Hudson.

[Eric]

Toledo was a wall.

[Brett Vesely]

Toledo too has somehow been reincarnated from inanimate.

[Eric]

And then he was. He was toast. For 40 years.

[Brett Vesely]

You were a rug at King Tutton Commons Court. You were a flower vase. You were glasses. Once you were nothing. Don't even know how you came back from that one.

[Eric]

Eric. Was old Tom Jameson.

[Brett Vesely]

All right, Eric, you were Bill. You were Bill Kenny up until the year you died. Like the day after Kenny.

[Brady]

What's that?

[Brett Vesely]

The day he died was the day you were born. He's an American singer best known for his role as a tenor in the ink spots.

[Brady]

Ah. Sweet.

[Brett Vesely]

Started his solo career in recording of it's it is no secret, was a hit on the pop charts. In 66, he was the star of the Bill Kenney show, which aired in Canada.

[Brady]

I think that makes sense.

[Brett Vesely]

In 1989, 11 years after his death, Bill Kenney. You, Eric, was inducted into the rock and roll hall of fame. He's known as being the godfather of doo wop. And you were known as the godfather of do nothing. And Brady's the godfather of donuts.

[Brady]

Bill Kinney. All right.

[Brett Vesely]

Interesting.

[Brady]

I like it.

[Brett Vesely]

Find out who I was last. This is great stuff because it's all just absolute horse fun.

[Eric]

Here's a little something. If you are into the handguns and stuff. The world's smallest working gun, 2.34 millimeter.

[Brady]

I don't want to risk that. I think that'll blow up in my.

[Eric]

Check this sweet ride out.

[Brett Vesely]

How do you shoot this thing?

[Eric]

And what is it on a keychain? What? And there's a little tiny bullet.

[Brett Vesely]

Bullet. Which would cause the assailant to go.

[Eric]

Stop it, guys. Armed heavily.

[Brett Vesely]

It's adorable.

[Eric]

There's all the working parts, though.

[Brett Vesely]

It does work. It's.

[Eric]

Oh, yeah.

[Brett Vesely]

Firing it. It's got to be impossible with a finger because you can't.

[Eric]

Yeah.

[Brett Vesely]

Imagine putting the pull string around it and pull it. That's a tiny little gun. Perfect for people with tiny little hands. Here's mine. Here's what I was recarding it in.

[Eric]

Hitler.

[Brady]

You're gonna love this.

[Brett Vesely]

It was Hitler. He died on July 24, 1972. I was born the 26th. Is this accurate, or did you put the wrong day? All right. Lance Revan Reventlo. Born Lawrence graff von Hogowitz Hardenberg Reventlow, a wealthy playboy entrepreneur and racing driver. Reventlo is the only child of Woolworth heiress Barbara Hutton and her second husband, count court von hogwitz Hardenberg Rentvello.

[Eric]

Nice.

[Brett Vesely]

Hell. The stepson of actor Cary grant and princess Igor Trablochski, of course. Well, that explains all my snobbery.

[Eric]

Well, keep trolling. Down you go. It goes deep.

[Brett Vesely]

I'm the heir of war.

[Eric]

Then you'll be a rat for 30 days.

[Brett Vesely]

No Albert, Richie in between.

[Eric]

It says there's a little line.

[Brett Vesely]

This is you Were never a rat. Says you were never a rat. You're too good for that. It says.

[Brady]

Goat anything.

[Brett Vesely]

Charles Kettering. I know that guy. He's an inventor.

[Brady]

There's a reason.

[Brett Vesely]

You know he founded Delco?

[Brady]

Because you were him.

[Eric]

Kettering Ohio.

[Brett Vesely]

Then he founded Kettering Ohio. Well, I was him a lot. This is the fourth time I've been Charles Kettering on this list. Your computer might be the worst thing I've ever touched. This is a Commodore. These are much better than this. All right. I'm nothing but Charles F. Kettering over and over again.

[Eric]

I don't know what. That's it.

[Brady]

Before that, you were nothing.

[Brett Vesely]

Never a rat.

