Holmberg's Morning Sickness – 02-17-26 – Full Show (Tuesday)

Podcast: Holmberg's Morning Sickness (98KUPD – Arizona)

Date: February 17, 2026
Host: John Holmberg
Co-hosts: Brady Bogen, Bret Vesely, Dick Toledo

Episode Overview

This episode blends the classic irreverent humor of Holmberg’s Morning Sickness with wildly relatable and outrageous anecdotes, sharp observations about modern society, and a signature blend of sarcasm and self-deprecation. Spanning the humiliations of personal life, the perceived “softness” of modern American kids, odd news, and vibrant calls from listeners, the show rides from explicit embarrassment to musings on survival skills and the absurdities of contemporary living.

Main Discussion Themes & Key Points

1. Awkward Encounters: “Getting Caught” by Law Enforcement

• Storytime with John: John shares (in embarrassing detail) a story about almost getting caught by a police officer mid-masturbation at home while watching porn.
  • Vivid descriptions about his process, favorite ads ("Are you beating your meat again?"), the search for the “right” video.
  • Panic sets in when he thinks the mailman is at the door, but it’s his cop friend, Ben, peeking in the window.
  • “I’d rather get caught ten times by parents, wives, or friends than a cop in uniform!” (06:18)
  • The show takes this further into a running bit about “peeping policemen” and three-way male camaraderie over masturbation woes and the universal “waistband trick.”
• Notable Quote:
  • John: “All my insecurities are like, oh no, they know. I’m like, hey guys. Once I realized it was him, I’m like, I shouldn’t have come outside. I should have acted like I wasn’t home.” (09:01)
• Recurring Comedy Characters: Jokes about “Rico Blaze” (a fictional porn star) as an alternative to being caught by cops.

2. Are Modern Kids Too Soft? – Colombian Jungle Survival Story

• Survival Story: The hosts discuss the real-life account of four Colombian kids (aged 13, 9, 4, and 1) surviving 40 days in the jungle after a plane crash.
  • John argues American kids are overprotected and “soft”—contrasting helicopter parenting and modern conveniences with the Colombian kids’ jungle experience.
  • John shares his own story of “panic as a 13-year-old” being left at the mall, comparing it to the resilience of the Colombian children.
  • They riff on the impossibility of American kids making it even overnight outside.
• Cultural Comparison & Satire:
  • “Whites are last! No way a family of white kids would survive more than a day. They’d be ‘parting out the baby by Sunday night,’” John jokes (36:02).
  • Comedy ranking of kids by supposed survival skills, with tongue-in-cheek stereotypes.
  • “Your kids would guzzle the pool; the baby would be dead in a day. It’s the closest thing to Chick-fil-A they’ve got!” (35:40)
• Notable Quotes:
  • John: “Some of you are raising them right. Most of you are raising soft little pricks.” (29:35)
  • “American kids, there’s a bear—‘I’m gonna go hug it!’ Dumb and soft.” (32:45)
• Discussion on Parental Attitudes:
  • The proliferation of “mom lines” at school, inability to leave kids alone, and the phone’s role in making children and parents mutually dependent.
  • “Order me some DoorDash.” “Do you have any money?” “No, you order it.”
• Broader Social Satire: The discussion doubles as social critique and nostalgic self-deprecation.

3. News, Oddities & “Brady Report” Segments

• Joke News Headlines:
  • Bizarre translation of Native American chief’s name (“Groundhog Sausage” sold Kentucky).
  • Mugshot of the Day: Domestic violence story with awkwardly ironic t-shirt (72:07).
  • Divorce drama: “Harry Ham” writes ex a $974 million check—she says “not enough” (84:38).
  • Listener emails share pranks (like “Baby Jesus Hunting” for nativity scenes) (58:52).
  • The “world’s smallest working gun” (91:40).
• Weird America:
  • Monster Jam interviews with colorful attendees, including a woman explaining incestuous-sounding relationships: “We dated cousins in Rabun County, Georgia. No difference. I thought he’s a cutie pie.” (74:27)
  • Pastor confesses to punching a kid in the chest to “lead him to the Lord” (77:02).