[Brady]

That's fun.

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah, that is kind of fun. I like that. I'm the heir. I like my. I like my old name better. Got a lot of names. Like Von Von, blah, blah, blah. Also the Godfather of Doo Wop. No. Yeah. No, that's me. It was a long battle, a long standing battle between your guy and my guy. Who the real Back Off Doo Wop is. It's the two families of Doo Wop.

[Brady]

I wonder if I go to the Rock and Roll hall of Fame and get him for free because I used to be that guy.

[Brett Vesely]

Why not?

[Brady]

Look at this. It says right here, with a shot.

[Eric]

That's why I printed it out when I go to Italy via the power of the Internet to my old throne.

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah, you were Otto the first. Then a rat.

[Brady]

Yeah, you were animals. We weren't.

[Brett Vesely]

I was never that. Maybe that's why you're so fascinated by.

[Pastor Bob]

With.

[Brett Vesely]

With animal dicks.

[Eric]

I'm telling you that you, in your other lives, when you go for Brady.

[Brett Vesely]

Just. Ready?

[Eric]

Oh, yeah.

[Brett Vesely]

No, no. Toledo. It said on mine you were never a rat only. And jerks were rats.

[Eric]

Let's see, in between. Or bugs before that. It says after Hippolyte Pain.

[Brett Vesely]

Hippolyte was a great rapper of the third century.

[Eric]

Historian, French critic and historian. Before that, you swam as a trout for four days. After your life as a trout, you're James Edward Smith.

[Brett Vesely]

Welcome to the stage.

[Eric]

I crept around as a centipede for 31 days.

[Brett Vesely]

I'm Hippolyte. I hate malaria, but I got it. It's scary. Oh, he's dead. He's dead. And look, he's a centipede.

[Brady]

Now, this is Brady's fascination with 80s rap.

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah, that's it, Hippolyte.

[Eric]

I was a house fly for a day, man. Centipede for three days. Then I was Charles and Barry Williams.

[Brady]

Your lives sucked.

[Eric]

Well, you gotta before you find a actual human vessel. He you go as a people for.

[Brett Vesely]

A while said no to me. Said you were always people after I.

[Eric]

Was Anna of Saxony.

[Brett Vesely]

Look at him fighting with me about this.

[Eric]

I floated around some algae for 14 days.

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah, that makes sense. That's where your hair is. See that swamp over there? That's where you're from. I'm Hippolyte Tain and I'm looking for a Hippolyte Dane to be my lady as we walk in the darkness with the poop filled street Hip hip hip. A light walking around in the third century. I wish guns were invented cuz I'd shoot a in the face what in the world is an anyway? We haven't invented that term yet, have we? You'll see.

[Eric]

Whatever term for skeet.

[Brett Vesely]

I used to be a rat and some algae. In the future I'm gonna be a little woman newswoman. What I'm a boy.

[Eric]

See Caterpillar to kill it.

[Brett Vesely]

Caterpillar to killer. I like that Toledo. Well done. I used to be a wall. What's that website again? Toledo's life probably pre like all fast reincarnation machine. Reincarnation machine. Your life was probably amazing. You like this is the dumb one. This is you as a caterpillar like all the other one. Like you were a great spokesman and singer and poet. Like you had all this all these things to say that were awesome.

[Eric]

Noah.

[Brett Vesely]

And now this. He was Noah. You were chosen. You were Jesus Christ. You were Noah. Now you're this. Sorry. We'll get it right next time.

[Byron]

It's out of control now.

[Brett Vesely]

88.

[Byron]

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[Brett Vesely]

It's John Holmer here from the morning sickness Time to talk about TVs Doug Hopkins of my home group and dou hopkins.com another satisfied listener called TVs Doug Hopkins and sold her home for cash. She reached out. Her name's Ashley, and Doug wants to make it simple. Buy your house for cash. As is, you don't have to do anything. Just like Ashley, no strings attached. If he moves that price, you get $5,000. Want to sell that place? Start the process online@doug hopkins.com or grab the phone and sing Hopkins 1-800-sale- now.