4. Recurring Segments & Games

• Alec Baldwin’s "Fill In the Blanks" Game: (98:36)
  • Alec Baldwin parody host delivers trivia and fill-in-the-blank questions (quotations from history, movies—often veering dark or off-color).
  • Listener callers compete, famously failing on racy or obscure references.
  • “It’s true. This man has no dick.” (Bill Murray, Ghostbusters, 101:30)
  • Example comedic exchange: “I’m a blank-laying motherf—” (Samuel Jackson quote)—caller responds, “I’m a big black…” Parody Baldwin: “Not acceptable!” (105:14)
• Musical Parodies & Rock News:
  • “Queensrÿche” drama, with two bands dueling over the name and style (143:32).
  • Billy Bob Thornton’s take on “sex during a woman’s monthly visitor,” leading to blood jokes and movie parody titles (149:17).

5. Culture & Surreal Anecdotes

• College Stories:
  • Brady recounts acting in a mental institution’s production of “Finian’s Rainbow,” paired with patients with criminal or unknown histories.
    • The absurdity of campus life, minimal learning, and more time spent among “nut jobs.”
    • “Why was an innocent 19-year-old kid looking for an insane asylum patient that was missing?...There was nobody really in charge of the facility.” (131:05)
  • Skeet and trap shooting, canoeing—Brady’s “boy scout” college courses.
• Random Musings:
  • Riffing on “reincarnation machine” web apps and the likelihood of having been significant historical figures or random inanimate objects.
  • The impracticality of prepping for societal collapse: “If I even have to sterilize my pool water for 90 days, I don’t want to be part of this society.” (50:19)

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• [06:53] John: “I’d rather get caught ten times by parents, wives, friends, than a police officer in uniform standing in my window.”
• [36:02] John: “Whites are in last. Maybe the reds (Indigenous) are one and Mexicans are probably second. I’m not putting the blacks too high on this one. I don’t know.”
• [29:35] John: “Most of you are raising soft little pricks.”
• [13:18] Ben (texting John): “Didn’t see anything.” (immediately after the embarrassing incident)
• [70:25] Brady: “The famous Cherokee Indian chief Groundhog Sausage sold what would have been Kentucky for $50,000.”
• [77:02] Pastor: “I walked over to him and I went BAM. I punched him in the chest as hard as I… I crumpled the kid… I led that man to the Lord right there.”
• [91:50] Brady: “The world’s smallest working gun. 2.34 millimeter.”
• [101:30] John (as Alec Baldwin): “It’s true. This man has no dick.”
• [149:29] John (as Billy Bob Thornton): “Let me show you something. Right now, my wiener is bright red.”

Timestamped Segment Highlights

• [01:23] – [13:00]: John’s masturbation cop nightmare, with analysis and “waistband” jokes.
• [19:00] – [40:00]: The “too soft” American kids vs survival in Colombia, ranking cultural survival prowess.
• [57:56] – [62:00]: “Reincarnation machine” web hijinks; who were you in a past life?
• [98:36] – [114:05]: “Alec Baldwin’s Fill In the Blanks” game show with listeners.
• [127:44] – [136:51]: Brady’s story about acting at a mental health facility, finding “Gary,” campus life.
• [149:17] – [153:30]: Billy Bob Thornton’s explicit take on period sex, rapid-fire movie parody ideas.

Recurring Tone & Language

• Direct, raunchy, and playful: Honors the original sharp wit, irreverence, and stream-of-consciousness banter of the show.
• Honest, self-deprecating: Hosts open up about personal failings and observations without pretension.
• Satirical Social Commentary: Jokes lampooning “softness,” privilege, and modern parenting, always with a comedic edge.
• Inside jokes and exaggerated characters: From “Rico Blaze” the porn star to “Detective Ben,” and parodic “Alec Baldwin.”

For New Listeners: Why This Episode Resonates

This episode encapsulates the wild, relatable, and gloriously awkward moments of adult life, coupled with searing takes on social trends and the parade of human folly. Whether you’re in it for the self-roasting stories, the social satire, the game show shenanigans, or the unfiltered news riffing, Holmberg’s Morning Sickness serves up something brash, honest, and hysterical—all in one ride.

Ads, intros, and outros have been omitted. This summary captures the essence, energy, and major content threads of the episode, including direct quotes, key segments, and the original speakers’ tone.